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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This double-breasted blazer from L'Agence looks so pretty and happy. In the description online, it's called “cotton-candy-colored” tweed, which sort of fits, as does the actual color name, which is “radiant houndstooth.” I really like it as an ultra-feminine, ultra-modern take on tweed. It would work well as a statement piece with a lot of outfits, and the fact that it's a double-breasted look, which is definitely on-trend at the moment, is also great. It is a bit of a spurge at $675, but it's a really lovely blazer. Kenzie Double Breasted Tweed Blazer
Here's a similar option in white from Topshop and one in plus sizes from Eloquii.
Troll Update: Yes, we do seem to have a new troll here on the blog — I'm going to quietly start deleting entire threads when I see them because the posts are difficult to catch on the moderation side because they're about weird things like migraines and collars. If you guys could help and stop engaging with the troll that would be awesome (although the word “troll” does automatically go into moderation so I see it, but having 15 people yelling at someone for being a possible troll kind of seems like exactly what s/he/they wants). If someone who is NOT the troll has a comment thread deleted, please feel free to email me and we'll look into the issue.
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
This is a beautiful blazer which truly needs a proper cami to be effective, as this model wearing it. I have a blazer almost just like this which the manageing partner loves, though he prefers I wear it only in the summer, which I do NOT mind. I have a question for the hive:
Does anyone know anything about the personal/living/social life if I were to be living at Hudson Yards? It is a new area on the West Side of Manhattan, and Dad wants me to look into it. He says he will consider it if I do not want 53W53, but I know absolutely nothing about it and do NOT know anyone who does either. If anyone can share ideas with me, I will be very gratful, as I want to stay put unless I can get a better apartement in a better location. Dad says all I should be concerned with at this point is the apartement, but I consider location very important to my sanity. Thanks in advance.
Anon
I love barre and body pump classes, but my work schedule and the gym schedule don’t really line up, so it’s hard to take the classes as often as I’d like.
I’d like to start doing similar workouts on my own, does anyone know of a place to find such workouts online? I’m a little intimidated by the weights section of the gym, so walking in with a plan would certainly help!
ollie
I do barre3 online. It’s pretty similar to their in-studio classes, and there’s a huge library of classes to pick from that range from 10 minutes to an hour. Most of the workouts use props (core ball, light weights, resistance band) but the props are optional, and a lot of modifications are provided so you can make the class work best for you.
ATL rette
Barre3 has online barre workouts! If you’re a studio member, you get access to the online workouts included with your membership. If you want online-only I think it runs ~$100/mo? Something like that. I believe Pure Barre also has an online workout app or something but I’m a B3 addict through and through so I’m not too familiar with PB.
ollie
It’s $20/month for online only!
ATL rette
I thought $100 seemed high tbh but I guess I’m thinking of what my studio charges new members! $20 is a steal!!!!!
AFT
Online Barre3 workouts are also available through Classpass – so you could either do a CP trial, or get a lower level CP membership for when you *can* get to class, and online for when you can’t.
busybee
Can confirm Pure Barre has online access. It’s called Pure Barre On Demand and I love it. Studio classes are too expensive for my budget, and the On Demand classes are really close to the studio experience. If you haven’t done PB before though it might be helpful to take a couple of classes in person so you can be sure of the technique, lingo, and form.
Kayla Itsines’ BBT isn’t quite the same as barre or Body Pump (ok it’s nothing like them) but the workouts are easy to follow on the app and good if you want to continue your workouts at the gym rather than at home. I tried it for a while and found the impact level was just a little too high, but people swear by it.
Anonymous
You can get BodyPump on line.
NYCer
Physique57 (barre) has online streaming for $20 a month. There are a ton of classes (different length, etc) and they add new ones frequently.
Northwest Islander
I do BodyPump at home. Unlimited streaming thru Les Mills for $12.99/month which includes Bodypump, RPM, Barre, yoga, dance, meditation, etc. I have a $60 barbell set from Amazon, a couple dumbbell sets, and just recently a cheap exercise bike off Amazon for RPM.
I love being able to get a workout in at any time of day! I even download routines to do on the road in hotel gyms. Honestly if a gym opened up next door to my house, I would likely just stick with my current set-up.
Anon
Wow I don’t understand this jacket at all.
Anon
I actually like the plus size link but the reviews say the arms run small…
coffee
It’s like if the Easter bunny moved to a business casual dress code.
Anon
FTW!
Anon
Hahaha u win
Anon
True!!
Anononon
Yes, but I love it.
Idea
I actually really like it. If you have a lot of pink and blue in your wardrobe, this jacket would be a great asset. I’m more blue-green-purple. If this had blue and purple in it like this, and came in my size and budget, I’d be hot for it. But if I had wings, I would fly….
C
To the person who mentioned recently that she wears nude knee high hose with booties and pants, thank you! I tried it over the weekend and will never fuss with finding the right socks for booties again. As an avid member of team hose I can’t believe this had never occurred to me!
Anon
I was the OP on that thread looking for low socks. I also wear knee highs right now. Are you going to wear them in warmer weather with ankle pants?
Maybe I should just get some lighter weight ones. My current “nude” knee highs are light compression because I travel a lot.
Anonymous
As a fellow member of team hose–I wear them year round. Office A/C negates whatever the 5-10 minutes outside temperature is–and I am never freezing in my office. Depending on outfit–full or knee-high and more sheer in the summer.
CR
What knee-high brands do you like?
Big 4 PT
I see Big 4 people from time to time with signatures noting “Please note that I work a flexible schedule. I am available M, Tu, and Th.”
Does this actually work?
I am in BigLaw and have only seen in some bank clients people who work a 4-day schedule (but not 3). And the big problem for us is external client availability (esp. as you get more senior).
Maybe Big 4 has figured this out?
Ellen
Trust me, it does NOT work in the legal field, especially if you are one of the firm’s designated rainmaker’s, like I am. I have to work 6-7 days a week just to keep up, and those that don’t really are not the firm’s mover’s and shaker’s. Tho some of the time is billing, there is substantial time during 9-4 where I must schmooze the cleints, if not by phone, then via in person meetings and meals. So many cleints insist on having lunch meetings that I have not been able to go shopping nearly as much as I would like during midday, and have been forced to use my own time after work to do so. FOOEY on that!
Housecounsel
Wow. I have never seen this, nor have I done this. I am really curious to know if it has worked for anyone.
Z
Good friend works for a Big 4. He works 4 days at a client site (if out of town) and does Friday at the office in our city or WFH. He also works nights and weekends with some frequency, so he definitely isn’t working 3 days a week.
Houda
I am in strategy consulting and have seen this for non-client facing support staff, but usually 4 days.
For admin colleagues it works really well if they are in accounting or HR. The PAs rarely get away with it as when a partner needs a printout or to schedule something, the work falls on the other PAs
My previous MBB firm had put a 4 days scheme for mostly aimed at new parents but anyone could claim it. 3 people of roughly the same seniority used it, 1 new mom and 2 new dads. The new mom quit after 2 months to join a client with decent hours. The guys did not continue much the 4 days and were often pulled foe “urgent” meetings.
When I worked in industry, a very senior legal counsel (in-house) did not work Wed-PM and Fri-PM to be with her kids. She was on that setup for as long as I can remember which limited her career progression a bit but still she had a very senior role.
baseballfan
Big 4 manager here. I have seen this before but it’s very rare. Even with people who actually have this in their email and theoretically work only 3-4 days a week will still usually respond to emails and/or take short calls. Flexibility goes both ways.
Vision impaired
Wow, I am at -6, too, and I don’t know how you are able to function without vision correction. I cannot read the words on my computer screen without my glasses, let alone drive or do pretty much anything else except read extremely close up. You must have had a vision exam if you know exactly how bad your vision is. Go get some glasses already!!!
Anonymous
I have both (I don’t remember the numbers). I’m legally blind without correction. Before kids and age, I wore contacts. After kids and reading computer screens too much, I wear glasses full time. In my mid 40s, I switched to bifocals.
mascot
Did your vision suddenly crash? -6 is pretty significant myopia (I had it for years until Lasik). I can’t imagine not having corrective lenses or contacts and still being able to function. I couldn’t see the alarm clock across the room, let alone drive or even recognize people from more than a few feet away. To answer your question, I had contacts for decades and then Lasik to correct it. Glasses would work too.
Hulk smash
Wow — my final pair of dress pants don’t fit and I didn’t wear today for fear that I would do an incredible Hulk and smash through the seams. :(
I have age (40s perimenopause metabolism slow-down) and illness (pinched nerve in foot, sinus surgery, a year of feeling yucky) to blame, and a lot of delicious food. I already instituted one liquid calorie drink (beer, wine) weekly rule. Now, it looks like more is required.
I’ve never dieted in my life — so it’s all habits (which seem to need a refresh). Wish me luck! I have kids and work FT, so I have no idea how I can pull this off other than trying to do push ups and squats at home at night and then more stairs at work.
Anonymous
Push ups and squats won’t really do anything. You need to eat less or buy bigger pants.
Anonymous
Yes — I have ordered bigger pants.
Eating less — I spent two weeks trimming out my splurges and somehow gained 2 pounds. I’m trying to avoid anything too drastic lest I just feel so deprived that I do nothing but self-sabotage. Or maybe baby steps is just not going to hack it?
I also have tween daughters, so trying to do this on the DL without being all “Mommy’s on a diet” about things. I do have a 5K we all signed up for, so I think it’s OK to suddenly start couch to 5K or something similar b/c I need to do that any way.
