Holiday Weekend Open Thread
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We're almost down to the wire if you want to order a present that will arrive in time for December 25… These UGG slippers are incredibly highly rated and a great present for a variety of people in your life. Odds are great that Nordstrom has some you can pick up at your local store or order online (it will vary widely by your location, obviously!), and Amazon is telling me that these slippers would still arrive before Christmas.
The pictured slippers are the Coquette slipper — and they have 4,500+ good ratings at Nordstrom. At Amazon they have 13,500+ good ratings (and, interestingly, is “Amazon Overall Pick” OVER the older Scuffette slipper, which has 19,380+ good ratings).
The slipper is $120 and comes in a bunch of colors at both Nordstrom and Amazon; you can also find other varieties for both women and men. Nordstrom has a whole selection of “last-minute gifts,” as does Amazon…
We've also discussed the best last-minute gifts, the best food-related gifts, where to shop if you need clothes ASAP, and the best “of the month” subscription clubs.
(Amazon also has a collection of Oprah's Favorite Things, also!)
Sales of note for 4/21/25:
- Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
- Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
- Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
- The Fold – 25% off selected lines
- Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
- Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
- J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
- J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
- Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card
Need a gut check here. If you had a (long-distance, non-local) friend going through a hard time (let’s say, for example, a recent family death), you texted the friend to check in 2 weeks after the death occurred, and the friend responded that she was struggling and would be grateful if you checked in a bit more often, would you be offended that she wasn’t grateful enough for the text you did send?
No I would not. I’d text more often.
nope.
I’d be a little offended…but I wouldn’t hold it against her given the situation. Honestly, I’d be more mad at myself, and it would send me into a shame spiral.
I think you’re on to something. OP feels uncomfortable because she feels some shame at not checking in more and she can’t deal with that discomfort so she’s turning it into being offended.
No, it’s the other way around – I’m the friend with the loss. I feel awkward and needy or something because of the way she responded when I requested more check-ins. I know she isn’t a mind-reader who knows my preferences but I thought that communicating directly would be helpful and it appears that it was not.
I figured you were the friend with the loss, OP. I’m sorry. I think your friend’s response was really crappy.
I had a feeling that you were on that side of the question. Give her a few days. Human psychology can be so complicated, and getting that text would have set off a huge spiral of “things my ex-husband used to criticize me about are all true” for me. But I would’ve snapped out of it after a day or two and seen the text for what it was. It’s one of those “mature adults wouldn’t respond this way, but who amongst us is a perfectly mature adult” situations, and I think being a little offended at first is going to be a fairly common first response if folks are honest….but getting over it quickly is also probably a pretty common second response.
I’m really sorry for your loss, and for this person not being able to meet you where you are more fully. Sending along love.
This is the answer.
Nope. I’d be happy my friend trusted me enough to ask for what she needed, and I’d text her more often, especially through the holidays which can be hard
+1
This
Yes, this.
I cannot imagine being offended that a friend “did not feel grateful enough” for something I did. My actions are not set against a gratitude-o-meter.
Holy crap, no. Main character syndrome much?
No you are not owed gratitude for one text in two weeks, sheesh
Heck no!!!
I don’t do nice things for my friends in need only to be offended that they’re not appropriately grateful. I also don’t expect to hear back from friends at all in the aftermath of a death – I assume they’re overwhelmed so I try to check in enough that they feel supported but not too much to be overbearing. After a few weeks, I usually check in to see if the checkins are wanted (most appreciate the check ins, some prefer to be left alone). If they like the check ins, I keep doing every few weeks for several months. I also add the parents’ death date and birth date to my calendar so I remember to check in on my friends on that date, at least for the first few years. I have some friends who lost parents / siblings nearly a decade ago, and I still check in every death anniversary.
The burden to check in, provide support, and just being there is on the friend who did not suffer a loss. The greiving friend can respond if they want, they can ignore me, they can respond weeks later. I don’t care – as long as they haven’t indicated that they DON’T want a check in, I will check in and support as I can.
I also vary my methods of checking in: mostly texts, but also a card to the family immediately after the death, a donation to the specified charity in the obituary, flowers or food sent to my friend, if appropriate a Mass card. Also, in addition to asking “how are you doing / what can I do to help / I’m thinking of you” type texts, I also resume texting about normal things: sending memes, recommending a book, talking about a show we both like too. I don’t want to have all of our communication be focused on the death of a parent.
I’m in my 20s, so luckily only a few of my friends have lost parents and thus far only long-distance friends have lost parents. Obviously, the outreach I do would change for local friends, but that’s not a bridge I’ve had to cross yet.
+1 “I don’t do nice things for my friends in need only to be offended that they’re not appropriately grateful.” This hits the nail right on the head. And maybe I’m being a little sensitive because I lost a parent unexpectedly this year, but to use the word “grateful” at all in this context… that would really hurt my feelings. Two weeks after a loss (or any major hardship) no one should expect you to be grateful for anything. Polite, appreciative, or gracious, maybe? I received many check-in texts after my parent died, and honestly many of them were a little tone deaf or just… weren’t as helpful as I think people thought they were. I still appreciated that people sent them, and I extended a lot grace to people that it’s hard to know what to say in these situations, but a lot of times they felt more about the person sending them then about me. The fact that your friend is giving you the gift of being honest about what they need from you is not to be taken for granted. I would appreciate that they said something and gave me the opportunity to better show up for them.
Thank you.
I’m not your friend, but I would love to be. From somebody far away in both geography and age. You´ve got it nailed. Autonomy and respect. Imagination and empathy. You’re a star. <3
What?!?! No. Your friend is having a hard time and trusted you enough to say that she needed help. What makes you think she wasn’t grateful enough??
In OP’s defense, we don’t know if she’s talking about herself or a friend in this scenario. But agree with everything that’s been said – this is not something a rational person should be offended by. The person going through a tough time is clearly communicating what they need (which is a very reasonable request!) and I would just be relieved that I know what their expectations are. It can be hard not knowing what to say or what people are looking for. Now you know how best to show up for your friend when they need you.
Offended? Because a friend told you what they needed? I don’t even get how those two things go together. A friend SHOULD be able to ask you if they need something, that’s not limited to only when you say – let me know if you need anything – and you expect them to politely say it’s fine.
what???? of course not!!!
No. People often wonder whether checking in will distress someone more or whether it will be appreciated. It makes sense that someone would clarify what it’s like for them personally.
OK, thanks everyone. I mentioned in a comment above that I’m the the friend with the loss and it actually really helps to see reassurance from internet strangers that I’m not crazy and needy for expressing my preference. Luckily I have another good friend who said (from day 1) that she’d be there to talk as much or as little as I needed and she followed up frequently after that. I value it SO much in those moments of feeling alone and isolated and like it’s wrong to not be okay yet. As for my friend who says I’m not grateful enough, I think our time together may be coming to a natural end. This isn’t the first instance that has been “off.”
I’m sorry for your loss and your idiot friend!
My condolences on your loss. Don’t feel you’re in the wrong for needing more support. It’s understandable. Sounds that she may be friendly but not a friend.
Did she maybe feel like you were scolding her in some way? I don’t know? I’m having a hard time coming up with a justification for your friend’s behavior. Sorry about this, OP.
No, I would take it as the friend is reaching out and needs support. Then send her many silly memes.
that is the last possible emotion I would associate with your hypo. Your grieving friend asked you for more outreach and you’re offended you weren’t thanked for a text?
I’m sorry for whatever is causing your recent hard time. The holidays make it so much harder.
No, the friend is telling you what she needs. Check in with her more.
Not at all. My friend group and I went through this–one of our dear friends died suddenly in the beginning of the year. We did a lot of phone tree-ing in the beginning but it petered out as we adjusted to the shock. Some people needed the continued support and said so, and we all pitched in to make sure they always had someone to talk to when they needed it. It’s what you do as a friends.
I don’t…really talk to my friends like this? like I don’t make emotional demands of them because they’re friends. I might ask my husband for something like this but if I’m dying to talk to a friend I’ll start calling them and see if anyone can chat. I’m not chastising them for not texting me more, I find that strange. The phone works both ways. If someone asked me to check in on them more after a terrible loss probably would but I’d also make it clear she can call me too.
Yeah, I kind of think everyone sucks here. It’s a little rude to criticize how your friends provide support. Could be done with a good tone, but it’s hard to land that plane well. At the same time, I wouldn’t get offended by that if a friend was in crisis. Emotions land in weird places sometimes. I think this is two people who both kind of need to get over their pride.
OP, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’ve had this happen several times in the past couple of years as my family and my husband’s family have dealt with the loss of one immediate family member, a grave diagnosis for a parent, and health issues of my own that are not life-threatening but are still fairly serious and have involved surgery.
I have a pretty good-sized social circle and have been hurt by how rarely some friends have checked in. To be fair, most if not all were pretty good about checking in during the immediate aftermath of the first loss, but the other situations have felt very serious too and I frankly expected more support.
Trying to be gracious and remind myself that everyone is fighting hard battles and I know many of them have their own burdens right now. In one case, I told a very dear friend about how I was feeling and she did apologize and immediately set up a call. While it was great to catch up with her, I wouldn’t be surprised if our friendship of so many years eventually dies out.
On the other hand, some newer friends have really been so thoughtful and I’ve been pleasantly surprised and appreciative. Additionally, I’ve been grateful for how these hard situations have brought my husband and I closer together than ever.
Sending a hug for comfort and hopeful that silver linings like this will emerge for you, too.
Of course not!!
I need Christmas Eve menu help. My dad is currently suffering from gallstones and his surgery is scheduled for after the holidays. In the meantime, he can’t eat any fats – like he can’t even cook with olive oil. We’re doing Dungeness crab for the main, which is fine for him, but I’m having the hardest time thinking of side dishes that he can eat, and most desserts seem out the window. I would normally make a potato gratin, but obviously that’s full of fat. Can’t even toss veggies in olive oil before roasting them. I’m thinking of just roasting veggies on parchment paper without oil and then adding some kind of herbs so they have flavor…does anyone else have ideas for things I can make? Thanks, and happy holidays!
Cauliflower puree?
Poached pears in syrup for dessert (easy to have ice cream on the side for kids/others who want if that’s in play)
For a starch, could you do rice instead of potatoes? Or make salt potatoes? Or baked sweet potatoes can be very delicious even without butter.
These both look like good options for roasting other vegetables:
https://simpleveganblog.com/oil-free-rainbow-roasted-vegetables/
https://minimalistbaker.com/oil-free-roasted-vegetables/
steamed green beans, steamed broccoli…berries for dessert?
For dessert, I’d do sorbet or angel food cake and fruit (probably frozen berries, made into a sauce, but if you find something good fresh, that works too). You can add whipped cream for everyone else.
For the side dishes, focus on herbs and acids to add flavor to veggies and grains. Or just buy/bake some really good bread.
A fruit compote would be good over the angel food cake!
For dessert, angel food cake and meringues. Maybe a pavlova.
Baked potatoes or steamed veggies? Some really delicious fruit?
Back when fat-free cooking was the rage, we used a lot of reduced chicken broth in savory dishes instead of butter. Applesauce was the substitute in cakes and bakery that I remember.
+1 on the chicken broth as a dressing for steamed or roasted or boiled veggies, great idea!
Boiled potatoes with herbs
Corn on the cob
Steamed green beans/haricot vert with toasted slivered almonds
steamed carrots with a honey soy glaze
Roasted beets
This all sounds so good!
Steamed broccoli and a baked potato? A spinach salad with chilled beets and pickled red onions? Ooh, or even an entire pickle charcuterie board like this: https://therebelchick.com/pickle-charcuterie-board/
Steamed edamame
Rice with soy sauce
Tomatoes with basil and balsamic (reduce the balsamic to make it more sugary)
Speaking of tomatoes, I would throw pico de gallo or salsa on almost any vegetable.
Dessert: angel food cake with berries
Salt and vinegar roasted potatoes. Par-boil potato wedges in salty water with vinegar. Once they are just slightly tender, drain the potatoes, then toss them in diluted vinegar and then in salt. Roast at 400-F until crispy, about 20 minutes. They taste like salt and vinegar potato chips without the fat.
You could blanch green beans or broccolini and drizzle it with balsamic vinegar and lemon juice, similar to the Barefoot Contessa’s broccolini with balsamic vinaigrette minus the olive oil. You could make mashed potatoes with horseradish, scallions, and fat-free cream cheese or fat-free sour cream. I agree with another poster’s suggestion of baked sweet potatoes. You could mash them with a bit of orange juice and orange zest to be fancy. For dessert, angel food cake with berry compote.
If you can find decent cream of mushroom soup you could make green bean casserole. I’m not sure if the Heslthy Request version (97% I think) is the best there is or not. Green beans, water chestnuts, mushrooms, cream of mushroom.
