ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 225 Comments

Splurge Monday: Anna Dress

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Michaela Jerdinak Anna DressWe've profiled other boutiques and indie brands designed to provide the perfect workwear dress (Emploi, Numari, MM.LaFleur, and a slew of affordable bespoke dressmakers), but not this interesting one from across the pond: Michaela Jedinak. I like the sleeves on the dress, the notched neck, the bright lining (red!), and the fact that you can customize sleevelength as well as hem length. The dress is £495.00 (or $754, according to the currency converter on the site), and comes in blue, red, black and white. Michaela Jedinak Anna Dress Here's a few plus size options, as well as several more affordable options. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-#)

Sales of note for 3/10/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + 20% off
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale and select styles with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off everything + extra 20% off when you buy 3+ styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off all pants & sweaters; extra 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Flash sale until midday 3/14: $50 off every $200 – combineable with other offers, including 40% off one item and 30% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

225 Comments

  1. I have been stalking this dress’s sister (the Amelia, recommended for pear shapes) for about a year. It’s WOOL and LINED and HAS SLEEVES (sorry to get to Ellen-levels of excitement). Has anyone here had any of the dresses? I botch US-based mailorders all the time (and that’s usually to places with easy and free returns)?

    Turning 45 this year and I think that this would be a great splurgy piece.

  2. I have a lot of smile lines radiating around my eyes. I use a moisturizer (just drug store kids), but I think that this is cumulative due to sun (maybe I need eyecream with sunscreen, but none seem to have it) and smiling. Is there something that will combat this better that I could buy? Or is is this what procedures do (botox / fillers / some sort of peel)? Is it even fixable?

    I hate how everywhere else people have opinions, but are also the same people trying to sell you something. Thank you, Hive, for being the Hive!

    1. One of my younger colleagues has these, that really bothered her and she does Botox for them, she is really happy with it. I didn’t even know you could do that for smile lines!
      She is 36 and has been doing it for about 3 years.

    2. Consult a dermatologist. They will lay out your options for you, from prescription creams to botox to fillers and lasers. And get some SPF 50 asap.

      1. Are there sunscreens for the eye area? I’ve had major stinging from some for faces when they’ve run into my eyes.

        1. Try physical sunscreen instead of chemical. I use mine (Coola mineral face spf 30) all over my face, including the eye area, with no problems.

        2. I use the CeraVie daily moisturizer with 50 SPF sunscreen, it is also a physical sunscreen but absorbs really well and I have very sensitive skin.

    3. FWIW, I love these kinds of smile lines on women and men (it is one of the most attractive features that both my Mother-in-law and husband share). I only get those forehead 11s. So, semi-jealous here of yes, aging indicators. Gah, I am so middle-aged.

      Obviously, make your own choice. Just wanted to put in an alternate opinion (sometimes I whine about my still-crooked teeth and then I saw a thread on Jezebel . com where all these women bemoaned having now-identical robot-looking smiles, and it made me think).

      tl; dr – you’re awesome. do what you want.

    4. Botox (or Dysport) for these lines, which are called crow’s feet, is what works. Done by an MD only. And stay out of the sun.

    5. Wear sunglasses ALWAYS. Always. Always.

      Daily sunscreen of 30 or higher, and be sure to use under/besides the eyes. You don’t need a separate eye cream. Just a good facial moisturizer with sunscreen.

      Stay out of the sun.

      But like another poster, I kinda like smile lines.

      I’ve learned to embrace my signs of aging. I no longer want to look younger than I am. As a woman in my field, it is actually problematic at times to appear to young and I have had patients actually ask me how old I am…… never a good way to start an appointment. I just want to look great FOR my age.

    6. I went looking for an eye cream with sunscreen last year and the only one I found is made by Shiseido. I like it!

    7. I do botox and use a medical grade eye cream that I get from a doc. Start with the better cream, see if that gets you to a happy place. You can get good ones from aestheticians or nurse practitioners who work in plastic surgeon’s offices. But seriously, shell out the dough. Drugstore brands are completely worthless–or at least they are once you see them in comparison to the real stuff. I have never paid less than $100 for a cream that actually worked.

      And I’ll second the sunscreen/sunglasses/keep those UV rays off your face sentiments. I use really good quality sunscreen that is meant for your face (that I get from same eye cream doc), and I don’t have the stinging issue.

    2. Yup and businesses can’t keep giving snow days despite the fact this storm is worse than some where we closed. Court is open and my office is open. It’s basically “good luck everybody!” Ugh.

      1. Ah, New England. I no longer live there, but vividly remember the years when our grade school classes ran through early July due to all the make-up snow days…

    4. I was very angry shovelling my laneway AGAIN this weekend. But am very happy I go to California on Saturday!!!

  4. If your spouse wanted to go back to grad school at a considerable expense (and you as his/her spouse would be directly impacted financially by the decision), would you expect to have a say in the decision-making process? What if the grad degree is necessary to make a career change that the spouse really wants? Obviously one would want to help the the spouse be in a fulfilling career, but it seems a bit much to expect that the other spouse wouldn’t be able to weigh in.

    1. I would expect to have input and make the discussion jointly, as we do most major & minor decisions. If my spouse came to me and said, “I have to do this, I can’t advance/be happy in my career without doing so,” I’d want to figure out a way to make it work.
      Is the issue that it was presented to you as a done-deal & you’re frustrated you did’t have input? That would be a problem for me.

      1. He’s expressed the desire to do this and feels that it’s absolutely critical for his continued success, especially since he’s doing something akin to shifting fields. I really do want to make it work, and it’s not like he’s gone ahead and started the process, but it’s definitely true that I’m expected to go along and if I didn’t, I don’t think I’d get anywhere. Not that I want to “not go along,” I just don’t want to have aspects of my finances dictated for me. To be fair, we’re not a “fully integrated financial unit” technically, but his choices definitely impact me a lot. For example, when we bought our house, I paid the entire down payment out of my investments while he didn’t, because he has a lot of debt and a lot less money. (he has some investments but refused to use them because he didn’t have that much to begin with, and I did. We live in a HCOL area, so it was a lot of money) I guess it’s part of me feeling like I’m always giving more than I’m getting back, and the majority of that sentiment comes from non-money related issues. But really, what do I expect him to do? I want him to be happy and fulfilled in his career.

        1. I mean, you basically gave him a house, so you’re not fully integrated but he gets gifted money, you’re always giving more non-monetarily too, and it’s not ok for you to have opinions. Why are you focusing on wanting him to be happy with his career instead of you being happy in your life?

          1. I don’t think he’d say I can’t have opinions. I just think he wants this badly enough that he will decide to go anyway. Honestly I can’t really say I think it’s fair to expect him not to in this case. The problem is that each individual case of this seems to be justifiable, and I seem to be consistently on the losing end of this proposition. I know he does care about this, and I’m not really sure what I expect him to do.

            I have made a huge issue about the other ways in which I’m giving more, and I think he’s doing his best to correct it. A lot of it is family related; his family took advantage of me in a really big way. We’ve since more or less cut off contact, and he’s personally trying to make up for it. I know he genuinely cares about my situation and is not a mooch, but I’m tired of being here. I also don’t know what’s reasonable to expect from him here.

          2. Cut him off? Ok, you’re going to go ahead, take out loans you can’t afford, and expect me to pick up the slack on our life together? Pay rent for this house I bought.

            Get a divorce or you’re going to wind up even more in the hole to him.

            Someone who cares about your future together isn’t this selfish.

          3. Ok, so let’s say that he’s not selfish, and I bring this up with him. What kind of response/behavior should I expect that illustrates taht he’s concerned with our future together and that my input matters? Basically I’m asking how should a good spouse behave once this issue is raised?

          4. He should listen. He should be open to your thoughts. He should express a willingness to think about it. He should be looking for ways to make this less of a burden on you. He should be acknowledging all you’ve done so far.

            But to me he fundamentally shouldn’t have just decided on it without you.

          5. So, I might be being a little unfair to him. Wrt. your first paragraph, he’s definitely done all those things. Regarding deciding without me, He’s been talking about how he’s going to do this for awhile. It’s not a done deal. It’s more my perception (which I really think is accurate) that he may be willing to find ways to “try to make it up to me,” but he’s not going to change his choice of schools or decision to go based on that. I think he won’t be open to that. So while it’s not really correct to say he decided without consulting me, realistically, I think I’d have little sway. I probably could ask him to make up the difference so to speak in other ways. He’s tried to do that with some of the other issues, but I don’t feel like he’s been that successful despite his best efforts, so I’m a little concerned.

