Coffee Break: Tivoli Flat – Original Collection

99 Comments

1. Yay! Coffee Break! I love Coffee Break and these Flat’s, Kat! Great pick if you do NOT walk the street’s of NY City, b/c now that the snow is melted, all of a sudden there is poopie everywhere! FOOEY and with my luck, it will be all over these leopard-skin flat’s. It does NOT matter that they are closed toe, either, b/c the poopie will get in anywhere! DOUBEL FOOEY!

   I unpacked all day and am NOW first starting to use my new desk (which was the manageing partner’s). I had to clean out alot of gum wrappers he left in his drawers and I found some other card’s of women that were stuck in the drawers who are probabley professional contact’s, but a few that may not be. He has ONLEY been married to Margie for a few year’s so I think he may have dated some of these women, and others could have been profesional escort’s or something worse. FOOEY! I will just throw these out b/c I do NOT want to have him know that I saw these. Beside’s he is crazy about Margie and the baby, and would NEVER let any OTHER woman do what Ed let that floozey do with his winkie at the Gentelmen’s club. Dad will NOT let Ed forget this b/c Rosa was sad, and he also told Ed that there are plenty of other guy’s who would Marry Rosa even with 3 kid’s b/c Ed would have to suport them in the lifestyle they have been acustomed to in Chapaqua if Rosa ever found Ed let another woman play with his winkie again. Dad REALY lade down the law to Ed at the Seder. Mabye that is what Passover is suposed to be for, in adition to eateing MATZAs!

2. I’m infinitely jealous of women who can keep interestingly shaped shoes on their feet, including but not limited to: D’orsay style, mules, slingbacks, and whatever this shape is.

   Question: Is there a magical all-in-one product for moisturizing, controlling oil, sunscreen, and light coverage? Right now, I use moisturizer with SPF, BB cream, concealer, and powder, but with warm weather looming, and after discovering my impeccably made up coworker uses primer, I’m realizing I could really benefit from mattifying and oil control. Does anyone have suggestions for a routine that won’t involve five products, or a great recommendation for a multiple-use product?

   1. My BB cream is SPPF 35 so I don’t bother with a separate sunscreen unless I’m going to be out in full sun for a while. If you sub your moisturizer for primer you’ll be using the same number of products you use now. Or you can do what I do and skip concealer and instead just go a little heavier with the BB cream where you need it.

   2. I love, love, love my Tarte BB cream. In the summer (in Texas), I use it without moisturizer as an all-in-one. I just put a quick brushing of translucent mineral powder over it and that controls shine all day for me. It’s primer, SPF, tinted for moderate coverage, and makes my skin look like it’s glowing.

   3. I moisturize with Cetaphil derma control, which covers moisturizing, SPF, and mattifying/oil control. I like Too Faced Primed and Poreless for a primer that works alone to even out skin tone, and also is effective for me under foundation.

   4. Second the jealousy. I think I’d have to shuffle just to get them to stay on. So cute though.

3. Does anyone have any experience (positive or negative) with Gigi New York handbags? Am contemplating a purchase but would like to hear more about longevity, quality, etc.

   1. I have a friend who has one and loves it. She even puts work files in it (it’s a tote) and it seems to have held up very well.

4. I am going to a lingerie-gift (actually requested on the invitation, but I digress) bridal shower for a good friend of mine. Before I dive in to shopping around, does anyone have a favorite brand (NOT VS, Fredrick’s, etc) of lingerie for these kind of gifts? Looking for elegant but s3xy I guess (and not too $$).

   1. How about some Hanky Panky panties in her wedding colors? I think they’re about $20 full price. They look like lace and come in a huge variety of colors (as a bonus, they have some magically stretch in them that makes them comfortable).

      1. They say they are “one size fits all” but I find them baggy in the front lower pelvic area. I find them uncomfortable for this reason. If she is particularly tiny, the brand might not work for her.

         1. Fair enough. I’ll note that as a 6/8 they’re comfortable for me.

      2. These are amazing. So comfortable, no lines.

         I’d be thrilled with them as a gift.

      3. This is a late reply, but hanky panky also has actual bridal lingerie – I think it says bride in swarovski crystals. That’s my go-to for lingerie showers, especially if I know my friend already wears hanky panky.

