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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 234 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Stretch-Cotton Banded Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Lafayette 148 New York Stretch-Cotton Banded Dress Looooove this dress. I can't quite put my finger on what I love about it — the high neckline? The banded waist? The flattering-yet-comfortable relaxed skirt? The huge sale? It's hard to say. Still: this lovely dress (available in vermillion and symphony blue depending on your size) was $398, but is now marked to $139 at Neiman Marcus, available in sizes 0-18. Happy Wednesday! Lafayette 148 New York Stretch-Cotton Banded Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)  

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Comments

    • AIMS

      I really love this, too, but wish I could see the other colors. Is vermillion the red? Also, is Lafayette 148 a size down brand? I seem to recall they run really large a la Eileen Fisher….

      PS: Kat, I’m still having an issue with replying to the comments. I had to close and re-open the page 3 times before I was able to actually write this reply.

      • Cat

        Vermillion reminded me of a book I loved as a kid – I think it was called something like Bea and her Father. Bea goes to the office while Dad goes to kindergarten, and Dad aces the color flash cards by identifying the red one as Vermillion. Ah, nice nostalgia to start the day :)

      • Monday

        I’m not sure if replying works for me either–it hasn’t for a few days. Testing?

      • Bonnie

        Lafayette does run larger but not as large as Eileen Fisher. I love the banded waist but can’t tell if the dress is made of a typical jersey or something more substantial.

        • NOLA

          Agree that the substantial feel of the waistband can make a huge difference. I’m wearing a Michael Kors dress today that is similar to this except that it is a scoop neck top and it has pockets. It’s a stretchy knit but the waistband is reinforced so it pulls in and doesn’t fold over. I have another dress in a similar style but the waistband is flimsy and I don’t like it as well. I have the Michael Kors dress in two very different prints and wish I had more.

      • Cat

        Oh, sizing. Generous. Typically a 6 in Jcrew pencil skirts, and I have a size 2 Lafayette sheath dress that fits the same way. I’m hippy, so for a dress of this shape I’d be tempted to try on both the 0 and the 2.

    • Susie

      Guess I’m in the minority on this one, I don’t love the dress. First the waistband seems much too high, this style tends to practically make me look pregnant. Also the crease down the front of the skirt almost makes it look like culottes.

      • Kanye East

        Agreed. Lafayette 148 is serving up some Boden realness right here (viz., it’s too low to be an empire waist, but too high to be an actual waist).

  2. Midwest Transplant

    Quick question on how to wear navy blazers. I just purchased the JCrew navy school boy blazer, with the intent of wearing it to work. However, I am having difficulty finding the right pants or skirts to pair it with. Unfortunately I own a lot of black bottoms, so thats probably not going to work. I tried to assemble an outfit with a white blouse and a camel skirt, but that looked too boys prep school. What would you recommend?

    • Anonymous

      I have this blazer and I wear it over a lot of dresses. I also wear it with printed pencil skirts. I always pick up 1-2 printed or colored pencil skirts from J. Crew every season and they look great with the schoolboy blazer. It looks especially good with a teal/green colored pencil skirt that is from 2 seasons ago. Lastly, I wear it on casual days over jeans and a silk blouse.

      • preg anon

        Agreed on the colored pencil skirts. It’ll really go with any color but black. Coral looks great. Granted, I don’t wear a ton of black, but my navy blazer is one of the most-worn items in my closet. I see what you mean about the camel skirt, although I think that is a beautiful, classic outfit.

      • KC

        Ditto this. I wear my navy blazer over printed dresses and with colored pants/skirts. Basically, whenever black would be too harsh, I wear navy. Today, for example, I’m wearing a navy blazer over a floral top with green dress pants.

        Since it’s a neutral, I find navy looks best paired with color – so I can see how the navy/camel/white outfit you described would look a little blah. I’d add a bright scarf or necklace and some colorful or printed shoes. You could also substitute a bright top for the white blouse to the same effect.

          • Olivia Pope

            I love the idea of green dress pants, and I love your enthusiasm.

            Question: What are you going to do with your maternity fashion blog now that you have a baby instead of a bump? Will you gather outfits anyway?

          • preg anon

            I took a ton of pictures while I was pregnant, so I still have a bunch saved up to use. After that, I’m not totally sure. I would love to have pregnant friends/acquaintances/whomever pose for me. Or I might start using celebrity pictures. We’ll see! But I definitely want to keep it going.

          • KC

            They’re the JCrew wool cafe capri. My office is business casual, so they work but if anyone has suggestions for colored trouser cut pants I’d love to hear them :)

          • re: PregAnon

            Please keep the blog going! I just found out I am pregnant and would love to keep following the blog while I am expecting!

          • eek

            I think you have a pretty good demographic to pull from here and I think people could be completely anonymous (like, not linked to their c-tte name or even post real name).

          • Holly

            Preg anon I love your blog and I’m not even pregnant, nor intend to be anytime soon, but we both seem to love the same color schemes and jewelry style.

            Can I inquire, is your engagement ring on a yellow gold band and wedding band white gold or platinum? I love the way they look together and then it goes with everything!

          • preg anon

            You’re very observant, Holly! Yes, it’s a yellow gold band on the engagement ring and the wedding band is white gold. I didn’t want yellow gold on the wedding band because it distracted from the little diamonds, I thought. And yes, it goes with everything! Thanks for the nice words.

          • abogada

            Suggestion: there are a lot of style bloggers who have been pregnant at some point during their time blogging. Maybe you could collaborate with them to use photos from their archives. Essentially, your blog could be a central location for pregnancy style so that women wouldn’t have to figure out what style bloggers have been pregnant at one time or another and then navigate the individual blog archives to locate photos from the bloggers’ pregnancies.

        • Anonymous

          Yes!

          OP – go for the camel skirt, but pair with a coral, tomato, plum, jade, etc. shirt instead. Or an awesome, colorful statement necklace with the white shirt. Or some colored shoes, or a bright scarf.

    • In the Pink

      How about jewel tones … deep green, purple, fuschia? and then a patterned top that picks up that color and the navy?

      There’s always navy and grey as well … with a colorful top.

      I do wear blue and black together and keep it intentional with a top that has blue, black, and white background.

      What if you had a print top that has blues and camels in it, as I think the combination you suggest of navy blazer and camel skirt is grand. Maybe even a pop with red shoes? Or red statement necklace?

      • Midwest Transplant

        What do you think about gray bottoms, when the navy balzer has gold buttons? Am I over thinking it that gray = silver, so you can’t wear gold?

          • Anonymous

            However, I would say that if you do grey bottoms + blue blazer, you wear a very colorful top and preferably a colorful printed top so its not just grey + blue + (pink, green, etc).

        • Anonymous

          I don’t think gray=silver unless it’s shiny. So I think that would look really cute. But I’m more thinking gray skinny jeans, not gray dress pants.

        • In the Pink

          Grey and gold is actually wonderful combo …not nautical. It’s that great mixed metals trend right now. I think the key is to break it up with a third color/pattern in the top. And take the contrast color (from the top) into shoes or jewelry. That way there’s no way you’d be confused with a TSA person.

    • Anonymous

      I wear mine with dark jeans (we can wear jeans to work). I would stay away from khaki. You could try some colored skinny or straight leg pants (think bright coral, emerald green). I agree that the navy looks good with other bright colors or prints.

    • BB

      Haha, I just had this freak out this morning about my own navy blazer! :) I didn’t realize that all my non-wool skirts were gray or a different shade of blue/navy. I ended up with a cream colored skirt paired with a striped light blue/pink dress shirt. I like the idea of a printed pencil skirt though.

    • Parker - Boardroombelles

      You could try something instead of the white shirt in the ensemble you mentioned. I think a nice jewel tones chiffon top (in jade or fuchsia) or even a patterned navy tie-neck blouse could go great with this. Though I wouldn’t have a problem with the white either – if prep school is what you’re afraid of, swap the white shirt for a softer looking cream silk shell.

    • Parker - Boardroombelles

      You could try something else instead of the white shirt in the ensemble you mentioned. I think a nice jewel tones chiffon top (in jade or fuchsia) or even a patterned navy tie-neck blouse could go great with this. Though I wouldn’t have a problem with the white either – if prep school is what you’re afraid of, swap the white shirt for a softer looking cream silk shell.

      I wear my navy blazer with turquoise dresses, purple/pinkish pencil skirt and camel pencil.

  3. Nati

    Can anyone share their rosacea “story” with me?

    I was just recently diagnosed by a dermatologist after years of being shuffled between confused GPs who mistreated and worsened my condition with harsh acne medications. My skin in is a pretty horrible and inflamed state right now, and I feel really down and discouraged. I hate having to wear my biggest insecurity on my face where it’s within quite literally everyone’s view.

