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Oooh, pretty. This dark blue leather belt from White House | Black Market looks like just the thing for wearing with cardigans both long and short– I even like the idea of it with some of the high-waisted flared skirts coming out now. It's $58 at WHBM, available in sizes XXS-XXL. White House | Black Market Wide Stamped Leather and Suede Belt (L-2)Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
NoVa real estate market
Reposting from this morning…
Husband and I are looking to move to Northern Virginia, mostly for the public school system. We’re looking at McLean, Vienna, Reston, Falls Church. Anyone can comment on the quality of the schools in each district? We plan on sending our kids to public school K to 12.
Lastly, anyone have recommendation for a real estate agent with experience in that area?
Thanks!!
Anonymous
Mclean High School is supposed to be very good. Better than Reston’s high schools. When you say Falls Church, are you looking in Falls Church City or Fairfax County? FCC’s school is supposed to be quite good as well.
MJ
A bunch of friends grew up in Vienna and attended thomas jefferson high school, which is a magnet. They all went to amazing colleges and are crazy smart. I know high school is a long way away, but i would look at the catchment area for TJ for sure.
Anonymous
TJ is a magnet school, so kids living anywhere in NoVA can go there if they pass the test.
Out of the school districts you listed, McLean HS is probably the highest rated, but Vienna and City of Falls Church are not far behind. Out of these locations, pick the one most convenient for your commute to work.
Alanna of Trebond
I went to TJ. Falls Church is not in the catchment area (and neither is Alexandria), because they do not want TJ “brain drain”. In McLean, the middle school is also very good, and the regular public high schools are very good (McLean, Langley).
N.C. anon
Anyone have tips for getting started with quilting? I want to make a quilt of pieces from my husband’s old work shirts. I remember my mom cutting out pattern pieces on the back of cereal boxes, but not sure where to begin on the equipment side. Sewing machine is probably a good idea, right? Any recommendations?
tesyaa
Library books (which will tell you what equipment you need), youtube videos. I’ve been tempted to start quilting and while I’ve never done so, that would be how I’d get started.
Sus
Paper piecing is really easy to do. Check Amazon for a basic paper piecing book, but the steps are: pick a design, print it out in the size you want, sew pieces together to the paper in the order marked on the paper, tear off paper.
Mpls
Strip quilting or block quilting. Squares/ rectangles are the easiest to start with. Sewing machine, iron, rotary cutter and mat are your friends.
A local quilting fabric store (aka not JoAnn’s) may have a beginner’s class, or tips on how to start.
Be warned that there is an ENDLESS range of gadgets out there to help you quilt :)
Jax
I took a quilting class at a local quilt shop (2 Saturday commitment) and had to arrive at class with my sewing machine, fabric, and a few tools–a large cutting mat, a quilters square, and a rotary cutting tool that reminds me of a pizza cutter. The cutting tool is 1,000 better than scissors.
I thought the class was invaluable. We all made the same quilt pattern (simple squares) and had the expert walking around pointing out mistakes or helping when we were stuck. We only made a quilt top–actually quilting the top to a bottom layer with batting in the center was a separate class.
The quilting stage is a real b!tch and I will never attempt it again. Your regular sewing machine CAN do it, but you have to buy a special foot and the batting jams up your machine and eats up your quilt. It was horrifying. You can also quilt by hand (this will take years) by stretching the quilt out on a big stand that holds in taunt, like a giant embroidery hoop. There are seamstresses that have expensive quilting machines and for $500 you can pay them to quilt and finish your project–I’d go with this!
Cutting up the fabric and making the quilt top is fun, though! I made my one and only completed quilt out of my daughter’s baby clothes. Good luck!
CapHillAnon
I should clarify my earlier note that, of the quilts I’ve made, the largest has been twin-sized, and the rest are crib-sized. The smaller sizes are much easier to quilt on the machine. I haven’t attempted a queen or king one, which would be much harder to do on a regular machine. I’ve done free-motion (stipple stitch) on most of the baby quilts, and it is super cute and fast.
anonymom
Professional quilting doesn’t necessarily cost $500. I am about to have a 52″ square top quilted for less than $70. Shop around and choose a basic pattern.
WJM-TV
Sewing machine, yes. Make sure you get a machine that has enough room where you can guide the quilt through once you get several of the squares put together.
I’d recommend a beginner’s class or a short private lesson. I recently made a t-shirt quilt, but my aunt guided me through the sewing and the math. After putting the squares together for the quilt top, we sent them to a quilter for the assembly.