Anonymous
I have a tween daughter who needs to gain weight, and I’d like to lose weight. I give her the same food I eat, but she gets bigger portions. We talk about nutrition in terms of health–more protein, less refined sugar, etc.
You also do a lot of eating during the day when your kids aren’t around. My daughter has no idea what I eat for lunch and snacks, unless she happens to see me packing my lunch bag in the morning.
Anonymous
You can’t outrun a bad diet. I was super conscious about not letting me kids see me ‘diet’ and still eating in front of them. Weight Watchers worked for me because there are no off limits foods and the messaging is very positive around eating healthy to fuel your body. I did not purchase WW branded foods, avoided artifical sweetners and focused on doing WW using simple whole foods. I didn’t weigh all my food but simple tricks like usinig a one cup measure to scoop my pasta serving helped me realize how much my portions were totally out of control. I was easily eating double serving sizes at every meal without realizing it. As you age, your body just doesn’t need as much food as when you are younger and growing.
My consistent message to my kids was that it’s important to eat the right about of food to fuel our bodies. Some treats are okay but not too much, and it’s important to eat lots of vegetables and fruits. I coupled this increasing my exercise to emphasized the food as fuel message.
Healthy eating/living isn’t something you should be afraid to show your kids and if you don’t feel that you can eat a certain way in front of them, then that’s an indication that the diet isn’t healthy for you either.
IF with kids / role-modeling
Serious question — what if you want to do IF and skip dinner entirely? Would it be weird to cook a family meal (b/c they aren’t doing IF) and then not sit down? Or sit down and not eat? [Maybe this is when Mommy goes out for her run and Daddy runs the dinner table?]
Anonymous
Yeah it’s incredibly weird and going to mess your kids up to stop eating dinner.
IHHtown
With IF with kids who might be sensitive to the messaging, I think you’d need to shift your eating schedule later (i.e. don’t eat breakfast but eat lunch and dinner in the eating window). It’s not weird or unusual if Mom skips breakfast, kids won’t think about it or assume you’re eating a breakfast bar at work. But if Mom cooks a whole dinner and eats nothing, it looks like disordered eating even though it’s not.
mascot
Family dinner matters to me- I schedule my eating window so that I can eat with my family. I also am more flexible on the weekends to accommodate my family’s schedule. I rarely do a fasting period beyond 22 hrs, but if I did, it would be a night where I was already away for a meeting or my kid was eating separately for whatever reason.
Anonymous
I actually do IF and I would never skip dinner. It’s important to eat together as a family. It’s important to model healthy eating for your kids. The only way it might be possible to make skipping dinner work is if your kids have lots of afterschool activities and breakfast is your main family meal together. Like one day a week my oldest eats dinner with my parents at 5:30pm when the rest of us eat at 7pm because she has an activity that starts at 6:30pm. If I only had one kid, she wouldn’t know what I did or didn’t eat for dinner on that day.
Anon
I cook dinner every night, sit down with the family, eat only the veggies and take the rest to work for lunch the next day.
If I’m going to the gym that night I just hang with the family with a glass of water.
Everyone
knows I’m primarily a day eater, and since we are all athletes they also get that working out post meal is unpleasant. You do you. Try different approaches to get a good system for yourself.
Anonymous
I have lost weight with IF and have teen and tween daughters. Due to evening activities like dance, it is hard to get everyone together for dinner. I really wanted to have a family meal though because I think it is important. So we have a sit down breakfast in the morning where we all eat together. So I eat first at 7am with them. Then I eat a snack at work mid-morning and a late lunch. I don’t eat dinner. But I feed my daughters — the younger one earlier in the evening and the older one later in the evening after her dance classes. Since they are eating at separate times in the evening and not as a family, they don’t notice that I don’t eat dinner. I don’t make a big deal out of it, and they don’t have issues with it. Maybe something like that would work.
anon
Please don’t IF in front of your kids. My mom had some jaaaacked up eating habits and looking back, I’m certain she had/has an eating disorder. As a kid, it was very weird to me that Mommy wasn’t eating at all or eating tiny portions smaller than my own. My sister has struggled mightily with body image issues throughout her adult life, and she specifically names my mom’s eating habits as a contributor. Even if you’re not actively making comments about body image and food, your kids know when something is off.
Anonymous
Omg y’all cannot be serious. Your kids 100% notice mommy never eats dinner.
Anonymous
Teaching your kids to eat healthy and exercise isn’t a “diet”. It’s being a responsible parent. Or, shocking idea, you could just eat what you need to and not eat what you don’t want to without advertising “Mommy’s on a diet” constantly. You can be and get to a healthy weight without ruining your kids’ self esteem. That’s just an excuse.
Anonymous
This. So much of it is messaging. We went to lunch yesterday at a sub shop with my kids. I got a salad without any dressing; everyone else got a sub. I said nothing about not having bread. I said nothing about not getting dressing. I ate and enjoyed my salad with a large glass of water. Each of my kids ate a couple pieces of grilled chicken from my salad. I did not say “man, I wish I could have bread.” Or “no kids, I can’t have your chips as I’m on a diet.” Maybe when they get older they’ll notice more, but without the constant commentary, I think we’ll be ok.
Anonymous
I am a 40-something mom with a full-time job. I get up at 4:45 a.m. to do HIIT or BodyPump every single day, count calories, and always take the stairs, and I still can’t lose an ounce. I don’t think your plan is aggressive enough to produce results.
Anonymous
I fear your truth!
I seem to order a new wardrobe every season or so. I just can’t stop the spread (my weight has been at about 125 pounds since high school, but it keeps shifting south and spreading). I don’t eat awfully, but lifestyle creep (car transit vs walking to metro when I was younger; lots of work travel involving eating out and even the salads have tons of calories; time to go to the gym only when I am exhausted) and hormone/age metabolic slowdown are for real.
Ugh.
Anonymous
+1 to most of this. The struggle is real.
Anon
I feel this so much.
Anonymous
I am 41, overweight, and am on a high protein low carb diet, track my calories in MyFitnessPal, work out three times a week, and don’t drink. I still can’t lose anything. It is totally different than it was even three years ago.
mascot
Exercise is great for a bunch of other things so I think it should be part of your life, but you can’t outrun a bad diet. If you want to focus on habits, LeanHabits is quick read and breaks things down into manageable parts.
I personally like intermittent fasting because it works for my body, but not everyone likes it.
Anonymous
I think that IF is what got me 2 pants sizes larger.
anon
What do you think went wrong? I am just dipping my toe into it–had a very good start that was interrupted by life and haven’t been able to start again–but would like to avoid any obvious pitfalls.
Anonymous
I think it was just too much delicious food. I may be the outlier. I don’t usually eat dinner, but I eat a full restaurant lunch each day as my main meal. And now I own new pants :(
anon
Ugh. Thank you for sharing. That is my exact concern–that I will overindulge (not by hugely over eating, but just not moderating sufficiently) during my eating window. No shortcuts. :/
Anonymous
In BigLaw, I usually worked through the dinner hour and disliked eating meal-sized portions at 9. I might have had a yogurt around 7, but not a meal. So I always got a burrito from a burrito place (veggie, but lots of cheese and guac). It was fine in my 20s and 30s. It is just too many calories now that I’m in my late 40s. I’ve sized up twice in underwear and pants in the past 2 years and nothing in my diet has really changed. I think I will just have to pare down the portions and up the activity and see if that is enough or if I need heroic measures (or will just throw in the towel).
My actual weight is relatively stable, it is more composition. I might be 5 pounds heavier since my 20s, but my shape is way different.
Anonymous
IF works for me too. I’ve never liked breakfast and evening eating was a huge problem after supper. Having a set window has helped with weight maintenance for sure.
IF fan
IF initially helped me lose the weight and it has now helped stabilize it. I feel you on the weight creep as the 40s set in, it’s tough. IF has really helped me and I have found it easy to follow, been doing it consistently for about 2 years.
Anon
Just FYI– I know you seem to be concerned about your tween daughter in all of this, but my mom went on a huge diet when she was early 40s. I was in middle school. I actually think I learned more about healthy eating habits in all of it than she did, since those were such formative years. She did the South Beach Diet, which is a more moderate, sustainable version of Atkins. For us, it mainly meant that we were getting some sort of lean, marinated meat + veggies + rice for dinner instead of burgers or spaghetti. (This is still generally how I cook.) My mom also stopped baking and keeping sweets/snacks in the house, but we were still allowed to have dessert at a restaurant, etc. My mom also started training for a half-marathon (walking) at the time and went from a size 8 to a size 2. She kept the weight off for about 15 years.
anon
I also don’t think it’s a terrible idea for children (esp. ones who are a bit older, like a tween) to see their parents diet or monitor what they eat. My mom did WW off and on over the years when I was about that age (I have siblings who are 8 and 12 years younger, and it was in part to get off some baby weight), and I think I have an almost unhealthy body image acceptance viewpoint. I didn’t connect food = weight until I was in my mid 20s and still have to make a conscious effort to stay a healthy weight even though we didn’t grow up with junk food, sodas, eating out, or unhealthy dinners at home. I am in my late 30s and I wish I were a bit harder on myself so that I would connect that 5 lb gain to needing to curb my calorie intake, versus waiting until I’m a size or more larger and then feeling like it takes drastic action. I also think that it gives your child a healthy idea of the fact that our bodies change over the years and we have to change our actions in response.
