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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 170 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: ‘Jotsna’ Stretch Wool Flare Pants

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Theory 'Jotsna' Stretch Wool Flare Pants | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Oh yes… flares are back, and in a big way. For work keep your shoes as sleek as possible (a pointed toe and skinny heel look great with flares, but that’s my $.02), and check out our guide to hems. The pants are available in black and brown, and cost $285. Theory ‘Jotsna' Stretch Wool Flare Pants Here's a lower-priced option and a plus-size alternative. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Downton Abbey

    Important Downton Abbey question that I am too afraid to google because I don’t want to accidentally read a spoiler. I will write this carefully to not accidentally spoil it for anyone else. I am watching the most current season and just watched the episode that ends with a character getting a new pet. Is that the finale or is there one more episode? And is there also going to be a Christmas episode (ie two more episodes)? Thanks DA fans!

  2. Anonymous

    I’m so glad flares are back! I imprinted on late 90s-early 2000s fashion so flares will always look best to me!

    • emeralds

      I know a lot of people are excited but I HATE flares. I think they make my legs look short and stumpy, which they are not. I can do wide, I can do straight, I can do skinny–I can do almost every pant cut in the world, other than flares.

      • pear

        That’s great you can do all the others. For me, it’s boot cut/flare or nothing. I’m pear shaped.

        Stay away from trends that don’t fit your body. They are fleeting…. thank goodness.

        And I’m sure no one will by wearing flares at my workplace! But me…. I am the outlier that gets commented on, which is not good… So back to boring for me.

    • J8889

      What tops work best with flared pants for work? I put some on today, but I ended up changing since I couldn’t get my blouses to look right. Do you wear stuff tucked in? I tried a sweater, but the hook and tab of the pants pointed out weirdly. In casual wear I usually do the “70s look” of untucked chiffon blouse, flared jeans, and stacked booties, but I’m not sure how to translate it into work wear, they weren’t a trend when I started working.

      • TBK

        Oh wow I feel old. I’m with OP — bootcut and flares were all everyone wore when I was in college/right after so that’s kind of my default too. Amazed that there are people working now who started after the whole skinny thing had completely taken over!

        As for what to wear with flared pants at work, I think it works best if you do a more tailored silhouette up top. So a shrunken jacket, a J Crew jackie cardigan, a fine gauge sweater that hits at high hip that’s either fitted throughout or has a very wide (5″ or 6″) fitted band at the waist.

    • Anonymous

      I hate flares, mostly because I think they look weird with flats and I hate wearing heels. Bootcut/skinny looks so much better with flat shoes.

      • moss

        Same. Also I am short so skinny jeans can pile up on my shoe whereas flares would drag. Also grew up in the 80s which hated the 70s.

  3. SSJD

    Question for the hive: Is it okay to NOT tip my hair stylist. She is self employed and charges what I consider to be a fair price in our Midwest market (not a bargain price). Growing up I was taught that you don’t tip the owner/proprietor of a business, since the money is going directly into her hands. That said, I wondered if the norms have changed. When she handed me the screen to sign for my credit card payment, it had one of those choices of how much to tip (15%, 20%, 25%) and it made me wonder if everyone is tipping in this situation except me. For reference, this was my first appointment with her, and I think I’ll likely go back.

    • tipping

      What do you mean by self-employed? Do you mean she owns the salon?

      Most hair stylists are self-employed these days. They rent a chair in a salon. No insurance. No benefits. No job security. I tip all. Actually, I think I have even tipped the owner in salon’s in the past, although I have also read this is not required.

      Do you feel comfortable posting the price?

      My stylist used to own his own salon. Now he rents a chair in a larger salon, and is self-employed. I tip him 20%. Haircuts (short hair) $55 + tip. Color w/highlights > $200. This is for a nice suburb outside of Chicago.

      • SSJD

        We are in Cincinnati and she is located at a place called Salon Lofts, where stylists rent individual rooms for the times when they see clients. From their websites: “a community of experienced beauty professionals who enjoy all the benefits of owning a salon without the risks”. She charges $55.

        • Anon 2

          I would definitely tip her. To me the rooms are just like chair rents in other salons. But, then I also believe in tipping anyone who can alter my appearance, or has access to my food or toothbrush.

        • tipping

          Absolutely tip. No question.

          You do understand the description of this salon, right? They are not owners, really. They are simply renting chairs (“rooms”, in this case). So your stylist probably has a higher “rent” than my stylist.

          Tip.

          A good hair stylist is one of your most important collaborators.

        • moss

          Does that $10 or whatever mean a lot to you? I always try to tip because the extra few dollars doesn’t really impact me but it would mean a lot to the recipient. I remember waiting tables and the difference between a $4 tip and a $6 tip really changed how I felt about my job. I remember when dollars meant a lot to me and since they don’t now, much, I always throw down a few extra.

        • Anonymous

          You must tip. The only exception is for someone who owns the salon. This woman does not.

