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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 92 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Halftees

Coffee Break | · ·

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halftee-102_black We haven't talked about demi camisoles in a while, but as summer is almost upon us, and everyone wants to shed unnecessary layers, now is a great time to discuss it. In hot weather, a regular slip or camisole just seems too heavy; they bunch up and they leave lines. Still: cleavage is never work appropriate, which is (often) the whole point of the camisole. Enter the demi-camisole, with a modest neckline but not a lot of fabric to bunch up around your waist. There are many companies that do this, but today I'm liking the look of these Halftees simple tanks — they come in 11 colors, are reversible, and are machine washable. Huzzah! They're $17.99 at Halftees.com (but use code MOTHERS20 to take 20% off). Tank Style Halftee (L-#)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Emily

    BAH. Got my hair cut over the weekend and it’s HORRIBLE.

    Does anybody have a stylist they recommend in NYC for thick east asian hair?

    • Calico

      His prices are insane, let me start off with that. BUT, his cuts are so good they last a long time. He specializes in your type of hair. He’s currently in NYC. (And a friend so I can vouch for him personally.)
      https://instagram.com/anhcotran/

    • TO Lawyer

      I usually use a bandeau for this purpose but I find the half camis are better because they tend to sit better and you don’t have to worry about them slipping down.

      • Anonymous

        Maybe I’m the only one, but I like full-length camisoles when wearing tops and skirts, because I hate when my top goes up and exposes skin at my waistline (either front or back). The half camisoles look great for under dresses, though.

        • A

          I’ve tried one and it looked weird under clothing. You could see the line of where the half-camisole ended through the clothing and it felt off to have my stomach not covered by it. It was a good idea in theory.

          • Mpls

            In the alternative – full length camisoles invariably roll up on me (hips+short waisted) if I can’t tuck it in, so they are ending about where this one ends, but with extra fabric. I would be more likely to consider something like this over a full length camisole under a dress, where I don’t have pants to tuck a full length camisole into.

        • Must be Tuesday

          I also like longer camis because I don’t just use them for low neck lines. More often, I use camis because the sweaters or blouses I’m wearing are not completely opaque so I don’t want to wear just a bra underneath.

          • Elle

            I agree. The cami serves two purposes – the cleavage problem and the sheerness problem. These halftees do nothing to help the second. What we need is a lightweight, moisture-wicking version of the full-length cami in lots of colors.

    • NOLA

      I wear the Soma smooth cami bras. Love them. I don’t like the lace ones (it looks like lingerie, so what’s the point?). Unfortunately, I don’t see them there now.

  3. Senior Attorney

    Hey, ladies! About three weeks ago I posted about a health crisis my dad was having, and how I was afraid it was going to be the beginning of the end for my parents. Well, turns out I was right. In the last three weeks I have found an assisted living apartment 10 minutes from my home, moved my mom there from their home an hour away, gotten my dad moved from the hospital an hour-plus away to a nursing home 5 minutes from my home, and hope to have him back with my mom in a month or so. Next up: Get the old place cleared out and on the market. Also I still have to get the finances sorted out — I’ve been fronting the costs but I really need to get put on my parents’ bank accounts so I can pay myself back and see what’s what with the other bills.

    I was off work all last week. I worked two days the week before that, and one day the week before that. I feel like my life has been completely turned upside down and may never get back to normal. I’ve been divorced twice, but in a lot of ways this crisis has been worse than either divorce — largely because it’s just so darned sad and there is no happy ending to which to look forward. And even though it’s been awful, I know I have been incredibly fortunate because (a) my parents have enough money for the assisted living housing, and (b) my son is here and has been an incredible help, especially when I had to be in two places at once with my parents in separate places.

    The main thing I have learned is that “we will live together in our home until we die” is not a plan. My parents are 91 and 89 and I feel like the biggest idiot in the world for not seeing this coming and at least having alternate arrangements identified. So… if you have aging parents, I urge you to think about what you and they want to have happen when they can no longer live on their own. It’s a hell of a thing to have to figure out on the fly!

