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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 217 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Landon Peplum Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Elie Tahari Landon Peplum BlouseThe peplum look is a bit played out, for sure, but I like the asymmetrical, ruffled take here — it seems a bit more artsy and interesting than the usual. Neiman Marcus has it in a ton of sizes in a light blue and a navy on a great discount; they have limited sizes left in a lime, and Zappos and Bluefly both have the shirt for a higher price in tulip red. The pictured blouse was $248, but is now $86. Elie Tahari Landon Peplum Blouse Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)  

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Woods-comma-Elle

    Hey Kat, when I go onto this site/refresh etc, I’m getting an error message from my firewall that there is a potential virus/spyware/security risk. The page is still loading so I’m not sure what’s causing it but just letting you know in case there is something wrong!

    • Ellen

      Mine is OK, Kat, I do NOT have any virusses! Yay! Mabye Woods-Comma-Elle should get a VIRUSS checker to make sure her machine is NOT infected! I hope it isn’t b/c when I was in law school, I let a guy borrow my PC (it was NOT a Mac) and he visited some dirty site’s and I wound up getting pop up messages of women doieing dirty things to men, and I did NOT want to have these POP-UPs show up, so I took my machine to a GEEK place on 29rd and Pennsylvania and he SCRUBBED my hard drive clean of the viruses, and charged me onley $5.

      The guy who looked a littel like Urkel from the TV show and he wanted to know if I knew any women that were Tek-Geek’s at GW that might want to go out with him. I said that I did NOT b/c I would have aksed them first to fix my machine.

      So to make along story short, you should bring it to a Geek unless you are at work, and then you should get your IT guy to fix it. (Our IT guy likes to stare at all the women — FOOEY!)

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        Done, sent to the TPS address as I couldn’t attach the screenshot to the contact us page.

  2. Sydney Bristow

    I just bought a new sweater that I absolutely love and wanted to recommend. I took the advice of trying to get into wearing blazers more often by starting with a sweater jacket (swacket?). It’s the shawl collar sweater from NY&CO. I’ll post the link below. I got it in the purple color which looks the same as it did on my screen. The fabric is much nicer than other sweaters they carry and I expect it to keep its shape well.

  3. Shopping PSA

    My TJMaxx had tons of great Elie Tahari and Kate Spade last night. I’ve seen some Elie Tahari there (though mostly the lower end Tahari line), but I’ve never seen Kate Spade. There was some fantastic bargains. I ended up getting a silk / cashmere blend turtleneck in a really pretty soft grey color for $69.99, two Kate Spade silk blouses (one long sleeve, one shell) for $49.99 each and an awesome Kate Spade tweed jacket for $59.99. Definitely worth checking out. There was also a gorgeous grey tweed and black wool Elie Tahari sheath dress that I just couldn’t justify because I have lots of work dresses already. I may go back, though, because it will probably haunt my dreams!

  4. Facebook

    Does anyone know, if you unfriend someone on FB, do they get a notice? Is there a way to prevent someone from seeing your posts or accessing your timeline without them knowing you’ve done that? Also, if you’re part of a FB group, can members of the group see your timeline? TIA!

    • Anonymous

      No, they don’t get a notice. They probably won’t know unless they go to look at your profile and find that they can’t access it (if you’re private) or that you’re no longer their friend.

    • mascot

      You can set it so that only friends can see your timeline. If group members aren’t also your friends, they can’t see it.

    • zora

      if you unfriend them they can’t see your stuff, they won’t get a notice but if they happen to look through their friend list for you they might figure it out, it would take a lot of work for them to know you’ve unfriended them, though.

      you can also go to settings and where it says ‘who can see my posts?’ you can make a custom setting that excludes certain people from seeing your posts and/or being able to post on your timeline. they won’t know you’ve done that either.

      • cb

        Unless they are weirdo relatives you haven’t seen since you were 12 and then they’ll notice and call you out on it.

        • Sydney Bristow

          I’ve been ignoring a crazy aunt’s friend request for years and had not seen her for at least 5 years. Then I had to see her at my sister’s graduation party and she brought up the fact that I was ignoring her request at least 5 times. Yup, there is a reason for that!

      • Veronique

        Custom privacy settings are the best! You can use them so that the person doesn’t see any of your posts (or whatever you don’t want them to see) but from their end it just looks like you haven’t been posting. If you unfriend them there isn’t any type of notification but they’ll figure it out the next time they try to go to your page.

        • Brant

          Yeah, I had to accept my FIL’s friend request but he sees absolutely nothing other than my profile photo. Best to keep it that way.

    • TravelMoreRoads

      I have always wondered that. You could also try un-friending someone close to you, tell them you’re doing it as a test, and have them tell you if they see anything…of course people will see when you re-friend them so keep that in mind. Sorting people into into groups that have different privacy settings was also a great tip.

    • LizNYC

      They don’t get a notice, but after you unfriend them, you might pop up on the right-hand side of the screen for them as “people you may know,” so they’ll realize you guys aren’t friends any more. This happened when I unfriended an annoying girl from HS (annoying then, annoying now). Now, I just block her newsfeed. But you can also have custom settings for your posts, photos, etc., so bascially, they’ll never see your stuff. And you can “view profile as this person” so you can see exactly what they can see (good for nosy relatives and coworkers you “had” to friend).

    • BB

      FYI: If someone is really, really bothering you, there is a “Block” option on Facebook. You can block them from all interactions with you. I think this actually takes them off the “people you may know” list as well. To them, it will be as if you don’t exist on Facebook.

    • Senior Attorney

      I don’t have anything constructive to add, other than to say that in a weird bit of synchronicity, this very morning I have a new friend request from somebody I unfriended a while back. Uh, no. I unfriended you because I don’t want to be friends with you.

    • Parfait

      While Facebook itself doesn’t notify people, there are various apps and plug-ins that you can install that DO notify you if someone unfriends you. I use Social Fixer and it has a little panel that shows who I’ve become not-friends with lately (it lists those I’ve unfriended and those that unfriended me).

  5. PSA re: Everlane

    Hey all! I have more of a preppy/tailored style but always want to attempt the drapey/casual look and feel like I fail at it. Well, I ordered the Ryan tee from Everlane (in grey) and it is perfect! It gives you the perfect casual look and is still flattering. Definitely check it out if you’re in the market for something like that this fall!

    • Rural Juror

      Do you have other Everlane t-shirts? I ordered a Ryan in my normal Everlane size and I SWIM in it. Haven’t worn it outside of my home :(

      • NYC

        Wash it! My Ryan shrunk like crazy, when I accidentally dried it (so much so that I can’t wear it).

  6. cbackson

    Wash it! My Ryan shrunk like crazy, when I accidentally dried it (so much so that I can’t wear it).

    • zora

      I think it would look awesome with the right outfit.. saw lots of chic peplum outfits this week, with skinny trousers or knee length pencil skirts and was so jealous!

    • Eleanor

      It looks too high-waisted to me, which is a problem I notice with many peplum items. I guess if you’re short-waisted they would work, but otherwise it just seem to make the stomach and hips region look bigger.

      • Susie

        +1, agree completely. I recently got a nice knit peplum top from Ann Taylor that actually fit me correctly and looks flattering but generally I have the same problem, the peplum starts too high up and flares out making it look like you’re bigger underneath.

      • Bonnie

        I agree. This type of peplum makes it look like I’m trying to hide my stomach. I prefer peplums at my natural waist and prefer to add a belt.

  7. Olivia Pope

    Shout out to everyone who responded to my late poll about what shell to wear for my firm bio picture. I followed your advice. Frankly, I look good right now.

    I always love it when people share what fashion “rules” they’re breaking. I’ll start. I broke “never wear sheer at the office rule” by wearing a black sheer long-sleeved blouse underneath a black and white print sheath last week.

    Your turn!

    • Anonymous

      I swear sheer sleeves under a sheath dress all the time. I love the look. I also have a wool “vest” (no buttons, more like a sleeveless top) that I wear over a sheer blouse. I love it.

      In the dead of the summer on a casual day, I wore a black maxi dress with a cotton jacket over it. That’s as daring as I get!

