ByKat Hours Updated
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Thursday’s TPS Report: Geometric-Print Fit-and-Flare Dress

Muse Geometric-Print Fit-and-Flare Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I've always liked Muse dresses, and this cobalt, geometric, fit and flare dress is calling my name. (Looking for a more conservative fit and flare dress? Check out our recent roundup.) The pattern looks super flattering, and it's fun without being overly twee. It's on a great sale, too — it was $160 but is now $70, available in sizes XS-L, at Last Call. Muse Geometric-Print Fit-and-Flare Dress Two plus-size options are here (blue/black) and here (black). Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

167 Comments

  1. DC ladies, remember that tonight is the monthly meetup! (For those interested, email me at my username at gmail.com)

    Also, this dress is absolutely gorgeous! It’s one of the few fit flares I would wear.

      2. Yay! I love this style of flare dress, Kat! It is b/c it is loose, and NOT tight in the tuchus area. When I walk to work with a pencil skirt, I get these construction worker’s on 3rd that love to comment (which I wont repeat here) about my tuchus and what they could do for me. FOOEY!

        As for the OP, I realy wish I still was in DC and could go to your meetup’s. I wonder if there were meet up’s back when I was in law school. Was the corporete blog out there then? I know Kat was at Georgetown when I was at GW, but I can NOT imageine her haveing time to Bloog every day and still learn all about res ipsa lokitor, and stuff like that. In any event, I realy wish I could be there–I would love to go to M street and Wisconsin where there was great shopping and bar’s. I had to wear an extra pair of underwear b/c the men LOVED to pinch my tuchus even back then. That I do Not miss, but the rest of the stuff was so much fun. Even the law profesor’s who were leecherous were funny. The one’s that got law student’s to sleep with them were revered by other profesor’s and even students who could not get those pretty women to sleep with them. I did NOT sleep with any prof’s in DC, even tho I probably could have slept with at least 6 of them in law school ALONE! FOOEY!

        Anyway, have a great meetup Asideralis, and let us know how it turn’s out. I will be there at least in SPIRIT!!!!! YAY!!!!!!

        1. If you come in real life (not just in spirit) I will cancel my plans and also go, Ellen.

  3. I got this dress in a stitch fix box earlier this year. Fabric is super cheap looking and feeling. Its some sort of weird polyester blend. I’m not usually a fabric snob but I would not wear this to work. Its more like the super stretchy and tight fabric used on “club” dresses.

    It’s also very short. I’m 5’10” and it came to mid thigh. I was considering keeping the dress because I had a few parties coming up but ultimately ruled against it because I thought it was too short for even that. I would only recommend it for people 5″4 and under.

    1. I ordered this dress too — and I loved it! I ended up returning it because I already had something very similar. The fabric is wool, the construction is excellent, and the fit was perfect — certainly not short or tight. I’m 5’5″. I would never consider it a “party” dress, and I’m very picky about quality.

      How could two people have such different experiences?

  4. Does Anyone have an unused Medela Freestyle that they would like to exchange for the Medela Pump in Style Advanced? Turns out insurance sent me the wrong one and hubby opened and desanitized the parts and only when I got home did I realize they sent me the wrong one. Now its been opened, though unused, and I can’t return it and we don’t have the money to purchase another pump, ugh. With all the walking I have to do and carrying so much stuff already, the freestyle would be a lifesaver. Hoping someone here or on the moms’ site can help, *sigh*.

    1. Yeah, I don’t think so. The Freestyle is way better and more expensive than the PIS. I don’t see why anyone would trade. That sucks, though.

      1. Sadly, I agree – the Freestyle is AWESOME. Since insurance now usually covers pumps, the market for used pumps has totally tanked, so you could check your local moms/garage sale sites to see if you can find a gently used one for low cost (seriously, less than $50) and buy new tubing so it’s sanitized.

        1. However, I recently learned that you can take the PIS out of the bag. It’s really strong velcro keeping it in. That helps a lot with the size. The only problem is that now it is just metal on the outside so theoretically something could get in there and break it, but overall I like it much better.

          By the way, what is with those pockets in the bag that don’t reasonably fit any of the pump parts??? It’s the worst designed thing I’ve ever seen.

    2. I don’t know anything about pumps but a rolling bag might solve your carrying-so-much-stuff issue for cheaper than a new pump? I know rolling bags aren’t the most attractive but they look so smart compared to hauling tons of heavy stuff on your shoulders.

    4. You might be able to sell it. Not ideal but
      Something. You can also rent pumps from hospitals and pharmacies in many cities.

  5. I’m moving to a condo in DC which will require me to park on the street. Unfortunately I can’t get rid of the car, and I do need it on a daily basis. An advice on how to not get my car stolen/otherwise damaged? I live in NE if it matters. I’ve lived in the area for several years, but have never parked on the street before.

    1. Don’t leave obvious valuables in the car? Other than that, take your chances – it’ll probably be fine, and on the odd chance it’s not, there’s insurance.

    2. I live in NE DC and there’s really not much besides the obvious that you can do. I’ve rarely had issues parking on the street (one car break in about 8 years ago before my neighborhood really gentrified), but I’ve always driven a rather boring and practical entry-level sedan that doesn’t stand out in any way. If you have a nicer or more luxury vehicle, maybe consider a “Club” to put on your steering wheel and/or having a security system installed if there isn’t one built-in. My new car (another boring practical sedan) has a security system with a blinking light that’s visible from the outside, and I like to think that is a deterrent. I know of people who leave their glove box completely empty and open, so potential thieves can see there’s nothing inside worth their time. If you have a stereo system in your car, remove the faceplate and take it inside with you. If you are worried about more general damage besides crime, perhaps purchase a Bumper Buddy to protect your bumpers. I feel like a few dings and scratches are the price we pay to live in a major city with street parking, but YMMV.

