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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This $40 blazer from British brand New Look looks great for a basic to keep in your office and throw on when you want a boost of professionalism (or, hey, when you're cold). I like that it's machine washable, too. New Look Tailored Blazer
Here's a plus-size alternative.
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(L-4)
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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Runner 5
You should know they’re really hitting you on the exchange rate. It’s only £23 in the UK and honestly it’s only worth that. New Look is equivalent to Forever 21 in terms of quality (I wore it a lot in my last few years of high school).
Anonymous
It doesn’t seem that much higher, wouldn’t 23 pounds be about $35?
Cb
Yeah, I associate New Look / Next with teenage clothes.
anonymous
We adopted a 3 year old dog a few of months ago, and it seems like he could have been better socialized as he’s generally afraid of people and other dogs. He scurries behind me or runs away a lot, and his old owners let him out in the yard but didn’t walk him, and he didn’t have much contact with non-family members. We’re trying to get him exposed to a range of people/dogs/surroundings so he can get used to things and not be so scared all the time, but it’s proving difficult since dog owners in my area seem to avoid crossing paths with other dogs at all costs. In other places I’ve lived, it was more normal to let the dogs sniff each other as they passed, but we get none of that here. We’re planning to get him neutered as soon as possible and then start taking him to the dog park, but apart from that, how do we socialize him better?
anon
Time, positive reinforcement, playdates with friends and their dogs, dog training classes.
He may not like other dogs that much. I’ve got one dog that’s leash reactive and hates being around other dogs on leashes. We did obedience training with her and the trainer said she’s just not great with other dogs. She played ok with others in dog daycare, does fine with our other dog and my parents dog, but that’s about it. We just don’t put her in situations that make her uncomfortable. She’s not going to be the dog that goes to the pet store or eats with us at the sidewalk cafe. And, on walks, I keep her away from other dogs because she really hates other dogs up in her face.
Anonymous
I would do some socialization classes with a dog trainer and possibly some doggie daycare once a week so he can be around other dogs. You could also hire a dog walker so he gets out for lots of regular walks. Even if there isn’t a lot of sniffing, just being out and about will help his socialization.
Wildkitten
My dog trainer says it’s normal for dogs to not greet other dogs when they’re on leash. Remove that expectation from your dog. (This was hard for me since I love people, but I love my dog even more.)
Lizabet
Most hardware stores, even the big chains, in our area let you bring dogs on leashes. We took a sack of treats and asked friendly-looking strangers to give our dog one. Helped her fearfulness around humans a lot. Good luck!
Anonymous
I would find that incredibly annoying as a shopper. I don’t want to feed your dog or worry about having to dodge it with my giant, hard to steer cart. Please do not bring your dog to one.
Other Anonymous
Seriously? A simple “no” would suffice if asked to give a dog a treat.
And do you have the same feelings towards children? You sometimes have to dodge them with your cart as they’re running around, weaving in between people, and just generally being kids. Last time I checked, kids were not banned from hardware stores. And I would bet that, on average, a dog in a store that allows pets will be better behaved than a young kid.
Anonymous
Your kid shouldn’t be running around a hardware store, that is totally inappropriate behavior, and I’d be weirded out if you asked me to feed your kid a treat. Take your dog to a dog park, not Home Depot. It’s not the right place for a dog.
someone
She said she asked “friendly-looking” strangers. I have a feeling you wouldn’t qualify.
Annelin
OTOH, I love seeing dogs at hardware stores and wouldn’t mind if someone asked me to help socialize theirs by giving them a treat. So look for the people that say hello to the dogs rather than their humans!
Anon Doggy Owner
Have you considered doggy playgroup too? Most of the chains and many of the boutiques have doggy playgroup at least once a week. Try to find a schedule that works. This is the cheapest way for your dog to be around other dogs, even if he just watches and cowers behind you the first few times (totally normal, BTW). Dogs that are not well socialized need time–remember that he’s fearful, so this would be like you getting over a big fear–takes a lot of courage and you cannot push it too much.
I also think that taking your dog to a dog park once he’s neutered would be great.
S in Chicago
Seek out a trainer instead. You want to gradually socialize in a controlled setting. A big group at once can be really scary and do more harm than good in bringing the dog out of its shell. A trainer will usually introduce a dog that’s very calm and good natured (sometimes fear can lead to an aggressive act–you want to make sure the other dog isn’t feeding into that). A play group where there’s no control over who is around (puppies without manners yet or potentially aggressive dogs) is the last thing you want. (I say this as the owner of a former scaredy who finally worked himself up to actually having fun and wanting to be at the dog park.) Also, keep in mind not every dog will be a dog park dog. The dog before him was super dog-aggressive. Trainers consistently told me that while he could get better leash and voice control, he would never be a good mix for the park. They were right–he hated other dogs to the day he died.
Anonymous
Please don’t take your dog to a dog park. Most professional trainers I’ve worked with, and read about, really discourage the dog park, as it is generally uncontrolled chaos as most people don’t have good verbal control over their dogs, and many people are simply stupid and take inappropriately aggressive or fearful dogs to dog park because they don’t understand their dogs, and are too lazy to exercise them in another way. (“Fido? He’s just being FRIENDLY!” Um, no, his ears are erect, his tail is stiff, his mouth is tense and he is licking his lips… he is nervous, and likely to start a fight). Plus, all it takes is one fight, and your dog’s fear of other dogs will be magnified and what is a small fear problem will become a big fear/aggression problem.
I would highly recommend a group obedience class, as most classes will work with you and gradually work up to introducing your dogs to other dogs in a controlled manner, until he feels comfortable with it. Could you meet other local dog owners, and take them for walks together? Play dates with friends would also be good. A good doggie day care might not be bad in the future, as they should know the temperament of the dogs and be alert for nervous body language. But I would screen them carefully.
I’ve done tons of research on this stuff, as I adopted a very reactive Australian Cattle Dog last year, who is good with my other two dogs but very reactive everywhere else, and I’ve been working with him pretty intensely. Now he can walk past other calm leashed dogs in obedience class or in the neighborhood without freaking out, yay! So it CAN be done! Good luck!
Care
+1
Where I took my dog to be trained, the dogs were not allowed to play off leash at all because you have to work up to that and have it be controlled. Start with training and work up to a comfort level that works for the two of you.
MJ
My friend, who is a professional guide dog raiser recommends The Cautious Canine by Patricia McConnell. Hope that helps!
anon
+1. I’ve read a lot of her books and can’t recommend her highly enough. Really good information about “reading” your dog’s signals and canine behavior.
Anonymous
For those of you that co-wash, do you use a special conditioner? Or do you just use a regular drugstore brand? Any suggestions for brands?
Anonymous
What is co-washing?
Belle
It’s a shorthand term for “washing” with conditioner, not using shampoo first. And it’s a total misnomer. It used to be called “using conditioner” or “not using shampoo.” Ah, marketing!
someone
I don’t think it’s about marketing. Traditionally, people used shampoo to wash. Then conditioner was introduced to follow the shampoo. Only recently has the idea of washing with just conditioner come into vogue, and it was started by people with curly hair, not anyone associated with any product line or company. The advice was generally to use the cheap stuff. If it were marketing, it would be coming directly from someone trying to sell something. Presently, there are product lines that take advantage of this trend, but they did not originate it. So this is not marketing hype. As for it being a misnomer, I don’t see how that is possible. It is a “wash” that you do with conditioner, hence, a “co[nditioner]-wash”. Not a misnomer at all.
MJ
I like UseMe, which is not a drugstore brand..it’s this hippy salon brand from Maine. Available on their website or Amazon. It’s great.
Anonymous
Thanks for the suggestion, I’ll check them out
HSAL
I had some success using just Suave conditioner – it was Rosemary Juniper or something like that. I used Wen at first and thought Suave was just as good, although I did need to actually shampoo once every week or ten days or so.
Meg Murry
I’ve used a cheap-y brand like Suave or VO-5 to co-wash, but I can’t do it forever – I need to actually shampoo my scalp every week or so, or do a baking soda wash.
The main thing to look for is a conditioner that doesn’t have any silicone or dimethicone in the ingredients list, because that will cause build-up and make your hair greasy. Co-washing also may not work if you use more than a tiny amount of styling products with silicone or dimethicone – I’ve always had to use real shampoo to get that out.
Kitty
I like avedas.
you're not my boss rant
Right now our small office (four people) doesn’t have a director. The position above that is also open, so we are reporting directly to the president of our organization. This is all pretty fine with me; I don’t like being micromanaged and I work well independently. However, my coworker – who has exactly the same title as me – is constantly acting like my boss. She sends me emails asking if I’ve followed up on certain things, speaks to me in a condescending tone about changes I’ve made and suggestions she has for doing it differently, and, I recently learned (through an email forwarded without thought by an admin) that she was checking in with the president and HR that I was filling in my timecards with time I had taken off. To cap it off, I’m pregnant, and I think that is making me feel extra defensive that someone is insinuating I’m not doing my job – though she did this before I was pregnant, also.
