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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
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- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
c
Our outside counsel’s seminar invite has a breakout session called #notyoutoo about “establishing a new normal amid the #metoo and Pay Equity movements.”
hard eye roll.
Anonymous
This annoys me so much. Not in the least because it presumes that attendees are more likely to be the people whose behavior is being complained about and does not acknowledge that people with #metoo experiences may be present at the seminar.
Poor babies need a seminar on how not to harrass people. All the eye rolls.
c
It’s a big player in the L & E world, so I assume that it’s meant as “youtoo” as a defendant in a class action, but it’s pretty tone deaf.
Anonymous
Why is this tone deaf? It’s a training session on how to properly manage harasssment issues in the work place so your business doesn’t wind up in legal trouble. It’s not I guarantee a self help session on how not to grope people.
Anonymous
Because it’s tone deaf to make a play on words about a serious social issues.
It would be one thing if they said the seminar was about how to prevent harrassment in the workplace but this makes it sounds like they don’t care if there is harrassment as long as they don’t get sued. They appear to identify with the perpetrator not the victim.
Anon
My heart stopped when you said “a big player in the L&E world.” I quickly searched my inbox for our seminar invite. THANK GOODNESS this isn’t my firm!
Anonymous
Is this for the men who complain they can’t even talk to women anymore?
Anonymous
No. It’s for business trying to manage legal risk. Obviously.
Ellen
Those are MEN that I would NOT want to talk to anyway. FOOEY on those men who are looking to do stuff and get away with it just by taking a course? DOUBEL FOOEY!
Anonymous
The name is maybe insensitive, but I don’t really see a problem with referencing the movement and intentionally recalibrating business culture to reflect the zeitgeist…
Anon
I fully support companies who want to make changes because it’s obvious that there are some pretty big holes in the current system. But “not you too” comes across as… the company being the ultimate victim.
Paying out harassment claims can’t be fun, and the kicker is that the harasser doesn’t pay legal fees, settlements, or jury awards. But perhaps the tone should have been about fixing the holes in the system that previously had gone unaddressed because accusers weren’t believed.
My #metoo involved me bringing a half-dozen substantiated complaints to HR before I finally sued. In retrospect, it’s clear that the company’s strategy was to manage my complaints, rather than attempting to use good judgement and determine if this was normal workplace behaviour. There is also a pattern of ignoring the problem until it explodes, then CYA-ing because they knew about it and let it get to that point.
I wouldn’t describe that dynamic as “Not You Too.”
Anon
Oh jfc, how are people so dumb??
Rainbow Hair
I was at a CLE this January where there was a haiiii-larious sketch about how to deal with s3xual harassment. Like employment lawyers acting out the parts of harasser and victim, and oh man isn’t it funny? The woman is harassing, HUGE LOLZ. And the victim can’t really respond without fear of losing his job! Because HR isn’t helpful! HA!!!!
It was so so so bad.
Anon
Paging Quant ‘rettes!
Anyone has any Derivatives (specifically Futures ) pricing books/resources they can recommend for a refresher course?
It has been a while since I’ve done any of that and in a weird way, am potentially entering the quant world again
Anonymous
The CFA curriculum would give you a good refresher – books from prior years are inexpensive online.
Anonymous
John C Hull, ‘Options, Futures, and Other Derivatives ‘
Also consider auditing a MOOC on option pricing (futures and forwards are covered) to break the subject matter down into more manageable units.
Anon
My copy of Hull is lost.. i know i know.. So i gave in and ordered another online.
Anon
Quant ‘Rettes: Does anyone have any derivatives books/resources they recommend? Primarliy for Futures and Forwards..
Follow Up - It wasn't about me
Last summer, I asked for advice in dealing with a coworker (former close work friend) who seemed stuck in a downward spiral. Probation, etc. What made it worse is that quite a few of their projects were being given to me – none of my doing. Anyway, the short version is that (as everyone here suggested) I gave coworker their space and respected that it wasn’t about me. Any attempts to assist coworker (think, ‘Hey- before you pass that along, I think there’s a typo in the title’) weren’t positive so I just gave them space.
The follow-up is that coworker left in one of those bizarre exits where they left and cleaned out their desk over the weekend. I was on vacation and found out secondhand via a coworker. They also did what they could to salt the earth behind them – relevant files were not deleted but we eventually found filed in like ‘2010 Evaluations’ versus the correct project folder.
ANYWAY. I have since found out that former coworker basically thinks I threw them under the bus to our mutual supervisor with regards to deadlines. 1) I didn’t. 2) I actually got in trouble for trying to cover for them when asked a direct question.
I’m pretty sure this relationship is 100% not salvageable, but I’ve chosen to take the high road and keep our communication to like a ‘Congratulations!’ on LinkedIn when they posted a new job. The question here is: I now know that some of our mutual coworkers were told that I threw coworker under the bus. I don’t want this. Is it worth it to set the record straight or do I just move on and prove with my actions going forward?
Anonymous
Move onnnnnnnn already. Don’t comment on their LinkedIn status. Just. Let it go.
Follow Up - It wasn't about me
To clarify: this is to say that I haven’t pursued communication beyond a general statement of congratulations (before I knew that they blamed me for all of this).
Torin
Suggested script:
“I heard you threw Co-worker under the bus.”
“That’s not how I remember it. I hear they got a new position and I hope they’re doing well there. How about them Astros/other sportsball team/crazy weather we’re having/other subject change?”
Follow Up - It wasn't about me
My party line has been, ‘I hear Coworker is at XXX now and doing great. I wish them all the best.’
Anony
The best thing to do would be just to move on. Your co-workers probably aren’t really thinking about this/you are all.
That said, if you see an opening (like someone else brings her up in conversation), I think you can (ONE TIME) say something along the lines of, “Ugh, that was such a tough situation and I really struggled with how it all went down. I definitely miss her as a colleague and friend.” And then just let it go. Don’t go into rehashing a play-by-play, and if people press you for details, say something vague like, “Oh, there were a few times I felt like I inadvertently got pulled into the middle of things. I’m so glad to hear she’s at New Company!”
I think that’s about all you can/should do; otherwise you risk coming across as being a not overly fixated on the situation.
Follow Up - It wasn't about me
Thank you. Yeah, it came up directly (it’s come up directly and I’ve given the generic line I listed above) recently, when a coworker said to me, ‘So what went down with Coworker? They told me that you threw them under the bus to Boss.’ And I was able to say, ‘I’m sorry that Coworker feels that way, but that’s not what happened on my end. I really enjoyed working with Coworker and think they were a real asset and wish them only the best at New Job.’
I’ve been working on just giving the vague ‘high road’ answer and letting it go, but I was kind of taken aback when I was directly told by someone that Coworker had told people that I threw them under the bus. It’s taken me years to get the trust of the people I work with and it’s very difficult to feel like that is so eroded at this point.
Lana Del Raygun
It sounds like you’re handling it well! I would recommend against bringing it up on your own, but if it keeps coming up you could maybe escalate your response to something more like “I’m really sorry Coworker feels that way! I did my best to support them while they were here, and I hope they’re doing well at New Job.” But don’t try to litigate the details.
Flats Only
I’ve been in a similar situation, and what helped was knowing that in my dealings with my co-workers I had clearly demonstrated that I was NOT one to throw people under the bus, so if they heard that rumor they were less likely to believe it. People aren’t likely to actually confront you with “I heard…”, so your best defense is making the rumor seem like it’s probably not true based on people’s personal experience working with you. Make sure your conduct going forward doesn’t confirm whatever rumor you’re afraid is circulating, and you’ll be fine.
