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Tuesday’s TPS Report: Cashmere Turtleneck Peplum Sweater

Magaschoni Cashmere Turtleneck Peplum Sweater | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Happy Veterans Day — or Tuesday, as it sounds like from most people I've talked to (as in, you're still working). I like this thick cashmere sweater by Magaschoni, which looks to be that rare blend of cozy and stylish. It's also on a great sale — was $425, but is now marked to $195. Magaschoni Cashmere Turtleneck Peplum Sweater Here are a couple of lower-priced alternatives and a plus-size option. (Note that our recent recommendation of the gray cashmere buckle sweater is now on sale for $177 (!) and comes in a zillion colors (!).) UPDATE: Last Call has the same (pictured) sweater for $96 today — but in very limited sizes. Try code SALUTE10 to bring it down another 10%. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

178 Comments

    1. Agreed. I think it looks like the bottom of the sweater just got really stretched out. Not a fan of this style sweater. Not everything needs to be made peplum.

      2. yeah, this is hideous. it looks like something I might have worn in the mid-90s …

      3. I totally agree!

        (As I failed to see the crispness in the light blue peplum shirt recently featured).

    2. Ditto! Also, my tummy would get cold – not the best thing when it’s warm enough for a sweater!

      1. Very true – sweaters need to be close to the body to trap your warmth. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one thinking this is weird for a sweater. Peplum jackets or tailored tops I can kind of get (although not for me) but it doesn’t work for a sweater, in my opinion

    3. This sweater would look cute belted to emphasize the peplum but does look dowdy as is.

      2. My first thought was “fugly.” And then “so 1990s”. And then “would totally show my pooch.”

        Is it just me, or is this color just so NOT current? I have a lovely W+W cashmere sweater in this color, but I rarely wear it because I think the color is dowdy and out-of-style.

        2. I think red is a tough color right now. I personally love it, but I think it’s really out-of-fashion. I have a handful of red pieces that I love, but have retired most of them for right now.

          1. I definitely think it has to do with the shade of red. Burgendy/wine/muted reds see to be more on trend, so a truer red like this seems harsh.

            Though, I’m not one for red generally anyway, regardless of the trend. I think I have two red things total.

        3. A red suit would be matronly, and certain color combinations can look dated. But I don’t think any color is ever entirely out-of-fashion? Red looks great on me and I wear it all the time.

    5. This looks like something my MIL would pick up at Kohl’s because she thought it was hip and with it.

    6. The peplum is the problem IMO. It would make one make one’s midsection look larger.

  2. Any good recommendations for a medium-sized gym bag that I can carry with me to work? I was going to go with a lululemon bag but they don’t seem to have a great selection right now. TIA!

      1. I use a lululemon bag (have had it for years) but if I was buying today I’d look at Athleta or Zella

    2. Look for a new with tags Lululemon bag on ebay, there is really nothing better than their bags.

    3. My Lulu gym bag has held up well over the past two years. If you have a store near you, they probably have different inventory than the website. There’s also the ever popular Lo & Sons bags.

  3. Bah, I’m a “highly compensated employee” and this year, I’m highly ENOUGH compensated that I’m no longer allowed to contribute to our company’s retirement plan per the internal rules.

    The “alternative” options stink (annuity). What do/ have y’all done in lieu of an exmployer-sponsored retirement plan? I make too much for a Roth, but can do the $5-to-an-IRA-then-convert….what else? I guess it’s time to go talk to a financial planner as well, but I’d like to do a little research on my own before starting.

    My husband makes more than I do, but his company has less rigid 401k rules– he’s still maxing that out plus putting the 5k into an IRA and converting.

    1. Can you do an individual 401k or a SEP IRA? I don’t know the rules on those but you could ask your accountant. My DH contributed to an individual 401k when his company didn’t have one.

    2. Just pull the trigger and go to a financial planner. I understand wanting to do a little research beforehand, but I would spend that time researching financial planners. I’m not figuring out how toilets work before I call a plumber — I am asking everyone I know for recommendations for someone who won’t screw me.

      1. W2. Not in law at all. W2 earnings are above the IRS standards for HCE. Also, my employer’s 401k isn’t available to you once you hit a certain salary, which I did last year.

    4. Do you have an HSA attached to your health plan? Make sure you are maxing that out – it rolls over year to year and can also act as a retirement vehicle.

      And if you don’t find any tax advantaged plans, there isn’t anything stopping you from just saving for retirement. Earmarking it and sticking it in a mutual fund. I know its a bummer not to have pre-tax option, but it’s not a barrier to saving.

  4. Has anyone been to marriage counseling just for a checkin? When we got married we said we’d go every five years for a checkin, and we’re coming up on our anniversary soon. (We’ve never been.) Things are good, for the most part – we love and like each other, work well as partners and parents, and can still talk for hours. So why am I hesitating re counseling? I worry s/he will stir up a pot that doesn’t need to be stirred. Can anyone chime in with their own experience?

    1. Yay! I love Cashemere and peplum, and I love the turtleneck which Frank would NOT be abel to look down and see my boobies with. But this is hardly a good price, at least in my book. I have gotten cashemere sweaters from Macy’s and Lord & Taylor that are a lot cheaper, if not nicer! Some of the OP’s think it look’s dowdy, but I think it just is to expensive! FOOEY! I think the loose wasteline is there to give us some room over the holiday’s in case we eat to many PESTO Pizza’s! YAY!!!

