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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 238 Comments · by

Coffee Break: ‘Jane’ Bedford Nylon Handbag

Coffee Break

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Black Nylon Bag with Pockets: MZ Wallace 'Jane' Bedford Nylon HandbagIf you’re looking for a lightweight, durable, stylish nylon handbag, don’t overlook this bestseller from MZ Wallace. I love the red lining and the organization. The bag is $365, available at Nordstrom — they have a number of smaller purses and crossbody styles as well. MZ Wallace ‘Jane' Bedford Nylon Handbag (L-3)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Anokha

    You guys. I tried MM LaFleur at their SF pop-up this past week, and I was really impressed! Do their pieces ever go on sale?

    • Kelsey

      No, I don’t believe they go on sale ever, which is weird for someone like me who never buys clothes at full price (see BR online discounts). I tried the pop-up as well and loved it. I wish I had spent more time online picking out things I’d like though because they didn’t let me just walk around and look at the racks myself. Did you end up buying any pieces? I bought two dresses, which is a big purchase for me.

      • Anokha

        I didn’t buy any pieces at the pop-up because they didn’t have the size/color combinations that I wanted! But I’m planning on getting a pair of pants and a dress to start, and taking it from there. The machine washable is a major selling point for me, but I’m curious to see how they hold up in the wash…

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m sad because they had a body positive campaign I saw that included a woman who looked like my shape and size. But as far as I can tell they only go up to size 16, which is too small for me. They have some great looking pieces.

      • Anonymous

        Others may be able to comment, but I thought their sizes ran large? It might be worth a call to ask, at least.

          • Amanda

            Agreed. I have very narrow shoulders and they run small on my shoulders. I have very large b00bs and I have to size up in everything.

          • Marshmallow

            Yes, very small in chest and shoulders. I always have to size up. But their quality is fantastic.

            They verrrrry occasionally have a “VIP Sale” which is only open to people who’ve made previous purchases, and maybe even only open to people who’ve shopped in the store or have some kind of relationship with their “stylists.” I got a big haul at the VIP sale last year and was thrilled, but it was a really rare event.

  2. Anonymous

    Is there a secret to keeping work email organized? What are your methods?

    I have about 5,000 in my inbox that I need to sort and organize, things have gotten out of control. I think I just need to do a mass archive and start from here on out

    • Daisy

      I’m an “Inbox Zero” nut. Everything gets handled/responded to, or gets deleted. If it’s in my inbox, it means that something is outstanding/needs attention. If I don’t have the time to tend to the reply today, then it stays in my inbox until it’s completed. I have about 300 folders/subfolders categorized by different things – clients, market data, association groups, office/HR/admin type emails, etc.

      • Walnut

        On this note, I use the very top level folder of each of my main subject areas (four total for me) as general “correspondence” folders. Any emails relevant to that topic get dropped into that folder once the particular issue or discussion is resolved. Thread view is also key for keeping conversations together.

    • Hollis

      Yes, create folders and rules. In law, we sort by clients so I have a folder for each client. I also have some stuff automatically go into folders to review later so they never touch my in box. If you want to mass archive now, you can create 1 folder, call it “Old” and throw everything in there and then start sorting daily with new things that come in. Or, you can create a new folder for each year and then start today and going forward. If you have folders and continually archive your e-mails (not necessarily every day, but at least weekly), it will become a new habit for you and much easier to find your e-mails.

    • NYNY

      Assuming your work email application is Outlook, run “clean up folder” on your inbox after setting rules for the clean up process. It will delete redundant emails, like replies on long threads. With dupes removed, it’s much easier to sort and file (by person, by project, by whatever makes sense for your job).

      This is also my favorite move when I take vacation and don’t read email: I create a folder for everything that was in the inbox before I leave, so my inbox is only new mail. When I return, I run a clean up before I start reading, and then start with the most recent emails.

    • techgirl

      I’m not a filer/archiver in email but I do have it set up to separate unread and read mails, and I use the unread section as ‘to be actioned’. I find this helps and stops me writing 1000 to do lists, when usually tasks/projects come through via email or have a follow up mail anyway.

    • shadow

      I have folders and subfolders. My larger folder categories are Admin, Active Cases, Archived Cases, and Other. Subfolders for each are related for the larger folder. For Admin, I have things like reminders, or assignments I’ve assigned out to others. For Active Cases, I categorize by type of work that I’ve received (in my practice there’s specific types of assignments I get for a case at any point in time), then sub-categorized with case file folders. Archived Cases are where Id drag a case file folder when I’ve finished the assignment. Other is just that… other (bar association emails for committees I’m a part of, etc.).

      For sorting my inbox, I go through the inbox weekly (sometimes daily), using Quick Steps to quickly sort things often (like to move to the Other folder, or the Admin folder). I delete emails that are internal and/or won’t need to be referenced in the future (e.g., emails about cleaning out the fridge). I use the follow up flags to flag the emails I need to respond to. If no action is required, I drag the email to the corresponding case folder. Anything pending in my inbox at the end of each week usually has a flag on it, because it requires some action from me.

      For my sent items, I flag items that are pending a response from the recipient and sort by flag status.

    • anonanom

      I am in a role where I basically have to keep every email ever, get mountains of it, but hate inbox clutter. So I have 3 main folders, a to do folder, a pending response folder, and an inbox. When a new email comes in, it either goes into ToDo, Pending, or is filed in an archive folder by the month we are in. I tried to have detailed folders, but realized I got too many emails to keep up and it just ended up disorganized and stressing me out.

    • Anonymous

      I feel you. Before I left my last job, I probably had 15,000 emails to sort / delete.

      I now have the following folders set up:-

      00 CLE
      00 Marketing
      00 Misc
      00 Office
      00 Precedents
      00 Updates
      01 Active Files
      02 Enquiries

      Under “01 Active Files”, emails are sorted into individual folders by file number (so they automatically arrange themselves from earliest to latest).

      If you’re on outlook, conversations and search will be lifesavers for sorting your existing emails into folders. I try to maintain a “no-scroll” inbox i.e. less than 10 emails rather inbox 0, because there are some things that are not time critical but I don’t want to forget about totally. Tasks, follow-ups are maintained outside the inbox, but the flagging method that shadow uses sounds like something useful that I might try.

    • full of ideas

      Assuming you use Outlook, maybe some of these tips help
      I group emails by conversation.
      I have folders by main categories (clients, meetings, staff emails) then add subfolders as needed.
      I use Quick Steps to send messages to specified folders really easily, and for some things I don’t need to review when it comes in, I use a Rule to auto send it to a folder for later. If I have a lot of email on a particular topic, I’ll add a new Quick Step, or delete ones I don’t use.
      I use the task flag a lot on individual emails, I’ll set a reminder (which auto lists in your tasks)
      I also use categories with hot keys, so if there is something I’m waiting on someone else for, I’ll tag it yellow (which I’ve set to Ctrl+F2), red for important, etc.

  3. Help me organize

    Right now I use a paper pocket calendar for personal appointments. I tried using an App on my phone ages ago, and found it a little clunky so went back to paper pocket calendar.

    I also care for a elderly relative. Lots of doctor’s appointments etc.. and I have to keep up two calendars in his home (paper wall calendars) for him to see. I’m tired of updating 3 calendars all the time.

    He has a cell phone now. Android. I have an Android phone/PC, and an iPad. Is there an electronic calendar that you like that isn’t too clunky that we can share among devices?

    Ideally, something I can enter stuff in initially from my PC, change/update easily from my iPad, and I can share with my relative on their Android phone? What am I looking for?

