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Maybe I’m the last to hear about this, but: if you’re a fan of seasonal stamps for your holiday cards (or just pretty stamps in general), do note that you can now order stamps online at USPS and have them sent to you for about $1.50 shipping. Yes, you could also just go to your local post office and buy some, but hey — who needs more errands involving lines and tired grumpy masses? These Charlie Brown ones are cute if you’re into that, but they also have lovely ones for Christmas, Hanukkah, Eid, Kwanzaa, and more. (They also have these awesome Hudson River School stamps.) USPS Stamps (L-0)Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Cream Tea
At first I thought this was a bit insane, but actually, stamps are one of those annoying things I never seem to have, and that are a big pain to acquire, as I have to go to a whole separate shop. Not a bad concept.
Monday
Yeah, this first dawned on me in college when my roommate figured out that I was on top of my stamp game and would always ask me for one. Of course I said yes, but in my Scroogey heart I was like, no. I stood in line in a place that smells like a toilet for these things! I now order my stamps online, several sheets at a time.
Mpls
You can also get them from ATMs ( for an extra fee) or from the (or at least my local chain) grocery store customer service counter for just the cost of the stamps.
Attiredattorney
My chain grocery is great for regular “forever” stamps, but they don’t carry seasonals or postcard size stamps.
Mpls
True – mine does just the Forever stamps (or at least that’s all I’ve ever bought, and haven’t had to clarify). But there do seem to be some seasonal Forever stamps – like pine trees/boughs during the winter, rather than flags.
Bewitched
My CVS also sells Forever stamps. I’m in there like once a week so that works for me.
Ellen
I love goeing to the post office, even if it is NOT the cleanest place–they probably do not have a housekeeper to vaccuum the floor’s and pick up papers every day, but they ALWAYS have cute stamp’s, and I walk there with my FITBIT to get extra stamp’s for DAD (who mails out all of my bill’s for me anyway). So I would NOT buy these stamp’s any other way, Kat, tho for those in the HIVE that do not have to worry about their tuchuses, mabye this is a good idea for them. YAY!!!!!
tesyaa
You can get them at Costco too.
Anonymous
Can you not get stamps at the grocery store? I never go to the post office for them.
Wildkitten
I’ve ordered stamps online before. They had limited edition tiger stamps that weren’t available at the store or at the post office, and well, wildkitten stamps were worth the extra postage…
Sydney Bristow
We ordered multiple books of astronomy themed stamps when sending out save the dates and wedding invites. I didn’t want to waste time at the horrible post office by me only to find out they didn’t have them or didn’t have enough.
It was such a minor thing but I got a number of compliments on my stamp choice because it totally matched the theme we used on our invites.
Anonymous
I usually get stamps at CVS, when I pick up prescriptions at the drive- through. No choice of designs, though.
CountC
I write a lot of letters and love to send cards to people and I do not like using the boring flag forever stamps. Patriotic, yes, but I just don’t care for them for fun cards/letters. I use them for bills! Yes, I have fun stamps for personal correspondence and then non-fun stamps for bills and such. I usually go to the post office to get the fun stamps, but I have a good stash of special edition ones that I order online too. I am a nerd and I save some and don’t use them if I particularly like them. I also save really pretty ones, like the cherry blossom ones I have, for special people. I just got a book of snowflake ones that I like. I, bizarrely, use the ones in the color I like the least for the correspondence I like the least and save the “prettiest” ones for the good letters/cards. I am a weirdo!
Anon for this
Why do people feel like it’s appropriate to comment on people’s weights? In the last week at work, I’ve been congratulated on my (non-existent) pregnancy and told that I’ve been putting on weight.
While it’s true, I feel so humiliated that people keep making these comments to me. Especially since I’ve been trying to lose weight on and off for the last year or so but haven’t really made any progress.
I just feel like hibernating alone in my apartment
Lorelai Gilmore
1) Those people are jerks.
2) Don’t hibernate! You’re not the one who has something to be ashamed of — they are. Commenting on weight gain is appalling, ill-mannered behavior. Hold your head high and DO YOU.
DisenchantedinDC
Because people are gross. Who thinks that is appropriate!? Like, I don’t care if you see the baby come out, don’t say anything. Just shut your mouth. Jesus. I had a friend who worked in retail who had two customers say this to her in a week. She did NOT look pregnant. Sometimes she slouched a little, but she was a size 6, so, WTF. These were strangers saying that!
