Corporette.com

Updated: Apr 2, 2021 195 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Daily Dream Puff-Sleeve Tee

The Personal Shopper (TPS) | ·

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A good solid black tee is a wardrobe staple. This one from ModCloth is a slightly elevated version of the classic, with puff sleeves, a keyhole at the back neckline, and just a hint of stretch in the fabric.

I think this would look great under a suit jacket, or even just layered under a cardigan for a more casual day.

The top is $35 at ModCloth and comes in sizes XS–4X. Right now you can get 30% off sitewide, which brings this down to $24.50. 

P.S. Happy Easter to those who celebrate!

Sales of note for 9.16.24

Sales of note for 9.16.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Grass Q. The grass seed we put out after aerating in the fall didn’t grow (the leaves fell too quickly after that; back yard is shaded; front yard isn’t, but there are lots of deciduous trees). Neighbors say that spring grass won’t grow, but fall grass doesn’t seem to grow, either. Otherwise, when it is sunny, the ground (clay soil) cracks and when it isn’t, it’s a mudpit.

    • AnonATL

      ime, you have to baby grass seed regardless of what time you put it out. We have lots of clay here in georgia and have to till the soil a bit first, put the seed down, and then be super diligent about watering it every day.
      Is sod an option for you? It’s more expensive up front but would solve some of your problems.

    • Anonymous

      We are in the SEUS with clay soil. The developer of our subdivision scraped and sold off all the topsoil. Grass will not grow here unless you put down a thick layer of topsoil and install a sprinkler system (or water regularly with a hose-end sprinkler). If you don’t, all that will grow is moss and weeds.

    • Anon

      I’m seeing more and more of my neighbors replace their grass lawns with a bunch of native-to-the-area plants. Supposedly these require less active maintenance and are good for local ecosystems. Would this be an option for you?

    • Anon

      Are you in NC? This sounds like our experience there. It took a ton of watering to keep spring grass growing, which ended up being surprisingly expensive. I find the fetishization of lawns infuriating- the climate/soil in a lot of areas just isn’t suitable for them and it’s ridiculous that HOAs require you to do all kinds of environmentally damaging things to force them to grow, rather than permitting any alternatives.

    • Betsy

      You definitely need some sort of roots in there to keep the soil healthy and not muddy, but maybe there is a particular variety of grass or non-grass ground cover that would be better. Try reaching out to your local university extension office – they should be able to tell you what varieties will work best in your local area based on the conditions.

    • Anonymous

      It’s kind of my dream to replace my grass lawn with clover (husband is not convinced). Alternatives to grass lawns are kind of a thing now, so unless you really want a traditional grass, it might be worth giving up and investigating alternatives.

      • Cb

        I clovered my lawn last year and it was soft and squishy and looked lovely! We moved in the autumn to a house with STRIPES on the lawn and my husband is determined to maintain them so no clover for me.

        • Anon.

          Can you speak to the cost of clovering (can’t remember whether you are in the US)?

          • Anonymous

            Yes — OP here. intrigued by clovering and have never heard of this before.

            I just want something besides mud and weeds and wild oniony things.

            Also, bunnies are living somewhere. I see the sh*t on the cracked earth and it isn’t lovely. At least I could patent it wasn’t there if grass hid it.

          • Anon

            I’m clovering my lawn this weekend – there are two ways to do it: you can sow the seed over an existing grass lawn to try to get a mix, or you can sow onto bare ground for just clover. I’m trying for the former but my grass isn’t in great shape and there are lots of bare spots, so I bought enough seed to cover the entire yard from scratch, just in case. Even then it was a super cheap project – I spent $50 on seed treated with an inoculant and $20 on a seed spreader.

          • Cb

            Oh it was super cheap, I just put it in with the existing grass. I timed it for just before a rainy day (easy in Scotland), raked up the lawn so it was aereated (rather than compacted dirt and grass), let my toddler go to town with a colander and a bag of clover seeds. I did it mid-summer and by the time we moved out in December, it looked really nice (sorry new owners, I didn’t know we were moving!)

    • Anonymous

      Not sure where you are but up here in MA hydroseeding is popular And effective.

      Like others have said you really need to baby the lawn once the seeds germinate. 3-4 light watering/day.

  2. White Sangria

    Not sure where you are but up here in MA hydroseeding is popular And effective.

    Like others have said you really need to baby the lawn once the seeds germinate. 3-4 light watering/day.

  3. Anonymous

    I have a big professional Thing for the first time today. Due to Covid, I’ve never actually shadowed anyone else do the Thing and I have to do it myself – have done a lot of reading and am both proud of myself and petrified at the same time. Good vibes appreciated!

    • Anon

      You will ace it. You know what you’re doing. You not only have natural talent but also more than enough experience in related areas to knock it out of the park. I’m looking forward to your post tomorrow about how you absolutely nailed it.

    • good luck

      Has anyone told you today, you are the best?

      You are the BEST.

      You can do it.

    • anon

      You are ready for this, and you will rock it – looking forward to hearing about how well it went!

  4. Anon

    After months of job hunting I’m doing final rounds of interviews at two great companies. If all goes well I should be out of my current ridonkulous situation and doing something much better by June. Send me vibes! Wish me luck! Tell me your best job-change success stories!

    • Anon

      Name it and claim it! Sending you positive energy that the right opportunity comes your way.

    • AIMS

      Ooh, all the vibes! I am in a different but not entirely dissimilar situation right now, and just seeing an alternative way to go about my job has been so heartening! I think sometimes we get stuck in bad situations and they are so exhausting that it can be hard to see the way out, but it is always there. Best of luck!!!

    • Abby

      I had a terrible toxic job from 2018-early 2020. Started interviewing November 2019, had a very long drawn out interview process until mid January. I didn’t hear back from Company A for ~3 weeks, in the meantime I had another job offer from Company B, but I really wanted to be at Company A so I turned it down. Eventually Company A gave me a job offer: my salary more than doubled what I was making at my toxic job.
      I had to wait 7 weeks for my background check to go through, quit March 6, 2020. Took 2 weeks off to relax between jobs, COVID hit, Company A told me they’d pay me my full salary for a month but didn’t have capacity to start me remote. I eventually started April 2020, working from home. Here I am a year later, I love my job and my team but I have yet to work in the office or meet any of my coworkers. Meanwhile, my toxic job NEVER went home from the office (illegally in my state) and has had 3 covid breakouts spreading through different teams. I truly have never felt more blessed than the way my entire job change worked out. You got this! It will be so much better when this is over!!