Egg white based desserts should be fine. Meringue with fruit or berries would be lovely. Strawberries marinated with balsamico vinegar and basil works well with meringue. Tropical fruits if he prefers something more sweet.
Where I live Christmas dinner is served with boiled potatoes with herbs and steamed or boiled veggies. Might not work with your main, but plain can be very nice if the main is very distinct.
Lemon-grilled asparagus might work. Steamed spinach. Steamed cabbage.
roasted carrots with honey
steamed vegetables sprinkled with nuts
vegetables that are boiled or steamed, then pureed and dressed with hot sauce
salad with balsamic vinegar
berries with powdered sugar for dessert
a bag of Ben’s microwaveable brown rice dressed with parsley, paprika, garlic powder or Maggie sauce
hard or soft boiled egg on the side
jello for dessert
While I waited for my surgery I could only eat very well cooked chicken, salad with no dressing and toast without butter. Even milk in my coffee caused great pain. The less you eat the less pain. But after surgery I can eat anything!
Recommendations for tinted sunscreen? I’m caucasian and don’t wear makeup, but do use sunscreen daily. I usually use regular sunscreen but, as it’s winter and I am a little older, I think tinted would add some helpful color boost. I can go to Target, Ulta, Sephora, etc. in person to purchase or buy online.
I think there’s a US version of this that is not as protective, but I use LRP (Euro version)’s tinted sunscreen and it works great. I’m a med-dark skintone so YMMV, though.
I love the Drmtology one.
I like Colorscience and the ELF glow screen dupe.
Elta MD, and they have a few different “tones” so you should be able to add one close to your undertone.
I like the Super Good mineral sunscreen. It just kind of blurs out imperfections but doesn’t offer much coverage.
I love the Tower 28 tinted sunscreen. Bare Minerals is nice too, but a little too dewy for me.
I did this same quest last year for same reason and ended up with bare essentials… but I can’t tell a difference when it’s on and feel like real sunscreen is better so I’m not wearing it much. It’s definitely something you have to purchase in person though.
Agree with eltamd. Wear daily.
Have also tried skinmedica’s tinted sunscreen and liked the coverage (very light). The color wasn’t a match for me, but may work for you.
I love the Skinceuticals one, although a bit pricey. The EltaMD one was a little too dark for me.
I was using the supergoop glowscreen but it was angering my (super sensitive rosacea prone) skin, so switched to the hydropeptide tinted sunscreen and have had zero issues and am happy with the tint it gives me.
I mix mine with a BB cream and it is perfect.
Do you back in to a parking space or pull in? Why? I just left a very busy grocery store lot, and was surprised at how many people backed into their spaces, which seems to take a much longer time. I’ve noticed the same thing at pickup time at my preschool— backing into a spot when lots folks are trying to quickly park and grab kids seems to take much longer than just pulling into a spot and then backing out when you are done. Honestly curious if there is a reason if you back into a parking spot, especially when it’s busy.
I pull into the spot, but I went to high school in CT while living in NY and in CT they were required to demonstrate they could back into a spot on their driving test (we had to demonstrate parallel parking), so the students from CT often backed into their spaces while no one from NY ever did. They were just comfortable doing it so didnt take long at all for them. I can do it now with the rear view cameras, but I typically don’t.
it’s much safer to back in, because you can see where you’re backing better backing into a parking space than out of one. especially at a preschool where there’s potentially little kids running everywhere.
This! Always back in because it’s far less likely that there is a person in the blind spot of a parking spot (i.e., the first few feet of the turn when there is an adjacent car) when you’re backing in than a person being in the blind spot of a parking spot when you back out.
I don’t understand how it is safer, you are still doing a lot of backing up? And when I see the people backing in to the spot, parents/kids are duckkng around the car backing up, whereas when a car backs up, it’s just one motion. From what I’ve observed, I’ve seen more close calls with people/cars when cars back in not back out of spots.
Because cars and people don’t tend to hang out in parking spots that people are backing into, but cars/people do drive/walk behind cars backing out of spaces. I don’t personally back into spots very often, but I can see the logic of this being safer. And there’s definitely a certain type of man who likes to back in because he thinks it makes him seem prepared to race away in an emergency.
lol this is true. Also almost all first responders, utility workers etc I know back in out of habit from work, where it is required.
I live in the SEUS and a lot of people with large vehicles, especially pickup trucks and massive SUVs, back in. I think it’s part of the entitlement mentality that people with large vehicles have–let me block this aisle for a long time while I make multiple attempts to back my huge truck into the space so I can save 30 seconds when I leave.
The one situation in which I’ll back into a parking space is in a parking structure at a large event. When everyone is leaving it’s a lot easier to muscle your way into the line of cars if you are pulling out forward than if you’re trying to back out.
Yeah… if they cared about running people over, they could have picked a car that’s less dangerous to pedestrians.
If you care about running people over, can’t you simply not run people over? I think most people take this approach. Not sure that being run over by a sedan is really going to make me happy even though it’s smaller than a truck. :)
Apparently not? In the SEUS, it doesn’t help if the person is additionally real bad at driving (this is part of why it takes people so long to back into spaces).
There are stats on the difference between being hit by a car vs. a large vehicle. With some large vehicles there are also issues with lines of sight.
Personally I find it easier to back into a space with a large vehicle if the spot is tight. Maybe it’s bc I’m not the best driver but it’s easier for me to see in my rear view mirrors and backup camera vs the front of the car.
I don’t do this often though. Only if spots are limited and the space is tight.
I pretty much always pull in unless I drive past a spot and then realize it’s open at the last second, lol. I’ve heard that in some bigger SUVs/pick-up trucks it’s actually easier to back in then to pull into a parking spot, but in a sedan I think I would only do it if I was parking somewhere where I would rather hold up traffic going in then not be able to see going out (i.e. into a driveway on a busy street).
less likely to run someone over or back into someone if you back into the space versus backing out of the space. at least that’s what my dad always said.
Backing in when possible, since it’s so much easier to see pedestrians when leaving.
I feel like this is regional – when we lived in the Midwest no one backed into parking spaces; now living in the South it feels like I’m the only one that doesn’t back in.
Ha, I posted below and am Midwest myself. Maybe it is micro-regional? Because in my area it is not unusual at all to back in.
I have a burning rage for all the people who back into spaces in tight busy parking lots in my city. It causes a lot of delay and is not safer when there are many other cars plus people trying to navigate in and out. I don’t care that you brag that you’re ‘always ready’ to flee danger. You are the danger.
LOL, that isn’t why people back in. They take forever backing out — why doesn’t that bother you???
It literally is the explanation given by many people in my ATL neighborhood. It’s a mantra.
When people back out of a space, there are signals, such as backup lights. When done adeptly, pulling in and backing out involve just one lane/direction of traffic. It is easy to see that someone got in their car and is inching then pulling out. It is expected. What is not expected is for a car moving forward in the lane, with multiple cars creeping behind it and beside it, to pull PAST an empty spot, let the line of cars behind approach that spot, then throw the car in reverse and block traffic in both directions while they back in, often forcing pedestrians to jump out of the way and the line of cars to come to a sharp halt and sometimes to back up or try to pass around the turning car.
A hundred times this. It’s easy to anticipate that a car which has its back facing traffic will go in reverse. It’s much harder to anticipate that the car traveling forward will suddenly travel in reverse. Plus when parking is tight and you drive past a spot I’m going for it head first. It’s just bad manners to decide you want to drive past the spot you want and back into it while everyone looking for a spot has to wait want can’t even drive around you because you need to make life harder for everyone who isn’t you. In municipal lots in cities I’ve worked having your car facing out will get you a nice big fat ticket so at least there’s that for these people.
For some reason it seems to take a lot longer to back in to a parking space than to back out of it.
Not for me.
Right there with you, especially since it’s almost always large, late-model luxury vehicles with backup cameras.
I mean I agree. I hate it. If the place is at all crowded it’s annoyingly that you pull forward and then hit the reverse. I detest anyone who puts their car in reverse on a public street too. Sorry you missed your street but you should drive around. Cruising in reverse is dangerous and inconsiderate.
I admit to being lazy enough that my first preference is to pull through if possible, back in is second, and nose-first is third. I prefer to avoid backing out because visibility is awful. Between surprise pedestrians and large vehicles that I cannot see around, being able to drive straight out is so much safer.
This is my order of preference as well and I’ll sometimes go down to the bottom of the parking lot where I’m more likely to get a pull through spot instead of needing to back in somewhere. I also went to a high school where the student parking was right next to the bus lane (terrible idea, but that’s a different story), so students were required to back in to the spot, so I got really good at it really early in driving.
+2. Also my preferred order
It takes me no longer to back in and pull out than it does to pull in and back out. It’s faster in fact: inching out takes much longer than backing in.
As others have mentioned, it’s safer: I can see the totality of what will be in that parking spot when I am putting my car in there in forwards or reverse. But I see a LOT more pulling out, which is the dangerous part.
People don’t back in because they are bad drivers. Everyone should, for safety.
It actually is statistically safer and everyone I know that works in a safety focused environment (think construction, plants, etc.) back in and are required to back in at work by company policy. And to be clear, the backing in process upon arrival is slightly safer than pulling in, but the pulling out of a backed in car when leaving is the main safety driver. If you really need that extra 30 seconds to wait for someone to back in, go to your destination earlier.
I was about to say this. I actually used to work at a safety-focused company that involved a lot of driving (a utility company), and you were required to back into/pull out of parking spaces or else you could get written up. The company vehicles had monitors on them that would cite the drivers if they pulled into a spot and backed out of it. There have been a lot of studies on this, and apparently it is much much safer to pull out than it is to back out!
I do honestly still pull in and back out in most scenarios because that’s what people are expecting, though if the lot is crowded, I park near the back so that there will be less car and pedestrian traffic.
I pull into the space. I cannot drive backwards and get my sense of direction confused. I also have an older car without a camera which makes it more difficult for me. Also, when I’m at the grocery store, I find I have more space to manage the cart and load bags into my car when the trunk is facing the parking lot.
I always back in. I caused a bad accident many years ago, with my newborn in the car, when I backed out of a spot and hit a car that I didn’t see (pre sensors/pre cameras). I pretty much always try to park far away from other cars now and back in so that I know I have a clear line of sight to cars and people.
My neighbor when we lived in DC always backed into his spot in our parking lot. It wasn’t terribly long after 9/11, and he said he did it in case of an evacuation – he’d be able to zip out quickly while the rest of us were all backing into each other.
Backing in causes problems when you then need to navigate between parked cars with your shopping cart to then open the hatch and load groceries or shopping bags.
Right. And then these same people just leave the cart at the top of the space.
This is why I never back in. I live in a city so I mainly use my car to tr-sport bulky items (groceries, a big load of dry cleaning, running several errands at once). I need access to my trunk and parking spots are narrow.
It’s also sometimes hard to get into your own car because the other car is backed in to the space. This seems to be a problem mostly in the very tiny median spaces in my city, not so much in my sister’s TX neighborhood. Also it’s very hard in diagonal spaces to get the angle right if you’re backing in.
Diagonal spaces are generally not meant for backing in, especially if they are situated so they create one-way traffic lanes. Backing in would leave you facing traffic the wrong way upon departure.
This is why many parking lots with diagonal spots have directional arrows at the end of each aisle.
Yeah, that’s not apparent to the back-in parkers in my city.
I back into parallel parking spaces but otherwise pull in head first. Though my one parking lot accident happened when I was backing out of a normal space when I was leaving and someone decided to “quickly go around” me. Her words.
I only back in if I expect it to be hard to pull out, like lots of people running around (better visibility from the front) or a tight angle.
Australia here.
A lot of street parking areas and Shopping Centre car parks here require “rear to curb” parking so we get used to looking out for signs. My daughters did a defensive driving course when they were learning and the instructor’s advice to women was to always back in, because in an emergency it’s easier to drive out than back out.
Another Australian here.
It’s a mix in my city. My markets don’t allow it because of fumes at the outdoor dining.Hopefully this changes with electric cars.
I like it because it’s safer and doesn’t take any longer. Much easy for pedestrians too, as you can see past a bonnet (hood?) more easily than a boot (trunk) especially for small children and wheelchairs.
I don’t do it when grocery shopping as it’s hard to put groceries in the boot.
How does Santa work in the States? 24th in the evening? 25th in the morning? Both? Are all the gifts from Santa? Do adults get gifts from Santa? Who fills the stockings?
A bit of a background: This is my first Christmas in the USA. I’m European, my husband is Latin American and we have a young toddler. We need to create a family tradition that would make some sense, idealy incorporate some traditions of our countries of origin, but will be in line with the US customs (as our kid will go to the American daycare and later schools).
I think it’s most common that Santa comes overnight and the stockings are full/presents are opened the morning of the 25th.
A tip: the answer to all questions from your kids about logistics is that every family is assigned an elf, and every elf does things differently. Some elves give parents gifts, some don’t. Etc.
