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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’m loving all of the hot pink pieces I’m seeing this season, and this jacket is totally swoon-worthy. I particularly like the angled flap pockets at the sides — they’re great for creating the illusion of a smaller waist, and I think these are actually functional. Colors this bright can look a little harsh with black, so I would try this navy or gray.
The jacket is $1,995 and available in sizes 2–10. Leaf Crepe Jacket
More affordable options in straight sizes are from Theory ($495) and Express ($108); Vince Camuto has a less pricey plus-size alternative for $149.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Can anyone recommend a work laptop that is not a MacBook under $1000?
Cb
I have a Lenovo Thinkpad and I love it. It has a solid state drive, good battery life, and is going strong after 6 years of pretty heavy use.
Anon
+1 to Thinkpads, they are standard office computers.
TheElms
My firm uses these and I agree they are great. Mine is 3 years old (about to be replaced) and still going strong after so much wear and tear (daily public transit, bike commuting, planes, vacations to sandy hot places).
Process Geek
My only caveat to this is that I have not had good luck with Lenovo support. I think they are heavily geared to corporate customers who support themselves.
Anon
I have a lightweight Asus that’s been super solid. I think it cost me $600 three years ago. Don’t have the model handy but it made lists of “best lightweight laptops.”
Anonymous
+1
CountC
Do NOT buy a Dell XPS. I have gone through two at work in a year – they are junk!
I have had good experiences with Lenovo and Asus though – to second the posters above!
Anonanonanon
I have a Dell XPS for work and have had it for 2 years and LOVE it! I got the 13″ so it can easily fit in my bag and is very lightweight, which was really important for me. However mine was more in the $1,500 range?
CountC
I don’t know how much mine was, but not having any normal ports and having to lug that hockey puck converter around to do anything useful other than plug into power is very annoying. The hard drive crashed on my first one and it would never actually shut off so it was always dead. The replacement hasn’t crashed yet, but see above re: hockey puck converter.
The company I work for stopped letting people buy them after the first two years because there were so many compliants!
Anonymous
The Microsoft Surface is also junk.
Anon
I work in tech and have been happy with my Surface Laptop 2. I decided to ditch Apple and jump on the Windows train. Got mine on sale at Costco last summer for $999.
anon
my Dell Latitude would be great, but they placed the webcam in a lower corner because that’s cheaper to produce. Only buy if you truly never have video conferences or skype with loved ones or if you’ve always wanted to look like a toad.
Anon
Rofl “always wanted to look like a toad” Hahahaha!
anon
I love both of my current Lenovos, and all the ones I’ve had previously. I would say it depends on your job though – if you are a heavy shortcut user and currently use an Apple, I’d think seriously about changing. Most of my job is in excel and if I had to switch from a PC to Apple the loss of my keyboard shortcuts would probably add an extra ~2 hours to my day every day given loss of speed. That’s worth paying more for in my mind.
Ribena
I have an HP Elitebook and it’s pretty good – really good speakers if that’s a consideration for you.
Carrie
Also a fan of Lenovo for my laptop. I bought mine for personal use.
I got mine on a great sale at Costco. IdeaPad Flex. Fast, easy to use, nice screen, nice keyboard touch, light. I like being able fold it and use it just as a tablet, and the touch screen.
I previously had Dells that always gave me problems and I will never get again. I loved my Mac laptop years ago, but can’t really justify the price differential.
Anon
I adore my HP Envy which I bought for under $$$. My husband has a MacBook Air and prefers my laptop to his. I prefer it to the Asus and Lenovo competitors that I’ve seen.
Pep
+1
I just got an HP Envy last month and I am loving it.
Anon
(I just saw my typo: I meant under $$$$, though I am sure that was obvious!)
Jules
Late to this party, but my small firm just replaced the attorneys’ laptops with the Dell Lattitude 3301. The camera is in the normal place, it’s lightweight (half the weight of the old Dells we had) and seems sturdy. I’ve had mine about two months and like it.
In-House in Houston
Hi Ladies, Happy Monday. I’m planning a long weekend in Memphis in early June. Questions: will it be too hot to do anything outside during the day? We want to do all of they typical touristy stuff (Beale Street, Graceland, etc.) Also, any recommendations where to stay? I’m pretty sure we want to stay downtown but the photos of the Peabody make the rooms seem really dated. I saw that there’s a hotel called the Graceland Guesthouse that looks nice, but is it too far from downtown? I’d prefer not to rent a car. Any suggestions are appreciate. Thanks!
Anon
Yeah it’s pretty hot in June – upper 80s and humid. You do you, but I do not enjoy being outside in weather like that.
baseballfan
We love Memphis and have been there a lot. We always stay at the Courtyard Marriott downtown – this may sound odd but they have legitimately some of the best service of any hotel I’ve stayed at, and I’ve stayed at some fancy ones.
We have never rented a car. That being said, we have never visited Graceland either; we always remain in the downtown area.
The Civil Rights museum is very good, also the Rock and Soul museum. Fantastic barbecue at Blues City Cafe; great breakfast at Blue Plate Cafe. Memphis has one of my favorite all-time restaurants, Flight.
Yes, it will be hot.
Belle Boyd
The Graceland Guesthouse is newly built and right next to Graceland, which is not downtown. We didn’t go downtown, so I’m not sure just how far away Graceland is from places like Beale Street, etc. Plan to spend the biggest part of the day at Graceland. My best suggestion for Graceland is to get there EARLY. There is so much to see there, especially if you are an Elvis fan. They redid a lot of the exhibits recently and I’ve heard really good things (I was there in 2016, and they were just starting the redo.) While you’re there, there’s a free shuttle that will take you to Sun Studio. I HIGHLY recommend it. It is SO interesting, and not just for Elvis fans — plus the little ice cream shop next door has the best milkshakes!
We were there in August (the week before Elvis Week — we’re crazy but not THAT crazy!) and the heat index was 106. I’m sure it’ll be hot in June, but probably not quite that hot. On the plus side, most everything at Graceland is indoors and air-conditioned with the exception of the Meditation Garden and the planes. Also, they way they have the tours timed, you really aren’t jammed in with a bunch of other people and never really have the sense of how many people are there, which is great.
Anonymous
Memphis in June will be hot, but not impossibly hot unless you’re coming from Alaska. It will be super humid and it will feel good to duck inside places, but overall it shouldn’t deter you from going.
Even if the Graceland Guesthouse is nice, you could not pay me enough money to stay out by Graceland. It’s not the best area of town around Graceland and there is nothing else to do out there. The Marriott Courtyard recommended above is actually very nice (a pretty standard Marriott property) but centrally located to walk to stuff along Main Street (the streetcar line), down to the riverbank, or over to Beale. There is some new artsy, smaller hotel over on 3rd that looks nice too, but I can’t remember the name.
memphis
don’t stay near Graceland! It’s not a good area and also far from everywhere (except Graceland) you’d want to see. Instead, definitely stay downtown — either downtown core or South Main. The Hu. hotel is fancy, or I would stay in the new Central Station hotel (with new restaurant by Memphis faves Andrew Michael). Or we often put up job candidates at the Hampton Inn Beale Street or the Doubletree (I am a Memphian).
The Civil Rights Museum is excellent; Stax is fun. Don’t miss the River Model on Mud Island. For restaurants: I’d recommend anything Andrew Michael (Hog and Hominy is my fave but it recently had a fire; Grey Canary is also great), Second Line in Midtown, and barbecue somewhere.
Yes, it will be hot! and humid. the good news is, we have air conditioning everywhere… but don’t plan on like outdoor nature days.
Anon
It will be hot, but unless there’s some heat wave, you’ll be fine. You may need to adjust your expectations for being able to walk everywhere though. Depending on how hot it is, you may be a lot happier taking some Ubers, etc.
Absolutely do not stay by Graceland. There are a lot of nice, newer hotels downtown by the Peabody. All of those are fine, and then you still get to go see the ducks, etc. You can also walk to Beale and the Civil Rights Museum from that area.
Adding on to what other people have recommended for sights– try to go to Mud Island to see the River. It is really cool if you haven’t done it before. Central BBQ is next to the Civil Rights Museum and is some of the best BBQ in town. Also, highly recommend Germantown Commissary (BBQ) but you need a car for that. Look into a tour of Sun Studio.
Mrs. Jones
It will be hot. Do NOT get a hotel near Graceland. I second the recs for Central BBQ, Germantown Commissary, Graceland, Sun Studio, Civil Rights Museum, Hog and Hominy, and Andrew Michael.
Elegant Giraffe
I am late but so happy to see Memphis mentioned and had to chime in. Downtown Courtyard Marriott is good, as noted. Walking distance to a number of attractions including the ballpark – good and cheap entertainment, IMO. Do not stay near Graceland. Eat at Huey’s, Corky’s, and Blue Plate Cafe. Walk around the Rhodes campus, it is beautiful. Also walk around Mud Island. It will be hot and so humid, but you’ll manage. River cruises are also fun.
Overthinking
I’ve gone on a few dates with a guy. I find that what tends to happen after I start liking them more it’s the part where my mind keeps running and fantasizing, and I’m finding the time in between texts soo long. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but I might have trouble falling asleep or wake up like 2-3 hours too early, so it’s almost like I’m jetlagged lol. Of course I’m living my life as usual, and getting totally immersed in work and trying to remember to be present helps, but any survival tips for not driving yourself crazy with your thoughts, or overthinking in general? Thankssss.
Anonymous
Yes hi this is anxiety and therapy helps
Anon
Nothing in the post suggests anxiety to me. It just sounds like excitement over a new potential, which I think is very common. It’s so easy to think about how great would be if things worked out and x happened or to think about how much you like the person and worry that they don’t feel the same way. No advice, because I struggle with the same thing.
Anonymous
She can’t fall asleep and wakes up 2-3 hours early.
Carrie
+1
I have to agree with this. It’s small things – both good and bad stressors – that push us folks who tend towards anxiety.
