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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 172 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Pintuck Ponte Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Ellen Tracy Pintuck Ponte Sheath Dress | CorporetteThis dress reminds me of one of my favorite dresses from last year, also by Ellen Tracy, also a ponte. This one has 3/4 sleeves and more details at the waist, but it looks every bit as wearable as last year's version. It's fully lined, and available online only in sizes 2-16. Ellen Tracy Pintuck Ponte Sheath Dress Psst: Whoa, hold the phone, last year's version (short-sleeved, slightly wider neckline) is available this year in a white and a lovely red print. Here's a 3/4 sleeved sheath dress with some great jacquard features for plus sizes.   Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.  

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Diana Barry

    Nice dress, but too short for me.

    Quick poll for everyone who has kids who get up early: when do you work out? how many times a week? I am trying to figure out when I could work out, but the only thing I come up with is 530-6 am so that I can get back by 615 when the kids may get up.

    • mascot

      I am trying to do a couch to 5k program and run three mornings a week. Which means getting up at 5:30 a.m. to be back in time to start the morning routine. DH and I try to alternate mornings for working out and school drop-off. Fortunately, I am a morning person so waking up early isn’t that miserable. Exercising in the evening isn’t my preference because it means I can’t work out until after 8pm (post dinner, family time, bedtime for the kiddo). During the cooler months, I go for a walk during lunch.
      On the weekends, I try to get in a run or workout on Saturday or Sunday morning. Plus, we spend a lot of time being active on the weekends so that has to count for something.

    • Anon

      I swim once a week at lunchtime at a pool near work. Twice a week – if weather is good enough (basically anything but pouring rain or snow) – I put kiddo in jogging stroller as soon as we get home from daycare and run with her to the playground (3km). Run with her around at playground for 20 minutes and then back in stroller for run home. This involves having slow cooker meals 2x/week so that I don’t have to start dinner after work. Not the best workout but it keeps me reasonably active and love the time with kiddo and love not having to get up earlier.

    • Wow

      I agree – love this dress but too short for me. And if you do a close up of the hem, you’ll see that there isn’t enough to let out. This is my biggest frustration with dresses. Why not provide 2 inches of extra hem for those of us who want to lengthen a dress??!

    • Anon BigLaw

      I live in a 2-story house with the bedrooms on the second floor and the laundry on the first floor. Somehow since becoming Our Lady of Perpetual Laundry 5.5 years ago, this must have been what does the trick. Sometimes a weekend tennis game. Sometimes some time on the cheesy aerobics step (that + reality tv + music is great fun for me).

      My children are 20 months apart, so before they were too heavy for the double jogger, just pushing that at an ex-New Yorker’s walking pace was a good workout (70-90 pounds of children, 30-ish pound double BOB, hilly terrain).

    • Nancy P

      I get up at 5:30 / 6, hit the gym, and am back by 7 (7:30 at the latest). DH is responsible for Little Man in the mornings until I get home (LM usually wakes between 6:30 and 7); then it’s my responsibility to figure out how to get showered / eat while keeping LM happy. I’m also a morning person, so it’s not _that_ bad, although I am sad that it’s already dark in the mornings now.

    • BigMed

      That’s when I do it: 530-6a. It was hard getting started at first. But now, I feel incomplete for the day if I miss an early morning work out. I do a nice stretch out for about 5 min afterward which sorta works as “me/relaxiation time”–it’s all I can really get at this point. I have 3 kids (small) who get up before 7. I have trained them that that workout time is “Mama time”…so all requests, needs, etc must wait until that is over. It has been really good for everyone (esp my body and mind-set). I probably am a slightly better mother having started the day doing something for my health and well-being before the barrage of attending to child needs.

    • JJ

      I get up at 5 and am done working out (running outside, mostly) by 6:15. That gives me time to cool down, get ready, and get the kids ready and out the door by 7:30ish. It was really hard at first, but I’ve started making sure I go to bed by 10 when possible, and now I’ve just gotten used to it. Sometimes the kids wake up before I’m back and my husband will get up and get them breakfast and turn on the TV, but a lot of the time everyone is still asleep once I’m back. It’s become my “me time” and now I look forward to it.

    • AN

      Lunch workouts? Or is it possible to work out after kids go to school and go in late 2x a week?

      • SuziStockbroker

        This is what I do. Work out twice a week (no sweating, just lifting weights) during office hours. Once at lunch and once at beginning of day.

        Weekends I try to get in some running.

        If I finish appointments early enough, I walk home (40 minutes). Doesn’t happen very often.

    • RR

      The only way I can make it work is to get up at 5:00/5:30. Then I hit logistical difficulties when it’s too dark outside. Those of you that run/walk outside in the morning, what do you do when it’s dark? Headlamps or something? I not *too* concerned about personal safety in my peaceful suburb, but it still feels wrong to be outside by myself at 5:30 in the morning in the dark.

      • Clementine

        As someone who often runs in the dark, early mornings and has done overnight relays, here are two suggestions:

        1) I wear a reflective vest, head lamp and flashing red light on my back. It was suggested safety gear for an overnight relay and I’ve just kept wearing it. It makes a big difference in my visibility to cars and I’m able to see.

        2) I have a residential development from the 40’s/50’s near me that has a big half-mile loop I can run AND decent street lights. Since it’s residential, cars aren’t as much of a worry and I use it as my track when it’s dark out.

        Also, I run with my dog and/or other women frequently and choose routes carefully.

        • Spirograph

          2nd all of this. I have reflective belts that were standard issue in the military as well as a reflective vest, and never run in low-vis (I wear the vest on cloudy or rainy days, too) without at least one of them. I also have a headlamp, which was uncomfortable at first, but you do get used to it. The streetlamps in my neighborhood are intermittent, so I appreciate the light to identify obstacles, too. Road ID makes some clip on flashing lights that are easy to hook on your waistband or elsewhere on your clothes. I’m sure I look like a total dork, but at least everyone can see me.

      • JJ

        It’s totally dark when I head outside. I run in residential neighborhoods where they have streetlights and try to vary my route as much as possible each day/week so that I don’t run the same, predictable route every time. I wear capris with reflective stripes on them, a Road ID on my shoe that’s reflective, and headbands that have reflective stripes on them. I also only buy light-colored tops to wear when I’ll be out in the dark.

      • CKB

        I wear reflective clothing, stick to bus routes that have well lit streets, stay very aware of any cars pulling out of driveways as they often aren’t expecting pedestrians that early in the morning, always have my shoe id tag, and dh can check where I am via ‘Find My iPhone’ if he gets worried. He also knows my usual routes.

    • anne-on

      I lift weights 2x week, once during lunch (I don’t get really sweaty lifting so I rarely shower after which helps make it quicker) and once at 7pm on a weeknight (husband/sitter handle bath). If I fit in another 1-2 sessions at home of cardio I consider it a good week.