        • Anonymous

          I would tip in this case, because she’s not really a salon owner. She doesn’t have other employees earning revenue for her, which is what I think justifies the “no tipping owners” rule.

        • SSJD

          Thanks for the education! I will tip her going forward. Hopefully no irrevocable damage has been done by missing the tip on the first visit.

      • Sharon

        If you don’t mind, would you be able to somehow share the name of that salon? I’m on the North Shore and looking for a hairstylist nearby (I go to one in Schaumburg now, pretty far).

    • rosie

      You never *have* to tip. If you like the stylist and think she does a good job and you can afford it, I don’t know why you wouldn’t, even if the stylist is self-employed. I used to get my brows done by someone who owned her own salon, and I always tipped. Even though she set the prices & gets the money, she still had overhead–not like she got to keep it all.

    • Anonymous

      I would probably not tip the owner of a salon, but would tip anyone else. My haircut is ~$35 (long hair) in a Midwest college town and I typically tip $6-7 (~15-20%).

    • Cat

      All, does the answer change when the stylist is ACTUALLY the owner of the salon? She works at her own salon as well as other stylists renting chairs from her.

      • moss

        So for an extra few dollars you can get better treatment, possibly be a client who the stylist will squeeze in if it’s an emergency, etc. That’s not worth it to you because it’s the owner? I think a few dollars invested will pay off for you, if you care about your hair and appearance.

        • Cat

          I already get this treatment although I’ve only asked for “emergency” treatment once. I have been going to the salon for 10+ years and have always been happy with my hair. I haven’t been tipping because that’s what my mother, who goes to the same stylist, taught me. Figured this would be a good time to test her advice.

        • Anonymous

          But it’s not just about whether Cat can afford the tip. I think some (a lot?) of salon owners would be offended at a tip, because of the general rule that you don’t tip owners and they would see it as insulting or condescending. I would not tip someone who actually owns their own salon and has employees working for them (I don’t think OP’s stylist owns a salon).

          • NYNY

            I used to manage a hair salon, so I’ll jump in. Some people tip the owner, but it is not expected like it is for the staff (whether they are employees or rent chairs). In my salon, the owner had a 10-15% markup on all services he performed, which generally compensated for a lack of tips. I would say that only one or two clients per day left anything additional, and there was no different treatment for those who did or did not tip.

            That being said, always tip the assistant who washes your hair and sweeps up.

        • Cat

          @moss, you seem particularly sensitive to this point, so I’ll explain more – I was taught that a salon’s owner sets his/her prices at a level that he/she wants to earn for the service, assuming no tip, because the owner doesn’t have the same overhead costs that renting stylists do. I pay ~$150 every 2 months for a cut (chin length bob) and highlights.

          • Anonymous

            That’s a great price.

            Honestly…. I’d still tip. Especially for someone who has worked with you for years.

      • Scarlett

        My tip is to tip liberally and often. Someone you plan to see a lot who does services for you – tip. Person in coffee shop who may have their day made by a tip – tip. All the old arbitrary rules about owner this/that aren’t really applicable in a world where everyone is looking for a discount and being a business owner is hard. It doesn’t cost a lot to be a little generous. If you can afford the service you can afford a tip.

      • Senior Attorney

        I go to the owner of the salon for my color and I don’t tip. But I do have a standing appointment, rain or shine, every three weeks. I talk up the place to my friends and on social media. I give her a nice cash gift at Christmas. And I generously tip the employees who cut and wash and style my hair. I think I’m a great client and I know the salon owner thinks so too because she’s told me as much.

        • Scarlett

          Oh I think this is the same idea – a generous cash gift at the holidays & a regular standing appointment w/ total loyalty – I wouldn’t second guess this. I think there are a lot of ways to “tip” and this is a good example of that.

      • TO Lawyer

        My hairstylist owns the salon and I still tip him. He doesn’t seem offended and I get fantastic service. He’ll move around other clients’ appointments for me so I definitely think it’s worth it.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Along similar lines – I’ve been going to my stylist for years, and for all of that time, she was an employee of the salon. Recently, she became an owner of the salon, but she hasn’t changed her price for me (I don’t know what she charges new customers) in the 7 or 8 years that I’ve known her, and I pay under market rates for the work that she does. My plan was to keep tipping her, but now I’m wondering if there’s a risk I’ll be insulting her new-owner status by continuing to tip. On the flip side, she’s charging me what I paid back when she was just a junior stylist, so the logic that she’s charging me a price that reflects what she wants to earn for the service assuming no tip doesn’t seem quite as applicable here. So, tip? Don’t tip?

      • Hair

        Tip. She could of increased her price, but did not because you were a long term customer. And you are already paying under market rate.

        I think the suggestion the owners will be offended by giving them a tip is silly. Offer the tip. If they decline, THEN you stop tipping.