I am so sorry. It doesn’t help when you already feel self-conscious. At least you have manners, though?
Bonnie
People are idiots. Whenever I’ve been congratulated on for my non-existant pregnancy, I’ve called people out so they don’t ruin someone else’s day.
bridget
As Thumper’s mom says, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Just ask them why they didn’t watch Bambi as a child. Or channel whats-his-name and say that you’re a couch to 5k away from a nice figure, but they can’t diet away rude.
Wildkitten
1. Those people are jerks. Humiliate them away!
2. If you’ve gained weight and not yet bought new clothes to fit your new body, do it. I think that makes a big difference in how you feel (and how you appear) with weight gain.
Anonymous
It’s the same thing the other way too. I’ve lost 50 lbs over the last year or so (slowly), and it makes me really uncomfortable when people comment on it.
And even more uncomfortable when someone says “what’s your secret!”, and I have to come up with something nicer than “stop eating as much, and start moving more. I miss oreos and pinot for dinner, but there you have it”.
I think comments on weight are generally inappropriate, even if you think you’re being nice.
Wildkitten
The best answer is to deadpan “Cancer.”
But I’m a horrible evil person, so YMMV.
Anne
Actually, I had rectal cancer 14 years ago and lost 30 pounds…the higher weight looked OK on me, but the skinny me is OK, too. When people comment on my weight, I say, I went through hell to lose weight and I won’t gain it back.
DisenchantedinDC
Correct. My body isn’t here for your judgement or ~*~inspiration or whatever. I did the same thing. And I go to a gym full of athletic people. So even though their “hearts” are in the right place, it’s not really anybody’s business. How about, “you’ve gotten so strong! How did you do it?” instead?
emeralds
It’s uncomfortable when people comment on weight regardless of where it’s coming from. In my life, I have been told “Go eat a sandwich” or “Do you eat enough?” or my personal favorite from an old roommate, “Welcome, Mom. Meet my roommate emeralds. Yeah, she’s really skinny, but at least she’s a skinny person who eats, not one of those other ones!” because clearly there are thin people who have mastered the art of being alive while eating nothing ever?
But let’s not pretend that it’s the same as being larger than the size society tells women we should be, and being shamed for it. Even unintentionally.
And also, let’s put aside the lie that losing weight is as easy for everyone as not eating oreos and drinking pinot grigio. (Before people pile on, yes, it might be like that *for you* but that is not the case for everyone in the world. According to science.)
January
Not to take away from your serious point, but Oreos and pinot (of any variety) for dinner sounds kind of delicious, no?
Terry
Not of *any* variety in my opinion. I’m seeing a full-bodied red paired with oreos. I just don’t think they’re a white-wine cookie.
APP123
I think a nice pinot noir would be lovely with oreos….
Senior Attorney
Trader Joe’s sells its version of Oreos in a variety of flavors during the winter holidays. The milk chocolate and white chocolate covered ones are delicious with white wine…
Wildkitten
I was thinking birthday cake oreos (yeah, that’s a flavor) would be good with pinot grigio too.
Parfait
What is the appropriate wine to serve with peppermint Jo-Jos?
emeralds
People suck. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you will give yourself all the kindness in the world while you’re dealing with your pack of judgmental d-bags.
Been there
Just wanted to show some solidarity. This happened to me a few weeks ago too. I felt really awful for a while. Now I’m just shocked we live in a culture where people have appropriated the female body to an extent that it can just be a “normal” topic of conversation. WHat is wrong with people.
Amen.
I’ve had it happen more than once recently. I made the mistake (apparently) of starting a conversation with a couple of different people by telling them that we had good news (which in fact was that we bought a house). Every single one jumped on me so excited about the baby. Um no. But apparently those few extra pounds I’ve put on in the last few months truly are noticeable.
Lorelai Gilmore
Any recommendations for a place that will do Christmas cards all-in for you? I’d like to have Shutterfly (or Minted, or whatever) do the entire Christmas card for me – produce the card, stuff it into an envelope, and address it and mail it out. Any suggestions?
And while I’m at it, any suggestions for other ways to make the holidays less stressful and easier?