Follow Up - It wasn't about me
Yeah, this is what I’ve been relying on.
I’m not so concerned with my peers who know me well, but I know that it was told to the Junior staffers… Not having their trust going forward will make my job infinitely more challenging.
Anon
Wow, it is still not about you. Just forget about it already! This is a coworker, not a close friend. Don’t even comment on their LinkedIn statuses. Forget this person ever existed.
Anonymous
I’m getting screwed. I work for a government agency and another government agency wanted to hire me at a higher salary and better career potential. Because the offices within these two government agencies are affiliated, I just learned that my current agency is blocking the other one from even making me an offer despite the fact that they want to hire me. I’m furious. I’m also not supposed to know this information yet. At some point someone is supposed to tell me this information and I need to be prepared for how to react. My first instinct is to express rage and disgust, which obviously I know I shouldn’t do. Has anyone ever been in this situation before? How have you handled it? I absolutely want to take the opportunity to express that if I’m so critical to my office then I should be given a raise. I’m obviously also going to start looking for jobs that I can’t be blocked from accepting, but in my particular field that isn’t really going to be terribly easily. To top it all off, I liked my job right up until this moment.
Anon
Since you probably don’t plan on staying there if this ends up happening, can you address the rumors directly with your boss/ the person responsible for blocking? Sometimes when the person is called out (and fun terms can be thrown around if you think there may be some discriminatory action going on) they fall back.
Obviously you know your work environment, but in these situations, I’ve always been told to make a noisy exit so people know what happened and it will be more difficult to happen to someone else in the future.
Anonymous
Could you resign your current job and then have new agency make you an offer? I had a friend in a similar position who did just that and now makes 40k more than she used to make.
Light grey pants
+1
Burn it down….
Anonymous
Oh, I’d be really careful about that. If this is federal agency to federal agency, you can find yourself with an initial offer and have it go nowhere for any host of reasons outside of the hiring office’s control. The six cleared candidates awaiting an EOD date for over a year to my office could attest to that. This is ESPECIALLY with the current administration.
As a federal executive, I find is abhorrent that one office blocks the other on hiring. Losing talent is a cost of doing business, and they should congratulate you and ask politely for you to spend maybe a little more time easing the transition if you can swing it. But really, this is an absurd way to treat an employee. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
If it’s not federal, then disregard. I have no expertise there.
Anony
I would go with cool, business-like rage. Pretend to take a moment to digest, and then say with all the icy dignity you can muster, “That’s incredibly unfortunate to hear. In fact, I would question the legality* of impeding my career in that way, and would also presume that if I’m as critical to this department as this would imply, that my pay would be matched to this role to reflect that.”
And then fix the person with a steely gaze and see what they say. Whatever they say, just respond, “Thank you, this is very enlightening and gives me a lot to think about. I’ll need to consider what I’d like to do next; please let me know what you see as next steps on your side.” End the conversation/meeting gracefully but without agreeing to anything or saying, “I understand” or “I know” or anything.
Worst case scenario, you will be stuck in your current position and decide to stay with no pay raise, and if that’s the case, you can say, “I hope you can understand how disappointing and difficult this situation has been for me,” and at least make them feel guilty. Better case scenario, they will fold on either blocking you or giving you a raise. In any scenario, you’d have behaved professionally without either losing your temper or being a doormat.
Anony
*I meant to add a footnote that I’m not sure if there’s any legal issue here or not but I would bet this is a guaranteed way to get whatever messenger they send to hurry back to whoever made this decision and share that things did not go well. I don’t know how it works at government agencies but my company is fairly paranoid about potential lawsuits – even if they are confident they would win a legal case, they don’t want the headache/potential bad publicity.
Anon
Thank you, I really like this advice.
Scarlett
Please don’t do this. Icy rage is great on TV but rarely works in real life. Talk to the hiring agency and get advice on what to do from them. I think the quit so they can hire you advice was good if the hiring agency can give you some assurance this will work. Talk to HR at your agency – there’s usually more than one player involved and this could go against policy.
Anony
Just to be clear, when I say “icy rage”, I mean not getting upset and losing your cool, but also not hiding that you are angry. Anon asked for advice on how to respond in the moment of being told this; I think “icy rage” is probably the best option, definitely better than either getting really upset, or pretending that it’s totally fine and she understands. Beyond the initial conversation,I think exploring other options like you suggest is a great idea.
Anon
I took the advice to mean that I should make it clear that I’m not happy, but to do it in a calm and collected manner. Also, without going into too much detail, resigning my current position so that the other place can hire me isn’t an option. There is centralized hiring that could block me from going that route and then I’d be out of a job, which is definitely not an option.
Seattleite
This is bullsh!t
I would also start job searching outside this overall entity. Things aren’t going to get better for you there if you have to remain in your current position.
Anonymous
Hi, fellow gov employee here and I had something very similar happen, only it was for an internal promotion. What I did was tell my higher ups that I was planning to continue to look for promotions elsewhere because there were no opportunities here. I told them if there were opportunities here, of course I would happily apply for those. What do you know, there was soon a new vacancy. YMMV, but worth a shot. I know it’s super hard not to be rage-y!
kombucha
This is the fun part of government work that most people don’t realize. I’ve had the exact same scenario happen to me in state gov. Governor’s office controls all executive branch agencies, which in most case, includes approval of all executive level hires (chief of staff, chief counsel, comms director, etc). That means, if I’m an exec at one agency and want to either get promoted at my current agency or get hired at another one, my promotion or transfer are contingent on Gov’s office approval. “They” prevented me from making a move exactly like yours a few years ago (“but you’re so good at current role, we can’t have you leave!”), so I said fine, and immediately got a different job in another branch of government outside their control. :)
AnonDC
Ugh, this happened to me too. (The terrible management in Office A decided they were losing too many people, so they blocked all transfers and went around saying the only way out was to quit.) I lucked out, and someone higher up and external to my office was aware this was a widespread issue and made a stink about it on my and several others’ behalf. Does your organization have an ombudsman? (And, almost more importantly, does that ombudsman have a good rep?)
Nordstrom personal shopper
Any recommendations for a specific personal shopper at a DC-area Nordstrom (ideally Montgomery Mall, but I could get to any of them?) I am a terrible clothes shopper and am finally committing to this to up my game, but I want to maximize the chances the time will be useful.
I’m mostly looking for work basics, not trendy casual clothes, although I suspect that even my ideas about work basics are stuck in the mid-2000s and could use some updating.
j
I’ve had great luck with Nataley Shea. I’ve worked with her at Pentagon but I’m pretty sure she does Tyson’s too. Not sure about Montgomery Mall.
Wow
I did not have a good experience with Nataley. I felt that she told me that everything looked good, even when it didn’t. And it seemed like she was more interested in chatting than actually helping me dress better. I’m pretty sure she only works at Tysons and Pentagon City.
Anon
This was exactly my experience with Nataley. I got one great dress and otherwise ended up buying some things that I never wear because they don’t look that good on me.
smiley
I also had a negative experience with Nataley. I specifically noted for her that I was looking to upgrade my work wardrobe staples to nicer versions, and have a minimalist, tailored aesthetic and wear a pretty basic color palette. Showed up to a room full of polyester dresses in wild prints with trendy details. She encouraged me to try everything on anyway, and then acted annoyed when I expressed that none of the items suited my needs or tastes.
Wow
full of polyester dresses in wild prints with trendy details. – YES! Same here.
Not sure how long ago you bought your clothes, but I ended up returning almost everything I bought from her (just returned through the mail and got a full refund). Most everything still had tags on.
Anonymous
I do not recommend Clarissa at Pentagon City. This is how our appointment went.