    • Calibrachoa

      Leggings and long skirts. I unabashedly wear both at times, (Ok more often on Fridays and the weekends)

    • buffybot

      Sometimes, I wear black jeans on Fridays…

      And I definitely have some skirts that are on the shorter end of appropriate.

    • another attorney

      Is the dont wear sheer really a rule? If so, I break that one all the time. I often wear sleeveless things w/ a jacket and then walk around w/o the jacket. And I wear lace on a fairly regular basis.

    • TO Lawyer

      I also break the sheer shirt rule a lot (with a camisole underneath). I also occasionally wear skirts that are on the shorter end of appropriate, sometimes intentionally on casual friday with black tights but also because apparently when you gain 10 pounds, your normal work appropriate skirts fit funny and are too short/tight.

    • Blair Waldorf

      I wear sheer long sleeve shirts with camisoles underneath fairly regularly. I also wear sleeveless tops with a jacket, then walk around without the jacket. I wear black and blue together (don’t know if that is still a rule). I will wear white skirts and cream jackets into the fall/winter. I have some pretty high heels (4 inches) but I’m petite so I don’t think it looks too out of place. I wear lace. I wear ankle suiting pants with a blazer (business casual + biglaw, other people do this too but it’s not completely widespread).

      I also will not wear tights even when it’s cold outside because I hate them so much. This probably looks fairly odd on my morning commute but I don’t care.

  8. Manager by Day, Mom at Night

    My father retires tomorrow after 50 years in the workforce in a fairly busy, intense career and industry – my mom is relieved that he’s taking a break and can focus on his health, family, grandkids, etc. but I’m somewhat anxious. His entire life has revolved around working and supporting his family, so while he has prepared for this day in the last few months, I don’t know how he will take it. (Their kids and grandkids all live in different countries so they plan to travel and visit everyone in the next year). What should I expect or prepare for when Monday morning comes around and he doesn’t have to rush out the door at 7 am? What’s he likely to feel or experience? How can I support him through this transition? If any’r e t t e s have gone thro it with themselves or their parents/loved ones, would love any advice!

    • Anonymous

      Does he have any hobbies, volunteering, or self-directed paid work he’s planning to do? Staying busy seems to be the key. There probably will be a transition period where he feels a little lost, and he may in fact drive your mom crazy for a while. Totally normal. Ask me how I know (and my dad DOES have a comprehensive plan including running his own business and volunteering extensively) :-)

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      My dad was a huge workaholic before he retired and my mum and I were a bit worried about how he would adapt, but fortunately he was also aware of this and immediate signed up for language courses, some senior/alumni ‘networking’ type organisations in his field, a stamp collecting club etc to the extent he soon had something on almost every day. This is something I would encourage.

      My mum has now recently retired and is really struggling because she has no hobbies and isn’t a joiner like my dad. So she feels guilty just doing nothing instead of going to work.

      For a while he will probably feel like he is on vacation and then it will hit him in a few weeks/months at which point the key is to be there, stay in touch, help to arrange stuff for him to do and be patient. This can take a while – my parents’ next door neighbour told her it took him three years to adapt but it didn’t take my dad nearly as long as he has had so much else going on (he’s now been retired 10 years).

      • Sydney Bristow

        Do you think your mom would start an online class? There are lots of free online courses that she could do to feel productive and be learning without needing to be a joiner.

        • Woods-comma-Elle

          No – she loves to think she would, and she wants to do all kinds of stuff, but she just doesn’t ever get around to it.

    • Lia

      My dad had a rough transition for the first year or two but is doing really well after taking on awesome hobbies (writing and web design (!)) and getting really involved in volunteering for some community orgs. I’d just be patient while he tries to find his footing.

    • Baconpancakes

      I echo the sentiments above regarding volunteerism, hobbies, and classes, and would add that unless your dad’s health is really in poor shape, he might even think about working in a super-flexible, low-pay, low-commitment situation. My mom retired, spent two years working with the sisterhood, gardening, and fixing up the house, got bored, and decided to work for the local college in a very flexible, 1-2 days a week situation. It gets her out of the house, keeps up her skills in her field, and gives her the satisfaction of still bringing home a paycheck (even if it’s basically only enough to cover the cost of travel, lunch, and a nice dinner out once a week).

      • Nonny

        Yes, my dad retired from the accounting world a couple of years ago, and since then has kept up his skills by working part-time during tax season. He enjoys it even though the pay is negligible.

    • OG Lawyer

      I call my self the OG (“original gangsta”) lawyer. I’ve been a hard-fighting litigator for 39 years, plus I worked for two years as a hospital psychiatric social worker.

      I worked too long, I worked to and beyond exhaustion. I retired one year ago, and have done nothing of value since retirement. My plans: clean every room in the house, write a novel, attend symphonies and plays in other states or countries. I wanted to join Meals on Wheels, which is delivering food to the lonely elderly. I wanted to make a sketch pad covered with trial scenes. I wanted to learn calculus.

      Instead, I’ve done nothing. I slept for a month. I read a Kindle book at least every other day. I read all the important newspapers and watch tv at night. And I’ve gotten very sick: partial colectomy, which is really hard to get over for reasons that are tmi; then spent a week in the hospital with the strangest diagnosis ever: water intoxication, unknown etiology (I had an endless thirst, couldn’t drink enough water, didn’t sleep or eat for 6 days, lost control of bodily functions, and the last day, I began hallucinating); I wasn’t a runner, I’m not psychotic (evidently there is a form of psychosis in which you have to watch the person’s daily water input) and now just one week out of the hospital, I’ve received a diagnosis of breast cancer and will be meeting with a breast surgeon next week.

      So far, retirement has not gone well. Illnesses aside, I just don’t know how to live without work. It sets the parameters of the day; I have a work-family; my life has meaning; I’m good at what I do. Without these parameters I feel lost. All my life I’ve had a plan and now I don’t have one.

      I saw a shrink, but I present well, dress well, make-up and hair nice, and I refuse to show emotions in front of strangers. I’ve known this shrink for 35 years — I’ve used him as an expert witness or to treat clients — and he just thinks I’m who I’ve always pretended to be, not a depressed, anxious and lost person. Another problem, due to years of litigation and tv appearances, and being the chair of varying charities, I feel I know everyone in the state. So I feel I can confide in no one. My birth family are all dead. My husband is almost 70, still working, and appears resentful that I stopped bringing in income and “lay around and read all day,” and my 22 year old son is learning disabled — just enough to keep him out of a job, but he can drive, and function normally. My husband and I fight constantly over him — my husband thinks he is too old to live at home, but really there is no where he can go. Besides, my son’s love gives me such comfort.

      Anyway, enough. I already know no one will read this cuz it;s after midnight on the east coast. But if there is anyone out there, I’d appreciate an “attaboy,” or an internet hug, or some decent advice.

      Take care.

      • Coach Laura

        OG – (love the Original Gangsta idea) – I’m sorry you’ve had a rough go in the past few months. The cancer diagnosis is hard on top of retiring, and your son and the illness too.

        IMO, you need to get well first, before doing anything else. Whether you return to work, clean all the rooms in your house or write a novel – getting well is the first priority.

        From what you said it appears that you’re depressed (or maybe anxious) but you are so good at hiding it that the shrink just believes your “acting” and also perhaps that you’re too caught up in your public “persona” to be real with your shrink. What about a new shrink or even a referral to a mental health professional that you talk to via Skype? You may be able to get referrals from the cancer support groups in your area. I would ask your doctor/surgeon when you see him/her next week.

        Sending lots of hugs your way. Hang in there.

      • Li-xxx

        Given you have been sick, I don’t think you have done attrociously. Reading a book every other day and keeping up with the news is better than what I did during a prolonged absense from work (I mindlessly surfed the web or sat in bed watching daytime tv eating junk food — I was depressed).

        Ditto on everything Coach Laura said. The plans you have sound great and are a good start. They don’t require too much commitment and you can pick one or two and do at your own pace and when you like.

      • Susedna

        Back at HQ today so I’m able to respond more substantively.

        OG Lawyer, you had a kick@ss career and I applaud you for all that you’ve done for your clients. Now, it’s time for you to take care of you.