Otherwise we have a friendly relationship, and it doesn’t feel worth making things terrible in our office just to approach this with her…which I’m sure wouldn’t make a difference anyway. So I guess I just needed to vent about it, since I don’t think I’ll actually do anything about it, other than what I already do, which is coolly and briefly respond to those emails. Blah.
Cat
Do you think she’s being particularly “bossy” because she’s hoping for the promotion by virtue of acting like your boss? I’m sure Ask a Manager has other advice on this, but I’d respond to her inappropriate monitoring with “is there some reason you think I’m not on top of it?”
My evil immature self would be tempted to respond by asking her the same questions, but I like to think my adult self would remember to take the high road!
Cat
Whoa I missed the part about going to the president — 3 levels above you!!! — about your time recording. That is nutso. Now I am musing about how you would address this with the president — like, it came to my attention that Susie was concerned about my time recording. I am not sure why she was raising this topic with you, so wanted to confirm there’s no issue with my PTO.
you're not my boss rant
Right, I know. The email came to my attention the day before I was meeting with the president to tell her about being pregnant and my intentions for leave, etc. At that meeting, the president – a woman – told me that she completely understood if I needed to come in late at some points, and that she knew I would make up the time. She also said any doctor’s appointments, etc., under a half day would not need to be claimed as sick time. And she said something like, “I’m not a clock watcher, and I know you’re getting your work done, so just take the time you need.” I could have been reading into it, but that felt like an oblique reference to my coworker’s inquiry. (Although Pres did not know I had seen it.)
She definitely is not trying to get the job above us. I’m actually surprised she didn’t apply, but she is just interested in riding out the job for two more years and then retiring. She is 25 years or so older than me.
Jitterbug
I’m also dealing with a condescending, micromanaging coworker, and I have asked her if she has concerns about my ability to do my job, and she always respond with “nooooo, you’re doing a great job!” Either she doesn’t realize she’s contradicting herself or she does feel there’s an issue with my competence but doesn’t have the spine to admit it.
Wow
WHAT? She is checking in with HR to see if you filled in your timecards properly? And you otherwise have a “friendly relationship”? Something does not compute. This is incredibly unprofessional on her part. You need to talk to her and nip this in the bud.
bridget
Perhaps respond with “Why is this your business?”
Do not ask me how I know these things, but this will continue until you put a stop to it. In fact, it will likely get worse.
Also consider having a calm discussion with the president about this. It is beyond unprofessional, and the fact that she is doing it to you while you are pregnant is a concern.
LAnon
+1 to talking to the president about this. I would email him/her and just say something along the lines of, “Since I’m reporting to you at the moment, I wonder if we could sit down for a few minutes and go over a few things.” Then, cover a few different topics: validate that you are meeting expectations, ask if there’s anything else you should be doing, etc. During that meeting bring up the weird co-worker dynamic and say it’s making you uncomfortable and frustrated.
You don’t want to come across as whining or tattling, so first you’ll want to get the president in a mind frame to remember that you are a competent person who is organized and self-directed, and then bring up that someone is interfering with your work.
you're not my boss rant
I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and I can’t get over the idea that it seems like such a small issue to take all the way up to the president, who has so many things on her plate. I fully admit I’m scared of the idea that any sort of confrontation with Coworker would make this situation really, really uncomfortable in our office.
bridget
No!
This is NOT a small thing. She’s implying to HR that you are cheating on your time cards and all but saying you cannot do your work. I would bet good money that what is going on behind your back is worse.
She is building herself up by making you look bad. You are also presumably taking leave soon. Nip this in the bud before you have your kid.
LAnon
Yeah, I understand that. Still, if you are reporting to the president right now, asking to have a check-in should not be an unreasonable request and she should be able to find some time in her schedule for that. Definitely use it as a time to cover a few other topics – update her on all your projects, etc etc and then it will feel like less of a minor thing. She is your manager at the moment, so while she might not have the time to have long, regular meetings with you, a meeting to validate that all your priorities are in order and your projects are going well will not seem strange or petty.
Also, you can leverage meeting with the president with your co-worker. You can mention in passing, “Oh, I had a good long talk with President this morning, it was great because she really seems pleased with how xyz project is going.” Or when she asks about stuff, “Oh, last time I spoke to President, she didn’t indicate to me that that was a priority.” You may have to exaggerate a little bit but giving your co-worker the impression that you are in regular communication with the President will likely be intimidating enough that she’ll back off.
you're not my boss rant
Thank you – that is really helpful.
Anonymous
Agree with Cat’s advice, some version of why do you ask is certainly appropriate. Also, given the fact that this women is trying to get ahead by stepping on you, it’s a good idea to remind you guys are not friends, merely friendly!
you're not my boss rant
Agree. I don’t really go in for “friends” at work, I was only meaning to describe that we don’t have some contentious, competitive relationship. Honestly I don’t think it comes from a place of competitiveness at all – I would say I’m much more promotion-hungry/career-oriented than her. I think it’s about a hall monitor mentality and acting like my mother.
Anon
This would frustrate me more than it sends to bother you. It might just be her work style, but I would be concerned with it affecting you going forward. I would probably try to speak, calmly, to the coworker about it, explaining your point. She may not realize she is doing it in such a way or may think she is helping, though the time thing makes me think this is intentional. Do others in your organization (the president and HR, mainly) seem to realize this or could it affect you?
you're not my boss rant
Oh, it frustrates me A LOT. I think because we are physically isolated – in a totally different building, a few miles away – from the majority of staff, no one else is aware of this but me.
Anonymous
??? Things are already terrible- she is checking in on your time. News flash- you don’t have a friendly relationship. Confront her about the time card thig at the very least. If he says “the president put me in charge” then go talk to the pres and say I just wanted to clarify blah blah blah
Dahlia
That would make me crazy- especially someone insinuating to HR and the president (!!) that they thought I might be cheating the system regarding time off. It’s likely that this makes her look worse than you, but it’s insulting you to a higher-up and I would be pretty indignant.
If it was me I would approach her about the timecard issue specifically. I would probably go to her and say something like “I understand you approached the president/HR about my time cards. Did you have some kind of concern about my work?” and see what she said. If she does say she was checking to see if you were submitting your time off, I would probably respond by saying (nicely) that it should be the role of your supervisor to monitor this kind of thing if they are concerns, and as a colleague you would much prefer that she just speak to you personally if she has questions about your time off or ability to support the team. She has the option of backing down and apologizing here, and if she wants to keep the office collegial she will do that.
I would also probably check with HR regarding what kind of information about my schedule/time off she is entitled to be able to access and make sure that they are aware that they should be protecting my privacy.
But then, I’m not very conflict averse and like to have things out in the open.
you're not my boss rant
This sounds like a really good approach. The timecard part was the part that made me the most likely to actually approach her about it – it was completely ridiculous and out of place. And I was really angry at myself that learning about it made me cry (thanks, pregnancy!) and raised up all of these feelings like, “Does everyone think I’m slacking off because I’m pregnant? Do people think I’m cheating?” I had a really, really rough first trimester and was definitely coming in late at least one day a week and taking more PTO than usual. What made me especially angry (other than the obvious “Are you seriously tattling on me to our boss instead of just ASKING me?”) was the fact that I told my coworkers about my pregnancy much earlier than I would have liked, because I was sensitive about the fact that I was taking sick days here and there and working with my door closed, etc. I had hoped that that would put my behavior in context. And of course I was doing it all by the book, notifying parties and taking the time on my timesheet, etc.
I will probably read over your response a few more times to psych myself up to do this.
Not that it is really relevant, but also during this time her mother was in the hospital and then passed away, so part of me was chalking this ridiculous HR email up to “maybe she gets a free pass because of stress in her life right now.” But the emails today don’t really have that excuse behind them.
Anon
I agree with Dahlia. I am normally extremely risk adverse, but I almost think you need to say something just to get it on the table that you haven’t don’t anything wrong, and put her in check before she does anything further (I can only imagine the field day she could have while you are on leave). I think Dahlia’s suggestion is a very appropriate and professional way of addressing it. I’m also pregnant, and am so over feeling like I need to constantly assert my competence, so I feel you.
Anon
I meant “conflict adverse,” although I am pretty risk adverse too ;)
Anonymous
It’s risk AVERSE, not adverse. This is not just a typo!