      • Bonnie

        I don’t think you can ever insult somebody by tipping. It sounds like she’s giving you a discounted price so I would continue to tip.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Thanks all, for indulging the slightly off-topic tangent – this is in line with what I was thinking originally, I just got a little concerned when I saw the “tips are insulting” thing pop up, because it was truly an angle I’d never even considered before.

    • Hair Stylist Sister

      My sister owned a salon for a few years, has rented chairs at places similar to Salon Lofts, and has been an employee. She’s always worked in the mid-west, but trained in LA. In every situation, she seriously depends on tips. She rarely changes her prices – I seriously think twice in more than a decade. when she became an owner, she didn’t change them, even though I thought she should. She often gives long standing clients lower rates. For an owner, you tip her well, and she will work harder to squeeze you in (my sister has at least a four week wait to get an appointment and a cancellation list – do you think a busy owner will pull someone from the cancellation list to get a short notice appointment for someone who tips or someone who doesn’t?), throw in a service here and there, let you know of discounts, give you freebie samples, etc.

      Take care of those who take care of you. It’s simple

      • Opal

        +1.

        Honestly, I’ve never heard the “don’t tip the owner” rule… like, ever. I have a background/family that is all about etiquette and being proper, and this is new to me. Regardless of that, I am 100% in agreement with above – take care of those who take care of you. I believe in the “spirit” of the tip more than anything else – good, reliable, responsive service means you get a tip.

    • Anonymous

      I’m wondering this too. My stylist’s name is on the front of the salon, it’s definitely her establishment, and she already charges $75 per cut. I’ve been tipping, and may continue just because she might wonder why if I stop, mostly because she does a really good job with my hair and actually gives me the simple cut I want without trying to sell me on something fancier or more modern. I’d rather not piss her off, she may already be mad at me for going somewhere else for my color!

    • Huh

      I didn’t know about the owners rule. My stylist used to be an employee, but about a year ago she bought into the hair salon and is now a co-owner with the former sole owner. Her prices went up from $80 to $90 around that time (sadly this is a pretty good price in NYC). I used to tip $15 (roughly 20%), now I tip $15 to $20 depending on my mood/what I have in my wallet (I pay by CC and leave the tip in cash). I only go about 3-4 times a year so it’s not that big a deal. Am I insulting her by continuing to tip? Never thought of that. She’s fantastic, I’ve been going to her for years and years. I love what she does with my hair and it’s always fun chatting with her.

  4. Anon

    Kat – the site is freezing and crashing for me every day when i try to access it at work (internet explorer 11).

  5. Regular poster

    Thanks to everyone (both on this forum and the related forum) for your thoughtful and respectful comments to my question yesterday about using physical discipline on a child. As mentioned, DH is totally against it so for that reason alone we will not go down that path, but I was very curious to read everyone’s comments. I think what stuck most with me are those who wrote that even being hit a few times (and not severely or anything) was enough to instill fear and anxiety in them. That’s the last thing that we want.

    I’m currently reading Talk So that Kids Will Listen and it’s great so far, providing a lot of concrete examples on how to respond when kids hit/bite/kick their younger siblings.

    This community rocks. Thank you.

    • Wow

      I didn’t have a chance to respond yesterday but I have to say that I am extremely surprised by many of the comments about how any sort of physical discipline is never ok. I don’t know…I grew up in a modestly middle class neighborhood and physical discipline, used sparingly, was the norm in my family and certain of others I knew too. I agree that it can be a slippery slope, but I remember my dad reserving it only for those occasions when I was endangering the safety of my sister (ie: I had a bright idea to sit on top of my younger sister and pretend she was a pony when she was 10 months old, and my dad removed me and hit me hard on my butt). I never did it again.

      • Anon

        Interesting what different people took away from the discussion. I was actually surprised how many people had experience with physical discipline as a ‘norm’. I’m 35 and I only know two people who have ever told me that they were physically disciplined (one spanked, one hit with a wooden spoon) as a child.

        • Wow

          I’m the same age as you. This is obviously a generalization bu t I feel that physical discipline is more of a norm/acceptable among minorities/immigrant communities. At least based on my experience, I see this to be the case. I find that my white friends mostly were never hit and are really shocked when I tell them that I was (very ocassionally, that is).

          • Anon

            Eh, it exists outside minorities, at least in the Midwest, and particularly rural communities. I am 30 and know a ton of people who were spanked (both with hands and objects), including my husband and brother in law and pretty much everyone they grew up with. All come from middle-class white families.

          • Anon

            I commented yesterday about my experience. I am Indian and I used to get hit by my father till about the age of eight. I see my nephews getting spanked once in a while. But I would never do that to my children. I can remember very vividly how hurtful it was. I still cannot talk to my father. I very rarely talk to him. If I have to say anything to him, then I tell my mother and she has to relay it to him. Every child is different, physical discipline may leave a lasting impression on some children and other may turn out completely okay.

