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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 93 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Ruffle Wrap

Coffee Break |

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Nordstrom Ruffle Wrap | CorporetteA wool wrap is great for weather like this where you're not quite sure how many layers you're going to need — especially if you're going out in the evening when temperatures may dip drastically. I like the ruffle on this one and the fact that it's 100% wool — it's going to be much more substantial than a poly blend like the ones you buy on the street. It's available in black, gray, and a dark and light beige, all for $98. Nordstrom Ruffle Wrap P.S. We've just installed a plugin that will allegedly fix the “posting too quickly” problem. Please let us know how it goes (or if you notice any new problems crop up). Thank you for your patience!

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Comments

  1. Wildkitten

    Okay I need a travel bag that is professional. I am thinking Lo & Sons TT. Can I mix a coupon with the current sale? Should I wait for another sale? Should I get a different bag? Buying purses online is really stressful since I can’t hold them and smell them and fall in love…

    • Wildkitten

      I’d like to spend under $300 and need it to have a zip top. It’ll be a carry on for airplanes and then I want to lug my stuff at conference and presentations where I can chat with people and network. And I need black or grey to match my things.

      • A Nonny Moose

        How much stuff do you need to hold? I love the look of Everlane’s Twill Totes (some zip others snap) and it’s way cheaper than the TT but I think is narrower.

      • BB

        If you really want a travel bag, the L&S is a really good choice and I would rank it way above any normal totes because of all the organization options it has. I would pull my hair out if I had to travel with a “one big open space” tote where I had to dig for wallet/keys/phone/business cards every time I need these. (I have a Brookline, and I even have a pocket where I specifically keep a bar of good chocolate for plane trips, and I can reach for it at my feet without looking :))

        A well-designed, organized tote is a godsend for airplanes. Not sure about price, but Briggs and Riley is another company that tends to have things that are well designed for travel.

      • A Clark

        I was just gifted the OMG and I have to say, I wasn’t sold on it at first (I carry gym/food separately from my work stuff in work purses), BUT I saw it at a conference and it was perfect for that use, and I can see how it is indeed great for travel, etc.

  2. Upgrade to Business Formal?

    I am moving from a business casual office to an office that is business formal 5 days a week. My current wardrobe is primarily pencil skirts and various blouses, sweaters, shells and cardigans; I also have a couple dresses that could be dressed up with a blazer. I do have a handful of suits that I wear when I need to go to court or client meetings, but definitely not enough for a business formal office.

    If you had $2000 to spend on upgrading to a business formal wardrobe, what would you spend it on? I’m pretty good with shoes and accessories, so I figure I need some more suits, and possibly blazers that I can wear with my current dresses and more textured skirts (think Double Serge No. 2 pencil skirts from J. Crew). Any suggestions would be really really appreciated!

    • Wildkitten

      Suits. Matching suits and suit dresses. Do you know if blazers with a dress is formal enough for this office? I’d not invest in blazers until you know for sure – so you don’t end up with a closet of blazers and everyone wears suits 5 days a week.

      • OP

        That was going to be my follow-up question, actually – whether you can actually do the mismatching-blazer-with-dress combo in business formal. I was thinking I’d hold off and see what the women are wearing before going that route, but I’m crossing my fingers that I can do it. I have too many great dresses and skirts that will be basically useless if I can’t find some sort of jacket to wear with them.

        I have seen many women actually in court in my city wearing the mismatched jacket/dress combo, so I’m thinking it might be okay, but I’m just not sure.

        • Diana Barry

          Yup, I would wait. I have seen both kinds of offices (blazer OK vs. only full suits are OK) so maybe get 2 suits for now (with 3 pieces each) and then wait until you’re through the first week to shop again?

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          In my personal experience, this has been really, really office-dependent. I was working in a business formal office where anything other than a full suit would get you a side-eye until recently; now I’m working in a new place where stated dress code is “business formal” but the blazer + coordinating dress/pants/skirt is widespread and quite acceptable. If I were you, I would wait a week or two before fully investing in a new wardrobe so you can get a feel for which end of the “business formal” spectrum the office falls on before investing significantly in a new wardrobe. (If you’re worried about not having enough to get through a week or two before shopping, maybe just buy one or two new suits at first.)

