Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 230 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Space Dye Ponte Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Laundry by Shelli Segal Space Dye Ponte Sheath Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Happy Wednesday, ladies! I'm really liking this space dye ponte sheath by Laundry — the pink is happy and bright, and the seaming seems like it would be flattering. I also like that the clavicle is still exposed — I personally hate dresses that are tight crew necks. This one is on a great sale, too: was $225, now marked to $135 at Nordstrom. Laundry by Shelli Segal Space Dye Ponte Sheath Dress Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.16.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. ANP

    Love this dress but it’s out of my price range.

    Anyone out there doing the workouts in the New Rules of Lifting for Women? I picked it up at the library last week based on recommendations here and just started yesterday. I felt great and am sore (in a good way!) today. It was empowering to have a list of exercises to do — much less scary at the gym. But I’m curious to know if it worked for you and what kinds of changes you saw. This seems like a very doable workout plan for me (working mom of two) and while I’d like to be stronger overall, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to wanting to lose 10lbs/tone up on top of it!

    • Amy

      I don’t have anything to say about the program except that I’m very interested to hear the responses to this. I’ve been working with a trainer to sort out some muscle imbalances and hope to be able to wean off of it soon and start working out on my own, but I have no idea where to start. What kind of equipment do you need access to for this?

    • NYtoCO

      I’m also interested to see responses here. I’ve come to accept that I’m just not a cardio person– not to say that some cardio stimulation doesn’t happen naturally when lifting, especially high rep lifting– but I just can’t get on a long-term plan where my exercise involves mostly high-intesity cardio.

      Therefore, I’ve been trying to do more strength training, since it’s something I don’t find as annoying and therefore can stick with for the long run.

      • Lynnet

        I am the same way, going to the gym became, dare I say it– fun– when I stopped focusing on the cardio and started focusing on weightlifting. Now cardio is something I do if I have time after my “real” workout, and I’ve actually been going to the gym regularly for almost a year. I’ve also made a rule for myself that I won’t do weight exercises I don’t like. There are too many options and substitutes for me to force myself to do single arm rows if I don’t have to. Of course, the exercises I don’t like are rare, and so far I’ve always been able to find a substitute, the rule might have to change in the future if one or both of those stops being true.

        I’m currently learning to use the free weights (moving on from machines and dumbbells). I did check the New Rules of Lifting out of the library and thought it was fascinating, but had to return it before I could actually try it. I’d like to buy it once I get used to the free weights.

    • Wildkitten

      I’m also interested. What is required to do it? I have hand weights. Would I also need to get a barbell?

      • Unicorn

        I would also like to know the answer to this so I know if the trip to the library is worth it to pick up the book!

      • Anonymous

        It involves lifting as heavy as possible, you probably need an actual gym unless you have a well stocked set of handweights and a full barbell/weight set. It also involves things like lat pulldowns and seated rows, so…you really need a good home gym if you plan to do this at home

        • Mpls

          I think you can get away without the full bar – my building’s fitness room doesn’t have a full bar for squats and deadlifts, but I have found some alternatives on the internet (goblet squats, dumbbell deadlifts) that work for me. We’ve got a machine with a lat-bar and rowing, so I haven’t had to search for alternatives for those.

        • Spirograph

          Yes. I do the “real” workouts when I go to the actual gym, but when I do a quick lunchtime workout, my office gym only has dumbbells too (plus the same machines). It’s not ideal — I have to use lighter weights for squats because my hands aren’t as strong as my back/shoulders, but it works.

          For seated rows and pull-downs, you could try to make it work with resistance bands at home, but I think you’d eventually want more weight than those could provide.

    • Annony

      I haven’t used this book, but for anyone looking for a challenging, but non-threatening routine, try Melissa Bender Fitness (google her – blog with tons of videos, 30-day challenges, etc.) I just started doing her workouts. They’re mostly 15-25 minutes, then I supplement with a run of varying lengths or cardio at the gym. Most require no equipment at all. She’s a rockstar and the workouts (so far) have me dripping in sweat. Similarly, it makes the gym a whole lot less threatening when I have something already mapped out, and by someone who knows what she’s talking about, when I walk in the door!

    • nutella

      I don’t do that book, but I work out 6 days a week and only 2 of them are cardio. The others are pilates and weights. Some high intensity cardio is the best for fat burning, but muscle building will help you continue to burn it off during the rest of the day and look ‘toned’ more quickly

      • nutella

        ETA I am already on the small side so was just trying to shed some stubborn fat and lost 7lbs in 8 weeks and between 1-1.5 inches around my waist and hips. I really cannot recommend enough weights with a couple days of cardio to lose weight and feel strong.

        • ANP

          nutella — were you watching your calorie intake during this time? Just curious.

          • nutella

            No, I refuse to ‘diet.’ I still eat french fries and drink regular soda, but I try to live a lifestyle and not diet and just eat things in moderation (that means no going overboard on all salads and green juices all the time just like not going overboard with greasy food and sodas). I am not an overeater generally, though (I tend to generally stick around 1500 cals just based on appetite), so if that’s your struggle, a more disciplined eating approach would be necessary. Also, as I said, I am already on the smaller side and was not looking to lose more than 10 lbs, so this would likely be very different if you were trying to lose much more. Ultimately, I can’t commit to working out for more than 30 minutes, so I do high intensity ones that give me more bang for my buck. I also just refuse to be miserable on processed diet foods, so if I’m going to indulge, it’s going to be quality foods, but these are both tailored to me. Everyone is different – I recommend finding what works for you!

    • a.k.

      I have been following it for about 6 months, and I have seen noticeable changes in my strength and muscle definition. I haven’t lost any weight, but I haven’t been actively monitoring calories, and took a week off here and there when life got in the way. I really like the defined workouts, and his attitude that you should really push yourself. I am often quite sore (in a good way) the day after I lift. The workouts are also fairly short – maybe 30-40 minutes depending on how much rest you take between sets. I also like the illustrations that clearly show how to do certain things – I have found it very easy to follow.

    • Anonymous

      I didn’t really lose any weight at all, but I went from a size 10 to a size 8, so I know I lost a fair number of inches.

      I’m doing the Strong Curves book now, because I want a better booty. I found that NROLFW made my shoulders a little bigger than I like – I used to swim, so I tend to put on shoulder muscle quickly and get broader than I like, even if it a more “proportional” look, it’s not my preference.

    • BankrAtty

      I just finished stage two of the program this morning. I focused on strength training for a few years–working with a trainer, using the “Jamie Eason livefit” trainer on bodybuilding DOT com, training on my own, etc–and then got burned out and switched to cardio for awhile–running, Turbofire, etc.. I wasn’t happy with the changes in my body, however, after not lifting regularly for 6 months. So! Back to weight lifting with NROLFW.
      The first stage is very straightforward: the moves are simple, the workouts take 20-30 minutes, and I gained strength quickly (doubled my weight in almost every category). Unless you have a weight set, you can’t do this at home–I was doing step ups with an 80lb barbell by the end (so a squat rack also becomes necessary because it’s difficult to get that much weight over your head and onto your back.
      Stage 2 required more coordination and focus on form. I had to reduce the weight I was lifting from stage 1 on account of the level of coordination required. Cardio is added 1 to 2 times a week in stage 2 (12-15 minutes of intervals after workout B).
      Food is an important part of this program: you’re eating a lot of calories to support your activity. But it’s really important that those calories are quality, otherwise you’re going to do more harm than good. I recommend logging your calories in an app like My Fitness Pal, to make sure you’re eating enough. I purchased a blender bottle in order to drink protein after each workout (according to the book, protein shakes post workout are a “must”).
      I haven’t noticed much of a change in my body yet, although perhaps my upper body is starting to look a little more defined. But changes take time, so I really don’t expect to see much until the end of stage 3 or 4. Patience.
      Good luck!

    • TBK

      I did it for awhile (should get it out again) and I really liked it. I didn’t notice the results myself, but my husband told me my arms, upper chest, and legs looked great.

    • Spirograph

      I also got it from the library first to try before buying! I started a few months ago, but I’m 6 months pregnant so I’m taking it slow (just finished stage 1), not really following the diet plan, and not maxing out on the weight. Even so, I’ve gained a significant amount of strength — I lift about 50% more than I started with on all the exercises, and I feel like it’s staving off the total ballooning that my ravenous pregnancy appetite would otherwise cause. I’ve gained less weight than I did by this point in my first pregnancy, and my arms, legs and back look more toned than when I started, which makes me happy.