      As for the OP, I am NOT married, but do NOT think goeing in periodically for a martial checkup is a bad thing. After all, you bring your cars in to the mechanic every year for a tune up, so I do NOT think this is a lot different. Dad say’s the only big difference is that the martial counselor would NOT be allowed to check your husband’s dip stick, at least in front of you. But seriously, Dad say’s it is a good thing to air your laundry out before it begin’s to stink, meaning that goeing to a counselor, even if the issue has NOT come to ahead is a good thing. YOU do NOT want to wait until the kettle boil’s over (or the toilet overflows, in Dad’s terms), before realizing there is a problem. So go with the flow, he say’s, and let your husband let out whatever is on his mind — and you can do the same. After all, I am sure if your husband is anything like my Alan was, he also leave’s his dirty laundry on the floor, pee’s on the bathroom floor, and occasionally expect’s you to clean up his disgusting bodily fluid’s, be it vomit, pee and genetic material that winds up all over your bedspread or carpet. DOUBEL FOOEY b/c my Sheketovits did all of that and NEVER apologized to me when I had to scrape it all up!

      Let us know how the session with the martial counselor goe’s. And do not worry. Even if he is NOT a slob, he will be one after you are MARRIED for 8 year’s, Mom says. Something to look forward to!!!! YAY!!!!

    2. If you don’t feel like you need to go, then don’t go. If there’s recurring issues or fights that come up, then I would go. We started our marriage agreeing to go to marriage counseling if necessary, but I don’t see why you would HAVE to go every 5 years. Maybe something will come up at year 7 or 8 where you need a check-in.

    4. I’ll be the dissenting voice here. I remember reading an article by a marriage counselor that said that by the time most couples come to her, things are very hard to fix or broken, where more proactive check-ins give couples more tools to head off problems. Maybe you don’t need it now, but if two years down the road there’s an issue, maybe the counseling will help with the communication.

      2. Agreed. You can almost see this as your trying-out period, where you find a counselor or style that works for both of you. That way, if there are issues down the road, you have an established method to address them that you both agreed on when there were cooler heads.

    6. I’d take the money you were planning to spend on a therapist and do something fun with it. But that’s just me.

  5. Hi everyone, I am 13 weeks pregnant and found out last week that the fetus has trisomy 18 (2nd most common trisomy behind Down’s Syndrome, but is often lethal or causes severed abnormalities). I’ve decided to terminate the pregnancy. I’m wondering how much time I will need to recover, and if I will need to take time off work for the recovery. I know this is a sensitive subject, and I will ask the doctor as well, but wanted to see if anyone here could share their personal experience.

    1. I have no experiences to share with anything pregnancy-related, but I’m sending you a virtual hug.

    2. I had a miscarriage at a similar timeframe, with a d&c, which I assume is the same procedure. I was physically able to go back to work two days after the procedure, but then needed to take a couple days off the following week when I had to take follow-up meds that caused cramping. You may find it also mentally challenging — I was also not prepared for the emotional changes caused by the huge hormonal shift.

    3. Just want to say that from one internet stranger to another: big hugs. I cannot speak to recovery time after the procedure, but please leave some time in there for self-care, too.

    4. I’m so sorry you’re facing this. I had a D&C around that time for a miscarriage. Had it on a Friday of a long weekend and was back to work on Wednesday (taking Tuesday off). Physically, I was fine by Monday. I just needed the mental day before I faced work again. Please allow yourself to grieve in whatever way you need to do so.

      1. Thank you both for sharing, and I am sorry for your losses. I’ve gotten through the initial shock and grief, but I’m sure it’s going to be back full force after the procedure. Guess I am still in a bit of denial. I am also going to have a hard time hiding the pregnancy for much longer, but I don’t want to burden co-workers with my depressing story, and I’m sure their sympathy will just make me cry. Not sure how to handle the situation.

        1. Aw, I’m so sorry! As for the co-workers, I think “I was pregnant and I lost the baby” is all anybody needs to know if you feel like you have to say something.

          I’ve never had a procedure like that, but I’d suggest doing it on a Thursday and taking Friday and Monday off.

          Big internet hugs to you!

        2. I also had not told anyone (other than family) about the pregnancy when I had the procedure. I told a few good friends at work, and told others that I simply had a medical procedure done. I will say that talking about it is hard, but you learn that so many other people have gone/will go through something similar and it’s nice to not feel alone.

          I remember being in a fairly good mood (denial, maybe) the day of the surgery. It does come back to hit you afterwards. But I promise that time does heal wounds and it will get better.

        3. I was earlier along when I had a D&C due to a M/C at 8 weeks but physically I do not remember any recovery time, other than waking up from surgery and kinda sleeping the rest of the day.

          Mentally I went through several different stages. After the initial elation of finding out we were finally pregnant, then to the shock of finding out the baby wasn’t developing, then to deciding to do the D&C rather than let nature take its course, and then questioning whether I did the right thing, and mourning the loss. It was quite an emotional roller coaster, and it took me a few months until I was feeling mentally “better”.

        4. For my miscarriage and D&C at 11 weeks, I think I had the procedure on a Saturday, and felt fine and went to work Monday, and then on Tuesday I wish I hadn’t gone to work. Like, the 3rd day afterward was Not Good. Give yourself 3 days to be at home. You might still be able to work, but probably a lot of cramping, bleeding, etc.