Anonymous
The only thing that works for me is to count calories. It is kind of a drag, but I also tend to eat a lot of the same things, especially for breakfast and lunch, so once I figured those out it becomes pretty routine. It was eye-opening to see how much I was eating and also what kinds of swaps I could make to stay within my calorie goal (for example my favorite salad dressing had THREE times the calories as a very similar one. Once I realized that, I switched to the other one. I make sure to measure it out each time.)
Lobbyist
49 here. Lost 10 lbs and holding by counting macros with Stronger U. Highly recommend.
COtoNY
Looping off this– can anyone recommend a program that gives you weekly meal plans (including which groceries to buy) and gives you the associated calorie count? I think this would be my ideal set up, I think.
I do not want to have meals or meal-kits delivered.
Anonymous
Skinnytaste.com
Vicky Austin
I don’t know if there’s anything that will do this for you week after week, but TheKitchn is running a new meal prep feature, some of which might help you get started:
https://www.thekitchn.com/meal-prep-plan-for-1500-calories-261270
https://www.thekitchn.com/low-carb-meal-prep-261551
anon
This does exist, at least without the calorie count. I don’t remember the name, though :/. I tried it for a while but found I preferred my menus over the ones provided. It’s a (lot) more work to get started but once I’m on a roll, gathering a menu for the week and then writing the grocery list isn’t as bad as it seems when you do it the first four to six weeks.
Anonymous
Platejoy
And you can customize the plans in many ways, including in terms of dietary preferences, number of meals/using leftovers, and in terms of using up food you already have. You can reject suggestions and get an alternative recipes. The nutrition info goes beyond calories to added sugar, net carbs, saturated fat, sodium, protein. It’s great.
Anon
I’m coming at this from a different perspective that hasn’t been discussed here yet. I’ve just decided to accept that my body at 35+ isn’t going to be the same as it was in my 20’s. I’m not clinically overweight, I’m healthy and strong, I just have some rolls that I didn’t have before and I wear a larger size in my clothes. I’m going with acceptance instead of diet and exercise. For me the difference is about 15-20 pounds and it means I’m an 8-10 instead of a 4-6 but I’m happy and don’t give an F about it anymore.
Consider why you want to lose weight and if it is just to reach society’s ideal of attractive and not for actual health reasons, question whether it is worth it.
Anonymous
Personally it has nothing to do with “society’s ideal of attractive”. I just don’t like my legs to rub together when I walk!
Idea
DASH for Weight Loss book by Marla Heller, esp. if you’re not concerned about your cholestorol (it is high eggs + lean protein)
Anonymous
I am not near your age (am late 20’s) but I have low thyroid genes in my family (2 aunts plus grandma hypothyroid, one of them had Hashimotos, but I never tested positive) and a family culture of delicious oily breads (homemade Chinese buns).
I have only been able to lose weight and keep it off by working out 3-4 times a week. Once a week cardio such as a long run or a Body Combat/other martial arts based class, once to twice a week “metcon” weight lifting with light weights and body weight, and the other 1-2 times a week standard weight lifting, in super sets, followed by cardio in a HIIT pattern. I eat mostly Asian food (chicken teriyaki bowl meal prep, or the like), but go easy on the rice, and keep a stash of Lara bars everywhere for emergencies. I don’t drink other than for special occasions, or when life sucks so much that I’d rather cry in a corner. I eat a ton of kimchi, kombucha, and kefir.
If I deviate off this plan and have a few days of pizza on the road, or more than a drink every blue moon, I bloat almost immediately, and don’t lose an ounce. It’s getting to be more of vanity weight now, but there was no progress without this.
Bureaucrat
Pushing 40 here, work FT, have kids. I am a heavy lifter and play a very physical sport. Lifting heavy helps as the muscle tone helps me maintain a certain shape and gives me more wiggle room for calorie intake. That said, to lose weight I have to measure–or better yet, weigh–my food and log it all. I use MyFitnessPal and keep a food scale in my kitchen. I also tend to eat the same things during the day. I pack all my food and plenty of it–cheese sticks, cashews, greek yogurt with berries, etc.–so logging food is easy since I can pre-log most of the day. Weighing and logging are soul-sucking and not sustainable over more than a couple months at a go (or at least, not for me), but they are effective strategies. I’ve stopped eating at restaurants except for 1-2x a month, and only drink water and coffee/tea and maybe 1-2 alcoholic beverages a week. I love food and love a good meal out, but I’ve retrained my brain from seeking food for entertainment. I still bake with and for my kids and I’ll have something we make, but I try to stick to the rule that it *has* to be homemade. That way I know what’s in it, can log it if I’m in a logging phase, and pace my consumption.
That aside, my new goal is to diminish the amount of effort I put into all this. I eat well, have good habits, play a sport I love, and lift because I love it. I realized how much of my mental energy goes into keeping relatively slim and I feel sad for me. I wouldn’t want that for my kids or friends, and I’m starting not to want it for me.
Anonymous
High protein Slimfast works for me.Either a shake or two hard boiled eggs for breakfast, Shake for lunch, Apple around 4pm. Normal (but no/ v.low carb) dinner with husband at 6pm-7pm. No desert. Breakfast next day 12 hours after last food intake previous night.Sunday cheat day. It works. When I was younger I didn’t understand why so many middle aged women were so chubby. Now I do for sure. I’m 56. Such a drag but better than bursting through you pants. I am not going to give into it.
Cat
Looking for suggestions — friend just had a second baby, but lives a fair distance away. Want to send her a basket of easy-to-eat food that’s reasonably healthy, keeping it around $50. What are the current favorites among the Hive?
Anonymous
I like Edible Arrangments. She can eat it right away or toss some in the freezer to use in smoothies if she doesn’t finish it all in couple days. Add a balloon which is fun for the older kid. Older kid can also munch on the fruit and they find the shapes fun.
DLC
+1. Any kind of fresh fruit was heavenly for us among all the frozen pre-made casseroles and snacks (which were tasty and helpful too, but felt tired after a while).
Anon
Check out Spoonful of Comfort. Someone sent it to us when we had a baby and it was yummy,
Anonymous
Reading glasses are up to +3- they don’t correct for distance vision. Although sometimes if you have strong corrective lenses for distance vision, you also need reading glasses much earlier to offset it so that’s fun.
Anon
Umm, you need glasses.
Anon
Yellow, blue, red, purple.
Hold the top up next to the suit to see if it looks nice.
Make sure the top is of good quality. You clan wear a shell, turtleneck, t shirt, or button down, but it should be of good quality.
Lana Del Raygun
Dentistry question: our new dentist told my husband they can’t clean his teeth without doing an x-ray, because the x-ray might reveal structural issues in his teeth that would make regular cleaning unsafe. Is that real, or are they trying to scam him? I’m pretty sure I’ve had my teeth cleaned without x-rays before (at a different dentist), and this dentist did give one of my friends some recommendations that her second opinion strongly disagreed with, but I’m no expert.
anon
My dentist does x-rays once a year, prior to cleaning. It does not sounds like a scam for a new dentist to want to do x-rays. Maybe it’s a scam if they want to do x-rays every single time or something like that. But I thought you’re supposed to get them done at every other visit. That’s what every dentist I’ve ever been to has done, and I’m religious about going.
Anonymous
I’m surprised at this frequency. I’ve had them when starting at a new dentist and otherwise only every 5 years unless there is an issue suspected -like I’ve having pain in a certain spot. I’d be worried about a yearly xray on my head.
S in Chicago
Same. Once a year X-ray. I go for cleanings every six months. This is also what my insurance covers–so I suspect it’s some sort of norm or they would try to get out of covering it.
Anon
My dentist does x-rays once a year. They’re important as far as I know. If he’s never had an x-ray, they would definitely need to do one.
Anonymous
This is a scam. They can’t do substantial work like fixing fillings without an xray but there’s no reason they can’t brush/floss his teeth and scrap the tarter plaque build up. I’d look elsewhere.
Cat
I get an x-ray once a year. It’s no additional cost out of pocket/fully covered by my dental insurance to do it at that frequency. The hygienist does it at the start of the appointment but IIRC no one actually looks at the xray until the end, when the dentist comes in. I suppose if you’ve never had an xray before, they’d want to look at it before cleaning.
Lana Del Raygun
He’s definitely had them before, just with his old dentist from before we moved.
Anonymous
He needs x-rays, but not for a cleaning.
Anon
I think it’s normal to want to do x-rays regularly, but the “it’s not safe to clean your teeth without them” is scammy. I decline dental x-rays (have thyroid issues and don’t want extra radiation in that area) and nobody has ever refused to clean my teeth. It’s their prerogative to decline you service, but I’d be looking for a new dentist.
anon
+1
Anonymous
I think we do xrays once a year. For me, I still have a baby tooth (does anyone else???) and have one wisdom tooth bud (the others failed to form at all), so I know they keep track of the baby tooth’s root and make sure that there is no issue with the tooth bud (they can become infected, etc.). I think it’s legit as a standard of care.
Annonnnn
I don’t have any baby teeth, but my bff has a whole rack of them still! It has created some expensive problems for her, but luckily, she has a SIL who is a dentist!