We never did the elf thing, so we just said that every family does things differently and that Santa does things the way the family wants him to.
Not-Christian American here. I have no idea, but we sometimes watch this: https://www.noradsanta.org/en/
I just learned the adorable story of how it started.
https://www.newsnationnow.com/us-news/holidays/wrong-number-norads-santa-tracker/
Santa comes overnight between the 24th and 25th, so you get your presents from him when you wake up in the morning on the 25th.
In my house growing up;
– we never opened gifts on the 24th but I know some families allow opening one present that night
– Santa filled stockings
– adults do usually get something from santa, but maybe one gift where children get multiple.
This was discussed earlier this week (maybe yesterday?) on the Mom’s board.
Typically, Santa comes overnight of the 24th into the 25th. Santa comes when the kids are asleep and they wake up to gifts under the tree from him.
All families do it differently, but my family does the following: gifts are from both Santa and family (in our family it’s pretty 50/50 split, but some families only do a few gifts from Santa, some do gifts are only from Santa), Santa brings gifts to everyone (it’s the magic of Christmas!), and Santa fills the stockings. In our family stockings are a mix of candy, practical gifts (toothbrush, socks, chapstick) , and fun things (nail polish, small cheap toy, stickers).
On Christmas Eve, right before bed we do our Christmas Eve tradition. We get into Christmas jammies, read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, hang our stockings, and leave out cookies + milk for Santa. Then, the kids go to bed (since Santa only comes if you’re asleep) and then the parents fill stockings, put presents under the tree, and build anything that needs building.
All of this is very similar to how I grew up. Mix of Santa and family gifts.
Just one more thought: I saw last year somewhere a request for well off parents to make Santa gifts not the biggest gifts the kids got, but instead for the Santa gifts to be special yet more reasonably priced. The idea being that if kids talk and compare their Santa gifts, perhaps they could be more equitable. It’s not like the affluent kids don’t get the expensive presents (if that’s the family tradition), they just come from their parents and not Santa. I thought it was a very reasonable and thoughtful request.
I grew up poor and I can tell you that it does not take away the sting of poverty when the affluent kids get small gifts from Santa and still get all these big gifts from parents, because these kids are still getting things we could never hope to get. Christmas, and Santa, have never been “equitable” because there are always families who have more than others.
My parents always told us that Santa will never bring anything your parents can’t afford to buy, even if you ask for it. That helped us know that we weren’t “bad” because we didn’t get what we asked for…
LOL. We, the parents always say Santa got our kid the smaller one because we would never not take full credit for the big, major gifts.
In case no one has told you: Welcome to America! We’re delighted you’re here <3
Santa comes overnight on the night between the 24th and 25th. Children leave out a plate of cookies and a glass of milk for Santa and some carrots for his reindeer. Parents then nibble on each after the child goes to bed, leaving some crumbs behind so that it's clear Santa and the reindeer had a good snack :) Children check / parents point out the plate and glass in the morning and exclaim over the status :)
Before the children go to bed, many families have a quiet moment to read. Clement Moore's The Night Before Christmas is near-universal in the Christmas-Eve-reading families that I know. (You should be able to check out a copy of this from the library or find it at any bookstore this time of year. It's a quaint poem from 1823 that's not too long. Expect some old-fashioned words that you may not be familiar with – but it's a children's poem – they're not hard to figure out!) Families that are very religious generally read a nativity story from the Bible (Luke's version is popular).
In my family, Santa brought one or two gifts and the rest were named from who gave them. This varies.
I've heard it recommended that Santa should give kids modestly priced items if parents live in a mixed-income area so that when it invariably comes up in school chatter, some young children aren't left wondering why Santa gave them socks while he gave Joe an Xbox.
As someone who grew up poor, we learned early that Santa is just not an equal opportunity giver and were taught that he only brings gifts the parents can afford. Hearing Joe talk about the xbox mommy and daddy or grandma bought was just as hard.
Growing up poor is a big reason why I stoppped believing in Santa at a young age.
I recently spent time with a friend’s kid, who was saying she hopes Santa can bring a particular gaming console because her mom can’t afford it. I told her that elves sometimes can’t make a particular consoles because it’s the company’s property over in China, that the company invented it not the elves…and this surprisingly seemed to satisfy her.
Yep, same, and I honestly think that this whole “think of the poor people” thing with Santa gifts is just feel good bull**** that people with money use to think they are doing something that makes a difference.
In our house you cannot ask Santa for electronic anything because elves doesn’t make electronic stuff.
For the vast majority, Santa comes after everyone goes to bed on the 24th, and you wake up to presents on the 25th. I do know that some families have their visit from Santa on St.Nicholas Day, though, because of family traditions.
Santa visits overnight on the 24th so everyone wakes up to the surprise gifts. Typical related tradition is leaving milk and cookies on a plate by the fireplace before bed; you nibble at them so it looks like Santa did.
It’s common in my circles that kids receive only 1-3 gifts from Santa, and usually less expensive items, with the vast majority and anything expensive coming from the actual purchaser (like the tag would say Mom and Dad). This has a few benefits – (1) your kid won’t be worried about having to pretend to believe in Santa lest they not receive any gifts, and (2) for kids with fewer resources, your kid shouldn’t feel like they were “nicer” on Santa’s list since they got a more generous gift than others did.
My kids left Santa a pint of Guinness to go with his cookies, lol.
We let the kids ask for 3 things in their letter – can’t be huge because only so much room in the sleigh or electric but he usually brings what you ask for. Like lego sets, book series, board games etc. Parents give gifts on Christmas Eve (dh’s family tradition) and Christmas morning (my family tradition) and one big joint gift on Christmas morning (like a new playhouse or telescope or something).
You leave cookies out for Santa on the 24th evening and then he comes overnight and you open presents on 25th morning
Many people open presents on the 24th if that’s what their family of origin does.
My parents just said all the gifts were from Santa (but we figured things out pretty quickly). I like the idea of one, medium sized gift from Santa so it doesn’t seem like Santa gives big gifts to only some kids
Santa visits overnight. In my childhood, “Santa” was what my parents bought with the check from Grandma for “big” presents since they were broke post grad school.
+1 to everything people have said. In my family, we went to Midnight Mass (now, not actually held at midnight) and opened 1 family gift when we returned.
25th in the morning. Stockings have been filled and presents are under the tree. Not all presents are from Santa and many of them have been under the tree for a while, but at our house, Santa tends to not wrap gifts rather than maybe a bow, so there’s a “reveal” when the kids get done with their stockings and check out what’s under the tree.
Ps in addition to cookies for Santa, there is celery for Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. My kids never gave a crap about the other reindeer! Sorry Dancer, Dasher, et.al.
My family spends Christmas Eve with my dad’s side of the family, and when we were younger we got presents from our aunts and uncles. We were allowed to open those presents at the family party but it was understood that they came from grown ups, not Santa. Santa then came overnight and we opened our presents from him on Christmas Day. My parents would address the presents for us as a mix of From: Mom & Dad and From: Santa–they wanted us to know even then that at least some of the presents came from them!
Santa came overnight on the 24th. On the 25th, we would wake up and stockings were filled and gifts from Santa (nothing over the top) were arranged on the hearth (unwrapped!). Gifts from family (mom/dad/sister etc) were all wrapped and placed under the tree. We started Christmas morning looking at the stockings and santa gifts and then moved onto the wrapped presents. We still did this arrangement long after we grew up and my sister and I started putting things into my parent’s stockings and leaving little santa gifts for them.
Everyone in the family gets stockings. Typically, Mom is the one filling them out. My very egalitarian, does-all-the-cooking husband just doesn’t care about stockings. You might as well get yourself something you like and fill your own out. Some families like to put in an orange since long, long ago these were a luxury in many parts of the world.
You might watch a Christmas family movie (Grinch stole Christmas, Charlie Brown, all the modern options) the night before.
On the 24th, the family may attend a church service, and may eat a fancy meal or just oyster stew or crab cakes, then parents read “A Visit from St. Nicholas” and possibly one of the nativity gospels of Mark or Luke, then the family can check out NORAD to see how close Santa is, then the children to go sleep (because Santa only arrives if the children are sleeping. In my family, Santa only fills stockings, and fills both children’s and parents’ stockings. All wrapped presents are from people, not Santa. Because Santa has the whole world to cover, parents usually “help” him by filling stockings in their own household. For very small children who are anxious with excitement, they may choose one small gift from under the tree to open on the 24th. On the morning of the 25th, the children wake up super early and are allowed to enjoy their stocking gifts. Once the parents arise, and maybe make breakfast, then gifts from under the tree are opened. Parents keep a list of which gifts were received from whom, for thank you note purposes. If a relative is at the house when the gift from them is opened, thanking them in person is sufficient, no follow-up thank you note is necessary, but that is the only exception to the thank-you note rule. Parent sometimes help buy giving children a package of stationery as one of the Christmas gifts, for thank-you note purposes. In some families, after the gifts are opened, they all go see a new movie that opens on Christmas Day at the movie theater. In some families, the big meal is on Christmas Day, but in my family, it was always on Christmas Eve, as mom couldn’t manage the gifts AND a feast on the same day.
I said something to a friend that I thought was uncontroversial but apparently I was wrong, and now she has repeated my comment to other people who are all piling up. Holy high school. I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do to deflect when people ask me about it? There’s kind of a long background on the comment.
I’m recently engaged and I will be covering the cost of the wedding and honeymoon from my personal savings; I’ve earmarked $30k for each, most of the savings is from before I even met fiance (honeymoon fund opened when I started babysitting at 12 years old, I’ve always envisioned an amazing romantic trip). Fiance won’t be able to help. We’re at odds about the wedding. Fiance wants a huge wedding with his big family – he has dozens of first cousins – and basically everyone he’s ever met in life. I have 20 guests. I hate being the center of attention, I hate crowds and loud places, but I want him to have the wedding he wants with the people he loves. I’m willing to compromise to include family up to first cousins (with SOs), but I’m not willing to include people like his second grade teacher who he hasn’t seen since then but his parents still send her a Christmas card. We’ve price shopped, and the lowest cost options for his full guest list are $50k. Fiance wants to use the honeymoon fund to cover the cost, and thinks $10k is still enough for a honeymoon.
I was talking to a close friend about all this. I said something like, I don’t want to give up the once in a lifetime trip I’ve been saving for since I was 12 to pay to entertain dozens of strangers. Friend thinks that’s selfish, I should want to spend more on other people than on myself, it’s cruel to make fiance cut people from his guest list just so I can have an extra fancy vacation, and we’re about to get married so it’s unfair of me to think of this as “my” money he should get a say in how it’s spent. She’s told all of fiancé’s friends and now they’re all calling me selfish too. Any attempt to clarify just seems to dig me deeper (ie, me: yeah I’m not paying for his second grade teacher. them: but Mrs. Smith is so great and she might not be around much longer! Me: when was the last time you visited Mrs. Smith, maybe I can come with you so I can meet her and then she won’t be a stranger. Them: that’s not the point and you know it). I’ve asked fiance to talk to them and he says he has but the comments haven’t stopped. Anything I can do?
I mean, my honest opinion is that $30k is a lot for a honeymoon if you are in the demographic of a $30k wedding, but to each their own. In terms of how to handle all this, what is your partner contributing financially to the wedding? Did this not come up before? Do you usually take super luxurious vacays together? Both of your have reasonable perspectives and what you end up doing should be a compromise. Additional options include delaying the wedding or the honeymoon to save more.
You should check back on your 15 responses in the morning thread.
I am the OP of the morning thread and I did not repost this. I am very surprised to see it here.
I really appreciate everyone who chimed in earlier today! You’ve all given me a lot to think about.
wow, how strange!
Yea, I agree with all dtmfa responses there. His entitlement to your money is what puts this over the edge but based on how annoying his friends sound I’m guessing he’s annoying AF too. If he’s “unable to contribute” to a wedding/honeymoon at all he’s not ready to get married and should be working on himself. Don’t date any more broke guys unless you’re literally in high school or college.
You are 100% not wrong. You’re being very accommodating towards your future spouse’s desires and very reasonable as well. Even separate from the money, it also doesn’t really sound like he’s compromising with your preferences – which also matter!
I can be a high-end traveler but I can’t imagine how you spend $30k on a honeymoon. You do you, but I’m with your partner on this. Earmark $10-20k for your honeymoon and it will still be fabulous (right?!? because of who you’re sharing it with?).
$30K is about right for like, a 2-week luxe South Africa + upscale safari trip.
Or one of those private over-water cabanas in the Maldives.
Yeah a safari is my preference but I’m not wedded (pun intended) to that if he wants to do some other bucket list type thing. He hasn’t given any other suggestions at this point.