Anonymous
Minted will address the envelopes, but you still have to stuff and stamp it. You could maybe hire someone to do that via Task Rabbit.
Runner 5
Last year I used one of those postcard apps that turns photos from your phone into postcards.
AnonInfinity
Tiny Prints does this!
anonxmas
+1, just ordered from them, great customer service as well.
OCAssociate
+1 I’ve used Tiny Prints for this for a few years, they do a great job. You can almost always get big discounts, too.
Jdubs
Paper Culture and Hallmark both do this
Susie
Honestly, if it’s stressful for you I’d say just skip the holiday cards altogether. I think it’s a nice gesture, but I gave up on them a few years ago myself.
Anonymous
I’m a great lover of holiday cards and will continue to send them until they are well out of fashion, but I agree with this point. Not only should you skip something optional if it causes that much stress, but as a recipient, I do notice and care if a card is lacking any sign of a personal touch, such as a signed name or written address, and it rather voids the appeal. (That said, the fact that so many ‘self-assembled’ cards look like they may have been sent by a distribution service may be a point for just going with the service!)
Have you considered doing them at a different time of year, when you are less stressed? I do New Years cards, which buys me a month. I have an a friend who sends Thanksgiving cards, and two others are now sending Valentines (with the annual family newsletter, etc, just like a typical Christmas card), which I think is fantastic. It has the added bonus of avoiding offense over the various winter holiday preferences.
Anonymous
Yeah, I agree. I like receiving the cards but when it’s a preprinted photo card with a comport addressed label and no personal touch whatsoever, it seems so impersonal.
Anonymous
*computer
In the Pink
I have repetitive strain injuries so addressing and signing cards is out for me – forever. I just have to hope my close friends understand that and for everyone else, they can throw them in the recycling bin if they are offended in some way. Same holds true for my business. At least I thought enough of the contact/person to put their name and address into my database for labels…
tax professional recommendation
Can anyone here recommend a good tax professional in NYC? Self-promotion is very welcome – I’d love to work with someone from this s*te. I’ve done my own taxes for years, but every year our situation gets more complex and I think it’s time to bite the bullet and hire a pro.
Anonymous
would love boston area recs as well (metro west preferred).
Tax: Boston
Carolyn Stall is metro west (ish) and is great!
Anon in NYC
I’ve used Bob Carroll (http://robertcarrollesq.com/about/) for the past several years. No complaints.
Anonymous
We’ve used choice tax solutions (run by Abby) for a few years and she’s great. She’ll also give you advice on how to lower your tax bill next year, if your withholding are correct, etc. love her!
Dulcinea Wilkes
Long-time lurker, first time poster. I’m in my first grown-up job, and have my first ever performance review coming up, after three months working here. It’s quite a lengthy process at my company, with meetings all the way up my management line.
Does anyone have any general tips or advice for reviews? At the moment I feel like I’ve no idea at all how well I’m doing.
Anonymous
Don’t be shocked if your review is fairly neutral, e.g. “meets expectations” rather than “exceeds expectations.” At my old firm, it was the norm for first year associates to get average reviews, along with a significant list of constructive criticism. It was in no way an indication that the associate was not doing well, and indeed most went on to have long careers with the firm and ultimately get stellar performance reviews. They just, with very few exceptions, didn’t give anyone a great review right off the bat. It was just the way it was done, and it was hard for many people who had always done very well in school to accept than an average rating was ok.
Do you know if you’ll get a written review before the review meeting? If so, review it carefully and come prepared to rebut anything that is factually wrong. I.e., you don’t need to come prepared if they state an opinion that you could be more proactive about deadlines but if the review says “Dulcinea missed a deadline for X project” come prepared with factual evidence that says otherwise.
Dulcinea Wilkes
Thanks! Yep, I do get a written review first.
Anonymous
agree that for new hires, esp only 3 months in, expect to see a lot of encouraging but still meets-expectation type comments.
I’m not in law. Our company does bell curve type reviews, so it’s actually worse if you are on an all star team. and we in mgmt are given a target distribution of “needs improvement” “meets” “exceeds” and “rock star awesome”. You only get one rock star (i forget what they call it) and have to have one “needs improvement” and everyone else ought to be in the middle.
Anne
I have to tell the people who work for me that “meets expectations” is not like a “C” in school. It means you are doing your job! That’s what I want.