          6. I think it’s unfair to both of you for you not to voice this to him. And suggest that you two talk about it with a professional, because even though you both say you want this to be working, it keeps coming up and it keeps not working in the same way.

          7. It’s unfair for me to not voice what specifically with him? I feel like we’ve talked about this so many times, it’s hard for me to see that I haven’t voiced something. It’s possible, though, so I’m asking what specifically you think I should say.

          8. Everything you’ve just said here! “I feel like we keep having this convo and I’m still not happy. I feel like I am always the one giving more to make things work. It upsets me that I feel like I can’t say no to your choice of degree or school when we both know this is going to have a financial impact on me. I see you trying to make us equals, but it’s not working. I need us to see a marriage therapist about this because we need to figure this out.”

          9. Oh, I see. Yeah that would be helpful. I feel like I’ve already conveyed those points, but he’s very literal and strict in his interpretation of things, and it’s possible he wouldn’t have understood what I was trying to say. This is helpful, thanks a lot.

          1. He’ll take out student loans in his name. Which is fine, but like I said, it impacts what he’s able to contribute to joint things, and I pick up the slack. He’s aware of the fact that it impacts me negatively. He’s a thoughtful person, so he may have ideas on how to remedy this, but I didn’t push at the time of the conversation.

          2. Why not? Why not just say, tonight, let’s talk more about how you taking on even more debt is going to impact our financial future. It’s nice that he wants to go to grad school but sometimes we can’t afford all the things. It seems silly you wouldn’t even bring this up.

          3. I didn’t push because we’ve had many iterations of this and related conversations. I pretty much know what he’s going to say, which is that of course I get a say, but he’s not just going to decide to not make a career change with lifelong consequences because I’m unhappy with it, and that I would do the same thing. Which is maybe true, but at the same time, I’ve always made sure that I’m self-sustaining and not pushing off negative externalities of my decisions on others.

          4. So he’s comfortable consistently making decisions that leave you financially supporting him because it’s easier for him? Life would be easier for me too if I had someone bankrolling me.

            Of course he keeps doing it. You keep paying for it!!! And not even letting him know you’re mad. Are you mad? Cause you seem really resigned to a partner who is using you instead of being furious he’s pulling this nonsense again.

          5. I’m a little mad, but I’m mostly conflicted becasue as I said below, this particular thing is not a huge deal. It’s the fact that smaller things that are acceptable become not acceptable when they always disadvantage one partner. I think if the situation were reversed with regards to this one issue, he’d be happy to let me make a decision and then help me pay for it. He’s generally happy to make decisions and do anything I need to support me. I just generally don’t need support, financially or otherwise, and there’s not much he can do for me on the same level. I’ve made sure I can take care of myself and my own needs, and he’s less in a position to do that.

            but yeah, I’m kind of mad. Also, he (and probably many other people) DEFINITELY know when I’m mad. I’m not subtle about it.

          1. What would that change? His/my sentiments about the issue won’t change, nor will what we each feel we’re entitled to.

          2. I was thinking it is a PSA for making sure you are on the same financial page as your spouse/life partner, regardless of whether or money is in one pot or two or twenty.

          3. Oh, yeah. We generally are. I really feel like the issues here are less financial and happen to have relevance to financial issues here. It’s like any one of the issues that have come up (not just between the two of us, but also between me and his family) are usually workable and not a big deal in isolation, but it starts to be when I’m always on the “making things work” side of the problem.

          4. Revised to agree with Anon: PSA for being on same financial page. But, I maintain that the issues here are quite grounded in finances. Maybe not completely, but there’s a huge missing link between where you are and where he appears to be. Good luck.

          5. The tone of “mine and his” in this thread bothers me. OP, I get that you are sensitive to your contributions and feeling like they are not equal. But I encourage you to stop looking at “I did X and he did Y” and think of it as “WE are making these decisions for US.” You obviously have a big chip on your shoulder because you came in with assets, but you also, in your wedding vows, agreed to go through life with this man for richer or poorer. It sounds like he is actively trying to do something that improve finances for both of you in the long term, and all you can see is your feeling of being nickel-and-dimed in the short term. If you agree that this is good for him in the long term, I encourage you to find a way to work through the short-term resentment, especially if it is wrapped up in the other family issues.

          6. anon a mouse- I see what you’re saying, and I’ve thought about this a lot myself. While I think there’s a lot to be said for this, the crux of the problem is that it isn’t short term. It’s not really about assets or the money even. It’s the fact that I’m consistenly giving a lot more, and he and his family expect things of me that are quite ridiculous. I feel as though my own interests aren’t really protected by our family unit, and frequently in the decisions we make, it isn’t something that WE agreed to. Or WE agreed to something, but the terms were changed without my input. I do want to be “in this together” and all, but I think it would be wrong if I didn’t try to protect myself when I feel like the things that are important to me aren’t really being protected by my spouse.

        4. ” I guess it’s part of me feeling like I’m always giving more than I’m getting back, and the majority of that sentiment comes from non-money related issues. ”

          I may be out of line here, but reading this made me think that perhaps you should consider a post-nup that says that his student loans are his alone to pay if you divorce.

          2. From what you said, you already have a pre- or post-nup? I think that’s a basic step but you may still feel taken advantage of or that you’re making more of a sacrifice than he is.

            Is he going to get a pay bump after finishing the degree? Does he prioritize paying down (his) debt by being frugal and not buying, for example, a brand new car every few years? Does he have a plan to pay off his student loans – both new and old? Is there any way to get a free education – scholarship, employer tuition reimbursement, being a TA – or is he paying full-fare to an expensive school versus a low-cost school?

          4. Yeah, we already have one. It was a preventative measure since I brought a LOT more wealth into the marriage. He will get a pay bump and will have higher earning potential than he currently does. He does very well managing his financial obligations, drives a 20 yo car, and unfortunately for the degree he needs, he’ll have to pay full fare. I don’t know that there are TA opportunities available. A good thing to look into though, thanks.

          5. How does he know he’ll like this field better? I’m thinking of the poster who went from engineering to law and is now unhappy in law too.

          6. Eh, it’s more like staying in the same field, broadly defined, but he’d need a different skill set to rise much higher. Does that make sense?

      2. I would expect to make the final decision jointly, but I’ll admit both my husband and I have jumped into major financial concerns with both feet, promising the other “I’m going to go ahead and apply [to grad school/for a mortgage/for a small business loan/for a job that pays less/the paperwork to run for elected office/etc], but we’ll make the final decision together once we find out if I’m [accepted/offered a position] etc”.

        While we both recognize the need to talk these things over, we have also both acknowledged that it doesn’t make sense to beat these things to death if they aren’t actually going to happen – for instance, the grad school discussion is a moot point if I didn’t actually get accepted.

        1. Agree with this approach – he still needs to apply, etc. and he can figure out what kind of financial aid he qualifies for and how his loan package will be structured. Then you two can sit down together and figure out if it makes sense to do, weighing all the pros and cons together, and looking at the cost of school compared to the potential earnings bump. Can he still work part time somewhere during grad school?

          1. I think this is a good attitude, and might not work for everyone, but would probably work for me. Go ahead with the applications, plans, interviews, inquiries of whatever you’re interested in, and when it comes to the actual decision-making time, that’s when your spouse does get the veto. Ideally, you’d talk about it during the process, but I know sometimes life doesn’t work that way.

    2. I think any major decision in a marriage should involve communication between both spouses. Something’s wrong if one spouse is refusing to even discuss concerns about such a big decision. It’s another thing, however, to expect to have “veto power,” and perhaps the grad school-bound spouse is concerned that this is what you’re asking for. If so, you need to reassure spouse that you’re not looking for a way to convince him or her to not go, but rather want to make sure that you’re approaching it from a fiscally smart perspective.

    3. We are a completely integrated financial unit. Major expenditures require joint approval. I would absolutely expect to be involved in the discussion as would my spouse.