        I completely agree with others about your taking care of your health first. Please do not beat yourself up over not having done more with attending symphonies, etc., because when health is at issue, all else can be pushed aside.

        Even what you’ve done with your time so far is pretty good — you’re still feeding your wonderful brain. I’m hoping your health issues get resolved well, and I second the recommendation to get a new shrink. Your old shrink stopped taking in new data, or asking for new data long ago and is relying on an old memory of merely one aspect of your personality.

        Please check back in here and let us know how you’re doing. I think your experiences and input are valuable and welcome and I am rooting for you!

  9. I'm Just Me

    Help me choose a bag …

    I’ve fallen in love with 2 different bags for fall, but ,unfortunately, can only afford one. I’ll put the links in a reply.

    The first is Talbots’ Quilted Nylon Tote, probably in the Dark Cornsilk.
    The second is Fossil’s Sydney Shopper in Bright Orange

    How to decide? Or how to get both?

    • anonBK

      The Fossil tote looks more versatile and like it might last longer. The Talbots tote is very autumn-appropriate, but likely would be a strange fit for spring and summer.

    • hellskitchen

      Is this for weekends/casual wear? I love the color, material and overall look of the Fossil bag, it looks more lux than the quilted tote, but it has no outside pockets which would be a deal breaker for me

    • Anonymous

      I love the Fossil bag. I’m not a fan of the Talbots bag, but that’s a person style thing. It looks very middle-aged Connecticut to me. The Fossil bag looks stylish and chic. I also agree that the Talbots bag reads very autumn, but doesn’t really fit other season. It would look good with riding boots, a turtleneck sweater and a vest (all of which read middle-aged Connecticut to me!)

      • I'm Just Me

        Not Connecticut, but I am middle aged. And not urban. During my time off from work I play a suburban mom of active teens.

        • anonBK

          Maybe if you already have an ‘every season’ bag then the Talbots one would be a nice autumn addition!

      • Anonymous

        I don’t understand the “middle-aged Connecticut” derogatory comment. Being both middle-aged and living in Connecticut.

        • TCFKAG

          I’ve got to say, if I saw a middle-aged woman in Connecticut with that Talbots bag, I’d think – ooh, she has a cute bag. :-P

        • Wildkitten

          I would assume, given this site’s obsession with awesome riding boots, that it is not a derogatory comment, but just a description how that bag would be styled.

    • Olivia Pope

      I love them both! I would likely use the Talbots bag as my standard, classier bag. If you already have one of those, by the orange! Heck, I just might buy it myself.

  10. Allison

    How would y’all style this top? I have an almost identical one (sans asymmetric hem, by Gianni Bini). I’ve been wearing it with a white pantsuit but would love some other options. I’ve also worn it with a mint pencil skirt and really liked that. Other suggestions?

    • preg anon

      Both of those sound fabulous! It would also look great with a navy pencil skirt or a brighter colored one – say, yellow or even red if you’re daring. I don’t think it would look that great with black but otherwise, it’s a pretty versatile color if you’re okay with a bright outfit.

    • In the PInk

      What about a shade of purple?

      Or even combining the top’s color with grey and purple?

      Or gray and navy?

      There is just a Parisian vibe to me with the use of pastels and grey together…

      Maybe bronze accessories?

      If that’s not your preference, there’s all the gunmetal out there now.

      • Brooklyn Paralegal

        I love this bright blue with a charcoal grey. That’s one of my favorite color combos.

    • Solo in Flats

      I am on the pear-shaped side. There is no way I’ll ever wear anything peplum.

  11. espresso bean

    Any advice on navigating the emotional ups and downs of dating? I’m usually a pretty calm and rational person, but my responses in dating are so extreme (we made plans — I’m thrilled! haven’t heard from him yet — I’m freaking out and he must hate me and I’ll never date again! ). It makes me feel like such a negative stereotype, but I can’t figure out how to avoid it!

    • Potato

      I suggest reading ‘Sex and the Single Girl’. It’s dated, but made me feel much calmer about dating because it emphasized the continuum of male attention. It made me think of dating as somewhere along the line between getting married and flirting a little with the guy who sold me my coffee this morning. Thinking of dating this way calmed me down a lot. Also, you’re getting dramatic about this guy because you like him! It’s awesome that you’ve met someone you’re excited about – hope it works out!

    • anonBK

      To me it sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself about dating in general. Dating shouldn’t be a ‘do or die’ process, you should do it because you enjoy it, want to, have time to, etc. I would try to reorient my area of focus to something else in my life, so that dating isn’t the biggest/most important thing I have going on. This will take some of the pressure off.

      When it is a situation like you’re waiting to hear back/trying someone new/hoping things might work out, make other plans. If you always have back up plans that you actually like when you have a date coming up, you won’t be so lost if it doesn’t work out. You could make plans to accomplish something or try something new, basically – do things for you first, and do things to distract yourself from the dating emotions.

    • Monday

      I noticed that when I did things that I thought would make me look like I was even-keeled and not overly obsessive, it actually worked from the outside in. I started to feel the way I was acting. I thought things like, “someone who didn’t care too much would have brunch plans with friends this weekend,” or “would work late tonight and not check her phone much” or “would wear whatever she felt like today.” Especially “would not spend hours analyzing every little thing with her girlfriends.” It did help for me.

      • LadyE

        This! Fake it until you make it. Add in “someone who didn’t care that much would want to date other people” and “someone who didn’t care that much wouldn’t be so gosh darn accommodating” and you’re describing what has worked for me.

      • Miss Pearl

        THIS. Also, remember that the emotional highs and lows are normal, and that your date likely experiences them, too.

    • Sydney Bristow

      It may be a little weird but I took notes. After a date I’d write up a little summary. It took me out of it all a little bit to kind of approach it like a researcher.

    • January

      Are you dating online? If so, keep in touch with other prospective dates because it will take some of the pressure off, if only because it will remind you that this one guy is not the last guy on earth. Kind of a variation on the “keep yourself busy with other things” advice, which you should definitely be doing, too.

    • k-padi

      The best mindset I found was to consider online dating like playing the lottery–I gotta pay to play and the odds are so low it’s likely I will never win.

      Tips for minimizing emotional impact:
      1. Meet in person pretty quickly after initial contact.
      2. Meet for coffee or drinks after work.
      3. Have a 1st date outfit and a 2nd date outfit to minimize angst over “what to wear”.
      4. If you realize it’s not going to work mid-date, think about it as a networking event or a practice sessions for honing conversational and social skills.
      5. Have a “this isn’t going to work” text message. Mine was: “You are a great guy and you deserve someone who is crazy about you. But I just don’t feel a romantic connection. I had a great time meeting you and I wish you all the best.”
      6. When it gets to be too much, take a hiatus from dating. Minimum of two weeks but I have gone up to 6 months.

    • espresso bean

      Thanks, all. This is actually not online dating, but I think most of the tips still apply. I met someone through a friend and we really hit it off, but it’s all the in-between that throws me off. Who initiates contact? Who sets up plans? etc. And I don’t know how to strike the right balance between expressing interest and being open to things while still protecting myself and not putting all my eggs in one basket. It’s hard!

  12. No more peplum recs, please

    I love this site so much, but I’ve reached my personal threshold for peplum recommendations.

    • I like peplums

      You don’t have to wear the top; Kat is just making suggestions. I love this top. Not everything will be just for you.

      • I like peplums, too

        There are lots of things reccomended that I am not particularly fond of, and lots that are. What I love is that regardless of whether I love the reccomendation, I often click on the link and then find something else nearby that I love. Which is not great for the wallet, but whatever.

      • No more peplum recs, please

        Maybe I’m just generally irritable today, but your response is really annoying. If I follow your logic, I suppose I’d need to tell you that you don’t have to comment when you disagree with the OP because she’s just voicing her opinion. She loves to have opinions and not everyone of those opinions will be meant just for you.

        • I like peplums

          Yeah, sounds like you’re just generally irritable. This is Kat’s blog, and she can post as many peplums as she wants. Your critical opinion, though you may “love to have opinions,” is not afforded the same protection as Kat’s original post because this is not your blog. Perhaps you can start a blog and not post any peplums.

