Coffee Break: PHLUR Fragrances

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For some reason I've been rethinking fragrance choices lately — I stopped wearing them for a long time because I worried my babies would be too sensitive to the scents, and now that the kids are bigger I've been trying to get back into it, my old standard perfumes just don't feel right anymore. (I generally like weird scents for women — Auntie M and I always joke that if I love it she hates it. Old favorites include Coco (which may not be sold anymore?), and men's colognes like Acqua Di Parma Colonia Assoluta in the summer and Original Vetiver Cologne by Creed Eau De Parfums in the winter.) Recently, I've gotten samplers from Juliette has a Gun (I loved all of the fragrances except their signature one, Not a Perfume), Skylar (meh) and Phlur — and I think I may be stopping the search because I love Phlur's Hepcat so much, as well as all the Juliette has a Gun fragrances. At Phlur you can easily sample three perfumes for $18. I got Hepcat because I generally adore vetiver-based scents, as well as Améline and Hanami. The other two fragrances I tried weren't my taste, but I really adored Hepcat, as well as the cool way the brand tells you how the scent should wear — an hour in, four hours in, 24 hours in. The scent lasted a long time. I also wear Le Labo's Vetiver (I have the “liquid balm“) and comparing Phlur's Hepcat to Le Labo's Vetiver, Le Labo's is much more of a “pure” scent, whereas Hepcat has layers upon layers of different scents. It's smoky, dark, complex… I really love it. A sampler set of three perfumes is $18, but then you get an $18 credit to spend on your first perfume (full price at $88), so it all kind of works out in the end. Psst: Perfumes are probably best left for nights and weekends. If you DO wear it at work, know your office — readers just recently noted how much they question whether any office-appropriate perfumes exist. If you're working in close quarters with people or prefer a really strong scent, you may want to reconsider.

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  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
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  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
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  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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112 Comments

  1. Any rec for a reusable and lightweight fork set that is easy to clean? There seems to be a lot of sets that come in a cloth carrying case, but the case is not as easy to sanitize as a metal container, by being boiled in hot water. Also, I’m looking for bamboo/metal fork (not plastic).

    1. Is this for work? A lunchbox?

      Assuming yes, I’ve had good luck with a single fork/ spoon/ butter knife set bought open stock from a homegoods store, thrown in a ziploc bag. I just rinse it off after each use, dishwasher it on the weekend.

          1. I’ve actually just been saving plastic forks and washing them by hand. They break, but inevitably, I forget to bring a fork to lunch one day, so I’ll just save that one for the next breakage. It works fine.

    2. Hahaha I got mine at the scout shop when I got my kid’s cub scout uniform.
      heavy-duty plastic. I don’t think dishwasher-safe but I’ve never tried. I just use hot water and carry a set with me.

    3. They are small and cutesy and don’t include a knife, but our PB Kids utensil sets with cases have held up to daily trips through the dishwasher for several years.

    4. I grab extras at Chipotle if I do takeout and then wash/reuse the plastic ones in my lunch. Maybe not the *most* environmentally friendly option but it’s pretty easy.

  2. Right now I’m obsessed with Le Labo’s Lys 41 (lily scented). I’m a huge fan of white florals in general. I splurged on the body wash too.

    1. I love white florals too. Will check this out.

      My current obsession is Annick Goutal Un Matin d’Orage. It’s described as a “wet” white floral. Hard to find in the US. I bought it on a trip to Paris.

      1. Same here. I haven’t worn perfume in ages but am thinking of trying it again, so the sampler seems great. In-house in Houston, what are your favorites?

  3. Hello! I have three days after my work trip to the Bay area (Palo Alto) late Feb/early March and I’m hoping to try to go to Napa or Sonoma after with H. It looks like renting a car might make the most sense? Does anyone have any recommendations for not as pricey but still good hotels?

    1. A car is a must. Generally, Napa is more expensive than Sonoma and hotels in the touristy towns (esp Yountville) will be more than a hotel somewhere a little more out of the way. When we go up from the bay area, we normally stay in Napa Junction or American Canyon. It’s a bit more of a drive, but still pretty close and you will want to drive around anyway to see stuff. We especially like the Fairfield Inn in American Canyon. It’s not a fancy place at all, but it’s nice for the price.