  5. Anonymous

    I ordered a filet mignon and the grocery store delivered a beef tenderloin. I got a refund, but now I have the tenderloin and I need to cook it. Does anyone have any tips or recipes? I will be cooking it in a cast-iron pan and this piece of meat is much slimmer than filet mignons I have had in the past. I am very inexperienced with cooking steak and would appreciate any tips!

    • Anon

      Honestly, when you’re cooking steak it doesn’t matter what cut, it’s the thickness that matters. I use the method in the Omaha Steaks companion booklet that comes with our (very occasional) orders. Preheat the oven to 300. For medium rare steaks, sear the first side for 2-3 minutes, then turn them over and put the pan in the oven. If the steak is an inch thick or less, cook for 5-6 minutes. Inch and a quarter: 9-11 minutes. Inch and a half: 13-16 minutes. Inch and three quarters: 18-19. Two inches: 20-22.

      Their chart might be on the website.

    • No Problem

      The method is really the same for any steak, you just cook it for less time than a thicker steak. I’m sure you can G00gle how long to cook a tenderloin per side. And you can always just cut into it to be sure it’s done. I do that 100% of the time I’m cooking a steak, regardless of thickness.

    • Anonymous

      This questions makes no sense. The tenderloin is a large portion of beef from which filet mignon is cut. If you have a tenderloin and need filet mignon, you cut the tenderloin into steaks. Do you just have a thinner steak than what you’re used to?

    • Anon

      A filet mignon is a slice of a beef tenderloin. You can slice your tenderloin into steaks.

    • anon8

      Try the Roast Beef Tenderloin with Red Wine Sauce from the blog Once Upon a Chef. I have it on my to-try list for a special occasion.

    • anne-on

      I really like the reverse sear method for tenderloin as I feel like it’s much easier to ensure it cooks to your preferred temp. You do need a good thermometer though. But generally, you put your meat in a relatively low temperature oven and cook it until it’s 10-15 degrees shy of your preferred done-ness. Then you take it out and quickly sear it on all sides to ‘finish’ it – et voila – seared and perfectly cooked meat!

    • anon

      Good eta/Alton Brown has a blue cheese stuffed beef tenderloin. We’ve done goat cheese instead too.

    • Anonymous

      If you don’t want to slice the tenderloin into filets, the best way to cook a whole tenderloin is in the oven.

  6. Anonymous

    Just a quick shout out to WFH. I’m exhausted. I was up all night with cramps. And it is so nice to be working in my bed with my cat and a hot water bottle.

    • Anon

      Yes!! WFH is amazing for those days. I have back problems and IBS and the fact that I can handle both of those so much better from home with so much more comfort and privacy is truly amazing. Work from home is really great for anyone with medical conditions and it’s also meant that this is the first year that I haven’t picked up a cold from my coworkers coming in sick.

      • Ellen

        Yes. I agree. Grandma Trudy has IBS and it is not fun b/c she must stay close to the toilet. She has not worked a job for many years, but she used to work as an LPN and she said she was always scared to go too far from a toilet, especially in the hospital where she worked. That kind of limited her, so when she stopped working, it was easier for her b/c she stayed home.

      • Curious

        +1 for pregnancy.

        Signed, the bucket next to my desk because the nausea was BACK yesterday.

        • Anon

          Co-sign from pregnant lawyer with loose yoga pants and heating pad on sore hips all day yesterday who worked from the couch and was so thankful not to be in the office.

    • Anon

      Was just told yesterday that my whole department (spread out over the whole west coast) can work from home forever. So happy.

  7. No Problem

    Can we do a thread of good news for the week? I think Walnut’s AMAZING news of no evidence of disease takes the cake, but I would love to hear others.

    My good news is that I finally bought a house this week! I’m so excited to be done renting.

    • Anon

      We’ve explained Covid and all the changes as “special rules” we need to follow to keep everyone safe to my now 4.5 year old. We told her this morning that mommy and daddy get their second shots today and on her own, she realized and yelled out “THE SPECIAL RULES ARE ALMOST OVER – HOORAY!!” Of course we will still be taking precautions, but we’ve been so cautious over the past year, I can finally say yes to playgrounds and the aquarium and soccer and other things she loves. I am going to sob again when I get my second shot soon.

    • Anon

      I posted yesterday on the afternoon thread, but I am high-risk and have been super locked down since March 2020 and I just got my first dose of Pfizer. I’m so damn happy and I finally feel like I can be optimistic again. It’s such a miracle that we have three great vaccines! I still need to be cautious because there is a chance that the vaccine won’t work that well for my particular condition, but at least I feel like I can hope and open up a little bit in my activities.

    • Cb

      I’ve been inspired by Laura Vanderkam’s little adventure, big adventure rule and have been making sure to build some fun into my otherwise humdrum days and it really helps. I stopped and saw the lambs when I was out on my bike yesterday, and then sent the location to my husband. He and my son stopped and the farmer brought a lamb over that he got to pet.

      • Anonymous

        I haven’t read that rule – can you send a link? I like some of her other material, though, and I totally agree with her approach on the “future self, present self, and remembering self.” It always inspires me to get off my a** and do the fun thing!

        • Cb

          I’m doing her Tranquility by Tuesday experiment, but she essentially argues that each week or weekend should have a little adventure (an hour) and a big adventure (3-4 hours). I have a toddler and we’re still in pretty heavy lockdown (no non-essential shops open, supposed to stay within our county) so I’m a bit limited. So last week, my little adventure was taking my lunch, cycling to a nice spot by a river, and reading by the river for a bit, my big adventure was a trip to the beach with my family. If I was solo, it would be a coffee date with a friend and a big bike ride. Just ways of getting more fun into the week.

    • Anon

      I have a couple:

      1) Scheduled my first dose of Moderna for Monday (I only became eligible yesterday)
      2) Got a message and had a call from a long time friend from HS for the first time in a long while
      3) I was given some high visibility/profile credit on a project that was recently released and it’s the first time that has happened on that type of project (and – even better – it was a surprise)

    • Anon

      Nothing compared to Walnut but I started my own consulting business during the pandemic and as of yesterday I have almost more business than I can handle.

      • Anon

        I did that this week and have already received word that the claims have been reviewed and approved for payment. Sending you wishes for the same quick and successful result.

