Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Collarless Woven Blazer

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Forever 21 Love 21 Collarless Woven Blazer | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I have mixed feelings about Forever21 (it's a big offender for fast fashion, but they do have a lot of very affordable and trendy clothes). This collarless woven blazer is lined, and machine washable. I love the teal (particularly with the coral/red lip!) but it also comes in your basic black. Nice! The blazer is $24. Forever 21 Love 21 Collarless Woven Blazer Here's a similar plus-size option (and another with just one size left). Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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193 Comments

  1. Oh, winter, how I love you so. Woke up this morning to find my bedroom ceiling leaking in 3 places.

    1. I can’t describe how I feel about this winter because all the bad language would get the post blocked.

    2. I hate that just leaving the house to get to work is a trial. I live on the Green B line in Boston, and all hope has been abandoned.

      We purportedly have bus service, but all the busses are full because they fill them up at the beginning of the line. Standing in biting cold while bus after bus drives by you (my longest wait in the past week was 57 minutes) is horrid. Equally horrid is the alternative–walking miles over semi-shoveled walks, crossing dangerous intersections (because no one can see around the snow banks).

      Buck you, Foston. I am so over Winter I could scream.

      1. I’m on the Braintree section of the redline. I started driving to the office. Takes over an hour to get to the office and more than 2 hours to get home. Yesterday it took 2 and a half hours.

        They say the Braintree section will be back on track (literally!) on Monday, but I’ll believe that when I see it. And I was the lucky reader, who was on the smoky train 3 weeks ago…

        As much as I hate winter I save my real vitriol for the MBTA system!

    3. My bathroom ceiling is leaking and my doggie won’t poop outside. He won’t go inside either so he just holds it an whines. I feel so bad for him. He finally pooped in the bathroom last night and then was really upset with himself and was in the corner all night. I don’t know why, I’ve never punished him but he wasn’t always my dog. He won’t wear boots but it’s just too cold for his feet. Prince doggie needs spring ASAP!

      1. My pup is the same. One time in a hurricane she didn’t do her business for like three days straight. And I don’t blame her. Dogs know not to do their business where they sleep – so you don’t have to teach him to feel bad about going inside. Just wipe his paws when he comes back inside since they can get salty – you may already know that one!

      2. Aww. My pup really loves being outside but the salt hurts her paws too much. Boots have been a big failure in the past but I’ll have to try again.

        The heat in our old house is constantly going and is causing the circuits to trip whenever we turn on the toaster.

        1. Have you tried ruffwear boots? I find their stuff to be above and beyond the quality and functionality of other brands.

      3. Try Musher’s Secret for paws–I think it provides some protection and also helps soothe paws that are hurt/cracked. I also think it’s a good idea to dunk paws in a bowl of warm water when coming in, not just towel off.

          1. This! I use this for my retriever year round. Helps in the winter when it’s dry and also in the warmer months when he plays too much catch :)

      4. Mine has been going under our deck on our snow covered brick patio. I definitely need to scoop it all before it melts and it’s kind of gross but at least she found somewhere to go that her arthritic legs can handle. She gave up making paths through the yard.

    4. We spent 2 hours chiseling 4 inches of ice or of our gutters a few weeks ago after finding a few wet spots on our wall. This winter is a nightmare! On the bright side, we had no no issues after clearing the ice.

    5. Yup I’m over it too. We had a pipe burst and it flooded the basement. We live upstairs but we had to turn off all the water for about 12 hours. Our landlord is sick and hasn’t called a plumber yet so we rigged something up to let us turn our portion of the water back on. Luckily we are moving next week because his place is falling apart!

    6. Wow, i feel so bad for you all! I would be so miserable. I am sending many warming and thawing thoughts!

    7. Thank you for this post, because it reminded me that it is supposed to warm above freezing here tomorrow and while most people would consider that a good thing, it means we will probably have issues with frozen gutters and melted water on the roof of one of our properties where the roof is starting to fail.

      Off to call the handyman to see what he can do today and to be on call for tomorrow. Last time this happened my husband wound up shoveling the roof for several hours that day – not a fun time.

    8. Also in Boston – getting water damage in my office and bedroom ceiling. And we are supposed to get several more inches of snow on Wednesday! I really did try with the MBTA this week, but gave up and started driving after a bus ride home took almost 2 hours from Back Bay to Brookline… Not sure it’s entirely the MBTA’s fault though, as they are lacking funds. Is there some sort of MBTA donation site out there?

      1. I thought maybe the increase from $70 to $75 on my MBTA pass back in July was my donation. People have been talking about getting refunds for our monthly T-passes. But I’d settle for complete transparency in the MBTA’s spending…

      2. I’m not donating to them! I live on the Green Line and they hardly make an attempt to get people to pay. Seriously, they give away thousands and thousands of dollars of free fares a day. And don’t get me started on how often the card readers are just broken, so everyone rides free. Their lack of funds is due to ridiculous pensions and lack of efficiency in operations, full stop.

  2. Just be aware that Forever 21 online purchases cannot be returned to stores… found this out when my kids ordered a bunch of stuff and it cost a lot to return.

    1. And their return window is 21 days from the date you order (not from the day you receive it). Found this out when I ordered some stuff for a honeymoon and none of it fit.

      Really I just think forever 21 is for 21 year olds. If you are built like a 21 year old you can still shop there but everything I ordered (in size L, in BR I am a medium) was too tight, too short, too low.

      1. I also found the sizing incredibly difficult. I wear a 2-4/XS in most brands, but could not get a F21 dress I ordered in a L (the highest size available in that dress) to work with my hips and butt (unless I was going for that whole skintight, painted-on nightclub look, which I’m not). It maybe works for bodies that are ruler (is the term “banana” now?) but if you introduce any kind of variation, whether it be shoulders, chest, hips, butt, or muscular legs, and it is just not happening.

        1. I used to be a sample size – tall and skinny and straight, size 2/4 – and I was still a large in Forever 21. It’s cut for short teenagers. I think it would work for petite people, maybe.

    2. You can return things to the store within 30 days but only for a merchandise credit. That being said, I think for young people just starting out their professional wardrobes, F21 (after some digging) does sell some gems.

  3. Silly questions here. How do you know when it’s the right time to lateral? I’m a junior associate in a busy practice area (service group) in biglaw and have been getting calls from other firms in my desired city. I probably don’t want to stay at my current firm long-term because I’ve been told the partnership prospects are essentially nonexistent coming from my practice group. Am I crazy for considering lateraling before hitting the magic 3 years everyone talks about? And a related question: what kinds of questions do I need to be asking other firms? I just sort of followed the OCI train without doing too much research out of school, and now I feel a bit overwhelmed.

