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Coffee Break: Prasiolite Necklace

Pomellato necklaceWow: what a great necklace. I love how simple it is, no bezel or bling to speak of, just the clean, faceted lines of the semi-precious stones. I’ve pictured the prasiolite, but it’s also available as an amethyst and white topaz… all for the splurgey cost of $2000. POMELLATO Nudo 18-karat rose gold prasiolite necklace This Etsy seller has a few similar items for far more affordable prices, as does this one, and Last Call and The Real Real both have discounted pieces from Pomellato. (L-all)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

182 Comments

  1. Does anyone else feel uncomfortable with having to use rascist or bigoted words because of how something is named? For example talking about the Cleveland Indians (a baseball team) or oriental bittersweet (a plant). Normally I would never use terms like this but I don’t really know what to say when I’m using it for a specific name of something and there is no alternative to use.

    1. No, esp. because I don’t find the word oriental to be racist when used to describe a plant native to a geographic area. The word Oriental only came into disfavor because people were using Oriental to describe people without caring about their actual nationality.

      1. +1 Oriental is fine to describe things, but not to describe people.

        That being said.. I don’t have trouble saying Cleveland Indians, but I wouldn’t say the full name of N.W.A. so maybe I’m being hypocritical. I think to some degree proper nouns are what they are. I’m not buying tickets to a Redskins’ game, but I wouldn’t avoid saying it in conversation. I also don’t use phrases like “Indian giving” or “gypped.”

        I think you have to figure out what your personal comfort level is and why you feel that way. I’m not sure how often these situations come up, but if I really felt opposed to saying “Cleveland Indians” I would just say “the Cleveland NFL team.”

        1. By NFL you of course mean baseball. The Cleveland football team is the Browns.

          1. Wikipedia will help you with that one. But I don’t think anyone ever called them by the full name, right?

          3. Right, Gail. I think the only time one might say the full name is when singing along to some of their songs.

          4. The wife of a partner at my law firm sure liked to call N.W.A. by their full name after Straight Outta Compton came out. Shrug?

    2. For sports teams I just use the city name. Isn’t that what announcers do now for Washington’s team (football)?

        1. This is just as bad (both in reference to the focus on skin color and the collection of them)… but I guess you are Hanibal L.

    3. My mum still uses ‘Oriental’ for people so I’m more concerned with stopping her doing that to be honest.

      1. One technique I’ve used on an older relative you did this is to pretend that I don’t understand what it means and then when they explain, “Oh, so an Asian person? I’ve never heard that expression before, I don’t think it’s used anymore.”

        Yes I should just confront them directly about their awful language but I don’t think that would be as effective to get them to change, I’d just get a “no it isn’t racist, I’m not racist and that’s what I always say”

      2. My mom did that, too, and we would just say “mom, the term is ‘Asian’ now” and she adopted it. When she grew up, ‘Oriental’ was considered the polite or correct term – as opposed to just calling everyone who appeared Asian “Chinese.”

    5. I’m not sure that the word “Indians” in Cleveland Indians is racist; I have met Native Americans who prefer the term American Indian. But I do think it’s debatable whether naming a sports team after an ethnic group is racist. Also, the old logo is certainly racist, but I think they’re phasing it out (haven’t lived there in over a decade though so I’m not sure).

        1. Just to try to get some more diversity of thought —

          I think it depends. These days, we use “racist” to cover a wide variety of sins, so it’s hard to peg down what that word really means. Is it a term that, on its face, insults a group? It is a term that stereotypes a group of people? Etc. There are different criteria that could be used.

          If the question is whether, if there was a do-over, the team would pick a different name? I’m sure yes. If the question is whether the current team should change its name? Maybe yes as well.
          If the question is whether I will not use the term “Cleveland Indians”? For me, the answer is no.

          There’s a point to be made that the name “Cleveland Indians” has developed a secondary meaning, and it’s generally known as referring to a specific baseball team. That’s not really giving any judgment on whether it’s a good or bad name, just making the point that it is a well-known name.

        2. I mean, I refer to Cleveland’s baseball team as the Indians, and DC’s football team as the Redskins, because that’s what they’re called. That doesn’t mean that the secondary meaning excuses the names from being racist. I also am not the final arbiter of what is and is not racist–I just have seen that a lot of Native people are very much not down with the names.

    6. As long as we’re talking about whether the term “oriental” is racist, any thoughts on whether rose medallion – the type that depicts people and birds – is racist? Specifically, a white person owning and using it.

      1. How do you use a medallion? Like other than by super heroes, where they give you some sort of magic power?

      2. I don’t think it’s remotely racist or cultural appropriation-y unless someone is disrespecting it or using it in a way it’s not intended to be used.

  2. Anyone with thick legs/calves have a favorite pair of booties? I would really like to invest in a pair to wear with dresses and leggings/tights this fall and winter.

    1. I have huge calves and I have a few pairs of Clarks and Sam Edelman booties I love. As long as they don’t go up too high, I don’t really have a problem with ankle booties.

    2. To me, the key with ankle booties if you are better endowed in the calf area is where they hit on your leg. And I think that’s really subjective. I personally don’t love my calves and would never wear shoes with an ankle strap for instance. But I find that with ankle booties, it’s all about where they hit and the shape of the top. The best seem to be the ones that scoop down in front and come up a bit on the side over my ankle bones (the Rag & Bone Margot). The second best are those that hit below the ankle bone altogether (like the Toms Leila).