   2. Anthropologie. Gorgeous items in this category.

   3. It’s not super sexy, but I love buying those types of gifts at Anthropologie. Their nighties are super soft and are a good mix of cute and sexy.

      1. I think a lot of the Athro ones are Eberjay, which you can also find at Nordstrom and other stores.

      2. I also love Anthropologie for this sort of thing, but I find I have equally great results for a lot less at places like Nordstrom Rack (look at Josie Natori, Oscar De La Renta, Cosabella, etc. for silky nighties & robes).

   4. Eberjey

      1. +1. I like Eberjey’s stuff. Also, I have no personal experience with the products, but the Plum Pretty Sugar website is just so so pretty.

      2. Eberjey is so comfy! All the brides I give to love it – and its casual but cute – and it doesn’t feel weird to gift to someone!

   5. A little off topic, but I’m curious about the etiquette here. A lingerie shower sounds like SO MUCH MORE FUN than a typical shower, but how do you communicate that to guests?

      Also, Hanky Panky is great – comfortable and forgiving (in case you don’t know her exact size).

      1. For lingerie showers, the type of shower is usually communicated on the invitation, along with the bride’s sizes.

         +1 to Hanky Panky. The original are more forgiving than the low rise version, in my experience.

      2. I don’t know, I would find that significantly less fun if my mother-in-law, mother, and aunts were in the room (which they were for me)!

         1. Yeahhh, I’m too picky to get socks as gifts, let alone underwear.

            1. I didn’t ever wear a single lingerie item I got at my bachelorette, and I think my friends have great taste. Every item either didn’t fit (even though my MOH sent out my size details) or not my taste. Underwear is so personal and the fit is paramount!

      3. My bridesmaids did two showers. One in my home town that was mostly family and registry stuff. The second was in my new state with just friends and lingerie/panties. It was a blast. The latter was also in lieu of a bachelorette party.

   6. Jonquill in Bloom. Pricey, but so worth it (although occasionally you can get good deals at Sacks off 5th). Their website lists what stores they have products in (Dillards, Nordstrom, Amazon, I believe?) and you can order directly from the website as well.

5. Does anyone have experience replacing a keyless car fob? I lost the fob to our 2014 Odyssey. The dealership quoted us something like $350 to get it replaced. Does anyone know if there are cheaper options out there?

   1. There are no other *safe* options. Keep in mind you aren’t just paying for the fob, you are paying for the security check, reprogramming your car, programming the fob and the fob itself.

      1. This. Not a situation to skimp – do it right.

   2. We got ours for a Nissan for $175. One dealer wanted to charge for a full hour of labor (15 minute job) and that total was almost $25. But, we found another Nissan dealer that would only charge for a half hour of labor and had a small sale running at the time. Call around and check webs!tes for 10-20% service deals.

      1. Edit: Total was almost $250 at the first dealer, not $25

   3. The dealership said $500 to replace mine (I’ve also got the push button start issue), so you are definitely in the ball park.

      +1 to Anon – it’s a lot more complicated than just getting a new key cut. Price of technology.

      1. Ugh. The push button is cool and all, but I’d trade it for being able to get a new key cut for $5 at Home Depot.

         1. Yeah, the price creep on all of this new car technology drives me nuts. It’s why I really want to just go back to having old cars from the 90s when they were made out of metal and accessories were manual.

            1. I’m still driving my car from the 90s :-) When it finally dies, I will cry. My tape deck is actually kind of awesome because I can use a converter tape to play my ipod. BF’s brand new car, on the other hand, can’t sync with my ipod because the ipod is “too old.” :-) (I am waiting for one of my friend’s kids to look in my car one day and ask me what the tape deck is, however).

         2. Yeah, I lost one several years ago. I can do fine without the 2nd fob, but I’d really like to have another key just in case. I’m super-paranoid about accidentally locking the key in the car or dropping them in the trunk. Ford told us something like $250, though this was years ago.

            1. You should totally get a back up. A couple of hundred dollars stinks, but that’s way better than having your one fob suddenly stop working (I had one quit when the battery went) or be stuck somewhere because it fell out of your pocket, etc. In the grand scheme, a few hundred dollars to be able to use your car will seem like nothing.