    • V

      You’ve done a tremendous amount of work in a short window of time. Three weeks to find housing and move one person is lightning fast; to have done that for two people, with medical concerns on top of it, is astounding. I hope you can take a breath before turning your attention back to your parents’ house. Sending you hugs.

    • pearls

      Wow. You have really been thrown into the fire here. The happy ending, for what it’s worth, will come down the line when you are able to look back and know that you did right by your parents, difficult as it has been in the moment. It’s never easy, and even the best laid plans……well, you know. Sending kudos and hugs!

    • Anonymous

      Sorry to hear that you are going through this and amazed at what you have accomplished. And kind of wishing that you could call my parents and tell them what you say in your last paragraph. I am trying, but I am really not making any headway.

      • tesyaa

        That was me… don’t know why I’m suddenly Anonymous (I also made a comment above about camisoles that came out Anonymous).

      • Anon in NYC

        +1 to this about dealing with parents who don’t seem to be making plans for really old age.

        Kudos to you at how much you’ve been able to accomplish in the past few weeks, and I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

    • Ellen

      Yay! I love this demi-cami, and will buy one to try it for weekend stuff. I want my boobie’s to be supported even when I walk about town and this seem’s to be right for that!

      As for the OP, you bring up a lot of point’s we ALL must face with ageing parent’s. Dad tells me the same thing–he won’t be here forever, so cherish what you have, and get MARRIED to a guy so he will be there to do all of the financial stuff once Dad can’t do it any more. I am trying, but it is NOT easy to find a guy to repleace dad in the finance department. Dad is a wizard (and MENSA), so whatever guy I find is probabley NOT goeing to measure up, tho Ed is close, working for Merill Lynch.

      I am sorry to hear that the OP has so much to do. Being divorced twice makes it all but imposible to expect either of those guy’s to step up to the plate to take over any of the financial stuff. That is why I will do my best NOT to get divorced if I ever find a guy who will marry me. The problem is that most guys do NOT want to marry me. They just want me to take my clothe’s off so they can ooogel me and then have sex with me, but once they do that, they are NOT interested in even talking to me any more. And it is NOT b/c I am NOT good sexueally, they just think that I may be to demanding as a wife, and once they have had me, there is not a lot of mystery left, Grandma Leyeh says. Grandma Trudy thinks I should give of myself to men until one WILL marry me, which is NOT what Grandma Leyeh would have me do (or NOT do). Grandma Trudy comes from the school that a woman is always best when she is silent, but very alluring in bed. Grandma Leyeh does NOT want me to give all of myself until AFTER I am married, and then to do everything my husband want’s. That is what ROSA is now doeing, b/c Ed did stray with a stripper when Rosa was NOT giving to him as he had hoped.

      So I wish the OP the best and hopes that she finds a guy to help her with her parent’s, tho this will be a longshot at this point for her.

      • Senior Attorney

        HAHAHAHAHA!!!

        OMG this is making me SCREAM with laughter right here at my desk at work! The last paragraph is just killing me! Can’t… breathe…

        Thanks, Ellen. I needed that.

    • la vie en bleu

      I am so sorry you are going through this right now, SA, it sounds so hard. I don’t know what I can say, but I’m sending lots of hugs, and thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so important for all of us to be thinking about ahead of time, and I’m sure you are helping a lot of us be more prepared for the future, even if we don’t know it yet.

    • Carrie....

      I am so sorry to hear you are facing this with your parents.

      You are doing an amazing job. Truly stunning.

      It is equally amazing that your parents have lived independently for so long. Good job in helping to let that happen, as I know that is what they wanted.

      I am dealing with this for my disabled father who is 72 and fighting me every step of the way, so I feel your pain. I completely agree that if your parents refuse to “plan ahead”, it is helpful if you do. Our situation will only change with a medical crisis, but at least I’ve thought through the options. But it is never easy, and it is filled with stress and heartache.

      • Senior Attorney

        Carrie, my mom had a health crisis about a year ago and they were strongly advised to get some in-home help, which they had for literally one day before going back to living completely on their own. At the time I felt like it was their choice and I should respect it. But in hindsight it seems like it was way too much for my dad to take care of my mom (who is/was more feeble than I realized) and then when he got sick the whole house of cards came tumbling down. I feel guilty for not paying closer attention to how things were going this past year or so. But I also realize that if I had tried to make changes before now they would have fought me just like your father is fighting you.