    1. Lateral if you think you want to be a partner and you aren’t doing well at your firm/your practice isn’t respected; if you want a different kind of firm (bigger for resume, smaller for real shot at partnership); you’ve gotten off on the wrong foot somewhere at your current firm and you can’t correct; if you’re paid well below market and you can do a lot better elsewhere; if goofy firm politics are getting in your way; if you aren’t learning or getting good work. Don’t lateral if you’re doing well, are getting good experience, like the people and don’t want to make partner (in OP’s case specifically, a lot of firms have a “homegrown” bias), and have other goals like going in-house where a long-term relationship with a client and partner advocates will help you.

      1. These seem like good principles. What about if you are doing great at your firm, in a great/very busy practice group in the exact area of law you want to be in, and getting lots of good mentorship and growth opportunities, but there is probably no chance you will make partner. I’ve even been told that they see partnership potential in me, but no one makes partner at my firm. NO ONE. It seriously has been years.

        On the one hand, I feel like I have a great thing going. On the other hand, I feel like I’m foolish if I stick around here for too long, thinking that it’s going to somehow turn out different for me.

        1. Original anon here – in that case, I think you need to figure out if being a partner is important to you or not and what you ultimately want to do. If it is, then lateral somewhere where it’s a real option. If not, then I’d stick it out and go in-house. I was at a similar firm/situation and knew I didn’t want to be partner, stuck it out for a long time and went in-house. I didn’t see a need to lateral because I was seeking experience and mentorship.

    2. If recruiters are calling you, take a meeting with them. I never did when I was in a big firm and I regret it. It’s not that I was necessarily interested in moving at the time, but it’s helpful to start developing relationships with recruiters and keeping the door open in case the right opportunity comes along. How long have you been at your firm? Did you just start there this past fall? If you’ve been there less than a year it might be worth sticking around another 8mo-1yr, but maybe not. Ask the recruiters this question. Say “I’ve only been here [X] amount of time and I thought prospects were best after three years. Do you think that’s true?” It can take longer than you think it should to find another job (especially to find a good one) so there’s no harm in keeping feelers out there to see what happens.

    3. Wow, I just came on here to ask an extremely similar question, with the added caveat that I’m a third year and I have a recruiter that says a firm is interested in me and is willing to pay above market with a lower billable hours goal than my current firm. But I really love the people at my current firm, and I was planning to leave Biglaw by my fifth year anyway (though may reconsider if my hours are actually more manageable). Anyone been through something similar?

      1. Nothing similar. But if I had an opportunity like that I’d jump at it. Your worst-case scenario is really that you move somewhere and don’t like the environment, and then only stick it out for 2 years (based on your existing 5-year plan). I’d get more information about the working environment, but take the offer really seriously.

    4. Add me to the chorus of junior-ish associates thinking about lateraling. I’m considering the move because my direct partner, who there is no getting away from in this firm, is incredibly difficult to work for. I can’t keep doing it without going on some anti-anxiety medications, and I’m concerned that will blur my focus [any thoughts on this are appreciated]. Otherwise, the firm is excellent, so it’s a real struggle. I think I’m going to start talking to recruiters because I know it will take time to find the right fit.

      For you, if you’re still a 1st year (or even a 2nd) I’d wait it out for another year if you otherwise like your firm. Chances are that once you’re a few years in, you’re not going to want to make partner anyway.

      1. Simsi, I am sadly in an identical position at my firm. Unfortunately I don’t really have any advice for you on the work relationship but I can tell you that since going on anti-anxiety medication, my focus has actually improved because I spend significantly less time panicking and a lot more time being productive. Not to say that there are no side effects from the medication in other realms of my life but it was a good move for me work-wise.

        1. +1 I found my focus improved after going on anti- anxiety meds. It also clarified for me that my job really did suck as bad as I thought it did and enabled me the focus to get out.

      2. Of course this is just my own experience, but anti-anxiety meds had a significant, negative effect on my focus and ability to work productively for the long hours.

        I went off the meds and went in house.

      3. I recently lateraled because of a direct partner I couldn’t get away from being a complete jerk at work, and while I work double the hours when I’m busy, I’m so much happier and learning so much!

    5. Just an anecdote: For what it’s worth, I lateraled after slightly less than 2 years and it was a great decision. The reason I was leaving was that I worked for a partner that I really loved working for, who lateraled to another firm. She couldn’t take someone as junior as me with her and the firm was in NYC where I did not want to move. I had no other internal “clients” or parnters I worked for, and another firm in my city called with a need for a junior associate. I interviewed, got the job, and had an exceptional experience over the course of the years I was there, and didn’t feel like the “outsider” that some laterals feel if they make the move because I did it so early.

      I didn’t feel like there was any drawbacks, for partnership or otherwise, by lateraling early. I was told when I left that I would be in the running for partnership, but I had the chance to go into government service back near my hometown (with an ailing family member) so I jumped at the chance.

  4. Ladies. I did the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life this morning. Last night my bf and I had dinner with a co-worker ( fellow 1st year associate in big law) and his gf. It was great. Co-worker texted me later that night with a message for my bf (they had traded youtube video recs). I texted back. So his was the most recent text conversation on my phone this morning.

    As I was getting ready this morning I was feeling good about myself after an early-morning spin class and I decided to take a picture of my rear end in the bathroom mirror (wearing underwear) to send to my bf (I’ve only done this once or twice before and he loved it). Nothing too scandalous but definitely for private consumption. Well. I accidentally sent it to co-worker. I called him immediately after, told him I sent him a text that was for my bf, and asked him not to look at it. He was totally cool and put his phone in a drawer til I got to work and deleted it myself. The text (and others he got before it) were unopened on the lock screen, so I’m fairly confident he didn’t see it.

    This could have gone so, so wrong and I’m so grateful it worked out. I’m never doing that again.

      1. I would do the same thing the co-worker did, not because I’m cool but because I’m so uncool I would NOT want to see that.

    1. That is an amazing story and you have an awesome coworker. In a few years (months maybe), you’ll be able to tell this story and win any “most embarrassing moment” contest.

      1. Oh I don’t know that she will automatically win. She could have attached the photo to a Reply All on an email with her boss, board of directors, and top client. I’m sure it has happened!

    2. This could have gone so much worse! I think your coworker is a gentleman and even if it popped up on the small screen and he did see it, he is going to do the right thing and pretend he didnt. Its great that you can both be grown up about it, and I think you handled it correctly.

    3. I have a few external clients that insist on texting. I’ve found that once I’m done with my response, is to delete the conversation immediately. It’s saved me on occasion!

    4. There’s an app called Couple (used to be Pair) which can be useful here. It means that instead of going to your normal messaging app, you go to an app which is only for you and your other half. One more mis-step needed to send a picture to the wrong person.

    5. I once texted a co-worker about buying turkey for Thanksgiving. The text was intended for my fiancé, but co-worker had been the last person on my phone so the texts went to her. Thankfully, that wasn’t anything too embarrassing, but I’ve been super cautious since then to delete texts from other people or at least to navigate back out to the list of threads so I have to actively choose who to text.