          Thank you for sharing your story.

      2. I am sorry you are going through this. It’s awful. I have been there, and as others have said, you’ll be physically fine the next day, but you need some emotional down time. I spent a couple of days lying in bed with the shades drawn watching bad television and eating ice cream. I would not have wanted to go to work. So, do it on a Friday, and see how you feel Monday, but don’t plan to work until Tuesday if you can swing it.

    5. No personal experience, but wanted to send a hug. I’d try to do what JJ mentioned and have the procedure on a Friday to give you the weekend to physically recover, and take a mental health day if you need one.

    6. No experience, but just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Take good care of yourself, emotionally as well as physically.

    7. I am so sorry to hear of your great loss.

      I agree with the others to give yourself a little extra time, although I agree that physically you will be doing well soon after the procedure. Plan something special for yourself soon afterwards (day or two), getting outside if possible. This will also give you something to talk about/refer to if others ask you about why you took some personal time. I wouldn’t want to talk about your personal loss with co-workers either…

    8. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I have no personal experience but I’m sending good vibes.

    9. A coworker recently went through this – I think she was a few weeks further along than you are. I’m so sorry, it really sucks. She was physically fine within a few days but the hormones plus the emotional aspect were really really tough. She tried to come back right away but was a mess. She ended up taking about 3 months of medical leave before she could function at work. Thankfully our job is extremely family friendly and she could do this easily with no negative ramifications. Please take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve.

    10. I am incredibly sorry you are going through this. I’ll echo the other responses – the physical recovery really isn’t bad but the mental recovery (at least for me) was brutal. I took Thurs/Fri off and was back Monday but I was glad I had an office with a door because I pretty much just cried at my desk for the next 2 weeks. Big, huge, hugs.

    12. No practical advice but one of my pregnancies had a marker for Trisomy 18 and I went through the high-level ultrasound and amnio then the wait for results and it was a very hard time. I wish you strength and lots of IRL support.

    13. I am so sorry.

      I miscarried at 11 weeks. Had not told anyone I was pregnant and had just come back from vacation so I actually took no time off.

      I am not recommending that AT ALL. Just wanted you to know what my physical experience was. That said, I was not quite as far along, and also I don’t know if the baby had stopped developing before 11 weeks.

      I didn’t tell anyone since I a) didn’t want anyone to be nice to me which would make me cry and b) I didn’t want anyone to know I was trying to have a baby.

      My second miscarriage I had to induce and so I elected to do that on a Saturday morning, and missed no work.

      I got pregnant again 9 weeks after the 2nd miscarriage. He is 5 now.

      More hugs for you.

    16. A late reply, but I had a miscarriage with D&C at about 10 weeks, and the hormones were a big surprise. I was much more emotional about it than I expected to be (I was old enough to remember my mom having 3 miscarriages, so I knew in theory that it was pretty common). I ended up with an infection from the D&C and didn’t start to feel like I was physically recovering until I started antibiotics. That, too, made me very emotional (like how could they screw this up?! Why did I get an infection? What else could they have messed up for me?). I had a rough couple of weeks, but it was between semesters at grad school, so I didn’t have to work at the time.

      I hadn’t planned to get pregnant the first time, but then sort of wanted to after the miscarriage, almost just to see if there was something wrong with me. Nope! I was pregnant again about 5 months later, and my daughter is now 8 years old.

      I’m so sorry for your loss, and I hope you recover as quickly as possible.

  6. I’ve decided to discontinue use of my birth control pills and just realized my last pack will end right before we visit the in-laws for Thanksgiving. I’ve been researching how the body reacts once you stop taking the pill but am not getting much useful information so I wonder if anyone here has some advice they’d like to share?

    1. It somewhat depends on your pill and how high the dosage is. But when you say “right before” do you mean like a week before? If that’s the case, you’ll probably be fine during your visit. It will be like your placebo week went a bit long.

    2. FWIW, I literally had no immediate change from stopping. My body just went about it’s merry business. I think the first time you may notice a change from stopping will be around the time you expect your next period – for me the changes were increased cramps (though not as bad as before I had started the pill) and I felt the hormonal shifts a bit more. I wouldn’t be concerned at all about your time at your in-laws.

      1. +1. It takes some time for the effects of the pill to wear off, so you probably won’t see any changes (if you do indeed experience any) right away.

    3. Same as Maddie Ross – no immediate change at all; slightly worse cramping although my periods have actually been a little shorter. I think my cycle is still figuring itself out – went from pill-dictated to 5 weeks long, now gradually getting a little shorter each cycle.

      Bottom line – wouldn’t worry at all if you’ll be stopping shortly before your trip.

    4. No change – before I went on it full time I was just on it for summer holidays. Takes a while for the cycle to get back to normal but that’s it.

    5. I have some friends who got married and she went off her birth control right beforehand. They went on their honeymoon and she got pregnant immediately, before even having a non-BC period. Something similar happened to my best friend. They decided to try, she went off the pill and got pregnant right away. Just something to keep in mind. If you are actively trying to conceive, this may be your lucky month!

    6. Thanks everyone who replied. I was picturing a dodecacil-like rage ala Avery on 30 Rock so I’m glad to know that probably won’t happen.

    7. My first period coming off the pill was much heavier than it had been the prior 7 years on the pill. Emotionally I felt fine though. Then I got pregnant the second month….

    8. For me – I can’t remember how quickly, but pretty quickly I stopped being cray-cray like I was on the pill! It was AMAZING!