    • BabyAssociate

      I love Google Calendar. I have an Android phone and a MacBook and have never had a problem syncing the two. You can add a second calendar for your relative too.

      • Help me organize

        Thanks for this. Can my relative access the same Calendar to see what’s planned? Could I even somehow program ?reminders to be sent to him about upcoming appointments so he can see them on his phone, even though I am the one updating the calendar?

        • techgirl

          Both myself and my partner have a google calendar, and we also have a google account set up for our wedding planning things. He can load my calendar and see where I am due to be, and if I book something wedding related/make an appointment for a payment that is due I can share it to his calendar also.

        • BabyAssociate

          Yes, when I was in school we often used group calendars for different projects. As long as your relatives have a gmail address, it should be really easy to set up!

        • shadow

          Yes, you can do this. Set up your google calendar in your google account, sync it to your phone – this is your personal calendar for appointments. Go into your Google Calendar on a web browser on your PC, and add a calendar (under My Calendars on the left) and name it – this is going to be for his appointments. In the Calendar Details (down arrow on the calendar name, Calendar Settings), go to Share this Calendar, add his Google email address, set permission settings, and save. On his phone, add his google account, set up his calendar and add the one with the name of the calendar you shared from your account. When you make appointments in his calendar on your phone including reminders, it will automatically be synced to his phone.

          Lots of tutorials online to help you with this set up – hope this helps

  4. Help! MZQ help!

    This post is so timely.

    I am weeping since I have been saving up for a Bea and it is not currently offered and I just figured that out.

    Noooo! Do they ever revive styles? I am crushed. I had no backup prepared — the Bea was beautiful and ladylike in a way that I love (and the others are great, but a bit more “city” than I wanted).

    • anon a mouse

      Are you me? I was just thinking that a Bea would be a lovely addition to my collection.

      They do re-issue styles sometimes, but you can’t count on it. You could email the company and ask if they have any back-stock they could sell.

      Barring that, try eBay. I have a couple of older styles I found there.

    • MZ Wallace

      What is a good Bea alternative? The Jane? Janie? Baby Jane? I had hoped to get to their store to see in person. Or just go in a very different direction and use the funds for a Lo & Sons Seville (I already have an OG)?

  5. Hollis

    I am looking for a savvy family lawyer in New York City to refer to a close friend. Does anyone here have any recommendations?

  6. Anonymous

    Does anyone have swimsuit recs? One piece, more coverage rather than less, and flattering on someone with a spare tire. I’d prefer to spend $100 or less, and buy in person rather than online.

    • Anonymous

      A swimsuit for exercising?

      Or just for the pool? If the second, Lands End. Everything is on sale now. I am partial to their rashguard / sun shirts over a tankini.

      You can return for free to Sears stores.

      • Anonymous

        For excercising – I’d like to reward myself for learning to swim with a swimsuit that isn’t from Target.

        • Anonymous

          I do laps in my Lands End tankini and it is fine. A one-piece might be better as a purely technical matter — they have a sporty line of suits. Maybe Athelta also? They have suits in the store near me. Tyr and Speedo make good suits that I’ve had before that sporting goods stores sell. I just find the two piece ones easier to get in and out of (and go to the bathroom in).

    • long time lurker

      I wear a miraclesuit when i want coverage or to swim a lot. they have them at nordstrom and amazon (I think). I have a bit of the spare tire issue myself and they hold everything in and also are supportive enough up top for me. They can be tight so you might want to size up for comfort.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I bought a one-piece Speedo off Amazon for my vacation this summer. Definitely stood up to beach activities and was pretty comfy. They run about two sizes smaller than most suits.

  7. Wow

    I need a nonstick pan to make pancakes, preferably one available on Amazon prime. Any recs? I got rid of a whole Calphalon set years ago because had read that teflon peeling was dangerous. Is there a safer version of nonstick that I can buy? I have small kids so would rather pay a bit more if needed.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      I really like the “Green Pan” – it is pretty non-stick, seems solid. We replaced our two old Teflon ones with a large and small green pan and are quite happy with them.

    • Anon in NYC

      I have a “green earth” frying pan from Ozeri that I like. There are ones with texture (probably not so good for pancakes) and ones without. I have one with texture and like it enough that I’m going to get a non-textured one.

    • Anonymous

      Yes I got some sort of cuisineart greengourmet pan and it’s held up well. I don’t think there’s any problem with teflon as long as you aren’t scratching the pans with metal utensils and its peeling off. Once it starts to peel you have to throw it out.

    • Anonymous

      FWIW, I’ve heard that it’s only high heat makes Teflon dangerous. So long as you use your Teflon pans on low-medium heat (which is what you would use for pancakes) and replace them whenever they get visibly worn, it should be fine. I found this article about it from WebMD (although I admit I had a hard time getting past the first sentence “How much do women love nonstick?” Way to be sexist, WebMD): http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/features/nervous-about-nonstick#1

    • Anononon

      I am a Swiss Diamond pan evangelist. The owner of my local independent cookware shop talked me into one when I was putting my registry together for my wedding many, many moons ago and it has become my go-to pan. I use it all the time (for dinner multiple nights a week) and it is in totally great shape. Its surface is kind of like an emery board and you can but it in the oven, it sears/browns beautifully, and washes up really well.

      https://www.amazon.com/Swiss-Diamond/b/ref=bl_dp_s_web_3044236011?ie=UTF8&node=3044236011&field-lbr_brands_browse-bin=Swiss+Diamond

    • Libra

      I’m a cast iron pan fan – especially for pancakes! They’re also cheap.

    • Mindy

      We just got a carbon steel pan off amazon for this. I LOVE it. And I cook with everything (my favorite nonstick, le crueset, staub, all-clad), and I cook a lot.

  8. Reiss Suits??

    Any thoughts on Reiss suiting or sizing? I am loving the grey and olive options they have now – pricey, but if they are good quality, I would happily pay.

    • Anokha

      I don’t own any Reiss suits, but I have a bunch of their dresses. They tend to run small. The quality is great! I still wear dresses from 2008 and get compliments on them regularly. (They hold up very, very well.)

    • Anonymous

      They are nice quality and very well tailored. Tends to run small, I find the shoulders even in the largest size are too narrow for my athletic frame.

  9. anon

    Furniture question: I see nice pieces all the time online, but am really hesitant to buy furniture that I can’t see in person. Especially something like a sofa – I want to know how it feels to actually sit on, and returns are usually costly and cumbersome. But I hate furniture shopping and dealing with salespeople, and I buy almost everything else online.

    Do I just need to get over myself, or are there great retailers that you would recommend? DC area, West Elm-Pottery Barn-ish budget, but I want high quality goods.

    • Anon

      I would never buy furniture online. Is that a thing now?? Sometimes things look different on paper than in real life; the sizes feel different; and it can be uncomfortable to sit on. It’s not like buying a $50 shirt that can easily be returned.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve bought all my furniture online, because I live nowhere near a major city and so we don’t have stores like West Elm or Pottery Barn or even Macy’s nearby (and I’m not going to take an entire weekend to go furniture shopping because I just don’t care that much). I’ve had good luck with online orders from Macy’s, Lamps Plus, West Elm, Hayneedle, Wayfair and Target. West Elm will send you free fabric swatches if you want to match colors. I’m not sure about returning just because you don’t like something but none of those places give you any pushback about a free return if the furniture arrives damaged.

    • Starting to show?

      I suggest Macys! I don’t find the furniture salespeople there pushy. The one in Tysons has pretty good selection.

    • Anonymous

      Try Room & Board. Excellent customer service and good quality. There is one in DC. Also, Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams is a little more expensive, but is supposed to have very nice quality.