  5. What do you all think about whether (or to what extent) it’s necessary to move your wardrobe upscale as you advance in your career into very senior level positions. For example, should you still be wearing AT and BR suits that you got on sale when you’re the CEO of a small or mid-sized company or director of a large and influential organization? Is there a reason other than personal preference to buy nicer clothes as you move up?

    1. If you’re getting the level of respect that you expect from your colleagues with your current wardrobe, I wouldn’t worry. Although there’s obviously many root causes if you’re not, one way to help an executive presence is upgraded and well-tailored clothing.

      1. Oh, I’m in my mid-20s so this isn’t relevant to me yet. I just wonder how this will change as I move up/get older and what others’ experiences have been.

    2. Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this blazer! Great pick, Kat!

      I have to say that the cute Forever 21 model in the picture look’s alot like Rosa. She also has a better body then me, and a much smaller tuchus also. I wish I had a body like this, but dad at least is trying to make me svelte by makeing me walk every day with my FITBIT, and I am goieng home this weekend so he can weigh me. I hope I am less then 115. Dad want’s me below 110 but he also realises that it is winter, and I need to have a few more pound’s on me to stay warm. YAY!

      As for the OP, yes, as you become more sucessful in your carreer, you need to dress better. Peeople pay more attention to you when you are dressed well. That is why I turn over my wardrobe and have a clotheing allowance. Men respond better and I do better. Look at my courtroom success rate. I am at over 95% now in Manhattan, and I think alot of that is b/c the judge REAALLY like’s my clothe’s. He even told the manageing partner that my allowance should be UPPED to 95% b/c I do that well in his courtroom. If onley I could get 100%, I would win all my case’s, he told me! Wouldnt that be great! Free clotheing and 100% success! DOUBEL YAY!

      Dad is very proud of me and my success rate and he said that if I prepare better I can get even better results. He does NOT understand that it take’s alot of energy for me to create all of the breif’s and motion’s on line, and that I do NOT get alot of assistance from Lynn, who is very busy with Mason in the confernce room when I look for her to help. I think those 2 are together to much. He sleeps over at her place most night’s, I know b/c he wear’s the same clotheing and tie when he does. He also kind of look’s worn out –probabley from a night of sex. She manages to look good, tho she has also packed on more then a few pound’s since dating Mason. For now, Mason is NOT lookeing at other women, but he did kind of eye Myrna with that knoweing look, as if to say he would sleep with her if she wanted — Myrna said not to do her any favor’s. FOOEY on men that sleep with one woman and then think that their winkie’s are still availabel for other women. We do NOT just look at a man and think of his winkie. When will men understand that we want RELATIONSHIP’s! NOT winkie’s alone. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    3. I think Kate Middleton and Michelle Obama are good examples of how you can mix in BR and Jcrew and other affordable options while also rocking the higher priced items when the situations call for it. It’s probably more of an affordability thing than a “thou shalt not wear AT” once a CEO.

    4. I think as you move up the ladder, you tend to buy higher-quality items because you have less time and more money. Instead of waiting for the piece you love to go on sale, you find the brands that fit you/suit your taste and you refresh your wardrobe regularly with pieces from those brands. Everyone loves a good sale, of course, but priorities change.

      1. This exactly. I get so frustrated by shopping now because I need to buy what I need when I need it, in the limited time I have to shop for it. It makes me less price sensitive. I’m mid-thirties, relatively senior in my mid-sized organization, married no kids, and do not have time for “the hunt”.

      2. I find that as I have gotten more established in my career, my shoping time = mail ordering and returning staggering amounts of clothing. Even in brands I’m familiar with. Sizing is wildly inconsistent even within brands.

        E.g. from yesterday:
        sheath in petite: bust darts in right place; length inappropriate for work (I’m 5-4)
        sheath in regular: length is fine; bust darts too low
        jacket in petite: needed to be 2 sizes smaller
        did not try on suiting pencil skirt and suiting pants (wool, unlined, could have tolerated if the rest of the outfit had worked).

        have had this before in just about every place except BR (stuff fits me off the rack, due to a try-on bender that had about 25 pieces in the dressing room at once), but that’s just for work clothes. Don’t even get me started on casual clothes and the ways it can all go wrong.

        The first day I get with free time, I *should* spend trying on clothes with a shopper in an actual store. But it’s not going to happen: home repairs, seeing friends, all rank higher on my list.

        Signed,
        BigLaw Partner, 2 small kids

        1. I feel like if I was in your situation, I would figure out a line I like the quality of (probably from Nordstrom) order them a size up, and then spend the time I would spend trying things on at my awesome tailor’s getting her to fit everything (which she can do super quickly) and just having everything tailored to me. I am an extreme pear, though, so pretty much all pants and skirts have to come in at the waist anyway, so I’d just cut a step by ordering up and going straight to the tailor.

          1. I love the term “extreme pair.” So much better than “I have a huge behind and a super tiny waist.”

          2. haha, yeah. Also my waist is really high, so yeah fitting into standard US clothing is super fun! ;o)

            **Extreme Pear HiveFive**

    5. I’m in the federal government, and the high-level women I encounter definitely aren’t wearing Armani. Or even make-up. It’s definitely not an issue here.

  6. this week I have discovered an awesome, though slightly unethical office diet trick. I told my coworkers that my doctor has put me on a gluten-free diet. not true. however, it’s saved me from donuts, brownies, a birthday cake, and pizza just in this one week. no more “you can eat just one” or “stop being so disciplined” comments – folks don’t mess when it’s medical. and I can’t cheat at all.

    1. My favorite office food commentary trick is “Why do you care what I eat?”, said with a smile. People need to stop it with the policing other people’s food choices. I might have 3 slices of cake, or zero, and it shouldn’t matter.

    2. Be warned – you may start getting gluten-free treats brought in specially for you. Last year, a co-worker announced she couldn’t eat gluten anymore, so we all started baking gluten-free recipes. When she downed multiple pints of beer at a happy hour and we discovered she was “gluten free” when she felt like it for weight loss, we were pretty PO’d we’d invested in all those expensive ingredients and made all those really tricky gluten-free recipes.

      1. One of my relatives has celiac and she really is 100% gluten free, yet she still feels bad when people go to a lot of trouble to make special GF recipes for her.

        1. One of my friends has celiac, and while she’s perfectly fine eating fruit and cheese and whatever she brings at our potlucks, she was over the moon when I altered a hoisin-caramelized tofu Korean taco recipe for her (100% tamari soy sauce, GF hoisin, corn tortillas), so if I find out she’s coming to a party, I try to see if the recipe can be altered. I don’t mind doing it for my friend, so she can enjoy party food, but I was super annoyed about the coworker’s duplicity.

      2. luckily everyone in my office is miserable and dysfunctional – custom baking, happy hours are so outside our sad reality

      3. Did she ask you to make gluten free treats for her? If not, I don’t understand how you can be peeved when you took it upon yourself to do something that she didn’t ask for.