    2. Definitely rent a car, but consider getting a driver/Lyft if there is a particular tasting that you will be going to where you will be overindulging (Del Dotto comes to mind).

      The Hubs and I like Petit Logis in Yountville. Pros: moderate pricing (in the $150-250 pre-tax per night range that time of year, clean, cute, walking distance to Bouchon/French Laundry/Bistro Jeanty/V Marketplace, free parking. Cons: Very small (like five rooms), pretty much no services (concierge, resto, bar).

    3. Check out the Airbnb scene – you may find you get a little more for the same money than with hotels out there. You’ll want a rental car. Napa County is much smaller than Sonoma, and if you’ve never been, you may want to start over there to get a lay of the land. Wine tends to be more expensive on the Napa side. I like Ms B’s recommendation for Yountville as a home base, and I also love Saint Helena, as it’s quaint and fairly central. Having been to both several times, I prefer Sonoma now, in particular Healdsburg, but it’s a definite decision to do one or the other, as it’s a long drive over to anywhere in Sonoma County from Napa.

    4. Hopefully it’s not too late for you to see this- but if you’ve never been to the napa area before, I reccomend starting with V Sattui & Sterling. You can only really go to 3 in a day (they all close early- like 4 or 5pm). And make any fancy restaurant reservations early as they book up quickly.
      And yes, a car is necessary, the only alternative would be to uber and then you’d probably be stranded at wherever they took you… the hotel we used to stay at burned down in the fire, so I’m not help there. I also really like Healdsburg, it’s a super cute town and we stayed in an airbnb there. Russian River Brewing is nearby too if you want to try some beers.

  4. I keep running into a situation when dating where I meet a perfectly nice guy, the conversation is interesting and he does everything right in terms of conveying interest, being proactive about plans, etc… but I don’t want to kiss him and I do not find him attractive.

    How many dates can or should I go on with someone like this? People say attraction grows over time and I do agree that I’d have no interest in a cute guy with a mean or boring personality. But going into dates 3 or 4 without even a kiss starts to feel weird.

    1. So, just floating this, are you attracted to men? Sometimes I’m just not into a guy, but usually if I’m enjoying his company after a few dates I want physical contact.

      1. ,,, or on the flip side, is it the “dating” construct that turns you off? Would it be better just getting to know people in a setting where romance isn’t the goal, and then seeing if you wind up feeling you want to get to know anyone more closely?

        1. @ anonymous 3:27, yes, that is definitely ideal, and it worked in my 20s, but I’m 38 and everyone in my social circles is either married w/kids or eternally single. Apps seem like the only way to go to meet guys that are available and want to date.

          I am involved in activities, social groups, and volunteering, but they do not seem conducive to meeting many single men.

          Thanks for listening. And yes, I am in therapy :/

      2. OP here. Definitely into men. And in the past I have felt almost instant physical attraction with other partners. However, that didn’t work for various reasons, so I wonder if I should be forcing myself to be interested in guys I’m not interested in.

        …okay, that sounds dumb. Maybe I’m overthinking this and I’m just not that into these guys.

        1. In that case, I have two thoughts

          One- you’re just not into these guys

          Two- you’re just not into these dates. I have found I am a lot more into dating when I make it fun for me. I hate traveling into Manhattan from Jersey City so I don’t! I love my local wine and cheese bar so I try and go there often. It’s hard to fit into the schedule, but if I can do any activity I try to – even just grabbing ice cream and walking through the park. Idk if I’m just meeting different men or it’s my mood, but when I’m happy and relaxed about the date I’m more likely to feel a spark.

          1. Oh hi neighbor! I am curious – what is your method for finding guys in JC to date? It seems like everyone here is already coupled up, so I end up looking more to Manhattan out of necessity…

          2. I’m in Hoboken and I prefer to date guys in Manhattan. I’ve ended up seeing men I’ve gone out with at the neighborhood bars in Hoboken and it’s a bit awkward.