            2. I’ve also heard it’s a lot more expensive if you’ve lost both than just one of a pair. I haven’t lost one since I got my new(er) car (fingers crossed!) so I don’t know firsthand if that’s accurate, but it’s what a friend was told when she went in after having the second one stolen–they said if she’d come in after she lost the first one, it would’ve been about $250, but once she’d lost both it was closer to $1000.

   4. Ebay or amazon. $25-35. I’ve done it successfully for three separate vehicles. You have to order the fob from a re-seller. Look on the back of the fob for the FCC number. Type that number into google and see what comes up. The seller usually sends “sync” instructions for that particular make/model or offers instructions online. For example: Turn ignition key from “off” to “on” five times in a row in less than 60 seconds (but don’t start engine), then push lock/unlock button on fob three times, repeating with each fob that needs to be sync’d. The on/off process is exacting but do-able and signals the car’s computer to accept the fobs.

      I used amazon because I buy a lot from them and trust that if I were to be ripped off, they’d take care of me.

      I’m not too tech-savvy but I’ve done it easily and my young-adult son is a whiz at it.

      1. Granted, this was more than 5 years ago now, but my husband bought from someone that was amazon listed, but not amazon (3rd party seller) and the company took our $99, sent us the wrong keyless entry (for another model car, not ours). They had a 30 day return window, which my husband missed, and on day 31 we got hit with hundred of dollars in fraudulent credit card charges. Apparently the company changed their name every few months but kept pulling this scam for a while. I think Amazon is more vigilant than that now about their 3rd party sellers, but I just wanted to put that out there because we trusted Amazon too – and I’d probably buy from anyone that had decent feedback now, but I’d check the individual reseller’s ratings first.

      2. I should clarify that you can’t have lost your last fob in order to do this: You have to have at least one working fob to synchronize a second fob.

      3. Thanks so much! I have been putting off doing this for ages. It’s worth it to me to try this route before the hundreds the dealer quoted me.

6. Before anyone tells me, I know the complaint I’m going to tell you all about is petty. My frustration is born of numerous (countless?) slights that I’ve received as half of a non-married, long-term, cohabitating couple. From not getting named (or sometimes even included) on wedding invitations to being told I’m “just a girlfriend” to being asked “When is he going to propose” as if it’s a decision that only he gets to make – sometimes enough is enough. And so I have to bite my tongue and not complain to anyone IRL for fear that they’ll think less of me, but I come here for internet hugs (or to be told to sit down and shut up, as the internet is apt to tell complainers of petty things).

   So here it goes. BF’s family gives non-candy gifts for Easter (which I’ve tried to convince my family to do on many occasions, to no avail). His parents just gave him a membership for a museum that BF and I are already joint members of. The gifted membership is a member plus one, so only one person is named but he can bring a guest to events. A joint membership, which names 2 people, is less expensive.

   I can’t help but feel a little hurt that BF’s parents chose to spend more money so they didn’t have to name me on his membership. It’s as if to say, we don’t know if your relationship will last the year-long membership, so we want our son to be able to treat any other women he might be dating over the next year to a romantic museum date. We’re going to contact the museum to see if we can apply the funds from the gifted membership to a renewal of our joint membership, so the gift (hopefully) will be used. I know I should just be appreciative on BF’s behalf, and I’m not going to say anything about my annoyance, but it rankles.

   1. Did they give you a separate gift, or no gift? Because if a separate gift, maybe they were clueless about the existence of the joint membership option (playing devil’s advocate here). But if you didn’t get a gift, period…then they kind of suck and I’m sorry :(

      1. +1 My mom always tells me not to read bad intentions into things. It’s tough advice to follow in practice, but I think this may be a situation where it’s applicable. Try not to assume they’re slighting you when they may not be aware of the joint membership.

      2. No “gift” I guess, but I have a lot of food allergies and they were very generous in accommodating them. I would consider the leftovers a “gift” because now we don’t have to cook for a couple of days.

         ETA: The parents have a joint membership with both their names on it, so they’re aware it’s an option.

         1. If your BF has married siblings, do the spouses get gifts? Are you treated differently than a spouse? If you are, then maybe talk to your BF about talking to his parents, but if not, let it go. They probably don’t mean anything by it.

            If it’s any help, I’m married for nearly 10 years now, and my in-laws give the worst gifts all the time. Seriously, my MIL sent me a scrub sponge for Xmas this year. It was shaped like a smiley face, but it was a scrub sponge. Like for doing dishes. I’m the primary breadwinner in our home, and am deeply offended by anything that hints that I should be doing more at home. But I let it go. Mostly because my MIL is batsh!t crazy.

