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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 189 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Leopard Print Burnout Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Loft Leopard Burnout TopMaybe it's me, but it seems like blue leopard accents are EVERYWHERE right now. I haven't been able to get this lightweight, long-sleeved t-shirt out of my head since I first saw it a few weeks ago — it looks like a great layering tee for work or weekend. Obviously, you can wear it on top of a camisole for an easy, relaxed look. That said, if you want to get creative with it, you can always try it as a base layer beneath a sheath dress — it looks like it would be a great match for a dark gray sheath dress, maybe with a similar neckline or a V. The tee is $24.50 full price, but is now $10, no code needed. The shirt is available in sizes XXS-XL (also available in grey/black), and is machine washable. Loft Leopard Burnout Top Here are a few plus size versions… Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Lyssa

    I’m going to a CLE/conference next week in Chicago. There will also be a couple of young professionals networking dinners (at fairly casual restaurants, as far as I can tell). I’ve actually never been to one of these travel-to conference-type CLEs, just local ones. What should I wear? Suiting separates? Slacks and a sweater? Dresses with tights? Suits? My usual office pumps (I rarely wear flats)? I’m trying to pack fairly light, but I don’t want to feel out of place. TIA!

    • BigLaw Anon

      Not recommended: denim and fleece

      [I am hanging my head in shame. I did this. A long time ago. I would not do that now even though I hate being cold above all else.]

      • Lyssa

        I’m very tempted!! Not looking forward to the weather at all. I’ll be flying in early morning, with a 2 year old (and my husband – they’ll be visiting Grandma) for the conference that afternoon – so tempted to wear god knows what on the plane.

        • BigLaw Anon

          I’d give you a pass with a 2 year old to wear whatever you like on the plane. I think you have to be treated as a civlian when traveling with family.

        • Shopping challenge

          My suggestion for the plane: it’s cozy & warm, the leggings will keep you decent no matter what position you get into with the toddler, you can wear boots or clogs or other comfy shoes, you look pulled together, but it’s totally comfy enough to sleep in… But I do not suggest bright red plaid nails for work (unless you’re at the McD’s window)
          http://shoedaydreams.blogspot.com/2011/12/falling-for-fair-isle.html?m=1

    • TO Lawyer

      I would not wear a suit to be honest. I think separates are your friend here. Or dresses and blazers. or if you have dresses with long-sleeves, that may be perfect.

    • pockets

      I went to one of these and wore a suit both days. It seemed like the lawyers were wearing suits and the industry-type people were wearing separates/more business casual. For dinner (mix of lawyers and industry people) my (male) boss and I wore jeans w/ a blazer.

      • jc - from

        +1 – most lawyers will wear suits.

        Handle was supposed to say – from Chicago

    • HSAL

      I’m also going to Chicago for work next week! I travel a ton for work conferences/CLEs and I would say you’ll see people both in suits and in jeans. I think a long-sleeved dress would work nicely, but if you’re looking for minimal packing, I’d suggest a pair (or two) of pants, a couple shells/blouses that work with both bottoms, and a couple cardigans/blazers. For a three day trip I would pack one pair of pants and wear them day 1 and day 3, with the dress on day 2.

    • Maddie Ross

      IME, you will see people in suits, but you will also see lots of people in separates. I’m a fan of separates for these events because I can style them with a little more punch and personality. The key, to me, is to be professional, but memorable, so I like pops of color (like “The Skirt” in a bright color, with a coordinating blazer) or slightly more fun shoes (for Chicago, maybe a knee high boot with tights and a pencil skirt). I’d steer away from jeans unless you are attending solely for the CLE and have no intention of mingling or trying to client develop.

      • Anonymous

        I’d agree with this. Is this the AHLA one? It’s not a particularly stuffy group and the networking events are fun, at least from the other conferences I have been too. You’ll see a variety of outfits. I think I wore a dress and tights one night (winter CLE) and maybe slacks and blazer to another.

        • Lyssa

          It is. Glad to hear that! Looks like separates/dress with blazer it is. Hopefully, I can figure out a way to wear grubbies and change right off the plane. Thanks, everyone!

    • anonsg

      I went to one of these and wore a suit, but did not always wear the suit jacket. Like attending the CLEs, going to the Expos, I didn’t wear the jacket. I’d wear it maybe during any kind of networking event or dinner thing.

  2. Annelin

    Love it, but I’m not a huge fan of Loft quality.

    TJ: It seems every fall I embark on a fruitless search for boots. Any ideas on boots that may fit wide calves and small ankles (my calves are 16 in and ankles are 8 in)? Every boot I try either doesn’t fit my calves or, when I try on wide-calf boots, are huge on my ankles. I’m cheap, so I would prefer boots under $200 but I’m beginning to think my only option will be custom made boots.

    Also – what colors go well with a black and gray-based wardrobe that aren’t black? I thought I wanted black, but I’m beginning to think that black boots are too much (especially with the amount of material covering my calves). I thought about brown but nothing in my wardrobe would work.

    • espresso bean

      I think a nice warm cognac brown goes well with all-black (not so much grey, though). Not a chocolate brown, but more of a caramel. It works as a neutral but adds some visual interest.

        • MegB

          Hi, those are lovely boots but I always smile when I see ladies boots that are black with brown tops. Traditionally, only a man who was awarded colors in a recognized fox hunt is allowed to wear black boots with brown tops. Ladies who are similarly awarded colors wear black boots with black patent leather tops. I know this has no bearing on fashion (and I think they look great) but I always find the history behind items interesting and thought I would share. Happy Friday!

      • Medic Maggie

        second the cognac color for going with black or gray. I don’t currently have black boots, but I have a ton of skirts & dresses that require black or gray tights. I just make sure that if I am going to wear boots instead of heels or flats, that I add a piece of brown to the rest of the outfit, so that the cognac boots don’t seem out of place.

        I can’t speak very well to the sizing issue, as I could not even find boots wide enough for my calves and tiny feet (the 5.5-6 wide calf were still not wide enough for my calves at the time…) a few years ago. After losing weight, I found the Guess Lurie boot that I lovelovelove. They’ve been going on strong now, for more than 2 years, and I expect that they’ll stay in good shape for a long time, despite heavy use.

        amazon DOT com/GUESS-ZGS881-Guess-Womens-Lurie/dp/B00NMNQLJ6

    • anon

      I just bought these boots at DSW: http://www.dsw.com/shoe/audrey+brooke+dallas+wide+calf+boot?prodId=311858&activeCats=dsw12cat1740002,dsw12cat1740052,dsw12cat2680030

      They are a great shape for me (huge calves, narrow ankles). They don’t seem to bag at the ankle and they are shaped in at the top so you don’t have this huge floppy boot top at your knee. They look great! Of course, you didn’t say if you wanted heels.