    4. 100%. As a spouse I would expect any major, life changing, expensive decision to be made together as a team focusing on what’s best for our family. To me that’s the basic definition of what being married means. If someone felt entitled to just decide that on his own? I’d be looking for a marriage counselor and a divorce law because that’s just not what I want from life.

        1. No. I’d expect us to work together and figure out something that we can all live with. In this situation, it might be waiting a few years until he’s dealt with his other debt to do this.

          1. I think you’re selling yourself short. If his decision would make you absolutely miserable, you DO get veto power. That’s what it means to make decisions together. On the flip side, he gets veto power over decisions you make that would make him miserable. Isn’t that what marriage is? Putting someone else’s happiness on the level with or even above your own? It’ll only work if both partners commit to it, but isn’t that, ideally, fundamentally, what marriage is supposed to be?

      2. I tend to agree with this. Multiple issues going on here. There’s the money–he’s making a big financial decision without talking it through with his spouse. Then, there’s the fact that it’s a major life decision. If my spouse was thinking about this kind of change (or vice versa), we would want the other’s opinion–not just from the “what will this do to our lifestyle” perspective, but from the, “you know me really well and I want to talk this through with you because I value your opinion” perspective.

        1. Oh, we’ve had the second conversation here. In fact we have it all the time. He’s acknowledged that it’ll impact our lifestyle, but that’s about it on that front.

          1. Well, IMO, you need to have the second part of the conversation so you really feel like you are coming to a decision together–he asks you for your opinion and cares what you say. It sounds like he is fine to make the decision on his own, and that is the problem (not that you cannot make it work financially, logistically, etc.).

    5. The specifics would make a difference to me. What degree does he have in mind? If it’s something practical that will qualify him for well-paid jobs, and he’ll be able to pay off any debt he incurs in a reasonable amount of time, I’d be OK with short-term sacrifice to make that possible. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be as supportive if he wants a masters degree in creative writing and it’s not clear he/you can afford it. Either way, I’d want it to be a joint decision.

      1. Mmmmm this. Are you digging your heels in because this is one ask too many, or is this actually not a great plan?

        1. No, it is a great plan, and he’ll be great at it. I’m digging in my heels because this is one ask too many. I think he’d be happy to give me more or less whatever I ask for too. I just don’t need anything.

          ETA: for that reason, I feel like I should be okay with the sacrifice in the short term. . He can also afford it, strictly speaking. It’s things like we’ll want to upgrade/move within the time period that our finances will be affected by this. Then again, I’ll be making most of the adjustments, as we did with the first house. The things is I generally can afford these things rather comfortably on my own, and it’s not a stretch for me. I just don’t like feeling like I’m always picking up the slack.

          1. Is this something you acknowledged and discussed before getting married? It sounds like he is still a hard worker, motivated, etc. which would be important to me. I think it would probably be hard for him to recognize that you are feeling this way when this is how it’s always been for him and what has always been the case. For example, my SO makes a lot more money than I do. It’s kind of expected that he would be the one who chips in (much) more for large financial expenditures like a house, especially if because he makes more he wants nicer things. I would be really caught off guard if all of a sudden he said he was resentful of always doing that. However, at the same time, I would not make a big financial decision without talking to him. Do you always feel like you’re picking up the slack in smaller financial decisions (i.e., dinner dates) and non-financial decisions (cleaning) as well? Is this a feeling of wanting to be treated rather than picking up the slack/bills?

          2. “He can also afford it, strictly speaking.”

            No he can’t. He already has debt (unless he paid that off after the house purchase and before now), and he’s planning on taking out a full-ride worth of student loans to pay for it.

        2. Well, this grad school thing didn’t come up before getting married. He did another master’s degree, but his employer paid for that one and definitely won’t pay for this one. It is really about picking up the slack, and like I said, it’s definitely not just financial. The biggest things I take issue with aren’t financial. My work took a huge step back because of a compromise I made with DH a few months ago. When I orginally made the compromise, I didn’t agree to the thing that ended up setting me back- it was more a normal situation that went horribly wrong. He didn’t do much to correct it, later said that he didnt’ understand the extent of the problem, which I’m not sure how that’s possible. I lost a lot of working time and I’m trying to make that up now. He agreed to pick up the slack with the household stuff. He’s done a little bit of it, but not enough to actually make a meaningful difference. He tells me he’d do more if I didn’t automatically jump in and do things. But when I need to cook and there’s literally not a clean dish in the house, I’m not sure what he expects me to do.

          Basically, I feel like the appropriate sacrifices are nt coming my way, despite my having been generous with these things. I feel a little used.

          1. It sounds like you’re the primary earner, yet you’re letting compromises and housework interfere with your ability to keep your day job. That’s dangerous. And I don’t understand the compromise thing… if a compromise doesn’t work out as expected, you revisit it. There’s no deal that’s carved in stone. He can’t go back and “untake” a job he took, for example, but everything else, including outsourcing household help, should be on the table.

          3. I’m not the primary earner. We make about the same, but I have a fairly large asset base (all of which I made myself, no family money or anything) and I don’t have any debt so I have a LOT more disposable income.

            We did try to revisit compromises. To hear him tell it, he felt that he had addressed the problem and amended the terms of the deal sufficiently, and he thought I agreed to it. I didn’t, so I honestly don’t know how he got that idea besides willful ignorance. It seems like we try to revisit terms but the end result isn’t equal and favors him, no matter what I do or don’t agree to.

          4. This makes me sad. He should *want* to help you and not always be looking out for himself. Just as you clearly want to help him and are NOT always looking out for yourself.

          5. tesyaa- I truly think that he does want to help me, and I’m not one to assume the best of people. I really think there’s just some difficulty we’re having getting from desire to actual helpful action. I think part of it may be having a difficult time letting go of unrealistic expectations, like someone said above. He absolutely has done things to help me, but I just feel like not on the same scale. I also know that it’s common for both spouses to feel like they give more than they receive. And Am I being thick about this?

          6. I think you’re correct that he’s not letting go of unrealistic expectations. The ball is in your court to show him exactly why the expectations are unrealistic.

            The biggest red flag I see is that you have a lot more assets and he is totally taking advantage of that… you bought the house, you are essentially financing his trip to grad school by upping your contribution to living expenses etc.

          7. Are there steps you think I should take to protect myself, apart from the prenup? Or do you mean red flag in a “you should get counseling” sense?

          8. What I mean by red flag is that the relationship itself is an issue, and yes, couples counseling is appropriate if he is unable to see that he’s not addressing your needs. On the financial side, I don’t know why you’d compromise your finances further to support his grad school, given that you’ve already bought the house. I just don’t see it.

          9. Okay, so I say you’re still responsible for half of everything we decide to do together, regardless of your other financial issues? Is that the solution here? If not, give me some ideas of what you’d think would be fair.

          10. Anonymous OP, in response to tesyaa, you said “Are there steps you think I should take to protect myself, apart from the prenup? Or do you mean red flag in a “you should get counseling” sense?” Tesyaa is right – he is taking advantage. But more than that, your whole situation is set up to benefit him at your expense. Not saying it’s right or it’s wrong – but it’s obviously not how you envisioned your life. From your comments, it seems like you are feeling used.

            Taking all your comments above, it looks like you’re not having a lot of your needs met, he has broken some agreements, your job has been affected negatively and you still say he tries to work with you. From here, it doesn’t look like he’s been inconvenienced at all. He needs to make it right by you but it doesn’t seem to be happening.

            Since you can’t really change the parameters of his debt, his job, your job and your only options are to keep giving or cut him off (or divorce) I think you should get counseling and maybe after that get joint counseling.

          11. I don’t believe that making him responsible for 50% of everything would solve your problems. I doubt he’d abide by any agreement and I doubt you’d hold him to it. Those are big problems. The fact that you paid for the house is not, on its own, the worst thing ever, but in retrospect it’s clear he’s a taker. That’s his MO and it will continue.

          12. Thanks for your input. All important things that I will think about carefully as I proceed. And I think you’re right that counseling is a given.

    6. I think you are in dangerous territory – not just financially but in your marriage as well. Marriage involves communication and self sacrifice. From the outside looking in there appears to be lots of chatter and talk but no meaningful communication.

