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Ooh: this “statement” chain link necklace seems fun — it picks up the trendy chain look of today, stays away from the super bold statement necklaces of yore, yet still has a bit of interest at your neckline. I also like that the two big pieces look organic and unusual; you won't get the connotations you might get with some of the other things like this with locks or paperclips or whatnot.
(I also like that it's a mixed metal look, which is always an easier look to pull off if you have an anchoring piece like this.)
The necklace is $375 at Nordstrom (by new-to-me brand Faris).
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Anon
What is your preferred salutation for business letters where the identity of the readers is unknown? I’m still seeing Dear Sir or Madam, which seems outdated.
Anon
I’m still using it. I often write to government agencies on behalf of clients and I’d rather err on the side of formal. “Dear Government Administrator” seems to straight out of 1984. Even the salutation is a bit precious (but if I left it off, it might seem a bit angry or barky).
Anonymous
As a ‘government agency’ when I get that salutation I put that stakeholder right at the bottom of the pile. If others can figure out who I am and address me properly they get replies first.
anonymous
Petty, officious tyrant. YOU are why people hate interacting with government.
Anonymous
It’s a 2 way street, if I can google and subsequently respectfully address my stakeholders, they can afford me the same courtesy. Plus lol if your standard for being a tyrant is to take a whole day to reply to an email (instead of a few hours).
Anon
Remember who you work for, government agency person.
Anon
LOL
anon
Some government websites are really badly designed. Also, names are often omitted from things, precisely so that one cannot identify the point of contact. I.e. our job ads never identify the hiring manager.
Anon
Right. So people who “have taken the time” to figure out her name are people who have interacted with her agency before, work for a place that has, or otherwise have the knowledge not available to the general public. So she gives those insiders preferential service.
Anonymous
^^^ Anonymous at 2:46 is why the government needs term limits and to rid us all of the the civil “servants” with property rights in their job.
Anonymous
Yeah if it’s to a government agency I’d rather stick with too formal than not.
Anonymous
Er actually sometimes I use “to whom it may concern” as well if I can’t find a specific person – sometimes the person who had the job retired and they haven’t listed a new contact that’s easily findable.
Anon
Dear hiring manager for cover letters, but that’s a really specific context.
Anon
Same- I write a lot of rec letters and cover letters and Dear Search Committee or Admissions Committee or something along those lines is my default (I’m in academia, so it’s almost always a committee).
Cat
More and more I see people just leaving it out. Like – just going straight to a first paragraph.
Is it Friday yet?
I generally use “To whom it may concern” which I don’t love but it works, and I doubt the recipient puts much, if any, thought into what salutation is.
Bonnie Kate
Same – “to whom it may concern” when I don’t know the specific reader. I don’t overthink it.
I agree with OP that “Sir or Madam” seems quite date.
Senior Attorney
Same – “to whom it may concern” when I don’t know the specific reader. I don’t overthink it.
I agree with OP that “Sir or Madam” seems quite date.
NYNY
This! With more and more people using non-binary pronouns, I feel like gendered salutations are completely outdated. If I don’t know who will be reading my correspondence, I generally just go right into it with no salutation.
Katrinka
+1 for To Whom It May Concern in formal correspondence
“Hi all,” for internal informal
Anonymous
I don’t have English as my native language, and I’ve genuinely thought “to whom it may concern” was the salutation version of angrily shouting “have a nice life!” – only done in angry letters from teenagers. Snort.
MagicUnicorn
“Good morning” is my go-to.
Anonymous
I use Dear Collegues, but that may depend on context. These are to our international patent counsel, so they are peers we have an ongoing relationship with. That seems to be in common use, particularly in emails from our Asian associates.
pugsnbourbon
I don’t write business letters but for 90% of emails where I don’t know the person I just write “Hello”.
Anon
Formal – to whom it may concern. Internal/more casual, all. Like this:
All –
Please return your TPS reports before noon Friday this week due to the half day. Thanks!
Vicky Austin
If anyone finds the Dishes-By-The-Sink guy’s wife’s Twitter thread, please report back! I have done some primitive googling but not turned up much.