CapHillAnon
I was in the same boat as you a couple years ago! I used 2 awesome books: Modern Quilt Workshop (by Weeks Rindel) and Bend the Rules Sewing (by Amy Karol), both from am*zon and then took a 2-hour intro quilting class at a local fabric store. You can leave it just with the 2 books, honestly. I’ve made 8 quilts now and love it.
CapHillAnon
*you can DO it with just the 2 books
anonymom
Get thee to your local quilting store. As Mpls says, not JoAnn. Also find your local sewing machine dealer, again not JoAnn.
Then:
– Buy a sewing machine and take a class on how to use it (not necessarily in that order). Do not buy a Singer. It will break. Do not buy a sewing machine at Target, Wal-Mart, or JoAnn. I have a bare-bones Babylock model that I bought for less than $250 at my local independent sewing machine dealer. It is reliable and easy to use, and has all the features you really need for most projects. My dealer provides free introductory instruction and also teaches a variety of classes on the same model machine.
– Take some introductory classes at your local quilt shop, focusing on piecing or regular sewing, not actual quilting.
– Practice piecing with scrap fabric.
– Consider making a practice quilt top using a very simple pattern and standard quilting fabric before you start on your memory quilt.
– Read quilting blogs, browse quilting books and patterns, and look at sample quilts to figure out what style of quilt you want to make. Consult with the friendly ladies at your local quilt shop for ideas. You may want to use a memory quilt pattern or a standard quilt pattern. You might also want to mix in other fabrics. Here is one example of a memory quilt made from clothing:
http://crazymomquilts.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-memory-quilt-top.html
– Piece some practice blocks with your actual fabric and join them together before doing all of your piecing.
– Piece your quilt top.
– Do not even attempt to quilt this project yourself. Machine quilting, particularly free-motion quilting but even straight-line quilting with a walking foot, is difficult and frustrating and takes years to learn, starting with small projects like potholders instead of large quilts. Instead, send your quilt top to a professional longarm quilter for quilting. If that’s too expensive, tie the quilt instead of quilting it.
– If you are going to bind the quilt yourself, make some little quilt sandwiches (backing, batting, top) out of your practice blocks and practice binding them. Or have the longarm quilter bind the quilt for you.
N.C. anon
Thanks, all! I’m feeling equal parts intimidated and inspired :D
AR
Nordstrom Rack/Hautelook is currently having their yearly Ugg sale.
Specifically for girls, the sales are amazing and selling out fast.
anonymous
How frequently/how much can you drink coffee before you start to feel withdrawal on days you don’t drink it? If I have 1 cup for 4 days in a row but not the 5th, I have a raging headache. I otherwise indulge once weekly or biweekly. Is this about normal? I really need to start drinking it more to have more energy for work/ be able to work well into the evening hours, but I don’t want to be beholden to caffeine to not have a headache. Any personal experiences with how much/frequently one can caffeinate without this being a problem? Like, if I had a cup every other day, would that be likely to work?
SuziStockbroker
I was recently taking an exam prep course and their tip was to eat one square of dark chocolate and drink HALF a cup of coffee.
Maybe if you were only drinking half a cup a day, when you most need it, you wouldn’t find yourself getting a head ache on no-coffee days?
I kind of hate the idea of you “needing” to drink coffee to have enough energy to work. Is there anything else that coudl be as energizing? A 10 minute walk, or some yoga/stretching?
anonymous
I already do these things, and I guess don’t really need it (and don’t currently drink it), but it does offer me a solid productivity boost, and my workload right now and for the foreseeable future is just pushing the limits of what I’m capable of.
Anon
I drink a cup of coffee every morning and have a headache when I don’t drink it. I am totally a slave to it and when packing to go camping or something my coffee is the first thing I take. My husband can drink it everyday for a month or whatever and then just not have any and it doesn’t affect him in the same way. So I think it is really individual and you either have to experiment to see where that threshold is for you, or just decide either to have a cup daily or not to have any.
Susie
I drink coffee most weekdays, but luckily it doesn’t bother me if I don’t. Like today, when I came in and discovered someone cleaned the fridge and threw out my flavored creamer, which I can’t drink coffee without. Maybe that’s the key – mine’s more sugar and cream and not enough coffee to cause addiction!
Asideralis
I can drink a whole pot a day for a few weeks and then go cold turkey without any noticeable effects.