      I had one period on the normal cycle and then didn’t have one for like 8 months. It took two years to go back to normal. If you are stopping the pill before you want to get pregnant, then just bear in mind that your cycle can go all over the place for a while so no period is not necessarily a firm indication of having conceived.

    9. I’m in the same boat! Not trying to get pregnant but have to go off the pill for other reasons. I’m severely concerned about my skin breaking out or becoming crazy hormonal….

      1. The crazy hormones are a little scary to me. I used to be very susceptible to PMS before going on the pill so I’m hoping I’ve now outgrown it, though there’s no science to back that up.

    10. I remember my appetite just completely disappearing overnight. I probably lost 5 pounds in 3 weeks. I don’t remember any other changes.

    11. I was emotionally overwhelmed the first two months I was off the pill. My highs were super high, my lows were super low, and my periods were terrible. I hope your experience isn’t as bad as mine, but it was tough. I’ve been off for 18 months now and my emotions have stabilized, but my period is still terrible.

    12. I had a very good experience going off the pill. I felt I was able to deal with stressful event without getting overly stressed–I had several visits/interactions I was worried about causing me a lot of emotional energy the first month I went off the pill, but they did not affect me nearly as much as I had anticipated. I really doubt I would have been as happy and relaxed had I still be on the pill (and I didn’t feel particularly high strung while on the pill–but it turns out I probably was). Hope it’s similar for you!

    13. I was fine for the first few weeks to month after I got off, but then for the next few weeks to month I was SOOOO bloated. Cramps, but not awful.

    14. no major immediate changes, except that my head stopped being so damn foggy! i also heartily recommend investing in a period tracking app. i use glow (it’s free), and it helps me to know (at least sort of) when to expect my period. for me, the hardest transition was losing the predictability of bc.

  7. I was too late to yesterday’s thread to post this there, but here is Aziz Ansari talking about the word “feminist.” It starts about 1 minute into the 4-minute clip. The best line: “”If you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you’re feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work. You can’t be like, ‘I’m a doctor that primarily does diseases of the skin.’ Oh, so you’re a dermatologist? ‘Oh no, that’s way too aggressive of a word! No no not at all not at all.'”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sz7ZzQbSiGA

    1. Love it.

      I wrote a report on the Equal Rights Amendment when I was 11 years old. It was unfathomable to me, at that time, why anyone would oppose the ERA. I was even more shocked when my own mother said she was not a feminist, yet clearly fit every definition that I could find. Yes, I was a feminist at 11.

      Ah, the power of labels…

    3. I believe in equal rights but I have never been treated more poorly than by other “feminists”.

        1. I’ll agree with the first Anonymous. After this most recent election, I was condescended to by more feminists than I ever have been by any Republicans. Literally an article said that if I didn’t vote for Wendy Davis, which I didn’t, then it was only because white men told me to vote for Abbott. I mean, come on.

          1. If the worst treatment you’ve ever received in your life is reading an article not targeting you personally that you found to be condescending, I’d say you have a pretty good life. I wouldn’t let that sour your opinion of feminists that are working to protect women who are being personally attacked, raped, assaulted, and deprived of their civil rights.

          2. That wasn’t the worst treatment I’ve ever received in my life – and I didn’t say it was. I do consider myself a feminist, by the way. I was just giving an example to support Anonymous’s comment. I didn’t deny that there are women being personally attacked, etc., and I didn’t say I have a sour opinion of those trying to help them. I have a very positive opinion of them, and I donate to a lot of their causes. You read WAY more into my comment than was there. Speaking of condescending . . . . Was it possibly the fact that I mentioned that I voted for Abbott that made you read all of that into my comment?

          3. Yeah, and white men apparently told me to be fit and pretty because it couldn’t have possibly been my choice. I have a graduate degree in a hard science and am currently working on my PhD, speak four foreign languages, etc, etc, but I am not smart enough to realize that it’s the white men and their societal standards that I am conforming to.
            I believe in equal rights and I definitely am a feminist but some of the other “feminists” are just angry ugly women who are trying to level the playing field by putting down other women.

          4. Anonymous, you realize you can be really smart and well educated in your field and not know anything about a totally different field, right? Because it’s not surprising that your hard science degree didn’t teach you about sociology but, apparently, it didn’t. That’s okay but own it.

          5. ap: The OP said “I have never been treated more poorly than by other “feminists” and you said you agreed. That’s why I said what I did. It was not the fact that you said you voted for Abbott.

          6. Em, you sound exactly like those angry ugly women who treated me poorly. Way to go, asshole.

          7. You know, Em, you are the reason why so many women who believe in equal rights don’t want to be associated with “feminists”.

          8. Cool! They sound fun and I would love to hang out with them sometime! Maybe you can introduce us!

            Seriously, though, guys – nobody is saying that all women who care about their appearance are brainwashed. That is literally not a feminist position. That doesn’t mean social pressure doesn’t influence our actions. It does; it certainly influences mine. I’m smart and well-educated and it still influences my actions. Having a PhD in a hard science doesn’t mean it doesn’t influence yours and it’s not an asshole move to point that out. It is an asshole move to dismiss other women, who are also dealing with social pressure, as jealous of you for being pretty.

          9. Putting down other women sounds fun to you? What a ridiculous joke of a “feminist” you are.

          10. Wow, really? Angry, ugly women? Calling people assholes?

            What the hell? Did you ever consider that many people treated you poorly because you sound like a huge asshole?