      1. Hmm. My neighborhood is gentrifying, but there’s still a fair bit of crime. Would you say it’s better to park on a major thoroughfare or more inside the neighborhood somewhere, but still under a lamp post or something? It’s my impression that the neighborhood is quieter with fewer problems than the major road, but there’s more traffic/people/general visibility on the big road.

        1. Not in DC, but I definitely prefer to park on the side streets, just because of the lesser change for drive-by, hit and run type damage.

    3. Low-tech solutions- lock your doors and don’t leave anything of value in the car. Better yet, don’t leave anything in view in the car more than an umbrella. If you have to leave something of value in the car, make sure you secure it before you park (put packages in the trunk when you leave the store, don’t move them when you get home). Don’t leave your valet key in the car.

      Higher tech- alarms, steering wheel locks, wheel lug nut locks. Damage is a little bit harder to prevent besides parking properly and folding in your mirrors.

      1. Second the advice not to leave anything in view. Someone once broke my sister’s car window (Toyota Corolla) in Dupont to take her floor hockey stick from the back seat. Not exactly a high dollar or highly sought after item.

    4. FWIW/YMMV – Someone on my block in NE parks a Tesla on the street. I don’t have a Tesla but I do use a bumper buddy and find it very helpful.

      1. Whenever I see super-expensive cars on the street (Tesla, Maserati), I always remember the notion of least cost avoider from contracts. I suppose in the non-theoretical world, it’s a balance between flaunt your fancy car v. protect your fancy car. To each her own, I suppose.

        As for avoiding break-ins, I can only say that if you leave a visible computer (or computer-like bag) in the car, it will be broken into, no matter the neighborhood or time of day. My poor dad learned that one the hard way.

        1. I think the issue is that while a Tesla costs $100,000 a curb cut and garage cost even more.

          1. You can buy a deeded spot in a garage for < $100k…not saying it's not expensive, just in the interest of being accurate.

          2. Yeah if they wanted to park their car somewhere farther away from their house they could pay five figures to do so. Adding a garage to their rowhouse so the car is convenient for commuting would be prohibitively expensive to even Tesla budgets.

            Cities are just so different than the suburbs that this blew my mind.

          4. Maybe I have a different experience: in NYC, many people choose to put their cars in garages because they want to avoid spending huge amounts of time moving them for alternate side parking (1-2x/week), risk the hazards of dings/scrapes/etc. from being on the street, and pretty much never really be able to park super-close. Curb cuts and garages are not an option (no space, largely); sometimes in the boroughs you can get parking on a corner lot or if you live further out a small garage in the back, but it’s not something to bet on. So my comment was more in the sense that garaging it is a very common thing to do, and it struck me as odd that someone would spend so much on a car and then not take the additional steps to protect it.

    5. What kind of car do you have? This factors hugely in whether your car will get broken into. My car, a 2014 Ford Focus, has never been broken into in my transitioning Shaw neighborhood. My roommate’s car, a 2006 Jeep Cherokee, has been broken into twice because thieves know how easy it is to break into and hotwire. The first time it was found a half-mile away, the second time they couldn’t steal it because she had used a Club and installed a kill switch, both of which I recommend. My boyfriend’s car, a Saturn of some kind, was broken into because he left his laptop on the passenger seat (in a case, but you could still tell it was a laptop). The Club is surprisingly effective because potential thieves can see it and know not to even bother.

      1. I drive a 2004 Honda civic. It’s a manual though, so I’m not sure if there’s any deterrent value there.

        1. Honda Civics of that age are the MOST stolen car in the nation. My daughter’s 2000 civic was stolen in September along with six others in that city the that same night, according to the police. The thieves were found with a key ring with ~24 keys – they just tried them until they found one that worked. At a minimum, get the “club” and leave nothing in car, take stereo face-plate if applicable and leave glove compartment empty and open. And use the “trunk lock” so they can’t break in and pop the trunk easily.

        2. There is. Cops say most thieves don’t know how drive stick any more and stick-shift cars are harder to unload.

          1. I agree with this. We had a guy get arrested for stealing something that was stick (now: only entry level or high-end cars, not much in the middle) and he didn’t make it past the first stoplight.

        3. I had a 1998 Civic broken into twice. (Once in Brooklyn, once in my neighborhood in DC.) That said, you may be a safer with a manual since they are less likely to be stolen, but do take reasonable precaution. I don’t know that I’d advise parking on smaller neighborhood streets over a more major road… I feel like you’re more likely to have your mirror swiped off by a passing vehicle on a major road, and I’ve seen cars broken into on what I consider major roads as well. Also, WildKitten just may be my neighbor… I think I bike past that same Tesla parked on the street in NE every day!

    6. I don’t park on the street myself, but my boyfriend did for years in Georgetown. I would really advise against being either the first or last car on the street, his car was hit and swiped so many times by cars turning down streets or merging into one lane.

    7. Do any buildings in your area offer rental parking spaces in secure parking structures? (It seems like this is not an option in your building). In my old DC neighborhood (Logan Circle) it was incredibly different to find street parking, so we bit the bullet and paid to rent a space.