        • Badlands

          Well, I think R%B is pretty damn pricey, so MG+BW being a little more expansive AND being pricey AF seems like consistent statements.

        • Anonymous

          Well, I think R%B is pretty damn pricey, so MG+BW being a little more expansive AND being pricey AF seems like consistent statements.

    • Beth

      The Crate & Barrel outlet in Old Town has lots of floor models/returns/slightly damaged pieces for 40-80% off. The key is to go at opening at Saturday. I LOVE the outlet, and the employees are I think better than at the “real” C&B because they don’t work on commission and most of them have been there for a number of years.

      For couches, we just ordered a Rowe couch (Virginia-made) from Warehouse Showroom in Alexandria, which is in this random industrial park with a bunch of furniture stores. I wouldn’t recommend most of them, but I cannot recommend the people are Warehouse enough; they sell maybe a 1/2 dozen high quality American-made brands in a nice, small building with super nice helpful people. We liked Rowe couches at Urban Essentials on 14th Street (also recommend them if you have a west-elm aesthetic), but at Warehouse, we were able to get the same couch for 30% off.

      If your budget is higher than ours was, you can get an awful lot of furniture shopping done very quickly on 14th – there is a Mitchell Gold, Room & Board, Crate & Barrel, and West Elm + a lot of independent stores (I recommend Urban Essentials).

  10. Starting to show?

    I’m 10 weeks into my first pregnancy, just wondering when everyone started to show? I haven’t gained weight(actually lost due to morning sickness) but I feel like such a big whale with a swollen belly! I’m normally a size 6 and 5’8″ for reference. Definitely not expecting a “kate middleton-esque” pregnancy even though I’m on the taller side.

    • Anonymous

      When you’re “showing” is such a subjective thing because different people can tell at different times. I could tell my cousin was pregnant when she wasn’t even a month in, because her face had puffed up. But some people are totally oblivious and won’t know until you’re seven months pregnant.

    • anon

      I thought I started to show at 14 weeks. My friends thought I started to show at 16-18. Strangers (and some people who see me at least weekly) began to notice at 27 when my belly finally started to extend past giant pregnancy b[avoiding moderation!]bs. I started out shorter and fatter than you, although I also lost weight and didn’t really gain anything until about week 16. I think everyone is different.

    • Closet Redux

      Agree with anonymous above that it varies, but I feel like 16 weeks is a solid estimate, give or take.

    • Anonymous

      this made me wonder what “showing” means. Right now, I have to wear a hair tie on my pants, and when I’m naked and not bloated I still can’t suck my stomach in all the way. I’m 12 weeks for reference. So basically just a bit bigger than I am normally but if I didn’t know I was pregnant I’d say it just looks like I ate a lot of queso recently. Is that showing? Or is showing like you actually have a bump?

    • Anonymous

      I didn’t start to show until month 5 for people who didn’t know me, probably month 4 for people who knew me well. It really depends on your body type and how you normally dress (I tended to wear more form-fitting clothes, so it was more obvious). But I also didn’t gain any weight until about month 6 thanks to lovely morning/all-day sickness :)

    • Nancy P

      I was like you — clothes were feeling tight in the belly when I was 8-9 weeks, even though the scale wasn’t moving (and didn’t move for many more weeks). I would say I showed by 20 weeks.

      • Starting to show?

        OP here – Thanks! Yeh I was wondering if it was bloat or if this was going to continue and I was going to be HUGE or something. Hoping to hold off on telling work until 16 weeks if possible!

      • Emmer

        OP I’m almost 10 weeks and I’m in the same boat. I feel like I constantly look like I have my stomach puffed out. In fact, I’m unable to really puff out my stomach at all – it’s like it’s at its maximum capacity! So I’m thinking it’s bloat?

    • anon

      Depends on your body type and where you hold your weight. People who had a belly before are much slower to show. Most average people I know can’t button pants after 12 weeks and really need maternity clothes by 20 weeks. I tried to hide my PGs at work until 20 weeks, but everyone knew.

    • anon

      I’m 10 weeks this week and I’m so bloated that I think I have to tell my boss within the next week or two.

  11. Sydney Bristow

    Ugh the wire in my bra started squeaking/creaking when I walk. Is there a way to fix this?

    Side note, I wish brands would tell you when they are going to discontinue something so you can stock up. If I’d known my favorite bra was going away I would have bought a bunch. Instead I’m stuck with a bunch that I don’t really like and this one that’s ok minus the squeaking.

    • ELaw

      No helpful advice but so much commiseration on the discontinuing!!! Especially with bras. My perfect-for-me bra was discontinued probably 5 or 6 years ago now, and all others I have owned since have been inferior.

      The closest is the new one I recently got from Third Love. Worth a try if you haven’t tried them yet, especially with the free-trial program they have.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Haven’t heard of them. I’ll try it. I’m an H cup so it’s such an ordeal trying to find good bras. I’ve been cycling through all the Zappos options because of the free next day shipping and fast returns. I bought 2 in person at Intimacy. 1 is great except that the lace shows through so I can only wear it with ruffly tops. The other was the only one they carried without lace in my size but isn’t great.

    • Coach Laura

      Usually the wire (though they can be plastic now which is good for screening at court and airport) is in a tube or channel of fabric and moves freely. Sometimes the wire will move too far one way in the tube. Take it off and see if you can move the wire back and forth lengthwise in the tube. If it’s just one side that squeaks, position the wire in the tube like the one that doesn’t squeak. If that fixes it, you could put one or two stiches with a needle and thread to keep the wire in the correct position. Good luck.

    • Charmed Girl

      Sorry and commiseration. Natori had my favorite bra for eons. They’ve changed it and the cups no longer fit. I was actually annoyed that the bra lady at Nordstrom in Short Pump tried to convince me to go up a band size, yet I still had quasar-b00b.

      Any other Natori lovers who had their bra -just- discontinued and can’t find a replacement.

      I tried my normal size, quadra-b00b, then went up a band, still that same problem. Up a cup, was too big.

      Tried others with no luck (34-36 DD and short so I like the part in front to be shorter vs. longer (most Wacoals that area is too long and pokes me)

  12. Anon

    So the NYC v. DC post earlier had me thinking — if you could move anywhere in the U.S., where would you move and why? Or if you’d stay in your location — why?

    Would love to hear other cities where the ladies on this board have lived/would consider living other than just NYC or DC (or Boston or Philly).

    • Anonymous

      The escapist in me wants a farm with a river running through it somewhere in Eastern NC or Southeastern VA. The lottery millionaire in me wants a nice place in the West Village. The REI cover girl who loves history and wants to improve her Spanish in me wants to be in Cartagena, Colombia. The girls who is on a decades-long Tudors bender wants to go to Hever Castle, STAT. And the girl who thinks she missed the boat by not going to med school or nursing school thinks of all of the good work she could be doing anywhere in the world there are people.

      The needs-funds me has some finance skills, so here I am, at work, somewhere where it is Eastern Standard Time, dreaming.

        • Anonymous

          I didn’t grow up military but we had a similar history of frequent grand moves growing up and I truly miss it. I really liked rambling and picking one place to live is like settling for giving up on a million other options. I can’t say that I’ll stay in my current city forever, but it’s a place I enjoy living in (but the world beckons . . .). I am sad that my children haven’t had my experiences roaming the planet (and that my job doesn’t afford me breaks long enough to ramble around much).

    • Sydney Bristow

      I like NYC and plan to stay for the foreseeable future but I fully intend to return to Oregon in the future. I absolutely love it there. I’d be open to living in Seattle or the Bay Area too though.