          • Anon

            I tend to agree with OP. She simply pointed out she liked the site, but had seen a lot of peplum shown lately. No offense, but I can kind of see how she found your post condescending (maybe annoying is too far), because your response didn’t really address her original post. Instead you took the approach that she didn’t have to buy the featured top and not everything was just “for her.” I’m not sure that was her point. And who knows, maybe she even likes peplum, but is just sick of seeing it featured. And I’m kind of wondering if you didn’t miss the point of her response. It looks like she was parroting back to you the cadence of your post on purpose, but maybe you missed it. Bottom line, though, I’m not sure peplum’s worth the argument.

    • Susie

      I really disliked peplum when it was first becoming popular. Then I realized there are so many different types there is bound to be one that is flattering for every body type. I like it when it drapes rather than flares and starts lower, at my natural waist.

    • Susedna

      Ha! I am a little bit tired of peplums but love that people on this site have lots of ideas on how to style things. I’ve learned a lot here and appreciate posts on trends I like as well as the ones I dislike or are tired of. Sometimes, all it takes is a really great styling idea for me to rethink my “conventional wisdom” on a trend.

  13. Brant

    So, I have a new direct report who is a “lifer” at my company, and probably 20 years my senior. One of her personal objectives/goals for the year is to improve her communication/writing style, and she’s done things like sign up for writing 101 courses at a local community college, asked me to help coach her on how to send more effective emails, etc. We discussed this (among other goals) during the first week she started to report to me.

    Problem is this: her communication issues are twofold. First, her emails are sort of all over the place and don’t get to the point. I’ve been able to give her good feedback on this, giving examples of what works, letting her know when her emails are clear and concise, etc. She’s responded very well.

    Second problem is that her overall grammar/writing mechanics are really poor. I don’t think she went to college (not that that’s an excuse- these are things one learns in middle school, but to sort of contextualize why it was perhaps not corrected earlier) and given her age, I think these are pretty deeply ingrained errors. Do I/ how do I correct them? Things like using an apostrophe to pluralize nouns (“webinar’s” “explaination’s” etc), using “are” instead of “our” (not always- but probably 50% of the time), that sort of thing. She does communicate externally, but mainly with vendors etc. and she’s been doing it for years and has established relationships with these people.

    I don’t know if it makes sense to keep a running list of grammatical mistakes, then send them off to her? Or just reply to emails with some edits? Or just totally let it go. But she did specifically tell me she wanted to work on writing/communication, so it feels odd not to point out these mistakes. It also feels condescending to do so when it’s nit-picky grammar type things versus more holistic review of the communication style.

    • NOLA

      I don’t think I’d reply to emails with edits. That feels nitpicky. If it were me, I’d pull together some of her writing and sit down and meet with her. If the problems continue, do it again. Or maybe set up a few appointments over time. Acknowledge when she’s making progress.

      • Brant

        I guess that’s my question. I’ve got the back-and-forth feedback on overall content down–and she’s not only receptive to it, but she’s been making a lot of improvement. It’s this silly grammar stuff I don’t really know how to address w/out sounding nit-picky. And frankly, it doesn’t really bother me that much–other than she is actively trying to work on it and I’m actively noticing errors.

        It would be *easy* if I could comment on both the content AND the grammar in one email, but they don’t generally coincide.

        • NOLA

          I guess what I’m saying is not to comment on each email but keep several emails to show patterns. Then meet with her and go over the general problems. Does that make sense? It sounds like you’re doing well with her. Don’t beat yourself up!

          • Diana Barry

            +1, this is a good approach.

            You might also phrase it as “copy-editing” or “typos”, rather than “grammar issues”, because if it is a “typo”, that connotes that she *does* know what to do, she just doesn’t do it/check it in the moment. It might be a little softer/less nit-picky that way.

        • EC MD

          Maybe you could say something to her (or send an email) along the lines of

          You are doing a great job with blah blah blah in regards to written communication. There are a few little nit-picky typo/grammer issues that I’m seeing. Would you like to sit down and go over these at some point? Let’s schedule 30 minutes do it face to face.

          I think if you do this in a manner of kindness and support, face to face that she’ll be receptive to it.

    • a.k.

      Does your company have the resources to engage a third-party coach (in a training department or external) who could help with these issues? I agree that as your manager, you don’t want to be line-editing emails, but it sounds like she would really benefit from someone who would focus on her and spend time to help her improve.

    • hellskitchen

      Could you frame this for at the start and ask her what she would like? You could tell her that you have been noticing several grammatical errors and wanted to know if she would like feedback on them, and if so, how. Acknowledge that it may come across as nit-picky so you want to check with her. If she’s taking a writing class, perhaps these will get corrected soon enough. Or she may be open to you sending edits right away. Or she may prefer to get a good book on grammar and keep it handy. I think that you should be honest with her if she’s specified that she wants to improve her writing. If someone else were to correct her mistakes, she might wonder why you didn’t point them out – whether it was out of pity, or because you couldn’t be bothered to spend the time, or because you didn’t catch these mistakes yourself. Better to find out her expectations upfront.

      • Brant

        She’s on her second semester of writing 101/ writing mechanics…and I don’t know if it’s the quality of the program or perhaps she’s one of those people that just makes mistakes when they type/write quickly even though they know better (so she doesn’t make these errors in class). I can’t imagine how you could get through a writing 101 class and NOT have someone correct “our” vs “are” and extraneous apostrophes…

      • Statutesq

        I second just talking to her about it. The conversation may sting a little when you have it, but her issues seems so elementary and ingrained, you’re going to have to have her awareness/participation to change it.

    • Famouscait

      Since she’s specifically asked for help in this area I think you’d be doing her a disservice to overlook grammatical errors. It sounds like you’ve found a good way to approach the issue of style with her (writing for brevity and clarity); correcting the grammatical errors should be simple because it’s 100% straight-forward. What about something like the Oatmeal’s apostrophe chart:

      http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe

      It’s quirky-but-accurate, and perhaps a non-threatening way to educate her about the grammar mechanics we all need a review of sometimes.

      • Brant

        It would work for someone younger/who can take a joke. This woman is pretty serious about stuff and she’d probably take it the wrong way, unfortunately.

        I think she actually does know better, but that it happens when she writes quickly/without proofing.

        • TBK

          It seems like suggesting that she slow down and proof read things before sending them off would be a great first step for her. There are also lists of “common grammatical errors” and “commonly misspelled words.” You could give her some of these resources and suggest that she get in the habit of checking any of the common ones. For example, suggest that, as she proofs, she circle all apostrophes then go back through and make sure that each is used correctly. She could do the same with homophones like our/are, your/you’re, its/it’s, etc. In the beginning, it would be a slog (although maybe she could focus on a few at a time until she got them down), but her brain would start to alert to those things as she wrote and, eventually, would automatically choose the right word.

          I agree with others that if she wants to work on this, it would be unfair to her not to point out these errors. They may seem nitpicky to you, but they really do project an image of someone who is less educated and less professional. (Maybe this is unfair and classist, but it’s also true that this is what people see.) She’s smart to want to clean this up.

          • Brooklyn Paralegal

            I agree with TBK. A suggestion to slow down and proofread is pretty gentle and doesn’t sound too harsh, but I think the message is pretty clear.

            I also want to point out that if this woman deals with anyone other than you, which presumably she does, she is likely making these same mistakes. I would be mortified to find that I had emailed a client or colleague something with grammatical or mechanical errors like the ones you’re talking about. She’s right to want to correct this.

        • Susedna

          First of all, props to you for offering helpful feedback and investing time in helping her improve. Also, major props to her for the self-awareness and earnest effort to improve.

          Would it be possible for you to give her a checklist? I think she’s learning the mechanics of good grammar and writing in class but needs to be shown the process for how to produce a well-written piece.

          So, the checklist might say:
          1)Draft key points
          2)Flesh out key points w/ support
          3)Run spellcheck and grammar check
          4)Re-read and manually look to see if any known grammar issues are present
          5)Ask self if someone who isn’t in the thick of the project can figure out what the main idea/crux issue is from reading the piece. Etc.