Stormtrooper
Sometimes the reviews are a lot like an interview meaning come prepared with questions, other things you’d like to try (in law, you could say, you’d love to go observe your first deposition soon or take your first depo within the next X months, etc.), areas where you’d like to improve, etc. I don’t know if you’d get this ask this so early on and it may depend on your field, but we often ask what people have planned for marketing/networking over the next quarter/year/etc. They may ask you where you think you’re doing well and where you think you need to improve.
Seattle Recs?
Hi all. I’m going to Seattle next week (first time) for a quick birthday getaway – 4 nights. Any must-dos?
Anonymous
I did a Seattle food tour and LOVED IT. I don’t remember the name of the company but G**gle “Seattle food tour” and pick the highest rated one.
TBK
We did this, too, and really loved it. Also, eat at Matt’s in the Market.
shadow
Eat at Ivars. See Space Needle. Go up to observation deck if you’d like. The elevator is fun. The view is nice if it’s not rainy (although might be rainy). Eat a chonga bagel from Starbucks (unless you’re from Oregon, where they have chonga bagels). Go to Pike Place Market.
Where in Seattle will you be? Downtown area? A suburb nearby? If you’ll be in Bellevue (Eastside), Taiwanese food at Facing East is yummy.
KinCA
Smith Tower (cheaper and less crowded than the Space Needle, plus it’s got a cool historical vibe)
Purple Cafe & Wine Bar for dinner and drinks
Theo Chocolate Factory Tour or Chocolate Making Class at the Chocolate Box (we did a combined tour/chocolate making class through the Chocolate Box in Seattle, but it doesn’t look like they’re offering them together anymore)
Lizbet
Take the ferry (walk on) to Bainbridge Island, then browse the cute shops and eat a great dinner in the town (you walk off the ferry, up a hill and then turn left to get there). It’s only a 35-minute ferry ride with great views — you can even buy beer, wine or espresso to keep you warm on the way. There are orca sightings right now.
Anonymous
Thank you for telling us about the Hudson River School stamps. I wasn’t aware of them. While I was taking an art appreciation class in college, I fell in love with the Hudson River School painters. It’s a painting style that is ours, a true American art form. Folks say that the Hudson River School paintings are idealized and romanticized landscapes. But I say they are accurate, if you have the artist’s eye (and the right light) to see it. These paintings were so inspiring that they were partially responsible for the birth of the National Park System.
moss
Well said, I completely agree with you. The Hudson River School is a very important part of American art history. I think people dismiss realism because it’s not as challenging for the viewer as modern or abstract art. But the HRS painters transcended into the sublime. They took a subject as mundane as a landscape (since we didn’t have as much old architecture or lengthy religious tradition like, say, the Italians) and showed how beautiful the American continent was and also that American painters could have as much technical skill as any European.
This gallery has some nice paintings and they will (or used to) send out a hardcover catalog to anyone interested http://www.questroyalfineart.com/
Half Brother
If you’ve read Half Brother by Kenneth Oppel – would it be a good choice for a teen girl?
I keep hearing it described as a very relatable book for teen boys, but I’m not sure how it transfers to girls. Girl in question is 16.
mascot
I haven’t read it- but my guess is that it is recommended for boys because it is a different topic than sci-fi/fantasy or the romantic YA books that are out there. If you want a female lead, it sounds an awful lot like “we are all completely beside ourselves.”
Mrs. Cratchit
Just need to vent about my husband’s boss. My husband and I are in the same industry and often attend the same events. He and I also happen to know each other’s bosses professionally and just generally cross paths a lot through work. Today, we were at an event and my husband was giving a presentation. He had completely killed himself working on it the last few weeks (and all the house/child/dog care overflow of what’s usually his share fell on my plate). He was doing a terrific job but at one point he had a little snafu with the slides and his boss actually rolled her eyes at him in a very visible way, and kind of made an exasperated noise (that the whole room could hear — and yes, it was clear she was annoyed with him and not just with the technological slip up). It was totally unprofessional. Later she sent me a text message apologizing for something my husband had done (called on someone else to ask a question instead of me — either he didn’t see me, or worried about optics calling on his wife; we kind of both tread this awkward line sometimes not wanting to look like we’re favoring each other in professional settings). It was completely weird for her to insert herself like that. She said I should demand he watch the kids while I go for a spa day to make it up to me. Huh? I think she was trying to be funny, but it was just grating. Also weird and sort of…I don’t know… like “get out of my marriage.” This is not the first time she has been weird, or has been dismissive toward him, or otherwise honestly just been really b—y. My husband just kind of shrugs it off. Which is great! He’s had previous bosses that really got under his skin. But now I’m the one stewing! Ugh. I have a pretty high tolerance for brusque people at work, but she’s beyond that. The founder of the feast indeed!