    Specifically I’m interested to know what symptoms prompted you to see a dermatologist, what types of medications or other coping mechanisms you’ve found useful, etc. I could use some reassurance, as I don’t know any other people in real life with rosacea.

    • ADL

      I have rosacea + oily skin. I’m not sure what to tell you, other than I’ve been seeing a dermatologist for 20+ years now (since I was a teenager) because I’ve always had oily skin with patches of red. I use a combination of prescription face washes and creams – and this changes with the season; I refuse to take an antibiotic as I don’t want to be on antibiotics for too long of a time. Perhaps a 30 day antibiotic might be in order for the inflammation, along with a regime of creams/washes. but you need to see a dermatologist. If you don’t like the one you went to, get a second opinion.

    • Aa

      I had a mild case in high school (always looked like I had gotten too much sun). I took the antibiotic for whatever the max time you could take it without needing to worry about bloodwork, maybe 6 months? It hasn’t really come back in the 15 years since and I generally use Eucerine anti-red at night just as preventative.

    • EB0220

      Not sure I’ll be too helpful, but my mom has rosacea and I had a mild case in high school like Aa. My mom used Metrogel for years before she switched to an oral medication. She’s been very happy with the oral meds (I don’t think it’s antibiotics). Reducing sun exposure, alcohol and spicy food consumption seems to be a good approach for removing the environmental triggers. I haven’t had a problem for a while, but I do remember it being uncomfortable, so I hope that you get some relief soon!

    • mascot

      Are makeup products off limits for you right now? I’ve found the Clinique Anti-Redness primer and cream to be effective in reducing redness. Smashbox makes a green primer too. Perhaps ask your doctor if you can use those types of productsin addition to whatever s/he has you taking.

    • MaineSusan

      My family doc sent me to a dermatologist several years ago for red spots on my nose and cheeks that she thought might be precancerous. The dermatologist thought it was rosacea and put me on an oral antibiotic for 30 days. Cleared up 95% of the redness. I now use a topical prescription ointment called Finacea to keep it at bay. Good luck.

    • little b

      Sorry you are feeling discouraged, but there is hope. I was diagnosed over 10 years ago and I barely have any symptoms now. I’ve always had dry skin and never had an acne problem until my mid 20’s. Then I started having cystic acne along with flushing. At first I thought it was just stress related due to a new job but after doing online research and talking to a co-worker with rosacea I decided to see a dermatologist. The first one I saw was awful. He asked if I heard about from reading fashion magazines and thought I was overreacting. He prescribed Metrogel which did not help the rosacea and only made my dry skin worse. When I went back to him he said that I must not have rosacea because if I did the Metrogel would work. I found another dermatologist that was much more understanding. She confirmed that I did have rosacea but said the Metrogel doesn’t always work. She started me on an oral antibiotic but I had a bad reaction and couldn’t take it. We discussed accutane but I didn’t want to go on it because my skin was already so dry and I was concerned about the side effects. I tried some other non RX treatments to no avail. She then prescribed Finacea, which was a relatively new drug at the time. I have been on it for around 10 years now and it has worked wonders. It is very expensive but worth it. If I stop using it for a couple of days my symptoms will return but otherwise they are under control. If you haven’t tried this I highly recommend it. Otherwise I would try a BHA / salicylic acid product such as Philosophy Clear Days Ahead. A few months ago I reduced the Finacea to pm only and started using Clear Days in the am because the Finacea is so drying. So far this is working for me.

    • Statutesq

      I have rosacea that manifests as bug bite/pimple looking things when I have episode. The first time I had it, no one knew what it was. They put me on prednisone, and it cleared up. The second time I went to a reputable dermatologist who said it was classic rosacea. Since the diagnosis, I have been putting clindamycin cream on my face once a day, and I haven’t had another outbreak. If you’re really inflamed maybe try a short round of prednisone. I had a big event coming up the first time I had the breakout, so I needed it gone pronto. The second time I didn’t do prednisone again, and it definitely took longer to go away, but it’s maintainable now.

    • Bonnie

      I have mild rosacea which gets worse if it’s hot or I’m tired. I’ve tried metrogel and it didn’t really do anything for me. What has helped is being gentle to my skin. I wash my face with Clinique Mild soap as soon as I get home and put on Eucerin moisturizer. In the mornings, I put on moisturizer with a physical blocker of SPF 30 and light foundation or powder, generally Kiss my face or Bare Minerals. Avoid harsh chemicals and peels and look out for added sunscreens containing avobenzone. My dermatologist told me that many people are sensitive to chemical sunscreens, particularly those with rosacea.

      • Nati

        Thanks for your responses, everyone. I’ve just been eager to hear others’ experiences because I don’t have any friends or family with rosacea.

        The irony is that for my entire life people have always complimented me on my “peaches and cream” or “glow-y” complexion. It wasn’t until I started to get the (so so) persistent rosacea bumps and pimples that I stopped looking at it as a good thing.

        I’m on Oracea and Metrocream and keeping my fingers crossed. Though makeup isn’t strictly off-limits, I find that it seems to make my bumpy complexion look even worse. At first I thought it was just my lack of skill, but then I went for a professional application and noticed the same thing.

        • Anon

          I have both rosacea and psoriasis that tend to manifest at the same time (awesome). Metrogel and Metrocream never did anything for me, but a course of Oracea plus switching to using only Aveeno Ultra-Calming facewash and daily moisturizer really helped to stave off new rosacea outbreaks. Good luck!!

        • OG Lawyer

          One additional warning. You can get rosacea of the eyes. It manifests by having constantly red eyes (not the whites, the rims, top and bottom). Whitening eyes drops like Visine don’t work at all. I use steroid drops when it’s really important that I look fresh — like a trial, etc. Otherwise, you look like you have a hangover; not a good look. But because steroid drops can’t be used long term, you’ve got to parse your use of them.

  4. applesandcheddar

    Anyone here attend the All Souls Church in DC? I am thinking about going so I can get involved with some volunteer work and meet some new people. However, I’ve never gone to a church and consider myself an atheist. From what I’ve read though, I should still fit right in. What’s the vibe like? I’m in my late 20’s and hoping to make new friends in social groups at the church.

    • Famouscait

      I haven’t attended All Souls, but I am a UU, so I can speak to that. I was raised Catholic, my husband identifies as an atheist, and we both *love* our UU church and community. We met great people from all walks of life, and there’s all kinds of interesting social action projects going on. I’d recommend you try out a service and see what you think.

    • Anon

      I love All Souls. They have a really active young adults group, the Young Souls, and I’ve met lots of smart, interesting people there. You can join the list serv and get information about all of the events and activities. In my experience, most of the young people I met there identify as atheist, so you should fit right in.

    • roses

      I have attended services but have not participated in the church’s activities. However, from everything I can tell the volunteer work is extremely social-justice focused, not religion-related at all. The services do reference a higher power and often pull from religious texts (hymns and the like), but the church is extraordinarily respectful of all beliefs. The membership is somewhat culturally diverse, and very age-diverse.

    • atheism question

      Prefacing this to say I’ve never been to a UU service —

      I mean this with absolutely no snark (I just wanted to say that because I know how tone can be confusing on the Internet), but I am curious about the decision to join a church if a person identifies as an atheist. If the only point of going to church is seeking community, not God or anything spiritual, why not seek community elsewhere in a club or class or social justice group? Or is it common to go to UU churches (or other churches) if one identifies as atheist?

      • zora

        Some people identify as atheist or non-Christian, and yet still enjoy discussing spirituality and religion with others. Some people grew up in a church and enjoyed the special feeling of community there, but are now atheist and don’t enjoy the dogmatic nature of Christian services, but want all of the other benefits. I think churches (including UU) offer a special feeling of community that is not the same as in a kickball team, etc.

        • atheism question

          Good point. This whole thread is making me really curious about UU services. I think I may check one out. I was raised Catholic, so I’m not used to a religious community that’s this open. Forgive my ignorance in the original post!

          • zora

            Not ignorance!! A fair question. As a life-long UU I am very used to answering similar questions. ;o) I’m glad you asked and you should consider checking out UU churches. They are different, too, some have Christian overtones, some are more secular humanist, etc. I loved having that community to grow up in as a kid, and as a side benefit, you get to learn a lot about many other religions and spiritualities. ;o)

      • Famouscait

        Speaking for my husband (the atheist): he loves the live music at our UU church. And the nature of the sermons leads us into all kinds of discussions about life, and have nothing to do with him being an atheist at all. We also each get time alone with our thoughts during the service, in addition to the wonderful community already written about here.

    • ohc

      I am an atheist UU in Philadelphia, and I can vouch for the All Souls church being AWESOME. Great community, smart people–it sounds like you would fit right in.