SuziStockbroker
Can the hive help me style a white leather moto jacket? I went in hoping to buy a black one but fell in love with a white style that didn’t have a black option.
I’m not on Pinterest (maybe I should be).
I don’t think I could ever wear it to work, so I am looking for casual/going out ideas.
Also looking for jeans that have back flap pockets (as most Hudson jeans used to but only a few styles do now).
N.C. anon
I think I’d try a light-colored silk or sequin tank under the jacket with jeans.
Anon
Link please? I’m curious to see!
SuziStockbroker
http://www.danier.com/aisha-smooth-lamb-leather-biker/d/2682_c_7_cl_12385
J
I have a white one too. I also only wear it out. I either go monotonal (lightweight cream silk sack dress, beige/tan lightweight and long cardigan), or I let the jacket be the star (nicely broken in and fitted gray sweatshirt, high waisted jeans). Occasionally I’ll do the full black and white look but it has to be just perfect for me to really love it. I always wear a pair of brightly colored shoes with it too. I actually sought out a pair of kermit/tennis ball colored single-soled pumps just to wear with it which may or may not be ridiculous. It looks great thrown over just about anything, especially brighter colors like orange, yellow, purple, and kelly green. doesn’t mute them the same way a black jacket can do, but it pulls everything together nicely.
SuziStockbroker
Thanks.
anonymous
Love this belt…on other people. Would never work for me.
Anonymous
Styling help! I’m wearing a pink dress to a wedding, and I can’t decide how to style it…I’ll reply with a picture link
Anonymous
http://www.polyvore.com/yigal_azrouel_crinkled_pink_dress/thing?id=36558212&tab=sets
Susie
Need more info on the wedding! Region, time of day, type of ceremony, type of venue.
Anonymous
Weekend afternoon, nominally Christian, in a hall/hotel.
Susie
Floral print sandals, similar to this style-wise: http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/main/ProductDetail.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524446779727&site_refer=GGLPRADS001&cagpspn=pla&CAWELAID=500002830007224450&catargetid=500002830005596825&cadevice=c&gclid=CNWW-r2t_MYCFYaWvQod_9QFEA
Dangling/chandelier earrings, either silver or a color that complements a tone in the shoe. Maybe add a cuff.
Wrap because hotels halls tend to be cold, I’m picturing a soft light gray.
AIMS
I’d add strappy silver sandals and dangly, sparkly earrings.
hoola hoopa
I’d do coordinating statement necklace and heels. Metallic would be fine, but for afternoon I’d probably do a color (mint, white, navy, plum, etc).
Clementine
I’d do grey, navy or silver heels, skip the necklace and wear a big pair of statement earrings. I’d probably style my hair in a chignon of some type and carry an envelope clutch.
bad Nordstrom redesign
Just had to express my disappointment with Nordstrom (specifically, the downtown Chicago location). I don’t understand what they were thinking with the redesign, but the store looks so much less upscale than it used to. They went from blond wood and warm, soft lighting to harsh, whiter lights and a cheap-looking floor. Everything looks kind of temporary. I’ve noticed sales associates dressing way down. The store used to feel elegant and subdued. Now it’s noisy and hectic. Why? Are they doing this to all the stores, I wonder?
It feels like it all started when they stopped having a pianist and started piping in pop music instead. And yes, I know I sound old and cranky!
MJ
I was so sad when they got rid of the pianos. From Christmas carols to really good Gershwin, Nordy’s pianos are something I remember from my childhood (had to shop there for my giant, skinny feet). I agree that they are trying to be more contemporary, but what i really see is less clothing that I like. Still go for the shoes and the makeup counters….
hoola hoopa
I, too, miss the pianos.
I recently moved and haven’t felt ‘right’ with the Nordstrom in my new location (it’s not Chicago) but couldn’t put my finger on it. Your post has me thinking that it’s brighter lighting and modern-but-big-box looking finishes.
Sadly for my pocketbook, I still find enough to buy. :P There’s some kooky stuff, but as I’ve never been particularly fashion forward, there always has been to my eyes.
BankrAtty
They’ve also done this to the Seattle (flagship) store. Very industrial, warehouse feel.
Moonstone
And it’s weirdly noisy — noisier than the Target in my downscale neighborhood. To be honest, I didn’t like the old store much, either, but I kept trying to like it because of the way people on this board talk about it.