        1. It’s the deception that people find upsetting – especially nice people who try to be inclusive in their treat-making, even when it’s not asked for.

          1. I have a problem with the deception too. I know someone with celiac disease and when they disclosed that the reason they couldn’t eat some baked goods was because of that I made a mental note to try and bring something different for them at the next social function. If you don’t want to eat baked goods because of weight loss or whatever other reason, no need to lie just politely decline.

          2. I think you (general you) needs to not be so sensitive on this one. What if you bought expensive ingredients to bake GF goodies and your coworker wouldn’t eat any because she did not trust that your baking was adequately contamination-free?

            While it’s nice to try to accommodate people’s dietary preferences or requirements, if it’s going to be so high stress, might be better to just bring in fruit or pass altogether.

          3. I’m sure the thought of wanting to be inclusive is much appreciated by those co-workers with restrictions, but at the same time, has anyone been seriously upset that they weren’t able to gorge on ALL THE OFFICE GOODIES? Your co-workers might be okay with having a firm reason that they can’t eat the brownies, and it may be putting yourself through more stress than necessary to accommodate them if they haven’t specifically requested it.

    3. And this is why coworkers, acquaintances and waiters are so skeptical when I tell them I have celiac disease…

      I hope you at least keep this charade up 100%. Nothing is more irritating that having a person say they are gluten free and then witnessing them order a sandwich or something drenched in soy sauce.

      1. Thanks this comment. My child has severe food allergies, and it’s BS like this that keeps the public thinking they’re not serious.

        1. I agree. I found out the hard way that some grains make my throat close up, on top of lesser allergies that cause hives. One of the downsides is that when a person’s health condition is well managed, others don’t see their disorder, so it is easier to dismiss. Hives are itchy and quite unpleasant socially when they’re on your face.

          Unlike many women, I am sick and tired of discussing diets with other people as part of conversation. Diets are like opinions, because everyone has one.

      2. That’s terrible. Allergies are real and can be extremely severe.

        I get so mad at my friends who do this. People who do this at restaurants breed carelessness at restaurants because when they mess up and cross contaminate and you don’t end up needing an EpiPen or 911 call/trip to the ER, they don’t catch their mistakes and do better for people who really do have the problem.

      3. +1000

        another Celiac here – hate the blowback from waitstaff, coworkers etc who think that “gluten-intolerant” is a choice or a fad.

        Only claim gluten free status if (1) You’ll never cheat and (2) you’re doing it for real or at least trying it to see if it makes you fee better. Even then, you may have to fend off well-meaning friends who bring special GF treats for you.

      4. I’m gluten free and my boss will order gluten free french fries (restaurant that has separate fry thing) so I can have some of the french fries. He totally got called out by a waitress today because something else he ordered wasn’t gluten free. She didn’t call him out to say “oh no, that other thing isn’t gluten free.” She called him out to say “and you want me to go through the trouble of making you gf fries??” Then he quickly explained my order would be all gluten free for serious reasons and he was giving me some of his fries which was the reason for his request. I wanted to hug that waitress because her no BS reaction just cracked me up. (Don’t worry, his other thing was on a separate plate and wouldn’t contaminate the shared fries.) Oh, and I can order my own fries, they just didn’t come w/ my meal and I didn’t want a giant separate order of them.

    4. Read a great article on the Kitchn this morning about bringing back “no thank you.” Folks should respect a “no thank you” without argument or further explanation. I wish that happened in office food situations for sure!

      1. Agree. Also, I find people who won’t respect a “no thank you” are also not going to respect medical restrictions after time goes by (same with cultural/religious restrictions).

      2. This reminds me of a time when a coworker brought cookies in. He came by my desk and asked if I wanted one. I said no thank you. He pushed them into my face and said just have two. One for you and one for your officemate (who was out that day). I said no thank you again. He said her calories don’t count and pushed them closer to my face. I think I said no thank you about 15 times before he finally listened and left. It’s INCREDIBLY rude, and I was trying to be polite, but I was about to lose my sh*t. So yeah! Respect the no thank you!

        1. I would have been tempted to take two as he directed and put them directly into the garbage in front of him.

      3. What are y’all’s thoughts on “no, thank you,” at an intimate dinner party when you disclose the menu with the invitation? (Dessert is optional, of course.)

        1. In what context? If someone is declining essentially the entire meal, I would find that a bit odd. If I were the “no thank you” person in that situation, I would’ve either politely declined the invitation or informed the host beforehand that I was happy to be invited and would like to attend and enjoy the company, but she could prepare one less of XYZ because of my dietary restrictions (and make clear that I did not expect other accommodation because I was choosing to come knowing what’s on the menu).

          If it’s just a “no” to one or two specific sides, I don’t see how that’s any different than declining dessert.

          1. The meals I make for dinner parties are usually one-pot affairs, with a salad or a soup. Five guests maximum, lots of thought into planning menus to match the theme. The White Winter themed last party was a white spinach and butternut squash lasagna that a picky eater wouldn’t touch, so she ate bread, the salad (without blue cheese or walnuts), and the ice cream and apple dessert. I felt like a terrible host, knowing she would probably eat another meal that night. Due to personal politics, I have to invite her to most of my dinner parties, and it’s just chafing to continually cook for a picky eater.

            Of course, kharmically, I know my kids are going to be the pickiest eaters in the world.

          2. Why does her being a picky eater make you feel like a terrible host? It sounds like she made out just fine (bread and ice cream are two of the most important food groups, after all). I think that as long as you have a salad/soup, bread, and dessert, plus your one pot main, then people can manage. I’ve totally left dinner parties and gone and gotten more food on the way home because I was still hungry, and I’ve never thought “bad host”. I’ve always thought “fun time with friends! still hungry! burrito or burger?” and that’s about it.

          3. I’m from a “food is love” kind of family, and also a “eat what you put on your plate” family, and I do find it awkward for everyone else to be eating and one person to sit there with a full plate, staring at the ceiling (you know the meal is good when there’s a long moment of silence as everyone digs in and focuses on the food). The implication (in my mind) is that if I cared about her more, I would cook food that she wanted to eat, like cooking gluten free for a celiac friend, but it’s tough, since I’ve struck out with turkey enchiladas (too many spices), roasted root vegetables (too weird), BBQ with coleslaw (doesn’t like mayo or sauce on her BBQ), chicken pot pie with puff pastry (pot pie should have pie crust), broiled salmon (don’t eat fish except fried), and avocado/lemon/apple/kale salad (just… no).