I am doing a safari in February so I am intimately aware of the costs. I am spending $15k for two people to fly from the midwest to Africa and then 11 days (14 days of vacation including travel time) of all-inclusive meals, hotels, travel, etc. I am not holding back on this one and I can’t imagine what else I would get if I paid 50% more.
Agreed. I can see spending this amount easily on a family of four+, but it seems pretty hard to get to $30k for two people. We’ve done both a luxury safari and overwater bungalows in Bora Bora and each trip was in the $10k-$12k range for two people. Even if we had bought business class plane tickets not using any points, it would not have gotten much above $20k. This seems obscenely high to me, and I say that as someone with a family travel budget in the mid five figures.
It’s 100% possible if you travel during high season (e.g., Kenya or Tanzania during the great migration) and stay in luxury camps. A friend just did this and spent about $12k on a 2-week trip, excluding int’l airfaire.
Good to know! That tempers some of my jealousy of a college friend’s luxe safari honeymoon (something I never priced out).
It’s unusual to spend two full weeks on safari though, and usually the non-safari portion of the trip is much cheaper. We did two weeks in Africa in luxury hotels for less than $15,000. The safari lodge was really expensive but we only stayed there 5 days, which was plenty.
Why would you be with the finance who feels so entitled to her money?
This isn’t a question of how much to spend on a honeymoon. This is a question of does he get to spend her money on the type of wedding only he want. He doesnt get to decide that she only gets a $10k honeymoon so he can use her extra $30k on inviting people he hasn’t seen in years.
This exactly. If the honeymoon fund didn’t exist because she spent all years ago on a fun trip for herself and her close friends, what would this wedding look like? If the honeymoon fund were a “down payment” fund, would he work be planning a fifty thousand dollar wedding?
If she were as broke as he is, would he still be planning a fifty thousand dollar wedding?
you got plenty of advice this morning, but both your “close friend” and your fiance seem like trouble here. The friend for gossiping and judging, and your fiance for spending your money for you.
I am the OP from the morning thread and I did not make this post.
Cat loves to play comment detective.
whatever, it’s the same extremely detailed post from earlier… hardly takes Sherlock to spot a repeat that already got a lot of attention! OP, that’s super weird.
this is copy and pasted (apparently not by the same person?), doesn’t require a detective.
There’s a cartoon of a man holding a bouquet of red flags, and the woman says “A dozen red flags? How romantic!”
This dude shouldn’t be spending in a wedding beyond the budget, and I don’t care *whose* money makes it “beyond the budget.” $30k is perfectly reasonable; it’s twice what I spent in 2019. He should be figuring out how to pay for it himself (second job?) if it is beyond a budget.
I am deeply concerned that he sees a pile of money and wants to decide how it’s spent. That’s… a bad sign.
Pragmatically, that $50k isn’t going to stay at $50k, unless you are freakishly good at budgeting. I say the wedding tops $60k.
Since you’ve asked for advice about the comments, I would raise the issue with fiance again and tell him that it is still happening and very upsetting to you. Whether he’s dismissive of your request will also give you some idea how supportive he might be in the future on things like this. When you hear the comments, I would use a script similar to: “Not that again, I feel like everyone is getting sick of hearing about wedding stuff, what are you doing for New Year’s?”
Planning a wedding is way easier than running a family tbh. I ignored some red flags during wedding planning that I regret ignoring and were much bigger issues later on. My guess is his lack of interest in compromising with you and deferring to what you have invested time and energy in is not going to get better after the wedding . . . .
He wants to invite his second grade teacher? Are you serious? I’d draw a line in the sand saying unless they have met both of you or are family, they don’t have to be invited. Also, if your fiancé can’t contribute anything to the honeymoon or wedding, I’d be concerned about the imbalance of finances in the marriage. I make about double what my bf makes and his family wouldn’t be able to contribute to a wedding but he would still be able to contribute a couple thousand.he would never want a free ride. Your fiancé can’t even contribute to flowers or the bar tab? This is a problem in terms of money and control. He wants to invite a ton of people but can’t afford to contribute anything!?!? I’d be pissed. I wouldn’t be able to handle this imbalance.
No one has said this, and I think it needs to be mentioned– a wedding that you currently have budgeted at its lowest cost as $50k will end up costing more than that. Weddings always end up over budget, so in all likelihood, if you agree to the $50k wedding, you are going to end up spending $55-60k on the wedding, which is the entire pot of money here.
I said that yesterday! Last paragraph, comment at 3:39 pm.
My bet is that it’s north of $60k at the end.
OG OP here – I totally agree, there will definitely be price creep. When I realized he wanted all $30k for the wedding, before extras, I assumed some of the honeymoon fund would go to the wedding. Which is ok I guess, better than having debt, but I wish he’d acknowledge it. FH doesn’t understand this, he thinks the price is the price and that’s it. I’ve given up trying to get him to understand this point; the conversation devolves into arguing about whether price creep is a thing, which is counterproductive and beside the point. Whether he’s trying to take 66% or 100% of the honeymoon fund, it’s unacceptable either way.
Girl, break up. You don’t want to sign up for this nonsense. It’s just going to cost you more than the 30k when you divorce.
I don’t think this relationship is going to last. That said, if you want to discuss price creep, I would develop a very detailed budget, including everything from stamps for the invitations to tips for the bartenders and taxes on the whole thing. Ask your recently married friends for their price breakdowns. Compare with what is already part of your budget.
FWIW, the money I gave to my all-inclusive reception venue was just over half the cost of the wedding. I had a cheaper wedding, so things won’t always scale similarly. However, the following things were about 40% of the cost:
Dress, veil, bustle
Tuxedos
Invitations, electronic save the dates, stamps for invitations
Photographer
Rings
Marriage license
Flowers and decorations (ceremony and venue)
Church rental, musician
Printing programmes for the church, menus for the reception
Cake and cupcakes
Hair and makeup (myself and 2 bridesmaids), manicure (I didn’t even get a pedicure)
Hotel rooms for the 2 days before, hotel room that night
I didn’t have a band or a DJ at the reception (used an iPod). No group transportation, no limos, flowers well and decorations were intensive, dress needed a bustle but not structural changes.
So explain how those costs are all going way up and not because you’re all being precious or extra. Weddings come with a LOT of little nitpicky expenses.
Good list. I would also add wedding favors if you want them, gifts for your bridesmaids and groomsmen. Some printed way of signifying which tables the guests are at, signs to signify which table is which. Any transportation or hotel costs for bachelor or bachelorette parties you need to cover for yourself or your fiancee?
I also haven’t seen the rehearsal dinner mentioned anywhere. OP do you plan on having one? Who is paying for it? If that hasn’t been considered yet, that alone could easily eat up the remaining $10K of the honeymoon budget.
I would not get married to this man.
I think your fiancé is being unreasonable to include the whole world and not contribute. Family is fine but a second grade teacher????
I’m Asian and while we have huge weddings, even I can’t get on board with this. Do you have a prenup?
How would you handle time off from now until new years when you’ll be alone and everything in your life is just . . . off. Nothing terrible but age 40 plus, no spouse or kids so I’m alone. My apartment is a mess. My job is terrible as in it provides zero challenge or fulfillment but it pays well so I’ve stayed. I feel like weekends have been bad lately, so I will wake up at 11 am, not get out of bed until 1 pm as I’m scrolling on my phone, get up, eat a few meals or snacks and be ready for bed again by 9 pm. Yes there’s a touch of depression here – on meds but JUST got on them so not much effect yet. I don’t necessarily feed sad or anything – just completely unmotivated and also overwhelmed when I think about – how am I going to do this? Like how am I going to do life alone, how am I going to deal with this job – esp since I apply for jobs and don’t ever get interviews despite the whole ivy league, biglaw, blah blah though obviously not in biglaw now.
How would you handle about ten days of time off? I might log into work for a day or two but more than that is seen as odd in my work place. Realistically I should be catching up on like five loads of laundry, decluttering and cleaning my apartment, updating my resume, doing some CLEs – kind of in preparation to network. Not to suggest that networking requires substantive knowledge but I’ve been in a job that requires nothing for so long that I feel like I could benefit from just hearing industry terms again for an industry I’m interested in. I could also drive up to see my parents but IDK I was there for over a week at Thanksgiving but packing and going just seems daunting and IDK if running away is what I need. I know if I go visit them, I’ll do nothing in terms of dealing with my messy living space.
Someone help me plan my time off?
Sounds like you have the same impulse as me, to be “productive” with your time off. While cleaning and seeing your parents is nice, it sounds like you need to do something FUN. I’ve found it’s way better for my mental health to let go some of the expectation of a clean house and prioritize things that feed my soul. You say your job pays well, so treat yourself during this time off.
I work from home and don’t have a ton of local friends, and while I’m working on that, I’ve also been leaning into doing nice things by myself. I started going to a restorative yoga (aka a lot of lying on the floor) class at a bougie hot yoga place near me, getting massages, writing or reading at a coffee shop, wandering around the bookstore, going to the movies, walking my dog in new places, etc.
I will also say I wouldn’t be able to do this without Wellbutrin, which has changed my life.
You don’t need to spend time cleaning (maybe a tiny bit), but from your post, it’s clear that you’re lacking fun and adventure in your life right now. That is so much more restorative during tough times (although hard to execute when depression is involved). With ten days off, how about a trip to a city where a good friend lives? There are lots of people who don’t have the holidays all booked up with family – friends may really want to see you. You could do a solo trip almost anywhere. If you don’t want to travel, how about going to a local museum, signing up for a pottery class, signing up for a ballroom dance class, attending a local performance (ballet/opera/etc.), trying any variety of new workouts (bonus points for something social), reading a huge book or three, trying something totally new to you like winter surfing or snow biking (whatever is available in your area), and other things like that?
Hugs! In your shoes I would plan one thing a day that gets me out of the house early ish. Has to be stuff that you like but like meeting a friend at a certain time for a walk, going to a movie; going to a fitness class, having some kind of beauty appt, going to a museum etc. once I get up and going I’m often better and can keep going. Or, you did one productive thing and you can do nothing the rest of the day if you want. Maybe try a book like designing your life or future you or research career coaches if you feel really ambitious. Have a good holiday!
I think this calls for the day-planning version of garanimals.
First, pick an infrastructure to follow each day. One example is:
– up at X o’clock
– exercise/breakfast/shower
– morning activity
– lunch
– afternoon activity
– dinner/evening activity
Make a calendar for the 10 days with these slots on it.
Second, make a list of things you need (clean apartment/laundry/resume/CLE) and want (are outdoor activities possible where you are this time of year/movies or books that interest you/spa or massage or mani-pedi/cook or pick up a special meal).
Even if you do only half the things you schedule this way, you will feel super accomplished heading into 2024.
Third, plug in the needs and wants on the calendar and play around with it until it seems right.
I get a newsletter from a psychologist and in the most recent one the point was that brains like routine and structure. Lack of routine feels disorganized and causes stress. Think about little rituals you can build in to give structure for your day. On most mornings I wake up, drink coffee, journal, meditate and exercise. I almost always make the bed too. In the evenings I try to stretch, journal and meditate before bed. Sometimes each activity is only 2-5 minutes but it helps keep me centered when things are stressful. Doing all those things might feel like a lot so maybe just drink of your choice, journal and make the bed? Figure out what has meaning for you.
Buy a plane ticket to paris
This. And have a stranger take pics of you regularly so you can update your dating profile when you get home. Hire a cleaning service to come over and get your place feeling good and clean for the cleaner so you feel better and more organized. You need a boost of main character energy!
Or Florence or NYC or a big Canadian city or Los Angeles. Whatever feels exotic versus where you are. Love this idea.
This! Browse for last minute deals to enjoy yourself. I’d want a beach, good book and fruity drink. Hire a cleaning lady and a therapist when you get back. Also maybe work in your resume tonight. I’m also off until the end of the year and plan to deep clean (bath tub, fridge, makeup brushes) workout everyday, read, relax, go out for meals, etc.
Or Thailand or Bali!
This may or may not work for you, but I’m very rigorous about sticking to a schedule every single day unless I’m deathly ill. My alarm goes off at the same time every morning, I make sure to exercise, shower, and get dressed every day (athleisure counts, but it can’t be the same clothes I slept in), and I make sure to eat three reasonably healthy meals a day. I might not leave the house or get anything else productive done, but sticking with those basic things makes a huge difference in how I feel, mentally and physically. I have a chronic illness and usually feel lousy, so some days even doing this is hard and exercise might just be some stretching or a short walk, but by making it habit and non-negotiable, it’s much easier than having to think about it every day. Once you’re up and moving around, you’re more likely to tackle other things too.
I’d start with the laundry combined with a TV or movie day (good or bad content is up to you). And then I’d focus on decluttering for a set period of time each day, with a fun reward after. I recently did a massive declutter for my home and it was like decluttering my mind. I just did one with a parent and it has had a major effect on their mood. Projects like this are easier for me when I can set aside multiple days in a row and this is a rare opportunity for that. Otherwise it Is something that brings me down every day until it is done and keeps me from doing other things while also not doing it.
