Coffee Break: Mini Transport Tote

17 Comments

1. I’m burning out a little at a new job (1 year in – but I have a vacation coming up soon). We’ve been unusually busy recently. My question is that when I was in BigLaw and needed some distance from the office, I could work at home easily, and even though I was still working, it was great for my mental health. My job now does not have a work from home culture at all. I do get sick days, but I’m so busy I can’t imagine taking one unless I was really, actually sick. Anyone have any advice?

   1. Can you ask to work at home to handle something like a cable guy appointment, plumber or a washing machine repair? Something where you’re not sure when they’ll arrive and how long it will take? If you get your work done and are immediately reachable by phone and email, you won’t get behind and that might keep your boss happy. Obviously you couldn’t do it once a week…

   2. I used to have a work-from-home-friendly job and now definitely do not. The adjustment was a little difficult for me too. I think it helps to never, ever, take my lunch hour at my desk. I always leave. Sometimes I take a book to the park for 20 minutes, sometimes I go for a walk, sometimes I meet a friend, sometimes I go run an errand. Sometimes I take a full hour, sometimes I don’t. What exactly you do with your lunch time doesn’t matter so much; the point is to just not be in the same room for 8 hours or 9 hours straight.

2. A friend who is a therapist explained to me once that she thought that you should be able to use sick days as mental health days. (She recommended doing it once a quarter as a day to recharge). If you are burning out, you should take a sick day.

3. Anyone have tips for acing a phone interview with HR? I have one tomorrow for dream!job and would appreciate any advice.

   1. A recruiter once told me to stand up & smile while talking on the phone during an interview. She was convinced it helped make you sound more interested/enthusiastic. Also, be prepared to have an initial compensation discussion – a lot of HR interviews include that component. Good luck!

      1. +1 for standing up while talking on the phone. I think it projects confidence. If you have a tendency to speak rapidly when excited/nervous, try to slow your speech a little. Remember, they can’t see you so if you want you can have notes in front of your to jog your memory about “tell me about a time you did x”

   2. Try to make your voice a little more animated than it naturally is. Not in a crazy way, but imagine the tone and inflection you would use if you were telling a great story to a friend. I think sometimes people try to modulate their voice in order to sound professional but it can come across as very monotonous. As Scarlett said above, you want to sound interested and enthusiastic.

      1. This is a good idea. Rosa learned that if you utilize a “sing-song” voice, and end your sentence’s with an up-tone (kind of like a question mark?), then you will have littel troubel getting a second in-person interview b/c the person on the OTHER end of the line has painted a picture of you that he/she want’s to verify with an IN-PERSON interview. This is how she hooked Ed! Once you get the in-person interview, dress VERY Conservativeley, meaning no pencil dresses above the knee and CLOSED toe pump’s. Also, do NOT use the up-tones to answer question’s and ALWAYS look DIRECTLEY at the person who is interviewing you so that they do NOT have an edge on you. If you do that, you can probabley get the job! YAY! if you do!!!!!

      2. I agree. I don’t do phone interviews, but I listen to a lot of voice recordings. Speak more slowly and animatedly than you normally do, articulate your words clearly and make an effort not to say “Um” – it comes across worse when you can’t see a person’s face.

4. How do you… deal? My heart is completely broken. I’ve been going to work, the gym, drinking wine, trying to connect with friends. It’s so hard. I cried at the gym today and am not ready to date yet.

   1. Oy, different stuff works for different people–

      I did what you are doing, work, the gym, some wine, reconnecting with friends–including ones I’d lost touch with for years.

      Also: reading fiction, watching TV shows my former partner was not interested in.

      I was fortunate to have an established relationship with a therapist, so…semi-regular therapy sessions, with a book she’d recommended and lots of processing my situation, in between sessions.

      I definitely found exercise with an additional, internal, component to be complementary to the therapy. Specifically, I did yoga, and added qigong to that. I think it helped me work through things a lot faster than therapy alone would have. Yes, I did cry at yoga: more than once. That’s normal. I also fell asleep in yoga more than once (finally relaxed!). YMMV.

      I am sorry you are going through this :-(

      Oh, and also not dating. The person I am now? I would not be attracting the sort of person I want to be with. So…that much is pretty simple, for me, actually.

      Virtual hugs to you, if they are welcome.

      1. What’s the book?

   2. Let yourself be sad! Feel the feels for a little bit – there is nothing wrong with that! You’ve had a lot going on and shouldn’t ignore your feelings. Acknowledge them, allow yourself to feel them, and understand why you feel them. That, IMO, is (outside of therapy and drugs) the best way to allow them to naturally progress and eventually dissipate.

      1. So sorry you’re going through this, it’s always tough. I agree with what CountC said – let yourself be sad. When I felt like it, I would keep myself busy – go out with friends, go to the gym, and just walk around the city. But other times, I just wanted to collapse and stay in bed all day or lounge on the couch and binge watch terrible tv/movies, and I did just that.

         It took me about a year before I wanted to date again (after 11 years total together), but I did start dating before then and was just meh on everyone I met. Although, that actually helped me re-learn how to date.

         Let yourself be sad, lean on your friends, know that it just does really suck, and we’ve all been there. Hang in there.

   3. Wildkitten – I am so sorry. I’m sorry your relationship ended and I’m sorry you’re sad.

      I agree with the ladies who advised allowing yourself to be sad. Grief over an ended relationship is a normal and appropriate response. Allow yourself to process your grief. Can you take a long weekend, or get a way for a few days? A quiet b&b, lots of nature walks and long afternoon naps might give you time to think and refresh and start to come to terms with your new normal.

      I think good self care is really important. Connecting with friends is good, but take some time to just do YOU. When we’re in a relationship it’s easy to stop doing things that we did when we were single. Maybe dig up a couple of those things you haven’t done in a while and enjoy the opportunity to do them.

      Hang in there.

      1. I typed up a response last night and got a weird timeout error after trying to post it. No worries though because you said what I was trying to much more eloquently!

         We’re here for you, Wildkitten.

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