      I’ve always enjoyed lifting, but I never really had a “plan” like this before, and I really like it. Being able to chart my progress with the same exercises over time appeals to my data obsession. Definitely planning on tackling it for real, postpartum.

      • ANP

        Thanks, everyone, for these comments! I love hearing this feedback. I’m less concerned about weight loss than I am about toning/inches (if I was trimmer I’d be fine with whatever the number on the scale says — it’s more about clothing fit for me). I got the book from the library but have told myself that if I can stick with the workouts for a few weeks, I’ll buy it on Amazon.

        I will say that I felt AMAZING yesterday — and OK, maybe it’s a first-workout-in-a-long-time high or something, but it was great to be able to walk into the gym, know that I had a plan (I found the exercises very well-illustrated and explained) and to be able to get what I felt was a GOOD workout in under an hour. I’ve been a runner all my life — and sadly, have gotten away from it in the past year — and while I don’t think I’ll drop jogging forever there was something very accomplished-feeling about lifting weights. I’m surprised by how much I liked it.

        For those who asked, I think you could do a lot of this without gym access…but definitely not all. We have a membership to a very small gym via my husband’s work and that does the trick.

    • Big Fan of Weights

      I am starting Stage 7 (the last one) today. I have not followed the diet plan, so I have not lost any weight, but I have definitely become stronger, and my arms and legs are more defined. I already had some dumbbells and a kettlebell, but had to buy a barbell, squat rack, weight plates, etc. because I prefer doing my workouts at home instead of going to a gym. What I really liked about this book is the emphasis on “real” weighlifting, i.e., lifting as much as possible for fewer reps, rather than doing tons of reps with low weights.

    • CapHillAnon

      I’m about halfway done with stage 2 in NROLFW and I love it. I’ve always been a cardio devotee, but she is catching up and cardio hasn’t been adequate for maintenance. I don’t weight myself or limit calories, but I feel *fantastic* on this program. My clothes are fitting better and I look better all around.

  2. NP

    Does anyone have any advice and/or point me to articles/books/etc. on being a “trailing spouse” to an academic? I am a JD, husband is a PhD and starting to interview for faculty positions. He is very supportive of my career and would not take a position where I have no opportunities. Others that we know in our position are both PhD academics. Wondering if anyone here has experience negotiating this.

    • Anna

      It’s exceptionally rare for universities to do anything for trailing spouses that aren’t in academia. Unless both you and your husband are superstars, the university is relatively wealthy, and the university is geographically isolated, I wouldn’t expect anything other than maybe a list of local employers and some networking. Even then, there’s not that much that can be done if the university isn’t able to hire you (though universities do hire lawyers). I think you just have to hope he gets a job offer in a place with an opportunity for you or that they pay him enough you can wait a while for a job to come up or commute. Sorry for the pessimism, but I’ve seen a lot of people go through this and have never seen much of a solution for it.

    • Anon

      Are you interested in teaching? Could you get any sort of adjunct position now so that you have teaching on your resume? I am a JD who moved (for family reasons) to a small town with a major university, and the non-tenure-track law school positions are predominantly given to trailing spouses. (Bad luck for me, maybe good luck for you.)

      • Anon

        Just to clarify what I meant because of the valid concerns expressed below, but I didn’t mean adjuncting permanently. I meant that if you could get some adjuncting on your resume now, you may be more attractive for a full-time position, say heading a clinic or working in career placement, because you would have proven ability to interact with students.

    • Univ Atty

      There are many lawyers who work on our (large, complex, public) campus. Only a small number of them actually represent the university; others work in tech transfer or Title IX investigations or government relations or HR. One of our investigators is a JD and a trailing spouse of an academic. If you broaden your idea of the role you might like to play on campus, there may be some other opportunities.

      • NP

        Thanks, everyone. This is so very helpful.I am open to adjuncting, working in a clinic, doing compliance work, and government relations—and have experience in those areas. Good to know that I am at least thinking in the right vein.

        • Sue

          My comment is in moderation. Don’t want to repeat it but I would advise against adjuncting. Maybe I am mistaken and things are different in the legal field but in other fields it’s generally a bad idea. An assistant dean at my alma mater used the word “add-on” to describe these positions. Adjuncts are a short term solution to fill a department’s needs. She was basically advising against going on this track. Often times they don’t lead to permanent/tenure track faculty positions. In some cases it can lead to stagnation.
          The ideas from other posters are good. If your husband does not get a tenure track job in an area that offers you both good career opportunities, it’s probably a good idea for him to look into other alternative career options for PhDs.

        • cbackson

          I’ve adjuncted at a major research university law school, and you’re looking at *very* little in terms of salary (like…$2500 per course, before taxes) and limited opportunity for advancement (i.e., it’s not a path to a tenure-track job). Just FYI.

          • Sue

            Just as I thought. Look up the website “the adjunct project” to compare adjunct pay at different schools. Don’t know how extensive their database is though. In some schools the pay can be as low as $1,300 depending on the course.

        • Anonymous

          Non-tenure-track doesn’t automatically mean adjunct. Most universities have permanent lecturer positions that have no possibility of leading to tenure but pay decently, have benefits and have much more job security than being an adjunct. This is the kind of thing she might be able to get as a spousal accommodation if her SO is hired as a tenure-track prof in another department.

    • Sonnet

      I am currently on the academic job market, and my husband is the “trailing” spouse (although not a lawyer). My major worry so far has been: what if I get my dream job in a location that has few options for my husband? Would I be willing to settle for a less attractive position (higher teaching load, lower pay, less support for research, etc.) in order to live where he can have his dream job? Or should we consider long-distance for a few years? (If we had kids, this wouldn’t be an option for me, though it might be workable for some families.) Academics do have large portions of the year “off,” in the sense that they can be geographically mobile, so long-distance isn’t quite as awful as it would be for two lawyers or two consultants.

      If I were you, I’d take some time on your own to think about bright lines: where you would or wouldn’t be willing to go, how far you’d be willing to commute, whether you would be willing to do long-distance and / or maintain two households for parts of the week and / or year. After that, try not to worry or get too invested in any particular hypothetical. The academic job market is horrible, and your husband probably won’t have any offers until March, if his field is on the same timeline as mine. No need to make yourself miserable before there’s an actual option on the table.

    • Sue

      Just chiming in to say the same thing as Anna. Some sites have what they call “two body” job searches which I suppose can only work if you both have PhDs. Again, the university would only offer you a job if both of you are really good in your fields. I have also heard anecdotes about people who were offered positions because their spouse really rocked at what they did and the university was eager to land them. My advice would be to network as much as possible in whichever area he moves to. I assume he is going on the tenure track, this is also important to keep up with in the event he does not get tenure. You may be forced to move again if he has to find a job at another university.

      Another consideration: would you consider going into academia yourself? If so then look into whether you can get a teaching or research position where you could use JD. I would advise against becoming an adjunct though. I don’t know what it’s like in Law but in most other disciplines it’s a bad idea. I have found a Science Magazine article on this topic, titled:”The frustrating career of the trailing spouse”,Google those exact words it should come up. It’s not all negative. Read it you may get some ideas.

      If he does not land a tenure track job right away, then Plan B is to leverage your JD. I am unfamiliar with the legal job market but I assume it offers slightly more flexibility than the academic one. Maybe try to find a job in a place that has a high number of universities/research institutes/think tanks with programs in your husband’s discipline. Obviously this does not necessarily lead to a tenure track position but it ensures he is in a geographic area where he can stay engaged in his field. At the very least he could get a research position in a non academic institution.
      The only other books I can recommend have to do with parenting in academia which may be useful if you plan on becoming parents:
      Mama, PhD – Elrena Evans and Caroline Grant –useful for women faculty
      Papa, PhD – Mary Ruth Marotte and Paige Reynolds – haven’t read this one but it might be useful for your husband.

    • Higher Ed HR

      You should google “Higher Education Recruiting Consortium.” There are regional HERCs all over the country and they focus on helping dual-career couples in academia find positions within a commutable distance. You can do a job search for both a physics phd and an accountant, for example. I’ll post the link below.

    • Jules

      I was in exactly the same position many years ago, and I agree that you probably can’t negotiate something with any colleges unless you and DH are both superstars but that you two can navigate it. It will take a combination of teamwork, compromise and luck. When I was finishing my judicial clerkship, and we both pretty marketable and just starting my career, it was easy enough to go where DH, who was just starting as an academic, could find a job. We did agree that we would go to or near a reasonably large city, so I would have opportunities, and so he passed on some jobs that were at small schools in the middle of nowhere. We got lucky and he found a position at a small college 20 miles from a major Midwestern city, and I was able to interview with big and small firms there (and he took the commute, not me).