Asideralis
I feel the same way about Macy’s. I won’t shop at Macy’s anymore because it reminds me too much of Ross. Nothing is in its place and there are so many people… the clothing quality is awful, and the sales reps just aren’t has helpful anymore. If I wanted to go to Ross, I would have gone there in the first place.
Condo buying
I feel the same way about Macy’s. I won’t shop at Macy’s anymore because it reminds me too much of Ross. Nothing is in its place and there are so many people… the clothing quality is awful, and the sales reps just aren’t has helpful anymore. If I wanted to go to Ross, I would have gone there in the first place.
Anonny
I have no PMI on my mortgage, with just 11% down. I suspect it’s because that lender holds the loan on their books and will not sell off. Are they a small group? It is possible so long as the lender meets certain criteria, like holding the loan.
Marilla
Mortgage insurance meaning, required insurance when you put down less than 20%? (In Canada this is required by CMHC..not sure what the US equivalent is). Or, mortgage insurance meaning insurance you pay (to the bank or other lender) to ensure you don’t have to worry about your mortgage in case of death or critical illness?
Condo buying
Meaning, the required part. Except, it appears it’s not required, because one lender isn’t charging it, even though it’s the same amount down. So I’m confused.
Just bought a condo
This is called lender paid PMI. It’s a thing. We took a slightly higher interest rate to get rid of the PMI. Our real estate agent and attorney recommended it as a good thing. We also used a mortgage broker we knew, and I trust that he wouldn’t have recommended something that was a scam or had a catch.
Just bought a condo
Should add that it is my understanding that usually only small mortgage lenders can/will do this. That could be the difference.
Maddie Ross
Lender-paid MI may originate with only small lenders, but it’s likely underwritten by a larger lender and will likely be serviced by one. Our lender did lender-paid MI. We paid a slightly higher interest rate (.125% I think, but this was 2008). It was a Chase serviced loan; Freddie Mac owned. It’s not a scam.
hoola hoopa
If you are trying to weigh pros/cons, remember that mortgage insurance premiums may be tax-deductible.
I can’t imagine that the deduction would ever be larger than the premium, but just information if this is your first purchase.
Pear
Yes, it’s likely lender paid mortgage insurance. There is normally a higher rate for this but the lender with LPMI may have better rates overall, thus the LPMI rate is equal to the other.
Am I A Bride?
Question:
Religious vows only; no state license. When people ask “are you married?”, what is the answer? What do I call my partner?
Senior Attorney
I would say it depends on who’s asking. You’re taking religious vows because they are meaningful to you, no? And they will make you feel married? So in that case I’d say “yes, I’m married,” and I’d call my partner my husband or wife or spouse.
I’d say the legalities of the whole thing would be on a need-to-know basis — e.g. employers re benefits, taxing authorities, etc.
hoola hoopa
Agreed. Socially, I’d say married to my husband because I’d consider myself to be married to my husband.
anonymous
I say you are whatever you consider yourself to be, unless the person who’s asking has a need to know your legal status. Be careful though, if others find out you’re “not really married,” they may feel like you lied to them. I have a similar arrangement to yours and got that reaction. People are really hung up on the idea of a “marriage” being a legal thing.
Anonymous
I’d say that it also depends on your state. Depending on where you live, you could be “legally” married even if you only have the religious ceremony. I’m not sure how that would work if you don’t hold yourselves out as married, but even in NY which is expressly not a common law marriage state and requires both a license and a ceremony to be “married,” a ceremony + holding yourselves out as married will most certainly mean you’re legally married as far as the state is concerned.
Senior Attorney
That doesn’t make any sense. “a ceremony + holding yourselves out as married means you’re legally married” is essentially what common law marriage is. And in the absence of common law marriage (which is not available in New York), how can one be legally married without a license if one is required to be legally married? That seems totally circular to me. Please elaborate.
Anonymous
One provision of the domestic relations law says you need both license and ceremony. But another says that failure to meet both requirements shall not invalidate a marriage. Many decades of case law essentially hold same. This is due to a not infrequent problem with one party, usually male, that will neglect to file or obtain a marriage certificate and tell the other party, usually female, that it doesn’t matter or that it has been done, as a sort of insurance policy against paying alimony and the like in case of divorce. This is particularly a problem within insular religious or immigrant groups. NY, as a matter of public policy, refuses to condone such schemes and deems those marriages valid and binding.
A common law marriage, in contrast, usually doesn’t meet those requirements. In most states, certainly in NY, common law marriage is just living together for X period and holding yourselves out as married. No license or ceremony. NY does not recognize that.