Anon
I have had a lot of dental work done…. Xrays are not by definition a scam. Any insurance I’ve ever had allows for one set per year. My teeth are really weak so they’ve proven important in early identification and treatment of cavities. I would think that a new dentist would want to order a set of xrays in the normal course of things, but this particular dentist’s wording feels a little… odd? If it feels suspicious, there are enough dentists in this world to go find someone else that you’re comfortable with. That said, if I was starting with someone new I would expect xrays to be done. It’s just good diligence and practice by the dentist.
Anonymous
no? It’s whatever you make of it. There are some colors that look better with it than others, but that’s a color theory question (aka, talk to the Nordstrom stylist) and not a level of professionalism (buisness casual vs business formal) question.
If the office is so formal that they are specifying blue or white shirts for the men, and you feel that applies to the women as well…then buy neutral colored shirts to go with your suits.
Though – I would buy the suit first, then the shirt (because the suit is more expensive). So I wouldn’t look for a suit to match a blue-striped shirt. If the shirt didn’t work with any of my suits, I’d give it away and get shirts that do.
Anon
I keep going back and forth on having kids. I’m 33 and single with no prospects in sight. I don’t want to settle or have kids on my own. I’m seeing so many friends complain about how exhausted they are trying to juggle careers and family. Ever second seems to be devoted to work or their kids. No money or time for anything else. So I’m getting to the point where it just doesn’t seem that great. My only concern is regretting it in the future. Maybe I would want kids if I found the right person, but the chances of that happening look pretty slim. Anyone else feel the same?
AnonInfinity
Yes, very much so.
Whenever I’m feeling particularly conflicted or down about this, I re-read this Dear Sugar column addressing exactly the same issue: https://therumpus.net/2011/04/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/
Inspired By Hermione
Reading this I thought of the exact same column.
anon
I’m 30 and married and I feel this way. I don’t enjoy children or think that they’re cute, but there are things that appeal to me about parenthood. I also have a lot of other things I want to do with my life and kids seem to be a huge constraint on that. I do think that overall it’s an experience that I want, but I’m not sure if it’s enough to actually sway me to do it.
I used to think it’s a decision I could think about later (and I guess it still is) but I’m just a lot more aware that time is limited. I used to think that one day I would just know the answer to this question, and now I think that I won’t, but at a certain point I need to decide one way or another and let it be enough.
Anon
Fwiw, I could have written your post a couple of years ago and now I have a toddler and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I tell everyone who is on the fence about kids that I think having one kid is a really good compromise between having none and having two or more. It affects your life a lot less, because the adults outnumber the kids and the family doesn’t become kid-centric and your life can basically continue on the way it was before, just with an extra person along for the ride (no judgment on families that are kid-centric, but I didn’t want that). But you still get the experience of parenthood and raising a child from birth to adulthood. I’m sure you can have a really happy, fulfilling life without kids but if you think you would enjoy parenthood, I would encourage you to go for it (although if you’re only 30 there’s no great rush). I still don’t find kids cute, except my own.
anon
Cool, this is useful thanks! I’ll think about that.
Em
I agree. We have one child and I love being a parent and have no regrets about having a child, but also have no desire to have anymore kids. My husband and I both have challenging careers (I got a huge promotion shortly after my son turned two), a good marriage, and hobbies/time with our friends.
Anonymous
Agree. I have 3. When we went 0-> 1 life didn’t change that much. I traveled for work, DH worked late. We had daycare and a great babysitter on call. We brought baby/kid to restaurants. She was like a +1 to our life.
Once we had 2 and now 3, we only go to kid friendly restaurants. We do kid oriented outings. We drove a Big Family Car. We don’t just drop by friends’ houses with a kid in tow because we have a pack now. We don’t just bring the kids along to the art museum because when it was just one, we could make *our* adventure fun for her (subway ride! Chocolate milk at the cafeteria! Let’s look for art with red dresses!). But my kids would just laugh at me if I tried to get them to come to an art museum now, and if I did manage, it would be a very kid oriented trip.
Anon
Yes. Look at this Washington Post article from the weekend on exactly this topic: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/deciding-whether-to-have-kids-has-never-been-more-complex-enter-parenthood-indecision-therapists/2019/03/15/e69231da-44d7-11e9-8aab-95b8d80a1e4f_story.html?utm_term=.2552bb965668
Anon
Yes. I’m 49 and in the same boat, except I’m now (a) too old to have biological kids and (b) in a wonderful relationship. If I had met this guy when I was younger, I might have wanted to have kids with him then. I’m trying to look at the plus sides of living a life without kids.
Anonymous
I was single and in BigLaw pre-kid and worked all the time. I was already exhausted before I had kids. It is maybe a better level of exhausted though now that they are 8 and 10 I feel like I have tons of free time — can’t wait until I can leave them alone at home without a sitter :)
Seventh Sister
My kids are similar ages and I do feel like I have more free time than I did when they were tiny. I do dislike what I think of as the next-level bullsh*t – bureaucracy from the school, parents fussing over this activity or that activity, endless emails about every tiny thing, scheduling even not-very-scheduled kids. Hell is not other people, it is other parents (PSA: the room parent is not your secretary, no one cares about the cookie booth tablecloth, no child can do every activity at full force).
Anonymous
In my experience you can have two out of three from career, other activities, kids. It’s hard to make great career strides while having kids and being busy with hobbies. DH and I picked kids and other activities. We’ve accepted that our careers are in a holding pattern for the next 5 years at least. We’ve kept up our other activities – I still teach yoga on the side/do yoga retreats and DH still runs competitively although hasn’t moved up to the ultramarathon distance that he’d like to try because training longer distances eats up a lot of time.
So, yes there is life after kids and also, yes there is lots of full and fulfilling life without kids. I’m glad it’s worked out for me and DH w/kids but it’s totally possible and common to have a happy and fulfilling life w/o kids – lots more opportunity to lean into your career and outside interests.
Anonymous
‘picked’ in the sense that we chose to try to have kids. A number of friends are childless by choice which I recognize is very different than childless w/o choice. It’s more just pointing out that we made a conscious effort post-kids to put our extra energy into our kids/hobbies and not our careers.
Anon OP
Anon OP here. I feel like it really comes down to whether I find the right man and if I think he will help parent enough so that all the work doesn’t fall on me. However, then I get so focused on marriage and kids in dating that it just becomes too stressful. Am I being too picky? Are my standards too high? Are my standards too low in other areas? I just don’t want to overthink it and then I decide it’s better to just forego all that. Yes, I’m in therapy!
Anonymous
You’re me, except in therapy. I channel my extra energy into projects.
Anon OP
I’m both happy and sad that others feel the same way. Nice to know I’m not alone, but I also know how much this just sucks! I feel like I’m in a lose lose situation.
Anon
When I was younger I was similar. I have a kid and plan on having more but that is very much because of who I married. I don’t think I would have wanted kids with someone else. Husband is the primary care giver and also the only person I ever dated who I wanted to have kids with or even imagine having kids with.
I love being a mom but I dont think my life would feel incomplete without kids. I just would be on a different path enjoying a different adventure.
Unless you really really want kids I wouldn’t only date guys who you think would be equal parents. However if you find out a guy definitely wants kids I think it’s only fair to figure out soon in the relationship if he’s someone you’d have kids with or not.
Anon OP
Yes, I have started dating guys just for fun (gardening). Some ask me if I want kids and I’m honest. I make it clear I will never be the SAHM.
anon
So, so much. 31 and married to a fantastic man. But currently I feel a bit burned out at work and questioning my career plan, questioning whether it would be even harder with a child, whether it’s achievable at all, whether I’ll regret not having children in order to pursue a job that I’m statistically unlikely to get anyway, and whether the added stress will upend the wonderful life we have right now in our marriage. Ugh.
anon
Yes, you are me.
anonforthis
This is probably going to come out all wrong, but we have two small children, whom we adore. But it is very hard. I miss a lot about my pre-kids life – my money, my time, doing what I want when I want. But I also find tremendous joy in watching my children thrive and succeed. I also love coming back to my quiet office on Mondays…some weekends I count down the hours until Monday again. In no way do I regret having children, and I can’t speak for my husband, but I think we could have been very fulfilled without having children as well. Perhaps I will feel differently when they are older and do not require so much of me. It is a very difficult emotional to articulate without feeling shameful for saying it out loud.
Anon OP
Thanks for this!! I feel this way when I watch my nephews. As much as I love them, sometimes cannot wait until it’s bedtime or TV time when I can just relax and have a glass of wine. Babysitting also makes me not want to have kids. I know having your own is completely different but I just love meeting up with friends, running, yoga class, cooking, traveling, etc.
Anon
I keep beating this drum: most of the vocal pro-kid people are SAHMs of five (or six, or eight). Power to them, but the median woman wants two or three kids and part-time work, and plenty of women want one or two kids and a full-time job.
Imagine a world in which all the conversation about exercise were done by triathaloners, and people who “only” wanted to do barre 3 days a week were looked at askance. That’s where we are with kids.
Triangle Pose
Eh I disagree. We hear from FT working moms on this board all the time. I can’t think of the last time I heard from any SAHM of 5, 6 + kids.
I guess I’m not the median woman. I definitely do NOT want to work part time and not only do I want a full time job, I want it to be high powered career. And yeah, I want to go to barre 3 days a week, if not more. Athletic goals are important to me.
Anon
I don’t think there’s anyone who posts here regularly who has 5 or more kids and that’s definitely not the average in the US, even if you look only at people who have children (so all the “0 kid” people are excluded). I live in a conservative part of a Midwest state with a TON of SAHMs, and the average family has 2-3 kids. Only children are fairly rare, but having more than 3 is also rare. And that’s mostly SAHMs we’re talking about, I think working women generally have fewer kids. I’m relatively young (34) and well-educated, but among the women I know, the “median woman” wants 2 kids and a full time job.