      If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d pick Sydney, Australia. Actually, if we could figure out a way to do it immigration-wise, my husband and I have seriously talked about it.

    • Anonymous

      If I didn’t hate winter, Madison Wisconsin or Portland Maine. But I do hate winter, so I don’t think I would be happy as a year-round resident of either of those places (love visiting both in the summer and fall though!) I sometimes daydream about moving to one of the Southern cities with a reputation for a great food scene and a more liberal population like Austin, Nashville or Raleigh, but it would be a move in the opposite direction of family, so I doubt it will ever happen. I’d also want to spend more time there before moving to make sure it was a good cultural fit, since visiting for a week is very different than living there.
      Been there, done that with high cost of living cities (SF, Boston, NYC) and have no desire to ever do that again. Any place I move in the future, I will have to be able to buy a very nice single family home for under $500K because I have a four-bedroom house now and no desire to go back to an apartment/condo or give up my current lifestyle to fund the purchase of a much more expensive home.

    • KT

      I moved from Philly to just outside Orlando and ITS THE BEST PLACE EVER.

      It is magical and gorgeous and I love it and I wake up every day feeling like I’m on the greatest vacation ever.

      I am also a huge nerd :)

    • Cat

      This is so hard to answer because any time I’m in a city for fun, of course it seems awesome because all I’m doing is relaxing, eating, drinking, enjoying, etc! I live in Philly now and think it’s great for regular life — prices aren’t insane but there’s so much to do, we get all 4 seasons, it’s a good travel base in terms of direct flights, etc.

      That said, I would love to be truly coastal… and I am really jealous of all the people on House Hunters who can “work from anywhere” and are moving full time to the Caribbean.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Same – what is this amazing job that allows you to work from a Caribbean beach, or a cafe in Italy, or a farm in France? And how do I get it?

    • Meg March

      I’m looking at law schools now, and we know that we’re ready to leave NYC, so also doing some “where would we like to live” searching. In my ideal world, I’d live in Denver, but Austin, southern California and North Carolina are also near the top of the list. Our wishlist includes medium-to-large city, relatively moderate winters (Colorado winters can be cold+snow, but they aren’t miserable like NYC can be), and good food & culture options. Low(er) COL would be nice, as would neighborhood walkability. Ultimately, I’ll probably apply to a handful of law schools that have been filtered for location (in addition to other criteria, obviously) and make the decision based on how much $$$ they’ll give me.

        • Nancy Raygun

          Seriously. I live in Charlotte and about half my friends are from NYC, New Jersey, or Pittsburgh.

        • Meg March

          True! My fiance grew up there, and his parents still live there, so we’re not Yankees looking to move south. NYC, for us, seems to have a large NC diaspora, because our social group is largely based on his close-knit high school friends, all of whom live here now. :)

      • emeralds

        Come to Richmond. It’s on the smaller side, but it fits all of your criteria. If you go to UVA you’ll have excellent job prospects, from what I hear from acquaintances in law here.

    • Anonymous

      I’d stay where I am in Manhattan Beach (LA area). Weather and lifestyle is amazing.

    • chicagoan

      It would be Chicago. I have lived in LA, SF, NYC, and Miami and Chicago is still my #1. World-class culture, incredible restaurants, nice people, more affordable (in comparison to LA, SF, NYC, DC, etc.), good schools, awesome neighborhoods and history, diversity, ability to live in a big city without a car but at the same time park your car on the street and drive to nearby farms/nature stuff, transportation hub to never be too far from anything. I could go on. And before anyone says “isn’t it so cold?” it’s really the same as NYC (although this year we had a milder winter and a milder heat wave).

      • Anonymous

        I love Chicago – it’s probably my favorite city in the US – but I do think it’s noticeably colder than NYC and climate data backs me up: the average high is about 5-7 degrees colder in Chicago than NYC every month from November to February and 2-3 degrees colder in March and April. The main difference in my experience is that fall lasts a lot longer in NYC. November and even well into December are often quite pleasant in NY, whereas in Chicago I usually brought out the winter coat in mid-late October. 43 degree average high in NYC in December vs 34 in Chicago is a big difference in terms of feeling like December is late fall versus the depths of winter.

      • anon

        Totally agree! I love it here.

        Curious how living in Chicago compared with DC or SF? Are people really that much nicer in Chicago? Is it easier to make friends in any of the other cities?

        • LS

          SF is more progressive, integrated, cosmopolitan. I’ve never lived in DC. But Chicago crushes them in size and offerings.

          No, people are not much nicer in Chicago, and no it isn’t easier to make friends than in the other cities. It depends on you and your motivation. Probably because the city is bigger, there are more offerings/meet-ups/concerts/restaurants etc… where you may meet people similar to you. But I found it much easier on the coasts to find people I shared more in common with. I also found neighbors more friendly in SF/Boston. And I still have had my best personal/living experiences in NYC.

          I grew up in Chicago. Moved for college/post and lived in SF/Boston/NYC/Europe for many years, and now back in Chicago for years. Chicago is the most conservative place I have lived.

          Chicago is a great deal. The rents/property values are very reasonable for what the city has to offer, but now they are sharply rising. Still much better than SF/NYC though.

          Chicago is horribly, horribly segregated. The most “popular” areas to live for many folks are so shocking white that they make me uncomfortable… and I’m white. It is also full of midwest transplants, as most people on the coasts stay on the coasts. But it is slowly becoming more diverse. Slowly…..

          I now live in the most integrated community in the Chicago area, and it is not liberal enough of or integrated enough for me.

    • Emmer

      I feel like no city hits everything I want. Seattle comes close, but it’s not diverse enough for me and it’s way too far from my family in the Midwest. Philly is also close but it doesn’t have many professional opportunities for my niche legal field. I’m in DC currently and love a lot about it but it’s far more type-A than I’d prefer (and I could do without these sweltering Augusts!).

      • Anon

        I find Seattle very diverse if you know where to go/live!! You aren’t going to find a of of diversity in N. Seattle, but South Seattle for sure!!

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      If we’re talking pure fantasy city, I would pick San Francisco up and move it to San Diego (for the weather), and then lower its cost of living to approximately Chicago levels.

  13. ETex

    My husband and I are talking about going on a trip in early November – flying into Seattle, taking the ferry over to Victoria, and drive-exploring the island. We’ve talked about staying in Nanaimo and Tofino, and also spending some time in Seattle. I will be about 5.5 months pregnant.

    Looking for recommendations on places to stay and see, as well as any warnings if this is a terrible idea for whatever reason. I’m not thrilled about the long drives, but I think it will be worth it if the destinations are awesome.

    • cbackson

      I would be worried about seasickness, which I somehow feel instinctively might be worse during pregnancy. That ferry trip can be rough. You might be better off taking a seaplane from Seattle to Victoria and renting a car there.

      • Coach Laura

        Love the seaplane idea though I haven’t done it. Was kayaking this past two weekends on Lake Union and watched the seaplanes take off and land. Kenmore Air is the company. Family took the ferry yesterday and it was rough.

        Nanaimo and Tofino are both great but I don’t have any current info on places to stay.

      • ETex

        That NEVER occurred to me!! I haven’t been suffering from nausea recently, but who knows in a couple of months..

    • Leatty

      We stayed at Abigail’s in Victoria last year and loved it! The rooms were beautifully appointed, the service impeccable, and the breakfast was out of this world. I can’t recommend it enough!!

    • Wendy

      Be prepared for some wet, windy, and depending where you are coming from,maybe colder weather. In Victoria, check out Butchart Gardens on a nice day and also the provincial museum.