Anonymous
There should be someone who “owns” each project if it is not clear – you want it to be clearly established so that you can point this out if she keeps trying to take charge of things that are your responsibility, not hers. Also, what Cat said.
ezt
Just chiming in to agree with everyone here. I am conflict-averse to a point well past my best interests, but I think even I would force myself to say something here. I might approach the president and frame my question as role confusion – “X has been asking me for updates, I wanted to make sure there wasn’t a staffing change I wasn’t aware of, am I reporting to her on this? Oh, ok great, she must have just been asking for some other reason, I’ll clarify with her.” But maybe that’s a coward’s approach…
someone
why do you have to respond to her emails? if she’s not your boss, and she has no business checking up on you, can’t you just blow her off? and then if she asks you why you didn’t respond to her emails, tell her because you don’t report to her?? or ask her, “why do you want to know that?” if she doesn’t want a promotion then she’s probably just enjoying the chance to bully you. don’t legitimize her.
Sydney Bristow
I realize this is a long shot, but I’ve been stuck on a Brooks Brothers necklace that Kat posted years ago. I check eBay sometimes in hopes it will show up and am always on the lookout for something similar. Does anyone happen to own this necklace and feel like selling it to me? Or has anyone seen something similar? Link in reply.
Sydney Bristow
It’s the necklace from this post. https://corporette.com/2011/05/19/coffee-break-green-three-row-nugget-torsade-necklace/
Sydney Bristow
Shoot the link went into moderation. It’s the May 19, 2011 coffee break post. The Brooks Brothers Green 3-row nugget toursade necklace.
Jules
Also, so you don’t have to keep going back to E-bay when you remember, there’s a mechanism for putting in a standing search term; E-bay will send you an e-mail when something responsive to the search query is listed. (My ex collects vintage musical instruments and had a few standard searches going all the time.)
Gail the Goldfish
You could probably find something similar on Etsy, or someone could make it for you. Also check Novica–they sometimes have similar necklaces. If you can’t find one, check Gewgaws and Gimcracks (commenter Kanye East’s etsy site) and see if she can make something for you.
Gail the Goldfish
I replied to this and it doesn’t seem to be showing up–I don’t think I had anything that would send it to moderation. But in short-Etsy, Novica, and if you can’t find anything, see if someone will make it (such as Gewgaws and Gimcracks, poster Kanye East’s etsy shop)
Sydney Bristow
Thanks Gail. I haven’t heard of Novica before so I’ll check there. I’ve done some searching on Etsy but it is so overwhelming and the closest I’ve been able to find looks kind of cheap. I’ll reach out to Kanye too. Great idea!
KittyKat
A jeweler (myself included) could make a replica with a real silver clasp, knotted on silk, and real jade/amazonite/ dark green stone for about 150. If that’s in your price range I’m sure a local artisan would make you one. Looks like a really fun project, beautiful piece.
Anon
Need the hive to inspire me a bit — will post more later when I want to get into detail as I have a feeling a LOT of my coworkers read here so I’ll have to be vague – but I was unemployed for a LONG time due to a restructuring (law firm). Found a new job in a new city in the gov’t that’s been ok — not bad but not as great as the one I lost. But I’ve been finding my groove, thankful for the fact that the pay is good and I got a raise despite only being on board for 7-8 months. And now I find out this job is being restructured too. The restructuring – we’re told – will be the group being split in half. Thing is the way it’ll work — the work from my perspective will get worse (and I already don’t like it much), you won’t have a choice which group you go to, and I think one group will get the worse work with the nicer people while the other group will get the better work with MUCH worse people.
Among my colleagues, I know people are already looking to jump ship before this whole thing gets executed by the summer. For me — I’m exhausted. I JUST went thru a really long job search to land here. This is a new city to me and I haven’t got any contacts and am a bit too senior to just be able to call a recruiter. My colleagues are all way junior to me so they could go to firms at the 4th yr level while I’m in that awkward time where no firm will take me as a 10th yr (in lit) but they also won’t take me as a partner as I have no book. For my immediate colleagues, they came in as law school grads, have worked here for 3-4 yrs and this is a natural time to move on. I just can’t fathom having to go thru the horrible networking process AGAIN for the 2nd time in 2 years. Motivate me or advise me. Part of me just wants to leave law — but I tried doing that while unemployed and that didn’t work out so well either; not to mention I know law has been so tenuous (for me), I keep thinking — hang on to it and make the money while you can bc who knows what’ll happen later in life. (And unlike many I really do like law – esp complex commercial lit; which is NOT what my job is now, it’s more regulatory/compliance which I just don’t like.)
LAnon
I would wait it out and see what happens. As you mentioned, you are exhausted at the moment and embarking on another job search seems like a recipe to make a bad decision. There are a few possible outcomes of you staying:
Best case: A bunch of people jump ship, which leaves more openings than would otherwise be available and you may be able to have more influence than you think in choosing where to go, or get moved into a higher position than you expect, and you wind up loving the work!
Medium cases: All of the above, but you hate the work and decide to leave later in this year but have the benefit of a better position. Or, you stay at the level you are now and wind up liking the work and staying.
Worst case: You stay, it sucks, you start a new job search in several months or a year when you’ve had time to make more contacts and feel more up to facing the process.
Another anonymous judge
It just doesn’t sound to me like this is the right time for you to move. Really, not every job has to fulfill all of our passions – sometimes it’s just a job. Also, it sounds like there are big changes in store and with other people leaving who knows what your situation will look like after it’s all said and done?
Could you use this job and its income as an opportunity to fund and explore the non-working side of your life? There ARE lawyers who don’t just live for the law! Plus, you never know what opportunities will present themselves as a result of that exploration
I’d be inclined to say if you’re exhausted and unmotivated, any networking efforts you undertake will be half-hearted and not very successful anyway (recruiter or not – although I’m not sure WHY you couldn’t just call one, but I’m not familiar with that world), which will make you even more exhausted and unmotivated. Unless you are pining for “complex commercial litigation” and will never be happy again without it, I’d say give yourself permission to take a break, keep “finding your groove” and enjoy the other sides of life for now.
Anon
I mean of course I CAN call a recruiter. I’ve just dealt with them enough to know how recruiting works. They LOVE 4th yr associates (at least in litigation) with a pedigree bc they’re relatively “easy” to place in one firm or another. With 10th yr associates, positions come up WAY less frequently and sometimes they have to work hard to sell — they don’t like to do that if they have 4th yrs they can move from firm to firm easily.
As for the rest of your post — reality is — my job always WAS my life. Right or wrong – it’s true. So being unemployed and now being in a job I don’t like are rough mentally. And I DO want to get back to complex commercial lit. But the reality is I KNOW I’m tired and I need some time to recover mentally and physically — so I figured THIS job which is very 9-6 would be an okay place to do that. Plus I do have some other investment interests that I’ve never been able to look into due to being way too busy in my prior job and then being unemployed so I didn’t want to be starting/investing in anything.
I don’t know what my plan was but vaguely it was to start networking/looking this spring in the hopes that I’d be out of here early 2017 — which would be a respectable 20+ months on my resume. Now I feel like — do I really have to start looking now to find something asap (which I likely won’t anyway due to the legal market and then be banging my head against the wall with more rejections)??
I am now wondering if due to others leaving, there will be a chance to get promoted quicker. One of the reasons I wanted to stay 18 months (besides resume continuity) is bc that’s the amount of time it takes to go from the first title to the next (like the equivalent of going from Senior Associate to Counsel). I kind of wonder if they’ll consider bestowing that title in 12 or 16 months if there’s a huge amount of turnover so as to entice so people to stay. That could certainly help my resume . . . .
Anonymous
You honestly have my sympathies. From my handle I am obviously past the point of having these worries but I do remember how hard it was to have forces over which I had no control impact my career (interchangeable with my life) plan.
It sounds to me like you have some excellent insight into your current position which undoubtedly has everything to do with the economy and nothing to do with your own stellar abilities. It is totally fine to give yourself permission to take a break. You know all too well what it was like to have to extricate yourself from unemployment and what making a major change takes. In my experience in government there is always much more turnover than it might appear from the outside. While there are undoubtedly fewer challenges than in your last position, you obviously have the chops to move up the ladder quickly where you are.
I still say stay and make this situation work for you. I think when you’re ready you’ll be returning to your former world (assuming you still want to) refreshed, promoted and an even more attractive candidate. The most attractive candidate is often one who doesn’t really need the job because she is such a star at the one she’s in already.
Also – I was thinking more of a hobby – traveling or knitting or something – so if having more time means you can work on your investments – Wow!
You know yourself. You’re clearly smart and have tons of valuable experience in your career and life. Don’t let all the (possibly flaky) juniors make you second-guess yourself.
Ellen
Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this $40 blazer. I will buy it but give it to ROSA, as it is to short for me and she need’s a pick-me-up b/c Ed is becomeing distant again. FOOEY on men that become distant.
As for the OP, hug’s. It is so tryeing to move to another city for a job and then get UPHEEVAL like this. I asked Dad about your situeation, and he said that you actually have an advantage over the younger lawyer’s. He read an articel about young lawyers. They are getting dummer and dummer on the LSATs and bar exam results. So you are in a better position then you think!