Wildkitten
Is it normal for a person in your industry to have your phone number and text you about things other than work?
Mrs. Cratchit
Come to think of it, it was actually an email. She has my personal email because we’re throwing a big party in the next few weeks and invited our co-workers. I sent out the invites, so it came from my email.
Cream Tea
This is weird. Beyond just irritating personal traits, verging on inappropriate. But as she hasn’t really done anything specific enough at this stage, I think you have to ignore it.
anon
Does anyone know of a holiday card company that doesn’t have a huge logo on the back of the card, besides Costco?
Cat
How big do you find objectionable? Minted’s are fairly small (maybe the size of a nickel?) on the 5×7 card I selected this year.
anon
I should rephrase–I’d like a card with no logo, period. I received a lot of these types of cards last year (I’ve previously been a die-hard lover of Tiny Prints) and I’m wondering if all of them were really created individually from templates or there’s just some online place I’m missing.
Minted
I tried to get the logo removed from the cards I order from Minted. They won’t do it. Sigh.
Anonymous
the paper source
Shayla
I’m a huge fan of Mixbook for this reason. The logo is still there, but you can change it’s position and color match it to be less obtrusive. Also, Mixbook is more affordable.
Shayla
*its
:-/
anon
Thanks!
Shayla
You’re welcome!
Anonymous
Anyone did a city tour in Bangkok that they enjoyed? I’m normally a pretty independent traveler but we will only have a little less than two days to see the city, and I think a full or half day tour might be the way to go for the first day, so we can cover a lot of ground and then explore on our own the second day. The options are overwhelming so I’d love a personal recommendation.
independent traveler
OK, realize this isn’t that helpful but you can definitely just do Bangkok on your own in two days by taking tuk tuks to get from A to B quickly. Lonely Planet has a good breakdown of best sights. Don’t miss: the amulet market (probably my favorite thing in bangkok, amazing) and the Jim Thompson house. The rest is pretty self-explanatory.
Anonymous
Seconded.
BB
Thirded except if you’re not too price sensitive, do taxis instead of tuk tuks. Much safer and nicer in my experience.
Senior Attorney
No!! Really? I haven’t been to Thailand but I loved tuk tuks in Cambodia.
If I could I would travel everywhere by tuk tuk.
frsutrated academic
In Bangkok tuk tuking is more like being on the Dan Ryan during rush hour in a tuk tuk–hello huge bus and its fumes! Very different than the majority of my tuk tuking in Cambodia.
frsutrated academic
We used BKK Tours (http://www.bkktours.com/)–Miss Gift was fantastic and we got a see most of the highlights in one day.
Apps
Any suggestions for appetizers for a holiday party next month? It is usually between 25-35 people. I feel like I have the same things every year:
1) bbq and biscuits
2) various dips (spinach artichoke, etc.)
3) a chik-fil-a platter
4) hummus and vegetables
5) cookies (chocolate chip, etc)
I’m mainly looking for vegetable/dip related ideas.
Thanks in advance!
Brunette Elle Woods
Spinach and artichoke dip is always my go-to, but maybe a blue cheese or ranch dip? My mom always makes this onion dip from a packet and sour cream. Also, guacamole and veggies or chips is pretty good.
I'm Just Me ...
What about a 7 layer dip? Or baked brie?
Supporting boyfriend's baby's mother??
Hoping to get advice from the smart ladies on this board.
I’ve just discovered that my boyfriend of 4 months is about to become a parent. His ex-girlfriend is due in January. My heart is overflowing with compassion for both of them, but especially for my boyfriend’s ex. She must be very brave. I would feel so alone and afraid if I were in a similar position and facing single motherhood (my boyfriend intends to take responsibility and be involved, but their relationship was apparently not going to be saved).