            ETA: Reading over this, I’m just exasperated and complaining at this point. There isn’t really a solution, since I can’t avoid inviting her, and the whole reason I throw dinner parties is to enjoy cooking fun things and feeding my friends, so I’ll just have to try to care less. Sorry for the whining. :)

          4. You should just make what you want, and be sure to have some bread, peanut butter, and jelly on hand. That way, if she doesn’t like what you’re having for dinner, she can make herself a PB&J. It worked when we were kids :)

          5. ugh, Baconpancakes (mmm, now I’m hungry), that is TOTALLY her and not your hosting!! I know, you will have to try to care less, but I also know that is hard. But this is so her problem. I was a strict vegan for several years, but I would have NEVER acted like this at someone else’s dinner party!! I would have either declined the invite, brought my own dish to share, or been super appreciative of whatever the host made that I could eat. This is incredibly horrid and rude of her, and has nothing to do with her being a ‘picky eater’ .. you can be picky and yet not be a rude guest. :(

        2. My take – a dinner party is not a forced feeding ritual. I try to have a variety of dishes so if something is not to someone’s taste (or they hate X vegetable), there’s enough other food that they can have a nice meal. I always ask about allergies in advance and/or people always disclose. (Except one disaster when I forgot to ask and the person didn’t tell me until they sat down that they were allergic to tomatoes.. and obviously a good half of my dishes had tomatoes in some form or another.) I also plan ahead for vegetarians.
          I like to cook and I like to feed people and to have people enjoy my food, but I’m not offended if someone doesn’t like something or doesn’t want something. For next time I might try to cater to their tastes more (Jane doesn’t like spicy food; John really enjoys creative vegetable dishes) but I don’t get mad at someone for not eating everything or not finishing a portion of something. Just don’t be rude about it (e.g. staring directly at me and repeatedly complaining that the soup is SO SPICY, it’s really FIERY, WOW).

          Edit – this may be a little bit different because I serve family-style (except soup which I bring out in individual bowls) and my “dinner parties” aren’t formal occasions with written menus – we just invite people over regularly for Shabbat meals. Halfway between the meatball party idea and a dinner party.

    5. My sister worked in one of those places where people would NOT take no for an answer even though she was really struggling with food and weight, so I feel for you, OP.

  7. I was all set to pull the trigger on the Lands End down chalet coat that was on sale up until yesterday, when it finally sold out. Stupid having to wait for payday.

    I really need help: I am looking for the unicorn of down (or synthetic) coats. Must be knee length or better. Winters here are cold (single digits to 20’s are common/usual from December-March; crazy windy too), and I do a good bit of being outdoors. I would like it to be more function than form–I am skeptical of non-outdoor-brands trying to make a good technical coat…

    The unicorn I seek is around $150, because that’s all I have to spend on it. Vicarious shopping please?

    1. Call around to local Sears to see if they have one on the rack? Can’t hurt, and there is a 30% off sale going on now online so maybe in stores as well?

      I’m also considering stalking end of season warm coats for something to wear to play outdoors with the kids, shovel the sidewalk, etc if anyone has any recommendations.

    2. Check Eddie Bauer. They probably have down coats on clearance. Also LL Bean, although I think they tend to be more expensive.

      Also big department stores, like Macys or Lord and Taylor (I’m assuming you don’t object to shopping online).

    3. Stuck in moderation but look at sierratradingpost. They have discount codes on their facebook page and at retailmenot dot com

    4. The zipper on my really nice, knee length down coat broke two weeks ago. I was in a pinch and walked into a local Burlington to see if I could find a temporary replacement. I found a $90 down Calvin Klein, knee length coat and it has worked great even when it was -6 (-20 with wind chill) yesterday. If it’s an emergency, you might luck out and find something on the rack like I did.

  8. Advice for counseling an employee when they are doing a lot of little things wrong? I’m worried I have made a mistake hiring a new person, as he has a lot of annoying habits that aren’t aligned with office culture. How can I help him tweak these things without sending off a litany of complaints he won’t properly digest? A lot of these seem nit-picky, but put together it really adds up, and managers have made comments about him not fitting in with the culture.

    Some examples:
    -He reads the newspaper at his desk – not done in our office.
    -He shares way too many details when talking with senior persons, who just don’t care
    -He whistles every time he walks
    -He seems annoyed by small, insignificant tasks (which are his job – he’s lowest on the food chain)
    -He’s constantly trying to network with upper management and then bragging to others about with whom he’s had coffee, etc

    Writing this out, I realize maybe it’s a “know your place” type issue – he needs to have a reality check about his place here. Weirdly, he does not come off at all as egotistical; if anything, he just seems a little odd.

    1. I have someone like that on my team. Not the exact same quirks as you describe, but comparable. He also has a tendency to say the “wrong” things, and has crossed lines (without meaning to) a few times. Four years in (!) it is no better, despite numerous detailed discussions with him, his manager and me. If we explain to him why a behavior is not acceptable, he seems to get it, but is unable to generalize to similar behaviors that aren’t the exact same thing. And his work is just OK, not stellar. I despair sometimes, but in the bluntest terms, I don’t have the authority to get rid of him.

    2. If you are his boss, could you maybe set him up with a separate mentor, and ask the mentor to help address some of these fit issues? I agree, they aren’t necessarily “shape up or you’ll be fired issues” but more of “this is how you can get people to like you better and get good assignments in the future”. The mentor might be able to share tips like “Big Boss’s pet peeve is whistling, so you should probably stop”.

      Otherwise – send to Ask A Manager or post on today’s open thread there (usually goes up around 11-12 on Fridays)?

    3. It sounds like he doesn’t understand (or care about?) the required level of professional formality at your office, nor the company hierarchy. I wonder if grouping your observations under headings like these would help in talking to him? I have found that giving messages like these, you can be very matter-of-fact (we’re formal here, and our organization is hierarchical) and it’s then up to the person to determine whether they’re willing to play along. At least you’ll have made it clear that they’re expected to do so.

    4. For heaven’s sake, just sit him down and say that you’ve noticed a few things which might/will impact his success at the company. These are issues about his public behavior and they impact the public perception of him (and you, by association), because you hired him. Have the talk asap. Some of these are minor, some are egregious, but, like you said, they add up to an employee not fitting in/not acting as professionally as he should.

      1. I’m reading this as three things, which isn’t a litany:

        1) He’s not meeting your expectations in his job (reading paper at desk, complaining about assigned work). This is serious, and needs to be addressed immediately.
        2) He’s acting too casual with senior management (TMI, coffee), and needs to back off. If they approach him, it’s fine, but he needs to be more respectful of their time and positions.
        3) He lacks awareness of his impact on others when he whistles. People are working.

        Talk to him. You’re honestly doing him a favor.

    5. There are so many examples, and because of your comment about him not seeming to be egotistical and doing these things to be a jerk, it makes me think of coworkers I’ve had who are just genuinely clueless and have a bit of trouble reading social cues. In my experience, it’s really a constant game of whack-a-habit ahead, because they honestly don’t get subtlety and it’s hard for them to generalize. So I would address these now, and be specific, but be prepared that you might have to be constantly pulling him aside to talk about a new thing he’s doing, or to explain how that thing he just asked a coworker is what you meant by “too personal.” On the upside, they don’t get personally offended by being told these things over and over, so you can just tell them straight out without being worried about hurting their feelings.

