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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 118 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Dolman Turtleneck

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Moth Dolman Turtleneck | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Oooh: love this sweater — and so do the reviewers, all of whom note that the picture does not do this super-soft wool/poly sweater justice (particularly the holly green color). I like the little details like the button sleeves, as well as the general cool, slouchy look to it. It's available in regular and petite sizes in four colors, for $98 at Anthropologie. Moth Dolman Turtleneck Here's a lower-priced option and a plus-size alternative. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

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Comments

  2. gotta give up

    The item is a plain old turtleneck? And the lower priced option is $54 petite only? Ummm. . . You can buy a plain turtle neck anywhere.

    • Shopaholic

      I don’t think it’s a plain turtleneck – I actually really like the button details on the sleeves.

      • FHA

        The lower prices option is petite only and not like this at all , what a scam this site is.

        • Bonnie

          How exactly are you gettting scammed by a clothing recommendation on a free blog?

    • Ellen

      Yay! I think I perfer a COWL Neck Turtelneck sweater. Frank does NOT like it b/c he can’t peek in, but I do NOT care to show my boobie’s to him anyway. That is for the man who want’s to MARRY me, not someone who is just there to stare at me. FOOEY on that!

      Lynn is mad b/c we gave Mason 2 week’s notice. I do NOT have anyone else to help me yet, but we are lookeing. If anyone in the HIVE want’s to work with me doeing WC law, let me know and I will show your resume to the manageing partner.

      The manageing partner is mad too b/c he was NOT listed as a SUPERLAWYER this year. He was in 2013, but that is b/c he had his freind in the Bar Assoiciation write a letter for him. They did NOT renew his status as a SUPERLAWYER last year OR this year. He says there are a bunch of peeople who are on the list that HE is smarter then, but why is he omited? I agree.

  3. anonymou

    How do you know when you’re ready to get another dog? We had to put my baby down about four months ago, and I’m looking forward to getting to know a new dog and having one around again, but I’m frequently not sure I’m ready. And I’m wondering how I will know that the time has come.

    • Anonymous

      One day, you will be sure you are ready. That’s the time. It will probably sneak up on you sooner than you think.

    • Clementine

      I agree that you will know when you’re ready.

      In the interim, what about doing some temporary fostering?

      • Wildkitten

        I dunno. It sounds like mou is really worried about being ready and I think if you’re worried about being ready you’re probably ready. If you’re not ready you just know, you don’t worry about it. I agree go look at some dogs and when you fall in love with one you want to take home you’ll know. It’s easier to be ready for a dog when you gaze in its big brown eyes than when you are thinking inside your own brain.

    • Anonymous

      I’d suggest that you maybe start looking at some websites and visiting some dog shelters/rescues. This really helped us, and the right dog found us. It took us several weeks of visiting different rescues and checking out online. We met a few dogs, and some who just didn’t click with us. Also if being around the dog/cuteness is too much, it’s easier to realize when you’re seeing and around dogs. My partner and I looked a bit online. We found a scottish terrier at a rescue, and she was adorable on video, we went to meet her. And she crawled in my lap and licked my face, and we knew that she was for us.

      You may not be looking at a rescue or shelter dog, but I found that this maybe the easiest way.

      • Walnut

        This is great advice. I thought I was ready until I cried the entire way home after visiting a couple dogs at a shelter. Two months later, we took a leap to fostering and became really fast foster failures. It took me longer than my husband and I think the shelter experience helped him see it too.

    • Katie

      A few years ago I read a series of short articles at the NY Times about a woman who got a puppy (the puppy chronicles?). One thing she mentioned is that nobody told her that when she got a new puppy, she would still miss her old dog.

      I got a new dog about 7 weeks after I had to put my first dog to sleep. I didn’t think I was ready, but he was a stray who needed a home. It’s been a great thing for me, and I never had any regrets. It took me about a year to bond with him like I had bonded with my first dog.