      DSW is the only place I can go and actually try on wide calf boots. I find the measurements online are misleading. Haven’t tried Duo although others swear by them.

    • Red Beagle

      For a contrasting color, I would go with a deep burgundy or plum. Or if you can find it, a contrasting texture such as suede or haircalf in various shades of grey or greyish taupe.

    • Constant Reader

      I like the Sam Edelman Penny boots (wide calf version). I can’t speak to the narrow ankles bit but I’ve found they fit my calves (with room to spare!). I think they have a 16-17 inch circumference and come in black and cognac.

      • (Former) Clueless Summer

        I like the Sam Edelman Penny boots (wide calf version). I can’t speak to the narrow ankles bit but I’ve found they fit my calves (with room to spare!). I think they have a 16-17 inch circumference and come in black and cognac.

        • Min Donner

          I tried the Penny in wide last year, and they fit SO well on my ankles (which are thick) and wide calves, and the leather was lovely. However, the top of the boot flared out significantly. It looked okay with jeans/jeggings, but with tights and dresses I felt like a pirate. Did I just try on a defective pair?

    • FP

      I have a similar issue and I just bought the Cole Haan Carlyle boot in extended calf. They didn’t bunch up too much at my ankles. Sticker price is $398 but Amazon had them for $260 plus a 20% off coupon, so that brings them to right around your price range.

      • Anonymous

        What coupon code did you use? I just tried to pick up those boots and Amazon won’t let me apply the “20ffvet” code.

        • FP

          I think I used that code… the thing that drives me nuts about Amazon is that sometimes the size you select isn’t sold by Amazon and then you can’t use the coupon. That might be your issue.

    • lucy stone

      Have you tried Fitzwell from Zappos? I have two pairs and like them because they are wide calf without having completely slouchy ankles.

    • West Coast

      Having just conducted an extensive boot search, I noticed that there were some regular shaft boots that through buckles and / or stretch could accommodate a larger range of calf sizes. My thought is that these boots are more likely to have a regular ankle. I found that Nordstrom was most likely to indicate a range.

      Two examples below, although slightly above budget:
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/trotters-signature-lucky-leather-boot-women/3725557?origin=category&BaseUrl=Boots
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/the-flexx-landlord-riding-boot-women/3746347?origin=category&BaseUrl=Boots

    • Idea

      Have you tried widewidths . c o m ? They have a lot of information on buying for wider calves, and surely some of the boots might be good for a difference in calves and ankle size. As a pear-shaped woman, I feel you – your calves and ankles are my hips and waist – bad analogy, but I think you get it.

  3. AttiredAttorney

    Headed to Kansas City, MO in a few weeks for a conference and staying in the Westport area. Any recommendations for fun/local spots to go for dinner? Not a picky eater, no dietary restrictions, preference for something that is “uniquely” Kansas City, with the one caveat that I’ve already eaten at Oklahoma Joe’s and Jack Stack BBQ on previous trips.

    • Anon in KC

      You’re in luck because there are a TON of great restaurants in Kansas City- we are becoming such a foodie town- and there is so much more to KC than BBQ! In the Westport area, Port Fonda (Mexican) is one of my favorites- started as a food truck a few years ago. Fun, casual atmosphere, awesome unique tacos. Right next door is a great little champagne bar Ca Va (can’t do the accents here) and Julep, which has awesome craft cocktails. If you’re looking for something fancier, Blue Stem is a good choice, but it is pricey. You will be near the Plaza. That has mainly chain restaurants these days, but Gram & Dun is local, has excellent food, and a nice patio with a fire pit and heaters (although it will still probably be too cold for that next week). If you want to go a bit further north Farmhouse in the River Market is outstanding. The Power & Light district downtown has a more corporate feel, but there are fun bars there. Lots of wonderful locally owned places in the Crossroads district (just south of downtown)- Tannin wine bar and Rieger are excellent. Rieger has a speakeasy type bar in the basement called Manifesto. Also like Extra Virgin- unique tapas-style food- and Affaire- upscale German food. I could go on and on and on!

      • AttiredAttorney

        These are wonderful, thank you! I had Gram & Dun bookmarked on yelp already, and I’ll be adding these others.

        • Also in KC

          -The Local Pig just opened in Westport (it was/maybe still is in the east bottoms as a hipster butcher and food truck location).
          -McCoy’s in Westport has average food, but their bread pudding is just stupid good if you find yourself with a late night sweet tooth.
          -The crossroads (the area just north of Union Station) has good places, including the already metioned Extra Virgin and Affare. To that list I would add the Reiger Hotel and Exchange (pricey but consistently fantastic fare)

      • Mary

        We were there last summer and loved Cooper’s Hawk Winery at the plaza. We did a wine tasting, did some shopping, and then came back for dinner. Both the wine and food were fantastic. We also enjoyed Pierpont’s at Union Station. Gordon Biersch Brewery Restaurant in the Power & Light district was okay. There was a great gelato place in the Power & Light district, too. Besides that, we went to 8 different BBQ places because we wanted to try it all out.

        • Anon in KC

          Mary- I’m curious which BBQ place was your favorite. Jack Stack and Oklahoma Joe’s (recently renamed Joe’s KC) are mine. I like the way Cooper’s Hawk matches their wine and entrée choices right on the menu- takes out the guess work. Also, their oatmeal cookie dessert is out of this world! I seriously have dreams about it. AttiredAttorney, if you’re going to be in town after Thanksgiving, don’t miss the Country Club Plaza’s fantastic Christmas light display. Google it- it is something else. Just be warned that places on the Plaza will be more crowded there because of the lights. Have a great trip! I’d love to know where you end up going!

          • Mary

            Oklahoma Joe’s was our favorite, and then Jack Stack. The food at Jack Stack was really good, but it just doesn’t have a BBQ vibe, ya know? We love BBQ, so we enjoyed trying everything, but we were a little disappointed because we didn’t think that anything was better than our favorite place back home in east central Illinois. That just makes us appreciate our local BBQ even more!

          • AttiredAttorney

            It’s a new kid on the block, but on my last trip to KC, in addition to Jack Stack and Joe’s KC (Oklahoma Joe’s), I tried Q39. It has a similar kinda swanky ambiance like Jack Stack (well, swanky for a BBQ place at least), but the brisket and bunt ends were phenomenal. They also take reservations, which was a huge plus. Their yelp and urbanspoon reviews are likewise pretty strong!

  4. Anon

    Thanks to whoever recommended the diva cup here a while ago. You have changed my life. I only wish I’d known about it like 20 years ago!

    • hoola hoopa

      I’m sure that non-users think it’s hyperbole, but it has definitely changed my life. Never going back!

    • LondonLeisureYear

      It is seriously the best thing ever. My sister got her whole female dorm using them when she was an RA. It saves me while traveling. I recommend it to everyone.

