Suit of the Week: Brooks Brothers

134 Comments

1. Why does the model have that expression on her puss? It is as if the zipper caught her in her @&$&@?

   1. I don’t mind the model’s facial expression, but wish there were a picture showing the detail on the front of the blazer without her arms crossed over it. What are they hiding?

2. I have the skirt and I love it. I’m thinking about getting the matching blazer now.

   Sorry for the TJ but I have a vent. I’ll say in advance that I realize this is a first world problem but I’m still upset.

   Our nanny left us on really short notice because she was diagnosed with cancer. She stayed on at first because she said she needed the money but she couldn’t handle it so she ended our agreement. When she left she did not leave any forwarding contact information. So far my son has not liked or gotten on with either of the replacements we’ve tried and it’s been a disaster. My husband and I both work in biglaw and unfortunately we both have massive student loans to pay down and cannot afford for one of us to reduce our hours if we even had the option. It sucks to be stressed while my husband is stressed and my toddler is upset. He really loved his nanny and we did too.

   1. You are a bad person. She has CANCER, period, the end.

      1. Woah. I know she has cancer and I get why she left and don’t fault her for that at all. I’m still allowed to be upset that my husband and I are stressed and our son is unhappy.

         1. Had you said, “Our Nanny had to leave on short notice and we haven’t been able to find one that our son likes. This is very stressful–do you have tips on how find quality care, and how to work through the stress of having an angry toddler?” you would have received one set of responses. But by bringing the cancer aspect into it, you make it sound…well…not nice.

            But here is a way to think about things that may reduce the stress: You do not have cancer. You are not dying and thank goodness your problem is merely finding childcare, not looking for a suitable guardian!

         2. Okay, people are being way harsh. Our nanny has some follow-up testing to see if she has cancer. I’m terrified for her and praying she is okay primarily for her own sake, of course, but I also realize it is going to cause major major problems if she leaves us because we totally rely on her and my kids love her. So it’s not selfish; your interests totally align with hers—you wish she didn’t have cancer, both because that’s terrible, but also because she is part of your family.

            1. No. Not harsh. You think its appropriate to call a cancer stricken woman because your child was upset. Its a good thing you don’t have contact information.

            2. Anonny, that was my reaction exactly! Yeah, normally a nanny would leave contact info and in the abstract perhaps it’s a bit surprising that she quit without doing that, but after reading OP’s post about her sad special snowflake my reaction was THANK G-D she doesn’t have the nanny’s contact info so she can’t call this poor woman who’s fighting cancer to whine about how sad her kid is.

            3. Plus, it’s 2016. Didn’t the nanny have a cell phone? Why the need to leave the contact info?? Sounds like the nanny did not want to contacted. Based on the OP, it seems a wise decision by the nanny.

            4. This was my thought as well – nanny knew if she left contact info she’s be fielding calls from OP about how hard it’s been to find a replacement.

   2. You don’t have a first world problem, you have a heartlessness problem. Your special snowflake will survive, but your former nanny may not.

      1. Yeah that five figure bonus I gave her on her last day (on top of her regular above minimum wage page) and our offer to help her with a place to live once she moved out makes us really heartless. Good to know.

         I understand why she left. I’m still allowed to be upset that my son is unhappy.

         1. That was a lovely thing to do.

         2. you definitely are allowed to be upset when your child is unhappy. Obviously it’s the worst for her but that doesn’t mean you are facing a situation that’s hard in a different way.

   3. Girl. You lost a good childcare option. It’s unfortunate and may be tough to deal with in the short term, but is not that big a deal in the scheme of things. Your nanny was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and potentially doesn’t have the finances to pay her medical bills. One of these problems is not like the other. Have some perspective!

   4. Why should she have left forwarding contact information? She terminated the employment agreement to deal with a significant illness. I’m sure she has enough on her plate and does not need someone trying to contact her regarding a previous job.

      1. Yeah, good for you that you gave her money and assistance but you came off as so completely blind here. She was diagnosed with cancer. She has her own crap to worry about and your kid is not it. Even if she adored him.

      2. I read that differently. This person worked closely with our family, our son really cared for her, and now we don’t even have a way to keep in touch with her to see if she’s ok. There’s a personal relationship here.
         OP, it’s rough to have an unhappy kid, the stress of not being able to find childcare that works for your family while missing your previous awesome provider and feeling bad that you can’t just fix it all by going part time. I hope this gets better.

         1. OTOH, illness can be a very personal thing. I’ve been through surgery and treatment. I appreciated that my employer/coworkers reached out, but I was uncomfortable with it. It’s a lot to deal with during the day in/day out and it was enough for me to talk about it with my nuclear family and best friends. To have other people checking in and feeling obligated to talk about how I was feeling, etc? I wish I had set better boundaries.