  4. I wouldn’t say that this necklace is not blingy. The stone appears to be quite bit and shiny and would reflect light.

  5. So, this online dating thing is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I’m mainly using Okcupid because that seems to be the popular site in my area. I also have Tinder and Bumble, but nothing seems to be happening on there.

    I’m surprised by how few normal guys take initiative and message me first. (I get plenty of messages from creepers, though.) I’ve reached out to lots of guys and I hear back from less than half of them. It’s not what I expected at all. I think my profile is good, my photos are good, so I don’t know what the problem is. Men are lazy? They’re too busy messaging with someone younger and hotter to talk to me?

    I do have a date tentatively scheduled for Monday, so maybe something will come of that.

    1. I don’t know if there’s a problem. This is just…the way it is, the nature of the beast, etc. What you’re describing is exactly what I’ve found to be the case in both Toronto and Ottawa and what I’ve heard described by women everywhere. The keys, in my experience, are patience, perseverance, and initiative. The “normal guys” are probably popular on the site and getting lots of messages. Just like us, they get to message back when they’re interested and ignore when they’re not. Best wishes for the date Monday!

      1. I’m in Canada too. Thanks for the reassurance. I have friends in Toronto who have had success with Tinder but my city is smaller and not quite as cool.

        1. Don’t worry, you’re doing great. I have friends in Toronto who like Tinder too! I don’t have Facebook, though, so it’s not an option for me. Nor is Bumble. Sad about that a bit.

          3. @ Nati

            Not in Toronto, but IME there’s a lot of overlap. I started using Tinder toward the end of my Match subscription, and nearly every single guy whose profile caught my eye on Match also had a Tinder profile (including a guy who WORKS for Match! We have friends in common so I know that’s actually his job and not just an attempt at a dating profile joke). It made it pretty easy to give up Match when the same guys were available on free apps that required a lot less work on my part.

            That said, I prefer Bumble because in my city there’s enough activity to feel like I’m getting some conversation/dates out of it, but not so much that I spend forever wading through the ab and car selfies (which is Tinder now here). And knowing that the girl *has* to be the one to message first seems to eliminate the awkward “who’s going to go first” dance that I experienced on Tinder, where it would end up that neither of us messaged.

    2. If you’re getting responses from even 10% of the people you message you’re knocking it out of the park! When I was on Match I responded to maaaybe 1 in 10 messages. And got responses from about that same percentage It’s a number’s game. I was on and off Match for 2 years and in my experience the success/failure rate is about what it would have been if I’d spent those 2 years going to bars or asking my friends to set me up.

      Are all of the sites you’re using free? That may have something to do with it. I found that using a subscription site meant, to some degree, that the people using it were invested in actually using it. Versus creating a profile and then never checking it. Or checking it just to see if they got lucky and caught a 10.

      1. OK, thanks, that’s reassuring to hear! OKcupid is free, although there are some paid benefits, but unlike Match you don’t need to pay to message someone. I’m not crazy about paying to use a site just because I feel like that’s paying money to be rejected by men. No thank you!

        1. Yea, it can be frustrating to have weeks of online dating go by without any promising leads, but I think that’s true of trying to meet people IRL, too.

          Try not to think of unanswered messages as a form of rejection. These people don’t know *you* so they can’t be rejecting *you*. In most cases, they’re making a split second decision that isn’t really informed. Sometimes it’s yes because you both like the same movie and sometimes it’s no because you’re wearing a Texans’ jersey in your picture and he’s a Cowboys’ guy.

          Next time Match has a promotional free weekend, consider jumping on. I think the paid aspect of some dating sites really does make a difference in people’s enthusiasm to respond and actually go out on dates. (But maybe I’m an old lady a generation behind because I met my husband on Match before Tinder was even at thing).

        2. Yeah from what I’ve heard people are way more serious on the paid dating s!tes. There are so many free s!tes now, especially for casual encounters, so only people who are actually looking for a relationship and not just a hookup use the paid ones. A friend married the first guy she met on Match (not the first guy she messaged or emailed but the first one she actually met face-to-face). I think that’s unusual, but everyone I know who has done Match has eventually had a real relationship come out of it.

        3. As someone who has been actively online dating for several years (though not in Canada), I will say that I think there is NO ONE on match anymore. I think it was highly successful years ago when the free sites were mainly for those with less funds and/or no job at all (read: a lot of out of work actors), but I really don’t think that the paid site=more commitment thing is true anymore. All of the highly successful (whatever that means for them, not necessarily money-wise), serious-about-trying-to-date single people I know are on Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, maybe Hinge, and the League. Some are also on Tinder. They’ve all ditched Match and eHarmony because the quality of folks there took a nosedive after Bumble and its contemporaries came online. This is in California, so may be different in other cities, but I’d really keep at Bumble and OKC for a bit before you go to Match, because I think it’s likely not even worth paying for Match.

    3. People sign up for dating sites and lose interest, get busy, aren’t interested in you so they don’t respond, haven’t deactivated their account, etc. I think your initial expectations may have been a little too optimistic because it’s still new and exciting to you, but for other people this may be their 5th go around on the OKC circuit and they’re jaded. Just keep at it, the more people you talk to or meet, the more success you’re likely to have.