            1. If you are talking about the scrub daddy, then I hope you used it, because the Scrub Daddy changed my dish-washing life. Seriously, it is the best thing ever.

            2. That is hilarious about the scrub brush. I usually don’t comment so late, but I got a good laugh out of that one.

               Sometimes, I think it is the sole job of in laws is to give you something to talk about.

         2. So they give your boyfriend gifts for holidays but they don’t give you gifts for holidays?

            That is rude.

            My now-fiancé and I dated for 6 years before we got engaged, and lived together for about half of that time. Both sets of parents gave each of us holiday gifts throughout. Granted, each set of parents was typically (and, to my mind, appropriately) more generous with the gifts to the child than to the SO, but the SO was ALWAYS included.

            1. Really? I always think gifting to the SO is above and beyond, not the minimum – especially if the gifts are coming in the mail, not being opened as a group. But now I know! Noted.

            2. I disagree. It’s rude if they treat her differently than they would if she were his wife. It’s not rude if they gave gifts to their children but not the children’s spouses/significant others. Especially because the gift is a membership that can be enjoyed by both members of the couple. I know many people who don’t get gifts from their in-laws but their spouse does (admittedly, usually something small).

            3. Wow, really? It is common for people to give gifts to their children but not to the spouses and/or SO’s of their children?

               This is seriously blowing my mind.

               What about if there are grandchildren involved? Would child and grandchildren receive gifts, but still not spouse/SO?

               I…just…wow.

         3. I agree that your SO’s parents are rude and inconsiderate. I don’t blame you for being bothered by this at all but definitely agree that you shouldn’t say anything. It won’t help you and may even make the way they treat you worse.

   2. Benefit of the doubt, perhaps they didn’t know the details of a joint membership and that it would be possible for your situation. Or maybe they thought he might want to take someone else (a friend, a family member, etc) when you weren’t able to go. Again, if they don’t know the ins and outs of membership, they may not realize that there are guest discounts or whatever in a joint membership. I’ve opted for a member + one membership instead of a joint with my husband for flexibility reasons.

   3. I think your BF’s parents are being silly, and it’s just poor manners not to include a live-in SO on a wedding invite. But here’s how I view marriage vs cohabitation (and this isn’t to say everyone should see it as I do, but just to say there’s a view that has nothing to do with you, the strength of your relationship, etc.). Barring some inability to get married, or philosophical disagreement with marriage qua marriage, when a couple is cohabitating, I see their relationship as mainly between the two of them. Marriage, to me, is when they decide to bring society — religion, family, government — into their relationship. It’s the point where they say “I have committed to this person and since I’ve publicly made this investment, I now have the standing to demand certain behaviors from you, society, to recognize this.” So if a friend says “treat this person the same way you treat a spouse” I feel a little bit like “why? You don’t. If you haven’t committed to this person yet, how can you ask me to?” You often hear of in-laws feeling hurt when there’s a divorce because they were led to believe this person would be a part of the family forever. I can see parents not wanting to emotionally invest in a DIL or SIL until their son or daughter has fully invested in the person. And you might say “but we are invested in each other” and if you never intend to marry, then I get that. You’ve made your commitment. But if you do plan to marry, but haven’t definitely decided to marry this person, then I can see friends and relatives wanting to wait until you two have fully made up your minds before jumping in and treating you the same as married people. So I’m not sure it’s a comment on you, the strength of your relationship, or anything personal in any way. Just more of a recognition that the two people in the relationship aren’t holding themselves out as committed for life, so it would be presumptuous for other people to act as if they were.

      1. Very well said, thank you.

      2. Interesting perspective. Also, I’m not sure if it was boyfriend’s parents who did the guest list of these weddings (likely not), but again, benefit of the doubt, maybe those brides (or their parents who made the guest lists) didn’t know the exact relationship details of every guest or how serious you two are. With guest lists, married or engaged status is sometimes just a shorthand for people to know who exactly to invite for the guests they know but maybe not well enough to know every detail about.

         Either way, sorry you felt slighted, and I hope the museum can apply the gift to your existing membership!