    8. Agree with others that driving a stick shift makes a huge difference. Manual transmission and a Club were my primary theft deterrent for years. Agree, also, not to leave anything of value in the car. I used to have a plastic Mardi Gras bracelet over the gear shift in my car and my SO told me that it might look real to someone looking in the window. I have an automatic now, but still use a Club. This year, over the big Mardi Gras weekend, a neighbor and I both were convinced that someone went through our cars – and both of us have cars that automatically lock. My neighbor thinks an iPod was stolen. The only thing in my car was an umbrella, a Christmas CD, and some change for parking. The only reason I knew was that there was something sitting on the seat of the car that hadn’t been there. We were wondering if someone had a device that would unlock cars. No idea. But since I have a Club on it, all they could do was rifle through useless stuff.

  6. Can we play “what are you wearing”? I am trying to start planning my outfits in advance, and I’m looking for styling inspiration! (By the way, planning a week of outfits on Sunday afternoon has made my whole week so much more pleasant – no more hurriedly trying on 100 things each morning!). Even if it’s not what you’re wearing today, what are some of your go-to outfits?

    I’m wearing a gray sheath dress, black blazer w/ sleeves rolled to show gray/white striped lining, gray/white/black floral print scarf, black pointed-toe flats, silver watch, silver stud earrings. It’s monochromatic and not very summery, but I feel chic!

    1. I LOVE polyester travel dresses. LOVE THEM! I have probably four or five black dresses in different cuts (scoop neck sheath, high-neckline a-line, etc). Today I’m wearing a drop-waist black polyester dress (I think it’s a blend, something like 4% elastane), black flats and a chanel inspired cardigan (white, black and tan pattern). I have some sparkely studs on, my normal moissy necklace and a Michelle watch. I always feel chic and put together in my ‘travel’ dresses. They’re perfectly tailored and kind of my “power” outfit. I know some people want something more breathable but they’re so low maintenance and I’m naturally really cold-blooded.

        1. All over–the biggest thing to check the tag and look for <90% polyester in the fabric, preferably lined and definitely machine wash. The one I'm wearing today is from United Colors of Benetton, and I have some from White House Black Market, NY & Company, etc. Zara has a ton of these types of dresses… I was going to get a really nice notched neckline dress from them but it sold out in my size. I think the biggest thing too is to look for really structured, tailored dresses. Flowy skirts can look a little off; I think a-line or a straight skirt looks best.

    2. I’m studying at university still, so I’m really casual. Today, straight-leg blue jeans with a white blousey top from Gap Outlet and a green cotton/cashmere cardigan from Uniqlo.

      My uniform is essentially jeans; a Breton top, or simple casual blousey top, and a bright but plain cardigan. Usually with a scarf but I had to run for the bus today so it didn’t happen.

    3. I am in west coast, so I am still at home now !!! Today’s weather forecast says the temperature will be above 100 degree F. So I will be wearing oatmeal colored linen pants, navy T-shirt, pearl stud earrings and a pearl pendant.

      1. Yep, it’s in the 90s here today. Blazer and scarf definitely traveled to work with me in my bag and were only put on after I cooled off some! Luckily (?), my office is generally freezing.

      2. Where are your linen pants from? I’m trying to find some that are a blend to keep from looking like a hot wrinkled mess and a bit more tailored to let me wear them to professional settings.

        1. I am not sure if you will read this, but the pants are from JJill and are pure linen. So they have elastic waist which is generally a big fashion NO and not at all formal. They are very relaxed and comfortable in summer. They tend to wrinkle quite a bit especially around thighs, but as my office is super casual with people coming to work in flipflops, Hawaiian shirts and cargo shorts, they are okay.

    4. My go-to are tailored sheath dresses from Calvin Klein, Maggy London, Anne Klein, and whatever else I find at TJ Maxx or Nordstrom, or wrap dresses (Karen Kane faux wrap is my favorite) with a cropped blazer, heels or pointed ballet flats, pearls/cz studs, and a simple CZ pendant.

      That’s also what I’m wearing today. :)

    5. I’m wearing my best impression of a tent today . . .

      I have on a black pencil skirt (safety pinned at the waist because I’ve been too lazy to get it taken in), a big flowy black and white polka dot top (to camouflage the bunching of my skirt at the sides where it is pinned), a bright pink cardigan, and plain black patent flats. STYLIN!!

    6. I work from home & haven’t changed out of my PJs yet. Later I will take a shower and put on yoga clothes for a class after work.

    7. I’m wearing gold and diamond hoops, a gold necklace with my tau beta pi pendant, a gold bracelet, and rings (not all of which are yellow gold. One is a steel band from the Order of the Engineer.)

      I’m wearing a black pencil skirt with white horizontal stripes, a black shell, and a teal 3/4 length blazer. I have on a pair of French Connection white and black d’Orsey pumps.

    8. In Atlanta, which is living up to the “HOTlanta” nickname lately. High 90s today again, noooooo~

      Anyway, today’s outfit is a seafoam-green blouse, camel slacks, and burgundy flats. Silver necklace with a heart-outline pendant, garnet ring set in silver, watch, and my hair pulled back.

      1. LOVE the sound of this color combo! Seafoam, camel and burgundy… I’ll have to try that!

    9. Yay, I look so cute today!

      Ahem. I mean, I’m wearing a white flowy top with blue polka dots, grey pencil skirt, navy blazer and grey watercolor heels. And chunky gunmetal-grey jewelry (ring, necklace).

    10. It’ll be hot here too. Talbots black ponte sheath dress, black/tan/white tweed no-close jacket, cole haan peep toe black heels and a beaded, twisted seed bead necklace in black, white, tan and gold.