         2. But a nanny isn’t a personal relationship. It’s a business relationship, and I think that’s part of the problem. OP seems hurt the way she would if a friend vanished from her life. But the nanny isn’t a friend, she’s allowed to terminate her employment and move on. Sure, it would be nice if a great former nanny still wanted to hang out with the kid once in a while but given everything else going on in the nanny’s life, it’s pretty understandable why she wouldn’t have the time or desire to do that.

            1. I disagree. A nanny is an employee but the relationship is uniquely personal. They spend their whole day in your home. They arrive before you’re dressed for the day sometimes. A lot of nannies help in some way or another in the running of the household. They love your child. You get excited together about your kid’s milestones. A nanny, especially a great one, is very different than any other kind of employee.

               That said, I think people are mainly receiving to the “she left no forwarding information” piece because they think it means OP wants to call her/ burden her with OP’s problems in some way. I’m not sure that’s what OP meant. OP, I’m very sorry that the nanny you loved had to leave and under such awful circumstances, and I fully get that it must be extremely chaotic trying to replace her, but you’ll get there- you’ll find someone great and your son will adjust.

            2. Seconded. My mother worked as a nanny and I have had many other female relatives work in various childcare/housekeeping roles. It’s a business relationship and people who attempt to claim otherwise are either (1) uncomfortable with their level of privilege, (2) uncomfortable with paying for childcare, or (3) just completely kidding themselves. The “part of the family” rhetoric honestly makes me sick. It’s true that it’s a job that requires a lot of emotional input, but at the end of the day it is still a JOB. This woman has a real family (not OP) that is dealing with the challenges of her illness in a way that is far more meaningful than OP’s son’s discomfort with adapting to a new caretaker.

      3. WAIT — someone who has cancer stops working? How on earth is she paying for her medical care??? I am thinking that OP must have been providing health insurance (perhaps not).

         Also, I think you’d ned an address — how else are you going to get her her W-2 at the end of the year (assuming you paid her on the books; if not, you are probably committing income tax fraud. I’d point out that you and your husband sign your return under penalty of perjury. You might want to CYA on this. They deal harshly with lawyers messing this up.)

         1. We paid her legally and was placed with us through an agency, and her insurance and everything was through them. If we were the ones paying her health insurance we would have worked something out with her and certainly wouldn’t have just stopped paying.

   5. Give her a break. You’re not a bad person. She has cancer which is terrible. You are still allowed to find your own issues difficult. I think implied in your first world problems qualifier is that her problems are worse than yours.

   6. That sucks and I’m sorry you’re in this scenario. I would be really stressed out if I suddenly needed to find new childcare on top of everything else. Something will work out! For now, are there people you can get recommendations on for finding a new source of care? (I haven’t had kids yet, but I know that some women at my firm have great tips from their own experiences.)

   7. I definitely think your vent could have been phrased better, but I also think you are getting unnecessarily harsh replies. I have a wonderful relationship with the higher-ups at my place of employment. If I was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, they would be caring and sympathetic. If I subsequently quit with basically no notice, they would still be caring and sympathetic but also upset because of the effect on the team. I think that’s true of most employers.

      1. I think she is getting harsh replies because her vent wasn’t about worrying about someone close to her was diagnosed with a serious illness and vanished, though it sounded like that is where it was going at first. Instead, it ended sounding very cold because her child is unhappy. (Note that child is still receiving child care, which is the funtion of a nanny.) She is complaining about a work problem, not a human problem.

         If a manager here posted that one of her employees who was great at her job was diagnosed with cancer, tried to stay because she needed the money, and then ultimately decided she couldn’t handle it and left… and if the manager complained that that employee’s replacements weren’t as good, people would tear the manager to shreds. She isn’t ‘venting’ that someone important to her family is ill, she’s literally complaining that she lost a good worker. People are entitled to quit their jobs. Managers are entitled to feel frustrated with a change in hiring, but the tone of her post was so cold and came off as far more worried about her child being unhappy than a person close to the family being ill.

         1. I feel like I always agree with you nutella! +1 to all of this, especially “Managers are entitled to feel frustrated with a change in hiring, but the tone of her post was so cold and came off as far more worried about her child being unhappy than a person close to the family being ill.”

            1. Thank you, I almost always agree with myself, too!

   8. You are fine, and I get that you said she had cancer to explain that she had to leave. I completely understand why you are upset. People are being mean to you.

      1. Yeah, what happened to “presume good intentions”? I feel as though everyone interpreted this post in the worst possible way they could’ve.

      2. Yeah, ….could have been phrased better but you are venting and stressed. This board is like a police state lately.

         Perhaps we need to stick to safe subjects like….. Dry shampoo.

   9. If you are both at BigLaw in a big city, see if backup care is an option. Usually it’s the use of drop-in spots at a Bright Horizons or similar chain (or access to their pool of substitute teachers to come to your house). But it may tide you over until you find permanent care.