    • Bonnie

      When our cat died, we thought we’d wait for a while but made it about two weeks before we were ready to adopt again. Someone wisely explained to me that getting a new pet is not replacing the one that died but filling the hole in your heart. For us, the house was just too quiet and we were so much happier when we brought the new kitties home. It was much easier to deal with the grief with a purring furball. Now our house is a zoo with cats and a dog but that’s another story. ;-)

    • WJM-TV

      Honestly, either you want a dog or you don’t. You’re still understandably heartbroken, which may cloud that knowledge. In my family, we adopted a dog the same day we had to put one down. After that dog died of illness, we waited a week or so until the shock left and realized we were missing having a dog. After that dog passed, my parents waited a month or so, saying they weren’t sure. Then we started looking and went out to the shelter to go see some puppies. We ended up getting the momma dog that day. It took my parents a while to get used to the new dog, since they were used to an older dog and the momma dog is a movin’ and goin’ thing :) We all still miss the other dogs, but the new ones are always a joy.

  4. BB

    Has anyone purchased lights off YLighting? I’m thinking of getting some simple bedroom lamps, but haven’t used the site before. Also always a bit hesitant to order home goods I haven’t seen in person, so a good return policy would be helpful.

    • NYCpg

      I bought a bunch from them when we renovated last year. I didn’t return anything, but I had no problems with them at all. Everything was as pictured. You may want to Google to see if there are any coupon codes.

    • anon

      I have because they had the best price on an expensive lamp. They do not have a good return policy. (I don’t remember if they don’t accept returns at all, but I know it was not a good policy so I didn’t order until I was SURE I wanted it).

      They sent me coupons for a while after I placed my order so if you are buying more than 1 thing, do it in stages to maximize the coupons! Also use a cash back site – I think they are on a couple of them with significant cash back.

  5. Hairdryer

    Looking to buy a good quality hair dryer that I can use to both blow my hair straight and to diffuze and keep my natural curls. Any recs?

  6. Infant H*lloween C*stume

    What did you dress up your 6-month old for h*lloween? I want to buy my nephew a c*stume but am having a hard time finding cute ideas and quality c*stumes. Any recs? I am open to in-store (DC area) or online. Thanks!

    • Infant H*lloween C*stume

      Not sure if it was h*lloween or c*stume that was getting me stuck in moderation. Weird.

    • Diana Barry

      When my oldest was a baby we got a pumpkin baby outfit from the paranoid parents’ catalogue (One Step Ahead). Super cute and all 3 kids wore it as babies. Better quality than one of the party stores.

      • mascot

        “paranoid parents’ catalogue” That’s a pretty good description. Also, Costco has great costumes.

    • JJ

      Pottery Barn Kids usually has adorable infant costumes. My (then) 9-month old was a dog from there and my 4-month old was a zebra. They may be on sale, since it’s close to Halloween.

    • Jdubs

      I think Carter’s costumes are pretty high quality and adorable for this age. You can usually get them for under $20 if you shop around – Carters webs!te, Kohls, or Costco usually have them too.

    • LawDawg

      I know you want to buy something special for your nephew, but used Halloween costumes work really well. You can get high quality, barely used items for a fraction of the cost.

    • EB0220

      I’ve found the Carter’s costumes to be high quality. Don’t count on a baby being willing to wear a hat, if that’s a crucial part of the outfit.

    • ace

      maybe double check with parents about whether they’ve already planned something (and perhaps you did and just didn’t mention it your post)? I think picking out a kiddo’s first halloween costume is something most first-time parents like to do so a well-meaning relative showing up with a different costume could be problematic. [again, not presuming this is what you’re doing, but just an FYI in case that’s applicable]

      Many of the Halloween events in my area are this weekend (except for the actual trick or treating on Saturday the 31st), so keep that in mind when thinking about delivery.

      There are generally a ton of cute Halloween non-costume clothing items in stores like Gap, Old Navy, Carters, etc. too if a costume has been found already but you want to add an outfit.

      • Nan

        Also double-check with the parents about whether they have any interest whatsoever in dressing up a 6-month-old?

  7. When to say when?

    So, I packed on some weight over the summer (over the last calendar year, if we’re being realistic) and as we head from the summer of stretchy dresses and cardigans in to fall, I’m debating if I break down and buy some bigger pants, or ride it out with tights until (if) I get back in to my suit pants. Thoughts?

    • JJ

      Don’t punish yourself with clothes that don’t fit. Buy one or two things that fit you now, while you work into back into fitting into your old clothes.