I was NOT the greatest on takeing LSATs and SAT’s, and it was ONLEY b/c of that that Dad could NOT get me into Stanford Law. He was a visiting scholor there but my LSATs could NOT be overlooked. So I wound up in DC, where he had alot of milatary contacts, and I too had to move back to NY to a lousy job market. I did NOT even have a law job, but I managed to meet the manageing partner who saw something unique in me that led him to hire me and the rest is HISTORY! So use your asset’s well and you will be sucessful like me. You have all of the HIVE pulleing for you also. If you like commercial litigeation, you will do well. We STILL have an opening for a new hire, now that we got rid of Mason, but the pay is not goeing to wow anyone. It is what I made 6 year’s ago, and will not pay the rent except in a crappey neighborhood. FOOEY! All the men that are applying are AWFUL, and the women are not much better. The manageing partner say’s he is waiting for an “Ellen in Training” that he can mold just like he did with me. YAY!!!!
Phantom
Are sorel boots acceptable to wear to a broadway show? I’m going tonight and given the ice and pending snow showers I didn’t want to forgo the boots but I’m wondering if it’s a faux pas.
Meg March
To be honest, you see everything at a Broadway show. My tendency is to dress up a little, so I’d probably go for some other boot, rather than a full-on snow boot (well, that’s what I’m wearing today), but no one will look funny at you.
AIMS
Agree. People will wear sneakers etc., but I still wouldn’t. And honesty unless you’re going in a blizzard you don’t need sorels. The snow is mostly cleaned up and you can avoid puddles. no snow or blizzard or rain is projected for tonight, as far as I am aware. So I’d wear something else.
NYNY
People go to Broadway shows in all levels of dress, from sweatpants to black tie. Given the slush situation in midtown, definitely wear the boots. You’ll look intelligent.
Jitterbug
This is actually good to know for me as well. I’m going to NYC to see Allegiance tomorrow afternoon and I was considering lace oxfords (with matching-color ankle socks under, for warmth) and now I’m definitely thinking boots. but now I may need to re-think my dress as well . . . well, the red dress was a bit too “evening;” my brown, plaid fit n flare might make more sense for an afternoon show.
Wildkitten
Oooh I want to see that so bad. Let me know how it is!
A naan
I saw it over the holidays and loved it! Definitely go see it if you can.
Loved it
I went to see Allegiance when it was playing in San Diego. I somehow scored a front row seat and will say that it was hands-down one of the most touching and emotional performances I have ever had the privilege to see. I cannot recommend it enough!
MJ
Totally fine. Lots of people wear jeans and don’t dress up for Broadway. Wear what you want, and if that’s what you want, do it!
ezt
It’s definitely not a faux pas. Personally I never get dressed up for Broadway shows. Most people aren’t dressy and most of the venues don’t feel all that dressy to me, you’re walking out into the Times Square vicinity, it’s not like going to the opera at Lincoln Center or something (where you also don’t *have* to dress up, but many more people do, the venue and surroundings are much fancier, etc. so it feels fun). Wear what you feel like and enjoy!
Wedding Q
So in December, I got an email save the date to a wedding in July, asking me to RSVP with my mailing address. Is this normal? Is this so people don’t bother sending invites to people who can’t make it? Something about this struck me as odd but I’m wondering if it’s my carry-over feelings from the groom who told me I was lucky to be invited but wouldn’t be getting a plus one because he didn’t think my relationship counted as important or serious enough. (In case you’re wondering, I am not going but I’m just wondering if this is the new thing…
Another anonymous judge
Surely the request is just to make sure their physical address mailing list is up to date?
And also – groomzilla!
Preemie Mom
Sounds like there’s some other issues going on here, but setting those aside – asking you to say whether or not you will attend seven months in advance seems generally strange to me, with exceptions for certain circumstances, such as a smaller more intimate destination-type wedding where bride and groom are trying to book accommodations for guests, or if it was not a formal RSVP but rather something asking if you’d likely be able to make it, which bride and groom might want so they can get a general idea on numbers for planning purposes. But asking you to reply to an email save-the-date with your current mailing address is normal – most of my friends move every 1-2 years (or more), so keeping up with mailing addresses can be very tough.
Meg March
We’re sending out email save the dates this week, asking people to reply with mailing addresses, but like others have said, it’s more to get their addresses than to nail down their rsvp.
Groom sounds like a jerk.
Wildkitten
This is what I would do were I to marry.
Barbara
Do you really not have mailing addresses for ANY of your guests? I think asking everyone to reply with their address is ridiculous; this is your event. If there are guest you don’t have an address for, YOU should be taking the initiative to call on the phone or send a personal email and ask for it. It’s so lazy to send a blanket request for everyone and make them send it to you. This is like going to a shower where they make you self-address an envelope for your thank-you note. L-A-Z-Y.
anon
If you are just out of grad school, ABSOLUTELY will you get blanket requests. My husband and I went to separate grad school programs in separate cities and the majority of our guests had advanced degrees of one sort or another and therefore moved cities often (to go to good schools…) I find this really annoying.
You know who else moves a lot? residents and fellows! No doctors in training at your wedding either?
Anonymous
It’s an email reply. It will take the recipient 15 seconds to respond to. Obviously not everyone will. And then Meg can chase those people down individually if she doesn’t have their addresses. Good grief.
Anona
Maybe it’s a generational thing? I don’t keep a book of my friend’s addresses and nobody has a phone so it’s not like you can look them up in the yellow pages.
Barabara
No, it’s not generational, thanks. Reaching out individually to ask for information–through telephone, text message, or email, or whatever, is all I’m talking about. Not sending out a blast email assigning homework to your guests. Save the Dates used to be a courtesy to the *guests.* They should never require a response of any kind.
I’m sorry, but you are asking your guests to attend your wedding, with travel & apparel expenses, and you’ll be expecting 1 gift if not many for engagement parties, showers, and bachelorette parties. And you cannot be bothered to directly contact your guest through whatever method, and ask a question? My friends live all over the country too, but it’s MY job as host to inquire where I should send an invitation.
Just another way you’ve made your wedding a transaction rather than a HOSTED event.
Anonymous
I sincerely don’t understand how sending a personal email that says “Please reply with your address” is any more or less homework to guests than sending a group email that says “Please reply with your address.” Am I crazy?
Anonymous
Also, you would be my nightmare guest. Because if you’re already annoyed by the way the Save the Date requests a reply, you’re going to be offended/annoyed/turned off/hateful toward every single thing about my wedding. The food won’t be warm enough, the ushers won’t be courteous enough, the music will be too loud/too modern, the officiant won’t be traditional enough, my dress won’t be modest enough… whatever. So if replying with your address is SO hard, please RSVP no.
Anonymous
I actually do think this is generational issue. I don’t know any of my friend’s addresses offhand, even if I could navigate there. I don’t frankly even know phone numbers except my immediate family as they are simply stored in the phone. For people of my age group, getting mail is frankly a weird thing and I anticipate receive 1) things from amazon, 2) occasional post card, the friend will definitely ask for address each time they want to send and 3) wedding invites. For crying out loud, even my W-2s are via email pdf. It’s just not really a done thing. Email, a done thing. Soon, we’ll all get invites via text message, it will be efficient and have gifs, and anyone under 30 wont get bent out of shape.
Meg Murry
Yeah, honestly I don’t know some of my cousin’s current phone numbers, mailing addresses OR email addresses (other than an ancient hotmail account I’m pretty sure they aren’t checking anymore). I either have to send them a Facebook message or call or email their parents or siblings for the handful of times I’ve needed to contact them via mail.
And we are still getting a handful of Christmas cards for the people who lived in our house more than 5 years ago (despite sending back as “return to sender, no longer at this address” to the same person at least 3 years in a row) – so apparently there are a lot of people out there that think they know their friends and family’s mailing addresses but actually have them wrong.
eyeroll
Uh, what? I couldn’t give you the address of ANY of my friends or family members off the top of my head (except my parents). I could give you close family members after hounding my parents for their brothers’ and sisters’ and parents’ addresses. I could give you some of my friends’ addresses after digging through my google maps history or emails where they *may* have sent me their address. Or, fun guesswork/ stalking their apartment complexes and trying to remember unit numbers. What insanity.
Geeze, lady. People move. It is not “so lazy” to ask people to take literally 5 seconds to type their address in response to an email, v. the nightmare of hunting down everyone’s address and probably getting some wrong.
Blonde Lawyer
I love the idea of someone throwing a shower have an activity where envelopes are addressed. To me the tacky part is implying to the recipient of the shower that you expect a thank you. But, since thank yous are generally expected and a mom-to-be is likely exhausted and not wanting to write out a whole bunch of notes and tracking down addresses, having the envelopes already addressed rather than putting them on a list is genius to me. If I ever throw a baby shower for someone, I just might do this! Thanks for the tacky and lazy suggestion.