For me, I feel like I can’t really relax if my space is messy. So I would spend one or two half days doing a good clean, and then would plan a mix of relaxation and fun outings. I would not make things too structured, but enough structure so I don’t just do nothing all day. I would also add in some volunteer time because nothing makes me feel fortunate for my life like a visit to the homeless shelter.
I think that approach can work well for people who have active hobbies/adventures on the regular, but if you’re a messy person struggling to EVER be neat (which is not a character flaw!) who is also struggling to get out and have fun, you might find yourself always staying home to deal with mess – which just makes you more miserable.
I agree with everyone’s thoughts on just having fun. I think you need to cultivate some things that make you happy. Yes, that is hard to do when you are depressed. Maybe you won’t manage to do all of the things during your vacation and that’s ok. But if you do have the energy for it, maybe make a list of activities you might be interested in and look up if there are groups where you can do those things in the new year. It’s perfectly ok if your major accomplishment in 10 days is looking forward to what you want to change in 2024. Even a tiny step forward is movement..
I would declutter because throwing stuff away always makes me happy. Then I’d hire someone to clean my apartment and go skiing.
I would go away somewhere dreamy for three days – could be flight to Paris or Berlin if that’s your jam, or Miami or New Orleans I’d you want to be warm and sit at bars with your book or to listen to music, or wherever your best friend is, or to Vermont or Quebec if you want to be snowy and cozy. Then I’d spend three days decluttering and tidying-maybe hire a Taskrabbit on the last day to haul random crap you don’t want to the dump/Goodwill. Then spend rest of the trip doing an out of the house adventure in the morning, exercise class or go to a movie in the afternoon, and then order good takeout and read/do a puzzle/crochet with junk tv in the background.
Skip decluttering or save it for the last day or two. You have “permission” to have fun now. Take yourself to a nearby forest preserve an hour or two away. Listen to a great audio book on the way and while there. Repeat as desired. In fact get out for a walk in nature each day. Find a nice recipe or two. Listen to said book or a podcast while making. Take yourself out for a nice coffee and visit an unfamiliar bakery in a nearby town. Go somewhere different for a couple of days. It’s surprising the deals you can get for a last minute Airbnb—I did this over Memorial Day and had the greatest time just me and my pup adventuring somewhere new and watching movies without any chores guilt. Buy some nicest cozy things (new pjs, new blanket, etc) and plan a lazy day where you give yourself home spa treatments and then nap or read a good book while there. Meet up with a friend, even if it’s just for a boozy brunch or late night dessert and tea (I do the late shift like this with friends who have kids). Take yourself out to look at Christmas lights—a lot of botanic gardens have programs this time of year that you can walk at your own pace. So many things out there—just try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
I would do a lot of journaling. At this time of year I really like to process the old year, thing of what I want to keep and let go from it, and thinking about my goals for the next year. You could figure out some goals for the year and come up with a few steps that you could take to get started while you’re still off work. But I also agree with everyone suggesting a trip, since it sounds like your budget can absorb it. Go someplace new and find someplace cozy to do that journaling, get yourself out of the environment that you are feeling stuck and dissatisfied in!
Pardon the novel, but I relate to this on a personal level so sharing what works for me. I agree you should prioritize fun! 10 days is quite a bit of time. Unless you must log into work, I wouldn’t do it…and I say this as a former biglaw lawyer so I understand the impulse to work, work, work!
My first step would be having something to look forward to in the morning for breakfast so I felt motivated to get out of bed and stop the doom scroll. And place my phone/alarm across the bedroom so I had to get out of bed.
Then, I would make a to do list and schedule and block out the first two days to get big chores like laundry and cleaning done. Unless you live in a huge house, you probably don’t need more than a few hours to get a good cleaning done. We’re not aiming for perfect here, just good enough that you feel better about your living space.
With the next several days, I would book a last minute trip someplace fun and easy to get around like London or NYC, and spend my days doing whatever I wanted. For me, that is reading good books with a glass of wine in a cute cafe or pub, leisurely strolls through art museums, checking out food halls and markets for tasty treats, and doing some shopping. Probably seeing a show or two if I’m somewhere with good theater. Don’t want to travel? Be a tourist in your own city. To me, the most important thing is to be active – I walk everywhere I can. Even reading a book in a new environment and not my couch helps. If staying in town, make plans to see friends, or open up a dating app and go on a date or two.
I would take the last day before heading back to work to do a quick clean, plan out my clothes/meals for the next week, and plan some fun into my schedule for January (take a class, schedule an outing with a friend, get a new book to read, etc.)
I’d go to a museum or a tea shop or a cute boutique-y town over a few days. I would make myself do one job-ish/networking thing to get the ball rolling but otherwise just relax. I’d put networking activities on my work calendar for January to feel like I’m starting a plan. I’d try to take a drop in spin/pilates/etc class that makes you get out of bed by 10 ish let’s say.
I’d go to a new local bakery and buy an indulgent dessert.
I’d reach out by text/Facebook/phone to two friend you haven’t chatted with in awhile. I’d see if any friends can do an impromptu lunch or walk.
I would do the laundry! Laundry is satisfying and you mostly don’t have to think about it (versus the dreaded apartment uncluttering). Then make yourself do one small apartment thing your first few days off. See where you land.
Go somewhere fun. Outsource cleaning. Come back renewed.
I don’t think I want to spend Christmas with my husband. We have a rule for all gift giving occasions, cards and consumables, but lately I’ve been getting nothing. Last year at Christmas I sobbed while making us dinner, I was just so sad I didn’t get anything and I had to make my own effing dinner. For context we are well off and can definitely afford gifts, and we live centrally so DH has about 20 shops within a 15 minute walk where he could get something I would love for under $40 (card from the grocery store and my favourite wine from the bottle shop down the block, a dozen cookies from my favourite bakery, etc). There’s always an excuse (he wasn’t feeling well, the store closed earlier than he thought, etc) but I just don’t care anymore. Can you give me permission to hide in a hotel with take out or visit my sister or something?
Permission granted. AND use the time to decide whether this requires a series of conversations with your husband or with a lawyer.
Honestly, this would be leading me to consider divorce.
I’m not sure I’d want to spend any day being married to your husband, Christmas or otherwise. I don’t think you need anyone’s permission, but you certainly have mine to do whatever you want for Christmas and also the rest of your life.
Is your husband in general thoughtful, concerned about your needs and wants, responsible, etc?
If so, I think it’s worth saying really clearly: “I like having a gift to open on Christmas and my birthday; it makes me feel cared about; please get me something”.
If not, that’s a bigger problem..
Uh, this is inexcusable. It says he doesn’t care – there’s no way around it. How is your marriage otherwise? Because this would kill me, to the point of me thinking of divorce.
H and I also limit gift giving to each other and do generally stick with consumables or needed items. He’s getting scented soaps and the Costco whiskey sampler this year – and I know he’ll love both!
Those are cute gifts though! Whisky sampler sounds fun!
Go visit your sister.
I’m sorry I cannot with this. He doesn’t care about you. Why are you with him? Go to a hotel. Call a divorce lawyer. Take control of your life. Spend next NYE in Paris.
Maybe some time apart will remind him of what he’s currently taking for granted?
Just for context – do you get him gifts and he just doesn’t reciprocate?
I do get him gifts but they’re just consumables nothing fancy, previous gifts have been ‘man’ scented soaps/lotions etc, a bottle of his favourite tequila, Nanaimo bars from a specific bakery, etc.
Honestly I don’t think the time apart would lead to reflection, he would just think I was punishing him for his lack of gifts and being mean by purposely depriving him of a holiday dinner
He can make his own damn holiday dinner. He sounds like a leech.
He’s not being deprived of dinner! He’s a grown up and can cook his own damn dinner!
Seriously, I do hope you’re able to take some time apart over the holiday and do some thinking. This internet stranger is rooting for you.
+1. I’m also rooting for you. I would go and see my sister
I would visit my sister…and spend the visit thinking long and hard about what I wanted going forward.
The only times I got nothing Christmas morning were the couple years there were legitimate reasons that I knew about in advance and I got my gift in January. In your case, though, that sounds mean-spirited and I’m so sad and angry for you!!
Don’t blow up your marriage because your husband sucks at giving gifts. Many men are’t good at this, my husband included, no matter how easy I make it for him. I don’t wait around for DH to make restaurant reservations for special occasions, I do it myself. And if I want something I buy it myself. I get it, gifts are your love language and you just want him to show you he cares and is paying attention. Your DH may do that in other ways, but not through gifts. Please don’t spend Xmas in a hotel, just get the holiday meal catered or go to a restaurant with DH. And do whatever you want/need to do to enjoy the holidays.
This is good advice if the gift giving is the only flaw in an otherwise good marriage to an otherwise good man. Alas, I suspect that’s not the case.
OP, here’s another permission to visit your sister or do whatever you need to do for Christmas, and absolutely think long and hard about how to proceed going forward.
But OP has already set the bar SO LOW. She’s asking for the kind of gift that I got for my boss this year (a bottle of her preferred wine and a card) and I don’t even like my boss! She’s clearly spelling out what would make her feel appreciated and he’s ignoring her. If my spouse were crying while cooking Christmas dinner I would be MORTIFIED and do some serious self-reflecting as to how I could be a better partner. I wouldn’t be saying, “oh sorry the store closed earlier than I thought.”
This…if someone consistently, and conveniently, has excuses for why they can’t accomplish common tasks like buying a bottle of wine, a card, a dinner…they don’t actually want to do it. That’s being passive aggressive. If they wanted to, they would make and execute a plan.
The bar is on the ground. Why do women insist on making excuses for men like this?
THANK YOU!!!
When I hear “not good at getting gifts,” I think of someone who gets me a weird color sweater that I will never wear. I don’t think of a husband who has been specifically told that I want to have something simple to open, even if it is from the grocery store, and still fails to do that on multiple occasions. I assume multiple because OP said that he has come up with several different excuses why he couldn’t get ANY gift. If my partner was crying while making a holiday dinner because of something I could EASILY rectify, there is no universe where I would let him suffer that type of hurt again. This is not okay.
Yeah, my husband is a pretty bad gift-giver in the sense that he doesn’t choose good gifts, but if I ask for something directly, he will get it. This isn’t being bad at giving gifts, this is not caring at all.
you’re probably right but so far I’m 2/2 for wanting to blow up relationships on this thread
To me sucking at giving gifts is a goofy dude buying some ugly diamond heart necklace that he thought his wife would love not like actually doing nothing.
Agreed, if this is the only issue sit down and explain how this is important to you. If you’ve done that and he’s generally checked out, that’s a different story.
I’m sure she’s done that and sounds like the husband has changed nothing. He doesn’t care.
It’s very much not about the gifts, it’s about the thought. He could make Christmas dinner and I would be equally as happy. No one is so bad at gifts they can’t walk to the store to buy a bottle of wine they’ve seen the recipient drink 100 times before.
He doesn’t walk to the store for the wine because he doesn’t want to. I’m sorry.
If he wanted to, he would. So sorry OP.
OP — I’m so sorry. There are some posters who seem to be excusing his behavior, but it’s really not okay for him to make you cry over something that is so easy and that you’ve brought to his attention several times. This isn’t “bad at gifts,” this is “not caring,” which is totally unacceptable in a relationship. He’s not being a good partner at all, and I would wager that this is not the only area where he shows that.
I think you have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. My husband is not that great at gifts and I recently realized I just don’t care, as long as I am not spending a ton of time finding the perfect thing for him and expecting that he will have done it for me. I’d rather just spend the money to get exactly what I want for myself. It sucks that your husband is agreeing to do this and not following through, and you have a right to be very upset about that. But assuming he’s never going to change, does the good outweigh the bad? Are you channeling unhappiness about other issues into unhappiness about gifts–like is he unreliable or not showing up for you in other ways–or is this just about gifts? It sounds like you feel really unloved and not taken care of. Is he showing love/care in other ways you tend to miss, or is he truly absent?
Maybe not a direct answer to your question, but what I do is buy something I want, then tell my husband “I got you something to give to me for *holiday/anniversary/birthday.* I wrap it and open it on the day.
He sometimes reimburses me, sometimes not. But I get what I want. He is not generally super conscientious about gifting, so I take it on because I am not going to wait around for him.
He is good about other things, so this is a workaround that works in the big picture.
He also has low expectations about what he receives, so we usually replace his work clothing and he is happy. It works for us.
Just wanted to share our approach in case there is something that might help – if not, disregard :)
Permission granted. I’m divorced and now remarried. I feared my first Christmas alone, but it actually was a relief to not walk on eggshells! We separated in January after a particularly stressful, nightmare of a holiday season with a narcissist who made me feel like nothing was good enough and everything was all my fault.