    • AnonATL

      Lots of happiness in my life right now:
      Today’s my wedding anniversary!
      First dose is scheduled for Tuesday.
      I have had some additional responsibilities added at work and I am totally crushing it.

    • Anon

      My sister was commissioned as a naval officer this morning, was in the top 10% in her class, and got her orders for her first choice base and ship. I’m so proud of her I could burst! I drove up to Newport and am taking her out tonight to celebrate!

      • Anon

        Oh AND I got my second dose of the vaccine last weekend so 1 week until full immunity. AND my miserable projects from the last few months ended last week. AND I recently accepted an offer for my dream job that I’ve been hoping for for the last 6+ years. So basically, life is looking pretty amazing from where I’m sitting just now! :D

    • Not that Anne, the other Anne

      The kitchen remodel that never ends is actually making progress this week, after being delayed by both paperwork and pandemics. The old cabinets and cabinet soffits are GONE. The plumbing and electrical have been modified. Next week we might get new floors and new cabinets!

      It’s only been five months since the saga started with what we thought was just a burst pipe….

    • Anon

      I posted this late on the afternoon thread the other day but I’ll share again here.

      I work for small law and was starting to feel like I was stagnating in my position. Was debating starting to put feelers out.

      Got a call out of the blue from the biggest and most prestigious firm in my area (not big-law but big for where I live) essentially offering me a job in my preferred practice group.

      There is a still a lot to iron out and decisions to be made but I am extremely flattered.

      • Anonymous

        Congrats! I think you said you like marketing your practice; if so this could be a really good long term fit! Also, on the hours, bigger law will have staff to take care of a lot of the admin stuff you were likely doing in a small office.

    • Anonymous

      I was able to schedule our first vaccine appointments for next week! My husband bought me new snowshoes for Christmas and they turned out to be perfect (I had twisted an ankle and put off trying them)! We might finally be able to hug someone else vaccinated in about 6 weeks!

    • Anon

      Like Walnut, I got a “no evidence of disease” NED report from my cancer doc on Monday. NED is the best.

  8. Anonforthis

    How to respond to my spouse who has become way too clingy during this past year of being cooped up together at home? He thinks this whole time has been great for togetherness and is sad that vaccines mean it is coming to an end. It’s smothering! I have told him that! He thinks I’m being standoffish and unloving.

    I have a curbside vet appointment for our dog today (first one since the pandemic started), and was looking forward to half an hour of time away from husband. He’s not awful or anything, it would just be glorious to have uninterrupted time (when I’m not working, sleeping, or in the shower) to think my own thoughts, enjoy the sun, and not be either interrupted by him wanting to talk about our emotions of the moment or bemoan my pending return to the office. Instead, I’m sitting in the parking lot typing this out.

    • No Face

      If a half hour is that amazing, it sounds like you should spend more time out of the house. Go for a drive or a long walk every day.

    • Anon

      It sounds like you are not necessarily working out or going for walks or doing other things without him. I recommend starting with that.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed. Tmrw is Saturday. Tell him you are going out and leave. Get a coffee and a breakfast pastry. Go eat them in a park. Walk around. Get your nails done if you’re comfortable. Pop into a book store. Pick up lunch and take it home.

    • AIMS

      I just I need me time.I think when you say to someone that they are smothering you it can be hurtful, but most people can understand it if you recast it as about you and not them.

    • Anonymous

      Can he handle “together but separate” time? My BF and I started dating shortly before the pandemic and got kind of stuck together in quarantine. We were both concerned because we each need a lot of me time. We’ve found that our me time needs are satisfied as long as we don’t have to actually interact. Maybe I’m watching TV and he’s reading a book. Or he’s watching the game and I’m doing my craft du jour. I suppose this wouldnt really work if your DH is the kind of person to constantly talk while you’re trying to read peacefully. Is he willing to do something to entertain himself?

    • Anonymous

      This is my life, down to the vet trip as escape. I was so excited to walk the dog to the vet alone the other day. While I was waiting for her to come out, my husband came walking up to “surprise” me. I had to pretend to be delighted instead of annoyed. He wants to come along on every walk and sit at the computer while I work out in the spare room. When I cook he sits in the adjacent family room blasting TV news so I can’t listen to music. My teenager insists on accompanying me on all curbside pickup runs. The only way I can get any me time is to stay up way too late.

      • Anonymous

        No. You have agency in your life. “Jim. Please turn the tv down I can’t hear my music.” “Ashleighhh no you can’t come today I want a solo trip.” “Jim, I’m doing this chore alone please don’t surprise me.”

    • anon a mouse

      I get up early so I can sip coffee and read in a quiet house. It is the only time I have to myself, and if I miss a day I really feel it. I also have a spouse who thinks this has been the greatest thing ever, and the only way it works is if I aggressively carve out time for myself.

    • Curious

      Do you think he may also be expressing anxiety about the upcoming change back to new normal? I would approach it differently if this were the case.

    • Anonforthis

      Was sure I included this part, but looks like I didn’t.

      When I told him I was planning to take the dog on my own so I could enjoy a few minutes of time to myself, he started pouting and moping about how it’s clear that we need to talk because something is bothering me and if I don’t want to talk then I’m just being selfish and poisoning our relationship.

      Yes, something IS bothering me and it’s not having a single god damn minute to myself. I’ve told him this multiple times, both more kindly than that and as direct as that. He has delusions that I’m just using that as cover for whatever thing is really bothering me, then wants to keep talking to get to the root of the problem. It’s exhausting. He needs to feel his own feelings. I don’t want them.

      • Anonymous

        Ignore him and if he keeps it up tell him that you need marriage counseling because this isn’t working.

      • No Problem

        Does he have a trusted friend he can ask about this? You can suggest he get an opinion on whether what you’re saying is reasonable. Short of that, he needs a session or two of therapy.
        DH: my wife keeps saying she needs some time to herself, but I think she’s hiding the real problem and she won’t tell me
        Friend: how much time alone does she get without you?
        DH: I’m with her all the time
        Friend: whoa, that’s not normal. Couples don’t need to spend 100% of their time together. Give her some time alone to recharge, and you do the same.

        • Anonymous

          I wouldn’t count on a conversation with a friend going this way. He is likely to say she gets tons of alone time and never wants to spend time with him, and the friend is likely to take his side.