      And, I’m sorry, but grad school is definitely a luxury that you need to be able to afford in both time and money. I don’t think I have ever recommended a counselor on this site before but you absolutely need to find somebody to moderate this for you. Frankly, he needs to grow up, quit acting like a spoiled little boy and start acting like a man. We don’t always get to have what we want when we want it. Sometimes we have to take our second choice. Sometimes we have to sacrifice what we really want for the greater good of our spouse and family. There’s more at stake here than just grad school. Your marriage is at stake. You need to recognize that and deal with it as such.

      1. I think this is a little harsh on the husband. It’s not like he’s freeloading off of her, I think they just need to communicate a little better on specific ways to contribute. Like for the house down payment, it may have been more fair for you each to contribute a percentage of your savings, even if his actual number is lower, so you could both feel like they had sacrificed something. But it sounds like the OP is conflating various issues: the fact that you brought more money into a marriage, or paid more for the house down payment, shouldn’t mean that he has to do more household chores, and it would be appalling if the genders were reversed and you expected that. But if you don’t feel like he is pulling his weight in your daily lives, that is another issue, and one to be clear about. It sounds like you each individually and together have decent income and at least some savings, and good careers, and no kids, so it doesn’t seem like there are any actual serious objections to his going to grad school, except for that if you want to upgrade your house in a few years he again wouldn’t be able to contribute as much. Which to me sounds like more of a luxury than him going to grad school. It seems like there is more back and forth on who is going to have the final say on issues, rather than talking about what your common goals are and how to get to them together. I mean, if grad school is going to be beneficial to his career, then maybe after he finishes, his financial contributions can increase. Or while he is in school he can do more of the household tasks.

        1. +1

          I agree with this.

          You paid for the downpayment for your current house… not the whole house. You already want to upgrade your house in a few years……hmmmm…… Honestly, I would prioritize getting my husband into a career path that you admit he would be perfect for. He has shown a pattern of success so far, from what you describe…. not a freeloader. I think valuing a better/bigger house over your husband’s long term goals for himself and your family will get you a resentful, bitter husband long term.

          You are very financially stable, and nothing you have said really makes me think he is using you. You are a team, aren’t you, thinking about the long term goals and plans for the both of you? Yes – you need to communicate better as there is a lot of tension here. But there are clearly other issues going on…… some issues unspoken on your part I suspect, and messy family stuff that you are not getting into here that must also be clouding this picture.

          I am concerned for you guys.

        2. I agree with this. I paid the entire down payment on our house, because I brought assets into our marriage and my husband didn’t. And then I’ve taken two long maternity leaves (mostly unpaid), when my husband supported the family with his salary. All that is to say, if you’re in it for the long haul, as a team, getting hung up on this expenditure or that is not productive.

          All that said, since it’s not like he has a grad school acceptance letter in hand, I suggest you need to concentrate on getting counseling (probably joint and individual) to work on your feelings that you are making all the sacrifices and he is not.

    7. I can’t follow this conversation because folks named “Anonymous” keep arguing with each other and I honestly don’t know how many speakers there are or which one is which!

      1. Yes, OP it would help if you would reply as “Anonymous OP” so we can figure out at least which posts are yours.

    8. Some years ago I did in fact go back to grad school at considerable expense (which impacted the joint finances), but I was the primary earner and I would not have been very receptive to my then-spouse thinking he had veto power over that choice. And I do remember, at the time, thinking “good thing I’m the primary earner so I feel okay making this call about this very expensive thing I want to do.”

      On the other hand, if the roles had been reversed and my spouse had really really wanted to do grad school and it would have helped his career and the joint finances could have made it happen, I don’t think I would have felt comfortable vetoing that choice just because it would have affected me. I always feel like marriage is or should be a team effort and sometimes you have to take one for the team.

      Honestly I can’t really tell from the information given whether the OP’s husband is acting all spoiled and entitled, or whether the OP is acting all spoiled and selfish. But I definitely think this marriage seems like it is on shaky ground and some counseling is definitely in order!

      1. Agreed. If the situation was reversed and a poster came on to say that her husband vetoed her going to grad school, we would all be upset and recommending counseling. We don’t have enough information to know who (if anyone) is in the wrong here. Regarless, counseling sounds necessary for this marrage.

      2. I think the speed with which OP is replying to basically everyone on this thread is a huge flag. I can’t put my finger on precisely why. But, OP has made it very obvious that she needs to talk this out, in specifics, with real people.

        (Saying this with the fear of persecution here:) People toss the therapy card out way too frequently for my taste, but it’s overwhelming clear that OP needs to talk to someone she can be honest with about this in order to arrive at the right conclusion.

        1. Right, especially since OP has said that she’s mad and pretty much everybody in her life knows she’s mad. If she’s telling everybody her and in real life all about it, probably a super good idea to tell somebody about it who might be able to actually help.

          And no persecution, but I totally think almost everybody could benefit from therapy at some point (although I get that good therapists may be hard to find).

    9. I can understand you frustration. Though I am not exactly in the same boat as you, I have at times felt that the entire burden was on me and I have resented it. I love my husband and he has been with me during very difficult times and I know that I can rely on him. But I have at times felt that I have given more than my share.

      We both married three years back with no significant assets, but I had no liabilities and he did. He had credit card loans, he couldn’t work for 5 -6 months because of visa problems, his parents are dependent on him, his brother started a business and was without pay for a year and my husband has paid for his brothers living as well as some initial costs. I have saved every penny I can and built assets where all he could contribute was his share of living expenses. The only thing that kept me going was our finances were separate. I could at least save whatever I had for us. I just clinged to the hope that things will be okay once his loans are paid
      and his brother’s business started giving him returns(both of which happened six months back). He has some savings now so that we can contribute 50% each for the house down payment.

      If you can work out other issues, I suggest you sit down and talk. If I was in your situation, I would be okay if the loans are solely his responsibility. Also, he would contribute his share of living expenses by taking a part time job. Whatever you earn during the time when he is in grad school and till his loans are paid off are your own. Revisit your fully merged finances as it is not working well for you.

      1. I’m totally late to the party, but I’m reading with interest because some parts of your situation sound a lot like mine — particularly the bringing a lot of assets into the marriage — but I think we (you and I) see things totally differently. For example:

        – I put $200K into the downpayment for our house. He put nothing. I honestly didn’t/don’t care too much because (while we don’t have a prenup and nothing is a sure thing), I assumed that if we divorced while we still owned the apartment, I would get the money back before we “split” any profits. (E.G. — Bought house for $700, sell it for $900K, pay off mortgage, pay me back for downpayment, split whatever remains.) I wanted the house. I wouldn’t have bought it without him, of course, but only because I would be waiting to buy one with my future hypothetical husband.

        – He is also not helpful very much around the house. I am desperately underwater right now — kids, a stressful and demanding job that always feels like it’s rocky, coordinating classes/appointments for the kids, doing our taxes and other finances, managing other household projects, etc. He knows I am under water. He sincerely would like to help. And yet… we talk and we go around in circles and every time we talk he feels bad (puppy dog sad, it’s the worst) and I feel like he hears me… and yet nothing changes. We have kids, so I am different than you, but my attitude has been to try to be really really be grateful for what he DOES contribute. If it’s the dishes and taking care of the kids for an hour each morning so I can sleep in, I’m happy. (Or I try to be, at least.) And of course I underestimate what he does and this sounds uncharitable to him. But the big question I ask myself is: do you want to be doing this by yourself? Either with him not here to help with the girls — or worse being forced to coordinate something new (like daddy dropoffs, spousal support, babyproofing His Place, and the like) — and the answer is so solidly NO that I really really try to see the good and be grateful for what I can. So in YOUR situation I would be asking myself — if he left tomorrow, how would my situation change? For example, if the dishes are still dirty and your new single approach to them would be to get a housecleaner, or buy more dishes, or buy paper plates — then do that now, while he’s still there. If it would be to eat out more or eat something different, do that.