    • Moonstone

      I am in exactly the same spot and am going pants shopping today. I don’t like seeing that bigger size on the label but I’ll look better if I am not bursting out of them.

      • Anonymous

        Im doing this too. Resigned actually.

        But I also am glad that I won’t feel like an appeallate sausage during the day.

          • National_Anthem

            I’m imagining someone who does appellate work and feels like a sausage… On days where I have this feeling, I might start referring to myself as a litigation sausage.

    • Bonnie

      Agreed. I’ve gone a step further and started getting rid of clothing that was more than just a little snug. I find it demoralizing to have clothing in my closet that I can’t fit into.

  8. Inhouse

    I am starting my inhouse gig next week (goodbye biglaw!)! It is a very small legal department (2 attys, one paralegal and one secretary) and a real estate development firm.

    Any tips for being successful? Also, as an aside, is it easier to move from biglaw to inhouse or inhouse to inhouse? i came across this job after screening so many recruiter calls – would it be the same inhouse?

    • JJ

      I’ve been in-house for almost a year now, but the transition wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. Learn as much as you can about the business and industry itself as quickly as possible. In my experience (and those of friends that transitioned, as well) no one is going to sit you down and explain everything, so you’ll need to do a lot of research on your own. But, I can give a lot better advice when I know how it will actually affect the business. Make yourself indispensable to your clients. The most successful in-house attorneys that I’ve seen as the ones that the business considers a partner, rather than someone saying “no.”

    • ace

      Anecdotally, friends who have moved in-house tend to find it much easier to move from in-house to in-house gig. I don’t think it’s necessarily the case that you’ll be recruited (though it’s possible), but more that you’re a more desirable candidate as you’ve shown you can work well with non-lawyers by being in-house.

  9. AZCPA

    I could use some legal as well as practical advice here. I’ve used a local housekeeping service for years, my current one for nearly 3 years. I just realized that someone on the housekeeping team (a 2 person team, they come biweekly) has been stealing from me. Small items- probably $40 in total over the past months. Until they came yesterday I wasn’t certain, since it was always small things that I couldn’t be sure I couldn’t be sure I hadn’t misplaced or miscounted. For example, a couple months ago I’d gone under my sink to get a bottle of face wash since the one on the counter was empty, and there wasn’t a spare bottle. But now I’m sure. Obviously I’ll fire the service and alert the owner. I’m also changing my alarm code and getting the house rekeyed. Am I overreacting? Or the reverse, are there actions I’m not thinking of that I need to take?

    • Diana Barry

      All of those things are good. If you wanted to, you could also file a BBB or Angie’s List or Yelp complaint, but I think those actions (firing, changing locks and alarm code) are sufficient.

      • mascot

        Even if she didn’t catch them in the act, she doesn’t trust them. That’s enough for me not to let someone in my house again. Now, for a small amount like this, I probably wouldn’t file a police report or even leave a review that they are sticky-fingered stealers that steal. But I would mention something to the company and let them know that you had concerns.
        One thing you may want to invest in is a keypad lock. Then you can just de-activate a code and not have to go to the expense of re-keying locks.

      • Wildkitten

        Yeah, I’m skeptical that someone would steal $40 over the course of so many months. I would not be that patient if I were a thief, and I definitely forget that like, I’m already using my back up face wash and don’t have a second bottle on hand. Can you share what made you sure?

        • AZCPA

          They are licensed and bonded (part of why I chose this service).

          And I’m completely certain. On Monday after work I purchase a 2-pack of Advil during my Costco run and put both bottles in my medicine chest. When I got home last night after the cleaning team had been there during the day, I went to get some Advil and there was only one bottle. I live with my boyfriend (who is out of town) and no one else has access to my home beyond the cleaning team that came yesterday.

          I should also add that I’m crazy organized and I’ve misjudged things like whether I’m already using my backup face one maybe once in the past 5 years. So 3-4 items in the last three months would be incredibly uncharacteristic. And eve then, I didn’t say anything since me making a mistake wasp ossible.

        • AZCPA

          When I was a kid, we had a cleaning person steal from our house. When my dad confronted her, she immediately admitted it, and actually returned a whole box of stuff to our house that she’d taken. It was all small stuff (Kleenex, lipstick from my mom’s makeup try, shampoo, etc). Basically things that we had in abundance that weren’t likely to be missed.