      • anon8

        I’m so sorry. That sounds like incredibly annoying and childish behavior on the part of your husband. Has he acted like this before? It might be time to take this to a therapist. This sounds exhausting just from reading this.

      • Anonymous

        Well he’s kinda right, there are bigger issues here. He’s not listening to you and he’s making his feelings your problem. It also sounds like he’s not taking care of his own needs, and instead, he’s expecting you to be his sole source of entertainment, socializing, whatever.

      • No Face

        With this, it is time for marriage counseling. Was he like this before the pandemic, but normal life (going to work, etc) made it impossible? Or did he become clingy after the pandemic started? An issue to explore.

        But this would drive me insane. I definitely need significant amounts of time to myself to recharge.

      • Explorette

        This comment changes my response. Originally I was going to say a lot of us are right there with you. The pandemic is making things so hard for everyone because we are together at home All The Time. But his response to you asking for alone time is alarming. His response should be, okay, see you when you get back. He should go to therapy, and if he can’t recognize that his response is an issue, I suggest you really consider if you want this person in your life.

    • Anon

      Mine is also driving me insane in a similar fashion. He can’t stand peace and quiet; he has to be shooting his mouth off 24/7 while also blasting TV he isn’t even watching. All I want is silence.

      I finally made him sleep in a separate room because he wants TV on all night, and wearing earplugs all night gave me an ear infection. The only time the TV was off in the past 7 days was during the 2 hours he left to do errands.

      Cue multiple daily arguments where he talks at me every twenty seconds, ignoring my requests for alone time, then gets all “Why u mad?” when I finally snap.

      TL:DR; I feel your pain.

    • Anan

      I have no words of wisdom, but all the commiseration. I went outside to “move the car” the other day and then just sat in the car for thirty minutes so I could be by myself and read my book. I was hiding from my kids, not my husband (he works out of the house thankfully) but yes, the unrelenting togetherness is so so exhausting.

    • Anon

      I can totally relate. I love DH but being cooped up all day makes me want to have some alone time. I go out for evening walks most days and let him supervise the kids bedtime routine. Makes a ton of difference to my mental health and I can then come back recharged to watch some Netflix with him commenting through it.

    • Anonymous

      I am the spouse who would be happy to be together all day every day. I’ve also been in the opposite position in a previous relationship. Don’t frame this as I’m right and you’re wrong, don’t make them feel like your way is the right way (not saying you are, but this was an issue for us until my partner stopped treating this as some sort of flaw on my part). You are two different types of people and his needs are valid, but it doesn’t mean that they win out all the time, sometimes you get what you want as well.

      What helps me is to hear my partner spontaneously say they do really enjoy this time with me, without a caveat, or that they missed me when we were apart (even if they didn’t). And time where they do engage with me once or twice a day, even if we agree that up front (eg when we eat dinner they are engaged in conversation with me, then the rest of the night they go to another room by themselves, and we have 10 mins before bed where we re-engage). Then when partner wants to be alone, it doesn’t feel like a rejection because I’ve gotten my connection. Some self awareness on my part also helps, nobody wants to hear my internal blather all day every day, and the more time partner gets to sit in silence and do what they want by themselves, the less likely they are to respond to every interaction with a hint of annoyance. If he’s not understanding this, then you just have to be strict about carving out that time for yourself.

  9. Anonymous

    Not sure if I need advice or just to vent. I’ve been on the board of a large nonprofit for a few years. I was recently voluntold to chair a new committee. I held the first meeting, got the ball rolling, and set a follow up meeting in 3 months. Didn’t seem like anything would need to be done (by me or any other board members) until then. I have an extremely busy couple of months ahead of me at work; I’m working 20 hour days and it’s going to be that way until June. The president of the organization called and emailed me asking for a meeting. I emailed back and explained I have no availability during any reasonable hour this month due to work, and gave her a few dates in early May. In response, she sent a long email about how we need to move faster than that. I haven’t responded. I’m pretty annoyed, this is a volunteer gig, we left it at let’s touch base months from now, I’m telling you I’m overwhelmed with my actual job, and your response is to push back on my very reasonable boundaries. I’m really regretting taking on this role. How should I respond to the pushy email? I’m guessing delete and ignore is not the most mature way to handle, nor is suggesting a meeting at like 3 am which is when I’m wrapping up for the day.

    • Anonymous

      “Bridget, I took on this role understanding it wasn’t urgent. Since it is, I need to step down. I don’t have sufficient time to devote to this.”

      • Anonymous

        I agree with this completely. But I also disagree with OP’s position that being unable to meet for a month is a “very reasonable boundar[y]”. If you’re on a board, you need to have a bit more availability than that.

        • Anonymous

          I agree! Don’t volunteer if you’re this busy you don’t have time for it.

          • anonshmanon

            It depends. She didn’t volunteer, but was voluntold. And it depends on how the timeline was communicated and how clearly she communicated her availability. But it’s fine to drop out now.

        • OP

          I mean, lawyers have trials sometimes. If you want lawyers on your board then you have to be willing to work around their trial schedule. That’s why I confirmed with her at my last meeting that she wouldn’t need anything before June. I dont think my career means I can never be on a board, but I do think it limits the roles I can take on. I really appreciate the scripts!

          • Anonymous

            The issue isn’t that you don’t have time to chair the committee. The issue is that you can’t spare any time at all to meet with the president for a month. I know plenty of trial attorneys (and am a non-trial attorney myself) with board positions, and they can all spare 15 minutes for a conversation in a month.

          • OP

            I’m not sure what about my post led you to think she was asking for a 15 minute phone call? I said in the OP she was asking for a meeting not a call, which (correctly) implies an hour plus event not a 15 minute check in.

          • Anonymous

            Implying an hour is definitely not an across the board rule, especially when it is only two people. I’d write her back explaining that you have a trial and tell her that you could talk at X time next week for 15 minutes or so if necessary to disucss transitioning the chairperson role to someone having more availability in the immediate future.

    • Anon

      “I regret that my work commitments will not permit my continued involvement as Chair of xxx committee based upon the timeline and urgency you shared in your March xx letter. Please let me know how you would like to transition the committee to someone who is better able to serve the organization’s needs.”

    • Anon

      Not having any time for a full month to have a phone call meeting means you don’t have time for the role. Her email wasn’t pushy. You need to respectfully resign.

