ByKat Hours Updated
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Thursday’s TPS Report: Wrap Front Blouse

Neiman Marcus Wrap Front Blouse | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I've been ogling this wrap front blouse for a few weeks now — it looks like an interesting take on a simple white blouse. I see it with a bold color somewhere — a necklace, or perhaps a fun pencil skirt — but obviously it would be very easy with neutrals as well. The blouse was $125, but is now marked to $95 at Last Call. Neiman Marcus Wrap Front Blouse Here's a similar style in plus sizes. Psst: I noticed that one of the reader favorite dresses from the past, the Karen Kane ruched dress, is on sale at Nordstrom in basic black for $86. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

143 Comments

  1. Yay, Kat! I love NIEMAN MARCUS and this is a Great Blouse for peeople that are not sloppey eater’s like me, but unfortunately, I am NOT abel to wear white w/o getteing MARINARA sauce on it, or Musterd, if I go to the DELI. FOOEY!

    I am still recovering from the Chinese food I ate with the judge and the manageing partner, and the manageing partner is workeing from home today. Margie said he was “hugging the toilet bowl” last nite, but she described it as his back end that was doeing an “old faithful” — with geizer’s comeing out of him at all hours. FOOEY! But that is a fate no poor schmoe deserves (other then of course Mr. Sheketovits and mabye Gonzalo).

    Today, I am prepareing a POWERPOINT Slide presentation for the manageing partner and me to give to 2 potential new CLEINT’s on the value our firm can provide them, both in keepeing their claims manageabel, as well as their cost’s down. We know that the competition may be at time’s cheaper, but their service is NOT as good and their track record in court is REALY worse then our’s. I did a search of the docket by firm and then did my own (unofficial) spreadsheet with Frank’s help on sucess rate, and our’s is at least 12% better then our closest WC defense firm. YAY! So these cleint’s should be happy with us, even if they might pay a littel more to have me and the manageing partner and Mason on their team. Mason is virtually useless so far (other then to carry my pump’s and Macbook) but the manageing partner think’s he will come around to be a productive litiegator like me. I will beleive it when I see it. So far, all he is capeable of doeing is to nuzzle with Lynn, and that is NOT busness. TRIPEL FOOEY!

  2. I think that anything that ties in the back risks sliding into ambiguous maternity wear.

    I do love me a white shirt though.

      1. Also, the description says it’s a knit, which means it’s not going to have that white-shirt crispness which is a prime reason to wear a white shirt.

  3. What other blogs do people read every day? Specifically — which blogs that are focused to professional women?

    I’ve become a huge fan of Corporette since I found it recently. I also look at Capitol Hill Style sometimes.

    1. I like Extra Petite. It is geared towards petite clothing, but I like her general style as well.

      1. Same. I am not petite but I like her style. Wendy’s Lookbook is also good, Classy Cubical (now a different name), Atlantic Pacific for more fashion-forward choices.

      2. I love Jean, I am petite and I love how her tips prevent you from looking like a kid. I already have young facial features, natural african hair so need any help in the clothes department.
        For now, I am still in a biz casual office so she is more of an aspirational style.

    3. Although not women focused, I like reading ask a manager for general career/workplace advice.

  4. I’m on the hunt for a white wrap blouse and I’m tempted by this. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

        1. Unless it says final sale, I have found it really easy to return to a Last Call store. But those are not common, so it often requires some planning around when I’m going to be near a store. I think they charge for return shipping which is why I go inperson.

    2. I’ve found some styles at The Shirt Company but I have not bought anything from them yet. I’m also interested in the hive’s opinion on shirts with interesting collar or cuff styles that peek through a suit/blazer. Or the look I sometimes come across with 3/4 sleeve suit jackets worn with longer full sleeve shirts underneath?

      1. I’m not a fan of the long sleeve-under-3/4 sleeve look, but I always love an interesting neckline/cuffs under a jacket or cardi. Sometimes if I wear a solid sweater or cardi over a printed/patterned top, I will turn the cuffs up over the cardi or sweater to let the sleeve print show. Obviously, this is a casual look, so it wouldn’t go over well in a conservative office.

        I also love the look of this top, but once the other posters pointed out: tie in the back and knit material, I got pretty disappointed. From the front, from the photo, it looks like a perfectly crisp wrap blouse. They would have made it way better if it had a regular back & a side zipper or something. The thing I don’t like about tie shirts isn’t so much the ambigu-ternity look, but whenever you sit back in a chair, that knot is going to be in the center of your back. I hate that.

    3. I bought this shirt and returned it today. It’s a nice idea but the material was off. It wasn’t crisp and didn’t lay right. I’d love the same style in a crisp material.

  5. hey ladies. What are your tips for distracting yourself from your terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad ex? Specifically, while trying to get divorced?

    1. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I remember that you and you ex had been having problems for a while, and I’m so glad that you’re making what sounds like the right decisions for yourself and your child. I don’t have any specific advice about your situation, since I’ve never been through anything even close to it, but I wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts (and prayers, if you’d like them). All I can really say is stay strong, and remember to be kind to yourself.

      1. +1. Hugs!!! If your finances allow, I would try to make some time for yourself outside of work/childcare where you get to do whatever you want to do. Invite friends over and watch trashy TV, go out and take a walk/do window shopping/go to gym/go listen to jazz/whatever floats your boat. :)

        If your ex is trying to engage with you, DO NOT ENGAGE. Don’t answer phone/email/etc., except if it relates to childcare pickup/dropoff times, etc. You can blame it all on your lawyer.

