Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Mary Bell Dress

177 Comments

1. Pretty dress.

   Wedding registry question- How many wine glasses should I register for? I don’t like to have too much extra stuff around, but I’d like some of each of the red, white, and stemless glasses. 3 of each glass seems perfect, but is it weird that it’s an odd number? 12 seems like a bit much.

   1. I actually don’t feel like the white vs. red glasses make that big of a difference as long as you get nice glasses. If it’s just the 2 of you, 6 all-purpose stemmed glasses + 6 stemless should work well. You have to account for the inevitable breakages :)

   2. A set of 12 glasses doesn’t seem over the top to me – do you plan to use them for normal occasions or only very special ones?

      My mom has somehow managed to keep her crystal wedding china fully intact for almost 30 years, but she only brings it out once or twice a year. I, on the other hand, love using our “fancy” glasses and we’ve already had two casualties. Sigh.

      1. They’re very nice glasses, but we expect to use them regularly. Does that mean we need more? We don’t entertain really, but I can imagine we’d have another couple over or something, and it might be nice for all 4 people to have the same glass, which wouldn’t happen if we had 3 of each.

         1. Honestly I would pick the 2 kinds you like best and get at least 8 of each. We have been married 10 years and recently got some wine glasses from Ikea (6 white, 6 red) because we have broken so many over the years.

   3. At least 8 of each.

      1. This. 8 is the perfect amount when my husband and I host parties.

   4. 12 seems a bit much, I would go for just 9 glasses (3 red, 3 white, 3 stemless). Enough for the two of you and a spare of each!

      1. This is dumb. In your married life you never plan to entertain?

         1. Way harsh, Tai.

            I don’t think it’s dumb–it’s up to the individual! I’m personally not a big at-home entertainer, but to each their own. The OP even said she thought 12 was too much,s o it doesn’t sound like she’s a big party-hostess either.

            1. I don’t think that’s harsh. Even if you live in a tiny apartment in Manhattan, chances are good you will at some point have at least one couple over (or one set of your parents, etc.) and open a bottle of wine, in which case you will need at least 4 of one set. If you’re concerned about space, buy 6 stemless which can be stacked carefully for storage. Another option is to worry less about the red/white distinction (unless you’re a wine afficinad0) and just buy a set of 8 or 12 multi-purpose glasses. We have a set from Costco that are “break resistant” and even with all my fancy crystal, stemless, monogrammed, etc. glasses (I LOVE glassware), we use those more than anything.

            2. Anonymous was very rude, but the idea is worth mentioning. The OP posted above that it would be nice to have 4 of each in case another couple came over, and really, in married life, it’s reasonable to expect that you’ll entertain at least one other couple a few times a year.

               But I’m really confused about the stemless glasses – what do people use them for? Is it now standard to have them? I always thought they were an alternative to regular glasses, so why have them at all if you’re going to have regular stemmed glasses?

            3. @BaconPancakes, we have a box of stemless glasses that someone gave us (12, I think?). I don’t love them, because they don’t feel as special as stemmed glasses, but they are handy to pull out when we have a lot of people over, and they store a lot more easily than stemmed glasses (we just keep them in the box that they came in). But we use the prettier stemmed glasses most of the time. The stemless ones are 1/2 white, 1/2 red, but we usually don’t get particular about it. We have kind of a mis-matched collection of stemmed glasses acquired over the years – 6 from a “Wine over Water” annual event, maybe 8 that are sort of fluted but good enough for wine, 4 fancy crystal ones that stay in our china cabinet, etc. – but we have a large house and can have a bunch of people over; obviously, this would make less sense for a couple in an urban apartment.

            4. I actually love stemless for some reason. I find them really pretty. Plus I’m less likely to break them.

            5. I much prefer stemless, and I agree that I see them as an alternative to stemmed, so I’m not sure why OP would need both. They’re less prone to breakage and IMO just look better, but the latter is obviously a matter of personal preference.

               I don’t really agree that they’re easier to store though, because at least with stemmed glasses you can hang them upside down from any ceiling or under-cabinet mounted rack (most of my kitchens have opened up to the dining area with a bar-height counter and slightly lower ceiling, so the glasses were out of the way but still easy to reach). With stemless, I had to clear out space inside my cabinets, and at one point, buy a wall-mounted flat shelf that really protruded into the walking area. I like them enough that I’ve made cabinet space, but I definitely found stemmed easier to store.

            6. They have short-stemmed ones! Don’t break as easily, dishwasher safe (unless you’re really finicky about your wine glasses and don’t use soap to clean them).

            7. I like stemless because they fit in the dishwasher better and my husband doesn’t break one each time he touches one…

            8. @Maddie Ross – Or you could – PERISH THE THOUGHT! – use glasswear that doesn’t match. I used to have 2 sets of 4 glasses. Now klutzy me only has 3 of each type. No guest has ever left my dinner party because I mixed and matched glasses. Nor has anyone called me “dumb,” which I do think is too harsh.

   5. I would honestly go with at least 4 each. I had 4 lovely large red wine glasses that I love but I broke one. Now every time both my boyfriend and I are having wine, we have to wash a glass (which is not a huge problem but it is annoying), especially if we’re doing it a couple days in a row.

   6. My take on this would be how many wine glasses you’d need if you had a party, plus extras for breakage. For the stemmed glasses, also factor in whether you want them to be able to fit in a dishwasher or if you plan to hand-wash. FWIW, Riedel glasses come in sets of 4, so you may just get four of each. Glasses from places like Ikea can come in boxes of 12…but you can always give away what you don’t need at Ikea prices (not that you’re going to register at Ikea, but I’d save my registry for other things!)

   7. Do you have people over and serve wine ever? We have 8 red, 8 white (I think we got the Riedel buy 6, get 8 deal), plus 4 stemless. We did not get more stemless because my husband like the more formal stemmed ones, so we don’t use the stemless that often and not really for entertaining–I might use them if I had a friend or two over, but I wouldn’t set a table with them.

      1. I might also add here that if you’re going to buy stemless of either red or white (and not both), I would buy a white wine one, not the large red wine. We started with 8 of each and are down to 3 of the red, but have not had a single casualty to the white. The white seem stronger and hold up to hand-washing, etc. better.

         1. That is true. There is a lot of variety in toughness of stemless, just like stemmed ones. We have more delicate stemless that were wedding gifts (red), as well as some tougher, less expensive ones that we have gotten as souvenirs at various wine tasting events. Variety is definitely nice, and if you think you will use the stemless for casual settings, outdoors, etc., the tougher ones might be the way to go.