    • anonshmanon

      Dear president, when I was asked to chair this committee, it was with the understanding that I have three months of 20 hour days ahead in my day job and the committee work could wait until June. If the needs have changed, I won’t be offended if you find someone else to lead this effort.
      Thanks,
      OP

      • anonshmanon

        And in case there was any doubt about this: your boundaries are reasonable and the president has unreasonable expectations.

        • Anonymous

          I way disagree. An hour a month? And being on a committee is typical when you join the board.

        • Seventh Sister

          In my opinion, the unreasonable expectations started when you got voluntold to serve on the committee and it’s good to cut it off now.

          I have been volunteering for many years with an organization that has unreasonable expectations, and there is a s*xist edge to it in that I don’t think men would ever be treated like the way this organization treats volunteers (it’s Girl Scouts, hahahaha). There is never an end to the expectations of unreasonable people, and sometimes, you just have to say no.

          • Seventh Sister

            And while I don’t actually know if people who run nonprofits actually care (I’m kind of burned out, tbh), but the number one reason I stop participating in a nonprofit’s activities is being treated badly as a volunteer. Getting screamed at for not composting correctly (yay PTA), only contacting me at a defunct email address when I’ve specifically and repeatedly asked you to use a new one (Sunday School), last-minute requests to volunteer that are more like commands than requests (church), fussy paperwork (Girl Scouts), none of it makes me want to keep going.

  10. Anonymous

    I am white and wondering about the idea of reaching out to AAPI people I know but am not intimately close to, regarding support in the recent wave of racism…good idea or not? I have a young (25ish) employee in particular who I’m thinking about, but also friends. We are in NYC which has had some horrifying attacks lately on elderly people.

    I know that people are hurting but it feels uncomfortable/possibly unwanted to bring it up with people whom I haven’t already had these kinds of conversations before. Like, when a Chinese friend of mine told me she was scared to leave the house lately, of course I responded. But when the topic has never come up before like with my employee, I don’t know. I am Jewish and if someone preemptively reached out to me after anti-semitic attacks, I wouldn’t be angry or anything, but I think it might feel a little patronizing.

    • Anonymous

      I am in the exact same position as you. A Chinese-American coworker implored all of us at our small company to “reach out to your Asian friends because they are not okay,” but that is NOT what I would want anyone to do for me. I would also find it patronizing and tokenizing and I honestly don’t feel comfortable doing it. However, this coworker did very strongly recommend it and there was at least one poster here who agreed. I think you should probably do what you feel comfortable with.

    • Anon

      For your employee: “Hey, just wanted to check in on you and see how you’re doing amidst all the news lately. Please know I’m here for you if you need anything, including time off. I’m so sorry this is happening to your community.”

      For others: Same thing minus time off.

      • Curious

        Or proactively give time off. What I’ve been hearing from reports is asking is very hard (in part because people have high standards, but also because the exhaustion from processing makes asking another task and tasks feel hard). We are trying to just offer bits of no questions asked time and it has been received very gratefully.

    • Abby

      I really have never talked about racism with my friends before, but last week hit me like a truck. I think I cried all day Monday and Tuesday, and Wednesday I was proud of myself for only crying twice. It surprised me, and I eventually shared something to my social media, and had about 50+ people reach out to me. Saying you’re thinking about someone is better than nothing. I had a lot of acquaintances I hadn’t talked to in 10+ years message me, and they meant a lot. There wasn’t anyone that offended me for bringing it up.
      I’m not in a big city and I’m scared. I truly cannot imagine what it would be like being Asian living in New York or San Francisco right now. I would reach out if I were you.

      • Curious

        Abby, thanks for sharing here too. The fear is real and justified. I’m so glad you shared your story and hope you keep having people check in (and that they begin to pick up anti racist work to change this).

        • Abby

          Thanks Curious. I 100% agree with your comments on this thread and appreciate you reaching out to the Asians in your life.

    • Anon

      I think your instinct that it would be patronizing is spot on. It feels a little performative, like white lady needs to pat herself on the back.

        • Curious

          Also: the difference between performative and actual support is (1) you don’t need a cookie for asking (if employee doesn’t engage, you back off and aren’t offended); (2) you actually listen to the response, without minimizing or expressing disbelief (it’s exasperating to hear “gosh I can’t believe that happened here” and its variants); (3) you process your own emotions in response outside of that conversation, ideally with other white people; and (4) you actually back up any offers for support with real support (time off, moving dates back, cancelling meetings, giving employee space, etc.).

        • Curious

          Ah, and you don’t make your relationship with employee all about race. It is one aspect but not everything in their identity and if they’d prefer to talk about music or hiking or TV or project X, that’s okay too.

    • anon

      I think you’re right to be hesitant about reaching out to specific individuals you don’t know well. It’s good for you to be prepared to offer support if the employee says something. Some people may welcome checking in, but others really wouldn’t.

    • Abby

      I came back to read the comments and am a little surprised. For all of you who think it would be patronizing, are you white? The silence has been one of the more hurtful things I’ve felt from my white friends. My company has been very vocal about the hate crimes in the last few weeks and have encouraged everyone to reach out to their Asian coworkers. I am the only Asian in my team of 50 people and our two managers are the only ones who have reached out – one because last Tuesday I was in a meeting with them and they asked “how are you doing” innocently and I embarrassingly started to cry. You don’t have to have a deep conversation, you can just say you’re thinking about them. I would assume most people don’t want to talk about it, but they’re definitely thinking about everything going on, and I have yet to hear from another Asian that they are annoyed with someone checking in.

      • No Problem

        I’m white. I haven’t reached out to anybody, and I don’t think I’m close enough to anybody who is Asian where it wouldn’t come off as weird or patronizing. Of course I have Asian colleagues and Asian acquaintances, but none that I work with very regularly. I am also Jewish, and I would find it a bit weird if I had people other than my very close friends and maybe 3-4 close coworkers reaching out after every synagogue is attacked or swastikas painted somewhere. Even then, in today’s WFH world, it would be weird for one of those coworkers to reach out specifically to say something about it. If we happened to be meeting about something else and they asked how I was doing in the context of something that had just happened, that would be less weird.

        So it’s hard. You find it hurtful that more people haven’t reached out, while if I were in your shoes (and I have been) I would find it weird or possibly patronizing if anybody did reach out. There are probably others who wouldn’t really find it patronizing, but also wouldn’t want to talk about it with a coworker or be treated as “other” even if in this case it’s to express support for that “other.”