          • Anonymous

            There’s a good chance people just aren’t mentioning it. By contrast, I was pretty routinely physically abused (punched, pulled down flights of stairs by my hair, forced to barricade myself in my room so my dad couldn’t get in, etc.) and I’ve avoided these conversations with people I know and/or outright said my parents would never spank, which is technically true. Many of my friends know my parents and it’s not a time in my life I enjoy discussing.

        • Wildkitten

          I am 30 and grew up in California and my family immigrated on the Mayflower and I was spanked (with hands) and I won’t do it when I have kids. Just to add to the anecdata.

        • dunno...

          I’m 37 and was spanked as a child. I don’t bring it up (and for me it wasn’t at all traumatizing) so my friends may assume otherwise.

          • Cat

            Yeah, me too – not at all frequently (maybe 2x a year, around ages 5-8?) and I can remember most of the reasons. I was being a little PITA and had either exhausted the usual punishments (sent to room, toy taken away, whatever) or the behavior needed immediate and memorable correction. I would never even think to bring it up to others either, for the same reason.

        • Anonymous

          I was surprised over how common it seemed to be.
          I am in my forties and do not know anyone who was hit.
          I am not in the US.

      • MJ

        Didn’t chime in yesterday, but I definitely thought it was normal when I was a kid. But I was a really, really bad little kid, mostly due to being on a lot of meds for asthma that made me really hyper. There was a lot of spanking in my family, including the use of my mom’s sorority paddle. It was uncool, and I would never, ever hit a child, especially a toddler who can’t really understand consequences super-well.

      • South Asian

        I’m 30. My siblings and I were beaten, not hit or spanked or smacked. Especially by our father. He would take out his rage on us. Our infractions were so minor, to this day I just shake my head thinking about it. He would beat us for not eating our food quickly enough, if we talked back, etc. He would use his hands, sticks, spoons, etc. And we were not destructive troublemakers, either. Mild mannered, studious, quiet. We knew to be quiet around him.

        He was also physically abusive towards our mother. That was the most difficult thing to see – I remember trying pull him off of our mother when he tried choking her. One time, he beat me so badly on my back that I couldn’t stand or move or walk, I remember trying to hand carpet installers a pencil and the guy looked at me strangely. As we grew older, it stopped but he would even get angry that we would defend ourselves. Today, he just emotionally and verbally abusive (yes, “just”). Although I recall him trying to hit me last year. I just yelled at him and he literally shook in rage.

        He’s a narcissistic control freak with severe anger management issues. And we have no doubt that he loves us desperately. I don’t think any of us children would hit our kids but I know this caused severe resentment towards our father. We love him but it’s complicated. It’s difficult because he’s a heart patient and his anger will cause chest pain.

        Everyone else’s experience seems so mild to me.

        • Anonymous

          I absolutely could’ve written this, especially (weirdly enough), the part about being certain he loves us. My dad doesn’t hit anyone any more, but that’s because by the time I turned 17 I made it clear that if he ever raised a hand in anger again, I’d call the police and make sure he went to jail for it.

    • Anon mom

      Didn’t ready much of yesterday’s but highly recommend reading Janet Lansbury. Her respectful approach will likely resonate with your husband’s needs/desires for how you two parent.

      I have a toddler and a baby. I was not hit and do not hit my kids. I can tell you from experience that a toddler hitting/biting a younger sibling needs the opposite of physical punishment. The toddler needs a hug!

    • nutella

      I was also fascinated by the discussion, and it prompted a discussion with SO last night about our experiences and how we would approach future parenting.

    • anonymous

      My father read that book when my mom left him shortly after I was born. He was freaked out about having to raise a daughter alone, and according to both him and my mom, he wasn’t always the most kind or patient person. Nearly 30 years later, I turned out great and my father is a superstar as far as I’m concerned. He credits reading that book (along with a couple of other things) with helping him figure it out. I think you’re off to a good start!

    • Anonymous

      I do think it sounds counterintuitive to try to stop violence against the baby with violence against the toddler. It’s is all about modeling at that age.

    • Anonymous

      I have to admit, I very much like the Herbal Essences dry shampoo. It works just fine, and I like the smell.

    • Maddie Ross

      Psst! and Batiste are my favs. Batiste you can get at Target, Psst! for some reason you cannot. If in a pinch, the Suave one is decent – get the Suave Moroccan argan oil one though (gold can), not the original. It smells better and seems to blend better.

    • Chicago Bean Accounter

      Not Your Mothers! I’ve used Psssst! before as well, but I love Not Your Mothers. I’ve heard that they may have just come out with an unscented version as well – I’m going to have to track it down!

    • Tunnel

      Batiste Dry Shampoo is my favorite. I use the deep brown color.
      Suave is ok, but smells funny in my opinion.

    • Coach Laura

      Garnier Fructis is my fave – smells great and doesn’t leave a white residue.

    • Anonymous

      No longer in the area, but I was at TU for four years of undergrad and love the city. Happy to offer anything I can.

    • VKD

      I may be commenting too late, but I am in Tulsa. Thought I was lurking in my own little town here :). Hello!