      Is your nanny agency helping to find a replacement?

      1. Did you read the post? The issue isn’t getting a new nanny or daycare or whatever, which is certainly a very real logistical concern with two working parents. She’s had not one but two nannies since then but the special snowflake doesn’t “get on with them.”

         1. Woah. Calm down.

            1. Eh, I mean, I sort of agree with anon @ 4:04. I get that toddlers are people with complex emotions; they’re not just pudgy little noise machines that you have to park somewhere while you’re living your life. I’m sure OP’s kid misses the nanny he’s used to and is having trouble processing his emotions about that. But at the same time, he’ll get over it. Are his physical needs being attended to? Is he not being abused? Then give it time. He’s a toddler, he doesn’t get a vote in who takes care of him.

            2. Anonymous at 3:48 is basically the only person who made any practical suggestions to help the OP.

            3. Nati, I get what you mean, but notice that she didn’t ask for help, she just wanted to vent at how stressed she and her husband were and how unhappy child was.

   10. I usually find replies to be too harsh on this site, and I’ve never felt compelled to join the chorus but I’m joining it now. You really need to sit down and seriously reevaluate your priorities. Your son will get over it—the fact that you call him a toddler gives me the impression that he’s quite young, and kids (particularly young children) can actually be quite resilient when it comes to these kinds of developments. You’ve found (and can afford) other childcare options and eventually something will work out. Your nanny had zero obligation to leave forwarding information or assist you in any way past her transition. You should count your blessings and hope that she will get through illness instead of asking strangers on the internet to sympathize with you for having to deal with a change in personnel.

   11. We have a nanny we love, 2 little ones she cares for during the day while DH and I work. OP- I’m sorry your child is going through this. From what I hear from my nanny and friends, this is sad but common and I understand the urge to reach out to connect to old nanny. At the same time, we are living much more privileged lives with many safety nets and back up options. Your old nanny is focused on pure survival: physical, emotional, financial. Maybe she’s not up for easing your child’s transition on top of all that even though she wants to. A human can only take so much.

3. Does anyone have the schoolboy blazer from J Crew factory? I’m thinking about getting one, but I’m so leery of J Crew quality. I’m thin but have broad shoulders, so finding a blazer that fits is the bane of my existence.

   1. I do. It’s cute and fitted (might be a little tight in the shoulders for you), but the material doesn’t wear well. Mine’s about two years old and looks terrible. I want to replace it with the classic J Crew schoolboy blazer, but they don’t seem to make it anymore (and all of their current blazers are really weirdly long). I’m considering getting a replacement from factory with their sale and just considering it a short term thing that’s going to wear out, but haven’t pulled the trigger.

      1. This is helpful, thanks. I agree that the other J Crew blazers are weirdly long and don’t look great with dresses (at least, they don’t on me). I’m also tempted to buy the factory version on sale, but I’m trying so hard to update my wardrobe and only buy quality items.

         1. I have a schoolboy – style blazer from Brooks Brothers, if you’re looking for another option. It’s a bit more boxy than I would like, but probably typical for the “schoolboy” style. I have had it for a few years and it has worn really well. Great attention to detail and nice finishes too! I’m not sure what’s in the current season’s lineup, but it could be another option.

   2. I have the old one, and I tried on the new one before purchasing the old one prior to them phasing it out. (Got it on sale, too.) The old one had roomier shoulders and arms than the newer one (again, this is the only one they sell now.) I had a hard time with the new one, although I think it was a tad longer and so I didn’t have to order a tall. (If you’re in the market for a 10T let me know – I bought this before losing baby weight and would gladly sell to another ‘rettE!)

      1. Interesting, thanks! I tried on an old version a few years ago and remember that it fit well, but I figured the design had changed, since J Crew can’t seem to stop messing with things that already work.

         1. If you like the older blazers, consider trying to find some from past seasons gently used at a consignment store or online. I’m obsessed with “vintage” J Crew blazers because they still have inside pockets, and I have good luck finding them at consignment shops around here in great condition.

            1. The new ones don’t have inside pockets! SERIOUSLY?!?!

               That was my favorite thing about them over all other blazers. Why companies don’t put pockets inside women’s blazers is beyond me!

4. PSA for those of you always on the hunt for dresses with sleeves and pockets: Zulily has two brands on sale today (Moe and Misbela) that feature nice-looking work dresses with both sleeves AND pockets. I know nothing about the brands and Zulily can be iffy, but if you’re as obsessed good work dresses as I am, it might be worth checking out.

5. http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/01/business/dealbook/female-lawyers-gender-bias-suit-challenges-law-firm-pay-practices.html

   1. Wow. That complaint is a horrifying and yet all too familiar read. On the off chance she reads here, thanks for your courage in speaking out.