      • AAPI Anon

        Honestly I find it patronizing and I’m Asian. So now you’ve heard from one Asian! I think we’re all just fully formed people that have different opinions and boundaries.

        • Anon

          Same! Asian in SF, for the record. I had a (white, Jewish) friend reach out and I found it patronizing. I only responded because we do have an actual relationship. I wouldn’t have responded at all if it had been a coworker or someone I didn’t know well.

          • Curious

            Asking out of total curiosity to learn: Would anyone reaching out be patronizing? Would any particular types of words or actions not be? One of the things we’ve been talking about at work is how situational and varied the right response is.

      • Anon

        Agree. I’m Asian American and I was really disappointed that my friends and colleagues did not reach out. And maybe reaching out seems awkward but I think people should at least acknowledge this is happening but hardly anyone has. I had one white make colleague reach out to me (and granted we are friends but I don’t talk to him everyday, more like every few weeks) and he said he’s aware of the situation and feels sad about it and acknowledged he might not be saying the right thing and I didn’t have to respond. Him reaching out seemed out of the blue but I thought it was really kind, especially when I felt sad and isolated and felt like no one really wanted to talk about it.

      • Anonymous

        I am white and it’s a no-win situation. If you reach out, some people will be offended no matter what. If you reach out in a particular way, some people will be offended because you didn’t reach out in the way that they consider right. If you don’t reach out at all, other people will be offended. Intent does not count at all. Impact is all that matters, and it varies so much from person to person that it’s impossible to predict. It is risky not to say anything, but it’s even riskier to reach out because literally anything you say can be used to attack you. Honestly, I think the only thing acceptable for a white person to do right now would be to evaporate.

        Also, as a white woman, yes I absolutely think it could be perceived as patronizing. As a woman, how would you have felt if the men at work all texted “thinking of you” back when Me Too began? I would have been horribly offended that they only thought of me as a representative of my gender, not as an entire person, and that they thought I was in need of their emotional support because the news was so upsetting. Women have been dealing with this stuff for centuries. Why would we be any more upset by it now just because men were suddenly aware? What I would have welcomed was real, concrete action to change the culture. This is my only frame of reference for the current situation, so my best guess is that at least some Asians would react the same way to my reaching out.

    • AAPI Anon

      I am Asian and I actually agree with OP’s instinct about it possibly being unwanted. In my opinion there’s a big difference between reaching out to people that you’re friends with and reaching out to mere acquaintances. ESPECIALLY coworkers. If I were young and the only Asian American in a workplace and none of my coworkers that I’m actually friends with reached out to me, yes, that would be hurtful to me. But there are absolutely people I work with that I wouldn’t care to hear from. And there are 100% things that you could say that would offend me. Especially if you’re someone who has not otherwise walked the walk. Frankly I’m surprised so many people are just saying to go for it. That feels super white and performative to me.

      • Curious

        True, if you’re not already walking the walk, I don’t want your sympathy (e.g. on the Me Too example above). I do think the fact that OP has a power relationship with her 25 year old employee puts the honus on her to make it an ok conversation to have, otherwise (power dynamics being what they are), that employee is never going to broach the topic even if she needs support. Maybe just a neutral “I know there’s a lot going on, let me know if it would be a relief for us to move back project X or if there’s another way to help.” That language works for any hard event like the Boulder shooting as well.

        • Curious

          And the Derek Chauvin trial. And the pandemic. Y’all, it’s been quite a week on my diverse team.

        • anon

          I am literally copying and saving this language because I have trouble knowing how to express things like this in a neutral way.

          FWIW, I’m Jewish (and white), and there have been a couple of times that people have reached out to me about the various anti-Semitic things that have been going on at different points over the past few years, and it felt really odd every time. I did not enjoy or appreciate it, although I did appreciate the feelings that motivated it, if that makes sense.

    • Anonymous

      My spouse is Chinese. We find the term AAPI weird and offensive. We’d also find it well-intentioned but strange if someone reached out to us like this.

      • Anonymous

        Is he American-born/raised Chinese with an understanding of AAPI issues? Because… AAPI is a pretty catchall term for people of Asian/Pacific Islander descent and yeah it’s not great that all nationalities/ethnicities from one continent are being lumped into one category but on the other hand, if you want to break it down into Chinese/Vietnamese/Korean/Hmong/etc etc I think it kinda erases part of the overall history of being treated as different? I’m probably not articulating it well, I’m American born Chinese and I don’t find the term AAPI weird right now but I can see why it could be offensive if one wanted to highlight particular ethnicities. Anyway I was curious if he’s American-raised because in my experience the ones who get offended by the term AAPI are either American-born/raised and have become activists for the community or people who immigrated here as an adult and don’t quite know the history of Asians in America. TLDR it’s very complicated to unpack and I’m still learning about Asian American history every day today.

        Anyway, to the OP OP’s point, I would find it weird if my coworkers reached out about this since I’m not really that close with any of them and I’m the token Asian, never mind the token East Asian woman in the entire firm. It’s not something I want to talk about with white males.

        I don’t mind white friends reaching out though, since the ones who have reached out actually do want to learn more about the history of racial inequity in the US that also includes the Asian American narrative.

    • Anon

      I am white and reached out to a couple of AAPI friends who are close and they said they appreciated it. I also heard from one who said they really appreciated that leadership in their company addressed it. Something this friend specifically said was that people not talking about it makes them feel like people don’t think racism towards AAPI people is real or is a problem.

      • Anon

        These friends also use “AAPI” in their post which is why I have used it, but I don’t want to use that in a way that people find weird or bad.

    • Anan

      I’m Asian American and I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot because no one has said anything to me about the violence against Asians. It stings a little bit, but I would also feel really awkward if someone reached out to me just because of this. At the same time, if someone did, I would totally give them a lot of grace for trying to do the right thing. There are a lot of different feelings about this, though- you can’t blanket statement a group of people. I think, though, a gentler approach might be to ask with genuine curiosity and compassion how their community or parents think about the situation? Particularly since so many of the attacks are against older people. For me- this is what I would respond if someone checked in with me:
      My dad now carries a stick with him when he goes out for his daily walks. I want to dismiss this as him being paranoid and dramatic, but I know it is a very real fear for him. My parents have spent almost fifty years in this country, trying to do the right thing and be good Americans and it kills me that this is how their every day life is.