      A few years later, DH wanted to move for a variety of reasons, and I was still early enough in my career that I didn’t feel I would lose a lot in terms of networking, reputation, clients, etc. if I relocated. He ended up getting an offer from a good school that is not in a major city but is fairly near to a smaller city. I was less optimistic but before he accepted the offer I started looking around and interviewing here. I ended up finding a job with a boutique firm in an area that I was interested in but had not practiced, which turned out to be the love of my professional life (union-side labor). We live between the two job locations; I commute 30 minutes and he commutes 20.

      The process worked for us because of the timing in my law career and because we were agreed that we would only go to a place where there reasonable opportunities for legal jobs. Good luck to both of you!

    • So

      I’m in your position, but have made clear that I won’t follow. We’ll see how that goes…

    • Anonymous

      This is late and I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to say I’m in the exact same position as you. I’m a JD, husband is PhD on the tenure-track job market (and despite going to stellar schools and doing very well is having a very tough time – the job market, at least in his field, is insane right now). Being an academic spouse is horrible and I don’t know anyone in real life that can really relate because everyone we know is either not in academia or both partners are in academia. I will be thinking of you and hope it goes well!

      • Lorelai Gilmore

        This is also late. I am in the same position. My DH ended up bailing on tenure-track jobs. He now has an amazing job at a top-tier research university, I have a law job that I love, we live in our dream location, and he gets to do research, supervise students, and write – basically, everything he wanted to do. At least in his social sciences discipline, there are excellent opportunities outside of formal tenure-track jobs, where the compensation, work-life balance, and general life happiness can be much better. I know it’s hard – nigh impossible – to consider these kinds of jobs when you’re in the dissertation/PhD bubble. But it’s important to think about your total family happiness, not just about whether your spouse can pull off a tenure-track race. And remember, even if he gets one of those tenure track jobs, it’s just signing up for another seven-year death march, with a potential move at both the half-way and the seven-year point. It’s tough for legal careers to survive that kind of uncertainty.

        Good luck. I really empathize with you. The academic job market is BRUTAL.

    • Coach Laura

      No experience but The Chronicle of Higher Ed has a forums section with some pretty knowledgeable and savvy people. There is a specific forum for balancing work and life and an anonymous question there would probably elicit some useful responses. www dot chronicle dot com/ forums

  3. LilyStudent

    With the Inhouse Europe page from NOLA yesterday – I’m in SW Germany for the rest of this academic year; if anyone wants travel tips or so on just let me know!

    • In-House Europe

      Hey, do you have a burner email that you can post here? We should meet up!

      ETA – NOLA was super cool, so fun to meet in person!!

  4. anon a mouse

    A vent: I pulled out my trusty No.2 Pencil skirt and realized it’s looking a little worse for the wear, so I went online to order another one. The price is now $110 (on sale from $130) – am I insane or is that a HUGE price jump? Mine is 2 years old, and it was $98 (though I got it on sale for around $70). A 30-40% increase in 2 years?

    (and yes, I know I can wait for a sale, which I will be doing.)

    • Ellen

      Yay! Another sheathe dress! It is cute, but maybe it look’s a little square to me and does NOT accentueate our top’s properly, Kat? I will ask Madeline for her opinion but she has no real curve’s to accentueate.

      As for the OP, yes, Pencil Dresses HAVE become more expensive, I think b/c the designer’s have figured out that we look good in them and know that and will pay more for them then other type’s of dresses. Dad say’s it all boil’s down to micro-economics and supply and demand. If there are MORE people who want a dress then the manaufacutrer’s make, then they can raise the price accordingly. But if on the other hand they make a lot of dresses and fewer people buy them, then they MUST drop the price to get rid of them. Dad is VERY smart that way and I agree with him.

      Noah’s parent’s were VERY nice to me and his dad, Bert, did NOT even have a Kansas City hat, let alone wear it backgward’s like Jim did in Saint Louis. I think those citie’s were close by, but the people must be different, b/c Noah’s dad did NOT even seem concerned when we found out that his team lost last night. Noah’s MOM was so complementary to me also. She said that Noah had previously brought home women, but NONE like me before, and she was so nice about that. She said she was alway’s hopeing to have a lawyer in the family, so Mabye Noah is thinking that I could become his wife. Wouldn’t that be WONDERFUL! Me abel to work part time as a lawyer, or a law professor or a judge, and Noah working in the ER! I think it is such a great thing his is so health minded. I just hope he keep’s away from the E’Bola stuff. If there is anyone in the hive MARRIED TO AN MD, let me know how you are dealeing with this! YAY!!!!!!

      • KC

        KC is not close to STL and has a very different culture (in my humble opinion, a much nicer and better one).

        • tesyaa

          Has anyone ever visited the Truman Library? I’ve never been there, but it’s an obsession of mine (I know, a weird one).

        • HSAL

          I’m baffled when people actually read Ellen’s comments. I was so curious about what could have prompted that response that I had to go back and look.

          • Violet S

            I Totally Love Ellen and, like my friends, look for Her great posts every day. We go over her posts and try to emulate her to the extent we can. We also show our boyfriends her posts when they want us to do stuff we dont want to do. Once you read them closely you will see what a visionary she is. Kind of like a female Steve Jobs.

    • TO Lawyer

      I usually get them for $70-90 I think by waiting for a 30% off sale, so I think while the posted price is higher, they’re generally the same price if you time them correctly. (But yes it’s really annoying!)

    • Anon

      Just a heads up – I have several No 2 Pencils from different prior seasons, all the same size, but this year I had to size up one size. My normal size was SUPER SKIN TIGHT. It would have worked really well for a sexy office worker costume, but not for an actual work day.

  6. keeping your head down

    TJ. My immediate boss wants to reshuffle responsibilities between my position and the position of one of my counterparts in another department. This is not a good idea for a lot of reasons that we have brought up with our respective supervisors, supported by my counterpart’s department (no one in my department has any direct involvement with the projects in question). But my boss seems to be charging ahead anyway. However, we know that the levels above her do not have a full understanding of what she’s trying to do, and how these changes would affect my counterpart and me. This is also the kind of top-down management the highest level of leadership at my organization has explicitly and repeatedly said she wants to change. So do my counterpart and I elevate our concerns up the chain of command, or do we both just try to find other jobs, bearing in mind that high turnover is one of the reasons the big boss wants to change the management culture here?

    • Brant

      Depends a lot on your appetite for risk, interest in staying on board if this change goes through, relationship with Boss and Big Boss, and overall feelings about the company.

      If this were me, in my company, I’d speak up, framing it very very carefully. I happen to be buddies with the head of HR, so I might even broach it with her as my sounding board first– but that’s not typically a relationship most people have. When you do lay it out, I’d keep people/titles/roles out of it, and stick strictly to the business: how things are divided up today –and why that works, and why keeping this project / responsibilities dividied up in the current way makes sense given the business priorities as you interpret them. Come with a mental or bulleted lists of potential negative business impacts, and do NOT make it look like you/she are making this political.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for your thoughts. I definitely have no interest in making this a political thing. My concerns are strictly about workflow and about how the changes would throw our responsibilities out of whack with the rest of the organization, but that’s definitely the way to approach it if we do elevate. Honestly, I like my job, I like my boss (other than this whole thing), and I like my coworkers, but if I had to leave it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

  7. Woods-comma-Elle

    Ladies – anyone have experience of good short term (1-2 month) serviced apartments in NYC?

    Air B&B is an option, but this is for a business purpose, so looking at a number of alternatives to present for budgeting approval.

      • Anon For This

        I had a TERRIBLE experience at Club Quarters Wall Street. I was trapped in an elevator, the intercom wires were crossed, I had no cell phone reception, the staff responded in an unsafe manner that put our lives at risk. Then my boyfriend was assaulted by another guest waiting in line for the front desk. We had to leave and call the police to escort us back to cancel our reservation. I was only there for one hour, didn’t even make it to our room, and it was possibly the most absurdly horrible experience of my life. It is so terrible that it sounds fake, but it was very real. I’ve had better experiences and service at Super 8.

      • roses

        Just to offer a different perspective, I’ve stayed at Club Quarters Grand Central a number of times and have had positive experiences.

    • Anon

      Do they still have those old-timey residences for single women (that were sort of like dorms)? I always hoped to grow up and move into one when I went to work (with my twinset and pearls).