        • Proofreading

          I agree with much of the advice offered by other commenters. I don’t think you can let the mistakes slide just because she is working on them or you don’t want to look hypercritical. When I first started working, my assistant asked me “how do you get that comma up there?” She had no idea what an apostrophe was and I was kind of appalled. As I got more experience, I realized that not everyone was taught the fundamentals of grammar, punctuation and spelling and that as we rely more and more on computers we become even less proficient at these skills. Also, there are fewer examples of content that we can point to as good examples – most newspapers have eliminated proofers and online content is usually riddled with mistakes.

          Given that she has identified this as an area for improvement, I think you need to continue to help her develop these skills. I would suggest making proofreading a team effort – create an environment where it’s the norm for your team to proof one another’s work, ask her to run her eyes over your work, etc. This collaborative effort can help everyone improve on proofreading skills. Finding and correcting the typos, grammar gaffes, and spelling mistakes in other’s work can help her improve her own writing. For ongoing mistakes, I agree with the posters that suggested gathering some samples. Meet with her in person when you have a few examples to show her but also includes some samples of well-written/mistake-free work.

    • Anonforthis

      It sounds like you have handled the first problem already but AAM did a great quick post in the past few days on how to clearly write work emails.

    • Small Town Atty

      Maybe you could get her a copy of the Elements of Style or a similar book? I know Elements has a section in the front about common grammar mistakes, but a lot of it is about effective written communication generally, so it’s in line with your broader conversations about her writing.

      • Brant

        She has Elements, actually (I suggested it as soon as she mentioned wanting to improve). I don’t think it’s a lack of knowing what’s “right” but rather simply not having the mechanics so deeply ingrained that they come naturally as she writes. So she has to be concentrating, which sometimes happens and sometimes does not.

        Sort of like me with basic math :)

        • bridget

          My mother is like this. Somewhere along the line, most of us have pick up a natural “feel” for spelling and grammar and usually intuitively realize something is off, and then can look it up. She doesn’t have that at all for some reason and consistently makes all of the mistakes that your direct report makes. Weirdly, she’s an elementary school teacher who seems very successful at teaching kids this stuff, but hasn’t really absorbed it herself. Unfortunately, her solution has been to just have me proofread and fix most of her written communications to parents.

          What I wish I could tell her (but since she’s my mom, not my direct report, it’s not really an option) is that she has to get in the habit of proofreading EVERYTHING written at least once. If she’s not 100% sure of every word, usage, punctuation mark, whatever, she needs to look it up until she gets to the point where she is consistently not finding any errors. I had to make myself do this with legal citation forms, which I wasn’t familiar with. I made myself bluebook every bit of the citation, every time, until I had enough practice to not have to do that anymore.

          • Brant

            my father, who has an MBA, is infamous for his inability to spell. Growing up, my siblings and I would die laughing finding a handwritten grocery list for things like “crakers,” “cheez,” and “sandwitch meat.”

            He will tell anyone that the only reason he made it to the exec level at his fortune 100 company is because of excellent admin assistants (in the 80s), spellcheck (in the 90s), and that he is smart enough to let other people create his presentations for him :)

          • AlaskaLaw

            Really responding to Brant’s father, and the “sandwitch meat” — loved it! DH cannot spell and for two decades I have received cards addressed to “Sweatheart”. His response to my spelling corrections is always the quote “Four years ago I couldn’t spell Engineer and now I are one.”

    • posey

      Instead of correcting individual emails, maybe you could create a list of her most common mistakes and show her the list? You could phrase it as, I’ve noticed that you make a lot of the same errors over and over, and if you focused on fixing these 5/10/15 things, it would make your communication a lot more effective. This seems less nit-picky than correcting an individual email.

      • Not a lawyer

        +1. Keep a list of the most common errors that you’re seeing and bring them up at your next development discussion. Maybe even have a few emails printed off to go over with her. Explain that these may be nit-picky, but the overall impact of her communication would improve drastically by keeping an eye out for these things. She may see a quick and vast improvement by consistently proof-reading, with a special eye out for 5 specific things.

    • Ebro fin

      Are the options in her e-mail client set to check both spelling and grammar? In Outlook, it is in Settings, Mail, Spelling & Auto Correct. You can check spelling, grammar, and frequently confused words. In Word, she can make sure her settings are set for proofing and then use the various statistics. It’s not perfect, but it will help and it also makes her accountable.

  14. Partner Comp. in BigLaw

    This is a follow-on to yesterday’s comp discussion (and part of a follow-on to a Lean In discussion, although I confess to needing to read the book still).

    Southeast BigLaw
    15 years experience
    non-capital partner
    1-1.5M of my own business (average has been around 1.2-1.3)
    300K (maybe a 10% bonus, but it and its absence is a total surprise)

  15. SSRN

    Have any of you ladies published on there? I’m trying to get back in to writing and see lots of papers on that site in all stages of completion, so I’m really confused about what the general purpose of publishing there is for.

    • TBK

      What I have on there was first published elsewhere. I’ve never tried to upload something not already published, but maybe there’s a way to do that?

      • SSRN

        Can I ask, did you put it on there or did the journal publishing it? Because if I’m remembering correctly, when I was a journal editor our authors had to promise not to publish elsewhere. maybe that is changing? That was part of my concern for putting something half done on there, but at the same time it seems like a good way to get feedback before you “finish”. So confused!

        • TBK

          I’ve posted myself, but after clearing it with the journal editor. I get the impression that it’s seen as a good way to get clicks for the journal. But I’ve only posted in scholarly legal publications (the kind that almost no one reads/subscribes to and only reads when researching a specific topic) so it might make a difference if they thought it would actually cut into subscriptions or newsstand purchases.

    • dancinglonghorn

      In my field, SSRN is not for “publishing” but for posting working papers – that is, papers that you want to circulate (and possibly get cited by other researchers) but that are a work-in-process. Usually people upload to SSRN just before they submit to a journal for publication. Since it can take an average of 1.5 years to get a journal article published in my field (and sometimes much, much longer) SSRN can be a good forum for posting research that is relatively complete but not published. Ultimately, tenure depends on who (and how many people) cite your paper in their paper, so SSRN is a good tool to allow access to your research pipeline to other researchers.

      In my field, if you see really old papers on SSRN, its usually because they were unable to publish the paper at any tier of journal

    • Monday

      So interesting that some employers are finding that it’s actually helpful.

      The last time my mom was with me for an interview, she yelled at the admin. assistant for initially giving me the wrong location and stormed out when she didn’t get an apology (I was a teenager hoping to be a camp counselor, and I did get the job). She’s successful and very senior in her own field, but I’ve noticed that she always wants/takes my professional advice and it never goes the other way.

    • mascot

      I’ve shown my parents my office before when they have been in town visiting (preferrably after-hours/on the wknd) and I have introduced them if we run into people. It’s not unusual for companies to invite a spouse to dinner/cocktail hour when recruiting a new hire, so maybe some of this wooing the parent is analagous. Young professionals may not have a spouse that weighs in on their decisions so maybe parents fill that role?? But, yeah, it’s too much in my mind to have this much involvement in just about any industry. I can see involving the family more for military recruitment.

      • Em

        And my baby boomer boss has brought his mother around the office and introduced her to everyone, so my feeling on this is, whatever.

    • Anon

      Insane. I’m right on the cusp of Millennial and Gen X (born 1981), and my parents don’t even understand what I do for a living. I’m ok with that.

    • green

      I found it interesting that this is so much more common in other countries but the article still tried to swing it again US millennials. Dont get me wrong, it’s crazy to do this to me no matter what, but the article clearly went in with a rally against Millennials (which I’m really tired of) and all they proved to me was that this was already happening overseas.

      Also, to play devils advocate: how many of these people actually brought parents because the interview was through a parent’s connection?

    • Gus

      How weird! My parents are totally normally, perfectly presentable people, but I’d nonetheless be mortified to bring them to a work-related event.