      3. I would agree with your sentiments. It’s also reminding me of Jaime in Outlander, which I am immersed in right now.

      4. My spouse and I are atheist academics who cohabitate, share insurance and pay taxes together **not in the US**. But I find your view kind of offensive, if we ever get married it will be entirely ceremonial and a chance to eat good food and drunk, no significance beyond that. I’m lucky however that my family too see it as just a ceremony.

         1. But you called this person your “spouse.” That indicates you consider yourself, for all intents and purposes, married, in a common-law kind of way. It’s very different from the situation where one or both parties DO want to get married “someday,” live together, maybe even have pets or children together, but aren’t getting married because they’re not entirely sure this person is the one they want to commit to.

         2. But then why have a ceremony? If you see married/not married as the same, why would you get married? Usually you have a ceremony because you’re marking something and so the ceremony has meaning. If it’s meaningless, why would you have it? (That’s not a rhetorical question although it might look like it. I honestly don’t understand why you would get married if you don’t think it changes anything. Unless you want the benefits from government recognition. But then in my perfect world there would be no government role in marriage at all. I think government involvement in marriages creates weird and inappropriate influences. If you want the government part of it, but don’t think married/not-married is different, why have a wedding instead of just getting it done at the courthouse, like you might go to renew a driver’s license?)

            1. Well the *not american* point was made to distinguish that I am in fact legally married because common law is legally equivalent. And we’d do the ceremony for a great party and a job approved excuse to take a super long vacation

            2. So you’re married. I was talking about the situation where a couple might get married in the future, don’t consider themselves to be married, haven’t committed to marrying each other, and are still in the “we’re just living together and we’ll see where it goes but we like where we are and someday maybe we’ll get married” phase. Which is fine. I think that’s a fine place to be. But it’s when people say “We’re not married and don’t consider ourselves to be married, but we expect you to consider us to be married” that I get confused. Why would I treat you like you’re married when you don’t treat you like you’re married?

            3. Not married, common law. I call him my spouse not my husband. Simply living together for a long time in most countries legally attaches you.

            4. But OP and OP’s SO’s parents are also not in the US (right?), so might not share this mindset, however valid. Religious ceremony or not, you are still legally married. OP is not legally married.

            5. But, you are married – via the common law path, unless you are making a differentiation between religious marriage and a civil union (which the US doesn’t make a distinction between for hetero couples).

               It would also seem like you are splitting hairs by differentiating between spouse and husband. Doesn’t husband mean “male spouse” in English-speaking countries, or is there some technical, legal definition under your country’s laws?

            6. Common law path doesn’t exist in a good portion of the USA, so depending on the state … they would just be cohabitating.

            7. The ethnocentricity is killing me, in most of the secular world common law just means living together for an extended period of time. There is no document or papers or ceremony, you get the benefits of “marriage” simply by cohabitating.

         3. I’ve gotten the idea that marriage/long term partnerships are viewed differently in some countries in Europe than in the US. Also, I think the couples’ ages and length of relationship matters too. 10 year relationship for 30 year olds is different than for 40 yr olds.

         4. I’m in the US and I agree with you. I am getting married soon, but we’ve been together for a long time and in our minds were “married” a long time ago. We’re just doing it for societal reasons now. I find this offensive as well, but I realize I’m in the minority so I don’t talk about it.

         5. Spouse is agnostic and I’m secular. In the US, you don’t need to have a religious ceremony … we did a govt-style wedding at the city hall. We’re now attached legally, which you don’t get without it.

            Kind of agree with the feeling that it is different to be married vs long-term cohabitating. We cohabitated for 8 years, but it’s just legally not the same.

      5. Brava. You put the perspective on long relationships vs. commitments much better than I could have.

         Also, to the OP, it is pretty rude that you didn’t get any gifts at all, even a little token one. My roommate and I get gifts from each other’s parents! You have a right to be hurt and upset that they didn’t even acknowledge you with a small gift, even if it’s reasonable (although annoying and possibly hurtful) to not be included on the museum membership. But still, it’s best if you don’t say anything. If you and your boyfriend are committed to each other, and he agrees he wants them to treat you like a spouse, he should say something, but you should not be present during that conversation.

      6. Well said. To be honest, these issues always leave me scratching my head – you choose not to be married, that’s fine, it’s a perfectly valid choice. But why do you want or expect to be treated as if you were married if your deliberate choice is to not be?