Triangle Pose
Thank you for this! I feel like a lot of my young-kid-parent friends want to say this but don’t. I really appreciate this perspective. I’m 30, happily partnered, want the marriage but leaning more and more to no kids. I want to have career, money, activities+spontaneous travel and like poster above, I think you only get 2 out of the three (career, activities, kids).
Anon
30 and never had a boyfriend. I just quit biglaw. I am concerned about fertility and meeting the right person not coinciding as well. However, I always wanted kids but never envisioned that I would have to raise them by myself. I think i will get my eggs frozen when I am 33 if I am still single. Thought about freezing my eggs now but it seems that they can only be “fresh” for 5-10 years based on my research (as a total layman and so may be way off base).
Anon OP
I thought about freezing my eggs but I don’t want to spend the money, give myself shots eveyday, and I don’t think it’s a sure thing. I mean I don’t think it’s as successful as they say. Also, I wouldn’t do it alone so I’m back to square one. But then again, if I really wanted kids, wouldn’t I freeze my eggs regardless of all that?
Anon
Are you me? Also 33, single, no prospects, but very much afraid of regretting it later or not giving my parents grandkids.
Anon
Same boat, and feeling sad that I can’t give my parents the grandchildren they want, but not necessarily regrets. I would try to have children if there were marriage prospects, but since there are none it’s out of my control. I don’t want to be a single mom. It’s hard enough on two incomes and with two parents.
Anonymous
I’m 41 now, but 10 years ago I was in a similar position (though I was already married to someone who wasn’t really excited about having kids). My biggest concern was that I’d regret not having kids. And I do, a bit, but it’s more of a ‘the path not taken’ thing than anything else. I wonder what my life would be like, in the same way that I wonder how things would have been different if I’d gone to a different college or met someone other than my now-husband. I’m happy with my life, but I feel sure that I’d be happy in that other life, too.
anon
For those of you who haven’t had kids– do you feel pressure to tackle some other big project, or use your the time not spent on kids meaningfully? I’m in my upper 30s, in a committed relationship, and we have decided not to have kids (he never wanted them, I was always firmly on the fence). Compared to friends and colleagues, I feel like I have a lot of on my hands, even with almost-weekly trips to see my nephew. My job is demanding, but not terribly. I feel like if I’m not going to take on the project of raising kids, I should take on some other big project with the rest of my 30s and my 40s. Otherwise, what am I doing with myself, when everyone else is so busy with kids? Has anyone else struggled with this? What did you do about it? Is this a totally irrational way of thinking?
Triangle Pose
Hm I have not struggled with this. I spend that time going to yoga classes / yoga retreats, non-profit board leadership, working on my pottery and painting, vacations, reading from my book list, going to musical theater, regular theater. Isn’t it just spending time on all the meaningful things parents did before they had kids?
Anon OP
I never have this issue. I run, take yoga classes, travel, join clubs/groups, see friends and family, etc. I’m single with no kids and still need more time. I also only work 40-50 hours a week.
Anon
No, and I would gently suggest that you examine that feeling deeply. You don’t owe the world your reproduction, nor do you owe a substitute if you choose not to have children. Completing a major project is not a fee you must pay to get out of parenting. Your life is yours, to do with whatever you wish.
very anon
Sort of. I had the strange realization that I never would have chosen to get pregnant (and for us, it’s a capital C choice as it involved fertility treatment) if we didn’t make a lot of money. It’s a weird and potentially offputting way of looking at it, but it’s how it worked for me. Below a certain level of wealth, all the negatives of having a child — time, expense, constantly having to be “on” — did not seem worth the benefits. When we’re in a position to comfortably throw a lot of money at some of these problems and not feel a pinch, it was literally different calculus and all of the benefits seemed much more appealing. And the level of disposable income that made this switch flip for me is quite high, much higher than I think it was for some of my friends who said they were waiting for some form of financial stability before kids. For them it was more like being out of school and having some of the loans paid off. For me it was more like having three times our monthly cost of living coming in as “extra.” I don’t know for sure, but I think if we hadn’t started making this kind of money the vague desire for a child never would have crystalized into the actual strong desire that turned into action. I read that Dear Sugar article several times while thinking things through, and I did feel we could definitely be happy and fulfilled without kids, which was actually not that helpful in deciding either way.
…Never telling kiddo he is the result of a fat paycheck though.
Anon for this
I met my husband at 37 and we waffled about kids only to discover we needed IVF (because of my age basically plus endometriosis which I didn’t know I had). I had my daughter at age 40 after spending lots of money. We are one and done. It can be possible later in life (but for many it isn’t) — feel very grateful but I wish I had not waited and basically tried to get pregnant before we even got married. So yeah. Lots of money.
Lifestyle wise one kid is manageable as many have said. I will say my husband who is 6 years older than me and is a person who naturally needs more sleep does struggle to keep up. I don’t regret having my kid but I do worry about her having older parents.
Anon
I totally understand. I’m on the fence about having children. If everything went swimmingly (healthy, generally well behaved kids), I think I could survive the hard years and enjoy parenting. But what if they DON’T go according to plan? What is my child has developmental or health needs that I cannot afford, financially or emotionally? That is what terrifies me. I think that would break me.
Anon
I see your point about the emotional impact of special needs, but if you have decent health insurance, I don’t think a special needs kid would present huge financial challenges, especially post-Obamacare where you don’t have to worry about getting insurance with a preexisting condition.
anon
I don’t think this is true at all. I had three years in a row where I hit my out-of-pocket max (a broken ankle and then another unexpected surgery). Unusual, but I don’t have any ongoing concerns in the background. I am still paying the bills. It really sucks and is financially draining.
Anon
Right, but that’s my point. Your out of pocket max is the most you ever pay. So a broken ankle and a child who needs hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of specialized therapy are the same out of pocket cost to you. Any of us can break an ankle or have other health issues, so I don’t see why having a special needs child is a financial risk.
anon
Because if your child needs special care, they will probably need it for a long time. Much longer than three years. And if you never get a break from hitting the OOP max then how do you ever catch up financially.
Anon
Eh, I would not be so sure. There’s a level of special needs where, realistically, a parent probably needs to quit their job to manage things. Yes, you can get a lot of services, but even good insurance isn’t necessarily going to pay for 45 hours/week of an in-home nurse. So you are looking at $$$ for an extremely specialized nanny, if you can even find someone suitable. Plus all the time that goes into coordinating therapies, etc.
So yeah. This is not a typical outcome, but the financial cost of special needs children can be much, much more than the out of pocket insurance max. And even in less extreme situations, it’s pretty common for one parent to go part time/lean out in order to deal with coordinating medical care and therapies.
Anonymous
Special needs mom (autisic son) here. We easily pay $2k a month for him out of pocket, with insurance and scholarships, and he’s only 6 and one of the luckier ones — verbal, can dress himself, miiiight get a high school diploma some day.
Anonymous
Maybe because that special needs child may never be able to support herself? Even after you die. Also, maybe there are therapies that arent covered by insurance but which “might” help your child? Maybe finding qualified care givers is not only more difficult, but far more expensive than hiring the 12 year old next door? This is from the very top of my head as a Mom of four children without special needs. You are really missing the mark here.
Anonymous
This is untrue. Private insurance doesn’t generally cover in-home nursing or care services, and Medicare does not either. Medicaid will, but you have to spend down almost all of your assets first.
Anon OP
Yes! This is absolutely a concern for me! What if my child has health issues, especially a mental or physical disability. Do I want kids so much that I would risk all that?
Anonymous
Or, what if your spouse does? Statistically more likely.
anon
And/or you could become disabled as well. Sickness and disability can happen to anyone. You’re not saving yourself from that risk by not having kids. Plenty of us disabled folks live happy and fulfilling lives.
Anonymous
I don’t want any. I’m 34 and have always said I don’t want any. I’m finally old enough people have mostly stopped saying “but you’ll change your mind!” I think you’ve got to really want kids to be willing to invest the amount of time and energy it takes to raise a kid, and I just don’t. I already feel like I barely have enough time for my job + general life maintenance + hobbies, and if I had a kid, the hobbies would have to go. I’m sure I’d be a perfectly fine mother, but the thought of coming home from work and having to take care of a little human who can’t care for themselves is just exhausting. I am perfectly happy to be the fun “aunt” who plays with my friends’ kids and then sends them home.
Anon OP
+100000
Dress recommendation
I bought this Antonelli dress recently and suggest it if anyone is looking for a cheaper alternative to the MM LaFleur Etsuko. I have only tried on the Etsuko, not bought it, but the fabric on this dress (which NB is viscose, not the “wool” listed in the product description) feels similar to how I remember the Etsuko fabric — midweight, a bit of texture, nice drape, slightly stretchy. Cut and sizing are also similar.
https://www.yoox.com/us/34862499BM/item#cod10=34862499BM
Anonymous
Has anyone watched Dating Around on Netflix? Spoilers ahead….
I’m only 2 episodes in but I’m not sure I want to keep watching. The first episode features a guy who seems shallow and boring (but very good looking), but every woman he goes out with is vibrant and independent and interesting. I want to be friends with all of them. In the second episode, an intelligent, ambitious, drop dead gorgeous woman goes on dates that are just fair… except for one that is truly horrible. I cried watching the way that guy spoke to her.