        • SuziStockbroker

          I second buying 2 suits, each with 3 or more pieces.

          If at least one of the suits has a jacket that can work over a dress, or with a blouse and skirt you already own, even better.

          That will get you through the first week or so, and then you can add from there.

          I have a Judith & Charles black suit jacket that I wear so much I actually bought a second one. I have the matching pants, and sheath dress, so wear those as two different “suits” but also wear the jacket with other dresses and I don’t want it to wear more quickly than the other items.

          • OP

            Um, HELLO Judith & Charles!! These clothes are amazing! The dresses, the dresses!

            So, I see it’s Canadian – is there anything tricky with sizes?

          • SuziStockbroker

            Cdn sizes are the same but Judith & Charles don’t do vanity sizing. I am a 2-4 with most retailers and usually a 6 at Judith & Charles.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Coffee Break! I love this ruffel wrap, but not for the office. Mabye on weekend’s, Kat, if I can find a decent guy to take me out on a date! FOOEY b/c the one’s I see are looser’s!

      As for the OP, you should pick mabye 2 designer’s at Nordstrom’s or Macy’s and get their clotheing line. I would start with Calvin Klien b/c his stuff is alway’s timless. Even my mom love’s Calvin Klien and she has a much wider look then me. The next thing you should negoteate is a clotheing allowance with your manageing partner, telling him you just cannot wear pencil skirt’s like you have in the past and would he give you 50% clotheing allowances, like I get. You can tell him it is becomeing industry standard for this to be an extra work benefit b/c it is deduceatible to the firm, so he should NOT mind. Good luck with it.

      Mason made a fool of himself again in court so the judge told him to sit down and made me take over. As usueal, he told me to stand sideway’s as I argued all 6 motions (Mason did the first–and LOST), but I won all 6 motion’s. Mason says the onley reason I win is because the judge like’s me and he gets full control over me when he is on the bench. Mabye he is right but who care’s? I won 6 motion’s and my onley problem is explaining to Roberta why we lost #7 (with Mason). Should I tell her that Mason argued it or not? If Mason is right, and the judge is letting me win just b/c he like’s how I look, is this an etheicical probelem — not for me but for opposeing council? Now Mason is telling me that mabye I am not goeing to win motion’s if my tuchus gets to big, or in a few year’s after I have babie’s I will not have my figure. FOOEY! I say so what, I win now and that is what get’s me CLEINT’s. I hope he is wrong, but mabye he is right. What does the HIVE think? YAY!!!!

    • mascot

      Most of the men in my office are business formal if for no other reason than it’s pretty simple to rotate a couple of conservative suits with a variety of dress shirts and ties. Rarely do I see them wearing their suit jackets other than to external client meetings or to court. Women wear a much greater variety of attire including blazers. I’d see how women dress in your office, but what you’ve described sounds like you are going to have some existing pieces to work with for days when you will just be in the office all day. If you ever have emergency court appearances, you probably want to keep some sort of jacket in the office to toss on over your outfit.

    • creeper

      I’m going anon because I know this is a really weird suggestion, but: before you start, could you inconspicuously watch the front door of the office when most people arrive? Like sit in the car or on a bench with a newspaper between 8 and 9 in the morning? Then you would know what most people wear and could go from there.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Aside from the creepiness factor if you’re noticed, I’m not sure you’d actually learn anything useful from doing this. Maybe this is a local-to-my-region thing, but I have never actually worked at a company that was the only tenant in a particular building, so the people you’d see entering and exiting the building on a particular morning would work at multiple different companies, which likely all have different dress codes. It’s not going to help you to have seen a bunch of ladies in dresses and blazers if the ladies all work at the accounting firm the floor below the law firm you’re about to join, you know?

        • creeper

          Good point- hadn’t thought about that. Guess I am not a very good creeper!

    • s-p-c

      For the level of formality, any chance you know or could reach out to someone around your level to introduce yourself and ask a few general questions about office life, and bring up the question in conversation? Or the HR person with whom you’re coordinating?