            No love,

            A gorgeous, thin feminist who studied science and law.

          11. So you chose to ignore my point altogether? Cool. Also, you studied “science”? LOL.

        2. So apparently anonymous is basically just a huge b!tch who gets off on putting other women down. Why did your “point” need to be addressed? You think people treat you poorly? Oh, boohoo, because apparently, you’re also more than willing to treat other women like sh*t and believe its because they’re ugly and you’re not. Wow, yeah, that’s a point that really deserves a thoughtful reply. Eye roll. Pro-tip: people probably treat you like sh*t cause you’re an asshole. Just saying.

          Yes, I have a B.S. and a J.D. Just didn’t feel like I needed to spell out my credentials for you. LOL!!

      2. I was a gender studies major in undergrad, and my fellow majors were the most condescending, judgmental people I have ever dealt with.

        1. Belief in the equal rights of women is a necessary, but not sufficient, condition to being a decent human being.

        2. Undergraduates are condescending know-it-alls, news at 11.

          If you’re no longer in college, you need to stop using that as an excuse to dismiss social justice.

          2. I don’t know what she’s doing; so if she’s not, then fine. My only point is that the annoyingness of people at your college are not a referendum on the merits of feminism.

          4. Do you really think I would have majored in women’s and gender studies if I weren’t a feminist or interested in social justice? That would be the most insane trolling of all time.

      4. I will never forget being in a gender studies class when I was dabbling in sociology grad work, and some chick I’d never met before looked around the room and made a comment like, “well, clearly since we’re all second wave here…”
        Anecdata, I know. But still

    4. I don’t know about all of this. There is a clear definition of dermatologist. Did you finish a residency program for dermatology? Then you are one. But feminist has so many different definitions. Why are we even worried about the word? If you believe in equal rights, that’s what matters. But I also saw (posted here, I think) an article about how feminism has become synonymous with liberal causes, which would exclude almost half of all women even if they believe in equal rights. For example, do you have to be pro-choice to be a feminist? Then I’m not one. But I am in every other sense. It’s just a very loaded term.

      1. In some ways, I think that’s the point. Feminism is, to me, the bedrock concept, like believing in human rights. There are going to be forks in the road on different specific beliefs after that point. (Hello, mixed metaphor.) I agree that some would find “feminism … synonymous with liberal causes,” but that’s not the actual meaning of the word. Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful response, even though we may not agree.

        1. Thanks, Moonstone. I too appreciate that we can disagree but that you took my response seriously and responded on the merits. Yay this s!te!

      2. I have a several friends who become very angry when people don’t want to identify as feminist, but they also limit “feminism” to the view points of white, upper middle class women who are left of center. You can’t be inclusive and exclusive at the same time.

        I personally don’t identify as feminist, or liberal, or conservative, or a party member, etc. I try to have moral and informed opinions, and if an opinion happens to fall under one of those umbrellas then okay.

      3. All of this exactly. Of course I want men and women to have the same rights. I’m involved in my community in a position where I get to be a role model of sorts for young girls, and I am all about helping them grow up to be strong and competent women. That doesn’t mean I agree with every liberal position on specifically how to get to gender equality, and if that means I’m defined out of someone else’s version of feminism, I don’t care.

  8. We hired a contractor to assist with a special project for the next 2 months. She’s been out of school for about a year and seems bright and capable. I have to work pretty closely with her because she has a lot of questions etc. (which is expected). However, she wears pretty strong perfume daily and it gives me a horrible headache (strong enough that I can currently smell her perfume and my office is around the corner from hers). I have always been a bit sensitive to perfumes but now that I’m pregnant I’m really sensitive to smells. Is this something I just need to get used to or should I say something like “I think your perfume smells lovely, but I’m really sensitive to smells. Since we work together so closely, would you mind not wearing perfume to work?”

    1. I think that is completely reasonable and you will be doing her a favor by mentioning it.

      1. Both professionally and, holy crap, I spent so much money on perfume in college wearing it every day! It seems bizarre in retrospect but was just part of my routine at the time.

    2. If someone said this to me I would be fine with it. I think most reasonable people would.

    3. Yes. I do this regularly. I just mention that their perfume smells lovely but I am so sensitive to smells that it overwhelms me after a while. I’ve only had to ask one person more than once.

    4. Assuming people know you’re pregnant, “Sorry to be such a bother, but I’m pregnant and among the 89345783457 things that I can’t do, tolerate ANY smells is one of them. I normally LOVE that scent but it is getting magnified- would it be possible not to wear it?”

  9. YAY! I have been wanting that waffle-knit clasp sweater since it was first posted. Thank you so much for updating with the sale! I snagged the last one in the color and size I wanted. Just in time for the polar vortex.

    2. It can work. I did long-distance for almost 3 (!!) years before we could move to the same area. It was after college so it was just due to grad school and starting our careers. We just got married. What helped is that we were within driving distance, I don’t think I could do it if there was flying involved. We saw each other 2 weekends a month and then more frequently if possible. I think you HAVE to have a end date once things start to get serious and one person needs to be able to or willing to move, otherwise what’s the point. It helped that I knew I wanted to marry him, so in the end it was all worth it.

    3. I’m curious, have you met in person yet? Known each other before as friends but now starting long distance? Long distance is difficult, but I know quite a few couples who successfully navigated it.