In your situation, my ex husband would have told me I was materialistic for wanting a gift. He used this logic to hate on Valentine’s Day and laugh at me for wanting a flowers and a simple card, saying he was more superior for seeing through the consumerism (it’s Marketing Day”). I remember we had a fight about “why can’t you just make me a card in Word on the computer for free to show me you care”…looking back it was so silly, and it was 100% not about the card.
Long post…but I wish you peace in the new year. You deserve it!
I’m sorry but your husband sounds like an ass. My husband isn’t a great gift giver but he tries (and takes suggestions happily). One year I told him to skip Valentine’s Day as I didn’t really care and our anniversary was more important. Somehow he also took that to mean skipping Mother’s Day was ok too. I woke up after arranging gifts for my mom and his and realized he’d done nothing. I lost it and locked myself in the bathroom sobbing. I don’t think it even took him an hour to take our baby, run to CVS and the massage place and come back with candy, a gift card, a handwritten card and then he apologized all day. That’s what someone who cares about you reacts to realizing they’ve unintentionally hurt you.
YES
Anyone can get things wrong, but someone who cares will realize it and try to fix it
OP, life after divorce is great — it’s much better to be alone than with the wrong person.
I would take a both/and approach – say last year Xmas was really rough and it’s still on my mind. This year, I’m going to spend Xmas with my sister. Let’s do gifts on Dec 26.
And if he still whiffs it, DTMFA.
I am mostly with the DTMFA commenters but I really really like this approach because it sounds like you haven’t told him how much it hurt to not get gifts? With this you’re drawing a clear line in the sand… communication is important on your end too.
It sucks when your husband is like a roommate though, so I’m sorry. If you decide to stay for now maybe you guys can get away or have weekly dates that can bring you closer together?
Did you miss the part where she sobbed through making dinner? I guarantee the husband knows this is a problem.
He’s had several excuses, so it sounds to me like she has talked to him about this. And she was sobbing while making dinner. I can’t imagine she hasn’t talked to him about it, given that background.
Go to a hotel, or to see your sister, or both! Do some Christmas things that you like, big or small. Treat yourself to a special meal, a decadent drink (fancy coffee is my choice) and maybe a gift. Tell your husband you’re going away for a few days and won’t be answering texts or calls, and then don’t.
I recommend not thinking about your husband or your marriage or making any big decisions. Just take the time to catch your breath, and do things that make you feel cared for. After you’ve taken some time, you can think about what, if anything, you want to do. Although I think counseling is recommended far too often, you may want to consider joint or individual counseling to help you think through this.
And OP — Merry Christmas!
This. Take the space, take the joy and then think about next steps.
Key relationship skill: just doing the simple thing your SO/spouse asks you to do.
Obviously there are limits, when things aren’t simple and get gross and controlling (e.g., “stop being friends with men”). This is nowhere near that limit.
I don’t fight my husband when he asks for something. If I ask why, it isn’t to get into a big debate about the worthiness of his reasoning; I just want to understand. (“Can you pick up our kid from daycare?” “Sure, why? You usually are done by 4 on Wednesdays.” “Because my department meeting runs until 5:30.”)
It’s just exhausting. “Please just pick up a bottle of Cabernet and put a bow on it.” “Why?” “But I don’t want to.” “But the store is closed.” It’s passive aggressive, cruel, and a stupid way to treat the people you supposedly love.
Key relationship skill.
I can be a high-end traveler but I can’t imagine how you spend $30k on a honeymoon. You do you, but I’m with your partner on this. Earmark $10-20k for your honeymoon and it will still be fabulous (right?!? because of who you’re sharing it with?).
She can earmark $30k of HER OWN money to do what she wants to do with it, especially since that’s what she has been carefully been saving for this whole time.
Idk, I read that and all that occurred to me was, this must be really important to OP. I can’t think of all the ways I would have spent $30K between age 12 and now, but she saved all of it. If she wants to spend it all on a huge blowout trip, she has (literally) earned it.
Here here!
But honestly, I am hoping she dumps this guy and her “friends” and moves out of this h3ll hole…
Let’s start to think about how to spend $30k from college to age 30 (I know she started saving at 12, but the fun is really to be had when you’re older):
A much nicer car than she has now (even if hers is nice, add $30k to the budget and you can drive a very nice vehicle)
Down payment
A fun vacation every year ($1k per trip)
Fritter it away: meals out, manicures and pedicures, nicer clothes, fancy drinks at expensive bars, gym memberships, massages
A personal trainer or a personal chef for a few years
Nicer presents (birthdays and Christmas) for family and friends
Nicer furniture, including a few Oriental rugs
A nicer apartment
Would love to hear your $1000 vacation ideas that don’t involve tents.
Exactly! It’s not on us to debate whether $30k is reasonable or not. But she has saved since age 12, people.
Fiance doesn’t get to dictate everything when he’s bringing zero $ to the wedding. And even if he was, second grade teacher ????
I’ve been married 25y and this is sending me all sorts of red flags.
I spent about $20K on a very special overseas trip for my 40th birthday. And that was more than 10 years ago, and at the time I made well under $100K/year. I saved up for it. If I had saved up and my DH had tried to convince me to use the money for something he preferred I would have been seriously PO’d too. (FWIW DH happily accompanied me on the trip, and I did take his interests in mind and even add a stop that he specifically requested, so he was not left behind or just included as an ornament or as my official photographer). TLDR $30K you’ve saved up for a honeymoon doesn’t sound unreasonable at all to me, nor does spending the money on what you saved it for.
I think the difference is that a milestone birthday trip is just about you, but a wedding and honeymoon are supposed to be about the couple. To me a honeymoon should be planned jointly and that includes the budget. He doesn’t *want* a $30k honeymoon and his opinion matters, in a way it wouldn’t if she’d saved the same amount of money for a new car for herself or a birthday trip.
The issue isn’t the joint nature of the effort or the money spent.
She doesn’t want a $50k wedding, but he is pushing for that. So it’s already established that he feels entitled to spend bigger than she wants, on something that should be about them.
Also, he wouldn’t be happy if they had a $10k honeymoon and put $20k in a money market account for a future down payment. He wants to reallocate that money to the wedding she doesn’t want.
I get that they disagree and will have to come to some kind of compromise. But I also don’t think it’s reasonable for her to unilaterally set the wedding and honeymoon budgets, any more than she would unilaterally choose a wedding venue or a honeymoon destination.
They’re starting a marriage. It should be a joint decision about what kind of wedding and honeymoon they have, even if she came into the partnership with significant savings. If the OP were asking about an expensive birthday trip she’d saved for, my response would be “take the trip, you can afford it and who cares what he thinks” but I just don’t think that’s the right attitude as applied to a wedding and honeymoon. The attitude that it’s her money so she makes all the decisions about what the wedding and honeymoon will look like doesn’t sit right with me. It doesn’t sound like he wants an absurdly lavish wedding, he just wants his loved ones there and that’s a pretty reasonable perspective.
Inviting people you do not interact with and who have never met your fiancée is a lavish wedding. His second grade teacher he does not interact with is not a loved one. OP didn’t say he didn’t want a $30k honeymoon, just that he wanted her to pay for a $50k wedding, which has to come from her honeymoon fund. Also, for her it’s not just the money; she won’t be comfortable at a big wedding but she’s dealing with it for him.
I didn’t actually see $30k as all that outrageous for a high-end trip. For context, my husband and I spent $30k on our honeymoon this year – two weeks in Australia staying in four or five-star hotels and with business class flights. And I saw that OP mentioned wanting her honeymoon to be a safari. I think $30k is perfectly reasonable to budget if you wanted a once-in-a-lifetime experience at some of the most luxurious lodges, and especially if you wanted to spend more time on safari. (I spent about $20k recently on a South Africa trip that included a three-night safari but would have loved more time on safari, and I think I’ll be looking at about $25k if/when my husband and I go again.) I’m clearly a travel splurger as you can tell by this comment, but OP wanting an expensive, luxurious honeymoon that she had already saved for was not the crazy part of the original post to me.
Agree with this.
I can easily spend $30k on a trip although it will be aspirational bc I don’t have that kind of money! I agree that technically it’s her money to do whatever she wants with it but when you get married, assuming no prenup, all that changes! Be careful!!
International business (lie flat) seats will do it pretty quickly. We went to Australia on points but the cash price was $14k per person.
YMMV but growing up Santa was on some of the presents from Mom and Dad but without my parents saying anything, even as ~4 year old I knew Santa wasn’t real (although we still left cookies!). Adults did not get gifts from Santa. I am not sure if other kids believed at Pre-K age, but I vividly remember second grade (so age ~7) one kid did believe, and it was definitely surprising to all that anyone would… since we were “not little kids anymore”!
“Santa coming” happened overnight on the 24th; and took the form of : gifts show up under the tree; stockings filled; table decorated and some kind of treat like chocolate muffins set out for the morning. In my family, we got one present to open Christmas Eve night (always an ornament for the tree); stockings in the morning that we could open as soon as we woke up; but opening gifts required the whole family present and was usually after breakfast, or after church — but gift-opening traditions vary a lot by family in the US so I wouldn’t worry that your kid will be out of step there at all
If your corporate attorney/accountant was keeping your rates the same this year as last year, would you want an annual letter stating that? Or would it be weird to get a note saying “rates are the same”?
Assuming you are the attorney, I think there’s a way to spin this as a positive: “We appreciate your business in the past year and we are delighted to continue in the coming year. Because you are a valuable client, we are going to extend our 2023 rates into 2024 for you.” Or whatever.
This!
Don’t you have contracts? My rate is in my contracts. Unless the contract expires, the rate is the same.
It 100% depends on what the prior communications have been and whether there is any ambiguity that needs to be resolved. If your last communication said, “My rate going forward will be X,” with no end date, no need to communicate anything new. If it said, e.g., “My rate for the period 1/1/23 to 12/31/23 will be X,” or “My rate is X and increases annually on 1/1 by 2%,” then yes, a communication is needed to say what the rate will be for 2024 or that there will be no increase.
Luxardo cherries Q. Someone gave me a jar. They are gorgeous. Do I eat them or cook with them or use in a whiskey sour? I’m used to the neon pink ones and have never had fancy cherries before.
Use in drinks or eat over vanilla ice cream.
Use in drinks or as luxe topping for dessert.
Yummm… these are my favorite. I like to put a couple in a small dish and eat them slowly with a tiny spoon. I also put them on top of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice cream. You can use them in a cocktail, I’m not a big fan of Manhattans but I add them to a St. Germain Spritz! Enjoy
I wouldn’t cook with them but use them where you’d use the neon pink ones : in an old fashioned/any other cherry-topped cocktail, on top of a sundae or with a brownie, etc. They are delicious!
( And the syrup they come in is too – spoon over ice cream, or mix with sparkling water for a fancy Shirley temple)
I love adding a spoonful of the syrup to straight bourbon. Delicious!
Use one or two of the Luxardos in an Old Fashioned, my favorite cocktail.
Put them in an old fashioned. Instead of using simple syrup or a sugar cube just spoon an extra bit of cherry syrup from the jar.
I love love love maraschino/luxardo cherries. Either over some fancy ice cream or in cocktails–old fashioneds are the classic usage, but I also love them in a Last Word or Whiskey Sour
Going off the cherry thread above…Can someone explain alcoholic drinks to me like I’m 5? I’ve made it to almost 40 and don’t even know what a Manhattan or Whiskey Sour tastes like. Is there a good website or book? I’ve never been a big drinker, and I basically always order the same thing: something tequila/mezcal based, rum and coke, or wine. 2 or 3 drinks max, so while I’d love to learn more, but I can’t see myself ordering a variety and getting drunk drunk. Can I ask a bartender for samples? I feel too foolish to ask about this IRL…
Find a friend who likes mixed drinks. If they have a well stocked home bar offer to bring over dinner if they make a few samples. As someone who loves making drinks I’d be thrilled to host this. Or invite them to happy hour at a bar and ask to take a sip of their drink. Most c-tails use equipment that needs to be washed so a bartender is unlikely to make you a sample (unless you’re a regular at a local place)
There are literally dozens if not hundreds of fun cocktail books. If you have a big bookstore in your town, go there and browse. Or go to the bar, tell the bartender what kinds of tastes you like (sweet, bitter, citrusy, etc) and let them suggest something. If you literally don’t know what whiskey or bourbon taste like, find a friendly bartender (at a time when it’s not too busy — this is important!) and ask nicely if they will give you a taste. Also if you have any friends who are cocktail afficionados, they would be more than delighted to give you an introductory tasting. I know I sure would!