It’s just so depressing. How is it that so many men are so unsuitable (to use SA’s term)?
January
I really liked that show, although I think I might have felt differently if I were single and actively dating. The other episodes have a more diverse range of experiences — I especially liked Leonard’s episode, which is about a widower re-entering the dating pool. There’s also a post-episode reunion special on Youtube. It was interesting to get the participants’ views on some of their experiences with the show after some time has passed and they’ve gotten additional perspective (especially the woman in the second episode).
Anon
Agree. This show made me seriously consider leaving NYC dating scene. I was at a party in soho this last weekend, and part of two single guys’ conversation. One just moved to NYC from Chicago and said to the other guy, “dude, I just watched two episodes, and the second episode especially made me realize, what a jerk that one guy was, but also that the dating scene here would be a breath if these men were my competition.” The other guy then proceeded to ask me if dating in NYC really is much worse for women. Then a whole bunch of pretty doughy guys who just moved from SF proceeded to ask the girls at the party some really gloating and uncomfortable questions about whether dating really is that bad for women in NYC.
This show seemed to make some of these loser guys in NYC feel really good about themselves and treat women even worse. The thing is, a lot of these guys will probably still be single and end up being unable to find quality women in a few years. But somehow they will think that dating in NYC is better for men than women partly as a result of this show.
anon
Thank you for saving me the depression of watching this show. I have enough trouble with dating as is! No need for a pile on. (I also avoid the bachelor/bachelorette dumpster fires bc I just can’t–and honestly get a bit peeved with my married friends who do watch it and don’t get that this is real life for some of us and that reality shows can cause real problems.)
Anon
I refuse to watch because I think it would be too depressing for someone single in NYC. I do love the bachelor/Bachelorette because I see even these gorgeous women have a tough time too. It’s not just me.
Lady Anonymous
Some of those women on the Bachelor are absolute headcases, though. Maybe that’s the Hollywood part of the show, but oh good h e l l. It’s easy to see why they are single. They’re howl-at-the-moon crazy.
I’m honestly no fan of the Bachelor/Bachelorette. It’s absurd of these people to think they can go on national television and find the love of their lives given the fleeting amount of time they get to spend with the “contestants.” I get the popularity of the show, though. Some people love trainwreck TV.
Anon
But nobody expects dating in real life to be like The Bachelor/Bachelorette, right? I think they’re terrible shows and don’t watch, but it has nothing to do with my own single-ness.
anon
I think if you’re older-ish (late 20s on) and can see through the pomp and circumstance, you might not. But when I was much younger (and the show less insane than it is now), I didn’t see immediately that it was absurd–or maybe, more accurately, how MUCH of it is absurd. Like the whole.d*mn.thing. There is nothing resembling reality about it. I guess that’s where it gets my annoyance up.
Anon
I have a lot of great men friends who are looking for someone, and I married a brilliant, handsome, tall man who wondered why women always passed him over.
Good, suitable men get up in the morning at their condo in the suburbs, go to work, avoid asking out coworkers, go running or biking or volunteering, and hang out with the friends they have had since college.
They are basically impossible to meet.
anon
So much yes to your second paragraph. The only thing that gives me peace is that they probably aren’t actually suitable because they do not truly want a partner (or have unreasonable expectations of what a partner looks like). But, so discouraging.
Anon
Both men and women can struggle to find the right person. Grow up.
Anon
Isn’t that exactly why online dating exists?
anon
Yes, and that’s why I persist in using it. I’ve met a lot of interesting, cool guys who will probably be excellent matches for someone (just not me) via online dating who I never would have met in real life. But online dating has its own challenges, including having to wade through a lot of crap to find the decent guys. Small talk with strangers, multiple blind dates… it gets draining really fast. And lot of people (myself included) find it harder to form a connection than when you meet and get to know someone organically.
Anonymous
Any chance these great men friends are in Chicago??
A version of the ‘rette meetups: each woman brings a single guy or gal friend.
Anonymous
Eh, I loved this show! I think it is realistic, entertaining, and not at all depressing!
Anonymous
I just started my first job with business casual wear and so have been slowly building my wardrobe. I’ve decided to avoid dry clean pieces as much as possible (I generally only get two wears out of a blazer before it needs cleaning) but am finding blazers to be a real challenge. Everyone here sings the praises of the jcrew going out blazer but it is dry clean. Has anyone successfully hand washed this blazer? Or have a favorite blazer that is similar but machine/hand wash?
Sweat Guards
Honestly, for blazers I think it’s fine to get dry clean only but only if you get rewashable armpit pads for them. I find that I only need to dry clean blazers a few times a year if I use underarm sweat guards (unless some other weird smell gets in). You can buy some generic ones at the store -a fabric/crafts store often has them- and I get a tailor to sew in some snaps on the sweat guards and the blazer so I can take out the snaps and throw them in the wash.
Anonymous
Thanks I’ll look in to that. I tried some adhesive/disposable sweat guards that I bought off amazon and they were terrible. It felt like putting on maxi pads but for my arm pits, and they smelled bad somehow.
anonshmanon
Two wears seem low to me, how come?
Anonymous
I guess I’m just a sweaty gal. I usually have a tank top and then blouse underneath a blazer and invariably sweat through it all. As a teenager/early 20s I used the certain-dri anti-perspirant but I thought I outgrew it, so maybe I need to go back to using that. But based on Kats post a while back on machine wash blazers, I’m not the only sweaty corporette :-)
anon
I have ponte blazers from Talbots that are also advertised as machine wash – they are my business casual go to, but I dry clean them…..
Miss
I have them and machine wash on delicate. They hold up great!
anon
I go many many more wears between dry cleaning for a blazer. I know you’re supposed to dry clean the jacket and pants/skirt together but quit following that rule early on and haven’t had a problem. The suit goes out of style or I gain weight before the pieces quit matching. I probably go five or six wears between washes for a jacket–maybe more if the wears are spaced far apart and I lose track.
busybee
I have suiting blazers from Banana Republic that are machine washable and can go in the dryer. They are fantastic. I don’t recall what they’re called exactly. I think I bought them maybe two years ago? They haven’t lost their shape, still look crisp, and the fact that they can go in the dryer (so I don’t have to iron them) is a huge plus. Highly recommend.
Anon
+1!
Anonymous
Ann Taylor’s seasonless stretch
Anonymous
Honestly, business casual doesn’t specifically need blazers. Maybe try cardigans/jardigans, especially if they are machine wash? I have machine wash ponte blazers from Boden but I mostly wear cardigans unless I was in court, or unless I’m wearing a blazer as an outwear piece in lieu of a coat.
Anonymous
Yeah I bought a whole bunch of cardigans when I started at my new job but I’ve slowly started moving to blazers. Even though I think I looked put together, the cardigans were making me feel like a secretary compared to the other men in my office, some of whom wear full suits every day (depends on what dept they are in). Not many women in senior positions here so it just makes me feel a bit more confident to layer a casual blazer on top instead of a cardigan.
Anon
This is why I never wear sleeveless tops under blazers. I do short sleeve tops instead and literally never have to dry clean my blazers.
Anonymous
I also never wear sleeveless either, but doesn’t seem to matter for me, glad it works for you. Sounds likes it’s time for me to look into some stronger anti-perspirant!
Anonymous
I get Botox injections in my underarms and can rewear blazers many times before I have to get them drycleaned. I wash everything else after one wear, but blazers can easily be reworn up to ten times.
vanished
Did a bunch of comments/threads just disappear? Both seemed little odd
Anon
Yeah, a thread about glasses just vanished!
Kat G
Please see the note at the top (on the post). Thank you for reading!
anon
Kat–I’m curious, and you may not be able to or want to answer this–but what makes it clear (to you) that a post is from a tr0ll? I saw the original post, thought it was a bit odd given the answers (I have no familiarity with what vision diagnoses), but it wasn’t obvious to me that there was anything problematic with it.
Anonymous
I read that post and the first thing I thought was, “This is the troll again. I hope people don’t fall for this.” It’s the combination of a scenario that doesn’t ring true along with a similarity in the writer’s voice. And just my spidey-sense going off. (In fact, I’m pretty sure that poster has been all over threads this morning. )
Anon
I wonder if she can see through the IP address? My spidey senses went off big time with the military post because I was the one who posted last week about balancing career with being a military spouse. You’re right, it’s the way they write.
anon
I didn’t see the military one–I wonder if I would’ve picked up on a pattern of sorts. Also, I jus’t don’t get it–what is the purpose of such random tr0lling??
Anonymous
For the vision one – how could you have such a specific diagnosis if you hadn’t been to an eye doctor? And if you’d been to the eye doctor then you would have glasses. The whole thing makes no sense.
The “formal/semi-formal” business attire asking about what to pair with a gray suit – pretty clearly the same person who keeps posting about shirts.
Kat G
When I’m looking at things via IP address I can see a pattern pretty clearly of who is the troll versus who is an actual commenter. There’s always a chance that it’s someone’s very first comment ever on the blog, but… that person probably isn’t going to ask such bizarre Qs. But it does take a bit of detective work, which is why it’s better suited for me to do instead of my VA who regularly approves comments in the morning. Thank you all for your patience and for reading!
Anonymous
I think most big companies/firms change every computer’s IP address on a fairly regular basis, right? So someone who’s been commenting for years will look like a brand new person every week or whatever. I definitely don’t envy the moderators who have to decide who is real and who is not!