      1. +1

        From my own usage experience, I would use heavily for a week while slow at work, and then get busy and not even check it for a couple of weeks. Or I would start dating a guy and quit logging in to check it, but not delete the account right away. Then I might circle back a month later and see a bunch of unread messages, and would always assume any that were more than a few days old should just be written off as missed opportunities and not bother messaging the guy back.

        I think you have to assume that some percentage of people you’re messaging aren’t even reading what you send them because they’re in a cycle where they’re not even logging in.

        It takes awhile.

        1. +1 – I am pretty bad about not checking the apps for weeks on end, so it hardly counts as a rejection if I didn’t even see the message. I’m sure men go through phases where they’re not actively looking at the app, either.

    4. I’m genuinely curious as to what your expectations are/were coming in to this.

      I did online dating on and off for gosh, 4 or 5 years (?:), and ended up meeting three people I felt like dating, dating. I met one who ended up being a great FB when needed. I got messages from LOTS of weirdos. I messaged men that never responded back to me. I exchanged messages with men who looked good on paper, but who were clearly not a match after a couple of short exchanges. Men are humans who are afraid of rejection too. They are also superficial and throw out profiles based on who knows what reasons, just like we do. It takes a lot of patience and time.

      I am conventionally attractive, thin, etc., but it sounds like our experiences are similar thus far. Sometimes people get on and find someone within the first month or on a first date, but I think that is really rare.

      1. Two of my friends are married to guys they met within the first couple weeks of using the site! For one of them, she married the first and only guy she actually met offline. I guess that made for unreasonable expectations. :)

        1. Yes, I would say that is a very atypical experience! A friend of mine just married the guy she met on Tinder less than 24 hours after downloading (at my urging). He was the first and only guy she went out with. Not at ALL representative IMO.

          Guess who is still single (but very happy)?! ;)

    5. It’s just tough. When people say “oh I signed up for this app and he was my first date from it and four years later were were married teeheee!” I want to roll my eyes- it is cloying and unhelpful when you’re frustrated. After you made your first post about it I decided to make a list of everyone I’d gone out with from the internet in the past few years since I’ve been doing it. This might wildly depress you, but that number is 35. I am still single, and part of that is likely because I am very picky. But there really ARE decent guys to meet out there. I got one 2-3 month “relationship” in there and one 5 month relationship. There have only been a few guys who were not “normal” in some way…. it just went down to attraction/compatibility.

      Also consider that there could be a bunch of reasons that have nothing to do with you why someone isn’t responding or messaging. I’ve got my OKC profile up right now, but just can’t even with it because work is killing me. A dude I was talking to a while back remessaged me, and I’d like to talk to him, but I just can’t get up the energy to do so and feel engaged or excited. People have a trillion things going on. Especially now that dating apps are more mainstream, people just *have* them, even when they’re not really looking. I get the feeling that 5-3 years ago, if you had a profile, you were looking seriously. Hang in there. It eventually feels less weird.

      1. Thanks so much, I really appreciate your input. You’re right about people having dating profiles/apps just to have them. I’ve had Tinder for ages but never properly used it until last week….it was just something I downloaded because it seemed like everyone had it.

        Best of luck to you!

        1. Another trend I’ve noticed is that people go through breakups and are immediately encouraged to sign up for online dating as a sort of bandaid solution for the pain/loneliness. So yup, there are all kinds of people on these platforms for all kinds of reasons.

          1. HAHAHAHA that’s why my 5 month long relationship ended. Side eye to those enablers.

            Good luck to you too, OP! After a while (say…. 35 dates?) you may find yourself thinking that your own company is a LOT better than the company of an inadequate (for you) man. Ask me how I know. ;)

        2. I met my DH online but it took a really long time. I think I was on and off sites for around 8 years before I met him. I’d get discouraged, take a break (one “break” was for about 1.5 years so there’s that) and then start again. I got a lot of what you are describing. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Best of luck to you – I know the process can be really tough.

      2. Lol. 35 people is not even that many in several years! There’s a LOT of trial and error.

    6. At the risk of piling on, don’t invest too many hopes in your date on Monday evening, either. You’re just going to meet a (hopefully cute, hopefully interesting) stranger, and you’re curious to know more about this person. If you put pressure on yourself to have the date turn into something “more,” you’ll probably be disappointed.

  6. So serious question. What do you do if your calves are generally too big for regular calf boots, but too narrow for wide calf boots? I have this dream of living all winter in chunky sweaters, jeans, and boots, but I am having a remarkably hard time finding ones that work. Any one have suggestions on brands or styles they have found to work for this situation?

    1. Maybe try booties instead? For knee-high boots, I’ve had luck with styles that inset stretchy material into the leather. This can be done along the inside zipper so it’s not as obvious.

    2. Different brands have different calf widths and most online retailers include the calf circumference of the boot. I had a similar issue so I just measured my calf and found boots that had a similar circumference. I think my most recent pair are by Born, but it is very personal.

    3. Frye tends to run a little wide. You can also get leather boots stretched, which is a good option if you only need 1/4″ or so.

      1. Note that stretching is best for boots without a zipper running up the length.

      2. I have wide-ish calves (wide enough that I can’t get most boots to zip up) and the Frye Melissa button back extended calf work great for me. There is no elastic but they’re roomy enough. I would recommend measuring your calves and checking against the calf circumference on Zappos.

    4. If you ever feel the need to splurge, there is such a thing as custom-made boots. Good ones will run you 1000-1500 for knee boots. There is also an English company someone mentioned on here…want to say it’s called Duo or something like that? They do different calf size by the inch.