        Hang in there and yes — make what plans you can on your own so you will know what to do when the time comes!

    • NOLA

      So sorry you’re going through this, SA. You’re right that it’s incredibly stressful. After dealing with his mother (who died at 99 1/2 of Alzheimer’s but insisted on staying in her home for many years), he always told us “I don’t care what I tell you at the time. If I need to go into a home, put me in a home.” That was incredibly reassuring for us to hear. Of course, the bigger shock was when my Dad died so suddenly while still active and seemingly healthy.

      This kind of thing is just so so hard. Glad you can get some support here. And you’re doing a great job and handling all of this so well.

      • Senior Attorney

        LOL, NOLA. My mom always used to say “Put me in a home and throw away the key” when she was younger. Haven’t heard her say that in quite some time… ;)

        And yes, I sure do appreciate the support here!

    • OS

      Best wishes, SA, especially for getting the finances sorted out; I recall an older post you wrote about your parents being victimized by an unscrupulous time-share company, and I hope there aren’t any other nasty surprises for you & them.

    • Bewitched

      SA: I’m going through the same thing with my parents, and a word of advice about being put on your parents accounts-do so as power of attorney for one of them and not as co-owner of the account. Being co-owner has gift and estate tax implications (generally not favorable). Being POA allows you to take care of business without being deemed a co-owner. Best of luck in this difficult time.

      • Senior Attorney

        Thanks for that. I’d wondered about that but hadn’t gotten around to looking into it.

    • The Other Anon

      I am only an occasional poster, and my divorced dad was feeling poorly. I knew it was bad when he suggested my mom was a resource person that he’d gladly speak with.

      He has an ileostomy for repairing lesions in his colon, as well as removal of a mass that was identified as early cancer. He’s in his mid 70’s and hasn’t bounced back. Hospital to delayed rehab (he had no insurance, literally, got him on Medicare through his previous marriage with my mom, and just got him spent down for Medicaid after pre-paying for $9000 of anticipated funeral expenses – it’s expensive! This is for a simple one in suburban Maryland. It’s likely long-term care from here.

      We had a great social worker walk him through the living will decisions when he was first admitted. We’re lucky he’s been “with it”, he’s been signing his own checks, but we need to get at POA complete soon. His bills have had some payment, but I’ve stayed away from joint accounts because of liability concerns.

      We’re on deck for closing out his efficiency apartment, and it’s going to be interesting. This started in mid-March and SA, I am IMPRESSED, glad you all are moving forward, it’s a lot to wrap your head around.

      SA & B it’s good to know that others are making the journey, and yes, talk to your family members about what they want for POA situations, funerals, etc. Some of what they say is rooted in their personal space, so it’s good to hear where they are so you can honor them with confidence.

  4. Anonymous

    Summer is almost here- I’m thinking of trying a shellac pedicure. I’ve never done shellac before, is it worth it? Is it hard to remove? I don’t want something that will ruin my toenails.

    • Rosemagilly

      Hm interesting I never thought of a shellac pedicure. I imagine it would last a verrrrry long time. I do regular shellac manicures and I love them. No chipping, always shiny etc. I imagine a shellac pedicure could last for months honestly since regular pedicures last so long. Personally I would probably stick with a regular pedicure because there are other benefits to a regular pedicure in the summer keeping your feet nice as opposed to just the polish lasting a long time.

    • S in Chicago

      Do NOT do it!!!!!!!! I got one once on a spa trip and it was so hard to get off. I sat with my feet in tinfoil- like things and chemicals forever and then visited a spa at home, and it still didn’t remove it all (most but not all). I even tried scraping some of the leftovers off with scissors at home out of frustration. I finally had to grow some of the leftover spots out. And yes, that is as disgusting as it sounds. Also, keep in mind your nails will be growing. So it “lasting months” still won’t make it look good. It will just look like you have a big gap of new growth.

      Gel polish is great for fingers, horrible for toes.