        • Anonymous

          On the one hand, I don’t think you’re overreacting – we had a cleaning person steal from us when I was a kid. She had a key to our house and came while we were at work/school and stole extremely personal items like family heirlooms, while leaving TVs/computers untouched. She also vandalized our house and we think she may have hit/abused our dog (our dog was fine physically but reacted weirdly to sudden movements for a long time after that). It was beyond awful so I definitely sympathize, and to this day we let our cleaning service in so they don’t have a key to our house. On the other hand, cleaning services are notorious for putting things in the wrong place. Our current is constantly putting stuff in totally illogical places (books in the laundry hamper, etc). Is it possible they just put one bottle somewhere else, weird though that would be?
          But I think you can’t be too cautious and it definitely makes sense to fire them and change the locks, especially if you have a pet at home. I think all the time about how our cleaner-burgler (who clearly had some sort of personal vendetta against us) easily could have taken/killed our dog and how grateful we should be that she just took and destroyed stuff.

          • AZCPA

            The bottle was in a closed cabinet they had no reason to even open – it’s not like it was on the counter and they tried to find a place to put it. And even so, I pulled out everything from the medicine cabinet to verify it hadn’t shuffled to the back by someone on the cleaning crew looking for a band-aid or something. I also looked through every other cabinet in the area just in case.

    • tesyaa

      It’s possible the service is bonded and insured. You can and should seek reimbursement even if only $40.

    • Maddie Ross

      I think calling the owner regarding reimbursement, and firing at least the employee doing it if not the whole service, is totally fine. I would probably not go to the effort of changing locks myself. They aren’t robbing you of your jewels and given the M.O. (swiping small things), it seems highly unlikely to me that that employee would come back to steal more shampoo or face wash.

      • AZCPA

        I considered that, but since the person already shows terrible judgement by stealing and will likely be fired, I just didn’t want to take the risk of them having access to the house. More because I have pets than because I think they will take anything of real value.

        • Maddie Ross

          You do you, but I’m confused by the last statement. Do you think they would harm your pets? Given the items that you think are gone (face wash, advil), it seems to me that contacting the owner, either firing the service or getting the team that services your house changed is enough. This isn’t high crime, it’s petty thievery. They are probably doing it in other homes too and it’s going unnoticed. I would not expect retribution or repeat offending here.

          • AZCPA

            I’m sure they have been doing it at other homes, that seems most likely. I was only concerned about retribution because they are going to lose their job over it, and I don’t want them to even have potential access to my house. They will know they are fired because of me, and $100 to prevent any access seemed worth it.

          • Anon0321

            I was going to say, changing locks is cheap- if it gives you peace of mind, then do it.

      • AZCPA

        Update – I called the owner, who asked her team about it. They denied it and she’s not taking any action at all. So frustrating. I will definitely not be using any team from that service ever again.

        • Anon

          Ha! What a great investigation into theft. They asked the team if they had stolen anything and they said no. Case closed!

          Change your locks.

          I had a very bad experience with a friend of a former pet sitter letting himself into my house when he thought I wasn’t home. But I was. And he wasn’t here to pet sit.

          • lawsuited

            Well, unfortunately any investigation comes down to a she said she said. Homeowner says items were stolen by the cleaner, cleaner says she did steal the items, so what else can the cleaning service do? Root through the cleaner’s purse or car or house?And even if the cleaning service did do that, would the homeowner accept the fact that no items were found in the cleaner’s belongings as proof that the cleaner did not take a tube of facewash months ago? If a bottle of advil were found in the cleaner’s belongings would that really be evidence that the cleaner stole it from the homeowner’s house? I guess we’re assuming that the cleaning service should just side with the homeowner rather than the cleaner, but I’m not sure that’s entirely fair.

