Coffee Break: Nude-For-You Camisoles and Bodysuits

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1. Does anyone have any tips for exercise activities to do with chubby kids? Tried to take my son on a run this weekend and he told me he “just isn’t a runner.” He’s 8, wearing size 14s.

   1. Bike riding, taking a walk, swimming

   2. Well no wonder, going for a run with your mother doesn’t exactly sound fun. Not to mention running is hard when you’re out of shape. Get him playing outside or playing sports or swimming.

      1. +1 I am in pretty good shape, and I dislike running. Take him for a hike that isn’t too strenuous. Fall is coming. Make it about the foliage and enjoying his company. Don’t push fitness on him. Encourage him to enjoy the activity itself.

         I was a chubby kid. My parents did not handle it great. Please love him for who he is, focus on the QT and let him do things he likes.

         1. I loathe running. I like hiking though. Or almost anything else.

            1. OP here – I hate hiking. And biking. And sports. When I found running in my 20s I loved it. (And I run suuuuuper slow and encouraged we walk every two houses, fwiw.) He’s in soccer 2x a week starting tonight, seemed to like baseball 2x a week over the summer.

   3. Swimming, going on a walk, playground, exploring a state park, biking, martial arts, dancing, playing in the back yard, gardening. So many options, and running seems the most miserable

      1. +1 If my mom tried to get me to run because I was chubby, I would be super demoralized.

         One of the things I am most proud of about how I raised my son (and believe me I made many horrible mistakes) was to avoid making his weight an issue even though my weight was a HUGE issue for me. When he plumped up I kept my mouth shut and kept taking him to karate class (which he did starting at age 6 through at least junior high) and offering him healthy food. And he grew in height and slimmed down and our relationship stayed intact. Lather, rinse, repeat to this day (minus the growing in height, but his weight fluctuates and I keep my mouth shut).

         That said, limits on screen time can’t hurt. Books are better than screens.

         1. ETA my mom did try to get me to run because I was chubby, and I was super demoralized. Now that you mention it…

            1. My parents did no exercise at all (my mother was a tiny person with a hyper metabolism) and my mother put me on my first diet at age 11. It set up unhealthy eating habits and self-image for the rest of my life. My brother taunted me for being “huge” even when I wasn’t and my parents let him. I always felt like I was the good girl when I was thin. I’m over 50 and still trying to get my head straight about my size.

   4. Biking, walking, shooting hoops, kicking around a soccer ball, throwing a Frisbee

   5. Anything that involves moving.. like at all. Go for a walk. Tennis in the street. Gardening. Kicking the soccer ball. Tag. Hide and go seek or a scavenger hunt outside. Ride a bike. Find a hiking trail. He (or anyone) simply needs to move more than his baseline.

   6. Anything that involves moving.. like at all. Go for a walk. Tennis in the street. Gardening. Kicking the soccer ball. Tag. Hide and go seek or a scavenger hunt outside. Ride a bike. Find a hiking trail. He (or anyone) simply needs to move more than his baseline.

   7. Honestly just enroll him in a sport that occurs once or twice a week so he can start associating exercise with fun and do active things with him a few times a week. A lot of people mentioned great options, but it doesn’t have to be structured, just active play time. Hide and seek, tag, walking the dog, watergun or balloon fight, my Mom even let me tag along doing her Taebo videos.

   8. You don’t just take a non-runner “out for a run,” especially not an 8-year-old. Running is terrible torture unless you are in fantastic shape and happen to be one of those people who like running for whatever weird reason. A beginner needs to start with a gradual run/walk program.

      Send him to an after-school program that makes the kids play outside.

      1. God, this. I’m a (former) runner. I grew to really like it over about… 2 years. But even when I liked it it still hurt. It’s a feature not a bug. It is not likely that he (or any 8 year old, or most people) has the mental discipline it takes to continue doing something that feels so terrible with no distractions and infrequent breaks– unlike running for Frisbee or soccer.. which also have breaks. Are there many 8 year old runners?

   9. Walking a dog. It can’t be just his responsibility though. Take family walks morning and night to get the dog some exercise and you and the dog get exercise too.

      Also, Couch to 5k exists for a reason. You can’t expect someone with no fitness level to just go run a mile.

      1. I agree with this post. When I was 13, I started developing up top and in the back, and Dad was concerned that I would look like Mom or Grandma Trudy by the time I was a high school senior and would NOT get a date for the prom, even tho I was very cute and Rosa had not yet gotten to puberty. So he got me Emma, a Labador retreiver puppy and made me walk her 2x a day; before and after school. Mom took care of Emma during the day, and it really worked. I toned and so did mom; and all the time we had Emma, we were very healthy. (I also gave Emma food under the table that Mom made that I did not like, and she ate it!) But once I went to college, I did not have Emma, and Rosa took over, and she stayed svelte and found Ed when she went to junior college. So it works!