          3. It’s like not great or anything, but bumble set to a one mile radius. Literally. I just got so sick of trekking into the city for dates. It’s a narrower pool and I’m still single so all the grains of salt, but at least when I find guys I enjoy the dating process more

      3. I was also wondering this. What’s your experience with feeling attraction before now/outside the dating situation?

      4. This seems like sort of a big leap/assumption to make?

        By all means, if you’re not feeling the attraction, end it around date three or four. I can think of *several* men in my past who would’ve fit OP’s description to a tee: perfectly nice guys, but I did not feel physical attraction at all.

    2. I know whether I want to kiss someone after a first date, so if I don’t want to, I definitely don’t go on another date. It doesn’t mean I necessarily DO kiss them on the first date, but I know I am attracted to them and want to kiss them at some point assuming things continue well.

      I am not someone who needs a long get to know you period before getting physical, so have never experienced attraction growing over time. For me, it’s either there or it’s not. If it’s not, I do not pass go again.

      1. This is me too. But it’s totally ok OP if you are different and attraction grows over time for you. But if it doesn’t, don’t fight it, just on to the next guy.

    3. It really depends on the guy and how much communication is happening between dates. Are there shared values, interests etc? Do I look forward to him texting? Would lean more towards 3 dates then. With DH I just loved talking to him and spending time with him so we had probably 5-6 dates. Gave it a few more dates because I wanted to keep hanging out with him and then suddenly I wanted to be more than friendly. Met DH independently but I’ve also done more like 4 dates before calling it off when it was a guy that a friend set me up with vs. an online meet up. I trust that my friends know me well enough to have a good reason to suggest the set up so more willing to give that a shot.

    4. Is there a chance you’re not being picky enough? I think sometimes the advice to women of, “Oh! Just give him a chance” can be so infuriating and cause so much wasted time. You don’t have to swipe right on a guy about whom you think, “Huh, yeah, he could be ok” because your girlfriends/aunt/grandmother are on your shoulder telling you to give everyone a shot. It is totally ok to only swipe on the guys who you find really attractive, who you get excited about.

      1. Ya I experience that a lot and it turns out I’m just not going on dates with men I’m that interested in.

        The trick is finding someone that you’re physically attracted to and have the right connection with… I can’t seem to figure it out. I either find the physical attraction or the emotional/intellectual attraction but I am trying to stop wasting my time on the guys I’m meh about

      2. You should know after the first date whether you want to kiss him, and if you do, I say do it after the second date. Guys want the physical stuff, so if you hold back, they will loose interest quickly; I know b/c some guys will blame you if you are not quick enough for them, or insuinate that you may like women, not men, even tho it is THEM that you are not intersted in. I do think that you should NOT be forced to have $ex to soon, as men will want that too, as quickly as possible. It is a true tug of war, you want to hold back, and they want to pull you into them and at the same time have you take your panties down for them by the 4th date. It is OK if you BOTH want to but do NOT live by their rules, as they will NOT respect you enough in the long run if you are to easy for them. FOOEY!!

    5. I will usually give someone a second date just because I enjoy spending time with them, even if I’m not feeling an attraction. I probably wouldn’t go on a third date if I didn’t feel at least some attraction (although wanting to kiss someone is not the same as actually kissing someone; I’ve definitely gone on third dates before there was actually kissing).

    6. Why are you going on dates with men you don’t find attractive in the first instance? Don’t go out with a guy “because he’s nice”. Go out with a guy because he seems to have a nice personality AND you think he’s hot. Not “I want to jump his bones now” hot (that is pretty rare I find) but “this guy is really handsome to me and I find him attractive”. Seriously if you don’t think a guy is attractive without talking to him (unless you’re a sapio***ual) don’t bother, the attraction won’t grow from nothing.

    7. I don’t want to suggest that you should do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, but sometimes a first kiss is sort of like s!x in a long term relationship. Doing it makes you want to do it. For me anyway, I almost never really lust for a guy I’ve just met. Dating sucks, it’s awkward and stressful, it’s just not an environment conducive to wanting to make out. But if a guy is attractive and nice then I’ll give him at least a quick-but-lingering-for-a-second kiss just to see if there’s a spark. Sometimes there is and I totally wasn’t expecting it! And then I want more kisses! And sometimes there’s not and you have your answer.