        If you are thinking about what-ifs or ruminating, give yourself X time to wallow and think about it, and then go do something else – work or TV or whatever will distract you from thinking about your ex.

        Hugs!

        1. Thanks. Unfortunately I can’t afford my attorney much longer. My ex is trying to engage with me SO MUCH and I keep trying not to, but I also am in a very tough place (getting assets appraised before settlement is the worst). He doesn’t really bother visiting the child anymore – just a few hours on Sundays.

          1. May not be appropriate for this situation, but a friend who went through a horrible divorce used mediation to great benefit. I’m not sure if they had lawyers (I heard everything 3rd hand), but I know it was less expensive and the terms were reasonable for both sides, despite the high animosity on both sides. (And there were two kids involved.)

            Hugs to you! I remember your stories about said ex and I think you’re doing the best for you and baby.

          2. Mediation is less useful if your ex is manipulative and wants to ruin your life.

          3. Can you change your number and have only his lawyer contact you regarding visitation for now? I’d try to limit ways you have contact with him. Every time you feel upset, frustrated, etc. say to yourself, short term pain long term gain. I’m proud of you for finally getting rid of this jerk.

      2. Same. I remember seeing you go from trying to excuse his behavior to realizing just how horrible he was to you to realizing you needed to get a divorce, despite the new baby, and all I have to say is that I am SO proud of you for doing what’s right for you and your child. Spending time with supportive friends and family is really the best way to distract yourself. You can do this.

        1. Thank you all.

          He contacts me by email (blessedly) so I have time to stew and then respond calmly.

          1. Can you filter all his emails into their own inbox so they don’t pop up and tempt you to read them and ruin an otherwise good time? Then you can deal with them when you are mentally prepared, so you don’t have to stew about them for too long.

          2. Do not respond to any email unless it contains a specific factual question, and respond with as few neutral words as possible. This is harder than it sounds, and it eliminates so much friction.

    2. In college, when one of my roommates was struggling to distract herself from her terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-ex-boyfriend, we had her make a list of the things that she didn’t like about him (and we contributed some – that were not mean spirited, but were true – ex: “he doesn’t support your passion for foreign travel and dreams to work abroad”).

      Hung it on the wall.

      It worked really well.

    3. Depends. If you are just constantly thinking about the fact that he’s a terrible person and that’s distracting you, I would start a routine where you switch to the same thing every time you think of him – a particular writing project, or art, or blog, or anything that will immerse your brain enough to stop thinking about him. Also, get your anger out via a physical activity – boxing, rowing, anything with fast punchy movement to it.

      But if you’re distracted because he is threatening or harassing you or your child as he has done in the past, you should get in contact with your lawyer and/or the police ASAP to keep you and child safe.

    4. Whether you are thinking good or bad things about him, repeat phrase as needed: “Don’t let him live rent-free in your head.” Then switch to something positive for you. Make this a mental habit.

    5. That is so tough and I’m sorry for what you’re going through!

      The only thing that has ever worked for me (other than time) is throwing myself into work and just trying to avoid him. I needed a big project, something that I had to give all of my attention to because I was too scared and overwhelmed by the work! It wasn’t fun, but it helped me minimize the amount of energy I spent thinking about my ex. And maybe the best part is that, after I finished that project a few months later, I had adjusted to some of the really hard day-to-day things, like waking up alone, not immediately calling my ex whenever I got big news, etc.

      1. I think this is really good advice. My last bad breakup, I worked a lot, went to the gym and watched a ton of law and order SVU to keep my mind off things.

        That said, I didn’t have a child or custody issues to worry about.

        I hope you’re doing ok.

    6. Hey! I was just thinking about you and was thinking we should grab a drink ! (You sent me a holiday card one year at the office before you graduated.) Is your email the same?

  6. Wedding TJ: Is a day-of wedding coordinator worth the money? Maybe it’s a failure of imagination but, once everything is in place, it seems like there wouldn’t be that much to coordinate on a the actual wedding day. On the other hand, it’s important to me that my fiance and I get to spend as much time with our guests as possible (many of whom will have flown in) and I keep hearing how much easier professional coordinators make the day. (I should say that both of our mothers, who would have been a great help, are deceased so the burden of the day would definitely fall on us.)

    1. It kind of depends how many people you have to move around and how trustworthy they are regarding getting to where they need to be. We had a smaller wedding and I made a spreadsheet/timeline as to where people needed to be when, then distributed it and people complied. I also designated a bridesmaid to help make sure we stayed on schedule (though she didn’t really have to do anything).

      So for me, I don’t think it would have been worthwhile.

    2. Yes it’s so worth the money. I’ve never had a wedding but I was a bridesmaid in two weddings and the one that had a day-of coordinator went so smoothly. Otherwise that burden falls on you or your wedding party. You don’t want to be worrying about tiny details the day of.

      ETA – I just saw the above comment. If you have a small wedding, maybe it’s not worth it. But both of the weddings I was in were pretty big weddings.

    3. It can make things easier, but for me, it depends on how much it would cost to decide whether or not it’s “worth it.” Our venue was all-inclusive (catering/staff/etc. built into the price), so a day of coordinator was built into the package, and she was helpful as far as making sure we were where we were supposed to be when we were supposed to be there, corralling the wedding party at certain key times, and getting me drinks (huge plus!).