    • MJ

      My old landlord has some. Jakobson Properties. www. no fee rentals dot com.

      They are great LLs…cannot vouch for the quality of their serviced rentals. Their webpage is cheesy, but they are a family-owned company that has ~20 buildings, mostly in the Village and Chelsea (which are great neighborhoods!)

    • Anon

      I was in a similar situation and Air B&B and hotels were unfortunately the best option. Finding a short rental for the periods I needed it was ultimately too difficult and inconvenient for the situation I was, though I hope you are able to share your experiences! I’m going to need one again and I’d love an easier option.

      I found that wanting a stay of less than three months was problematic and even if I bumped it up to three, it was still a challenge.

  8. Marie

    The tip of one of my favorite pairs of shoes has worn off! Ugh! Is it possible to get this fixed? Why am I so hard on my shoes :(

      • First Year anon

        Yes, go to a cobbler and get them re-tipped. You can also do it yourself if you have the tools, but I’ve never tried.

        FWIW I get my heels re-tipped several times before it’s time to retire them- this is common!

      • YouSaucyMinx

        Yes, go to a cobbler and get them re-tipped. You can also do it yourself if you have the tools, but I’ve never tried.

        FWIW I get my heels re-tipped several times before it’s time to retire them- this is common!

    • Marie

      Thanks ladies. I actually mean the front of the shoe – like the toe -is scuffed/worn. But the heel tip is a great tidbit as well! I didn’t know that was possible and used to throw shoes away when the heel tip came off. Never again!

      • PolyD

        You can also get things that used to be called toe taps – flat little pieces of plastic that go on the sole of the shoe near the tip of the toe, which helps prevent “stubbing” the toe and wearing off the tip. Shoe stores used to do this to new shoes, but thanks to Zappos et al I haven’t been to a shoe store in years. Cobblers may do it, though, just like heel caps.

      • Wildkitten

        I’ve gotten my toes re-tipped. The only question I’d have is about the studs, but your cobbler will know what they can and cannot do.

  9. Annelin

    TJ: Hi ladies – – I’m looking for some helpful resources for first time home buyers (books, blogs, websites, etc). My fiance received an awesome job offer, so we’re looking to relocate and buy a house within the next couple of months. I usually have to thoroughly research major life decisions (and like to nerd out on financial things particularly), so any suggestions will be greatly appreciated!

    • Meg Murry

      My advice would be to plan to buy a home in the next year, not the next few months. I’d rent first and get to know the area and neighborhoods before you commit to something as big as buying a house. For instance, in my area, it would be really easy to buy a house in my town and have a reasonable commute to the nearest metro area in the spring, summer and fall – but come winter, the highway that leads there is barely passable and could easily turn a daily 30 minute commute into 2+ hours – but the only way you are going to really know that is to live it, no realtor is ever going to tell you that. Same thing with some of the new neighborhoods in surrounding towns in our area – there is a reason the property is so cheap, because it is built on poorly draining land and come spring rains, the basements flood and sometimes the roads are impassible.
      Renting first won’t solve all of these problems, but it certainly will help you avoid buying some of the worst money pits.

      • Senior Attorney

        I couldn’t agree more with this. In addition, you never know how that awesome job is going to work out. I bought a house many years ago before I even started my BigLaw job, and lo and behold it turned out I hated the job but having that big mortgage severely limited my options when it came to leaving the big firm for something more reasonable.

      • Spirograph

        +1 We rented for more like 2-3 years after we initially moved to the area, and lived in a few different places during that time because our job locations were somewhat in flux (within the local area). It was super annoying to move frequently, but by the time we wanted to buy, we were 100% sure of the “best” place.

    • Brant

      In your shoes, I’d get to the new place and plan to rent while house hunting. Unless you know where you’re relocating to very well, you may want some time to get to know the area before making a big buy.

    • Annelin

      Thanks for the advice, but we do know the area very well. My fiance’s family lives there and he previously lived there as well so we’re very familiar with neighborhoods and desirable areas. Not located in NYC, SF, or any other high-cost areas.

      I wasn’t really looking for advice on our personal situation or whether we should buy a house or not, just wanted to know if anyone had any resources that they particularly loved. Searching on Amazon yielded a couple of for dummies books, but I didn’t know if there was anything outstanding that was really helpful!

    • Burgher

      I agree with renting first in or near an area you think you’d like to live. My fiance and I rented a house in the area we thought we wanted to buy in once we got married, and could not wait to move when our lease was up. I’m even from the city, just a few towns over, but there were some issues with the location (mostly horrendous traffic constantly and no good driving routes to connect with major highways) that ended up being dealbreakers. I never would have known how bad it really was without living there first.

      If you’re still set on buying, city-data seems to be really helpful for research and I believe there are forums for more in-depth questions.

      Financially, my husband created a spreadsheet that calculated the mortgage payment correctly almost down to the penny, based on purchase price, local tax rates, insurance, closing costs, downpayment, PMI, etc. I think it also generated how much cash we needed to bring to the table based on all of that. It was extremely helpful to have real numbers when we were looking at different scenarios, rather than just what the base mortgage would be, since there are so many more costs to consider than just the price of the house divided by thirty years.

    • Anonymous

      Congrats and good luck.
      I like using redfin.com for both window shopping on houses (they cover major markets, but not all areas) and the forum section which has been an education for me.

      Forum covers topics such as 1st time home buyer, city specific, mortgages/financing…..
      In the search section, you can search by school district.
      Also in the search section, you see past sales – which helps with comps.
      You have to sign up, but it is free and they don’t plaster you with ads.

      http://forums.redfin.com/

      Agree about running the true numbers too.

    • CountC

      Get a recommendation for a real estate agent in the area that has worked with a lot of first-time home buyers. The majority of my clients are first time home buyers and I prefer to educate them myself because there are regional differences that won’t be reflected in books that you may read. I take several hours to sit down with them to review the contract/documents that are specific to their situation, explain the timeline, go through what a home inspection is and isn’t, etc.

  10. E

    TJ: I’ve seen plenty of recs for Uniqlo Heattech on here. I was waiting for them to open the Chicago store but I don’t know when that will be. If you’ve tried it, would you say it fits true to size? I’m probably a true medium in most things, small in some retailers like Loft/Ann Taylor. These are fitted so I’m leaning towards medium but some fitted items like Limited tanks, I need a large. Thanks.

    • Anonymous

      You wear smalls, mediums, and larges. Please just order something and try it on!

      • Anon

        I thought it would, but they re-size everything for the American market. Generally, order your actual size. The Heat tech fits as tight as under armour, though, so keep that in mind, though if you bought it to fit more loosely it probably wouldn’t work as well.

    • a.k.

      Depends on how you want to wear it. If you order your normal size it will be quite snug – meant as an underlayer. I order up one size for the tops I plan to wear under a suit so they are work-appropriate.

    • AIMS

      I usually wear an S, sometimes an XS and I got the M heattech undershirt. It’s very clingy so sizing up is a good idea.

    • AEK

      It is clingy, but if you just want is a pure underlayer, I don’t think sizing up is necessary because they’re pretty long, too; I prefer it smooth to bunchy. I have also discovered how stretchy they really are as I’m wearing my normal ones at 7 months pregnant, so if you’re comfortable with form-fitting, then your normal size should work. But I totally agree to size up if you wear them alone or under suits.

    • E

      Thanks most of you for the feedback.. the goal of asking how this stuff fits was to avoid ordering all of the sizes.

  11. Pippit

    Seeking suggestions for Thailand!
    I’ve found some great thoughts in past threads, but thought I’d ask again. I’m set for hotels, but I could use recommendations for attractions, adventures, great eating (I’m pretty adventurous), elephant experiences, and scuba diving! I’d love some off-the-beaten-track ideas. I’m not that into shopping, but I do like bringing home some local crafts, so I’d appreciate that, too.

    I’m going to:
    Bangkok
    Ayutthaya
    Sukhothai
    Chiang Rai
    Chiang Mai
    and Phuket.

    Thank you all so much!

    • Wanderlust

      If you want to do any elephant rides or pictures with tigers, be very wary and make sure you do your research first to ensure that you’re going to a place that treats the animals well. In Chiang Mai, we went to “Tiger Kingdom – Mai Rim / Chiang Mai” and they treated the tigers very poorly. It was apparent that the animals were drugged and did not have space to roam about.

      In Bangkok, make sure you read up on the many scams played on tourists. I like to think I’m a savvy traveler, and even I got conned into thinking the Royal Palace was closed (it is open every day, no matter what people tell you).