    • CHJ

      I workout at lunch 2x during the work week, and then do something more intense on both weekend days. For me, that is either running with the baby in a jogging stroller or leaving him with my husband for an hour while I go out on my own. For workday lunch workouts, I joined the gym across the street from my office, which keeps it fast. I like the two work days per week rule because it’s flexible enough that you can work around your busy days, too.

      • Coach Laura

        Lunch-hour (anywhere between 11a.m. and 3p.m.) weight lifting sessions with or without trainer were my salvation during the young kid/not enough sleep years. Also yoga or Pilates mat classes. Shower not usually needed – towel bath if necessary.

    • Missing workouts

      Rats, I was hoping for some great ideas/inspiration that did NOT involve waking up extra early. I need to be out the door at 7:30, DH leaves at 6:45, and job + evening classes coupled with unwillingness to use the one hour between getting home from work work and leaving for school for anything except family time means 5:30am is the only time to exercise. And I feel like just can’t… I need the sleep, and I’d miss my 6:15-6:30 snooze/snuggle with the baby. Those are excuses, though, and I should just suck it up. A morning workout a couple times a week would probably give me enough energy to compensate for the missed shut-eye. You ladies are awesome. I know it’s easier once a routine sticks, but how did you motivate yourselves for the first couple weeks of early morning workouts?

      • JJ

        With a kid that just turned one and a toddler, I was honest with myself that I was generally not getting any “good” sleep between 5-6 am because a few days a week at least, one of the two was awake or waking up during that time. So getting up at 5ish wasn’t as difficult when you realize you’re not giving up that much sleep.

        I could get up at 5:45 and work out and then race to get ready, but I get up at 5 so that I still have some snuggle time with my baby once I’m showered and I’m not frantic each morning. I promise that after a few weeks, it gets easier. And on the days I don’t work out in the morning, I feel like a slug the rest of the day.

      • Anon in NYC

        Is there a gym near your office? A lot of my colleagues work out midday (11am and 3pm seem to be the favored times). My mom found that switching to a gym near her office helped after her commute doubled.

        I don’t have kids, but as for working out in the morning, I wake up about 30-40 minutes before I need to leave the house and drink a cup of coffee while playing on my phone. The cup of coffee is a game changer for me – otherwise I struggle to fully wake up. Plus, I go to bed earlier. On average I go to bed about 1-2 hours earlier than when I wasn’t working out in the mornings.

      • Anon

        Not sure why you’re not considering the suggestions re: lunchtime workouts or activity after work with kiddo in addition to or instead of an early morning routine. It’s not an either/or situation – you could do one early morning/week and one lunchtime.

        • JJ

          To be fair, lunchtime isn’t an option for some of us because we have to leave “early” (5:30ish) from work to make daycare pickup. Taking a long lunch to fit in a workout (and shower and get ready again) isn’t feasible simply because I can’t be gone from the office that long.

          It’s also over 100 degrees outside usually when I get home with the kids, so doing anything outside after work for 4-6 or so months out of the year isn’t an option.

        • Missing workouts

          Certainly I’ve considered that, but I work through lunch in order to leave early enough to get home to see my family before I head out for school. I only have an hour in between, and that’s dinnertime and maybe a quick walk to the playground or playing in the back yard. Better than nothing, but neither really counts as a “workout.” Carving out even 30 minutes for a non-sweaty weight workout during/adjacent to the work day puts me in worse traffic getting home and basically eliminates my family time.

          JJ, you are so right that there is no good sleep to be had after 5 anyway. That is a perfect place to start. Thanks!

          • Wildkitten

            You are doing SO MANY THINGS, and that is GREAT. I assume the school is time-limited and will be over eventually? Can you try to fit more walking in your regular life until school is over? Or lift weights for just 15 minutes? It sounds like you are trying to fit more than 24 hours into a day.

      • CKB

        It’s easier for me because my kids are older – youngest turns 9 in a couple of weeks, but it helps that I’m a morning person. I set my alarm, and I know that when the alarm goes off I just get up. It also helps that I try to do early workouts only twice a week, and I make sure that lights are off by 10 at the latest. I’ve streamlined my routine as much as possible – I check the weather report the night before and have my workout clothes in the bathroom, all my running gear is on the kitchen table (or my gym bag is packed), I eat breakfast after I get to work, I’ve decided what to wear to work well before I get in the shower. It’s the only way I can get my workout in and be out the door on my way to work by 7am. I really don’t enjoy evening exercising, and evenings are more for family time anyway. On the weekends I work out a little later, and if the kids wake up while I’m gone & dh is still asleep, they just play their ipods until I get home. I wouldn’t say it’s always easy, but the more I do it the easier it gets, and the alternative of missing my workouts is unacceptable to me.

        I also take advantage of the gym at my office 2-3 times per week for weight training, and sometimes a quick 20 min on the stationary bike. I try not to get too sweaty at work so I don’t have to shower, but I keep baby wipes and deodorant in my gym bag so I can freshen up before heading back to my office.

      • ANP

        I’ve recently started doing Jillian Michaels’ 30-day shred DVD. I get a great workout from it and it’s less than 25 minutes long. That would allow you to work out from 5:30 – 6 and still be done in time for snuggles!

    • Anon

      I typically work out at home at 5 a.m. I do either treadmill running or a workout video/something from Netflicks or Youtube. I try to do this 3 days a week and then walk at lunch a couple days a week also. Every now and then if I did neither for whatever reason, then I try to do a workout at home after the kids are asleep. It is difficult and I try not to beat myself up over not getting them all in. We are also pretty active on the weekend with hiking most Saturday mornings and bike rides on Sundays. I try to focus more on what and how much I eat to maintain my weight.

      • Diana Barry

        Thanks ladies. I think I am restricted to super early morning as well – there are no gyms close to my office and I can’t do it after work in the dinner rush. They are big enough to turn on the tv by themselves if I get back after they wake up.

    • Reix

      I (try to) do ballet beautiful, a 15 min routine, at home, either at 6:00 in the morning, or after *:30 pm, when my children are asleep.

    • Anon

      Lunch or right after work – I keep gym clothes at the office (I have a gym at my office, which is helpful), and I try to finish up a little early to at least get 30 mins in. I change into gym clothes after my last meeting.

      • Middle Coast

        It isn’t much in the way of a classic workout, but I try to build little bursts of exercise into my day. I park as far away from the doors of work/stores as I can. I get up from my desk and walk down and up a flight of stairs every half hour or so at work. Or two, or three flights depending on how energetic I am. I walk on my lunch hour. If I am reading something, I stand. When someone comes into my office to talk with me, I stand up (this helps to keep them from sitting down and getting comfy). My husband and I take a walk each night in our neighborhood and discuss how our day went. When the kids where little, we did this with them in a stroller. You can fit a lot of exercise into the nooks and crannies of your life.