Me: I’m looking for pants and shirts.
Her: Let me go pull you some more dresses.
Me: I don’t wear navy.
Her: Navy is very on-trend right now, so I’m going to make sure I pull you lots of navy.
Me: I like prints, but I have enough stripes and I specifically do not want any more striped clothing. Especially no more striped dresses.
Her: Here’s a dress with stripes.
It was one of the more Kafka-esque experiences of my life.
Anonymous
Yeah, I had similar problems. I am a doctor that wants structured classics with a bit of a twist. My (very young) Nordstrom personal shopper brought me long flowy oversize blouses and skinny jeans. I kid you not. I asked for work wear.
Elegant Giraffe
this exchange and your Kafka commentary made me snicker in a meeting at work
Anon
“Kafka-esque” lol. I’m reframing a horrible mtg from yesterday.
Nordstrom personal shopper
Thanks all! Hoping to avoid Kafka-esque…
Paging Cape Cod
Your question was for “Cape Cod recommendations” but that’s huge. You need to narrow down what part of the Cape. It’s sort of a long drive from the Boston airport to MV or Nantucket but Cape Air has shuttle flights from Logan. A fun trip would be to take the ferry from Boston to Provincetown. Caution it will be crazy in P-town on a holiday summer weekend, but fun. I would rent a house or cottage in wellfleet and that way you’re at the quieter end of the Cape. You can do the craziness of Provincetown and the galleries of wellfleet. You’ll need a car. Alternatively fly to MV or Nantucket and stay centrally and rent bikes. I have no idea what kind of Uber situation is on the islands but a lot of people don’t necessarily bring a car.
tesyaa
We stayed mid-cape (somewhat east of Hyannis) and the ubers were plentiful.
Leg bulk
My gym gives me training plans to follow but I last time I got a new trainer who just didn’t believe me that the last routines had caused me to bulk up in the lower body. He told me only men could put on muscle like that and so said I’ve to continue to do what I’m doing. But I can see over an inch gain on each leg measurement.
I’m worrying that this will continue. I’m already struggling to fit into trouser legs. I wanted to take inches off not put them on.
I tried to reason with him and quote some of the stuff I’ve read and seen online but he said he was an expert. I’m not brave enough to disagree to his face.
Two questions;
1. How can I learn about training/how the body works in training? Physiology?
2. What do I do about my training? This guy us at the gym each time I go so if I ordered some personal training he would see. Is there something I can do to bulk down?
Anonymous
Oh. My. God. Lady. You just gotta do better. Stop doing it. Stop paying him. “This isn’t working for me so I’m not doing it.”
You can do this.
Godzilla
Also, you should speak to the manager of the gym – this guy sounds like a DOOSH. Gyms want happy clients that keep spending more money. If they have an employee that turns people off, they want to know about it!
Anon
Haha seriously! This is not a hard problem to solve.
Torin
Whoa, that guy is not an expert, he’s a jerk who won’t listen to you. I would suggest getting another trainer and not apologizing for it. Your trainer should be helping you achieve your goals, whatever those are.
Anonymous
I highly recommend the book Strong Curves. It’s all backed by extensive research. Men do gain muscle more easily, but women definitely can bulk up- I (intentionally) put on almost 20lbs when I first started weight lifting. Anyway, you shouldn’t feel beholden to this person. You don’t owe him anything. Go find another trainer. You need to find one you mesh with. This guy might be the perfect trainer for someone else, but he’s not for you, and that’s ok.
Secondly, though, you might care less about putting on an inch in your legs if you change your focus to health and proportion. If your body fat is down where you want it to be and your musculature is balanced all over, slightly bigger legs might not bother you. For a long time I was obsessed with making my butt smaller and narrower, but Strong Curves made me focus instead on strengthening my glutes, which has added an inch but it looks SO much better. I had been looking at the ‘problem’ wrong the whole time!
Anony
“Look, I don’t want to get in a debate with you about this. To your point, you are an expert and I trust you understand body physiology. To MY point, I have been unhappy with the results of previous training routines and am looking for something different. Is that something you are able to provide, or would your recommendation be that I see a different trainer?”
Anonymous
Trainers at gyms usually have little education. A lot of people will tell you that certain exercises don’t cause bulk or that women can’t bulk, but it’s not true in my experience. I definitely see results and my body shape changes depending on what exercises I do. I like Pilates to be long and lean. Barre is similar, or other exercises that focus on stabilizer muscles.
Light grey pants
+1
I only do free weights for my upper body.
emeralds
Yeah, don’t forget that legit anyone can hang up a shingle and call themselves a personal trainer. This guy is clearly demonstrating that he is NOT an expert by his lack of understanding of basic physiology.
I think you need to find the courage to fire this a-hole. And also tell the gym manager.
MJ
Yeah, this is a service provider, and he’s not providing the service you need. Anecdata–on my DI team in college, we all did the exact same weightlifting routine 3x a week, year round. Some of my teammates bulked and got huge, some of us got super-lean…there is no one side, “Men’s bodies do this and _all_ women’s bodies do that.” That is simply not true.
Get a better or different trainer. Get the results you want. Talk with the managers of the trainers to reassign you if you don’t want to get into it with previous trainer. Don’t make the gym an awkward place for yourself because you want it to be a place you can go gladly, with no tension.
Anonymous
1. Just start reading/watching. There is a trove of this on the internet — Reddit (xxfitness, or they may have a new name now?), bodybuilding.com, resources for NASM/other certifications, books on Amazon — both about training and about programming, YouTube if you’re more visual.
2. You’re the paying client, so, don’t feel awkward about choosing another trainer. Re: bulking down: eat less (you will only build muscle in a caloric surplus), intentionally restrict your volume (sets/reps) and weight, you could even stop strength training your lower body totally for a while. You won’t get stronger/fitter though while doing any of these because you are intentionally underloading. Also remember that muscle that’s fed and trained is larger because you retain both water and glycogen stores while training, which take physical space, which if you stop or even deload for a week, will drop.
But body’s gonna do what body’s gonna do and if you’re adding muscle, I’d just buy some bigger pants (or, my preferred option, wear almost exclusively dresses) to embrace the work you’re doing for your body and your health!
Wow
I don’t like the title of the book, but read Escape Your Shape. He explains why certain exercises absolutely bulk up certain body types, and what exercises to avoid if you’re trying to slim down your lower body. I have a similar body type and tend to use very light or no weights at all when doing lower body exercises. The minute I use heavy weights in the lower body, I bulk up. Once I switched my routines, the difference was dramatic.
Leg bulk
Thanks. I am so conflict adverse it’s ridiculous. I think I need to find my backbone as well as another trainer. :)
I understand that people do say I should embrace my shape but currently my lower body is really hard to dress. I tried on 20 pairs of trousers two weeks ago and only one actually fitted. It’s my calves and thighs are much bulkier than expected for my size. No straight leg trousers went over my thighs without really straining and the tapered trousers wouldn’t go up at all as my calves were too wide even when I went up a size. I ended up with a pair marked “slouch” which isn’t my preferred shape for work.
Ps. I’m not in the US so shopping tops won’t help I’m afraid.
S-non
No suggestion here but just want to commiserate that the same thing happens to me. The only thing that doesn’t make me bulk on my lower body is running. Everything else I’ve tried (from squats / lunges to barre) has made me bulk. I don’t mind in terms of overall body shape and I’m not fixated on being smaller or anything, but I don’t want to have to re-buy my wardrobe. I just want to fit in my current clothes I like!
Anon.
Swimming has been good for me in this regard.
Anonymous
I love resistance bands. Firms but no bulk
airtight clothing storage?