   10. Yeah another active, slim person here who hates running. Can you do family hikes or bike rides instead?

   11. Wow you’re setting your kid up for major issues. My parents used to force me to go to aerobics class to lose weight and I was so embarrassed to be there – the only kid among 40+ women and I may as well have had a sign on my back saying “my parents think I’m fat so that’s why I’m here.” Don’t do that to your kid. There are 439583058398539050938 better ways to have kids be active and you should be pursuing those options regardless of your kid’s size.

       1. IDK re this — unchecked size will set the kid up for . . . just other issues

          Maybe Marianne Williamson is right — you can love yourself thin. You just can’t hate yourself thin (or push your kid into thin-ness). But you can guide him on the path to healthy habits.

          1. This is an important read:

             https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/

          2. Thing is, you are presuming that Mom has the power to “check” the kid’s size. My mom put me on a diet starting when I was 8 and all it did was set me up for a lifetime of weight struggles.

             1. OP here. I’m trying not to make him feel bad about his size; when we went for the run I talked about how much I love getting out to do it for the sunshine and music even though I run very very slowly and take a lot of breaks. His beloved grandma just visited and kept calling out his “buddha belly” though. Sigh. Is a “CrossFit for Kids” class a really bad idea (our neighbor’s kid goes; is super skinny so it’s not just chubby kids).

             2. Is CrossFit for Kids something he’s interested in? I don’t think it’s a bad idea to pitch it to him as an activity. Just, “hey, neighbor kid does this class, I thought it sounded fun, do you want me to sign you up too?” But don’t sign him up unless he’s into it.

                We do have a house rule that each kid has to be involved in one artistic activity and one physical activity. For one, it’s dance and violin, for the other, judo and visual arts (FWIW, we agree that dance can count either way). I think that’s fair. But the kids get to pick.

             3. Tell your mom/MIL to stop saying crap like that! And when she does, tell him she’s being mean and healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes. Kids internalize what their parents say a lot more than what their grandparents say.

             4. I promise you kids are not idiots. They can see right through you with stuff like “oh, the sunshine and the music!!” Especially when it’s right on the heels of grandma’s body-shaming.

                Have you asked him what kind of physical activity he’d like to do? (I’m a martial arts lover myself but there are limitless options as I’m sure you’re aware.)

             5. I did CrossFit and it helped me lose 70# and if you have a good trainer, CrossFit Kids can be a great program too — one of my colleagues ran a great CF Kids program that was about having fun and setting goals, not about “fitness” or “weight loss.” YMMV, maybe stop in to talk to the coaches at a local program.

                Maybe also try and get your son involved in food prep/cooking?

                The Half Size Me podcast has some great episodes on kids and weight loss too — I struggled as a child with my weight and forced diet/activity and I wish any of the adults around me had considered the information in this show then.

             6. Honestly, that’s pretty disappointing that you didn’t shut Grandma down right away. “In this house, we don’t comment on others’ bodies.” It almost seems like you’re hoping the “message” gets through to your son without you having to be the bad guy and addressing his weight directly? Just let your kid be a kid. Encourage activity, limit screentime, and have the whole family eat healthy meals together, including treats.

             7. SA, how true! I just commented above that my mother put me on a diet when I was 11. She was tiny and I felt like a behemoth next to her. Total mess of weight struggles my entire life.

             8. Ok tell his grandma to shove it and ask your child how he would like to be active

             9. The early diets (I got put on my first at age 7) and the oh-so-helpful comments from critical relatives are the reason why I ended up in inpatient eating disorder rehab at age 15 after a suicide attempt that landed me in the emergency room.
                The risks are real and they are serious. OP, your son might be going through a “chubby phase.” My son went through one at age 11. The next year he grew six inches. If HE wants to do something, great, do it with him. If it’s not his idea, let it go. The focus should absolutely be on having fun, not losing weight. And P.S., please do not be one of “those parents” who feels like your kid needs to love something because you love it. I love cycling. We took my kid for bike rides starting when he was an infant. He has his own bike now; never uses it. It’s not his thing. I let it go. If something is not your child’s thing – LET. IT. GO.

   12. Maybe some fun activities like those trampoline or bounce house parks – my friend’s two boys LOVE those and can literally spend hours there. Or laser tag maybe? Also, if he’s into video games, they have some cool VR games now that involve a lot of cardio; my husband and I tried it at a friend’s house over the weekend and I was shocked at how my heart rate got up playing the game, but it was fun and I wanted to keep playing (let’s just say I’m “not a runner” either).