        • Burgher

          I also try to do this. I use a smaller water cup so I have to walk over to the lunch room more often. Days that I drive, I take the steps in the parking garage instead of the elevator. I started to walk to and from my bus stop instead of driving on the days that I take public transportation. It only adds in about a half a mile total, but it’s better than nothing. We try to take walks with the 2 year old in the stroller after work at least a few days a week, too, and do a lot of active things on the weekend. I am definitely healthier and more active now than pre kids, so I feel like I’m doing alright.

    • MegB

      You hit the nail on the head, 5:30 to 6:15 is all I can manage. I totally hate it but hate not working out more.

    • ac

      5 a.m. workout classes, which requires me to wake up at 4:20 a.m. and leave the house at 4:40 a.m. It’s brutal, but I can do it 2-3x a week. Husband does the same for his gym/swimming workouts, and also does weekend biking (leave house early & home by 9 a.m.)

      I agree with others that midday, after work, or late evening (after bedtime) are other good options. We try to minimize the time that parent is stuck with both kids, awake.

    • AnonLawMom

      Well, I am not sure if this is feasible for you for many reasons (available clubs/cost) but here’s what I did recently and has been working wonders. I joined a private club with workout facilities and exercise classes (yoga, etc.) that also has childcare that is really good. Tues/Thurs, I have our nanny meet us there after work, I fit in a class or a run while kids play (and they LOVE it and beg to go so I don’t feel guilty). Saturday AM, the whole family goes. So, I get three good workouts in a week without crazy early mornings. Maybe try to look for a similar club/gym/etc in your area. It has made an enormouse difference in my health and happiness.

    • Darjeeling

      I’m unwilling to get up earlier than my young kids so during the week I work out with videos at night. Like, at 9 or 10 pm. Occasionally I’ll do a 10-20 minute workout in the morning but that’s it. I work out both weekend days, either at night or during nap time or while the kids are out with my husband. I try to get 3-5 workouts a week total. I’m impressed with all you early birds!

  2. do I need a lawyer?

    Hi ladies,

    My great aunt who is in a nursing home and unable to care for herself, was served a summons because of unpaid credit card debt. Do I need to hire a lawyer for her? Can I call the cc company directly and try to work soemthing else? I’d prefer not to have to pay a lawyer but want to be careful. Also does anyone have any lawyer recommendations in MA?

    • Diana Barry

      I would ask the staff at the home if they have an admin person who deals with it. They probably have someone (or at least one!) who spends a lot of time talking to insurance companies, health care agencies, and probably collection agencies as well.

    • Carrie

      My gut would be to call the CC company just to see what they say first, and then I agree with asking the home for basic advice, if you “trust” them.

      Who is taking care of her finances now? It sounds like she needs a financial POA and someone taking over this stuff. Now may be the time to sort it out. Often an elder care lawyer can give advice or an accountant steps in to help if family cannot do it. There are risks in this and be sure to get referrals from people you trust.

      A distant older relative of mine who lived in a nursing home had a “well loved” local lawyer handling most of her finances for years. My mother helped some from out of state, but everyone “trusted” this lawyer. Well, he essentially stole almost all of her money (several hundreds of thousands of dollars plus the value of her properties that he sold…..) and nothing ever came of it. All records disappeared, nothing was explained and he deflected all requests for documents. And then he became a famous politician in the state of Rhode Island. I kid you not.

    • Bewitched

      I would disagree on the staff recommendation. Nursing homes really don’t have the bandwidth to deal with all levels of resident personal financial problems. You don’t say whether your aunt is self pay at the nursing home or Medicare or Medicaid. If she is Medicaid and doesn’t have funds, then I’m sure you can call the cc company yourself and inform them of her financial situation. You won’t become responsible for the debt just by advocating for her. Good luck!

    • Anon

      Depending on the amount, it may be cheaper to pay the cc debt than to hire a lawyer. I’d call the cc company and figure out the situation, but ultimately it’s her debt not yours.

      • so anon

        Except that if it happens once, it may happen again and it would be good to get to the bottom of it and stop it. Why does she even have a CC? Maybe get the limit lowered a lot? Sounds like either she has been a fraud victim or doesn’t have the capacity to handle credit.

      • Aggie

        Before you payout, check to see what the charges are. My grandmother closed a credit card before a single $20 charge was posted to the account a week later. She was served ten years later with five figures of late fees. Once I got to the bottom of the situation, I was able to have the charge dropped and all associated late fees. (Read through the particular credit card company’s policy, they are intricate but very straightforward….in this case, all charges had to be posted within five days of the transaction.)

        A low limit credit card or a prepaid debit card may be your best solution. Her monthly needs in a nursing home should be predictable by this point.

    • Middle Coast

      I would see what has been charged to the credit card and decide whether or not she still needs one at this time in her life.

      You need to see if all of her affairs are in order. If not, do it now while she can still consent.

    • Squash Blossoms

      Also consider whether your great aunt is judgment proof. For older people with little time left who live on fixed income, there’s often little point in fighting these things. Just make sure that if the credit card company gets a judgment, your aunt doesn’t have income that can be garnished (social security income cannot) or real property that they can attach a lien to.

  3. Red Beagle

    I like this dress on the model, and I think it would look great on a lot of people, but the pintuck detail is a bit fussy for me. I feel the same way about ruching… not a fan.

    So it’s official – 4 inch heels (even with a half-inch platform) are just too high for me at work. I did try several times because I love having the extra height, and it’s sad to give away basically unworn shoes (can’t return them, got them in a resale store), but I just can’t walk naturally in them. I do best in a 2.5 to 3 inch kitten heel and can manage 3.5 if they fit perfectly but 4, no. I know this has been asked before, but curious – what’s your heel height limit?

    • Sparrow

      My limit is about 2.5 and sometimes 3 depending on the type of shoe. For me, one problem with heels is that the part of the shoe under the ball of my foot can be very hard and that causes me discomfort. I have a pair of Sofft heels that are around 3.5 inches, but the footbed is extremely soft and that makes a huge difference. Lately I’ve just been preferring the look of flats and kitten heels.

      • a.k.

        I’m with you. I used to wear heels all day, every day, but a few knee and ankle injuries make them really uncomfortable for more than a few hours at a time now. And when I do wear heels, they tend to top out around 2.5.

    • RR

      My limit is about 2, and even then I want a chunkier heel or wedge instead of a stiletto.

    • NYNY

      I’m going to protest calling 2.5-3 inches a “kitten” heel. Just because heel heights have gone up and up doesn’t mean we need to adjust our definitions up. To me, anyway, a kitten heel is under 2 inches and also refers to the narrow shape of the heel. Block heels are never kitten heels.

      I’m happiest in a 2.5-3.5 inch heel all the time. I can do higher with a platform, but don’t love the way most platforms look. I also don’t like lower heels and can’t wear flats at all. I have really high arches and insteps, and basically walk out of any flats – they won’t stay on my foot. Even most of my casual shoes have heels of some sort, although usually wedges or block heels.