      This may or may not be relevant to your own interests, but at the risk of outing myself, I also know that they just hired a super rockin’ new music director (she happens to be one of my best friends), so if you’re a singer or if you like music, there is going to be a lot of good stuff going on there starting this fall.

      Don’t be alarmed if people are *really* friendly when you first show up–we “young adults” are highly coveted by churches, so they’re going to want to make sure that you feel welcomed and included right off the bat. It sounds as though that’s what you’re looking for, but if you trend more towards being an introvert, just be prepared for everyone wanting to say hello to you.

      • Jo March

        There are LOTS of those floating around right now!

        I’m also glad someone made an extrovert version because unfortunately, a lot of the introvert ones are similar to the last panel on this buzzfeed list, implying that extroverts are just shallow stupid partiers. It’s actually kind of obnoxious.

      • January

        Ha! Me too, zora – I self-identify as an introvert, but I do generally like being around people (just not all the time, you know?).

  6. Photog

    Does anyone here use Lightroom? Love it? Hate it? Suggested alternatives? I’m looking for a low-cost program to improve photos I’ve taken with the goal of eventually having some good enough to hang around my house. I tried Gimp but was pretty overwhelmed– it didn’t seem intuitive at all. TIA!

    • Anon

      Lightroom is fabulous/designed for pro photographers amd much easier to use than photoshop but not completely intuitive. I’m a photographer and it’s what I use/industry standard.

  7. New Girl

    How long did it take you to become fully immersed in the daily goings on at your job? I’ve been at my first real job for give months now and only feel like I’m scratching the surface.

    Any advice? Also, how do you balance building your career foundation with eating well and finding time to exercise? My allergies are kicking my @$$ this year and slowing me down in the process.

    Thanks and looking forward to your responses!!!

    • Miss Behaved

      God, don’t get me started on how bad my allergies are. I went through 2 full boxes of tissues over the weekend. Right now I’m headed into a BIG meeting with the director of my department and I can’t stop coughing.

    • Lucy

      I’ve been at my current job for 12 years, but I still remember being completely overwhelmed when I first started. It took more than a few months before I really started to feel comfortable. I would reccomend doing your best to turn out good work even if you need to get some help. If someone requests information from you, but you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to say “I don’t know, but let me check with someone else and get back to you.”

      As far as eating well, I think the best thing is to plan in advance. Maybe on the weekends prep stuff for salads or other meals that you can quickly grab for lunch. If you’re up for it, eat breakfast. I make a big batch of steel cut oats on the weekend and just have to heat up a small portion during the week. Stash healthy snacks at work so you’re not tempted to go to the vending machine. Drink plenty of water.

      I still struggle with exercising on a regular basis. I know that I have to just do it, but honestly sometimes coming home and crashing on the couch is much more appealing!

      • Merabella

        I would say at least 9 months to a year to feel like you really have an idea of what is going on. I agree with Lucy that it is perfectly fine to ask for help.

        Part of all of this is getting into a groove. I personally find it easiest to work out right after work, I’m not a morning person, so I hate getting up early, and if I get home and sit down it just isn’t going to happen. You have to figure out what works for you, and that takes some time to try different options. And sometimes you just want to come home and crash because that is what you need – and let that be OK with you too.

        As for eating well, planning is really the best way to get that started. Take a weekend and think about what you are going to have for breakfast/lunch and have healthy take away options available if you have to stay late for work and just don’t want to cook when you get home.

        Good luck!

      • Houston Attny

        I agree with Lucy regarding the time it takes to ramp up and the food planning (and even the knowing I should exercise but failing most days to do it). It took me several months to feel at ease in my job, and honestly, it took about 18 months before I felt comfortable, not stressed all the time. I understand your frustration – it seems like we should click right along, but it doesn’t feel that way. I think for me to learn personalities, hidden job expectations (things that weren’t obvious or articulated until I missed the mark) and to feel comfortable with both took some time.

        With regard to eating well, I also plan in advance. I am big on making pots of soup (though this does not apply to Texas in August) and freezing individual servings. I cut up fruits and veggies on the weekend, dish out my individual servings so in the morning, I grab and go. (Apparently, I have little ability to put grapes in a baggie in the morning. If I don’t do it on the weekend, I don’t bring it to work.) Also, you might buy some no sugar added applesauce or mandarin oranges individual portions and keep them in your desk drawer.

    • Walnut

      I incorporated myself into the grind early on by offering to take the first cut on stretch projects or someone else’s backburner projects. The key here is to not bother the project owner with a constant stream of questions. Ask for the project, spend a day or two with it, then schedule a half hour meeting to clear up any questions you’ve accumulated. Then finish your first cut as independently as possible.

      The other method I used was to really own questions that came my way. If I received a call and didn’t have the foggiest of ideas how to respond, I would consult with a colleague and then respond to the initial question myself. If my colleague preferred to contact the person, I would ask to sit in on the conference call. The key here is to remain engaged, so the next time a question arises, the person comes back to you rather than just going directly to the colleague you referred the question on to.

    • Senior Attorney

      I vividly remember being a first-year lawyer, and having a slightly more senior associate tell me that it would take a full year to stop feeling like a total and complete idiot every single day, and a full year after that to start feeling like an actual lawyer. I held on to that for dear life and it turned out she was pretty much dead-on.

      I second the planning idea for eating well. Also, I eat pretty much the same thing every week so it’s all automated and doesn’t require much thought.

      And, sad though it may be, for me the best way to fit in exercise is to do the 6 a.m. boot camp class. 5:30 Senior Attorney hates to get out of bed and go to the gym, but 7:00 Senior Attorney is always so happy and grateful that she made the effort! Did it this morning, in fact, and am full of energy and self-esteem! ;)

    • eek

      6 mos- 1yr. I think that’s a pretty good rule of thumb and employers accept that (generally).

    • BankrAtty

      Work out in the morning, especially in the winters when it gets dark early. Many people experience a positive effect on metabolism and fat loss by working out in a fasted state, which is an added benefit (and may mean you can workout for less time but get the same results). I found that steady state cardio was also easier to get through in the morning, before I could fully appreciate how bored I was. The first week of your early morning routine will be grueling!

      As for meal planning, every Sunday I make a list of: (1) what I have, (2) what I can make planning around what I already have, (3) other things I will make, and (4) a grocery list of the things I need to accomplish number 2 and 3. I try to plan out breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the entire week. Then I prep as much as I can to minimize cooking during the week–this may mean pre-chopping veggies, or making a casserole or two. The spouse and I manage to eat very well/healthy for $100/week on this plan, with minimal work during the week and almost no food waste.

    • Dr. Who

      I’m pretty late to this, but maybe you’ll see it. It took 6 months for me to feel a step above the “complete idiot” level at my job (ie- I could do my day to day task semi-competently). It took a full year before I felt like I had complete control over my job, and began to feel like a rockstar at work. Talking to my other co-workers, they agree that it was around the 1 year mark when they finally started to feel like they could excel at their job. It’s hard, but try to have patience with yourself while you get there.

  8. Ellen

    Yay! On Metro to DC! It’s hard to type with this! Dad was mad about the piña colada–he said I should DRINK WATER with mabye a lemon. FOOEY!

    A cute guy is sitting across stareing at me but he is probabley 21 or 22. Way to young. I do NOT want to be a couger. I am going to get off at GW, then walk to the mall. Have fitbit and umbrella. Dad wants to see 15000 step’s today. FOOEY! Where is myrna when I need her!

    Sam keeps texting me! I wonder how clean his iPhone screen can be with brit-bouggers all OVER it? DOUBEL FOOEY!

    Mabye I will meet a guy at the hope dimond and he will marry me! I need the 50,000 from grandma Leyeh so I need to get started quickly! Yay!!

    • eek

      If I was at work today I’d metro over to Foggy Bottom to see Ellen. That seems like a long walk to the Mall, but I guess you’ll get those 15,000 steps.

      • NOLA

        Actually the walk from the Foggy Bottom stop to the Lincoln Memorial is pretty easy if it’s not too hot. Does that qualify?

  9. Bed head

    Any tips for getting rid of “bed head” type waves in my hair in the morning WITHOUT a shower and/or blowdry? (I have straight black, shoulder length Asian hair)

    I usually shower in the evening and I hate blowdryers (actually, I don’t even own one). I’m getting these kind of “lumps” in my hair in the morning. I use a mix of spray bottle and pomade right now, but am wondering if there’s a better product.

    • Olivia Pope

      My hair is entirely different than yours, so someone else can add styling advice.

      My advice for any hair type is to sleep on a satin pillowcase. The texture doesn’t pull your hair like cotton sheets. Sleeping on a satin pillowcase would probably prevent the lumps.