      • Anonymous

        I’m really sorry to hear that – your poor parents. I don’t know if this helps or not, but even though I’ve felt that it’s patronizing to reach out to all Asians I know, I am thinking about this issue a lot, doing a lot of research, and factoring it into my own policy positions and the elected officials I vote for. I think a lot of white people are doing the same.

  11. Cb

    So apparently it is plagiarism week on this site. My colleague and I had a journal article published in January and she just got asked to review a paper today which is our paper paraphrased, with a few random paragraphs added in. Not sure why the editor didn’t desk reject on the first go but we’ve had to write back and say “Happy friday, that’s academic misconduct!”

    • Anonymous

      This post inspired me to go check up on my own plagiarist. The person who plagiarized an entire report I wrote and apparently got fired when it came to light is now working at my dream org, even though at least one person with whom I collaborate at that org is aware of the plagiarism.

  12. Anon

    A Friday vent. I realize this comes with city living, but my neighbors keep dumping things in front of my garage (always in the middle of night so I usually don’t know who). I’m 7 months pregnant and it’s pretty hard for me to move bulky items and sometimes furniture just so I can back out of my garage. This morning I just felt white hot rage over the junk that’s been sitting there for a while, and whoever dumped this batch made the mistake of not removing their address label on one of the boxes, so I picked it up and marched it back over to their front door. (I don’t know them, but they live just three buildings up.) And now I feel like that was kinda passive aggressive of me, but I am just tired, pregnant and ragey. (I live alone so I can’t get help moving the heavier items). I realize I could have left them a note but I don’t want to engage.
    Man, the pregnancy irritability is real. I wish I could have a drink.

    • Cb

      Well done you! That’s awful of them, and not passive aggressive at all to return it. If people want to buy things, they need to take responsibility for disposing of their old things safely and sustainably.

    • Anonymous

      I’d leave some sort of notice on your garage if at all possible regarding no dumping. Do you own or rent? You could get your landlord involved.

    • Curious

      This isn’t normal for city living! What the heck!

      And irritability over this is justified, even if pregnancy makes it hard to calm down after (my sympathies…17 w over here).

    • Anon

      That was not passive aggressive. That was the right thing to do. Why do they think their garbage is your problem to take care of? What a lousy bunch of neighbors.

    • Amelia

      If this continues, set up a Ring camera on your garage, and post the videos on Nextdoor if you don’t recognize the culprit. Also, call the police if this keeps happening. Let them handle the nasty neighbors. This sucks. I hope they get the message! I am glad you stood up for yourself.

      • anon OP

        Ha, the irony is that they have a Ring camera, so now they have footage of me dumping their stuff back in front of their door.

        Thank you everyone for making me feel like I am NTA here. To be clear, I have no problem with people putting out usable stuff (and things often do get picked up if it’s usable, like furniture, kids’ stuff, etc.) as long as you call to get it picked up if no takers within a day or so. But, you know, just put it outside your own house, not mine (and not blocking my garage)? And this morning’s haul was pretty much all junk.

        • Anon

          Ugh, I hate that no matter what. People put stuff out because they feel guilty about throwing it away but 99.9% of the time it’s junk and if you don’t want it nobody else is going to want it either.

    • anne-on

      I feel rage on your behalf. Your neighbors are lousy. Can you install a nest camera (or something similar) and post a notice about how this area is being filmed, dumping will not be permitted and violators will be fined or some such thing? It might not stop the behavior entirely but might slow it down?

  13. Anon

    I have some good news to share!

    My contract is up on the 16th, and honestly, I’m not too bummed about it because this job wasn’t a great fit, but it’s always a little stressful having a job end and not knowing where (or when) your next job will be. I’d been interviewing like crazy for the past couple weeks, and the other day I had part of an onsite with this company I was pretty excited about. But when the recruiter emailed me the very next day to schedule a “quick chat,” I was like, crap, there’s no way they had time to put together an offer, this is probably a rejection call.

    It was an offer. After being in my line of work for 8+ years, I finally have a senior title, AND a six figure salary which I was not expecting at all! I had to ask if it was an April Fools joke, but it’s real! I signed the offer letter and everything. This is awesome!

  14. Tessa Karlov

    I got the first dose of Moderna yesterday! So far, no side effects besides a sore arm, but I had worse as a kiddo getting the tetanus shot.

    • AnonMPH

      I did too! Arm was very sore last night, still sore today but a bit better. Was VERY tired yesterday and this AM, but that could be vaccine or could be anything. Other side effects include: euphoria due to seeing light at the end of the tunnel!

  15. Anon

    Any ideas for what to wear to an outdoor wedding in Chicago in early May? It’s hard to predict how warm it’ll be (it snowed two days ago here) and I don’t want to freeze! The wedding will be masked, tiny, socially distanced, all outdoors etc.

    • Anon

      Chicago spring weather is TRICKY. Like you said, it could be anything. I would plan on it being colder than you expect and coming prepared. The challenge is that it *feels* like spring because days are longer and people are excited about the changing seasons, so you will probably see a lot of springy colors and prints that feel premature.

      I’d bring a wrap and wear a midi-length dress so you can keep warm. If it’s really cold, coats will be acceptable. If it ends up being 65 degrees, you’ll still be fine in your dress. Good luck!

      • Anonymous

        Or maybe a flowery jumpsuit so you can get full leg coverage? You can wear nylons or not under based on day of forecast and add a cardigan or cute dressy jacket as a topper (maybe even a cute scarf if it decides to be 45 and windy?)

        • AnonATL

          Anthropologie had some cute jumpsuits in their sale section the other day. I think Boden did as well, but sizing was limited.

  16. Anokha

    I have no meetings this afternoon and I am thinking of playing hooky. Feeling uninspired of what to do. Any suggestions?

    • Anon

      Takeout from somewhere fancy, if it’s warm outside eat the takeout in a pretty park. Bring a blanket to lie on and read. Don’t forget SPF!

    • Anonymous

      weather allowing, I would get my most complicated fancy coffee order and go for a slow wander around the neighborhood. alternatively, I would make hot chocolate from scratch at home, then burrow into a pillow and blanket pile on the couch with a couple of my favorite books and quiet background music.

  17. Anonymous

    Ladies, I’m going crazy. I am here 85% to vent and 15% for advice, since I know there is not much to be done.