    • Kathryn

      I purchased my first “nice” pair of heels, Cole Haans, in the 3.5 heel height and regret it every day. I can only wear them if I know I’m going to be at my desk/in meetings all day. I could not wear them standing for more than half an hour.

      2.75 would be my ideal limit.

    • Anon in NYC

      My everyday work shoes are the Kate Spade Karolinas which have a 3 inch heel. I’d say that is my max height. I’m pretty comfortable in them, but I would not wear them if I had to travel to court (which is a 30 mins proposition for me involving subway changes). The highest heels I own are a 4-inch heel and only after about 2 years of infrequent wearing has the height started to feel reasonably comfortable.

    • Parfait

      3 inches maximum. Every once in a while I get tempted by a 3.5 inch pair and I always always regret it.

    • WJM-TV

      Previously 2.5, but now I’m most comfortable with about 1.5. I just can’t imagine wearing 3 inch or higher. Just.. no thank you.

  4. Anonymous

    I don’t know if anyone cares, but I know they question has been asked here before about gaining weight when starting an exercise program, so I’ll share what I thought was an enlightening experience. Also, I’m not going to use numbers, but I should put a trigger warning on this because it is about weight loss.

    I have been a regular exerciser for most of my adult life. I’ve been a runner for about 15 years and ran between 25 and 45 miles a week every week. It was the norm to start the day with a 6 mile run. Then I had a baby 7 months ago and I have not been running regularly at all. I have been tracking what I eat and trying to stay within a certain calorie range to lose the weight I gained while pregnant. I’ve been able to do this, while staying with the range and not feeling hungry.

    Yesterday, I woke up and did a modest 3 mile jog. It was a very easy run and while I didn’t wear a watch, it was quite far off the pace that I used to to double (and more) that distance in. Well, I was absolutely ravenous all day long. One of the ways I’ve been able to lose the weight is by eating fairly consistently. So, I eat the same things for breakfast and lunch each day (part of it is just convenience and part of it is not having to think about it). Even accounting for the extra 300 (high estimate) calories I burned through the run yesterday, I had to eat about 600 additional extra calories than usual to finally feel full. This included an extra snack around 4:00 and a much larger dinner than usual.

    Now, I think that this would even out if I started running regularly again, but it could be the reason why people report gaining weight when they start exercising. Its far more plausible than the muscle weighs more than fat theory that gets thrown out there.

    • roses

      Just anecdata, but I’ve found a few things to help control this feeling:

      1) routine – I really only feel very hungry when I first intensify my exercise routine; e.g., if I go for a 10 mile run vs. my usual 4-5.

      2) eating higher-fat foods along with my usual potassium re-fill seems to help satiate me more; my ideal snack is a banana and a serving of nuts or avocado. Some people also swear by chocolate milk (2% or whole);

      3) sleep! It’s really hard to tell, surprisingly, whether your lagging energy is being caused by a lack of food or lack of sleep. Lack of sleep has also been known to make people feel hungrier in itself. If you’re waking up earlier or going to bed later to fit in exercise, it could be a contributing factor to the hunger.

    • Em

      Why is it “far more plausible”? Muscle does weigh more than fat – that’s not a theory; it’s a fact.

      • ELS

        I don’t think anyone is disputing that. I think her point is that in the very beginning stages of working out, you’re unlikely to have built so much muscle that you see a change on the scale. In my experience, it takes more than two to three weeks to build enough extra muscle that I start to notice it at all.

        Of course, this is assuming that OP is talking about the very beginning stages (which I think she was, based on her caveat at the beginning).

      • Em

        Also, this apparently happened once, based on your point, so your whole “this is a super enlightening fact based way of looking at the world that JUST HAPPENS to be yet another thing for women to beat up on themselves about instead of feeling good about themselves for starting an exercise program” is pretty stupid. You should feel bad.

        • Anonymous

          WTF are you talking about? I’m not saying anyone should beat themselves up for starting an exercise program. I’m saying that when people report gaining weight despite starting to exercise it could be because they are HUNGRIER and therefore eating more, which ends up being more than what they’ve burned in doing the exercise. Hence, weight gain despite being more active.

          I said it would even out. It was just really noticeable how much hungrier I was with a short run. Which is interesting for how noticeable it was.

          I don’t know why anyone would beat themselves up. I certainly didn’t. I just ate more because I was starving.

          And yes, muscle does weigh more than fat, but the likelihood of losing enough fat and replacing it with a comparable volume of muscle in a short period of time is very slim.

        • Anonymama

          Where is all this snark coming from? And how is it putting women down to point out that exercise makes you hungrier, which it does, and that you may not notice just how much more you eat after strenuous exercise? Em, you should feel badly for giving someone such a hard time over her perfectly innocent, factuAlly true, possibly helpful to many people observation. Being aware of your body and how it responds to things isn’t something to feel bad about. And you would have to have a lot of personal weight- related baggage (which I’m sure many of is do have) to interpret what she said as encouraging anyone to beat themselves up over anything. In fact it could be helpful to people trying to lose weight who might otherwise beat themselves up for making slow progress in losing weight after starting a new exercise program …. Being hungry is not something a normal person should feel bad about, particularly a person who just started exercising a bunch more.

      • Bb

        +1 muscle does weigh more than fat. Not a theory. People typically report that they are losing inches but not pounds and are frustrated by that – and muscle weighing more than fat is exactly why. The op’s post here is woefully uninformed. Yes, when you work harder you have more of an appetite but that’s an entirely different problem. And the op’s post felt like humble bragging in my opinion. Sorry you’re not as fast as you used to be but you had a baby. It’ll be okay.

        • Anonymous

          Ha! Its not humble bragging. If I want to brag, I’ll brag. Yes, I was a runner, yes I was fast. I was and am pretty freaking awesome. If you want to really get into it, I’m pretty freaking proud of myself for being athletic my whole life AND being able to lose the baby weight despite not sleeping or exercising and working full time and nursing and pumping and keeping my baby super happy and healthy. And now, I’m excited to start exercising again and being even more amazingly awesome. I’m hardly uninformed that working harder = increased appetite. What struck me was that is was immediate and disproportionate to the amount of work I did. My body had reached a balance of meeting my calorie needs with a small deficit to lose weight. When I added exercise, it threw that balance off and instead of staying within that range with a small deficit, I had a big surplus, which, over time would lead to weight gain.

          Anyway, I’m now sorry I said anything, but I am happy that I got to brag some more.

          • Clementine

            I hate that people jumped all over this in a negative way, because my first reaction was ‘YES! I See this happen and then people get frustrated and stop exercising and should know it’s not a just-them thing!’

            For me- 19 mile run? Can barely stomach a turkey sandwich. 5 mile recovery run? EAT ALL THE FOOD NOW.