      • Curious

        Yes — if you are a “clear blue skies” type person, November is not our prettiest time of year :) You will also miss the whales by about a month.

        What types of things do you like to do in a city? I can provide Seattle restaurant and park recommendations, as well as reviews of some of the museums.

      • ETex

        I am ok with the weather not being awesome (and by then will be so stoked to get some cooler weather and will be prepared for it). In a city, we like to walk around, check out outdoor parks, eat food (dur!) and see lesser known sights. Not really museum people, but enjoy historical monuments and buildings. Love seafood but I don’t eat meat. Not super “foodie” but enjoy great food – not sure how to describe? Like don’t love weird stuff, but are happy to splurge on a really good dining experience. Thanks so much!!

    • Anonymous

      Not sure if cbackson and Coach Laura are referring to the Victoria Clipper, which I haven’t taken, but in my experience, the Washington State ferries departing from Anacortes are quite large and very stable. My husband gets motion sickness even in the front seat of our car, but he was perfectly fine on these ferries. (Could also be that the Clipper goes straight across the Sound, while the state ferries also serve the San Juan Islands and stay in less turbulent waters.)

    • Anon

      The ferries are very large and you will most likely have more seasickness from the float planes.

      • Coach Laura

        The Clipper is the one with the rough seas but it leaves from Seattle waterfront. Agreed that the larger Washington State Ferry from Anacortes isn’t going to be too rough and it’s a shorter crossing. But that’s a long drive from Seattle to Anacortes and I think cbackson and I both thought she wanted to leave direct from Seattle.

    • aBr

      Hatley Castle is a bit out of the way on the island but worth a look if you feel the urge to get your dork on. It was used as the school in X-Men and lots of other movies. The tour is worth it.

    • Ms B

      I heart Sooke Harbor House on the island. Every room has a fireplace and most have a view of the ocean. The on-site resto is divine — spring for the whole crab if it is on the menu.

  14. Anonymous

    I’ve just got to share this work wardrobe horror story: I just spotted a woman in my office building who looks and is dressed exactly like Jennifer Tilly in Liar Liar. Do you guys remember her in that movie? Short, bleached hair; tight busty skirt suit; big clunky jewelry; platform slingback heels. I’m frankly amazed.

    • KT

      But is she wearing the brocade/jacquard suit too?!

      I love that movie so much.

      Then again, if I had Jennifer Tilly’s body, I probably wouldn’t wear clothes, so I can’t judge other people’s fashion tastes.

    • Anon

      It shouldn’t but it is really at the discretion of the TSA.

      Signed, someone who got a jar of kimchi confiscated for being a “liquid”

      • Terry

        College-aged brother of a friend was ‘caught’ with ganache. Solution: eat it all right at the TSA counter*.
        * Probably only works if you have the metabolism and appetite of a 19-year-old man.

        • Anonymous

          Ha, I have to ask why someone would be transporting ganache!? Was he a pastry chef?

          • Terry

            I was a little unclear on this myself. He’s not a chef but his mother is a very dedicated cook.

        • Anonymous

          I once had them take away a tupperware of chili on the grounds that it was a liquid.

          Beans, vegetables, and beef are liquids now, did you know?

          • Anonymous

            Chili is a liquid though. It’s a liquid that has lots of solids floating in it, but it’s still a liquid. I don’t think that’s unreasonable of TSA. The cheesecake example below is, though.

          • Anonymous

            They told me that I would’ve been allowed to take the chili through if it was frozen, because frozen things can’t be explosive.

            Yeah, nope, not correct, not even remotely. I still think it was pretty unreasonable.

          • Mindy

            Hmm… my home state has a very popular regional chilli. I’ve taken it on board before (not frozen) and also frozen for later use.

            TSA can be so fickle!

    • Anonymous

      I routinely keep my make up bag in my purse (bb cream, concealer, lipstick, etc) and not in my liquids bag, which stays in my rollaboard. It is never an issue with TSA, which I go through at least 2x per week.

      • Anonymous

        I agree. I haven’t gotten my liquids bag out in years and I usually have mascara, etc in my purse. TSA no longer cares and if they somehow did, you can just stick it in your bag and it’ll be fine.

        • BabyAssociate

          Agreed. As long as you don’t have a giant bottle of shampoo or anything, TSA doesn’t seem to give people a hard time on liquids anymore.

    • Godzilla

      One time when I was traveling to Canadia, I brought a frozen Junior’s cheesecake in my carryon as a gift (I froze it, so that it would last). TSA pulled me to the side and asked if I had a cake. I said yes and please don’t make me throw this out. Is it a cheesecake? Yes. Is it Junior’s. Yes. It’s a gift, please tell me it’s okay. They conferred and decided that it was okay because Junior’s cheesecake is delicious.

  16. Lo

    I already have a masters degree, and for just 8 classes I have the opportunity to get a second masters in a business oriented field. The courses will cost me around $17k. The school and that degree does fit my needs/career… Thoughts? anyone done anything similar?

    • Anonymous

      What is the long term financial benefit of the degree? E.g. will it improve your salary by $5k per year for each of the years until retirement (leaving out impact of raises and NPV here for simplicity)? If the increase exceeds the $17k + cost of not working (not sure if this is the case), then go for it.

    • Anonymous

      I think these bags are ugly as sin, and don’t understand their cult following here.

        • Anon

          Ladies, do you guys want to come over for some wine tonight? I totally think this too but my comments are drowned out by the commentariat here.

      • Anonymous

        I think Lo & Sons is ugly too (especially the OMG, their leather bags like the Pearl are fine) but I think MZ Wallace is even uglier.

        • Anonymous

          +1 With all the frilly external pockets, MZ Wallace really gives off a diaper bag vibe that Lo and Sons does not.

        • Marshmallow

          I JUST bought the Pearl today but cannot stand the look of the OMG. Also hate MZW. They look juvenile to me. *ducks and hides from loyal MZW fans*

    • ChiLaw

      Ha, I was wondering what I was missing! I saw a woman with a Lo&Sons OG at a conference last week and it just kinda looked dumpy and unstructured. Not inappropriate or anything, but for the $ I would’ve wanted something different.

  18. lips

    A great recommendation on this site led me to Burt’s Bees tinted lip balms. I gave up on lipsticks decades ago, so I appreciated this tiny hint of color. Goal is just to enhance my baseline color a little so I don’t look too sickly (!).

    I have brown hair, pale skin that has a bit of red, dark brows. I think I need a lip color with a touch of plum/mauve…. is there a Burt’s Bees color that would give me that natural look? Thanks.

    • anonymous

      This sounds like a case for Clinique Black Honey Almost Lipstick. Exactly what you’re looking for.

    • CPA Lady

      Rhubarb, if they still make that color. I really love it and we have similar coloring.

      • Anononononon

        I also have similar coloring and love both rhubard burts bees and black honey.

        They both have a bit of color but I can apply without a mirror.

    • anon anon

      I just got this sheer lipstick from YSL that is a good moisturizing one. It’s called Rouge Volupte Shine. Don’t let the dark color in the tube frighten you – just try it at the store (I got it during NAS in a nice pouch pack). I’m using the #49 which is plummy, as a good match for my natural lip color one it’s applied. The #48 that came with the bright pink pouch is just enough color rather than screaming “pink lipstick”. I was skeptical, but I’m sold.

  19. Lo

    Oh and if you want to see something hilarious I just saw, go to the ask a manager s i t e and read the first post that comes up about the cover letter someone sent in. mid day treat for sure! I am in tears!