      2. Man, I’m obsessed with Riedel wine glasses. I have 12 of the cabernet /merlot glasses, 12 of the white wine glasses, and 12 of the short-stemmed glasses. I also have 8 of the pinot glasses and 8 of the single malt whiskey glasses. The short-stemmed ones are great because they can go in the dishwasher and make good water glasses if you’re setting a fancy table.

         I keep some of the extras in the basement to save space. They need to be washed by hand, so I also got some good racks to hang them upside down to dry. Anyway, I don’t think you can have too many. They break easily, too, so it’s good to have backups.

         1. +1 — all Riedel Vinum: 12 Champagne flutes, 12 Chardonnay glasses, 12 Sauvignon Blanc glasses, 12 Pinot Noir/Burgundy glasses, and 12 Cabernet/Bordeaux glasses. Can you tell we love wine? We bought a china cabinet for the DR to hold them all along with the wedding china. We use the wine glasses FAR more regularly than the china, BTW. I do know how lucky we are to have space for this in a city apt. rental . . . .

            1. Hahaha, yes, note my comment about the basement. I probably wouldn’t have as many if I didn’t have the space in my hutch and the basement.

   8. I would get at least 4 of a set, because they WILL break. Why do you want the stemless and the red and white? Will they be replacing water glasses? Regarding BB’s comment, if you get a middle-ground glass, not a huge bulbous red wine bowl or a narrow white tulip shape, the same glass will work for both, unless you’re a particular wine drinker, in which case I’d suggest you get as many types as you think necessary and damn the space.

      I definitely don’t think 12 is too much (they take up less space than you think unless you’re in a super tiny apartment), but this is coming from a person who is planning on owning a set of 15 wine glasses in white and red for Passover and multiple very large dinner parties a year. (This is also why I intend on registering for the cheap Crate and Barrel basic stemware. My mother will be heartbroken.)

      1. I agree that unless you are really particular about wine (or just have limitless space), there’s no reason to get specific red and white glasses – you’ll never have enough of whichever you need if you’re entertaining. Just get wine glasses.

   9. Several years ago, the Wall Street Journal’s wine column recommended the Schott Zweisel Tritan Cru Classic as the best “everyday” wine class for whatever you want to drink (red, white, sparkling). The price was right and they hit all our other boxes (not too too fraguile–I’d heard lots of complaints about Reidel–and reasonably confident we’d be able to replace them for a number of years), so we ended up just registering for 12 of those. I’m really happy with the choice, but would recommend the column in any case; I’m certainly not a wine or wine glass expert, and I found it informative and helpful in figuring out what to do. I’ll reply with the link.

      1. http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052970204488304574434873989865010

      2. Pretty sure these are the ones we have. They’re great – very beautiful. It’s been about 2 years, and I’ve only broken one so far (and that was knocking it off the counter) :)

   10. I’d suggest registering for more than you actually want on a daily basis. Spoken from experience, these are going to break on occasion even if you’re careful with them, and it’s nice to have a couple of spares. Or select a timeless design that you can re-order when you break them to keep up to a full set. With heavy but careful usage, I’m down to 3 from a set of 15 that I got 10 years ago.

   11. Pick 2 sets, 12 each.

   12. I’m honestly really confused about the idea of getting 3. Unless one of you doesn’t drink wine. Why 3 and not 2, if you’re thinking one for each of you? Or 4 if you have guests? Unless most of your friends are single so you generally only have one friend over at a time? I don’t get it.

       1. Usually if we have someone over it’s just one person. We’ve never had a couple over before, although we probably will at some point. Usually it’s just the two of us and there’s a spare. Also I really hate owning things. Getting wine glasses in the first place as opposed to drinking out of a cup is a big deal for us.

          1. Since you don’t seem discerning, just get one kind of wine glass that you particularly like. If you don’t plan to entertain much, four should do. If you think you might entertain, you’d be wise to get a box of 12. Pull out two for regular use and store away the rest until people come over.

   13. We have a (bigger) house so storage isn’t a problem for us — but I will say that we use our stemless wine glasses all. the. time, and not just for wine! Milk, water, iced tea, whatever. We have a set from Crate & Barrel that I love and have served us really well over the years. My recommendation would be 8 “all purpose” stemmed wine glasses and another 8 stemless (if storage is a problem). Otherwise I’d for sure get 12 of each to account for potential breakages.

   14. I got married 20 years ago so I have a little perspective on it now. I have a dining table that seats 8 and had dinner parties, so I got 8 each of larger wine glasses (I guess red?), smaller, and champagne flutes. In retrospect, I could have easily just gotten 8 of the smaller and champagne. When I was married and entertaining more, I regularly used the champagne flutes and smaller wine glasses for dinners. Using the bigger ones was rare. I also bought a dozen nice but not too fancy wine glasses (twisted stem) that I could use when people were sitting around drinking wine and I didn’t want to use Waterford. I had enough so that when they broke, I didn’t miss them. Now, I have 8 of a really pretty glass pattern that I use for both every day and even fancier at times. I wish they had champagne flutes to match because I’d buy those, too.

   15. I am officially banned for life from any glasses with stems at all, wine glasses, c0cktail glasses, etc. I am way too clumsy and I talk with my hands and I have broken way too many stemmed glasses because apparently I am not able to be a grownup ;o) So, I have 4 stemless wine glasses, I use them for white and red and as highball glasses, and actually I feel like they are easier to store in a small kitchen than stemmed. If I was registering I would get a set of 8 and put most of them away in the box in the back of a cabinet, pull them out if I have more people over some day or if I break one. They won’t take up that much space, and wine is important to me, heehee. If you don’t mind using cups, why not just get 4 and you can always get more if you want them someday.

       1. I’m fascinated by this. I’ve broken many, many wine glasses in my day, but always the bowl, never the stem.

          1. I don’t break them at the stem, but I tend to knock them over more often because they are top-heavy. Or I go to put it down and I’m not paying attention and it falls over, and breaks the bowl. With stemless it has a lower center of gravity and I tend to gesticulate above the glass. ;o)

2. I love this dress. It’s a step up for the basic blah black wrap dress I always wear. It has some flair, but is still completely work appropriate.

   Now if it was only on sale (boo!)

3. Hair help? I have natural curly, coarse but thinish hair (individual hairs thick but not a ton of them). I color it my natural color to cover grays. My scalp the past few weeks has been itchy. My hair dries out easily and then is extra fragile and breakable, so I do not wash it daily. Anyone with similar issues have a recommendation for shampoo/conditioner?

   1. Try Use Me cleanser and conditioner. They’re salon prices but so, so, so worth it if you have dry, frizzy hair. They make a variety for coarse hair and one for fine hair. I LOVE THEM. LOVE. Sometimes on Amazon, always at their own website.