    11. Navy Ralph Lauren faux wrap dress with white Lands End dress cardigan. Long gold chain necklace, gold stud earrings, and gold sandals. We’re business casual so I don’t have to sandals are the footwear of choice for everyone during the hot days of summer.

      And if you are looking for travel dresses I would recommend Ralph Lauren. Comfortable and flattering and they don’t wrinkle. And I find their fit doesn’t change from season to season, year to year. If I know what size I wear I can be pretty comfortable buying online when I find a good sale.

    12. I am wearing the aforementioned striped Calvin Klein sheath dress from Amazon with the low-heeled nude wedge sandals from Old Navy that someone recommended a few weeks ago with some silver bangles, silver hoop earrings and my black armani exchange tank watch, as well as a hot pink pedicure and some blush and lip gloss (usually I wear no makeup).

    13. I work in a pretty casual office. I’m wearing a black knit short sleeve dress with a gathered skirt from Old Navy and a jersey infinity scarf that is white with grey flowers and black peep toe sling back shoes. Super comfy and pulled together enough for my construction company office that is in the boonies in the industrial part of town.

  7. Need a little encouragement from the hive. I made some mistakes at work and can’t stop beating myself up and feeling incompetent. I sometimes feel like everyone but me is perfect all the time. Seems crazy now that I write it.

    1. Treat yourself like you would a friend. What would you say to a good friend going through the same thing? Acknowledge your mistakes, come up with a plan to avoid making them again, then take a deep breath and keep going.

      It will be OK.

    2. Commiserating with you – I made a really huge screw up at work (which thankfully was caught before it got any worse but still) and now I’m constantly second guessing myself on whether or not I made the right call on other things.

      It’s ok, no one’s perfect. We all make mistakes and we should learn from them.

    3. I’m in the same boat this week. I didn’t catch a huge mistake made by a paralegal before it went out, and I had to go through a rather embarrassing clawback process. There’s no negative effect on our clients, but the partner is livid and I’m humiliated and frustrated that, while it’s ultimately my job to catch mistakes, someone else could be so careless.

      Trying to let it go, but having a hard time pulling myself out of the shame spiral.

  8. Can anyone recommend an online source for custom men’s shirts? Does such a thing even exist? Hubby is uniquely sized, and store-bought shirts just aren’t working anymore. I’d like to stay on the low-budget end of custom tailored shirts, ideally at no more than $100 each. Thanks!

    1. My husband is also unuqiely sized and has been so happy with Indochino. I did the measuring, and it’s been a world of difference from when he was trying to buy off the rack. He was resistant for a while–largely because it was more expensive than the Banana Republic shirts he was trying to make work–but he tried it for our wedding and hasn’t looked back.

      I know you didn’t ask about suits, but I’ll also put in a plug for Proper Suit for men’s custom suits. They’ve been fabulous for my uniquely-sized husband. Indochino does suits too, but Husband hasn’t tried them–for some reason, he got a bee in his bonnet about Proper Suit, went there, and has never wanted to change. FWIW, they’re the ones that convinced him to try Indochino–they don’t do shirts, but emphasized to him the importance of having one that fit properly and recommended Indochino as a source.

      1. Thank you!!! Do you like the feel of the Indochino shirts, as well as the cut? Hubby is particular about soft fabrics.

        1. Yes, I’m happy with the fabrics, though I may well not be as particular as he. I don’t know where you’re located, but Indochino has at least one showroom (San Francisco, though probably others too) where he could go and, I imagine, touch the fabric choices if that would make a difference. I have noticed that some of their fabrics are softer than others, but I don’t know which are which.

      2. My husband has bought custom suits from both Indochino and Proper Suit and is so happy with the quality and fit. He’s gotten a couple custom shirts from Indochino, as well. Everything has been well made and fits him so much better than trying to make off the rack work.

    2. I don’t have a suggestion for custom made brands, but my fiancé can’t find shirts in American brands that fit him. He’s finally found some European brands that fit his skinny frame with extremely long arms. Just in case that is how he is uniquely sized.

    3. My husband has very long arms and a very skinny neck. He has machine-washable dress shirts tailor-made through Brooks Brothers. They are really good quality, but also expensive — I think around $150/shirt. He tried switching to a “local” tailor that gets shirts made in Hong Kong based on measurements taken in your office, or something like that, but they were way, way, way inferior, and ultimately a waste of money.

    4. Yeah–as a family of monkey-armed people, my brother and dad have gone to Brooks Brothers for years for custom shirts. If you live in a major metro area, “Hong Kong” tailors usually come through every few months. Your hubs should ask around at work. And if his work is not dressy, he should talk to some finance friends. In my experience, finance-types cannot stop talking about custom shirts and watches–they will know someone who has a tailor. If you’re going to pay for custom, IME, it’s better to go in-person and really get measured–that’s the whole point. Shirts should come out to less than $100, particularly if he’s buying in multiples or getting standard while/blue men’s oxfordcloth.

    5. They are somewhat customizable – Paul Frederick. My tall and larger sized hubby loves them. He particularly cannot say enough about their no-iron dress shirts, especially after 15+ hour flights. They may have a combination that would work for your hubby. I know they have alot of slim fits and then the various sleeve lengths and collar measurements. Lovely colors and patterns, all across the color and intensity spectrum.

  9. For a judicial celebratory dinner/party in the evening in New Orleans: colorful sleeveless sheath or navy slightly dressier sheath with cap sleeves? The navy has nice seaming details and more accessories options; the colorful is definitely be more plain outside of the color itself (fewer details in the dress and fewer coordinating shoes/accessories). Both are more work than cocktail dresses (sleevelessness aside).