  3. Bag resellers

    Has anyone bought a bag on portero or therealreal or similar s1tes? I am not above paying retail for something very expensive. But I have a way of ruining things (or dinging them up), so I would be a bit less on edge with something that cost less and already had a few nicks and scratches on it than something I paid retail from only for the privilege of being the first person to ding it up.

    • Erin @ Her Heartland Soul

      I bought a Mulberry bag from The Real Real and love it. It’s going to be my go-to fall bag. I got it for $200 instead of $1300 something. There wasn’t any noticeable damage or wear at all. I love it!

    • Anonymous

      The experience can be hit or miss. And despite their claims that they authenticate, they still sell some fakes (I’m guessing because their staff is just not that good at spotting fakes, and not because they’re intentionally committing fraud). So, it’s definitely a buyer beware situation. It’s good if you can post the listing on the Authenticate thread of Purse Forum to have the resident experts there weigh in, but there is always the chance the photos will not match the bag you’re actually shipped, so you want to check again when it comes.

  4. AttiredAttorney

    Shopping help needed! I love the knitted poncho/capes that are “in” this season. However, as 5’8, curvy size 12/14, I’m concerned that all the versions out there will look more like I’m wearing a tent. Does anyone have recommendations for something that might flatter someone of my size/stature, or is this a trend solely reserved for the more willowy/slender body types?

    • tesyaa

      No suggestions other than to stick to shorter, more shrug-like pieces. I did not realize these had come back into vogue.

    • A Clark

      I saw an older lady in the 14-18 size wearning a black one that looked fine. I think it was because it was lighter weight and draped down low that didn’t make it look like a tent, but more like draping poncho.

    • kellyandthen

      I am a similar shape/size, and I’ve been avoiding for the same reasons…my goal is not to look like I’m wearing one of those breastfeeding tent things.

      In an effort to get the look, I tried on a few of the longer, drape front open cardigans, and those looked infinitely better. To curb the shapelessness that may occur, a wide belt may be in order.

      Best of luck!

    • Leigh

      I’m a similar shape/size. I have one that is open on the sides and the front and what I do is belt one side of the front, and allow the other side and back to drape/fall freely. It adds shape, and removes the whole tent look. I also wear a very slim pencil skirt with it, so the volume is only on the top.

      • A Nonny Moose

        +1 on having the volume only be on the top. For the poncho, i would pair with skinny pants or ankle jeans or something else close-fitting

    • S in Chicago

      I would go with an open-front cardi or use a wrap like the one featured today (see the photos on Nordies site to see how they wrapped it to similar effect) , so you have similar effect but folks can still see your waist. That for me seems key. If you still prefer to go full poncho, than I agree with the other poster to go with a fabric of light weight (again, that helps folks make out more of your shape). To be honest, I think the full poncho thing is hard for most folks to pull off. I’ve seen even models and actresses look a bit frumpy.

    • Samantha

      I do think that trend flatters only limited body types. It also does not work if you’re a pear like me because it adds volume on top when I’ve already got volume on the bottom. Maybe save it for weekends if you really want to try it?

  5. Anonymous

    Anyone been to the Maldives? Recommendations for resorts that have great snorkeling and/or beautiful beaches? Thoughts on how it compares to French Polynesia?

    • anon

      The Maldives is a conservative Muslim country, which applies Sharia law. It looks beautiful, but I will never, ever visit.

      • OP

        I know it’s a Muslim country, although from my research the environment at the resorts (each of which has their own island) is very Western in terms of appropriate dress and conduct. I understand that modest attire is necessary to visit Male, the capital, and other inhabited areas. Can I ask why you would never visit?

          • OP

            But has the country or government itself done anything objectionable? I’m not sure why one wouldn’t want to visit a country just because it has a large Muslim population. I’m also not sure how I’d really be supporting the government of the Maldives – we’d likely be staying in an all-inclusive resort that is part of an international hotel chain and not spending much, if any, money outside the hotel. Prior to this discussion, I was actually much more morally conflicted about visiting Dubai, where we’d probably have a layover and might spend a day or two on the way, because of the UAE’s lack of recognition of Israel as a state and official policies towards Israelis.

          • Wildkitten

            Because the world is full of countries and you can easily just visit another one.