      1. Yes to this. I wish I had had the courage to speak out after I was the subject of blatant discrimination. Unfortunately, from my calculus, I wanted to remain in the legal field and I believed that suing by former biglaw firm would have lasting repercussions on my career. Plus, as a litigator, I knew exactly how they behaved in litigation, and I had no desire to bring that wrath upon myself. So, I decided to remain silent.

   2. she still works there omg!

      1. It’s actually pretty common for partners suing large law firms to stay there. I’m not entirely sure why but I had a friend of a friend of a friend who sued her firm while working there, and when I was in BigLaw one of the partners sued my firm while still employed there. He ‘retired’ while the case was ongoing though.

         1. Men can be so sleazy. She is 54 and really will never have another chance at partnership elsewhere so what does she have to lose? The old boy WASPY culture there also does not encourage heavy participation by minorities either. There may be a few around but only as window dressing. I would encourage all women, minorities and Asians to go on strike.

            1. Kat. This is getting old.

   3. Yes, this isn’t my firm but it all sounds so familiar.

6. Reposted threadjack:

   Looking for advice on interviewing for a civil AUSA position – I’m in a Midwestern city and have so-so credentials: good but not perfect grades from a locally well-regarded but nowhere near T-14 law school, no firm or clerkship experience. I have been in a local government agency doing ligation all my career, where I’ve done well and am extremely well-respected. I have some trial experience, lots of litigation experience, and very involved in the community.

   I’m a little surprised at getting the interview since I don’t have the kind of credentials the office normally takes, but I know I can do the job well. But any advice on what to expect would be much appreciated!

   1. Be prepared to speak in detail about complex issues in briefs you have written. And, don’t feel apologetic about your lack of “credentials.” You could very well be a better lawyer than most of the people they interview with clerkships — so be confident!

      1. This. You are getting the interview because your credentials are good enough so don’t feel bad about it; just use it as a chance to show them what an asset you would be to their office!

   2. You got an interview because they like your credentials! In my district, AUSAs often interviewed for a couple of open positions before getting one. Good luck!

   3. Be prepared to discuss why you want the job and do not focus on quality of life with government jobs. Many AUSAs get experience in the job and leave so they will be looking for your level of commitment. Good luck!

7. Do any of you have other forum/comment sections you frequent on a regular basis? I’m curious because sometimes it’s slow here, sometimes the comments aren’t satiating my procrastination desires (in a totally, just not the topics I want to discuss, but I have no new topics kind of way)? I like the AAM comment section, but there are no TJs allowed, except on the open threads. I’m getting more into reddit, but I haven’t found more all-purpose subs with regular commenters like here. Is this s!te really a unicorn? It seems like it is, but I thought I’d ask.

   1. I’m pretty sure this site is a unicorn, but if anyone has other good comments sections or forums, please share! I like Ask A Manager too, especially the open threads, and I’ll also skim Urban Baby at home when I’m bored for the pure entertainment value (I would never actually post or ask for substantive advice, the way I do here).

   2. I like A Practical Wedding, but a) weddings and b) they only have one open thread per week.

   3. I read a couple of Reddit forums, but they are more specific, and can vary in activity. The one I read most is quite active.

   4. Ravelry!

   5. early-retirement (dot) org

   6. Captain Awkward has a robust commenting community

8. Having engagement pictures taking in early October. Any fun ideas for outfits? I’m thinking one casual, one a little dressier. The weather will likely still be warm (at least 70s) but I’m going for more of a fall vibe. TIA!

   1. colorful peacoats! a gorgeous scarf! knee high boots! A cozy (but not boxy) sweater!

      …wow, I just realized how ready I am for the fall.

      1. Also– bright colors, minimal patterns (if any), and I’d stay away from white.

   2. Talk to your photographer. They have a good eye for what looks good in pictures / with what your fiance wears / at your location / in your lighting.

      I did kid pictures once with 2 kids and sent my photographer lots of snaps of ideas and let her pick two sets. I’m less neurotic now, but for things you only do once, I wanted to do a good job.

9. An acquaintance adopted a dog and decided almost immediately to give it back because it was “violent” – although the only example of bad behavior they could give was that it barked at other dogs when they took it on walks. They freely acknowledged that it was incredibly sweet and loving to humans, especially to their preschool-age daughter, and it never bit or tried to hurt another dog, just barked a lot. They never tried training it or anything, they just said “we don’t like how much it’s barking at other dogs, so it’s going back.” The dog ended up being euthanized because (I guess for legal reasons?) the shelter had to disclose to potential future adopters that it had been adopted once and returned for bad behavior and nobody wants a dog with behavioral issues. That situation would be bad enough just by itself, but instead of recognizing that maybe they’re not cut out for dog ownership, I just found out the family adopted a puppy from a breeder. They think all rescue dogs have “bad personalities” because they got one bad apple (which wasn’t even really a bad apple…). And clearly the solution for people who couldn’t put time and effort into training an adult dog is to get a helpless, completely untrained puppy. The whole thing just breaks my heart and makes me so so so mad.