      The cleanser is like a no-poo shampoo–you can use it every day, even if you don’t normally shampoo. Fair disclosure, I use Pureology shampoo half the time, and that the rest of the time. The condition is serioulsy life-changing though. LOVE IT.

   2. Also, hairdresser trick. Apparently if you add some Sweet N Low (pink fake sugar packets), that reduces scalp itch from hair dye. I’ve had two separate hairdressers tell me this, so it’s a thing. My friend, who dyes her hair dark auburn, swears by it. Try that the next time you dye. And only Sweet N Low–not splenda! (Weird, right?)

   3. Not a shampoo/conditioner recommendation since I just use DevaCurl products and still get a dry itchy, scalp, but I’ve found that a biweekly coconut oil mask with a few drops of tea tree oil rubbed into the scalp and then finger combed through the ends really helps. I use it on my colored hair and haven’t had any issues, but I don’t have any grays and my color is close enough to my natural color that I probably wouldn’t notice any fading unless it was significant. If you’re afraid of the oil, you could also add a few drops of tea tree oil to your shampoo.

   4. I don’t color my hair so I don’t know how to address that part, but an apple cider vinegar rinse always takes care of an itchy scalp for me.

   5. Lower your shampoo usage to maybe every third hair “wetting”. On the other days that you wet your hair use conditioner, preferably without ‘cones.

      Use hair oil to seal your hair after it gets wet. Just a little goes a long way.

      Use a leave in conditioner. There are many out there, you’ll have to try a few to figure out which works with your hair type.

      Deep condition your hair -every- week. I like Mixed Chicks deep conditioner for this.

      Use a hair mask monthly.

      Source: I have type 3-b curly hair and used to have a very dry scalp. I only shampoo my hair maybe 2x/month. I am currently bleaching the crap out of my hair.

   6. Could this be an allergy to the colorant?

4. You’ll want enough to use when you entertain, and you’ll definitely break some. 12 is not at all excessive.

5. Has anyone ordered from eShakti? I was checking out the site, and they have gorgeous dresses for work in sizes up to 36 (!!) and you can customize the length, sleeves, etc. The prices are great too.

   Which makes me think it’s a scam…has anyone tried them before?

   1. I’ve never ordered from them personally, but I’ve read enough reviews online that it seems like it’s legit. The most common problem, however, is that it can be very difficult to give accurate measurements that result in perfect fitting clothes. I’m also unconvinced that for the price point, it wouldn’t just be cheaper to buy the garments premade, maybe one size up, and take them to a local tailor for a perfect fit. Like, I could easily find an all-cotton, simple sundress for $20-$30, have $15 worth of alterations in-person and have it fit perfectly. So that’s why I never ended up using their service.

   2. People from thiss_te have sung their praises. I would make sure you think about how much give you want in your dresses though…because they will make them to spec, exactly. Better too much than too little. Too tight is not flattering on anyone.

   3. I’ve got half a dozen or so dresses from them, and LOVE them. Some I’ve ordered without customization; usually the ones with elastic on the back waist, so there’s a little more forgiveness in the fit. I’ve done custom fitting on the others, and they do fit really well. They frequently have sales, so watch for those.

      They’re England based, I think, or at least somewhere overseas, so if you order more than $200 you get hit with VAT, but if you send them the receipt they’ll give you a gift card for that amount.

   4. I’ve ordered 1 dress from them so far, using the custom sizing. Because the dress I bought was a cotton one (without much stretch), I made sure to increase my measurements in areas that are usually problematic for me (bust, waist). Plus, I love that you can choose the length, sleeves/sleeveless, and sometimes neckline for a lot of them. (Plus, they all come with pockets!). It took nearly two weeks to send to me in NYC, but it said the package was coming from India.

6. This dress makes even the mannequin look tremendously hippy.

   1. Seriously? I think she looks nicely curved, myself.

   2. Tremendously is too strong of a word. Does it look like she has hips? Sure – because people have hips and women’s are more pronounced than men’s. Does it look like she has more hips than she should? No – because that is a societal judgement assuming there is a “right” size of hips to have.

      The model and the dress are both lovely.

   3. I’m more straight up and down at the hips and love the more A-line silhouette here. It would give me a more balanced hourglass look rather than looking top heavy or having extra fabric at the hips. I also like the darker top section for the same reason. It’s a really lovely dress.

   4. I think it makes the model look wide too.

   5. I have a 14″ waist-hip differential and I wouldn’t go near this dress knowing that the model probably only has a 9-10″ difference and looks hippy (I say that as a descriptor, not as a judgment). Seems like a great dress for women who want to balance out like Anonymity says, but for a pear like me, it is a no go.

      1. huh, these comments which come up are always interesting to me. Ive never ever considered whether something would make me look a certain way (hippy, wide, fatter, etc.) I avoid wearing things that are too tight and constricting but I guess Ive never even really thought about what I might look like in things in such precision. I just wear things/colors I like and classify as purely oh this looks good or not good.

         1. Then you are lucky. You may have an easy body shape so you never really had to think about it.

            Or you might not realize “why” you like how certain things look. You may actually be drawn to things that actually fit your shape best.

            Spoken by a pear that has to struggle with every pair of pants, skirt and dress……

            1. No I dont have an easy body shape- I am size 10 and do have stomach troubles. I think its a combo of not caring what other people find flattering on me (why should I care if my coworkers think I am wide) and probably being drawn to things that do fit me best.

   6. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love pricey monday’s and this color block dress, but I have to figure out if I can afford it now that dad has me thinkeing about setting up my OWN practise. He said I could be CEO of my own law firm and still make alot of money as long as I am carful. He is annoyed that all of my new billeing’s have NOT resulted in a salary bump for me, but this is what HE agreed to in my agreement with the manageing partner. Because we are “PARTNERS”, it is like a marrage, and we do things we do NOT realy want to b/c we are “married” in the partnership sense, the manageing partner say’s. I told him even if I was married, I would not just do ‘anything” with my husband, and made it clear that certain thing’s were out of bonds.

      Myrna want’s me to become a CEO and move so that she can buy my apartement, but I am not to sure about that. I think I should NOT live where I work, so I think I would still want to rent an OFFICE SPACE for me and my law firm rather then have peeople comeing into my apartement. Even Myrna think’s I should do it.

7. Ugh Kat the noise making ads! Can’t you turn off ads altogether until this is fixed?

   1. Wait, I thought I did turn off. Which ad spot is it now?

      1. Maybe I just needed to reload? I don’t see it now thanks!!!

8. I’m reentering the dating scene after a long absence. I starting using some dating websites/apps but I’m overwhelmed by the number of them. Could people who have used these services in DC give some nuts and bolts advice? For example, did you find Hinge more effective than OKCupid, or vice versa? Any advice on navigating the online dating world, and what to expect? Just feeling a little lost and want some practical help.