I have a few delicate clothing pieces that I’d like to preserve long-term for sentimental reasons, but that I don’t want hanging in my closet. I have a Rubbermaid bin of off-season clothing in our waterproof basement, but I’d prefer to put these longer-term pieces in an a smaller container within the bin for extra security, given that I probably won’t open them again for years. The pieces will be fine being folded for long-term storage.
Has anyone had good luck with a particular brand or style of zippered vinyl storage bags? Or should I dig out one of those vacuum-powered space bags from the ’90s? I see tons of options on Amazon, but many of them seem to have quality complaints (plasticky smell, splitting seams, etc.). I only need 1 or 2 bags, but I’d prefer not to pay, like, $30 per.
Anonymous
Check out the following links – I understand that these aren’t necessarily antique textiles, but might give you some ideas.
Thoughts – if you really want to preserve these items, you can’t store them folded – consider rolling. Or airing them out a couple times a year and refolding a different way. Refolding will break down the fibers at the fold. If these are natural fibers, then you don’t want airtight containers. Pest resistant, sure, but not airtight. Keep them out of the sun, but in a temp/humidity controlled environment (so not the attic).
Anonymous
That is to say fold lines (and not refolding) will break down fibers.
https://www.si.edu/faqs/antique-textile-storage
https://www.vintagevixen.com/pages/how-to-store-vintage-clothing
Anonymous
I bought space bags off of Amazon to store quilts. When I opened one up after a year of storage, the quilt had a weird, plasticy smell. It might be worth it to search for a DIY wedding dress kit (does that exist?) if you want to store clothing.
Anonymous
Fold each piece with archival (acid free) tissue paper and insert into a new 100% cotton pillow case. You don’t want multiple plastic containers.
Anonymous
Does anyone have recommendations for a doula in Philly? I’m not sure I even need/want one (can you have a doula if you’re planning for allllll the meds?) but don’t want to rule out any options yet.
Anonymous
No specific recommendations – try posting on the moms page too. You can definitely have a doula if you are planning on getting an epidural or using other medication based pain relief. Most doula will specify on their webpage if they support a variety of types of birth, some even do c-sections. Look for someone certified (DONA International) and who provides post-partum care in case you want to use that service as well (highly recommend especially if you don’t have local family support)
Anonymous
thanks!
Friend
I would recommend a doula, generally, even if you’re planning on all the meds. For us, a doula was very helpful to be in the labor room, help me when my partner was out of the room, an excuse to keep my mom out of the room (Sorry mom! Only 2 guests in the labor room!) and to make sure we tried everything before going to next steps, and to reassure me what was normal and what was not (i.e. labor was not progressing in her experience, at one time the nurse and the doctor were inappropriate, at other times doula supported the nurse and the doctor).
I would recommend you think about a doula that is able to focus on post-partum, as well — my doula did not, basically just wanted to play with the baby. He was cute, but really, hi! Here I am! I’m the one that went through labor AND a c-section!
Ask in Philly moms groups, ask your ob/gyne, ask even at pediatrician office, interview at least 2, review their contracts, if you are not a lawyer, ask a lawyer to review their contracts.
Moonstone
No rec on container, but in a similar circumstance I ordered some archival tissue paper from Amazon and wrapped the items loosely before I stored them.
Moonstone
Sorry — that was for Airtight Clothing Storage.
K
I feel like I’m in a work clothes rut. I’ve been rotating through the same 4 sweaters and polo shirts and cardigans all winter. My office is on the casual side of business casual, so I wear jeans every day. It’s also freezing in my building. Help?
Anonymama
Buy a couple new sweaters?
Lana Del Raygun
I agree with this! You like wearing these things, right? Just get more of them so you can mix it up more.
If you don’t really like wearing them, then clean out your closet, as below.
pugsnbourbon
I hate to be “that” poster, but the jardigans featured today might be good to mix in.
When I’m in a rut (which I am, currently), I know it’s time to organize my closet and get rid of stuff I don’t wear. That lets me really evaluate how much stuff I have and get a sense of what pieces are missing.
K
You’re right, I’ve been meaning to clean out my closet. There’s tons of stuff in there that I don’t want to wear/don’t feel like wearing. I just got a light blue “jardigan” in my Stitch Fix box the other day, I think I will buy it, since it’s still warm but looks like springtime lol. Thanks!!
Anonymous
How do you all stay sane while dating? After spending my 20s busy working and going to school, I’m now (at 33) actively trying to meet someone, and it’s soooooo stressful. It’s like playing a game where I don’t know any of the rules – which drives me nuts because I like things clearly delineated, and to know what’s going on at all times.
Despite having tons going on in my life, I still find myself worrying and waiting for texts from the guy I’ve been seeing for a few weeks. This is the part that’s hardest for me, I guess – where I start to get emotionally involved, but don’t have any kind of certainty in the situation yet. We are a fantastic match on paper – similar education level, upbringing, and share a bunch of our main hobbies, including one that’s sort of unusual to find guys that grew up doing. We technically met online, but ran into each other at the rock gym that we’re both members at while planning to meet, so there’s even a meet cute aspect. We’ve gone on three great dates, have gotten along really well, the last one included gardening – but prior to the gardening date, he texted me daily, and then communication has sort of dropped off after that. We also had a little bit of a DTR convo post-garden, in that he said he was in a place where he’s ready for something more serious, but doesn’t want to rush into anything because he’s had some bad experiences. I said I thought three dates was a bit soon to be serious, and we agreed that we were enjoying hanging out together and getting to know each other. He was also a little weird about me wanting to spend the night (apparently, more intimate than gardening), but after the fact told me he was glad I did and we went for coffee in the morning.
He dropped me off on Sunday am, and after not hearing anything I finally texted him on Tuesday, he responded, and we had a brief conversation – his responses were substantive and not dismissive. He was, however, away for the rest of the week, camping in a location where cell service/electricity wasn’t super available, so I didn’t hear from him (which doesn’t bother me – it was the silence while still in town I didn’t like). He texted me on Monday of this week, and we chatted but didn’t make any plans or anything. And then I spent all night yesterday staring at my phone, waiting (and checking to see if he’d signed into OKC – yes, mid afternoon but not in the evening, and also not for like 2 weeks prior to that). My instinct is to text him, but I keep getting told that’s a no-go, and I have to wait for him to come to me or some BS like that. I think that’s the worst part of it – this idea that I have to wait, and essentially have no power over the situation, and should wait three days to text him back or something when I do hear from him. I hate the idea of playing games, but I’m not sure at what point I should try initiating activities, because I don’t want to seem desperate or needy.
Do any of you other dating ladies have a rule of thumb? What has worked for those of you that are successfully in relationships? How do you not over-analyze every single interaction and spend all your time worrying?
Anonymous
Okay. I mean this gently but: slow down, crazy.
Take a giant step back. You’re being obsessive and needy and men can sense these things. That’s probably why he’s backing off. Stop staring at your phone and checking to see if he’s logged into OKC (!!!!).
You have to reframe this in your mind. You absolutely DO have power in this situation. You have the power to decide if you really want to keep chasing/thinking about a guy who’s just not that into you.
You’re not in a relationship with this guy. Not even close. Talk to other men, go on dates, go and live your normal life and do fun things that don’t revolve around thinking about this guy.
rly
Wow, did you really need to call OP crazy, tell her this guy’s just not that into her (certainly doesn’t necessarily seem that way…), and basically blame her for driving him away? (How would he *sense* her current anxiety when they’re not together and not texting? Did he install a webcam on her phone so he could see her staring at it?) You can’t just say “i mean this gently” and then say things like this. She just wants to get an idea about how other women approach initiating conversations/plans, especially in the face of dumb societal dogma like “let him come to you, if he likes you, he WILL ask you out, women shouldn’t initiate.”
