Commuting Hall of Fame: Ulyssa Booties

106 Comments

1. Hi all, I saw this article about “calling out” versus “calling in” in the New York Times today and really liked it. I think Loretta Ross is an eminently sensible voice in this discussion and I think that the points she makes could be applied to tough conversations with friends and family this year. Thought I’d pass it along.

   https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/19/style/loretta-ross-smith-college-cancel-culture.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage

   1. I like this. Thank you.

      It reminds me of the time my dad, a progressive (but by no means woke) man who raised his black nephew, said “all lives matter.” I yelled at him and walked away. My husband sat down and heard him out. He literally thought that “black lives matter” was to “all lives matter” as “lgb” was to “lgbtq.” Calling in worked there.

      That said, to some extent, I think the lamenting of cancel culture is overblown. Roseanne Barr, for example, doesn’t need an explanation as to why racism is wrong. Nor does she need to be coddled because naked racism is unpopular. I’m okay with the public deciding she’s too abhorrent to be employed in the public sphere and her employer acting on that.

      I’m also okay with the local nazis being “called out” with all the social and economic consequences that come with that. I’m not okay with treating someone who accidentally misgenders someone else the same way. I suspect that most folks would agree with me on both of those points but I think there are a thousand shades of gray in the middle where I’m not sure where to draw the line.

2. It’s funny how our eyes will just not adjust to some trends. I guess these ankle boots are considered classics but as a child of the 70s/80s I absolutely hate this look. I do have some booties that I think are ok, like Blondo booties that I think are ok, so I guess I gravitate toward almost no shaft or a full length boot.

   But this mid shaft style reminds me too much of what my mom and her friends wore under their polyester pull on pants in the seventies (and it was probably already out of style by then, but they were still wearing it) and I just can’t embrace it for myself.

   Same with low rise pants. I will never think they look better than mid to high rise pants.

   1. These seem very Spice Girls or Austin Powers to me ha.

   2. I don’t love this style either, but I like that there’s a navy suede option. I love the look of navy suede.

      1. Ooh one of my coworkers has/had (idk, I don’t see them on zoom!) navy suede ankle boots and I always thought they looked so sharp with dark wash jeans.

3. I’ve never done Christmas cards before, but I’ve decided I’m going to buy a box of them and slip one in the door of each of my neighbors. I’m alone in a corner apartment with a hallway that has 6 additional doors/households. They are comprised of 2 couples, 2 single people, and 2 apartments with 2 roommates. I was thinking I could get a little something to go with the card. What would you like to receive as a neighbor? Everyone is roughly in their 20’s and 30’s except one lovely retired couple. I don’t want to spend too much and I don’t know what dietary restrictions may exist. Any ideas?

   1. I gave people local honey one year and it seemed to go over well. I figured everyone keeps a jar of honey around.

      1. Local honey, not raw. I know many people take raw honey to stave off allergies, but my husband once had a moderately bad allergic reaction to eating raw honey and I found out it’s fairly common.

      2. Wow that is a great idea. I don’t like honey by itself but I like it in my tea. Maybe if you want to be extra, OP, a jar of honey, a few fancy teabags (Earl grey or English breakfast are universally liked) and a small plate of homemade cookies.

   2. Small boxes of chocolates without nuts.

      1. Dark chocolate with no dairy!

   3. This is a really sweet idea. Honestly the card would be enough. But if you really want to get them something extra, maybe a Sbux gc? I started doing Christmas cards when I was single, and I have fond memories of addressing them in my tiny apartment while trying to box my cat out from knocking my wine glass over. I miss that little @sshole.

   4. I’d just tape a couple candy canes on each card.

      1. That’s what I was thinking too. If you can’t eat them, you can always decorate with them. It’s a small, nice gesture. The card by itself is enough too.

   5. Home-made baked goods are always nice. No-bake cookies would be gluten-free and vegan (if you use almond or oat milk) and would cover those two dietary restrictions, at least. If someone is low-carb/diabetic or has a peanut allergy, they probably can find someone to regift them to.

   6. I think that is very nice and maybe some Christmas candy tied in a little clear bag with a bow?

   7. I’d just do cards. It’s very nice without making the recipient feel weird about reciprocating (even though they likely would). In normal times, I’d say do something like homemade candy or something if you wanted. But I don’t know if everyone is as up for eating homemade things from others right now.