   1. That makes me really sad.

   2. Eh . . . it’s a dog. Never understood the — pets are family — line of thinking. It’s an animal, you can give it back.

      1. I think there is a big gulf between saying “My dog is my child” (which I find kind of icky even as a dog lover) and accepting that when you adopt something you are responsible for it’s care. Just because a dog is not equivalent to a child doesn’t mean you can just give up on it because it does something you don’t like (especially barking, which is not harmful to anyone and is a natural behavior of even the most sweet-natured dog).

      2. I’ll be honest, I’m of two minds on this one. I agree with Anon at 4:10 at some extent as to the first dog – if you adopt a dog, and it doesn’t work out for a legit reason, then I am of the opinion that re-homing it is the best option. It would be great if everyone who adopted a dog was automatically a good dog owner, but that’s just not true. And sometimes it takes adopting one to learn that you’re not. And sometimes there truly are problem dogs (though it doesn’t sound to me like the one in the story really was) and I don’t think anyone, a family with kids especially, should be forced to live with an unsafe or problem animal just because “adoption is forever” (I’m talking solely on the context of animals here, lest anyone jump on me). It’s especially sad in this story that the shelter/rescue in this case had to put that dog done for what sounds like not a real behavioral issue, too. But all that said, what I have real trouble with here is the adopting of the second dog. Just no. If you’re not dog people, you’re not dog people.

         1. I am in.love.with.my.dog……. and I completely agree with you, Maddie Ross.

            1. Same.

   3. OMG these people are the WORST.

      Dogs are thinking, feeling creatures and they bark sometimes. Good grief.

      People like this are the reason some shelters are so intense about screening to make sure the people who adopt from them are actually capable of owning a pet.

   4. Heartbreaking. Those poor dogs.

      1. We also don’t know anything about the second dog. Maybe the second dog was a perfect fit for their family after all? I don’t assume the second dog is being treated poorly just because they didn’t have enough to give for the first dog.

   5. Are they the type to just avoid talking about a more dramatic incident that might have happened? Granted, we were only fostering, so there was always an expectation that the dog was going back to the Humane Society, but after the foster-Pitt put stitches in my ex and his dog, it wasn’t exactly something we wanted to talk about with everyone. You say they’re your acquaintances– maybe you’re just not within the circle of trust where they’re willing to tell you about the scary time the dog lunged at another dog and knocked over their kid or whatever it was.

      Play the “what don’t I know about this situation?” game before getting quite so judgey.

      1. I’m pretty sure it was nothing like that. I had a conversation with one of them when they first got the dog and they seemed super concerned about the barking and then I talked to them again after they returned the dog and they said they returned it because it was barking at other dogs (and they mentioned it was really loving towards humans, especially their kid) and I said something like “oh so, that was it? It didn’t do anything more aggressive like bite another dog?” and they were just like “oh no, no biting, we didn’t like that it barked a lot at other dogs!” I’m for sure not in their inner circle, but they definitely seemed very flippant about the whole situation and it seemed like if it had done something worse they would have mentioned it. I also saw the dog walking a few times (they’re our neighbors) and while it definitely barked its head off, it didn’t seem aggressive at all. I’m not a dog behavioral expert, but it seemed like happy/excited barking not “I’m going to kill you!” barking. And it played nicely with my tiny Chihuahua that it definitely could have eaten if it wanted to. The dog seemed friendly enough to me that I would have adopted it if I had known in advance that it was going to be put down, and I would never want to adopt a violent dog that might hurt me or my husband or our first dog.

         1. Some people – even dog owners – seem to associate aggression with barking in a weird way, even when the barking dog’s body language is totally relaxed and friendly. I’ve seen people reprimand their dogs for barking at mine when it was clearly friendly social barking, not aggression. If you’ve ever seen dog aggression (and I have, while trying to rehab an aggressive rescue), it’s very apparently how the body language is different. I wish everyone would have to take a dog behavior class before adopting…

   6. Benefit of the doubt time – maybe the dog never tried to bite another dog because it was always leashed and kept a safe distance away. If I brought a dog home and it started aggressively barking at other dogs, I would be pretty alarmed too. Especially with a small child around. What if the dog gets off the leash and the kid gets between it and another dog?

      When my step dad moved in with my mom, had had a very sweet and loving lab who had a history of aggression toward small animals. We had a toy poodle. The lab would growl or bark at the poodle when she saw it, but didn’t seem overly aggressive. Until she was. I was walking my dog near the lab, when the lab bounded toward my dog, picked her up by the neck, and started shaking her back and forth. Terrified for my dog, and stupid because I was like 8, I snatched the poodle out of the lab’s mouth. The lab lunged to bite my arm but immediately let go before she broke the skin. If she hadn’t been as well-trained as she was, it could’ve ended with a serious trip to the hospital for me. Kids are dumb. Don’t think that dog-only aggression doesn’t put your kids in danger.