        – His family sounds like it’s the elephant in the room. I don’t think you’ve said exactly what they did/how they used you that he’s making up for it. You’ve also said something along the lines of, they make continuous unrealistic demands on you. Two thoughts here. First — if I were you and I didn’t know about these family issues (or how big they were) going into the marriage — it would absolutely negatively affect my opinion of my husband. THAT is the biggest reason I think you need marital counseling — or at least personal therapy here. His family has put you on the defensive — so now you’re on the defensive, period. Just hypothetically — if my inlaws expected me to keep a perfect house or pay for their living expenses or a trip or something like that I would be not happy. Inlaws are a definite relationship to manage. On, and point B: If the unrealistic expectations they’re putting on you involve Wifey Perfection (eg well kept house, home cooked dinner, etc), f@#$ that s@#$@#. He married you, not Perfect Wifey. You can only handle so much on your plate at once, and if your husband isn’t taking anything off of it, then, again, FTS.

        – Wrt him going to school — I’m not entirely sure what I would do if this were me. I’ve told him I’d rather pay for us to buy a franchise that he could manage, rather than buy a new degree… but this is all hypothetical with us. We are Common Potters, and I think that would make the determination — along with whether or not he would go to school at night and keep his job, or quit his job entirely. If you both make $120K now, let’s say you have $20K coming into the house each month. (See how your prior assets are irrelevant?) As Common Potters, I would already be saying, OK, household expenses are $10K, his debt payments are $4K, and retirement savings are $3K, so we have $17K allocated and $3K disposable. Plenty of money for grad school debt, great! But if he goes back to grad school and quits his job, and you suddenly only have $10K to pay for $17K of expenses… that’s a problem. I would be willing to put my retirement savings on hold if it was something he really wanted to do. I might dip into my prior assets if it was something he really wanted to do, too. But if he just EXPECTED me to do it… that wouldn’t be cool. That would be a red flag to me that he didn’t understand that my prior assets are irrelevant — they’re there for savings and cushion and investment, not for living expenses or Big Expenditures that weren’t my choice.

        But of course by being common potters (and with me being in charge of the finances) then I basically know what the household expenses are, where we can cut, and be smarter/make better debt payments (round up, etc) than he would otherwise. I lead the team, but I’m still on it, if that makes sense.

        Sorry so long; hopefully this is helpful in some way.

  5. I honestly don’t know if I’m stressing for nothing, so non-snarky advice is much appreciated.

    I had a garden party a few years ago with someone in college (so not a stranger, but effectively a random hookup). No protection (I know, I know).

    Should I get tested for an STI? I’ve been so ashamed of this incident that I haven’t been, though I have had other gyn exams. I really don’t think I have one…but I guess it’s not outside the realm of possibility, given the risk I took.

    Also, if I do, how much info will the insurance company have access to? I’d really like this to stay confidential.

    1. If you’re still thinking about it a few years later, then get a full battery of tests at your next GYN exam to set your mind at ease (or deal with it if there’s something to know). You don’t have to go into great detail with your Dr., and if needed you can always just say that you want to make sure you have nothing to worry about.

      1. Is there any harm in waiting until that exam? (Don’t want to get too specific, but let’s assume my next one is at least 6mos away.)

      2. In a similar situation, I used Planned Parenthood for a test and paid cash. Please don’t let the shame consume you. It happened, it’s over, you’ll be more careful next time.

        1. This x100

          No one at Planned Parenthood will judge.

          Also, I just get a full battery of all STI tests done at each annual exam, regardless of my relationship status or my actions since my last visit. Better safe than sorry. Also, this gives you “cover” if you need it with your partner/parent. Just say your doc recommends it as part of your annual.

        2. My now-husband did this when we started dating. I think it was maybe $100. The peace of mind is worth it.

    2. Insurance will have access. If you want anon, go to local health clinic or similar.

      1. edit: removed my post because I just understood why OP was concerned about insurance possibly knowing!

    3. Just go get a STD test to put your mind at ease. It’s not a big deal. Call up your GP or your Gyn or visit Planned Parenthood and ask for one. I don’t know why you’d need to scurry around and try to hide it from your insurance, unless you really want to pay out of pocket for it, which you could. They are not personally judging you. If you feel the need to explain it to the doctor or nurse, lie and say a condom broke.

    4. Just go to your gyn. There is no reason for any crazy stealth that’s just an excuse you’re giving yourself for continuing to put this off.

      1. +1 I assure you they see much more scandalous things on a daily basis than a one night stand many years ago in college.

    5. FYI — when I’ve been pregnant, my OB (who was just my GYN before) ran a full panel for everything. I think that that’s routine and that ins companies are not getting the WHY part, just the WHAT part. You don’t mention they Why part, either; just ask for a full screening b/c you want to make sure your house is in order. NBD.

    6. Insurance isn’t going to bat an eye because STI testing is routine as a matter of course at gyno exams. Usually you have to opt out rather than opt in. That said, if you are on someone else’s plan (spouse, parent) the explanation of benefits will include what you had done. ( I really wish we could change this system. Why does someone get to see my medical info just because they pay my insurance premium?)

      Also, health professionals deal with STI’s all of the time. It is so routine for them. I have non-STI dermatological condition on my face. I was prescribed a skin cream that unbeknownst to me is also used for treating STI’s “down there.” When I picked it up the pharmacist counseled me “wait x hours after applying before having relations . . .” and I said um, “this is for my face, for __ condition.” He laughed and said, oh, it doesn’t say why you are prescribed it and I’m just so used to counseling people on this daily. Sorry. It was interesting to me how routine it was for him and there was no judgment in the way he passed on the instruction. It is embarrassing to you but not to them.

      PS: I only corrected him to make sure I was getting the right medication.

    7. Ahhh I’m guessing you’re still on your parents insurance. In that case, go to planned parenthood or a local clinic if it’s really that big a deal. I’ve always gotten tested and it was routine to. They used to automatically do for chlamydia since it can have no symptoms and give you Pelvic inflammatory disease. If you’ve never gotten tested just do it sooner rather than later. It’s not a big deal.

      1. yes do this. you don’t have to give an explanation, just ‘I havent been tested in a while can we just do everything?’ they won’t think twice about it … honestly we all should even when we use protection bc several things you can get either way … and I know how you feel I was SO nervous about it the first time and kind of didn’t want to know bc I also had an unprotected party, but once I asked I realized it was way less of a big deal than I thought. and most things can be treated these days so even if there’s an issue you will be okay. I promise!!!! hugs!!!

    8. No form of protection is 100%. If you’re sexually active, regardless of c*ndom use, you should be getting tested. Personally, I get a full battery of tests done after every partner, I demand that every new partner get tested before me, and a lot of my friends do the same. There is absolutely nothing shameful about getting tested.

      1. How .. may I ask… do you demand that every new partner get tested before se*y time?

        I am embarrassed by my own discomfort in this arena, and would appreciate how you broach this discussion and how soon.

        1. “Hey, before we have sex, let’s both get tested for STDs.”

          Discussion had once it seems like we’re going to have sex but before we actually do it.

          1. Or the first time you get makeout-ey you just ask: so have you been tested recently? Opens the door to both saying when you were last tested. If the guy is a grown-up he should then volunteer to get tested soon and get you the results.

            I’ve usually not even looked at the results, bc if he’s offering to show it to me and I’ve spent time with him I trust my judgment that the guy is being honest with me. And I haven’t been burned yet. But I have a highly developed instinct for liars.

            Whether or not the guy steps up to this conversation maturely says a lot to me about whether I want to sleep with this guy. If he is weird or embarrassed about having it, he is not ready to have sex, IMO. I use it as an important piece of decision-making information rather than feel embarrassed about asking it.

        2. I am pretty trusting of condoms (no STD test is 100% accurate either, and condoms used properly are very effective for most things, other than herpes and other external lesions which are also not tested on standard STD testing)

          But definitely before I have sex without a condom (I use birth control pills) I will say “when was the last time you were tested?” and “I’d be more comfortable if you get tested before we have sex without a condom.”

          You could do the same thing with any sex.. once things start to steam up a bit (clear that there is a physical attraction but no sex yet) say the same thing- “I’d be more comfortable…”

          Anyone who doesn’t agree to get tested right away isn’t worth your time.

      2. This! I get tested annually as part of my pelvic exam. C@ndoms reduce risk, not eliminate it completely.

  6. My office culture is to use email like IM. I prefer not to do this. I find it distracting to have to pay attention to email constantly. There is no way at all to follow those tips like “minimize distractions and only check email at certain times.” I have told admin to phone me or phone intercom me if it is urgent, but they do that for a day or two and go back to email. It appears I am the only one who is bothered by this and I’m also the newest one to the group so hard ask for things to be done differently for me. Any ideas?