      • Min Donner

        Jumping in, but I never feel it or have any discomfort, I have to change it less frequently than a tampon, I can put it in the night before when I’m expecting my period (I have reliable pre- signs) so I don’t end up with a surprise, with all other factors being equal I find that the level of my cramps/discomfort is actually quite a bit less than when I was using tampons, I can keep using it during the really light days at the end, and generally feel fresher than if I was relying on liners at that point, and it’s anecdotal but my incidents of yeast infection have all but been eliminated. Plus, I think it’s better for the environment, and for me (if you consider the chemicals in tampons, etc.). It took a little bit of figuring out how to best insert it, but I would never go back now. And if you need to change it when you’re not at home, I’ve never had a problem with just wiping it thoroughly with a tissue or personal wet wipe.

      • Anon

        I am scared to use tampons due to TSS horror stories. And the chemicals in them too are not great for me.
        Plus the moon cup that I use lets me swim and do whatever I like even if I have my period. Easy to clean, no getting caught unawares as you don’t need to buy tampons, pads.

  5. super anon

    I need help. I can’t stop thinking about my ex. We ended things (more my decision) a few months ago because we were in completely different life places and wanted different things, so it would never have worked long-term. But he had so many of the qualities I was looking for in a man and thought I’d never find. He is a wonderful person that I admire and adore. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if he were a jerk. Instead, I keep torturing myself with memories of the special times we shared.

    I ran into him over the weekend for the first time since the breakup, and it wasn’t awkward at all. We fell right back into great conversations. The spark was still there. Now I’m all torn up inside again.

    I’ve forced myself to go on some dates. I tell my therapist about these feelings. I’ve kept busy with friends and thrown myself into projects and meeting new people and weekend trips. My friends say I’m doing all the right things. On the surface, it probably looks like I’m doing okay. But inside, when I’m alone, I still think about him all the time. And I’m terrified I’ll never meet anyone who has all his great qualities AND wants the same things in life that I do. That’s the scariest thought of all.

    Any advice/commiseration/tough talk? Is there anything else I can do that I’m not already doing?

    • Anonymous

      I think that’s just what a breakup feels like. It takes longer than you would like to get over.

      And if you’re just sitting around dwelling you need to start trying to force yourself to stop. Turn on music. Read a book. Say an affirmation. You won’t get over him by thinking about him.

      • Diana Barry

        +1. See if you can keep yourself BUSIER so you don’t have time to think about him. Time dwelling =/= time moving on. In time it will turn into nostalgia, BUT IMO it would be better to keep busier now, thus not thinking about him, and then presto, in time you will find that you haven’t been thinking about him as much. :)

    • Burgher

      It sounds like you are doing all the right things, as far as keeping busy, but you need to stop dwelling on him. I know it’s difficult, but that won’t help you to progress.

      Just keep reminding yourself that if you do not have the same goals in life, it won’t work for the long term. One or both of you will eventually resent the other, so better to say goodbye now.

      • Baconpancakes

        A passage in Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist reminded me of the need to pursue your life, and not give up the things that you hold most dear to be with someone else. I can’t find the quotation, but it was about the inevitable resentment poisoning your relationship, and turning love into hatred – a far worse fate than heartbreak.

    • Annelin

      I think it just takes time. I dumped my horrible ex and I still had a hard time not thinking about him or reminiscing about him for awhile. I think it’s somewhat natural to be nostalgic about a part of your life that you’ve closed the door on. Just keep reminding yourself of the reasons why you broke up and why it was necessary.

    • pickle

      As long as you believe that you won’t meet someone new with the ex’s good attributes + your life goals, you won’t. I think that attributes are more negotiable than life goals, and that a person can be compatible with a range of personalities. In my experience it takes a year to get over someone and feel like a strong, independent person ready to date. Don’t lose heart.

      • Ellen

        Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this great find, for onley $10!!! I think they will be all sold out execept in extra large size’s! FOOEY b/c I want to look good with causal stuff like this. Frank would be doeing alot of peek-a-boo with this one if I let him and he has own wife whose boobie’s he can STARE at! DOUBEL FOOEY!

        As for the OP, I am comeing late to the party, so the others have said it. It is a self fulfiling profecy that you will NEVER get over your ex if you think all others are no good. You will have a difficult time — I know I did even after I dumped my alcohohoilic Alan — and others just looked like they all needed alot of work that I was to exhausted to have to start on. Bad as he was, I was used to Sheketovits, and his antics, rangeing from the drinks, the hidden bottel’s and shunken weenie, and the excuses therefor, and much as I detested it, I did NOT want to have to get used to new guy’s and their issue’s. So for a long time, I pined over Sheketovits. Now I am over him and have dated others and have actualy found that I was missing out on alot but never knew it.

        So from your perspective, know that there are other’s out there who are decent and can make good husband’s. You just have to weed out the looser’s who just want to have sex with you from the others. Once you do that you can have a good guy and sex and NOT feel guilty! YAY!!!!!

    • emeralds

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Breakups are the actual worst, and sometimes I feel like the ones I’ve instigated have been even harder to get over because I can’t stop second-guessing whether I made the right decision. All you can do is get through one day (hour, 15 minute interval, etc.) at a time, and remind yourself that it WILL hurt less with time–every day you get through is one day closer to being over the breakup. All the hugs.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      I cosign the backslide suggestion…if things are still that good, why not? Why can’t it work in the long term?

  6. Anon

    Maybe it’s time to backslide? [And if not: why not? Sometimes taking a break makes things clearer, and that could be trying things again. If it’s that he wants to play nintendo all day and you’re working full-time and working on a degree, maybe it’s easy to slide back to a fun boyfriend v someone you see as a more life partner for where your life is going.]

    Maybe he’s a good friend (and that’s where he needs to stay and cancel the backsliding idea).

    • sweetknee

      Could you sit down and write a list of all the reasons that you broke up with him ? When you get that feeling, go back and look at the list. It’s easy to remember past relationships more fondly when they are over and you are lonely. If you have to, tape the list to your bathroom mirror. . .

      • Lister

        I did this many years ago during/after a tortuous breakup/series of breakups with “the man I was going to marry.” I found it years later, and years into a happy, secure, sexy marriage I never could have foreseen with someone very different. It was hilarious reading what I thought was so important as his “good” points and blindingly clarifying reading what I thought were his bad points. Definitely recommend.

          • Lister

            :). I went to college (Class of 1987 back East) with a woman who had that last name.

  7. mmm

    Can anyone help me find the Sephora code I can share with a friend? I feel like an idiot, but I just can’t find it on the webs!te. Do you have to be a VIB Rouge to get one?

    • WJM-TV

      You have to be a VIB. There is a universal VIB code. The friend code should have come on a card in the snail mail.