      1. Yes, we know each other. He is from my hometown but is doing his MBA at a college in a neighboring state. He comes back to visit every so often and we recently reconnected and sparks flew.

    4. Yes, and we’re happily married now. We met as teenagers but reconnected 10 years later when we were in two different states. We were long distance (plane ride away) for the first 2 years, until we moved to a third, mutual city. I moved first when I landed a job and he moved after he got a job (4ish months later). We immediately moved in together at that point.

      Even as a “success story” , I can’t say anything beyond the obvious: communication. There was no mystery with how the other felt ever. If I thought he sounded funny over the phone, I asked about it. If I had doubts/worries, we talked about it (and vice versa). Make sure expectations are set up from the onset – how frequently will you visit, who will visit the other – will you always be the one traveling or will you split it?, what will you do when you visit, if there are flights involved, will one help pay (one of us made a lot more money than the other, so we agreed early on an arrangement)… all of those little details aren’t romantic, but need to be addressed early if it’s going to work.

      ETA: always know when you will visit one another next – make sure it’s on the calendar.

    5. I did, and have been married to the guy for 25 years (yikes, that’s a long time). Similar situation, we knew each other and reconnected a bit when I was home from law school for Christmas break, talked on the phone some during the winter and spring and full-on got together when I was home briefly in the summer. We were a plane trip or 8-hour drive apart (and both were kind of broke), so it was not easy. This was before cell phones and Skype, but even with what was then expensive long-distance we talked most nights and visited every month or two. It helped that we had an end date for the long-distance part, which was when I graduated just short of a year into the LDR.

      I had broken up with someone at home during my first year of law school and was hesitant to start another LDR but obviously it worked out fine!

        2. I think it’s because “v!s!ted” contains the dreaded “s!te” word (so basically there’s no legitimate reason)

          1. Yes, that must be it, hanks. I had looked for the word s*te but missed that one. Fooey.

          2. Vis*ted puts comments in moderation but a rabid flaming war where people call each other as*h*les plays itself out… I think the moderation settings here might need a review…?

    6. Yes. Although we are only an hour flight away so its not very “long” distance. We also both luckily have no money issues about visits and we see each other ~3 weekends a month. We were semi-friends before that reconnected when he was visiting other friends in my city and I am planning on moving next year.

    7. I have. It was hard, but we made it work – you need to be really open to texting/iming and video chat and lots of travel. You also need a plan for you to be together long-term. We eventually broke up because we weren’t able to make a commitment to get married and pick one place to live in. Keep that on your radar. For it to work out in the end, you need an end game.

    8. My husband and I were long distance for all 4 years of undergrad. We went to high school (and middle school) together and were part of the same group of friends, but never hung out just the 2 of us until we graduated, just before we went across the country for college. We had about 2 months together before school started, and we did a lot of emails, phone calls and IMs (yes, I’m totally dating myself here). We also had a time difference that actually worked in our favor since I was more of a night owl than he was. We visited each other for school vacations and spent 1 of the 3 summers together, and were able to see each other when we both came home for Christmas break. We got engaged my last year of school and married shortly after graduation.

      I think your case is similar to mine in that you have the same hometown in common and will be able to see each other during school breaks, and a potential end date. It was hard, and we had a few communication issues that took some time to work out – but not impossible, obviously. Another factor to look at for the long term is where are you both headed? Are you planning to stay where you are? Is he planning to go wherever he can find a job post-graduation?

      Long distance can work, but it can also fail spectacularly – but you’ll never know if you don’t give it a shot

    9. Not to be a wet blanket here, but do not get so caught up in every visit being a long, fun date, that you ignore red flags. By that, I mean that sometimes when in a LDR, you clear out the entire weekend to do stuff together and it all seems like a vacation, but eventually, when you are in closer distance and work, chores, laundry, his friends/your friends, family, etc. all come into play, you see the reality of who he is, what he values, and whether you actually like being with him (rather than what you are projecting). I had 3 LDRs, one was extended out way too long until the first summer we were in the same city (when I was absolutely miserable), the second one was a rebound and a real disappointment, and third one I married.

  11. I also posted this in the Mom’s group. If you’re not into mom questions than please scroll on by —

    This last weekend we attempted to put two infant car seats (expecting twins) in my 2007 Subaru Legacy and it was laughable. I’m 5’9” and my knees were in the dash, definitely not going to work. I’ll be trading my husband for his truck – 4 door Toyota Tacoma. The Tacoma isn’t ideal either (one seat in the middle, one on passenger side so that the driver’s seat will go back enough to drive comfortably. Anyway, we decided we can tough it out with the truck until they’re around 2 years old and we can turn them around to forward facing since adding a new vehicle to the twins budget is not exactly ideal. We were discussing this with some couple friends of ours who have a 13 month old and they thought we were being ridiculous for thinking we would keep them forward facing until 2 years old. They were like “you can turn them around at 30 lbs or 1 year old” and I said “most of the guidance I read online suggested that it’s MUCH, MUCH safer to keep them rear facing until 2″ and they said, well we’re not doing that because it’s a pain. Then I started noticing people’s pictures on FB of their children that are clearly under 2 forward facing in their car seats. So, poll, when did you turn your child to forward facing and why?

    1. At 2, or a little after, because that’s the current guidance – and like you, everything I’ve read says that’s the safe way to go. Seatbelts can be a pain too, but I still wear them. Good luck!