   8. I bought some books of postage stamps (I especially love the 100 year suffrage ones and the vegetable ones, or there are several different holiday themed options) and am tearing them along the perforation into strips of four to give to neighbors and acquaintances. Just over $2 and I don’t need to worry about what people are comfortable eating. As a bonus, they’d fit flat inside your cards so you’d still be able to get them under the door.

   9. I’m on team “no gift”. The card is very nice and a lovely gesture, but even a small gift is more like an obligation or pressure on the recepient, and this a year to add no extra pressure to anybody.

      In a rural place, possibly, but in an apartment complex – no gift.

   10. I am like Davi’s mom in Never Have I Ever, but a box of Sees candy is my go-to neighbor gift

4. I am going with a group of tweens on a 5-mile hike. They are supposed to be working on a school project for compass reading and some things like that. I didn’t pick the spot, so not sure how hilly it will be. I don’t think that this should be so much exercise that I will get all sweaty and nasty (will be in the low 60s) and that we won’t be doing terribly fast. Will just be carrying water and snacks.

   I think I can wear:
   hiking boots
   leggings
   long-sleeved athletic shirt
   Buff (neck gets cold easily)
   Fleece jacket

   It does not seem to be shorts weather. Jeans don’t seem to move enough. Fleece leggings might be too hot. I’m just not used to leggings in the woods (but I am very David Rose — I am not really used to going into the wild).

   1. You must chill! You can go outdoors and learn as you go. You will be 100% fine and you don’t need to game out a strategy for a low 60s 5-mile hike with tweens. Carry a puffy jacket and a first-aid kit and call it a day.

      1. “You need to chill” is never great advice for anyone.

         1. I am pretty sure this is the same person who has been anxiously posting about camping, hiking, and backpacking, including posts on what to wear at night, what to carry, and what food to bring that won’t spoil. At some point, you either need to go outside and develop your own skills or stay home if it’s not for you.

            1. Why do you think it’s the same person? Lots of people are doing outdoorsy activities for the first time because there’s nothing else to do right now!

            2. Because of the writing style and similarities between the multiple posts.

            3. +1

               This person has serious anxiety about being outside. It’s a long walk. You’ll be fine.

            4. The writing style, concerns, and involvement of tweens point to the same poster.

            5. Oh no, let’s not with the “I recognize your syntax” business.

            6. Why do you think a first time hiker asking for advice is the same person who has now camped several times. Please, if you don’t have anything helpful to say, don’t say it. This person is not affecting your life by posting what seem to be earnest questions. You’re the one who needs to chill, if anyone needs to chill.

            7. Try, although it seems to be hard for you, to not be this person. You sound creepy, stalkerish, and super, super unkind.

            8. It is weird to me how often people ask some version of “what should I wear outside.” I guess I would assume more people would have gone outdoors at some point in their life, but maybe there truly are city dwellers who don’t do that?

            9. I think it’s the same person because they’re very detailed questions about very basic situations. Pretty soon she’ll probably start trolling us with “what should I wear to walk my dog around the block?”

   2. I regularly take a 4 mile walk at a moderate pace (certainly not speed walking) and when it’s over 55 a long sleeved shirt+fleece is too much, especially if there’s sunshine. I would layer the fleece with a short sleeve tee unless you are always cold or it is windy.

   3. I am also far from a wilderness person but if you have a pair of jeans that are stretchy and stay up (like the waistband doesn’t ride down) they might be preferable to leggings if you think you might be off trail/wading through brush at all. If not leggings and hiking boots are perfect. Make your top layer one you can tie around your waist if you get hot (I would.) Don’t forget sunscreen, carry a stick sunscreen if you can so you can reapply, and carry water.

      As the responsible adult make sure someone has a small first aid kit.

      1. No, jeans are no good if you get wet or cold.

         1. It’s low 60s and dry. Jeans are fine.

   4. I’m plus size and severely out of shape and I walk 5 miles most weekends at that temp without a sweat. Sometimes even pushing a small stroller. I’d wear comfortable athletic shoes instead of hiking boots unless you are actually hiking hills. And bring a mask instead of a buff for when you pass people (buffs have actually been found to be quite bad at containing corona). All else is good. Stretchy jeans or leggings will be fine.

   5. look up the spot on Google Earth to see the terrain.

      Unless this is a Serious Hike I’d probably just wear my normal athletic sneakers, stretchy jeans, a lightweight long sleeved tee, and a lightweight fleece or sweatshirt. (Adjust for what ‘kind’ of 60’s it is – calm and sunny calls for different layers than overcast, damp, and windy).