      • WJM-TV

        Sephora posted an update on their Facebook, if you’re still having trouble.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      just VIB. In the email they sent that said “save the date” for the sale, there’s a link to click where you can email a code to a friend.

  8. Boston help

    I have a five-month-old baby (with some medical problems that make things extra hard) and it’s clear that I have postpartum depression/anxiety/something. I keep hearing that I can “get help” but I just can’t figure out how. I’ve seen three therapists, all for at least two months (started before he was born because I was worried about this happening), and all of them leave me feeling worse. I’m not exactly sure what a therapist is supposed to do, but it feels like they’re basically just saying “stop being sad!” without giving me any guidance about how. To different degrees with the three of them, I feel like they’re unprepared and basically bored during sessions, and it’s really discouraging.

    I did a couple months of therapy several years ago to work through one specific issue and it was really helpful, so I don’t think I’m just resistant to therapy as a whole. Am I just doing something wrong? (Note – I am taking medication but I think I need more than that, especially since I’m nursing and don’t want to experiment endlessly with different meds and doses.) I guess my real question is, does anyone have a recommendation for a therapist in Boston who won’t make me feel so hopeless? I’m not worried that I’ll physically hurt my son, but I am definitely worried about the emotional effects of being this unhappy and checked out. I feel like I just can’t see any way out and need someone who can actually help.

    • Anonymous

      Stop nursing! Experiment with the meds you need. Tell the therapist you’re seeing “this doesn’t feel helpful. Telling me not to be sad isn’t good enough.” Call you OB right now. The voice that’s saying help is hopeless is depression. It lies.

    • Diana Barry

      I would go back to see either your PCP, or OB, or psychiatrist – whoever prescribed the meds – and explain this. See if they can recommend more therapists. In the meantime, go back to the therapist and say THIS IS NOT HELPFUL. Maybe CBT?

      Also, I totally identify with nursing being very important to you – but your mental well-being is also very important! Weaning and trying different medications might be the right answer for you.

      Hugs!

    • mascot

      Call your OB and ask them to help. If anyone should be plugged into therapists and treatments that can help with PPD, they should be. I called my OB when my child was 6 months old. She connected me with a wonderful therapist who specialized in new moms. She also was willing to write prescriptions for me in connection with the therapy.

    • AIMS

      Is it possible to go back to the therapist you found helpful in the past?

      If not, to find one that has specific experience dealing with post-partum depression?

      What about joining a support group? Sometimes talking with someone who’s been through the same thing can be very helpful. And agree that meds are more important than nursing right now.

    • Meg Murry

      My phone ate my longer reply so here’s the short version
      1) I’m sorry, I’ve been there. It does get better, eventually
      2) have you have a general health screening to make sure your vitamin levels and thyroid etc are ok? It turns out I was very low in Vitamin D and iron postpartum – getting that corrected at least helped me get some physical energy back, if not mental
      3) are you getting any/enough sleep? Can you get some help with the baby to get you a couple long stretches of sleep so exhaustion isn’t also a factor?
      4) Infant risk line for info on meds safe during bf if what you are taking isn’t working – they are super helpful (806) 352-2519
      5) your depression may get better when you stop bf (yay more sleep) – but it also may get worse as your hormone levels go crazy – that was the worst time for me. So be aware it could happen

    • wintergreen126

      I second asking your OB for a recommendation. I’m in the Boston area, so I think I may be able to give you a name, too. My email is wintergreen126 at gmail.

      I hope you can find someone who can help!

    • Meg P

      I’m so sorry to hear this. One option might be to find a postpartum support group – http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators/PSI-Locations-United-States/PSI-Massachusetts.aspx

      Looks like there’s a warm line you could call (you call and leave a message, they’ll call you back shortly). At the very least they should be able to connect you with therapists who specialize in PPD – unfortunately, not all OBs are still as up to speed on this as they should be. There may also be peer-to-peer support groups, which are usually free as well.

      Good luck, and please continue to be aggressive in getting yourself help!

    • Anon

      Also, do you have a support person (significant other, family, good friend, whatever) who can help you find professional help? I remember the sleep deprived months all too well (baby is now 14 months) and I was barely capable of emptying the dishwasher. I wouldn’t have been able to handle calling around for referrals, setting up appointments, discussing possible medications, etc. If you can ask someone to advocate for you in this, please consider it.

    • Boston help

      Thank you for all the responses. I have asked my OB and PCP for recommendations, which is how I found two of the people (actually the practices – they didn’t recommend specific people) that I saw. I’ve also told the current therapist that it didn’t feel helpful, but it didn’t seem like that changed anything. I didn’t feel quite so discouraged until I tried these things and nothing worked. It makes me wonder if I’ve just had a string of bad luck in choosing therapists, or if I’m expecting something unrealistic. The great therapist from before is unfortunately in a different city, and didn’t have any recommendations here. I’m willing to stop nursing, but it really feels right now like the issue is finding someone to talk to more than adjusting medication. I’m doing okay on the sleep/self-care front but can probably do a little better. It’s a good idea to have someone help with the appointment logistical stuff, which does get overwhelming.

      I’ll call the postpartum line and wintergreen, I’ll send you an email. Thanks again.

    • Idea

      Look for a specialist in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This is a form of therapy that has data supporting it’s (or its*) effects.

      *I’m sorry; I can’t remember which one to use.

    • Anonymous

      In case none of these turn up leads, I recommend (1) calling your health insurance company and asking for a recommendation – some will just search their database, but some will have recommendations for certain types of issues, (2) speaking with your company’s EAP or work-life program, if they have one. They can sometimes provide more tailored recs.

      I hope you find the help you need.

  9. Red Beagle

    Speaking of the awesomeness of blue leopard, I just got this pencil skirt from Boden, which I loooooove… (link to follow)

  10. Siggi

    Planning my weekend movie rentals, looking for movies that aren’t sappy, preferably with lots of explosions (yes, that’s the kind of week it has been). In the vein of Thor/Day After Tomorrow/Jurassic Park. So what should I pick up tonight from Netflix/Redbox etc.?

      • Anon

        Surprisingly, I have to agree with Edge of Tomorrow. I also recently saw World War Z on Netflix, which I enjoyed as well.

        • Anon

          Re: World War Z – I agree with the other Anon that it is an enjoyable movie, but if you’ve read the book, you need to go into the movie with the expectation that, apart from the same title, the movie and the book don’t really have similarities.

    • Road Warriorette

      We watched Godzilla a couple of weekends ago. It was perfect–fluffy with lots of action. Better than I expected.

      If you haven’t seen Captain America: Winter Soldier I enjoyed that one too.

      • Rogue Banker

        Seconding Winter Soldier. Amazing ride, and Black Widow is FANTASTIC in it. Anything that involves ScarJo kicking all the asses is a good thing in my book.