    2. Way back in the dark ages when I had young kids (1990s) the rules were you could turn them around at 25-30 pounds, and both of my kids hit that before 6 months, so we did between 6-9 months because they outgrew their infant seats and the toddler seats didn’t work well rear-facing (not very stable). Now I cringe because it’s so much safer to be rear-facing.

      But the reason that parents rush to turn the kids around is it’s easier to hand back a bottle or a blankie or whatever when the kid is forward facing. Some kids may be easier to entertain when they can see their parents. Kids are more frustrated when they are reversed. So it really is a pain but that doesn’t mean you have to do it. As with a lot of things with kids, it is what it is and your kids will adjust – especially because they’ll have each other.

    3. I have a 13 month old. My goal is to get through the winter rear facing, longer is possible but 18 months is a good goal for us. We don’t drive a ton, but she is noticeably unhappy now– she wants to see what’s going on! She does fine rear facing when the dog is in the way-back and she has something to look at.

      FWIW our baby is very tall and appropriately heavy for her age- she’s in the 95% for height and 89% for weight. I know it’s more about development vs size, but she is also very physically/developmentally “ahead of the curve”(sitting at 4.5 months, walking since 9 months, RUNNING since 11). We also have a giant super safe SUV that we will probably forward-face her in first, and hold out on the sedan as long as possible.

    4. Yes at around 2 (or maybe just before). We used a mirror to be able to see him when he was back facing. When we moved him to forward facing in the middle seat he was way happier (and okay with longer car rides) since he got a much better view through the windscreen (different with 2 kids when they’re not in the middle seat). Forward facing is also way easier to buckle and unbuckle (though side seat is even easier than middle seat, doesn’t require you to contort yourself into the car).
      But safety comes first even though these other aspects are tempting.

    5. There are height and weight considerations on the car seats to consider. Is you plan to keep them in the infant car seat until 2? Because my daughter outgrew the infant seat at 8 months. If you think getting an infant car seat rear facing in your vehicles is difficult, it is going to be way more difficult to get a convertible seat to be rear facing and still fit. I certainly did not switch her to rear facing because it was “easier to hand back a bottle or blankie” or other convenience factors. She grew very fast her first year and by one, her knees were up to her chest or twisted over the sides of the seat when rear facing and I did not consider those positions safe. So we switched her to forward facing so she could sit normally in the seat.

      1. No, I realize we’d need to get convertible seats by 1 year that will first be RF and then FF. I might try a couple convertible seats in the truck to see how they fit before we continue the plan to tough it out for 2 years until they’re FF. If the convertibles don’t fit RF than maybe we just s*ck it up and upgrade my car.

        1. FWIW, there are very low profile convertible seats. I wouldn’t sweat being able to fit them if you can fit infant seats.

        2. Our experience was actually that, due to angles, the convertible seats took less space than the bucket did.

    6. At 13 months (earlier this year). I know the guidance says longer, but I was swayed by other practical considerations. I appreciate being able to see her to make sure she’s not choking on something (for some reason, she makes lots of coughing sounds in the car); her legs were getting cramped up against the backseat when she was rear-facing; she’s MUCH happier in the car forward-facing; and when forward-facing she is still, by far, the safest occupant in the car. I decided the extra safety of rear-facing wasn’t worth all the tradeoffs. But, to each her own!

    7. About 15 months. At that point they (1) will start complaining pretty insistently against being rear facing and (2) start kicking (and destroying) the back seat (they kick the rear of the front seat when they are front facing, but that’s not something that someone will have to sit on someday in the future. For years, the suggested was 1 year/30 lbs. I know that rear facing is safer, but it’s unrealistic with toddlers.

      1. Yes, we also switched around 15 months. I know rear facing is safer IF we got into an accident – but the amount of screaming and shrieking that occurred for the whole drive with him rear facing was going to cause me to get in an accident – it was so stressful for me, I was practically shaking. I know its not better to give in to a tantrum – but this wasn’t a one time deal – it was 30 minutes of screaming every car ride for 2-3 weeks straight before I threw in the towel and flipped the seat.

        1. You just described my experiences exactly. We switched at 15 months-ish because I couldn’t deal with the stress of driving my RF kid around.

      2. Mine made it to maybe 15 months rear-facing. They were long, long children and seemed to be very oddly positioned before we switched them to front-facing. I know keeping their heads safe is important, but they had to bunch up their knees or stick their legs up to the point where that didn’t seem like it would have been safe in a crash, either.

        Even now that they’re 4 and 6, I use the high-back boosters so they have some head protection.

        I think for 50%ile children, 2 years might work, but not for tall children.

        1. This was what I originally thought, but the research I’ve seen says that even if their legs are bunched up they are much safer rear facing (better a broken leg than broken neck). Basically, anytime you move a child up (from rear to forward facing, from car seat to booster, etc.) you are making them less safe. I’m not saying it’s irresponsible to turn them around – just something to keep in mind and evaluate what you are comfortable with. If you want to see an interesting illustration, search you tube for crash test dummy footage of rear and forward facing seats. It’s pretty shocking to see the different amount of stress put on the neck and spine when they are forward facing.

          1. Actually boosters are as safe as five point harnesses if the child has the maturity to sit up correctly in the seat so that the seatbelt remains correctly positioned. That difference is more a maturity issue.