    • Anita

      I’ve got similar hair. Just go with the waves! Apply dry shampoo at the roots, rake it through and pin or pull it back until you get to work. It will look a bit tousled, but not lumpy.

      Alternatively, you could wait until your hair is 100% dry before going to bed, but that might be hard if you have thick hair and no blowdryer. There are lightweight powerful dryers (Solano, Babyliss, T3) that will get your hair mostly dry in about 5 minutes.

    • Hollis

      I have the same hair. I usually shower in the morning, but if I shower at night, I step in the shower in the morning just to wet my hair, which takes 2 mins., but then I blow dry it afterwards (I need volume). Or, ponytail. Or, curling iron, but if you don’t have a blow-dryer, I can’t imagine that you’d own a curling iron.

  10. Olivia Pope

    Thanks to the Anonymous who wrote about having a wardrobe spreadsheet in March!

    I just cataloged my professional clothes in a spreadsheeet, and now I see what I am dissatisfied with my outfits. While each piece is comfortable and fits well, most of my stuff doesn’t even go together!

    • Houston Attny

      When you catalogued them, did you do different columns for different items such as slacks, skirts, blazers…? Or did you create outfits such as ‘gray slacks, yellow blouse, navy blazer’ and ‘gray slacks, coral blouse, navy blazer’? I’m curious how I should do this. Thanks!

    • anon

      orangerie09’s spreadsheet is boss. my mornings have been running smoothly and I can see where my wardrobe needs work/what I should never buy again.

      @HoustonAtty – have been doing things like “BR white linen skirt” so i know brand/color/fabric. I had to widen the columns but for things like black pants, its helpful to have more detail (imho).

        • Leigh

          Oh, do you share?! I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, but haven’t known where to start!

          • Orangerie

            Absolutely – shoot me an email at orangerie09 at gmail (that’s a zero before the 9) and I’ll send you a blank template!

          • Veronique

            Can I also request the spreadsheet? I definitely want to become more organized with my work wardrobe.

          • Orangerie

            Veronique, the more the merrier! Send me an email at the address listed above and I’ll distribute the template and instructions this evening.

          • mintberrycrunch

            I’m going to shoot you an email too, if you don’t mind. Thanks!

        • In the Pink

          Absolutely. In our Houston weather and ac offices, so many items are just year-round, I find it makes more sense to do by item. Amazing that I “switch” out only heavier skirts and blazers in my closet.

  11. NOLA

    I love this dress! Finally a dress that would work on my body! Unfortunately, no big purchases for me right now.

      • NOLA

        Yeah I need to hold off on new purchases until I see how hideous tomorrow’s specialty vet bill will be. And I hope this is the last one and we finally have a diagnosis. I’d rather have my little furry child back to normal than have a new dress.

  12. Minnesota Gifts follow up (Mpls)

    In case none of the suggestions yesterday work out, I thought of another non-food item. A small messenger/backpack sized Duluth Pack bag. The bigger ones are used for packing in and out of the boundary waters, but they do have smaller ones for everyday usage too.

    http://duluthpack.com/

    • Minnesota gifts

      Thanks–and thanks to everyone else who chimed in with suggestions. DH and I are going to the Minnesota store at the MOA to pick some things up later this week.

  13. Famouscait

    Happy news to share: I found out about a week ago that I’m pregnant.

    I thought I’d put that announcement out here first, as I’m working up the stomach (no pun intended) to tell my family next weekend. I’m excited to have a child, but never thought I’d be a fan of pregnancy, and lo and behold, I was right. Hopefully the fatigue and queasiness will let up soon so I feel better. My mom and sister (who are much more high strung than me) are bound to freak out, and I’m not quite sure how to handle that yet, since I would prefer to keep things very low key. My hubby offered to bring a Nerf gun to the announcement to ward them off, but I’m open to other ideas if anyone has a suggestion….. =)

    • Anonymous

      Congratulations!! Their excitement will rub off on you after the first few minutes. Unfortunately, for me, the queasiness and fatigue hasn’t let up yet (and I’m 13 weeks). It’s noticeably better than it was 4-5 weeks ago, but it’s still tough. Let DH manage this one and run interference. You’ll be just fine :)

    • preg anon

      Congratulations! Yes, let DH handle this one. I was not really a fan of pregnancy, but the middle part of it really is much better for most people. Hopefully you’ll get there soon! It took me a bit longer than the first trimester; I think I started feeling better at about 16 weeks and then bad again in the mid-30s, but in a different way. Anyway, hopefully you’ll feel better soon!!!

      • Famouscait

        Thank you both.

        Preg anon: I hope you keep up your blog, for obvious reasons. =)

      • Famouscait

        I’m about 6 or 7 weeks along – I go for my first appointment in about 10 days.

        I am also very envious of your twins, by the way. Hubby and I have always wanted the 2 for 1 deal.
        Looking forward to keeping up with our concurrent progress, internet friend.

        • TBK

          I’m about 5 1/2 weeks, so it sounds like you’re about one week ahead. No nausea or fatigue for me yet, so I’m guessing this week or next will be the week for me. We’re still not out of the woods on twins yet — next u/s on Tuesday should show heartbeat(s) so keep your fingers crossed!

          • Jo March

            Fingers crossed for you both! I’m at 10 weeks and barely any nausea, no puking, and if anything, I have *more* energy than usual.

            Though, I’m pretty sure this means I am going to have to worst.labour.ever. :p

            Also, agreed about the 2 for 1 deal. I would be happy with having an only, but as an only on my mom’s side (I have half siblings on my dad’s side), it SUCKS not having any help to deal with aging/ill parents. I’d love to have twins and just get it all over with!

          • RR

            I never really had any nausea with either pregnancy, twins or singleton. I just felt like I had to graze all the time to avoid getting hungry. Fingers crossed you too avoid the morning sickness.

    • RR

      Congrats! I have never been a fan of pregnancy either. Just not a fun experience for me, but obviously the payoff at the end is great.

  14. Boston recommendations?

    Boston r e t t es

    I am going to Boston for a long weekend in August and would love some recommendations on what to do. I have been to Boston a few times before and have done the Freedom Trail (loved it) and Faneuil Hall. I love art/museums, history, walking and biking, so would love your recommendations on what to check out, good places to eat, etc. I will be staying in the East Cambridge area but am planning to visit other areas of the city too.

    Thanks!

    (Also, Kat, I tried to post this comment a few times but was getting the “posting too quickly” error message.)

    • Anonymous

      FYI – the “posting too quickly” error message happens when other people are trying to post a comment the same time as you. We all get it sometimes. Just keep refreshing.

    • BB

      I live right next to East Cambridge (Kendall…which I think was part of E. Cambridge until they started building upscale offices and restaurants there and wanted it to be a new “thing”)!

      You can’t do better for art museums than the MFA and the Isabella Stewart Gardner (via T or you can take a very long walk). Seriously, the only art museum in the US I’ve been to that was better than the MFA was the Met. There is also a nice park-y area around both that are good for a walk. East Cambridge is full of great ethnic restaurants (Portuguese is big – Portugalia is my favorite). There are also a couple of hip foodie restaurants (Oleana middle eastern, Hungry Mother southern, Helmand Afghan, Craigie On Main) and pretty good ice cream (Christina’s and Toscanini’s). Walk over to the Charles and take a walk along Memorial or the Esplanade (on the Boston side).

      • BB

        Also, forgot to add: I’m not sure where you’re from and what the bike lane situation is in your city, but please, please be careful biking in Cambridge/Boston. The bike AND car lanes are narrow and drivers are generally pretty aggressive. I drive to work every day and have to be on 200% alert for bikers. It’s generally okay unless a cyclist is really spacey at a turn or try to run a red light or try to overtake another cyclist by going out of the bike lane.

        • Diana Barry

          +1 to both of these. I love the MFA and the Gardner.

          Do you want to eat near where you’re staying, or doesn’t it matter?

    • Anonymous

      Isabella Stewart Garner Museum is awesome.

      I haven’t lived in Boston in 10 years, so any restaurant recommendations would not be current.

      If you like biking, it might be fun to bike from Cambridge to South Boston / Dorchester to the JFK library. You’ll get some good views of the harbor.

      • Anon

        +1 on Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. Unique to Boston.

        Haven’t lived in Boston in 7 years, but Oleana, Helmand are memorable. East Coast Grill in Inman Square is too.

        This is making me pine for a visit…

    • Lyra Silvertongue

      The Museum of Fine Arts and the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum are lovely and quite close to each other. Highly recommend. If you like to combine eating chocolate with your walking, I just did a Cupcake Crawl with Boston Chocolate Tours this past weekend during a bachelorette. The company also does chocolate tours through Back Bay and chocolate-making workshops.