      On a happier note, the food is incredible! Make sure you try Khao Soi in Chiang Mai, and we had an incredible dinner at Nahm in Bangkok.

      • Pippit

        Thank you- yes, I’m doing research to find animal experiences which do not abuse the animals. That’s definitely a concern. And I’ve read a lot about the scams. I’m do my best to be savvy, but I’m sure I’ll fall for something, and not figure it out until I get home- I’m not buying gems from the “special government store,” though! Thanks for the restaurant suggestions.

        • BB

          There’s a very cool gibbon sanctuary in Phuket. They actually take in abused gibbons from animal “entertainment” places and rehabilitate them. I went, saw some gibbons and bought some stuff from their store (for donations).

        • Anonymous

          Elephant Nature Park near Chiang Mai is another one that rescues abused elephants. You can’t ride the elephants there but you do get to feed them and bathe them and interact with them in a more natural way. Caveat – I haven’t been but I have friends who have and I’m dying to go.

    • Anon-Y

      Bangkok:
      – Supanniga Eating Room – might need a reservation.
      – Erawan Tea Room for a leisurely afternoon tea (and break from any shopping you might do in the area)
      – also enjoyed the high tea at Pensinsula Hotel – you’ll have to cross the river, but the hotel has a free river taxi service
      – Urban Retreat is a decent spa, more expensive but also better than some of the more basic places. Have heard good things about the spa at Amari Watergate hotel, but have never tried it.

      • Pippit

        Thanks- sounds luxurious! Any of these ideas will make a lovely treat after a long day of sightseeing.

    • Nonny

      Re local crafts, do not buy anything in Bangkok. You are better off spending your craft money upcountry. Just outside Chiang Mai, there is a road called Sam Khamphaeng (also known as the “Craft Highway”), where there is a mulberry paper workshop, a lacquerware factory, a celadon factory, a parasol maker, woodcarvers, silversmiths, etc. Hire a taxi or a songthaew for the day (negotiate a set price ahead of time) and get the driver to take you there. Chiang Mai also has a lot of small artisan shops – just walk around (not in the market) and see what you can find. The Night Market in Chiang Mai is fun but that is not where you will find the best quality, or even much that is “authentic” these days.

      Sukhothai is beautiful but it is really all about the ruins. There is not much else to see there.

      Re great eating, just go anywhere there are long lineups. In Thailand, the best food is not necessarily to be found in the fancy restaurants. It is all about the tiny hole-in-the-wall places or carts that specialize in one or two dishes. Don’t be too anxious about eating from food carts – if the vendor seems clean and the food is freshly cooked, you should be just fine.

      One of my favourite attractions in Bangkok is Jim Thompson’s house – near Mahboonkrong Centre. It is like a little oasis. Jim Thompson was a silk trader who disappeared in the Cameron Highlands of Malaysia in mysterious circumstances – but his hobby was collecting Thai art, and his house has been maintained as a museum. If you have any interest at all in Thai art, do make an effort to go – it is well presented and so beautiful.

      The recommendation above re trying khao soi in Chiang Mai is a good one. One other option for afternoon tea (which sounds like a weird recommendation for Bangkok but is actually super fun) is the Oriental Hotel, which serves their afternoon tea in the courtyard of their original colonial wing – very atmospheric.

      • Pippit

        These are some great tips- thank you. I’ll have to get to Sam Khamphaeng- that sounds fantastic for crafts. And I was iffy on Jim Thompson’s house, but your recommendation has sold me. I’m definitely looking forward to eating off the food carts, too.
        Thanks very much.

      • Anon-Y

        Just wanted to add – there’s a Jim Thompson outlet which has lower prices for Jim Thompson silk stuff. 5 floors with fabric, miscellaneous pouches and such for gifts, homeware etc. Prices seemed substantially lower, cafe on the top floor if you need a rest.

        153 Soi Sukhumvit 93, Bangchak, Phakanong, Bangkok 10260, Thailand

    • Grey Falcon

      Huen Phen in Chiang Mai was delicious and a real experience. A bit pricier than the roadside food I mostly ate, but good enough that I went two nights in a row. Northern Thai pork curry (huang ley) is delicious.

      For me, Wat Rong Kuhm is a must-see if you are heading to Chiang Rai. Sort of Thailand’s Sagrada Familia.

  12. Body shape

    Some friends and I were talking about our ideal body shape. I would love to be long and lithe, but I am instead very hourglassey with a large bust and hips. It was surprising to hear from one of them who is long and more waify, that she would love to have my body.

    What is your ideal body shape?

    • Anonymous

      The one I have when I’m living a healthy lifestyle.

      To me the definition of stupid is deciding your ideal body is something you’ll never have what is the point of this? Do any of us really need another reason to feel bad about ourselves?

      • Baconpancakes

        Exactly. Me, at my best. (Which is probably about 20 lbs lighter than I am now, to be honest, but that leftover pizza isn’t going to eat itself!)

        I’d like to be able to “try on” a willowy body and wear drapy sweaters and long skirts without looking like an elephant, but for every day, I love being absurdly curvy, tall, and strong.

    • Anon

      I would like to be Sophia Loren for a Saturday evening. But otherwise just me.

      [Sort of like how I’d like implants for parties and when they would help a dress look better, but otherwise don’t want to *have* them. [Some thinking I did in b/w finding a lump when I was young enough to have a party look and finding out it was benign.]]

    • Zelda

      Totally agree with Anonymous and Wildkitten. I have a bootylicious, pear shape, so Beyonce is one of my body role models. A version of her body is definitely achievable for me and (imo) she looks great!

      I had a friend whose ideal was long and lithe (when she definitely was not) and she constantly seemed miserable about her body. Life is too short!

      • Brit

        Just bears in general. Getting to sleep all winter and eat whatever you want in the fall to build up that nice, warm layer of fat (think of all the pumpkin things in fall you could eat that you need to restrain your human self from.)

        • Anonymous

          a cat! I often thing my cat has the best life. A nice warm house to live in, constant food, and gets to sleep all the time

      • Anon

        Smaller boobs. Which I would have if I ate healthy and got down to my “ideal” weight.

        • i'll play

          I do have short stumpy legs that are strong and kick-ass and have brought me through many athletic events. But it would be nice to find out what long, thin but curvy, oh-so-sexy legs are like…. I wonder if I’d then go back to my short, stumpy legs? I’m pretty modest, so probably.

  13. Paging Anon with Partnership Track Question

    I didn’t see the post yesterday afternoon until this morning. It’s becoming more common that big firms have more like 8-10 year partnership tracks–the 7th/8th years who make it at my firm are generally rock stars with major books of business. So, I think you really have to try to figure out whether the places you’d be going would have any different scenario.

    Another consideration: at my firm, it’s a minimum 3 years before we will look at a lateral associate for partnership. Only exceptions would be major, major books of business. So, you wouldn’t be on any quicker of a partnership track anyway.

    If you generally like your firm and the work, I’d stay (I did stay in a similar situation, and I did make partner, and I’m just as much of a partner as the people who made it a year or two ahead of me). Also, really think about how bad it is to be a senior associate another year or two. You get to continue to develop your practice without the pressures of partnership. You get (at my firm) rewarded for smaller books of business in the $100,000 range, whereas that’s nothing for partners and you are almost penalized unless you also have great hours. At my firm, there is barely any distinction in salary between the senior associates and the very junior partners (if anything, the senior associates make more because of bonuses tied to fees that disappear for partners). It’s generally a pay cut the first couple years of partnership at my firm. Don’t get me wrong–I still wanted to be a partner and am happy to be a partner, but I wouldn’t have left my firm over it.

  15. Finances/Retirement

    Short question- does it make sense to invest in mutual funds if you are not maxing out retirement savings (401K/Roth IRA)?

    Background- I’m taking a new position soon, resulting in a serious hit to our household income (and moving us within the income eligibility for Roth). Right now I max out my 401K and, in my budgeting for the new position, was thinking about moving cash currently in a conservative emergency fund to a low fee vanguard account, thus meeting the account minimum with the plan to contribute 3 to 500/month moving forward. (Uncertainty re: my current job had me holding on to more cash in the emergency fund than I feel I’ll need once I switch positions- we have a separate account for home expenses/car repairs).

    But, it occurs to me that once I switch positions we won’t be taking advantage of all our tax-advantaged retirements funds. Would it make more sense to hold the cash and put it in Roth IRAs in 2015, and direct the monthly savings to the tax-advantaged retirement funds? It’s 5-10K in cash, so my thinking was that it would get us in to a low limit mutual fund and we could make small contributions thereafter, but now I’m wondering if that is silly if it is at the expense of potential savings via the traditional retirement vehicles.