Carrots
I think my friend used it as a game at her wedding shower if I remember right. At the end of the shower, for one of the gift baskets some of the family made, they drew from the envelopes that people had filled out for the thank you cards.
Anonymous
I’d suggest here that “you do you” and let Barbara sit in a room cold-calling and addressing envelopes. :)
Barbara
Yes, I know. You’re asking someone to join you to witness your marriage, incurring whatever travel and apparel expenses that entails, and no doubt you’re also asking them to bring a gift to wedding and likely to the 7 pre-wedding engagement parties, showers, bachelorette parties, etc. But truly, it’s just too much work for you to make an individual inquiry about WHERE SOMEONE YOU KNOW LIVES.
ezt
Yeah, this makes no sense to me. I, and everyone else I know who’s in their 20s and 30s, move so often that even if I wanted to personally call everyone, I don’t have up-to-date phone numbers for most of my friends. I keep in touch with most of them over email and things like WhatsApp. I have sent out email blasts for addresses every year for the past few years, for one reason or another, and every year the majority of my friends update me with a brand new address. I’m guessing that it’s just a matter of very different friend circles/ lifestyles. If you and your friends move a lot (in this day and age, many of us in the typical marriage-age-group do), an email blast is the only way to go and no one would ever begrudge you for doing it. The only people I wouldn’t mass email would be relatives and parents’ friends, and those are the people who stay put and you probably have an address for anyway.
Asking for an RSVP with the save-the-date is unusual, though, I think.
anon
Good gracious. That’s what BCC is for, so the email looks like it may as well be addressed to *just you.*
People planning a wedding have enough “work” and expense to take on, so why add on an extra layer of difficulty that doesn’t need to be there. Are you really such a special snowflake that you need your *very own email* asking for your address? Can’t stand to be BCC’d on a thread? Get over yourself.
Anonymous
Well, my wedding was a celebration and we had no prior showers. I didn’t realize Barbara’s entire wedding and seven pre-wedding parties was just an excuse to have people buy her things. I guess if I had that attitude, calling people would be a pretty cheap way to earn so much free stuff. Thanks for the lesson!
Anonymous
Oh my. I am someone who loves writing personal letters and sending cards and who is generally concerned with etiquette and tradition, but even I do not have everyone’s addresses! Since 2010, I have moved 8 times (insanity but reality). How on earth could any of my friends be expected to keep up with me? I would never be offended that someone didn’t have my address.
Marion
If someone sent me mail I’d a) be unlikely to see it as I only check mail every 10 days or so, b) wonder why they didn’t email so I could reply whenever convenient and then go on with my day. Mail was used ‘back in the day’ because it was convenient, now we have more convenient methods. If I have to supplicate before my guests to have them attend my wedding I should really go all in and deliver each invite by hand using a horse drawn carriage, but I’d still have to email first to get the addresses.
Care
I don’t think it’s lazy and it can be a lot easier to have all of the responses with addresses in one email thread in your inbox instead of trying to keep track through multiple means. You are also less likely to have mistakes with this method. Even if you know the mailing addresses for some guests, if you are going to the effort to make it a cute/creative “save the date” type email, you may want everyone to feel included.
rosie
You can make a Google docs form thingie that looks pretty to collect addresses . You send your guests the link, they fill it in, and then it all goes into a spreadsheet for you. Highly recommend rather than having everyone email/text/whatever their address to you.
Terry
Oo.. Careful. A friend did this and then a lot of folks thought her email had been hacked.
rosie
You include it on the save the date email, or put in some kind of friendly, coherent message. Not sure why people would think it wasn’t an intentional email. We had no problems with it.
anon0321
I tried the google doc thing for my wedding and it somehow confused EVERYONE over the age of 40 (and many of our peers as well). Even our totally computer literate parents. There are lots of cool websites that specialize in this- yes you probably have to pay, but I think it might me more user friendly to guests.
I love the friends that do email wedding invites- so easy to respond to, more environmentally friendly, less sentimental mail I have to feel guilty about throwing away later.
I am the friend that keeps everyone’s current addresses because I like sending surprise cards & gifts and postcards now & again (I’m actually about to send some galantine’s cards!). Everyone emails me for the updates… I would never be upset to be asked for my most up to date address.
DisenchantedinDC
I got an email save-the-date and then a separate, BCC email later asking for my address. We’re in a city where lots of people move frequently – I don’t think this was a faux pas or anything? I had moved since I’d last seen the bride so I appreciated her checking in!
Gail the Goldfish
I’ve gotten an emailed save the date asking for addresses, but not an RSVP. I don’t find anything weird about asking for addresses in the save the date. Our friend group includes people who move a lot or are at the age where they recently moved (lots of medical students/residents, and we’re at the age where the non medical people have started moving from their post-college/law school city elsewhere), so this just makes sense to me.
Anonymous
Oh boy. I’m the poster from a few weeks back planning a gay wedding and having a tough time anticipating how many of our family invitees would actually want to come (hard to pick the right size venue when you don’t know if you’re looking at a 50-person wedding or a 200-person wedding!). One suggestion was that we include an RSVP option on the save-the-date. Now I’m rethinking.
Blonde Lawyer
What if you word it in a positive way instead of focusing on the “are you gay-friendly” part. You could say something like “I know a lot of you will have to travel long distances to be here and we completely understand if you can’t make it. We can’t pick our venue though until we have a rough idea of how many people might be coming. If you know for a fact you can’t make it, please let me know now. If you are on the fence, no need to decide now.”
anon0321
We had a similar situation- much of our family lives very, very far away and it was just so hard to plan anything without knowing a ball park range of how many people might be interested in coming. I split the baby- I did not send out Save the Dates, but I did send out our invites 5 months early & asked people to respond by the 4 month out mark if they at all could (a couple of people w/ totally understandable issues like pregnancies or potential other things we let tell us later on if they were coming, but it definitely parsed down the outcomes). If you are traveling, you likely know if you are going that far out anyway. We also picked a place that could easily accommodate any amount of people from 50-250 (it was held at a historical house on a large plot of land owned by the city).
Meg Murry
I suspect this isn’t a hard and fast yes or no RSVP, just more of a “if you already know for a fact that you’ll be taking a vacation during that week in July or that you otherwise won’t be able to come you can go ahead and tell us now, otherwise we’ll send you a real invite closer to the wedding for the regular RSVP”
Kitty
Oh I like that idea. Saves paper but you would think people would still want the gifts. Or some people wouldn’t. Interesting.
Petite workout wear (esp. tops)
I generally wear petite jackets to get the waist placement right for my torso. Now that workout clothes are very body-con, I am finding that gym attire is cut so that the narrowest part hits my tummy and not my waist and the boob area is closer to my waist so it bags around my ribs (and highlights how flat-chested I am, esp. in a sports bra) — not a flattering look! Does any workout brand come in petite sizes or just run short? I’m 5-4 and wear normal-length bottoms, but I am very sick of not having any cute tops.
Alternatively, are there any kids/teen activewear lines out there? I can wear the largest kids size and they tend to be OK (but sometimes too girly for a grownup). I hate to do this, but it might also be worth a try.
Runner 5
Gap just launched their Gapfit range in kids’ sizes – might be worth a try
AnonMidwest
I believe I just read that Athleta is coming out with a girls line. More tween than little kids. I don’t have details, but keep your eyes open.
Anonymous
Try ivivva, lululemon’s kids’ line. It is somewhat less expensive than the adult line, and they have a lot of cute tops that are not too girly. Gracie by Soybu and Zella Girl at Nordstrom are also possibilities, but Zella Girl has had a very limited selection lately.
Athleta has a few basic styles in petite sizes.
ORD
Talbots has petite jackets/hoodies, and I just got one and it fits well (I’m 5’2″). Their shirts don’t look like performance wear, though, just regular t-shirts.
Anonymous
I believe Athleta has petites. I would try a teen workout line, like Aerie (the workout clothing I bought from there was so short, even in “Long”) and maybe Victoria’s Secret. Also, you could look into dancewear lines.
ITDS
Old Navy has petite activewear. I feel you on the waistband issue. ON has “high rise” leggings that are great – they come up high and don’t dig in anywhere for a nice smooth look.
Anonymous
Woooo, FRIDAY! Name something good that happened this week, and something good you hope happens next week!
1) As of this past week, I’ve officially lost 50 lbs!
2) Next week is my assistant’s birthday- she’s the best, so I hope she likes the cake I ordered her
Wildkitten
I had a job interview this week and I hope next week I get a new job!
lslsls
Love positive threads!
I have a few:
1) I saw my favorite ballet last night by my favorite company
2) Scored a dress on a steep discount that I had been eyeing for weeks.
3) Got a great haircut!
1) Next week, I’ll be done with a huge, taxing project at work that I’ve dealt with since September!
lucy stone
Got our MaterniT21 results back and found out we’re having a little girl!
JJ
Congrats!
anon0321
Congrats! My good thing is little girl related too.. our newborn reached for & grabbed a toy for the first time too. She makes my heart sing. :)
CountC
I needed this.