    There’s no stated dress code. I know no women attending, but the men that I know will wear khakis, dress shirts, and jackets. I think my main concern is looking too dark/business-y in the navy, even though that’s the one I can jazz up more. What would you choose?

    1. I would do navy and then jazz it up with a bright colored statement necklace and/or bright shoes.

  10. What are your favorite main dishes for entertaining? I’ve always done lasagna or enchiladas in the past (easy to make veg if necessary) but trying to branch out. I make dinner from scratch about 5 nights per week, but the meals are generally fairly plain and while I think I’m a good cook, I can be inconsistent — most of my mainstays come out fantastic 25% of the time, good 50% of the time, and less good (e.g., overcooked) about 25% of the time. That’s good enough that no one in the household complains, but not good enough for company. Anyone have any foolproof recipes they like? Preference for things that aren’t carb-heavy (e.g., no pasta dishes or things that are eaten over rice).

    1. Roast chicken, poached salmon, duck breasts, pork tenderloin are all go tos for me. Duck for fancy but the rest I serve frequently.

    2. Coq au Vin; I use Chef John’s recipe/video and it’s delicious. It’s really easy too, just a bit time consuming.

    4. Depends on how big the group is, but I love to make Pioneer Woman’s braised short ribs. They always go over really well. Plus you can make it ahead of time and reheat in the oven immediately before serving.

      1. I literally just had these last night for a dinner party! Cooked them Tuesday night and skimmed off the fat and reheated last night. Also served on the bed of polenta as she recommends.

    5. We grill year round so steaks/seafood/ smoked meats are always options. Cedar planked salmon works in both the grill and the oven, plus Costco should have the Copper River salmon in right now. Pork ragu- from Dinner A Love Story.

    6. Silver Palate’s Chicken Marbella. Google it or search under epicurious. Yummy. Make/prepare ahead. Good for grownups and kids if you get some boneless chicken brests to tuck in among the other chicken pieces. I always use cut up chicken with drumsticks, thighs and brests because they’re easier to eat/serve than the quartered chicken called for in the recipe. Serve with broccoli or asparagus and an antipasto or salad.

      1. Relatively new vegan here, thanks for posting this, it is getting added to my recipe box!

    8. I highly, highly recommend the book Barefoot Contessa Parties for foolproof menus. Every single Barefoot Contessa recipe I’ve ever made has been delicious. And while she has a bunch of books, the “Party” book is a particular favorite because I’ve cooked the menus straight out of the cookbook with great success on many occasions.

      1. I love, love, luuuuuurve Barefoot Contessa recipes but will add that sometimes you want to taper back on the salt. Her food tends to run on the salty side and based on trial and error, she must use fairly coarse salt in her cooking.

        I usually start with 1/3 to 1/2 of her recommended salt and taper up from there.

        1. I think she uses kosher salt? In my experience, kosher salt is about half as salty as regular table salt. I think it’s good advice to scale back on the salt, though – I prefer less-salty food, and people who differ can always add it tableside.

  11. Just venting: had a weird tiff with my boyfriend – it wasn’t even really a fight or anything but has just left me sad today. Mix that with a crazy day at work and my boss wanting me to go to an all-day meeting out of town on Sunday when I have a family event and concert tickets at night. He also encouraged me to take time off so when I decided to take tomorrow off (which he was fine with) and now he’s acting passive-aggressive because I won’t be in tomorrow…

    The end of the day (and wine o’clock) cannot come fast enough.

  12. Random cat question: I’m trying to find the perfect pillow-bed for my cat (yes, she is spoiled). She loves this expensive PILLO1 pillow my husband got for his back pain because it has this scooped out part in the middle that she can put her butt into. Husband would prefer that his pillow be cat-butt-free, and I can’t say I blame him, but would love to find a similar bed for the cat. So basically, something sort of soft or foam with a round-ish indent in the middle she can snuggle into. Anyone seen anything like this?

    3. Step 1: buy really expensive pillow bed
      Step 2: Cat snubs pillow bed for same pillow husband uses
      Step 3: Give up because cats are lovable a$$hats

      Kidding, but seriously though I have spent hundreds on beds for my cat and he just wants to sleep in a reusable grocery bag.

      1. This is so true. Except you left out Step 2.5 – Cat stares at you. Cat’s silence says: “I do what I want! You’re not the boss of me!”

      3. Yup. Your hubby needs a box or drawer to put his pillow in and only take it out to use it. There’s no way the cat is going to be convinced to choose another bed if the pillow is still available for use.

        1. Wait, I thought the box (or “cat trap”) as we call them, was for the cat to get in. Either would work, I suppose.

        2. Totally true! :) Right now, we usually put another pillow on top of it when we make the bed, so she doesn’t get to sleep on it. If it’s exposed she immediately jumps on it though.

  13. I have two days left of work at my current job, and I’ve transitioned all my cases over and I have nothing left to do besides an exit memo. I’m spending all my time alternating between checking in on my replacement and googling my new office’s neighborhood. “Hmm, that looks like a good happy hour spot. Where will I get my coffee? Healthy lunches will be easier!” I’m so checked out…

    1. Have you:

      Saved work samples (as appropriate)
      Saved personally created templates (travel schedules, etc)
      Backed up all your contacts
      Deleted any personal items off your work computer

      This is always the stuff I forget to do (or don’t do completely) and then I’m kicking myself because I have to recreate the perfectly formatted PowerPoint.