  11. anon

    Ladies… I’m not sure what’s going on with me but I feel like I need help. For some immediate context, I read this article today (link was on my fb newsfeed this morning) and I identified with at least 10 of the behaviors/non-behaviors listed. It made me really sad because I know I need to do something about my situation but I just don’t know where to start. Link to follow.

    Objectively my life is great. I just started a job in biglaw (ok, not sure which way this cuts, but so far my hours have been 9-5 so I certainly can’t blame any unhappiness on the job- yet), clerked before that, live in a great city in a beautiful apartment with 2 pets I love, one of my parents lives just a few blocks away, I have an amazing boyfriend who is loving and caring and we’re planning on moving in together this coming summer. I have a fairly small but dependable group of friends and a lot more friends through my boyfriend. Everyone at work is great and I’m becoming friends with my fellow new associates. I’m attractive and in decent shape though in my mind I could always stand to lose 5 lbs.

    The point is, outwardly everything is great and I think that’s why my bf (who is really the only person I talk to about being unhappy- except for my mom, but I try not to talk about this stuff with her too much because she gets all dramatic about it and makes me feel like the world is ending) doesn’t really “get it.”

    I have never been a person who is upbeat all the time. I am pretty social and can be very cheerful and fun but anyone who knows me well knows that I have ups and downs. I’m not a laid back person. I hate this about myself and wish I could be really fun and upbeat all the time. I think part of it is that my bf is very upbeat and happy all the time (ok, not all the time but a good amount of the time) and I worry that I am dragging him down. But anyway, recently my mood has been worse (but again, this isn’t a problem that came out of the blue- I’ve always had times when I’ve felt down). I don’t think anything specific has changed in the past few months other than starting the new job. Of course I’m anxious about doing a good job at work, anticipating that my hours are going to get much worse, and worrying about getting fired/yelled at. I’ve also been much more anxious than usual about the future with my bf- the fact that we finally talked about moving in together has helped somewhat but I worry about investing so much time and emotional energy into someone who could take that all away at the drop of a hat. I worry that I depend on him too much for my emotional wellbeing.

    Going back to the article, the things that worry me the most are retail therapy (I definitely spend too much money, I’ve tried to stop but I feel like I’m failing), over eating (I’m lucky that I have never been overweight but I’ve also never been happy with my diet or figure), lack of hobbies/passions/activities outside of work/my boyfriend, and not following through. I feel like I’m just disappointing myself all the time. I have an interesting background and lifestory and I don’t think I have any excuses to be a boring person- but that’s what I feel like. I bore myself when I think about it.

    One thing that makes me really anxious about talking about being unhappy is the concern that someone (whether it’s a therapist, a friend, my mom, or my bf) is going to tell me that I can’t be in a healthy relationship until I’m happy independently. I realize this and know it, but I don’t want to leave my relationship because I know it can be an amazing thing if I can work on myself. I don’t want to have to be alone to work on myself. When I do talk to my bf about it he is very supportive and understanding, but essentially his default response is that if I’m more positive everything will be better. Maybe he’s right and I’m just not putting in the hard work. I don’t know.

    Has anyone else felt like this? If so, what approach did you take? I’m especially interested in any small steps I can take that won’t feel incredibly overwhelming.I have seen 2 therapists in the past couple years and neither of them seemed to help me. The thought of having to find a new one who takes insurance and will actually help me is exhausting.

    • Anonymous

      I mean, based on this, meds for anxiety/depression. You’re clearly a perfectionist problem solver but you can’t actually fix brain chemistry by smiling at 3 people before breakfast or buying fresh flowers for your desk.

      You don’t need to “work” on your self. You need help understanding that you’re awesome now. 5 pounds and all.

      • anon

        Thanks for your input. Do you think it would be reasonable to make an appointment with a psychiatrist directly or do I need to go through a therapist who will tell me to go to a psychiatrist for meds? I have thought a lot about anxiety/depression meds before but I have heard so many bad things about side effects (weight gain not to mention mood effects).

        • NYtoCO

          There are some medications that won’t make you gain weight. Ask about bupropion (Wellbutrin). You can go directly to a psychiatrist. Anxiety/depression meds aren’t as bad as people make them out to be– if you start them and don’t like them, you can always stop taking them (with approval from your doc)

          • Anonz

            I’ve taken buspar for anxiety now for about 5 months, and it has not caused any weight gain whatsoever. It took a few weeks to take affect, but it definitely takes the edge off and allows me to be “more laid back” as you say you’d like to be.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah it’s completely reasonable to go to a psychiatrist. And then get meds. And then get therapy.

        • anne-on

          If it helps, I just started a course of Prozac for severe PMS. Asking my GP for the scrip was terrifying, and I felt like a failure for not being able to deal with normal hormonal swings, but I also couldn’t keep feeling completely furiously out of control/angry for 2 weeks every month anymore.
          Its been amazing – no weight gain (if anything, it stunts my appetite) and I feel like a normal human being again. I really really wish I’d done it sooner, as much for my husband and families sake as my own.

          • ITDS

            I asked my GP for a referral because of depression caused by sleep deprivation and work stress. She said “why not try some prozac” and it has worked wonders. No specialists, no therapy, no worries.

        • Anon

          I was hesitant about getting on antidepressants too once when I really needed them for the same reasons you are. They helped a lot and I was better able to cope with life. Side note – I lost 6 pounds without trying and didn’t gain it back until I quit taking the medication.

    • Moonstone

      This is an interesting article but, jeez, everybody does some of these things. It’s good to work toward improving yourself, but that doesn’t mean that today’s you is in such bad shape. As another anxious person, I will tell you that my therapist had me work on healthy nutritional habits (like eating breakfast every day) and that was a practical behavior change that actually helps my mood/stress level.

      • Scully

        I think that article is bull. I would say those are bad habits, and not necessarily a good test for depression or anxiety. But you should get screened if you are concerned about it. Check in with your gyn or PCP.

        It sounds like you are trying to live up to some impossible standard. You’re probably not a boring person (I don’t think I’ve ever thought that about anyone), but even so, what does it matter if you are a boring person? Agreed with the posters below that 28 and 29 were weird. As you get older, I think it’s much easier to create your own identify and standards, flaws and all.

      • Brunchaholic

        I agree that this article points out things that basically every human being does. But even by it’s own introduction, it says “I’ve created a list of bad habits you should try to correct.” It certainly doesn’t say- “If you do these things you are a chronically unhappy person and need serious help.” And actually- it has tips on how to combat each of these behaviors immediately following the description of the behaviors…

        I’m not trying to sound unsympathetic- I’m a few years into a biglaw job that’s taken a toll on my happiness also, so I feel for you. But it seems like this is just simply pointing out some bad habits that people should be more conscious to avoid. So if you hear yourself complaining a lot, try to make a conscious effort to stop (I actually tell my boyfriend to feel free to call me out and it helps to have someone help police it). If you don’t have any hobbies, try signing up for a class or taking up a hobby. If you do all of these things and you’re *still* unhappy, then maybe that’s the time to panic.