      As far as prevention in the future: i’ve found it’s really something I pay attention to in interviews even for entry-level jobs, that they seem to be reading the social cues of people in and around the interview and something I ask their references about. And one reason I NEVER hire interns or entry-level people based purely on a phone interview without some face to face meeting first anymore. Because it really isn’t something that’s easily fixed, and can be a major time sink I just don’t have the time for.

      1. In fact now that I think about it I am wondering if your employee is my former coworker?? ;o) He used to go around asking everyone for ‘coffee meetings’ in a way that made it feel like he had read a book about “Networking” and was following the steps as they were written. It was very awkward.

  9. I applied for a government job (attorney). Got an interview, which was last Tuesday. According to the email setting up the interviews, it looked like there were 9 interview slots, with interviews ending on Wednesday of last week. On Thursday of last week, I received an email asking for references, which I provided the same day. On Tuesday of this week, I heard from one of my references that she was contacted. Is this a good sign? How good of a sign? Do you think they contact multiple candidates’ references, or am I the final candidate and they are simply doing due diligence. I am trying not to get my hopes up too high only to have them dashed, but I can’t help it.

    1. Not sure exactly where you fall in the spectrum of “good sign” to “sure thing,” as every office is different. It’s definitely a very good sign, though. If I were you, I would be optimistic without really expecting or planning for anything.

    2. It’s a good sign, but not a definite. Usually I only bother checking references for my top pick, but sometimes I call for 2-3 applicants.

      Stop trying to read the tea leaves and put this out of your mind for now. Have a glass of wine. Go for a walk. Apply to another job.

      1. Ha! Yes to the wine, but that’s a given anyway since its Friday. No to the walk, as its currently 3 degrees. No to the other job because I have a job that I like. This is just a better job.

        Thanks everyone. I’ll just wait it out and try not to count my chickens.

    3. A word to the wise from another federal attorney: Even if they decide to hire you, it could be months before they actually notify you. Try to put it out of your mind as best you can.

      1. Seconded. It was 3 months between second interview and official offer, and another 3 months for clearance for me.

  10. Any good advice on resources to help talk to your kids about s-*-x? My sister’s son is 7 and has been touching himself a lot lately, which is obviously freaking her out. Then he was playing a less than appropriate game with his little sister. This is obviously even more disturbing and needs to stop. Sister’s at a loss for what to do but would like to be able to talk to him about why this is wrong without giving him major trauma. So far her conversations have not been that great – think punishment and “this is not okay, you don’t do that ever!” kind of thing. I think he probably needs to learn about the birds and the bees a bit too because he is obviously curious and quite precocious and I think he has no context for anything that he is thinking and feeling. My sister is a single mom so their dad will not be in the picture for this talk. She’s also not the best at staying calm and talking about these sorts of things and our parents were terrible about it so there’s no model to go off. Any online resources you all can recommend?????

      1. My sister is not very good at handling these things. Touching himself freaked her out because nephew is only 7 and she felt like she didn’t know what to do. But then she caught him playing with his sister and he basically made the sister touch him you know where and now my sister is majorly upset. I don’t think she is dealing with it in a way that will be productive.

        There is no male figure. The kids’ dad is not in the picture much and he would just freak out more than my sister and then blame her for being a bad parent. Our dad is repressed and can’t even say the word s-*-x. No other close family members or friends that could do it.

        So I am basically trying to find a good resource for my sister to get better equipped to talk to her son because right now she is just not there. Oh, and she asked me for help, I am not just butting in to judge her parenting, if anyone is wondering. Her exact words: “I need a script.”

        1. I think the script is: Everybody has private parts, nobody should touch your private parts until you’re a grown up. Your school friends, other grownups, your sister should not touch your private parts. You should not touch other people’s private parts. And if she’s bathing him/the younger sister, maybe explain that mommy has to help bathe, but other than that private parts are off limits. That way she can avoid the sex question if she really wants to, but can at least set boundaries.

    1. Is there a male figure in his life to have a conversation with him to address: (1) touch yourself in private if you’re going to do it at all; (2) never touch anyone else without their permission and as kids, you have to have the parent’s permission; and (3) your family should never touch you and you should never touch your family (explain the exceptions, Doctors with parents permission…etc.). Then it just has to be consistent addressing of the issues in-the-moment in a level and non-emotional way, “Johnny, remember when we discussed touching ourselves? You’re not in private, please stop or go to your room.” Just like everything else it’s setting boundaries, just because it’s sexual in nature doesn’t make it something to get overly-emotional about but is entirely necessary to have constant communication about.

      1. I like the framing of it as setting basic boundaries, and I don’t think you need a same-gender adult to have that conversation.

        1. Agreed re: same-gender adult, it just sounded like both Mom and Aunt were freaking out. OP, I can’t tell if you’re also freaking out or not. It sounds like your sister is in need of her village. You are part of that. Take the kid out for ice cream and get the conversation started.

          Also, I think it’s worth taking a step back and figure out why he was having his sister touch him. Is this a learned behavior? The details are vague, and I don’t think it necessary to analyze here. But, depending on what the forced-touching was, it is something to consider. And, maybe that should also be in the conversation, “has anyone asked you touch them?”

          This should lead into a conversation to little sister so she knows the same rules. And, give her words to say no. “Don’t touch me,” “No I won’t touch you.” It seems so simple, but we have to empower out kids, boys or girls, to have this language and understand they can tell people that are older than them no.

          1. I am not freaking out about what happened, but more concerned my sister is not equipped to handle this well. Unfortunately we live about an hour and a half apart so I don’t get to see kids in person that often. I’m going to get the book recommended above and send to her. But I also want to send her some websites to read. I am not of the mind that this requires therapy for anyone but I think this community raises good points about language and making sure that no one else is doing anything inappropriate.

          2. I see. Have her practice her script on you. From a distance, that has to be hard, this might be the most immediate thing you can do. Unless the kid can facetime/video chat, have mom buy him ice cream, and you can both eat ice cream over facetime/video chat. Setting up a frequent call to nephew might help him know who his village is too, should he prefer to go to another safe-adult for any reason, not just this.

          3. I think this is so important. I grew up in a great family, but one thing that was really embedded into me was to obey authority figures (especially men with authority) and to put other people’s wishes above your own. It was really hard for me (and too late in life!) before I learned how, and in what situations, those rules didn’t apply.

            One small example-it wasn’t until my mid-20s that I realized it was okay to move to a different subway car if someone was staring at me or hitting on me and making me feel uncomfortable- and this felt like a huge revelation! His need to feel validated or not to be embarrassed didn’t come above my need to feel safe. Sounds obvious right? But it really wasn’t to me.