      • Anonymous

        This was exactly my concern- thank you so much for the reply! Regular pedi it is!

      • Michelle

        agree completely – I am a devotee of gel manicures on fingers, but regular polish for toes. I find even with regular polish the nail growth is what pushes me to need the next one, as opposed to polish chipping or peeling – the complete opposite of fingernails, where if I can make a couple of days without chipping something it’s a miracle.

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t do a pedicure. Gel/shellac lasts so long on fingernails that usually you go get them re-done not because of chipping, but because your nails have grown out so much that the unpolished nail base looks funny. Pedicures last so much longer than manicures, so I can’t imagine how bad the grow-out effect would be on toes. I think a regular pedicure will suit you just fine–mine always last over a month, at which point I want a new color and need the new nail growth painted anyway.

    • anon-oh-no

      I will do a shellac pedicure once in a while when I am going on a beach vacation because it stays shiny even in the sand, pool, etc. But otherwise, I agree with the others that there is no need for one because a regular pedicure lasts long enough.

      As for getting it off, you remove it the same way you remove it from your finger nails — with a cotton ball soaked in 100% acetone, held on your nail with tinfoil.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      Just to add to this – in my view, the only benefit of a shellac pedicure over say Vinylux or even normal polish is that it is dry when it’s done. So, I only ever get Shellac in the winter (when I can’t wear flip flops out of the salon) to avoid smudging. But toes grow out before they chip, and getting shellac off your toes in a PITA. Just get a regular pedicure, or Vinylux if normal polish chips for you.

    • Chandra

      I do my own gel mani/pedis. Not Shellac brand, but Sally Hansen gel. When I do my toes, I can leave the polish on for a month without a chip. I trim my nails down when they start getting long, and still no chips. The only reason I take it off and re-do them at the 1 month mark is because of the growth gap.

      • Coach Laura

        Love Sally Hanson no-light at-home gel. Much easier to take off than salon gel and lasts +/- 10 days no chipping for hands and longer for toes.

      • Pretty Primadonna

        I’ve tried this brand, but the polish was so. streaky. I had to use several coats. Maybe because I have a light color (pink). What colors have you used?

  5. brokentoe

    I’ve learned the hard way that making no decisions is also a decision in and of itself if that makes sense. And as nice as it is for those of us who are planners, many people prefer to stick their heads in the sand pretend the end isn’t coming for them. Which – and I almost hate to say this- isn’t always a bad thing. I have seen such variation in aging in my parents, my IL’s and other friends’ parents that it almost is impossible to plan and cover all the possibilities. Bottom line is that the sh*t is going to hit the fan when the sh*t is going to hit the fan and you’ll have to triage and do the best you can when it happens – like you’ve been doing the last 3 weeks. It’s great if you have an idea of their preferences and some clue about finances, but in the end it will be hard and stressful and so very sad regardless of what you know and what you’ve planned. Because I know I was always able to intellectually think about my parents’ aging but there was nothing I could ever do to really imagine or prepare for what that means in real life. So sorry for you as you enter this season.

    • mascot

      ” It’s great if you have an idea of their preferences and some clue about finances, but in the end it will be hard and stressful and so very sad regardless of what you know and what you’ve planned.” Yep. We’ve done the emergency move into assisted living and the slower (but firm) move for family members. It’s just hard even when everyone knows that this is the right choice.

    • Senior Attorney

      You are so right, brokentoe! I have been wracking my brain to think of how to avoid leaving my son with a mess when the time comes, and I’ve come to the same conclusion you have — there are so many variables that it’s well nigh impossible to have A Plan in place that covers every eventuality. And add to that the fact that they absolutely refused to consider any option other than being alone in their home until the day (suddenly!) arrived when that was no longer an option.

      I do think it’s important to have transparency about the finances and I will do my best to make sure that is in place for my son when my time comes. That was really the most stressful part — the few days when I was scrambling for a living situation but didn’t really know the budget because my dad is the one who knows the finances but was too out of it to have a conversation.