    8. We made it to 28 months, but really I just wanted to get through the winter before turning him around. He did have his knees bent in the rear facing position, but everything I’ve read confirmed just how much safer rear facing is for kids. I will say, my son now looooves facing forward, and it is much easier getting him in/out and handing things back. But still, I’m glad we kept him rear-facing just for my own peace of mind.

    9. We did until 1 with the first 2 (because they changed the recommendations between kid 2 and kid 3) and until 2 with the 3rd.

    10. This is not what you are asking, but as a mom of three (including a set of twins that are in elementary school), I think you really need to not worry so much about what other moms do with their kids and get comfortable with your own choices. Every single choice you make, you will find someone who “thinks it is ridiculous,” and if that prompts you to want to poll everyone else on the topic, you will find yourself very busy indeed. I’m not trying to snark, but I’m just saying that you are the mom and what you consider to be the best for your kids is not anyone else’s business. (signed, someone who doesn’t have a T.V. at home).

    11. I have tall 16 month old twins and they’re still rear-facing. I saw a Consumer Reports crash test video showing the difference of an impact on a baby depending on whether they’re rear-facing or forward-facing — it’s about the neck muscles, not a child’s height. I will note that my kids aren’t super happy about getting in the car, but we don’t typically take long rides, and it gives me comfort.

    12. My really tall almost 2-year-old is still rear-facing. I have insisted that she stay rear-facing. The doctors recommend it for protection of their necks, and point out that she will build stronger legs with all the kicking she does against the seat.
      One thing to consider is how the four of you will travel places together: will you and your husband be able to sit comfortably in the vehicle together?

    13. 18 months. Because they hate to be rear facing once they are old enough to engage with the world, and they whine, and I actually think it’s MORE dangerous to drive around a screaming whining kid than just face them forward. Also. the 2 year thing is a very new thing–it used to be one year. I just felt like it was safe enough.

    14. The second I could get away with it and not risk a ticket. Yes, rear-facing is safer, but my child’s misery was a deciding factor, and it always freaked me out that I couldn’t see her face a lot of the time in the rear-facing infant seat. Using two mirrors ended up always being impossible because she’d kick the one that was low enough for me to see her face, and she would scream for a long time and then suddenly stop, and I always thought she was choking and dying or something. She was so so so much happier being able to see out the windows!

      I kind of feel (feeeeel, not that I doubt science) that the more conservative car seat rules and making younger children sit in the back seat are kind of overkill. The cars are already so much safer! When I think about being 17, picking up my 5-yr-old brother from Kindergarten in an 83 Honda Civic, and of course he was allowed to sit in the front – that thing was a death trap compared to the cars my daughter has ever been in. Life’s about risks and assessing your tolerance for them, I guess!

  12. At one year old, but my kids were mostly born in the 90s and that was the recommendation at the time.

  13. Anyone have info on Brooks Brothers shoe sizing? I’m looking to order some pumps, but I am between 7.5 and 8. My feet are wider at the toes and I have high arches & insteps. I can’t wear Cole Haan at all because the toes are too narrow, but I can’t do wide widths, because my heels sometimes slip out of regular shoes. Any reviews are welcome. Thanks!

  14. A dear friend is getting married on Saturday, and she and the bridesmaids are getting ready at my house, which is right around the corner from the church. I want to have some non-messy nibbles on hand–fruit? cheese? other ideas?

    2. I had a green chile cheeseburger while I was getting dressed for my wedding – clearly NOT non-messy. But so delicious and the only chance I had to eat until much later that evening.

      What time of day is the wedding? I’d ask the bride if she thinks she’ll eat before then and then plan accordingly for snacks or real meal.

      Also, a little wine never hurts.

        1. Agreed. I had a giant breakfast and than made a post-hair appointment stop at a cafe for a pastry. I thought I’d be too nervous to eat but I was so glad I did. Also, it was quite cute that everyone in the cafe came up to say good luck!

    3. Just did this recently and we had bread, cheese, cold meats and different cous cous and pasta salads. We ate before getting dressed for obvious reasons. All the food was set out in the dining room and people went in and out to eat as they had time from hair and make up etc.

    4. I would ask her if they have a plan to have lunch that day or if your house is their only chance for lunch. I was recently in a wedding where we started hair and makeup at 10 am in a hotel, and placed an order for sub sandwiches to be delivered for lunch. We also had crackers, cheese, granola bars, grapes and champagne. Probably a little bit too much champagne …

    5. Protein-rich food; nuts, cheese, etc. I ate hard boiled eggs the morning of my wedding for this reason.

      1. This. And carbs. I was a bridesmaid who fainted – bridesmaids don’t let other bridesmaids faint.

    6. We had cold sandwiches from Panera while getting ready for a wedding recently. Actually worked pretty well.

      ETA: host ordered an assortment in advance that a non-wedding-party friend picked up for us. That reduced any stress or logistics re ordering or getting delivery at right time.

    7. In a wedding I was in where we got ready at a friend’s house, the friend made a couple of frittatas and picked up some quiche at a local bakery (I think there were 15 people getting ready there). She also had some cut fruit as well as sparkling wine and orange juice.

    8. A tray of tea sandwiches. Easy to eat, they look pretty & most grocery stores will put them together for you.

  15. Nuts? The fat will keep them satiated until dinner rolls around. Pistachios, cashews, almonds…
    Grapes? Easy to grab with fingers.
    Bowl of M&Ms? You can’t be healthy all the time….

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