   Also feeling very discouraged, so if any of you have success stories doing online dating, please let me know that too. Some optimism would be nice.

   1. I met the love of my life on OKCupid, so it can be done!

      I don’t think there’s any magic to online dating, but it takes some patience. I didn’t have much luck on the site as an occasional user a few years ago. It can be frustrating to wade through the no-gos and the occasional bad first date. I then dated a bad fit (also from OKC) for almost a year before coming to my senses. Literally the day I broke up with the bad fit, I hopped back on OKC and stumbled upon a cute boy with a charming profile. Two years later, and we’re engaged. I wake up every morning excited to see him.

      For what it’s worth, my best friend also met her fiance on OKC.

      1. I met my husband on OKC so I’m biased toward that site. My best advice is pick a large, popular site in your geography and ignore the people you have no interest in so you don’t get overwhelmed. Have well lit photos on your page and make your profile true to you. You don’t need to appeal to everyone, just the right person. It only takes one. Good luck.

         1. Thirding meeting my husband on OKCupid. I have lots of love for that site. :)

            1. Fourth. And he didn’t see a photo of me (profile was a kayaking pic) before our first date.

            2. Me fourth! Not in DC though.

   2. I had great success on Tinder in NYC

   3. I’m not in DC anymore, but I have used, and am using, many of the available dating services. Here’s my run down:

      (1) Hinge – haven’t used it yet, but it appears to be more popular in larger cities. May give some comfort since you have to have a known connection somewhere along the way in FB (I believe that’s how it works anyway).

      (2) Tinder – I have actually met a couple of good guys on here. One is still my friend and, while the other is an ex, I still would rate it as a positive experience. Pros – easy to use, entertaining, free (unless you upgrade), almost everyone looking uses it. Cons – you have to sort through who wants what (e.g., dating, hook-up, join the husband and wife team), and you have to be willing to deal with all the shirt-less selfies.

      (3) OkCupid – this one is hit or miss and very area dependent. I think for anyone in large cities, you have plenty to work from sticking with the free apps. For a smaller town like where I am, it can be slim pickins. Pros – free, easy to message with people, more information on folks than Tinder. Cons – still may get some people who are not quite as dedicated and have to weed out the hook-ups versus the daters.

      (4) Plenty of Fish – this seems to be mostly a hook-up site where I am located, so YMMV. Pros – free. Cons – I didn’t find many quality men on this one.

      (5) Match – I never ended up with an LT relationship off of Match, so I am starting back up with the free ones to see where that gets me. Pros – using a paid service should, in theory, weed out some of the not-really-ready guys (that is not always true in reality however), you see more information about a person than you do on the free sites. Cons – it costs money and is spams the S out of you with emails. I am sure you can adjust those settings but man, they love to send email after email.

      (6) eHarmony – never used it, too many questions involved in the set up.

      Overall, IME, online dating takes time. You have to be patient and you have to be willing to go out on some bad dates. People will misrepresent themselves, so try to ask as many questions as you can before you meet up with someone. Also, and these may be commons sense but, trust your gut, always ask for last names before you give out your phone number/meet up with someone, and, of course, always meet in a public place. I’ve met some cool people and while I am still single and still using the sites, I haven’t given up hope yet. If you get to discouraged, take a break for a month or so and go back to it when you are refreshed. Good luck!

      1. I am just going to put a plug in for tindr.

         I found my partner of almost a year on tindr and I really liked the experience of it more than match or okc. It’s really low stakes. Choose a few cute pics, write a sentence or two and then you’re done.

         It feels really nice and low stakes. Agonizing over the essays on match was just exhausting. I also liked the texting v. emails. It just felt breezier and less pressure to craft the most amazingly witty, intelligent responses like i felt when i was on match.

         I was insanely busy with work when I started using it and I really liked how easy it was to handle interactions with people. Swiping felt a bit like a fun game and sometimes verged into hilarity.

         I think it’s losing its connotation as being solely a hook-up app (although nothing wrong with using it for that). I was really surprised by the quality of the other folks on the site. As a mid-30s woman with a serious career, I surprised by how deep my dating pool was and how many matches I got.

         Just as a general rule, i think meeting for coffee/a drink very quickly is the way to go. Avoid the endless emails/texts.

         1. Agree with all of this. There are a lot of great men on Tinder who are too busy to go through OKC, etc. You can tell so much from meeting someone within the first 5 minutes- better to get a quick meeting over with. I kept first dates super short so I didn’t waste my time. You have to find entertainment in the process otherwise it can be depressing. But you never know if you’ll meet someone you click with.

         2. +1

            I also met my boyfriend on Tinder and he is by far the best man I’ve ever dated and the BEST boyfriend ever. Tinder is a bit of a numbers game but I found it entertaining. I didn’t find the same thing with OKC.

         3. I agree with all of this!

         4. Late but agree with everything! I despised Match and OkCupid but Tinder was (relatively) fun and low-stakes. I also really liked that it was more like texting, less like email. I had three pleasant-enough dates, and am coming in on a year with Tinder Bachelor #4 and he is absolutely, 100% the most quality human being I’ve ever dated.

   4. Used eHarmony and found my husband on it. The 100s (it felt like) of questions were a pain, but a friend helped me (since, apparently, walking to the subway does not count as “outdoorsy”) and the matches I got were pretty good. Plus, I used a coupon, so it was like $10/month for 3 months. In the end, I joined eHarmony in June, met the hubs online in November, and got married 2 years later.

   5. I’ve tried the gamut in DC. I had zero luck with eHarmony. This may sound super snobby, but I think I’m pretty. However, if you ask me to give a number, I’m not going to say I’m a 10, so I was getting a lot of guys who I was really not attracted to. They try to match you up based on how you rate yourself and how the guys rate themselves. I also had no luck with match. I did recently go to a match event with some friends (I was wingwomaning it since I have a boyfriend now), and I did meet some guys I would have been interested in under other circumstances. So maybe it’s gotten better since I used it? Or else I didn’t market myself well there. I did like OKC. I met my ex there and went on several first dates. Some were weirdos, but most were nice enough just no click. This is all to say that I met my current boyfriend on Tinder. Same as OKC in that I went on a lot of first dates. Met a lot of weirdos, but also met a lot of nice guys. You definitely have to wade through — a lot of left swiping — but there are good guys in there.

   6. Thanks for all the responses so far! Some follow up questions — what was your m.o. for setting up a first meeting? And did you generally wait to be messaged by people you matched with, or did you reach out first?