      1. Duo have rebranded and are now called Stella and Muffy (I think) and are twice the price.

        1. Just googled out of curiosity. Looks like it’s called Ted and Muffy. On the plus side, it looks like they have free shipping to the US now (although $20 for returns).

          1. That’s it, I must have mixed them up with Stella & Dot. Used to walk past their shop in Bath at least three times a week so I’m slightly ashamed!

    5. Have you tried boots with an elastic gusset? There’s a style of the Frye Melissa riding boots that come to mind with an elastic gusset in the side that would help. Also, some of it is brand. I find J.Crew run really narrow. Nine West run wider, for example.

    6. “Wide calf” boots can range from 15 inches to 20 inches, so some on the smaller end may fit you. And some “regular” boots range from 13 inches to 15 inches, so really the only way is to try on a cr@p ton of boots until you find pairs that fit. Shopping one brand sometimes helps (Clarks boots are pretty reliably 15 inches), but not always (Naturalizer boots, even in the “wide calf” section range wildly from 14.5 inches to 18.5 inches).

    7. I’ve had luck with widewidths dot com. They seem pricier than department stores but they carry a lot of sizes. They also provide a measurement guide – I’ll post it in a separate comment. Ginjury gave the best advice – measure your calves (both of them, they probably are not the same diameter) and read product descriptions carefully to find options that will fit you.

  7. Had an interview with HR; received a verbal offer that was not great, but with benefits that made it a distinct possibility. HR said they’d send me all the details via email so I could think about it. This was on Friday.

    Still haven’t gotten anything, and now my anxiety is spiking. How do I keep from catastrophizing and/or freaking out? Especially since I sent them a reminder email yesterday.

    1. I think you’ve done everything you can. Take comfort that it’s a slow time of year, people are on vacation, and it’s a holiday weekend. Don’t freak out yet.

    2. Do whatever activity wipes your mind of thoughts: yoga/running/knitting whatever works for you. I totally sympathize because I am all too familiar with that situation, and the best and really only solution IMO is to do something to take your mind off of it.

      Also its the last week of august and now a long weekend so in all probability, whoever is in charge of sending you that stuff is checked out or something.

    4. It’s disappointing and borderline rude but don’t sweat it. Like others have said – holiday weekend coming up or people may be tied up w other business. My old mentor and I were talking about a position at his new company, he was supposed to call me about 2 weeks ago and never did. It was weird and I kind of wrote it off at that point, continuing to look elsewhere. The other day I emailed him about a product I thought he might be interested in and he wrote back, cc’ing his boss, saying that they are almost ready for me for me to come on board. It may or may not come to fruition but very glad I didn’t spend the last 2 weeks worrying about it.

  8. For those who work in a building that requires an ID card to get through gates/etc: what do you keep yours in? I have been wearing mine around my neck on the lanyard I got when I was hired because it is the easiest way to not forget it when I go to the bathroom (which is a lot). But it is kind of ugly and I wear necklaces and bracelets and wear dresses most days, so I’m not sure what my alternatives are. Any tips?

    And to my workplaces credit, every exit has a sign asking if you have your access card, haha

    1. I clip mine to my belt loop/belt/blazer, etc. This of course means that I sometimes forget and have to call my boss to let me in, but that’s rare. I use the company provided clip which isn’t super attractive, but it was free and it works.

    2. They make a lot of great cell phone cases with card holders. I’m almost always carrying my phone on me (even to the bathroom…) so it’s worked well for me.

      1. Sorry, realize “they” is a little vague. I don’t even know what brand mine is…just picked it up when I bought my phone. But one of my good friends has an Incipio iphone case with a card holder that I’ve been eyeing.

    3. I’m surprised how many women I see in my government city just wearing the lanyards with an otherwise stylish and cute outfit!

      1. I mean, sometimes you’re required to have a lanyard. I think they just look like another part of your workwear.

        OP, I attach mine to a retractable reel and clip it to my belt/waistband. If I wear a dress I have to carry it, so it’s not ideal of you wear a ton of dresses. It stays available but out of my way, which is what I need.

        2. with a dress try clipping it to you underarm sleeve, surprisingly good spot, it doesn’t rub or get caught

      2. Many of us govvies are required to wear it on our torso (vs. on your waist), hence the lanyard. I picked one up on a trip to Eastern Europe in a traditional, colorful floral pattern, which I love, but no one cared when I wore one with my bureau logo, or my college, or just a plain old chain. This is just the nature of the government beast.

    4. Everyone wears the lanyard at my office. And because everyone does it they’re almost invisible. Some people have switched out the plain black lanyard for one that was to do with a special event (e.g. We sponsored a sport event a while back so there are lanyards from that which some people use).

    5. I use the company-provided clip, which is meant to clip to a belt loop or waistband. It was, of course, chosen with the male-dominated population of my company in mind. I clip it to my waistband when I have one. If I’m wearing a blazer or cardigan with a dress, I clip it to the edge of the opening (like between buttons towards the bottom of the cardigan). If I wear a dress that has no pockets and I’m not wearing a sweater or blazer, I just carry my ID with me during the day. I sometimes clip it to my notebook that I’m always carrying. On occasion I’ve taped the card to the back of my phone (poor man’s version of the nifty card holder phone case). Some women at the company wear a pretty lanyard (silvery or beaded, not the company nylon one) but most just use the provided belt clip.