    • R

      UGH. I’m on the border of X/Millenium (1980) and I absolutely hate this over-reliance on parents. I know there was a discussion earlier about accepting money from parents for living expenses and I’m firmly against that, so clearly I think sending work report cards to Mommy is ridiculous.

      In my view, part of the job of “parent” includes raising independent, self-sufficient adults. And that begins at 18, although I understand some continuation in college. But once you have a paying job, you really should be able to function in your daily life without parental guidance. Bringing your parents to an “intern open house” just sounds like you should have artwork hanging on the walls and get stickers for going to the bathroom in the potty.

      • Brant

        So, i’m on the cusp as well between GenX and Millenial. When I read articles like this, I can only think of these employees as “kids.” Even though they are young adults.

        Send a performance review to parents? Getting notes from parents about salary negotiations or asking why kids weren’t selected for a job? This is enough to make me want to retire at the ripe old age of 31.

    • LizNYC

      I’m a Millennial and if I have to hear one more time about the stupid crap people in “my” generation are doing, I’m going to scream.

      I don’t do this. My parents don’t want this. My parents haven’t been to my workplace. Nor have they accompanied me to job interviews since I was a kid — and then only to drive me and stay in the car. And furthermore, they wouldn’t want to because they want me to be a fully functional adult whose only parent-related drama is the usual stuff (who’s going to make the holiday dinner!? why haven’t you called!? when are you having kids!?)

      • Maggie

        I don’t know who/where these people are that bring parents to interviews but this Millenial also thinks it is ridiculous.

        • CKB

          And as the mom to a Millenial or two who are on the younger end of the range, if they want to share their performance evaluation with me, great, but I certainly won’t expect it, and I don’t expect to be invited to their work things. I think that’s weird.

          Dh & I firmly believe we are raising adults, not children, and this trend goes against this philosophy.

      • lucy stone

        YES! I am an only child Millenial (1983) and am really close with my parents but I cannot IMAGINE this stuff. I did send my mom a copy of my last self-assessment to look over before I submitted, but that’s because she has 25 direct reports and I’d never done one before. I cannot imagine bringing my parents to an interview.

      • MissK

        +1,000,000!!!

        I am a Millenial and I feel like there is a group of “my” generation out there making the rest of us look horrid….

        I’ve had a paying job since I was 14; My parents have never met my boss; I was financially independent at 22. My parents raised their children to be functioning adults. If I ever asked them to do some of the stuff I read about, they would be asking serious questions about my mental health.

        Who are these crazy people?!?!?!

    • Sydney Bristow

      I think it’s nuts. I’d never have my parents involved like that and they’d think it was crazy if I wanted them to be. If I want them to know what is going on for me at work I’ll just tell them. I don’t need my office to do that for me. For example, I was so proud when I got my first post-college job that I showed my dad the offer letter. It would be bizarre to me if my employer sent him a copy or if he had expected to see it.

      Not really about this article, but I’m always bugged by articles complaining about millennials. I think the blame for their actions typically lies equally on the parents as the children.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      So maybe I am really coddled and sheltered, but even though I would never bring my parents on an interview, I would love to bring them to work and have them meet my co-workers. My parents are an important part of my life.

      • TBK

        I think there’s a difference between that and having your parents sent a copy of your performance evaluation.

        • Em

          The phrasing was “receive a copy” though. We have no idea if people are asking employers to send them or if they’re forwarding them and saying “look, I got a good performance review at work!” That’s not something I would do, but I don’t really think it’s that weird if 3% of my peers do have that relationship with their parents.

    • Kanye East

      I’m a Gen X slacker, and I’ll only take my parents to my office on weekends or well after hours; it’s hard enough for a woman in a law firm to command respect and authority without giving my colleagues the visual reminder that I’m someone’s “little girl.”

      Ask me again when I’m in my 60s; maybe it’ll be sweet n’ precious then. But not now.

    • theirway11

      maybe this is like…”I’m 20, I live with my parents, mom had to drive me, she’s waiting in the starbucks across the street til I’m done?” maybe? I can hope.

  17. Marie Curie

    I have a nice problem to have: I was notified yesterday that I am going to be awarded a prize for my MA thesis (based on merit, the best theses of the whole country get a prize after nomination by the university). Anyway, there is prize money involved to to the tune of €2500 and I’m … not quite sure what to do with it?
    Obviously I want to save some of it, but I also thought of buying myself something nice. Any suggestions on how to allocate how much to save and how much of it to spend? For what it’s worth, I have no debt to pay off and already have a well-stocked emergency fund etc.

    • ss

      Congratulations ! No bright ideas for the $ but do be sure to update your resume to include this (well-deserved) recognition for your work.

    • Susie

      If you don’t have debt I’d be fine spending most/all on a shopping spree, probably fabulous shoes (Manolos), a great coat (Burberry trench), and/or a few quality pieces. Or a tropical vacation to relax after all your hard work. The money is a nice amount but (for most people) not life-changing, I’d just enjoy it!

    • Veronique

      Congrats! I would buy a classic designer purse or some sort of fine jewelry. If you choose right, it will never go out of style, always fit, and can become an heirloom piece someday. Plus, it’s a tangible symbol of your fabulous accomplishment!

    • lucy stone

      Congratulations! I’d buy something classic, maybe some sort of nice pearls, that you can always wear and remember the huge accomplishment.

  18. Beginning Work!

    Hello everyone! I just graduated from law school and am about to start working as an associate at a BigLaw office. Do you all have any advice for starting off in BigLaw (both in terms of prep I can do now and more long-term advice)? Thanks so much!

    – Excited and Nervous

    • Ainsley

      Congratulations! Remember that everyone is nervous, not just you. It is normal to feel overwhelmed and like you have no idea what you’re doing — I feel that way still and I’m about to start my third year. Be professional and friendly and never be afraid to ask questions. And be nice to the secretaries — they can be your best allies if you ever have questions or need the scoop on someone’s working style.

    • LH

      A mentor of mine told me your job as a first year is just to be a sponge and absorb as much as you can. Nobody expects you to know anything right away – just work hard and learn as much as you can. And YES, be nice to support staff. There are few things that really reflect negatively on first years but treating secretaries and paralegals badly is one of them. Ask a lot of questions to make sure you really understand what you did wrong and what you should be doing instead. The more senior you get the less tolerant people are of questions and you not knowing what to do so your first year is your chance to ask all the dumb questions.

      Don’t do any prep – you will be buried with work soon enough and no prep is necessary. Take this time to relax, sleep, stock your freezer with healthy meals, see your friends, and generally get your home and life in order (there have been a few other threads about this in the past).

    • Abby Lockhart

      My thoughts, having done it all wrong:

      1. There are some really great books with advice for young lawyers at big firms. Read one. Even if it is not all great advice, or some of it is repetitive of things you already know (you did GET the job, after all), it will put you in a good mindset to be cognizant of how you want to present at work.
      2. Sit down and figure out what you really want your weekly schedule to look like, so you can figure out a healthful routine that includes a 10-12 hour workday. You’ll have longer work days, and some shorter, but if you plan now for the 10-12 hour day and create a routine that includes exercise, hobbies, social and professional gatherings, sleep, home maintenance, and healthful eating, it will be easier to get back to your routine when a busy week knocks you off your schedule.
      3. If you can, make appointments for the year now — annual doctor’s appointment, dental cleanings, haircuts (maybe not a full year’s worth), etc. That way you can build them into your schedule and it will be easier to keep them. Of course things come up and you may have to reschedule, but at least you’re less likely to just skip them.
      4. Identify a professional organization you’d like to join, and figure out if there is an event you can attend in the first two months of your job. It will be good to get out and talk to people outside your firm.
      5. Set a small personal goal you can pursue and likely achieve despite the new obligations — knit a sweater, run a 5k or half marathon, read 2 classics, whatever . . . Your first year of practice will be filled with frustrations and perceived failures, and feelings of incompetence (with a few victories, too). If you can find some way to feel fulfilled and successful outside of work, I think it will go a long way.

      Good luck!

    • cbackson

      Our first-years started this week, so I’ve had this conversation a bunch of times recently. The most important thing to realize is that the first year in Biglaw will make you feel like an idiot. You’ll make tons of mistakes – that’s fine, and expected. Ask questions. Ask for help. Ask when you don’t understand why a change was made/needed/asked for. We expect you to make honest mistakes because you’re just learning your job.