      1. Personally I waited to be messaged. I found a lot of men left their profiles up while seeing people so waiting was more effective in actually meeting available people. I’d message a couple of times and suggest meeting quickly. I wasn’t looking for a pen pal. I opted for drinks after work as first dates. Close to my office so it was easy for me and I didn’t get tired of dating that way.

      2. You should reach out first. The winning strategy is to meet quickly with as many people as you can (like coffee) to screen them for actual first dates (like dinner).

      3. I think you’ll get a feel for it because it varies on each app. On sites that have less of a reputation for being hookup-minded, I was okay sending the first message. On Tinder, I never sent the first message. IME, guys in my city only used Tinder as eye candy and for the ego boost of getting a match, and rarely actually wanted to even converse–if they did, it was 10pm or later and they were hoping you were already at the same bar as them (if not, “Bummer” followed by silence). So, not worth even the two seconds it takes to send a “hey” (because really it’s longer if you open the app every time you get a match and look at their profile).

      4. My general MO was to move it to an in-person meeting as soon as I felt (reasonably) comfortable that he wasn’t a weirdo/creep/serial killer. For me, that was after 3-5 exchanged messages. I found first dates where we’d already communicated extensively and personally to be very awkward. I like getting to know somebody and it felt more authentic and it was easier to identify in person where there just wasn’t a spark (or vice versa). I found that when I waited too long to meet guys, I built their positive qualities up in my head and then was disappointed when they weren’t the version I’d imagined for myself.

         As for the messaging, I say there’s no reason to be passive. I sent the first message to my ex. My fiance messaged me first, but only after I checked out his profile a few times within a span of a half hour or so (and he was online so I know he saw…).

      5. Definitely reach out. Pick at least 5 guys a week that you really want to date and send them a message. I never would have found my boyfriend if I had waited for him to message me first, since he was a light user.

      6. Sometimes I reach out first, sometimes I wait. I reach out first if there is something in their profile/description that really interested me and I ask more about it. Or I respond to a funny question in their profile or what have you. I really only reach out to those I am very interested in based on what I saw/read. If I am so, so, you need to help convince me a bit about them, I do whatever it is on that site that indicates I’m interested (swipe, wink, like) and then see what they do. If, after some messaging I feel comfortable with them I suggest meeting up, if they haven’t already. If the messaging just drags on and on without anyone suggesting meeting up (if I haven’t suggested i,t I don’t feel strongly about it) I usually let it fade away. As others have said, pick something quick and low-cost for a first meeting. I usually suggest coffee/drinks. You can make it as short or as long as you want. I set up a date last night with a guy from OkCupid who I only started talking to Sunday morning. He seems normal, I did all my pre-date checks (and his job requires a background check yay), and I suggested mini golf for our first meeting. We can go for drinks or food afterwards if we don’t hate each other once we are done :)

      7. You’re overthinking! (No offense intended – I’m the same way!) I haven’t met anybody I’ve wanted to continue seeing for longer than about a month through online dating (yet!), but here’s my take: it’s just a big experiment. Try different dating sites. Try different methods of dating – reach out to guys that interest you, or wait to see who comes to you. Date a few people at once, and then try dating one person at a time. Pay attention to what feels good to you, and do your best to follow that feeling. Take breaks when you need them. Don’t take it too seriously. Good luck!

      8. I met my husband on Match/Matchmaker 14 years ago.
         It can be hard to get a sense of someone from typed comments, but definitely send a few messages back and forth before trying to meet in person. Feel free to ask whomever you want to ask, whenever! It’s supposed to be fun!
         For safety’s sake, I would only meet for the first dates in daylight in a place I’d been before, and I always had a friend scheduled to call at a certain time in case I needed a polite “out” for someone who wouldn’t take any other kind of good-bye. That friend would also have all of the info I had from the guy’s profile, just in case. And, I wouldn’t drive directly home just in case I was being followed. It might sound a bit paranoid, but we all randomly meet creepy or possessive people, and I’d rather be safe than sorry!

         1. The best part was that my friend (ultimately Matron of Honor at our wedding) saved the email containing the first-date info, call time, etc… with my hubby. She printed and framed it, and set it out at the reception. Online dating was still fairly new and a lot of our guests didn’t realize we had met that way. We all got a good laugh out of it.

   7. If you decide to try eHarmony, definitely scour the internet for promo codes, and then call them and see if they’ll offer you something better (they almost always do). Take into account that EH is 32% cash back on ebates right now when comparing the deals.

      There are also tons of Match promo codes out there, though I did not call to try to get a better deal (nor have any of my friends) so not sure if that’s worth a shot.

   8. Late reply here, but I’m happily married to a man I met on Match, so it can be done. :)

9. Wedding question- We’re eloping in a few months, just the two of us. My parents and a handful of others know about it and are generally perfectly happy to leave us to our business, except my mother. I’ve had a very trying relationship with my mother fraught with abandonment, indifference, and a lot of other unpleasant things. I mentioned as a courtesy that we’re going away to get married in August, because I thought it would be a bigger problem if she didn’t find out until afterward. She’s now insisting that she’ll be there. If we had a good relationship, I’d probably make the concession for her, but I’m really not inclined to. This probably won’t go over well with ladies here, but we really feel like our wedding is a deeply personal event just for the two of us, so I’m not really sure how to tell my mother that she can’t come without it turning into a huge ordeal. Thoughts?

   1. There’s no way to do this without an ordeal. You’re supposed to run off and elope secretly for just this reason. You have to suck it up and say “absolutely not. You are not invited, do not come. It will be just the two of us and no one else.”

      Or, just go get married right now. Today.

      It’s just generally actually rude to tell me oh hey, here’s an event you might be interested in, but you can’t come.

      1. Yeah I know. she’s been harassing me about this for the past couple of years and telling me how heartbroken she’ll be if she doesn’t know ahead of time etc. So much so that she’s pressuring my much, much younger teenage sister to have the kind of big wedding she wants and start planning for it. It’s kind of insane. I’m not saying I made the right choice in telling her, but there are definitely downsides to keeping it to myself.

         1. For your sister’s sake, if nothing else, put your foot down now. It will be much harder for her to stand up to your mother’s insanity if she sees you giving in.

   2. Why wouldn’t it go over well here? I think that is a totally legit feeling. I think you just have to realize that it can’t be both though- you can’t always enforce boundaries and have everyone be happy about them. If they were the type to always respect your decisions you wouldn’t have to work so hard to defend them. So I think just accept your mom is going to be unhappy. Promise to share photos or catch up after and tell her how it went. And then shut down every conversation after the one where you first tell her. So tell her, let her be upset about it, acknowledge that you understand she is upset, but that this is what is going to happen. let her have 1 day to whine and cry a bit about it, and then after that everytime she brings it up, tell her “mom, I told you this decision was final- we aren’t changing our plans and this subject is closed. If we cant talk about other stuff, I am going to hang up/leave” and then follow through.