      1. Great reminder, thanks! I thiiiiink I’m good on all fronts, so I’m really just hanging out now…

    2. If you haven’t done so, start packing up your things and shredding/recycling paperwork you won’t need. That always seems to take longer than expected.

  14. In the interest of reducing my carbon footprint, I have set a goal of eating meatless lunches 4 days a week. For specific health reasons, I try to eat a moderately high protein/low carb diet, and I avoid soy. My lunches also need to be super-easy to prepare or something I can make a big batch of and freeze because I have a demanding job and a rambunctious toddler taking up all my time. Any lunch ideas would be very much appreciated!

    2. Wow, I’m all over this thread today. I make four-bean chili in the crock pot or on the weekend, apportion into containers and freeze. Pop into work tote and microwave at lunch. Recipe is “Jane’s Vegetarian Chili” found on myrecipes dot com or the magazine Cooking Light’s website where it was originally published. I make it in the crock pot or on the stove with only 1-2 cups of water instead of the 4 cups listed so it’s more of a stew than a soup.

    4. Curried lentil soup is a favorite in my house. Saute onions/garlic with some curry powder and salt, put in lentils and water, let it simmer for awhile and add canned tomatoes or pureed chickpeas, if desired. Delicious and easy!

  15. If you could live a less than 10 minute walking commute from work, would you? Would it improve or damage your attempts at work-life balance?

    1. Yes. I live 15 min from work and have lived lots of different distances. Work life balance would be the same. Science has determined that commutes are the worst parts of our day – they decrease our happiness and increase our chances of divorce. Make sure when you leave work you don’t go back to work, but always choose to spend less time commuting!

      1. Wait, I read somewhere that they did a study and actually found that a 20 minute to half hour commute was actually the ideal. It gave people the chance to switch gears, listen to the radio, etc. in any case, while “science” may agree about some things, other things they have yet to reach a consensus on.

    2. I do and I love it and wouldn’t change it for probably anything. Work life balance is honestly better, because I’m not spending 2.5 hours of my day sitting on the train. Instead I’m putting in an extra 30-45 min of work so I feel caught up for the next day, or walking my dogs, or cooking dinner. It’s a total life changer.

    4. Yep. Have a 10 min. door to door commute, and I would move heaven and earth to keep it that way.

    6. Yes, and it was life-changing in a positive way. I have no commute. I can run home on 10 minutes’ notice to meet a workman or get a delivery. If I forget something, no big deal – I can literally go home and be back at my desk in 20 minutes. Plus I get a nice relaxing walk in twice a day.

  16. Any one else sick of scent free offices? I just feel incomplete without perfume. Is the reasoning allergy related?

    2. Nope! I love it. Maybe it’s because the people I work with feel the need to pour it all over themselves or spray every inch of the floor with some awful scented spray, but I really miss working in a scent free environment. Now I get the pleasure of vomit inducing migraines, so people can smell like jasmine rose or whatever. It’s awful.

      1. I’m the same. I get terrible, terrible migraines from many perfumes. As in, it can leave me needing to vomit, pain-sensitive to light, smell, and noise for days on end.

        I understand I am sensitive, but there are several people in my office that wear perfume (sometimes cologne but here the women are the biggest offenders) to the point they are nose-blind. As in, you can smell where they have been by a scent trail. One of them was spoken to by HR and laughed it off, likely because she is nose-blind to it. We don’t have windows that open in a highrise, so if I have to work in the same space as one of them, I’m in trouble. (Yes, I do everything possible to prevent the migraine ahead of time like taking advil or excedrin, drinking plenty of water, etc., but my migraine prescription will make me fall asleep at my desk, so I can’t take that.)

    3. Yes, many ingredients in various scents are allergens. While you may enjoy your perfume, it gives others migraines. There was an intern in my office who went around spraying perfume because she claimed her trash smelled, and it made me so sick I was throwing up and had to leave. Save it for home.

      1. Yes, fragrances are a HUGE trigger for many migraineurs. If you’ve never had one, Anonymous, please understand that a migraine is not just a “bad headache” but a systemic neurological attack that can wipe out your coworker’s ability to function at work. Save the fragrances for your off hours.

    5. I love scent-free offices, because I find it difficult to work with a scratchy throat and blazing headache. Yes, it is allergy related. Lightly applied perfume doesn’t usually bother me, but so many people apply too heavily. One of the executives I work with frequently has a full on asthma attack if anyone wears scented products around her. I count myself lucky to not be that bad and enjoy the scent-free policy that she out in place.

      1. Yes, very lightly applied perfume (as in, only smelled if you are within a foot of someone — how perfume was meant to be worn) won’t set me off either. But when I can SMELL where you have been even if I can’t see you within a 10 foot radius, you are wearing too much.

        1. I had an ex in college who wore so much cologne I could follow a trail of scent to find him. I think there’s always one person in an office of 50+ that ruins it for the rest of us perfume lovers. I’ll admit, there was a short period of time in college when I was one of those people, but my scent-sensitive friend pointed out I was wearing too much and now I apply once, lightly, in the morning, and she’s given her approval. I can faintly smell it if I lift my wrist to my nose, and I think that’s the right amount of scent. Most people will probably be reasonable if you just point out to them how much is appropriate to wear, but I’m not sure who should be that person. HR? Trusted mentor? Close colleague?

    6. I wish my office would go scent-free, especially with regard to air fresheners. In addition to smelling horrible, the phthalates in artificial fragrances are carcinogenic and may have adverse effects on human reproductive systems.

    7. No and no. For me, perfume sets off my asthma–like an immediate asthma attack. So yes, that’s likely an allergic reaction, but it causes asthma in me.