      With that said, I think we would’ve been pretty much fine without her, and I probably wouldn’tve paid for one if it wasn’t provided, mainly because our other vendors (DJ, photo & video people, florist, etc.) were very experienced and very on point, so there wasn’t really anything to be done to “manage” them – they knew the drill and were doing what they were supposed to be doing when they were supposed to be doing it without any outside prompting. If I’d had more DIY or amateur elements, a coordinator probably would’ve been more useful because I would’ve needed her management skills more, although if you have a bossy friend you could probably just deputize him/her to handle the people-management stuff on the day of.

      1. This was my experience – my vendors had all worked with the venue (with a day-of coordinator) before and everyone knew the drill, so it all ran pretty smoothly.

        That said, everyone I know who has used a coordinator (whether day-of or throughout the planning) has raved about what a huge help they were. If our venue hadn’t provided one, I imagine I would have hired out.

    4. Our venue offered a day of coordinator (they call it a maître d) that coordinates various things: deliveries on the day of, set up of your centerpieces and reception table, etc., pictures and schedule so you don’t bump into any of the other weddings that day, service of the various dinner courses so they time with the speeches, etc. We could not have done it without her…she and our MC worked to make sure the wedding ran smoothly. I had no time to even breathe on my wedding day, we were so focused on getting pictures done and maybe having some water and seeing some people, there was no time to deal with those things that need to be dealt with.

      If your venue doesn’t have a very responsible, dedicated to you person, I would totally hire one.

    5. I thought it was ridiculous at first and then I helped out as a coordinator for a friend’s wedding. It was insane. When I got married, I had one and up until the wedding I thought she was worth her weight in gold. The wedding day came and seriously I would have paid triple what her fee was.

    6. Best money you’ll spend. You don’t want to have to be an event planner at your own event.

    7. A coordinator was included in the price of our venue. What she was great for was managing all of the things like (1) being there early to receive the delivery from the florist and show them where all the arrangements were to go (and managing other vendors like having the string quartet and band show up), (2) setting up all of the placecards, (3) keeping my husband and groomsmen in their “area” until it was time for the first look/pictures, (4) giving my mother in law small tasks to keep her occupied and out of my hair (this was admittedly a specific request as she is prone to hovering and it would have driven me insane).

      ETA – looking at all the comments above, unless you’re having a very simple event, I’d say it’s worth the money to be able to free up your day and avoid stress!

      1. So I think it depends on the venue:

        – My florist did all the setup by herself, no instruction needed.
        – The inn manager did the place cards, table setup, all that stuff;
        – My parents (who paid for our wedding) paid the band and choir director and anyone else who needed the check that day;
        – My DH managed his own groomsmen; we also had pictures before;
        – We wrangled all the guests to be in pictures at the appropriate time.

        I can’t think of what a coordinator would have done, honestly. It seems like the wedding-industrial complex has gotten even more into “you MUST have these things” in the last 10 years!

        1. Well, if you didn’t have a florist and inn manager who were so on top of things, you might have felt differently. We had someone who I consider our wedding coordinator who sounds like your inn manager–she worked in sales for the venue, oversaw table set up, we gave her the decorations we wanted and she made sure they got to where we wanted them, etc.

          For pictures, my photographer and her husband/assistant did a lot of the wrangling, but you really need someone who knows your guests to help. We each introduced our siblings to the photographer beforehand and had them as designated people to go to in case the photographer needed to track down a family member for a photo.

        2. Counterpoint, we had a vendor who royally screwed some things up. Our wedding coordinator literally saved the day and re-did their work. I didn’t even know the royal screw up, except she photographed it so I could get money back before she fixed it.

          1. My sister didn’t have a coordinator, and the caterer royally screwed up. A coordinator would have been able to mitigate at least some of the screw up. It’s kind of like insurance, you hope you’ll never need it but you’re glad to have it if you do.

          2. Yeah, that’s a good point. We had a day-before dinner that the caterer screwed up (our venue coordinator was not involved at all). If we had had our coordinator there, she would have seen and addressed the issues right away, rather than when we eventually got around to getting food ourselves and noticed the problems.

    8. I found our day-of coordinator to be the best money we spent. Also, if you find someone you like other than price, don’t be afraid to negotiate. I had heard about our coordinator on a wedding forum somewhere and she was looking to expand into the area we live. She called her services day-of, but they were much more robust (e.g., offering advice about facilities and vendors). We had already picked our vendors, so we negotiated down. However, she still got in touch with all our vendors as soon as we signed the contract, visited us at least two or three times before our wedding day, and managed our rehearsal and everything for us the day of, including stuff we hadn’t planned for (e.g., who would work the iPod for our ceremony music?, she brought our plant and vase aisle runners to the reception site and placed them as table centerpieces, etc.). And, in fact, she gave me a ride from my hair appointment at the salon to my hotel room to get dressed! (Another thing I hadn’t planned for!)

      1. I agree: it’s like a doula for your wedding.

        E.g.: who will make sure that the church is unlocked and that the organist (from a different church) can get in and get set up?

        FWIW, very small towns (maybe primarily in the south) have ladies (usually affiliated with the church) who serve as wedding directors. Everyone in town knows what want and knows to look for them for direction. Priceless if you are getting married in your grandparents church (but are coming in from out of town). Mine was very Dowager Countess and I just adored how she made it all happen (she’s also the person who tells the attendants to spit out their gum before going into the church).