  8. Legally Brunette

    What’s a good fish oil capsule that has a high level of DHA (ie; the good stuff) but isn’t insanely expensive? I was using NatureMade for months but upon reading some reviews, it looks like the level of DHA is relatively low.

    • anon

      If you are specifically trying to get DHA, search for DHA supplements rather than fish oil supplements at drugstore dot com or vitacost dot com. The amount of DHA in these supplements will be specified. Some DHA supplements are made from fish oil and others are made from algae (Life’s DHA by Martek). I like EFA Gold Neuromins with 200 mg DHA.

      • JEB

        Look near the prenatals for DHA-only supplements (if that’s what you’re primarily looking for).

  9. Cold Feet

    DH & I have been TTC for about a year now. This morning, my vivid imagination detected a faint second line and suddenly – COLD FEET! What if life with a child sucks? (Not for people in general, but for us.)
    I´ve heard about cold feet before marriage, but not when (maybe) being pregnant. Shouldn´t I be all happy and enthusiastic and content? Or is doubtful the new normal?

    • Anon for this

      So, so normal! Seriously. When I had my daughter, my first words to my husband when they handed her to me weren’t “oh she’s beautiful” or anything like that, I looked at him and said “what the F have we done?!” But I cannot imagine life without her. Totally normal!

    • Anon in NYC

      SO normal! After I got a positive test (after trying for about 8 months) my first thought was “oh sh!t.” I also did not feel over the moon happy during pregnancy (I had a normal pregnancy but did not love being pregnant) and did not really “bond” with the baby while I was pregnant. Also, I didn’t really love my daughter until about 5-6 weeks in (I did feel very protective of her and cared about her, but at about 5-6 weeks a wave of love hit me). Now I would move heaven and earth for her. So…totally normal.

    • Me too

      I felt this way when we got our first positive test. I think it’s mostly about the irrevocability of it. You’ve been trying for so long, and you know that you want a child, but now that it’s (maybe) actually happening, you’re not in control of it anymore. You can no longer decide “Oh, just kidding, I changed my mind,” and that’s scary because until now, you could. I think this is normal, but I think you’ll also feel happy and content– sometimes I felt both, simultaneously. I decided it was a “grass is greener” situation, where we wanted a child so badly, and then once it began to happen, I wondered if I wanted my carefree childless lifestyle instead. I think how you are feeling is totally normal. And, congratulations!

    • Mary

      My first reaction was definitely cold feet! And i felt that way on and off for a long time! But babies are THE BEST. Spoken as one mother of a very awesome eight month old :)

      Life will never be the same. A sense of loss just shows you have a good thing going!

    • Jules

      Yes, totally normal! We were trying (I was 34, then-DH was 41, it was almost now or never) and I had all the signs of breast tenderness, missed period, etc. But when the first home test was positive both of us had the first reaction of, oh sh!t. I went out and bought two more tests.

      And of course we got over it (mostly – until the panic when they let us two amateurs bring that tiny human home!). And he will be 21 next week.

    • Anon

      We were actively trying and I still cried (tears of fear and panic, not happiness) and was in a total funk for the first 24-48 hours after the positive pregnancy test. I had all this stuff planned, mostly to distract myself from focusing on trying to get pregnant, and felt a total loss of my previous life. I got over the worst of it within 48 hours, though, and have been predominately happy/excited for most of the pregnancy.

    • LawDawg

      I was 34 when I started TTC. A few weeks later, I showed DH the positive test. His response: “I thought you said it would take six months.” Cold feet are very normal. Congrats!!

    • frustrated academic

      Totally normal–that’s why it takes 10 months, s0 you get used to the idea ;-) Seriously though, it is ok to be nervous\sad\freaked out both when pregnant and once your little nugget arrives. Even now, with a fabulous 20 month old, I still “mourn” the old me that could decide to go to drinks or a movie after work instead of running home to relieve the nanny, etc. Motherhood is not all sparkly facebook posts!

    • Cold Feet

      Thanks for sharing your experiences! Right now I feel like this may have been the biggest mistake of my so-far-oh-so-perfect life ;-)

    • Edna Mazur

      Just adding to the “totally normal” sentiment. We went through multiple rounds of fertility treatments and after the disbelief wore off my next thought was “what have we done?!?!”. Intuitively I knew this was what I longed for, but there was panic. It goes away, you’ll find happy sometime.

  10. My hair is driving me crazy

    I have flat hair that fuzzes in medium humidity (northeast winters) but curls in Miami and is straight in Phoenix. It has been cool and rainy lately and I have a hot mess of hair.

    I want to just shave it off.

    I could go to a bob — triangular fuzz.
    Pixie — that would be awful to grow out.

    That is all.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I have similar-ish hair, and my solution has been to go pixie and just never grow it out.

    • Anonymous

      I have your hair, minus the curls in Miami. I have a pixie. It would be awful to grow out, so I’m just never going to grow it out.

