Corporette.com

Updated: Dec 4, 2020 456 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Puff Long Sleeve Sweatshirt Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

I have seen this dress in person, and I can attest that it looks even better in real life than it does online. I love the slightly puffed sleeve and the sweatshirt material. It looks much more formal but feels like your coziest pair of sweatpants.

The New Yorker in me wants to wear this with black tights, black booties, and a long, gold station necklace. If you need a little more color in your life, you could add a bright earring or a statement necklace.

The dress is $32.99 and comes in sizes XS–XXL. It's also available in cream. Puff Long Sleeve Sweatshirt Dress

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I posted a few days ago feeling down because someone else got the promotion I was hoping for, and I suspected that my not being a native speaker was a factor. There was one poster who said, basically, that being different is a way to add value, but you have to find an environment that values those differences. Working from the bold hypothesis that I am totally fine, just maybe not in the right environment, I sent my CV to a few dream firms. They bit fast—I have two interviews next week.

    I know there is at least one person reading today who’s having a tough time in her career and wondering where she’s falling short. The answer is, you’re fine. You have talents that no one else does. Smart managers will see that. So find an environment that sees what you have to offer.

    • Abby

      That is amazing, congratulations! This is such a good story, thanks for the follow up. Good luck on those interviews!

    • Vicky Austin

      Wooooohoo! Way to go! You took a brave step and I’m delighted it’s already paid off for you in such a big way.

    • Anon

      Woohoo! Even if these interviews don’t pan out, you’ve learned that you have marketable, valuable skills. What an awesome story I’ll pull out when I’m feeling in the dumps myself.

    • Anon

      Anecdotal but my husband is also not a native English speaker and it definitely adds value in his role, where he manages lots employees and teams internationally (who are also non-native English speakers). He believes it gives him more credibility with them. However, if he had my job in biglaw it would be a big problem because a lot of finer, nuanced points of grammar and syntax that are important in law go over his head. Just to say that I agree with that poster 100%. Good luck, Anon!

    • anon

      Hi OP, I am the poster from a few days ago that described being recognized by employers for performing differently (in a good way) than colleagues/peers. I am very happy to hear that my note helped and so proud of you for taking action – congratulations on the two interviews!! I know you will find the next better opportunity – good luck with the interviews…I wish you much success and Happy Holidays!

    • anne-on

      This is amazing, and this internet stranger is SO proud of you for bouncing back, reframing things, and taking matters into your own hands!
      Ask a Manager has a fantastic interview guide – it felt silly, but responding to the questions (out loud, alone) really helped me hone the points I wanted to convey, and get comfortable making mistakes/not knowing how to answer things before I did the real interviews.

    • Senior Attorney

      Wowzers, that’s great!

      And thank you so much for being kind enough to come back here and pay it forward!

    • Anonymous

      This is amazing and I’m so proud of you for putting yourself out there like this! Good luck with the interviews!

      Also thank you for posting this. I really needed to hear this today.

  3. Anon

    I had three interviews for a job and now I’m waiting to hear back…it’s been a week and I’m dying. Please send all good vibes my way. I could really, really use this job and I’m so afraid I didn’t get it.

    • Abby

      I didn’t hear back when I got my current job for TWO WEEKS after my last interview. I had another offer, but wanted this job so I turned the other one down. When I was on week 2, I was actually skiing on vacation and everyday kept my volume at 100% in case I got the call. The second offer came back to see if I was still interested and I had to turn them down a second time. I finally followed up, thinking it was going to be bad news, and they offered me a job the next day. It’s not always bad news, it’s just a busy time of the year!

      • Anonymous

        Ha, two weeks? Try 3 months! I kid, I love my employer but that was torture. I actually cried when I got the email.

        • Aunt Jamesina

          I once had a job offer seven months after the interview. I had been in a new role (my first choice job when interviewing) over five months by that point. They called and said “congrats, we’d like to offer you the job!” (without identifying themselves or acknowledging the huge delay) and I said, “sorry, who is this?”. Not my finest moment, but definitely a dodged bullet!