    9. The above advice is great; I’d also add that it depends on you. Do you have a very specific vision of how your wedding is supposed to unfold and you’ll be crushed if everything isn’t just so? For the love of all that is holy, hire a coordinator. Will you be happy as long as people show up more or less when and where they’re supposed to, linens and centerpieces and specialty c*cktails be damned? Probably don’t need to hire someone.

    10. Yes. My sister thought about it, then somehow didn’t, and while I helped as much as I could, since I wasn’t the one planning it along with her, I didn’t have all the information so she was the one that stressed about making sure people were where they needed to be.

    11. My sister had a smallish wedding that she planned herself and did a lot of DYI with family help (flowers, most food, no alcohol because ugh, ipod music). She didn’t have a wedding coordinator, but she also didn’t give ANY thought whatsoever to coordination, day of. Family set up the venue and brought the stuff, the bridesmaids and I got ourselves and families out the door and managed to get her to the venue, and because we didn’t have many outside vendors, set up wasn’t that difficult. HOWEVER, the time between guests started arriving and the reception was really dicey- people didn’t know where to go, when things would get started, when to move back into the reception area, anything like that. Thankfully, my cousin who is a performer, realized the vacuum and stepped up to corral people and give direction, announce events, when to eat, answer questions, and give the event some sort of presence. It was a lifesaver, logistically and socially.

      I would highly recommend appointing someone to lead that aspect of the wedding, “wedding coordinator” or otherwise.

    12. It was the best money I spent. I also initially thought it would be a waste of money (my mom pushed it) but she handled so much. Obviously this depends on having a good coordinator, though.

    13. Totally worth it!I’ve been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings, only one of which had a DOC. All three brides say that they’re so glad they had one or wish that they had in retrospect! The two that didn’t have coordinators had huge organizational failures (wedding started an hour late, caterer broke the contract in multiple ways, etc.), despite one of them having an explicit schedule, timeline, etc (made by moi!). The one that was late needed someone to plan out all of the “getting ready” elements and hold everyone to that schedule. The other had a timeline, and a friend was acting as a coordinator, but since she didn’t have all of the information she didn’t even realize the extent to which the caterer was violating the contract. Some of his faults definitely could have been mitigated if she had.

      A coordinator helps with the worse case scenario, when the florist is running late or the caterer starts serving dinner while the bridal party is still taking pictures (which is what happened!). My sister was an extremely “hands off” bride, but was still upset when she realized some of the caterer’s errors (fortunately, after it was all over). Don’t assume that everyone will show up/act when they’re supposed to just because you have a schedule in place. If/when I get married, I will DEFINITELY have a day of coordinator.

    14. I haven’t gotten married, but I have been a bridesmaid in a wedding that did not have a DOC and I have been a DOC for a wedding where I was not in the wedding nor an invited guest (my ex was good friends with the couple and I stayed in touch and dog sat for them). The wedding where the bridesmaids and the bride acted as DOCs was very hectic and stressful. The bride wanted to get married outside, but it had rained the night before, so the bride was running around town to get large fans while the rest of us set everything up. There was an on-site coordinator, but she messed up the seating and I had to redo the whole thing. She wasn’t terrible helpful other than (barely) managing the other on-site venue inclusive things.

      The other wedding where I acted as DOC was at a venue that had no on-site help at all. I wrangled the caterer, the flower arrangements, set up tables (someone forgot to pack knives so I had to run to the small store in town and get plastic knives), set up the cookie table (in lieu of cake) and ensured they got refilled as the night went on, coordinated with the DJ to get the intros and dances going at the correct times (there was a choreographed dance in addition to the traditional dances), made sure the bridesmaids flip flops and post-ceremony items were organized and accessible (and safe), held off the men until the appropriate time and made sure they were organized, moved chairs from the ceremony area to the reception area because there weren’t enough for both, etc. If the bride and her bridesmaids had to do these things, they wouldn’t have been able to get ready together and relax and it would have created quite a bit of stress for her I imagine.

    15. Just try to make sure you really like and have a sense that you can trust the person if you can before committing. I went with a company on a rec from a friend, and got a different person for my wedding that was TERRIBLE. I even tried to fire her a couple times (for various dramatic reasons, we ended up keeping her). It’s still so upsetting to me that a service could be so expensive and so crappy, so just make sure to go with your gut, because they’ll be with you all day.

    16. While I am a professional meeting planner for conferences, I assist my friends and family with their day-of-coordination. What I’ve discovered over time is that brides most appreciate having me because I am her gatekeeper for the day. Since I’ve absorbed what she wants, all of the vendors questions, problems, and necessary setup assistance comes through me. She gets to be a bride and focus on enjoying the photography, getting dressed with her party, and spending time with her family while I organize the day based on the wishes she’s previously made clear. Basically, she gets to enjoy the results of the vendors without dealing with the legwork and repetitive questions that are inevitable.
      I’m also the one who takes care of the smallest forgotten odd jobs. I’m the one that wrangles and pins the flowers on the wedding party. I’m the one who cues the change of music when the bride is ready for the doors to open. At some weddings, I’m the one who cut the cake! Do you, as a bride, want to be catching random people throughout the day to do those things? Even small weddings can use That One Person whose job it is to make the wedding happen, even if it’s a non-guest friend.