      1. +1 to this. For the first few dates, if I look forward to spending time with a guy, I will go on the next date. For me, I’m fairly slow to figure out whether I’m attracted to someone, so (barring any deal-breakers and provided I have a reasonably pleasant time in the last date) at times it can take me 3-4 weeks to figure out… And then usually it takes some physical contact (kissing, holding hands, hugging, whatever) for me to want more physical contact, and if the guy isn’t initiating (out of politeness, country/cultural differences, whatever) I will initiate at a level I’m comfortable with and try to figure out if there is something there (+1 also to finding something when I totally wasn’t expecting it!). Some guys want to be in an exclusive relationship before they will allow themselves to be physical (my SO and I only held hands and kissed after 5 dates, when we decided to be exclusive, and have had amazing physical contact since then), some will freely initiate starting first or second date (I’m thinking most NYC finance guys). I think anything along the spectrum is fine as long as I’m not doing anything I’m uncomfortable with, and for me it’s not how soon either party initiates, but it definitely takes some doing to want more.

    8. I have been married for quite a while but I ran into that situation when I was online dating before I met my husband. I was trying to date men I thought I should be attracted to (men who were analytical and successful in business, like me) vs men who I was actually attracted to (creative types.)

      I finally widened my dating pool and met more of the latter and got my mojo back. My husband falls firmly into that camp as well, and it has worked out well.

  5. Has anyone here tried filler for a very distinctive frown line? I have one vertical frown line between my eyebrows. It annoys me so much (probably makes me frown even more!). It’s really noticeable in photos. I’ve tried Botox a couple of times but I didn’t like how it changed how my eyebrows move (it made the outer edges go up in a weird way) and the doc pointed out that Botox really just prevents it from getting deeper, it won’t address the line that’s already there. She suggested filler.

    Also, does anyone have a derm recommendation in San Francisco for this?
    Thanks!

    1. SF rec: Corey Maas at the Maas clinic. I had Botox and some laser resurfacing, no fillers, but my friend had fillers and she looked amazing.

  6. Can anyone in Manhattan recommend a hair stylist who’s good at listening? I know that sounds silly but I just don’t know what I want to do with my hair and the past two stylists I’ve gone to haven’t quite known how to offer suggestions or help me figure it out. Yeah, I guess that’s better than having someone who does what she wants even if it’s not what I’ve asked for.

    1. I don’t know if a good listener is what you need if you don’t even know what you want your hairstyle to look like. I think you need to figure out that part first, or else go to a more take charge type who is going to do what they think would look best on you.

      1. Right, a good listener isn’t going to help if you don’t know what to say! But OP, I feel you, I also struggle with deciding what I want in the first place and then articulating it if I get that far.

    2. I’ve been going to Meg at Salon V on 8th Street for over a decade and she’s amazing. She helped me figure out what I needed to do with my hair and is really good at what you’re talking about — listening and then helping you discover what you want. I moved away from NYC and I still make appointments with her whenever I’m in town… she’s that great.

    3. It’s kind of expensive, but I strongly recommend Arrojo. They have a really academic/scientific approach to hair, which means you can be pretty vague with your stylist and they’ll generally have a decent understanding of what you’re getting it and what follow up questions to ask. Each stylist either does cuts OR color, not both, because each is treated as a wholly separate specialization.

  7. I am going to DC for a one year anniversary with my S.O. Any recommendations for a tasting menu /romantic restaurant for us to celebrate at? I would like to spend ~ $100/person but could be talked into lower or higher. I would prefer a tasting menu, but SO is allergic to shellfish and sort of a picky eater (i.e. no sushi, nothing spicy, and probably nothing that includes foams or other adventurous textures). Do restaurants accommodate food allergies if you get a tasting menu? S.O. is pretty good about just not eating something if it is outside their comfort zone, but I don’t want to pay $$$ for several plates of shrimp/scallops he doesn’t even have the option of eating. Currently looking at 1789, but it looks a little…stodgy for a couple in their late 20’s.