OP
Thanks. That’s exactly the feedback I’m looking for, because sitting back and waiting is not what I do in the rest of my life, and I can’t really believe that it’s what everyone else is really doing.
OP
I mean, I think I am cognizant (as is my post) of the fact that these are unhealthy thought patterns, and that I need to slow my mental roll. I don’t think I’ve been needy in any actual interactions, though – I didn’t start stressing until after the last time I’ve seen him in person, and the total of like, 8 texts I’ve sent since then have been mutual chatting about work/activities. I’m primarily logging into OKC to try and find other dates, but cannot resist checking once I’m in the messaging section, I know it’s bad.
I am definitely aware I am not in a relationship with this guy – I’d be far more relaxed about the situation if I felt any certainty about it. I am doing all of the things you suggest, and am super active socially. Though jeez, “go on dates” like that’s so easy to do. Part of the problem is that I spend lots of time on dating apps with frustratingly little payout, so when something promising actually comes along, it’s hard not to get excited. :(
anon
Also, though, people have needs. It’s not a problem if you’re a person with needs! Don’t feel bad about it!
Anonymous
Text when you want to without worrying about whose “turn” it is and all that jazz. There are no rules. If someone really likes you, they’re not going to be turned off by you texting them unless you completely go off the deep end. If you’re not texting or initiating dates and activities and are waiting on someone else to do it all for you, it seems like a clear sign that you’re not interested, which sounds like something you don’t want to convey.
At the same time, if you’re not ready to be serious yet, also work on setting up dates with other people.
biglawanon
Yeah, this. My view was if I was breaking some rule some guy had, he wasn’t right for me and his loss. I was crazy about my husband from the day I met him, and no dumb rule was going to stop me from talking to him.
OP
This is my gut feeling – thanks for the confirmation. :)
Torin
So, it sounds like he’s respecting what you said. You told him you didn’t want to be too serious yet. He’s giving you plenty of space. He’s responding when you text him, but letting you take the lead. So take it. Take that “idea that you have to wait” and set it on fire and don’t look back.
Anonymous
I refuse to do this. You want to see him again? Text him. “Hey busy tmrw night? Want to get dinner and hang out?” If he’s into you it won’t be a bad thing to show interest. I still over analyze a lot but I don’t sit around waiting for a call and I refuse to behave as if I have no power. I have the v@g. I have all the power.
Anonymous
“I have the v@g. I have all the power.” YES!
Never too many shoes...
Love this attitude. Love.
Anonymous
It is work! I do not always live it! But it’s such an important personal pep talk for me.
Anonymous
You should text him and ask him to go out. Seriously. Don’t waste another minute on this nonsense.
Anon in NYC
Yes. I will also add that he’s probably taking you at your word that this relationship is not serious yet. So continue to stay in touch and ask him to meet for dinner one night this week.
Senior Attorney
Yes. After we were married I told my husband how crazy it made me when he didn’t contact me for a day or two or three while we were dating. And he said it was because he was trying to give me my space and it made him crazy, too.
Don’t be like us. ;)
OP
Hahaha, this makes me feel better! I just hate how hard to gauge it all is. I think I’ll text tonight after work and see if he wants to climb Saturday. :)
Anonymous
This. Don’t engage in games. TBH every guy I’ve dated that I feel like this about hasn’t worked out to be a LTR, because one of us is playing a game, and relationships aren’t based on games. Text him, ask him out, and there you will have your answer. Don’t be so invested in one guy. I could list 100 people who I have went on dates with or my friends have went on dates with who look perfect on paper. Paper isn’t what matters.
anononono
Agree with anonymous at 10:41 above! Especially about continuing to set up other dates, if you’re emotionally/time wise/etc. up for it. (Dating can be A LOT)
But also wanted to pop in to say that once you do meet the right person, there are no games. Which means don’t worry about figuring out the game because the right guy will come your way and none of the dating game will matter anymore.
Stay tough! Dating is exhausting and not always confidence building. But you’re awesome, have a great attitude, and hopefully luck (and an amazing guy) will come your way soon!
anon
…did I write this? …are you dating every man I’ve dated in the last 4 years?
This is to say that yes, there’s at least one person out there who is experiencing basically exactly what you are–especially in the feeling that I don’t know the rules, like things to be clearly delineated, hate uncertainty, etc.
My rec: therapy. I know it may sound excessive, but my therapist is on. point. in helping me deal with my underlying thought patterns that manifest this way. Unsurprisingly, they manifest in other less than pleasant ways in my life, too. (Are you my therapist writing about me?) I don’t know all the answers, but you’re not crazy- it’s hard, it can feel awful, and it can feel really weird to be a high functioning awesome person who appears to be devolving over a text message. But your feelings are legit. It’s all just a maze over a minefield.
In the mean time, read some Brene Brown. She’s a sociologist who writes on vulnerability. Could be helpful in improving your relationship with uncertainty.
Anon
Here’s what I told myself while dating:
“I am a catch. And *I* get to choose who gets to date *me.*
I’m interested in this guy, so I’m going to tell him. If he doesn’t react the way I hope he will, then it’s not meant to be.
I don’t have to accept actions/opinions/looks/hobbies I don’t care for.
I won’t miss out on Mr. Right by being myself.”
It’s really powerful to sort of turn dating on its head and think of it like guys are lucky to be sitting across the table from you rather than you waiting on a text.
Text him and ask him out. “Hey, do you have plans [at specific time]. I’d like to see you again.” And then you have your answer and you can move on if you need to.
Anonymous
He’s not ready for a relationship, sounds like he is getting over his last relationship, I think you are better off letting things go and continuing dating.
Scarlett
I dated this guy a lot. It isn’t fun, and this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but it doesn’t go like this when it’s going to be a great relationship. This is the good enough for now/great on paper/okay in real life pattern. I’d move on – when it works, you won’t even notice communication patterns because you’ll both be in it all the time. When it hits obsession over time, place, where he is, etc., it’s not working. I’m sorry. It sucks, it’s hard, I wish I’d listened when people told me things like this. It would have saved me a lot of emotional energy.
Dealtwiththis
This is so true
AnonZ
There is a John Steinbeck quote that I found so helpful when I would feel myself getting a little overwrought about dating stuff:
“And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”
I would remind myself “nothing good gets away” as a mantra, which reminded me that a) if this was going to be a real relationship, then it could not possibly be ruined by texting too soon and b) I might know anything definitive about this relationship this week, or this month, or this year. But if I’ve really connected with a person, our relationship will take as long as it needs to play itself out.
And one more quote that has helped me SO much in my life as a whole, which I read in a book about Buddhism: “Abandon hope and fear, and take joy in a simple, straightforward approach to life.” If you put aside both fears and hopes for the future, how would you interact with this person?
OP
Thanks – this is helpful.
beautiful
Thank you. Your quotes and attitude are lovely.
Anon
You do you, but when it comes to gardening, know yourself and know your relationship first. Some women are okay gardening early on, and don’t mind if the man asks her to go home and doesn’t stay in touch in the days or weeks following. If you’re not one of those women, don’t try to be.
This guy is great “on paper,” but, pardon my naivite, but WTF is with asking a woman to go home after gardening? Have we really gotten to the point wherein women are supposed to be grateful to not take an Uber home after?
I’m not trying to be judgy (well, I guess I judge this guy), but nothing about this is working for you.