  4. Anonymous

    Anyone raised in a family that literally does not view happiness as important and life is about what you’re “supposed to” do and what others will say about it? Like everything from career to type of house to who to marry is considered “ridiculous” if it isn’t in line with expectations. I’m from a culture that’s like this so I was raised in it — yet haven’t lived in it for a while. Combining households with my parents has been illuminating (not in a positive way) as the other night they went on at length about how a 30 something guy we know marrying a woman 15 yrs older than him is just ridiculous, happiness/love is irrelevant etc; and this is a guy who once did what he was supposed to, had an awful marriage, got divorced and now like nope I’ll do what makes me happy, people can talk all they want.

    It’s interesting to me that my dad is WAY more like this than mom while mom while she doesn’t love certain things being non traditional, she does admit it’s nice to see people happy. And as they’ve gotten older, 70+ year old dad is the one who is miserable/anxious/depressed. Can that be a consequence of just never living a life YOU wanted – to the point where he probably can’t even say oh when I was 20 I wanted to do x because likely he just wanted what he was “supposed“ to – engineering or med career, followed by a wife picked by the family and 2 kids.

    Anyone else see this in their family? Is there/could there be a link to later in life depression/anxiety? (We’re all wondering lately why dad is so unhappy – kind of seemed like an aha moment)

    • Anon

      I understand where the older generation is coming from – my father grew up in the Depression and he valued (and still values) financial security over doing what “felt good”, as a product of his childhood. That’s often what’s driving the push for engineering or medical careers. In his mind, not having the right career will lead to extreme poverty which will lead to great unhappiness. In terms of the arranged marriages, we don’t have that in my culture, but we do have pressure to marry within the faith. I was told I would be unhappy trying to have a relationship with someone from a different culture. I don’t think it’s that these folks don’t value happiness – they believe their ways are the keys to happiness, even when they see it not working out.

    • Anonymous

      Or like now, there is a sense that people won’t postpone happiness now to buckle down and work towards longer-term future goals. With kids, it’s like multiplication worksheets aren’t fun, but playing on the Switch is fun right now.

      There is a despair.com poster that says something like “Hard work pays off over time; procrastination pays off now.” I think there is a sense that people want their happiness now and won’t put in the unfun work (raking leaves, passing the CPA exam) that will make their futures better (grass doesn’t die; you get a better job).

      When my mom was old enough to work, she worked. Now, in my ‘hood, kids never work. No one babysits even. It’s like their parents want them in sports or extracurriculars, which are good, but I have a sense that kids don’t even change the sheets on their own beds now or vaccuum (both important life skills).

      • Anon

        Okay boomer. Teenagers don’t have jobs because there aren’t jobs for them (lots more adults who can find only minimum wage work) and we expect a lot more academic work out of them. Your “kids these days don’t know how to do laundry” whine has been around since the time of Plato.

        • Anon

          I was thinking this sounded like an agriculturist who has just had it with hunter gatherers. Ugh, can’t they just wait for grain to ripen in the fields? It’s like they have no self control!

        • Poinsettia

          I think the “Okay boomer” was a bit unnecessary. There’s a way to get the point across without resorting to reductive descriptors.

        • Seafinch

          This just is not true in my area. Maybe it is different where we live in Canada than elsewhere but the above comment is absolutely true in my personal experience. It is virtually impossible to hire babysitters. We have only been able to get family as a favour aside from one very industrious local teenager. Our neighbours are clear they do not want their kids distracted. My best friend just had her 14 year old drop off resumes in Quebec City and he was offered three jobs in one day because now one is interested in the positions. He is now working behind the meat counter in a grocery store and getting lots of hours.

          • Anon

            I’m in the US and my local grocery store is staffed with a mix of young kids and elderly so a lot probably depends on your local economy.

      • Anon

        +1 high school is veeeeery different than it used to be. I wish I grew up in an era where being a good athlete was enough to play varsity (as opposed to needing to play club too) and when 2hrs of homework was the norm. And when getting an underage drinking ticket was not going to derail your future. But it’s not that way anymore.

        I worked at two different fast food / fast casual restaurants two different summers. The teenagers working there were out numbered by the adults for whom McDonalds was their career.

        Before McDonalds, I babysat a lot but that only worked because I could make my own schedule. I was a multi sport athlete (practice from 3-6 pm M-F, plus weekend commitments. I didn’t even play club sports, this was just my high school team) and went to an academically rigorous high school with ~4 hours of homework a night. I was in a few clubs that met on the weekends and/or after sports practice.