    17. my sister had a good friend who was not super close to the family, but really outgoing, be kind of the volunteer day-of person. My sister had a very small wedding, and had done 99% of everything herself ahead of time, but the friend was the first at the venue to make sure that everything was showing up and being set up on time, and everyone was told to go to her for anything that came up that day, so that they wouldn’t bug my sister. It wasn’t a ton of work because my sister was so organized, and she had a super fun time doing it. And since she didn’t know as many people there, it gave her a great excuse to meet everyone.

      I would ask a friend who is not wedding-party level but still close. I would love to do it for any of my friends, because I am good at that kind of thing, if it was a small ceremony. OTOH, my sister was a ‘free’ wedding planner for a friend of hers that had a huge wedding and was a total bride-zilla and my sister is not friends with her anymore because she completely took advantage, so if it’s big enough to be crazy, you need to pay someone, because that is not at all appropriate to dump on a friend.

    18. Thanks for your thoughts! I’m leaning towards a coordinator based on what everyone says here. I thought it wouldn’t be too bad because we’re having a ~80 person wedding in one location (with vendors who have largely been there before). Honestly, though, there will be a lot of small details to take care of that day and I’m don’t want to ask a friend to skip the party and work for free (at a job she has no experience in, natch).

  7. Ladies: your favorite medium-coverage foundation? I’m using a BB cream, which is fine but I need more oomph. My skin is crazy dry in the winter (cheeks mostly) and oily in the heat of the summer, so I’m probably on the lookout for a product that’s at least relatively matte, and preferably available at a drugstore OR Sephora. Thanks!

    1. My favorite foundation (and it’s inexpensive!) is Maybelline New York Dream Smooth Mousse Foundation. It does really well when I mix it with moisturizer for some light foundation. But I also use it a lot with a sponge for better coverage. It doesn’t have the best staying power, and if I put on a few layers, it sometimes rubs off. If you use a finishing powder, though, it should stay on pretty well.

    2. Neutrogena has a “beyond BB” cream that is slightly thicker than a regular BB cream that I like – I tend to use the Neutrogena cream plus powder foundation to get the right balance of moisturization plus a more matte look.

      1. Cover FX CC Cream is similar and available at Sephora. It definitely has heavier coverage than a typical bb cream, so I sometimes mix it with another bb when I want lighter coverage.

    3. I like the Laura Mercier foundation. It comes in compact form, but its really like a liquid and not a powder.

      I also like Lancome Nude Miracle, but its not awesome for super dry skin.

    4. I have tried a bunch and even had the Sephora sales people help me sample a bazillion one day, and I still keep coming back to Mary Kay. I know that probably makes me old or lame or something, but I find I can get whatever level of coverage I want based on how much I use, and it has nice staying power. Also, most foundations oxidize on my skin and quickly turn orange, but not Mary Kay. I order it online to avoid the sales pyramid hassle. I have always-dry skin, and use the luminescent version, but they also have a matte.

    5. I recently purchased Cover Girl Ready, Set Gorgeous It provides good coverage and I found a shade to match my darker skin tone. I also like Revlon Color Stay, I think that comes in an oil free version.

      From Sephora, Makeup Forever Mat Velvet is great.

    6. I use Tarte’s bb cream and it gives really good coverage, it’s closer to a foundation. They also have a few other options closer to foundation.

    7. L’Oréal True Match. They have the most extensive shade range I’ve ever seen in drugstore, are super blendable (if you are into mixing foundations) and when applied just with fingers, it looks like second skin.
      Only downside is that it does not come with a pump.

  8. I LOVE my eye doctor and have had several friends/family go for lasik at Washington Eye in Chevy Chase. Sadly, I’m not a candidate for lasik, but others have had great success.

  9. TJ- Looking for recs for a good sunscreen. Looking for mineral based and good staying power for both water and land sports. I’d really like one that I can use on body and face without dripping into my eyes. Easy application (mineral based blocks can be thick) is good, reef-safe is nice to have. EWG has a bunch listed, but some personal experience would be helpful. I’ve used Blue Lizard in the past, also looking at Badger Sport.

    1. I’ve been very happy with regular drug store physical sunscreens. But I reapply every 2 hours and after toweling off like you’re supposed to so I don’t focus on long lasting.

    2. Aveeno made a mineral-based one a few years ago that I loved but haven’t really found since, the lid was the same color as their baby sunscreen? If I find a link I’ll post it.

    4. I’ve been really happy with Elta MD. Mineral, but really easy to put on, and good coverage.

    5. I like ThinkSport/ThinkBaby for normal useand Raw Elements Eco sunscreen for reef-safeness. Both are have good EWG scores. ThinkSport is great–almost no scent, easy to apply, not greasy/feels nice on. The Raw Elements specifically says reef safe, but leaves more of a whitish cast than ThinkSport–I only use it scuba diving.

  10. Shopping advice needed! I have 2 floral dresses from ASOS and am not sure if I should keep one or both. Links to follow!

      1. I agree with him about those “drape pockets” because I can see that they might be unflattering.

      2. Yeah, the pockets + extra fabric is weird. I have a dress like that, and it is particularly pouchy when I am sitting down. I would not keep that one.

        2. Thanks, all! You are right, it’s not exactly flattering but it is more fashiony and interesting. ;) Will not keep though since it will be too weird to wear.

      1. Ditto. They’re similar enough that if you’re hesitating on the second, you don’t need it.

      2. +1. LOVE the neckline on the first. Don’t like the pockets(or the print, or the length) of the second.