There is a recent case in NY where a trial court found that no marriage took place because there was no license, but that was on very unique facts and may not survive appeal.
Senior Attorney
Ah. Thanks!
NYC tech
Discussions like this are why I love this board. I have no need to know this, would never have run across it on my own, but it’s so fascinating to hear about.
Anon
For the ignorant folks who are reading, can you give us some insight into why you decided not to make it legal? Are you a same sex couple?
anonymous
Not the OP, obviously, and we did decide to make it legal, but literally the only reason is because of attitudes like people are expressing below. Generally I think a marriage is whatever the people in it want it to be, but I felt like there was just way too much “no, a marriage is only what I think it is” going on. Either people think it’s not a real marriage unless you make it legal, or unless you have a real wedding, etc. I’ve been told that if we “get married” but don’t do so legally, then I’m lying to everyone. Which I guess is true if you define marriage as narrowly as a legal agreement.
I guess I just don’t see why it matters one way or the other to make the union legal. There are benefits and drawbacks both ways, and that decision is based on an assessment of the pros and cons. My commitment to my husband is a totally different matter, and that’s more emotional/sentimental/whatever. I just didn’t want to deal with friends insisting that their relationship was more serious or meaningful than mine. Which has happened on multiple occasions.
Anonymous
Related to the above question, a good friend is having a large wedding ceremony (white dress, 100+ guests, gift registry, etc.) but is apparently not getting legally married to avoid the marriage tax penalty (she mentioned it to me, but is not widely disseminating the fact that it’s not a legal marriage). That’s weird, right? My friends and I are all in an upper-middle class income bracket where we all got hit with a hefty marriage penalty, and it’s like this friend or her fiance are billionaires or anything. We all $ucked it up and got legally married, why can’t she?
anon.
“We all $ucked it up and got legally married, why can’t she?”
A better question is: Why does it matter to you that she’s not doing this? It’s not weird, you may not know the full story, and, most importantly, it’s none of your business and she doesn’t owe you and your friends a marriage tax penalty.
anonymous
this: t’s none of your business and she doesn’t owe you and your friends a marriage tax penalty.
anon
I think it’s immoral to avoid paying taxes that you should be paying. They pay for important things like schooling and social security.
Anonymous
So do you also think it’s immoral that there are lots of couples who cohabitate and are a financially joint household, but don’t pay taxes jointly? What about “single” mothers who receive the full financial and childcare support of the father but stay single legally to claim state benefits? I’m guessing not. So extend that logic.
There’s a bundle of legal rights that comes with being legally married. It’s part of why the same-sex community fought so hard for government recognition (in addition to the obvious dignity component). If a couple chooses to forgo that bundle of rights, why should they pay the taxes that represent the trade-off for those benefits?
anon
I doubt it is the case that this couple pays *no* taxes. I’m also not sure why you automatically accept the assumption that requiring them to pay taxes because they’re married is “moral.”
Alana
Yes, and when a woman without children gets in a relationship with a man with teenagers, she faces shouldering hefy college costs without the amount of time and planning that biological parents receive. This is especially the case when a high earning woman gets in a relationship with a low earning man. Many seniors do not remarry even if they partner up again after death or divorce because of the unfavorable tax consequences and loss of benefits.
Anonymous
Why do you care?
anonymous
I don’t think it’s weird. It’s personally more important to me to have my marriage legally recognized than it is to avoid paying more in taxes, but it doesn’t strike me as odd that one someone would feel the other way about it. It’s not really your place to say what she should and shouldn’t be willing to spend money on in this case than it is in most other cases. And it’s not like you lost anything because she’s making this choice. I find it a little judgey.
hoola hoopa
+1
Anonymous
Yes its weird. This site is super weird about weddings in general though, its like a weird unexpected bridezilla haven. So expect a lot of why shouldn’t she get the day she dreamed of?! responses.
Wildkitten
What?! I hate weddings and frequent this s*te and I disagree.
Anonymous
Weren’t you just defending a bride who eloped and still expected gifts?
Wildkitten
Ha – yes. Good point. Anti-wedding to the extreme I guess.
Anonymous
No I am saying you are pro wedding- the people on this site are very pro bridezilla pro its your day stuff. I’m more of any idiot can get married- I am happy when my loved ones find the person they love but I do find it weird that this site is a proponant of “its your day! Youre the bride!!” I feel like once you invite guests you have to be a good host, and I think being a bride is not all that special (even though my wedding day was one of my favorite days).