      • brokentoe

        I, like you, have an only child and have these same concerns. I think all we can do is be open to the hard conversations and try to be as transparent as possible about finances when it looks likely that others need to know. It really sounds like you did pretty much all you could do – your parents lived independently – pretty successfully it sounds like – until a very advanced age. You treated them like responsible adults. I don’t think anyone wants to be up in their parents’ business or vice versa any more than you have to – and it sounds like you got involved when it became necessary. Don’t kick yourself for not doing or knowing more. You sound like you’ve been a great daughter and have been there for them at critical times. It doesn’t appear any major balls were dropped and that everyone has been taken care of. Time to take care of you.

    • Geddy Lee

      I told you years ago if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.

  6. AIMS

    Speaking of manicures/pedicures, has anyone been reading the series on nail salon workers in the NY Times? I’d like to think that the salon I go to in my neighborhood is not “one of those” that exploit their workers this way but who knows. I wanted to get a mani/pedi this weekend but just couldn’t quite go, and then of course I think is that worse because if people don’t go, these women make even less money/tips and maybe even lose their jobs?
    I guess I’m just trying to start a conversation. Not sure I know what the solution is, though I am glad to hear that the state seems to be taking action to try to deal with all this and that the issue is getting some attention.

    • Anonymous

      I think we all want to think our salon was ok, but if the more than three hundred salons the NYTimes looked at only 3 were ok

      I think the answer quite possibly mean a salon environment more like other places that enforce labor laws- no $25 mani pedis on every corner. Because that’s a service that probably is a $50 luxury we can’t all get all the time for cheap without indentured servants.

      • tesyaa

        +1. When I was a kid there were no cheap manicures. Getting a manicure was very much a luxury. A lot of people got really good at doing their own nails. I was never super awesome at applying nail polish, but I did my own nails for my wedding, and I remember sitting around my in-laws’ kitchen the night before my SIL’s wedding while her friends hung out and did the bride’s nails, and each other’s nails.

    • Pink

      I ended up thinking about this when I was working on a pro bono case a couple years ago for someone seeking asylum. The reality is that many of the people who work in various restaurants, nail salons and the massage places in NYC (and I’m sure other businesses I’m not even aware of) are undocumented workers.

      As you said, not all nail salons exploit their workers, and it’s hard to tell which ones are really bad vs. which ones pay their workers fairly. On the one hand, not going at all means that the shop may eventually close and those employees have to find a new place of employment. On the other hand I don’t want to support a system where the owners are getting richer at the expense of the workers.

      On a practical level, what I do try to do is to go to places where the employees are consistent and pay cash tips directly to the workers.

    • Monday

      I read it and was appalled. I, too, have a regular nail salon and was trying to come up with reasons that I know they must not treat the employees this way…but it was pure rationalization. I have no reason to believe it’s any different. I feel terrible and also terrible for not suspecting this any earlier. How else would so many nail places be so cheap?

      I really couldn’t come up with a way to avoid supporting these practices without just forgoing salons altogether. Even when I went to the page suggesting strategies–they didn’t seem realistic. If anyone has thoughts, please share.

    • Need to Improve

      Thankfully Cuomo announced emergency measures today. They sound very fair. They are going to start forcing salons to pay living wages and shutting down all salons that do not. I think this is a great first step.

    • Anonymous

      I’m trying to figure out how widespread these practices are. I don’t live in the US, and I do get pedicures, but I’ve never found anywhere cheaper than $40 that also followed decent hygiene practices.

      I can’t figure out whether I need to give up my every-other month treat so I can sleep soundly, or if my place is fine. It’s usually the exact same people there, and I walk by it every day and they wave- but that doesn’t mean some of the employees aren’t being exploited.

    • Anon in NYC

      Yes, I thought about that this weekend as well. I think/hope that the salon I go to is not one of those as well (it’s a large area chain and the prices are not that low). But it is one of the reasons why I want to start doing my nails at home more.

    • Ebro fin

      It would be difficult to know for sure if a nail salon isn’t exploitative, all you can do is a test of reasonableness. If the cost is seems ridiculously low, that’s a red flag. If the people working there aren’t wearing gloves, consistently seem to over tired or stressed, if the air is thick with chemicals–all bad signs. T

      Tipping in cash to the attendant doesn’t help, it’s quite easy for the owner or manager to take that money or to simply charge the attendants fees.