Senior Attorney
+1
Anon
HARD SAME
Anon
I know that some of you backpack. I am really out of shape (2 years no gym). I went backpacking recently and a 20-pound pack was just very heavy to me and my shoulders were very sore after (I had my pack fitted at REI when I got it and it seems fine; I’m the problem). I was also slower than I’d like for the group I was with. [Also: so many bad carbs and high-sodium foods.] I’m going to be doing this again in the fall, so I’ve got time to get better at this. Short of wearing a 20-pound pack while walking the dog, what can I do to get better? Should I be lifting? I’m reasonably active for an office-job person with not a lot of free time during the week, but I’d rather not pack/need so much Aleve next time :)
Anon
Yeah, weight lifting will definitely help. And just a lot more walking and stair climbing. You could wear your backpack on the stair climber at the gym if you wanted to.
Senior Attorney
I think lifting is great for all kinds of reasons and would certainly help with this! Short of that, walking the dog with a pack would certainly help (you could ramp up the weight).
Anonymous
I would gently push back against the idea that its you not the backpack. Sometimes they don’t fit right at first or they need small adjustments.
Does it have a frame? Does it have chest strap and waist strap and did you buckle them when hiking? Those things are key for me and something to consider if you don’t already have them. I’d also go back to REI and explain that your shoulders hurt and see if they have suggestions on how to tweak it.
In general, for hiking strength (in terms of carrying weight AND getting faster), strength training has been key for me. I don’t need to do a ton of it, but even 20-30 minutes 2x a week helps. I like Sydney Cummings lower body workouts on YouTube and they are free.
Nesprin
This- especially for women, making sure weight is carried in your hips can make a huge difference. If it’s using your shoulders, it’s not the right pack.
Anon
OP here — I guess I can load it up and bring back to REI to have them spot-check it. And I’m within a year of purchase, so there’s that.
Cally R
Lifting & strength training are great for getting in hiking shape! (This took me a while to figure out, at first I thought it should be mostly cardio)
But if your shoulders hurt a chunk more than the rest of you, that does sound like a pack/fit issue to me (for me, my leg muscles usually give out well before shoulder/arm muscles). Second the idea to go back to rei — a few other things that can help are
1 – how are you packing your pack? In general, aim for heaviest stuff “inside”, closest to your actual back
2 – fit of chest strap — not all backpack work well with all women’s chests and tbh male rei sales guys often don’t think of it
3 – are you carrying more weight than your pack is rated for? Packs have weight ranges they’re designed for, and if you exceed that the components of the suspension system begin to bottom out – and you end up carrying the weight in your shoulders not legs
4 – ymmv but for me I find that my arms and shoulders are more /tired/ but hurt less when I hike with poles — you’re moving them so you don’t really get those stiff knots
Anon
OP again and thanks! I have a woman’s pack (Osprey Aura 60ish liter) and was actually fitted by a woman, but I put weights into the pack at the store vs my tent and gear, so it may be a stuff/distribution issue vs mere weight. I also tend to have rotten computer posture and work before one 50ish hours a week and carry my stress in my shoulders, so I’m all bent over and not good to start with. I do use the chest / hip straps. I’ve never done poles before — I’m open to it, but need to get my baseline fitness up also.
BelleRose
For a hiking backpack, the shoulder straps should basically be just to balance the volume and keep it in line; ALL of the weight should be taken by the hip strap. You should be able to loosen the shoulder straps all the way and be able to hold the backpack in place with one finger on each side (not sure I’m explaining that well, just remember ALL the weight on the HIPS). When they fitted my backpack at REI, they had to switch out the hip strap so I have a M backpack with a L hip strap to make sure the padding was comfortable to take all the weight.
The best way to get in shape is yes to wear your 20 lb pack while walking the dog, but I get how that’s not appealing. Short of that, stamina cardio like stair machine or walking on uphill treadmill are great, plus squats/calf raises with weights. Things that mimic what you’ll be doing while hiking. Happy trails!
Explorette
If you aren’t used to wearing a backpack with weight in it, your muscles will be sore no matter how well the pack fits. Just like anything else, if the muscles aren’t used to being worked, they will be sore. Even wearing a small pack with a little weight in while walking will help get your muscles acclimated.