      7. Thank you for sharing your perspective – it really speaks to me with regard to a family situation I’ve experienced in the last year (far off the map from the OP’s but relevant nonetheless). My husband’s divorced brother was terminally ill and had not made sufficient end-of-life plans. His SO of 5 years (who supposedly didn’t want to marry him because of his financial obligations to his ex) was – and continues to be- put out when BIL’s adult children stepped in and took charge of the final healthcare and end-of-life decisions. My husband’s other siblings (who are both married to their 2nd spouses) thought unmarried SO should make the decisions and it has caused irreparable harm to family relations. I am of the mind that SO wanted the man but not enough to want his baggage. Without the societal commitment, you don’t get to make the societal/legal (i.e., healthcare and other decisions) decisions. anon does a much better job of explaining why this works. Thanks.

         1. “Without the societal commitment, you don’t get to make the societal/legal (i.e., healthcare and other decisions) decisions.”

            Not entirely true: you can not-marry but execute trusts that name each other as executor/rix and/or beneficiary, you can execute powers of attorney naming each other, you can execute health care directives giving each other the power to decide. You can do all of that and still not be married.

            Until you are in the position of facing down a vindictive ex-wife who has made it her goal in life to cause you ruin — psychological, financial and reputational — please consider that there may be valid reasons SO is not itching to get married. One can be devoted and committed to the man and his kids without wanting to give the kids’ mother access to one’s separate property/income and ability to sleep soundly at night.

            1. I’ve seen you post about this several times. Out of curiosity, can you please identify in what state a former spouse has “access” to a new spouse’s property/income?

            2. The case you describe is wholly different from mine – and I don’t disagree with your contention that there are ways to accomplish these protections without a marriage license. But in my family situation, there was no marriage and none of the preparations were made to prepare for the legal end-of-life responsibilities/decisions the SO feels she was entitled to make anyway. BIL wanted to marry her – and I believe she was, in her own way, committed to him. But their commitment to one another does not entitle them in the eyes of society to automatically get to make the big decisions for one another at these critical junctures as it would if they were legally married. The idea that some other posters have expressed that there is no good reason to get married besides the party isn’t true in all circumstances – unless you’ve made the legal preparations you describe, you don’t have the legal voice that a married spouse has.

            3. For Sacha: I’m talking about California. The statutes say that second spouse’s income and assets can’t be taken into account in setting spousal support and can be taken into account in setting child support only if, without them, child(ren) would be living below the poverty line. But if you read the opinions decided under this relatively new change to the code, you can see that courts find ways to do it if/when they want. In any case, second spouse, if sued, would have to retain and pay counsel to get out of the case. I understand why you are skeptical (at least, you “sound” in writing as if you are skeptical), but I assure you that it is real.

            4. Thanks. Not skeptical — curious, and frankly worried you would answer the way you did.

   4. Did they know you were already joint members? Maybe they didn’t even know that a joint membership existed or was a cheaper option. Maybe they thought they were adding on a year of something you already have? Try to give the benefit of the doubt, I guess, but I understand your frustration.

   5. I think you are right not to say anything. Depending on his relationship with his parents, he may want to say something like, “hey, mom and dad, you know a joint membership would have been cheaper and we’re converting it to one anyway, right?” But I wouldn’t lose sleep over it one way or the other.
      It’s frustrating anytime people make assumptions about you like all serious relationships must lead toward marriage or every couple must want to have children or you’re going to quit work because you’re pregnant or whatever else. I think it’s even more frustrating when it’s people who should know better based on the obvious evidence in front of them (e.g., we’ve been together for 10 years! or we’ve told you we have no interest in kids! or I just a got a promotion that I worked 6 years to achieve!). But people can be remarkably dense when you’re not doing things the way that they/society expects you to. Just take comfort that what you have is what works best for the two of you. Marriage is not a guaranty of security and plenty of in-laws will not treat you any better even if you are officially married. All arrangements come with their own baggage. Take pride in the fact that you are happily doing what fits you best.

   6. I agree that this could be completely unintentional. But – it’s important to you. Your bf should call the museum and have them change the membership type, add your name, and keep the change. Museum staff dealing with gift memberships should be able to do that easily.

   7. I can definitely understand how that could feel like they are being rude/thoughtless, especially if y’all have been together for a long time.