   6. Is this a serious question? You are going for a 5-milk walk with temps in the low 60s and you are worried about weather and equipment? I walk farther than that in much worse conditions whenever I travel to a big city. I walk my dog that far several times a week, also usually in much worse conditions. Wear weather-appropriate layers and relax.

      1. +1

         1. I hike and walk all the time and would still think about this! During COVID, especially, when every decision just feels harder. Different strokes.

            1. I agree we all are exhausted by excess Covid decision making but I’m not sure what Covid has to do with this. In any case, if you’re talking low 60s, you’ll heat up a good 10 degrees if you walk with any briskness. Think about light layers that you can take on and off. Fleece seems way overkill unless it’s very thin / light.

      2. I mean, congratulations! Woo, you walk your dog a lot. Let’s have a parade for you.

         Would you be this mean about someone who is asking beginner level questions about general exercise or fitness? “Quit making a big deal out of it! I exercise all the time!” Is not helpful.

         Someone who clearly doesn’t hike all the time is asking what to wear for a hike. Could you cut people some slack?

         1. I think maybe part of this is that 5 miles doesn’t strike me as a hike, but just a long walk, like if you were leisurely walking in a forest preserve or even around a big city. I think comfy sneakers would be just fine — I would hate to see someone break in hiking boots and get blisters and be miserable.

   7. My DH would wear about $1000 of gear on any hike. He would be a sweaty beast by the end of it, but he usually carries a day pack b/c he is “training” for “something”. I think sneakers and basic things you have should be fine. Boots if you want, depending on if you are roughing it.

5. I can’t take melatonin (I grind my teeth!). I am physically exhausted from working so many hours – public health admin, I haven’t worked these hours since May, and something about the panic from March – May made me just grind through it. I am considering taking Advil P.M. and/or Tylenol P.M. every night for the next week or so. I don’t want to call my doc due to the overload. Has anyone done this? I’m on no other meds, I’m simply not able to sleep or stay asleep as I stress about the size of my workload, emails, drafting……oh, yeah, and getting COVID, on and on. Looking for a cheap, OTC temporary fix that might help me at least get solid shut eye.

   1. Could you take a Benadryl? I don’t know if a whole week would be a good thing, but at least for a few nights so you can get some solid sleep

      1. Tylenol PM is Benadryl (with Tylenol).

      2. +1 take a Benadryl. Make sure you have at least 6 hours to sleep so you don’t wake up drowsy.

   2. If you are able, weed.

      1. I have some homemade infused oil (in a state where medical marijuana is legal but not recreational) and I hoard it for when I am the most stressed and need to relax and to be able to sleep. It takes about an hour to kick in but works great.

      2. +1 marijuana edibles, an indica strain.

   3. Get a teeth guard.

   4. would you be open to melatonin with a mouthguard? you can get DIY kits from pharmacies. i would honestly also try a benadryl or two because those make me pass out for an OTC not very strong solution

   5. ZzzQuil (which is also just the same ingredient in Benadryl – learned that here!) is a godsend. I’ll take it a couple nights in a row to get caught up on sleep.

      1. The sleep ingredient in Advil PM and Tylenol PM is also diphenhydramine (Benadryl).

         Taking Advil PM, Zzzquil, or just straight Benadryl for a few days should be fine. My dad takes a half-tablet of Advil PM every single night and find it helps him a lot. Obviously if this continues to be an issue or you’ve got other health issues check with your doc.

         On the topic of melatonin, most OTC versions have way too much of it in a pill. The reading I’ve done suggests that 300 micrograms (aka 0.3 milligrams) is about right to start, which is way smaller than most melatonin pills which are in the 1-3 mg range. 300 mcg works OK for me, while 1 mg gives me horrible nightmares.

   6. ZZquil or benadryl

   7. Yes, get a night guard. (tTry the OTC ones from a drugstore that you heat up on hot water and mold to your own teeth, before getting a pricey custom one from your dentist.) The antihistamine in benadryl and the like does not work well for me; I use generic Unisom, active ingredient doxylamine succinate. One tablet works well for me when I need it.

   8. I’ve done this before, it’s fine. Just give yourself plenty of time to sleep because you’ll be groggy in the morning. Benadryl doesn’t knock me out, but Gravol does.

   9. Just wanted to suggest filling two hot water bottles and placing them on either side of your face before bed. If you’re a grinder, you’re probably even keeping a lot of tension in your jaw during the day without even realizing it (just like some people are more prone to keep it in their shoulders and neck). I find that this really helps me relax during periods of stress. It’s like a hot bubble bath without all the trouble.