        I think the right balance of sports/school/clubs vs after school job lies somewhere in the middle, but as things are now it’s hard to strike a balance.

    • Anon

      In my own family, there was a tendency to just go along with what family and society expected without questioning it, so it wasn’t really a matter of “I always knew I wanted something different, but my wants didn’t matter”, but rather a general failure to question if there *were* other options.
      My parents (mom especially) for all their faults, have never pressured me to do what society expected. I think if she knew when she was young that there other possibilities out there, she would not have gotten married and had kids. My dad, I’m not so sure about. I don’t think he put any thought into it, but he also benefited greatly from this very traditional way of life.

      • Anonymous

        This. Most men of a certain generation are quick to have expectations, say it’s ridiculous to step out of line of those expectations, and happiness is irrelevant because THEY benefited. They never quit or walked away from a career in frustration because they largely were the ones being promoted to boss. They think marriage is great because they had someone cooking, cleaving and doing their laundry back in the day. So anyone who doesn’t want those things is dumb. Meanwhile women (not always) tend to quietly be ok with another woman choosing a different life because they see it as — sure I can see a young woman not wanting to go thru what I did, even though times are different for women now.

        • Anon

          Fathers and men have no idea what it is like to try to obtain whatever they had as a female…

          • Anonymous

            This. After the VP debate where there was the moment where KH had to say — I’m still speaking — my father was like I read an article that it’s a real problem for professional women that men don’t let them speak, take their ideas. I was like uh yeah it happens at least 1x/day and you could tell he STILL didn’t really believe me but the random article in the hometown paper (likely written by a man) gave the issue some credibility. This is from a man w 2 ivy educated daughters – one on Wall Street, one in securities law – both male dominated areas. I’ve always rolled my eyes hard at — oh men with daughters understand and advocate for women. No they largely do not. And the ones that do I think are the guys that’d do so anyway even if they had sons or no kids.

          • anne-on

            One of my particularly prickly partners when I worked PR shocked me by how gracious and kind he was to a VERY green WSJ intern who was doing an article he was giving background on. His response was ‘I have a daughter who’s an intern right now and she tells me all the time how rude senior people are to her. I try to remember that and NOT be that partner, and treat my junior staff and interns the way I want people to treat her’. My respect for that day rose greatly…

    • Anon

      My husband definitely was. His family immigrated to the US when he was very young and always pushed him towards his “chosen” career from a very young age due to perceived financial stability. I think he never developed the ability to develop interests, hobbies, etc because as a child it was just school school school. No hanging out with friends, no extracurriculars, no sports, no going on field trips even. When he met me, he changed jobs into a related career that didn’t require any kind of license or certification, but was a much better fit for him. Its been 7 years, he is never going back to his old career path, and still his family pressures him to get the license for his old career path (think CPA). Because he was “supposed” to and for no other reason. I am optimistic that as we age he will get better at making himself happy, and bucking others’ expectations.

    • anon

      If that is the formula that you believe in and the rules that you strived to live your life by and enforce for your children, then yes, you will end up unhappy that things didn’t go according to plan. My parents are like this…one immigrant, one not…they are religious conservatives today, but from a generation that they claim everyone lived their life according to the church ‘rules’. Yes, they are disappointed to see then following generations live their lives differently. If I were them, I would be sad that I spent so much time trying to enforce expectations that I missed part of life.

    • PNW

      My dad married a woman with this attitude after my mother passed away, and it has been exhausting and a real drag to deal with. This is a white, working class, Depression era, type perspective. My folks came from that as well, but understood they were working towards a life where you could have more options and everything wasn’t just a slog of obligation. This woman is in her 80s and to this day when we meet as a family for weekly coffee she won’t order anything because “when I was growing up if you wanted a cup of coffee you made it at home and you felt grateful to have it!” God forbid anyone have complaints about their job or any sort of dissatisfaction with life. Our last conversation was about my youngest child, who is majoring in a foreign language at college, and she wanted to know “what can you do with that, how is that going to pay off.” I told her I don’t think education is all about monetizing what you learn, it has value in itself, and that it was my dad who taught me that.