       1. I really like all of these ideas – they are fun! Kids like fun things.

       2. My kids are in a dodgeball league at a trampoline park. It expends a TON of energy….they fall asleep on the five minute drive home.

   13. For kids, it’s so much easier to keep them engaged in fun activities that happen to involve moving around rather than trying to make them exercise for exercise’s sake. What is he interested in? Sports are great, obviously, and even things like swimming or bowling can be great for kids who aren’t into traditional team sports. Maybe he’d like Pokemon Go, geocaching, or some kind of dance lesson? If he’s interested in nature you could go on hikes for bird-watching, rock collecting, and learning to ID plants/mushrooms. Is there anything within walking distance that you could make into a regular outing, like weekly walks to the library or weekend picnics in a nearby park? Could you volunteer to walk a neighbor’s dog together, or even just set an example by taking regular walks and encouraging him to come with you? Do you think he’d be interested in learning to rollerblade or skateboard?

   14. One thing we did was like train for vacation. Like “ok family, we are going to Disney! We are going to be walking for hours and miles a day, and we will have more fun if we are in shape and prepared.” And then we did evening walks together as often as possible and weekend adventures. I’m not at all suggesting you bribe him with a trip to Disney, but for my kids who tend after their bookish lazy mom, knowing why we need to do this and how it helps was useful.

       1. Ha, this weekend my mom told me she’s going to the gym because she has an upcoming vacation that involves a lot of hiking and walking. And I replied that DH and I were thinking the same thing about our vacation next year–there’s lots of fun things we want to do, and we need to be in better shape for things like hiking and kayaking and whatever to actually be fun. So… still works for grown-ups :-)

   15. My 8 year old is a little chubby too. My husband takes the kids on a family bike ride after dinner most nights. I take them swimming on the weekends. And one of their favorite things to do is hide-and-go-seek tag. We play this at the big park in our neighborhood. One person is it. Everyone else hides, once you are found, you have to run until the person who is “it” tags you. So much fun. So much running haha. We try and go hiking and just for walks often too.

       And then the bigger half of this is food. I don’t ever want my daughter to feel like she has to be on a diet, so we still do treats and stuff. But I try very hard to make sure our meals are healthy and that we offer healthy snacks (raw veggies, cheese sticks, fruit, hard boiled eggs) most of the time. My kids had to get used to drinking water again with every meal after expecting juice too often.

       1. This is a good point, too. Food is a big part of the equation. Make sure healthy meals and snacks are the default and junk food is more of a treat and special occasion thing. If he’s a picky eater and doesn’t like vegetables, work on that by encouraging him to learn about food and nutrition and take charge (to an age appropriate degree). He might enjoy gardening, even if it’s just a few potted herbs. Learning to cook some basic healthy meals can go a long way towards getting kids to actually eat healthy stuff. Spend Saturday morning wandering around the farmers’ market and let him pick out things that are new to him, then plan a meal around them together.

   16. I’m all for encouraging an active lifestyle and healthy eating, but you’re doing more harm than good by focusing on weight and body size, especially with a child who is not through puberty. When you’re only 8, a sudden growth spurt can make the difference between chubby and slender.

   17. Hiking. Find a trail near you & take a brisk walk in the woods while looking for animals or their markings.

   18. Active things I did with my parents growing up: long walks with the dog, tennis (or just hitting a ball back and forth), long bike rides, hiking.

       When I was 8, most of my activity came from: (1) swim team in the summer, (2) recreational sports in the winter and (3) playing in the neighborhood with friends in the spring/fall – tag, hide and seek, riding bikes, etc.

       My parents also rarely gave me rides after I was about 11 – I was expected to bike or walk to my friends houses, school, sports practice, etc. (obviously this depends on how big your town is).

       Also, my brother and I were both required to participate in some sort of organized physical activity for 3/4 of the year. So my brother played soccer in the fall, rec basketball in the winter, and rec baseball in the spring. I did summer dance classes, field hockey in the fall and recreational basketball. I expect to impose some sort of similar requirement on my future children – I wasn’t required to play for school teams or competitive leagues if I didn’t want to, but activity had to be part of my life at least 1x a week. I just did what my friends were doing and it was fine and fun.

   19. I was a chubby kid, and I wish my parents had signed me up for soccer. I never asked to do it, so they didn’t sign me up. (I don’t think I ever asked for piano lessons but was def forced to go to those.) I think, tbh, that I was the academic one, and my brother was the athletic one, so they were too overcommitted with my brother to do sports with me. Also, I did do fencing for a bit and really liked it– if you have a local club and can afford it, that may be good for your son.