   10. Percagesic. It’s a mixture of Benedryl and Tylenol and it is magical. You will sleep like a baby.

   11. Diagnosed insomniac who is treated by a neurologist specializing in sleep here. Highly recommend avoiding the OTC meds for this specific purpose. According to my sleep doc these dramatically interfere with your sleep quality, which is more important than sleep quantity. You don’t get enough REM using these. I would ask for ambien or Belsomra (a newer sleep drug that is not habit-forming) before using those because at least you get quality sleep. Other recommendations: Meditation, diaphragmic breathing exercises (I usually find these on spotify), valerian root tea, THC if that’s your thing (I find this extremely helpful)

   12. Take Tryptophan, amino acid that will help you sleep…3 capsules before bed….try the Source Naturals brand

   13. Why would teeth-grinding preclude you from taking melatonin? I occasionally take melatonin (or did before I became pregnant), and I grind my teeth. It never occurred to me it would be contraindicated for teeth grinding.

       1. I read it as she grinds her teeth when she takes melatonin.

          1. Ah. That makes more sense.

       2. Same, I’m so confused

   14. This is just to say it is an option to call your doctor … probably now would at least be better than after the holidays

   15. 100mg Gaba

   16. Nix the combo meds, which contain things you don’t need. Generic sleep aids usually are one ingredient, like diphenhydramine.

6. Hey everyone, PSA I just saw on Redd1t.

   If you’re cooking a turkey this year that is currently frozen, today is the day to move it to your fridge to ensure thawing by Thursday.

   This tip just saved my personal bacon (first year cooking a turkey from frozen, I’ve always bought a fresh bird till now) so I thought I’d pass it along in case any of you are in the same boat.

   1. I don’t think that that is universally true. It varies by pound.

   2. You’re doing God’s work here, Anon.

      1. Amen…walking down to the basement now

   3. THANK YOU!

   4. That must be for a huge turkey surely? A week seems like a long time for meat to be in the fridge.

      1. They really do take a very very long time. I mean, google it and check with the exact poundage of your bird and the temp of your fridge if you want. But I always pick up my “fresh” turkey either Thursday or Friday of this week, and often still find ice in the cavity on Thanksgiving.

   5. Yes, I believe it’s one day per 5 pounds

      1. A 35 pound turkey sounds insane. Are there really even turkeys that big?

   6. Definitely ruined thanksgiving one year by not thawing the turkey early enough.

   7. They don’t necessarily thaw at the rate you think they will. Also I like to dry brine mine so I need two additional days for that.

7. My mother has some very serious health issues, which are starting to require an increasing amount of assistance. Recently she has been told by her doctor that she should not drive. I am the only family member nearby, so pretty much everything now falls to me. As is the case for many of us during this pandemic, I’ve been doing a lot of introspection, and recently realized that the happiest years of my life have been those when I have kept my parents–specifically my mother–at an arm’s length. I am helping as much as possible but she doesn’t seem to understand that I have my own, very busy schedule and I can’t just drop everything at a moment’s notice. But I feel a terrible sense of guilt about all of this. I’m not sure what I’m looking for other than maybe commiseration. Any advice? Anyone been through this?

   1. Don’t feel guilty! You can’t pour if your own cup is empty.

      Covid is actually your helper here as many places have developed delivery services – pharmacies, grocery stores, restaurants etc. Set one or two times a week to assist her with driving related things (trip to doctor’s office etc). At other times she can take a taxi.

   2. In pre-COVID times, we had my 90 year old grandma taking ubers to/from doctor’s appts and other local errands. It was hysterical and amazing all at once.

      Good luck to you. It’s very tough.

      1. Yes, a woman in my family did this in her 90s too, just because she wanted to stay in a city where no family lived. Her son could call her an uber from wherever he was, and then chat on the phone till they connected.

   3. Yeah my advice is you can’t be her driver! You have a life! She needs to move to assisted living, ideally, hire a car service, use uber, look into local services for the elderly etc. And work on your boundaries and guilt- I help my dad out a lot and he’s super respectful of my time, appreciative, never last minute. She’s treating you badly.

   4. It’s ok to push back. Your mom needs to get organized about when she needs a ride, like working out her schedule a week in advance and grouping things together, and she needs to clear it with you before she commits to anything.

      I’m not going to tell you to refuse to help her at all, though some people would find that the best thing to do. It all depends on how here you are in your relationship with her. But keeping her off the road is probably best for everyone. Making her stay at home as much as possible is also best, given that we’re in a pandemic.