      1. This is great advice. You have to own those boundaries and understand that she might not like them but hey, that’s not the point! It’s hard to do, especially with moms (ask me how I know this), but oh-so-worth-it in the end. GL!

      2. Yeah, this is good advice. If your mom is going to be unhappy, she is going to be unhappy about it. You can’t change her unhappiness any more than she can change your desire to get married privately. Those are just your feelings on things. If this is the decision you’ve made, you have to accept that those are her feeling, and then set the appropriate boundaries about it. You can’t force her to be happy for your decision when she’s not.

   3. I think you tell her just that, that your wedding is a deeply personal experience for the two of you and you are doing it on your own. She is not invited. It may turn into a huge ordeal, but wouldn’t you rather the huge ordeal be now as opposed to at your elopement/wedding?

      1. +1 to this. Just put your foot down and tell her no. We eloped but told people. I don’t have a particularly fraught relationship with my mother but she did whine about it. I think a lot of these relationships would be way easier if the children stop giving into the unreasonable parent behavior.

         Unlike the poster above, I don’t think what you’re doing is rude at all. You’re having a 2-person only event. It’s assumed that she’s not invited – deciding to invite herself is the rude part. If you told her you were going out on a date night on Friday, would it also be rude not to invite her?

      2. Would it also help to emphasize to her that he isn’t having any of his family? Maybe she’ll take it less personally if she sees that others are respecting your wishes. (Or at the least, her ego maybe will listen more to “It has to be this way since he/she doesn’t want the inlaws there” –even if it’s not the true reason.)

   4. Oh my. This is a tough situation and I’m sorry you’re going through it. You have every right not to want your toxic mom at your ceremony. Unfortunately, with people like that, you really probably won’t be able to avoid the drama and hurt feelings. Stay strong though! You can do it. Maybe keep reminding her that it’s a “private ceremony” and brace yourself when you have to say the inevitable–that she can’t come. Hopefully someone else can provide more delicate phrasing.

      Edit: you may find a “children of X” support group helpful, depending on what’s actually the driving issue between you and your mom (like, “adult children of alcoholics,” etc). If your mom is a narcissist, reading up on “Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers” can be really helpful in finding support, learning how to set boundaries, etc. Reddit has a good “raised by narcissists” subreddit as well).

   5. I think the first step is to avoid. You don’t have to tell her the date, time or place. You can avoid giving her details that would enable her to figure out where and when your wedding will take place. If she persists in nagging you for details, just reiterate that your wedding is just about you and your partner and you want it to be private between the two of you. She’s going to be upset. I think you just have to suffer through that, to be honest. You don’t have to listen to her or change your mind, but given what you’ve described, I don’t think you can get around it and I think you need to brace yourself for it.

      The next step is to enlist your father, if he and your mother are still together, or others who can deal with her and tell her that she’s overstepping boundaries here.

      You have my sympathy – weddings can really bring into focus the difficult aspects of our relationships with certain people that we’re able to overlook or ignore under different circumstances. At the end of the day think about how happy you’re going to be having the deeply personal wedding that you and your partner want (I’m jealous – I wanted to elope for the same reason).

   6. I’ll leave the details to you and others, but I will wholeheartedly support you in having your wedding be exactly as you like (without her or anyone else), creating the bond with your husband that you and he want, standing strong against someone (your mom) who is trying to bully you and generally calling foul on the whole “your mom is your BFF and this is the day both of you bond” nonsense generated by the wedding industrial complex. Your wedding. Your life. Your choice.

      1. +1 – I don’t have advice on how to deal with your mother other than to suggest just changing your date and doing it sooner, but I’ll share that I also eloped for similar reasons (my H and I felt it was a deeply private moment) and doing our wedding our way was the very best thing ever. I cannot recommend sticking to your own plan enough and not caving to pressure.

   7. How can she be there if you don’t give her details? Isn’t that the whole point of eloping?

      1. I didn’t give her details, but she expect to come so I know at some point she’ll probably ask. She knows what city we’re going to and roughly when because it corresponds with some of my travel for work. I guess I don’t really see a way around just telling her she’s not invited, even though I thought that was abundantly clear before. I won’t give more details, I think is the solution.

         1. There isn’t a way around it. You just have to tell her she is not invited, apparently it wasn’t clear enough yet. But remember, SHE is the one creating the ‘ordeal’ not you. Figure out how to just accept that and not feel guilty about it, it’s her thing, not yours.

            But you’ll get through this one way or the other, good luck!

         2. Your solution comes in two parts: emphasis on the fact that it’s not just her who isn’t invited, and refusing to give her details.

   8. Are you having a post-elopement party for family and friends to celebrate your marriage? It might be easier for both you and mom if you delivered the bad news (you’re not coming) with some good news (party!). It would give her some cover for hurt feelings over being excluded.

      1. We don’t have any particular plans to do so, although I told her if she’d like to have a party with family (which she has expressed as her reason for being upset with me for not having a wedding) she’s free to do so and of course we will bite the bullet and show up. I don’t think anything is going to help me get around this issue of her wanting to use my “big day” as a means to get attention for herself.

   9. For my first marriage in 2002, we eloped to Prague, Czech Republic. They have services that can arrange the ceremony and paperwork, there is no residency or waiting period, and it is legal in the US. There’s one option for you, unless you think your mom will be willing to fly overseas to crash your wedding!

10. Best tools or methods for at-home manicures? Specifically related to cuticle care. I’d like to start doing my nails at home more often, but my cuticles are such a wreck.

    1. Cuticle oil, regular use of lotion, an orange wood stick for gentle pressing back and that’s it. Manicure places are way too harsh on cuticles. Treat them gently and they don’t need much fuss.

       1. Definitely true about manicure places being hard on cuticles. Normally I can barely see them, just push them a bit with the nails from my other hand when I put on lotion, even, but after they grow out after a salon manicure, they get big and raggedy.

    2. I seriously love the Lauren B Beauty Nail and Cuticle Balm! My cuticles were a wreck and now they’re pretty and my nails are seriously strong.

    3. I push/scrape during/after a shower when the cuticles are soft (yes, even Godzilla pays attention to her nails).

11. guys, can you recommend a good foot massager? Budget is $350 max. My feet have been getting pretty achy and tired lately by the time I get back from work in the evening. I have tried the massager chair in Broookstone and its foot massager seemed great, but I don’t want to get the chair so looking for some recs which are great and stand the test of time.

    1. Your hands! They’re way better than anything you can buy.

       1. You mean someone else’s hands, right? Because it’s really hard to massage your own feet properly. Angles and such being what they are.