       1. I should also add that I was a chubby kid at 9 and then was normal-sized in high school. I weighed about the same and wore the same size clothes from age 12-22 but was 4’9” when I was 12 and then grew to 5’4”. Basically, I gained all of my adult weight before I had my growth spurt. Most of my friends thought I was dieting since I looked so much thinner.

   20. The “just isn’t a runner” comment reminds me of myself. I thought I am just not the athletic type. In other classes you practiced vocab or math problems until you got it. I literally didn’t realize until I was 20 that practice also works in sports. It’s worth having that convo to mitigate frustration with whatever sport he picks, and then follow up with tracking his progress on a shiny device if he’s into tech.
       Also like the suggestion of Pokemon go and geocaching for the tech aspect.
       Also seconding that food is important. I focus on getting enough produce in my day, the rest follows from that.

   21. I think if you want the kid to do sports, you have to let them choose and running isn’t something many people would choose starting from zero, although I did start jogging in high school. (Didn’t stick. But it was my choice.)

       For kids, if they don’t want to do a team sport like soccer or basketball (I’m too slow, too uncoordinated, too embarrassed or whatever the reason is), try something like fencing or karate, golf or tennis. I love bicycling so he could try that. What about kayaking or canoeing as a family? Hiking is great. You could build on the Disney theme above by planning a family hike next summer at a destination – Mt. Rainier, Appalachian Trail, Crater Lake, Carlsbad Caverns, Grand Canyon, Pike’s Peak. The whole family focuses on getting in shape for vacation. For a girl, I’d recommend yoga but for a boy maybe it might work… or weightlifting.

       With tennis and golf, kayaking, hiking and bicycling those are activities that he can do as an adult that are enjoyable.

       Depending on his personality, you could have a sit down discussion of how health is important, life is long, staying active will be important in his life. Ask him what he’d like to do for a sport/activity. Or you could say “Everyone in this family participates in something (besides video games). What do you want to do?” And then brainstorm ideas.

   22. Oof. I wish I could go back in time and hug all the women who felt shamed by their families for being chubby/fat/whatever at such young ages (or ever). I also saw right through my mom’s “oh i just love running around outside” lines… I knew she thought my body was a problem to be solved. I hope my sweet and perfect Kiddo never feels that way.

   23. In case you are still reading, I gave my parents and parents-in-law the law when my daughter was 1yo that they were not to say the words “fat” “diet” “low calorie” to either of my kids or to fat shame anyone at any time. They could only talk about eating “healthy” and “fueling our bodies”. It wasn’t perfect but they knew what was out of bounds. If his grandma is talking about Buddha bellies, you need to stop her ASAP.

   24. late to this, but wanted to chime in to add that my parents first signed me up as the only girl to do taekwondo when i was 7 and since i was the only girl, had to spar with the coach’s 5 year old son, which was NOT FUN, and got made fun of by my parents for “punching like a girl. then they signed me up for soccer, which I had no interest in. then my dad insisted i go on runs with him (which were dreadful). I also swam, played tennis, etc.

       Now, as an adult, i actually love being active (even as a dress size 14) but resent my parents for what they did. I still don’t really have a great relationship with my dad because he can’t ever seem to say anything nice to me.

       My parents and relatives are also Korean so they think commenting on one’s body size and weight is a greeting. it’s awful.

2. It’s that time again…

   “A silly/small thing that makes this day awesome is: ___________”

   My small thing: Got a workout in after too long of a break and finally beat my level at Diner Dash this morning…

   1. My new glasses are FINALLY in and I’m picking them up after work! Yay for being able to see!

   2. Our local library is lovely but a little small…I got another library card in a nearby city and am psyched for the expanded selection!

      1. Do you have access to Interlibrary Loan?

         1. Oh yes, but it takes a while and I am impatient (and read fast). Most people in my small town also have city library cards.

      2. Congrats, Vicky!
         Maybe the library will have an app — ours is called Libby — that will let you download or read a sample from even more books than are on the shelves. It really feels like magic that I can be in my pajamas and decide I want to read something and voila, it’s there!

   3. I bought myself a new pair of $15 sunglasses at Target today, and the frames are teal.

   4. My Real ID driver’s license showed up in the mail and I am actually happy with the photo! :)

      1. Unheard of! :o

   5. I love my new running sneakers.

   6. beautiful weather in the Northeast….went to the orchard and got a canteloupe and very tasty apples

   7. I finally found some (almost) flats in a gorgeous tortoise print I’ve been coveting ever since some tortoise pumps were featured here. On Poshmark. And they are Cole Haans. And they were $40 in my size. Yay!