   5. She needs a hired aide/part-time driver. Maybe can be paid for by a disability or LTC policy. I know that’s a long shot and getting a claim approved is not a quick solution, but throwing money at this problem will make you happier. At the very least, maybe she can uber or have groceries and other items delivered? The pandemic is a complicating factor in terms of bringing someone else into her life, but your own mental health counts a lot here. She may not want to, but you are allowed to remind her of your current responsibilities and just visit her or meet up with her on the schedule you are comfortable with.

      1. Just FYI, this kind of care is not typically covered by any policy until you are on Medicaid. So expect to pay out of pocket and at least in my area it’s $25 an hour with multi- hour minimums.

   6. I’ve been through this a bit with my mother-in-law. My husband and his three siblings are all local, but him and his oldest sister have the most flexible work schedules. SIL has taken her to lots of appointments, but there were a couple of times she wasn’t available and MIL called to see if I was available. I drove her to the appointments, but my husband told her in the future she needs to plan ahead. She doesn’t have a cell phone so she relies on a local taxi service.

      There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be your mom’s chauffeur, especially with last minute notice. If she has a smart phone maybe you could help her get set up with Uber or provide some resources for car services.

   7. Also: senior transport services may be a thing where she lives. And Uber/Lyft or a driving helper (care.com advertises some).

      I think maybe you can prioritize going to medical appts with her if needed and maybe letter her schedule her shopping with Uber (unless that is health-contra-indicated; many people just work with one or two trusted drivers) or a driving helper.

      1. +1 to senior transport services. Every city/area in my very red (read: no social services) state has them. My suggestion is to search for a local non-profit for aging/elderly people. They should be able to connect you with the resources you need and be able to let you know what other people do in these situations and during covid.

   8. Initial thoughts. Getting into assisted living can take longer than you expect. If your mom’s trajectory is heading that way (as opposed to a temporary issue), consider starting to look at options for her sooner rather than later. I know it’s tough when you are already stretched thin on bandwidth. As a good number of people on this board are in Canada, if you are in Canada, there are people in your provincial health departments whose job it is to help you navigate all this. Other options that have worked well for friends is hiring people that can take her to appointments/the store. In a weird way, it allows your mom to still maintain some independence because she is not relying on you. We’ve also had good luck with online shopping – even for groceries. You can set a time in the evening to do it (or delegate to other family members from afar) and someone else will deliver it to her. Or, if she is able, she can just order her own food. The real trick from a mom-management point is creating opportunities where she maintains her independence (and choices about life), because that means less decisions you need to make. And remember, everything you can do online, a family member further away could also do.

8. For the person asking about South Dakota this morning, this just came across my news feed. I mentioned that most of my family on one parents side live in South and North Dakota. I finally had to mute their Facebook feeds

   https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2020/11/south-dakota-covid-healthcare-worker.html

9. I cannot wait for the day where we get the questions of “I am going back to my job in an office. We are “casual,” but clearly (?) that does not encompass 3-day-old joggers (have been trying to minimize trips to basement laundry) and a shirt with words on it (from my 13 virtual 5Ks). And do I need to wash my hair? And no Ugg slippers, right? And I’ve forgotten how to do makeup (plus I think it is all expired — is from an xmas party in December 2019). Help!”

   1. Or: I am going on a date (!) to a concert/arena event (!!) and want to look pretty but not easy or over-eager because I want things to happen (!!!).

      The less-cool version is similar but to a client event at an arena (maybe closely-packed in to a suite), but still a good question I hope to ask one day.

   2. Or “I invested heavily in REI clothes; can I wear this stuff to work? I know maybe in moderation? Maybe? Just the sweater fleece? OK.”

      1. The answer to this is yes, yes you can. REI clothes in the office all the time :).

   3. I think we should all go back without makeup & with the newfound freedom of dressing and grooming like men — shower, put on some presentable basics with maybe one accessory and use our copious amount of freed up time (and cash) for world domination (or following our bliss).

   4. I was just thinking the same thing. I miss the office and I miss real work clothes.

   5. I miss conferences and I wouldn’t mind working in an office again a few times a week, but butt in chair culture needs to die, and I hope the shutdown has shown employers that remote work is actually work.

      1. sing it!!

      2. Wfh is totally butt in chair culture for me- including time sheets and productivity software. I really hate this term because at least in the office I could walk around and wasn’t obligated to make sure the computer didn’t go idle after five minutes.

   6. Wait…will I have to make my entire head of hair presentable? Not just the front that is visible on video?

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