    Last year, my mom unexpectedly announced she was renting out her condo two and moving to our town (three hours away.) A friend of a friend’s brother (or some such connection) had a house in town that needed caretaking while he was overseas for two years and it was “such a good deal.” She had planned to continue to work her part time job semi remotely, then the pandemic hit and her work dried up. She is now working part time remotely and somewhat commuting back to her old town. She recently took a part time job as a substitute teacher, at my kids’ elementary school.

    She was around to help with childcare during the first few months of the pandemic, for which we are very grateful, but we could have managed without her. It made it easier, sure, but we were not desperate. Our kids have since gone back to school/daycare and we put the elem schoolers in a pod program on their home days.

    Here are my complaints, in no particular order:
    1. She has no plan for when her “great deal” housing dries up. The guy is going to want to move back into his house. She can’t afford to live in my town (buy or rent) or anywhere remotely close to it. My siblings live in other places and have nothing to do with the situation.
    2. She is all up in my business- she’s on my town’s Nextdoor posting about this and that (and she’s one of those Crazy Posters). Pre-covid she was soliciting other parents at my kids’ daycare for babysitting jobs (I don’t have a problem with her babysitting, but it’s just weird having her in my friends’ homes watching their kids on a regular basis as hired help–I suggested she take jobs in a town over and she responded: “But when I use you as a reference nobody will know you!” [???? never agreed to that???]).
    3. This job at the elementary school is taking a situation where she had already inserted herself (uninvited) into my life in a very intimate way and magnified EVERYTHING. Every time we talk, I have to hear about all the kids (my kids’ friends), the parents (my friends) and the teachers/staff (my kids’ teachers and staff). We have 7 elementary schools in town and she specifically took a job at the one my kids go to. It’s WAY too much in my business and it raises my bloodpressure every time she talks about it.

    I don’t begrudge her wanting to be closer to her grandkids, but ideally she’d have her own life, a town or two over. She wouldn’t be driving by my house EVERY DAY (I live on a fairly main road in town) and texting me about the status of my front lights, wanting to bring her brush over to my house because the trash service I pay for hauls it away and hers does not, picking up free toys off Nextdoor and bringing them to my house, passing judgement on every teacher my kids have, making snarky comments about which 2nd grade girls are needy and whiney (esp when several are the kids of my friends). And the part that really bothers me is that she just sort of inserted herself into our lives with no long term plan. She’s made comments about moving in with us and that is 100% a never-gonna-happen thing. We suspect she’s trying to lay the groundwork to ask to move in by helping out with the kids (this is the sort of thing she does- I asked my sister if I was crazy to think that and sister said more or less to expect a moving truck unannounced).

    Any advice? My plan was that one of my siblings would soon have kids and she would want to up and move to one of them…but that doesn’t seem likely. There are boundaries to be drawn but I don’t even know where to start. “Get a job at another school or I will apply to move my kids to another school in town” is about where I am right now.

    • Anonymous

      When does her lease on the house in your town expire? If she can’t afford another housing situation, your problem might be solved.

      • Anonymous

        In the fall. But she has been so cagey about her plans that I am half expecting her to show up with a Uhaul and expect to move into my basement. That’s what my sister assumes is the plan.

        DH and I would flip out and change the locks.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          Just be forthcoming and tell her that moving in with you isn’t an option. It’s not going to be a fun conversation, but don’t let it get to the point of changing locks!

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Then you should be good! You’ve already told her, so it’s 100% on her if she tries to move in. I would do a few check-ins about her plans and nudge her to get something lined up. Have you otherwise had boundary issues with your mom in your life? Now is a great time to learn how to say no and not have to overexplain your reasoning. This isn’t working for you or your family and that’s a good enough reason to set firm boundaries.

            I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, it sounds unbelievably stressful. I also think you’re well within your bounds to tell her that she needs to quit gossiping to you about your kids’ school or ask that she work at a different one.

        • ChiAnon

          Can you plan a remodel of the basement started just before she has to move out?

    • Anonymous

      If you genuinely want her to be in your kids’ life regularly, but just don’t want her up in your business, and can afford it… what about subsidizing her rent so she can afford a place near (not too near) you, with the condition that she get a job at a different school? I don’t think your concern about her gossiping about your friends and their kids is unreasonable. But I also think it would be a kindness to help her out financially so she can afford to be near you and your kids. I assume she and your kids enjoy spending time together.

    • Blueberries

      Yikes. That sounds tough.

      Have you told her you don’t want to hear the inappropriate comments about children and the other stuff you don’t want to hear about and that she can’t live with you? It may sound harsh, but better to tell her directly than to have her continue to possibly unknowingly damage her relationship with you.

    • Anon

      I feel for you. Can you redirect her energies gently? Putting her in touch with the local senior center? Having her join some fitness activities, or a hiking or book club group on nextdoor? I think part of the problem is redirecting her focus and spotlight elsewhere from your family and focusing them elsewhere. Maybe help her pick up on one of her previous hobbies, whatever they were?
      If childcare is her jam, then maybe there is a way to advertise and get jobs but not through your social network. For example, she could post an ad on nextdoor or a flyer at a local hangout.
      With the school, there isn’t a lot you can do given she needs a job and she has a job there. But since it is a substitute job perhaps you can point her towards fulltime openings in other locations.
      Also, just have an open conversation with her about her plans. So, what do you plan to do when this lease expires? Would you like one of us to help look for a place in your old city? Do you need to rent a moving truck to city? Are you planning ahead by looking for jobs in old city that will begin in the fall?

      • Anonymous

        Thanks- this has been my approach from the start. I tried to connect her with areas of the community that make sense (senior center, Audubon, knitting groups). I actually got her adult Ed classes so she could meet people as a gift but then COVID hit.

        Husband and I have talked about subsidizing her housing, but I think that’s a really slippery slope- there is no way she can ever afford to live here. So at what point (if ever) do we stop? She will eventually want to retire and at that point not only can she not afford our town but it’s terribly impractical. Our high tax/good school district town’s unofficial motto is “educate and vacate.”

        I don’t want to be on the hook for her housing forever- she’s 63. I don’t have 30 years of housing subsidies in me, nor do I think it’s appropriate.

    • Anon

      I would ask when she needs to provide notice to her current tenant so that she can move back in when her lease in your town ends. That should lead to the conversation about how moving in with you isn’t a possibility, what her options are, etc. That only addresses the housing, but if she moves back to her condo, she will leave the temping job at the school, too. wishful thinking, most likely, but if she is forced to consider rents in your area, etc., that might light a fire under her.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions