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Splurge Monday: Print Side Knot Jersey Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Etro Print Side Knot Jersey DressHappy Monday, ladies! Today I'm loving this black, white, and red dress from Etro — it looks sophisticated and cool, office appropriate, and casual-evening appropriate as well. I think it looks great with knee-high boots, as styled, but obviously simple pumps would look great too. The dress is $975 at Nordstrom. Etro Print Side Knot Jersey Dress Here's a similar option at $295, and a similar option in Hall of Fame Karen Kane dress at $128. On the plus side, here's a long-sleeved option; there are many sleeveless versions on sale. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

185 Comments

  1. Thoughts on Sandals resorts? Specifically Regency La Toc in St Lucia? We are in our late 20s and are going for a delayed honeymoon. We are just looking for somewhere all-inclusive in the carribean (not bahamas or jamaica as we haven’t loved those) in a mid-level price range. St. Thomas and St. John are a little pricey for us.

    1. I got married at Sandals Halcyon in St. Lucia. It was perfect and worth every penny. The three Sandals Resorts are distinctly different. The Regency is a golf resort, I believe. Halcyon was very small and quiet. The third one felt kind of spring-breaky to me, lots of volleyball in the pool, etc. That one also had the best restaurants.

    2. We have looked at the Sandals resorts and thought they were overpriced. Consider the Punta Cana Excellence in the DR. It’s a really nice adults only all inclusive.

      1. Yes we are looking at Punta Cana as well. St Lucia looked like a bit nicer of an island off-resort for activities, but I guess I wouldn’t know until I go!

        1. In our experience, most resorts offer similar activities. The quality of snorkeling sites has been the biggest difference. If you’re not tied to an all-inclusive, we loved our honeymoon at the Bucuti in Aruba. It’s not an all-inclusive but caters to couples and has a fantastic honeymoon package that includes dinner on the beach. Aruba is a small island so there are many nearby romantic restaurants. You can also rent a car and explore the area. Just stay away from the high-rise area.

        2. In Punts Cana check out the Iberostar Grand…top Trip Advisor pick! Amazing service and beautiful beach! A bit expensive…. But worth it!

    3. My husband and I went on our honeymoon to Regency La Toc and we loved it. The accommodations were nice, staff was very attentive (we went the butler suite route) and we had a really wonderful time. The honeymoon package with dinner on the beach was great. The beach was red flagged most of the time we were there, so we used the pools and hopped over to the Grande, which was a little spring break-ish, but had a lovely beach that was less rocky. Just be prepared to take the shuttle or walk hills if you are up on the bluff!

  2. That Tracy Reese dress is beautiful (and: sleeves! lined!). I prefer it to the wrap (love those, but not the wardrobe malfunction risk). I think that the back slit on the TR dress is probably going to be a wee bit high for me (we have a lot of stairs in my building and that might put a lot on view; maybe with black tights?).

    1. Omg yes– that Tracy Reese dress should have been the pick today (and the price is definitely still a splurge for me). Everything about it is perfect, except I can’t see the back*

      *My work computer sucks. Something changed on the Nordy website, and it’s now incompatible with my browser (IE 9). I can only see the main photo of a given product, and not any of the back/side views. Boo.

    2. I would pick a silk, lined, less expensive dress (Tracy Reese) any day, except I find the print very unattractive. The Etro print is beautiful.

      1. I can’t decide which I love more, though I like the price point of the TR dress better. It would still be more than I’d typically spend on a dress, but I’m cheap and don’t wear dresses often. If I weren’t pregnant, I’d be seriously tempted. Still adding it to my wish list!

      2. I normally love Etro prints but really dislike this one. Looks cheap somehow. I like the TR better, too.

    3. Not all jersey is equal so I’m sure this is better quality than e.g. BR jersey but still…

  4. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love pricey Monday’s and this dress, tho any wrap dress is one that Frank would try to unravel on me if he EVER got close enough to try! FOOEY on Frank b/c his wife is very “giving” to him and he should NOT be looking for other women to see what he can see at home.

    This E’Bola stuff is getting strange. I heard on the Today show that 96% of the people watching support full 21 day quarantine for health worker’s comeing back from West Africa. I did NOT vote, but I agree with them. Why put all the rest of us at risk? Once the E’Bola get’s out here, we are in big trouble so best to give people 3 week’s off (with pay of course) to stay away. Look at that doctor who came back, went bowleing and rode the subway’s. How responsible is that? And OF COURSE he immediately called for help once he started feeling bad, but what about other’s who would NOT call the EMT’s? That is EXACTELEY how it would spread—from the other’s who are NOT to vigelant. We simply can NOT afford to let this get into the general population. My dad say’s it should be even stricter. Nameley, have the quarantine’s happen OUTSIDE OF THE US, therefore if there is a problem, they are NOT here on our shore’s in the first place. Dad unfortuneately does NOT have any friend’s at the CDC or in the O’Bama White House, or thing’s would be different, he say’s.

    Has anyone in the HIVE watched Madame Secretary? My mom say’s that I should be on that show. Why, I have NO IDEA, but she loves Tea Leeoni and think’s that in 15 year’s I will be JUST like her! YAY, but I am NOT a movie star, just a lawyer trying to find a HUSBAND, and she is already MARRIED with kid’s! I suppose I wish I were her. Anyway, I have a VERY busy week tryeing to prepare the manageing partner for his CLE and balanceing my case’s with Mason, who simpley will NOT get his nose away from Lynn. She is loving every minute of it, but I see him leaving her if another pretty girl give’s him the time of day. FOOEY on men like him! DOUBEL FOOOEY!

  5. I looove this print. Etro has fabulous prints!

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a white button-up shirt, under $50 (because I won’t wear it much) for longer arms and D bust, size 8 breadth shoulders? Would the Target Merona one work?

    1. I have one from the Gap from years ago and it fits great, at a similar size. I would try the Gap (or BR) in size M or Small Tall.

    2. I have a nice 3/4 sleeve no iron button down from Lands End that fits me well. Size 8, I think for me with bra size 32G (about 38 inch bust). Washes like a dream.

        1. You might want to check out New York and Company. I’m a smaller size (2-4) but also have D breasts and they have some shirts that are fitted so that I can button them over the girls, but the rest of the shirt isn’t huge.

          1. Yes! I don’t have a big bust but I have a wide rib cage and small waist and these are the only shirts I’ve ever found anywhere that don’t billow out when tucked in. I used to live near a store, sadly don’t any longer. But their shirts are (or at least were a few years ago, haven’t tried lately) perfect for those who aren’t straight up and down.

    3. I second the recs for Gap/BR and NY & Co. It sounds like we have similar proportions and those generally work for me without having to pin anything shut. However, beware that BR carries different cuts in button-down shirts, one of which has more room in the chest. I believe the “tailored” version is the one you want.

  6. Any thoughts to whether these are work-appropriate? I love them but I feel like they’re a little much – I would probably wear them with dresses and skirts (and probably tights given that it’s starting to get cold)

      1. Those are really cool. I would think they are fine for the office and I think they would look great with tights.

      2. I love these. I would wear them to work with a conservative skirt. Maybe a below the knee pencil skirt and plain silk top, something simple.

    2. Love the shoes, but I’d go with no unless your office is really casual. That is a lot of foot showing.

      1. Agreed. I think it would work in a more relaxed environment. That said, it would look a little out of place in my fairly casual office because everyone takes advantage of that and wears flats and sneakers.

    3. They look a little evening for work? Also way too high for me so I am not a good judge. :)

    4. There was a similar Joe’s style in the Nordstrom Anniversary sale–main differences being that they didn’t have the neoprene and the straps crossed a little differently. I tried them and loved how they looked (as a sexy going-out heel–they were not at all work appropriate), but they were wildly uncomfortable and seemed really poorly constructed.

      1. I recently bought my first pair of Joe’s, they are a d’orsay pump with crossed ankle straps with small studs on them. I wear them to my business casual office and find them quite comfortable.

    6. OMG those are awesome. I would definitely wear them to work.

      I think Joe’s shoes are really crushing it this season. I am wearing these booties today and every time I wear them I giggle at the thought of the Corpore*t*t*e*s tsk tsking over the toe cleavage! http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/joes-abby-cutout-leather-bootie-women/3729760?cm_cat=datafeed&cm_ite=joe%27s_%27abby%27_cutout_leather_bootie_%28women%29:762433&cm_pla=shoes:women:boots&cm_ven=Linkshare&siteId=fV7QgDWUWe0-MCvnDCL4r8W.X2sZZS2DqQ

  7. PSA: I just found Professionelle.me, which looks like a more websitey (less bloggy) version of C-r3tt3. Anyone frequent that $it3? Looks great!

  8. How do you keep your bathroom organized? I don’t have any drawers, and there isn’t really space for a rolling organizer- my bathroom is pretty small. I’ve been trying boxes on the counter, but it always looks so cluttered, any other suggestions?

    1. Do you have another spot you can keep your stockpiles (ie. extra mouthwash, shampoos, and things)? I’ve pared down pretty dramatically – I have one of those plastic make-up organizers (about the size of a small paperback) and once that’s full, that’s it.

    3. I put risers in my sink cabinet, since it had no shelves, and I have a tray on top with things I use frequently, like moisturizer, face wash, fancy cup with toothbrush, fancy glass containers for qtips and things, etc. I also have one of those clear glass shelves and a metal hairdryer holder on the wall. If you have a pedestal sink, maybe one of those shelves that goes around it would work – Ikea has one.

      1. Several people have already beat me to it but over the toilet standing rack with pretty lidded boxes or baskets. Maybe some open ones with pretty wash-cloths or décor items mixed in with the boxes.

    4. Do you already have one of those freestanding cabinets that goes over the toilet? When I had a small bathroom, I had one of those that held most of my bathroom stuff. Rather than the arguably nicer looking wooden cabinet styles, I went with an open-style frame so I could fit larger baskets that hung over the front and back.

      Also, can you put in a small glass shelf over the sink to hold your every day things like toothpaste and face wash?

        1. This is similar to the one I had: http://www.homedepot.com/p/Unbranded-Studio-Accents-25-1-2-in-W-Chrome-and-Glass-Spacesaver-9035SS/202061545?N=5yc1vZc9o6Z25ecod

          Apparently these are called “etageres”, or at least that’s the category to look under at Home Depot. My parents picked up the one above on a trip there without me, and maybe the in-store options are more limited so they didn’t have a choice, but there are several for $50 less that just don’t have glass shelving (three fewer surfaces to Windex!). For $50 less, I totally would’ve went with one of those.

        2. These are called etagers. Search amazon. They are the best. I have one in my teensy bathroom with long baskets on it. The top shelf holds towels and washcloths, artfully rolled + tall bottles in a basket (body lotion, hair products). Middle shelf has makeup in makeup cases, hairdryer). Bottom has glass bottles with cotton makeup remover pads, qtips plus hairbrush/combs. Below that (on toilet) is a tin with all my nail polishes.

      2. I had a similar setup in a tiny bathroom – an over-the-toilet shelfing system and bought some colorful deep baskets that held everything from hair dryers to makeup. FYI, you may want to anchor the shelfing system/cabinet.

    5. 1) an over/around-the-toilet shelf – the one I had in my last apartment was from Ikea, but that was awhile ago.

      2) in my current apartment, I don’t store anything in the minuscule bathroom – there is space for a couple rolls of toilet paper under the sink and that is IT. There is a linen closet in the hall next to the bathroom, so I keep everything neatly in sturdy baskets there – when I go to shower in the morning, I grab the basket with “morning toiletries” from the closet and then put it back in the closet on my way out. In the evening I grab the basket of “evening toiletries.” My husband has his own baskets. Cleaning supplies and all the extra shower supplies/toilet paper etc. are also stored in that closet. It’s the “bathroom closet,” just not in the bathroom.

    6. Medicine cabinet? I have a pretty thick one with many shelves – it holds eg 3 razor cartridges front to back, or a jewelry cleaner container (round) or a bumble and bumble styling pomade container (round).

    7. My cheap solution to the no-counter-space issue is a little silly, but it worked – find the classiest looking shower caddy you can (I had a chrome one from BBB) and stick it on the wall next to the sink. I found some pretty grosgrain ribbon in the same color as my bathroom walls and wrapped a few of the horizontal struts, and it actually looked kinda cute. It’s kinda goofy but if you can’t fit teeny little shelves under your mirror or over the toilet, it works pretty well. :)

    8. I bought a mirror from IKEA that is surrounded by a large shelf that I use for all of my daily stuff. I also have minimal storage space, so I’m interested in what the others have to say!

      1. I am also a big fan of this system from the Container Store. I’ve mounted it on walls, but there is also the option to add hooks to latch it onto a door without drilling any holes, and you can customize the size of baskets and placement for the type of stuff you want to store. I had a similar hanging door system for my pantry but the baskets were open-backed and there was no bottom anchor, so the racks frequently flopped around and stuff fell out the back. If you want a firm, stationary rack that can hold boxier stuff, this is great.

        http://www.containerstore.com/shop/kitchen/pantryOrganizers/doorWallRacks?productId=10009292&N=74107

  9. I bet if I spent $975 on a dress I would spill coffee on it the very first morning I wore it. Ha! But that’s not to say that it’s not gorgeous! I always love a great work dress, especially ones with sleeves, because it makes packing for work trips that much easier. More dresses with sleeves please!
    Jessica
    http://www.thebellevoyage.com

  10. Thanks so much with replying with your experience regarding my facelift question late last week.

    How old was your son when you had the facelift? I ask because I have 2 pre-teens (and my little nephew is babysat at my house by my nanny after school) and I am wondering how to handle this. It’s going to be quite obvious that I had something done immediately afterward.

    Any thougths would be much appreciated, from SA and others.

    2. My aunt had a facelift when I was maybe 10 or 11 and I didn’t think it was weird. They probably know what a facelift is and will be like, “oh, ok” and then keep on living their lives, as if you were going in to get your wisdom teeth out or something similar. Maybe add a bit on about not going around tell the whole world.

    3. I replied on the weekend thread. Short version: Tell the pre-teens the truth, hide away from the 5-year-old for a week (you are gonna look pretty freakin’ scary!), and consider going to a surgical aftercare facility for the first night or two.

      My son was 25 and away at USMC boot camp when I did mine, so it wasn’t an issue.

      But my biggest tip, again, is not to believe the doc about recovery time. They lie. Plan to take at least three weeks off work.

    4. Are you questioning whether to tell the preteens the factual truth about the procedure (i.e., saying in so many words that you are having a facelift), or how to explain your reasons for having one, when you are probably trying to encourage self-acceptance and a healthy body/appearance image in your kids? (Hopefully that didn’t come out sounding harsh – I don’t have time to rephrase!)

      I would tell the pre-teens the truth about the procedure for sure. I’m not sure if either of them is a girl, but I think it would be worthwhile to talk to them about your reasons and choosing it for yourself, even if that’s a difficult conversation.

    5. Agree with what other have said about telling your pre-teens the truth. They won’t judge you if you have an honest discussion about it. Tell them your reasons and tell them you’ll answer any and all questions they have. They’ll appreciate that you were open and honest with them about it. They’re going to find out eventually.

      1. Thanks all. I can arrange for the 5 year old not to see me for one week.

        Sorry SA, I did not see your weekend response, must not have rereshed that screen or something.

        I am not embarassed to tell my girls, per se, but do somewhat worry about what they may absorb from that….

  11. What do you do when you get home to signal to yourself that the workday is over? I’ve recently been thinking about this since I’ve realized mine is step 1) walk the dog, and step 2) pour a glass of wine. I’m not concerned about my overall level of alcohol consumption–one drink a day is well within my comfort zone, and it’s extremely rare that I’d have a second one–but I don’t like that it feels like I’m on autopilot, and am interested in hearing what other women do to get some different ideas to play with.

    1. Ha, mine’s not much better. I’m also looking for a new way to cut off the work day – my current habit is to flop on the couch and watch a TV show on Netflix until dinner.

      A good one I’m planning on trying is changing clothes – maybe not to PJs or lounging pants, but jeans and a sweater, or a teeshirt dress, or basically anything too casual for the workday but too cute to leave in the closet all the time.

      1. I like the cute clothes concept. I always feel so schlumpy in leggings and a sweatshirt, which is my default after-work outfit.

    3. As soon as I get home from work, I change into workout clothes and do an at-home workout video. That way it’s done, out of the way, and I don’t have to think about it. Then I shower and put on PJs and then make dinner, eat, relax, etc. I figure that I would change out of my work clothes as soon as I got home anyway and I like to shower at night, so why not put on workout clothes right away and get in a work out!

      2. I should do this instead of wine, and it’s probably achievable since I don’t like running in the morning during the fall/winter (dark…cold…ugh.). Workout video + run would be awesome.

    4. I change, since wearing a suit is not conducive to making dinner. But weating a tshirt and yoga pants also definitely makes me feel like I am not at work any more.

      If I didn’t have anyone else to look after/work to do when I got home, I’d probably read a book, or knit.

      But the best thing ever, in terms of separating my work day and my after work day is walking home from work (takes about 40 minutes). Fantastic.

      1. So jealous of your walk home from work! That sounds like an awesome opportunity to de-stress and get moving.

    5. I change into sweatpants, because once I’m home, I don’t plan on leaving. But changing into anything comfortable works; the point is to get out of work clothes as a way to say, okay the work day is done and I’ve left the office behind.

      1. Changing is definitely crucial. I love my pencil skirts but they are not exactly conducive to relaxing on the couch.

    6. I wLk the dog, change and pour a glass of wine. It is a bit autopilot but I don’t think in a bad way. To me, it’s the same autopilot things I do like brushing my teeth that tell my body it’s bed time.

      2. Do you guys open a bottle every night? Drink the same bottle for 2-3 days? Do a Bota box? Wine tastes bad after being open for a day!

        1. I open it, pour a glass, and either put the cork back in or use a reuse able stopper. It tastes fine for at least 4 days.

        2. I use a wine stopper. It’s typically easier for me than wedging a cork back in.

        3. My favorite white wines are all Sauvignon Blancs from the Marlborough region of New Zealand. Most of them are $8-12/bottle and most of them are — hooray — screwtop bottles now! :D

          If you like Sauv. Blanc, try Monkey Bay, Mohua, Matua, Starborough, Kim Crawford, Whitehaven, Cloudy Bay, etc., etc., etc.

    8. Could you do tea instead of wine? You’d still relax and enjoy the moment and slow down, but without the calories.

      1. Tea is my wine-replacement. Any herbal or decaf would be fine but I like Trader Joe’s Mint Melange tea. Put the electric kettle on while I change clothes and while the oven heats up to start dinner.

    9. Sometimes I change into workout clothes and sometimes I go straight to the kitchen to prep what I’m cooking for dinner.

    10. Pants and shoes off, yoga pants and slippers on. Ditch the bra if I’m planning on staying home all night/not working out (drat these F cups, going braless is uncomfortable if I do it too long).
      There’s something about getting out of my restrictive work clothes and into something I can breathe/move in…

    11. Change clothes and cuddle the cat. She is needy (and kneady) after I’ve been gone all day.

  12. Ladies–I have an important question for you. When you are new with someone…LGPs–lights on or off? Do you have to feel really body confident for on? I am a candlelight girl but worried his place won’t have that option! HELP!

    1. So, this might not be the answer you are looking for, but if you aren’t comfortable enough with someone to leave the lights on, then maybe you shouldn’t be having a LGP with this person?

      1. Disagree- I prefer lights off always. I’ll do lights on and I have zero probs walking around naked in daylight, but for me darkness adds to the intimacy.

        Honestly though if you don’t want the lights on just turn them off. Not an unreasonable move.

        1. I’m Anon at 10:56. I think that if you prefer lights off b/c it adds to the intimacy, then that is different from preferring lights off b/c of not being comfortable/body confident with a new person (which is what I think the OP was getting at). Darkness definitely gives off its own mood, but lights shouldn’t be a source of anxiety, either.

      2. Actually I think unwillingness to leave the lights on can say as much or more about the individual person, compared to the relationship and its maturity. Lots of people in happy, decades-long relationships still don’t feel great having their bodies on full display. So I think the issue could just as easily be internal to the OP as something about the partner.

    2. Depends on whether the lights happen to be on or off when things get started. I’m happy to do lights on and maybe even prefer it (I like seeing my partner). Granted, I am very confident in my body so that’s not an issue for me. I can imagine my feelings might be different otherwise.

    3. At that distance, the lights aren’t going to make any difference to how well your gardener can see your body, and you can pretty much be sure that if you’re to the point where you’re having LGPs, he’ll be pleased to see you without clothes on.

      That said, I hate overhead lights on during LGPs. Side lights are fine, lamps by the table, fine, but the light glaring into my face kills some of the mood. For me, it’s less about being uncomfortable being seen, and more about ambiance. Sometimes it’s fun to be completely in the dark, too. You can’t expect that he’ll have candles every time you’re at his place (is that really what you do at yours?), but it’s perfectly reasonable to ask for the overhead light to get turned off for the mood.

    5. Definitely lights on. Maybe have a mental mantra that “confidence is sexy.” If you can fake confidence at the beginning, it will eventually turns into real confidence once you get some positive feedback. And really, he will just be so happy to have you naked.

      1. Was just about the write this exact sentiment! Act confidently not matter how you’re feeling. And don’t forget that we often judge our own bodies much more harshly than others do – he’s attracted to your body, so have confidence that your body is attractive!

    6. If you are a candlelight person, maybe there’s a middle ground you can find at his place such as turning on a closet light, or a bathroom light and leaving the bathroom door ajar, etc. So the room is not flooded with daylight, but you still get your dim mood lighting.

  13. Last week, there was a discussion on dressy casual/work tops, including the AT crepe wrap top. AT is having a 50% sale until midnight, code FASHION50 if anyone is still looking. Of course, some suiting is excluded, but I ordered a bunch of tops.

      1. I just bought this one on Friday, and it’s really flattering–not too clingy, not too much skin, a very substantial knit. hand wash only due to the jewels, but I’m ok with that.

        http://www.anntaylor.com/beaded-crepe-top/346550?colorExplode=false&skuId=17530378&catid=cata000010&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=1878

        Also bought this one–it’s not crepe, but the cutouts are awesome and sezzy, again, without showing too much skin.

        http://www.anntaylor.com/perforated-sleeve-crepe-blouse/342520?colorExplode=false&skuId=17157636&catid=cata000010&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=1878

        1. What color bottoms do you wear with navy blouses? My go to winter pants are charcoal and navy, neither of which would look right with them.

          1. I think charcoal works with navy. I wear lighter wash (medium) jeans with navy. And burgundy looks great with navy. You can also do black with navy if the navy is decidedly navy (not inky toward black). Black and navy totally work if it looks intentional, not “I got dressed in the dark.” I find black pants work better if I pull it together with matching navy shoes. Then it looks purposeful.

            Also, these tops are all 50% off, at which point poly doesn’t seem _that_ unreasonable.

        2. That mesh sleeve top looks cool. Why is everything 100% poly, though? I mean, for $90! Sheesh, AT!

    2. A couple crepe tops, the split turtleneck, the pineapple print for possible work wear. Woven sweatshirt and club tee for weekends.

  14. I wanted to respond to the person on the Weekend Thread about her mother in law and the bad relationship she had with her husband. My husband and I are both Indian, and I totally understand the immigrant view of family being super duper important, them staying at your place months on end, etc. We are in the same boat. However, I have come to realize that it’s not ideal for anyone involved to have parents spend so much time at your home if you guys don’t get along. My husband and MIL just don’t get along, and any visit over 2 weeks is very trying for everyone involved. She used to stay 2 or 3 months at a time and it was just a nightmare. My MIL sounds a lot like yours too (she won’t even change a diaper). And my mom, in contrast, is your typical Indian grandma who does everything and more: ALL the cooking, ALL the housework (we canceled maid service when she visited us for 3 months after my delivery because the house was so clean whe), tons of childcare, etc. And she does all of this cheerfully and without being asked – she wants to do it, and we are forever grateful to her for the help.

    When you are part of a culture where this type of grandma is very much the norm, it’s easy to get resentful when your MIL is not as helpful as she could be. But everyone is different, and you just can’t force someone to be helpful when she doesn’t want to be. This is a lesson I have learned with my own MIL. She’s not comfortable babysitting my daughter (even for just 30 minutes) and it’s no point forcing her to do that.

    So now, when she visits, we have zero expectations and everyone is much happier. She doesn’t help much, but we appreciate the little help she provides. And we’re not resentful. But again, she stays only for 2 weeks at a time. In your situation, sounds like your MIL stays months at a time, which to me is completely untenable.

    Just wanted to chime in and say that I understand what you’re dealing with. Good luck!

  15. Any tips for getting work done while dealing with anxiety? I have an appointment to see my doctor for a longer term solution, but I’m so anxious about nothing right now that I can’t focus on what I need to get done at work.

    1. I’ve dealt with anxiety issues on-and-off for much of my adult life, so I can sympathize. I have terrible reactions to SSRIs, so I have not gone the medication route for many years. I’ve found that being very organized helps (this does not come naturally to me) and keeping a to-do list. So that you do not become overwhelmed, pick the three things that you must get done today and let the rest of the chips fall where they may. Do this every day. Be kind to yourself. If you become too overwhelmed, take a walk. Bi-pedal motion is really a therapy unto itself. I wish you the best!