          • Anon

            Do you think rape victims should be lashed? Should people be attacked for making statements encouraging greater religious tolerance on a blog? Do you think that 10 is the right age to start executing people for their crimes? When you visit places, you support the local economy and thus the government through tourism.

          • OP

            Anon @ 10:18 – ok, I guess I’ll just never visit anywhere outside of certain developed Western countries then. Eyeroll. I mean, there’s a lot of censorship and intolerance in China. Do you think it’s immoral to go there? It’s not just the Muslim world that has governments that don’t treat people well.
            And actually I’d argue that by supporting the local economy you help the people living there a lot more than you help the government. Local people are treated much better in Dubai than in Afghanistan and I don’t think it’s unrelated to the economy.

          • Anon

            You asked if the country does anything objectionable and to me, those things are objectionable. I’m not trying to convince you to not go, but there was a very public campaign a year or two ago about holidaying elsewhere than the Maldives because they whip children who are raped and don’t punish their rapists. I think one teenager got her sentenced overturned because of that campaign. There’s no need to eyeroll someone answering your questions so that you feel superior.

        • anon

          Don’t make a report to the police if you are sexually assaulted, or you may end up in jail facing adultery charges like that Norwegian woman in Dubai a couple years ago.

      • AN

        The Maldives are lovely, and you could check out resorts on trip advisor. On the islands, anything goes. I have never been to male though except to fly in and out. We stayed at the four seasons, and have heard great stuff about the one and only reethi rah.

        And loads of countries have sharia law, say Malaysia, but are super liberal in many ways.

    • West Coast

      4 seasons, one and only, club med are all good bets. Having been a few times, I am surprised at the comments regarding the country’s religion. Although Maldivians are very faithful, I never felt judged or restricted in any way. They actively look for ways to follow their religion, but also meet guest expectations. For example, most resorts have a mix of Maldivian and international staff, with the later serving alcohol and preparing pork dishes. The women tend to be quite educated and frequently hold government jobs. Like a lot of countries, it is still developing, but so are a lot of countries that are popular with tourists.

      It is a once in a lifetime place to visit, and I highly recommend making the trip. I would do your own research from sources who have visited to make the decision for yourself.

  6. kaylee

    I need advice for a first-time flier.

    So a friend of mine is getting on her very first airplane flight soon. Thanks to some very generous relatives and judicious use of miles, she’ll be flying first class, SJC-DFW-STL. Like I said, although she’s in her early twenties, she’s never flown before, and the prospect of flying first class is making her even more nervous, since flying is a Big Event in her home country. I’m no help (she’s most nervous about the fanciness of first class, and I’ve never been) so if any of y’all have advice for her that would be wonderful. TIA!

    • Bag resellers

      Maybe if she thinks of first class on a plane as being like a very nice bus in terms of space (but not as nice as the Acela train). And the people tend to be worker bees and not fancy people.

    • Wildkitten

      Use the bathroom before you get on the plane. Board when you are told first class is boarding. Be prepared for turbulence – its normal and not dangerous especially during take off and landing. You don’t have to get your baggage at DFW – the airline will send it through to STL if you check it. Make sure you have plenty of time in your layover to find your next gate. There is a map of the transfer airport in the back of the in flight magazine.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I am a very fearful flyer even though I have a lot of flying experience. I found this free online course super helpful. http://www.fearofflyinghelp.com/. It basically takes you through the entire experience from start to finish with pictures and videos and explanations. For example, there is a ding shortly after take off followed (sometimes) by another ding. I always worried this was the pilot notifying the flight attendants of problems. Nope. First ding is they reached the safe spot for the flight attendants to get up while everyone else was still seated. The second ding, if there is one, is that the pilot wants a drink. They can’t have them in the cockpit during take off or landing.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t know if that description of the dings is accurate. One of the dings signifies that the plane has reached 10,000 feet, where it is safe to get out larger electronics like laptops (and up until recently, you had to have all devices put away when under 10k feet–now you can have cellphones out and use them as long as they’re in airplane mode). Also, if the plane has wifi capability, the wifi will only be enabled above 10k feet.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          I was going off memory. The site might say what you are saying. It has been a long while since I’ve read it. The first ding when the FAs can get up is probably 10k feet.