        Personally, I’d be way more worried if I had none of these habits and was still depressed.

    • Em

      The idea that you can’t be happy in a relationship until you’re happy by yourself isn’t that you need to toss over a good relationship to learn to be independent. It’s that, as you’ve learned, being in a good relationship isn’t going to magically fix everything else in your life. (Nor is losing 5 pounds.) Find someone to talk to who you don’t need to worry about judgment from.

      • anon

        Em is very wise. The other reason to be happy by yourself is so that you don’t do things consciously or unconsciously that sabotage the relationship. I’ve been guilty of trying to “fix” something in the relationship when it was my own insecurity that I was projecting.

      • Anon

        I would be shocked if a therapist insisted you break up with a boyfriend because you are depressed–I think you should try to put this fear out of your mind, and also, know that you don’t have to agree with everything an individual therapist says. There are many therapists out there, and they don’t all agree on everything, so know that going in.

    • January

      Have you read The Happiness Project? That book is literally all about small steps the author took to make herself a happier person. Some of her ideas you could probably just adopt wholesale – make your bed! get enough sleep! exercise! And others (like the chapter on parenting) might require some tweaking, or maybe they wouldn’t work for you at all. Anyway, I think the basic point of the book is that happiness is a collection of habits that you actively have to work on. Want to try a hobby? Make a resolution and do it. Like you, the author was not interested in making a major life changes (like a divorce) to become a happier person.

      All of that said, I also think that the way you’re feeling is maybe just a condition of young adulthood. I turned 30 this year and without knowing how old you are, my guess is a lot of what you’re describing will get better with time (or maybe you just get used to it, I don’t know).

      • anon

        I have not read it but I will look into it- thanks. I am 28- certainly not happy about nearing 30- so maybe that is part of it. I feel like I have reached many goals (out of school into what will be my career for the indefinite future, in a stable relationship) but I still don’t feel like a real grown-up with real interests and passions.

        • January

          You know, I found 28 and 29 to be rougher than 30 – I think in part because 30 was looming like some sort of giant deadline when I was in my late twenties. And then I turned 30, and everything was the same, and I sort of forgot about it. I don’t exactly know how many “real” grown-ups have tons of interests and passions — grown-up life tends not to leave a lot of time for that, after all, but I’d be wary of measuring yourself against some sort of perfectly self-actualized ideal.

          • Tibby

            +1. 29 was one of the most stressful years of my life, notwithstanding actual life events. The fear of turning 30 is terrible (especially if you feel like you haven’t “figured it all out” yet). Actually being in your 30’s is SO much better. I promise.

            Also, in general, cut yourself some slack!! Starting BigLaw is HARD. Being in your late 20’s is HARD. Even with a good relationship. And family. And friends. And plenty of things to be thankful for. I flipped through the link you sent. It really just made me angry. For many people who are unhappy, it stems from a deep feeling of lack of self-worth — and I see that in your post (everything is great, but you’re not happy, so something must be wrong with you, right? Clearly it’s all your fault). The link just reinforces that — you’re doing something wrong, and all you need to do is fix your habits. Gosh, unhappy people, why can’t you just be happy? Depression just isn’t that simple. You can’t “habit” yourself out of it or argue yourself out of it or pull yourself out of it. And more importantly, it’s not your fault. There is nothing inherently wrong with you. You are not boring. You are not broken. You don’t need to “work on yourself.” You are AWESOME. You are GREAT. You’re just going through something right now and you need a little help. You wouldn’t tell someone with a physical illness that it was their fault (although you might fault them for not going to a doctor). I second all of the suggestions to go see a therapist, even if it seems daunting. You can do it.

    • NYtoCO

      I think that we’re probably very similar. I also have an objectively good life, but by no means am I happy “all the time”. I have a hard time understanding how anyone could be. I’m not even a little laid-back. I do have things that I am interested in, but compared to many people I know, I probably seem boring.

      The difference between us is that it doesn’t bother me. I’ve always been like this, and this is the way I am. I also have a small, wonderful, group of friends, an amazing fiance, and a great family. They don’t seem to be bothered by the way I am. I am passionate about things, but I’m not out and about doing them 24/7. People have different personalities– not everyone is happy-go-lucky. The world needs a balance.

      Basically, I think that this is a perspective issue for you. The only solution I can think of, other than trying to see yourself as those who love you do, is to try to find a different therapist. I agree with the poster at 10:33 above me: you don’t need to change yourself, but you need to realize that your life is just fine, if not great.

      • anon

        It’s funny you mentioned seeing myself as people who love me see me because my boyfriend says that all the time when I’m sad- he says he wishes I could see myself the way he sees me. I know my self-esteem is the root of all of this.

    • Anonymous

      You sound a lot like me. Slight difference of opinion from other posters here about changing yourself. I don’t think you need to, but when I feel the way you’ve described, I sit down and say “what would make me feel better?” Lose 5 lbs? Okay, I’ll make up a gym routine. This is only in a very small part about the gym or losing weight, and mostly that I know I feel good to feel like I’m doing my part to work toward something I want. So even on terrible days, I can be like, well I checked off this task, I’m that much closer to where I want to be now that I’ve run x miles today or whatever. If you’re as perfectionistic as I am/ as you seem, I think this might give you a bit of peace of mind.

      Doing things like that also helps when I come to a point where I just know I need to let something go. I feel like because I have this plan in place and I’m doing my part, I have an easier time letting go of anxiety and stuff that isn’t in my control.

      Definitely though, with somethings you can’t really “work toward” something, you just need to accept it the way it is. I’m very similar to you socially, and I always wanted to be upbeat and fun. But I’m not; I’m thoughtful and serious, and I have a sense of humor that few people appreciate. That’s become something I love about myself. I would recommend trying that yourself.

      Good luck! I remember how miserable I was when I was where you are. But you will make it better :)

      • August

        When I went through the phase where I was depressed (and in therapy). I acknowledged that my situation was crappy and so I gave myself permission to cry, but I can cry and feel bad about myself at night for 30 mins to 1 hour. I made lists of things I should complete which made be feel good and completed them giving my best to those tasks. If for some reason, I start feeling depressed, I told myself that I can come back and process that feeling during the crying slot that night, but I should focus on the task at hand for the moment. That kept me busy and at the end of the day I had a record of what all I accomplished and I didn’t feel so bad about myself. It helped me immensely.

    • Lynnet

      Sorry, accidentally hit report instead of reply.