          • Anon0321

            On the one hand, yes– but on the other hand, if she starts getting other complaints from other clients & starts losing business, she might pay attention.
            I know others said not to post this on yelp, but if you feel comfortable, I absolutely would– wouldn’t you want to know this before trusting someone else in your home? I know I would…
            Also, it wouldn’t help for random items that someone wants to take, but we have a walk in closet in our apt, and I changed out the regular handle to a locked handle ($30 at a hardware store, installed it myself, was super easy) and when we have people come to do work, we put our valuables in there & lock the door. It won’t help major theft, but most crimes are crimes of opportunity & why tempt someone… especially if it is something of sentimental value that cannot easily be replaced.

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      Even if you’re wrong about the stealing, don’t let people in your house without you home if you’re uncomfortable with it. Do all of those things, change locks, code, etc. Your home should be your sanctuary and where you feel safe.

      • AZCPA

        To lawsuited – I don’t know that I expected the owner to ‘blindly’ accept my story over her crew, but I did certainly expect her to take it seriously, which she didn’t.

  10. Moonstone

    Seeking advice on crockpots: I have a decent one but it’s not programmable. I am gone for 11 hours on a weekday and, of course, want to eat almost as soon as I get home. For those of you who use a programmable slow cooker 1) how well does the food turn out if it switches to “warm” after 8 hours and sits there for another 3 or 4? and 2) any recommendations on brands or models?

    • Bonnie

      We have a basic Cuisinart programmable crockpot and are satisfied with it. It is nice to come home to warm food and the warm feature works fine. Instead of buying a new crockpot, you can make yours somewhat programmable by plugging it into a timer. Even off, the food will keep warm for a while covered, although 4 hours may be a stretch.

      • Moonstone

        Thanks for the advice. I looked into a timer, but some sources suggested it could be a fire risk because most timers are made for appliances like lights and the slow cooker draws more power. I’ll check out the Cuisinart, though.

        • Coach Laura

          I too have a programmable Cuisinart (wanted a smaller one so mine is 3.5 quarts). I use it weekly and love it. I’m gone for 12-13 hours and love the automatic timer switching to warm. I think it works best for pot roasts, pulled BBQ pork, chili and Beef Bourguignonne – things like that. And if I do chicken and the recipe says 5-6 hours on low, I’ve found that chicken dries out if cooked more than 3-4 hours, so I put the timer on 3-4 for low and then with 8 more on warm it’s well-cooked but not dry.

        • tesyaa

          Use a timer made for an air conditioner. It’s hardly more expensive than the cheaper kind. I’ve used a timer on a crockpot every week for like 20 years and never had a problem.

      • Moonstone

        Thanks for the link. This looks like what I want. And I am a resentful cook so I am happy it’s less than 50 bucks.

    • Jdubs

      I leave my crockpot on for 10+ hours many times, usually have mixed success. Depends on the type of recipe.

      I just got the cookbook America’s Test Kitchen Make Ahead Book, and the chapter on slow cooking includes only recipes that are designed to be in the crockpot for long times. I haven’t tried any yet – but planning to try one tomorrow!

      I upgraded to a programmable Cuisinart one from Costco last year and it works great.

    • CHJ

      I think some recipes work better than others. Beef recipes (stews, chili, barbacoa, etc.) do well even if they stay on “warm” for a while. Chicken and vegetable recipes can break down and be too soupy on an extended “warm” setting.

      Another option is to run the slow cooker for 7-8 hours overnight. Put the crock in the fridge in the morning, and reheat individual servings for dinner that night. Some recipes even get better that way because the flavors meld with a day in the fridge.

      • Moonstone

        This is blowing my mind. How did I never think of this before? Also, the realization that I sleep only 7 hours — even though it may be my favorite activity — is bumming me out.

    • KS IT Chick

      We went with a Cuisinart 3-in-1 cooker when the last regular slow cooker became unreliable.

      http://www.amazon.com/Cuisinart-Cook-Central-Slow-Cooker/dp/B00G5QWQCS/ref=sr_1_6?s=appliances&ie=UTF8&qid=1445529299&sr=1-6&keywords=cuisinart+slow+cooker

      I like being able to brown meat, onions, etc, and then flip it over to slow cooker mode. I

      Slow cookers are like toasters: it has one job, and if it doesn’t do the job, you get rid of it and find something that does. When my last regular one would randomly shut off mid cook, leaving a crock of meat & vegetables in an unknown-if-safe-to-eat condition, we pitched it.