Anon
+1 wearing a backpack while walking the dog is a great way to build up those muscles. I would wear a smaller backpack and do 10 pounds and work up to 15.
Anon
Don’t beat yourself up too much, it may be your build too. I have very short legs and this keeps me much slower at hiking than peers (even when I was a D1 athlete in college used to two-a-days I would routinely hike slower than some of my friends). I think the stair climber would help me but not too much else.
Regarding the pack, I think of most of the weight as resting on the hips when properly situated, so surprised your shoulders hurt. Maybe double check that?
Anonymous
It sounds like you may need to adjust the straps differently. The weight should really not be on your shoulders at all – there should be air between the top of your shoulders and the strap. You want the weight on your hips. Your shoulders may get sore from the straps rubbing against the front of your shoulders, and you may be sore all over from the strain of carrying extra weight, but generally speaking there should not be a lot of downward pressure on the top of your shoulders.
In general I think any cardio should help, as would strength training focused on legs and core.
Anon
It can also help to rearrange your stuff differently. I did a five week hiking trip and for some reason carrying water in the two external pockets in bottles was way easier on my back than using the bladder. You need to experiment.
anon
Wedding Q – Partner and I have been invited to the wedding of his long-time, childhood friend, who is Sikh. They are having some stupid friendship problems right now, so we can’t just easily ask him our dumb practical questions, so I was hoping you all may be able to assist.
We’ve been invited to 3 events – the sangeet on a Wednesday evening, the wedding on Saturday morning in the gurdwara, and a reception on Sunday evening until late late. From some basic research, it seems like the wedding and reception are most important, and it wouldn’t be too “weird” for us to attend the wedding an non-Sikh/non-south Asians. We could potentially make it to the sangeet if it is really important, but it would be another half day off work due to the distance.
Now the questions – what realistically should I be wearing to these events? The invitations are very fancy, as is the ballroom for the reception, so I’m expecting something very formal. I don’t have any dress that would possible work. Could the same thing work for both, or is the wedding not the time for something as bright/celebratory as the reception?
For the wedding, I’ve been told I need to cover my head, but not the details – are we talking a “drape something over your head to show respect” situation or a “hide every strand of hair” situation? I have more experience with mosques and am not sure if that is transferrable here.
In terms of gifts, is cash in an envelope at the reception appropriate? Do I need to bring anything to the wedding?
Anon
Wedding Ceremony and Reception are more important.
You should wear colorful clothing to both events.
-The ceremony outfit should be conservative (so no legs showing, sleeves though short is okay). You should take a scarf to cover your head, you don’t need to cover all your hair.
-Reception – everyone will be decked out in bright colors and shiny things. Doesn’t need to be conservative. Wear comfortable shoes so you can dance.
-Gift – Cash gift is fine, this is actually traditional. You can put cash or check in a greeting card.
-Another tip – there will be way more food than you can imagine, pace yourself.
Anon
FYI..I am Sikh. Happy to answer anymore questions.
Anonymous
I mean just for any event, no, don’t rewear the same thing Saturday and Sunday that’s weird. Also fancy morning event doesn’t share a dress code with fancy evening event.
anon
OP – I hear you, but my “very fancy shiny full length dress for the morning” experience is pretty limited, and looking at photos it seems to have a similar dress code.
Anon
Ceremony doesn’t need to be as fancy. It can be but it doesn’t need to be. Traditionally the type of outfit in the morning is more practical, it is more of a tunic and a bottom (salwaar Kameez) because you have to sit on the floor for the ceremony, a gown would NOT work. I guess you wear a dress with legging and get a colorful scarf to add color to your outfit and wear jewelry as well.
Anon
Not OP and not Sihk but I would 100% buy Salwaar Kameez for this. I have always admired the practicality but the kind of ‘fit I can’t really get away with wearing day to day.
Anon
this seems like the right place for rent the runway
anon
Does partner communicate with the parents of long-time childhood friend? If so, he could message the mom with “my wife wants to be respectful at the wedding service, and was wondering ….”. That way you can also feel her out for any modesty requirements otherwise.