            Also, why are we hiding our awesomeness now? You wouldn’t if you were a dude. Heck yeah you’re running and being an active momma and getting out there! If you can’t share your awesome with a bunch of internet people on a website for overachieving women, where can you?

          • Anon for this so no one bites my head off

            Don’t be sorry! I got the point you were trying to make. Some people took it personally (idk WHY!) and that’s not your fault. And you do sound pretty freakin’ awesome! You just keep doing you.

          • Pretty Primadonna

            I understood what you were saying and I have experienced this. Not quite sure where things went left with some of the other commenters, but don’t feel sorry for having made the point!

          • JJ

            Yeah, I understood the point you were trying to make. Don’t be sorry, be proud for being happy with who you are and how awesome you are. I kinda want to be you!

        • Gail the Goldfish

          Minor correction because this saying always bugs me: muscle does not weigh more than fat. A pound is a pound, therefore a pound of muscle is the same as a pound of fat. Muscle is, however, denser than fat.

          • Scully

            THANK YOU! Was coming here to post this. Pet peeve, but I think it’s important to use basic scientific terms correctly, just like basic legal terms. It’s like mixing up prosecutor and plaintiff.

          • Mpls

            Well, technically…. if given the same volumes of muscle and fat, the muscle will weigh more. And if give the same mass of muscle and fat, the muscle will have less volume. But that all factors in the density calculation, and yes 1 lb = 1 lb all the time.

            The OP didn’t specify volume or mass, so as it reads, it was actually correct, if a bit vague. But I totally know what you are getting at, as I’ve often heard it state that 1 lb of muscle weighs more than 1 lb of fat, and that just makes me cringe.

    • CKB

      I find I get really ‘rungry’ if I don’t refuel right after my run – even a glass of chocolate milk after my 5k makes a big difference in how hungry I am for the rest of the day. And if I don’t eat right when I get home from a long run (which is only 15k or so for me) – watch out!! I’m eating ALL THE FOOD ALL DAY.

      I was really interested to see how the timing of what I eat after exercise impacts how hungry I feel for the rest of the day. Just reinforces to me that there are many factors that impact the calories in vs calories burned rule.

    • Aggie

      Have you been monitoring your hydration? I am a runner as well and when I break from my program and start up again, I have learned my body mistakes thirst for hunger. I battle this by hydrating pre and post run. I also drink a full glass of water before every snack and then evaluate whether I am truly hungry or just thirsty. This is a know your body issue so YMMV, but it works for me.

    • Anonymous

      Wow, I am surprised and a bit chagrined by this conversation. I used to run 4 – 6.5 miles every day. I’m sure it made me hungrier, but heck, I’m also getting older and my husband is a great cook.

      2.5 weeks ago, I was side swiped by a car while running. I broke some bones, scraped off about 40% of my face, had plastic surgery and am still struggling with post concussion syndrome. I won’t be running again for a few months, but I do go to physical therapy, so I have that going for me.

      Run, eat, check how you feel and how your clothes fit and forget everything else.

        • reminder....

          This is really why no one should run in the street.

          I know I know… side walks can be bad…

          But this is life and death. And the car always wins…

    • Anon

      I totally get your point. I am training for a half-marathon and also trying to lose weight. After a long run my husband says, “Make sure to EAT today!” but I know that if I eat as much as I want, I will not achieve the losing weight side of the equation (which is really important to running faster, which is my ultimate goal). Read “Running Weight” and you will see what I mean.

      For me, the key is eating a small, protein-filled meal before working out. Typically this is a vegan protein shake. I then refuel after my run and a shower (i.e., within a 1/2 hour of running) with lots of water and some whole wheat toast, eggs, and fruit. I’ve found that if I do this (and continue to drink lots of water throughout the day), I don’t get as “rungry” (love that term!) and don’t counteract the calories I’ve burned by running.

    • girl in the stix

      You didn’t mention water intake, but dehydration sometimes masks as hunger. Adding a couple of glasses of water after your run might help.

  5. Sally

    It is difficult to get in ANY type of exercise out of the house with 2 preschoolers. For the last year, the best my husband and I can do is to have vigorous sex at night after the kids are asleep and before we both pass out. Not sure this is ideal, but it has kept the pounds off and the sparks intense. If your SO has enough PM energy, I recommend it. Good luck!

  6. A-line skirt question

    Y’all:

    I am a pear (about an XS on top and M for the bottom, with a small waist relative to my hips). I swear that that is just magnified by an A-line (which I got in part to reduce VPL and in part b/c I thought it might fit in the waist and glide over my hips). I am finding A-lines creeping in everywhere now: Gemma wrap, lots of Boden, LE’s The Dress (even if not stated as A-line in the write-up for the item).

    I think I am back to ultra-straight pencil skirts because my frame doesn’t seem to handle a lot of volume below the waist. And even though I don’t like the pintucking on this dress, IMO it’s better for my shape than what I currently have.

    • Red Beagle

      I’m not a pear and carry all my weight on top but feel frumpy and hippy in A-lines too. The straighter the skirt the better for most people except for ruler shapes.

    • Anon

      I have a similar body shape I think and just tried on the Gemma wrap – I thought it made me look worse – kinda frumpy to be honest. I try to stick with pencil skirts/dresses or instead of a-line, a more fit and flare look so the flare part starts higher.

    • Terry

      Counter intuitively, maybe a larger flare would help. A modest A-line may accentuate the difference between your waist and hips. In a larger flare people won’t assume the shape of the skirt reflects the shape of your body and will focus on your tiny waist.

      • Carrie

        +1. I am exactly the OP body type. Tiny XS on top, small waist, but butt/hips in Medium (4-8 depending on the style).

        It is very very difficult to find dresses that fit. I have accepted that the pencil skirt and sheath dresses are not for us unless you get extensive tailoring, which is not always cost effective for my price point. In addition, a very tailored pencil skirt is actually a little too va-va voom for us.

        And if you are like me, if you gain ONE POUND it goes right to my butt/thighs, so then anything perfectly tailored and structured is at risk for now being slightly tight.

        Draping/looser on the bottom is better for us.

        So although I hate to admit this, A line does work better for us. I still do not prefer this look, but it works better for my body. I find that I still need to tailor some so that the small top is not gaping on the sides with a defined waist in a dress. But the loser bottom is more forgiving.

        I have a couple of the famous Land’s End ponte knit dress, and I do feel that that is appropriate for my body. They are still too big on top for me, but I can’t bring myself to pay for $30 in tailoring on a dress I bought for $40, that probably wont last….