    • Anonymous

      In general, if you have access to a tax advantaged fund there’s no reason not to put your retirement savings there first. Are you going to keep making out your 401k?

    • MJ

      I would talk to a fee-only financial planner about this, but it comes down to what your goal is–savings? tax-deferred savings? liquidity?

      It is my understanding you can pull money (principal) out of a Roth IRA with no penalty (but you also don’t get any tax advantage when you donate to a Roth, at the time of donation–your advantage is the assets appreciating tax-free). You can always invest in mutual funds _through_ retirement vehicles too. It’s not as binary as you’re making it out to be. However, depending on what type of retirement vehicle you invest in, the funds may not be as accessible as those in a non-retirement account due to penalties.

      Generally, I personally believe in maxing all of my tax-deferred investing options as much as I can and keeping a smaller liquid pot of money in place for emergencies, and that liquid pot need not be cash (it could be mutual funds or a money market mutual fund). Why? I’m not a homeowner, have ready access to a ton of credit if there’s an emergency (not like a ~$3K car bill, but something bigger) and…there’s a huge psychological benefit, in my opinion, of putting that money in there and NOT being able to touch it or pull it out. For me, liquidity is not a good thing for retirement savings–I want it as hard to touch as possible. Not sure if that makes sense, but that’s where I am.

      You need to figure out what your goals are. Bear in mind that you can do what makes you comfortable–you don’t need to do the same thing with the whole 5-10K–it can be split up. That’s why I’d talk to a fee-only financial planner, if I were you.

      Also, most low-cost mutual funds have very low investment limits, so that shouldn’t bee a huge issue, grand scheme. If you are thinking of doing active mutual fund investing, many of those funds do have minimums to limit churn.

    • Jennifer

      It does for me, because I might want some liquid assets at some point in a 10 year time-frame, and I wouldn’t want to take the tax hit if everything had been saved in a 401k. I split the difference: I contribute the 10% recommended for someone who started saving early in my 401k, I fully fund my ROTH, and anything else leftover goes into non-tax-advantaged accounts.
      If your question is about saving in low-cost index fees for retirement only, then you probably should use tax-advantaged accounts to their full potential before anything else.

  16. Undercover

    How do you all handle looking for a new job / exploring other options without blowing your cover at your current firm? I’m a fairly senior litigation associate, starting to come to terms with the fact that for me, partnership may not be in the cards no matter what I do – so I need to develop a backup plan. And since I don’t even know where I want to end up (prosecution/government? in-house? non-litigation roles?), I’m going to need to talk to people / network even before I’m really “looking” let alone ready to leave. But having it get around that I’m looking will likely kill any chance I still have, and even limiting inquiries to people outside the firm seems dangerous. Any tips on how to handle this? Or career ideas for a litigator who’s sick of the pointless conflict / zero-sum games? Thanks!

    • Anon

      I assume everyone is looking to leave.

      That said, “networking to leave” may look a lot like “networking” and “networking to get clients.” Have lunch a lot. Have drinks a lot. I’d jump before I get pushed out and I’d let the word get out among friends / associates that you are looking.

      • TBK

        I agree. Also, most people you network with will be discreet if they know you’re looking to leave. Frankly, I’m sure the partners at your firm expect all the senior associates to have back-up plans. It would be crazy not to. But becoming more active in bar associations, alumni groups, etc. will only look positive to your current firm. And you can definitely talk to people without it being crystal clear you want to leave: e.g., you’re chatting up a prosecutor at a bar event “wow, what’s that like? I’ve always been curious to learn more about criminal work.” The prosecutor will, most likely, happily chat away to you about her job and never think too hard about why you’re asking. People love to talk about themselves! You can even follow up by asking her how she got to her current job. Then if you decide to apply for a job in her office — bingo, you have a friend on the inside!

      • A Clark

        THIS. I’ve been networking and active in bar associations, alumni associations, etc and I don’t think it’s exclusive to network for clients, professional development, and opportunity purposes. And now, I am in the middle of a similar transition (YAY!)

  17. Wanderlust

    Hive, at what point do you give up on your career dreams?

    I went to law school specifically to practice in X area of law, my dream career since freshman year of college. I graduated a few years ago during the height of the recession, and found a job working for a solo practitioner doing X field of law. However, the job paid pennies, he was a horribly abusive boss, and the position did not last more than a year. Since then, I’ve been practicing in Y field of law, which is completely different, boring to me, and also a dead end. In my current job, there is no room for growth, learning, or branching out.

    I’ve kept up with X area by being active in relevant bar association committees, attending CLEs, networking, etc. I’ve even gotten a few interviews for jobs in X area, but am always passed over in favor of people with stronger qualifications. I’m frustrated and beginning to think this will never happen for me. The longer I stay in Y area, the less relevant my experience in X area becomes.

    I’m looking into therapy, but any other thoughts? If this is only causing me frustration and resentment, should I walk away and try to find something else?

    • Wanderlust

      Going solo is also not an option because I need health insurance, benefits, steady income to pay student loans and all that.

        • Wanderlust

          X is a niche area of intellectual property law (not patent). Y is basically doc review and only doc review.

          • Shots. Shots. Shots.

            Then why not Z- any real litigation job? Yeah. Give up on your super specialized dream.

      • Solo

        This. I felt like you for a loooong time (stuck in areas of law I loathed with bosses I hated) and I have gone solo because my state has a system in which it contracts with private attorneys to handle criminal cases (what I always wanted to do), which is separate from the public defender system which pays pennies. (Not that I get a lot, but it’s enough to pay the bills, which include office expenses, student loans, rent, food, etc., and save a bit.) Also, this is partly what the ACA is for – to help people who need to pay for their own health insurance.

        Going solo may not be the route for you, but I felt the way you do for a long time and thought I would never get out. Maybe there are other areas of law that, while they may not be your dream, are more palatable and interesting than what you are currently doing?

        Also, I fear saying this on this s!te, but I am simply not as ambitious as I used to be. I like my work, but it is by no means my life, and I try to cultivate happiness in other ways that will be more important in the long term.

    • Sue

      Non-lawyer here but I just wondered if you could research alternative careers for lawyers. If your job is making you this unhappy then it’s best to find an option and move. Therapy may help you plan and think through this transition and probably manage the associated anxieties and frustration.

      • Monday

        I was thinking the same. If your passion is in Issue X and you’ve kept up with the field, there might be other possibilities to work on it. I think it’s worth considering that you may care more about this issue than about being a lawyer. There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you can swing it financially.

      • true

        This is actually helpful. Nothing is black-white, always shades of gray if you look in between.

        • Wanderlust

          I’m at the point where i’m “mid-level” in my career. It’s kind of too late to switch practice areas, no?

          • Emmabean

            It’s definitely not ideal, but if Z is better than doc review, I’d take it. I know you said you’ve interviewed a bit for X, so you may already be doing this, but if not, just wanted to mention the absolute importance of networking within the practice area you want to be in. It’s my firm belief that having a strong network is imperative to success as an attorney.

    • August

      I know how it feels. I am in somewhat of a similar situation but a bit better than yours. I am not in law though.

      I took the job at the height of recession in a big company where potentially I could have gotten my dream job. I liked the job that I was doing, I succeeded there, great people, good work and room for development. But after three years I started feeling bored and felt I will never be able to do the work I ideally wanted to do if I continued to stay there. I told that to my then manager (who is the best manager I have ever had). He founded some opportunity in another team for me to work part time for one year (working full time at the day job) purely to gain the experience I needed to be at my dream job. Then I was almost there, met the manager who was managing me dream team and he liked my experience and I had very good feedback from the team I worked part time. Then a big re-org hit, the work which I wanted to do was consolidated overseas. I was so disappointed. Then I took up a job which was not ideally which I wanted to do, but can be used as stepping stone. The people are terrible in this team and management is so bad. I absolutely hate working for this team. But I put up with them for one year to have the experience on my resume. Now, I have interviewed for my dream job in another city. I am willing to move as I don’t have any strong connections (family or great friends) in my current city either. I am also researching if I failed in this interview, then what else should I do to be a better candidate next time. I am even thinking of part time PhD (if something like that exists) or extra graduate level coursework as many (not all) people at my dream job are either very senior or have a PhD (and I have a graduate degree). But I truly truly hope I get the job that I have interviewed for. I am so anxious and I don’t know what will happen. Sometimes I feel like giving up and do whatever I am/was doing. I am not of much help but I can just empathize with you.