        To me, the first looks very lady-like, and the second looks very young/tw/teen

    5. I actually like the second dress better. The front pockets give it a really interesting shape and I love the arms.

  11. Thanks to everyone for some really good advice yesterday. I especially liked the idea of figuring out how many of each item I need and making a top 10 (or 5 or whatever) list and whatever doesn’t make that cut, goes.

    I also like the idea of telling myself that if its cute, but I don’t wear it, then it can’t be too cute.

  14. A coworker of mine is leaving, and his last day is tomorrow (although he’ll be in on Monday, I think, to take care of some loose ends). I know they will have to replace him, and I’m really interested in applying for the position. HR won’t have the official listing up for at least another 2-3 weeks, but I have a friend who is pushing me to discuss it with my boss (to whom I think coworker officially reports) immediately.

    Is there a some rule as to how long I should wait before making my interest known? I’ve been hesitating saying something right now because he hasn’t yet left, but I’m afraid bringing it up right after he leaves won’t look so good, either.

    1. I would do it now. Others may have better ideas for how to phrase it, but you can talk about interest in picking up tasks that will need to be assumed by others and applying for the position in a way that will seem “helpful” rather than “I’m a vulture.” Not that I think it’s vulture-like…you need to be your best advocate.

      1. I don’t think it looks vulture-ish at all… Talk to them now. You never know if someone else in the company has already beat you to it.

        1. I talked to my boss, who said that leaving co-worker’s boss is looking to have the job posting up ASAP and that if she hears anything else, she’ll let me know.

    2. You can express interest as soon as it’s announced someone is leaving. There are no vultures in business, only people who get promoted and people who don’t. Ask about how filling the position will be handled and state that you would like to apply for it. Do it today.

      1. I went and talked to my boss, and she’s supportive and will do what she can. I have to wait till HR officially posts the position, but at least I know that my name is now out there.

        Thanks for the advice!

    3. Definitely make your interest known now. I got my current position from exactly the same situation. Except, I told my manager of my interest immediately when I found out the person was leaving. Your firm probably already has a few ideas of who will replace him – I’d get in the mix ASAP. There’s nothing wrong with saying you’re interested in learning more about he position.

      1. I went and talked to my boss, and she’s supportive and will do what she can–I didn’t realize that my coworker technically reports to someone else. I still have to wait till HR officially posts the position, but at least I know that my name is now out there. Also, I got word that department head temporarily wants me to help out until they find someone, which means I can get some actual, albeit brief, experience in the position.

        Thanks for the advice!

    4. Do it now. I’ve seen people miss a chance because by the time they expressed interest (after the job posted) the hiring managers had already decided who they were going to hire.

      1. I talked to my boss, and she’s supportive and will do what she can–I didn’t realize that coworker technically reports to someone else. I have to wait till HR officially posts the position to apply, but at least I know that my name is now out there.

        Thanks!

  15. I had two phone interviews for a dream job. They seemed to love me, said I would be a “tremendous” fit, and that they were going “to work something out.” The last interview on Tuesday ended with the manager saying he was going to have HR set up a third phone interview with another person on the team. So far, things have been moving really fast – interviews set up on the same day as mentioned. I know it has only been a couple of days, but it had been radio silence from them. I did email a thank-you, but have had no other contact. Should I follow up in some way about the third interview? I’m in agony waiting for this.

    1. Not yet. It’s been 48 hours. If a week passes with nothing, you can start to plan a response, but not before.

  16. Does anyone know the benefits of a psychologist over a psychiatrist? Or vice versa? I realize that one can write prescriptions and the other cannot, but other than that….?

    Yesterday’s comments really got me thinking about therapy and I’d love to hear the hive’s thoughts.

    Also, what was the push the led you to therapy? I’m not particularly unhappy, but I’m not happy either. I think I may have social anxiety as well – is this something that work with a psychologist could help with?

    1. To generalize: most psychiatrists focus on the medical aspects and do not spend much time on, and are usually not trained in, “talk therapy”. So a psychiatrist who is prescribing meds will meet with you periodically to find out how you’re doing (on the meds, and in general) but will not be working through issues or behavioral approaches with you.

      To add to what costco said below, you probably want to start with a psychologist unless there are very specific reasons why you think meds might be necessary. A good psychologist will refer you to a psychiatrist if warranted.

    2. I see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I initially sought help for what turned out to be depression back when I was in law school. I went because law school was terrible enough as it was, and with the way I was feeling and acting, I knew that I couldn’t continue to do nothing without my education suffering, which it did to an extent, but it could have been far worse.

      The counseling center’s policy was that if are you to be treated with medication from the psychiatrist on staff, then you must also pursue therapy with one of the counselors as well. I think this is partly because the staff psychiatrist was only there 2-3 a week, and he saw not just the law students, but the school’s undergrad and grad students, too.

      Once I graduated, I continued to see a psychologist and psychiatrist separately. My psychiatrist actively encourages me to see my psychologist and work things out in therapy. This may be because I had found and was seeing a therapist before I found a psychiatrist. However, I think that he would have strongly encouraged me to seek therapy in any case. My psychiatrist is very good, but he’s more concerned about my medication and all that entails, medically. In my appointments with him, he’s picked up on some my issues, and he believes that my therapy sessions are the place to hammer them out.

      I would see a psychologist first. My therapist at school was the one who referred me to the psychiatrist. She thought that therapy alone would not be enough, and that I should see the psychiatrist to get his opinion.