      It’s quite true that some of these salons will close, and some employees will lose their jobs. If a business cannot comply with the law and be profitable, they should not exist.

    • Moonstone

      I’m glad you posted this. It’s important for us all to think about the impact of our choices. I feel really strongly about this issue and gave up almost all manicures and pedicures at three years ago. Now I go a few times a year to a hotel spa or an Aveda salon, where the charge is at least 50 bucks and where I know the woman working on me is not being loaded into a van at the end of a 12-hour workday and brought back to a flophouse, where she has no opportunity to learn English.
      Edited to add: If there are cameras at your local salon, the workers are being exploited. Look around the next time you go.

      • cbackson

        I’m basically the same. I do my own nails, and every few months, I go to a local hotel spa where a gel manicure is about $50, and the woman who does my nails is US citizen who went to cosmetology school, owns her own home, and has a son who plans to grow up to be the second black president, or possibly an astronaut. She’s actually the person who clued me in on this issue – she’s outspoken on it because she feels like she can be, since she’s not an immigrant and isn’t at the mercy of a salon owner.

        I get my nails done less often, but it’s guilt-free – she’s making a good living, and part of what I get for the price is the peace of mind of knowing that my comfort isn’t an exploitation of someone else.

  7. Anonymous

    What is your favorite healthy and fast homemade lunch!? Looking for new ideas!

    • AIMS

      Lentils + whatever veggies I have on hand. You can use canned lentils or the cooked vacuum sealed ones from Trader Joes. I like to add halved cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, avocados, some cheese and whatever herbs or greens I have on hand (cilantro, dill, mint or parsley all go well). A dash of olive oil and some salt and pepper and you’re good to go. I find I can make this in under 5 minutes and it keeps well. You can also swap the lentils for chickpeas or cannellini beans – all three are very filling.

      • Anonymous

        I do this. I also do chickpeas with canned roasted tomatoes and spices (and garlic/onion), kind of like a super quick patatas bravas with chickpeas. Also, chickpeas (or other beans) with sauteed onions/garlic, herbs, spices, and some cherry tomatoes and a squeeze of lemon. So easy.

    • Emily

      My little sister taught me about her colleagues who would bring bagged frozen veggies to work, put it in a bowl and heat up for lunch. I add fried tofu to mine and it’s delicious.

    • Tuna!

      Tuna, cannellini or kidney beans (I use canned because then I can just dump everything together quickly), some red onion, oil and vinegar. Eat with multigrain crackers or a piece of toast.

    • Anonymous

      Last summer, I tried several combinations of:

      1. a grain (farro, barley, etc.)
      2. vegetables (whatever went with my theme)
      3. dressing – a vinaigrette – Italian or Asian flavors
      4. sometimes cheese like feta

    • Dulcinea

      Much simpler version of recipes that appeared in Gwenth Paltrow’s magazine recently:

      1) Take a large glass jar and place a couple tablesppons of salsa, chili sauce, savory sauce of your choice.
      2) Put a couple handfuls of frozen chopped veggies as well as a chopped up hardboiled egg or two
      3) Place some crunched up ramen noodles or other quick -cooking pasta.
      4) Slice of lime or lemon on top.
      5) When ready to eat, remove the lemon, fill the jar with boiling water, replace lid and let sit for 3 to 5 min.
      6) remove lid, stir, pour into a boil and garnish with lemon.

      ALTERNATIVE
      1) layer of chili sauce, soy sauce, salsa spices of your choice on the bottom.
      2) Layer of cooked beans and crunched up ramen mixed together
      3) Layer of spinach or other “tougher” green loosely packed.
      4) Pour boiling water just deep enough to cover beans and noodles; replace lid, let sit a few minutes.
      5) Pour out into a bowl, stir, garnish with lemon juice and enjoy. This has a lot less broth but it still somewhat soupy. The spinach will be jus tlightly steamed instead of boiled.
      –> Maybe also garnish with feta cheese or other cheese, but pack it separately.

      Obviously countless variations once you start thinig about it.