    1. Little Pearl! It’s really fun, they’re very flexible with their tasting menus (although it’s a surprise, so you won’t know ahead of time what you’re eating), and it’s reasonably priced for the quality of food. You could get a wine pairing plus the 7-8 course tasting menu for $75.

      1. +1

        It felt special but not stuffy, and was very accomodating of allergies and food restrictions.

    2. I can’t make a recommendation for DC, but when a friend of mine did a tasting menu for his 50th birthday, they asked all of us to tell them about allergies/dislikes in advance. It was wonderful!

    3. It depends a lot on how much restaurants will accommodate you. There are a lot of Michelin-starred restaurants that will accommodate allergies and even likes/dislikes. There are some that are very ‘chef knows best’ and won’t change a thing, even for vegetarians or something like that that’s super common and easy to accommodate. You absolutely have to call the restaurant in advance to ask if they can do this and tell them about the restrictions. And if your SO doesn’t like foam or anything adventurous, you probably want a fairly stodgy place because anything trendy is likely to be too focused on molecular gastronomy (ie foam).

    4. you might need to call in advance to see if they can accomodate allergies. DH and I did the tasting menu at Corduroy in our late 20s and thought it was good. Also, if your SO is a picky eater is a tasting menu your best bet? You might be better off at a restaurant where you can each choose what to order

    5. I’m going to rec a restaurant that locals are a little tired of, but it’s so fun for out of towners: Jaleo. (huh-lay-o) Their tasting menus are delicious and interesting and you’ve probably never tasted half the things prepared in the half the ways they offer. It’s just really fun for a special bday, etc. The downtown location makes for an easy stroll after dinner on the Mall.

      1. + 1 for Jaleo. A very fun celebratory atmosphere, tasty food that you probably haven’t tried if you haven’t been there before. They accommodated my gluten free dining companion when we ordered their tasting menu with no fuss, but you could always call ahead if you’re dealing with more restrictions.

    6. Last night I made a bunch of snacks for the family for the Super Bowl. Husband and I have 3 kids. I like to cook, this was a “labor of love” for me. At bedtime Husband said, Thanks for all that food, honey, I can still taste it and I love it!
      I said, Oh, really, what do you taste?
      He thought for a few seconds too long and said, all of it!
      We laughed because he is NOT a foodie and if he *had* been like, ‘ooh, the white pepper in this hummus has a delightful aftertaste’ it would have been SO out of character for him, but he’s great the way he is and we are doing ok together.
      My point is: A tasting menu may not be for everyone. Make sure you both have a great anniversary!

      1. Yeah…ya’ll are probably right. Maybe next vacation I will get my tasting menu dinner. Any recs for just a romantic dinner spot in DC then?

        1. The Washingtonian just came out with the 100 best restaurants for 2019. I’d google that and take a look at what you think you’d both like. I got engaged after dinner at 1789 in my late 20s, so it will always be romantic to me! But I think romantic is different to different people. I’d pick a place that is not as loud. I might pick Del Mar and ask for a table by the window to see the water. Or I love Fiola Mare as others have said, but that’s seafood. Both may be more than $100pp. I also love drinks afterwards at the Jefferson with the piano player is there for a bit of romance!

        2. We really liked all purpose for a date night (not stuffy, trendy pizza with delicious cocktails).

    7. I would ask Tom Sietsema in his chat. He gives recs for pretty specific parameters and people generally seem happy with them.

    8. Options: Gravitas does a “tasting” menu where you can pick your own dishes. 5 courses is $90, modern cuisine but not foams. Kinship isn’t a tasting menu but you could manage around $100 per person for three courses if you aren’t ordering the lobster and fois gras (dessert is not to be missed. Order the warm chocolate souffle cake). Kinship is impeccably done food, but nothing too weird, and the larger meat dishes (chicken and tri-tip) are lovely. Marcel’s in Georgetown has a pre-theater tasting menu served until 6:30 PM for $68 pp. Red Hen is also not a tasting menu, but is charming and very romantic.

    9. The tasting menu at The Restaurant at Patowmack Farm is great, but definitely errs more on the “adventurous eater” side – you can look it up online in advance. It’s a bit of a drive from DC but a pretty one, and the views from the restaurant are worth it.