OP
He didn’t actually ask me to go home, and the initial gardening was not at the end of the evening. Like, we met up early for drinks outside because it was a nice day, then went climbing, and were planning to mutually go home, change, and then meet for dinner. Because it was such a nice day, we went for a walk to get coffee, then he invited me to come sit and drink it on his deck, and then coffee turned to beers, and the gardening happened pre-dinner. So then we went to dinner (fast food, only thing open, haha), went back to his, and then he asked me what my plans vis-a-vis the rest of the night were when we were cuddling on the couch. So it was really only a conversation because we did things in reverse order, which I pointed out, and then said I’d just as soon stay and garden more. Which seemed to be fine with him, and in the morning he, unprompted, said he was glad I stayed.
I definitely wouldn’t tolerate a guy who actually asked me to leave, especially immediately post-garden, but that wasn’t the situation here. And you have a good point re knowing yourself – I’ve been totally fine with no-strings gardening before, outside of the context of a potential relationship, but maybe this is something that I need to self-reflect on a bit.
Anon
With this context, I definitely think he’s waiting on you since you said 3 dates was too soon for a relationship. Text him and report back!
Anon
Good point.
Anon
Agreed. I found it worked much better for me to wait to garden until we were exclusive. It also meant I didn’t need to really have a DTR conversation. When the possibility of gardening was on the table, I would just tell the guy that I didn’t want to garden with someone who was potentially gardening with other people, and I wanted to wait until things got to that point. It was actually an easy way to weed out men who were more interested in easy gardening than in getting to know me.
Never too many shoes...
I think not sleeping over after first time casual gardening is pretty standard.
Anonymous
+1
I wouldn’t even WANT to sleep over at a guy’s house.
Frozen Peach
My dating rules of thumb are: read He’s Just Not That Into You. Despite the name and the stupid rom-com based on the book, it completely changed my approach to dating for the better.
BabyAssociate
YES!!!! This was so helpful for me too +10000
Brunette Elle Woods
Unfortunately I consider myself a dating expert! Lots of experience because none of my relationships work out. He says he’s not ready to commit so why are you putting all your eggs in one basket? Did you go out on a date with anyone else while he was away? That is the perfect opportunity to see what else is out there. Maybe you’ll like another date just as much! He’s not committing to you so stop committing to him. Have fun! See what happens. Stop overthinking it and date around a bit. You should never be home staring at your phone waiting for someone to text. You should be on a date with someone else and surprised to see a text when you check your phone on the way home from said date. Or do something fun on your own. Don’t wait around for them ever!
OP
I was away for the weekend too, so nope, no other dates. I’m actively spending time on apps trying to find other dates, but not having great luck. So if you have any tips for consistently finding decent, date-able guys, please pass them along!
And I’m totally staying active otherwise – being home last night was actually an anomaly! Trivia night tonight, climbing tomorrow night, Lorde concert Friday night. :) So maybe I’m not spending enough time swiping?
Brunette Elle Woods
Good! Keep busy and enjoy yourself. My suggestion is to do what you want. You want to text him, text him! If he doesn’t respond or makes you feel too uneasy about it, he’s not the right guy. Don’t overthink it.
Light grey pants
I’m looking for simple light grey ankle pants for summer work wear as one of my alternatives to black. Any recommendations? I never found them last year.
I am a slender extreme pear shape. Would prefer machine washable. I really like my Loft skinny ankle pants in their curvy cut, but their grey is a very odd dark shade.
Ryan pants
I found a pair of light grey Ryan pants at Banana Republic that I really like. Here is a link:
https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pcid=5001&vid=1&pid=267875002&searchText=ryan+pants
M.S.
+1. I have these, and they are a summer staple.
Light grey pants
Thanks for this rec. Those look perfect.
But I am a little confused by the different cuts at BR. Is the Ryan more for straight figures, or can I squeeze my curves in to it? Does it stretch a little?
Baconpancakes
Stretches a little, yes. Not just for straight figures. Looks great on my extremely curvy self.
Wow
Express Editor pants (they have an ankle version) are my go to. I’m pretty sure they have light gray, if not now then I would wait until another month or two.
Light grey pants
Thanks. I see the grey in Columnist (?strechy) but not in Editor. So I will follow.
Anonshmanon
I like the look of the editor pants, do they always come in low-rise? Those never fit right…
PolyD
I’m a Julie shape, and I recently found that the Gap’s Signature Skinny Ankle Pants in Bi-stretch work quite well on me. They have a couple of different shades of gray, I think.
For cheaper, NY&Co’s Audrey Curvy Slim Leg Ankle also works for me.
For sizing, I’m right between a 2 and a 4 in the Julie fit, which is frustrating as h@ll, I either need to lose or gain weight. For the Gap and Audreys, I’m a 4. I’m a small pear with a tendency to put on weight/muscle in my upper thighs.
Anonymous
Old navy pixie chinos are surprisingly great if you can go business casual
Paging anon a mouse
Responding to anon a mouse’s post yesterday about pigmentation around the mouth that makes your skin look almost dirty. I had the same thing — it’s called melasma. I saw a dermatologist who prescribed me some skincare products with hydroquinone in them (basically skin bleaching cream). It worked really well and the spots faded in about 4 months.
To keep the spots from coming back, it’s really important to use mineral-based sunscreen (with zinc oxide or titanium dioxide). Most sunscreen is chemical-based and does a good job blocking UVB rays (that burn you) but doesn’t block as many UVA rays (that age you and cause pigmentation). Lots of information about mineral vs. chemical sunscreens online if you want to go down an internet rabbit hole…
anon a mouse
Thank you!
anon
Today’s the day I was planning to tell my boss we’re expecting. I’m super nervous and feeling nauseous. Send me some confidence vibes?
Boston Legal Eagle
I found the anticipation to be much worse than anything that came after and you will feel so relieved getting it out there and not having to worry about hiding your pregnancy anymore.
You got this! Share your excitement, don’t apologize for timing or anything else, and let your boss know you’re open to discuss your leave planning whenever the time is right. And congratulations!!!
Senior Attorney
CONFIDENCE VIBES!!!
Do it and then come and report back!!
Jen
150% confidence. I have always dreaded it and never had any issues. Likewise, I’ve always been happy for people that work for me when they disclose.
Anonymous
GO FOR IT!!! Do not apologize. You have a right to your family and your plans! You’ve got this.
I was you about a month ago. (I was also armed with a week-by-week spreadsheet of projects and tasks that I would hand over starting ~2 months before due date, and both a plan A and plan B for how I would ease back into work – this is kid #2 – after family leave. Bosses loved it.)
Patricia Gardiner
Hey I told mine today too! It went really well. Sending you all the good confidence vibes- let us know how it went!
Lana Del Raygun
Congratulations and good luck! :) :) :) :) :)
Open back dress
I just received an online order of a lovely maxi dress but I did not realize until I tried it on that the back of the top has a large open slit (of course the pictures online did not show that!) so that if you wear a bra, you can see the back bra strap. As a large chested woman, going bra-less is not an option and I often find low-back bras hard to wear comfortably. Would it look okay to wear supportive lacy bralette underneath? So you would see the lacy back part of the bra? This is a weekend/casual dress, not for work obviously. FWIW, I am in my 30s. Just want to make sure that it won’t look terrible to do that!
Anonymous
Yeah, that sounds really cute. Totally fine.
Torin
+1
KateMiddletown
Tell me about this supportive, lacy bralette that keeps the girls up. (Signed, fellow large chested gal)
Anonymous
+1. I’ve never found one.
Anonymous
Cosabella Curvy Bralette
Anon
Really? I thought the Cosabella Curvy Bralette had an unflattering smooshing effect.