(1) I had an awesome last lesson on my awesome horse before my trainer goes to Florida for a month and a half.
(2) My new to me saddle that had to get refitted came back and I love it so much.
(3) I leaned on a good girlfriend of mine for support and she has been amazing.
(4) I ran a conference call with someone who generally could have thrown their weight around LIKE A BOSS.
(5) I signed up for my next trail half and training race.
Next week:
(1) I am sending #3 friend above flowers for her birthday.
(2) I start seriously training for my races (winter slack-off currently in full effect).
(3) I make knock off Chipotle sofritos for lunches next week!
lsw
I want your recipe – I love their sofritos!!
CountC
There are two I use and adjust to taste. The website that hosts them is highly annoying and has popups, so I apologize for that. You have to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page for the actual recipe (annoying).
http://www.chefdehome.com/Recipes/270/chipotle-sofritas
http://www.chefdehome.com/Recipes/429/chipotle-sofritas-chipotle-mexican-grill-s-braised-sofritas-copycat
lsw
Thanks!
anon
I’m pretty sure I’m getting engaged this weekend!
Wildkitten
Congrats!
nutella
Hahah, awesome! Congrats! What makes you think so?
anon
Thanks! I am going to feel so silly if I’m wrong now, which is why I’m posting anon, but I have to share with someone. I knew he was ordering the ring (but not the exact timing) and now all of a sudden he’s *very* interested in what time I’ll be home, even though we don’t have plans. Plus, my guy is just not Mr. Poker Face, I can always tell if something’s up, so it’s a strong evidence-based feeling?
Meg March
Ha! I knew ahead of time too, since we ordered the ring together and then my not-a-planner guy was like, hey, want to do this activity on the Tuesday three weeks from now?
Edna Mazur
I love this thread! Congrats on the 50 lbs.
1. I ordered some new underpants and am ridiculously excited. Mine current ones are mostly ill-fitting, holey, and incredibly old. Feels luxurious without breaking the bank.
2. My oldest is turning two. We are going to the local zoo, weather permitting, and I LOVE the zoo.
Mary Ann Singleton
And now I’m laughing at the image of Edna Mazur’s underpants. Love that character.
Edna Mazur
I think the real Edna Mazur would rock way cooler underpants than me :)
emeralds
This week:
1) I got a snow day! I used it to clean my apartment so I have come home to a sparkling-clean home (except for the pet hair…) every workday this week.
2) My boyfriend and I talked about Our Future, and I continue to feel good about things.
Next week:
1) I get to be done with a big work event.
2) I’m having brunch with a good friend from grad school who I haven’t seen in way too long.
Senior Attorney
Great idea, and congratulations on the 50 pounds! That’s huge!
This week:
1. I received a really lovely compliment about the way I run my office from a member of the public. Don’t want to be too specific but he complimented me on the very thing I’ve been working on so it was extra meaningful.
2. If all goes well tomorrow, I’ll have been to the gym five times this week. Feels great to be back in the groove.
3. I love my outfit today.
Next week:
1. I hope to get my W-2 and do my taxes and come up with a big refund.
2. Gentleman Friend and I will finish the planning for our upcoming trip to New Orleans and environs (*waving at NOLA*).
trefoil
This is awesome.
This week:
1) Got our marriage license. We’re eloping February 29! (So far, we’ve only told our witnesses and booked an officiant).
2) Hosted an impromptu dinner party (well, +2) with delicious homemade falafels
3) It’s above freezing, and I haven’t fallen down on the ice yet.
Next week:
1) Three day trial is prepped and while I hope it resolves, I’m good to go.
2) We’re going shopping for antique/pawnshop rings this weekend.
Wildkitten
That is such a fun wedding date!
CountC
Falafel recipe please!
trefoil
Noooo I just typed it all in and then accidentally refreshed the page before I could post. Let’s try this again:
In the bowl of a food processor, pulse the following together until mixed and minced but not paste:
1 can chickpeas
1/2 bunch of cilantro
3-4 green onions, chopped
2-3 cloves of garlic, chopped
1/2 tsp cumin, or more to taste
1/4 tsp sumac (optional)
2 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp tahini
1/4 c breadcrumbs
1 egg or substitute (I use 1 tbsp ground flaxseed mixed with 3 tbsp warm water)
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 bunch of cilantro
salt or soy sauce to taste
a few grinds of black pepper
a few dashes of hot sauce or cayenne pepper
Shape into balls, bake at 350 until brown and crispy, 18-24 min. Add other spices and herbs to your taste. I usually make them into patties and flip them halfway through to ensure even browning. This time I used a one inch cookie scoop, froze the falafel balls before baking, and baked from frozen for about 20-25 minutes. I didn’t flip them, but halfway through I sprayed them lightly with olive oil and they got extra-crispy.
nutella
I applied for some new jobs and heard through the grapevine that one of the higher-ups at one was so “floored” by my cover letter that he walked it down the hall himself to his colleagues to take notice of me. Felt so validating.
Anonymous
Please share secrets for an excellent cover letter. I hate cover letters.
Anonymous
That is so awesome. Any cover letter tips for someone soon-to-be back on the job market?
Other Anonymous
Yes, please share your cover letter secrets/tips!
Anonymous
1) started doing my taxes and found out that we are getting a small refund! We had been expecting to pay through the nose this year so this was a welcome surprise.
2) while i got laid off last week (boo), i have a few consulting offers that look really promising, which is all i want to be doing for the next few months anyway!
3) I got a great haircut yesterday
anonomom
This week: Leaving work early today, flying to visit daughter for the weekend.
Next week: Hope to hear that my son got accepted to medical school.
Anonymous
My fingers are crossed for your son!
rices
Just wanted to say that I’ve had a less than stellar week and this thread is making me so happy for all of you! It makes me feel good to hear about everyone’s wins (big and small). You all sound like awesome people.
Anonymous
Wow – congratulations on your weight loss, and h.b. to your assistant!
layered bob
my husband just accepted his dream job in a new industry after three years of taking classes at night while working more than full-time. I am so, so proud of him, and I want to do something special for his first day of work, but I’m not sure what. Flowers to his office don’t seem quite right… do they? We already went out to dinner to celebrate the night he got the offer. Any ideas?
LAnon
I would not do flowers to the office on the first day of work.
Maybe his favorite home-cooked meal for dinner that night? A nice leather bound notebook or high end pen as a present before he leaves in the morning? A card slipped in his briefcase for him to find at work with a sweet note about how proud you are of him?
Care
I’d do one of these – maybe include his favorite candy bar/treat with the card? If you don’t want him to pull it out at work, you could also put it in his car on the dashboard. I love when DH leaves me presents on my dashboard.
Or wine/champagne as soon as he gets home? With glasses out and time to devote to hearing about his day while you drink it?
Wildkitten
Leather bound notebook in the morning and bottle of whiskey at night!
Anonymous
maybe not first day of work, but I sent DH to work with a bag of snacks/treats to keep at his desk because those first few weeks are a firehose of crazy and nobody has time to eat. If he has a long commute, you could do car snacks/ nice commuter mug/ audio book.
I really like the notebook idea but with my DH he already has a stockpile (he’s picky).
Compliance Jobs?
I’ve been in biglaw for five years, and I really want out. I’ve been applying for government jobs with no luck. I want to branch out in my job search, but don’t know where to start.
I do litigation, so unfortunately don’t feel like I have many skills to transition to in-house. I’m looking for something with less stress and more reliable hours. I’ve recently been thinking about compliance work – I really think I could enjoy it and hope it would have more 9-5 hours. Without a background in regulatory law, do I have a chance? How do I find compliance opening?
ade
I was in the same position — but there are definitely opportunities for litigators in house if you are persistent. Litigation/Compliance/Risk could all be great areas for you. Depending on where you live, i would look towards bigger companies and search job listings for those keywords.
Anonymous
Too bad you can’t just switch jobs with anon at 10:03!
Anon
I’m the 10:03 Anon. Seriously – let’s switch. Where do you live??
Litigators can definitely get into compliance. Are you in a city with large investment banks, by chance? Bc that’s the place to start. Much easier there than other areas of compliance where they look for specializations that biglaw associates tend not to have (healthcare; defense contracting etc.)
Compliance Jobs?
I would be up for switching. Your job sounds perfect for what I’m looking for!
I’m in DC, so I don’t know of any investment backs/financial institutions HQ here. Lots of defense contractors, but I know nothing about that world. Thinks have lightened up a little at work, so I plan to spend time this weekend searching. I’ll focus on figuring out what the big companies likely to have compliance departments in the area are.
S
Have you been applying at all levels of government? State or local government may have more opportunities than federal.
Compliance Jobs?