Anon
You’re going to want to attend the Sangeet. It’s not as important as the wedding and reception, but it will be the most fun and unique event of the weekend. Same dress code applies – something bright and colorful.
Anon
there are sites to buy salwaar online but better to go in person to a shop. ask your Indian or Pakistani Co workers for one near you.
you’ll have an amazing time.
by the way, it’s a Sikh holiday today.
A
If you’ve been invited, I dont see why it would be weird to attend. Weirder not to, IMHO.
For the gurudwara, carry a stole and drape over head. No need to cover every strand. Wear something that you’re comfortable sitting down in.
Dress up in Indian wear if you like, we love it and won’t accuse you of cultural appropriation:) everyone will be DRESSED UP. Don’t worry about upstaging the bride. It’s impossible to upstage an Indian bride.
Have fun. Gurudwara weddings are great.
A
You’ll have FUN at the sangeet. Everyone has a blast.
Anon
Oh and both sexes need to cover their heads. Even a simple handkerchief is ok.
Anonymous
Why would you go to the wedding of someone your partner is not currently speaking to?
Cat
Why would you go to the wedding of someone your partner is not currently speaking to?
Anon
thanks! will go check
Anon
Cute. $450 though!
Cat
I think JCrew Factory does a dupe for a lot less – haven’t looked recently, though!
Cat
And yes they’re still available for a tenth the price :)
https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/shoes/flats/zoe-suede-dorsay-flats/F5310?color_name=black&N=9H+MEDIUM&noPopUp=true&srccode=Paid_Search%7CSmart_Shopping%7CGoogle%7CSS_ACQ_XPROD_BESTSLLRxxxxx_EVG_ROAS_XXX_COUSA_EN_EN_A_FACT_GO_SH_SSC_xxxxxxxxxx%2Cshop_bestseller_x_xxx%2CPRODUCT_GROUP%2C71700000074775342%2C58700006443853970%2Cp60176818023&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=Paid_Search&utm_campaign=SS_ACQ_XPROD_BESTSLLRxxxxx_EVG_ROAS_XXX_COUSA_EN_EN_A_FACT_GO_SH_SSC_xxxxxxxxxx%2Cshop_bestseller_x_xxx&utm_content=Shopping&NoPopUp=True&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzZGY16WU9wIVAMqUCR1A6gAVEAQYASABEgLil_D_BwE
Anonymous
Is it frowned upon to order items for store pickup, then try them on in the store and return them immediately if you don’t like?
Anon
I wouldn’t think so. You save them return shipping.
Anonymous
Last time I did this at jcrew they asked if I’d like to try things on for this purpose.
Cat
+1, I often do this for ease of returns. Stores carry almost nothing nowadays so it’s not like I’m taking away a direct in-person sale of the same item.
Bonnie Kate
I did this last year, no one batted an eye.
AIMS
I agree that it’s fine and if stores don’t like this, they should actually have things in store for me to try on. I generally prefer in person shopping and it’s almost impossible these days.
Anon
Do people not print out drafts to read and proofread prior to sending? I am getting so much written material with so many errors (numerical ones, fonts randomly changing, subject/verb agreement, missing words) on it lately. It’s . . . really Mickey Mouse seeming to spot obvious errors in a work context (vs texting or more informal communications between friends). I feel like an English / grammar teacher vs a team lead / SME some days.
AND what do you all do with things like that? I used to add my $.02 in my subject matter or add any nuances in a new version just so I could run redlines. Do I send back for editing? Send back and say “pls review again and resend” (which isn’t our office vibe generally, but neither is this)? I’m kind of at a loss (and it’s not just one person). If I were to ask up the food chain, my time gets charged out at a rate too high to justify fixing errors, but the sender didn’t and someone needs to clean up stuff before it goes out or gets posted publicly.
Anonymous
Hahahahahahah you think we have printers? I’m very smart. I’m very bad at proofreading. Sorry!
Anon
I am seeing mistakes on resumes from people who are smart. But details matter and I don’t want to be fixing them, so they go into the circular file. PLEASE start proofing what you send out into the world — it is a habit that is worth developing.