      If you want to stay in town I’d second the recommendation for Jaleo and add China Chilcano, another great Jose Andres restaurant. For delicious + romantic, also try Iron Gate or Fiola (or Fiola Mare, but that’s more seafood-y).

    10. Rose’s Luxury is fantastic, with interesting food that isn’t too out there. If you’re into pasta, do the pasta tasting at Sfoglina and maybe a couple of apps to round things out. I have not been, and it might be a little pricier, but I hear great things about Masseria’s tasting menu.

    11. I’d recommend Kinship! I am a vegetarian (and also allergic to several things and a little picky), and Kinship was great. I don’t recall doing a set tasting menu, but I did order several courses, and it was wonderful.

  8. A sweater I love is not available in my preferred color (black).

    Navy is an option (I do love navy, so much less harsh than black, but I have so much black that as much as I want to believe that intentional Navy + Black can work, I can’t pull the trigger, except in warmer weather, when I can do navy + whitish + camel shoes).

    Offwhite is an option. But I am worried I’d ruin it in a wearing (red sauce, panang curry). I’d probably wear more than navy, but I might run it into the ground faster.

    Help me choose — it is to replace an often worn but worn-out and has holes sweater.

    1. I love navy with black. Bonus is that it looks great with jeans too. I think navy pairs well with more colors than black does.

    2. I have a strong aversion to black and navy so would go for the off white and just try to be careful.

    3. I’d probably avoid it and wait until I found a black one I like. I just did a huge closet purge of a lot of items like this where I tried to talk myself into an almost-right color or size. Turns out it’s better to just pay full price or wait longer until you get what you really want. Inevitably if you’re like me, you’ll end up purchasing something similar in black (or whatever you really wanted) since the alternates just aren’t as easy/right. And then you’ve got a bunch of wasted money and “stuff” around.

  9. Any suggestions for a couples getaway in the Midwest, within about 3 hours drive time of the Chicago area? We are going away for our first trip alone together since our daughter was born almost 4 years ago. We love good food, luxury hotels, nice scenery. No interest in wine or spa stuff. Budget isn’t a big concern, but for this first trip we don’t want to fly because we want to be able to come home quickly in case our daughter doesn’t do well staying with her grandparents. If we can’t come up with something better we will probably just get a fancy hotel in downtown Chicago and go to a couple of the many excellent restaurants there (we live in the outer burbs and visit the city often, but can’t do the really high-end restaurants with our daughter), but I thought I would see if anyone had other suggestions.

    1. Iowa City has some cool hotels (the Graduate comes to mind), Des Moines has some great food (food includes Puerto Rican, El Salvadorian, Bubba (southern), St. Kilda, etc.). For area scenery in the winter around Chicago…unless you’re going to a Lake, I suppose I’d say find somewhere with great indoor attractions. Botanical gardens, planetarium, show at a civic center, etc. But otherwise as spring comes there’s more. Galena IL has cute shops but you’re more likely to AirBNB than hotel if I recall correctly.

      1. Oh I should have said we’re looking at late spring/early summer so not the dead of winter. I’m actually from Des Moines and we go back often to see family. Thanks for the ideas!

    2. I went to school in Illinois, and while I left as soon as I got my degree, lots of folks stayed in the area. I’ve heard many of them mention Galena, IL as a getaway spot. I know nothing about it, other than the name, but a quick web search turned up some cute-looking B&Bs…

    3. The American Inn in Kohler, WI? I’ve never been, but heard it’s very nice. If good food and a luxury hotel are your top criteria, then it’s hard to beat a downtown stay-cation.

    4. Milwaukee. I love weekending there (also in Chicago). The NYTimes had a great “36 hours in…” a few years ago. The art museum is great, as is the zoo (although I’m not sure you’ll want to go there if it’s a kids-free weekend). Bryant’s Cocktail Lounge is fun. It looks a little seedy but you sit down, describe your taste to the waitress and she brings you something the bartender invented for you. There are some nice restaurants there too.