  20. In-House Attorney Help

    My new role has me performing some new tasks that I’m not quite up to speed yet on. Can anyone recommend a good primer to learn about the different types of insurance policies a corporation should hold? (CGL, Automobile, Professional Liability, etc.)

  21. Imagine you are Lilith Crane's mother . . .

    Imagine that you are Lilith Crane’s mother. And that you work. During the year, you sign her up for language and chess for enrichment. She was happy enough in daycare during the summer. But now that she is in elementary school, she is staring to strongly dislike sport-based summer camps or even Y camps with different theme weeks. And the academic ones go too long (8-5) with no down time or physical activity (no playground, no walking trips in your city, but the academics are solid) and she comes home cranky.

    If I were rich, I’d hire a college student to do some sort of free-range schooling / tutoring / museum going. My termperment was different — I was happy reading / roller skating / exploring on my bike in a small town (but I had a teacher mom who was home in the summer).

    I’ve found some good options that are ~500/week, which just seems so high in the SEUS. When she is a teen, I’d let her do college classes and work, but in elementary school, what would have appealed to fellow folks wired like this?

    • Anonymous

      Have you tried different activities? A sport camp like soccer or volleyball or similar would have been horrible for me, but I would have loved something more solitary, like yoga or dance or art. What does she like to do for fun?

      • Imagine you are Lilith Crane's mother . . .

        I think that she likes to be with kids who are 2-3 grades ahead of her, but socially she is her actual age, so she doesn’t fit in well in tightly age-segregated groups. She likes hiking and designing things and chess and math and cried when she couldn’t to go chemistry camp (why, I don’t know; she is in first grade and maybe has been sneaking some Breaking Bad?).

        DO I BUY HER A CAMPER AND SOME GLASSWARE AND SOME P2P? Her sister would be a good Jesse Pinkman.

        A lot of camps in our city are for kids with a semi-working mom (so they are 9-1, 9-3, etc., and involve 20 miles of driving (so if you live on the Hill, you’d have to get to AU or Bethesda and back twice a day).

        • anon

          If you are in DC, which it sounds like you are, $500 is pretty normal for full-day programs.

          Check out the JHU CTY programs – they are day programs for younger kids, but can be sleepover starting after grade 5.

        • Anonymous

          Not DC, but the logistics are things that I figure more people could relate to.

          We have Duke CTY, which I thought started out in junior high. That might be a good idea. I am finding that it is great to live 2 miles from work in my city, but all of the kid activities seem to be 5-10 miles away from the center city. #lifestagesfail

          • Anonymous

            That doesn’t sound so bad to me. We live in the suburbs where there are good public schools but no kid activities for families with working parents, which are within the city limits where all the professionals who can afford to send their kids to private school live. And then my office is another 60 miles away. During the summer, my two-hour daily commute grows to four hours or more per day.

          • Anonymous

            Wow — my job takes about 50 hours out of me a week, so that’s only manageable with the shortest of commutes now that I have kids. My spouse’s job is in the opposite direction, so geography counts for a lot.

    • Anonymous

      If you like the 500/week options and you can afford it, I would do that, even if you think the relative cost for your area is high (fwiw, I haven’t found prices for kids stuff to be that COL-dependent; I own a $200k single family home, which you couldn’t begin to find in Boston or its suburbs, but I pay about 3/4 of what my SIL in Boston pays for daycare).

      Does she have a friend with a stay at home or teacher parent she could hang out with after the 9-3 camp? Or could she even be home alone at those hours? I grew up in a very safe area, but I feel like I was alone from 3-5 starting from the age of 8 or so.

    • shadow

      I’d sign her up for something like UW’s Summer Challenge program. https://robinsoncenter.uw.edu/programs/summer/challenge/

      Johns Hopkins also has similar summer programs: http://cty.jhu.edu/programs/

      Similar programs might be available through other universities – check the ones near where you live for gifted/talented summer programs.

      When I was in elementary school, some churches did summer programs that were a combination of sports and other activities – I think I did tennis and sewing and it was a half day program (ended at like 2 pm or 3 pm) a couple days a week.

    • Anonymous

      Are you me? I have the same exact kid with the same exact problem. Ordinary theme camps at the Y were fun for the first few years, but are now dismissed as “boring.” In previous summers I have willingly paid $400 per week for a high-quality camp at a private school that offers six “classes” per day in subjects like chess, guitar, swimming, tennis, pottery, and Hogwarts. The kid would love to go back, but that camp is no longer compatible with her sports practice schedule. $400 is on the high end for day camps in our midsized southeastern city, although there are a few in the $600 per week range.

      Other solutions we have tried: combining the “semi-working mom” camps with an afternoon sitter; sleepaway camp; packing the kid off to stay with relatives for a week.

      • Anonymous

        Except that mine is in fifth grade, not first. It only gets worse the older they get.

        • Anonymous

          At some point, do they have a friend they could just hang out with (maybe with a college student / summer nanny loosely supervising)? I get that younger kids need more structure. At what point do they just need someone to keep social services at bay?

    • Nancy Raygun

      When I was a nerdy, easily bored (probably very annoying) kid, I did summer camps at our city’s local science museum. If you have something like that nearby, they probably have lots of camps/classes. I also did little one-day things with the park and rec department (nature walks, water conservation classes, something about birds of prey). I also did lots of camps at art museums and the YMCA. The university-run programs are also supposed to be great. Good luck, your kid sounds adorable and smart.

  22. Anonymous

    Has anyone else been following the Kathleen Kane case? I live in Pennsylvania and everyone at my office (law firm) has been talking about it non stop.

    • Anonymous

      So I haven’t been following this case at all but just looked it up and Wikipedia says her license to practice law was suspended in Sept 2015 but she just resigned today (after a perjury conviction)? How can you be an AG without a license to practice?

    • Anonymous

      Nope — we are still all over the 5/3 Bank – Fannie Mae thing from last week.

    • Anononononon

      Also in PA.

      It makes me sick. I think her charges are so unbelievably bogus. If all grand jury leaks were punished with this severity, Harrisburg, Philly and Pittsburgh would be ghost towns.

      This is the boys club reasserting itself.

      • Anononononon

        For those that have not been following, the case against her was developed after she exposed a disgusting old boys network p@rn and racist email ring that eventually took down two state supreme court justices and disgraced scores of others both in and out of government.

        Lots of truly disgusting images being exchanged on government computers as well as repugnant discussions about staffers.

        It’s no suprise that PA consistently has among the lowest percentage of female elected officials in the country.

    • SuuuuuuperAnon

      I know more about this than is publicly available and while I do not disagree IN THE LEAST that there is a heavy hand of ole boys network in Harrisburg, there is much more going on here than that. The AG’s office as a whole is quite happy to see her go, women and men included. The office has become incredibly toxic and challenging and more will come to light over the next few years.

  23. Swingers

    Weird-ass question of the afternoon. How do you know if you are being courted by swingers? Is there any “in the know” phrase we should watch out for?

    Many years ago we became friendly with my husband’s coworker and his wife. I got a super creepy vibe from them very quickly. They wouldn’t shut up about my appearance. (This was at a work event, in public). Other coworkers quickly told my husband that they were swingers and seeing if we were interested. We told them to pass along the message that no, we were not interested. They left us alone after that. (Who does that at work!!)

    Now, 10+ years later we have quickly made another set of couple friends that are friends of our friends. They seem really awesome but the friendship is moving very quickly. They seem very interested in us staying over and not just in the polite so you can have more to drink and don’t have to drive home way. We have declined staying over so far. At the same time, my husband and I each asked each other if we got a weird vibe from our new friends. We both think we are being paranoid but find it really odd that we both wondered this. We really want to be friends with them but hope we aren’t missing some clues that they are interested in something else that we aren’t.