At what point is it appropriate for me to do anything to support this woman and her/their child? I don’t want to be creepy or insidious, obviously, and I’m not likely to meet this woman due to geography. But I just have such a strong instinct to *do* something – even just sending gift cards to a spa for pre-natal massages or something…
Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
Shayla
4 months seems like a short amount of time to insert yourself in this at all. I think the best thing you can do is be supportive of your boyfriend but also take a step back and let him and his ex figure it out.
Supporting boyfriend's baby's mother??
You are right of course. Ideally *he* would be doing things like sending pampering gifts, etc., but he is not really a gift-giver.
Anonymous
Honestly, this all sounds really creepy to me.
First… you barely know this guy. Second… you are going to creep out the ex-girlfriend. Third… this is all just… yikes.
Not a good time to be a new girlfriend, in my book.
Do not send her anything.
Anonymous
Then she doesn’t get gifts.
Senior Attorney
Ideally *he* would not be impregnating somebody and forgetting to tell the new girlfriend he acquired before the baby was even born.
Anonymous
Agree that 4 months is too soon. You are still getting to know this person. Just be supportive and let him figure this out.
Supporting boyfriend's baby's mother??
Yup, you are all right. I guess I was looking further ahead to the future (“at what point is it appropriate…?”), but it is too soon even for that.
Thanks for reeling me in ladies!
Anonymous
It is never appropriate. Never. He pays child support and parents. You support him in doing that. You don’t support her.
Opal
+1,000
Shayla
If you’re asking when, considering your post at 6:31, I’d say if you get to the point you are seriously discussing marriage or any long-term commitment (moving in?). The only other time I would consider non-creepy interactions with ex-girlfriend would be a forced social situation or if boyfriend instigates.
Also, where’s Lorelai Gilmore when we need her? Refer to Season 6 Episode 9 until the last episodeof the Gilmore Girls.
Anon for this
Wait, you ‘just’ discovered this? Did your boyfriend just discover this too? This raises all kinds of weird red flags to me. Not saying you shouldn’t go down this road, and I’m sure there’s more here than what you’re saying, but I think I would strongly reconsider this relationship. Not send the previous GF belly cream.
Anon5
I thought the same thing too. But then again maybe he also just got to know abou this as well. But giving them both the benefit of the doubt, her heart is in the right place but 4 months is too soon to be sending anything or even initiating contact. Let him figure this out.
anon
I’m with “Anon for this.” Red flags everywhere. Bright freaking red.
Supporting boyfriend's baby's mother??
I don’t want to get into too many details for fear of being outed, but let’s just say that there are very good reasons I am just hearing this now. Otherwise yes I would agree with you!
Anonymous
Like what? Honestly? What reason does he have for lying to you for 4 months.
Senior Attorney
Cannot imagine what those reasons could possibly be.
And regardless, I would say break up with him. This going to be a lifelong deal and if I had a choice I would absolutely not volunteer to be involved in it.
Brunette Elle Woods
I really wouldn’t do much. If I was in her position I might feel resentful towards you being the new girlfriend and it might be hard for her to see someone else with him even if she doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with him. I would stay out of it as much as possible.
Anonymous
Break up with him. No, you do not support her in any way. How sanctimonious and patronizing. No, there is no good reason for you finding out his ex is pregnant at 7 months when you’ve been dating him for four of those months.
No to deciding she is brave.
No no no no no to any of this.
Disagree
There could be any number of reasons for the late disclosure. One easy scenario: the baby was attributed to a different father until a paternity test. Happened in my family.
Anon for this
If that’s the case, do you really want to be mixed up in that mess as the new girlfriend? This is more drama than I would ever subject myself to.
Anonymous
Right. Exactly.
It just rubs me the wrong way that the initial impulse is to step in as a savior here.
Killer Kitten Heels
Your post is reading super-creepy to me. “Overflowing with compassion?” Ex-g/f is “very brave” and you want to send her presents? This entire situation has basically nothing to do with you, and if I were the ex-g/f (or your b/f!) I’d be really, really uncomfortable with your level of enthusiasm for inserting yourself into this situation at all. I’ll be honest, the whole thing reads like you’re trying waaaaay too hard to (a) be the “cool” g/f in a profoundly uncomfortable and troubling situation; and/or (b) hoping to use this time of emotional upheaval/uncertainty as an opportunity to “prove” what a “supportive partner” you are to force your way to a more intimate/committed/serious relationship with your b/f than was on the table before the baby announcement.