    5. Miwaukee has some great restaurants these days. Lots going on all the time.

    6. Have you looked at St Joseph, MI? Maybe a 2 hour drive and right on the lakefront.

  10. I was in school less than 10 years ago. One of the students a year below me found out in school that she had BRCA and had surgery. She eventually served in a role that I helped pioneer in school, so I met with her half a dozen or so times and we had a friendly acquaintanceship. Didn’t really keep in touch after graduation, but we are connected on social media where she is open about her subsequent breast cancer diagnosis, chemo, surgeries, etc. She is recuperating now as I understand. I recently moved to the same city where she lives. I’d like to reach out, express how sorry I am for what she’s going through, and offer to ….go to lunch? bring her a gift of (books/knitting/something she can do while recovering and off/on working)? She has a spouse and an adult child who are around to care for her, and I’m sure she has other friends, but I’d like to reconnect and show her support of some kind. Any suggestions for what to say, how to say it, gifts to give?

    1. I’ll couch this by saying I’ve not dealt with this type of situation at all, but my gut says that you reach out via the form most comfortable to you (old fashioned note probably is the most traditional, but email or DM would be fine if that’s your style), tell her you moved to town and were hoping to reconnect. I think you tell her you recognize that she’s going through a lot right now and just put out there that you’d love to take her to coffee if she’s up to it. If she’s not up to that, maybe then feel out what is the next best step. I can’t tell from your message if she’s at the stage where she’s home recovering and may not want visitors who she hasn’t seen in years or not.

  11. I just bought some Caudalie hand cream based on a rec here and love it so far! It has this wonderful subtle scent, like barely noticeable until you get a whiff, which is great! Thanks!

    1. I have a Caudalie serum (Vinessence? something like that) that I’m really liking so far, with a similar scent – very subtle, kind of herbal but in a really nice way. I’m thinking of trying more of their products.

  12. What’s your ideal temperature for sleeping? Is it cheating to set house to 66 and use a heated mattress pad while reading in bed?

    1. If it’s cheating, then I am a cheater too. Except mine is a heating blanket that I wrap around my legs.

    2. Nothing is cheating! But to answer the question, I like the thermostat at 60 for sleeping and 68 for not sleeping. The bathroom is a little cold in the middle of the night but we have the heat programmed to come on 5 minutes before anyone gets into the shower.

    3. 57 and pile on the covers.

      Why the reference to “cheating”? Either you’re using the furnace to warm up your house or using the mattress pad to warm up your bed or you’re using both. I don’t see the issue or dilemma. If you’re going to use heat in some form, why does it matter where it comes from?

    4. 66-68 and it requires me to run the AC most nights throughout the year. I trend towards 66 if it’s humid and warmish outside (like now) or if I’ve had more than usual to drink. Yes, I feel ridiculous running the AC in February but at least I’m sleeping.

  13. I need to find shoes to wear at my June wedding. They have to be flat, no heel as I don’t wear heels and I don’t want to tower over my groom. I’ve thought about Rothys (I have 2 pairs and love them) or sparkly Toms. I want to be comfortable. There aren’t really wedding “colors” it’s going to be bright: coral, pink, navy, yellow, teal, etc.
    My shoes won’t show under my full-length dress so it doesn’t really matter but I was wondering if anyone had an ingenious thought. Price is no object, I wear a 9.5 or 10.

    1. I’d go with either navy (something blue) or a light pink or gray (with the idea that the color won’t be noticeable if they peak out from your dress for a second.

    2. Are Chuck Taylors comfy on you? If so, I would so go with light blue Chucks. I am a Tretorn lover, so for me I’d go with the white Tretorns with the light blue stripey thing. ALSO, if you are a Nike Cortez lover, I recently saw someone rocking a snake-effect pair of them.

      Otherwise: Rothys if they work for your feet. Payless has some cute flat metallic sandals that I just bought for my adult-foot-sized daughter.

    3. Probably too late, but I have 2 suggestions:
      1) Kate Spade sparkly keds (could do in blue or white)
      2) Badgley Mischka bridal flats

    4. I wore a pair of the kate spade sparkly keds sneakers- with bombas no show socks. They were comfortable and festive- I danced all night! I also wore them again the next morning to brunch, and on our anniversary for dinner and cake at home.

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