      1. Yeah, as someone who adopted a dog from a no-kill shelter, and only found out later that the dog was aggressive to other dogs (but not humans), sometimes you need to give the owners the benefit of the doubt. Our dog was very difficult on the leash and barked regularly at other dogs. The shelter said that it was just when the dog was on the leash, but because we live in a city, we couldn’t just take the risk and let her run around off-leash without knowing what she would do with other dogs. We figured that we’d just keep her on a tight leash during walks and work on getting her the necessary training she needed to get over her problems.

         One day while we were walking in the park, our dog got a hold of a little chihuahua by the neck and shook her back and forth. I started screaming and tried to break the hold and ended up having my own hand chewed up by our dog (but hey, she was really good with humans . . . ). At the end of the day we had to fork over $1000 to the other dog’s owners in vet bills, and we took our dog back to the no-kill shelter. We still feel guilty about it, but it scared the crap out of me and we are NOT cut out to be that sort of dog owner.

   7. Aw I adopted that little dog at 5 years old, a jack russell. He is a total d!ck to other dogs and it is very embarrassing. So no dog parks or dog dates. He is a total sweetheart to people. A few years ago he was attacked by a bigger dog who got to him under a fence. It was really scary but I just kept thinking “I know his lil butt started it”. They paid all the bills and he was okay after a couple of very long months.

      I do miss having a dog you can actually take places but he’s my lil buddy. I also feel guilty for saving this one dog sometimes and not other dogs. He’s gonna live to be 20.

      Our shelter has little badges though and one of them is “not good with other dogs” and I notice a lot of dogs with this badge. But it’s specific to other dogs. There is also one for small children.

      Anyways, sad policy and sad story.

      1. @Gordy about your Jack Russell- don’t give up on him. We have a JRT ( we call her a Jack Russell Terrorist) that we couldn’t even take around the block on a leash for her first 7 years much less to a dog park. She really thought that she was a 150-pound pit bull in a 15-pound body and would attack any dog. I was so embarrassed.

         At age 8 with the addition of a buzz/beep collar (not shock) and training, she is now the darling of the off-leash park and runs and plays. Ours is 14 now and still runs around like a puppy and can still jump and get things off our 36″ counters if we let her.

   8. If you couldn’t return rescue dogs that would be a huge deterrent to people adopting them.

   9. That’s horrible. When you adopt a dog, you take on a big responsibility. There are rare times when a rescue dog is overly aggressive but generally the dogs are well screened before being placed for adoption. They didn’t just return the dog but ensured that it would never have a chance with another family because of their description of barking as aggression.

10. Would you consider a braid a professional or at least appropriate hairstyle for work? French braid?

    1. I could see it being work-appropriate. My army friends wear a lot of braids tucked in at the bottom. Even in court.

       For me, it would be a hot mess, but that’s more my hair type + bad hair skills.

       1. My layered hair stays in exactly one style – a weird french braid/braided braid I like to think I invented.

          1. What’s a braided braid? My thick curly hair does not do any sort of braid. Wah.

       2. Great point – I believe a braid is one of the approved military hairstyles, actually. Goes to show you that styling (loose, boho braid v. clean cut, no-frills braid) can really change the way hair looks!

    2. I wore my hair in a low messy braid all day yesterday, so sure hope so.

       Honestly though, I rarely see any hairstyles at the office that make me think someone is unprofessional if everything about their work ethic and performance says otherwise.

    3. A French braid? Yes, if it’s neat I don’t see why not. I work for the government though so no one is judging hair/makeup/clothes harshly.

    4. I do a French braid at work and ocassional a regular braid. I have a business casual office and always make sure the rest of my outfit is extra sharp – like I avoid anything ‘twee’ in general but I definitely don’t do fun/young business casual outfit + braid. I’ve gotten compliments on the French braid when I’ve worn it. My hair is quite long, past shoulder length and I generally wear it in a low loose bun or low pony.

    5. I wouldn’t choose a braid for a Big Meeting, but for regular workdays totally appropriate. French braids strike me as dated because they were SO popular in the early 90’s (they were my favorite elementary school hairstyle!) but a low braid/bun is one of my favorite quick hairstyles.

       1. I agree with that. I would definitely say that it’s perfectly professional, but I’m not sure that it would give me the “powerful” vibe that I want to project at work, if that makes sense (I feel the same way about many flared skirts and flowery prints.)

    6. I sure hope it is! After my return from maternity leave, my most professional looking hair is a braid with the end pinned under so that it looks like an up-do/ bun thing.

       https://www.instagram.com/p/BIK5DBED4Vs/?taken-by=maewoodwrites

    7. My hair is so thin it looks totally pathetic braided. :( So I only wish I could rock a braid at work instead of a sad little rat tail.