    • Anonymous

      I’m a similar shape and I also feel like A-lines make me look even bigger on bottom. My staple is sheaths that I buy big enough to fit my hips/bottom and have tailored to fit my waist and top. They’re loose enough on bottom that they don’t give off that “eek too tight/all about that bass” impression on first glance–instead, the waist tailoring draws attention there. I also wear no-show thongs to avoid the VPL issue (it’s not that my dresses are so tight that you’d see lines, but that my behind is full enough that any underwear other than thongs doesn’t have enough fabric to cover my behind, so it rolls up and that 1/2″ thick roll will show).

    • ss

      Perhaps I missed the question ?

      I’m a fan of A-lines, especially on travel days when they provide a bit more room and can take a lower-heeled shoe than a fitted skirt.

  7. Hot pink

    I plan to post this on the Moms site as well….

    I’m looking for a magenta/hot pink maternity T-shirt dress. Isabella Oliver used to have one but it looks like the color is not in stock right now. Any ideas?

  8. student loan payoff

    Does paying off the remainder of your student loan debt all at once hurt your credit score? The internet seems to say, yes a bit. Is this worth worrying about though? I have the chance to payoff the remainder of my federal loans and I’d love to do it, but I don’t want to get hit with a meaningfully higher mortgage rate if I buy a house next summer. Thanks!

    • Anon for this

      I am really interested in the responses here. I’m about to start a program for which I’ll be taking on my first significant debt, ever, in student loans. Ideally, SO and I would like to pay them off as quickly as possible, i.e. 3ish years, but I don’t know if that’s actually a good credit strategy. We would likely want to buy a house in 4-5 years from now.

      I have very good credit now, but my only detracting factor is the newness of my credit history.

      • Anonymous

        I would think the hit to your credit would be really minimal. If you have excellent credit now I wouldn’t hesitate to pay them off. I closed about 8 store credit cards in the same month because I didn’t want them all sitting as open on my credit report even though I knew it would lower my credit. My credit score only went down like 10 points. Then I got a car loan and it went up like 50 points.

    • L in DC

      Huh, I did this a couple months ago and it didn’t hurt my score at all (and I have a good score with the only downside being that my credit history is not that long). I’d recommend poking around on creditkarma-dot-com. It has free credit score tracking and gives you a breakdown of the different factors affecting your credit score and how you’re doing with respect to each factor. It really helped me understand what specifically goes into my credit score (which would have otherwise just seemed all mysterious and opaque).

      • Middle Coast

        Credit Karma now makes your Transunion credit report available for viewing online for free. You can see both your credit score and your actual Transunion report anytime, not just the once a year mandated by federal law.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m not positive, but I don’t think it will hurt your score. The accounts won’t come off your report for years after they’re paid off, so it wouldn’t negatively impact the average age of accounts. A big factor in your score is the ratio of credit used to available credit, which also shouldn’t be hurt when you pay it off there are very active forums at my fico dot com with a lot of extremely knowledgeable people.

      • Wildkitten

        I don’t think credit used to available credit counts loans. On my credit score it only seems to count revolving credit.

        • Sydney Bristow

          Yeah, that’s my understanding too and I think credit ratio is the biggest factor. I can’t figure out how paying it off would negatively impact the score.

    • Mpls

      No – you are reducing the amount of debt. It won’t hurt your credit score.

      The counter intuitive debt/credit score thing in my mind is credit cards. Closing credit cards is typically considered to hurt your score because it changes your credit utilization. If you have a balance of $1000 on your credit card, and have $5000 of available credit on 3 cards, that is a lower credit utilization than having a balance of $1000 and $2000 of available credit on 1 card.

  9. Boden

    Can anyone report on how Boden shoes run? I am thinking of ordering the Flat T-bar Point and the Party Heel, but the recommendations the site gives and the reviews don’t really match up. I have a slightly wide foot.

    • Hildegarde

      I only have one pair of shoes from Boden, but I usually wear a 6.5, occasionally a 7, and the 37 in this shoe fits me, which is what the size chart predicted. So, they run TTS for me, but that may vary between shoes. Also I think I have average-width feet.

    • Anonymous

      I have the Party Heel in the leopard print and because they are trimmed with patent leather at the vamp and sides, they tend to be very stiff there. I can’t wear them for more than 1 hour. They are beautiful but really painful. I have a slightly wide foot with narrow heels.

  10. Godzilla

    Feel Good Inc by the Gorillaz just popped up on my Pandora station and now all is well with the world.

  11. Existential (Career) Crisis

    Here’s the deal: I have a *great* life. Government lawyer with good hours, flexible workplace (every other Friday off!), fabulous and wonderful colleagues and bosses, totally reasonable pay. I’ve been at this job 9 years. I am bored. Oh so bored. There is one subject area that excites me, but the work is thin on the ground and difficult to generate more because there just isn’t much of it. I have also topped out salarywise and am contemplating whether I can handle never getting a raise again. I don’t want to leave because of the great lifestyle and truly incredible colleagues. But the boredom and salary stagnation makes it hard not to fantasize about something new.

    Have you ever left a great job? What was your regret level?

    • so anon

      Your job sounds awesome and perfect. Plus: can you take vacation? do you have a pension? do you have a 401k with a match? how are your benefits?

      I say: you are not your work. This job would seem to let you have an awesome life, so why not try to have a richer life outside of work? And at work, maybe take on some additional roles / responsibilities / training of newbies, etc.

      When I get bored at work (i.e., am mentally coasting, have some extra time), I visit my clients (who load me up with problems to work on, many of which are challenging to fix or slightly outside of my comfort zone) or sign up to do a CLE.

    • Bewitched

      I left a semi great job-great hours, lots of flexibility, good pay because I was bored too. I haven’t really looked back. For me, it was worth it to have more pressure but be challenged intellectually. Of course, I do wish I had the ideal job where I would get the intellectual challenge but little pressure, but that seems to be somewhat of a unicorn!

    • Anonymous

      Does the risk of changing jobs outweigh the negative of being bored? Can you “enrich” your current job to make it less boring/ more satisfactory for you? By taking on extra “projects”, for example training new colleagues, starting a “flagship” social project, becoming an expert on a highly specific topic…
      I can fully relate to your situation (5 years of being groomed for upper management with no slot becoming available). Some days, I´m willing to take the risk, some days not…

    • rosie

      Can you pursue pro bono (or other volunteer projects, serving on boards, etc.) work to feel more fulfilled?

      • Anon

        +1 sometimes we expect too much out of our careers – your job situation sounds great – maybe add a new hobby or volunteer project outside of work or initiate something new at work – maybe a CLE program or get involved with mentoring students/interns

      • Wildkitten

        +1. Or learn a foreign language? Train for a marathon? You can find interesting challenges in other parts of your life.

      • Senior Attorney

        +1

        I’m a little bored at my job but I find other things to do to keep me interested and challenged. Right now I’m doing a big house remodel and I’ve joined a local service club that’s keeping me interested and happy. Also for a while I was in a graduate program and that was a blast and totally kept me on my toes.