          1. No? It’s pretty easy for me.

             1. Well, I can rub my own feet, but no – I can’t actually massage them with my own hands. My knees just don’t bend that way.

    2. Get a foot roller – like this one: https://www.tptherapy.com/product/NANO_foot_roller
       Hits trigger points and is way inexpensive compared to a motorized massager. I have one at home and keep something similar in the office.

       1. +1. And try soaking in epsom salts. Sounds old fashioned, I know, but it really works wonders.

    3. If your arches are what is sore- using a tennis ball to roll them out will help tremendously.

    4. Footrubz. Keep one in the living room and one in your office (if you can take your shoes off). So great.

12. Best summer commuting shoes for someone who walks about three-quarters of a mile in the city, go!

    Extra points if the shoes can accommodate a slightly wider toe box.

    1. do you want sandals or closed toe? are you looking for particular arch support? I commuted in Keds slip-ons last summer (15 minute walk) – I wouldn’t pick them for a day touring the city (not a ton of support, although there is some cushioning in the sole), but for 15 minutes at a time they were comfy and lightweight.

    2. Clarks feature film. I have a slightly wide forefoot/narrow heel and they fit great, plus have an ankle strap.

       If you purely want comfort and don’t care what they look like, I would go with Danskos or Birkenstocks.

       1. I wish those Clarks worked for me. I had to put in my orthopedic insert (to help with my narrow heel) and they didn’t work vertically for me. Also rubbed my slighly wide forefoot.

    3. Toms are my go to walking shoes. Sounds crazy but nothing is as comfy on my feet for me!

    4. Converse all-stars. Just loosen the laces around the toebox to accommodate wider feet. More supportive than toms too

    5. This really depends on what you want, there is no one perfect pair of commuting shoes. Do you care what you look like? Do your feet overheat easily? Do you get grossed out at the thought of wearing open shoes walking around a city? Do you wear pants tailored for heels and want something a little taller so you don’t have to roll up your pants?

       No matter what you go with, I would recommend switching up your shoes a bit. Sometimes walking in the same pair of shoes day after day can make my feet hurt, so I have a couple of different pairs of shoes (none fancy–I am fine commuting in running shoes or similar) that I alternate depending on weather and how my feet feel.

       1. +1-ing the two pairs advice. It is better for the shoes and your feet to alternate. I have at least 2 pairs at all times, so I never wear the same shoes two days in a row.

          Right now, one is a Born ankle boot (good soles and lots of support) and the others are Clarks Privos.

13. Looking to buy a few Lands End knit dresses for summer and need size help. Pre-babies, I wore a size small in their stuff. But I also wore a size 8/10 most places. These days I’m somewhere between a 12 and 14 in dresses/skirts (I buy 14s and then have to have them seriously tailored, but 12s are too tight in the hips). Anyone know what size I should buy?

    1. I’d go size 12, especially if its a fuller skirt. So, size down if you are between sizes. Check the comments about how a particular garment is fitting for other people.

       1. The ones I’m looking at are s/m/l. So not sure whether to go M or L.

          1. They do have free returns to LE or Sears stores if that helps?

             1. Yeah, trying to nail it the first time. Even just popping into the mall for a quick return while schlepping twin one year olds is a slog.

          2. Medium. It sounds like we are almost exactly the same size/build. I am a 12/14 elsewhere and a 10/M at LE.

          3. Go with whatever is closest to your chest size. I’m guessing that’s medium? I’m an 8 but wear an XS there in jersey dresses. They’re forgiving.

          4. Yep, I’m also 12/14 in other places and always take a M in Lands End – the one L dress I have from there is way too big.

             1. Ditto. Choose medium or 12. 14 only for structured sheath dresses.

          5. I think I’m the same size as you – 12 is too tight, but 14 tends to be a bit too big. I liked their ponte dress with pockets in M, but on reflection should’ve gotten it in a Tall M. (It’s fine, just would be better 2 inches longer.) However, the dress does fit like it’s tailored around my larger shoulders and bust.

    2. I wear a lot of LE dresses. I’m a 14/16 in real life but I can wear a 12 in LE. If it’s letter sizing, sometimes even MEDIUM works, other times Large is better.

       I am in no way medium sized. Size down.

       1. Thanks everyone! I was thinking medium but I so don’t take a medium in dresses anywhere else. Thanks for the confirmation!

14. A friend, who is a mother, posted this on FB yesterday, and I was grateful. I thought I would share it here in case it’s helpful to others: http://www.salon.com/2015/05/08/sorry_about_mothers_day_my_childfree_girlfriends_moms_arent_any_more_special_or_unselfish_than_you/

    1. Thanks for this.

    2. I didn’t really get this article. Okay, so a number of us aren’t mothers, but why can’t we spend a day celebrating our own moms? It’s not like it’s this super-special day and no other group or characteristic gets celebrated. Isn’t is just kind of a nice thing to do?

       1. I am not a mother and my mother passed away when I was in my 20s. Mother’s Day is not a happy day for me.

          1. I’m very sorry for that, and am sympathetic that it’s a sad day for you. I imagine that when my mother inevitable passes away, it will also be a difficult day for me as well. To the extent the article acknowledges that all women deserve to be recognized for being special, or that Mother’s Day is a difficult day for some people, I agree with it.

             But the article also seems to say that Mother’s Day is inherently a BS day because not all women are mothers, or not all women have mothers to celebrate. I don’t agree with that. Just because some of us are left out of the day, does that really mean others should not celebrate it? Or that by celebrating mother’s day, we somehow diminish anyone else who isn’t a mother or doesn’t have a mother to celebrate with? Isn’t that like saying that you can never compliment/reward/recognize/etc. another person because by doing so you make other people feel bad who don’t get complimented?

             I suppose you could say the same for all holidays: Valentine’s Day (that one is pretty easy to attack), Father’s Day, Grandparents’ Day, Veteran’s Day? Memorial Day? Black History Month?

             1. Yeah, I don’t have a problem with other people celebrating it. It’s just that I get bombarded with it. Especially the emails that say “We know what your mother wants for Mother’s Day!” My friend whose mom passed away last year said she was hibernating from gmail and FB before Sunday.

       2. Because there is more to being a woman than a womb. I can’t have children and the holiday makes me feel inferior, like I’m defective.

          1. Love Mother’s Day and the opportunity to celebrate all the mothers and mother figures in my life. However, I like the article. I get a little twitchy with the rhetoric around Mother’s Day, which seems laud self-sacrifice and motherhood as the ” world’s hardest job.” Im probably not articulating this right, but it makes my feel like the highest calling of a woman is the unpaid and nearly thankless service of others, which she undertakes happily. It just frustrates my feminist mind somehow.