    • CMC

      Frozen vegetables (broccoli, edamame, and peas are my favorites), a big squeeze of Dijon mustard, a tablespoon or two of butter, some feta cheese, and a tablespoon or two of wine if a bottle is open in the fridge. Microwave it at work; the mustard/butter/wine becomes a lovely sauce for the vegetables. Today I had this over a baked sweet potato and it was phenomenal.

  8. A

    Does anyone have tips of getting through reading and understanding some very boring technical documents? I’ve only made it through 20 of 300 pages today. I cannot focus because it’s so boring.

    • Mpls

      Print off and read on paper. Have a highlighter available. Can you break the doc into sections and summarize (for yourself, or someone else) the content as you go so you are reviewing what you just read.

      • Dulcinea

        Definitely 2nd the read a printed hard copy advice..this also makes it a little harder to get distracted and slack off online…

    • Dulcinea

      Only thing that works for me is to make an outline and notes as I am reading, then review the outline periodically as I am going through. But first, think very carefully about the purpose for which you are reading these documents. IE, what is the reason someone is paying you to read this? What do they want to come out of the fact that you read it? Is it so you can learn how to do something you didn’t know how to do before? Or is it so you are familiar with some important background facts so you have a context for whatever is happening now?

      Once you have done that, formulate some reading comprehension questions for yourself and use them to build your outline:

      EG, if it is a contract, questions might be, what are each party’s responsibilities? What are the consequences for each party who fails to complete its responsibilities? What is supposed to result from this contract if everyone does what they are supposed to do?

      OR if it an technical explanation of how some obscure piece of technology works, you might be trying to learn: what is the purpose of this thing? how does it relate to my client’s thing? how does this thing work? how can you tell if it is broken? what are possible causes of it breaking?

      Finally, every so often pause and try to explain/summarize what you just read as if you were talking to a friend…for me this means I talk out loud to myself in my office with the door closed..you might not need to be so literal about it :).

      • la vie en bleu

        Ha, I also talk out loud to myself in my office, glad I’m not the only one ;o)

  9. Halp!

    2nd anniversary is tomorrow – I had booked a trip as a gift, but turns out that won’t work out – any last minute ideas for gifts for DH?!

    • Duchess

      Traditionally, the second anniversary is cotton, so maybe some really nice new sheets or a duvet? A summer suit? T shirt for his favorite band and concert tickets to go with it?

    • SFBA

      Mine likes golf equipment and/or green fees. He’s also become a fan of Thai massages.

    • Anonymous

      Nothing? Like, a card? Because you’ve already booked a trip and scrambling just to spend money on a thing last minute is silly.

  11. Anonymous

    I would like the hive’s opinion. My boss routinely prevents me from working with other people who I am supposed to be working with in order to do my job because she hates them for personal reason. I’ve pretty much reached my limit, as has everyone else in the workplace (both people the same level as her, lower, and higher). In addition to this, she routinely screams at me and gets passive aggressive towards me when she doesn’t get her way about anything going on in the office whether I had anything to do with it or not. She also asks me 50-60 questions about how to do things every day, when I have had multiple one-on-one training sessions. In addition I have to listen to her personal calls (we share an office) for at least an hour a day, and on multiple occasions I have later found out that something she asked me to do was not for work but for her own consulting side business. Do I go to HR? I’m in an at will state, so is there even anything I can go to HR about?I’ve been here a little more than a year, and I am done with the abuse. I’ve been documenting every time she has purposely slowed down work, yelled at me, or used company time and materials for personal gain for about a week and a half now, is that enough?

    • hoola hoopa

      “On multiple occasions I have later found out that something she asked me to do was not for work but for her own consulting side business. Do I go to HR?”

      YES.

      The other issues are issues that are worth taking to HR but fall into that zone of how bad is it, is it documented, how will you look in the end vs how much power does she have, etc. You’d have to assess and proceed as you saw best because it’s hard for folks on the internet to know all the details. But using company resources for a side business is a major offense at any place (research) that I’ve ever worked. It’s a very, very big deal.

  12. wedding invitation anon

    Wedding invitation question: How do you decide where to make the cut on the guest list when you’re having a small wedding?