Anonymous
Lololololol it’s just mind boggling to me how blind people are. I assure you, I do proofread. I am just not good at it. I have friends proof my resume. I’m not just kicking back like yah whatevs
Anonymous
If someone is sending me things that don’t look proofread, I’m not hiring them or recommending them for work. It doesn’t matter how smart someone is if they are careless on things that matter.
Anon
I hope y’all are building bridges or typing blood or anything important.
Anonymous
Attention to detail is important in nearly every line of work. Remember the Mars probe that crashed back in 1999 because the engineers failed to convert from English to metric measurements?
Anon
I agree. Attention to detail is important in my line of work (finance) and if you’re not careful enough to make sure your resume or cover letter are error-free, then I don’t think you’re careful enough for the job. Especially if your attitude is, “I am just not good at it,” as if that makes it OK.
Anon
I suspect some of this is that people are working on mobile more, which introduces a lot more errors and makes it harder to catch and correct them. I’m constantly making mistakes on my phone that I would never make on my computer. In professional situations I try to go back and correct them, but when the stakes are low, like emails to well known colleagues, I’ve given up on spending too much time on it.
Cat
my approach when I’m responsible for only a portion – “hey, heads up that you may want to give this another pass before it goes to XYZ, I fixed some typos and formatting issues in my portion.”
Anon
I’m in BigLaw (senior associate) and the stuff I’m getting directly from our newest associates is . . . concerning. IDK whether it’s better to just send back for a re-read; directly tell them to pause and let their own work sit before reviewing to send to me (particularly if they won’t print it first); or what. I say “or what” because the last time I gave some feedback it was defensively received (it had to be by e-mail vs in-person since no one goes to the office) and the next exchanges were snippy.
Look, could just note it on a review, but I try to give people a chance to do better privately first, but IDK. I sort of give up b/c I have real stuff to do vs to be an editor for people who refuse to do so.
Anonymous
Wow you’re in a big law firm with no access to phones to have a conversation with someone?
Anon
Hahaha like people pick up phones or don’t go non- responsive for ish like this.
Anon
When people do t respond for prompt request to send times for a short call, I just send them a redline. If they won’t be open to feedback I want them to at least see what I see. I spend so much time chasing people who just don’t seem to care about their cr@p work product.
Anon
I feel like all the new employees I work with are allergic to phones. They refuse to answer or return calls. Maybe it’s because they grew up just texting, but I’ve never had such a hard time talking to new employees before
Anon
In WFH world, I think what goes over best is – hey do you have a minute to chat about ABC draft? And then if they say yes, you Teams or Zoom or whatever call them. And then if they still don’t pick up, chat them and say “just tried you” so it’s clear it’s a verbal thing.
Defaulting to email if a person isn’t in the office gets awkward and stilted, fast.
Jz
I came up with a document review checklist and shared with all juniors I work with preemptively so that they are not defensive afterward. I still have issues however. One of the seniors I worked with as a junior drilled into me that as a junior the one thing I can control for is a clean doc even if I get the substance wrong and I am conveying the same message
Anonymous
When I was in biglaw we had a proofreading service exactly for this reason. I would just tell the junior associate to use the proofreading service at your firm if you have one.
Anon
I sit in front of my computer with my head down and have it read what I wrote to me. I catch most of the errors that way. I don’t usually print.
Anony
I wonder if we work at the same company… I didn’t use to run into this until I was promoted to an engineering position and starting working with a new team. I’ve been working on already-delivered-to-the-customer documents and I’ve been horrified at the spelling errors, grammatical errors, wrong words, etc. (exactly like you mentioned). I’ve been doing the edits myself with redlines turned on but apparently, no one cares anymore? The boss’ boss told me that I could fix the errors if it didn’t take too much of my time… like what? We’re okay with sending these documents to the customer?! I am with you in the frustration and embarrassment for my company as a whole. If you were my boss and found errors that I had made, I would expect you to send back to me (and then I’d be horrified that I sent it out like that!).
Anon
I would be horrified. I am not convinced that anyone cares anymore.