    • Ciao, pues

      I recommend the Institute of Contemporary Arts (ICA) in the waterfront area. The architecture of the museum is art in itself, and they always have interesting exhibits. It’s small, so make sure all the galleries are open (that they’re not in the middle of dismantling one to set up for the next). During the summer months, they also have a number of cool music events, and if you can time it right, it’s great to check those our (usually free with museum entrance). The ICA is right on the water, so is a great place to have lunch or dinner either at the museum cafe on the deck, or at any one of the surrounding restaurants. I haven’t tried most, but had a good experience at Legal Test Kitchen close by. It’s the funkier little sister of Legal Sea Foods, a Boston institution.

      • Ciao, pues

        oh, and if you like cocktails, Boston has recently been inundated with the craft cocktail movement. Drink in the waterfront area is great, but gets really crowded, so best in the afternoon rather than evening. Russell House Tavern in Harvard Square is excellent.

  15. Girls' Weekend in Montreal

    Looking for ideas for a long weekend with the girls in Montreal. We’re around 30, all newly single, and I definitely need some cheering up. We like culture, restaurants, etc. Where should we stay, etc. I found some good things to do, but any help is appreciated. Sorry if this has been covered before.

    • Ellen

      I should go with you. The Canadians may have a better selection of eligibel guy’s then NYC because NYC men do not want to MARRY me, just make me have sex. FOOEY! I do not oppose sex but onley with some one who is at least engaged to me. Alan fooled me. FOOEY on men like him!

      Does the hive know if men there are marry oreinted or are they like NYC guys who just count us as another person to have sex with? Grandma Leyeh does not want me to just get pregnent to get MARRIED.

    • Houston Attny

      Now *there* is an option. Taking Ellen with you to Montreal. The image of this makes me laugh until I shake – you and your lovely friends and batty, getting-crazier-by-the-day Ellen. Hee!

    • TO Lawyer

      hahaha I’m not sure Canadian guys are any more eligible than American guys but Ellen is welcome to try!

      As for your actual question, I would stay in Old Montreal. It’s beautiful. The good shopping is on st. laurent and st. catherine streets. I remember Crescent street having some great restaurants and bars but I haven’t lived there in a few years and I know nightlife in Montreal has a high turnover so everything I could recommend is either now lame or shut down.

      Have fun!

      PS Montreal also has a nice (relatively speaking) male strip club if you and your friends are in the mood for that kinda thing… (don’t ask me how I know this please)

    • Equity's Darling

      I’ve written about my fave spots in montreal a bunch of times on the site.

      I won’t write it all out again, but briefly I will say that the museums are all great, a couple really good restaurants are au peid de cochon, la clube chasse et peche, santropol (for brunch), and St. Viateur for bagels (Fairmont is just awful, don’t do it), and Schwartzes for smoked meat.

      Most of the clubs we went to were on St. Laurent, which is more “french” (I use that term loosely, it’s french for montreal, which is quite English for Quebec), and Crescent is more English. On Crescent, I always loved Brutopia, but it may skew a bit young, since I did mostly go there between the ages of 17 and 21. For dancing, Club 737 is also pretty cool, it’s on the top of one of the towers downtown, which is delightful on a nice Montreal night.

      For shopping, do check out Simons and Ogilvy. Jean-Talon farmer’s market is cute, I always like the little Quebecois goods shop they have there.

      The subways system is good and reliable, and taxis are pretty cheap so renting a car probably isn’t necessary unless you plan to leave the city. And yes, staying in Old Montreal is gorgeous, so do that, otherwise, I’d stay downtown in one of the hotels near McGill (though that’s perhaps because I lived near there, so it’s “home base” for me).

    • AMB

      Just got back from a weekend in Montreal (where I also went to school). I love finding restaurants with big patios (they call them terraces) that sell sangria by the pitcher. There are many restaurants which let you bring your own wine (I went to a great vietnamese one in the plateau) which makes meals much more reasonable.
      This is more a nod to the area of town I hung out with but I really like the Atwater Market and the area around there (former Griffintown) is gentrifying fast and there are some really good pubs – went to Toi et Moi cafe for brunch, was great.
      I will always recommend Juliette et Chocolat which has multiple locations for their excellent chocolate desserts.
      Walk up Mont Royal for a great view of the city and yes the subway is very easy, cheap and safe. Be a careful pedestrian though! Montreal drivers are AGGRESSIVE. (And watch out for sinkholes too).

    • Buckeyeesq

      I went to Montreal over Fourth of July weekend, so these are just tips from another tourist:

      Hotel
      -We stayed at Le Square Phillips Hotel and Suites and got a pretty good deal on Expedia. It’s a great location — maybe a 5 minute walk to the Place des Arts (theater district), and 10 or 15 minutes to Old Montreal in one direction and Saint Catherine Street (shopping district) in the other. Each room has a kitchenette if you wanted to stay in one evening and depending on how many girls you’re taking, you probably could share one of the larger suites.

      Activities
      -The Pointe a Calliere Museum was a good first stop to learn (or get a refresher) on Montreal’s history, and they have an exhibit running through 2014 on the Beatles that was really great.
      -If you’re going before September 29, I recommend the Montreal Botanical Gardens. They have a Mosaicultures Exhibit right now that I really enjoyed. I’m not really interested in flowers/gardening, but the scale of the flower sculptures was amazing (somewhat reminiscent of the floats in the Rose Parade). Take a AAA card if you have one to reduce the admission price, which is a little steep.
      -Jean Talon Market is a bit of a trek on the metro, but worth it. There’s a ton of fresh produce, cheese, sausage, etc. (that you could take back and cook for dinner at Le Square Phillips). We had breakfast at a cute place that had omelettes served with a really beautiful arrangement of fresh fruit. God help me, I can’t remember the name but it was on the perimeter of the market and had outside seating so you could watch the shoppers.
      -We rode a bus (I think the 11 at the Mont Royal metro stop) up Mont Royal, then hiked down. It was a nice way to get exercise and walk on something that wasn’t pavement for a few hours, but the view wasn’t as good as I had expected and I wouldn’t put it on a must-do list.

      Food
      -Les 400 Coups had great food, cocktails, and wine–a little on the pricey side, but I thought it was worth it and the atmosphere was fun and trendy so you won’t be surrounded by just couples.
      -Olive et Gourmand and Mon The Cafe were nice breakfast spots, and make sure you get some poutine while you’re there.

  16. BB

    Had a horrible moment this morning realizing that I only have one matching suit somehow and a closet full of (really awesome) coordinating skirts, pants, blazers. My first paycheck in 2 years (post grad school) is coming on Friday and I foresee most of it being spent on a mad dash for a few matching suits! How did this happen?! :P

    • Merabella

      Do you work in a place where you have to wear a suit everyday? I think you can probably make due with one suit for now, and mix it in with your coordinating pieces, and then add more as you go along. No need to do it all in one weekend if you don’t have to wear a suit everyday.

      • BB

        Actually, I work in a tech firm, but not as an engineer. Most of my team wears business casual, so my coordinating stuff is pretty good. There’s just a few times (maybe like 2x per month) where I feel like I have a meeting important enough to suit up and look a bit more authoritative, and today is one of them. I agree that I probably don’t need to run out and get 3 this weekend, but definitely need to at least do a canvassing expedition in preparation for the next round of sales. :)

    • In the Pink

      I usually wear separates, but I have found that macys has a lot of mid-level suits at pricing that makes me happy – as I am not wearing suits all-the-time. I think for many of us, separates fit better than a full on suit. There’s also more flexibility in colors, patterns, and being more creative that way. Perhaps you can target some of your favorite “fancy” tops/shirts and then shop or look for basic colors of suiting that “goes” with them?

  17. rosie

    Has anyone been to a Boden sample sale? I like Boden stuff online, but the things I have ordered don’t generally work for me (really like their dresses, but the waists don’t fall right for the ones I’ve tried). Would it be worth going to try on more stuff than I would order online in the hopes of finding something that could work?

    • In the Pink

      No, but how do you find out about a sample sale?

      I have struggled with their dresses for years, with the waistlines too high for me. I now own 2 different styles of dresses from their spring/summer line and am happier once again. I do think if you are looking for dresses it would be good to try them on.

      Oh for the day that duty regulations permit Boden to have shops stateside and all over, not just around their PA depot. Their fabrics are so inspired. And the tailoring…

      keep us posted if you do go to the sample sale! Cheers,

      • rosie

        I just got an email from them about it. Hynes Convention Center in Boston on 8/17.

  18. Anonymous

    I have two questions- 1. Gift suggestions for a DC foodie? Something small but unique? My sis is leaving and I’d like to get her a momento. 2. When are you officially an attorney? This guy at work calls himself an attorney but is not in an attorney position. Is the title defined by the job or just passing the bar? Just curious

    • Baconpancakes

      Tupelo honey. Sal de mer. Chocolates by Jane Morris, jchocolatier dot com. A distric-shaped cutting board (available at Hill’s Kitchen in Eastern Market). Are you looking for a more permanent gift or something edible?