    • Anon

      From one govt attorney to another: Can you look into doing a detail either within your agency or in another (USAO is a good one)? Do you have an interest in moving up to SES? If yes you can start looking for leadership programs and training opportunities and cultiviating the ECQs you need for those positions. Ethics regulations may restrict a lot of outside work, but you can generally still do teaching, speaking, and writing (check with your ethics office first!). How about writing an article or teaching as an adjunct at law school? If you were to go somewhere else, what would you do? Solo practice? Then start doing the research for what that would entail. Biglaw? Consulting? In-house? Start working on your networking in those areas. How about looking into different government positions? Even doing the same type of work at a different agency can be a new challenge.

    • Rachelellen

      I actually think this is the big question that sort of defines us. I had a job I disliked that was easy and boring and in which I kept getting promotions and raises. I worked 35 hours a week and boatloads of time off. And an excellent salary. At that point I knew I loved writing… but I hadn’t made the connection to journalism.
      When I did, I went to grad school while working full-time, which was challenging. My first full-time newsroom job was an internship, and I was 10 years older than a reporter they’d just hired. My salary dropped 30% and I had literally no discretionary income for about 2 years. But, as hokey as this sounds, I think this career path was a calling for me.
      I do *not* think this I’d the case off everyone. You can take the approach Senior Attorney and some of the others suggest. But I think picking the direction in which we want to go is the great challenge of our lives. And living happily with it may be what it means to be mature… maybe. : )

    • Burgher

      I’m usually pretty bored at work. I recently almost left for another job that would be more challenging, more responsibility, more money, title jump, etc. but with more stress and likely a much bigger time commitment + worse commute. Luckily, they took a while to officially offer me the position and, in the meantime, I found out I was expecting baby #2. I have amazing benefits that the other company couldn’t touch, so I’m staying for the fairly predictable work hours, excellent health coverage (100% of L&D covered!) and 2 months paid maternity leave. I was open and honest with the other company and they said the door is always open. So, I feel like I would have immediately regretted leaving and it worked out for me at this stage in my life.

      Why not interview at a few other places and see what’s out there? I am oddly way more satisfied at my current job knowing that I am in a “good enough” job for me for right now, and that I could always move on to more exciting work if I wanted, but choose not to for personal reasons. Being offered another job really changed my outlook.

    • Existential (Career) Crisis

      Thank you all for the input, lots to think about here. I have several fulfilling hobbies and my life outside work feels rich and full. Alas, work is what one spends more time on than anything else. The amount of time I spend obsessing over retirement savings (still at *least* 20 years away under a best case scenario) is not healthy. I’ve done details within the agency which have brought me back energized–I’ll keep my eye out for more of those opportunities. I know I’m in a very fortunate position!

      • ExecAssist

        I’ve been in a job I hate for two years. The people are great, my workload is easier than should even be legally acceptable, the pay is relatively great (compared to the work I do), and so are the benefits. The problem is I’m bored too. So bored that some days I want to run through the door screaming. Hobbies can only go so far when, as you rightly said, you spend most of your waking hours at work. I consider my life outside of work to be full, but alas, it’s not enough. So after this Friday, I will be strategically unemployed as I switch careers. I won’t have a salary for the next three months AND I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER! I say go for that thing you want to do. I think a work life that challenges you in a good way is worth more than the salary of a boring easy job.

    • AnonLawMom

      I’d look toward finding new challenges outside of work before you ditch the kind of job many of us dream of. Can you start teaching as an adjunct at a local law school (or even a regular college course on legal issues)? What about volunteering? Become certified to teach whatever fitness type class you enjoy? Start mentoring kids/students?

  12. sleepy

    My SO and I have been living together for a few weeks. Everything is great, except for our sleep habits. He wakes up hours before I do, and always seems to intentionally wake me up. For instance, this morning, my alarm was set for 7.30. At 5.30, he declared loudly, “I’m awake!” and then proceeded to kiss, cuddle me, etc. Often he’ll just start chatting away about his dreams, his plans for the day, etc. I’m not a great sleeper, and once I’ve woken I have trouble falling back asleep. As a result, I’ve been exhausted. I’ve explained to him the problem, and he apologizes, but I think it’s in part that he’s still half-asleep when he wakes me up, and therefore less considerate. Help?? Am I doomed to exhaustion?

    • Baconpancakes

      You need to nip that in the bud.

      If you’re grumpy enough when you wake up, and growl at him when he tries to cuddle with you, he’ll stop and when he wakes up, regardless of how half-asleep he is, he’ll instinctively shy away.

      Just kidding.

      Repetition and communication. I had an SO who was a bear in the morning, and downright rude until he had his shower and coffee, until I repeated every morning how much it hurt to have my (after 8 hours of sleep) cheerful “Good morning!” met with “What’s so good about it?” His excuse what that it was just how he woke up, but after enough repetition, he broke the habit and remembered to temper his temper. If your SO just needs something to do in the morning, ask him if he’ll take the time he’s awake to get started on chores, check his email, do his workouts, whatever he can do that will be out of the bedroom and not waking you up.

      Sleep is a HUGE point of contention in a lot of relationships. If you don’t feel rested, you won’t like the person who keeps you from getting that rest.

      Additionally, if he’s an early riser, and you just need more sleep than you do, you might consider going to bed an hour earlier than he does. Cuddling and gardening in the morning is a great, energizing way to start the day.

      • Anon

        Honestly, if my SO woke me up with a cheerful good morning hours before my body clock wanted me to be awake, I would think HE was the rude one and be unbelievably annoyed.

        • CKB

          Yes! My dh is a night owl, and I’m an early bird. He is very careful when he comes to bed at night to not wake me, and I do the same for him when I get up stupid early to work out. I use my phone as a light or I have a flashlight on my dresser that I use in the winter dark mornings to find the right cardigan or pair of socks. IMO, this is a respect issue that you need to discuss with him ASAP.

        • Baconpancakes

          That’s why I noted it was after a full 8 hours, when HIS alarm went off. Also on lazy Saturday mornings, at 10am. It was just his habit to be a grouch in the morning, no matter what. But the OP’s trying to get her regular amount of sleep, and her boyfriend is actually disturbing her rest, not just being cheerful. Sounds like it was the OP’s boyfriend’s habit to engage immediately upon waking up, but the point is that habits can be broken.

    • Nan

      If he can’t trust himself to be awake and not talk to you /wake you up, I think you should propose a specific solution: he should get out of bed when he wakes up, and go in another room to read/work/lounge or whatever he does with his mornings. He can then come wake you up however he sees fit 15 minutes before your alarm, and you will give him that 15 minutes (or whatever you choose) to talk about his dreams, plan his day, have a quickie, whatever.

      I am a light sleeper and it would really drive me nuts to be woken up 2 hours early because even if he then apologized and left me alone, I could not go back to sleep. Must nip it in the bud!