Have you tried a mindfulness class/App yet? At least to help you with clearing your mind when you get too obsessive/hard to sleep/wake up in the middle of the night (classic anxiety symptoms)?
Anon
Are you worrying why he hasn’t texted or are you just excited about him?
Anonymous
Keep dating other people until you’re exclusive. And don’t be exclusive with someone who leaves you feeling uncertain about where you stand and whether he wants a future with you.
Anonymous
What? They’ve been on a few dates. He’s not “leaving her feeling uncertain,” he’s getting to know her and what “them” might look like.
Google Fi
Can anyone speak to the quality of coverage for Google Fi plans in the Boston / Cambridge and New York City areas? I understand they use T-Mobile and Sprint networks.
I’m thinking of keeping my Samsung Galaxy phone (compatible with Fi but not “designed for Fi” — so no switching among networks and stuck within T-Mobile network) and using just the Flexible Plan at $20 + $10/GB data, or is this a terrible idea? I am spending most of my time between campuses (with wifi) and university housing (again equipped with wifi), so will only be using data in between transit.
Worry About Yourself
My boyfriend and I live in Boston – he’d been on Fi for a couple of years and I just joined him this past September. I. Freaking. Love. It. I can’t recall ever having a major issue with data coverage. Go for it. Also, feel free to keep your Galaxy for now, no sense ditching a perfectly good phone, but when the time comes to get a new phone, I highly recommend the Pixel!
Google Fi
Not your question but I imagine your experience would be even better in a big city. We live in the close-to-downtown suburbs of a medium sized SEUS city. My husband bought a google phone and switched to Fi six months ago. No issues even while traveling. Our teenager switched her iphone over in December. Honestly, I expected chaos because her high school is notorious for poor coverage (situated in a valley between residential areas). Absolutely no issues. As soon as I have a moment, I plan to switch my iphone off AT&T and onto the Fi plan.
Edge
I have had it in NYC for over a year. No complaints
Laptop Q
My 2014 LG Gram has been dropped on the sidewalk more times than I can count, and its Win7 OS is also fast becoming outdated. The monitor sometimes quits on me too.
Any recommendations for laptops to use in law school? Light user (mostly word orocessing, Netflix, occasional spreadsheet), prefer larger screen for less weight (current laptop is 14″ at 2.2 pounds) and not $$$$$. Budget is ~$1500, give or take. Do I just need to get a new LG Gram at 17″ or 15″?
Anon
You should not be spending anywhere close to $1500 as a light user. Go get a cheap PC for 4 to 600 and you’ll be fine.
Z
Agree $1500 is a lot for a normal PC. I have a Lenovo Yoga from 2017 that was about $700 and works great for exactly what you’re describing.
Carrie
Totally agree.
Look at the Costco laptops on sale, and focus on the $400-600 range, where you can get a lot with their great sales.
Anony
My current home laptop with Win10 that I was primarily using for grad school was less than $200 on the Ama-zon… definitely don’t spend $1500 as a light user.
Jules
I posted above about my firm’s Dell. I bought by soon-to-be-law-student son a Dell Inspiron 300 14″ for Christmas and only paid $350 for it fully loaded with MS Office. He really likes it so far. Granted, I got it at a pre-Christmas sale, but you can probably get that or something similar for $500<.
MCR
Anyone else going to MCR’s reunion tour? Emo kids in suits unite!
Worry About Yourself
I was pretty tempted, but I’m already going to Green Day on their Hella Mega Tour, plus Dead Kennedys and Bikini Kill early in the year, so I just can’t justify shelling out that much for yet another big stadium show unless I’m super pumped about the headliner.
Z
Nope. It sold out so quickly in my city. Scalpers bought a lot of them and are reselling $100 seats for $600, I’m really bummed.
MCR
I had to order my tickets mid-meeting it was stressful.
Anon
Thought about getting MCR tickets but I had just spent $$$ on Rammstein tickets a few days before
Rothy's Honeycomb or Merino?
Has anyone bought the black honeycomb style rothy’s or the merino ones? Is the fit/ feel the same as the regular weave? Thanks!
Gratuitous code post for anyone else interested: https://share.rothys.com/x/vWGeAa
The original Scarlett
I just got a pair of the merino ones and was surprised at how similar they feel to the original, but noticed my feet weren’t as sweaty, so I’d say I like them better. I thought they’d look like allbirds material or something, but they seem the same to me
Formerly Lilly
I find the fit on the merino points to be the same as the original points. They are incredibly comfortable, and I think that despite the fact that they feel like house slippers with a sole, they look a little more polished than the original ones. I’m wearing them today with some Eileen Fisher pieces and have achieved maximum “stealth pajamas at work”.
Anonanonanon
I have the black honeycomb and think the fit and feel are the same as my regular weave Rothy’s.
Anon
Did anyone else think the super bowl halftime show was risqué? It was entertaining, but the pole dancing and camera cr@tch shots and J.Lo’s bodysuits caught me off guard. Also possible: I’m a complete prude and everyone is fine with it.
Anon
Isn’t it always kind of risqué? I mean, it was, what, 15 (?) years ago now that Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet Jackson’s shirt.
Anonymous
That was not cool.
Worry About Yourself
Yeah, and it’s seriously messed up and he was invited back and she’s still banned from performing, when he’s the one who did it, even if it was an accident. She just happened to be the one with the boob, unfortunately.
EB
Wait, that was non consensual? I was really young when it happened, so didn’t really follow the story, but have always thought she was in on it! Wild.
Worry About Yourself
As far as I know, no, I’ve always been under the impression it was a wardrobe malfunction. He was supposed to tear *something* off her to reveal a skimpier outfit, but he tugged the wrong bit and pulled off something that was very much supposed to stay on her. Now, plenty of people want to believe that the two of them hatched a plan to “accidentally” reveal her breast to create a scandal and get her all sorts of attention from celebrity news outlets, but I refuse to buy into the whole “she did it for the attention” stuff, there’s something about that assumption that feels deeply sexist.
Anon
Glad I don’t watch the Super Bowl. I hate football and just have no interest in watching female performers be sexy sideshows. It feels incredibly tired and I’ve been a bit surprised at how into it women can get on Sunday when so many of them fight against objectification of women the rest of the time.
Anonymous
Hahahahaha omg is it tr011 Monday? They were sideshows for no one.
Anon
ummm, that’s literally what a halftime show is. A sideshow when the players have a break.
Anonymous
IDK — remember when U2 did the halftime show? Can you imagine Bono or anyone else in the band getting semi-nekkid and on a stripper pole? Honestly, I want the women to get the work but dang if the men don’t do it with a bit more class.
Anon
Didn’t Adam Levine take off his shirt in an attempt to be s3xy? I mean I he tried I guess.
Anon
You could try offering a real opinion instead of blindly attacking anyone who disagrees as a tr011. There’s a lot to be said about the pressure for female performers to say yes to nonstop crotch shots and to dress in skintight bodysuits to prove you can be relevant and sexy over 50, as if the main goal for any female singer should be to ensure continuous sexiness for the male gaze instead of, you know, great vocals or dancing. Not saying that Jennifer Lopez doesn’t have those skills – she does! I just wonder if she’d still be offered slots at the halftime show if she had gray hair, refused crotch shots, and wore an outfit that fit. Older women often feel so, so invisible and is the only way to ensure visibility in the performance world to ensure you give off a young, sexy vibe? These are real questions, not an opportunity for ad hominem cheap shots.
Anonymous
Chuckling that the phrase is still ad hominem. Ad feminam, anyone?
busybee
Agree, anon at 9:07. There was an odd juxtaposition between the ad featuring the female 49ers coach and the objectification of women’s bodies at halftime. I thought Demi Lovato was wonderful though.
Anonymous
Re Demi Lovato: right?! and she wore a suit. Thumbs up!
Anonymous
Yah you’re a complete prude. J Lo’s body suits “caught you off guard”?!? Are you completely unfamiliar with JLo?
anonymous
It didn’t seem any different to me than stuff other singers do.
Anon
I and the friends I was watching with thought it was a little much for a “family” event. One of my friends made the comment that she can’t image her parents and other older family members (all in their 60s and 70s) were enjoying the show, and I agree. Especially all the cr@tch shots seemed so unnecessary.
Having said that, I’m not sure it was that different from past halftime shows.
Anonymous
Really? My 69 year old parents thought it was a hoot.
Anonymous
I live next to a strip club, so I’m not one to get the vapors and clutch pears. And I found it a bit much (contrast to Lady Gaga a few years ago), but only as to JLo (the cr*tch waving was a bit much, along with the poles (honestly, it reminded me of how Marisa Tomei did the stripper thing in the wrestler movie — why do people do this at 50ish? can we not age in our hotness without having to take on a stripper role?)) and not re Shakira (who shakes, yes, but was in a costume, and did not have a pole). Also, points to Shakira for wearing shoes that she was not likely to twist an ankle in.
JLo seems to be having a thing where she is pushing 50 if not past it and seeming to want to remind us that she still brings it. I get it, JLo. I do. I loved you as a Fly Girl and you are so much more than you were last night. You will always be On the Six for me. Pls be better than you were last night. Besos!
Lilliet
This is a better articulated observation as to how I was feeling about last night, “can we not age in our hotness without having to take on a stripper role?”
Ribena
To be fair J Lo did just have a movie role where she was a pole dancer so it fits with her recent work.
Anonymous
Of course she did. It is de rigueur for actresses when they push 50.
anony
If this was filmed as a stage show or you were watching it live, I don’t think it would have seemed as risque. The camera work/angles/zoom really amplified certain aspects and it seemed to be even more deliberate than what would happen at a live concert. I wonder how much control the performers have for that aspect.
It also strikes me that some of this may be our generally puritan culture showing.
Anonymous
Same. The costumes themselves didn’t bother me, but I could have done without the crotch shots.
Anon
A few minutes of dancing is inappropriate for a “family” event because it might cause people to have sexual thoughts, but 3 hours of men being brutally violent with each other is totally fine and won’t cause violent thoughts.
Anon
Yes this. I commented below to the same effect.
Anonymous
yes, this.
anon
Totally agree. I would have been uncomfortable watching it with anyone besides my husband in the room and would definitely not have wanted any kids of mine to see that. I do not consider myself a prude.
Anonymous
Hahaha you totes are though
Anon
We get it, you’re a “fun feminist.”
anon
I’m sorry that you are so uncomfortable with women’s bodies. I hope you don’t pass that shame along to your children.
Anon
I want to be able to do what J-Lo did when I’m 50! I’m in athletic awe.
Anonymous
I want to be Shakira at 50 (IIRC she is in her 40s now). I just cannot with the cr*tch shots from JLo.
Anon
There were multiple cr@tch shots from Shakira as well.
Anonymous
IDK — I still felt like Shakira still hit the right note. I feel like JLo hit me over the head with the fact that she likely has a very good waxing person.
Anonymous
Shakira didn’t bust out the pole. It felt like JLo was feeling a bit like she had something to prove and was trying a little too hard — JLo: you are fine; I only had singleton births and would love to look half as good; be a dear and consider clothes and staying vertical next time [I say this as someone who loved her Grammy dress and hair — I want her to stay JLo and not go down the road of Aging With Anxious Desperation (I am looking at you Madonna Louise Ciccone))].
Anon
You know the performers weren’t operating the cameras, right?
Anonymous
Also I just cannot with JLo and the cr*tch area hand-waving.
Lyssa
My 4 year old is really into dancing right now, so, thinking “Oh, J-Lo, she’s a dance-person”, we suggested that she’d probably like to dance along with the show. And she loved it, and it was super-cute to watch her try to mimic the moves (particularly Shakira’s hair tossing). But there were definitely a few parts where I was a little . . . concerned about the appropriateness. Of course, I tried to remind myself that she just sees sparkly ladies bopping along to catchy music, and doesn’t get any of it.
Seventh Sister
Kids are great. When my daughter was small, we often went to a local playground right next to a smallish theater that gets rented out by various groups. Every year there is some kind of weightlifting competition – think spray tans, very small swimsuits, high heels, big hair on men and women. Since it’s Southern California, the competitors will often hang around outside finishing up their preparations, taking photos, etc. It’s sort of jarring because (despite what TV might suggest) people around here rarely dress that way.
My daughter asked me, “Why is that lady wearing a bikini? Oh, she must be a mermaid!” Right on, kid, your frame of reference is Ariel from The Little Mermaid because she also wears a barely-there bikini.
While I could have gone the way of my upbringing and freaked the heck out, my kid is now in middle school and *not* interested in wearing anything even close to those outfits (as opposed to me, who spent way too much time wearing probably-inappropriate miniskirts in an attempt to mess with the high school administrators).
Cat
I’m with you — my husband and I looked at each other and were like… well, this is kind of gratuitous! I wasn’t surprised by skimpy costumes based on who was performing and prior years’ costumes, but a pole??
Anonymous
I just don’t ever like the Superbowl halftime show…. It’s a concert that is put on in venue that is not designed for a concert (from an acoustics point of view). The performers always just seem like they are shouting and not signing and it doesn’t sound good. Then again, I’m also someone who doesn’t understand the appeal of going to a concert, so I am probably not a great judge of this type of performance.
The people I was watching with last night agreed, and we all were wondering why it couldn’t be a performance that is perhaps more visually interesting or something that is more traditionally designed to occur in an open air football stadium? Such as a Cirque du Soleil performance (more visual) or a college marching band performance (maybe just the drumline, but designed for a football stadium). (I recognize that there would be some logistical challenges to the Cirque du Soleil and getting equipment set up)
However, I will say this —good for J Lo for being able to do the pole dancing thing (which I know requires serious skill) while holding a microphone and singing.
anon
I absolutely loved it! Such an incredible performance.
Anonymous
I miss the sweet innocence of Left Shark — next time it will be nekkid Left Shark twirling on a pole.
Anonymous
LOL. Thanks for the laugh this morning!
January
Same!
Anon
Left Shark is still regularly on Watch What Happens Live if you miss him/her/them!
Anon
I always find it entertaining that people are omg so offended by anything “risqué” (which I’m not sure I even agree with – calling the show risqué really perpetuates the idea that women dancing in costume is for male entertainment. Pole dancing isn’t inherently s*xual but that’s a separate discussion) but are totally fine with the violence of football.
Anonymous
Lolz yup. Two very rich women expressing themselves artistically- the horror. Lots of men giving themselves brain injuries- all American fun.
Anonymous
Pole dancing isn’t inherently s*xual? In which culture is this?
Anon
Pole dancing is one of many forms of aerial dance and acrobatics. The fact that some greasy dudes pay women to do it naked does not mean it always is and was sexual.
Anon
Yes. This.
Anonymous
“Aerial dance and acrobatics”
I get that it is expressive activity, but this is really pushing it. It is like if a man is performing, his performing is fine and worth seeing; if a woman is performing, she had better be sexy and PG-13 or it’s not worth having her. Not a fan.
If it were legitimately “aerial dance and acrobatics,” we’d be seeing it on TV by kids and men, too. Like Chris Rock said — you had one job and it is to keep your daughter off of the pole. He didn’t say, “keep your daughter from aerial dance and acrobatics.”
And there is a difference b/w vanilla Cirque du Soleil shows and the one that is basically sexynaked Cirque.
Anonymous
Right, like Viking men twirled on poles all suited up for cold winters. It’s like you are confusing this with the uneven bars in gymnastics.
Anon
I think it’s pretty unfair to pretend like JLo and shakira were only allowed to perform if PG13. All of the performances were by women, including the pregame patriotic songs which were not risqué at all. I get what you’re trying to say but I don’t think it really applies here. The performance was completely consistent with both artists style and performance. It’s not like they did something extreme or different just for this performance.
Also if Taylor swift did the exact same thing in the exact same outfit I doubt there’d be this much outrage. A thin white woman doing something is fine but god forbid a woman of color show some skin or shake her booty.
Anon
@Anon 11:26 kids and men DO also perform in aerial dance and acrobatics, including pole dancing? And the halftime show did not involve stripping or nudity as part of the pole dancing, which is traditionally the sexy part. We can have a conversation about sexualized women’s costumes (both costumes designed to be sexy and costumes being assumed to be sexually intentioned just because women are wearing them), but saying “there are women who do this naked in strip clubs and that’s sexual entertainment, therefore women doing this while wearing clothes in a completely different type of venue is also inherently sexual” is a crap argument and so is calling the halftime show “sexynaked Cirque” when they were every bit as clothed as many “vanilla Cirque” performers.
@Anon 11:28 not sure why Viking men doing something in cold weather gear is your measure for things being sexual or not. By that metric, basically everything is sexual, including the uneven bars.
Polemic
Pole dancing actually originated in India, and it was men who did it, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it, all of you who think pole is inherently sexual. I participated in competitive pole tournaments, mostly by and for women, and we were all strong AF. You can make pole sexy, you can make it acrobatic, you can make it graceful. Get out of here with your tired morality and ignorance about the roots of pole.
Anonymous
My kid just did a unit on India for school and wish that I’d known that I could have her pole dance as part of her cultural contribution. I’m sure that would have gone over well.
Anon
It’s silly to pretend that the pole dancing Jlo was doing was in reference to anything but clubs where men pay to see women disrobe. I wasn’t offended by it, but I think that kind of performance is pretty dated and a reflection of when Jlo was popular. It’s the “cool girl” attitude a la Gone Girl. You don’t see new performers doing it.
Anon
What do you think cirque du Soleil is?
Also just because something can give rise to men having “impure thoughts” doesn’t mean that is the whole or entire point of the activity.
Anon
Spoiler alert: women dancing in sexy costumes IS for male entertainment, pole dancing IS sexual (lolwut), and many of us hate football.
Anon
Im not a man or attracted to women and found the halftime show incredibly entertaining but ok.
Ellen
The guy is a fraud. He would have gardened on the spot had you exhibited any interest in being into causual s-x with him. FOOEY on him and Yay for you to catch him in reverse psychology when all he really wants is a quickie which you would not give him. PTOOEY on him!
Worry About Yourself
It didn’t strike me as significantly more risque than anything I’d seen before it. That style of dress and dancing has been fairly commonplace in music videos and music performances at, say, the Grammys and Teen Choice Awards since the early 2000’s, probably earlier. I went to see Shakira in concert when I was 13, it was definitely suggestive but I can’t say anyone was shocked by it at the time, we all knew what we were getting into. Not sure what kinda church choir show you were expecting.
CHS
I liked Shakira’s performance more than JLo and was trying to put my finger on it. Something about Shakira’s outfit/shoes/dancing just spelled more fun for me. Like she looked like she was having a blast out there and it would be fun to take a dance class with her. JLo felt more…performative? Less fun? Less comfortable? Keep in mind I’m coming off of a week of binging Cheer, so have been drinking the kool-aid.
Anonymous
I felt like JLo’s part was trying to one-up Shakira’s part.
Anon
I thought the halftime show was awesome.
Interesting that no one thought Adam Levine performing without his shirt last year was risque…
Also agree with the comments about how as a society, we are more concerned with women dancing than extreme violence (see also every movie that gets a R-rating).
Jeffiner
Yes!! All my conservative FB friends are talking about how this show “wasn’t family friendly,” yet last year these same women were loving Adam Levine’s half naked gyrations.
At first I thought the show was risque, but then I realized there are very few dance moves a woman can do without someone thinking she’s being too suggestive, and then I started to love the show. Shakira and JLo owned it, they did what they do best, who cares about the pearl-clutchers.
Never too many shoes...
I just watched it and I was almost moved to tears by the sheer joy of performance that these women displayed – they killed it.
For the people who are outraged, a travel tip – never leave the US. Like, ever. In particular, do not go to South America or a beach anywhere in Europe. Or NOLA.
Anon
Honestly I was kind of surprised at the shocked reactions in the group I watched with. I loved it, personally.
Anon
Ha! The only thing that bothered me was the way JLo had her second silvery outfit on under the black dominatrix leather chaps bit – so the booty shots showed the silver lace under her leather thing pants. It looked like a sparkly diaper.
Anonymous
My retired parents have a beach home that started out as just an 1-2 month escape from winter but has creeped into becoming their primary residence. I am struggling with feelings of abandonment, am I being over dramatic? We were very close, would see each other multiple times a week for meals and such. Now we will see each other a couple of times a year, only if I visit them (which is not easy and not how I want to spend my PTO), and they won’t visit me for a variety of reasons. I want to be happy they’re happy and living their lives, but I just feel so hurt and rejected instead. They are going to miss so much of my life going forward, and I theirs.
Anon
Why won’t they visit you? I’ve gone through that myself and it felt/feels very unfair. I recommend addressing it ASAP.
Anonymous
They dislike flying and it’s a very long drive
Anonymous
I highly doubt that they are choosing the beach only to not spend time with you anymore. This really has nothing to do with you and has to do with them living their life the way they want to!
They are adults, they are not abadoning you!
Anonymous
+1. You are a grown-up and so are they. They want to live their own lives.
Anon
+1 I don’t think your adult parents can “abandon” you. Let them live their lives!
Anon
I think that’s just what happens when parents retire. Do you have a spouse or kids?
780
I think you are being over dramatic, but I am someone who moved across the country from my family for work reasons. I currently live in a VHCOL city that I enjoy, but don’t love, and expect that I will move when I retire. If my kids settle in a lower COL area that I enjoy, I would like to move to be closer to them when I retire. But if they settle in my VHCOL area, I still plan to move away. I don’t think its fair to expect that your parents will plan their lives around you, especially since it seems likely that there will come a time when you are not as available for them.
I would try to focus on ways to stay in touch. With phone calls and Skype, there are lots of ways to stay connected without being in the same city. And I would ask them if they would be willing to come visit you or to take a vacation together, so you still get to see them without using all your PTO to visit their new town. If they are not willing to spend any time vacation to or with you, and won’t call you, then I think you can feel abandoned.
Anonymous
If you want to be part of their lives and want them to be part of yours, why don’t you use your PTO to visit them? it seems a little unfair of you to expect them to arrange their lives around you, particularly once you’re past childhood. What are their reasons for not visiting you? Do you have an apartment big enough to accommodate them? Was their former primary residence close enough to you that you could see each other multiple times per week without effort? I think it is sort of unreasonable to expect your retired parents to continue to live close to you to accommodate your need for a meal partner multiple times per week – they have already raised you and can and should be able to live their own lives.
Echoing the commenter above, do you not have a spouse or kids? If you relied on your parents for your primary form of social interaction (seems like it – multiple meals per week seems like a LOT for adult children to see their parents to me), then I can see why you are reacting so strongly. Nonetheless, I think you’re being unreasonable.
Anonymous
Awwww. I’m sorry. I love my parents and see them a lot because we genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
Anon
Ehhh – my retired parents come to me because I have to worry about PTO and they don’t.
Anon
Same.
Anon
Bingo.
Anon
Agreed. There are exceptions of course, like if they have health issues, and if finances are an issue than it makes sense to split the cost of the trips equally regardless of who is traveling. But if one family unit has unlimited PTO and one family unit has 10-15 days of PTO per year, it doesn’t make sense to split the visiting 50-50.
Also to everyone saying “just visit them at the beach! The beach is so awesome!” not all beach areas are awesome. Some of them are downright tacky and terrible. And even nice destinations aren’t necessarily enjoyable to visit over and over again. My family has a vacation home in an objectively wonderful place (near a popular US National Park) and we go there annually, but the primary purpose of the visits is spending time with my parents. Even with my generous-for-the-US PTO, this annual week at the family home seriously cuts into our ability to take vacations to new places and some people would rather see a new place than visit a place they’ve been to 30 times before, even if it’s beautiful.
Anon
As the OP admits above, her elderly parents dislike flying and it’s a very long drive. Trying to avoid both as an older person is understandable.
Anon
Who likes flying though? Flying is the price we have to pay to see people and it’s not fair for one person to always take on that burden of costs, delays, discomfort, turbulence, etc etc.
Anon
Nobody likes flying, and it’s s1itty to not visit your family just because you “don’t like flying.” She said nothing that indicates they actually have a disability or something that makes flying worse for them than for other people.
Anon
It’s objectively more difficult on a 60 or 70 year old body than a 35 year old body. Try to imagine not having the same strength and flexibility you have now, and various aches and pains that you might not complain about all the time. That’s not fair either.
Anon
Some people are ‘old’ at 60 or 70, and then there are the ones who regularly whoop my butt in various fitness activities, or general outdoor stuff. It’s not a blanket assumption to make.
PolyD
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be hurt that her parents won’t make the effort to visit, and it’s all on her. The OP says her parents “dislike” flying – well, I don’t like it much either, does that give me a pass for visiting my parents? I’m 52 now, how old do I have to be for my dislike to be valid to get me out of flying?
There are so many options and work-arounds now for people with mobility issues (elderly or not) to get around an airport. No, it’s not trivial to arrange for a wheelchair or an airline rep to escort the person through the airport, but it’s doable – my boyfriend arranges this for his 84-year-old father, who flies Chicago-DC about twice a year to visit. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that the parents could manage one flight a year to the OP.
Anonanonanon
If they live close to the beach, why won’t you use your PTO to go there? Free place to stay near the beach! I get it, I am sometimes hurt that my parents (who also moved to the beach) don’t live closer to me/their grandkids, but I use PTO to visit them. It doesn’t seem fair to not care enough to use your PTO but expect them to stay somewhere full time they don’t want to be.
Angela
No advice, but just commiserating. We moved cities to be close to my parents, and they are so busy with work and hobbies that they don’t make time to come to our house and see us. We either go to them (an hour away), or we don’t see them. It makes me regret having moved and that I’d had a more realistic picture of the level of effort they were going to put forward before we made the move. I think we hear a lot in the media/culture about adult children who neglect their parents and parents who wish they would call and visit more often, but not on the opposite side of the coin — children who feel like their parents aren’t that interested in having a relationship with their adult children beyond the superficial. It’s tough.
Anon
I think this is normal for parents who would be surprised to learn their adult kids don’t have a social life without them. Perhaps your parents don’t want to step on your toes. My parents are now quite elderly, but before that, they were working, and then traveling/volunteering/socializing, so we didn’t see them constantly, even though they live just 15 miles away.
Anon
Omg – what a sh!tty comment. Plenty of adults have full social lives and still enjoy spending time with their parents on a regular basis.
Angela
We have a social life without them (and it’s silly to make the leap from, would like to see parents more often to, omg no social life outside of your parents). We just wouldn’t mind adding seeing them for dinner at our place once every week or two to that, since most nights during the week we’re just having a quiet night at home. And their grandkids would love to see them more often. But that’s not their priority, and that’s obviously objectively fine. It can still be disappointing, though.
Anon
Jumping from “we wish we would see them more” to “their grandchildren are not their priority” is a stretch. Parents who have raised kids to adulthood are entitled to live as they see fit, including moving to a warmer climate. Doesn’t mean they have rejected their family.
Anon
I mean, if they have chosen to move away from their grandchildren that *literally* means grandchildren are not their priority. You can say that’s fine and that they have earned the right to choose their own priorities, and their adult children need to accept that. But if you could live near your grandchildren or across the country from them, and you choose across the country, they are by definition not your priority.
Carrie
I understand your disappointment.
Driving 1 hour each way for a meal with your adult child/family on a weeknight seems a bit unrealistic though for (older?) parents. I am 50 and already I don’t feel as secure driving at night and am TIRED and would dread going to family dinners through rush hour for 1 hour (because you work right? would have to come after you guys are home and ready, right?),and then have to drive home an hour in the dark. Every week? A couple times a week?
Once a week on the weekend sounds nice, but that is a high expectation too if you have a family/hobbies. My side of the family that is very close does weekly Sunday dinners, but occasionally conflicts happen, and short visits rarely during the week, but they live 15 minutes away.
So what I’m trying to say is that living 1 hour away is not like living 15 minutes away, especially with aging.
Angela
My comment said “once every week or two”, not “a couple times a week,” to answer that question.
Your comment that it’s a “high expectation” if you have “a family/hobbies” is exactly right. It’s completely within anyone’s right to prioritize their hobbies over visiting with their adult children, just as it’s fine for adult children to prioritize THEIR hobbies over visiting parents. Again, it doesn’t mean there won’t be disappointment on the other side.
Certainly living an hour away isn’t like living 15 minutes away. I’m not saying that it is.
Anon
Serious question, when does one get to stop having young children be their priority? Why does a grandparent have to make their grandchildren their priority in life?
Angela
Just from my perspective, they don’t. In my post above I said they haven’t made their grandkids their priority and “that’s obviously objectively fine.” Again, doesn’t mean it’s not disappointing.
And there are those in this thread who seem to be arguing, “Just because I have hobbies and things that take up my time other than seeing my grandkids, doesn’t mean they’re not my priority.” As another poster rightly pointed out — yes it does. Doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person or don’t care about them, but it does mean they’re not your “priority.” That word has a meaning.
Anon
To the extent you find it disappointing, do you intend to spend your retirement close by your grandchildren and not have much time for your own hobbies/travel? What about grandparents with grandchildren on different coasts? If they happen to live near one, are they deprioritizing the other? I’m really trying to understand, because I don’t think most posters have thought this through from the other side.
I have a coworker who is an extremely involved parent and intends to be a very involved grandparent, even though grandparenthood is years away. She already works part time and plans to cut back more when she has grandchildren so she can go to her grandchildren’s soccer games, etc. Not everyone feels this way or has even thought about what that might mean for their own lifestyles.
Anon
I get it, OP. It’s not like you chose to move away and are annoyed your parents won’t uproot their own lives to follow you. I would also be hurt if my parents deliberately moved far away from me at this stage in our lives. I am married with kids, fwiw, so has nothing to do with needing my parents to be my primary social network.
Anon
Many parents move to Florida and their kids remain in the northeast or wherever. I wouldn’t call that hurtful.
Anon
It depends on your culture, and by that I don’t just mean ethnicity but also family values and what part of the US you live in. I’m from a smaller city in the Midwest and no, grandparents don’t typically flee to Florida the second they retire. Most people who live here are from here and I’d say 80%+ of the kids in my school and now my daughters’ school have at least one set of local (like same metro region) grandparents with the other set also being somewhere in the Midwest. In many Asian cultures, if the grandparents move in retirement, it’s typically to be near kids/grandkids. I realize other people do things differently, but I and lots of other people would find this hurtful and the fact that you wouldn’t find it hurtful doesn’t negate our experience.
Anon
“deliberately moved away” . . . wow
Your parents are their own people! They get to make their own choices and that doesn’t mean they’re making them *at* you.
Anon
Yep, they’re allowed to make their own choices – I never said otherwise. But choices have consequences and I’m allowed to feel hurt in response to their choices.
I simply used the word “deliberately” to emphasize that I was responding to OP’s situation, where the move sounds totally optional. I’d feel very differently if my parents had to move to Arizona because they had health issues and needed to live in a dry, arid climate than if (like OP’s parents) they just chose to move to the beach because they wanted to live at the beach. YMMV.
Anon
To the extent older parents are expected to take their adult children’s wishes into account when making major life choices, the younger people should be be expected to take their parents’ wishes into account when making major life choices. Both are adults. The OP says she moved near her parents on purpose. Did she ask her parents if they planned to stay nearby? If they made that commitment, she certainly has the right to be upset. If she just assumed they would stay nearby forever, maybe it would have been better if she had asked first.
Anon
I do agree that if you’re moving to your parents’ city primarily to see more of them, it makes sense to make sure they’re staying put. And likewise, if they’re moving to your city, you should discuss childcare expectations upfront. My parents relocated to my city when we had kids, which we’re thrilled about. But they have their own lives and travel a lot, so we don’t rely on them for childcare, which is surprising to some of my friends whose parents have been much more heavily involved in their childcare. To me, just moving to our city is such a sacrifice that I can’t imagine expecting any more of them. But we discussed it all in advance, and I can see how it would have gone south fast if we hadn’t had honest conversations up front.
OP
I’m married with 1 kid. We used to live in same city, in the same neighborhood, and would just have dinner often. It’s just a big shift because where I live was a deliberate choice for me and my family.
Anon
My parents and in-laws always lived far away, but I can commiserate. I’ve got young kids and would love for them to come visit more (or, in the case of one, visit at all). I see the lack of impediments to visiting and wish we were more of a priority.
However, on balance, it’s better that they have rich lives and don’t need me to be at the center. It’s way better to wish to see someone more than to wish someone would stop being there so much.
Anon
I’d be hurt too! My family is very close and I did move back to my home city (as a single, childless 24 year old after 6 years away) to be closer to my (very healthy still working mid 50s) parents / my brother / my extended family.
I live downtown, have a very vibrant social life, a demanding job, hobbies, etc and still prioritize seeing my parents weekly and my extended family a few times a month. My family isn’t my social life, but they supplement it!
Growing up , we saw my grandparents a few times a week, lived next door to my aunt/uncle/cousins, etc. and I’d love for my future children to grow up the same way.
So yeah – while I acknowledge that they have the right to move away and not include me in their future plans , I’d be hurt of my parents did so.
I know that my reality isn’t everyone else’s reality for several reasons but it breaks my heart that peers only see their parents a few times a year.
Also – I don’t understand why parents don’t seen to want a relationship with their adult children! In the grand scheme you’ll (hopefully) have way more time with your children as adults than you did with your children as children! Why bother having kids if you only want to have that relationship for 18 years…
Anon
I don’t think it’s fair to say that parents don’t want a relationship with their adult children because they move away. I moved away from my family, and it had little to do with wanting or not wanting a relationship with my parents.
Anon
The posters here today would most likely say that they didn’t have a choice about moving (work or relationship or whatever), while their parents can obviously just stay put and nearby. I’m really shocked at the selfishness of people who don’t recognize the sacrifices their parents have ALREADY made for them, and just want to see more sacrifice.
AnonInHouse
Whether it’s reasonable or not, I’d feel the same way if I were in your shoes.
I really wish my 70+ yr old parents would retire, especially since they constantly lament how much they miss spending time with family and how want to help with childcare when they do retire. But they’ve been saying it for years, and it’s clearly not going to happen anytime soon — and frankly it is hurtful even while I acknowledge they can live their lives as they see fit.
Anon
It’s hurtful that they enjoy their jobs and/or need the money? For real? Honestly, it’s an incredible blessing to have parents healthy enough to work in their 70s.
AnonInHouse
It’s “hurtful” only because they have expressed for years that they want to be able to spend more time with family and have a close relationship with their grandkids (which they weren’t able to facilitate for me and my sister in the 80s) — and I’d love for that to happen! But it is looking unlikely. Neither likes their job, and they definitely don’t need the money. So yes, at this point they are *choosing* to work at jobs they don’t like over spending time with family…or doing any number of other things (travel! relax!) that they have professed to wanting to do. I understand that retiring involves a huge identity shift, and is likely really scary. I get it. I still get to be a little hurt that they choose to work rather than visiting when, say, husband is deployed (he’s military). Whatever, I deal, but it’d be nice to have the support they say they want to give.
Anon
In this case it sounds like they’re saying one thing they don’t really mean, and deliberately doing another. I can understand why that is hurtful. I’m sorry.
Anon
I would love to see responses back from today’s posters in 30 years when their kids are grown.
Anon
Totally!
Angela
I feel like there’s an inherent and unsolvable tension between (1) parents of adult children can choose to live their lives how they want and (2) those choices may be hurtful to their adult children. That’s just reality. There’s no neat and easy solution. You can tell people, it’s common or rational or reasonable for your parents to choose to to XYZ, and they’ll likely agree with you. Doesn’t change how they feel. /shrug.
There’s no objective standard anyone can point to and say, see, I’m abiding by the Rules for Life, therefore you can’t be upset by my actions! Any time there are mismatched desires and expectations, there’s a potential for hurt feelings. That’s life.
Anon
Yes, nobody is acknowledging that there aren’t hurt feelings. But there seems to be a lot of entitlement here.
Anon
In my experience, the attitudes about this tend to differ widely from family to family – some families put a lot of emphasis on multi-generational relationships and grandparents devoting themselves to helping raise grandchildren, whereas others believe that retirement is the reward for years of work and raising a family, and you should put your own desires first in your golden years. I think the adult children who are saying they’d be hurt if their parents moved away are likely to feel the same way in 30 years, and the people who say the parents are free to make their own choices will also feel the same way when they’re older. No hypocrisy on either side.
The real problems arise when someone in Group A marries someone in Group B ;)
Anon
Does this assumption work though if the daughter was raised by parents who chose to move away? Did they change midstream, did they make a commitment and renege, or did she just make an unwarranted assumption that they’d be around forever?
Worry About Yourself
If you’re used to living close to your family, it can absolutely feel sucky to have them move further away from you. For most of our lives, we’re the ones in control of whether we move far away or stay close, so to have your parents move away from you can feel like the tables have turned in a way you maybe weren’t expecting. But I would remind you that the main goal here isn’t to move away from *you,* they want to live somewhere warm, and that happens to be far from where you currently live. They’re not abandoning or rejecting you, although they may feel like they can do this because you’re independent and don’t/won’t need their assistance going forward, so they can go where they want to be.
That said, the main reason you may be feeling hurt is that they’re not coming to visit you, and despite their reasons, it could in some way feel like they just don’t want to make the effort, and that can sting. Has there been any talk about what holidays might look like? Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.? Would you visit them? Or will they just no longer be a part of those holidays? Because I could see feeling sad if that were the case as well.
Anonymous
Maybe kindergartener has been doing tennis clinics through our gym for 2 years. She loves it and seems to be really decent- they’re putting her in with 7-8 year olds (she just turned 6).
DH and I know nothing about tennis. I know the rules from high school gym class 20 years ago and from playing Wii tennis.
How do we encourage her/ how do I learn to be generally okay enough to pick up a racquet and hit with her in weekends (which she loves)? Where are some good resources to figure out where else in or community we might go to do lessons? Where she currently is is obviously fine for a 6 y/o but maybe we’d want her to learn at another place if she’s decent / interested- and I doubt our gym will tell us- I did sort of ask and they were like “well us of course!”
Our town has a tennis and swim club and we will get off the waitlist for that in a year or two, but that’s summers only and just social/recreational. There aren’t many country clubs around here (not am I sure that’s where she’d go to learn anyway). We are in the Boston area if that’s useful.
I literally don’t know like, how levels/rankings work. And she’s starting to play matches (until this month it had all been pure skill build).
Anonymous
There are a ton of gyms and tennis clubs in the Boston area that have indoor tennis, including adult beginner lessons, year-round. You just need to do a web search.
You really do not have to play yourself, though. Just find a club you like with a good kids’ program and sign her up for as much intensity as she wants and you can afford to support (financially and logistically). In general, it’s best for kids if their parents stay completely out of a coaching role and stick to being fans.
Anon
I’m getting the vibe from your post that you are hoping she turns in to some kind of tennis star or something. It’s way too early to think about that. She is currently playing against kids a year or two older than her, but how long have those other kids been playing tennis? At least in my city, most 4 year olds are not learning tennis. So, for your daughter to have people who have been playing for a comparable time, she would have to play against slightly older players.
Let her take lessons as long as she enjoys it. If she starts getting very good when she is older, research tennis programs in your area online. But I really think you are getting ahead of yourself. It is just as likely that she will stop the sport soon or that she will play on her high school team, and both of those are a lot more likely then that she becomes a famous tennis player.
anon
I didn’t get that impression from the OP at all. The kid has fun playing tennis and wants her parents to play with her as a family activity on the weekend. They also want advice about where to go as she ages out of little kid lessons. That’s not trying to turn her into a tennis star.
OP–the BU Rec center offers very affordable adult classes in a variety of sports even if you have no BU affiliation. I took golf there years ago. They probably have tennis, too. The instructor will likely be able to provide you with more local information about where else to go.
Anonymous
Maybe the better way to ask this is “for those of you that played tennis as a kid, how did you get into it?”
anon
And maybe we shouldn’t word police fellow posters.
Anon
That is an entirely different question though. Her kid is already into tennis and she needs recommendations.
I am bad at all sports, so I will be asking the same thing if my kid likes any physical activity. Googling just doesn’t tell you much
Anon
That’s not the question. The kid is already “into” tennis.
Anonymous
Nah, I just feel like I have no idea how to take a kid with interest and get her more involved. Like, I know in my area where the good leagues are for flag football or lacrosse or whatever vs the not so great programs.
And yes, I can google (and she is playing indoor)- but idk what a good program vs expensive but not useful program is.
Anonymous
Talk to other parents and go watch practices at a few clubs.
anon
Also, she might like following some of the women at the international stage, like Coco. How fun would it be to be young and discovering the sport and to have someone to look up to like that?!
Anonymous
I played tennis starting age 6 and loved it (still do in my mid 30s). I would recommend feeling out the match situation and if she doesn’t like it, keep going with the clinics/skill-building and don’t push too hard into tournaments/matches. Tennis is mentally grueling as a singles player — it’s just you out there — and if she doesn’t like competing by herself, she’s going to get disinterested quickly. (I didn’t play matches until I was 9 or 10, because it’s really hard to focus as a 6-yo.) If she likes the other kids in her clinic, you might try some type of social doubles activity with another kid and parent duo. I would not recommend investing in private lessons until it’s clear that she really likes the sport and wants to compete. I would also check out summer camps where there’s a lot of hours of play each day to see if it’s something she really likes, or just kinda-likes. Your local club, university rec center, or private schools will probably have good options.
Anonymous
A couple more thoughts that came to mind after I hit post. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be her hitting partner. If she is naturally inclined, she will outpace your abilities quickly anyway. My parents started helping me call other kids to make tennis dates when I was pretty young, and the parents took turns watching and running errands while we played. Sometimes we played at local high school courts, and sometimes we played at clubs, depending on the partner. If you do want to play, I’d sign up for an adult clinic at the same place where your daughter plays. You only really need to get good enough to get the ball in the court consistently to give her more balls to hit. Also, if she ends up liking the social aspect more than the competitive aspect, doubles is still a great option to pursue. She can definitely play through high school and keep it as a lifetime hobby.
Anonymous
This is helpful! She seems to really like the 1:1 nature of it- she’s really neutral on soccer, basketball and lacrosse, and likes (but is not built for or particularly good at) gymnastics. But I am encouraged that keeping her in clinics only is a good move- that’s what our gym (which is also a tennis club) pushes. She did one lesson but it’s free (“free”) when signing up for the clinics.
She did tennis camp for a week or two last summer and begged to do more, so I’m going to sign her up this summer too. They play for a couple hours, swim, do crafts/games, have lunch, then more tennis and more swim.
FWIW she is by no means some kind of prodigy. I just was never into or excited about any sport as a kid, so I have no idea if tennis is a thing to encourage in the off season (which is what we do now).
Anonymous
OK so I was actually the same way. I wasn’t ready to start playing matches at 6 but I am an introvert and loved the solo aspect of competition. I liked being on a team but I had no interest whatsoever in contact sports, which is basically everything team-related that is popular nowadays (basketball, soccer, and lacrosse). It sounds like your daughter might be similar. I would definitely encourage it in the off-season! It’s such a fun sport, you really can play for life, and I think as long as you’re supportive and not driving her like a crazy tennis parent (sounds like you’re far from it), everything will work out great. I also agree with the other posters–maybe chat up some of the other clinic parents and see if they have any ideas about specific programs. Parents with older kids who also play tennis can be a great resource, and I bet there are some at the club you already go to.
Torrey Pines
Is there a scenic hike / “walk” at Torrey Pines that’s doable with a double stroller and elderly grandparents? Something short and easy but that still offers beautiful views? We’re going to San Diego in a few months with DH’s family and I’m trying to put together an itinerary that works well for all the age groups.
Dreaming of summer already
Has anyone been to Lake Tahoe in June? Looking for a quick getaway for hubby and I. Found a nice hotel called the Landing but it’s $700 a night for a nice room with a view of the lake. Ouch! And what’s the difference between Lake Tahoe and South Lake Tahoe? We’d like to do some hiking (i.e. walk around the lake, nothing too strenuous, but mostly relax, eat good food, maybe gamble a little. Any recommendations are appreciated.
Anon
Whoops, replied to this but it’s it’s own separate comment below.
Anon
I went in August. It was AMAZING. Seriously one of the best domestic locations I have visited. We did tons of hiking and eating. We stayed at an AirB&B in Carnelian Bay and it was fantastic and cozy. I believe that South Lake Tahoe is much more commercialized, while the northern parks of the lake are a little more secluded. We loved Emerald Bay and rented kayaks to go out to the little tea house and then toured the castle that is there. Every where we went was just stunning.
AnonATL
Husband and I went in September for a couple days and stayed at one of the “resorts” but sub-let through Airbnb. It was gorgeous and we thoroughly enjoyed it. We did stay in South lake Tahoe which was a little kitschy in some parts, but also had easy access to grocery and restaurants.
The lake is gorgeous but cold! Probably will be in June as well. We waded in the water up to about our waist, and that was enough for us to handle. Emerald bay is worth the money to kayak for an hour for sure.
We had a couple beers and lunch one day at Himmel Haus and really enjoyed it if biergartens are your style.
anon
We also rented an AirBnB in Incline Village in August, and it was FANTASTIC. Highly recommend Incline Village for access to a resident-only beach and pool.
Moi
South Lake Tahoe is a city and Lake Tahoe is the lake/area. South Lake is more commercial. I love the west and north shore of the lake. June could be chilly – remember you are in mountains. I would do a Vrbo near by. $700 is a lot. Sunny side is nice.
Moi
Agree with kayaking in emerald bay. Also a lot of really great hiking in the state parks. I would definitely spend some time researching the area.
Anonanonanon
I am seeing so much hot pink, bright teal, and even bright yellow office wear lately (online, not out in the wild), and I think it’s fun in theory, but I can’t imagine actually wearing it to work? Maybe it’s because I’m in the DC area which is not known for being fashion-forward. I also think styling pink with black is very dated (I did that combo a lot in the early 2000s) so I’d agree with the suggestion to style it with Navy. I think even styling with grey would look off, but maybe that’s just me.
Would you try to do a patterned blouse or something that would coordinate? Or would you let the blazer stand alone?
Worry About Yourself
I will agree that pairing any bright color with black looks dated, the severe contrast doesn’t look great. I’d pair a pop of color with a black and white outfit, with more white than black, and if I’m wearing a brightly colored dress I look for more muted, neutral colors to pair with it.
Anon
I think colored blazers will always look dated to me. With the length on this one, it just looks like something my mom would have worn for work in the late 80s and 90s.
To the extent you want to wear colors, I’m a fan of wearing them in a shirt or blouse with a more basic blazer over it.
Anon
As with everything in fashion, trends/color mixes return. Otherwise, we would run out of ways to dress!
It makes me laugh a little to avoid a style/combo because it was worn….30-40 years ago. Really? Maybe you avoid the big fashion craze in the more recent past, but if trends from 30-40 years ago didn’t recycle, where would we be? More ugly balloon drop crotch wide length cropped pants in bold clown prints? Maybe… if that’s all we’re left with.
Worry About Yourself
That’s a good point. I think *a blazer* being reminiscent of the 1980’s is perfectly fine, as long as the rest of your look is more in touch with the modern world. If a woman was strutting around an office in a bright pink powersuit, with big shoulder pads and big hair full of product and 80’s makeup, I might wonder where the costume party is, but if it’s just a bright-colored blazer, I might not bat an eye.
Anon
Exactly. Well put.
Anon
I brought my hot pink Talbots blazer to work today, and am feeling very smug seeing the suggested blazer. Mine has gold buttons and is cut like a traditional navy blazer, but is the color of the blazer above. I’ve had it a couple of years and love it. I get tons of compliments. Also in the DC area.
Anon
Great, more hot pink blazers for me ;)
Anonymous
Monday morning rant…I love the cut and color of this blazer but it annoys me to no end that for $2,000 and the McQueen name you’re getting all synthetic material. I want to start a line of basic suiting with the primary point being that the clothes are made in 100% natural fabrics (wool, cotton) at a reasonable price point, but is there even a market for this anymore?! It seems like shoppers now care more about “discounts” than anything else, even though they’re getting pieces especially made for these discount stores and marked up only to then be marked down to a price where people think they’re getting a deal, even though they aren’t.
Anonymous
I think a bunch of people have hard ons for natural fibers and what you’re missing is there are plenty of ways to get this but most of us don’t care. If I want natural fiber suits I’ll have the custom made but I don’t actually care because suits are a once a month thing for me and most people I know.
Anon
Many people are allergic or sensitive to wool.
Cotton wrinkles a lot, and applying a no-iron finish to cotton weakens the fibers.
Synthetic fabrics have improved tremendously since the 80s and 90s.
So yeah, the market for natural fibers is probably less than before.
Anonymous
I am highly sensitive to wool and cashmere. I still prefer to buy lined wool suits, blazers, and dresses because they look better and wear better than synthetics.
What I don’t understand is why every single sweater on the market nowadays contains at least 5% wool or cashmere. So unbearably itchy. I end up having to buy 100% cashmere sweaters, which are still quite itchy but the least itchy thing available, and then wear long-sleeved t-shirts underneath, which makes me look like the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Anon
I have been buying cheap rayon/nylon sweaters, which wear better than wool, aren’t susceptible to moths, and don’t pill much if washed by hand. Wool and cashmere pill a lot anyway. No solution is perfect.
Anonymous
Most of those have 5% wool too.
Anon
Not the cheap ones from Rainbow or Target lol
Anonymous
Are you me? I thought I was the queen of layering under a winter layer. It’s OK — I’m a pear and I think this balances me out a bit :)
Anonymous
Check out BR Factory — tons of pink suiting pieces.
Anon2
Agree with your rant. Synthetics have the added detraction that washing them pollutes our waters. This may not be an issue with wool suits, which don’t see much machine washing. But all those synthetic fibers are not kind to the environment…
Ribena
This jacket is perfect for Elle Woods!
Junior Associate
My thoughts exactly!
Help!
Any reccs for an amazing pair of headphones that block our noise? I’ve been trying to study for a huge licensing exam but I have really inconsiderate neighbors who make so much noise all the time (music, banging things, talking loudly etc). I like to study in complete silence so this is presenting kind of as a big problem to me (I can’t just go and ask them to be quiet, it’s several sets and technically the noise isn’t loud).
I’m thinking of investing in a pair of noise cancelling headphones but am overwhelmed at the options. All I need is something comfortable that blocks out noise. I have no plans to listen to music with them (but the kind meant for mowing or gun ranges are SO tight that I wouldn’t be able to wear those for hours). Would something like the Bose 35 headphones work or would that not block out these types of sounds since they aren’t necessarily low frequency noises? Do you have a pair from another brand you’d recommend? Kind of limited in being able to shop in person right now so I’m going to have to order it online, sight unseen.
Anon
Doesn’t answer your question, but is going to a library or staying late at work (in a conference room if possible) not an option where you are? I need total silence when I study and the only way I have been able to achieve that is by barricading myself in the silent reading room of the library or the privacy of a soundproofed conference room. I’ve found it much less frustrating than trying to block out background noise, and my neighbors aren’t even that loud! Bonus points for better concentration because I’m trying to get home at a reasonable time.
OP
Unfortunately, it has to be at home at this point for various reasons. But otherwise, great idea!
Anon
Just a comment, talking loudly is not inconsiderate.
OP
It is when it’s 11:30 at night!
Anonymous
In your own home? Hard disagree.
OP
No, it’s not just in their own apartment – when it’s to the point of disrupting my concentration, it’s generally it’s because it’s in the common shared areas. Especially when they stand outside at all hours to have smoke breaks and end up arguing loudly with each other. But actually, even if it was just in their own apartment, when you live in an apartment then yeah, you need to be cognizant of maintaining quiet during normal sleeping hours.
Not quite sure why you’re so insistent on proving that they’re not being inconsiderate but they are, and instead of being confrontational with them (since I’m pretty sure that won’t change anything), I would prefer just to block out the noise to the extent that I can.
Anonymous
I am using Quieton ear buds to block out my husband’s snoring. They work pretty well and are comfortable.
Anonymous
I should add they don’t play music or anything like that; you charge them and push a tiny button and they block out low frequency noise.
anon a mouse
I have an earlier model of the Bose and they are very good but will probably not get you to complete silence. I can hear loud noises or someone saying my name loudly, for example, but the sound is deadened/sounds very far away.
I wonder if you might have luck putting a Dohm sound machine near you for white noise and then using noise canceling headphones on top of that? Then your neighbor noise would be absorbed into the white noise first.
OP
I’ll check out a sound machine, hadn’t thought of that. Sounds like that plus Bose might be a great combo. Thanks!
Anon
I‘m really noise sensitive, so I wear Bose QC35 headphones and play background noise through Mynoise or Hipstersound to help me concentrate.
Process Geek
This would be my suggestion. My wife is very noise sensitive and distracted by music. She uses Mynoise and another white noise app with her Bose headphones. As for which Bose headphones, I would base that on what type of headphones you find comfortable for long wear. My wife prefers the larger ones that fully cover the ear. I find that type very uncomfortable (they press on my glasses), so I use ear buds.
Cat Mom
I have the Beats Studio 3 that go over the ear with the active noise cancelling. The “not-cool” colors are much cheaper. I got a steal on a plain old gray pair at Best Buy because everyone wants white or gold or something. They won’t block out noise though unless you are also playing something through them. That said, I can listen to a podcast in my living room with them while my husband is watching TV and I can’t hear the TV at all. They work!
Anon
Just so you know, noise cancelling doesn’t mean you’re going to get complete silence. They’re really best at canceling very low, droning noises, like on an airplane. You’d still hear talking, music, etc.
Anonymous
Did you already try earplugs?
OP
Yup. It’s not enough. They are LOUD!
Anon
I’d get over the ear noise canceling head phones and wear them with the ear plugs.
Anon
Yes, I have been to Lake Tahoe in June (live in the Bay Area). Lake Tahoe is the whole lake, but people often talk about going to either North Lake Tahoe (which generally kind of means Tahoe City/King’s Beach/Incline Village) or South Lake Tahoe (Stateline is kind of the center). There is a distinction because they are far enough away from each other where you would probably not visit both in the same trip (the lake is large). I like both, but they are a little different. There is much more gambling available in the South Lake if that is something you want to for sure do. North Lake is maybe a little more laid back/family oriented? (Although I hesitate to say that bc you can certainly enjoy it without a family). Both are close enough to ample hiking and outdoor stuff.
FYI, June will not be as warm as July/August, especially the water in the lake (although the water in the lake never gets super warm).
$700 seems like a lot but I don’t know the landing specifically. Honestly you could probably get an Airbnb for much cheaper (or other hotels, I just don’t know exactly what you are looking for).
Anon
I should also add, I get the sense you are trying to look for places on the lake and with a view, but are also a little budget conscience… when we go up, we rarely stay *on* the lake. I think it’s different than going to, say, Hawaii where you want to stay *on* the beach bc you will be spending so much time at the beach. In Tahoe without kids, and given what you laid out for your desired itinerary, you probably won’t be spending a ton of time actually at a beach and getting in the water (if at all). And you will probably get plenty of awesome views during your walks/hikes, maybe doing some boating activities, from certain restaurants, etc so I don’t know that also being able to see it from your hotel room adds enough value relative to the premium you will pay. That’s just my two cents. It’s always nice when it works out that we can see it, but if not I personally just enjoy the feeling of being in the mountains. In case this helps your budget/widens your search.
Anonymous
Any recommendations for newly brittle nails? I started on tamoxifen about 2 months ago for breast cancer and thus far my biggest side effect is that my nails are just falling to pieces. I am taking a collagen supplement, but am pretty convinced it doesn’t make it out of my gut and it’s most a placebo. My nails are short and natural. Is there anything else I can take supplement wise? Or anything I can use to strengthen them? Would I be better off just going all in and getting gel manicures?
Anon
Thinking of you as you go through treatment. In terms of nail supplements, vital proteins collagen specifically is only supplement i notice a difference in my nail health. I actually find keeping some kind of polish helps keep my nails from splitting. I like the sally Hansen hard as nails and the Essie treat, love, and color collection. In terms of manicure solutions, I’d go for dip powder over gel (weirdly I have less damage from dip and it makes them feel stronger while on, but your experience may be different). Also, i find keeping my nails, cuticles extra moisturized helps, so try using your favorite hand cream even more often (especially after washing hands).
Anonymous
I found Dr. Lacouture’s Skin Care Guide for People Living With Cancer really helpful for these types of issues (also undergoing cancer treatment). I am about to finish my treatment and literally just mailed the book to another patient I met online, otherwise I would check for their advice on nails (my issues were skin/mouth/hair, not nails). If you Google “Dr. Locouture nails” a few videos by him pop up.
Process Geek
I have naturally soft nails, and I take 10Kmcg of biotin daily. It wasn’t a quick fix, as my nails grow slowly, but I have noticed a definite improvement. It took at least 6 months before I had enough nail growth to notice the difference.
I second the recommendation for at least some type of clear polish to reinforce and protect your nails while you wait for your nails to grow.
Never too many shoes...
Nature’s Bounty Biotin gummies from Costco – they have made a noticeable difference to my nail strength.
SFAttorney
I never found biotin to help much. Interestingly, when I started using coconut oil on my cuticles and tips of my fingers (which were dry), it really helped my nails from splitting. Not a fancy coconut oil skin care product, just a jar of Trader Joe’s unrefined coconut oil. I used used a little rubbed in once or twice a day.
Anonymous
First, good luck with your treatment!
Second, I find Burt’s Bees Cuticle Cream helps when my nails are weak.
Greece trip planning
I’m overwhelmed planning for a trip in June… any suggestions as to where to go on Peloponnese peninsula in Greece – 10-12 days? I’m thinking Monemvasia, Geraki (4 days visit with relatives I haven’t seen in 10 years but Skype regularly), Elafonisos. Where would you go? Should I instead go to the west side of the peninsula or take a ferry to an island (Paros?)
Anonymous
Kirimai, Kinsterna, Tainaron Blue
Anonymous
Sorry, Kyrimai
Anonymous
OMG Elafonisos is FANTASTIC. I mean, very tiny and not tons to do obviously but Simos beach is heaven on earth and the Paradiso Beach cafe run by Nikki and Dimitri, and their cousin’s taverna O Ntagiantas is fantastic. The little bakery (not the one right at the port) on the main street is run by a Canadian and her husband). I can recommend the Element hotel (no pool, but with Simos you don’t necessarily need), and the Elafonisos Resort hotel very highly. The Double Bay is nice but pricey. Don’t stay at the Elafonisos Mare whatever you do. You can take the tiny ferry back the mainland one day and snorkel the ruins of an ancient city, or just soak up the beautiful sun and vibe of Simos.
Now I wish I was back there.
Paros of course divine but getting the ferry and all that is a different experience of course.
Anonymous
Porto Heli and Nafplion are both on the east side of Peloponnesus and supposed to be great. What exactly are you looking to do? Beach and ocean views? History? Nature? Vineyards? Peloponnesus is very large and there are lots of options, depending on your interests. Are you traveling with kids?
OP - Greece trip planning
OP here….
That’s the problem, I think – I want a little bit of everything. Not traveling with kids – my spouse and maybe my brother will tag along if it’s interesting enough haha. I’ll get beach at Elafonisos. Generally, I love water sports including kayaking and paddle boarding, hiking, museums and history, arts and music. Not into vineyards.
Anon
Consider using a travel agent to plan your trip. Tell the person your parameters and let her do all the work researching options.
anon
I am looking for software or other solution that tracks renewal and due dates for licenses, contracts, etc for work. Are there any products out there you have used and liked?
anon
I track this stuff in my google calendar. Put the deadline in as event, set an email reminder a week before/several weeks, depending on what I need to do for the deadline.
Anon.
I use Google Calendar for this. You can create any number of subcalendars you like (e.g. for renewals, expiry dates etc), and then create events for any contract etc you may have, including reminders.
Process Geek
For personal use or broader use?
For personal use, I would use whatever calendar software you normally use. Create an event for each thing you need to remember and set appropriate reminders that work for you.
For team or department use, you can still use Outlook or whatever calendar software you use. If your company uses SharePoint, you could use a calendar list on SharePoint.
Anonymous
If it’s simply to track the due dates, the calendars others have suggested should work.
We use Asana for a variety of things that need to be tracked — it gives calendar/due date functions, allows you to assign tasks to team members, attach files, add comments, etc.
Vicky Austin
We also do Asana and I’m really impressed with the amount of features. Also, I really enjoy the little unicorns.
Asheville Recs
Going to Asheville NC with my mom, SIL, and SIL’s mom in mid-March. We have some vegetarians and I’m hoping to be pregnant by then, so would love any recs on things to do (we’re all in good enough physical shape for not too intense hikes) and things to eat would be much appreciated!
Anonymous
Hi guys – new to commenting on here, but figure this is the right community to run this by. I’m 31 y/o female attorney. Recently divorced (about a year) and new to the dating app world. I met someone I really liked, we clicked, everything seemed great. He was the one propelling everything forward – wanting to be exclusive, wanting me to meet his friends, his family; we went on a weekend vacation together; he told me to bring clothes, products, etc to his house to make my life easier when I stayed over, etc. Then I get blindsided last week with a TEXT saying that he “rushed into a relationship that he wasn’t ready for,” and therefore needed to break things off. How the heck are you supposed to anticipate something like that when he’s the one pursuing so hard? We dated for a little less than a month, and were exclusive for about 2 months. It’s all just so discouraging.
Monday
I’m sorry. It’s definitely discouraging, but also pretty common.
If someone is being OTT in dating and it feels like they’re rushing things, that’s a warning sign that they may not really know what they’re doing. One day they’re asking you to keep clothes at their house, the next day they’re dumping you by text. Beyond that, however, I don’t know that you really can “anticipate” behavior like this. Unfortunately nothing but time will show you who you can trust.
I will say that every time something like this has happened to me, I have recognized some warning signs in hindsight that I missed at the time. If you now see any of those, take note.
And definitely don’t reply if he contacts you again.
Anonymous
You can’t. It’s just hard.
Flats Only
Honestly sounds like a standard dude maneuver, regardless of whether you first met him online. At least he texted an excuse instead of ghosting. But it still sucks. Hugs.
Anonymous
You can’t anticipate it. You were played. Delete and block his contact info, have a bit of a rest and move on to the next.
Anon
I’m so sorry. No advice, but that really sucks and you didn’t do anything wrong.
Anonymous
I’m sorry that’s so hard. All the hugs. I’m going through something similar so I feel you. I really tried to keep my own feelings in check because I know new relationships can crash and burn quickly… but we seemed so good on so many levels, I hadn’t been this excited about anyone in a long time, and I think I just so, so wanted it to work. I even keep thinking, maybe he’ll come back and tell me he made a terrible mistake… but even if he did (which I doubt) I couldn’t trust him again. People talk about “just knowing” and “it felt different” when they met their DH. Well I’ve felt that way. And then he pulled some weird disappearing act, maybe in 2 months or maybe in a year. It’s really hard to keep putting yourself out there after this happens.
Anonymous
Yeah. That’s how it felt to me, as well. And I am generally SO guarded in new relationships, and even moreso since my divorce. He felt like the first guy in a very long time that I could totally be myself around. He was doing and saying all the right things. Ugh. Dating is the worst.
Anon
He sounds like he has real issues. Don’t judge your future dating based on this guy.
a
+1
Worry About Yourself
I’m sorry, that sounds like a crappy situation. He’s the one who pushed things forward too fast and now he’s the one getting freaked out because he got himself in too deep. You, on the other hand, did nothing wrong but now you’re the one getting hurt. It feels so unfair, but on the bright side, you’re now free to pursue someone who isn’t gonna do a thing, and then go “aaah I shouldn’t have done the thing, I don’t like it now, I must go!”
Ellen
Hugs! Dad and I think the guy bamboozeled you from the get-go. He pretended to be sincere and lured you in with that schtick, then got you all worked up over him, vacationing with him and the like, and then he had you s-xueally every which way he wanted, with you as a willing participant based on the false premise that he was exclusive and you envisioned a long-term relationship. After he had enough of the s-x, he then pretends he over extended himself, and for the price of a text (i.e. free), he struts off into the sunset, leaving you to clean up the mess he made in your head over him, and all he has to do is shower off and move on. It is NOT your fault for trusting the schmo; most of us have been there. We must be very clear-eyed when we come across d-bags like him; presume he is full of $hit until he proves you wrong; most won’t. Most are a-holes looking for a place to park their weenies, and if we know this up front, it won’t be in us! So just forget this d-bag and move on to the next one, but be careful. There’s a whole lot of them out there!
Anon
I’ve done something like this (no meeting family) once. I really liked the guy and he was so great to me and I wanted it to work, but I knew deep down he wasn’t the one for me – I had probably known since the first date. Finally one day I knew I just had to end it before it went any further. FWIW, I still feel bad about how I handled it and hurting the guy’s feelings, and it was 4 years ago.
Lily
Anyone who dumps a gf via text after three months of dating is a cowardly jerk, full stop. Three dates, sure. Maybe three weeks. But three months after you’ve met his family and taken a vacation together? Absurd. I know it doesn’t make it feel better, but you are better off without this guy. Thank u next!
Anonymous
I guess I just don’t understand how to weed out the genuinely interested versus the over the tops? Any insight?
Anon
Stop thinking it’s you! It’s not! This is just what dating has turned into. Most men are horrible and not worth it unfortunately. Just last week a guy I never met was talking about how he’s looking for marriage and kids. I told him that’s not what I’m looking for right now. He said ok, when is the last time you gardened? I called him out for being inappropriate and he called me a bad name beginning with an s meant for women who garden frequently with lots of gardeners. Fun right? Ugh
Anonymous
WTF? That’s ridiculous!
Anonymous
+1 it’s not hard to pick up a phone and talk.
anon
Does anyone here do Solid Core? It’s a bit expensive for my taste but I’m willing to do it if it helps people get impressive results, either from a performance or aesthetic perspective
Mentorship program
Tried posting this about a week ago but it was probably too long. Short version: I was selected through the company’s women’s group to be mentored by a senior leader who doesn’t know me. What can I expect to gain from this relationship? What are the things that I can ask from her? I need to meet more peers, I literally don’t know anyone else at my level in the company. Can I ask her to introduce me? Regarding career advice, do I just say “my skills are XYZ, where can I take this next”? Any scripts for this conversation? Thanks!
anon
I find it more productive when I am making a choice (should I apply for this promotion, should I invest time in a new skill, how to deal with a conflict at work). I lay out what I am leaning to or what pros and cons I am already weighing, then I ask my mentor: ‘What other factors do you think I should take into account?’
Mentorship program
Great tip. Thanks!
Anonymous
I’ve had that before. I went into my first meeting with an agenda, noting here are my goals from this interaction, then asked for feedback. My mentor introduced me to other senior leaders via email that I wanted to meet and I had coffee with them. Mentor also walked through some career advice and the like. I thought it went better because I had a plan up front.
Mentorship program
This is exactly what I’m looking for. Thanks!
Anonymous
Ask her about herself. What does she like (or not) about what she does? What was her path to where she is now? What has surprised her about her career? And kind of learn from that what you will. Once you’ve built that relationship, talk more about yourself and your goals and ask her advice/ for introductions/ how women at your level manage development. It’s a mentoring relationship, not a search engine where you type in a query and expect an appropriate set of results.
Mentorship program
Also a good tip. Thanks!
anon
Is it a one time meeting or do you get to have a series of meetings with this leader?
Mentorship program
Once a month.
Anonymous
Can’t you just … introduce yourself to your peers? This seems like assigning her some unnecessary work unless you have some specific reason for this.
I would try to focus on asking her questions that her experience will help you with, the kind of things you can’t really get the answers to otherwise.
Maybe this is a good time to ask yourself what areas you want to develop & set some specific goals or try to investigate any obstacles you’re encountering in meeting your goals and figure out how to overcome them.
There’s not really a script for this, you have to get to know the person and her assets by asking questions about her career and you also have to personalize the conversation to your own work & goals.
Mentorship program
I can’t, unfortunately. We all work in different offices and I literally do not know anyone else to introduce myself to. I found some connections through LinkedIn, that’s about it.
Thank you!