      1. Yes- asthma attack combined with some lip and eye swelling. It’s not too bad if it’s a whiff of the scent as they pass (but bad enough that DH and kids keep scent free). Scented reception areas kill me the most, it’s my only way in and out of the building.

    8. No and yes, and another migraine sufferer here. I wish offices would take it one step further and require those who just HAVE to smoke before work to shower and change clothes before coming in. Everyone can smell you, and thanks for the migraine and breathing problems. On the bright side, it’s an effective intelligence screening tool to see who is actually dumb enough to come to work in a professional, client-facing office smelling like a dive bar.

      1. Judgy mc. Judgersons! I love dive bars. I love visiting my grandmom in the morning who smokes a pack a day. Glad to see others just think soooo highly of themselves and so low of others.

        1. Who said I didn’t like dive bars? But I, you know, shower before I roll into the office the next morning.

          You sound really defensive.

          1. And the grandmom comment? I see no repsonse there. You have no idea what people’s family, home lives are. And to take your ‘i dislike the smell’ over their “i’m having a sick old relative” live with me as your first reaction just shows your a sad, sad person. Please get a life. If you have so much time to put effort towards hating this, maybe go volunteer and find a cause that actually could use some effort. Not the internet “dont smell like smoke” commentboard. It’s quite pathetic.

            Toodles.
            Me

        2. Even the smell of cigarette smoke contains carcinogens. So, yeah, that’s pretty disgusting.

    9. Wowzer. Didn’t realize how widespread this is. I will give away what perfume I have left.

    10. Compared to the amount of perfume my 15 year old uses, I feel like my office is scent-free :)

  17. Please recommend good interview Qs for lateral associates! Am interviewing junior person for the first time and not sure what to ask them! (Transactional practice if that makes a difference)

    1. Do you generally do more private or public company work?

      If you had to choose between a broad corporate practice and a specific one, which would you choose and why [tailor this to your practice group]?

      Do you prefer M&A or securities or company rep work and why?

      What types of transactions have you worked on with private cos? public cos?

      What has your role been in a typical transaction [repeat for different types of deals]? Have you typically worked directly with a partner or are you supervised by a midlevel?

      Do you prefer working independently or on teams [this speaks VOLUMES]?

      How much client contact have you had on [different types of deals]?

      Do you typically draft things ‘from scratch’ or from firm precedents? What is the hardest thing you’ve ever drafted?

      What is the toughest deal you’ve ever worked on and why?

      Do you do general company representation for your transactional clients, or are the transactions one-offs?

      Do you supervise other associates? In what capacity?

      Have you run a closing before? How did it go?

  18. I am feeling queasy and concerned that my boyfriend of two years and I have incompatible values. There have been hints of this issue in the past, but last week was the worst. Here’s the situation: I was SO excited and encouraged by the Pope’s encyclical message on climate change and the health of our planet, and my BF reacted to my enthusiasm as though it were a personal affront. I downloaded the text and read it last weekend. He did not choose to read the text and says we may be headed for doom, but he’s going to darn well enjoy life as much as possible and not put energy towards solutions, since in his view there is nothing we as individuals can do to help. I find BF’s perspective to be, actually, part of the problem with our world right now. To me, it’s really important to do what we, as individuals, are able to – and I feel that once we become open to that and begin thinking of small and large ways we can change our behaviors, we CAN make a difference. I believe we can each elect to be part of the solution. And my BF seems to believe that his behavior can’t have an impact or make a contribution, so he doesn’t need to consider changing. So my question: is there any future for this relationship??? Have others in the Hive successfully navigated relationships/marriages where there is a big disconnect like this? I feel really sad and depressed…..part of me wants to hope it will be okay, but another part of me says it’s time to break it off and move on. Thoughts???

    1. Do you want to have kids? Do you want to have kids with someone whose values are so different than yours?

    2. Your boyfriend’s attitude is very immature and leads me to think he was probably pretty sheltered. It’s the attitude of “Well, it’s not a problem for ME, therefore it’s not a problem.” Small changes certainly make a huge difference, and each voice matters very much.

      I would be very disheartened to find out my partner thought this way and I would have grave concerns about letting someone like this be a father to my children.

      1. Yes, you have captured one of the disturbing aspects – the immaturity and “me first” attitude. This I think is what is really bothering me most. I am a very open minded person and can agree to disagree about a lot – but first there has to be a degree of communication so that issues are on the table and understood, as TBK noted, below.

        Part of what feels bad right now is that his reaction seemed aimed at shutting me down, at NOT hearing where I was coming from, as though he felt threatened and was saying “don’t mess with my rose colored glasses.”

    3. It really depends on whether (1) you’re both willing to approach this from a position of “it’s more important that I get at the truth than be right” so that your minds are sufficiently open to hear opposing positions; (2) you both care enough about each other to be willing to sit down and hash through the details because you think “I respect this person and therefore there must be something about his/her viewpoint that I’m missing and I want to fully understand”; and (3) you can each accept each other’s viewpoint as valid even if you disagree, that is, you trust that the other person has given the issue serious thought and has looked at the evidence even if that led the person to come to a different conclusion. It’s completely possible that he just isn’t interested in spending the time on this and if it’s an issue that’s important to you, that’s likely to be a dealbreaker. It’s also possible that one or both of you feels that you simply cannot be with someone who reaches a different conclusion in light of the evidence. That’s fine, too. My husband and I have had radically different viewpoints on a number of topics, but we have both spent a lot of time trying to understand the other person’s perspective. Most of the time we both move closer to each other’s positions as we refine the issues and wind up agreeing at least for the most part. But there are issues where this doesn’t happen and those are really friction points for us. For example, my approach to religion is a lot less black and white than his is, and I leave a lot of room for mystery. He finds this baffling and irrational. We generally just don’t really talk about it. It’s not ideal and I wish it were different but since religion is not a big deal for either of us, and we can generally agree on the trappings if not the meaning, it’s worked so far. But I think it would be different if this were a more fundamental part of either of our values/worldviews.