Good point. I’m in DC, so have been focused on federal government. I should check what the DC government has
Anonymous
Are you in dc? Just saw a good looking one with the fed gov for the tsp
Anonymous
I’m hiring a compliance manager right now, but it’s very low 6 figures at best. This is an in-house role for a healthcare tech company. Doubt it’s a fit but on the off chance…
nutella
What city? I’d be interested!
Pretty Primadonna
Ditto…
bailey270
Have you done any securities litigation or bank or broker-dealer litigation. If so, consider checking FINRA for positions, which could also be a stepping stone into compliance.
Weddiquette?
I’m traveling to a wedding next week (so excited!) with a friend who is in the bridal party because we wanted to make our arrangements together, so I get in a “day before” most attendees. I was going to use the time to see friends in the area, but the bride has invited me to several pre-wedding events. I don’t want to impose by attending, but I’d also say seeing her and participating in her wedding is my priority over getting lunch with a local friend since I am traveling for her event. It’s okay to accept these invitations, right? (I am not in the bridal party and do not think I was close, but was invited to the bachelorette/helped host the local shower/etc)
Secondly, one of the events is the mehndi party her sisters are throwing for her. The invite said no gifts – any advice/need to knows here? All I’ve seen online is wear fun clothes and that the focus will be on spoiling the bride while her henna dries.
Thirdly, she asked if I’d like to join for manicures/pedicures. I said yes, but should I expect to chip in for hers? I don’t mind at all, just wondering what the etiquette is here as well or if this is a “wedding expense” she’s already accounted for?
Wildkitten
If she invites you to the events, you are invited. If she said no gifts, no gifts. If you go for mani-pedis be prepared to pay for your own, but not for hers. Enjoy!
nutella
+1 to all. wear pants or shorts for henna. you will be sitting on the floor a lot.
Care
1) If you went to the bachelorette and helped with a shower, you are close enough friends to go to the other pre-wedding events. I invited many of my friends who weren’t bridesmaids to these events because I knew they were traveling for the wedding and wanted to get a chance to see them other than the wedding.
2) No advice on the mehndi party, but maybe could you reach out to her sisters for more info?
3) Join and offer to pay for yourself, but I wouldn’t think that anyone will be chipping in for her manicure. She’s probably accounted for it (and maybe accounted for bridesmaids too).
terrible boss stories
I was just thinking today of my “favorite” story of my worst boss ever. In every one on one, she would ask if I needed support with anything, and when I said no, she said, “Any time you need support, just let me know.” This happened so many times that once, when I didn’t really need help, I figured I’d ask for some anyway, since she seemed to really want me to. So I presented a situation that I was addressing and asked her perspective. Then she immediately went into this tirade about how if I wasn’t able to complete work on my own, then maybe she would need to consider getting me some training, and that she was concerned I was asking for someone else’s perspective instead of just dealing with it myself. I actually laughed out loud when I got back to my desk. It was such a crazy bait and switch.
I’ve got a million of ’em from this woman. Anyone else have crazy (anonymous) boss stories? Hopefully from the past and not your present!
so so so anon
The president of the organization I worked for before my current job said I wasn’t the best fit for my then-position, but that I would be great as “the person who answers when people call in and can connect them with the right people to get them the information they need,” known in most circles as the receptionist. I was not the best fit for the position I had then, and didn’t have the experience or qualifications he wanted (but he hadn’t been with the org when I was hired, so, not my fault); would never turn down a job as a receptionist if that’s what I needed to do to pay the bills; and have so much respect for the front-line people that ensure that everyone who calls or walks in has a pleasant experience.
However. My then-position required a minimum of a Master’s degree when I was hired, which I have. I had turned down two competitive offers for exactly the job I wanted in the last week, because I was holding out for exactly the job I wanted, in exactly the location I wanted, with exactly the work/life balance I wanted, and exactly the pay that I was looking for. I received that offer two days after my conversation with the president, and nothing in my life has given me greater joy than sending him my resignation letter the next week. I did not thank him for the opportunity to continue on as the receptionist.
Idea
Reminds me of Sandra Day O’Connor. Good for you!
And yes – cheers to receptionists – I also have a masters degree and a dream job I invented, but that front-line job is HARD. Transfering phone calls is NOT my strong suit :)
Gov't Hell
Oh man, yes, I have lots of these.
Let’s start with the female DGC who put me on three-month probation for a spelling error in an internal email (I could point to several of these in her emails and documents, but nevertheless), after I had excellent reviews from everyone else I worked with in the department and the business unit I worked directly with. This was also the boss who would be completely miffed if you didn’t eat lunch with her and her golden child attorney in the agency cafeteria in order to talk $hit about everyone and make fun of people. She also routinely talked about the other attorneys in the department and how stupid and useless they were (not to mention the discussions about the non-legal folks in the business units we worked with). She of course was supported in all of this by the GC who was the supreme bully who would openly make fun of attorneys in staff meetings, who (following the email misspelling) told me I was lucky he was letting me keep my job after I stood up for myself in a one-on-one (I was getting contracts signed too efficiently apparently – it was horrible that I alleviated the procurement backlog that was three months behind).
In a bizarre twist, the female DGC cried CRIED! when I told her I was quitting. The hell lady!
There was an attorney in this department who threw up before work every day and had to be on medication because of anxiety because of these folks. He had three years to retirement and couldn’t get another job with the state during the time I was there. I found out they pushed him out early. Three of us were in therapy because of the blow to our self-worth.
terrible boss stories
Oh yes, that reminds me of another one from the same boss. She had a habit of “correcting” grammatical things that WEREN’T WRONG on things like my self-evaluation. I have a master’s degree in English and have worked as a copy editor. It was so painful.
Anon
One of my most memorable bosses was a guy with a couple of nervous habits that were just bizarre. One was lack of eye contact, which meant his eyes always appeared to be staring at my chest. I watched and saw that he did this to men too, so it wasn’t a per vy thing, just uncomfortable.
The other habit was making a fist and pounding his upper thigh rhythmically. If you don’t know what this looks like, try it yourself. Now imagine your male boss staring at your chest and doing that.
I know all this sounds like he was Aspergers-y but he wasn’t. He was just really odd in some other way that probably doesn’t have a name.
He was also oddly competitive for credit with senior management vs his direct reports, which is just childish.
Can't Make This Up
My old boss cried, wished me well and said she totally understood why I was doing what I was when I resigned, but then called my back into her office one hour later with her boss and yelled at me for a LONG time about my “lack of integrity” by resigning and giving * only * two weeks notice. Then during week one of said two-week notice called me into her office and repeatedly berated and threatened me for not finishing long-term assignments (that wouldn’t have been done for months anyway) before my last day.
Many more elaborate details and terrible stories preceded said resignation, but that was a nice punctuation on my 18 month tenure at that terrible job with that terrible woman.
Anonymous
My last boss gossiped about every. single. person in the office, including me, to every other person in the office. Her fave topic was speculation about whether so-and-so was pregnant. When I announced my own pregnancy, she informed me that she’d already known I was pregnant, based on how “puffy” I looked. During my pregnancy she constantly commented on my body, including how it was “just really odd” that I would wear a belt “when I was losing my waist.” She mentioned this observation to all my coworkers, separately, as well. She needed to know every detail of everyone’s personal lives and medical histories in order to approve leave requests. When I developed late-pregnancy complications, she made me take sick leave to go to doctor’s appointments, even though I always worked late and from home to make up the time.
She was THE WORST. I never realized, before her, how one person at work can poison not only your work life but your whole life. Every so often, when I’m stressed out at my new, awesome, challenging job, I think of her and am immediately calmed and cheered by the fact that she is no longer in my life. I saw her once after I quit that job and I actually literally felt the sensation of things crawling on my skin.
waffles
For my first job out of undergrad, I applied for the job under my maiden name but was married shortly after graduation and before starting. On my first day, my new boss told me he never would have hired me if I had “that” name (an ethnic and difficult to spell last name) when I applied.
He’s also the same guy that told me I would never get promoted because I was just going to get pregnant and quit anyways. Two part-time master’s degrees later, I finally did quit. For a MUCH better job.
Anon again
I had a boss give me a copy of Lean In the day before I started maternity leave
Bensonrabble
I have been following this group for a few months and have always appreciated the level of discussion and experience of the hive. Now I am hoping for a little advice.
I’m 4 years out of undergrad in international politics and have been working in a program coordinator role for an economic development org. I’m moderately unhappy due to boss’ management style and salary. I have a lot of responsibility (more like a program manager) and have learned a lot however I would like to move to global development/women’s rights field. I have the chance to move to global dev NGO but as exec assistant to COO and two other members of board. I think the position might be more calendaring, inbox management, and travel scheduling. But it’s a foot in the door? I don’t know if it makes sense to move down in skill set even if there is a slight increase in salary and I would be in the field I am more interested in. Maybe I should hang where I am until grad school in two years? Thanks for any advice from anyone who has done something similar. And Happy Friday!