    • Rarara

      This is my hair. I live in the Midwest and Argan oil, low bun, and gel or hairspray has been my strategy.

      I was tempted to pixie but the Bob phase was difficult enough and required a torrid affair with my flat iron.

      • Anonymous

        I found a bob to be way harder to manage than a pixie – more work to style, very susceptible to humidity. I’ve had short hair of various iterations for a couple years now and can’t imagine going back,

  11. Christmas pyjamas?

    Can any Canadian C*rporettes help?

    Trying to find matching Christmas pyjamas for my 18mth old and 6 year old. Looking for cotton for both (fleece aggravates their exzema) – need footed one piece pyjamas for the 18month old and prefer two piece for the 6 year old but one piece would be okay too. My 6 year old has asked to match her brother. Bonus if they have matching adult options and she would love that.

    I’ve tried Carters, Old Navy, Gap, The Children’s Place, Gymboree, Sears and even Target and Macys but they either don’t have Christmas patterns in the cotton sleepers or if they do have a Christmas/Winter pattern they don’t have feet.

    I don’t mind shipping from the states but I’d prefer Canada if possible as the exchange rate is horrible right now.

    (tried posting on moms site but it’s not showing up)

  12. life insurnace

    so, i waited until the last day of open enrollment. I can get 700k of life insurance coverage through my employer, for what works out to about $800/year.

    I have heard from you ladies that it’s often cheaper to do this through a non employer affiliated party. Can anyone give me a quick gut check on what you pay and for what coverage? I have to make a call on signing up for employer coverage in the next 3 hours.

    If this is grossly overpaying for coverage (I’m completely healthy, early 30s) then i’ll decline and call life ins companies this afternoon.

    tIA

    • Anonymous

      State Farm has an online calculator for term life insurance — check that out maybe.

    • meme

      We have $2M coverage ($1M each for husband and me) for $110/month. It’s a 20-year term policy, procured when we were about 35.

    • LSC

      I pay $300 a year for 500k of insurance. I am late 20s. My husband, mid 30s pays $480 a year for 500k.

    • Meg Murry

      Or you can split the difference – sign up for 1/4 to 1/2 that coverage now, make the calls to the insurers and get a term policy for the other 1/2 to 3/4. If the term insurance is too expensive, don’t bother and then boost up to the next level for next year. We bought a 20 year term, and then 5 years when we had another kid another 20 year term, which makes sense for us to have staggered levels of term insurance.

      Or don’t even go to 1/4 to 1/2, but to the maximum allowed without a physical (at my previous companies it was somewhere between 1.5X salary and 3X salary).

      Do you have a reason to need a lot of insurance (kids or TTC, high mortgage your spouse couldn’t pay on his own, etc)?

    • Due in December

      I pay $859 a year for $1.5 mil. for term life insurance. I got it this year. I’m 31. My husband (32) pays a bit more for his $1.5 mil. term policy.

    • Jax

      I pay $275 per year for $250,000 term life insurance ($69 per quarter) and I shopped for it on my own at age 33. I only wanted a policy that would pay off the house and help my husband with child care costs if something happened to me, not set them up for life.

    • Anonymous

      very helpful, thanks. I ended up declining and we’re going to do a policy for the two of us together for more coverage and less cost. really appreciate the quick check!

  13. Chest pain?

    OK. I’ve had this happen several times and mentioned it to my doctor, who seemed thoroughly unconcerned. I’m switching doctors anyway, and I don’t know what to Google and the symptoms are very similar to a heart attack or a lung clot, which are both super serious but not what’s happening unless I’ve suffered numerous over like 5-10 years with no repercussions. So I guess just looking to see if anyone has any ideas about what this is.

    Sometimes I get this pain in my breast/lung/chest area. I can best describe it as “stabbing me with a knife made of ice while something heavy sits on my chest so I can’t take deep breaths (or at least without getting stabbed with the icy knife).” Yesterday and this morning it happened 3 times for about a minute each and then the pain passed. In previous episodes the pain has lasted as long as 20 minutes. This morning the pain was focused on the outside of my left breast, but it’s been all over.

    Any ideas? Thanks!

    • Pretty Primadonna

      Anxiety attacks? I don’t have personal experience with them, but both my sisters did, and this sounds familiar to things they experienced.

    • JJ

      I had this happen a few times in college and ended up getting an EKG and a stress test. There was nothing wrong with my heart that the docs could see, and so they told it it could actually be muscle cramps in the muscles around my chest and my rib cage. Now that I recognize the pain, I understand that’s what it was.

      Obviously, never take chest pains lightly, but it could be something not-as-serious.

      • samesies!

        I’ve had the same concerns, same tests, and same diagnosis. But you should always talk to a doctor about these and insist on a second opinion or tests if shrugging it off isn’t setting your mind at ease. Be your own advocate!

      • Have you had chicken pox or shingles?

        I was abroad when it happened to me and I thought I was having a heart attack.

        The first doctor told me I’m “homesick” since my EKG was fine.