      I wish you best of luck!

    3. It may not be relevant to you or your situation, but because a psychiatrist is an MD, your communications with her are privileged. You hold the privilege and if she is served with a subpoena, YOU get to decide whether she talks or shares documents. A psychologist keeps things confidential (ie she won’t affirmatively share your information with anyone), but your communications with her are not protected by the privilege.

      Sometimes, like in a high conflict divorce or custody, this distinction matters.

      1. That’s not true in all states (and honestly, I’d be surprised if it were true in any states). California Evidence Code section 1010, for example, creates a psychotherapist-patient privilege for a long list of non-MD psychotherapists.

      2. I don’t think this is universally true. In my state at least, communications between a patient and mental health professional (not just MDs, but a variety of licensed professions) are generally privileged. It’s worth looking into though.

    4. A therapist can definitely help. It is also usually easier to get in with psychologists than psychiatrists (many practices are very over-booked) and you typically see a therapist much more often. I would say that it is important to find a therapist that you like, and you may have to “try” a few before you find one with whom you click.

    5. In my area, if you aren’t suicidal, there can be a months long waiting list for your first appointment with a psychiatrist because there are so few. So I would schedule appointments with both a psychologist (or general therapist), a psychiatrist that may be a few months out, and your general practitioner – because once you’ve been seeing a therapist, your GP may be willing to prescribe anti-depressants or such if you think you need them, and a psychiatrist will ask questions about your general health like “do you have high blood pressure” so its good to have had a physical in the last year.

    6. The difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist will likely come out in the type of therapy they provide, which will probably reflect their training. (I give this info based on spending 5 years in that field.)

      A psychologist earns his or her credentials by putting years into studying that field, whereas a psychiatrist earns an MD and then completes a residency program, which will involve several years of working in a hospital setting. So, aside from the clear distinction about which professional can prescribe, I would say that — as a general rule — the two professions have a somewhat different approach to patients. Whereas a psychiatrist is going to focus on “healing the problem,” a psychologist will likely have more interest in the actual process. For example, a psychologist might be more likely to want to delve into the source of your problems, rather than help you learn to get through your problems.

      Again, that’s a generalization. I would think about what you’re more interested in — doing some serious work on the couch, or do you want to get your cards in order asap? I think that is a personal preference.

      Also, keep in mind that social workers can also be licensed in every state as therapists. One subset of the social work profession really acts strictly as therapists, not doing the sort of “social services” type stuff. They can also be a good choice, especially if you’re hoping to use health insurance to cover your treatment sessions. (Their rate is generally going to be lower than would a PhD psychologist.)

  17. IME, psychiatrist might be more inclined to make the push towards meds than a psychologist might. In the DC area, not all psychiatrists offer talk therapy, and sometimes people will say that they are not as good at listening generally.
    I think therapy can be good for everybody, so if anyone ever has an inclination towards it, I always encourage them to consider it and go. I had to try a couple of different therapists before I found one that I really liked.

    1. Can I ask for your recommendations for therapists in the DC area? I know it will really come down to a personality fit, and no one will work for everyone, but I’m trying to figure out where to start with finding someone in DC.

      1. I went to Deb Fox in Dupont while I was working in the city. I went to her specifically for issues related to intimacy, but she helped with my anxiety and other things as well. www dot debfox dot com

  18. I’m one year into an intensive 2-year master’s program, and after seeing my fiance (who’s a PhD student who gets a tiny stipend) and I scrimp and struggle for the past year, my family has offered to pay our living expenses until I graduate. I’m incredibly grateful and dumbfounded that they would do that, since I didn’t ask for it at all, but I’m also hesitant to accept. I left a decent-paying job in an industry I hated to pursue my passion, and I’m loathe to take out any more loans than absolutely necessary because unlike most 22-year old kids, I actually understand that debt is real, and can be soul-crushing. However, after having supported myself and my fiance, I also don’t feel comfortable going back to being dependent on my parents, and I’m still considering just taking on the student loan debt.

    How do I weigh this decision? Am I over-valuing my independence and pride?

    1. If your parents are truly a no strings attached kind of family then I say go for it and view it as an interest free loan and make plans to pay them back. Also, if your parents are the no-strings people, would they like a second adult daughter? :)

    2. Are your parents the type to expect something in return for this money or to hold it over your head? Free money is great, but less great if it’s not actually free.

    3. I think there are a lot of factors to take into consideration:
      – how will your family handle supporting you? E.g., will they lord it over you and make you feel bad if you go out for eating out one night instead of making dinner at home?
      – how will this affect your family? For example, are they putting any siblings through college simultaneously and it will be tight all around?
      – are you OK to put aside your pride and if your family does say something about finances, are you in a relationship with them where it won’t cause irreparable damage?
      – do you have any savings you/your fiance could contribute?
      – would you and your fiance pay your family back eventually? Or a portion of it?

      Best of luck!

      1. Thanks for this. It’s exactly what I needed to think about.
        -They won’t lord it over me, but they might raise their eyebrows a bit.
        -I’m the youngest, so no one else is in college. I’m actually the only one of my siblings to go to college, and I’m the first generation to pursue higher degrees. My other siblings all get occasional gifts because they make less than I was making before I started the program, but it certainly won’t affect my parents’ lifestyle in any way.
        -This is the kicker. If I approach it knowing I have to swallow my pride when they do inevitably say something, I think it will be ok.
        -I started with ok savings, but unexpected health stuff and my car dying drained it over the year.
        -I’d definitely want to pay them back eventually, but I’m expecting to take care of them in their old age regardless, as I’m the most financially responsible of my siblings, and the most likely to be able to afford it. Once my fiance starts working, his earning potential is very high as well.