Anon
When you’re at work and accessing the outside Internet, likely all of your traffic is going through an outbound proxy. You may have different possible IPs you come out as depending on the proxy, but they’re likely all to be fairly static in their variety. You won’t appear as whatever internal IP is assigned to you.
anon
Interesting–thanks for the insight!
SFchic
They both sounded like SPAM to me. There have been a lot of odd posts lately, and I think Kat is trying to screen/block them more aggressively.
And that being said, unfortunately my posts are usually blocked so…. kinda stinks for me.
Anonymous
I’m considering getting a mini fridge in my office. My office does have a full size fridge but people are so territorial and weird about it that it is quite off putting to store lunch in, let alone more long term snacks. I feel having my own space would help encourage healthier eating habits and increased productivity overall (I can’t focus when I’m hungry but always procrastinate grabbing food). Does anyone do this? Is it helpful?
Cat
Yes and yes. Highly recommend. (I have an office that’s large enough to tuck it away in a corner; it’s only visible if you’re behind my desk.) They were fairly common at my Biglaw firm because sometimes you literally did not have time to walk over to the break room…
SW
Yes and yes for me, too. It’s awesome. It’s also tucked into a corner of my office on the same wall as the door, so you don’t notice it at all unless you’re actually inside my office. People here aren’t overly territorial about the community fridge, but sometimes it smells funny and I don’t want to have to cram my things into it.
Anonymous
Anyone use resistance bands for some light strength training? Better or worse than free weights — we’re talking at the 10-15 lb level so a medium resistance band. Have been noticing recently that I don’t feel as strong in the upper body as I used to — so I’d like to work out arms/back/shoulders. IDK if it’s likely but I lived in NYC for 10 years where I was pretty much hauling everything on foot – groceries etc. I can count on one hand the number of times I ordered things from Freshdirect, Amazon etc. So I think the arms just got strong. Now in suburbia, I shop at a store, put it all in a cart, wheel it out to my car etc. so there’s no real lifting going on. I can feel the difference when I go to put a suitcase in an overhead. What used to be NO problem has now gotten a bit challenging and I don’t find myself saying no anymore when the guy behind me wants to help. Will resistance bands help? Should I be doing something else? Note – live in an apartment so I don’t have tons of space for equipment and yet I’d like easy things I can do around the house because I know I won’t get to the gym as often as I’d like.
Inspired by Hermione
I know it can get a bad rap, but barre helped me immensely with upper body strength/arm strength.
Anon
I like resistance bands, but I have snapped about half of mine and threw the rest away because it made me nervous that they would snap in my face.
Anonymous
How much do you think about the cleanliness (or not) of your smart phone? Sorry TMI – but lately I’ve noticed that once I’m asleep I end up with my hands inside the waistband of PJs. I have u/w on and just end up resting my hands on my thighs but then the phone alarm goes off and I either shut it w my elbow or go wash hands and then turn it off. Husband thinks I’m ridiculous — I’m like — my hands were in the area that touches the toilet seat, why would I directly touch my phone??
Same reason I don’t pull my phone out at all on the subway — don’t want to touch it with hands that have touched the ticket swipe, the poles etc. Yes I know germs are everywhere but why go out of my way to touch my phone with unclean hands, when I know there’s a good chance I’ll be holding said phone at work while eating lunch.
What say you? While my husband thinks I’m overboard, my coworker OTOH wipes down her phone with Lysol wipes DAILY for similar reasons. I don’t go that far since I can’t imagine wetting down a device daily is good for the device function.
anon
I’d actually say your coworker is the more reasonable between the two of you. Wash your hands reasonably often and wipe your phone down with disinfectant of some sort regularly.
My habits: I wash my hands a lot. Every time I come home from being out (I WFH), every time I use the restroom, every time I fix food with my hands, anytime I’ve pet my dog for a while (I’m mildly allergic to him). I wipe my phone down rarely. Like once a month? Maybe twice if I’m on a roll? Maybe only once every six months to a year if I don’t think about it?
Yes, phones are dirty, but we have immune systems.
Anon
Toilet seats are way cleaner than phones (and many other things), fyi. https://www.rd.com/home/cleaning-organizing/germs-toilet-seat/ And touching a thigh that touched a toilet seat is far less likely to get any germs on your hand vs touching a toilet seat directly. So yeah I think you’re being excessively paranoid.
Lana Del Raygun
I assume that my phone is a disgusting germ pit, but … I carry this disgusting germ pit around and touch it while I’m eating, and I’m still here.
anon
Ha! Yup!
Anon
Same.
Cat
I just want to know how you manage to sleep when your arms are pinned to your back. Right? If your hands — by way of through the top of your pants — are touching thighs that touched a toilet seat… which you shouldn’t even really be worried about since it’s typically far cleaner than the average keyboard?
Anon
Has anyone / Do you know anyone who has passed the bar exam without a bar prep course? Any advice on books, alternatives, or forums I should look into?
I g o o g l e d a bit and most internet strangers seemed to think this was a crazy idea. I’m reluctant to shell out $1500+ for a prep course though, and would prefer to substitute with books / audio lectures / other cheaper options if it’s doable.
I’m not a JD graduate (so less is at stake), and am licensed in a non-common law jurisdiction and looking into the NY or CA bar. TIA!
Anon
I’m not sure what you think BarBri is, but it’s basically just audio lectures, books and practice tests. It’s a big cash outlay up front but assuming you want to work as a lawyer, the cost of failing the bar and missing out on a few months of work as a paid attorney are far higher. Just do Barbri.
Anon
I’m doing the NY bar in July as a non-JD attorney and highly recommend doing Barbri. Just a warning that the plan for foreign attorneys is actually $5k, which was an unpleasant surprise, but can it can be paid by installments for the duration of your plan. It’s been really good at forcing me to keep up with the schedule and understanding the specificities of US law (and I’m from a common law jurisdiction with a long of similarities). I have enjoyed the lectures and there is a ton of practice questions which really helps. Caveat that I took the 10-month plan while working full-time – I might feel differently if I was taking a few months off to study for the exam. The exam has a high failure rate, especially for foreign attorneys, so it seemed worth it to me. I can report back on how I truly feel about this next November…
Anon
I passed one of those jurisdictions without BarBri. I took a super short course on the Multi State, then bought outlines from the Internet for $50.
Biggest question: how good are you at standardised tests?
CountC
Sort of. I took BarBri for my first jurisdiction (PA) and doubt I would have passed without it. I took the exam in a second jurisdiction after four years of practicing and (halfheartedly) self-studied. I amazingly passed the second jurisdiction (VA), but I don’t recommend my approach (although I got a lot of pool time in).
If you are not a JD, I would strongly recommend taking the course if you want to try to pass the first time around.
anon
Agreed. If you are not a J.D., self-studying for the bar exam is a bad idea. I think a U.S.-trained law graduate who is a decent standardized text taker may be okay with some essay outlines and Adaptibar (I’d still recommend a prep course for their first bar exam, though). But, for a foreign-educated attorney, taking the exam without a bar prep course seems risky.
The prep courses are expensive, but so is the exam. Between exam fees/ laptop fees/ whatever (and possible travel + hotel), you’ll spend a lot to take the bar exam. Attempting the bar exam is not cheap. I’d recommend going in with a decent shot at passing, and foreign-trained + no prep course seems to have a low pass chance.
FWIW, I went to a top law school, and every person I know did a prep course. Taking the exam for the first time without a commercial prep course is uncommon.
Themis is less expensive than BarBri (and you can often negotiate discounts)– look at your prep course options and pick a more cost-effective one. But, I’d still pick one.
Anon
I would not take the bar exam without a course. I sold Kaplan courses in law school, which was cheaper, and I think I had a better experience than some of my classmates that took Barbri. Themis is also another, cheaper option, and my classmate that bought that and took the CA bar passed FWIW. Basically– there are cheaper options than the Barbri course, but you should really do a course of some sort.
Housecounsel
I did BarBri with in-person classes. I don’t know if I would have been disciplined about studying without it.
anon
Agree.
anon
I did Themis and it was def cheaper and I passed (my second state). My first state someone else was paying so I did Barbri. I’d recommend looking into the alternatives (themis) but I did find the lectures (which I watched prerecorded at home) were helpful…
Anon
I would take a prep course. I took Themis which was cheaper than Barbri. I needed something to keep me on track and give me what I needed to pass. I wasn’t in a position to risk failing, studying for another 1-2 months, waiting 6 months to take it and then finally getting my results.
Anonymous
A friend and I took Themis, which was way cheaper than BarBri but very similar in format. We both passed bar first time around.
Elsbeth
I passed two bars (but not CA or NY) without taking BarBri and working full time. I did buy some audio lectures and Barbri books off of ebay. I’d listen to the lectures while walking to work or walking my dogs. I’d do it over again, but I would have taken more time off before the test.
Gail the Goldfish
I passed a bar without a class. I just bought the Barbri books off Ebay and read them myself. Caveat is that was my second bar, and I took a class for the first state.
Portia
I did this because I had no job lined up after law school graduation (this was 2010) and had capped out my federal student loans – I would have had to take a separate private loan just to pay for BarBri. I spent $200 on study materials (previous exams from my jurisdiction and some MBE materials) and studied full time for two-and-a-half months (including reading through decades of Supreme Court cases from my state to figure out family law, tort law, etc. for my state’s essay questions). I passed with a comfortable margin, but it was so much extra stress and work and I definitely would not do it again unless I had no other choice. And I was taking the bar in an easy state (85% pass rate).