    4. I guess the question here is how much is this about climate change or a few isolated issues you can agree to disagree about? If you feel yourself not really respecting him all that much, or less than you did before, it doesn’t really matter what can be worked through-time to end it.

      I think it’s hard to be more helpful without a better idea of what the incompatible values might be.

    5. What would the ideal outcome here look like for you? Is that outcome attainable (really attainable, not pie-in-the-sky, someday-he’ll-see-the-light-I-just-know-it attainable)? If it’s not (and it sounds like it’s really, really not), what’s the worst possible outcome you could live with, without resentment? Is THAT outcome (the worst possible one you can live with without resentment) something you’re likely to reach? If not, what’s the actual outcome you’re likely to end up with here, and is it something you can live with, without resenting your partner over the long term?

      As you’re trying to determine whether something will grow into long-term resentment, think about all the ways the issue can affect your life together – does his thinking extend to how you choose where to live? how you raise potential children, if you want them? what about how you save for retirement, how you spend your discretionary income, how and where you travel? Think about all of the ways this particular issue affects your own personal decision-making, and then think about what types of compromises will be required in those areas if you continue the relationship. Those compromises are the price of admission for this relationship – is it worth it?

    6. I think it depends on how important this issue is for you and how many other things you differ. For example, for my ex-boyfriend felt we don’t have to feel sad for soldiers and police officers who die because they willingly signed up for a job that involves the risk of injury and death !!! I couldn’t stop weeping after Mumbai terrorist attacks of November 2008 which made him really irritated said that. That had a huge impact on me and I felt this person is incapable of empathizing when some one is in pain and was very selfish. We broke up by January 2009. Now, I am married to a person who respects and cares for the people (just about anybody really) but he doesn’t care about climate change. However, he does puts the things in recycle bin as I am very religious about recycling though he doesn’t thinks it really matters. So the difference of opinion on this issue really doesn’t matter in our day to day life.

      1. Wow. I, too, would have had a hard time with a man who felt as you describe your ex. Sounds like you are in a much better relationship now. Reading your post, I realize that it would be fine with me if my BF didn’t really care about climate change to the degree that I do, as long as he didn’t try to shut me down. It sounds like your husband respects your convictions and is willing to behave in a manner that supports you, even if he doesn’t personally believe it makes a difference. That is great, and shows that he respects you.

    7. I think there is 2 things to parce out here. One is the actual subject matter: can two people have a loving relationship when they disagree about something? yes. The key thing here is that he acted like a personal affront that you thought differently, and thats an attitude that will come up throughout the relationship when you both have different ideas on current events, raising children, splitting holidays, vacation plans, etc. I’m more liberal than my husband but when I talk to him about an issue that’s important to me he never brushes it off- he listens intently, especially if its something that he hasn’t read or hasn’t had knowledge on.

      1. This is so key. My BF leans a lot more conservative than I do, but he’s always willing to listen to my point of view on things (if anything I can be the one that’s flippantly dismissive, which is something I’m trying to work on), and takes my concerns seriously, even if he doesn’t share them. The best example of this that I have is when he got a poster of an album cover to hang in his bedroom that I found offensive and demeaning to women. My initial response was basically “Ew, eyroll, I guess it’s your bedroom but I think that’s skeezy.” He could tell that it was still bothering me, and circled up a week later to explain the personal significance of this album in his life and how it wasn’t about the art. I explained why I thought it was offensive and why it made me uncomfortable, especially in the bedroom that we share 3-4 nights a week. He listened, thought about it, and the next time I came over it had been relegated to his office, where I never have to see it.

        That is how reasonable adults who care about each other handle differences of opinion: by being willing to respect each other’s opinions and boundaries, even if they don’t share them, and arriving at a compromise that honors both of their positions.

      2. I wish I was more articulate about this – but here’s my try:

        What bothers me is not that he doesn’t care about global warming (I don’t either) but that he doesn’t respect her beliefs or believe that individuals matter. I would have a lot of trouble co-parenting with a Dad who didn’t think it was important to raise kids who are thoughtful about their behavior. I disagree with a lot of my good friends about a lot of political things but we all care about our individual impacts on society.

    8. You’re asking a bunch of strangers on a blog if there is a future for your relationship. I think that is a red flag. Take it from my past mistakes and don’t waste too much time on a dead end. If he has certain beliefs that are different from yours, consider how they play into his actions and how it would affect your future together. Marriage, children, finances, planning for the future, etc.

    9. I’d focus more on his behavior and not his beliefs. For example, my husband does not care at all about recycling but he knows that it’s important to me, so he does it. I’m not a big football fan but know that he is so always keep his team’s schedule in mind when scheduling things during football season. Relationships are all about compromise. You don’t have to have the same beliefs, and it would be kind of boring if you did, but you have to be able to recognize what is important to your partner and act accordingly.

  19. I don’t know, I’m usually in favor of sharing values to the extent possible, but this seems like one of those things reasonable married people can agree to disagree on. What about this is driving your concern – his negative viewpoint? What are the other examples that have come up in your relationship?

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