    8. Sure

    9. I do French braids all the time. They’re one of the few styles that stays neat all day in my hair and I always feel ‘put together’ with one.

11. Did anyone read the Slate article about how airlines don’t have protocols for what to do when someone s*xually assaults someone on an airplane? It really freaked me out.

    1. On the plus side, it’s nice to see a mainstream article referring to brea$t grabbing as $exual assault instead of just a grope or something like that. I grew up in a time where that was just “boys will be boys” and we were supposed to accept it. It’s a bit jarring to read and think “wow, I was assaulted” but at the same time I’m glad we are finally treating this as a crime.

       I hate flying already due to the lack of control. Add in no “911” option and it gets even scarier.

    2. There is also only ONE vial of epinephrine on board most planes that needs to be injected by a medical professional. I was told this on an international flight when my sister thought she might have eaten a peanut. Thank goodness she was okay but…now she’s gonna carry like 4 epipens anytime she flies.

       1. Like anyone allergic should already be doing?

          1. Yes – if you have an allergy and you’re relying on the plane to provide your epipen….that’s even more concerning to me.

             1. But also read the news on epipens. A lot of people are going without these days.

    3. I am so not surprised. Its job is to be a plane. Not to be comprehensive final exam on crime + choice of law + jurisdiction. But flights are short. Cruise ships though — that’s a little too long for me in a foreign country that is actually not a country at all. Cruise ships are sort of like Mad Max’s Thunderdome if stuff goes bad.

       1. I was on a cruise ship where a passenger allegedly assaulted someone. He spent the rest of the cruise confined to an inside cabin with someone guarding the door.

    4. I read it and I am not at all surprised. Sexual assault on planes is one of the reasons I never sleep on a plane. Luckily, I don’t travel on flights longer than 5 hours very often, so it’s not a huge issue for me. I don’t trust anyone I sit next to. Sad, but true.

12. I kind of made a misstep socially the other day when I accused an acquaintance of being insensitive and unaware by comparing her curly hair to black women’s hair. Her mother is Kenyan and her father is Irish and I was mistaken by assuming she was white. I had no idea she was biracial and I feel like such a jerk for saying anything to her.

    1. I’d take her out for coffee and apologize.

    2. I don’t think comparing your hair to another person’s or group is inherently insensitive. I mean, I’m white, my hair is straight, but not as straight as most Asian woman. It’s descriptive, not judgemental.

       1. I assume she was like “I understand the struggle of ‘natural’ hair” and AYM was like “uhm, it’s not the same” and she was like “yes it is, I’m half-black.” Agree on coffee and apologize.

    3. Can the OP elaborate? I’m not sure how the acquaintance’s comment about her hair would ever lead to a reply that she was “insensitive and unaware.” How in a conversation do you call someone either, let alone both? That’s kind of like throwing a bomb, even if you’re right, you know?

       1. We were at a barbecue hosted by mutual friends and one of the other guests was a black woman and she was commenting on how her natural hair is “unprofessional” in the eyes of some and what a struggle it can be to straighten and relax it, since many women don’t want to have that battle or are ashamed of their natural hair. The acquaintance I spoke of mentioned her own struggles with taming her hair and I called her out for not recognizing her privilege because as a white person whose hair is different than a black person’s natural hair she has no idea. The black woman informed me my acquaintance was biracial and although she looks white and has blue eyes and red hair, her hair is the same as her mother’s and is the same texture as a black person’s natural hair. I also got side eye because I am white and it looked like I was speaking over a black person in an area that I had no authority on. I recognize that I was the one who was mistaken and I feel like a jerk. I did reach out to apologize but I haven’t heard anything back.

          1. Is that a thing now, that our perceptions (correct or not) of what another does or does not know / feel entitle us to call a person out for their failure in public? And would that not be a total bridge-burner regardless?

             It’s one thing to see someone fail a math test (the one thing I can think of with knowable answers) and suggest that perhaps they may need to improve some (but they could be dyslexic and maybe know things better than me).

             I say this b/c I am not omniscient and I am certainly not always benevolent, so I would be hesitant to offer commentary on my sense of the shortcomings of others. It wouldn’t be nice of me and I have no reason to trying to correct others. I’m not their mother and I’m not god. If a good friend asked for my opinion on something like this, I’d maybe give it, but would really weigh my words.

          2. It is quite perverse to call difference in physical attributes “privilege”. If a white person complained of having a flat butt, would you call her out, too?
             Regardless of how the natural AA hair is perceived in and out of the workplace, taming Caucasian curls and frizzies can be quite a chore and a 100% white person would not be out of line sharing her struggles with her hair. Hair!