Anonymous
Yasssssss all of this.
Senior Attorney
Yup. I cannot imagine any rational response to this kind of bombshell in a four-month relationship other than “Oh, $h1t!”
Shayla
“Peace out, homeslice.”
cc
Yes. Like is the woman 16? Cuz that’s a whole other problem. I can’t not even imagine my thoughts if I was having a baby, the father I had been with 9 months ago, and his gf of 4 months is sending me fucking massage gift cards telling me how brave I am for doing it on my own. Good lord.
Original poster
Ok, I did not intend to set off a firestorm. Thank you to all for the diversity of opinion. You’ve given me plenty to think about.
I do have to say that I am surprised by comments to the effect of “break up/don’t subject yourself to this.” Maybe fine advice for a mid-20s woman with plenty of suitors, but I am a few years older than that and there are NOT many age-appropriate men out there who would want to date me. After several years alone, I have found one. ONE.
Crossing off all fathers period is not an option beyond, say, 30.
Anonymous
Hahahaha. Ok. Flounce away. But no one, NO ONE suggested writing off all fathers. Just ones who trap you in a relationship while lying to you about the fact that they are having babies soon.
If there are no age appropriate non lying manipulator men out there (which is obviously false) then you’re better off alone.
I find it very telling that you are keeping his reasons for lying to you secret.
Killer Kitten Heels
No one is saying “cross off all fathers.” What is being said by some of the posters is that the particular situation you are describing – finding out 4 months into a relationship that your b/f’s ex is 7 months pregnant – is rife with drama potential. Even if this guy is a totally nice, normal, decent guy, he’s about to go through something absolutely hugely life-altering and dramatic, and he has many, many issues (both logistical and emotional) to sort out with his ex, and on balance, it’s probably not worth sticking around for *years* of upheaval and drama when you’ve only been in this thing for four months in the first place, especially since your knee-jerk reaction appears to be to become overly involved in the situation yourself (which means you’re likely to become a source of drama yourself in this).
If you want to stay with the guy because you like him and he likes you and it otherwise makes sense, have at it. But if you want to stay with this guy so you can be the queen of the martyred girlfriends, who is oh-so-wonderful-and-gracious because you send his ex/baby-momma spa gift cards instead of being suspicious/concerned/reserved like most people would be in your shoes, you need to step back. This whole situation isn’t about you – it’s about a baby who is going to need your boyfriend to be, first and foremost, the baby’s dad, not your boyfriend, and who is going to need you (if you stay in the picture at all) to step waaaaaaaaaaaaay the heck back.
Anonymous
You speak so much truth today.
K
On the other hand, maybe she’s Gisele, he’s Tom Brady and the ex is Bridget Monahan…
KT
Preach.
Senior Attorney
Good Lord. I think “cross off all fathers-to-be” is completely reasonable and intelligent. Timing may not be everything in life, but it’s a lot. And your timing here stinks.
Been there
I feel the need to chime in here. I feel you on being older and not having many suitors. But you have NO idea how these two will act towards each other once baby gets here. I know someone in your b/f’s situation i.e. has a child with a woman he is not married to. In the beginning the old g/f acted like she was pretty cool saying “she would start dating other people” when their relationship broke down. Fast forward a few years and he announced that he was getting engaged all sorts of drama ensued from her re: jealousy. Having not been able to find someone of her own she resented the person he wanted to commit to. I’m not saying this will happen to you too. But something to keep in mind i.e he is in this for the long haul…if you choose to stay you will be part of it too, good or bad. Those who are telling you to be cautious are absolutely right, you should be. Since you seem to like this guy alot I would say take it slow.
Wildkitten
I would feel the same way you do – including wanting to be supportive of the baby’s mom. Especially if it was like 5 years ago and I was me-5-years-younger. But you know what? I would be wrong. Don’t be me. You want to be a nice compassionate person but this mess is not your problem, and there will be other problems that you should save your energy and money for. Good luck!
MU JD
Not your circus, not your monkeys. Step away and your future self will thank you later.
Mel
THANK you for this post — was stressing about getting to a post office before they ran out of the Charlie Brown stamps. This might have changed my life :)
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