    • Spirograph

      As far as fanciness: I wouldn’t wear sweatpants to sit in first class (I wouldn’t wear sweats on a plane, period), but she doesn’t need to dress up beyond anything she would wear to look presentable in public on a weekend. Especially on a domestic flight, first class is usually average people who travel a lot and upgraded with their miles, not swanky business travelers or any kind of super-rich elite (they take private planes, anyway).

      First class flight attendants are more attentive than coach ones since they have far fewer passengers. First class passengers usually get food on longer flights, even if it’s only offered for sale in coach, and some airlines have free booze in first class so she should expect to be offered both. First class is also usually offered a newspaper and hot towel (well, washcloth), but otherwise I can’t think of many differences between first class and coach… other than obviously having much more comfortable seats and a lot more space.

    • k-padi

      SJC is a very easy airport to get through. If she isn’t checking bags, she can go right upstairs through security. The TSA agents recognized me for a period as an “opt out” when they had the old scanning machines. They were very professional and never made me feel uncomfortable. In fact, I think they are some of the best TSA agents in the country. Just remind her to avoid hand lotion until after she is passed security; it can set off the “explosive” detector.

    • abogada

      Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

      (second post because my first appears to have been eaten)

  8. pockets

    I have need to vent/half need advice on how to handle something:

    A not-close, older family member is having a birthday dinner at a restaurant and invited me (I have a big extended local family so there are plenty of family members that I like and see multiple times a year but otherwise just aren’t a huge part of my life). She has been making an effort recently to get closer to me (long story reasons) and I was happy to go to the dinner. However, another relative who was invited told me there was a group gift and the price per person is frankly a lot more than I would be willing to spend. The gift is already bought (without my consultation) so it’s a done deal. It’s not a huge sum, but it’s more than I would spend on a gift for my own mom. I’m also not sure if my family member will be paying for the dinner or if we will, so if I’m on the hook for dinner this is a lot more than I bargained for.

    So now I don’t even want to go, which I feel terrible about. I spoke to my mom about it (also invited to the dinner) and she offered to pay for my portion of the gift and the dinner, which I’m not thrilled about because it’s also a lot of money for her.

    Should I suck it up and go and pay? Let my mom pay? Talk to the family member who arranged the gift and tell her it’s more than I’d like to spend? If so, should I excuse myself from the gift or should I offer to contribute a lower amount? I don’t want to be the annoying one but I also feel like I was thrust into this situation and now I want out.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Is it too late/awkward to say that you already got her something else? Even if you haven’t, you could go ahead and get her something in your preferred price range.

      • Unicorn

        That’s what I would do – say “thank you for offering to include me but I’ve already chosen a gift.”

      • pockets

        I agreed to the group gift before I found out how much the group gift was.

          • pockets

            Nope. Lesson learned (although even if I did know I’d still be in this awkward position of declining to participate and then getting my own inexpensive gift for a not-that-close family member)

        • Maddie Ross

          Ok, no offense b/c it’s a crappy situation, but if you agreed to the gift already, you probably should remain on the hook. If money is a concern, I might back out of the dinner – or show up for a drink at the beginning or for dessert at the end only if it’s a concern – but still pay for the gift. Because to me, you can’t really back out and stick your family with a larger portion of the bill in this situation.

          • pockets

            I would agree with you 99% of the time, but in this instance they already bought the gift before they knew I was coming. So really, if I back out now they’re back where they started.

          • abogada

            Given that extra information, I would simply back out of the gift given the cost, or say that cost per person was more than you were anticipating but that you are able to contribute $x.

            Don’t back out of the dinner. The guest of honor invited you, she wants you there, she has been making efforts to try to become closer to you…. don’t back out on an occasion to socialize with her because of the unfortunate gift situation created by other people. Handle the gift situation in whichever way makes you comfortable, then go to the dinner to support the birthday relative.

          • Maddie Ross

            Ok, that does change things in my estimation. For isntance, if they bought the gift after hearing 10 people were coming, and then you backed out, that seems to be in poor form to me. If they just got lucky that suddenly you were contributing too, then my advice is similar to unicorn – say you’ve already made different arrangements regarding the gift, but you look forward to attending the dinner.

          • Unicorn

            Ah. Then I’m sorry to say I think you need to contribute. If they said “we got her a gift, want to pitch in?” and you said yes without asking what your share would be, when that amount was knowable, I think you’re on the hook. Yes, they should have told you your share, but you also should have asked.

            ETA: I understand it feels fair to tell yourself “well they would have paid the same amount anyway,” but that doesn’t release you from your committment. It’s likely that some people who have agreed to pitch in have already done so with your contribution included in the amount per person – should the person arranging the group gift now have to tell each contributor they owe $x more because you backed out?

        • Hildegarde

          I would just say you’re sorry but that upon hearing the price and thinking about it, that price is more than you’re able to spend. I don’t think you need to say anything about how you’ll purchase a separate gift, or make any apologies beyond a brief one for agreeing to be part of the gift without knowing how much it cost.

          I also do not think you should feel bad about this at all. Just be prepared to pay for your own dinner, and bring a small gift or skip it, as you prefer. I don’t think adults should expect gifts on their birthdays, unless it’s a really strong family tradition you have.

          ETA that I don’t think your mom should chip in for “your” portion of the gift either.

    • abogada

      Go to the dinner to support your older relative. Tell the group gift person no thank you. Be prepared to pay for your meal yourself if need be.

      • Wildkitten

        My similar advice got eaten as well. Go, let your mom pay for the gift, and you pay for the dinner.

    • Spirograph

      This makes me want to invoke Suze Orman: People first, then money, then things. The moment for this has probably passed, but it would have been totally appropriate, upon being told the price, to lightly say, “oh, that’s more than I had budgeted for! Are we also paying for our own dinners? Sorry, I may have to bow out of the group gift.” Now, if it’s not a hardship, I’d probably just pay in the interest of family peace, and also be prepared to pay for dinner. If it *is* a hardship, there’s nothing wrong with being honest and saying that you would love to celebrate with the family but can’t afford to chip in for the group gift. If your relative is a nice person, he/she will understand. If you otherwise would like to go, I would not skip this kind of event unless I truly could not afford it. In that case, I’d take mom up on the offer and split the cost with her to the best of my ability.

      ETA: Your older relative who has been “making an effort to get closer to you” probably values your presence at her celebration more than any trinket you would buy in lieu of group gift. Get her a card and write something nice/meaningful on it if you need to save money to potentially pay for dinner.

      • A Clark

        Actually, if you’re not sure about chipping in for dinner perhaps you can ask around (the gift group organizer) and tell her that oh, I didn’t realize that dinner would be $X, and the group gift would be so much–I should have checked before committing. I’m sorry, but my budget for discretionary is only $Y, so I can only contribute $Y-X at this point/or “I’m sorry, I can’t contribute to the group gift”

        If the other members of the group gift are more established/have more discretionary income, they should understand. I think that owning up to your mistake (committing before asking how much) leads people to acknowledge their mistake (asking for your commitment without telling you how much).

  9. Everlane

    Has anybody been disappointed with Everlane? I have read only positive reviews about Everlane and so ordered many t-shirts and I am so disappointed. They are just way too thin and neckline was so low that I would not be able to wear it any where. I couldn’t size down as it would be too snug on me. The colors were not as vibrant as shown on their website. They were kind of dull. I am going back to my Eddie Bauer t-shirts as they are made of much thicker fabric and 100% cotton and are about the same price as Everlane.

    • Anonymous

      Tshirts that are too thick just don’t drape the same way. “Dull” colors look so much more chic than “vibrant” ones. Everlane tees are most definitely so much nicer than Eddie Bauer. But Vince tees are the best ones.

    • cbackson

      The button-front blouses were hopelessly huge and boxy on me, even in a very small size. I had to return everything.

  10. Anonymous

    Shopping help please! My husband and I are attending a wedding at Sunset Cliffs Inn in San Diego in three weeks. I will be approximately 20 weeks pregnant. Any suggestions? The invitations says “beach casual”. I live in Colorado, I don’t know what beach casual really means. What about my husband, what should he wear?

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      In my mind beach casual is sandals and a sundress/maxi for women and khaki shorts and a button down for men.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        I mostly agree, except that at the “beach” weddings I’ve been to the men were generally in summer-weight, non-jean pants, NOT shorts.

    • kc

      Maxi dress or sundress for you (pregnant women look so good in maxi dresses!) , khakis, button down, and possibly sportcoat for him (this is what my husband wears to beach weddings and most of the men match him).

    • Parfait

      At the last beach wedding I went to (in a maxi dress, but of course), there was a guy there in a seersucker suit and a straw hat. He looked so dapper. I momentarily wished I was dating such a dapper man. But then I talked to him and the feeling completely dissipated.

      Anyway I think your husband should wear seersucker.

      • Anonymous

        Ha ha. My husband is an engineer. Suit? Doesn’t own one. He throws a fit when he has to wear khaki pants. His work attire is casual…like shorts, t-shirt and hat casual. Some days I really envy him.

        • Lynnet

          Are you me? Also in CO, also engineer husband who wears shorts and t-shirts to work, if I knew anyone getting married in California, I’d be getting worried…

        • Parfait

          Ha. My engineer has getting dressed down to a science. He buys the same jeans and the same shirts in different colors. And the same shoes in the same color. Every day he wears very slight variations on the same thing. It is amusing and I think kind of adorable. He’s figured out an efficient system that solves the problem adequately for his needs.

    • Of Counsel

      Agree that a maxi dress would be completely appropriate, but caution to bring a sweater or wrap of some sort. October at the beach in San Diego can be chilly (especiallty in late afternoon/early evening).

      Of course – it might also be hot and windy is we get a Santa Ana going, but even then it really cools down at night, especially near the water.

  11. Ayudame

    In need of either validation or a better approach:

    A peer at work (same title; same theoretical responsibilities) has been struggling since he started – nearly a year ago. At first, I was wiling to help on board him. He’s on his own now with his own deals, and he’s *seriously* struggling. I have been spot checking his work when I can, but errors and misunderstanding are so deep seeded that “spot checking” doesn’t scratch the surface – he needs hours of explaining, checking, etc. – time I don’t have and responsibilities that aren’t mine. Frankly, I have my own work to get done.

    I think he’s made it this far because of some of the above and beyond support I’ve given him, but I just don’t have the time in my day (or patience) to inadvertently carry him any more. Initially I was being friendly and kind to a new hire who sits next to me/is easy to answer a fast question for. Now, it’s excessive. Today I’ve basically cut himoff cold turkey. I’m busy and can’t help – basically, “handle your own sh!t”

    I ask: fair or unfair?

    ETA: I work in finance; . Higher ups are becoming aware of his deficiencies, but at a slower pace than someone like me who was exposed to it immediately and sees it daily.

    • anon

      Fair. You need to prioritize your own work. My larger concern is that you’ve done an inadvertent disadvantage by trying to help- he can’t fly on his own and now may cause big problems for your boss/ clients, who think he can.

      • Ayudame

        I’ve been sensitive to that and already told one senior guy about some of the questions he asked about one of his deals they were both on. I phrased it right, I think, so to clue him in pretty closely to both the client impact and the enormous knowledge gap my peer has. No other immediate client-impacting issues, but that’s a good thought that I need to stay on the look out for as I “phase myself out”.

    • roses

      This isn’t your problem. If his incompetence is affecting you, raise it with a manager. If not, let it go, tell him you are very busy and don’t have time to check his work, and let the higher-ups figure out the problems.

    • Unicorn

      Sort of fair. I would tell him what you’re thinking: “John, I have been happy to help you get accustomed to our way of doing things around here. However, the amount of time your questions now require is simply more time than I have to spare. If you need additional training, you should contact Joan in HR, who arranges such things. Thanks for understanding.” That way, you’re not just giving him the cold shoulder, where he might think you were mad at him — and I think suggesting further training might clue him in that he is behind the 8 ball.

      I agree with anon above that you should alert your superiors – even if they are slowly catching on, there is no way they will catch all of his mistakes before they are out the door, which may be a liability for your company.

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