       2. Yet another thread that overlaps with Ask A Manager. There was a post today about what it means to be “polished.” Someone said they read it as a code word for no natural black hair. Someone posted about white curly hair. Other posters said that the two are not comparable, in the same vein that OP here did.

          1. I am going to vent here (and OP this is not directed to you). I am an pretty-liberal West Coaster and I am SO FRIGGING TIRED of the obsession with “privilege” and political correct language and people who are not members of a minority group feeling free to “call out” behavior/language that does not meet their uber PC, college educated, incredibly privileged (because nobody else even thinks about this stuff) idea of what people ought to say.

             In the past 6 months I too have been told that because I am white my issues with super curly, frizzy hair not being considered professional are not valid because I am not a POC. I have been reprimanded for referring to a neighbor as “Indian” because “the correct term is Native American” (the family is from India and no – they are not Indian-American because they are not Americans and have no intention of becoming US citizens. They are proud citizens of India.) I have been told that a Native American piece of art on my desk is cultural appropriation (it was a gift from my great-grandmother – who was an actual enrolled member of a Native American tribe; and even if it was just something I bought who cares? It has no ceremonial or religious significance) and been told that a reference to the Cherokee Indian Reservation was racist (they call it that).

             I also had a neighbor genuinely worried about allowing her (white) daughter to dress up as Dora the Explorer. Her daughter is four.

             Please, please, please just stop. There are words and phrases that are genuinely offensive and that nobody uses without meaning to be derogatory. There are a few words or phrases that people might use innocently and if you are that person’s parent or supervisor or a member of the minority group in question, you should feel free to point that out. But seriously we have real problems of racial and income inequality and discrimination and they have nothing to do with whether you say Native American or Indian. Wearing something (or owning an art piece) from another culture is not insulting to that culture unless you are misusing something of actual cultural significance and dressing up as a recognizable individual from another race is not the equivalent of reinforcing negative racial stereotypes (i.e. dressing up as Dora the Explorer does not equal dressing up as a “lazy Mexican” – the first is cute and harmless and the second is obnoxious and racist).

             I just really feel like we get obsessed with relative trivialities and pretend that changing what we call things or talking about cultural appropriation makes a bit of difference. It doesn’t and sometimes actually makes them worse (try visiting Navajo country and talking to their artists about people who do not want to buy things because they are concerned about being accused of cultural appropriation).

             1. I agree.

                On the other thread someone was essentially accused of being the equivalent of “racist” against Midwesterner’s living in Chicago.

                I laughed at that one.

                Seriously guys.

             2. I worked for five years in northwestern Ontario where a majority of populations are First Nation and we serviced about a dozen First Nation communities that were fly-in only (ice roads in the winter; yes, it was on Ice Road Truckers a few times). During my time there I accumulated several gifts from Ojibway-Cree individuals and organizations.

                My favourite is this huge caribou horn that was intricately carved into designs on each prong. It’s breathtaking. I received it from an organization after doing some pro bono corporate work for their non-profit (owned, operated and focused on helping First Nation individuals). I was one of the few lawyers flying to their area regularly for criminal and family matters who also had experience in corporate matters.

                I can’t display it in my office any more because people assume it’s appropriation and when I tell the story I’ve been called having a “white saviour complex”. So I keep it at home and hide it away when I have company and no one gets to see this beautiful piece of artwork.

13. Dear Brooks Brothers —

    Your jacket is very cute. I disagree with Kat that the buttons are unusually high; that is one of the traditional design elements of a hacking jacket (three buttons, lapels meet at the chest).

    That said, petite sizing does many women no good if it runs only up to 12 petite and your 12 petite equivalent in bust size is a regular size 10. Please consider making your products in sizes that fit those of us who are short and above a size 10.

    Thank you for your attention to this matter.

    Ms B

    1. Ditto times a million.

       All the “in 00-16” and “petite sizes here” doesn’t really compute when the petite sizes go up to a 12.

14. Can anyone speak to relative durability of TB totes? I had/was in love with my Minkoff MAB but the handles basically fell off after 2 months. I didn’t over pack, either, but I’m hyper aware that cost =/= quality. I found one on Bloomingdales that I kind of love, but would love some input. This would be my commuting bag – must hold a small lunch, wallet, cell, keys, laptop. I don’t need it to last 5 years – this is for daily use. But, I’d like it to last for a good while. TIA!

    FWIW, I’m eyeing the Kerrington Stripe Square Tote.

    1. I have a Tory burch tote but don’t recall the name of my bag. I was disappointed in the quality for the price. The stitching near the top busted in three locations within the first few months and the leather on the handle showed significant wear. I couldn’t just keep popping in to get it fixed so I won’t buy another. I’m not extra hard on bags and maybe my experience was a fluke. I’d be interested in what others say

15. For that price for the pants, I think they could offer to hem them to your length.

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