      • Diana Barry

        +100. This is not OK. My DH and I have different schedules (I am early, he late) and I creep out of bed in the morning so I don’t wake him up. He also creeps into bed at night so he doesn’t wake me up either.

        • Spirograph

          This is what we do too. It’s important to recognize and respect different body clocks, because sleep is such a huge part of your well-being (I would definitely growl – or worse – if someone woke me up 2 hours before my alarm!). The biggest hurdle for me was getting over the idea that we “should” be sleeping on the same schedule. We’re just not wired that way. I’ll crawl back in bed with him in the morning when it’s close to wake-up time, or he’ll hang out with me for a little bit at night before he goes back to his man cave for another 3 hours, but synchronizing actual sleep is a non-starter.

          • JJ

            Chiming in to say I also agree. We have a two hour window where we don’t overlap – I go to bed earlier and get up earlier. My husband sneaks into bed at night and I sneak out in the mornings. It’s generally respectful because both of us recognize how important sleep is. I don’t even hit snooze in the mornings because I know it annoys my husband to hear an alarm go off twice.

          • Brit

            This gives me such hope for the future. I’m a strange early riser, when I’m up, I’m up kind of person and, I swear, I know no one like this in my life. I always tried to be respectful of my ex, who was a late late sleeper, but it was fairly annoying when it was 9 or 10a and I was ready to start my day and he still could sleep for another two hours.

    • Anon in NYC

      I would not be a nice person if my husband did that to me. I’m assuming you and your SO had sleepovers prior to moving in together. Did he do this then? When you get home tonight, tell your SO that your alarm is set for 7:30 tomorrow morning, you don’t want to be woken up before then, and if he wakes up before you he should find a way to entertain himself. Tell him that he should get out of bed and make you coffee and eggs.

    • Anon

      You aren’t doomed to exhaustion – you just need to have a conversation about this before it escalates.

      I’m an early riser and a morning person – my SO of 7 years is the definition of night-owl, and he is like Garfield in the mornings. I’m considerate about being quiet when I wake up (hours before him) in the morning, and he is considerate about being quiet when he stays up hours later than me at night.

    • Parfait

      AUGH. That is so not okay. In my relationship, I’m the early riser and he’s the late one. I would NEVER do that to him. At least not on a workday. On a Saturday as it gets toward noon, all bets are off.

      I get up when my alarm goes off – I feel guilty even if I hit snooze! – I go to the kitchen, I make the coffee, and I go quietly about my business. I usually leave the house right around when his alarm is set to go off, so I’ll go in and give him one quick smooch before I go.

      I also usually go to bed an hour or two earlier than he does. And he quietly goes about his business. It works well for us; we each get quiet personal time at one end of the day.

      Sleep is important! You must defend it!

    • Senior Attorney

      This sounds just crazy to me. If we’d had sleepovers before and this hadn’t come up (i.e. if this is new behavior post-moving-in-together), I would be sitting him down and saying “Dear, things seem to be going great but I can’t help but notice that you are torturing me in the mornings. What gives? Are you trying to make me so miserable that I will break up with you? If the ‘living together’ thing isn’t working out for you, I would much prefer that you just tell me in words.”

    • OttLobbyist

      Working out sleep issues is super important and they can’t be allowed to fester! I am an excessively light sleeper – to the point I sometimes have to sleep on my own if I can’t settle down and it has caused very serious issues in relationships. Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      Have you tried smacking him as though attempting to hit snooze? If he doesn’t get that waking you up to say good morning. 2 hours early is a murdering offense, I’d be seriously concerned you’ve accidentally moved in with an idiot.

    • Sundae Funday

      Hopefully this is just a phase since you are new to living together that will wear off once the newness is gone. I feel for ya!

  13. Hot pink

    Will post on the Mom group as well.

    Looking for a hot pink/magenta maternity T-shirt dress. Isabella Oliver used to have one in hot pink but it’s no longer available (don’t want pale pink). Any other ideas?

  14. anon

    Sorry if this isn’t posted in the right place. A previous poster said that she was using Netflix videos for exercise. Care to share which ones (I’m assuming streaming, not DVD)?? Thanks!

    • Wildkitten

      Not Netflix, but Amazon has a bunch of streaming videos – Jillian Michaels etc.

    • Anon

      you can get a lot of work out programs (jillian micheals , fitness blender) on Youtube as well.

    • HSAL

      HuluPlus does as well – lots of yoga and more cardio-strength Gaiam videos. Not sure about regular Hulu.

  15. Scary Elbows

    No, not my stage name… my elbows are really dry, cracked and discolored. I’ve tried exfoliating them a bit in the shower and have started putting lotion on them, but they still look pretty rough. Any tips on how to lighten and smooth them out? Ridiculous I know, but they actually look like they’re bruised at this point.

    • Anonymous

      Use a lotion with ammonium lactate in it (like LacHydrin), it’s really good at dealing with dry scaly skin.

  16. vicarious shopping?

    Wonder if someone might help me find some shoes…I’m looking for new shoulder/fall/spring shoes to wear with bootcut jeans & khaki pants in my casual office. I typically wear Keens, though mine are on their last legs, and I would actually like to find something less clunky. So, right now, it’s warm enough to wear flats without socks, but I’d feel silly pulling on my tall boots when it’s going to be 80 outside.

    Prefer leather, brown. Would love if they’re equally at home with socks or without (or with low-cut liners). I wouldn’t even begin to know where to look, or what to look for? I wear trousers/skirts & flats when I need to dress up, but a lot of the time, I can get away with plain jeans at work. I’m pretty clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.

  17. Anon for this

    Hi all,

    I’m leaving my current position shortly and would like to get my closest colleague a thank-you gift for her mentoring, advice, and general handholding during my time at my current job. Any suggestions? I can’t decide if I should get something that’s experiential (i.e., a gift certificate for a massage or facial I know she’d enjoy) or something that’s more of a keepsake/memento. She’s senior to me and technically one of my supervisors, though she’s so awesome and approachable that I don’t think of her as a “boss” per se. We are both attorneys. Also, is it at all strange if I get her a gift (which I would give to her in a one-on-one setting and not at my farewell lunch or anything), but don’t get other colleagues a gift? Thanks in advance!

    • Sundae Funday

      I would probably give a heart-warming thank you, either in a note or in written form and then be sure to keep in touch! Keeping in touch (taking her out for a glass of wine, coffee etc. to catch-up occasionally) is very important and sometimes hard to do.

    • Clementine

      I don’t think it’s weird. I think that either experiential or sentimental would be good. I personally would go sentimental and get her either:

      – A great business card case (assuming she uses one)
      – A fabulous coffee mug
      – A colleague did this when someone was leaving- they took a quote that this woman used to have taped above her desk and got a framed print of it (I think on Etsy) so the quote could be displayed.

    • Anon

      I vote for no gift and taking her out to lunch instead unless you’re close outside of work and know her personally.

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