My favorites:
Old fashioned – orange and cherry (sweeter but not very)
Gimlet – limeade with strong kick (sweeter but not very)
Olive martini – really just olives & the taste of gin or vodka you’re using
Cosmo – cranberries and orange (sweet)
Margarita – kind of lemonade + tequila? The salt adds a nice touch and there might be some heat
Others:
Whiskey sour – super sweet (any sour) – think lemonade with all the sugar
Tom Collins – lemonade like (slightly less sweet)
White Russian – white chocolate
Daquiri – very sweet slushie in whatever flavor the daiquiri is
Pina colada – very sweet pineapple & coconut
For some reason I’m blanking on others except super old drinks like Brandy Alexander. At most better restaurants and bars they’ll have their own versions, the server is usually happy to tell you what they taste like – I’d suggest saying something like “I’m in the mood for something not too sweet / coffee flavored / like dessert” and seeing what they say.
Thank you for this list!
I never drank and then discovered I like liquor in my 40s. I like looking online for recipes and reading about different types of liquor and their histories. My library also has bartender books with many recipes and I have also found them in second hand stores.
I still don’t drink more than one or two a week, but it’s still fun to experiment now that I have adult alcohol money and can buy the top shelf stuff.
Figure out what base liquor you do and don’t like. I don’t love whiskey/bourbon. There are some cocktails I can get through, but nothing I love. Once you have your base preferences, then go crazy!
Also you could try a subscription box, Shaker and Spoon looks cool. It’s pricey but cheaper than fancy cocktail bars.
The book Cocktail Codex was a good introduction for me to the types of basic drinks, recipes for them, and so on. The Bar Book is good for drink making techniques. Both have more advanced stuff than you’ll need, but cover the basics well.
There are lots of “families” of cocktails, and endless amounts of information, so it’s not strange at all to be confused or intimidated!
Some drinks are basically all spirits with a dash of something else. These are very strong, and taste very alcoholic. What they taste of, depends a lot on which spirit. These are the drinks you see people in 50ies movies have as pre-dinner cocktails, or in the prohibition era. These are often shaken (shaken with ice, so it’s cold with small ice crystals) or on the rocks (with ice cubes). They may have some citrus juice and some egg white (for froth), and possibly some sugar sirup, but will mostly be a spirit (40+ percent alcohol) like gin, whiskey, rum, tequila or vodka , and maybe a liqueur of some kind (15-20 percent alcohol). Because the spirit is very dominant, try a drink that is based on one you like the taste of. A Martini is a classic cocktail like this, normally a very strong gin taste broken with olive. If you like Tequila, try an original, fresh Margarita made with tequila, triple sec (citrus liqueur) and lime. (Not a frozen one, those are more dessert).
Then you have quite simple cocktails where you have a spirit diluted with a non-alcoholic liquid, a long drink. Gin & tonic, Vodka & soda, Vodka & orange juice (Screwdriver), Vodka & ginger ale (Moscow Mule), Rum & ginger ale (Dark and stormy), whisky & soda, lots of different ones. The mixer will dominate the flavor if it’s something like a tonic (sweet and bitter soda). They are normally served in a bigger glass, with ice and maybe a dash of citrus and citrus garnish. If you like rum and coke, try a “Dark and stormy”.
Then you have sweet and fruity drinks. They can be mixes of different fruit juices with spirits where the fruit is the dominant flavor, and you just feel a little warmth from the alcohol, but not a very alcoholic taste. Pina Colada (rum, coconut, pinapple), Planter’s punch (several juices, often pineapple and orange and rum), Tequila sunrise (tequila, grenadine, orange), these are big and fruity. You have “frozen” cocktails, these are basically fruity slush with a spirit or two. If you like strawberry sorbet, try a frozen strawberry margarita in the summer.
There’s creamy drinks, like White russian (vodka, coffee liqueur and cream), Irish coffee (hot coffee with whisky and cream) and Brandy Alexander (brandy, chocolate liqueur and cream). If you like a sweet Starbucks, you might enjoy these. If you prefer less sweet coffee, try a Vodka Martini (cold coffee and coffee liqueur).
Whiskey sour that you mentioned, is part of a taste family of sours. These have a spirit, a citrus (acid) and a sugar, and taste sweet and sour, but predominantly of the spirit. They are fairly alcoholic. Try a Gimlet, Caipirinha or Pisco sour.
Some modern cocktails have lots of aromatics like basil, coriander, rosemary added to a classic recipe. This makes them more herby-tasting, and can feel very fresh if you’re tired of sweet drinks. The aromatics are typically muddled (broken down with force) or shaken or both.
I love a good dark and stormy. For best results in my opinion, a dark blackstrap rum with a high quality ginger beer (not ginger ale) and a good splash of lime juice.
You’re quite right, ginger beer is what you want (long comment person here, not a native English speaker, so missed the right translation).
What city are you in? Someone can likely recommend a cocktail bar that knows what it’s doing near you.
Best nice handbag brands? I’m looking to purchase my first nice shoulder purse (Looking to spend a few hundred) but I don’t want to be disappointed at the quality. What brands are worth it?!
In the few hundreds of dollars range, I would look at Aspinal of London, Strathberry, full-price Kate Spade, full-price Coach, Tory Burch, DeMellier. My first bag in that price range was a full-price Kate Spade bag that I used to death over 10 years or more and absolutely loved.
I would not buy a Kate Spade now—they used to be trendy but are now downmarket. I would look at Polene if you want polished or Clare V if you want more trendy.
Do you have a Polene? I’ve heard very mixed reviews on their quality so have been avoiding them, but some of them do look nice.
I have 2 Polene bags and love them. I’ve noticed no quality issues. The SA’s at the store in Soho are a bit impressed with themselves. But they let me try dozens of bags and I fully inspected the 2 I purchased before paying.
+1 to all of these brands and I’d browse now and buy in the new year. All of these brands run sales regularly – I just picked up a Kate Spade bag at 40% off on Black Friday. Aspinal does sales on their own site and at Liberty. Tory Burch does some of the best high end dupes imho (they’ve got dupes of a Kelly, YSL bags, etc) so if you really like a particular silhouette I’d look there.
Cuyana, too
+1 – nicest in that price range is Cuyana for quality and longevity. If you’re willing to go closer to $500-1K, I have switched to getting designer bags off eBay. They have an authentication service like Real Real if the seller opts for it and you can sort and search only for those bags. The quality is actually a lot better and I’m mad at all the ClareV and similar bags I wasted my money on. There’s a lot of resellers of older designer bags that are barely used.
Maybe one of these?
https://www.shinola.com/collection/bags-accessories/birdy-bucket-bag-tan.html
Furla
Coach
Coach has been getting back to some of their classic styling over the last year or so. I’d buy a really nice leather bag from them, not a logo print bag. Go to a store and “wear” the bag in the store and make sure it hits where you like. I’m not above pulling the paper stuffing out and seeing how a bag fits my everyday stuff. The only way to find out is to get your paws on one in person.
Michael Kors
Tumi
Coach
Longchamp
Furla. Beautiful. Gorgeous quality. Huge assortment of colours in case you want something more striking than black or brown.
Bottega Veneta. Looks classy, no logos, can wear on shoulder and light enough that it won’t cause shoulder aches !
Oops sorry! I didn’t see the budget.
Marc Jacobs. I’ve had a leather beige purse for the past 5 years that I use weekly – and daily in the summer – and it has held up perfectly.
Longchamp
I just had a bad migraine and I felt it the moment it left, like something passed through or a blockage resolved. I’m trying to Google if this is an aneurysm or something – does anyone know what this might be called? Is this normal for migraines?
Maybe? Did you take meds? I can almost pinpoint when my Nurtec kicks in. Its similar to feeling your prescribed meds kick in through your IV and your body unclenches from bracing against the pain if that makes sense.
Chronic migraines here. What you felt is probably the pressure lifting, and it’s totally normal.
Aneurysms don’t work like that.
Not a doctor, but I’ve had mig raines all my life and oftentimes with a bad one, when it ends I can almost physically feel something in me change, and I feel euphoric. I could have been feeling miserable for days, but all at once I feel amazing and I’m so happy to be alive. This is somewhat common with mig raine sufferers.
Help me shop! Looking for a replacement tote bag. Criteria: NOT corporate/business looking, more “artsy”/casual/unique…does not have to be tote style but could be satchel, hobo or other bag that can hold more than a small crossbody. Does not have to be leather but needs to hold up to daily use. Also, main part of bag must zipper close. I am open to color, just not black. No sequins or bling…but something that says “I’m a stylish artsy person who still has to carry shit to work”. I am driving but also have a 15 minute walk. Budget up to $150ish. Is this a unicorn?!! Thank you!
Rivedroite tote (I have a crossbody of theirs I love) – https://merci-merci.com/en/products/rivedroite-cabas-24h-celestins-en-coton-recycle-beige-et-tabac
Horizontal duck bag from Baggu – https://www.baggu.com/products/horizontal-duck-bag-wavy-gingham-brown
Pacific Tote Company (I’m not a fan but Strategist says they’re cool) https://nymag.com/strategist/article/pacific-tote-company-trend.html
My first thought was Freitag, which makes bags from recycled tarps, but they’re above your price point. I’m not familiar with Rareform, but they look like they’re doing something similar and their zippered Blake tote may be what you’re looking for.
I’d say something like this – insert your favorite charity here
https://shopnpr.org/npr-recycled-zip-tote
Maybe Sundance has something for you? Their overall aesthetic is what you are describing: https://www.sundancecatalog.com/category/shop/footwear-and-bags/shop-by-category/all-handbags
And if you’re open to a non-zip tote, the Ulla Johnson bags made from leftover material might be a good fit: https://ullajohnson.com/products/kamari-tote-marigold-yellow for example
I had a red zippered tote with a cream pattern from this brand for years and years and really liked it.
https://orlakiely.com/en-us/collections/tote-bags
Check out Holly Aiken.
Have you checked out Desigual (specifically the C. Lacroix collab)? I had an amazing Desigual tote for about 10 years.
Talk to me about the third piece – I need a jacket(s) that isn’t a blazer but less casual than a jean jacket. I can’t find anything that either isn’t a blazer or super cropped or oversized. Where are all the cute little jackets? Tweed jackets right now are the closest I can find but those also tend to be cropped or a “wear with one outfit only” type. Looking for something a little more versatile. Does anyone know what I mean or am I just old and out of it?
Yes, I know what you mean, but it sounds like the cuts/styles you’re wanting aren’t trending right now. Where are you looking, what style of jacket are you looking for, and are you wanting something to wear to a formal office or for a cute weekend outfit?
Just for the office. It’s casual but I like to be slightly dressy.
Rag & bone slade jacket. Pricey, but you can find them on sale. The solid wool ones feel like a sweatshirt, in the best way.
A leather jacket?
Sweater jackets do this now I think – you can still find shrunken schoolboy jackets at jcrew factory
Do you mean jackets like this that you wear with jeans? I watched the holiday recently and was struck by how many of the styles were firmly rooted in the mid-aughts. They’re due to come back soon though
https://images.app.goo.gl/zKpMunjDXa6iu5tSA
I’ve seen plenty of what you describe in second hand stores. You might give those a look.
I just bought this in green – really cute and soft. Enough structure I can wear it to work, but comfy: https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=720517021&vid=1&autosuggest=true&searchText=sude&position=4&results=6#pdp-page-content
This is really nice!
There’s a roundup of sweater jackets on here somewhere. I have quite a collection of them at this point.
The Anine Bing army jacket would fit the bill.
If you aren’t shopping Talbots, you need to be. They’re maybe the best mall store for third pieces. You’ll find items in both the blazer category and the sweater category.
https://www.talbots.com/clothing/jackets-and-coats/jackets-and-blazers
https://www.talbots.com/clothing/sweaters/cardigans-and-jackets
Swackets – sweater jackets – are a wardrobe staple for me. J. Crew Factory had a style pre-Covid that I loved and bought in every color. The current offerings aren’t the same and don’t fit me as well, but may fit you. Note that swackets tend to be most available in the fall. I know Talbots had some swackets this fall that have sold out and aren’t on the website anymore.
A Barbour jacket (without 1000 pockets) works well for me, but it may not be your style.
The day will be longer today than yesterday. Baby steps . . . .
I had to tell my dog that yesterday. He didn’t want to go on a walk at 4:30 because it was too dark. He is afraid of the dark. He is a dog of little brain.
I’m up and start work early and I cannot wait until I am no longer going to work in the dark!
Wait…these are actual slippers, and not shoes that look like slippers like the boots are…? Because I saw someone wearing a pair of these with jeans and a nice jacket yesterday at the grocery store.
They are marketed as slippers but it’s trendy among certain folks to wear them as shoes. I’ll refrain from eye rolling at the younger folks because Eileen fisher looks like pjs to me and everyone thinks it’s office appropriate.
I think the Birkenstock Boston clog trend got this all started. You can’t throw a rock without hitting a 20 something in shoes that look like slippers.
You can pry my fleece lined Boston clogs from my cold dead feet.