15. A friend and I are considering visiting Brazil (Rio) and Chile (Santiago) for 10-12 days in October. Is that enough time to see the two cities, assuming 4-5 days in each? Or should we cut back on time in one or both of the cities and add on a day trip somewhere else (and if so, where?)?

    Any recommendations about how to structure the trip would be greatly appreciated!

    1. Just be aware that it’s a pretty long flight (maybe 5 hours?) between the two (and possibly a time change), so that can basically eat up a day of your trip once you’ve handled all the logistics.

    2. If you’re just doing those two cities, it’s sufficient, but is there a specific reason for Santiago? I’ve been a few times for work and once for a wedding when I was living in Brazil and it’s not super close. And while I’ve enjoyed it, there’s not a whole lot to do as a tourist. In Chile, I’d prefer to spend time in Patagonia or Atacama.
       4-5 days in Rio is plenty and will allow you sufficient time to see most of the highlights and take a day trip to Paraty or Buzios. If you decide to spend the entire time in Brazil, I’d suggest either tacking on a destination to the north, as the weather is likely to be better. I really like Praia de Pipa near Natal. And there is lots in and around Salvador. If you’re more into nature than beach, Iguassu, Pantanal/Bonito, or the Amazon are all amazing.
       Enjoy

       1. Thanks for the tips! We would be meeting up with a friend in Santiago. Agreed that it doesn’t seem like there’s that much to see, but maybe we could use it as a base for exploring further. We don’t need to stay there for 4-5 days.

          Re: Paraty/Buzios, they both look really far from Rio for a day trip. Do you fly or drive?

          In Patagonia or Atacama, do you hike? Go with a guided tour? Is it something we can plan on our own? What are some good towns to use as a home base?

          1. I agree that spending 4-5 days each in Rio and Santiago doesn’t make much sense. I’ve never been to Chile, but regarding Brazil, you really don’t need more than 2-3 days in Rio, and the rest of the country is so beautiful. I recently spent 9 days in Brazil, starting with Iguazu (2 days), then Paraty (2 days), Ilha Grande (3 days), and Rio (2 days). I think Paraty is WAY too far from Rio for a day trip; you would want to stay at least one night. One suggestion — what about Ilha Grande? It’s an island off the coast and the town where you catch the ferry (which is about 1.5 hours) is only about 2 hours from Rio. You would still want to stay a night or two there, but you could get there from Rio more easily than going all the way to Paraty. Also, it’s GORGEOUS. Another consideration… you could start in Rio, spend a day or two there, then do Ilha Grande or Paraty for a day or two, and then travel down to Sao Paolo and fly out of there to Santiago (we flew from Iguazu to Sao Paolo). If you were willing to cut down on the time in Chile, you could make it a much more leisurely trip. I think with 10-12 days you should pick one of the two countries to really focus on, and make the other just a few days.

          2. Patagonia is cool — you can see penguins. If you are going to hike/camp the Torres del Paine circuit, be aware it’s pretty strenuous. I did it in 5 days in my 20s and it was HARD. Would have been better to take 7. Atacama was freaky interesting, like no place else in the world. Less strenuous and less time consuming — go there, take a day trip to salt flats, and then you’ve seen it. Chile also has cute beach towns close to Santiago (Vina del mar). In 5 days you could do Santiago and either Patagonia or Atacama but probably not both, as they are pretty far away from each other.

          3. Yes, Ilha Grande is really beautiful and a great suggestion. I have done Buzios to Rio for the day, but you are correct that it probably is not the most relaxing option. I second the suggestion of Rio – Ilha Grande – Paraty (optional) – Sao Paulo and then off to Santiago. I lived in Sao Paulo and enjoy it for many reasons, but it’s not my first suggestion for tourists (unless you have a local to show you the ropes), and I think it’s fine to use as a transit hub.
             Getting between these cities if you don’t speak Portuguese isn’t always easy, and I will post a link below that has some useful advice in English. I don’t recommend renting a car in Brazil. It’s expensive for the bare bones cars you can get, the traffic can be bad, and 95% of the time you must know how to drive manual.
             I think Patagonia or Atacama would likely require at least 3 days each. You are probably best off finding a hotel/inn in either location and getting their help in arranging ground transport and activities. Trip advisor generally is reliable in the region. Chile has far better infrastructure than Brazil, but without generalizing too much, most outdoor activities in Latin America tends to be with a guide or via tours. I did a number of hikes in Brazil and they always necessitated guides.
             If you do decide to cut short your Chilean time and keep to Santiago, I’ve taken a great Bike & Wine tour with La Bicicleta Verde. It’s an awesome way to spend a day.

             1. Information on getting to Paraty/Ilha Grande: http://www.hiddenpousadasbrazil.com/brazil-blog/how-to-get-to-ilha-grande-and-paraty/

    3. Can’t speak about Santiago at all, but in Rio, if you’re up for an adventure, I really recommend paragliding off the cliffs onto the beach with a guide.

    4. Yes, if you’re in Rio, you should try to drive up or hop on a bus up to Petropolis. It is the location of a beautiful castle/palace back when Brazil was still claimed by Portugal. And it’s one of the safest cities in Brazil!

16. Can I just say a big thanks to you girls for introducing me to the Mulberry Bayswater bag? After months of stalking The Real Real, I just got a gorgeous camel color Bayswater in practically new condition for $560! I’m so excited!

    1. That’s a great deal! Enjoy your bag!

    2. Question about the bag: Do you wear it over your shoulder ever? I was eyeing on in a Mulberry store last year, but the straps seemed way too short for me to get over my shoulder with a winter coat, which I like to do most of the time with satchels.

       1. Erin’s post just reminded me to bust mine out and start using it again.

          I have thick shoulders/arms and I can fit it over my cardigan clad arms in the summer but not in the winter over my winter coats. So yes, too short for over down/wool coats. Fine over cardigans and sleeves, even if you’re of thick arms.

17. Okay, I’m on a hunt for dressy flats or flat (ish) sandals. My dress for a graduation event is black, grey, and pale rose. I’d love for it to match! Looking for under $150, preferably.

    The reason: I broke my toe over the weekend and the heels I bought for this cannot be worn without further injuring myself.

    1. No suggestions this time, but sorry to hear about your broken toe.

    2. google gentle souls lily moon sandal…. they have a pale grey sandal that might work and is on sale at one of the usual suspects we like (I saw it this weekend and can’t remember where — try A ma zon or six p m) good luck

    3. I like Sofft sandals, basically because they look slightly fancy, are comfy, and mostly don’t have heels.

    4. Throwing out there-I bought a pair of Louise et Cie mini-wedge flats, and they are gorgeous and expensive looking and are by far the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn

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