            I don’t have kids yet, but the one big thing I have recently thought that I would do differently than my parents is to ensure that they my children know that their discomfort/right to their body comes above anyone else’s wishes, and to ensure that they have specific words and actions ready to express this.

    2. Books are really great for this– the one that my child psychologist/ pediatrician/ pediatric nurse friends always use is called “It’s Perfectly Normal.” Once he has the vocabulary and some context, having a talk about what kinds of touching and interactions are appropriate and not appropriate will be easier. Good words are “private,” “appropriate,” “just for you,” “for adults”– none of them are shame-based.

      If the behaviors she’s concerned about continue after some of the above, but a session or two with a psychologist might be a good idea. I hate to raise the worst case scenario, but it’s definitely a good idea to make sure that an adult in your nephew’s life hasn’t been abusing their role somehow.

    3. I see two things here: 1) inappropriate s3x play between siblings can be brought on by other abusive s3xual situations the child has been exposed to – I know it is somewhat alarmist to think that, but it is borne out clinically and not something to take chances about, and 2) if the child is engaging in healthy s3xual experimentation (not including his sister, obvs) and the mom is yelling at him to never do that ever again, he is set up for some long-term damage. In both cases, she needs to get the child to a child therapist/psychologist immediately, and to a separate one for herself.

    4. Your sister should talk to her pediatrician. They can tell her exactly what is normal and what is not, and how to handle the conversation. Generally speaking, they are my go to for kid questions. Pediatricians are awesome and have seen it all!

      1. Also I was thinking depending on her health care provider, can she ask them about any parenting or child/parent classes she can attend? I know for parents who didn’t have good role models for parenting in their families, feeling like you’re doing it all alone can be super hard. And if it was me, I would want to encourage her to build a support system she can learn from, including finding some parenting classes, because things are only going to get more complicated in the next few years! ;o)

        I grew up in the Unitarian Universalist church, and we had a whole age-appropriate sex ed program for kids and for parents that my whole family found extremely helpful over the years, but I don’t know what her faith-situation is.

        Sending hugs and good for you for being so involved and trying to help, parenting is so hard!

    1. I don’t know how casual you mean, but a couple of my favourite outfits are:
      – pencil skirt, loud printed shell top, and a little cardigan/ blazer
      – anything with a Breton top for Fridays.

    2. For this weather? I layer on the cashmere. Today: navy cashmere long-sleeved thin sweater, matching cardigan, camel The Skirt, black fleece lined tights (you can get them at Walgreens), black booties.

      If you’re somewhere without negative windchill, printed wrap dress with brown riding boots; or ankle-cropped black slim pants, tunic-length camel/grey cowl-neck sweater with black flats; or brightly colored slim trousers, a simple white silk top, fitted black blazer with black heels; or (on even warmer days) a camel skirt, jewel-toned navy blue top, brick red heels. Not gonna lie, basically everything I wear I’ve seen on Pinterest.

    3. Right now I am loving a charcoal grey sweater dress with an a-line skirt. It’s the first sweater dress I have ever tried on that didn’t make me feel like a lumpy sausage. I’m wearing it a lot, with boots and tights.

      1. Are you me? I’m wearing this exact outfit today. Charcoal sweater dress with navy belt, navy tights, gray boots.

      2. I have a black and cobalt (i get the feeling that combo should be a drinking game on this s!te sometimes?) sweater dress that I have absolutely adored through this winter. Ditto on the boots and tights, though, and nice wool socks on the really bad days.

  11. The above conversation about lateraling got me thinking. How do you know if you want to be a partner in a big law firm, as opposed to go in house or something else? I love working as a lawyer in a firm, but I feel like you have to give up any hope of balance to be a successful partner, and I don’t want to do that.

    For people who are in house, what is it that you like about your job (better than being in a law firm)?

    1. I was on the fence until my husband went in-house and his life is so much more manageable. An ex-colleague of mine described as a reversal of presumptions – instead of the default rule being You Are Available evenings/weekends, it’s Could I Ask A Favor For This Important Deal if a call goes past 6pm (rarely).

      I have decided that it’s my ego alone that wants me to make partner, and not the part of me that, you know, lives my life.

    2. The hours are definitely better and I like I have a real life now, instead of a half-life where every fun event has the potential to be ruined by a work demand. I do miss the respect for lawyers that law firm colleagues have, as when you’re in-house, you’re there mostly to support the real business. I think I made the right choice for me though (everyone is different in terms of their priorities), but I may been jaded by my firm’s severe lack of women partners in my practice group. Do you have any female partners that you can look up to and talk with that have similar life ambitions as you?

      1. Sadly, no. We have a total number of 3 women partners at my firm. One is psychotic. Two are wonderful, but are in situations such that they wouldn’t provide a full picture (one is non-equity, the other is transactional and for various reasons works more of a flex schedule).

        I have this image that in-house counsel spend most of their time explaining legal issues to non-lawyers and managing other lawyers. Accurate? I realize this probably depends on what company you work for, etc., but I think I would miss running a case and litigating in court.

        1. Somewhat accurate – the question is usually more like, here’s what we want to do, is this fine from a legal perspective? You really have to consider the business needs a lot more than at a law firm, and the final result may not be what you’re comfortable with, risk-wise. There is a lot of management of outside counsel, and determining how much can be done in house (save money!) vs. what you need outside counsel for. There is also a sense, at least in my experience, that outside counsel are the “experts” brought in for the major deals whereas you handle the day-to-day legal work. If you’d like to feel like an expert in your field, staying at a law firm may be best. But then again, having a life outside of work is nice too!

    3. I knew I wanted to be partner when I looked at the partners I work with and thought that I wanted to have that kind of interesting, challenging work life, and it was worth the trade-offs in terms of personal time.

      1. Yes, I totally feel like this, too, except I haven’t quite decided whether it’s worth the trade-off.

  12. Has anyone used voice recognition software in the office? I have chronic neck pain and am now developing hand/wrist pain, so I’m desperately trying to come up with alternatives that put less stress on my body. Do they actually work well? And is it awkward to sit in your office talking to yourself? I do have my own office, but you can still hear people pretty easily, even with the door closed. Thanks!

    1. I don’t use it personally, still dictating into a digital recorder to a person. But, a few people in our office have tested dragon and find it very helpful for long memos or longer letters (more than 2 pages is our definition of long). Not so helpful for short things that need enclosures or simple form letters that don’t need dictating.

      I have a headset for my phone that helped my neck tremendously.

      Also, back in the day when I was support staff, I had a lawyer who typed the body of letters, memos, motions, etc. and sent to me. Then it was my job to add the caption, or the person’s contact, Dear that person, signature line, save it in the correct place, print on letter head an give to him for review. So, not sure if that is an option? But, it helped that person.