    1. Could you put up an auto-reply for your e-mail? Something to the effect of, “I will be checking e-mail sporadically throughout the day. Please call ext. xxx for immediate requests.”? Or a line in your e-mail signature, “For immediate assistance, please call my direct line. E-mails will be answered within 2-4 hours.”?

        1. Yeah, sorry, but if this is the culture, you’re going to have to deal with it for at least a while and then make small shifts, not major ones like refusing to check your email for hours on end.

        2. Anonymous and Em, I would be interested in hearing your suggestions. I check my e-mail frequently throughout the day, but it’s not unusual to take a few hours to reply to something that is not urgent. Like OP, I find e-mail can reduce my productivity and I’d like to know about alternatives that work.

          1. Deal with reduced productivity and understand that in many offices being available and accessible is considered something you should be producing.

            If you’re not getting push back on a slower response time then great, but taking some big open stand against how your office works is a terrible idea.

          2. Yeah, I mean, if people are emailing you to ask about lunch, by all means push back. But if you’re in an office where responsiveness is part of the job, that is part of the job; and if you’re a junior person, you don’t get to dictate the methods by which you’re called upon.

          3. I don’t understand why taking an hour or two to reply to something non-urgent is a problem. I get that lots of people do reply right away (sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t), but are you sure that not replying instantly to everything is not an imagined problem? I think most people will understand that if you’re working on an important document, it make take a couple hours to reply to their invite to happy hour or whatever. If you’re exchanging emails with someone or waiting for things to be sent, then when you see the email alert that pops up, stop what you’re doing and check it.

          4. Oh, well, okay, yes – taking a few hours to reply to something that’s not urgent isn’t an issue. I thought what we were discussing was getting the email right away so that you know whether something needs an immediate response or not. E.g., if someone sends you a quick question like “do you know where the X file is; I need it for this afternoon’s meeting?” you do not want to put them in the position of hunting you down to get the answer if your office culture is such that that stuff is normally handled by email.

    2. Check your email regularly, ever couple of hours. If something is truly urgent that needs a response right away, they will call.

      1. +1

        Check your email as often as you can, but you don’t need to be a slave to it. As well, if you call people on the phone to discuss something you would otherwise send through email, people may start calling you back instead of emailing because that’s Your Thing.

      2. The thing is, people may call but they will be annoyed. (I am assuming OP isn’t the boss here.) If I sent a junior associate an email and then had to call them to follow up because checking email disturbs their workflow, that would be a serious problem for them.

        1. True. My office might be different, if I send someone an email I might expect them to read it within a couple hours and reply, but not instantly. That would change if they were waiting on an important message from me.

          1. agree. if you’re the partner with the big book of business, you can ignore emails/respond when you care to. If you’re the junior associate and I send a “please call me when you have a minute” email only to hear back from you hours later*, I’m going to be annoyed. It’s a culture thing and as the new kid on the block you can’t make the culture conform to your preferences.

            * = if what you say is, “I’m sorry for the slow response, I was at a hearing/doctor’s appointment/in an underground bunker reviewing documents”, I won’t be annoyed.

    3. Can you set your Outlook (assuming that’s the mail software you use) to send/receive new emails every 20 minutes rather than instantly?

      1. This is a bad idea. What if you get an urgent email that you need to respond to ASAP, but don’t even receive it in your Outlook for 20 minutes. If your office culture is that everything is done by email, you have just got to learn to work around it

    4. Are there certain times of the day that the email/IMing is worse than others? You could try to adjust your workflow to accommodate those times. Things that require more focus get done at a time of day that people generally leave you alone. Things that you can stop and pick up more easily get done in between emails. Alternatively, if your hours are flexible, come in early or stay later so you get more quiet time.

      If you have something big due, let people know that you’re up against a deadline and need to focus, so you won’t be checking email as much that day. People in my office will lock themselves in a conference room for a day or two to get away from the phone/email. But that has to be used sparingly and only for things that are time consuming and urgent.

    6. If your office uses Outlook, set it up so that it pops up with the subject line and sender, then the pop-up disappears. You can take a second to decide whether or not to ignore it and answer when it’s your designated “email time.” It’s not ideal, but shouldn’t interrupt your workflow too much. Different jobs require different responsiveness. Yours (and mine) requires a lot of immediate availability. It sucks, but you can adapt to it.

  7. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love pricey Mondays! I finally got to work because it was very slippery and I only fell on my tuchus twice. I do love this dress Katbut it looks way to boxy for me and Frank would still be looking at my boobie’s. I DO NOT want to pay so much money to have men stare at my boobie’s! FOOEY!

    Myrna’s brother brought a guy over who isn’t bad. He is cute but also pick’s his nose. I wonder if ALL Teck guys do this? Does the HIVE also see this?

    I was afraid they would drop their boogers on my carpet so I gave them kleenexexs when they came in. They also smelled funny. What is it with computers that make men smell funny? FOOEY!

    Dad reminded me of my birthday next month and that I am going to be old enough to be a grandma soon. He said that when he was behind the IRON CURTAIN hehad sex with grandmas younger then me! He kept calling sex with them “parking his car in their garage”. FOOEY! No wonder mom was worried about his winkie.

    Rosa is happy Eds tests came back negative but she is taking some time away from sex with him. Ed says he understands but Rosa knows she will have to restart soon or Ed could stray again with another woman and that would make the marriage KAPUT! Why do men need sex so much?

  8. What is the brand of bras for small chested women that folks on this list always recommend? I can’t find it using the search function or searching google. I’m coming to the end of my nursing days and am ready to turn in my clip-down bras for something nicer that the target bras I’d been wearing pre-baby. I’m probably a AA.

    1. Actually, Target is the only place I can find br@s that are small enough. But if you want an upgrade, try Wacoal; they carry AA. (However, I had several and they didn’t last as nearly as well as the Target variety.)

      1. Depending on the degree of support / coverage you need and want, you might look at the cheaper bras. I really like Aerie, Gap Body, and random triangle bras picked up at Marshalls etc. I also bought a molded bra from uniqlo that I love.

        1. I don’t know about AA, but I have found that Gap Body has a much wider selection of band sizes in A than many other brands, and yet aren’t that expensive. They are my new go-to.

        2. +1 to aerie for everyday bras. I’ve also found some nicer ones at Calvin Klein, but I’m size 32A.

    4. Eberjey is good for smaller sizes. There is also a line called itty bitty bra, which as the name suggests specializes in small bras.

    5. Check out herroom dot com. You can search by size (and they carry a very wide variety, from petite to buxom), tons of reviews, and there are hundreds and hundreds of styles.

  9. Another bra question…does anyone have sports bra recommendations for medium chested ladies? I’m a 32C and having a hard time finding something that fits for running that doesn’t feel like it’s compressing my lungs.

    1. Have you tried Moving Comfort? They have bras with individual cups (encapsulation) instead of just compression. Some even have underwire and adjustable straps for best fit. I’m generous of chest so bras that are just compression are miserable for me.

      1. +1 for Moving Comfort. Excellent support without feeling like you’re in a vise. Also, they seem to last forever. (I wash mine in the machine on delicate cycle.)

    2. No specific recommendations, but try Title Nine. The sports bras are organized by level of support and then size, and the customer reviews are extremely helpful. (E.g., I avoided one particular bra after multiple reviewers called it a “major masher.”)

      1. +1 — love Title 9. If you live near a store, they’ll pull all the right sizes for your activity.

        1. A lot of what Title 9 sells is Moving Comfort brand. So if you’re not near a store, you can probably find most of the same merchandise by brand on Zappos. Try a few styles. Fit can really vary.

    3. The best, most comfortable sports bras I have are the Lululemon energy bra, which is a very stretchy classic over the head sports bra, and a Wacoal ‘855170’ Underwire Sports Bra that is very comfortable and supportive. Chantelle also has a new sports bra out that looks nice, but I haven’t tried it yet. I have a Moving Comfort bra and even buying a size up, it feels like it’s strangling me.

      1. Plus 1000 for that Lulu bra. I know people have all kinds of opinions about this brand, but I LOVE their bras. I’m a 32D and wore 2 Nike sports bras before I found the energy bra. I can run no problem and they don’t look nearly as squashed and deformed as in other sports bras. They wash great/last a long time, too.