Idea
you NEED to talk to people at that org. People that are your age/experience level up to + 5years. They will be able to tell you if it’s a foot-in-the-door kind of org or if people get a position and a role description and stick with it.
When I worked at a nonprofit, I found very little movement in the middle – the top people stayed, the bottom kids rotated in and out to grad school, the middle was stuck. (this was after the masters’ degree, so YMMV….)
Find out why the person who had the job left — did she retire to Florida with her grandkids (i.e. she stayed in that position for a long time?) Did she go to grad school (i.e. she was young and could not have moved up or on in that position) or is she still at the organization, in a cool new position that she designed? Or something in between?
anonymous
I am outwardly a very calm and collected person. Starting when I was very young through the present, people have told me that I’m very hard to read, and throughout my life people have assumed that I don’t have feelings, nothing can bother me, etc. It’s currently the office joke that I’m an emotionless robot. People close to me have also thought this until they got to know me very well (including my husband for the first 3 or 4 years of our relationship). Obviously I’ve worked on making sure my loved ones know I care, but is this generally a problem otherwise? I’m also known for handling delicate situations well at work, so it’s not like I lack people skills. Is this a bad quality that I need to fix, or at least fix the perception?
bridget
“I don’t let my emotions hang out, especially at work, but I have them. Being called a robot hurts. I would hurt for someone else if the same were said about them. And if you were really as emotionally deep as you say you are, you wouldn’t make stupid, hurtful comments like that.”
As for your personal life: it’s a problem if it causes problems.
Anonymous
Well don’t say this- youll sound insane. Just laugh it off a bit. You seem to have a pretty good idea of yourself- so if you don’t think it’s a problem I wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe make a little more effort to be involved in water cooler talk
anonymous
Oh I do laugh it off. I’m not sure it hurts so much as I just think it’s wrong. I actually think I’m probably a more emotional person than most, so it sounds silly to me. But apparently nothing ever shows ever. I’m more concerned that it’ll hurt me career wise or in making friends or something if it seems like I have no feelings
Anonymous
If I had to take a wild guess (and I definitely am! There is a big possibility that this is not the case), it may be that people think you don’t like them and aren’t friendly and don’t joke around or act unreceptive to their jokes. You can gradually try to develop some stronger camaraderie with your coworkers – I really do think that matters in developing a strong network. People want to help out and work with people who they think like them. Whether or not it matters depends on your current relationships though, which I can’t really comment on. If you find it hard to socialize with them then I would say yes, you should work on it. If they’re teasing you, it could maybe be a sign of affection – or, it could be kind of mean queen bee behavior. If you’re fantastic at your job, it could be a sign of admiration. It’s hard to say. It might help to talk to a therapist and get their perspective on it if it’s something that bothers you that you would like to fix I would think the best approach is to try to socialize more and brush it off vs saying something about it hurting your feelings.
anonymous
Maybe. It’s hard for me to understand because I laugh at all their jokes and play into it. I don’t think it’s mean, but I do think that it sometimes veers into not totally appropriate/nice. It really doesn’t hurt my feelings, I’m just wondering if it’s something I should work on changing. You’ve given me something to think about. I joke along with them at my expense (about that and other things), but I don’t poke fun at others just because it’s not always clear where I might be hurting someone’s feelings, and we have a lot of that going around in this office- it’s a very joking around and teasing each other kind of culture that some people really don’t like and are defensive about so I don’t want to play into that.
It wouldn’t surprise me if people felt like I’m indifferent toward them though. I’ve heard that before from people I know well. How do you show you like someone? I generally do like people!
ClassPass?
Any ClassPass users out there? I signed up for a two-week trial, and I’m liking it so far. I really enjoy checking out different gyms and taking some hardcore classes, especially during winter months when working out outdoors isn’t really an option.
Pros:
*Variety, variety, variety
*Ability to work out all over the city
*High quality of gyms and instructors
*Classes at all times of day
Cons:
*Cost. It’s kind of pricey.
*You can only work out at any one gym three times in a month.
*You’re charged if you don’t show up for a class you signed up for (what!?).
*Many of the boutique gyms don’t have locks, just cubbies. Annoying.
*And many of them have just 1-2 toilets and no showers.
Overall, I’m a fan. Curious to hear what others’ experiences have been.
Anonymous
Love Classpass! I moved and I dropped it because my new city doesn’t have the variety the old one did, but if you live somewhere like New York there are so many options. Also, I think the issue with them charging you if you don’t show up is reasonable. There is a cancellation window where you aren’t charged, usually 24 hours before. I have actually had them cancel the one charge where I didn’t show up due to an emergency, so they do a courtesy one or two.
student loan venting
I ended my IBR program when I started a biglaw job after clerking. Back when my loan servicer originally notified me that my IBR would be ending, they sent me a letter stating that after February my loan payments would go up to a certain amount on a 10-year plan–let’s say $2500. In the interim, I’ve paid off the ~$10,000 interest that had accrued during the clerkship year while I was on IBR, and paid another ~$10,000 of principle. so the total balance is $20,000 less. but I was just notified that as of next month my payments are increasing to a *higher* amount than they warned me about in october, by several hundred dollars, on a plan that comes to 10 years from the date I went into repayment rather than 10 years from now. It doesn’t actually matter, because i can afford it, and I’ve been paying more than either minimum every month anyway. But I feel like i was tricked, and given the wrong information, if not lied to. I also wonder whether I am being penalized for paying off all the interest, rather than letting it capitalize. I called to ask about the discrepancy and the customer service rep could only tell me that it was “recalculated” according to “changes to my account” and tried to tell me that it was in my best interests to get back on IBR because at the end of 25 years the balance would be forgiven. I sent them a letter and they sent me a response just referring me back to their website or telling me to call if I have additional questions.
It is so unfair and ridiculous, and I hate that there is no one who can explain or help me. I just don’t understand how my monthly payment can be $500 more than it was calculated to be in october, when I owe $20,000 less than I did at that time. ugh
Sydney Bristow
As far as I know, you can stay on IBR even after your income increases above the threshold. Your payments would max out at the top rate of the 10-year repayment plan. I might try to stay on it just in case.
But yes, student loan servicers are stupid. Literally stupid. Nobody can ever answer my questions and it takes multiple times for them to fix a problem they cause even though I’ve explained it to them over and over as clearly as possible. I hate them.
Wildkitten
I am confused too! I’d call back and talk to someone else and see if they can figure it out.
Anon
(i) confirm that they put your extra payments towards principal, and (ii) it sounds like they just got the data wrong initially and have fixed it to have you back on the standard 10 year plan (which wouldn’t re-set from now), so the payments jumped because you have fewer payments left to make.
Consumer protection
Complain to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau! They’ll take your complaint seriously and use it to help others: http://www.cfpb.gov/complaint
Wildkitten
I want to buy some strecthy/skinny jeans from Amazon, but I need a longer inseam and NYDJ is a 31″ inseam (I’d like a 34 inch inseam, at least). Any suggestions? Dark wash, denim.
SA
Has anyone used a party planner for a milestone birthday? Husband and I are turning 40 this year. We have a favorite band that we want to play at our house and really want to hire bartenders (ease,insurance and make sure our guests aren’t overserved) I got a quote but I don’t feel like there is anything the planner came up with or is offering that I can’t do easily. She also blew off our appointment at my house to see the space and did it over the phone a week later. I used her because someone I know kept name dropping her but then when I said I had an appointment she said “I don’t think she’s worth what she charges” and told me about her being a no show at an event she was expected at. I don’t know any other event planners. Any advice?
Anon
Whatever you do, don’t hire this particular party planner!
I ended up being the de-facto day of party coordinator for my sister’s wedding reception because the party planner was late, unprepared and overwhelmed. All these signs were present when my sister hired the party planner (she was a no show for one appointment and was late for another ) but the venue required a planner so my sister hired her.
I hear the reception was nice. I wouldn’t know. I was in the kitchen.
If you are an organized and bossy person (and I mean bossy in a good way, I am certainly bossy) then you probably don’t need a planner.
SA
I was hoping they would take our party from being a regular “keg on the deck” to something fun. Her idea is to have a fiesta theme. This is not an original idea to me. I wanted her there for the set up so I could get dressed pretty and not be stressed/working/hostessing and could just hang out with our friends but it just doesn’t justify the costs. And you’re right, she was even late to our phone call a week later and didn’t have her notes from our previous phone call.
mascot
Could a caterer take care of “theme” through the menu, deal with plates/glassware/linens, and the bartender? Band should be able to tell you what they need power-wise, space-wise and set-up. Also, someone needs to check if there is a local noise ordinance/permit. Band should know a little about that. Have a good friend come over early and run point to get everyone in place.
SA
They probably could. I think I would like a better theme than “Fiesta” and I was thinking that calling in a professional might be the right route for that. I do have friends who would do it, but I was thinking I’d like to upgrade from our usual…