Anon
I’m a BigLaw partner and you’d think that people would send me polished stuff and . . . it’s really bad. It was not like this before the pandemic. OTOH, I work with a Big4 accountant regularly and he has always been remote and he doesn’t get things wrong. So it’s not every remote worker. Probably just the most junior ones who maybe never had office jobs, missed a lot of in-person school, and really don’t get a lot of work norms.
Anonymous
I feel like this is me a lot more lately. I attribute it to a number of things: eyesight that isn’t as good as it used to be as I’m aging, a remote setup that isn’t perfect (working off a laptop rather than a monitor) because in-office is to come soon and I’m cheap, the damn MacBook auto-lowering my brightness all the time (so much this!!!) and a workload that is more intense than I’ve ever had while I’m also recovering from a serious health issue. I work until 11 most nights and wake up at 8 but am still exhausted. If I cut sleep any further, it’s like my brain misses things. By far the worst though is that I work on a lot of documents with many reviewers. People are awful about tracking changes and accepting and not realizing that they’ve introduced errors.. Printing things out doesn’t really help me much. If I have time and something is really important, I’ll often read each paragraph bottom to top.
AIMS
I fix it once and then I give it back marked up and say that there are going to be things that I expect to edit/change, but typos and grammar are not something I should be fixing and to please make sure this doesn’t happen again going forward. It’s unprofessional. I don’t care if we are all working remotely or how smart you are otherwise. It reflects poorly on your work product. If you give me a delicious meal on a dirty plate, I don’t care that it’s delicious, I don’t want to eat it. Not to mention that I have yet to see a really fantastic work product that is accompanied by a lot of typos and formatting issues.
brokentoe
+100000000000
Love the delicious meal/dirty plate analogy.
Anon
Not in law, but I push back for the creator to fix it, repeatedly if necessary. My work involves heavy regulation, and sloppiness can lead to fines and other consequences.
Anon
This. We can’t keep the training wheels on forever. I need people who will do a competent job and not make the client go hmmmm, maybe they can’t handle this sort of thing. I will just let them know we can do the work as long as we don’t have to check out work. Pretty sure I know how this will end. Ugh.
Anon
If it’s from someone you supervise, it’s fine to send back and say can you do another proofread for typos, grammar, and formatting?
Some people don’t bother because if the senior person then makes a bunch of substantive changes, the time the junior person spent perfecting the document was kind of a waste and they’d rather get the substantive feedback first and then deal with typos etc. But if it’s making it hard for you to review for substance you should say that.
Anon
If you want my theory: pre-pandemic, there was an incredible amount of “office b.s.” that people put up with: random meetings that could be an email, meetings scheduled at 8 am or 4:30 pm, people barking at you if you send in something at 11:50 when it is due at noon, “invisible furniture” nonsense, crazy commutes, needing to take PTO when you’re sick even though you can WFH…. None of this has anything to do with producing good work for your company. Then the pandemic hit and everyone was just over it.
Unfortunately… the baby (doing good work) got thrown out with the bathwater.
Anon
You have to send stuff in early so the Office Editor can proof it before it goes out. Duh.
Anon
Don’t say “Duh” when you’re too stupid to know the difference between an internal deadline for individual contributions and an external deadline for the project.
anon
I’m an MBB partner and I see this sort of thing a lot now too. Not just with typos and stuff which I can overlook depending on what it’s for and how bad it is, but also content which is a non starter. Wasn’t like this pre-pandemic. I feel like we’re all playing down a t least a role and that hasn’t really stopped.
Anotheranon
Having a very annoying issue with Priceline. Booked a hotel, it was oversold, didn’t end up staying, was still charged the full amount. I have now called Priceline multiple times to get the charge reversed but they are totally unhelpful, always saying they’ll connect with the hotel and call back which they never do. Do I dispute the charge with my credit card?
Anon
Yes.
Cat
yes absolutely
anon2
Anybody seen something similar to this? This one is sold out.
https://www.intermixonline.com/intermix/isla-ruffled-organic-cotton-top/ST8221-EXCL.html?dwvar_ST8221-EXCL_color=100&cgid=designer-exclusive-for-intermix#start=1&prodIndex=111
Anon
In white, similar vibe, at shopburu dot com
SC
I am off work tomorrow and all of next week for a much-needed vacation! For maybe the first time in my 11-year career, I am completely caught up and organized before leaving. I have finished projects, followed up on stuff, secured backup coverage, and even entered my time and organized my desk. Fingers crossed that no major emergencies come up while I’m out, but I am feeling very proud of myself!