      What we don’t expect and can’t forgive is carelessness, so train yourself to be careful. Obvious errors will drive your supervisors nuts, and they’re easy to avoid. Always remember that the buck stops with me (the person who assigned the work to you): I’m the one who ultimately has to stay until 3 or 4 AM fixing a document if you did a careless job. I’m the one that takes the angry call from the client. It’s easy to be annoyed when you get a heavy mark-up back from a more senior attorney, or an irritable reminder to spell-check, or are made to go back and fix all the tab stops in the document. But remember that if you don’t to it, it’s not that it doesn’t get done – it’s that I have to do it. Remembering that will help you get in the right frame of mind to deal with those you work with.

      Good luck!

    • TBK

      Everyone else’s advice is really good. I’d add:
      1) When you get an assignment, go back to your office and look at it IMMEDIATELY. Try to spend an hour or so figuring out what you’ll have to do and outlining your first steps. This will help you identify any questions you might have, or resources you might need. You might also realize that you were given no deadline. It’s 100% okay to go back to the person and say “hey, I didn’t quite understand A and B, can you explain [concept] to me or refer me to a resource?” but you must do this quickly. They don’t want to hear this a week later when they were expecting to have a draft in hand.

      2) As part of step one, if a partner says to you “There was a case in, I think, the 11th Circuit in 2008 or so that dealt with this, so just find that one and that should pretty much get you there” make sure you try to find that case right away. [This applies mostly to litigation but I’m sure there’s a corollary in other practice areas.] Ninety-nine times out of a hundred that case doesn’t exist. Instead, it was a case in the 8th Circuit in 1998 that dealt with a similar set of facts but the finding of law is all wrong and so the case is completely useless to you. This means your research will take about 10x as long as the partner thinks it should. If you look for it right away, you can tell the partner you couldn’t find it (document your research trail) and that it will therefore take you much longer and is that okay.

      3) Add some time into your schedule (at least a few hours a week) to study. This time will be non-billable, but it’s important to help you develop in your field. You will want to read articles in legal publications to help you stay on top of trends in your practice area. You’ll also want to read articles in publications relevant to your clients’ industries. You’ll need to keep up with these things throughout your career. In the beginning, you may also want to throw in some basic study for your area of practice, especially if you didn’t do much work in this area before or during law school. While no one expects you to know all this stuff when you start, they do expect you to pick it up over the first couple of years. You’ll pick up a lot of it just by doing your work, but there will still be things that need a little more focus. If you spend the time to study in these areas now, you will be very impressive once you’re a 3rd or 4th year.

      • Abby Lockhart

        +1 on the studying.

        One more thought: Pay attention during the orientation when they tell you about firm resources, identify who to go to for what, show you how the computer system works, etc. and then spend some time reading the handbooks and poking around on the computer. You’ll be much more efficient if you know what your resources are, how to use them, and who to ask for help.

    • B

      Just gave advice to a student about to start who has become a mentee of mine, and it was mostly related to a first year lawyer who did a horrible job for me on a recent deal. I’m a mid-level, so here’s what I told the incoming junior associate. I do not expect you to know anything about the law. What I do expect is for you to ask questions. I don’t know if you have already done this type of project for someone else or if this is the first time you’ve ever done it, so you need to ask if you don’t know. That being said, don’t ask me questions every 5 minutes. When I give you the assignment, ask any immediate questions that you need to get started. Then go think about it for awhile and start working, then come back me to me with some follow up questions. Once I teach you something, I expect you to not continually make the same mistakes. I expect you to be detail-oriented and work hard. I expect you to learn. Being a first year suck because you feel really stupid and worthless a lot of time, but the good news is that the expectations are really low. Your reputation is everything as a lawyer, first your reputation within your firm, and then as you get more senior outside of the firm. When you work with a new person, go above and beyond and work your ass off and do a great job the first time. That sets your reputation. Do this every time you work with a new person. Once I have a junior associate do a great job, I go back to them again and again and am much more tolerant if they do make a mistake because I know it’s the exception rather than the rule. Also, remember that you are in charge of your career. It is up to you to seek out the attorneys you want to work for and the type of work you want to do. If you get a good reputation early on, it will be much easier to then get to pick what work you’re doing and for who in the future. Good luck!

  19. Ainsley

    TJ — a friend is super stressed out and has had a terrible few weeks. We’ve spoken on the phone and emailed, but I want to surprise her with something sweet. I was thinking flowers but wanted to see if anyone had any other suggestions. She’s in NY and loves tea, yoga and theater. Does anyone have any ideas?

    • Diana Barry

      If you know which studio she frequents, a few-class card would be an awesome present (and stress-relieving to boot!).

    • Anon in NYC

      Agree on the yoga studio gift card. Perhaps a gift card to TKTS (theater) or Harney & Sons (tea).

  20. Where should I go?

    Starting to think already about next summer’s family vacation. We like to go somewhere in Europe for two weeks at a time, generally we pick one place to stay the whole time and then use that as a base for day trips too. We’ve already done London, Paris, Florence, and Stockholm. Where should we go next? Spain? Germany? Austria? Ireland? It doesn’t necessarily need to be in a city (though we do like seeing the major European cities) but it does need to be somewhere that there’s enough stuff locally and within relatively easy day trips to keep us occupied for two weeks. We have elementary school/middle school aged kids, with a pretty wide range of interests. Recommendations?

    • elz

      We know a family who relocated to Brussels a couple years ago. She writes frequently abut their trips all over Europe on her website (she has elementary age kids as well). She has good tips and amazing photos.

      Her site is www dot chubbyfoot dot com

    • ss

      Istanbul or Barcelona would fit the bill in terms of cities with local sight-seeing and easy day-trips.

      But many of my friends with kids your age prefer to rent a villa or cottage and space out the sight-seeing with more ‘lifestyle’ type activities (local markets, cooking at home, use of a swimming pool or beach, riding, cycling, hiking or similar nearby). Any of the UK, Ireland, Italy, France or Spain will have lots of options if this is something you reckon you’d be interested in.

      Gites de France has a nice website and is a good starting point for rentals at all price-points in France.

      • OP

        This is what we do — rent an apartment or house, so we can get the feel, at least a little bit, of what it’s like to live there. So we do the local markets, local parks, etc., kind of stuff. But I also always want to make sure that there is some good sight-seeing nearby too. My kids would all too easily be happy to just swim in a pool, ride bikes, go hiking — all stuff that we can do at home too, so I want for there to be interesting museums, historical sites, cultural activies too.

        • Anon in NYC

          A person I work with has rented a villa in Tuscany a few times with his young (elementary school) kids. It’s great – the kids have a pool, they take trips to places like Sienna and other local cities, drink excellent wine, etc. Italy is very kid friendly as well.

    • LH

      I always recommend Eastern Europe to people who have done England, France, Germany and are looking for something different. Budapest and Krakow are two of my favorite cities in the world and you could take day trips to the mountains/countryside.

    • Niktaw

      If your kids are interested in ancient myths, you could go to Greece or Italy.
      I don’t think you’ll be able to stay in one HQ-type place for the entire time, but you could divide the trip into manageable 2-3-4-day segments, one of which could be a beach break.

    • AIMS

      I love Spain and though I don’t have kids found it to be very kid-friendly in general. There were lots of kids at restaurants and everyone seemed to be enjoying each other.

    • Anon

      What about Bavaria? Neuschwanstein castle, Garmisch-Partinkirchen, Oberammergau would be a neat trip. Greece could also be perfect for summer and have a great historical angle for you & the kids. Prague is a lovely city and the Czech Republic has great weekend/day trip towns (Karlovy Vary, Kutna Hora, Cesky Krumlov). Croatia is another pretty summer option – Dubrovnik especially.

    • Chini

      Crete! It’s like its own little country, and you could stay in one villa and spend two weeks exploring the entire island. You have major archaeological sites (educational for the kiddies!), stunning beaches, amazing hiking, and a dose of city life in Iraklion or (my preference) Chania. Not sure what Greece’s economic situation will look like next year, so prices may increase steeply, but you’ll still probably get a better deal than most other places in Europe.