  11. Rose

    I’ve been in therapy for the past four years to deal with some things in my past that continue to effect me. I chose and continue to go to a therapist at a local Seminary, which has a Masters in Counseling program and an attached clinic for the graduate students to get their hours in.

    Financially, things have been tough lately, and my counselor has suggested several times that I fill out a scholarship application. I’ve resisted because I feel I make too much money. This week, she directly asked me to, and I agreed. I’ve filled out the form, and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get selected, which isn’t a problem, but I’m debating including a cover letter explaining how much the center has meant to me, and how I appreciate the reduced cost services in general. But I’m not sure if that’s over doing it, or looking like a kiss a–.

    Thoughts?

    • Wildkitten

      That letter sounds delightful and I think you should send it even if you don’t apply for the scholarship.

    • Meg Murry

      I think it’s worth saying – if nothing else, it shows that their services are appreciated.

      FYI, don’t assume that you won’t get the help. Many financial assistance programs take into account not just how much money you make, but the story behind it. For instance, I was able to get a tuition aid for my kid’s daycare when I lost my job, not just because of how much money I did (or didn’t) make, but because it was a big hit to our family and I was able to tell that story (and the money was available). Many programs like to be able to help people, even if it is only a small % discount, so that they can say “X people served through our discount program in 2015”, allowing them to apply for more grants. Or they can use your application as an example of “and we had to turn away Y people in 2015, but with a grant from ABC corp we wouldn’t need to.”

      For many places, giving you a discount financially means that you keep coming, so it is worth it to them to get some money from you, rather than no money from you.

    • 2 Cents

      Include the letter. The worst that happens is you aren’t offered a discount. But you don’t know their financial cutoff (if there’s an official one), and you may end up with some savings.

  12. Workplace Bathrooms

    I have the opportunity to provide input on an interesting question in my small office. We have three single stall bathrooms, one on each floor. The building is an old house so these bathrooms are similar to what you would find in someone’s home. Two of the bathrooms are for either sex to use. One of the bathrooms is marked as a ladies room and the men do not use it. That means guests and employees on the that floor have to go to another floor to use the bathroom.

    There has been discussion about making them all unisex. Why should the ladies get a sex specific room when the men don’t? I guess the history here is there was an employee years back that insisted she needed a bathroom that only women would use. Again, this is single toilet and sink with a regular locking door. You won’t be passing any men in the actual room. But, to appease her, the ladies only room was created and has continued in perpetuity.

    We are brainstorming about any backlash in discontinuing it. So far the only possible concerns we have come up with are (1) sometimes guys pee on the seat and some like having a seat to sit on that doesn’t have pee on it. (2) We have feminine products in a cabinet and sometimes in the trash and will that be weird if the men use it? (3) Some people might be embarrassed to stink the place up and have a male employee walk in after them or vice versa.

    Personally, I don’t think these are valid reasons to keep the ladies only bathroom. We are all adults, we all poop. Pee on the seat isn’t a problem in the two other bathrooms. These guys have wives and daughters so they can deal with feminine products in the cabinet or trash.

    It would be like having a bathroom in your house and telling your male guests they can only use the first floor one while female guests can use the second floor one.

    So, am I missing anything? Any reason any of you ladies would really really want a toilet only the ladies could use? (Or would be mad if it became unisex?)

    • Maddie Ross

      Frankly, in an old house with normal old bathrooms, I’m surprised the guys actually abide by the sign saying “women’s only” on one of them. That seems crazy.

    • Anonymous

      No, and it is actually making me laugh that there have been sessions about it, where someone actually said that they’re embarrassed about a man (but not a woman) potentially smelling their poo.

      • Workplace Bathrooms

        Yup. It is one of those absurd “I can’t believe I’m actually dealing with this” work moments.

    • anon

      Assuming your area does not have a law on this (see http://ohr.dc.gov/page/safe-bathrooms-dc, also gives you some things to consider), I would make them all gender-neutral unless the holdout is so upset about it that it will affect your work environment. Then depends on how valuable that person is and whether the powers that be think she’ll get over it sooner rather than later.