    6. Lanyard, we have to badge in and out and were given a holder with an RFID blocker, but I do have a clip for when I am wearing a suit or it’s otherwise not condusive to my outfit.

      At my last job, I was just really bad about it and would never wear my ID and shove my CAC in my pocket.

    7. I wear mine on an ugly lanyard and consider it invisible because it’s part of the work deal. Some people clip them on waistbands, but since I exclusively wear dresses, that doesn’t work for me.

    8. I wear something similar to these purchased at staples but amazon has a bunch. Basically a metal and pearl lanyard with a magnetic clasp. Looks like jewelry.

      amazon.com/White-Beaded-Lanyard-Necklace-Holder/dp/B009NIHHGK

      staples.com/Bonitas-International-Boojee-Bead-Fashion-London-Id-Tag-Holder-Necklace/product_157043?externalize=certona&akamai-feo=off

  9. Has anyone gone to ICI conferences? They are for the mutual fund industry. I’m just wondering what “business casual” means at these. My default would be ponte sheath dresses and mid-heel wedges.

    1. Yes – that should be a totally fine outfit. I’ve work similar dresses with pointy toed flats and I didn’t stand out at all. Which conference are you going to?

    3. I have been going to ICI events for years and would definitely recommend a blazer and something closer to formal. I usually wear a suit. The mutual fund crew is pretty conservative.

  10. Am I using Amazon wrong? I know everyone loves it, but I don’t find it very user friendly and always end up paying seven dollars or so in shipping. It also takes over a week to get my item each time. I know that Prime allegedly solves this problem, but I only order from Amazon once a month or so, so I don’t think it’s worth it. Should I get Prime anyway? Or am I just not using Amazon the right way?

    1. I think that’s the way it is with regular Amazon. I believe Amazon Prime is $99 a year. If you’re ordering once a month and paying $7 in shipping it’s coming out to $84. But I’d still say sign up for Prime. You’ll find that once shipping is free you order a lot more. There’s also free streaming for movies and tv shows. I pre-order books on it all the time and have them delivered the day they come out. One thing I unexpectedly use Prime for (and have a little environmental guilt about) is for getting toiletries without going to the grocery store. If I know I’m 3 days out from running out of toothpaste and I’m swamped with work, I use Prime to get it in 2 days. I also have my dog’s food on a subscription, so I get a twice a month delivery of his food and it’s one less thing I have to think about/monitor and poor Fido never has to eat leftover spaghetti because I forgot to pick up his food. Anyway, I’ve had it for over 5 years and I really think it’s been worth it.

      1. +1 I got Prime because my husband HAD to have access to the TV shows and then I started using Prime for shipping and now 80% of the stuff we buy comes from there and it has radically changed my life for the better, especially once I had a baby and going into a store became something I avoid like the plague.

    3. Even without prime, there is an option to filter your items to those with free shipping at $35.

    4. I believe prime is $99/year, or $8.25/month. The benefits include free 2-day shipping. I’ve you’re already paying about $7/month in shipping it might be worth it for you. Honestly, you’ll probably use it more with better shipping.

      1. We are frequent Amazon users and Prime has paid for itself many times over. The return policy is great, too.

    5. I have Prime instead of Netflix and instead of going to the cinema/ paying for TV.

      1. Also – here in the UK I get free unlimited photo storage in the cloud with my Amazon Prime. I don’t have iCloud or pay for any other cloud storage so it’s a very useful part of Prime for me

      2. In a way I think Prime is better than Netflix because anything that can be streamed for free can be downloaded to a mobile device, which is great if you take public transit often.

        1. Yes, I love that about Amazon! I always look for shows to watch on Amazon when I know I’ll be flying in the near future, so I can download episodes for the plane.

    6. As a lawyer and mom, I love Prime, but mostly because I use it instead of putting together big lists or running out to the store. Running low on face cream? Prime it while I’m brushing my teeth in the am. Realize I either have to do laundry or get more underwear for my child before the end of the week? Prime some toddler panties to our door. Bonus points that Prime gets you Amazon videos for free which include a lot of PBS kids.

      All that said, Amazon as a shopping site for mere browsing is crap. Half the goods seem to be imported knockoffs and it can be hard to sort. I only go there searching for something very specific.

      1. That validates my concern; thank you– the general shopping is almost useless to me. Hard to sort, hard to tell if it’s crap or not. I think I would like it better if I was just shopping differently, but as I’m using it now, I don’t think there’s any reason to continue. Either get Prime or give up, I think. Thanks!

    7. I recently cancelled my Prime. We have cable including HBO, and Netflix so I never used the streaming. The Kindle lending library is pretty worthless too. I only had it for the shipping benefits and I realized that only very rarely do I order something that I have to have IMMEDIATELY (this is in large part because “two-day shipping” to my area is often actually four or five business days, so I can usually only order non-urgent stuff on Amazon). For non-urgent stuff, I just add it to my cart and when I have $50 worth I buy it with free shipping. So far (almost six month in) it’s been working well and I haven’t paid any shipping fees since cancelling Prime.

      1. This. I had Prime for a year and used it only 2-3 times. Now, I just add things to my cart and buy when I qualify for free shipping. Sometimes I pay the delivery fee (ahem, baby registry I didn’t know about until a week before the shower…) but it’s once or twice per year.