    I know this sounds really weird but I figure we get readers from all different lifestyles here and someone might be able to point me in the right direction.

    TLDR – My husband and I worry that our new friends might be interested in alternative adult activities with us. We aren’t quite sure why we get this vibe. We don’t want to be paranoid but don’t want to end up in an awkward situation either. We are not interested in said activities but are interested in friendship.

    • Anonymous

      What have the new people done besides asking if you want to stay over? My gut instinct is that you’re probably (understandably!) a little paranoid because of your first experience, but if you get a weird vibe you should probably try to cool things down a little, meet in public more, etc. I guess one way to find out would be to tell them the story about you husband’s co-worker and his wife hitting on you and see how they react haha.

    • ELaw

      Wait is staying over at your friends’ when you live in the same city for reasons other than having a few too many drinks a thing?

      • Anon

        That was my first thought. Are these out of town friends — where you drive 2 hrs to visit them? Bc otherwise who crashes at anyone else’s house after partying with them past the age of 22 or maybe 25 max? Wouldn’t most people nowadays just Uber home?

        • Swingers

          45 minutes away. Without giving too much info, they live somewhere where there are fun things to do beyond just hanging at their house so asking if we want to stay over isn’t totally unreasonable as we could enjoy the location the next day too.

          • ELaw

            Still though if they’re inviting you to stay over rather than inviting you to stay over so that you can more convendiently do one of the specific things that is near them that would be fun to do that seems odd to me.

          • Anonymous

            Agreed — might be different if they said “stay over after the GWAR concert so we can go to brunch at Lem’s and then shop at the bazaar” or “come for the weekend” for a Saturday / Sunday stay.

            This looks like grooming activity (but does one have the DTR talk in this context? What is you were game — what about precautions / safety / ground rules / one is OK participating but one just wants to watch)?

            I am reminded of that part of the Ice Storm where the one lady is like the kid who doesn’t get picked for either team in gym class.

    • Ellen

      I am single, so do not have this probelem, but my freind Laurie faced this EXACT issue! She had JUST got married to Stefan from Sweden when she met a guy at a party at the guy’s house for a Christmas party who was ALSO married. His spouse got along with Stefan so the couple asked Laurie and Stefan after the party had died down and once they had to many drink’s if they wanted to stay over in the Guest room. It was VERY late and Laurie wanted to go home, but Stefan was to drunk. So they DID stay over. The probelem was that about an hour after they went to bed in the guest room, the coupel all of a sudden joined them, jumpeing into the bed, and started suggesteing stuff. The husband had onley a towel on and the wife had a nightie. Stefan was to drunk to do anything when the guy’s hands were all over Laurie. Laurie said NO at least 3x before the guy stopped, and the wife could not even wake Stefan b/c he was so drunk. The next morning, they all had breakfast and Laurie and Stefan left, with Laurie driving b/c Stefan had a wicked headache. I guest the morale is NEVER to go to bed in a home you are NOT familiar with and if you MUST, then make sure the door lock’s. FOOEY!

    • Anon

      We do (did?) have a couple who were swingers in our group of friends, but they did some awkward things to others sometimes that really creeped people out. Never to me or my husband though, hmmm. I think if you are both getting signals there is probably something up.

    • New Tampanian

      I’ve been courted by swingers in the past. Go with your gut here.

    • Double-Bingo

      In case you’re still following, my experience has been that swingers will come right out and talk about it, especially over a boozy dinner. They’re a bit like crossfit folks actually – can talk endlessly about how AMAZING it is for their relationship, everyone should try it, etc.

  24. grad school Q

    Has anyone here gotten a master’s degree in something completely impractical or unrelated to your career? Like an M.A. in anthropology when you have no intention of getting a PhD in it or becoming an anthropologist, or art history, literature, etc.

    I love the humanities but don’t see myself as a full-time academic, so I can’t justify the cost or leaving the workforce… but lately I’m questioning that decision. I’d love to hear from others who have thrown caution to the winds and just DID it.

    Side note: Ever wish that grad school were free? I didn’t go to grad school because it’s expensive / the stuff I’m interested in wouldn’t apply to my career path, but if it were free like it is in some countries, I would never stop getting degrees!

    • Bookworm

      You can take courses online on sites like Coursera in some of the subjects you list. Some of these online sites also have forums where you can interact with “classmates” and even organize real life meetups. In your situation, this is what I would do.

      If you are really interested in getting a degree, look into some of the European countries, an example is Germany, the DAAD(German Academic Exchange) has a website through which you can search for programs. But obviously you should research what you would do with that sort of degree in hand.

  25. nutella

    How do people feel about Save the Dates?

    We aren’t doing engagement photos, so if we do them, they won’t be of photos. Wedding will be in our current city, where many of our friends are and the hometown of one of us. The other’s hometown is about 4 hour’s drive away (less than an hour flight) so a sizeable chunk will be coming in from out of town, but they are family and already know about the wedding. Wedding is also not a holiday weekend, so we aren’t competing with people’s travel plans. We have a large guest list (expecting around 250 to show up), and I can’t decide if we should do them or not. Do people find them annoying? Are they expected because one of us has family from out of town? Should we not send them so that when the NO RSVPs come rolling in, we can extend the invite to others? halp.

    • CHJ

      This is not what Miss Manners would recommend, but what about sending the actual wedding invites 6 months before the wedding rather than the customary 1-2 months? For me, Save-The-Dates have morphed into wedding invitations because I usually tell the couple if I’m coming at that point, and then the wedding invitation months later feels like an afterthought, even though it is the pretty/expensive thing. So why not send that in the first place?

      • Anonymous

        If you do this though, you still have to give guests until ~1 month before the wedding to RSVP, so I’m not really sure what it would accomplish. You can’t ask people to RSVP six months in advance.

    • BabyAssociate

      I think they’re helpful for planning purposes. All the weddings I’m going to this year sent save the dates, granted they’re all out-of-town weddings. Only half had had engagement pictures on them and most of them included the URL for the wedding website where you could easily RSVP, which was handy.

    • Anon in NYC

      I did them. All of my friends have done them. I don’t find them annoying – I find them helpful. People can book travel if necessary. People know to reserve the day, etc.

      Don’t have A and B lists though – nobody likes those.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know anyone who finds them annoying, but they’re certainly not mandatory, especially if you’ve told a lot of people informally, which it sounds like you have. You could also just do a Paperless Post save the date if you want to save money and be a bit more low-key. PLEASE do not invite more people after you get “no” RSVPs to your first round of invitations. I know this is becoming more and more common in the US, but all etiquette experts agree it is rude and completely inappropriate. In fact, if you want to have a “B” guest list, save-the-dates can be a very useful tool. It’s perfectly appropriate to send save-the-dates to only a subset of your potential guests, and then you can send invitations to more people based on the replies you get to the save-the-date (and in my experience, most people will reply, at least informally, to a save-the-date).

      • nutella

        Oh good to know. But the webs!te??

        I’m of the age where everyone is getting married but I’ve never RSVP’d to a Save the Date through a website, though. Is that a thing? I’ve only RSVP’d when the invitation came (or verbally told a friend yes/no).

        The A list and B list is more because fiance has extended family abroad that ‘needs’ to get the invitations, but will not attend — or so we have been assured — because of cost/inconvenience. (They total about 60, if any come it would be no more than 8-10.) We have to hit a certain number for the venue and there are local friends that we would love to invite, so they aren’t ‘B’ to us. Maybe we just invite them all but don’t send Save the Dates abroad to for-formality’s-sake relatives?