      1. Yay!!

   8. Assembled a hammock in the backyard this weekend and actually got to use it. Although it’s raining today, I have a lot of work at home and a project with a ton of reading to do coming up this week. Meh on the project but am now excitedly looking forward to my new “office chair” in which to do it.

   9. I woke feeling terrible after overindulging at the B-52s concert last night. BUT, we had a total blast with a couple I know from college and my friend and I dressed up in wigs, etc. and caused a stir. The thing today was a text conversation with my friend who went with me, when I admitted something silly and slightly embarrassing that happened last night, and she could not stop laughing. It got me laughing so hard that I forgot how bad I felt!

   10. When the meeting with the mansplaining windbag finally ended!!

3. I’m about a month out from my wedding & we’re honeymooning in Vail & Denver (a few days in each). Any restaurants/things we shouldn’t miss? We’re staying near downtown in Denver. Have reservations at Mountain Standard in Vail, but everything else is open!

   1. Denver rec: El Five – modern tapas restaurant not far from downtown. Fabulous food and amazing views of the skyline on one side and mountains on the other. I also love just about everything at Denver’s Union Station – it is recently renovated and has some great restaurant options (Mercantile for lunch is one of my faves, Snooze is a breakfast staple).

   2. Abra is that you

   3. Sweet Basil and breakfast at the Sonnenalp in Vail

   4. We really enjoyed the Vesta Grill when we were in Denver. You get a main and there is a huge menu of sauces to dip your food in. It’s kind of fun and the atmosphere is cozy.
      http://www.vestadenver.com

4. I was hoping for a refresh on folks’ favorite travel luggage? I have a Kirkland rollerboard, more than 10 years old, that is my husbands and my first choice for carry on travel luggage. Recently my travel has picked up so we need a second option. I ordered the travelpro 21” spinner that is recommended on the Wirecutter, and it looks a lot smaller than my rollerboard, which has been a perfectly acceptable carryon on dozens of domestic flights. So I am returning the spinner, and looking around for a bigger option that I can still carry on. Would love your recommendations.

   1. If you ever travel internationally, I’d stick with 21″ as that’s the size limit for a lot of international carriers. I travel a lot and I honestly just go get whatever Samsung or Travelpro looks reasonable at TJ Maxx or Marshall’s. I’m so hard on bags that I know I’m going to have to replace the carry-on about every 5 years, so I’m not spending a ton for Tumi or whatever. I also only buy the spinners because they’re just so much easier to maneuver through airports, especially if I have a heavy laptop bag sitting on top.

      1. *samsonite, not samsung, obviously. Time for afternoon caffeine.

      2. I don’t expect much international travel – which is why I want to max out the carry on size domestically!

      3. +1, definitely keep it if you do any international travel. I strongly prefer hardshell bags and picked up a Briggs & Riley (I think Sympatico is the model) at Saks Off Fifth that has an internal compression system and fits a ton.

      4. +1 on the size. I’ve been forced to check my roller on transatlantic flights although it fits in the overhead bin as it should (i.e., NOT SIDEWAYS) and carry it on domestic or short international (i.e., Canada, Caribbean) flights with no problem.

      5. I just bought a Traveler’s Choice bag I’m loving (I travel a week a month domestically). Super happy with the size and weight.

         https://www.ebags.com/product/travelers-club-luggage/manda-lake-forest-20-wide-trolley-rolling-carry-on-suitcase/374417?productid=10775484

   2. I have a Travelpro carryon that I bought because it was super lightweight, like 2 pounds. Falls over all the time but it’s very easy to lift into the overhead bin by myself with one hand (I bought it for a trip I took with my baby, just the 2 of us).

   3. I have an expandable, soft Samsonite 55 cm (21 inches?) that weighs about 2 pounds. It works as carry-on on non-budget European airlines (and some budget ones). I often send it as checked luggage as well, and so far it’s holding up well, I’ve been using it for at least five years.

      I love Travelpro for checked luggage, but they’re too heavy for me for carry-on.

5. I am a lawyer in the Midwest and I have some depositions coming up in London in the fall. Wondering if there are any differences in the dress code. I’m planning to wear a suit (dress with matching jacket). Are pantyhose the norm? Anything else I should know?

   1. Pantyhose are def more common in London but certainly not required.

   2. Very traditional suiting, no hose, and the shoes you would wear in New York, not New England.

   3. Admittedly I haven’t practiced in London for 10 years, but the big law firms are pretty formal. At my firm in London, they still talked about the first woman to come in without pantyhose (gasp!). I would plan on wearing a suit and pantyhose.

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