Anonymous
I sometimes put a lacy bandeau over a regular bra, since I’ve never come across a supportive bralette. Do you have any you can recommend?
lsw
This is such a great idea!
Open back dress
So, I have not actually found one and am hoping a mythical supportive bralette actually exists but maybe I am deluding myself! I like the idea of putting a lacy bandeau over a regular bra actually – smart idea!
Anonymous
Cosabella makes maternity versions of theirs – I wonder if they would work? I have a Medela maternity bra because I needed a cotton, non-wired bra for work (long story) and it was the only thing that even looked like an option for a larger bust.
Anonymous
These look promising, but yeowch, the price: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/cosabella-never-say-never-curvy-sweetie-2-pack-bralettes/4860570
anon
Support on the Cosabella Sweetie is about the same as the old Champion sports bras at Target. Not spectacular but totally ok for being out of the house and not running around. Only warning is they are designed for small rib cage/large b**bs so be sure to try it on (depending on your proportions).
Rainbow Hair
Last year Target had surprisingly cute sports br@s (I mean, lolz to me doing sports in them, they were about as supportive as a nursing tank) with cute strappy backs — more like, lots of straps in cool patterns than lacy, but they’d totally work under a dress like that. Might be worth a look.
anony
Can you sew the slit closed? Or put a safety pin/snap in the area where your strap shows?
Clueless first year
I’m a first year in a biglaw group that functions like a 70% remote position. I almost never see the partners I work with, and when I do, it’s only a hi in the hallway; we never really discuss projects in person. One of the major downsides to this is there’s no feedback and no way to read body language or tone to see how I’m doing. I’ve been here 6 months now, and I was thinking of emailing the partners in the group individually asking to do a 1-on-1 6 month check in about my performance and whether I’m meeting expectations. Is this a good idea, or will it be seen as annoying and a waste of time? I only get reviewed annually, and I thought this might be a good way to get some facetime, even if it’s only 15 minutes. If this is a good idea, are there any specific recommendations for questions to ask?
Housecounsel
I understand your frustration, Clueless first year (and you aren’t clueless at all in that you are thinking about this), but I would not do this. I would find it needy. I think if you’re still receiving assignments, and you’re not getting bad feedback, you’re meeting expectations. I’d wait until the annual review. In the interim, if there is a change made on your work product, maybe use that as an opportunity to ask what you could do to make it better.
Again, the fact that you’re thinking about this tells me your review is going to be just fine.
Anonymous
This.
partner lady
I remember this feeling. It’s hard to come off law school, where you’re constantly being graded (and, presumably, getting good grades) to a feedback vacuum. I will say, though, if you’re not getting specific negative feedback on your projects, and you’re staying busy, that is a sign you’re doing well. If there were something wrong, probably you would have heard about it, and certainly you would stop getting work.
That said, I think it would be fine to ask one or two of the main partners you work with – maybe someone who is officially or unofficially your mentor- to grab lunch or coffee to check in about how things are going. I would just ask very generally if they have advice about how you can improve, be sure they think you’re on track for a first year associate, if there’s anything you should be aware of as you’re now fully integrated (i.e., is there gossip about my work product?). I would not frame this as a 1-on-1 formal thing and I would not do this with more than two partners.
However, to the extent you want more face time with the partners in your office, you should start trying to discuss projects with them in person. Send an email saying “hey, I have a couple questions about the XYZ matter, can I swing by to discuss? What time works?” instead of just listing out your questions. Talk to a couple more senior associates in your particular group to be sure this isn’t way out of line with firm culture, but it seems pretty standard to me. People won’t seek you out – but are probably just as happy to chat in person as via phone/email.
Anonymous
How many partners are you regularly working for? Could you set up a time to meet briefly with them to review any open projects? “Hey partner, wanted to touch base about the status of project x and the next steps. Can I stop by your office on Monday at 10 to discuss?” That may be received better than asking them to mentally gear up for an associate review.
anon
Ask them to get lunch . Feedback will naturally follow.
Alanna of Trebond
+1 Also I don’t know if this is unique to my firm, but partners have told me that the LOVE when associates ask to go out to lunch / coffee because no one ever does.
Open back dress
So, I have not actually found one and am hoping a mythical supportive bralette actually exists but maybe I am deluding myself! I like the idea of putting a lacy bandeau over a regular bra actually – smart idea!
This one looks promising: https://www.spanx.com/bras/bralette/spotlight-on-lace-bralette
Open back dress
So, I have not actually found one and am hoping a mythical supportive bralette actually exists but maybe I am deluding myself! I like the idea of putting a lacy bandeau over a regular bra actually – smart idea!
lsw
Help me shop? Looking to replace a white top that has been a real workhorse for me. What I’m looking for:
– bright white, not off-white or antique
-machine washable (handwash ok because I do that on delicate)
-natural fiber preferred, but not 100% silk (I have kids and have temporarily retired all silk shirts)
-preferably opaque enough not to have to wear a tank underneath
-not a button-down
-business casual workplace appropriate
Any ideas?
Anonymous
I just got this in white and it’s really cute – https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=268256012
Looks like it’s mostly sold out online but maybe still in store?
lsw
Oh yeah, that looks great! I’ll try to check that one out at the store.
Anonymous
Following because I love white tops but finding good ones is so hard.
Annual evaluation
I’ve been at my current job for 18 months. We’re supposed to have annual reviews. I haven’t had one nor have I heard anything about it. Compensation is not tied to reviews (we’re on a salary scale with annual raises). I am looking for a new job in my home city, but should I still ask for an evaluation?
Anonymous
To quote my Dad when I wan in a similar situation, “Your evaluation is that they haven’t fired you yet.” Also, FWIW, there is nothing that should be a surprise in an annual review. If you have no idea what your manager thinks about your work, start there.
Housecounsel
I love your dad.
Lana Del Raygun
I would. If your manager has concerns about your work, you want to hear them and work to improve, even if you won’t be there for much longer (and you never know how long a job search will take). It’ll probably mean they can give you a better reference down the road, and it might be a big help to your work, so you have more accomplishments to put on your resume.
And if you get rave reviews, you can put that on your resume. :)
BoldLip
Question about movers: three guys are moving my stuff (official moving company). I’m paying the moving company a fortune for 3 hours, but I plan on tipping.
How much is a good amount? I was thinking 40-50 per person? Is that cheap?
Anon
I think $40/person is great.
Jen
What kind of stuff do you have? We tipped $50 each for a house full of Stuff including some Really heavy atolls, a lot of lawn equipment, and just a really hard move (lots of small doors to navigate around, tight stairs, etc). I’d say if this is a 1-2 Br place $20-25 is fine$40 is very generous.
Jen
*Really heavy tools
NYNY
I was wondering where you live that you can keep small (albeit heavy) islands in your home! :-)
Anonymous
Aww…I love this typo. More of us should own atolls.
Anon
How do you fight workplace loneliness? My Biglaw firm has a very closed-door policy (everyone gets rooms), and my roommate/work bff left the firm a couple of months ago. Everyone seems way too upright / stressed to mingle and I just really miss having someone to talk to, hang out with, grab lunch, coffee, etc.
Anonymous
I work at home with British coworkers (I’m in the US) and when they were off last Fri/Mon I was a little lonely without them! We do MSTeams chatting, not constantly but I will joke around with them 1 or 2x a day. Do you have a Teams chat? Do you have a friend you can email back and forth with throughout the day?
Wow
I work in a very quiet office and schedule work lunches with friends who work close by twice a week. That makes a big difference and also gets me outside. If those plans fall through, I will just take a walk outside by myself and call my mom or a friend.
BC
I’d like to work on learning basic beginner Spanish while driving–any audio only recommendations? Thanks!