    • Equity's Darling

      You can be a lawyer and work in a non-legal position- It’s based on whether you’ve been admitted/called to the bar.

      • Anonymous

        So you would still say you were an attorney? Even if you are not working as one.

          • TBK

            (Btw, minor quibble. Passing the bar is not the same as being admitted. You can pass and not be admitted, typically for character issues. A tiny minority of people fall into this category, but there is still a technical difference and calling yourself a lawyer if you passed the bar but were not admitted would be incorrect and intentionally misleading.)

        • Equity's Darling

          I don’t know that I’d focus on the fact that I’m a lawyer on a regular basis, but I’d probably put LLB in my email signature (in addition to my other degree), and maybe refer to myself as a non-practicing lawyer if it came up in conversation? It would probably depend a lot on the position- some positions benefit from legal knowledge,even if a lawyer isn’t required to do the job.

          I don’t know, the situation hasn’t really arisen for me, but I can say that I’d probably only stop calling myself a lawyer if I was disbarred (which seems unlikely to happen because I’m not really into fraud, appropriating trust funds, etc.), because that’s the point at which I’d no longer be a lawyer. I mean…I did work for it for like 4 years, so it’s not like the professional status disappears if I choose to work in a different field, particularly as I could always go back to law, so long as I wasn’t disbarred.

        • Aria

          While technically someone may be an attorney, I find it a bit misleading if you’re not in a legal position. For example, at my company we hire a lot of lawyers into non-legal positions (contract administrators, landmen, regulatory people). While they may be licensed to practice law, our company does not view them as lawyers and they must still have their documents ultimately reviewed by the Legal Department.

          Every once in a while I’ll meet someone who will say “Oh, I know a lawyer who works with you!” and I’ll run through the three possible choices of lawyers in my department, only to learn that it was someone in a non-legal position who had said “Oh, I’m a lawyer and I work at X company.” While nothing in that statement is untrue, it is misleading.

          • Anonymous

            Yes thats whats going on here. I just find it weird. I thought of attorney like a position. Like “salesman.” But the person keeps getting introduced as an attorney but is not in our legal department. But good information for a non lawyer like me to know!

          • Anonymous

            I disagree. I recently worked as a paralegal for a government agency, but I’m still an attorney. I was not working as a lawyer in that position, but nothing about that made me not an attorney. I could file a complaint or other papers in court, I could appear before a judge (inadvisable as I was not covered by malpractice insurance, but I could still do it.)

          • Anon

            You are either an attorney or you are not – there’s nothing misleading about saying you are a lawyer. You can be a SAHM (or unemployed) and call yourself a lawyer if you are member of any bar.

            The bigger question for me is, why does this bother you? Do you feel like it takes something away from you or any lawyer in your department for another person to say they are also an attorney?

          • Aria

            I have no problem with someone who isn’t practicing calling themselves an attorney. But when you when you give that title in the same sentence as the company you work for, it can be misleading. One could easily say, “I’m an attorney, though I work as [contract administrator/landman/regulatory] for X company.” Then there’d be no confusion about whether you were an attorney for that company and you could still honestly tell people that you are an attorney. But when you say you’re an attorney and neglect to mention that you’re not in a legal position at your company, it almost sounds like you’re holding yourself out as something you’re not. Or confusing to outsiders who might legitimately be trying to find someone in the legal department.

          • Veronique

            +1 to Aria’s post. Lawyers work in both legal and non-legal positions in my company and it can be confusing not just to outsiders but especially to non-lawyers within the company. Those who aren’t in attorney positions aren’t allowed to give legal advice or represent legal in any way. Non-attorneys may not realize this or may not realize that the attorney actually works in a non-legal position and may think that they’ve received legal advice or approval when they haven’t.

            A related example is my friend who is a certified nurse practitioner, but occasionally works part time as an RN with her former employer. She never holds herself out to be a CNP in that position because she is working as an RN, not a CNP.

        • anon

          Yes, you are still an attorney, you just may not be practicing law for a living. I worked for a government agency for a few years in an HR position, I was an attorney, just not practicing. If you let your license lapse, then I would say not an attorney.

  19. Aria

    Ladies, I could use some help finding a new purse for fall. I’m hoping to find a maroon or grey leather purse (though the perfect black purse could sway me as well) for under $600. Ideally it could be worn cross body or as a satchel. I’m finding a ton of satchel purses that I love, but they’re all too big. I only carry a small wallet, two iPhones, car keys and a handful of lipsticks, so the giant totes or satchels are all way too big for me and I’m trying to lessen the load of my purse (I even recently followed someone’s great advice on here and bought a Lodis card wallet rather than a regular zip wallet to lighten my load). Any suggestions?

  20. Greenbrier - wardrobe needed

    I am going to the greenbrier in a few weeks. The last time I went, I was pregnant and nursing. Now, I am wondering what to where when I am there with the family in a few weeks. My weekend wear is Lilly shifts for church / stain hiding at restaurants, shorts with polos, and tennis attire (so lots of Skirt Sports skorts). Is any of this ok to bring? All of my other clothes are for work or are too dressy for daytime antics with preschoolers.

    • goldribbons

      I read that too. I thought it was very interesting how the women seemed to agree that even though they were equal partners with their husbands prior to leaving the workforce, upon leaving and after re-entering (where they were successfully able to find a job again), their husbands still expected them to pick up 100% of the housework and home responsibilities. Did anyone read that differently?

      • WarEagle

        That’s how I read it as well. It’s also true in my experience. I was a housewife for the nine months it took me to find a job after finishing law school. I’ve been working for roughly a year and a half now, but my husband still expects me to do everything around the house.

        • TBK

          I didn’t read it that way. I read it as both spouses sort of fell into a pattern that became very difficult to change. In my house, I cook dinner and do clean-up any night we cook at home. Sometimes my husband will grill, if I ask him to, and if he’s in the kitchen talking to me while I’m cooking, he’ll gladly flip the burgers or check the chicken or whatever if I ask him. He’ll also help with clean-up, but doesn’t do it on his own. We never sat down and agreed that I’d be in control of the kitchen, but it worked out that way. I could raise a fuss, because sometimes I’m in there working on dinner while he’s out in the living room on the couch, but I don’t know, there are other things I care about more. At this point, I know where everything is in the kitchen, I know what’s in the fridge and in the pantry (and how old it is), I know how to make all the dishes we regularly eat (or where to find them in one of our cookbooks), I know where all the dishes and random kitchen items go, and the kitchen is sort of my space.

          I’ve out-earned my husband ever since we met (and often by quite a lot — I currently earn about 75% of our household income). I realize that there may be a time when that’s flipped and it actually makes me a little nervous. I don’t hold it over his head that I earn most of the money, but, while I love and trust my husband, I think it would be hard to cede that power. Also, I have absolutely no intention of ever leaving him, but I think it would feel very different if I financially couldn’t. Because I earn so much of our money, staying home is not going to be an option for me (at least, in the forseeable future — my husband has the potential to earn quite a bit more down the road). I’m a little bit glad that I won’t have that temptation and, much as I might not want to go back to work, I’m just going to have to do it.

          • s-non

            But what about when you’re working late / not home and he is? I think this is more along the lines of what the article is talking about. Because when you’re a SAHM, you are home when the spouse isn’t, and that’s how you fall into the habits. If you’re working late, does he cook dinner? Or are you on your own when you come home?

          • TBK

            Oh, if I’m not around for dinner he’ll just get take-out, or scrounge up stray deli meat and cheese from the fridge. I don’t think he’s ever planned and cooked a full meal for us, not even when we were dating. But he’ll totally go pick up take-out to have ready for me if I’m working late. Honestly, though, I rarely work late at the office these days. I’m more likely to come home then open the laptop again after dinner if there’s more to be done.

    • espresso bean

      I just read this and found myself equally intrigued by and irritated with the article. I think what’s frustrating about these “women can’t have it all” articles is that there are as many kinds of healthy, functional marriages as there are people, and what works for one marriage may not work for another, yet these articles always have a distinct spin (in this one, it’s that leaving the workforce for women creates conflict in the marriage and leaves them with a lack of self-worth/value).

      • L

        Honestly, I think the spin you point to isn’t necessarily spin, but an actual problem that comes out of any “unequal” working arrangement in a marriage. I say unequal because it is perceived, not necessarily true.

        I took a less prestigious job and honestly it has hammered my self-worth. I didn’t realize how much of my pride was in being X (typical high-stress career). Now I’m still in the same field, but in a much more relaxed role and it has put a strain on my relationship with DH, not because he sees it as lower value, but because I do and therefore am unhappy professionally. That spills over into life in general; it shouldn’t but it does.