Vicky Austin
Way to go!
Senior Attorney
Woo hoo!! Pat yourself on the back!!
Anonymous
wow this is super impressive. i would turn my phone off with no ragrets if i ever got everything i needed to do done before vaca! enjoy!!
Anon
Is deliberately misspelling regrets a thing now? This is the second or third time I’ve seen it here in the last couple of days.
Curious
Help me think through an anxiety reaction? My partner and I had a fight yesterday. Not surprising; cancer is stressful. But my reaction was very fearful — I felt like he hated me, things would never be better, etc. These thoughts are objectively false and submitted somewhat to cognitive restructuring (evidence for: partner said the thing I did was inconsiderate. Evidence against: partner hugged me, said they love me, spent time to hash things out. Conclusion: partner is upset and stressed but does not hate me.) I suspect I found this triggering because my parents rarely fought but did have a good amount of tension, so conflict to me feels like the relationship is ending. Is there a term I can Google to read about this and get some perspective?
Anon
Catastrophizing. Interesting that you do this about your relationship and not your illness (if you don’t mind me saying. (Or do you?) Is it misplaced anxiety/existential dread?
Curious
Ah thank you that’s the word! And yes anxiety is strange.
S in Chicago
It may have nothing to do with health, but just throwing this out there….Following my colon cancer surgery, my primary warned me that emotions might seemingly come up out of nowhere for a bit. That coming out of a trauma can sometimes hit a month or two later when you’re feeling like it is safer to process. As you are hitting more milestones with treatment and getting closer to easing back into work life maybe this is your brain’s way of sort of saying “holy heck I’ve been through a lot, I can think about all the fears now that it’s finally getting safer.”
Curious
Yeah, I’ve been warned about this. I guess it came faster than I expected.
Curious
Yeah, I’ve been warned about this. I guess it came faster than I expected.
Betsy
Having been through a much less serious illness with my husband, can confirm and also point out that it may happen to your entire family. While you are in the thick of it, you don’t have the bandwidth to process your stress. Once you start feeling “safe” again, there’s time for all that unprocessed emotion to come to the surface. Expect both yourself and your loved ones to be working through it for a little while. It’s just part of the process.
Curious
Thank you, Betsy. And I’m sorry you had to go through that, too.
Senior Attorney
Aw, hugs! Yes, “catastrophizing.”
I have been there: It’s so weird when your brain is telling you one thing (partner loves me, is upset and stressed but of course does not hate me) but your whole being is telling you something else (OMG HE TOTALLY HATES ME). My therapist and I used to analogize it to the movie A Beautiful Mind (spoilers ahead, years later). I’d say “Oops, Ed Harris (who turned out to be a figment of Russel Crowe’s imagination in the movie) is back, whispering in my ear,” and he’d go “oh, bummer. You know he’s not real, right?”
Don’t listen to Ed Harris!!
anon
Help: What are the cool accessories that young teens are interested in? I need to buy a gift for my niece and am feeling sorta lost. The kids’ stuff at Target used to be my go-to, but she’s seeming too grown-up to go that route. I gave her books for Christmas so trying to avoid that.
Anon
Gift card. You’re never going to get this right.
– mom of two teens
nutella
Here are some hits I’ve gotten for my nieces:
– Fanny pack/belt bag from Lululemon
– A personalized hair clip from Etsy by “MaraMadeDesign”- I liked the one I got for my niece so much that I got one for myself!
– Bombas socks
– Roxanne Assoulin bracelets / April Soderstrom for a DIY name bracelet kit
– an oversize white jean jacket (I got one from GAP)
– Sneakers (Nikes, Converse, Air Jordans, etc.) Birkenstocks
– a gold-plated name necklace (yes, the 90s are back!)
Anon
I go less for cool and more for classic and real. I’ve gotten my nieces stuff at Mejuri, Aurate, Catbird and they’ve been hits. I appreciated being treated more adult as a kid and have tried to pass that on.