    My fiancé and I are having a small wedding, by choice, because we want to include people who are close to us and actually be able to spend time with those people during the wedding. We’ll probably have less than 60 people at the wedding.

    I’m having trouble deciding who to invite from this one organization that I belong to. The organization is a combination social/professional organization of about 70 people. There are about 6 women (A, B, C, D, E, F) who I was initially very close to when I first joined the organization 5 years ago. The 7 of us frequently socialized as a group. I’m still friendly with A and B and (to a lesser degree) C, but not as close as I was when I first joined. D, E, and F have left the organization and my relationships with them have drifted (mostly just Facebook, and chatting for a few minutes if we happen to run into each other somewhere), although D, E, and F are still close with A and/or B. There are 2 newer people in the organization, a woman (X) and a man (Y). I’m becoming closer to X & Y, and their spouses, and the 4 of them are getting to know my fiancé.

    When we started planning our wedding last year, I originally planned not to invite anyone from this organization, but over the past several months, my fiancé and I’ve gotten closer to both couples, especially X & her husband. Now that it’s time to send invitations, I’d like to invite X, and possibly Y to the wedding. I still don’t feel any desire to include A & B, but I’m wondering if I might hurt feelings by not including them. I don’t think A expects to be invited, but B might. And if I do include A & B, would I hurt feelings by not including C? I could just invite X, Y, A, B, & C, but including SOs, that’s an additional 10 people.

    I’m probably overthinking this and should probably just invite X, or X & Y (and their spouses), because that’s who I truly want there, but I’m having trouble resolving to do that. We’ve run into other similar issues of who to invite when we socialize with people as a group, but we’ve resolved those others more easily than this one. I think I might be having trouble with this decision because by not inviting A, B & C while inviting X & Y, it feels like I’m making a declaration (to myself, if not to A, B, & C), that our friendships have downshifted from friends to acquaintances/professional colleagues. Thoughts?

    • mascot

      Friendships change. Guest lists have to have limits. Adults generally understand this and don’t get that upset. Invite who you want to and don’t worry about it.

    • Cat

      If you invite all 5 couples out of a sense of obligation, ~16% of your wedding will suddenly be this organization, which seems out of proportion to me unless that’s the source of most of your socializing.

      How would you feel about inviting none of them? Married people understand guest list dilemmas and, beautiful though I’m sure your wedding will be, we don’t mind not going to them…

      If you invite only X and Y, then A, B and C will notice and it may affect the friendship, even though reasonable adults (as mentioned above) should understand these problems. Only you can decide whether you’re OK with that possible outcome.

      • wedding invitation anon

        Not inviting anyone from that organization was the initial plan. I could just stick with that. I’m a little torn because I’m getting closer to both X & Y, and if they weren’t part of this organization, if I’d met them through some other connection, I would add them to the guest list without a second thought. But, because I already planned not to invite anyone from this organization, and now I’m considering inviting newer friends, but not the older ones, I’m second guessing myself.

      • Senior Attorney

        Honestly I think the path of least resistance is to invite none of them. Everybody understands small weddings and X and Y will be far less stung to not be invited in that context than A and B (and possibly the others) will be if you go ahead and invite X and Y.

    • JEB

      I became friends with A, B, and C at the same time (met them all at the same place, hung out as a group). By the time I got engaged, I was MUCH closer with A and B and wanted to ask them to be in the wedding. Despite the fact that C and I had grown apart and only really saw each other in the group, I ended up asking C as well, purely out of obligation. I ended up regretting it, as it just didn’t really feel right or natural to have her be a part of such an intimate experience. I think she probably felt the same way.

      Honestly, I think you should make whatever wedding decisions you want to make. It’s your day, and you should not do things out of obligation unless there’s a very good reason. And if you’re not that close with the others, they may not even want to be invited. Just being a wedding guest comes with a host of expenses, and if they’re feeling the same way about you (that you’ve essentially grown apart), they may not be too thrilled about the obligation either. And it sounds like you’re building a lasting relationship with X and Y, so if you want to include them, you should do so without hesitation.

      Just do what makes you happy!!

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