    2. I use the built in voice recognition on my Mac frequently. You actually don’t have to talk very loud, as long as there’s minimal background noise, so I wouldn’t worry too much about being overheard. I find it quite useful, although it’s not 100% accurate – there are always things that will need correcting.

    3. Thanks for the feedback! I spend more time with excel and powerpoint, or going back and forth between reading and writing, with lots of copying and pasting, so I spend more time with the mouse than typing. Might not be so helpful for that…

    4. I dictate into a phone and someone somewhere types it up and sends it on. But several of my colleagues use dragon (I know because of the tagline that appears on the dictated emails) and it seems like it works well for them.

  13. Need vicarious shopping help. Invited to a business dinner next week… attire is “festive”. I know what that means around the holidays… what does it mean in February? I am thinking black wrap dress with a “festive” necklace? Any suggestions on a necklace to buy? Bonus points if I can use ShopRunner or other 2 day shipping to get it here fast…

    1. I think black wrap + fun necklace and sparkly or colorful shoes works. What’s your price range?

    2. I love this one with matching heels: http://www.baublebar.com/dalloway-bib-necklace.html

      Dream heels: http://couture.zappos.com/kate-spade-new-york-larisa-aqua-metallic-kid
      More reasonable heels: http://www.zappos.com/j-renee-alsen-turquoise-patent

      If it wasn’t a business dinner, but a casual friends’ dinner, I’d say pull back out a sequined pencil skirt and pair it with a chambray shirt and statement necklace and black tights and booties. That’s what “festive” means in February to me.

    3. *sigh* I wish I had to attend events with a festive dress code. I have a few “festive”/a little more fun than office wear items that don’t get enough wear.

    4. I wonder if there is a weird holiday we aren’t think of that it is themed for – like a late-Mardi Gras or early-St-Patricks-Day….

      1. I was wondering this as well… totally mystified by this invite with no other qualifiers to “festive”.

  14. Anyone here transition from law to Healthcare administration? If you have, would you be willing to offer some insight?

    1. Watching this. . I am in med mal defense and would be interested in a hospital risk management type position. . .

  15. Does anyone have a rec for a site that offers reasonably priced statement necklaces that don’t look too gaudy to wear with a suit?

    I have looked at Bauble Bar but their stock is too glitzy and tinny for my conservative position.

    1. Try Etsy and other sources of individual craftspeople. My parents commissioned a one-off art medal with a pendant loop for my 18th birthday – it’s a cross-section of a lily, out of a heavy chunk of some kind of silver. It’s statement in that it’s big and heavy, but not at all gaudy.

  16. So, I accepted a new position within my (rather incompetent) organization. My tentative start date is supposed to be Monday, but then I heard that it’ll actually be a month from now, and then I heard that there’s no news yet. There’s less than half a business day left before I’m theoretically supposed to start, and I still don’t know if I’m starting Monday or not. What?!

  17. Do any of you have a gluten sensitivity? I have been getting awful headaches during the day lately and just realized today that I got one practically immediately after finishing a lunch of pasta and red sauce. Is it the pasta? The tomatoes in the pasta sauce? Possible MSG in the pasta sauce? I can’t pinpoint what is triggering these headaches, but they seem to come on directly after lunch. The headache starts at my left temple and pain then moves to my eyebrow and cheekbone, which signals to me that it is sinus related. I also get super congested. Anyone have gluten sensitivity stories to share?

    1. No specific advice for this, but I highly recommend the mySymptoms app for figuring out what’s triggering these symptoms. Has been great for my IBS.

    2. It probably is not a gluten allergy. I don’t think they cause congestion (more stomach/intestinal provlems) and you’re probably eating gluten at other meals. Is it maybe an environmental factor, or could you be allergic to a soap you washed your hands with? Or possibly another allergy, like sulfites, which are in a lot of wines and vinegars and condiments, as well as in processed foods like potatoes?

      1. This is not correct.

        Gluten allergy and gluten intolerance and celiac are all different. There are people with gluten allergies (like peanut or egg) where it can be life threatening but don’t usually cause headaches.

        Gluten intolerance and/or celiac, on the other hand, CAN cause headaches. Per the U of Chicago’s celiac disease center’s website, headaches are a recognized symptom of celiac.

        Nightshade sensitivity is also a possibility.

    3. Maybe also look into nightshade allergies? I’m not too familiar but from what I understand tomatoes & potatoes can cause some of those symptoms.

    4. There are a lot of symptoms of a gluten sensitivity or celiac that don’t always manifest themselves the same in all people. You could have an additional allergy to wheat, which I do, which does lead to congestion and can cause migraines. I have also seen those with gluten allergies that end up having seizures and migraines when they are exposed to gluten on an ongoing basis.
      If you have a long time to wait to get into an allergist, try eliminating suspected food groups (grains, nightshades, etc.) from your diet and see how you feel afterwards.

    5. Don’t overlook migraines – many migraine symptoms mimic sinus headaches (many with sinus headaches really have undiagnosed migraine). Pain in the temple/cheekbone/eye socket + congestion are quite common migraine symptoms.

      You might be on to something with food-related triggers, so keeping a headache diary for a couple of weeks could help pinpoint potential triggers. When you get a headache, note things like time of onset, what you’ve eaten earlier, any caffeine consumption/changes in caffeine intake.

    6. Does it only happen at work? If so, I’d guess it’s more likely caused by eye strain (glare on your computer screen gets bad in the afternoon?) or postural stress on your neck/shoulder muscles (I get exactly the same type of headache from sitting awkwardly). But if it happens all the time, it certainly could be food related.

    7. Thanks for the all info. I do have migraines and have for many years. After I ate pasta yesterday the headache I experienced was most certainly a migraine. The amazingly quick onset of symptoms is what finally made it click about some sort of food trigger (duh). After doing much searching of the interwebs, I also came to the conclusion that gluten sensitivity does include headchaes/migraines. I did have some mild GI distress (gas) in the afternoon and evening, but nothing I would have previously connected to my consumption of gluten. Until now. I am going to go as gluten free as I can for two weeks and see if that helps. Also will be keeping a headache diary.

    1. I’ve been doing my own at-home gel manicures for over a year and I love it. The light was $40 and I put maybe another $20 into polishes and got another 4 shades as a gift and that has lasted me 15 months of manicures (and is still going). For a $90 investment I’ve been doing my nails for 15 months. I never go more than a day or two without polish and the manicures usually last about a week, but I can stretch them longer if I need to. At that point the polish peels off really easily and I just redo them. I am horrible at painting nails and figured this out pretty quickly (the polish goes on a lot easier than regular nail polish – the gel texture keeps it from getting all over your cuticles the same way regular polish does). It probably takes about 20 minutes to do my nails. It has saved me tons of time and money from getting them done at the salon regularly. There are some health risks so when the bulbs on this lamp go I will probably switch the an LED one.

      1. I would go for an LED light instead of UV – there is a debateably tiny cancer risk with UV, but why risk if when you’re choosing to buy?

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