Signed,
50-yo Mom
Sure, I’d wear them to the grocery store. Dinner out, no. Errands, absolutely.
I’m finally watching Yellowstone and feel like I relate to John Dutton the most at this point. Not sure what that says about me or if I will have a jump of coal to look forward to in a few days.
Ha! My family says Beth reminds them of me. I’m passionate, what can I say? Clearly I’m getting coal.
I thought I’d be Beth and TBH I love to watch her. But I can’t relate to all the damage. I can 1000% relate to John Dutton’s “just let me fix these few things with the family business before I die” and each step forward results in two steps of going backwards. Like quicksand. He’s so relatable as a parent, OMG. I don’t see him as being totally awful since his wife died — he’s seems to be doing everything he can just to keep a family business going (which I do, absent the train station part but I’m just in season 2). I am not sure I’d be as forgiving (Jamie, who IMO could not be better cast). I love the actress who plays Beth is from England and seems to be . . . a nice normal person who stays out of the Daily Mail.
I got 6 episodes in and had to tap out because of the disgusting level of dysfunction that makes my family of origin look tame…is that normal for a wealthy American family!?
Yeah, we made it through the first season, but that was more than enough to decide that they were all batsh*t crazy. I was glad to see what the show was all about, but had no interest in spending any more time with those people.
I feel that my family is poor and in a small town. Maybe we are all crazy but just used to it? The really messed up situations are what I used to see in child neglect / termination of parental rights court cases, and that was largely substance abuse by someone not also trying to take care of their kids (I know plenty of kids raised by alcoholics who tried, often with a lot of local family support). So I guess there is dysfunction and then dysfunction?
I watched Succession and the problem there was that everyone was a selfish jerk with the emotional maturity of a 3 year old. [I did like Jerri the lawyer though.] Here, other than the murdering as a way to fix problems, it seems it’s either doing business with sharp elbows or I haven’t seen the really bad stuff yet.
Anyone else working a full day today?
Yup. Right there with you. Our company put a major internal deadline today. Who thought that was a good idea?
We’re working with a prime contractor that set a “New Year’s” deadline for something extremely non-urgent (think low-level documentation). My eyes about rolled out of my head.
I am and I was grouchily wondering how a holiday weekend open thread for a a 12/25 holiday could be posted on 12/21. I know, I know, just my bitterness.
You’re not the only one wondering that…I know plenty of people for whom today is just another regular workday.
really? lots of commenters said last week was their last week for the year… my kids have been off school since W.
The only people I know who have next week off (without PTO) are in higher ed or biotech. Year-end shutdowns aren’t that standard in the US. And even companies that shut down between Christmas and NYE might be open today.
Schools always have longer breaks than businesses. My kids do camp along with all their friends who don’t have SAHMs.
Yes the holiday creep here has really increased in the last couple of years. I remember being annoyed when the Thanksgiving post went up on Tuesday this year. I don’t know anyone who had Wednesday off without using PTO.
Half day, I think. My firm is officially closed today, but this was like the worst choice for my travel schedule, so I’m ignoring that and working part of today and part of Tuesday and taking Wednesday off to travel (the flexibility of firm lawyer life is both a blessing and a curse). Also, Christmas Eve being on a Sunday is the worst because it seems like half the world took of today and half took off Tuesday, so really I’m going to have emails coming in both days.
Full day. Hoping to get motivated and get caught up since it is pretty quiet so far.
We unofficially log off around noon, as long as there aren’t any pressing deadlines. For some reason, someone scheduled a meeting requiring some level of brain power for 9:30 this morning. Ugh.
Someone else scheduled one for the AM of 12/26. Luckily someone else on the invite list pushed back.
Half day. I’m the warm body monitoring email and making sure any emergency last minute invoices are received/processed. It’s been super quiet and I’ve managed to get a nice headstart on 2024 projects at least.
Full day here…with a meeting at 1. I’m hoping to log off early after that but we shall see. Happy holidays, everyone!
Full day but WFH and its verrrry quiet so…
I’m here with you. Year end is the worst.
Yup. I wish they could just schedule a fresh post, it’s too much effort to monitor this thread for new posts.
I cleaned up my desk in the office on Wed, motivation today is very low but there is more than enough stuff to get done, so…
Working a full day today.
Doing the Target plus Starbucks drive up option. I feel bougie. That is all. Happy Holidays!
Enjoy! Just had a fun little Target run to pick up cupcake fixings!
Wait please tell me more about this! I use Target curbside pickup all the time, but it’s possible to get Starbucks with it too??
Yep! If your location had a Starbucks. It pops up when I check I’m on the way.
Yes, you can add it to your curbside pickup order
My googling and email reading skills are failing me. Is anyone else going through the Peleton app plan transition? I have the basic 12,99 plan and I am happy to upgrade to the $24 plan but it seems like I can’t until my next billing cycle in 3 weeks so I’m stuck not being able to access many classes for a couple weeks. Is that how it’s supposed to work? There is no ‘upgrade’ button on my membership page and I am so baffled by the whole thing. Will contact customer service or wait but this group often knows things of importance like this:
If you don’t have an answer yet, this is is a perfect question for the r/pelotoncycle subreddit!
Thank you! I would not have thought of that but it made me feel not crazy because a lot of others had issues too. In case anyone here has the same problem, I could only update my subscription via my Apple subscriptions settings on my phone, not on the peloton app or website. My holiday mental health thanks you!
Idk if you’ll check this but I just checked my Peloton app settings on my phone and I have the option to upgrade mine right now on that. I’m a little confused on the options though and I think I’m just not going to do anything until I notice I’m missing something I want…
Just want to thank the commenter who suggested the Kendra Scott white druzy necklace for teen girls. I got it for my niece who was so over the moon excited and looked like the cool aunt I am! Thank you!
I bought one for my teenage stepdaughter based on the recs here, and I really really hope she likes it!
That’s so wonderful!!
Aw, I remember that post! So great to hear she was excited!
Ummmmm this was me! I feel so cool that she liked it — WTG auntie!
Paging fans of OneNote. I have tried to get in the habit of using OneNote to organize notes and information but it has not stuck with me as a habit. Any tips or tricks to make OneNote more useful or user friendly?
All meetings have a OneNote attached (create from outlook) where I note agenda items noted beforehand and action points during meetings. Depending on type, the latter may become to-dos back in Outlook.
A kind of external memory cache if you will. work well for parts of GTD – like Allens advise to keep a running list of topics to discuss with people so you can ‘batch’ them.
Use the app (phone) and online version (laptop) and treat it as a bullet journal
i never remember to dry brush before i get in the shower — is there anything i can do in shower or after that is similar? i’d particularly like to exfoliate the backs of my thighs…
You can do a scrub. The kind with something grainy in it. Preferably biodegradable
I use scrubby gloves in the shower.
https://www.target.com/p/ecotools-exfoliating-shower-gloves-pink/-/A-80347471?region_id=926926&ref=tgt_adv_xsp&AFID=google&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000012510706&CPNG=PLA_Beauty%2BPersonal+Care%2BShopping%7CBeauty_Ecomm_Beauty&adgroup=SC_Health%2BBeauty&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9031524&targetid=pla-895745642360&ds_rl=1246978&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5PyM6_WjgwMVPDetBh2ZdQCJEAQYAiABEgLwKfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
I ordered a Tooletries Scrub Brush from Amazon from a rec and have been liking it so far! Also much more hygienic than a loofah
How much cash gift for teens you’re not related but in extended family that you see once a year? Is $40 is a card with candy in a bag ok? Less $? More?
That’s more than generous
We do $20 in a card.
Seems more than okay to me. I’d scale down if there’s a lot of these kids.
this is the kind of thing where there’s often kind of a “going rate” in the family – like my aunts and uncles almost always did $50 checks or gift cards for all the teen cousins. There was no gifting “up” or across between cousins, though, so it was easy to see the pattern! Do you have any similarly situated relatives you could check with?
That seems very generous to me, but agree that it is somewhat know-your-family.
We’re more $20-30 in my family if they only want gift cards.
Thank you all…youve helped me decide. I am going with $30 cash.
We go to my ILs for Xmas every year. MIL loves the holiday and loves to shop, so she gives everyone lots of gifts, like 10-15. They are usually clothes and cheap jewelry that are not really my style. And then household items like pots, pans, and appliances, all individually wrapped. There are 9 of us and everyone takes turns opening gifts one at a time, so it takes hours. And we all have to put on a show when we open the gift and say how much we love it. It’s excruciating. The rest of us give each other one present each. We come home with a carload of stuff, most of which goes straight to Goodwill. Is anyone else’s family’s Xmas like this? Growing up our Xmases were much more low key, so I don’t know what is typical.
I think this is excessive and sounds so wasteful. As adults my parents give us 1-3 gifts depending on price. (Kids (toddlers) get maybe 2-5 gifts because their gifts cost a lot less). My in laws have always had culture of few Christmas gifts (they’re immigrants from Europe), and give my husband and I just 1 joint gift. They give our kids 1-2 gifts. I love few gifts :)
I think what is typical varies from family to family. We aren’t big gift-givers in mine or my in-laws, but I do have an extended relative I’m no longer in contact with like you descibe who is very much ‘main character’ all year long so giving a lot of useless gifts and expecting everyone to have a big reaction is an extension of the need to be the center of attention no matter what is happening.
Some families are like that, I had an ex-boyfriend whose mom was the same way. It wasn’t why we broke up, but I sure don’t miss it.
can you at least move to sharing a wish list? My MIL also prefers quantity over quality but we’ve had success by gradually collecting things in the $25-$50 price range to suggest — anything from a fancy nail polish set, to Bombas, to gloves, to little accessories from Pottery Barn.
Thank goodness, no!
If you’d like all those new items to go to a good (er, better) cause, a women’s shelter or a refugee organization would be thrilled to have new items for the families they serve.
This is my MIL, except really junky stuff and borderline offensive clothes (like an XXS lacy nightie and tube socks the year I had a baby). I know not every gift will hit the mark for every person (I got my mom one of those Simon Pearce Christmas trees and she was pretty “meh” on it) but it’s nearly comical.
My mother has typically given many gifts to each of us. I’d say in the range of what you are talking about in number. But she has good and practical taste and is an excellent gift giver, so it’s never been a problem. Most of the items are things I did not know I wanted but love or find very useful. I am happy that this year she appears to be giving me only gift certificates to local restaurants, though.
My friend’s mother in law loves to shop final clearance at places like Marshall’s and gives my friend random shit at Christmas and her birthdays that MIL found probably months earlier for probably $5. She loves to put it in something like a a Nordstrom gift box when gifting it. My friend called MIL’s but trying to return whatever crap it was to Nordstrom and then told MIL that Nordstrom had said it wasn’t purchased there. Now friend is considered ungrateful.
*bluff
It was rude to call her out on it not being purchased at an expensive department store. No need to embarrass her. That’s a far worse thing than being gifted an unlovely gift by someone.
For real. Gifts aren’t something you should be calling anyone’s bluff over.
Yikes. It is nice to buy people stuff at Marshall’s if that is what is in budget; they have nice stuff. If it’s not that expensive (“probably $5”) people shouldn’t expect a gift receipt either.
My MIL once gave me something she’d found months earlier in a second hand store. I expect she paid even less than $5, lol. She even put it in a department store gift bag because that’s what she had on hand! (the horror!!!) The thing is, though, I loved what she found and still have it and use it.
Focusing on the cost of a gift and going to a store without a recipt in an attempt to look superior are far worse offenses than spending $5 on something at Marshalls
Your friend is very rude, wow.
As an aside, nickle and diming gifts (“probably $5”) is very rude too. I’ve gotten some really nice $5 gifts.
My grandma is like this, we must open gifts one by one and put on a show, but my autistic *ss can not be that fake for that many hours without a crack in the performance so inevitably I get yelled at.
Any bored attorneys out there? Head over to redd1t for the best of best of legal advice nominations, found at r slash bobola
I laughed myself silly over the guy who wanted legal advice because he couldn’t find an attorney to represent him in a lawsuit against the manufacturer of his new hiking boots. As that poster argued with the attorneys who were giving him reasonable advice, it unfolded that he was tripping because he hadn’t tied his hiking boots. The final legal advice was that he should wear only Velcro shoes.
Ohmygoodness. He sounds like someone who would give an infant lego and wonder why the infant choked.
I think I would rather watch paint dry than read anything on that site, though.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BoBoLA/s/42OdtNbvCi
Link to bobola for those interested, thought his may link to a specific subcategory
What’s the best app to play music with absolutely no wifi? My gym has no signal at all. Sounds like YouTube Music is supposed to fit the bill but is unreliable. Spotify?
My playlist skews 80s, if it matters.
Spotify. Download albums/playlists so you can play offline.
You can download your iTunes albums too.
+1
Discman, Walkman, radio, iPod.