  18. Shopping challenge

    I’m looking for a bathrobe for my son. He loves the simple bathrobes, waffle weave or terry, in hotels, but the sleeves are ridiculously long on him and they generally drag on the ground. His birthday was a couple weeks ago, but my parents will give him their gift when they see him this weekend, so this is my last chance.

    He is barely over 5′ tall, weighs 85 lbs.I’d like to get him organic cotton and stay under $50. Unisex or women’s is fine (as long as there aren’t frilly details)

    Can anybody find such a thing on the big wide internet?

    • Mpls

      The Company Store, Lands End, LL Bean, Eddie Bauer – those would be the places I’d check.

    • mascot

      Overstock? Amazon? I’m short so I usually buy short robes. If it is a pretty simple long robe, you could perhaps get it tailored easily.

    • NYNY

      My MIL recently got something like that from Pottery Barn. Don’t recall if it was organic or not, but it was really nice.

    • Shopping challenge.

      Those are pretty much the same places I looked. There seems to be a real gap in sizing, with kids sizes for up to about 75 lbs and adult sizes starting with 32+ inch waists.

      • Rachel

        Can you get it tailored? Sounds kinda crazy but if it’s that challenging to find his size and it’s really important to him then it just might be worth it.

    • hoola hoopa

      I sew cotton robes for my kids because it’s so hard to find non-fleece options. But I’m not much larger than your son and can recommend the petite offerings from these stores. Definitely get the XS at LLB. These options all have ‘male’ color options.

      LL Bean:
      Women’s Terry Cloth Robe (in petite)
      Tartan Flannel-Lined Robe (in petite)

      Lands End:
      Women’s Petite Turkish Terry Calf Length Robe
      Women’s Petite Long Sleeve Cotton Sleep-T Robe

  19. Miami

    BF and I are going to Miami for the weekend in a few weeks. Any recommendations on what to do and where to eat/drink? We’re thinking we’ll go out to dinner on Friday and Saturday nights (one fancy, one not fancy maybe?), hit up some nightlife, explore the city on Saturday, and go to brunch on Sunday. TIA!

    • jc

      If you are going to be in South Beach, Yardbird Southern Table & Bar was amazing! Great food and atmosphere and really cool drinks.

      I’d try to get a reservation ASAP.

    • NYtoCO

      Michael’s Genuine Food & Drink was really good, kind of fancy/trendy, with interesting menu options. I highly recommend!

      ETA- I really liked Yardbird as well, but it was definitely a little more casual (though still interesting).

  20. Mommy Monster

    Kinda late, but how do you ladies accessorize wrap dresses in different seasons? Cardigans (what length?), jackets, jewelry, shoes? I have a couple of BR Gemma dresses in different colors that I love, but they are looking a bit stale.

    Also, what jewelry styles do you think are completely done? I put on some sparkly “balla” bracelets yesterday and then took them off feeling like they were dated. How do you keep your jewelry looks up-to-date?

    • NYtoCO

      I generally don’t wear anything over my wrap dresses, but mine are patterned so I feel anything on top would be a bit too much. I like a simple pendant necklace to go with the v-neck of the dress and always wear heels with them (regular or boots). If your dresses are solid I can see a long, heavier necklace looking nice, and maybe a structured cardigan. Some fun bangles if the sleeves are elbow length?

      I’m not much of a jewelry person, so I have a few classic, timeless pieces that I wear pretty much every day.

    • Zelda

      Most of my dresses have long or 3/4 sleeves, so I prefer to wear them as is. If necessary, I’d throw on a blazer or cropped/motorcycle style jacket. I haven’t found a sweater that works for me, but I’ve seen pics of people in lengths ranging from shrug to thigh length that look good on them, depending on the style and cut.

      In the summer I wear sandals or peep toe pumps. For all other seasons I wear pumps, booties or knee high boots, with or without tights. I like wearing pendant necklaces with wraps, as they compliment the v neckline without screaming “look at my b@@bs!”

    • Anon

      Sometimes I’ll wear a blazer over it, sometimes not. I tend to bar style necklaces with them lately, too.

    • hoola hoopa

      Agree with others that I mainly change my shoes and hosiery for seasonal adjustment.

      Sometimes I ignore the fact that it’s a wrap dress and layer with a full scarf and cardigan. When wearing a blazer or cardigan over, tie in the back instead of the side and tuck/twist in the ends. Depending on the dress and your figure, you may be able to incorporate a belt.

    • AIMS

      I actually love wearing wrap dresses with long v neck cardigans. The cardigan has to be somewhat slim fittings to not add bulk but it’s a great way to switch it up and/or to balance some of the louder prints on DvF dresses. I usually do black sweater and black camisole underneath, and I like to pair it with a long necklace (something like a thick “gold” opera length chain).

    • Anon

      Thank you, it’s a bit scary. And very sad about the one confirmed victim death.

        • Regular poster not outting myself

          Just west, but still central, major trendy neighborhood. If the shooting was 15 minutes later I would have ended up in lockdown in a lecture, but I’m safe in my apartment.

          • Anon

            I am right downtown, thoroughly locked down. At least I am not under my desk like my poor sister.
            Glad you are home.

          • Regular poster not outting myself

            Hubs works at major government building right in the middle of it all and just happened to have today off. So many of my friend are locked in their respective agencies

  22. Shopping Challenge

    Does anyone want to help me find a dress to wear to a wedding in November? The ceremony is during the day and the reception is at a hotel in the evening. The bride is wearing a vintage style midi-length dress, so it doesn’t have to be too formal. I prefer something with at least elbow length sleeves (I hate showing my upper arms, plus it will be chilly). I wear a size 12 0r 14 depending on the cut and to add an extra wrinkle, I am almost 6′ tall and hate miniskirts. Suggestions?

  23. Anon

    Oh my gosh you guys, we’ve had multiple shootings downtown today. One in my sister’s building, another in the building beside me, two outside 2 and 4 blocks from us. Major police tactical presence, snipers on the roofs of all the building etc etc.
    At least one victim and one gunman dead but multiple gunmen. Multiple non-life threatening injuries, including a least one other gunshot wound.
    I’m totally safe in my building but we probably won’t be able to leave for many hours as they have no idea how many shooters there are.
    My sister (a gun man shot dead close to her office) has been under her desk for 3.5 hours.
    Sadly, the one confirmed victim is a soldier who was ceremonially guarding the War Memorial.

    • Regular poster not outting myself

      I’m lucky to be central west 10 minutes from the action. School in lockdown but I think I’m expected to work still.

      • Anon

        Well, we are locked in our building until who knows when so we are still working.

        My little kids’ school has a plan in place for dismissal in case both parents are stuck downtown. OCDSB says not to pick kids up early. My big kid’s school has tweeted that they will keep them if parents can’t pick up.

        For now, my husband’s building is not in lockdown, he is across the river so he should be able to get home.

    • Marilla

      We are thinking of you in Toronto. I’m glad you are safe – I hope your sister will be safely evacuated soon.

      • Not Toronto

        It is nice for you to think of your Canadian friends but Toronto is almost 300 miles from Ottawa, which is where the poster actually lives.

        • Anon

          Pretty sure this was posted by someone in Toronto who is thinking about the people in Ottawa.

          • Marilla

            Yes, exactly. I promise I know my Canadian geography, having lived in this country for the past 23 years :)

      • Anon

        Thanks Marilla.

        I have to admit, I am somewhat distracted and not getting much work done.

    • Rogue Banker

      Sending love and warm thoughts your way from Atlanta. ♥ Glad you’re safe!

      • Anon

        Thanks everyone, we are allowed out of the building now and advised to leave downtown.

  24. KK

    Does anyone have tips on what to do when you are in over your head on a file? I was assigned a file by a partner that started off simple enough but has now grown into something completely different that is outside my practice area and way over my head. I tried to talk to the partner about maybe passing it on to someone else and he said he didn’t want the client to think the file was a “hot potato.” I get that, but I don’t think the quality of work should suffer because of optics. I would be happy to stay on and assist the new (more qualified) person. There’s no chance the partner takes it back (not important enough for him). How should I go back to him (again) now that he has already refused my suggestion once? I think he jumped to conclusions thinking I am trying to dodge work and didn’t really consider why I was suggesting someone else may be better. TIA!