      I could have written this two years ago. For me, the fact that everything was really great in my life was what illustrated to me that what I had was a problem with brain chemistry. I went to my GP and told her I was depressed and she gave me meds. It was actually super easy and stress free. They’ve changed my life. I’m fairly certain I’ll always struggle with depression (I had been depressed for a good ten years before this), but the meds have made the bouts of depression much rarer and less debilitating, and the good days have turned into good weeks and months. I really advise getting medication as soon as possible.

      Fwiw, I take zoloft and it hasn’t had any side effects.

  12. Mens' Glove Recs

    DH would like some casual gloves to wear on weekends. He has a pair of black leather gloves to go with his wear-to-work topcoat, he has northface fleece gloves to wear when raking leaves, and has snow-shoveling/skiing gloves. What he wants is some nicer-but-not-too-fancy wool gloves to wear with his weekend jackets (he has one bermuda-style jacket but generally wears this filson one: http://www.filson.com/products/cover-cloth-mile-marker-coat-seattle-fit.10409.html)

    Thoughts?

  13. Diana Barry

    BUNION QUESTION:

    Ladies, when/how did your bunions start bothering you? When did you see a podiatrist? For ladies that had surgery, when did surgery become an option?

    My bunion started hurting last weekend after a half-day of hiking. That night I went to bed and woke up with my foot hurting, and then it hurt all the next morning. Advil makes it slightly better, but it has been hurting off and on all week. This is super annoying, not impinging to my life YET, but I can foresee that it will get more annoying as it starts to hurt more. :(

    • Mpls

      If it hurts, that’s your body’d signal that something is not right. That would be my signal to see a doctor about it and figure out what the options are.

    • Anonyc

      Not super helpful–I have had pretty severe bunions since as long as I can remember (i.e., under the age of 10), and many years of ballet only made them horrid. Like, worse than the subway advertisements for podiatrists. Foot pain is something I’m pretty familiar with, and essentially I just deal by trying for shoes that are mostly comfortable (wide widths). I wear heels most days at work and have a regular rotation of clogs, Birks, and sneakers for my non-work time.

      I saw a podiatrist years ago, who got me some orthodics, but they were not especially helpful and I’m not totally sure where they are at this moment, many moves later. I’ve heard that surgery is only worth it when you basically can’t walk, because it often doesn’t solve the pain problem fully and can limit your range of motion. A visit to a podiatrist might be helpful, but I anticipate they would want to be more interventionist than I’d like (recommending surgery) or would tell me to only wear icky orthopedic shoes.

      • June

        Yup, wide widths, flats, and barefoot as often as possible. I also find semi-regular use of yoga toes helps.

        Mine was bothering me after my last hike too, but for some reason running doesn’t bother it.

    • Pest

      I had mine operated in 2012. Mine were not horrible, but they bothered me and affected what shoes I would wear and I could see that they had gotten worse over the years. It was a quality of life choice to fix them when I did and a convenient time in my life to address the problem (after my marriage, before kids). If you wait too long to have bunions operated, then not only do you suffer with them longer, but the operation necessary to fix them is a more complicated one that requires metal pins to be put in your feet. If you have them and go to a podiatrist he or she will probably tell you that surgery is an option and it is up to you whether you want to take that step. The only thing that can really fix bunions is surgery. I am very pleased with my results and happy I took care of this when I did. I have no range of motion problems and no residual pain from the surgery or anything.

      And for what it’s worth- I was in my early thirties. Bunions are not an old lady problem as many people think they are. My podiatrist told me they are genetic and he operated on teenagers frequently.

    • houda

      My bunions and knees started to hurt when I took up running and was training for a half marathon.
      I had seen a podiatrist several years before but he was very unprofessional.
      I ended up going to a sports doctor who is also a podiatrist and he prescribed custom made soles. I never went to get the permanent ones and I still have the temporary ones (I stopped running for other reasons).
      But I have gotten much better at selecting my shoes and I stick to brands and shapes that work for me “Söfft – Clarks – Aerosoles” (in this order).

    • No Problem

      If you’ve only been hurting for a few days, give it a few more days. I’ve had bunions forever and started having intermittent pain in my left foot probably 6 or 7 years ago. It comes and goes, often starting from a strenuous activity (lots of walking, a long run, way too long on my feet in high heels) and diminishing after a couple days or weeks.

      But if it continues to hurt, definitely see a podiatrist. For all you know, you did something to your foot totally unrelated to the bunion. Surgery is an option but as anonyc said above, typically only recommended when the pain is really awful and you just can’t take it anymore. My aunt has now had bunion surgery on both feet (she did them in separate operations about 6 or 8 months apart) and recovery from each surgery took several months and was miserable. A podiatrist may recommend other options in the meantime (orthotics, different shoes, stretching exercises, etc.) that can alleviate your current pain and perhaps keep them from getting worse.

    • Cocoa

      For me my bunions were seemingly always present but didn’t start causing problems until I started training for a triathlon and was running more. It got to the point where I had shooting pain even when barefoot and I went to a podiatrist to operate on both (6 months apart) and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

      I think when you have chronic pain you just accept your pain as part of your life. Then wehn you do something to fix it, you wonder why you waited so long. I will state however that the recovery was one of the most painful things I’ve ever gone through. You’re basically sitting in bed for weeks waiting for your bones to fuse back together. But yes, still worth it.

    • V250

      Little late for this, but I was diagnosed with bunions as a 5 year old. I had the worst one operated on about 6 years ago and the other one this summer. I’ve always worn good shoes, but the bunions ached almost constantly. I found when the “bump” migrated from the side of the foot to the top, it was surgery time.

      Do not let them get too terrible or the surgery is much more extreme. My mother refused to get them operated on and by the end of her life had toes amputated. I was off work for 8 weeks each time. I had several pins in both times (4 the first time and 3 the second). It is a very painful recovery and can take up to about a year. My first surgery has healed beautifully and I have no pain in that foot. To me it was worth the pain. The second is getting there–looks really good, but it’s only been 3 months so I’m still in pain. I also had hammer toes shortened each time.

  14. Meg P

    Is it just me, or is _everything_ at Ann Taylor Loft see-through? I walk through about once every 3 months (store across the mall from my hair salon), and I find things I like that are even at prices I might like, but everything, everything is sheer so that I would have to wear layers under it all. I am so sick of this sheer trend. Am I the only person left who just wants to wear one top at a time?

    Meg

    • Lyssa

      Word. Also, these super-thin things are so not warm! I shouldn’t wear a long sleeved “sweater” and an undershirt and still be freezing.

    • Monday

      Oh no, it is NOT just you. I swear this whole “sheer” and “layering” concept comes down to making clothes with barely any weight to them, charging the same price as if they were actual items of apparel, and making us all buy two (or more) for every one we would have needed. I don’t even bother going into Loft anymore.