    2. I’m so sorry you’re going through anxiety. Everything CTS said is great advice, especially being kind to yourself. Once you start that anxious thinking cycle, it’s so easy to focus all the negativity on yourself. Here are some of my strategies:
      -don’t be afraid to take your time breaking down large projects into manageable pieces
      -set a timer and make a deal with yourself that you will focus for 10, 20, 30 minutes and then reward yourself for getting through it
      -try taking 10 deep breaths if you feel overwhelmed

      Your doctor should be able to develop a comprehensive treatment plan that may or may not include medication and therapy. I also like meditation, mindfulness training, and some alternative therapies. Good luck!

      1. Conversely, if your anxiety is so profound that you find you can’t take full breaths, take quick shallow ones instead. It sounds counterintuitive, but it works when you are getting anxiety about your ability to take a full breath.

        Before things get to that point, taking the opportunity to do a little bit of yoga or meditation (even in your office; I believe the Washington Post has a popular article online about office stretches you can do), or intense walking/running helps me reset my breathing to a healthier pattern and take my mind off of stressors.

    3. Dump all your feelings, concerns, etc. onto a sheet of paper or computer screen. Repeat frequently.

    4. The thing that works for me (but of course this may vary for you) is physical relaxation leads to mental relaxation.

      When I started my job, I was feeling so anxious I was trapped at my desk (not getting any work done, but feeling too stressed to leave because I had work to do!), the first thing my therapist had me do before the meds kicked in was take “sanity” walks. I had to prove to myself I could take breaks and it still would be ok. I started with 5 minutes, twice a day, of just getting up from my desk, going outside, walking around the building, and going back inside. Eventually I worked up to 10 minutes, 20 minutes, etc., but forcing myself to do that (and it was a big effort at first) really helped break the cycle of “spend to much time worrying about what I have to do that I don’t do it, which results in more worry about how much I have to do in so little time.” Every time I came back from a walk I was able to get a little more done, even if just a short burst.

      The second trick I read online, but which works for me, is to tense all your muscles at once for as long as you can, and then relax them. I try to do this every time I think about it, and it’s a really great instant (but short term) help.

      Finally, I think the words of wisdom from my therapist helped me at least have a more positive outlook: anxiety is like a bell curve. From an evolutionary perspective, a certain level of anxiety is helpful — it makes us more alert, keeps us on track, and prevents things from falling through the cracks. So your goal isn’t to get “rid” of anxiety, it’s to find the top of the curve for you. Too much and it hurts your productivity, but too little and you don’t get things done – we all know that person who is never anxious, but also never seems to get stuff done without prodding. Some amount of worry is helpful and good. So focus on getting yourself back to a good amount, and don’t try to reach some impossible goal of getting rid of it all together.

      Good luck! Dealing with anxiety is gross, and an on-going struggle, but you can do it!

  16. Hi Ladies, I’ve seen a lot of you discussing visiting the Finger Lakes when I searched for it and was wondering if anyone had any recommendation on where or what area to stay in – would you stay near Ithaca? My boyfriend and I are thinking going up in a couple weeks to do some hiking and visit a few wineries. There seems to be a lot of cute B&Bs all over the area, but I would also not want to stay somewhere isolated where we could get bored.

    1. How much do you like college towns? Your answer will tell you whether or not you want to be near Ithaca. Although as college towns go, the students are pretty tame. Some of the businesses will close when students leave, so watch the breaks schedule. And Ithaca really is “gorges.”
      My parents stayed in Watkins Glen when they visited and it was lovely.

      ETA: Why is this in moderation???

      1. “vis!ted”

        I’m a broken record on this, but adding the word “s!te” to moderation really is absurd, Kat/Kate.

      2. Ithaca is a really nice small town with cute shops and tasty restaurants. There is also a really good artsy movie theater there.

    2. Love the Finger Lakes! My girlfriends and I did a wine weekend and stayed at Glenora winery, which is on Lake Seneca. The hotel was nice, our rooms were on the ground floor and opened up to a nice lawn with gorgeous views of the lake/mountains. We hired a limo to drive us to different wineries, it was great. I think the hotel helped us facilitate that, and would probably be able to help plan other activities in the area. As you said, lots of B&B’s around, and I’m sure they’d be helpful activity-wise as well!

    3. I recommend hopping around a bit. I had a very small B&B in Geneva that I liked–called Three Tree Inn. Very small but lovely couple and amazing breakfasts! We stayed one night in Corning (glass museum is awesome), two nights in Geneva (driving down the lakes for wine tasting) and then one more night in Ithaca!

      1. Thanks. I’m doing alright. Hopefully going to get a custody agreement in place soon. H is finally talking about retaining a lawyer. He hasn’t tried to move back in, which is awesome, and every day I don’t see him is a GREAT day. But he stole the baby from daycare on Friday and didn’t return her til 6pm. Then on Saturday he took her for a scheduled visit and returned her 2 hours late. Good news is that (1) I have her back! and (2) this morning, I discovered I’ve lost 10 lbs! Ha. /bad joke

        1. WTF do you mean, stole the baby from daycare? He showed up and the daycare released her to him other than per an agreed schedule and without your authorization?? I would be really worried about that…

          1. You can’t enforce a custody agreement if you don’t have one. Sounds like you need to get one, asap.

          1. If there is no agreement in place, both parents have equal rights to the kid.

    2. Ok, I am sorry, but can we please stop with this rubbernecking, morbid fascination / “Concern” for one individual? She is fine. She is not in danger. She has said she has friends supporting her. This is not our soap opera to get off on. Also this woman went ahead and had a baby with a horrible guy who was emotionally abusive and terrible long before she chose to have a baby with him as a father. Shockingly introducing an infant did not improve things. That poor baby.