      But it seems like you are funneling all your hurt into this one situation and blowing it out of proportion– maybe they thought it would be nice for him to be able to take anyone to the museum, like a friend from out of town, or whatever. It doesn’t necessarily mean “they think our relationship isn’t real”.

      One of the most helpful books I read for my own mental health is called “The Four Agreements”… it’s a little bit “woo woo mystical healing powers of crystals”, but it has an amazing chapter about not taking anything personally that might help you as much as it helped me.

   8. No advice, just sympathy. I am 2 years into a serious but not-cohabitating relationship with no marriage planned in the next few years. I have rushed relationships in the past but I really really like where my current relationship is and where it is going.

      But…after two years and me selling my house to buy a condo closer to work, I am getting lots of questions and people are discounting my very serious relationship as just being casual or that he is just stringing me along. Our parents and siblings are all very supportive so at least we have that.

      So, no advice. Just commiseration. I wish people would just myob sometimes.

   9. Maybe they were picturing him taking his mom (or dad) to events occasionally? Do you give them gifts from just you, give them joint gifts from the two of you, or not give them anything? For your own happiness and the sake of your future relationship with them, try to look at it in the most optimistic way possible, and try not to dwell on any perceived slights. I mean, maybe they were trying not to put any pressure on the two of you to get married, and thought that the open membership would be less of a big deal. Or they have experienced their children having more than one serious relationship and so are aware that sometimes relationships are finite.

7. Hug’s. It seems your boyfriend’s parents are trying to impart something negative, but do not let such pettiness get to you. You both have made a conscious decision not to marry, and that does not ipso facto make you a concubine or his private semen repository. Rather, you are a co-equal in a relationship you both have decided not to formalize with marriage. That is a totally rational decision, especially under these circumstances. Imagine what these people will say if you eventually do marry? I would not even begin to write down these comments. The parents may well want more for their son (not that he is going to do any better), but that is their problem, not yours. I say hold your head high as a liberated 21st Century woman and not to let petty parental judgmental behavior ruin your day.

   1. I love this: you are a co-equal in a relationship you both have decided not to formalize with marriage.

      1. +1

      2. +1

8. Anybody ever jump ship 1/2 year into a job? The job is fine, but there is an opening for dream company, one that I’ve pretty much been waiting for for 8 years (old employer, whom I loved loved). But the current job took a chance on me when I was unemployed and had been for over 2 years. What are some ways to spin this kind of job hopping?

   1. You can jump ship on one job as long as you don’t jump ship on the next one. If you leave this job after 6 months but stay at the next one for several years, you won’t look flaky. If you jump ship here and jump ship there – that’s when it gets troublesome.

   2. If it’s your dream company you won’t have to spin it. Just be honest .. anyone would understand and you’ll probably be there a while so I wouldn’t worry about it. If you’re wondering what to tell them as a candidate, I’d say the same. They’ll appreciate your interest and enthusiasm.

      I once left a job after 2 months. I’m not proud of it, but there were some issues and the new job offered me some things that I needed at the moment. It also was a chance to get into a different industry, which has really worked out for me.

      PS to all those who commented on my JNY questions last week: thank you! The packages are arriving and after I try everything on I’m sure I’ll have at least one nice suit out of it. I did call customer service regarding returning multiple orders using one label. She didn’t say that I couldn’t, but she said it was not recommended because the warehouse might get confused. This to me sounds like they can be returned together but they’d rather I not.

      1. I guess the short answer is: be positive and focus on what they offer that you love, and what you offer. As opposed to what’s wrong with your current post.

      2. I returned under one label and it was fine. Include both packing slips.

9. Anyone use Asian sunscreens? I just got mine that I ordered online, Biore Aqua Rich Watery Essence (SPF 50, P++++), and after one day I am a convert! The texture is smooth and light, like applying a moisturizer, and amazingly non-oily! I’m usually super shiny after a couple hours, today barely any shine at the end of the day, and my make up stayed put in my t-zone which is always a gloppy mess by 2. I believe the one I got had alcohol in it, which is why it dries so matte, but I know there are lots of other formulas/brands for dry skin.

   Anyway, I’m totally evangelical about it so I wanted to recc it to anyone who doesn’t wear her sunscreen daily but knows she should!

   1. Thank you!

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