        I know plenty of men who feel the same when they’re on the ‘unequal’ footing, but that isn’t ever discussed because it doesn’t have to do with kids/mommy wars/etc. I wish one of these articles would raise the question as to why Americans place so much/all value on work, rather than a well-rounded lifestyle. To me, that’s the big picture issue, but it’s not as easy to get people riled up about, so instead people write about mothers and working and miss the larger point.

        • espresso bean

          That’s a really good point. I am not married, so I haven’t experienced any of this firsthand. Most of my (early-to-mid-30s) married female friends work (and I’d say about a third are the breadwinners), but I have two friends who do not work. One stays home with kids and one has no kids but just doesn’t work. Her husband makes plenty, so she doesn’t have to. I wonder what she would say about the points of view presented in this article. It seems like women go into this arrangement thinking it will be beneficial, and it’s only after some years pass that they regret it.

          • L

            I would agree with that. I’m still the breadwinner in my household, so the shift in perception of value caught me off guard. At first, I was really excited about it (shorter hours, less travel, etc) and then BAM, I felt like I lost everything I’d worked for. I’m better with it now, but I can’t imagine what that would feel like if I had been out of the workforce for multiple years. Honestly, I’m glad that there is some focus on ‘what happens next’ because I think so many people think if you’re a really successful woman, you can just make it happen and pick up where you left off.

        • Monday

          I agree that this is often what it comes down to: people’s worth being attached to their work and not just being innate. It reminds me of how you’re only allowed to ask for leeway in scheduling if it’s because you have kids to deal with–anything just for yourself or for any other cause is invalid. We’re all supposed to be valued for our work, and then there’s the struggle to have childcare and home making recognized at the same level. But what if the real problem is that nobody should have to justify themselves along these lines in the first place? It’s certainly harder and harder these days anyway. I think the ideal partnership has both individuals valuing themselves equally without any conditions… and I certainly agree and have found that this is easier said than done.

          • Yes

            Excellent point. A friend of mine left a firm because all the other lawyers were married and almost all had kids and so work got dumped on her because of the inappropriate assumption that she had no life or responsibilities because she was single. It’s a shame! They lost a great lawyer.

    • roses

      Two things really bothered me about the article. First, the women seem somehow surprised that they can’t just get back into the workforce in the same position with the same prestige as they had when they left. If you’ve been out of your field for 10+ years and haven’t done anything to keep yourself up-to-date (e.g., freelance work), you’ve almost certainly missed tons of new developments, and your skills have likely deteriorated from lack of practice. I think the women in the article had a mighty sense of entitlement for complaining about that.

      Second, I’m not quite clear on this whole “my husband expects me to do X (cleaning, childcare, etc.) even after I went back to work.” Well ok, it’s understandable that the roles can be a little hard to shake once they’re set, but why isn’t the couple communicate more to try to switch things around? I don’t think the husbands are handcuffing the wives to a broom, so I blame them a little for not being more forceful about splitting up the work. If the husbands are really stubborn, the wives can use their new earnings to hire help (not that it should be the wife’s responsibility to do pay for this herself, but I think doing this would give the husband a kick in the pants to realize that his wife wasn’t going to clean by herself so he should help out or help pay for help).

      • AIMS

        There’s an interesting article about something similar in New York mag. The writer makes the point that the problem with the having it all notion is that it presupposes that all will be perfect – i.e., you dont just have to have a career, but the career has to be challenging and fulfilling; you dont just habe to have a a good marriage, but you must have an intellectually stimulating one with great s*x that lasts 50 years plus; and you not only have to have kids but be the best mother ever too… One of the interesting point the writer makes is that perhaps the problem is our own expectations, like maybe women leave the workplace because they think work should be better or they must be more perfect mothers, when we should be making choices for very different reasons.

  22. Need a job

    Maybe just a networking vent, but maybe someone can offer advice . . .

    I met someone from my husband’s side of the family for the first time about a month ago. We got to talking about my unemployment. I went straight from undergrad to law school and haven’t had a real job yet. I graduated in May 2012 and haven’t found a career. I’ve been working retail to pay the bills. This relative offered to put me into contact with someone in the field of law I originally intended to practice. This lawyer doesn’t work in the same state as me, but the lawyer is an alumni of the same undergrad as me. I am not looking really for job opportunities from the lawyer. At this point I would be truly grateful for any possible career advice.

    I feel so awkward writing the email to my relative asking him to put me into contact with his lawyer friend. I want to make the email sound personal, but it is coming off as very stiff. “I hope you are doing well” sounds so insincere. I am introverted, timid and shy and I’m hoping I am just over thinking this. I am nervous from reading networking advice that says to not make the email all about me. Is it ok to make the email short and simple? Do I just ask for the lawyer’s email address? Any advice?

    • LilyB

      Hi [insert name], hope this finds you well- I was hoping to get the contact info for [lawyer’s name] you mentioned back at [event where you met relative]. As you know I’m job hunting and I can use any advice I can get! Thanks so much and hope to meet you again sometime!

      Best,
      [your name]

      it’s family so i really don’t think you need to be super formal. don’t overthink!

    • Vikra

      Get with it. Stop being an introvert! You have a law degree that is withering on the vine. Here’s an opportunity for you. Carpe diem! You went to law school! You can’t be that introverted, timid and shy. If you got through 3 years of grueling law studies at a reputable school, you really can’t be that much of a wall flower. Also, I see you managed to land a husband, which is no simple task for women these days, even with a law degree. You are not a loser, and there is no downside to sending an e-mail to the relative and being direct — reiterate the conversation and ask for the name of the legal guy, and have him tell the legal guy that you will be calling him. Then DO call him — don’t e-mail the legal guy — and ask if he has some time to discuss career directions with you. He will know your situation from the relative, and he should be sympathetic, because you come from the same UG school.

      The last thing this guy would want to hear about is some woman from his alma mater who also has a law degree but is too timid to ask him for career advice. He will probably feel honored! Moreover, since he is in another state, it is not likely he’d think of you as trying to cop a job off him, since you’re not admitted to the same bar as him. Go for it, and don’t be shy. The worst that can happen is nothing, which is what you have now.

    • Senior Attorney

      Dear Relative,

      It was great to meet you at XYZ event! I hope we will have other opportunities to get together in the near future.

      I really appreciate your offer to put me in touch with Big Deal Lawyer. I would love to be able to pick his brain about possible career options! Were you planning on contacting him on my behalf, or would you prefer to give me his email address so I can contact him directly? Thanks so much for your help!

      Hope you are having a great week. I look forward to hearing from you soon!

    • ss

      “Hi there, hope all goes well with you. I was hoping to take you up on that offer to put me in touch with X. I’m fine to get their contact details and introduce myself or perhaps you could introduce us by email intro – whatever you think works best. And thank you for making the offer – I really appreciate it.”

      I am sure your relative, like most folks who follow the news, is aware of the tough conditions for new grads and glad to have an opportunity to help. No need to over-think. Good luck with the job search !

    • January

      What always helped me when I felt shy about approaching people to ask for advice or help or whatever was to imagine the roles were reversed. I wouldn’t feel offended if someone asked me for career advice, so it’s very likely that the person I’m approaching wouldn’t, either. Eventually, with practice, I got over it – and you probably will, too. :)

  23. Anon

    A couple of questions for you ladies –

    (1) I am fashion disabled and was wondering – are cross body purses considered really casual? I have a relatively plain black leather Coach cross body purse that I was going to take to work this morning and then realized it might be too casual. I work in a business casual environment (rather than business professional if that matters).

    (2) I was selected to be the godmother for my best childhood friend’s daughter. I’m thinking about getting her a charm bracelet and then each birthday I could get her a new charm. Is that cheesy? I remember my mom having a charm bracelet in her drawer from when she was a child and I was obsessed with that thing and loved looking at the different charms.

    • Samantha

      (1) Yes, they are casual, but in your situation, they sound fine. You’re taking them on your commute, and that’s totally fine in a bus-cas environment. It would be different if you were taking them out to a fancy client lunch/dinner or to sessions at a formal-attire conference etc.
      (2) That doesn’t sound cheesy, but I’d run it by your friend first before you purchase.

  24. Ethical Dilemma

    Good morning ladies. I have an ethical dilemma that I need advice on. I am going anon for this, but I am a regular reader. I am going to try not to out myself.

    I work in a small to mid size firm. I am a senior associate, and the rumors have been hot and heavy that I will be a partner by the end of the year. I like my job and the people I work with.