      • Workplace Bathrooms

        Thanks for the link. I’ve got the reasons we should have gender neutral bathrooms down. What I’m failing to come up with is any reason against the gender neutral bathroom. It is such a foreign issue to me – I was thinking I might have been missing something like an old law that required a ladies only room or some obscure religious prohibition against sharing a toilet seat – but it couldn’t be that since we don’t have a men’s only room.

        The fact that they all used to be gender neutral means it wasn’t prohibited for some weird reason here. I think management just knows any change tends to lead to push back and is trying to anticipate what issues they might face. With the one hold out no longer here, I doubt anyone is going to complain.

    • Em

      It’s not like women never pee on the seat as we all know from single sex bathrooms. Desegregate it.

      • Scarlett

        Agreed. I was going to say I far more often find pee on seats in the ladies room than when I sneak into mens rooms at restaurants. If everyone would just stop hovering already ….

        • 2 Cents

          Seriously! The condition of the ladies’ rooms at my workplace make me not want to ever visit some of these ladies’ houses!

    • Anon

      Did someone at one time use it for pumping? That is one random reason why I could see one for women if the office had no other place for that.

      • Anon0321

        If it locks from the inside, then it should still be an option for pumping.

  13. superanon

    I’m in a job that I generally really like, but I’m getting frustrated at the lack of opportunities for advancement. I’ve been here four years. The pros:

    -great work/life balance
    -pretty good pay
    -mostly interesting work with smart people
    -truly awesome boss that I learn a ton from and who advocates for me and gives me great growth opportunities

    The cons:

    -I really feel ready for a promotion, but my boss is stalling on it and keeps telling me I’m on track for a promotion without a real timeline. When I forced an answer on when, she said within the next year. My performance reviews are always excellent. I don’t even care about money or a raise (I mean, I’d take it, but that’s not the priority). I want the title.

    -I want direct reports. I have intern managing experience and that’s it. At this stage in my career, I really want to learn more management skills. But I’m not getting that chance here.

    -Though no one would ever say this, I suspect part of the reason I have not been promoted is that there is another person on my team at the next highest level who has not been performing that well and would not take it well if I were promoted to his level. There’s no way to prove this, of course, but it’s just a gut feeling.

    What should I do?

    • anonymous

      I think it’s worth looking for a new job. Apply and see what you get, and if you find something that gives you what you need, take it. If you don’t, then don’t. I don’t think it ever hurts to see what’s available to you.

      • Anon0321

        Also, having another option on the table might push your boss to promote you if he/she really likes you. Bargaining power!

  14. fall

    Where is a good place in the D.C. area to go see the changing leaves this weekend?

    • Anon100

      If you have a car, I second Skyline Drive in Shenandoah National Park. Second would be Harpers Ferry and if you’re up for it, Rocks State Park in northern Maryland has a gorgeous view from King & Queen Seat. I’m more familiar with the Maryland side of things, so there’s also Sugarloaf Mountain and Catoctin Mountain Park/Cunningham Falls State Park.

      If you don’t have a car, there’s Theodore Roosevelt Island on the Potomac River.

      • Anonymous

        This list makes me homesick. Been gone for a long time, but all of those are places I cherished growing up in MD.

  15. go for it

    The delicate ego of a senior underperforming man has kept many a woman from promotion. your gut is probably right. here’s what I’d do. I’d set a meeting. I’d make my case affirmatively for my new title with all of the supporting docs and supporters I have. Depending on how sensitive it is (you know your workplace better than I), I’d consider saying something like “I understand that promoting someone is often sensitive and can cause difficulties with others- we have a lot of amazing and ambitious people here that I am proud to work with. if that’s part of your concern, please know that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help navigate those issues.” I think showing that you understand your boss’s pressures and concerns will go a long way to making you seem like promotion material. I have done exactly this in the past, and it got me a promotion that otherwise would have been stalled (or perhaps never happened).

  16. TBK

    For those of you who do public speaking, how do you prepare notes to speak from instead of a full written speech? It’s the custom in DC to just read written remarks (and I understand why, especially for people who have to get their remarks cleared/have to post them afterward) but it’s not the most dynamic way to do it. I’m trying to move away from it myself, but I’m just not sure what to include in my notes or what notes should look like.