      • Anonymous

        This. Everyone raves about Loft. I find it all to be so cheap looking and feeling. I am so over “fast” fashion and synthetic materials.

    • Lisa

      YES! Every thing is sheer and no you are not the only person who wants to wear one shirt or sweater at a time. I feel like most stores are taking the cheap way out by providing less material for the same (expensive) price.

      • Laura

        Yeah I think it’s most stores, not just Loft. To top it off, the prices are always inflated since there’s a 30-40% off sale every other day.

  15. wintergreen126

    I’m working on a project that has resulted in my inbox getting out of control, and I’ve never been in this situation before. I use Outlook, and I’ve created a folder to try and siphon this stuff out of everything else, but clearly that’s not enough. How do you handle a massive influx of emails?

    • lucy stone

      This is my life! I’ve been focusing a lot on Yesterbox, and also not letting email rule my life. I’ve turned off most of my notifications and am trying to block off time periods during they day where I do my work without focusing on new emails coming in. This is much easier said than done, but it’s helping.

    • Brunchaholic

      Can’t tell from your post if you already do this, but I made a change from keeping my inbox “manageable” to keeping it absolutely empty unless it is an action item (and I only keep 1 e-mail per action item in the inbox). Once I complete the task, into its folder it goes. Doubles as a to-do list of sorts. Got this tip from a senior associate and I was skeptical at first but it was life-changing. And if you’re really good at keeping to-do lists separate from outlook, you could even just empty once you transfer the item to pare your inbox down even further.

      If the issue is project-specific and you’re losing track of other e-mails, I also use the rules function to automatically move items from certain people or with certain content into folders and out of my inbox.

      • wintergreen126

        The rules function might be what I need. Right now, it’s like you said, my inbox is just a wall of project-specific stuff and it’s hard to keep track of other emails, some of which are more urgent than said project. I just really need to filter out project emails so I can work on them in a manageable and times fashion instead of wasting time sorting things into folders.

        Thanks!!

  16. Anonymous

    Is anyone else having trouble with the Sephora checkout? They’re saying international isn’t available?

    • TO Lawyer

      Ya it’s been like that since yesterday. I’m assuming because the site crashed, they’re having a tough time getting everything back up and running.

      Frustrating though!

    • WJM-TV

      Yes, Sephora is having lots of trouble — has for the last couple of days. Are you on the regular or the mobile version?

    • EG

      I’ve had the flats I’m wearing for two years. They’ve held up really well for 40 hours a week but are incredibly uncomfortable. Now that I look more closely at them, I think I will have to retire them shortly, the heel is worn down and they are scuffed like crazy.

  19. Flannel

    Glamorous shopping request (sarcasm): My husband does a lot of outside work and I would like to get him some decent quality flannel shirts but have no idea where to look. Does anyone have any suggestions?

    • Kate

      I would definitely try L.L. Bean, Lands’ End, and Eddie Bauer. They have sales pretty often.

      • Clementine

        My husband loves loves LOVES his chamois shirts from LL Bean. Maybe a little too much. It’s a very heavy flannel and it’s great for working outside.

        There’s a chance I’ve had to talk him out of wearing them out to dinner… more than twice…

    • Maddie Ross

      LL Bean last forever. Surprisingly not bad though are the Kirkland brand ones at Costco.

    • Frustrated Academic

      L.L. Bean–last forever, lots of patterns, free shipping and awesome customer service!

    • Medic Maggie

      LLBean, Lands End, Duluth Trading Co. (All three have exceptional quality & customer service, which, IMHO, is worth paying for in some instances.)

      Also, check Sierra Trading Post and REI-Outlet.

    • hoola hoopa

      For work shirts, LL Bean or LE. IMO, the LLB are better quality than the LE, although the LE are fine and get a ton of use. I think my husband prefers them for work because they are a little thinner and don’t feel like a nice shirt.

    • christineispink

      We got a bunch of flannel plaid/work shirts for my dad from Uniqlo last year. lots of colors, super warm. plus the great price point!

  20. TCOYF question

    Ladies who have read/followed TCOYF, have any of you tracked your temp at a time that isn’t wake-up time? I ask because my normal wake-up time is 5:30, but that can vary by an hour or an hour and a half throughout the week (sometimes get up at 4 if I have a lot to do, weekends usually sleep til 7 or so).

    • anon

      It’s okay if your wake up time is a little different every day. More important to do at wake up than at a consistent time. Also, after a few months you’ll figure out the physical signs of impending ovulation and the only temperatures that will really matter will be in those few days so you can confirm it’s happened.

      • Anastasia

        Yes, the point of basal body temperature is that it’s your lowest temperature of the day and not impacted by what you’ve eaten or how much physical activity you’ve done. It’s not the time that needs to be consistent, it’s the fact that you’re taking your temperature first thing after sleeping for the last 5+hours.

    • Anonymous

      I found it much easier to just buy the Clear Blue ovulation test. I tested morning and night starting at cycle day 9 until I got the smiley face, which means get to it…. I realize I got really lucky – worked the very first month!

    • TCOYF question

      thanks ladies! started not-preventing four months ago, actually trying two months ago, read the book last week, realized I’d been “counting” wrong my entire adult life – i.e., thinking that cycle day was measured from the first day AFTER your period – here’s hoping I don’t need to chart :)

      • FWIW

        I was gifted a bunch of the ‘Wondfo’ cheapie OPK sticks. If you’re someone who likes some reassurance and data, they’re cheap and good to tell you when the O day is.

      • RDC

        I found temping helpful for a few months to get an idea of my cycle, but never managed to time things right since you only know you’ve ovulated after the fact. Then I bought cheapo OPKs off amazon and found that much easier (and more effective).

    • Anonymous

      Serious question. Is just having sex every day not the simplest solution?

      • anon

        Well, you might have an irregular cycle and want to know when to take that pregnancy test/expect your period. Or you might be charting to avoid pregnancy.

      • eh

        On paper and for some couples sure. But, not always practical, especially if it takes multiple cycles to conceive.

      • Mary

        Having sex everyday might be easier, but not necessarily effective. If your SO has an issue with low counts or other issues, then everyday sex can actually make it harder to get pregnant. Also, if you don’t have a positive result soon, then you can take your charts in to the doctor’s office and give the doctor more information to decide which testing to do first.

    • POSITA

      I set my alarm for my earliest normal wake up time and took it at that time every day. If i had more time then I’d just go back to sleep. My charts looked like a text book. You’ll get more noise if you’re less methodical about it, but it will still probably be good enough to see a pattern.

  21. Anonymous

    What are your top recommendations for helping skin age well besides sunscreen/ staying out of the sun?

  22. Parfait

    I’m humming “Leopard Print Burnout Top” to the tune of “Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat.”

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