    4. I really like the Old Navy sports bras. Good price and supportive enough for my somewhat saggy-after-breastfeeding 34Cs but not too tight. I also find Winners/Marshall’s to be a great place to find all types of workout clothes.

    5. I just bought some good ones at Champion. I usually go for max or high support for soccer, running and biking. But they also have a good looking marathon bra.

    6. I am a 32C too and my go-to running bra is the Moving Comfort Rebound Racer. My main issues with sports bras are: (a) I have limited shoulder mobility so I have trouble getting the pure-racerbacks on, (b) if it’s loose enough for me to get on, it’s not supportive enough in the band, and (c) I also have a shorter than normal (apparently) distance from the top of my shoulders to the top of my chest, so most straps are too long. The Rebound Racer has adjustable straps that come completely un-velcro-d for getting it off easily, and it has a traditional hook-back so I can tighten the band as needed. I’ve worn it for 20+ mile runs and I don’t notice the existence of a bra at all, which to me is exactly how it should work. (Note: I had the MC Juno bra before this and it’s a little too bulky on a 32-band frame)

    7. I bought a couple from the Maidenform outlet that have separate cups and everything — I’ve found them to be very comfortable. (And I’m big-chested, so no bounce is important!)

  10. Any good recs out there for a men’s wallets? My husband’s is falling apart. Slim, under $100. About to pull the trigger on a Tumi but wondered if there are other brands I should be looking at. Thanks!

    1. Let him pick. I’d be so annoyed if someone chose a wallet for me. There’s an zillion mens options too – look at cuyana, jcrew, recommendations from style bloggers if he needs help, but I wouldn’t take this on. Too personal.

      1. Probably depends on the husband. Mine just says, “I need a new wallet” which means “will you please find me something, I have no intention of shopping for myself!” I don’t mind at all.

    2. my husband loves his Jack Spade. It’s slim – got it right around $100 I think from Nordstrom.

    3. Their stuff is awesome and they have lots of choices (and reviews on their website). Got my husband’s one here (after consultation).

      www dot saddlebackleather dot com

    4. Also, if your husband is anything like mine he may be emotionally attached to the falling apart version (“But I’ve had it since I was 15!”). So, unless he has specifically asked, I wouldn’t just give him a replacement he feels obligated to use, or guilt for not using.

    5. My husband has a Bellroy that he loves – very slim, good construction, and basic-but-nice looking.

    6. my husband loves the tumi I bought him for Christmas this year. Also, about 5 years ago, he bought me a YSL wallet that I never in a million years would have bought myself (both because of style and cost). Its literally the best wallet I have ever had. its 5 years old and still looks like new.

    7. Orvis. I got my husband a bison leather one which still looks nice a few years on.

  11. I’m looking for some favorite weeknight entertaining meals that are not lasagna/pasta. My mother and brother are coming over for dinner on Friday night and my mother avoids pasta and breads.

      1. I had friends around for a casual dinner last night and made a winter vegetable stew. Parsnips, carrots, potatoes, and sweet potatoes with lentils. I made rye dinner rolls and did a cheese platter. Easy and perfect for winter. You could substitute with rice or quinoa if you wanted to avoid the grains.

    2. Roast chicken- I’d cook it, with veggies, Thursday night, then pop it in the oven when I got home Friday to reheat.

      Fish- poach a salmon filet, serve with salad

    3. Does she eat potatoes?

      If yes, then I’d do shepherd’s pie/cottage pie with a big green salad. I’d prepare both the meat mixture and the mashed potatoes on Thursday evening, refrigerate separately, and then assemble on Friday evening and pop into the oven.

    4. kale and white bean soup with a salad.
      meatballs, polenta and a green veggie (sauted kale– as an example)

    5. Braised anything (chicken, beef, lamb, pork). Braises are even better after sitting for a day, so you can cook it on Thursday night and then just reheat on Friday. Service over polenta, mashed potatoes/sweet potatoes, rice or sauteed greens (kale, collards, etc.) for a more carb conscious option. The kitchn has some great recipes.

      Also check out the kitchn’s recipe for quick turkey meatballs over greens. You can serve pasta for the carbivores and your mom can just have it with the greens.

    6. What about a quiche or frittata? They are easy to throw together the night before and to bake for an hour before you eat. They feel special, and everyone loves brinner. Another option is quinoa enchilada casserole.

    8. Skinny taste has an AMAZING Jamaican Jerk Pork with mango salsa in the crock pot. I served mine over rice, but you can really do anything with it.

  12. I need a meal for a group of 12 that is relatively simple but is more on the “nice” side (I’d like to avoid tacos, pizza, chili, etc.). I have moderate cooking skills but would like to avoid anything that requires a bunch of unusual ingredients. Does anyone have any suggestions?

    1. Are meatballs nice enough? You can dress them up with salad etc. My recipe is literally just a tablespoon of pesto per half pound of meat (pork, turkey, beef, pork/beef mix, whatever), mixed together, and browned in a big frying pan. Then add one carton of shop tomato & basil sauce, enough cans of chopped tomatoes to cover the meatballs, and maybe some peppers. It cooks in about fifteen minutes, which you can use to set the table, serve drinks, cook the pasta.

      1. I was actually considering meatballs! And yes, they are. Our group tends to do very casual get-togethers (often potluck style) so I am just looking for something that is a step above the usual.

      2. LilyS (and OP), I thought of you this weekend. The feature in Food Network mag this month is meatballs. 50 different meatball recipes.

    2. Roast a chicken (or two). Stuff it with lemons and herbs and leave it alone. Or Smitten Kitchen’s mushroom lasagna. It seems much nicer than your normal lasagna, but is really simple. You can add a “fancy” appetizer like bacon wrapped dates if you wanted.

      1. +1 for the lasagna recommendation. You can even prep in advance & pop it in the oven shortly before guests arrive.

    3. enchiladas? They are a little time intensive, but easy to prep ahead of time and can end up being pretty awesome.

      A riff on the meatballs. Meatballs, polenta and a couple of green veggie side dishes. This is my go to meal for the winter and I think that it’s nice enough for company.

      Also homemade potpie is also something easy to make for a big group, really delicious and makes me feel like a cooking badass. Smitten Kitchen has some good recipes (even a vegetarian one!)

      1. I like to make chicken pot pie in muffin/cupcake tins with puff pastry. Unsurprisingly, it turns out AWESOME.

        1. In my family, we make chicken pot pie with biscuit on top instead of puff pastry. It is amazing. YOU ARE WELCOME.

          1. How do you keep the stuff at the bottom from falling out when you transfer it? do you smash a biscuit into the muffin pan as well?

          2. Hmmmm, I think she makes the actual pie, instead of in a muffin tin. But, if you use puff pastry to line the bottom/sides and biscuit on top, that could be interesting and awesome.

    4. I don’t believe you. A dinner for 12 with NO dietary restrictions involved? Are you from Earth?

      1. The Midwest ;) And other than a few of the guys who are picky eaters (my real motivation for no unusual ingredients), there are zero dietary restrictions. I do have friends that are vegan and vegetarian, they just won’t be attending this event. I’m pretty excited to go crazy on the meat!

        1. So jealous. Every single time I go to a potluck with my friends, there’s at least three vegetarians, and either a dairy-allergy or celiac person there, often both.

    5. Lasagna or spaghetti and meatballs with a fancy-ish salad and dessert. Or chicken parm which is easy to make en masse.

    6. I’m gonna add the same answer here that I gave to Anon in NYC’s question, braise something! You can use almost any meat, inexpensive cuts, make ahead and it doesn’t require any fancy ingredients. Serve over a variety of carbs (pasta, mashed potatoes, polenta, rice) with a salad or sauteed greens on the side.

      1. Braised short ribs or beef bourginion or coq au vin — all made ahead and will taste better ‘reheated”

        1. Another great braise option is pork carnitas. Braise on the stove or in a slow cooker, broil the next day to reheat and get crispy and serve in rice bowls with rice (add cilantro and lime for that faux chipotle taste), beans, avocado, salsa, sauteed onions and peppers, etc.