    • ac

      No disrespect, but are you pretty junior? I’ve run into this issue myself and found that these stretch cases are a great opportunity to develop new skills. As a junior, I always felt like I was woefully underqualified and if the partner knew that, he’d take me off the case (which may or may not been a good thing). Now that I’ve been practicing for longer, I recognize the cases as challenges but don’t have the same “OMG I’m in over my head, what am I going to do?!?” panic. Good luck.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Could you each stay on for your respective issues? Say it is an employment law case that had a criminal issue develop. You maintain as lead attorney for the employment piece and your coworker is lead attorney for the criminal piece, with the two of you working together to make sure you don’t prejudice the other person’s case? This is common since few attorneys do both of those areas of law.

  25. Rogue Banker

    Hive, I’m not sure if I need advice or just a place to grump, but a few things kinda exploded on me yesterday.

    Background: I work in banking, my SO is a master’s/PhD student at Prestigious U. Or at least, until yesterday he was. He says he “bombed his Quals” which, in my got-my-bachelors-and-got-out-of-school-and-on-with-life understanding is basically the b@stard love child of the GRE and a police interrogation – a 2 hour exercise in solving complicated problems on a whiteboard while being peppered with pointless rhetorical questions. He took the first one yesterday and is convinced, apparently with some evidence, that he’s failed it completely. This is the second time he’s taken them, which means if he failed, he doesn’t get to go on to the PhD program and ‘has’ to stop at ‘just’ a masters’ in aerospace engineering. I should mention he’s already had several summer internships with NASA and a decent chance of a job with them after finishing his masters’.

    He’s treating this as if it’s worse than a death sentance. He says he can’t stand the thought of just getting a job and working 9-5, that he wants to do research but it has to be the kind of research HE wants to do instead of being told by someone else what to study. He had his heart set on being a professor, and hates the idea of doing just about anything else. He’s not even sure he’s got the motivation to finish his master’s thesis now.

    I understand that he’s kinda emotional right now and this IS a major setback, but ARGH, it’s frustrating trying to come up with options or ways to make this suck less and having him go “No. All is woe and sorrow and regret.” I’m trying to be the understanding girlfriend but I’m not really into letting him wallow in this. We’ve tried that before in another situation and it does not lead anywhere pretty.

    Am I being selfish in thinking that you know, a job with NASA and a masters’ degree in literal rocket science really isn’t that bad a set-up, and he shouldn’t be so doom-and-gloom?
    *sigh* Boyfriends should come with instruction manuals. Thanks for letting me rant. :P

    • anon

      You take them as you find them & that means you either go with it or you get out. If he needs to wallow/doesn’t want to do what you think he should do/doesn’t handle things the way you would, that’s his choice. Your choice is whether this is someone you want to stay with or not. He may change around the edges a little bit, but probably not much.

    • Anon

      Fellow SO of an engineering student (different discipline, however).

      Re: quals – are his quals straight pass/fail, or is there also the possibility of a “conditional pass” (you pass only once you’ve completed some remedial work in a weak area, such as a paper or TA’ing a class). If so, keep your fingers crossed that he’ll have that option.

      Re: what if he really did fail? – is there the possibility of applying to a different phD program at his U? I’ve known people who have done this once they failed quals (obviously it has to be somewhat related – computer science to EE, for example). Just a thought.

    • Manhattanite

      Remember that quals are kind of public. Everyone in his dept knows he failed. And he’s got to totally readjust his thinking on what his life path is. Give him some time to wallow and come to terms with reality. These are things he’s going to have to work out for himself.

    • Anon

      So, I have experienced a lot of what you’re SO is going through… I failed my quals the first time I took them. I did end up passing the second time and getting my PhD eventually, BUT… I had wanted nothing but to be a professor. I applied to 50 universities, and got one phone interview that did not go anywhere. I had to adjust my life plans, and actually ended up getting a job at NASA. It’s a great place to work with really cool things going on, but with just a master’s, he may not make that much money as a civil servant. Step increases and GS-level increases are regular (assuming he’s at least mildly competent), but you top out pretty quickly and he’d be competing against people with PhDs for the higher level positions. I know to you this all sounds like it’s not so bad, but the reality is that he’s not in the best situation. I really feel for him. NASA does have a nice program where they will pay for your PhD, so there is the possibility that he could try again at another university in the future.

    • Anonymous

      I’m missing something. Yesterday, your boyfriend found out that he’s not going to be able to accomplish his life’s dream, something he’s presumably been working long and hard at, and you are annoyed at his response? I’m not a PhD candidate but your snappy “got my bachelor’s degree and got on with life” comment sounds like you don’t even understand his world. I’d be shattered, and yes, I would need some time to regroup. I’d also appreciate my SO’s support during this difficult time. ETA: there is no way in this world you can make this suck less for him. Support him and quit trying to solve the problem for him.

    • Anonymous

      It was yesterday! Get a grip and let the guy wallow 72 hours. Stop trying to “fix” him having to let go of his dreams. Good grief!

  26. Feeling rejected by spouse

    I had a baby about 10 weeks ago and my husband no longer seems interested in s*x with me. (I’m using the asterisk since I’m not sure if that word would put this post in moderation.) He’s very excited about our baby (our first) and I do love that. But his general lack of interest in me is hurtful. I can’t attribute it to fatigue- I’ve been doing all the night feedings (my choice) and staying home with our baby for maternity leave.
    I commented about a month post delivery that he didn’t seem as interested in me. He said there wasn’t a point, since we couldn’t have intercourse until 6 wks post delivery anyway. So the day of my 6 wk appt he did text and ask if we were good to go, and I told him we were. Yet, he still didn’t initiate until over a week later. I truly think he was just trying to placate me by asking.
    So now we’ve done it once. Yesterday I told him via text about a racy dream I had the night before. He seemed receptive, we flirted a bit. I got somewhat dressed up – nothing over the top – but when he got home: nothing. He barely noticed me, when in fact I’d worn this outfit once about a yr ago and he’d noticed and really liked it then. It was straight to our daughter, and though he was kind to me all evening, it’s like he barely hears me, let alone sees me. (I was just talking about typical things last night, as always- I’ve only ever brought up s*x as an “issue” during the times I already mentioned above. I want to emphasize I haven’t been haranguing him about it.)
    I feel depressed and very rejected. I feel like an idiot for basically initiating a s*xy text exchange and then dressing up and it amounting to nothing. It just seems odd that it’s so long past the birth of our baby and he’s so uninterested, especially when it’s clear that I am interested.
    Any thoughts would be so appreciated. Except- respectfully- comments from anyone who has the reverse problem, where it’s their husband who wants sex instead. I’m sure the intent would be good, but honestly, it’s not analogous and would just make me feel worse.

    • Anon

      I am neither married nor a parent, but I think that it might actually benefit you to get feedback/insight from women who feel/felt the same way as your spouse currently does. You don’t know what is running through his mind right now, but they might. Just a thought.

    • Marie

      Can you initiate? Also, check the Savage Love archives – I feel like Dan Savage has addressed this before, but I’m at work and I can’t look right now.

        • Marie

          Maybe repost tomorrow. I’m sure you’d get more replies from people who’ve been in your position, but posts that get pushed onto the second page of comments always get far fewer responses.

    • Veryanon

      My dear, after going through a horrible delivery and a baby who was a bad eater and sleeper, I wasn’t even ready to start thinking about funtimes until 6 months in!
      I’m sure my hubby felt pretty rejected during that time – after all, we had the go ahead to do it after 6 weeks – but the whole experience was traumatic for me. I tore up pretty bad! I got stitches! They hurt! I was tired and maybe a tad depressed.
      Give it some time. It’s only been 10 weeks.

      Also, fathers can be affected by the baby in new and unexpected ways. At one point I remember my husband saying “Bye, sweetiepie” before going off to work, and I replied “Bye” back, but turns out he was talking to the baby! :) It’s not just moms who sometimes fall in love with kids to the exclusion of their husbands. Sometimes dads do it too.

      ETA: Lest this sounds all doom and gloom, I want to emphasize that this is all temporary. My drive was back to normal after 6 months (except still very tired so would occasionally turn him down) and we all got to a new normal.

    • Anonymama

      Men go through hormonal changes after birth of a baby too, which can reduce sex drive. Also, it’s a pretty huge life change, it can take more than 10 weeks to adjust. Finally, have you not generally been the initiator previously in this relationship? In my experience, sometimes I feel like I am giving off obvious signals but they are too subtle for my husband to pick up on. Really you should talk to him directly about it, how you’re feeling, how he’s feeling. It’s a big big transition period, both in your actual daily lives, but also in your perceptions of yourself and each other, and it’s hard to say what to do without having an idea of what he’s feeling about everything.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions