Left Behind By a Male Colleague While Wearing Heels
Reader L wonders:
If you're running for the train in high heels and find yourself getting left behind by a male colleague (or a woman, for that matter) as you struggle to keep the pace, is that coworker simply being rude? What should you do next time?
I am from Germany and I love your Blog. Some topics are differently handled here but still most of the tips and advice can be applied here as well. I have experienced some male behaviour which I just find to be rude but I wanted to know if other women have experienced it as well and how they dealt with it. I was travelling with my former boss and and we went to meetings with potential partners etc. I usually wore heels. After the meeting we really had to hurry to catch a train. Meaning he walked extremely fast and did not look after me where I was. I really had trouble keeping up with him. The other time I was prepared and wore flats but then we actually had to run to get to the train. A couple of weeks ago I was travelling with a sort of male CEO and the train was a bit late, but we still had more than enough time to get to our appointment. I was also pacing, almost running, just seeing that he did not bump into others.
I've seen situations like this unfold — and I definitely have Opinions. I'm curious to hear what the readers say. To recap, we've talked about comfortable heels, the best commuting shoes, how to walk quietly in heels, how to look professional in flats, and traveling with coworkers — but I haven't stated my pretty stark opinion on heel height for work in a while…. so here goes:
If you cannot walk quickly in your shoes, you are wearing the wrong shoes to work. If the people you work with — whether women or men — are forced to change their routines and wait for you because of your fashion choices, you are making the wrong fashion choices.
The right time to wear shoes you can't walk in: a) when they are limo shoes (as in, the limo picks you up at your door and drops you off at the restaurant where you have to walk exactly three steps before you sit down), b) when you're a model, or c) when you're a trophy wife or the princess daughter. OK, fine, one more: when you're d) the boss and Can Do Whatever You Like Because You Set the Pace.
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Maybe I'm being harsh — or too New Yorker-ish — but the business world moves quickly. When you're lower on the career ladder, you have to follow other people's pace.
Something else that I think Reader L is discovering is a personality I like to call the Eccentric Genius, which is a special breed of coworker/boss (usually an older man) who has either developed or kept odd quirks that have been tolerated by those around him because he is Very Intelligent and a High Earner. Maybe he runs and bumps into others, but there are other versions of this same personality — one partner I used to work with had a thing about playing Tetris while giving assignments, hearing reports, brainstorming, whatever. As in, he sat with his back facing me and casually played Tetris the entire time. Charming!
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I've found that the best you can do is realize what the little quirks are, adapt as best you can if you need to continue the working relationship, and ultimately decide if want to continue the relationship at all. (Maybe I'm a pessimist, but the thought of trying to change this behavior, or somehow acknowledging it as rude or antisocial, never occurred to me as a real possibility.)
Next time, Reader L, make sure you have PLENTY of time so you're not late, plan as much in advance so you don't have to carry a ton of paperwork or anything with you, and possibly wear shoes you can run in.
Ladies, have you been left behind by coworkers because you couldn't walk quickly enough in your heels? Have you had to work with difficult personalities at work (Eccentric Geniuses or otherwise) who had rude, antisocial habits? (Ladies on the other side of the table — have you gotten annoyed at coworkers who couldn't walk quickly in high heels?)
(Pictured: Germany_101, originally uploaded to Flickr by Yu-Yee Lien.)
Update: I'm just signing back on now to see everyone's responses and I just want to say THREE CHEERS TO EVERYONE! You're what make this community great. I'm going to stick by my original advice (although I do admit that visions of summer interns in 5 inch heels were in my head as I wrote my response), but Reader L has a ton of other great responses from other strong working women. Well done. (Pardon me if I'm a bit emotional; my kiddo is having his adenoids out tomorrow so I'm a bit… emotional. Yeah.)
These are some of the Corporette readers' favorite items for business travel…
Wow – I’m usually in agreement with Kat but I strongly disagree with this. There’s being able to walk in heels, and then there is keeping pace with a (male) speed walker/almost runner. I am a NYer and while I’ve never had issues with my female friends, I always seem to be falling behind my male friends, boyfriends, etc. And trust me, I don’t wear high heels (or generally, heels at all). Sometimes it’s stride length, sometimes it’s pants vs. skirts, sometimes it’s honestly aggression (I’m more likely to wait for an elderly person to cross the street – I do bump tourists out of the way though, haha). I think it is definitely rude for someone to disregard their traveling partner, but I do agree you should be able to move in your work clothes and to account for any additional time you may need to get somewhere so you are not late.
Glad I’m not the only who is thinking this way. Some people simply walk too fast. And yes male or female, one should accommodate their traveling companion.
This. I wear flats, but it’s because I have an ankle issue and I cannot run. If the silent expectation is that you need to be able to run to keep up with your colleagues, your colleagues are asses.
Yep. I have a knee issue. I’m trying to get enough quad strength to get back into running, but it’s a slow process, and being forced to run unnecessarily, not wearing supportive shoes, on hard concrete, would really ruin my day.
Totally agree. You should wear shoes you can walk in without falling, but you don’t need to plan your outfit based on sprinting if you’re going to a formal business meeting.
YES
ha, I took long enough composing my own dissent below that now I’m just piling on. Agreed.
I wear 2″ heels regularly to commute and I can usually sprint for my bus/train in those heels but could not keep up with a man running full speed even if I was wearing flats. Not the fastest runner and I’m only 5’3″ so at a big disadvantage when even walking with long-legged men (or women for that matter). So I, too, disagree with Kat.
Absolutely. Put me in this column. It is impossibly rude to expect other people to run or jog to keep up with you. You never know what infirmities people have–regardless of their shoes. If you can walk steadily, confidently and at your normal pace in your shoes, there’s nothing wrong with your shoes.
I think it sounds like your CEO is not budgeting sufficient travel time into his appointment schedule. If you don’t feel confident telling him that, perhaps you can arrange to travel separately.
Yeah, this. Footwear aside, I just think a 5’4″person can’t keep up with a 5’10” person assuming they are both similarly fit, and guys are on average about 6″ taller than women. I’m tall (and quite adept at running in modest heels, if I do say so myself) so I haven’t personally had this issue, but I really don’t think this is a footwear issue.
I agree. The only ‘smart’ shoes that I can run anywhere near as fast as most men in are brogues (so basically men’s shoes) and I would never wear them to a super smart or important meeting.
Agree completely. I think the onus is on these colleagues who walk aggressively fast to slow down. Also in NYC, and I sometimes find it impossible to keep up with speed-walkers, what with the pedestrian foot traffic and the walk signals, even when wearing flats!
I TOTALLY AGREEE!!!! Ugh. I mean, in so many offices we are still expected to wear heels to look ‘professional’ for a woman and then the guys want to run for a train without paying attention to whether I am keeping up! UGH!!!! that is just plain rude.
I have very sensible heels that I can definitely walk quickly in, but I still can NEVER walk as quickly as a guy in flat, lace up shoes and pants. This is such a double standard and makes me CRAZY.
I had a job where I was literally told I was supposed to wear heels for our important meetings (to look professional) and had a male boss. We definitely were running late sometimes and had to hustle, and I would walk pretty quickly in my heels, and he was a total space cadet/eccentric type but he still always made sure he kept pace with me and didn’t run ahead of me because it is Polite, and he was being Not Rude.
Rawrrrr, this is making me angry, and I love you Kat, but I completely disagree with your position on this.
I agree with Kat that you shouldn’t wear shoes that wouldn’t let you walk at a quicker than normal pace. That said, though, I’m small, often carrying things, and not at all athletic – when long-legged men get into that super-fast walk, I’d often have a hard time keeping up if I were in sneakers. I think that you’ve just got to do what you can do, and let them stand there awkwardly if they get there first.
im with you. I think her advice is terrible.
I agree. I always wear flats and I just can’t keep up with my fiancé when he is walking at his normal quick speed even if I were wearing tennis shoes. Obviously I just tell him to slow down but there are definitely people who it is just no possible to keep up with regardless of footwear.
I agree with Kat. If you’re walking somewhere and have time, then yes, speak up and ask to slow down a bit. But having been in a position where you must take trains to get to important meetings in not a lot of time, they’re not going to wait for you. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is that the timing is so tight, you don’t want to piss of your touchy multimillion dollar account (particularly when they’re jerks who will add it onto their list of things to berate you with!) I’ve had to leave someone on the train platform before, and while it’s not the nicest thing, she wasn’t important to the meeting and it was important for someone to be on time. If you can’t walk quickly in your shoes, you need new ones. Additionally, if you have a rolling laptop case, you’d better be able to pick it up and go. However, if you’re in a situation where it happens frequently, you need to advocate to leave earlier , get a driver, whatever you need so that you’re not rushing.
How would you feel about someone who physically could not run (injury, etc.)?
If it was that important and they were not a crucial party, I would take off without them and they could meet us later. I’m talking about the dash everyone does down the stairs when they hear the train approaching, not sprinting a mile. Obviously that shouldn’t be normal circumstances – if someone had trouble walking, I’d hope we could plan ahead and take a cab and/or notify the client about our potential timing issues! But if we were going between meetings and there was a concern with time and getting to the next one, then yeah. Some of my clients would not understand because they are terrible people and Cash Rules Everything Around Me (™).
I have been this associate. When I was really junior, I was wearing heels I could absolutely walk in (3″, v comfortable), but trying to walk with a male partner (who had made us late already) who was 6′ and walking at his top speed. I am 5’4″. I twisted my ankle.
Now that I’m more senior, I always wear flats if I know I will have to walk more than a block, and I don’t care if the partner sees me changing shoes.
I will say, however, that one of the most considerate male partners (who is short but notorious for speed walking) gave me a headstart when we were going to court and I was pregnant, literally saying to me “you start walking now because you’re pregnant and I walk fast.”
Agreed. I’m 5’1″. There shouldn’t be an expectation that you’re totally prepared to break into a run at any moment just because your colleagues are bigger/faster than you.
Yes, I think that coworker is being rude. But what I would do, as long as I wasn’t going to miss the train, would be to stop, walk at a pace that I thought was reasonable but speedy, and then catch up to him once I got on the train. I get irritated whenever I have to ask anyone (male or female) to slow down, and if they don’t notice that I’m not keeping up while they’re walking, they sure will when I’m not in the same place that they are. Simply explain once you get on that he was going too fast to catch up.
As long as you make the train, this is their problem not yours.
I AGREE. It is rude. In my former job (investment banking), we often walked to various clients around the city. I do not walk slowly in heels, and even found myself “leading the pack” with all but two former colleagues. These two individulas (including the group head / my boss) would often leave me in the dust (up to say 1 block ahead of me, not waiting at lights, maybe waiting at the client’s elevator bank.) I know they were just being rude because when certain (shall we say portly and or smokers) senior managing directors visited and we made the same trek they would slow the speed so much that it would be a crawl (even your most restrictive pencil skirt). I did call them on this. One suggested that it was unseemly to arrive with a sweating colleague. No concern about a colleague who got blisters from actually breaking into a jog in heels.
To me this is indicative that they were oblivious the people around them, except those that they felt could have a more immediate impact on their position at the firm. (please note: at the same firm I was mocked for wearing “slippers” to see clients – the shoes in question were perfectly normal black leather ballet flats, so flats were not always an option).
For me, the issue has been mainly height related. I am 5″4 and my stride is smaller than that of my taller colleagues, male or female. So i find that I am jogging to keep up. I am sure they don’t even realise it, but I just feel awkward asking them to slow down a bit for me.
Working in a male-dominated industry for the majority of my career, yes, I must wear shoes that I can keep up with if I’m going to be in that situation. There are days when I know I’m not going to have to do a lot of walking and can wear this crazy pair of high heel loafers that for some reason I love. But otherwise, I walk fast. And FWIW, it is totally a NY thing, but it helps in other cities :-)
I am interpreting this differently, to me it doesn’t sound like the O.P is always late rather her co-workers happen to walk really fast, and when they happen to run late it’s both of them not just the O.P.. The solution is to wear comfortable shoes for an easier commute. And I have encountered people who happen to walk really fast, sometimes I just ask the person to slow down. That may not work however if the individual is likely not to listen to you, so just cope as best as you can–although it does strike me as slightly rude if your pace is so fast that others have to run behind you pacing and panting….
Also, somehow the use of “Eccentric Genius” here bothers me a little (i.e. the genius part) because you rarely hear women being described that way. Recently read an article on Reuters about the scarcity of women in academic fields where genius is cherished (Title: In U.S. Academia, fields that cherish genius shun women). Slightly off topic but it came to mind. Usually people who realize that they are this highly regarded can become abit arrogant and they then use it as an excuse to ride roughshod over their subordinates. The behaviour Kat describes of someone playing Tetris with their back turned is a prime example IMO, (even though you may not be able to call it out as a junior). Being really smart or earning alot of money does not mean you treat others with disdain.
+1 million to your second paragraph.
In my younger/more outrageous years I used to get away with quite a bit as an eccentric “genius”, BUT it is definitely different for women. There is more of a backlash for sure.
+ 1 on the last paragraph too. Being a “genius” doesn’t give you a ticket to be rude although it does happen all the time. Being anything doesn’t give you a ticket to be rude to anyone. Once people obtain a certain social standing in life, they seem to drop the word respect and courtesy from their personal dictionary which is not okay to do.
The part about playing Tetris while giving directions made me wonder if the person was ADD. It doesn’t make the behavior any less rude, but it would make it understandable. It doesn’t follow social norms, but it might actually help the person focus on the interaction.
Rubbish Kat. She wasn’t late for the train through any fault of her own, men’s formal shoes facilitate running much better than women’s, there’s nothing wrong about dressing for a meeting and not the running of the bulls.
Hey, slow down a minute, heels isn’t an inappropriate thing to say.
Or even leave the heels part out – as in “slow down a minute, I can’t keep up with you!” If this person often does this type of run through the train station routine, it probably isn’t the first time they have heard that.
Agree, I had a colleague just point blank state that as we headed back from lunch to our male colleagues and partners so that they had that in mind as we walked back.
I think it’s also ok to say, I’ll meet you on the train/there.
I will agree with this OP. I think if you are WITH someone, they should have the DECENCY NOT to move on a head of you. That is rude, especialy b/c it is IMPOSIBLE to be abel to walk as fast as a guy does with his fat heeled shoes when WE are being styleish with our 4″ pump’s! I challenge any man to switch places with us. FOOEY!
Once I was walkeing with the manageing partner to the Lamb’s club, and he was in a hurry, so he was doeing exactly that! He was at least 5 step’s ahead of me when he turned around to tell me to move faster. It was just when he turned around that he stepped right into a smelley pile of poopie on 6th Avenue right at Bryant Park! I laughed so hard b/c we had to stop in the park and I sat down while he dragged his foot all over the park trying to scrape off the poopie b/f we continued on to the Lamb’s Club. If he had slowed down and stayed with me, I could have pointed out the poopie BEFORE he stepped in it. FOOEY!
As it was, I do NOT think he got it all off b/c the cleint looked at him a few times and said something that made me think the cleint thought he made poopie in his pant’s! DOUBEL FOOEY! But they are still firm client’s, even with the smelly shoe’s! YAY!!
Yeah, I interpreted this to be the Reader was wearing work-appropriate attire, but because of mishaps, was forced to run in shoes not made for running(!). And her male coworkers left her in the dust because a) their shoes are made for running and b) they’re inconsiderate / oblivious.
I’m a NYer too, but everyone walks quickly at their own pace. And there’s no way, at 5’6″, that I’m keeping up with my 6′ boss — it’s just not happening, no matter what shoes I wear.
I can keep up in my heels (my work shoes tend to be 3-4″). Either practice or find shoes you are more comfortable hustling in. Often it is not the height of the heel that is the problem but having some form of strap to keep your heels from popping out can help a lot. For me my least comfortable pumps are my Ivanka Trump Janies and Cole Haan Chelseas w/ Nike tech; somewhat surprising as I thought these would be among the best.
In Reader L’s defense here, it sounds like the male was walking so fast that even *wearing* flats, she had to hop-skip-run to keep his pace, because a power walking man can, in all likelihood, outstrip a power walking woman thanks to leg length. It also sounds like Reader L could probably stride perfectly briskly and confidently in both her heels and flats, but was caught by surprise at the unusual pace. So I’m not ready to accuse her of being in violation of The Rule.
It also doesn’t sound like Reader L is the one controlling the meeting schedule – can you imagine if an associate interrupted a key point to remind the partner about the train?
So, I think the men are being rude. What to do while it’s happening? I’ve been there and said something lighthearted – like “hey doing my best here but can we take the power stride down a notch – we have enough time” – and the guy actually laughed and said his family is always yelling at him to slow down.
Exactly. We aren’t talking about a summer in 5 inch heels who can’t walk 2 blocks to lunch here.
+2 I have this happen to me a fair bit as I wear heels and I’m also short. I work with really tall men so their normal strides usually leave me behind. I can walk in my heels and I can usually walk at a decent pace, I just can’t keep up with these guys who are so much taller than me and whose legs are much longer. I just ask them to slow down or tell them I’ll meet them wherever we’re going.
Yeah, I like Cat’s suggestion here. A gentle, lighthearted reminder might work a lot of times. I just remembered that my dad does this because he is tall he is always walking ahead of us without realizing it, he would probably have the same reaction as Cat’s coworker and apologize with a smile.
What ever happened to carrying heels in your purse and wearing flats between venues? I don’t wear more than a very small heel, and I don’t walk particularly fast, but I find it really annoying to have to slow way down for colleagues in heels, especially if we have a tight meeting schedule.
Why can’t you just wear flats? If someone did this I would find them incredibly high-maintenance and probably annoying.
I think some of my male colleagues would think it was weird that I changed shoes between meetings, especially if we were all traveling together to and from the meetings.
I do this. It may irritate the others, but it’s the best way I’ve found to straddle the line between “workplace expectations (heels)” and “workplace expectations (keep up with boss)”. Note, I have also slipped my shoes off to run barefoot to catch a train (with a male employee on my team). So I guess I have no shame.
Yeah, I have definitely made a run for it when we were late for a flight through no fault of our own, but that is a once in a while exception, I think if this boss is making the LW run Every. Time. they have to make a train, it is not a reasonable expectation to be able to take your shoes off and run for it.
I agree that the boss was being quite rude, but I also agree with Kat that as the junior person, you might need to wear shoes that let you keep up. I travel a lot with one of the main partners at my firm, and he takes huge, fast strides everywhere he goes. After one trip where I was struggling to keep up with him, I bought some Clarks with a Mary Jane-style strap. They are not the most attractive shoes, but I can walk as fast in those shoes as I can in sneakers. It made all the difference and now I can keep up with him without having to ask him to slow down. Maybe this is the wrong way of thinking about it, but I just didn’t like the optics of being the young woman associate who “can’t keep up,” even if the partner is being rude by walking at an unreasonably fast pace.
Agreed. I think 1) the male was being rude by disregarding the OP’s ability to walk/run as quickly and 2) it’s incumbent on a junior coworker/associate to not wear clothing that makes it more difficult to keep up. I’m thinking that if the partner misses his train because he has to slow down for his associate wearing heels, he’ll be seriously annoyed.
I also agree that I don’t like people perceiving me as the woman that can’t walk as quickly, so I make sure and wear footwear that doesn’t create that problem. I have worked with the Eccentric Genius, whom I adore, but he didn’t slow down a second when he was walking with women. I just learned to hurry up, wear flats when I’d be traveling with him, and deal with it.
Yeah, I get that you just learned to hurry up and that worked for you, but really I am seeing this as a casually sexist double standard, and it is really starting to upset me the more I think about it that we are letting this stand. Why shouldn’t men have to understand that there is a double standard here? Like the ‘wear an engagement ring to avoid being hit on’ thing in the morning thread, I think we need to find ways to call this out and be like: YO! you are taller and can walk faster than me, let’s get our schedule together so we don’t have to keep running everywhere like idiots!
Easy tossing the sexism card there. There are short men too who would struggle to keep up in “flats”.
There are also likely men who would need to wear a wedding ring to avoid getting hit on. There are always exceptions, but it is true that most men do have a wider stride than most women. In the United States, the average height of a man is 5’9″, while the average height of a woman is 5’4″. (This comes straight from the CDC.) IMO, gender differences are central to this issue.
I had a short male boss once and it was glorious to never have to run to keep up.
I guess because I don’t see it as sexism? People that will run to catch a train without regard to their coworkers are probably going to do it to males and females alike. Wearing high heels to meetings and therefore not being able to hustle if necessary isn’t a hill that I need to die on.
ok, I totally get that. But what if you simultaneously had an overt expectation that you had to wear heels or you would not be seen as professional? I mean, I think this is starting to change in many places, but I have still heard it as a clear expectation for women that any kind of flat was not considered “business formal” attire. Would you fight the ‘must wear heels’ part or the ‘this dude runs everywhere’ part?
That’s your problem/mental issue to unpack, IMO, if you think you HAVE to wear heels and haven’t been explicitly told to do so. I know some people are told to do so, but I’d guess not the majority. I look at the older (ETA: oldER, as in >40 y/o) women in my large and uber professional office. They don’t wear heels the way the younger professionals do. To some extent, I think it is a self-imposed requirement for professional dress, particularly for younger professional women.
And, as long as you’re wearing flats and still can’t keep up, you combat the dude runs everywhere part of it. That’s the problem.
Maybe it comes with age. The closer I get to 40, the less I care whether people consider flats part of a business professional wardrobe. So that would be what I combat.
Last year, Eccentric Partner and I had oral argument in front of a federal court of appeals. I wore flats and my suit because I knew I would be carrying the appellate record and all my files while walking multiple blocks around a city. It’s not worth it to be out of breath and flustered from trying (and failing) to walk around in heels while juggling work and/or walking quickly.
Anonnn: I am saying I *was* explicitly told to wear heels. That’s what I’m trying to point out. It’s great if women are working somewhere where they feel like they have the choice to wear flat shoes and not get dinged for it. Where I am working now, that is the case and I only ever wear flat shoes, I never wear heels for work ever. BUT, in some situations women are literally being put in a Catch 22.
I guess if most of the commenters on this thread are saying they are older and more experienced and don’t wear heels anymore, I would request that you all think about whether there are spoken or unspoken requirements on footwear for the younger women in your office and help to convince other senior people to not pass judgment on women’s footwear for being flat and comfortable, AND on any rude men you might have in your office to stop being rude and making other staff run because they can’t keep track of their time. Because considering how many people are posting about this situation, it is pervasive and things won’t change unless we start pushing back on these things.
not sure why im in moderation. Trying again.
Anonnn: I am saying I *was* explicitly told to wear heels. That’s what I’m trying to point out. It’s great if women are working somewhere where they feel like they have the choice to wear flat shoes and not get dinged for it. Where I am working now, that is the case and I only ever wear flat shoes, I never wear heels for work ever. BUT, in some situations women are literally being put in a Catch 22.
I guess if most of the peeps on this thread are saying they are older and more experienced and don’t wear heels anymore, I would request that you all think about whether there are spoken or unspoken requirements on footwear for the younger women in your office and help to convince other senior people to not pass judgment on women’s footwear for being flat and comfortable, AND on any rude men you might have in your office to stop being rude and making other staff run because they can’t keep track of their time. Because considering how many people are posting about this situation, this is a common issue and things won’t change unless we start pushing back.
I’m 50 years old. I’m very stylish, thank you very much. And yes, the “must wear heels” – especially the 3″ and 4″ inch – is something you younger women have completely imposed upon yourselves. It’s a trend I’ve noticed in the past 10 years, and honestly, it makes you all look young — way young, as in a young girl dressing up in her mother’s clothes. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with 2″ heels, 1″ heels, kitten heels or (with many outfits) the right flats.
I agree with this. I’m in my early 40’s and am also surprised by this trend. To me, it correlates quite well with the trend of women removing every hair on their body except those on their head and brows/lashes.
Thank goodness I was born early enough to just miss the explosion of porno on the internet during my critical years …… which of course, wants it’s women to be hairless and in 4 inch heels. It’s every 12 year old boy’s fantasy, and becoming increasingly hard to maintain while working as an attorney…… don’t you agree?
But I guess I’m just showing my “age”…..
Yes. I wear dainty heels for meetings at my office, but wide-heeled Clarks for external meetings (requiring a group commute on public transit).
I used to have this issue too, when I needed to talk to another building with my boss for meetings. He would always insist on walking really quickly, forcing me to run. I think it was a combination of the fact that he was taller than me (longer legs) and in more comfortable shoes. I tried not wearing heels, but was still unable to keep up in pencil skirts. I decided it wasn’t worth it to me to have to change my outfit and arrive out of breath. I finally just adapted to leaving earlier than him for the meeting so that I could walk at a comfortable pace by myself.
precisely! I am a fast walker and wear sneakers commuting to/from work, but with nearly all professional/formal skirts and dresses I just can’t stride as well!
I know I will be slammed for this, but I just find it funny that we are debating about a clothing item that hobbles us (literally). Why are we wearing something that causes bunions and countless other serious foot issues, Achilles tendon problems, back problems, and we only wear for vanity or for men?
Do men ever have this discussion about anything?
And yes, I adore shoes. I used to have 20 pairs of Manolos that I gave up when I had two stress fractures in my feet and my bunions worsened. It was an easy decision between high heels and running and walking without pain. (and I made a ton selling them at a consignment store). And yes, I still have a closet filled with adorable shoes, they just are flat. My few heels are low wedges or 2″ heels (not frumpy ones).
Why are we acting like Chinese women with bound feet? We are seriously discussing whether we should wear shoes that make it impossible for us to walk briskly to catch a train?
I agree! I really don’t know what to say about this question since yes, of course everyone should be considerate (like I would if walking with a disabled or elderly/frail colleague), but why should our shoes impede our movement??????
I totally get where you are coming from. I feel the same way when people insist that you *must* wear heels to look professional. Sure some people can walk fine (and fast) in them but others just can’t and it’s true men never discuss this sort of thing. But the other issue here is someone walking so fast that Reader L can’t even keep up in flats….that’s a problem.
My female boss thinks that heels = professional, so I wear heels in the office. I keep them in my office, because I don’t know how I would NOT fall over on the metro wearing heels.
I know!!! this is making me crazy.
x 1000. Not to be difficult, but why should we not choose the most practical option? There are many, many cute and professional flats out there, AND they don’t limit mobility. Not saying it’s not rude to not be considerate of one’s companions, but people act like wearing heels is some kind of necessity, which it isn’t.
the problem is sometimes it actually is. I have actually been told this point blank by female supervisors. And as we have discussed here before, sometimes men conducting interviews, judges in court, etc, have actually held it against women for NOT wearing pumps. THAT is definitely a problem, I think, but we need to be overt about calling it out. Because it is the freaking 21st century and I am so over it.
“I’m sorry counsel. You have a stunning argument, an impeccable brief, but I just can’t grant your motion with those flats on!”
Has that ever happened? Genuinely asking.
“The problem is sometimes it actually is. I have actually been told this point blank by female supervisors. And as we have discussed here before, sometimes men conducting interviews, judges in court, etc, have actually held it against women for NOT wearing pumps. THAT is definitely a problem, I think, but we need to be overt about calling it out. Because it is the freaking 21st century and I am so over it.”
I don’t believe for one minute that this really happens. The rest of the world has moved on; frankly, most of the professional world is business casual in the first place, and flats are completely, 100% acceptable. Just because a few, very dated, old fogeys may prefer heels doesn’t mean anything.
um, so are you saying that I am lying? or that you think I am a bot and not a real person?
please share where we can also find the adorable flats.
That are really that comfortable. I wear skimmers which are definitely professional, but they are in no way so comfortable that I could run in them like I could ballet flats.
Sole Society makes some very cute ones, as does Me Too.
LE, can you also share your favorite brands for non-frumpy 2″ heels?
Check out Donald J. Pliner, Calvin Klein, Stewart Weitzman, Anyi Lu, Delman
like these
http://www.6pm.com/calvin-klein-collection-zedina-onyx-suede
http://www.6pm.com/stuart-weitzman-nuevo-black-patent
http://www.6pm.com/anyi-lu-tracy-black-patent
http://www.6pm.com/delman-women-heels~1#!/delman-women-heels/CK_XARC41wFSArIHqgECAwTAAQHiAgUYAQIKFQ.zso
and for fun (-; http://www.6pm.com/kate-spade-new-york-derena-maraschino-red-patent
I’m wearing a pair similar to this — it’s a low wedge
http://www.dsw.com/shoe/ak+anne+klein+sport+bakula+wedge+pump?prodId=328558&brand=dsw11brand2800012&activeCats=women,dsw11brand2800012&isBrand=y&categoryName=women
Most of those are frumpy.
IME the only people who expect professional women to wear heels are other women, and the vast majority of men don’t even notice shoes, unless they are high heels that hold women back. Heels hurt my feet and my back, and they are harder to walk in, so I’m going to wear nice flats and occasionally very low heels. So there.
Clearly we don’t work in the same office. Men in my office do notice and comment on and respond to women’s footwear, as well as other attire.
Plus, I know I’m in the minority, but for my particular foot issues, flat shoes are a big no-no. They “hobble” me the way heels hobble other women.
Yep. The CEO of a company I used to work for once commented negatively on a pair of flats a coworker was wearing. He was just a jerk in general, but men definitely notice women’s shoes.
Word.
If your peoples comment on your flat footwear, I would probably spit back a “My shoes aren’t doing the work, I am. Now back to the matter at hand…”
Honestly, unless you’re a shoe model, everyone else can gtfo re: heels vs flats. And OP’s boss was rude. If I know someone is a fast walker, I let them know I’m leaving early cuz I walk slow. And I stroll my leisurely to wherever I have to go.
Yeah, but Godzilla, one of your strides spans the entire block. Your stroll doesn’t exactly count as “slow.”
+1,000. From the ankles up, I can do a suit or jacket over pants/skirt. But my feet will wear walkable shoes.
Admittedly I work in business casual, so it’s not as if I’m getting glared at daily for wearing mary janes instead of pumps, but I also think that in all workplaces people should focus on their colleagues’ good ideas and positive contributions instead of fretting about their footwear. It’s crazy to expect people to strap, wrap, hoist or otherwise force themselves into physical discomfort or orthopedic danger just to meet some arbitrary notion of “looking professional!”
As a short lady who works with two men over six feet tall, my footwear doesn’t matter. Their usual pace would leave me in the dust, even if I’m wearing flats. But they’re not rude, so they adjust their pace. The OP’s boss is rude, plain and simple. Even in my most comfortable heels or flats, I can’t power walk–which is alright, because running around at work is pretty silly.
Yes. This. This is not a matter of sexism; this is a matter of manners, or lack there of.
Exactly. General consideration dictates you don’t leave people in your dust when you’re traveling to the same place, together. Rude.
“If the people you work with — whether women or men — are forced to change their routines and wait for you because of your fashion choices, you are making the wrong fashion choices.”
Lol, ok sure, from the author of a blog that clearly supports the industry standard of work-wear for lawyers that says: women will wear heels and skirt suit. When I see you recommend that a young woman lawyer wear loafers and pants, I’ll be receptive to this advice.
Eye roll. Come on Kat, those in the legal profession can’t expect me to dress like this but punish me because of physics.
I’m not taking about a 4 inch stiletto heel that I wobble on, I’m talking my 5’2″ self in modest 2-3 inch heels and a skirt running to keep up with Old Man Partner striding along in his comfy pants and loafers on stairs or a street.
“Something else that I think Reader L is discovering is a personality I like to call the Eccentric Genius, which is a special breed of coworker/boss (usually an older man) who has either developed or kept odd quirks that have been tolerated by those around him because he is Very Intelligent and a High Earner”
Also, this? This man isn’t just a special flower- he is tolerated because he’s the boss-man with a lot of power.
seriously. Also, the OP mentions two different men who did this to her, it’s not just one.
+1000. I entirely agree. At least for those of us who work in conservative law firms and are expected to wear heels and skirts… It’s absurd to be told to wear certain shoes and then be scolded when those shoes don’t allow us to sprint for the train.
It’s one way or the other: I can be ready to run down the street at a moment’s notice as fast as my male companion, or I can wear a tailored pencil skirt and heels of any height. Probably not both. And this whole conversation is ridiculous.
Am I the only one who thought that it’s ideal to have the fastest member of the party run ahead to catch the train? At least on a Boston T train, you can delay it a few seconds by milling around near the door (without having to risk limbs) because the driver will see you and wait to close it. If it’s a regular train more like Amtrak I would think this would be even more the case.
I see that, but if you do that you say ‘I’ll run ahead and hold the door,’ surely, not just start running? Reader L’s boss is rude, pure and simple. My dad’s the same way: he’s so used to travelling by himself that when going through airports or busy stations he’ll just go on autopilot and end up twenty feet in front of us.
You cannot hold the door on DC metro. It breaks the doors and then the train has to off loan. Once they are closing, they are closing–do not stick anythingin there!
CC: for BOSTON! The people that do this drive.me.bonkers.
Good to know, thanks! I’m used to the Tube in London where the doors re-open along the length of the train if any set is obstructed.
The LW is in Europe and talking about trains, which makes me think she is actually talking about *trains* not city subway systems, and in that case you cannot hold the train, they are leaving on schedule full stop. You know what they say about trains in Germany. ;o)
They are, but they won’t close the door on your arm! I’ve held train doors open here in Germany for someone who was buying tickets from the on-platform machine.
oh really? I’ve never seen that, I guess, just people slipping through the doors just as they were closing ;o)
Yeah, I physically put myself in the doorway. If someone had told me off I’d have just been all ‘Es tut mir leid, ich bin Engländerin!’
HAHA! I love it ;o)
This seems incredibly self-absorbed and inconsiderate to the other people on the train who may miss their next connection because of the delay. You missed the train. Catch the next one. The world will go on. You don’t get to make it stop just for you.
Kat’s right that, like it or not, if you can’t keep up and are wearing high heels, you will be judged (by many people including female colleagues who don’t wear heels). If you’re wearing flats or low shoes and you can’t keep up, you won’t be judged the same way.
Whether or not this is fair is besides the point. The few times I wear heels I make sure to walk quickly even if I’m uncomfortable.
Honestly I think a lot of times the speed walking man is a power trip more than anything else. Sometimes it’s an oblivious long legged-man, but after a while you can’t claim to be oblivious anymore. Call it eccentric genius if you’d like, but I think it’s more “I’m so important and my time is so valuable I must hurry to my next engagement” or that he likes the feeling or underlings scurrying bend him. Our former COO was a super speedy power walker (even in our own offices, to the point where he had a couple collisions after rounding corners too quickly), but he never out paced the CEO or an important client.
Is there a viable third option? My mom watches dancing with the stars – and those women’s shoes are meant to stay ON. Are their better T-straps out there?
I say that as someone who wears Aravon shoes due to foot issues. I can keep pace with our president in them.
When the issue is my medical dx, I have no issue with – you go ahead -or- asking to leave in time to make the train at my pace – I need to excuse myself early, please continue with my colleague as needed.
I’ve always wondered if there was some way to get some dancing shoes that could be worn professionally. It seems like it would work, and a lot of times, the dancers are wearing really cute heels.
You could find dance shoes, but you’d need to have them re-soled. Dance shoes have suede soles (kind of like the soles on bowling shoes) so you slide easily on the dance floor. Definitely not good for outside wear. And since they are meant to be worn inside, sometimes the uppers are made of material that isn’t usually weather-friendly, either.
Thanks for the pointer to Aravon shoes. They look GREAT for my poor suffering feet.
I pretty much live in Cobb Hill shoes (the sister brand to Aravon). They have great arch support, and occasionally, I can even find them in a narrow width.
If you are taking the train, wear flats. If the guys still walk/run too fast for you to keep up, they are jerks, and that is on them.
Bullsh!t!!!!
The problem here is that Reader L’s boss is rude. The fact that even in flats she can’t keep up with him makes clear this isn’t a matter to be resolved by changing footwear.
Speaking for myself, at 5’2″ and non-athlete, any average-sized man with longer legs would leave me in the dust even if I was dressed for the 100m sprint at the Olympics. Given that women, on average, are shorter and thus have shorter legs, sometimes there is no way for us to keep up with taller man short of running along side them. Of course, then we would get pinged for that too.
Reader L – take a look at Duchess Catherine as your shoe model. She has to walk on various types of terrain and participate in all sorts of activities and always looks great doing it!
I also respectfully disagree with Kat here. Reader L’s boss was rude leaving her scrambling to try to keep up with him. They were traveling together, correct? So it is a matter of courtesy for him to travel at the fastest pace SHE could maintain. Not everybody is a marathon runner and it is absolutely the height of rudeness to expect that a person try to set a land-speed record to keep up. Maybe it’s not the shoes that keeps them from keeping up. Maybe they have a foot, leg, or back injury or some type of disability that prohibits them from keeping pace.
Last summer I attended a concert with a friend of mine who is at least a foot taller than my 5’2″. We were in a part of town that I was absolutely not familiar with and on our way back to the ferry that took us back to where we parked our cars, it began to rain. HARD. My friend took off at a sprint and never once looked back to see if I was anywhere close to being around. It was quite a struggle to keep up with him. When we got to the ferry he had the nerve to look at me and say “I wasn’t sure if you made it or not!” Needless to say, I was pretty put off. Common courtesy is so uncommon these days!
My perspective as a hiker & backpacker: Everyone’s natural stride is a different length. Taller people tend to have longer strides. Men tend to be taller than women. So, in general, men are going to have longer strides than women. On the trail, hiking speeds usually range from 2-3 mph (sometimes higher) and I’ve hiked with a lot of groups where the men are loping along in the front and the women bring up the rear because of that issue. AND WE’RE ALL WEARING THE SAME SHOES m/l.
You can certainly exacerbate the issue with a choice of poor footwear, but IMO this is a biology (or at least a height) issue. Trail etiquette addresses the situation in various ways (smaller groups; meetup points) — business etiquette should too.
Now, in my business life, since I’m medium height, long-legged, and a very strong walker who wears mostly Clarks, I can gallop along with the 6 ft 3 men. Bring it on! But I recognize that not everyone can do that.
Ugh. I don’t wear heels much anymore because it messes with my feet/running training. However, what would your response be to someone who could not walk faster because of a health issue? Or being heavier than the other person? Even if that person wears flat shoes, they couldn’t keep up. What if the health issue was sensitive and they didn’t want to disclose it in order to have the other person slow down? Same with those of us that are shorter or who have shorter strides. My bf is 6′ and while I can keep up with him while he walks along at his normal pace, even in flats I am booking it and I am in excellent health and shape. I don’t think it’s unreasonable in a work scenario to either say hey, I will catch up with you at the location or I’m sorry, I am having a hard time keeping up with you or something else that would indicate the person is making it very difficult for you to keep up with them. You do run the risk of the boss being annoyed, but really, it’s freaking common courtesy.
This makes me appreciate my boss, who is always overly concerned that I am comfortable with the pace/distance we are walking. I finally showed him the Nike Air strips on the bottom of my Cole Haans that are super comfortable. :)
I wouldn’t automatically jump to the conclusion that the boss was rude. Men can just be clueless. I work with a much taller collegue and he has a habit of walking fast. I just ask him to slow down and he does.
Personally, I find that being oblivious to the comfort and needs of the people you’re around IS rude. It’s not giving any thought to your colleagues – even if you’re not purposefully hurting someone, giving no thought to other people is the definition of rudeness.
Yes.
This.
I’m tired of giving men a free pass on rudeness because “oh they just aren’t paying attention” or “oh, they’re clueless”.
I work for a law firm that is 80% male. I am grateful every day that the men I work with are, without exception, courteous, respectful, egalitarian, and aware of themselves and the wellbeing of their colleagues. I pick the most comfortable heels I can find so that I’m not a thorn in anyone’s side, but the guys will still even check with me to make sure I’m ok walking. I have no trouble, when scampering along next to Tall Male Name Partner saying “op, let me catch up to you, thanks!”
Absolutely. I now work with almost all women and we’d never leave each other behind.
I don’t think obliviousness is rude. OP should just ask him to slow down. If he doesn’t, that’s rude. I don’t get why people are hesitant to ask for what they need.
Normally agree. But isn’t he getting on the train and realizing she isn’t there?
I think this discussion is too focused on whose behavior is the problem. Yeah, it’s rude to not wait up for your companions regardless of sex. But that doesn’t really matter if we’re talking about making a good impression and advancing our careers. I work in a very white male heavy field where they still find it appropriate to reminisce about the good old days when they could slap their secretaries’ @sses without anyone raising an eyebrow, so I get that there’s a lot of sexism and bad behavior out there. The best/perhaps only way to change that, though, is for people who aren’t like that/women/etc to rise up and take more of a leadership role over time. We’re not going to be able to do that by looking at issues like these through such a normative lens.
I guess my point is that unfortunately, we need to work within the constraints given until we have the power and influence to change them. In this case, that’s something as simple as figuring out how to balance expectations about appearance with expectations about keeping up.
I have to chime in here too since this situation happens to me ALL THE TIME. I constantly travel with men, and frequently to NYC where there is plenty of walking. I wear reasonable shoes – albeit heels – that are plenty comfy enough for a work day, standing all day, etc. – which I feel is completely within my own right of footwear choice. I walk at a brisk pace but they constantly breeze ahead and walk together – discussing a project among themselves and leaving me in the dust. I too find it rude and have also found that making a casual joke is the best way to call their attention to it.
To switch it up – would any of you NOT wait for a male colleague who had to stop and tie his shoelaces? I thought so :-) this is just a question of common courtesy, in my opinion.
Jessica
http://www.thebellevoyage.com
I disagree, and I’m a New Yorker, too. You simply can’t move as quickly in heels, especially now that I am–eep–middle-aged (even though I’m really fit–I just have more “weak” spots that can be injured). I have one pair of miraculous heels that I could possibly sprint in. All my others are fine to walk in–even walk quickly–but not race walk or run. I absolutely do not wear frivolous work shoes, but I couldn’t run for a train in them.
I also used to work with a VERY New York guy who was the fastest walker on earth. However, he knew he was freakishly fast, and would ask if he was being too crazy. I’d walk faster; he’d walk slower. It worked. The joys of compromise!
I love heels, but I walk miles every day in NYC. I can slip into flats and drop my heels in my purse in a few seconds, and reverse the process when I get to my meeting. (Seriously, improved balance from doing yoga has helped me with this!). No one I walk to meetings with has ever implied this is unprofessional, and I think guys in particular appreciate that I can always keep up.
I often have to slow down while walking with friends and colleagues, and I do wish they would wear more practical shoes. Plus, maybe I’m cheap, but my good heels last so much longer when I’m not walking long distances in them, and that’s important to me too.
No, but I have been on the flip side. While travelling with a group of 8-10 attorneys that included another female junior associate (in addition to me), we were forced to wait for that woman to hobble slowly in her high heels through the airport. Then, we realized that she’d checked a bag! Because it was a short trip, everyone else had carried on their luggage. Needless to say, everyone was very annoyed while we waited. I thought it showed bad judgment on her part.
Commenting late but agree with the majority of comments. Her coworker was rude and there is no reason not to at least say something. Kat – I think part of the disconnect between your advice and your readers here might be that your advice seems tailored to someone who is really junior — e.g. in her first two or three years out of law school. When I first graduated law school I did things like rush to keep up with someone or let someone give me an assignment while visibly distracted. As you start to advance — e.g. four five years out of law school — you really need to start asserting yourself to be taken seriously and be seen as a more senior member of the team. Part of that is politely and strategically getting your needs met, including having someone walk at a reasonable pace for you. If you don’t start strategically asserting yourself at some point it’s hard to see how you’ll be able to advance past a mid-level.
There’s a whole other side to this that I haven’t seen anyone else bring up: when I’m in a suit or otherwise nice office dry-clean-only clothes, I refuse to run to a meeting because I will sweat, especially in the warmer months. And it often gets close to 100 degrees in the summer where I live. Not only do I not want to spend excessively in dry cleaning, but I don’t want to arrive to a meeting sweaty and sticky. I’m athletic, strong, and fully capable of running for a fair distance, but not in nice clothes when I’m trying to look professional!! For this reason alone, I wouldn’t rush too much to keep up with a colleague.
I worked in DC for a year with a bunch of men in energy law. They’d say “the meeting’s only a couple blocks away; let’s walk there.” Well . . . crap. I had these absolutely awesome, adorable, low heels (Stuart Weitzman, Poco, if anyone’s counting) but that would get shredded in every. single. city. grate. along the way. I soon learned that it was an economic issue (for me! not saying for anyone else!) that I simply could not afford to wear the proportional, awesome shoes any more. So I learned to love the stacked heel that is Thierry Rabotin. Try the fabulous Flair http://www.berenshoes.com/thierry-rabotin-flair-pump/p/rb0001_blk_fb/?gclid=CPWh95PBpssCFVBbfgodr1AFzg, that goes with everything – pants, dresses with tights. Also Aquatalia for the crap weather days since they’re all weatherproof and v. stylish.
I just discovered this website so forgive my late comment, but I agree with posters who said that it’s not all about what shoes you are wearing. Often times with males I find that even when I’m wearing sneakers, hiking boots, etc. I have to run to keep up. Slow down, people. It’s rude to expect others to run to keep up with you. I am very short so I have to expend a lot of energy and intermittently jog just to walk as fast as a 6′ man.