        FWIW, I did some comparison pricing for Amazon vs Target (in store). Amazon was SUPER expensive. My cheapo shampoo and conditioner are normally $3-4 at target vs $8-9 at Amazon. Toothpaste, deoderant, cat food, hair product, lotion were all similarly more expensive on Amazon. They have to cover shipping somehow, I guess.

        1. We use Prime a lot and like someone else above, love the convenience of just ordering stuff without accumulating to a certain threshold for free shipping. Lots of stuff shows up within 1-2 days which is super convenient. However, have also experienced that some items are not cheaper on Amazon, so we’ve started doing our due diligence with a general google for more common items. We find that things that are more specialty, like particular treats for our dog, that aren’t available in mainstream stores like Target, do have competitive/cheaper pricing on Amazon. We also use the Prime streaming a ton.

    8. We bought Prime accidentally (“would you like free shipping?” the box asked. “YES!” my husband said, not realizing he was agreeing to pay $99 for the free shipping) but it’s been great. I especially like that I can buy and return clothes for free — it takes a lot of the stress out of online shopping if shipping both ways is free. I also use CamelCamelCamel.com to stalk pieces I want at the prices I want.

      1. Just FYI, Prime doesn’t give you free returns. Many items are marked ‘free returns’ and some aren’t. Having Prime doesn’t let you return non-free return items for free.

        2. Ah, yes, I just mean… Free returns aren’t really free if you paid for the shipping out, because you’re still out that shipping fee, so it’s really only free-free to try it on and return it if you get the free shipping out with Prime AND the free return.

          1. Gotcha. Most clothes are free shipping with $50 purchase though, so unless you’re buying a dress for an event and need it quickly, you can get free shipping and free returns without Prime.

          2. Oooh I did not know this about most shipping for free over $50… interesting. (I have an irrational hatred of paying for shipping.)

    9. I don’t have Prime. I pay for shipping every time I need something delivered soon but otherwise I wait for free shipping. I did the math and I paid about $30 in shipping fees in 2015, so it’s much more cost-effective than paying the $99 for Prime. The streaming is not worth $70/year to me since I don’t watch much TV and we have cable and a DVR for my sports-obsessed husband. Not having Prime also forces me to do more shopping for food and household essentials at the grocery store or Target and as someone noted above, their prices tend to be significantly cheaper than Amazon.

  11. Are d’orsay flats still a thing? Or will I wind up looking super 2014 if I buy this leopard pair I’m eyeing?

    1. *shrug* I have a pair of floral d’orsay flats that I love. I get compliments on them every time I wear them. I say if you like them, go for it.

    3. They still feel fresh to me (and I don’t think I’m completely trend-illiterate; for example brightly colored jeans scream 2012ish to me). I also think they are kind of a classic. There may come a time when the are not super on trend, but they’re never going to look horribly dated or “so last year.”

  12. I’ve been single for a while now. I’ve dated a fair amount, but no one has ever stuck. I’m finally feeling over the Ex (its been a gradual process) and I’m also in a bit of a life transition (just graduated and now working). As per the advice on here, I’m really working on cultivating a life I am happy with (regardless of having someone in it). I’m regularly going to the gym now and I’m trying out different hobbies. I also take myself on “dates” around my city where I check out museums and farmer’s markets and (my personal fav) I take myself on long walks. I’ve really loved the time I’ve had these last few years to really understand myself better and truly figure out what kinda of things I like and don’t like.

    But now I just feel ready to have someone in my life. It’s making it a bit harder to feel comfortable in my Singledom like I had mostly been previously. I think it may be the post-grad transition. For a while I think I found it easiest to just live my life under the assumption I wouldn’t meet someone right now. I also just had such a bad experience after my ex, I really didn’t trust my judgement for a while so I felt better laying low.

    And while I think that made it easier to be single, I’d like to be more optimistic and open now. The problem is in the past when I was so optimistic it made being single very uncomfortable because I was so looking for the guy and I couldn’t just enjoy life.

    Any advice on the post grad transition as well as finding the “sweet spot” for the single mindset? TIA!

    1. Congrats! Singledom is so awesome and you are really embracing it!

      I didn’t date until my late 20s so YMMV but I found that looking for a partner through online dating is really a hobby in terms of time commitment. So, I’d be active on the dating sites for a few months, get discouraged, take a few months off, and get back on the sites again. It was a cycle.

      So my advice would be to recognize that a partner search is a hobby and that this hobby is cyclical. Until you meet someone you really click with, the dating cycle will continue.

      FWIW, I found singledom much easier having a regular NSA lady gardener. These relationships were with guys who took safety seriously and were not interested in a relationship. Sometimes we would go out to eat together but it was mostly just garden and leave. We met up maybe 1-2 times per month. I’m sure they were gardening elsewhere too.

      1. Thank you, Anon. Funny you mention the gardening partners because I was recently thinking that would help. It’s just never been my style in the past and I’m not too sure if it’s “me.” I’ve never looked at it as a bad thing; I’ve just had trouble being comfortable with guys I wasn’t dating.

        1. That’s kind of a “you do you” thing – it will work for some people, and really not at all for others. But if you try it out and you find you’re in the latter camp, you’ll know pretty fast. ;)

        2. I’m anon at 4:29. It is very much a “you do you” thing. I was never one for one night stands or rushing into relationships. I had only one gardener at a time and he was usually someone I had met, felt physically attracted to, but had major deal breakers (e.g., wanted a GF who would be a SAHM, owned an aggressive-for-me dog, was a workaholic). It would last 3-6 months, he or I would find someone, and we would part ways.