          You can also make Asian rice bowls with marinated flank steak (grill or broil, then slice thinly on the bias), a variety of veggies and maybe a few sauce options (peanut sauce, hoisin, etc.) The last time I made them I roasted broccoli, cauliflower and eggplant in the oven and also sauteed some onions and peppers.

          Most of the ingredients can be prepped and/or cooked ahead of time and then people can just make up their own rice bowls at the party.

    7. The pork ragu with pappardelle from the blog Dinner A Love Story. It is insanely good and easy and feeds a crowd. Serve with salad.

      1. Yes! I was about to recommend this dish. Delicious and you can eat it in a sandwich or over noodles.

        1. Made it last night although go the recipe from BlogHer, and it was attributed to Le Crueset. Yummy. I’d make it the night before and reheat for serving.

    8. Risotto! It’s easy to make and easy to make seem fancy. I think the Pioneer Woman has a recipe with butternut squash and kale.

    9. Thank you all for the advice! I’m going with pasta and meatballs (bonus, my mom offered to come over and help me make her amazing meatball recipe the night before) with a nice salad and garlic bread.

  13. On Friday, someone posted something about “mercury being in retrograde.” I didn’t know what it meant at the time but I looked it up later.

    It got me thinking – does anyone follow their astrological signs/horoscopes regularly? Does it help or provide you with insight you wouldn’t have had otherwise?

    And, if you do follow astrology, what are some of your best go-to resources and websites?

    Thanks!

    1. For me it is totally just for-fun, I’d never re-schedule an event for astrological reasons. It generally affirms what I’m feeling rather than informs it.

      As 1 story – a South Asian (Indian-American) couple that I met in grad school were some of the first to make their own “love marriage” as opposed to an arranged marriage. Further, it was not just outside their caste, but outside both of their religions – 1 was Hindu, 1 was Muslim! Their parents agreed on the condition of the astrologer – fortunately, the astrologer agreed, too!

      I wouldn’t believe in astrology anymore than I’d believe in alchemy…

    2. Just for fun! Some of the other ladies in my office do, and they forward it to me.

  14. Threadjack –

    What do you do when your significant other is not a “professional” but accompanies you to professional events and lacks the proper wardrobe. My SO is wonderful in so many ways, but business casual/professional is not one of them. Should I care? Besides my selfish reasons of wanting to present myself (and my partner) as best as possible to colleagues, etc., I can also sense that he feels like he doesn’t totally fits in, which makes me feel bad. I don’t know if it’s overstepping my bounds by picking out clothes for him and buying them myself incrementally, or suggesting he buy some, or what. Maybe if he was my husband I wouldn’t feel so bad bringing this up, but he isn’t, and I also don’t want to make him think I judge what he wears. His funds are low at this point in his life and mine aren’t as low. Thanks!

    1. My mom has a horrid sense of fashion (and she knows it). My dad worked in sales for many years and she would have him “approve” her outfits for any social functions. It wasn’t sexist–it was them working as partners to present professionally and appropriately to the world. My mom isn’t offended by it. Of course, you need to have really good communication and someone who is receptive to some fashion advice.

      I would buy him at least one nice outfit well before your next big event and say that you’d really love it if he “dressed up” for your function that’s coming up. See how that goes. Only you know the personalities involved and whether he’d be offended or grateful. Some people genuinely don’t care about clothes and some do. This is a “know your audience” thing.

      1. Knowing my audience, he doesn’t care about clothes at all, but can get somewhat offended if I don’t word things nicely. I think he would be grateful if I bought him something though.

    2. I think there’s nothing wrong with being concerned/wanting to make him look appropriate. The struggle is that it sounds like expenses aren’t combined… so you can’t just go tell him to buy XYZ. Can you talk about it? You said you suspect he feels out of place… that’s your bait to have a conversation. Tell him you’d like to buy him something? Is he too proud? Solutions to this start with a conversation.

    3. Hey, for this event you need to wear a suit and tie. Want to go shopping together?

      1. Or how about “Hey for this event I’m dressing up, wearing X and feel fabulous. It would be fun if we were coordinated and both fabulous. Want to go shopping together?” That way it is less of a command and more of “this will be fun.”

        1. I don’t like this. You don’t wear appropriate clothes to a work function because it’s fun and fabulous, you do it because it’s necessary and appropriate. He’s blue collar not a child. Same way he might say “wear steel toed boots for this site visit” you need to be able to say “I’d like you to go to this with me, here’s the dress code”.

          1. I don’t see why it can’t be fun and fabulous and necessary and appropriate.

          2. Yeah, I agree that this sounds like a speech you give when trying to trick a child. I just can’t see how that would go over well with a fully grown adult, unless you *want* him to think that you think he’s dumb and incompetent.

        2. I don’t often run into straight men who consider shopping for required business appropriate clothing to be fun and fabulous.

          I also think this isn’t something the OP is suggesting they do because it’s fun. It’s a necessity. Idk what’s wrong with telling men that. Sets up a dynamic where you have to sell them on everything.

        3. For some reason I can only hear Samantha Jones saying this. I can’t picture any actual people saying that.

    4. It’s pretty common for men to buy a woman a dress or an outfit for a special party/occasion, why can’t it be the reverse??

    5. I think I bought a boyfriend nice clothing to wear to a professional event once. I just phrased it as “hey the dress code for this thing is X and I know it isn’t really your style. I would love to buy you a shirt/pair of pants/whatever since I’m making you go with me.” Obviously I wasn’t actually “making him go” but that way it was more of “you are doing me a favor by going with me so let me repay the favor by buying you something to wear to this.” It made the situation less awkward. This works better if your guy is pretty cool and understanding about the scenario. I don’t know what your event is, but for me, a trip to Kohl’s for a dress shirt and tie was sufficient (I think he had a pair of nice pants), but it might be a bit more of a discussion if you needed to buy him a tux.

      Going forward, you could always buy him one nice shirt or tie for gift giving holidays. I did this with my husband (less intentionally, just because he looked nice in them), and he ended up acquiring a taste for dressier clothing and now wears them often.

    6. 1. if he doesn’t really care, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. There are definitely times when someone is not part of the group, and I think people understand and kind of excuse it. For example: If someone’s spouse is a nerdy frumpy college professor type, people don’t expect him to be looking dapper in a suit, they know that’s just him.

      2. why can’t you gently bring it up and see if he is interested in getting a couple of new pieces for events like this? just casually ask, something like “Hey I was going to go to the dept store and get a couple new things for these work events I have coming up, do you want to come along and we’ll grab you a new sweater or jacket?” and see if he bites at all. If he seems interested, but guilty about spending the money you can offer that it’s your gift and you really don’t mind. If he seems like it didn’t even occur to him, let him keep wearing what he’s wearing and don’t worry about him. He doesn’t need to drop thousands on a new wardrobe. One nice sweater and one new nice shirt would cover lots of events, and guys don’t need as many different outfits as we do.

    7. Judging from the replies, it seems like maybe I’m over thinking it. I think I’ll take the “hey I bought you this because you’ll look great in it!” approach every once in awhile, as well as asking him before an event if he wants to go shopping. My biggest concern was not making him feel bad about who he is and his appearance, but it seems like I can go about this without doing that.

      1. Yeah, I think you’re right. The best way to not make him feel bad is to bring it up once and just drop it if he seems like he’s not interested. But it sounds like you’re being very thoughtful about it, i’m sure it’ll be fine!

    8. Yep – my fiancé is a programmer – super smart, “professional” guy, but he wears flip flops and sweatshirts to work.

      I just lay out clothes (usually ones I bought him). He gets the joke.

  15. Living the dream today, ladies.

    Our office dresses down during select months, including February. I wore jeans today because I had nothing on my calendar, then my director came over this morning to tell me I had to go out to see clients this afternoon. I work an hour away from home, so going to change is not an option. Rawr.

    I did point out my attire to my director, and they didn’t seem bothered by it, so I’ll just put my spare suit jacket on over my sweater and shoot for the moon.

    1. Leave 45 minutes early and go shopping? I wear jeans regularly, but I would never see a client in jeans.

    2. I would probably leave early and go shopping, or maybe ask a colleague if they have a spare suit hanging in their office somewhere. I once had an interview scheduled unexpectedly and I ended up driving home and coming back just so I could be dressed appropriately.

Comments are closed.