        The second doctor explained that 99.999% likely that since I had had chicken pox before, when my immune system is down, the part with chicken pox inflames the nerve (which is right by the heart). And I was having those pains when I had the flu so it made sense.

        I’ve also had it once or twice since then, always when sick/stressed/tired, so now I know.

    • CapHillAnon

      Two ideas, but of course you need to seek medical advice, which it sounds like you’re doing. I’m not a dr but can tell you about my 2 weird chest pain experiences:

      1. I had awful stabbing, can’t-breathe, can’t-stand-up pain in the center of my chest (hello, ambulance) that turned out to be gallbladder disease. It felt like what I imagine a heart attack would feel like. It didn’t feel like it had anything to do with my digestive tract, and I hadn’t noticed anything amiss before that. I’m athletic, slim, and had zero metabolic issues before this came out of the blue. Had gallbladder taken out, problem solved!
      2. No idea what the phrase is for this, again, not a dr!, but sometimes your ribs can twist slightly where they attach to your sternum in such a way that it is excruciating for a moment. This happens to me after I have been carrying heavy messenger bags or other heavy things on one side of body. i won’t have any issues while I am carrying the heavy thing, but the next day or that night, I’ll inhale or reach an an arm out or something and be hit with a lightening bolt of pain where my ribs attach. It goes away in a minute. My doctors are never concerned about it, but it causede serious panic until I figured it out.

      So there are some anecdotes –good luck at the new doctors and stay healthy!

    • Gigi

      I had very similar symptoms (for me the pain was sometimes so bad I felt like I couldn’t breathe) and after 2 chest x-Rays a few months apart, my doctor determined that it was likely some sort of muscular pain from the way I was sleeping. It was really scary, because my symptoms were also consistent with a pulmonary embolism. I really encourage you to take it seriously and go to a doctor, but also to be reassured that mine was fine and I haven’t had any symptoms for months now.

    • CountC

      This happens to me too. My doc seemed unconcerned. I chalked it up to stress and anxiety as I am otherwise very healthy. Smart? No clue honestly.

    • Mary Ann Singleton

      I’ve had this happen quite often and I’ve had an EKG and a chest x-ray which were all fine. My PT has noticed that my ribcage is less “springy” on one side, some ribs in particular seem a little stuck, so I think it is musculoskeletal.

    • K

      I’ve also had something similar occur 2 or 3 times in the past couple of years. The first doctor actually diagnosed it as heartburn. It was not. The problem is that it goes away. It usually happens in the very early morning.

      The freaky thing is that the first time it happened was the day before my mother had an actual heart attack.

    • CHS

      I get these too, always have. Doctor(s) also unconcerned. I’ve come to accept them as an annoyance, and just try to relax and not take deep breaths when it’s happening. Usually goes away within a few minutes. I wouldn’t worry unless you see a dramatic uptick in the frequency of them.

    • Susie

      I get this periodically, along with dizzy spells. I’ve gone to the Dr and had a chest xray. The doc chalked it up to “probably allergy related asthma.” It does seem worst in spring and fall.

    • Godzilla

      I literally went to the ER for this last week. It was sustained pain under my right clavicle, I couldn’t sleep, it felt terrible. Did the EKG and chest x-ray, all clear. They gave me IV toradol, which helped a lot. My chiropractor thinks it’s the trigger point from the right side of my upper back radiating down my shoulder. My massage therapist said he had something similar, and he had a trigger point in his rib. Work with a massage therapist or physical therapist to work out the knot.

      Also, see if you can figure out a pattern with the pain. My gynecologist friend said one of her patients had something similar and was diagnosed with endometriosis. It can be referred pain from another condition.

    • DPT

      This could be a common musculoskeletal problem that is often overlooked (ie. M.D. says nothing medical is wrong, so go home and just deal with it). If you’ve been cleared medically, I would highly suggest seeing a physical therapy for trigger point release and rib/thoracic spine mobilization, and instruction in appropriate exercises and self-care for future episodes.

    • BabyDoc

      I’m late in the game here, but it sounds like “precordial catch.” It’s well known in peds, but can happen in adults too. A big, quick, deep inspiration (while painful) will break it.

      I feel like I have to add a CYA caveat, though–if chest pain/breathing difficulty is ongoing/recurrent, you need to be seen by an MD and evaluated

  14. Tieks?

    Has anyone ever bought Tieks? How did they wear? Are they worth it? I’m getting married and considering getting a pair of their rose gold ones as a splurge since most ballet flats are just not that comfortable and I dont want to be thinking about my feet that day!!!

    • First Year Anon

      I have them. They are comfortable in that they shouldn’t give you any blisters/rubbing since they are so soft, but there is zero arch support which I found bothersome when I use them for travelling. I think for a wedding day they will be plenty comfortable.

    • Wildkitten

      Agree with FYA that they do not provide enough to support to be comfortable when walking all day. They have coupons fairly frequently so if your wedding is months away you should wait for a special.