      1. Dear Kelly,

        Feel free to scroll past things you don’t want to read about/are annoyed by.

        Thanks,
        The Internet

      2. Ouch. Maybe I’m naïve, but I believe the concern here is sincere.. Also, relationships are not so simple and black and white. Emotions are complex. Experiences blend together. One bad experience could have been sandwiched by many positive ones, making denial easy.

      3. It’s genuine concern. No quotes. People in this community give each other advice and “page” each other in the comments to let them know someone is thinking of them. If I’m going through a horrible situation, knowing that a stranger cares enough to remember me might help make an awful day a little easier.

        Your comment “that poor baby” is extremely cruel. I’d take a long hard look at your desire to say that to a stranger.

      4. Kelly, thanks for your thoughts. Hindsight is 20/20. Next time you find a time machine, send it my way so I can just undo all my bad decisions. I’m trying to make my future better now, for my daughter’s sake. As others have said (thanks ladies!), emotions are complex. Also, being in an abusive relationship makes it pretty difficult to think clearly and listen to outside advice.

          1. Slow clap all you want. If you were here, you know she was fully aware of how bad things were when she decided having a kid might fix him. Hindsight is not applicable here. Monster is still a monster. Glad she’s out but why are we acting like this is all new? Why do we have to feed the drama here daily?

          2. I was here. None of his current behavior surprises me. But what’s done (her staying with her for as long as she did, having a baby together) is done. Berating her for that won’t help. She’s recognized that she put up with garbage for way too long and now she’s taking steps to extricate herself from a terrible situation. Sorry if it offends you that I choose to applaud that instead of telling her what she should have done x number of years ago instead.

          3. Kelly, why on earth is it so important to you to participate in blaming the victim here? Have you done any research at all on domestic abuse? Is it possible you have missed the recent national conversation on the offensiveness of “why doesn’t she just leave?” Good Lord.

            What’s new is that the OP has gathered up her courage and is out. Are you aware that the average number of attempts by domestic abuse victims to leave the relationship is seven? (I made it out on my third try but it was hard.) Me personally, I’m gonna keep cheering Separation on so that she makes it stick the first time.

            And Separation, if you find that time machine I’d like a ride in it, too!

      5. Wow. I had a horrific pregnancy (babies turned out fine!) and really appreciated all the thoughtful comments on here last winter. It did actually matter to me that people I’d only met through these little typed messages cared about me and were thinking of me. It’s not rubbernecking to care about someone, even if you’ve only met her online.

      6. Right. Because the concern for this woman (which I also believe is legit) is really clogging up this place’s other CRUCIAL discussions on strappy shoes and where to take weekend trips (not that there’s anything wrong with those discussions- point is, there’s space for both).

        The rest of your comment is extraordinarily cruel. I hope you never face difficulties in your life that are even 1% related to a decision you made.

  18. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning and have taken the whole off. The kiddo will have full-day child care. What would you do for the afternoon? I don’t want to go too crazy or spend lots of money but I would like suggestions for a “me” day. My only idea so far is a manicure. Alcohol is out since I’m pregnant. Forecast tomorrow is 60 and sunny and I would like to be out of the house so it doesn’t turn into a “scrub the floors and catch up on laundry day”.

    Thanks in advanced!

    2. Jealous! Manicure/pedicure. Lunch out solo or with a friend. Browse at a fun store you can’t easily take kid to (museum gift shop, art gallery). Read a book on a park bench or in your backyard. See a movie.

      Have fun!

    3. I’d go see a matinee movie, something you’d like to see that your partner wouldn’t love. I mean, with 2 kids, you’re not getting out to the movie for something non-animated for the next 2 years, so you might as well go now.

    4. Window shopping, museum, park, and/or movie with a giant tub of popcorn all to yourself.

  19. Thanks for the comments here a few weeks back when I posted about never feeling well. Blood tests reveal I have a pretty huge vitamin b12 deficiency. I’m not a vegetarian, and the doctor said she thinks there is something underlying that is messing with my absorption of the vitamin. It’s not celiac, since she tested for that too. I have to get weekly injections of b12! Have any of you ever dealt with before? I have a followup this afternoon to have my first shot and am trying to compile a list of questions. Any thought?

    2. It must be a relief that you at least have an explanation for why you were feeling bad! I assume she took you through a list of foods that are high in B12, and the fact that you weren’t deficient in those foods led her to believe you have an absorbancy problem.

      ETA- the one question I can think of: is there anything you can eat concurrently with your meat/fish that would help absorption of B12, so that you don’t have to take these injections indefinitely?