Senior Attorney
Come on. She’s pretending to get married in order to reap benefits including the white dress, the big party, and the gifts, but she’s not really getting married because she doesn’t want to pay more in taxes. Yes, it’s a little weird if not flat-out dishonest.
People have been having non-marriage commitment ceremonies for years and calling them just that. If that’s what she’s having, that’s what she should call it.
Senior Attorney
LOL and yes, I totally own that this is kind of the opposite of my response to the question above.
Clementine
I’m fully on board with you.
I also have beef with people who choose to get legally married and don’t tell people and then have a big wedding months or years later. My spouse was previously in the military and yes, this happened a LOT. Call it a vow renewal! Call it a commitment ceremony! Call it a Love Festival or a freaking Dress up party where i bring a gift and show up in a church, I don’t care. If you call it a wedding and have already been married for 2 years without telling people, it makes me inappropriately rage-y.
I make an exception for people who have two ‘weddings’ a half a world away because of logistic reasons. You may call those both weddings and that does not make my blood boil.
anon
Psh. I thought that we weren’t supposed to look at weddings as gift grabs?! And doesn’t it cost sooooooo much money to throw a wedding? Don’t we hear sob stories about the stresses of weddings every day on this board?
hoola hoopa
I disagree. From the perspective of a guest, I’m there to celebrate the commitment as a social contract. I really don’t care if they are signing legal documents following the vows so long as they, on that day, are intending to share the rest of their lives.
In my opinion, they don’t ‘get’ to have another ‘wedding’ if/when they decide to make it legal. Social contract signed. Only one gift from hoola hoopa per social contract.
Wildkitten
Agreed.
HSAL
Yep, this. It’s weird.
anonymous
okay, but if she called it a commitment ceremony, would you feel differently toward her and her relationship/”marriage” or feel a different obligation to her as a friend than you would if it were a legal marriage?
Senior Attorney
I would come, bring a gift, dance, and be happy for her.
Anon
Because she’s cheap and not romantic. That’s why.
August
And it does feel a bit cheap to have a gift registry though. I cannot really pin point why.
anonymous
In general it’s cheap to have a gift registry or in her case?
August
In her case. It just feels like a gift grab.
anonymous
But she’s throwing a whole wedding party. Party for a gift, isn’t that the exchange? It’s not a legal marriage for a gift. Unless someone just wants to send a gift to wish the couple well, and in this case, what would the difference be?
Anon
It’s cheap because she won’t get marriage because of money, which she already seemingly has enough of. She obviously does want to get married, since she is having a reception – but not as much as she wants as much money as she can possibly get at tax time.
August
When two people are getting legally married, they are bound by tons of laws. In case where legally married couple want to get a divorce, it is a much more expensive proceeding than just walking away from your live-in boy friend. As the people getting legally married are willing to take all these upon themselves, it has much more substantial weight than what the OP’s friend is doing here.Traditionally, people want to acknowledge this massive commitment two people are making by giving them a gift. However, what OP’s friend is doing is wanting a wedding ceremony but no risks that come with the legal marriage. In case they break up tomorrow, it is not much bigger affair than walking away from a live in boyfriend. Hence it doesn’t deserve the same kind of acknowledgement from people around them. If OP’s friend wants to throw a party, then sure she can. But expecting gifts for it is cheap.
OP
I think this hit the nail on the head about why I feel weird about it. My friend has also kind of indicated that there are financial differences (i.e., she is better off) and she feels like, in a worst case scenario, it will be easier to walk away with her finances in tact if they are not legally married.
I’m happy to come to your commitment ceremony and celebrate with you, but I feel like expecting a gift is greedy if you’re not going to undertake all the responsibilities and obligations of marriage.
Anonymous
So either don’t go and don’t send a gift, or go and don’t bring a gift. I really don’t give a rat’s patootie what people call whatever type of exchange/ceremony they want to have or whether it’s the legal version, nor do I care about why they are doing it. It’s none of my business, it doesn’t affect me on a daily basis, and I am in charge of my own person and I can do what I want (go, not go, gift, not gift).
I am fairly surprised at the number of people who care about this.
August
It is not only she is avoiding paying taxes, she is also forgoing any benefits (if any) that a legally recognized marriage offers right?
Wildkitten
Yes. And many marriages get a marriage benefit rather than penalty. Are those less legit?