  15. Anon and Annoyed

    Has anyone else ever dealt with a man who doesn’t want a “relationship,” but then acts like a whiny man-baby when he finds out you’re seeing other people, or acts like you’ve mercilessly broken his heart when you ditch him for someone who does want a real relationship?

    • emeralds

      Nope. Nor would I want to, or allow myself to be an audience for his whining. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

      • Anon and Annoyed

        He was sending me messages about it this morning, and normally I’m very responsive to texts unless I’m actively avoiding someone, but today I was like “I’m not having this conversation while I’m at work.” He and I need to have a come to Jesus talk soon . . .

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          I don’t feel like a “come to Jesus” talk is required here, unless it’s the shortest talk in the history of talks, and consists of the following: “We are not in a relationship. Whatever feelings you have about that are yours, so take them elsewhere, kthxbye.”

          Seriously, I get that you have some type of involvement with him, but there’s nothing to really “discuss” here, and indulging him by having some big long drawn-out thing about his feeeeeelings is just giving him what he wants, which is to have access to your time/emotional energy/attention without having to do the work of being in any kind of relationship with you.

          • anon

            “which is to have access to your time/emotional energy/attention without having to do the work of being in any kind of relationship with you.”

            This x 1000

            He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Take whatever metaphor you want, this person wants to enjoy your emotional connection on demand but doesn’t want to do the legwork. No point in wasting your time or energy. It’ll be hard to cut it off because you clearly have some emotional connection to this person, but one lesson that has been very valuable for me to learn is that these people ^^^^^ are not worth your energy.

          • Anonymous

            I should mention we’ve been involved for years. I did end things with him last year to have a real relationship with someone else, but we gravitated back toward each other after the breakup and then he started saying he loves me. but still doesn’t want a relationship. he’s open about seeing other women but if I see other men, that “says something” about my feelings for him. He’s ridiculous and I’m wondering why I put up with his nonsense.

        • Opal

          I’m not sure the length of involvement changes my support for KKH’s approach. The more attention and time you give him, I think the more likely he is to soak it up (clearly it’s what he wants) and continue to push the issue. Short. Sweet. Done. Bye.

      • CountC

        I would not entertain this for a minute. What benefit is he bringing to your life as a friend? Probably not enought to make this headache worth it. Buh bye.

    • Ellen

      All the men I have dated did NOT want a releationship, but they insisted that I onley have sex with them (which is what a releationship IS! I did NOT want to have sex with more then one person, but when I brought up haveing a releationship with them, they said that they just wanted to have sex with me. Dad says this is a HOBSON’s choice. You get screwed either way, and it is NOT fun. I recomend you lose these loosers, as I did Sheketovits, who as it turned out did NOT want to marry me, just have sex with me. FOOEY on men like this. FOOEY!

    • Anon

      I was in that situation six years back. I didn’t want to ruin a new promising relationship because a whiny man baby’s ego was hurt. I told him once that I will not be going back to him ever again and he needs to stop whining. When it didn’t stop, I blocked his number so he cannot call me/text me, blocked him on facebook (or similar, eventually I deleted my facebook account as I just felt it was too much noise) blocked him from chat in gmail and marked him as spam in gmail. I had no idea if he tried to contact me, but I never came into contact with him. He lives in a different city, so that helped. I married the new person I met and last month was our fourth wedding anniversary.

    • Anonymous

      Well, was he just a friend or a friend with other less-friend things involved? I guess that is relevant.

      But, regardless, if he’s being a pain, just ditch him. It sounds like you gave him a chance. If you want to give him another chance and say “this is what I am looking for”, you can. And if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. He’ll get over it.

      • Anonymous

        We’ve been dating for years, although I only see him once or twice a month and we don’t actually go on dates much, if you know what I mean. So yeah, more than friends.

        • Anonymous

          Sounds like F buddies where you want more and he doesn’t, but he also doesn’t want to share you. YEA NO. You’re wasting your time and energy, for what? Drama.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, so, he basically has no rights to you. Got it. I’d cut him out/off and move on. He missed his chance.

  16. Anonymous

    Question – just bought a merino wool pullover from Lord & Taylor (one of the thinner wool $40 types). After wearing it, I handwashed it briefly in cool water and laid out to dry. It’s shrunk a little but not so much that I can’t wear it – it’s just a little form fitting for me now. Is it worth trying to stretch it with conditioner (or ???) or should I buy another one and just dryclean it going forward?

    • MJ

      I don’t wear wool anymore bc of allergy, but you should be able to restretch it if you rewet it–gently stretch just the parts you want.. And I would DC in the future.

      • Mpls

        +1 – Rewet and gently stretch in all directions (where you want more room). Wool had a tendency to contract when complete wetted down, so this is totally normal.

        I would NOT dry clean in the future, because I don’t see any benefit (it’s extra time, money and harsh chemicals) over wet washing, but I don’t dry clean anything at all so that’s just me.

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