        1. When your parents made the very generous offer, did they mention how they pictured the logistics? It’s one thing to be receiving a check/direct deposit from them on a regular basis, but another if you use their credit or debit card.

          There was a period in my twenties when I needed my parents’ help, and they sent me a monthly check for an agreed-upon amount. It was a good arrangement, because I felt like I had autonomy over my day-to-day spending, and they didn’t need to be in the details. I was always, and am still always, very grateful that they did this for me. And they were gracious about the arrangement and never made me feel bad for needing their help.

          On the other hand, my BIL and his wife are accepting help from her mother, and it’s drama all the time. They have access to withdraw funds from her account, and use it to varying degrees. She is all up in their business about every choice they make. BIL turned down a job offer because the commute time would make childcare arrangements impossible, but all she heard is that he turned down the offer. SIL does contract work, which has been slow lately, and her mom is on her to move to an employment situation. The money gives her the right, but it’s horrible all around.

          1. My parents support me at university and do it through a monthly bank transfer. It took a while to shake off feelings of guilt when I bought something as a treat (having been used to earning my own money for fun stuff) but after a few months (and a talking-to from my mum!) we settled into it.

          2. Yes. I think this is a HUGE consideration. For me, it wouldn’t relieve any stress if I had to ask for a check each time I needed to pay a bill or if they have the power to scrutinize my expenses.

          3. My parents supported my living expenses throughout college and during my last year of law school. At the beginning of each year I would create a monthly budget, which I would submit to them. They would review the budget, making changes if they felt it was necessary, then would send me the agreed amount monthly via direct deposit. It was therefore mine to manage as I saw fit. They always built in some wiggle room for fun stuff and I also had various jobs (TA, research assistant, etc.) to supplement this.

            Other than joking that we’re all “off the payroll,” my parents never bring it up or imply that we “owe” them. I am extremely grateful to my parents for their support and know how privileged I am that they were able to do so.

    4. +1 to everyone else’s response. My parents loaned us the down payment for our house at a very low rate of interest and I have literally never heard another word about it after we set up the repayment plan. My sibling’s in-laws loan all kinds of money to their children and use it to manipulate them and black mail them every chance they get.

    5. Is it a loan, or basically just support? My parents assisted me in law school to the tune of a few hundred a month. They never asked how I spent it or micro-managed it. It was just a gift basically (in all honesty, it was funded directly by an inheritance from a family member (female) who had always wanted to be an attorney but it was not widely accepted for women when she was my age – my family reasoned that she really would have appreciated how it was being used). Honestly, that (relatively) small amount made such a huge difference in getting thru school and being well set up when I got out. I suppose this is a “know your parents” situation, but if they can afford it and they wouldn’t be difficult about it, I would definitely accept. Pride be d*nmed. They’re your parents – they want to help.

      1. It would be straight support, probably an allowance every month. My mother just says “I just expect a really nice nursing home when I’m feeble and drooling.”

        I think a lot of my parents eagerness to help is because I am the most ambitious of the kids, and they’re proud of me, but that also makes me feel like since I am more successful, I should be able to do it on my own.

        1. As Michelle Obama said recently giving advice to first-generation college students: “No one does anything on their own.” They care and want to support you, and it might help you and your fiance be more successful and productive in school if you don’t have to worry as much about day to day finances. Let them help and then make an extra effort to help them when you are in a better position to give back. That’s what family is for.

  20. What are some of your best resources regarding physical/mental/se ual abuse and recovery? My bff is about to confront her mom (who has suffered all abuse from her husband for over 20 years) that the reason my bff won’t allow her step dad around her kids is due to step dad’s se ual abuse of bff when bff was in high school. I’ve suggested therapy, but what other reputable resources are there?

    2. I’m in a very similar situation. My stepfather se ually abused my siblings when we were kids (I was the oldest and quite strong-willed, which I think is why he never dared try with me – they were easier targets). My mother is still married to this still-a-manipulative-predator-at-68 man. Therapy is good. Another thing that helped me was to distance myself literally and figuratively. I moved far away, and also had a talking-to with myself regarding the fact that my mother has made the choice to stay with him, and she has to accept the consequences of that decision, and so do I, and one of those consequences is that we will not have a particularly close relationship.

      Then the “confrontation” isn’t really a confrontation because it isn’t a debate. It was just me telling her that my kids would not be around him, and, by the way, I’m not going to be around him either because I don’t want a relationship with him, and I don’t want my kids to know this man or think he is part of our family. Because he will take advantage of whoever he can, in whatever way he can (money, favors, whatever), through any means he can, and I don’t want my kids trusting/knowing him. I knew going in she had no say in the matter, and I accepted that would likely affect our relationship going forward, and I think it helped me to frame it this way in my mind before having the conversation. It was still really hard to do, and my mother is all “whaaaattttt???? I thought you believed in forgiveness!!!!!! Can’t you accept my decision to stay with him?????!!!!” (uh, he’s not sorry, he didn’t apologize, and he victimizes people in various ways all the time still), but it was the best thing to do. Obviously. She’s the only person on earth who can’t see this.

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