    • Sidney Ellen Wade

      While everyone has to find what works for them, I am most successful when I write out my speech ahead of time (in a full or close to full script version). I then read through it a couple of times, and as I review, I write in numbers for each of the top points I want to make and use a highlighter on specific phrases or words that are important to include when I give the presentation. I then take my marked up version to the podium and find I rarely look down at it, or if I do I can quickly glance at Point 3 (or whichever one I need) or that phrase to complete the point I am trying to make.

      • Anon

        I do something similar to this, then take the extra step of making up a set of bullet-point noted summarizing the highlighted points. I speak from the bullet points rather than the original script.

    • Clementine

      I’ve both written remarks for myself and also for others, including one delightful interlude where I had to write a lot of prepared remarks for a non-native English speaker who refused to bring his glasses with him to these speeches and when he did would just (intentionally) lay on his accent heavily and start rambling… It killed me a little every time… Here’s what I’ve learned:

      Some people prefer a very vague set of notes, but what I have found works best is to start with an outline of what you want to say. I do mine old-school style where I actually number the physical outline like they taught me in elementary school. I then fill in the outline with bullet points. They should be really short bullet points, something that you can glance down and just read.

      When I write these things on notecards, I often use a fine point sharpie or a felt tip pen and I write in big letters. You never know how the lighting will be at some of these things (for the glasses-refusing politician, I would literally use 18 point font, all caps). I also write at the top of each notecard the general topic with a number so like 1- Intro, 2- Why I love kittens, 3- Impact of loving kittens , 4- Yay for saving kittens, 5- Closing.

      This is helpful if you ever drop or fumble your notecards or just lose track of where you are- you can just glance at the top and remember that whatever you’re talking about, you were at the part where you talk about saving kittens.

      For clearance/review, I would submit the outline with bullet points. I only once ran into a time where someone wanted us to read a fully prepared statement, but that was just a weird one-off.

      • Coach Laura

        I do notecards, large print/font, numbered, bullet points almost identical to Clementine’s post above.

    • Runner 5

      Depending on how structured my speech needs to be (in terms of what order to mention things), I have sets of bullet points or small spider diagrams, with asterisks next to the most important things. I sometimes like to use one 3×5 card per idea/ ‘paragraph’, so that I don’t get distracted by what’s next or before.
      The most important thing is to be clear with your signposting – it helps you as well. (‘tell people what you’re going to tell them, then tell them it, then tell them what you’ve told them’)

  17. Brit

    Looking for some advice for a family situation. Youngest brother (who is adopted, along with youngest sister) had a lot of issues once he came over and eventually ended up at a JobCorps location in a neighboring state, where he seemed to be doing well, though more off-and-on then straight up good. Things seemed to be looking up, but we found out earlier this week that he’s being asked to leave because of some behavior issues. My parents (dad and step-mom) have already let him know that while he’ll receive assistance if he needs it, he’s not able to move back into the house (based on previous issues and visits that have created some serious havoc). They’re not completely giving up on him, but he can’t go home. I’ve offered assistance where I can, offering to take my younger sister for the weekend if they need me to and they know they can call me if they need something else, but I’m at a loss as to how to help him or them further. He says that he wants to stay in the state he’s in now, and go to a local homeless shelter.

    Thoughts? Advice?

    • Wildkitten

      You guys need to call a social worker and possibly bring in other professionals. This is not a situation for lay people to solve by ourselves.

      • Brit

        Oh they’ve worked with social workers through this whole thing. The problem is he’s 18, almost 19 now. So there’s the whole idea of let him feel his decisions but I still want to be able to offer some assistance.

        • Coach Laura

          Brit- for your brother, do an online search for “city of X homeless prevention” or “emergency services in county Y”. There should be a clearing house or person or department with referrals, depending on the city/state. In Seattle, for example, there are city and state resources, some temporary housing referral agencies and “affordable housing” agencies (aka “low income” agencies – usually public/private partnerships). The problem with all of this is scant resources and the individual needs to be very determined to make use of them. You could help with finding resources and referrals for your brother. Most likely he’d have to go to a shelter for a few days, then perhaps a short-term facility (like a shared living space/halfway house) and then eventually to a permanent arrangement. But to be realistic – It’s darn hard to find housing and to preserver so your assistance may be very important. The good thing is that you can do it at a distance and without taking days off work. Good luck!

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