          If it’s not something you want to try, don’t do it. Like January said, it doesn’t work for many people.

          I am really glad you are pursuing singledom. I had many adventures before finding my Prince Charming and am so thankful that I had the chance to “be me” before coupling up. Embrace this time knowing that you will have a happy ending!

          1. Thank you again! I really needed to hear that last bit. Just got brushed off by I guy I had been flirting with the last few weeks…sigh. On to the next one I guess.

      2. I like this as a response to how to be single, though. Go to Target! They have everything!

  13. Where are the best places to buy cheap furniture? It looks like I’m going to be furnishing a new apartment soon and I’ve love to internet-window-shop things to look forward to.

    1. Craigslist search for “mahogany”

      Often you get a color. But you can find some great things that way.

    2. How is the answer to this not Ikea? Most of my house is furnished in Ikea. CB2 and West Elm are a step up but not outlandishly expensive. Costco’s website sometimes has good stuff. Craiglist is great if you have the time and live in a busy area where people move away or upgrade their furniture regularly.

      1. Yup. IKEA. Tons of our furniture is IKEA. Over the years we’ve graduated to the higher level of quality instead of the cheap cheap stuff (which still generally lasts a really long time). It’s where we go first when we need something.

        And they have the cheapest, best quality kitchen gadgets.

    3. Also, a lot of places are having sales this weekend (west elm, cb2, etc.), so if there is something you’d rather have new or can’t find on craigslist (which I highly recommend checking out, too), you can think about that!

    4. Antique shops (not the super high end ones, think antique malls) and consignment shops. I got a really nice, if a little worn, solid wood hutch for under $200.

    5. Haven’t ordered anything myself but lots of friends are fans of wayfair. Lots of different price points and TONS of internet window shopping to do.

      1. I’ve ordered from Wayfair and Hayneedle and found both to have really responsive customer service.

    6. Yes to Ikea and Wayfair, and also Overstock. I bought lots of accent pieces from there – side chairs, pouf, side tables, area rugs, book shelf/cabinets – and the quality was generally good and the customer service was great. (I bought two side chairs and I thought the leg on one broke after maybe 8 months; I wrote Overstock and they sent me a new leg within a few days. Then when I went to put on the new leg it turned out that the bolt holding it on had slipped and it wasn’t broken. I offered to send back the replacement, they told me to keep it.

      1. I have a really cute, really solid wooden desk from Overstock. And I’ve bought a rug that gets a ridiculous number of compliments from Wayfair! And it’s fun that they have a million things to look at!

  14. Continuing the thread from this morning — doctor recommendations in DC (internal med/primary care)? Preferences are — a female; age 30s-40s (exact age doesn’t matter, just someone who has been out of residency for a good 5-10+ yrs and has experience); thorough; good beside manner/easy to talk to. (I guess I can be convinced to go to go to a male if he has the other qualifications but tend to find women easier to talk to.)

    I’ll take as may recs as you have anywhere in the DMV — bc I’m finding it hard to get in with any practice as no one with any experience seems to want to take new patients.

      1. I’m late to this but YES. Lesley M in the Farragut office is lovely and fits all your criteria.

    2. Mary Beth alder. She’s the best – so easy to talk to, so knowledgeable, very thorough. Answered questions I had throughout the year by email too.

  15. Ladies, I need some advice regarding fit. I got an absolutely adorable a-line skirt that’s perfect for fall, but the description on the website wasn’t lying, it really does run a bit big. However, I didn’t listen to the advice to size up, and it’s a teensy bit bigger than I’d like. It’s not falling off me or anything, it just has a little wiggle room, which may actually be good for tucking in sweaters, which is helpful in the fall.

    I’m worried if I do go from a small to an extra small it’ll be *too* small, and then I won’t be able to tuck anything in. So what I want to know is, how can I tell if the skirt is loose enough to necessitate an exchange for a smaller size?

    If it helps, the skirt is high waisted and doesn’t stretch.

    The good news is that exchanges are free, and I have plenty of time to get this squared away before fall starts.

    2. Why not just get it tailored, if it’s just a bit too big. That way it will fit you perfectly!

    3. My litmus test for skirt fit is sticking two fingers in the waistband. If I can stick them in comfortably, without sucking in, then fit is good. If I have to suck in to get them in there, too small. If I can stick them in and pull at least 1 inch away from my body, or if the waistband drops lower on my hips as I walk, then it’s too big.

  16. I’m anon for this because everyone I work with now knows this story and I’d like to keep my regular handle out of it. I recall a poster a few weeks back asking how you know the difference between a legitimate Asian massage place and an erotic one. I was not that poster. But, I went to get a massage today on my lunch break and the place I went to gave me a bunch of red flags even though the massage was one of the best I have ever received. I ended up googling the phone number and it shows up on all kinds of sketchy websites for it’s erotic services. Welp, now I know. Hopefully the table was clean and I won’t catch any rashes or anything.

    2. Was it the best because of the happy ending? Tons of legit places end up on those sites and it seems like you didn’t actually get propositioned which seems like it’s legit? What were the red flags

    3. I had the best massage of my life at a Brazilian massage parlor. The person giving me the massage (don’t want to call her a therapist because I suspect she wasn’t licensed/certified) offered me multiple “extras” which I politely declined. It was still a great massage, though.