        • Anonymous

          When I say people RSVP to save-the-dates, I meant informally. I usually tell friends either “I got your save-the-date, we’re planning on coming and we’re looking forward to it” or “We got your save-the-date, so sorry we can’t make it because we have XYZ commitment on that date.” When we got married, at least half of our guests did something similar. It’s obviously not a binding commitment the way a formal RSVP is, but it gives the bride and groom an idea of rough numbers.

          I think having the webs!te on there is only tacky if there’s nothing on the s!te except the registry. My cousin sent a save-the-date, with a link to a website that had literally nothing – no pictures, no info about the wedding events – except for links to THREE registries. There was a lot of pearl-clutching in our family. But if there’s any useful info on there I think it’s fine to include the webs!te.

          • nutella

            Helpful, thank you!

            I guess I didn’t mean annoying but more “unnecessary but people do them because of P!interest” and it seems like people find them helpful. We don’t have a webs!te yet, but will put hotel information on there for people who need to book ahead of time and I guess we will consult the mothers about putting registries on. Formal invitations would be 2 months out.

            Thanks, everyone!

        • Wildkitten

          I got a save the date that allowed either an online RSVP (you could log in to the wedding website with all the info on it) or you could return a card. I did it online. It was super easy. I might just do online RSVPs should I ever get married since there wouldn’t be any grandparents invited so everyone is web-savvy.

          • Wildkitten

            Wait. The invitation may have had the RSVP. Either way it had a web-option.

    • Anonymous

      I hate the custom of not getting a wedding invitation only a month or two before the wedding. I know they’re planned much farther in advance, and I’d like to know so that I can avoid scheduling conflicts. Save the dates are very helpful.

    • Anonymous

      I really like them, since I travel a ton and book my travel 3-6 months out, and it’s helpful to know what weekends (and how much money) I need to reserve for weddings each year. I have been invited to 25+ weddings in the last five years and can’t recall any wedding where I didn’t get a save-the-date about six months in advance (although sometimes it was just sent via email, which is totally fine. The real reason I want it is for planning purposes, and email works fine for that. Although I’m always happy to get a cute card with an engagement photo too.)

    • Anonymous

      I’ve never heard anyone say they’re annoying. Maybe a particular one that has 10 photos of the couple making out, but nobody thinks the concept of a save the date is annoying. I think whether or not you should do them depends a lot on your RSVP goals. If you want a large percentage of your guests to attend, send one at least six months in advance, since that makes it much likelier that people will come. If, like my BFF, you’re being forced to invite 200 people you don’t really know and don’t especially want to attend, then don’t send a save the date and just tell your real friends what the date is.

    • Anonymous

      please do save-the-dates, especially for your out of town guests. i am FIRMLY in the camp of send save-the-dates, even for guests who won’t have to travel far. personally, i plan my social activities at least a month or two ahead, so if you send me a wedding invitation only a month beforehand, i’m probably already committed to another thing.

      a couple i know did paperless post (email only) and that worked out well, so i could schedule and book my travel in advance and not pay premiums for travel costs.

      • Libby

        Both of the weddings I went to did email save the dates, and I thought that was a nice/free compromise. I had to travel for both weddings, so I booked my trips earlier than I would have waiting for the invitation.

        Can your fiance get an estimate of the number of out of country guests who plan on going? I assume they’ll need to book travel relatively early, so you can account for the ones who will definitely not go, and expand your guest list accordingly.

    • Anonymous

      They are not annoying, and yes they are kind of expected if you have guests out of town. The last two weddings I went to did Paperless Post for save the dates to save some money.

    • Anonymous

      Having save the dates avoids the awkward, are we invited or not, kind of conversations you might have with some of your acquaintances. I’m currently wedding planning and I guess I’ve had the opposite experience you usually hear – people talk excitedly about my wedding but they pull themselves back when they feel like they’re being presumptuous. It’d be nice to have something concrete so they know they’re invited. Conversely, it’s a pretty clear-but-polite way of telling someone they’re not invited if you can say something like, oh yes we sent out the save the dates last month.

      Also, if we hang out occasionally and it’s 4 months before your wedding and I haven’t gotten a save the date, I’m going to assume I’m not invited. Then if you send me the invite like a month out, I’m probably going to have plans and won’t be able to make it.

    • Molly

      Can I ask that you reconsider engagement photos? NOT for facebook or Save the Dates, but because it is a huge wake up call re: learning to be photographed. (And getting to know your photographer, but you can use a local up and comer if you’re worried about cost. No, I’m not a photographer.)

      I learned that my now-husband finds it awkward to look at the photographer, so he was staring off into the distance in every. single. photo. And I made some seriously dumb faces. Going through ALL of them (not 5-6 best shots that the photographer gives you) was one of the best-value things we did in planning our wedding, though it was pretty brutal.

      It’s a valuable exercise, especially if you’re dropping thousands on the real thing for the wedding day.

  26. Anonymous

    If you’re going on a work trip with coworkers, is it okay to swim laps in the hotel pool wearing a one piece speedo swimsuit?

    • Anon

      I have coworkers who’ll go use the hotel pool — fine by me, as I never see them. You don’t have to announce you’re going or go together. Though obviously be prepared for the possibility that you could run into them either at the pool or in the lobby or wherever.

    • Anonymous

      Absolutely. I’ve swum in hotel pools on work trips in a (modest) two piece because I don’t own a one piece and swimming is my preferred form of exercise. I would definitely bring a cover-up or shorts and a t-shirt so you’re not walking the halls of the hotel in just your bathing suit or a towel.

  27. Anonymous

    MZ Wallace has a warehouse sale going on. And the sale is the best ever. It is in NYC.

  28. NewRecruit

    Okay, I’ve posted before and got a couple of inquiries but no serious feedback. I’m a recruiter. My industry was recently changed due to an office restructuring and I now focus on the medical device industry. The majority of my clients are in the manufacturing sector. The Compliance and Regulatory Affair roles that I place for are all direct hire opportunities with well establish companies, some being divisions of Fortune 500 companies.

    I currently have an Orthopedic manufacturing company in SW Florida that needs an RA Specialist and a medical technology company in NJ that needs an RA Manager. The roles are not entry level and require Medical Device experience. Please feel free to let me know if I can send more information (job descriptions/compensation/company information) off site to anyone.

    My company has been in the recruiting industry for over 50 years and has 70+ branches nationwide. I don’t mind sharing my information with genuinely interested candidates but I don’t want to waste my time with ‘Lookey Lous’.

    I will re-post this comment tomorrow too. I really hope that I get the chance to share these opportunities with some qualified ladies. The biggest problem with female candidates is getting them to relocate for new opportunities – even though the companies willingly cover the cost.

    • Toffee

      This is an interesting point about women not relocating. I am desperately job hunting but there’s no way I can uproot the family and make DH leave his very stable, high paying job. But are men more likely to insist their wives leave their high paying jobs to follow to a new location?

      Anyway, good luck NewRecruit. I’ve worked a lot with medical device patents, but I’m unlikely to be qualified and, as noted, couldn’t relocate.

      • Anonymous

        I think it’s more that men are often more able to move because they are more likely to have stay at home wives or wives with a career that is more portable (nurses, dental assistants, teachers, private music teachers, exercise instructors etc etc). So the move may be a step back for the woman but she is likely to be able to stay in her industry.

        I worked for a short time with the RCMP in Canada where the constables have to move regularly. Almost all of the police officers were married to nurses or dental assistants.

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