    I work with mostly one partner. Recently, he took a vacation to the coast of our state. It is about 2oo miles to drive there and takes about 3 hours, since it is not interstate travel. While he was on vacation, he briefly met with an expert witness in one of our cases who happens to live in this coastal town. The meeting was not urgent or triggered by any deadline. It was more of a touch base kind of meeting.

    When the bills went out this month, I saw that he billed our insurance carrier client for the mileage all the way to the coastal town and back, despite the fact that he was traveling there for his vacation. He also charged for 6 hours of travel time. Essentially, he billed about $1500 in combined expenses and time that I think is a little wrong.

    I have to questions. First, do you ladies agree with me that this is wrong ? Secondly, what do I do ? Technically, if this blows up, it is not going to blow up on me personally, since he is the one that approved the bills before they went out, and since this was his “time”. I go through my bills at the end of the month and check my time, but not his. The only way this hurts me is if the client catches it and then fires us. They are a good insurance carrier client; they probably send 10-12 cases per year.

    There are other partners, but I think if I go to one of them, this is going to bite me in the butt. I think I either need to keep my mouth shut or say something directly to the partner who did this. The partner who did this is probably retiring in the next 5 years or so, and the other partners in separate conversations with me have told me that they plan on me “running the show” so to speak when he retires. I don’t want his actions to cause us to lose clients so that there is nothing to take over.

    SIGH. . This totally sound like and ELLEN problem. . . .

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like something that has nothing to do with you at all. You have no idea what arrangement he worked out with the client beforehand. Its possible (and likely) that this was approved beforehand.

      I would keep quiet.

      • Vikra

        I disagree with Anonymous, but would still keep quiet. The guy is somewhat of a sleaze bucket, billing his personal travel time back to the insurance carrier, using the excuse that he is meeting with some witness, when he could well have handled the “meeting” over the phone. But you will have to learn to work with this guy if you become a partner. Squealing on his miscreant billing to the others probably will backfire because guess what — this is probably a regular occurrence — he did not turn into a skuzzball overnight, and the partnership is reaping the benefits of his skuzziness. The others probably are doing similar slimy things on their time sheets. If the problem really bothers you, you should reassess whether you can really be partners with these guys for the next 30 years. If the partnership is above board you should be fine, but otherwise, you may want to consider other options if there is moral turpitude going on. I know the carriers don’t care that much (until they are audited), and then they could come down hard on the firm by cutting off future business, and demanding a refund for this kind of shoddy billing practice — if they find out. So keep quiet for now, watch carefully what the other partners do, and then decide for yourself whether you want to partner with them.

    • Susie

      Personally I think he should have billed for his time for the meeting itself only not travel, but I wouldn’t say anything. If this is a regular pattern then I would think twice about my future with this type of firm.

      • eek

        This, especially the last sentence. It seems to me like there is a lot of shared risk in a partnership, but I’m not in law so could be wrong. Not to mention that I wouldn’t want to be associated with a place that encourages this culture (and I argue that looking the other way encourages this behavior).

    • Houston Attny

      I think I would keep quiet too. You’re right that this seems on its face to be wrong, but Anonymous has a point – we don’t know the arrangement with the client. I don’t see how you question this without it coming back to hurt you even if you directly ask partner.

    • Anonymous

      I work for an insurance company and HATE it when we see these things happening. Unfortunately billing fraud appears to be rampant among some firms. Honestly, its on the insurer to catch it (and they should), I’d stay quiet though, usually its not just a sole bad apple in the firm – I’d stay quiet if I were you.

  25. Small gift Recommendations?

    A professional contact put me in touch with someone that ultimately lead to my landing an awesome job. I just started the job, and the contact is now a potential client. I’d like to get him something to show my appreciation, but not anything that looks like I’m trying to suck up or woo him to become a client — just an unvarnished “thank you.” I am writing a hand-written card, but I’d also like to send him something small but nice. I would like to avoid the gift card route. Any thoughts/suggestions? I don’t know much about his personal tastes, so it would need to be something fairly generic. He’s in the bay area. Thanks much!

    • Senior Attorney

      If you are sure he drinks, you can’t go wrong with a nice bottle of wine.

  26. cbackson

    Ladies, I’ve got to go to a black-tie gala in NYC this fall. I’ve never actually been to a black-tie event, and although I know that people now wear short dresses to such things, I want to go long – it’s an excuse to buy something new and pretty and I could use post-breakup cheering up. My BFF is going to be my date, and we’re going to have an awesome time. But! I need some help even figuring out where to look – the long dresses I’m seeing online all look like prom dresses or bridesmaids outfits. Any thoughts on a good source for something modern, s*xy, and not too insanely priced (maybe $400 max) that won’t make me look like an overdressed 17-year-old?

    If it makes a difference, I’m only the shorter side, slim-bordering-on-skinny (so I don’t have much in the way of cleavage to show off), and I’d really like to wear something other than black.

    (TCFKAG! I would submit this to your tumblr, but…do I just use the “submit” link? It all looks kind of weird on my iPad and I don’t want to bollix it up (yes, I feel like I’m failing at the internets). )

  27. Samantha

    So I went to my first krav maga class! Just wanted to share that it was great, and that I highly recommend it to those of you who may be considering it. For context, I’m not a runner, or really very fit except for yoga and lots of walking, and occasional other fitness activity.
    I did a trial class, and it involved quite a bit of warm up (running, pushups etc and I cheated liberally on those), followed by sparring with a partner. The instructor would teach a sequence (strike/block, then strike/block plus kick, then throw in a third thing – headlock, and so on) and we would try it out on each other and switch. It was intense, I was thrown to the (safely padded) ground several times during the class, I was terrible at it, and a whole bunch of muscles I never knew I had were aching for a couple of days after, but it was fantastic to actually learn a new skill (self defense) and get an intense workout at the same time.

  29. anonfish

    If it makes you feel better, insurance carriers typically review bills for compliance with preset guidelines and it is possible, perhaps even likely, that this entry will get questioned. If the carrier has a relationship with your firm, they are keeping an eye on the billing practices and if they think there is a problem, they will bring it up.

  30. anonfish

    It would be nice if I could figure out how to post in the right part of the thread!!

  31. anon atty

    im having the posting problems others have noted, so this is to the person who posted about an ehtical dilema — depending on the state youre in (and most states require this), you may be obligated to report him to the ARDC (or whatever the version of this is in your state) or face violating the ethical rules yourself. billing fraud is a mandatory reporting obligation under many rules of professional conduct.

  32. anon

    What do people wear to court when it’s over 100 degrees, with 90% humidity? I had a hearing yesterday that lasted several hours, I wore a “lightweight” tropical wool pantsuit from Ann Taylor (did not feel lightweight or tropical) and a sleeveless cotton button-up blouse. I was seriously sweating, so much I could not take off my jacket when I was walking to my car because the back of my shirt was wet (so gross!). It was warm in the courtroom, and all the men had on similar suits to mine, but none of them seemed to be sweating like a pig, and no one took off their jacket, despite the heat. I have a cotton suit, but it wrinkles so badly I hate to even wear it to the office, much less to work. I don’t do much trial work, so maybe someone with more experience can give me some tips. I guess skirts would be slightly cooler, but I’m not comfortable in skirts when I’m trying to wrangle a big rolling briefcase and laptop.

    • B

      It may be counterintuitive, but wear an undershirt/tank. As you noted, maybe a skirt? … I bike in mine.

      When that one layer gets soaked, the outer layer remains presentable and somehow you feel better. I’m sure the men were all wearing t-shirts under their shirt under their suits.

      Also, this is why federal courts are kept at 60 degrees.

  33. Hair Products Needed

    Ladies,

    I just got bangs and I need some recommendations for some type of wax to keep them in place and dry shampoo to use on off days between washing.

    Also, and I know this has been addressed a million times, but I need a straightener. I cut about 7 inches off my hair and it now it just grazes my shoulders. I have a large straightener that works well for straightening, but I want to get a smaller, thinner straightener to try to curl my hair with. Ideally, I’d like to spend around $50 but I’m willing to go up to $100. Please help, I’m at a complete loss when it comes to straighteners!!

    • My awkward life

      My favorite dry shampoo is Oscar Blonde’s powder (not the aresol spray). But for a cheaper kind, try Batiste (I get at my local grocery store) or Got 2b Rockin It (Walgreens).

      I have a 2″ Chi straightener that I’ve been using for a few years. Works good, will probably use it till it breaks. But I honestly can’t remember what I spent on it.

    • Brooklyn Paralegal

      I highly recommend the Sedu straightener. It’s expensive…somewhere around $200, I think, but worth it. It’s really amazing.

      When I don’t have dry shampoo on hand, I use a little baby powder on my roots and it works wonders. Also, I really like Not Your Mother’s dry shampoo called Clean Freak. It’s cheap, available at drugstores, and does the job just fine.

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