      For that place, the red flags were (1) got in on a Groupon, (2) located back off of the main road in a stand alone building with little to no signage out front, (3) no one in the waiting room who didn’t work there, and (4) no certifications or licenses publicly displayed.

      1. Now I’m curious, what “extras” did they offer? I know what they would offer a male client but I’m curious what they’d offer a female client. I’m guessing once I wanted to keep my underwear on she knew not to offer me any extras though it didn’t stop her from massaging parts that they were covering.

        1. Both upper body massage (which I know a lot of places offer, but I got the impression her focus was going to be more n1pple based than pectoral) and lower body gen1tal massage (I was face up and she asked if I wanted “st1mulation”). She also rubbed her ch3st against me in a pretty intentional manner and was pretty high-reaching on the upper thighs. I consider myself pretty open about comfortable with touch and nudity so it wasn’t enough to make me jump out of the room and press charges or anything, but it was enough to suggest if I were a willing customer she would have done more.

    4. Red flags –

      Didn’t get any information from me at all. Not my name, phone number, whether I had any medical conditions. No waiting room. There was a woman behind a privacy screen that appeared to be in charge and had to give permission for me to use a credit card. Credit card was taken upstairs to be processed while I was taken to the massage room without meeting who would be doing my massage.

      Table had a fitted sheet like normal, than an absorbent pad at crotch height like you might have at a doctor’s office and a towel. No draping sheet. I was unclear if I should be under the pad, under the towel? I ended up on the pad, with underwear on, with the towel over my butt.

      While changing the lady who initially helped me walked back in with my credit card. I was topless. She didn’t stop when I said to wait. She didn’t have me sign anything. There was a roll of toilet paper and tissues in the room. The oil was more like the type used in the bedroom and not like the lotion usually used in a professional massage.

      She used a TON of oil on me. She got on the bed with me at two points. Once kneeling near my head and the other time kneeling between my legs. I left my underwear on but when she got down my back near my butt she ripped them down without asking. I said no, those stay on, and pulled them back up and she left the room.

      She came back and continued the massage. It was the best massage because she used many techniques including stretching techniques and alleviated my pain. I went because it was right near my office, in a professional building and advertised professional services from the outside. (Oriental massage and reflexology)

      At the end they ushered me out and wouldn’t let me back in the room where the lady was behind the screen. I wanted to take a business card. She went and got one for me though. There was just an air of secrecy through the place, like they didn’t want me to see who else might be there.

      2. Oh man, I am super grossed out by this, lol. Also, watch your credit card for fraud. I hate when people take my credit card out of my line of sight!

        1. I see what you did there! Also, I’m no prude and if the people working there are willingly working there, more power to them. I still tipped well. I just hope they are there willingly.

          1. This is a really big problem in Houston, where s3x trafficking is rampant. There isn’t a lot of agency being exercised on the part of the women working at some of these places. I think it’s always best to try to use licensed/regulated businesses for that reason.

      4. I go to an Asian massage place that is sort of similar – they have signs everywhere saying that they don’t offer any “gardening” services. The massages aren’t that private though – you can hear exactly what’s happening in the other rooms. No doors, just curtains. So I think it’s legit and not nefarious in nature.

        I love the massages I get there, though. Best massages ever. So much oil but then they wipe it off with a really hot towel after.

  17. Posted a bit too late this morning – thanks, Bonnie, for your input!

    Has anyone had the zipper removed from a dress? Is that a thing that a tailor can do pretty easily and cheaply?

    I have a couple of stretchy dresses – either ponte or some sort of poly blend – that slip on perfectly easily over my head. I’m short and short-waisted so the zipper bubbles and sticks out like I have a tail. I don’t really want to spend the time or money to have the dresses taken up at the shoulder, which would probably also solve the issue, but I’m thinking that just removing the zipper might be a cheaper and easier fix to accomplish almost the same thing.

    1. I’m a pretty good seamstress and removing a zipper would likely be far for difficult unless the dress is made in a certain way. Taking up the shoulder is likely a better plan, unless they have really complicated sleeves.

  18. Booties for work with skirts – how does one do this?

    I have been wearing my knee-high riding-ish boots with my suit skirts in the winter for a couple of years and now I don’t want to look off-trend, so what kind of booties would I substitute here? I don’t generally like heeled boots over 2″.

    Would anyone wear these to work? I love them despite the hoofy look, but don’t think they are dressy enough (link to follow)

      2. I wouldn’t wear these to wear with a skirt. IMO they’re too clunky. For skirts, I like booties that dip down in the front.

    2. I wear black Chelsea boots with black tights. I think the colour match makes it look more streamlined.

  19. Senior Attorney, I think you are getting married this weekend, and if so, best wishes and congratulations! (Even if that means you are not reading this.) Your wisdom and advice have been a help to many of us and it makes me happy to read that you’ve found such a happy place.

    1. Yes, I agree with Nutella. CONGRAT’S to SENIOR ATTORNEY! It is alway’s nice to hear that one us in the HIVE is getting MARRIED, and here we have a senior attorney who found a man! I am now a senior attorney myself, being OVER 35, and it should be MY turn to find a guy and get MARRIED, like the other’s. Have a great HONEYMOON SENIOR ATTORNEY, and have a great time with Mr. Senior Attorney, whoever he is! YAY!!!

    2. Aw, you are sweet! It’s actually next weekend (Sept 10) but I sure appreciate the good wishes!!

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