    • Mountain Girl

      Germany, Austria and Switzerland. Vienna, Munich, Bavaria and Frankfurt for larger cities. The Alps and the Rhine River for natural beauty. Castles – real castles not Disney’s interpretation of castles – especially if you have daughters. Rothenburg and Dinkelsbuehl for medieval walled cities – in fact the entire Romantic Road in Germany is absolutely perfect. Visit Salzburg which is famous for being Mozart’s birthplace and the site of The Sound of Music.

  21. Designer jeans: worth it?

    Hi ladies! I’ve never owned a pair of “designer” jeans before. I normally buy my jeans from Gap or Levis (I like their Curve sizes because I have a big butt/thighs and smaller waist), but I am getting a bonus and am thinking of buying a pair of more expensive jeans as a treat to myself.

    My question is: are they worth it? I’ve heard they’re softer and more comfortable, generally, but do they last longer? Are the fits better? Is there a brand you recommend?

    • mascot

      For me, the pair of jeans that is worth is is the pair of jeans that fits me well. I am an hourglass shape and gifted in the butt/thigh department. I don’t look good in low-rise jeans which strikes out a lot of options. Mavi and Joe’s Jeans are two brands that I have found fit me well. I have some older pairs of Banana Republic jeans that I liked.

      • Statutesq

        Second Joe’s, but “Honey” cut specifically. They are worth the money. My first pair of Joe’s are going on their fourth year and are still great. I can usually find them on sale at my local Last Call.

    • Traditionalist

      I love love love the way Seven for All Mankind jeans make me look and feel. I can tell a huge difference from Gap or other lower-priced jeans. That said, they really don’t hold up well enough for my taste so I’m not sure I’ll be replacing the worn-out pairs I already own with more Sevens. (Maybe I’m in the minority on this issue and they last longer for others?) Also, I have a similar body type and would advise steering clear of the A-pocket style; they’re cut far too slim for me.

      • Equity's Darling

        I feel the same way about Sevens- I love how they look on me and how they fit, but they really don’t hold up all that well, even though they look substantially better than lower-priced jeans. I have a similar body type to the OP also. I’d love other high-end jean suggestions…

    • posey

      love rag & bone and j brand. They have no visible back pocket design (OK rag & bone does a little bit but barely) and the fit is great. I would go to a dept store (Bloomingdales, Nordstrom or Saks) and just try one dozens of pairs of jeans to see what makes you look best. I think designer jeans are 100% worth it, but to be honest I haven’t worn a pair of non-designer jeans in like 10 years (sorry if that makes me sound like a snob, I’m not, just materialistic) so I don’t know what the state of non-designer denim is.

      • BB

        Love the Rag & Bone jeans too. I bought them because they were the only ones that fit me well, though. If there were Gap ones that fit me, I would have bought those.

        I did, however, cut the big white label off the inside of the back waistband though (the one that leaves a white thread outline on the outside. As someone who sews, it just looked unfinished in a weird way.

    • Godzilla

      As a followup question, what brands do you all recommend for monster-shaped ladies with junk in the trunk? Or, in more commonly used terminology, apple-shaped with a booty. High-waisted, mid-rise, low-rise? Low rise jeans kind of fall off and while the mid-rise/high-waist stay put, they also cut into my belly. Help!

      • cbackson

        I think that the difficulty you will find about shopping in regular stores is that most jeans aren’t going to have a back vent for the tail.

      • Kelly

        I think by your own definition you are looking for Apple Bottom brand. Preferably without that logo sewn on the pockets, though.

      • EC MD

        Assuming you can tuck your tail, I’m a big fan of Paige Premium Denim. I have a little bit of a belly left from recent childbirth, coupled with a naturally pear shaped, junky-trunk. I got a pair at the Nordstroms anniversary sale and they are lovely. The also run all the way to a 34 (many stop at 33 or 32) which if you are a big 12 or small 14 actually fit. The fact that I’m barely sized out of many high end jeans lines is so demoralizing to me at times.

      • Anonymous

        Apple bottom or true religion. Paige fits almost everyone and they are my favorite brand (and I have a little bit of butt and thin thighs, but I know people with big thighs/butt who can wear them as well).

    • Bonnie

      Another vote for Joe’s. They are softer and I find that they don’t lose their shape like jeans from the Gap.

    • eek

      FYI – the denim on my William Rast (Justin Timberlake) jeans has not worn well, despite limited washing on cold/air dry. But, I am a fan of fancy jeans and I get them tailored in the waist and length.

    • AG Jeans

      I think designer jeans are worth it. The fabrics are higher quality (though not always as durable). I bought my first pair of 7 jeans in 2005 and got at least 6 good years out of them. I am curvy and the best looking and fitting jeans I have found are Adriano Goldschmied (and not just because we have the same last name). It’s not as well known as some of the other brands, but Adriano Goldschmied was one of the founders of Diesel and has worked for Citizens of Humanity and Goldsign.

  22. Stevi

    The asymmetrical line makes it look like something went askew in the sewing machine.

  23. Legal market

    Somewhat of a follow-up to yesterday: do the lawyers out there have a general idea of what the legal market is like in their area? I’m mainly curious about law firms, not government or in-house. I’m an associate in a medium-sized firm in a medium-sized city, and work is slow. There’s rumors of pay freezes (no lockstep raises), but not attorney layoffs. I’m just curious if this is typical of the market in general, or if it’s specific to my firm or my location.

    • So so anon

      I’m large boutique/midsize in NYC and we’re slower than what I understand was “normal” pre-2011. I think that the large shops are using fewer ppl to do the work so the attorneys there are crazy busy, but everybody else may not be.

  24. Nonny - Nail Polish Inspiration

    As an update: I ended up going with Deborah Lippmann’s “Single Ladies”. It’s been a while since I gave myself a manicure and today whenever I look down and see my nails it makes me smile.

  25. Recommendations for style blogs?

    Looking for recommendations for daily style blogs. Something leaning toward business/business casual, like extrapetite or 9to5chic. Which ones do you read?

    • Anonymous

      This is more for casual clothes / maybeeee business casual, but I love Stylized Existence. There are lots of posts that show you how to make outfits out of items you might already have. I find it to be so much more applicable to my life and style than most style blogs.

      • Nonny

        Wow, I’d never seen Stylized Existence before, but just looked at it and I love her post on red + animal print (especially leopard). Hmmm, I wonder if Senior Attorney has a hand in that blog?

    • Baconpancakes

      You’ve seen Capitol Hill Style, right? I ask because I know a lot of readers on thissite follow her as well. It’s great for suggesting ways to wear individual pieces, and she does a lot of more reasonably-priced pieces.

  26. salt

    Is anyone in hospital risk management? I think this would be a good fit for me and want to learn more about the day to day life/responsibilities!

  27. anonTTC

    Hi all – I’m sorry to do this as I think I remember a thread on this a while back, but searches have been fruitless. I’m just starting the whole baby train thing and have so many questions, things to learn, etc. None of my friends have babies and I don’t want to get my SIL, mom and MIL overly excited! Any blogs, online communities or sites you’d recommend? What blogs can I go to and discuss? Love the community here but want to save you all from my prego overload! Thanks so much!

    • Samantha

      Whattoexpect dot com and babycenter dot com are good sources of information once you are expecting. I’d suggest joining a group of moms-to-be whose due dates are in the same month as you. e.g. whattoexpect will have a “June 2014 babies” group. It helps a lot to discuss issues with others who are in the same boat, as opposed to asking your mom or sis who may not remember exactly what it was like to be, say 16 weeks pregnant: “back pain”, “gas/bloating”, “when did you feel a kick for the first time?” type questions.
      Once you have your baby, I might consider searching babycenter for anything you need more info about: “baby acne”, “what’s the best diaper cream” type questions. I’ve found that babycenter has a wider range of (especially quasi-medical) information.
      From your username though it sounds like you want TTC information. The sites I mention above have some TTC groups, but there are other specialized sites as well that other people might recommend.

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