Violette
I’m doing the same thing right now! I’ve found two podcasts to be really helpful – Coffee Break Spanish starts with the absolute basics and teaches in a fun, interactive lesson format where you speak out loud and practice along. Notes in Spanish (Beginners) is a husband/wife duo who just chats for ~15min per episode. They will define the vocabulary they will use in an episode, and keep their speech very slow and basic. The idea for that one is that you realize you can start to understand the overall gist of a conversation even if you may not know every single word.
Bee
What do you think is the equitable way of sharing car rental and gas expenses?
I am going on a week-long road trip with my family (husband, son, mom) and 2 single friends. If we were travelling without my friends, I would only rent a sedan but now we need to get a mini van to accommodate them. Should we split the expenses by 3 or by the number of adults? Any thoughts?
Anonymous
I would split by the number of people – your son takes up a seat in the car, right? I get that there are situations where kids don’t add to the cost (e.g., a hotel room where they sleep free in a portable crib you bring) but this isn’t one of them. So I would pay 2/3 of the cost. But the most important thing is that everyone is on the same page about expense sharing before the trip.
Torin
+1
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
I can’t believe you’ve even suggesting your single friends subsidize your husband and Mom! Split by person. Counting everyone as a person. Jeeze Louise.
Housecounsel
Honestly, I was a little appalled too.
Anon
Seriously.
OP
Actually, they are the ones suggesting to split it by 3. I know they are generous of them to offer that. I am just wondering how other people do it. No harm in asking. right?
Anon
In that case, split the car rental by adult and split the gas by three.
Anonymous
Turn them down and insist on doing it fairly.
Boo
Law firm attorneys: How do you handle not feeling like you’re good at your job? Just coming off a curve of doing excellent work and getting awesome feedback. Slipped up on a couple of things, like missing a signature until right before closing and making typos and what not. Trying to remind myself that being provided feedback, whether it’s because I am doing well or because I need guidance, is a good thing and that I just need to get over myself and realize that as a young associate I will make mistakes. Because I am so sensitive about messing up, I keep reading way too much into everything, especially communications from the people team leading projects I have messed up on.
I am feeling way in the dumps today about it for some reason and just want to cry and quit my job (super dramatic reaction). Any tips for surviving the rest of this week and handling the ups and downs of practice, particularly feeling super competent and then the complete opposite in a heartbeat?
Frozen Peach
Do something outside of work this evening that reminds you of your identity outside of “lawyer at law firm.” Your worth is not based on whether you make a few typos! Always works for me.
Anon
It’s been sitting on my shelf for a while and I haven’t actually read it yet, but I’ve heard good things about Thanks For The Feedback. I also don’t handle criticism that well, I usually blow it way out of proportion in my head.
Marshmallow
Early on in my first year, I made a big mistake– I let a production go out the door with the wrong date range. I thought I would melt through the floor, I was so embarrassed. The midlevel associate helped me fix the issue and ultimately it didn’t harm the client. I apologized, of course, but never stopped obsessing over it all year.
It never came up in my review or basically ever again. I’m a midlevel now and that midlevel is a counsel, and a few months ago I mentioned it, like, “Ha ha, remember that time I royally scr3wed the pooch and you saved my tuchus?” And he didn’t even remember– because it was an exception in a long history of strong work product, just like it sounds your recent little mess-ups are.
You are thinking about your attention to detail, you’re absorbing the feedback, and working on not making those mistakes going forward. You have a history of good performance. Take the minor negative feedback you’re getting now as an opportunity to improve and an indication that the people you’re working with think it’s worth the time to correct you. Because there are juniors I work with to whom I don’t bother to give feedback– I just correct the thing myself. You aren’t that person, and that’s a good thing.
Marshmallow
I’m stuck in mod with a longer response, but the fact that you’re concerned about this tells me you’re probably pretty good at your job.
And +1 to Frozen Peach– it’s just a job. You are more than your job!
January
I was never good at this. But, also? You sound tired. What can you do to get a good night’s rest for the next couple of nights?
Anon
This helps so much. I have been having a similar feeling at a job I just started and really taking it out of proportion in my mind. These are good reminders. Thanks all!
Beach vacation wardrobe help needed!
The guy I recently started dating and I just booked a hotel for a long weekend in Amelia Island, FL. We’re going in June. This is the first time I’ve gone on a “romantic” beach vacation and I want to look both sexy but also not tooooo over the top since we’re staying at a resort where there will be families. I’m late 20s, 5’6”, fairly fit but a slight pear/hourglass shape. It’s been so long since I’ve gone on a beach trip that I don’t know what to pack other than a swimsuit (and mine are too small so I need recos for that too!)
I’m assuming we’ll do beach days, maybe some casual exploration of the resort/town, maybe a dressy dinner or two.
Thanks for your help!!
Anon
I haven’t been to Amelia Island, but my usual beach packing list includes casual (often linen) pants with drapey t-shirts and casual cotton or linen dresses for after you’ve been out in the sun all day. A cute caftan when you’re out on the beach but don’t want anymore sun (TJ Maxx often has cute ones whenever they get their swimwear in), plus a hat.
Mrs. Jones
You didn’t ask, but I rec Le Clos and 29 South for nice dinners.
Eager Beaver
I’ll second both of these. I also really like Espana.
Horse Crazy
I bought this cover-up from Venus last summer, and I love it for the beach:
https://www.venus.com/viewproduct.aspx?BRANCH=24~98~&ProductDisplayID=26307
Horse Crazy
Has anyone used Le Tote? The clothes and jewelry look cute but I’m not sure if the quality is good. Thanks in advance!
Housecounsel
I subscribed for about six months, and quit because of poor quality. For every cool piece I received, I received five really unremarkable ones that seemed to come from the clearance rack at a discount store. There were a lot of synthetic fabrics.
Bookshelf recs
Anyone buy a decent set of bookshelves recently? I’m in the market for something that will be in the kids’ playroom holding mostly books but some small trinkets now, and may become bedroom bookshelves as the kids get a bit older. Full size/ Tall (and of course mounted to the wall) is what I’m aiming for. Do I go the ikea Billy route? I don’t want to spend $$ on custom but was hoping for something a step up from ikea/target. I generally don’t find Pottery Barn good value for the quality, but I’m flexible on price.
Lana Del Raygun
Personally I love IKEA! If you want a step up from Billy I would look at the Hemnes series, which is solid wood instead of particle board but still modular.
Torin
+1 the wood bookshelves from Ikea are actually nice.
Anonymous
What about folding shelves or shelves from Cost Plus World Market or Pier 1?
Annoyed
I just got “reprimanded” for leaving work on time the past two days. Despite having worked 12 hour days the past two weeks due to trial. I am confident all the tasks assigned to me will be done on time and have completed tasks that had been assigned to other folks because they did not have time to get it done.
Is there a nice way to say, having my work day officially end at 6:30pm is bad enough and staying here till 8 on a daily basis makes me less efficient the next day so shove it?
Anon
I always look at the ratio of your seniority v the ridiculousness of the reprimand to determine level of snapback. If you are senior, just simply state that you have your workload in order / you worked through lunch / came in early / work from home as needed.
Only a poor manager thinks someone staying WAAAY past a normal quitting time who otherwise gets their work done just for the sake of staying late is a good thing.
Anonymous
The “nice way to say, having my work day officially end at 6:30pm is bad enough and staying here till 8 on a daily basis makes me less efficient the next day so shove it” is “Here is my resignation, I’ve accepted a position with [competitor who does not treat their employees like children]. Bye!”
(At least, that’s how I handled it at my old job.)