      However, this is still a good excuse to eat more oysters, crab and lobster :)

    3. do you have kids? if not, you might want to test for MTFHR, it messes up your folic acid and vit B12 could be part of that. the reason I ask, is that if you ahve MTFHR, it makes pregnancies quite challenging without appropriate treatment…

      1. I have the MTHFR mutation and it does impact absorption of folic acid. The easy fix is Folgard, a folic acid supplement.

      2. Ditto on MTHFR – if you have this mutation, your body may not methylate folate & B12. Fortunately, it’s easy to test for the mutation, and methylated supplements are available.

    4. I had it once, after a problem with gastritis. Mine went away after it healed. Usually only vegans, not vegetarians, get a deficiency. Some people have trouble absorbing it through their stomach linings and need the injection. I think there is a blood test for this, to check the intrinsic factor? Your doctor can fill you in. Other people can get it from an inadequate diet or from blood loss (heavy periods or if you frequently donate blood). The other reason is digestion issues, which is what I had.

      1. Heavy periods caused an imbalance for me, I’m forever grateful to one of the commenters here who suggested the Trader Joes sublingual b12/b6/folic acid vitamins, they made a huge difference in how I feel.

    5. I’m glad you got tested! At least you can start feeling better. The injections will help immensely.

      Will your dcotor recommend other tests? If they cant find an underlying cause, I would insist on it. It could be many things, such as irritiable bowel syndrome, Chron’s, etc, that may affect how you’re body isn’t absorbing nutrients correctly, resulting in deficiencies.

      One word of caution, prepare to bounce off all the walls. It’s amazing how much energy you’ll have with appropriate vitamin levels in your system after feeling like crap for so long.

    6. Have you been on long term acid blockers? They can cause b-12 absorption problems. For mild problems, there are over the counter sublingual pills (melt under the tongue) that bypass the gut.

    7. My mom has this. She does monthly B12 shots. She’s learnt to do them herself so it makes it much easier.
      I think her underlying issue is also unclear but stomach related. Because of this it’s very important to really monitor yourself and get regular check ups.

    8. Vegetarian here who had to take b12 shots for both pregnancies. It all turned out fine. Don’t worry.

  21. LinkedIn best practices? How do you make the most out of it and what are the mistakes to avoid?

    1. Don’t just add everyone you have ever met. Dont add that kid from high school who works at the Gap. Ad dpeople who are part of your current career (or you wish they were!) Current coworkers, past supervisors, etc. People who aspire to be, mentors, are all great adds.

      Dont just copy and paste your resume in. This is a place where you have the chance to show more–slides, awards, etc all can be uploaded.

      Write recommendations for others–they’ll be likely to write one back, and it’s way more powerfult han the silly endorse button.

      Finally, use a real headshot, not a selfie.

  23. I’m sure this has been discussed before but I can’t find it. What are good answers to “why this firm?” when interviewing? The truth is I’m just looking to get out of my current situation and the places I’m interviewing at are less prestigious and have fewer high-powered clients and famous cases than my current firm. I don’t care about prestige and want a better place to work but I feel like I can’t say that in the interview.

    1. I wouldn’t say you don’t care about prestige, but I don’t see why you can’t say you’re looking for a smaller firm with a more collaborative atmosphere or something to that effect. Small and mid-size firm lawyers are usually pretty well aware of why people don’t want to be in Big Law anymore.

      1. I’m interviewing with Big Law (AmLaw 200 firms) though, not small or mid law.

        1. I think you can say you want a better place to work. What is better about the place you are going? Better colleagues? Better projects? Better experience? Find positive reasons.

  24. I’m searching for the holy grail of shoes for vacation. I am going to be doing a fair amount of walking and would like something comfortable and stylish. Must have support (plus I’ll put in my old lady inserts). Any ideas??

    1. Gentle Souls. I have the Bay Unique style and can walk for days in them. They were also great on windy cobblestone streets, which is hard to accomplish. I also have a pair of their motorcycle type boots & also very comfy. They’re often on sale on 6 pm or at DSW.

  25. I don’t always threadjack, but when I do, it’s because I’m eager to follow up on my open thread post wherein I was talking about buying a car.

    My outfit consisted of black boots, jeans, and a burgundy cardigan. I figured the deep red would make me look more mature. Little did I know my dad would wear a similar outfit (yes, he was there for support, as it was my first time and he has some experience with this stuff).

    I bought the car I wanted, and managed to negotiate the price pretty well – the dealership had an anti-negotiation policy, and the salesman made me watch a really insulting video about their “smart pricing,” after which I picked up my stuff and started walking away, and suddenly they were willing to negotiate. Funny how that works. And even though I signed the paperwork on Saturday, I convinced them to change the “official” signing date to next Monday when I’ll actually be able to pick the car up (and, with great sadness, say goodbye to my 2002 Accord), so I can actually take advantage of their 5 day return policy.

    It all worked out in the end, but I have no plans to buy another used car from them. If I do return my car in those first 5 days, I’m either hitching a ride to a different Honda franchise, or ditching Honda entirely and checking out what Mazda has to offer.

    1. Good for you! I also had a horrid experience at a Honda dealer a few weeks ago – the guy actually said to me, “trust me, no-one’s getting rich selling Fits.” Like I was low-rent. ; ) guess it was the 180 degree flip from the pushy salesman…

  26. I decided I totally loved the Tracy Reese dress and bought it. Bad Suzi.

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