K
I passed my second bar exam without a bar prep course, just using the books/materials I got from a friend and taking the practice tests. But this is after passing my first bar exam using a prep course, and practicing for several years.
Anonymous
I just released a client (I’m a consultant). It was a good organization, but my point person, not such a great match. It was tough to let go of the potential future benefits and the money (not a lot but some) but worth it for my sanity.
anon
Good for you!
Skipper
I’m late to the comments today, but I’m hoping it’s not too late from some shopping help/wise advice. What would you wear to a high school graduation for a large high school in a medium midwestern city? I’d rather not spend more than 150-200 unless it’s for something I can wear again.
Anon
I’m assuming you mean as a guest? I think you can basically wear anything dressy casual or business casual. Unless your workplace is super casual, anything you can wear to work should be fine.
Skipper
Yes! It’s my niece’s graduation. My in-laws make a huge deal about graduations, so we’re traveling in from the east coast. Thanks.
Anonymous
Frankly, for any large, general HS graduation in my medium-sized, non-coastal city, a $200 newly-bought outfit sounds WAY overdressed. But we’re not a formal region, and it sounds like you’re used to a more dressed-up lifestyle, and that this graduation is very important to the graduate’s family. So I’d just ask the mom — your sister-in-law? — what she’s wearing and what she would suggest you wear. It’s probably more important that you fit in with your family than with the general event.
kk
I’d wear a cotton sheath dress or shirtdress and espadrille wedges.
Anon
This would be pretty overdressed at the Midwestern public high school graduations I’ve been to. There will almost certainly be some people in jeans, with the majority in fairly frumpy/bland business casual (khakis and polo or button down shirt for men; dress pants, flats and blouse/sweater for women). Keep in mind that summer doesn’t come to much of the Midwest early late May/early June, and the summery outfit you described would look kind of jarring when it’s in the 50s or 60s outside. I agree with the person above who said it’s probably most important to fit in with her nieces family vs fitting in with the crowd in general, though.
kk
I’m in Chicago, and have been to several public and private high school graduations in Detroit and Cleveland. It has been 65-75 degrees in May and June, at most of these, and I’ve been fine with a sleeved dress or a cardigan. Last year, I saw a lot of women in J McLaughlin style dresses. Men I have been with have worn jackets and pants, maybe with no tie. Even if there are people in jeans, my family would dress this way. It’s a celebration of the students’ accomplishments- we believe that dressing nicely is a way of showing your support for those students.
S in Chicago
FWIW, I think your suggestion is spot on. I might go sleeveless sheath and cardigan. That gives you ability to take off the cardigan if you’re in a hot gym or sitting in the sun the whole time. Cardigan guards you if it’s 60s with wind. Not sure where in the Midwest you are, but Chicago area we would usually be way done with 50s weather by then. Casual wedges or espadrilles if there is any chance you’re on grass. Yes, there may be people in jeans. But that’s not what I’d try to emulate.
Aggie
+1 Especially if it is outdoors.
If it were indoors, I would wear ankle pants, wedges and bring a jacket or cardigan.
tesyaa
At a recent public school graduation, the gamut of dress was from business formal to shorts and flipflops. It sounds like you will want to please your inlaws so just take their clothing preferences into account. If it’s outdoors, adjust your footwear accordingly; it’s fine to wear cute athletic shoes with a nice summer dress.
Vicky Austin
I always break out the fun springy/summery dresses for graduations.
Anonymous
Inside or outside? Will you be sitting in bleachers or chairs? Public or private school? That all makes a difference. Plus, June weather is SO variable in much of the Midwest, so it’s going to be hard to make a decision in March. A sundress or ankle pants and a cute top are probably fine, depending on the weather, but talk to the immediate family of the graduate to see what they’re planning to wear.
Anon
Informal poll for a project I’m working on – if you work at a bank or a financial services org, do your official or corporate titles (like “VP”) link to your job or do they “float” separately? Do you feel like it’s clear how to get promoted? TIA!
Anonymous
I’m in a specialty finance company but I don’t understand the question?
Bag Shopping
I’m considering buying a cuyana leather tote. I almost always use black accessories, so I’m leaning towards buying the black/bush tote. However, I wonder whether the burgundy option would work with both black and navy attire, or whether it would read too “brown.” Does anyone in the hive have the burgundy tote and can comment on its versatility?
NYCer
I have the burgundy zipper tote and I love it. Full disclosure, I use it as my diaper bag though, so I am not super concerned about it matching with my clothes. The color is lovely though – to me, it reads pretty neutral (by that I mean a good substitute for black).
BabyAssociate
I also have the burgundy zipper tote and agree that it’s super versatile. I’ve had it for 2 years and it still looks great!
Bag Shopping
Thank you both!
CPA Lady
I have it and it looks good with both black and navy. It’s not brownish.
Shower privacy
I know that see-through glass is popular for walk-in shower remodels, but I would like some privacy when taking a shower. what are your thoughts on frosted doors? any other options that I am overlooking?
Idea
I am not currently in the market for buying, selling, or renovating, but I think frosted glass is fine. Check with your local realtor friends if you’re concerned about resale value
Anon
I think frosted glass is fine. But, honestly, when I use showers with the clear glass usually the steam from the shower fogs them up pretty quickly, essentially making it a frosted glass.
anon
Not in the market and not a realtor or real estate specialist of any sort, but I would look more at the partially frosted doors/walls. So that neck to knees or so is frosted.
Also, like Anon at 1:16, I found that it generally isn’t an issue because the glass fogs up pretty quickly. I was sort of worried I’d be self-conscious with a glass door shower but got over it quicker than I needed to look for any sort of solution (I’m in a rental so it would’ve been adding a film or something similar).
anon
I have remodeled a master bath and now remodeling the second one…we like the privacy of the ‘mottled’ glass. It also doesn’t show the water spots as much….so better look all around
Anon
We have see through glass for our walk-in shower, and while I don’t hate it, I wouldn’t really recommend it. It gets dirty really easily with soap scum and is a pain to clean. It also makes any clutter/scum in the shower more visible. TBH if we didn’t have this ridiculous, high maintenance shower, I would probably not have a cleaning service.
Cat
This was just discussed a few months ago in the comments. https://corporette.com/custom-skirt-with-pockets/
Anon
Can you design the bathroom so that your shower is in a room separate from the sink? Some bathrooms have a door where the sink area is and then separate ares for shower/tub and toilet.
Anonymous
To the poster from the weekend thread asking for advice about staying in Providence vs. Newport – I would stay in Providence but do a day trip (or less) to Newport to check out the town and grab lunch. Easily doable if you have a car and actually, I don’t think the bus would be super painful either (Route 60 goes between the two), although would take a bit longer.
Enjoy! Rhode Islander here and if I can offer any other recs for your stay, let me know!
NYCer
On the other side of the coin, I would definitely stay in Newport (not a Rhode Islander though I’ve been to Providence and Newport). Newport is one of my favorite New England cities for a 2 day visit! There is not a ton to do there, but you can definitely keep yourself occupied for a couple days.
My only caveat is that I’ve only ever been in the summer or fall. You might want to confirm that shops and restaurants are open in April….it can still be chilly at that time of year and it’s a bit off season for NE.
Sunscreen
Recommendations for a sunscreen for face? I tend to break out, and I want something lighter. But I’m also hoping for a sunscreen that doesn’t have any benzones, so not sure if something exists that meets all my criteria. Does anyone have a daily sunscreen they love?
anon
I have used Eucerin Daily Protection Face Lotion SPF 30 as my daily moisturizer for 6ish years (or more?). It may not be light enough for you, but I like that I can skip adding a second moisturizer in addition, and I have no idea if it has benzones. And, it’s cheap :).
Aggie
I wear the Supergoop smooth and poreless mineral matte screen every day. It is SPF 40 and slightly tinted so it wears well on its own (no gray or white cast.) I touch up through the day with their setting powder which is also mineral only sunscreen.
The Drunk Elephant Umbra tint sunscreen is also a great physical sunscreen, but it does not wear well on its own. (It behaves well under makeup, but it too shiny for my liking without.)
BabyAssociate
Can’t speak to the benzones, but I love Biore Watery Essence
Wow
Biore Watery essence SPF 50, available on Amazon. Very light and it works.
BB
I love Avene mineral ultra-light sunscreen. Benzone-free and hypoallergenic.
Anonymous
Neutragena has an all mineral sunscreen.
Anon
I love the Nivea Sun Water Gel (but I think it has some Diethylamino Hydroxybenzoyl Hexyl Benzoate).
That’s one of the best everyday sunscreens I’ve ever used (sensitive, rosacea, Scandi pale). It does have a fair bit of alcohol, but that’s not a trigger for me. It’s Japanese, and I’ve bought it on Amazon.
I also really like NOV, also a Japanese brand.
I don’t like the Biore one, or the Shiseido ones, or La Roche Posay. Or they don’t like me.
For beach wear, I quite like Avene, but not for everyday.
Palm Spring recs
advice for Palm Springs please. I’m taking my mom there early April for a milestone birthday, and looking for recommendation for restaurant (child friendly best) and things to do. I’d like to take her for a nice massage just her and me too, so recs would be highly appreciated!
we’ll be staying in a villa close to the center.
thanks!