      So yes, I do think growing up in this kind of environment, and then not being open to reflection and growth about it, can indeed lead someone to be a bitter misery-guts when they get older. Whether she’s clinically depressed I don’t know, but she’s certainly never been happy.

      • Seventh Sister

        My mom would take the coffee, but she is That Relative about what people major in at college. And she always will be – she was busy doing some Fox talking point when I was visiting her about how bad it was to major in philosophy or women’s studies or whatever. Even though I’ve been out of college for 20 years, I felt compelled to point out that some of my college classmates had these majors and are investment bankers, college professors, run hedge funds, etc.

        What’s funny is she now uses me (who never does anything right) to dash the hopes and dreams of others! My little cousin is apparently interested in a field that I tried out when I was younger, and my mother felt compelled to tell her how awesome my life was because I didn’t stay in that field.

      • Anonymous

        I actually wish I had someone like that in my ear. I was always an amazing student and chose a not-very-marketable major that was difficult. I work in a highly competitive field that values the major and I’ve had many colleagues agree on how much better our work-life balance and pay could be had we just pursued business or accounting or HR or something. When you’re 20 or 30 saying you don’t care because it’s your passion looks different on the other side of 40 when you see how others don’t need to work nearly the hours and don’t have to always have their eye out for the next competition.

    • anonshmanon

      I think this is super normal to a certain degree, esp. for older, more conservative leaning folks. Outright saying happiness doesn’t matter is maybe more extreme. I always feel like my FIL is of two minds and the cognitive disconnect is very entertaining, unless it’s actively distressing my husband. FIL literally worked his way up from being a refugee of war, with tons of delayed gratification and denied personal fulfillment to work an unexciting career, and it worked out great, he was able to retire early and get all that delayed gratification. So he likes to push that path in life every now and then. I feel like younger generations don’t have the guarantee anymore that you make sacrifices now and will be rewarded later. That’s not necessarily something he can relate to but I think we make decisions in a different framework.
      But FIL also married a woman from the wrong church and the wrong town because of love, and has a retirement that is more out-of-the-box than most, so he gets that you need to go against the grain sometimes. It’s quite interesting to see him oscillate between resenting people who don’t ‘fit in’ and resenting structures that ‘try to control his life’.

      • Anon

        That’s also true. Younger generations have seen that sacrifice now might not pay off later.

        Not to be non-PC, but as we more toward a more equitable society, those demos who always used the “work hard to succeed” route successfully will have to take a back seat. Caucasians, esp working class/more rural ones (all of whom have been tagged as Trumpers and racists) probably won’t be getting opportunities, either (I would get a PO box from a different locality). If you come from a long line of wealth and privilege, I’m sure there will always be room for you…

        • anonshmanon

          Idk if this has anything to do with social equity. Unskilled jobs are done by machines and robots more and more. Especially for highly compensated jobs, there is a stronger incentive to outsource, or automate. And then there is shifting demand due to larger issues, such as climate change. Coal miners, independent farmers or truckers losing their jobs is more due to these developments than because of a move towards a more equitable society.

          • Anon

            I’m speaking about children from families of trade workers, etc. Anything about a prospective student or hire that reeks “white working class” might be a turnoff in the coming years. It may seem like a cultural no.

            I wasn’t talking about jobs lost from the rust belt. I was talking about how maybe folks should be ashamed to share where and who they are from in the coming years.

          • anonshmanon

            I don’t really see that to be honest. If it’s structural, then it’s more often than not set up in ways that White people still benefit (e.g. poor White kids benefiting from first generation college programs, programs advancing women mostly benefiting White women).
            I have never been asked what my parents do in any professional context.
            Do you have an example?

        • Seventh Sister

          Honestly, I think white working-class guys (and guys in general) are going to be fine. I live in a very blue state in a very progressive place, and guys are a LOT more s*xist than they’d amid to their wives or girlfriends.

    • anonyK

      Is your family asian/south asian? I’m sure many cultures are like this, but I know my husband’s south asian family can be like this, some more than others. Idk about your dad specifically- I feel like those questions are so specific to the person involved, but definitely could see some resentment if he wished he could have done something else and didn’t. Some people are just more judgmental by nature, regardless of culture, and those people also often want to see others “punished” for not following the so-called rules that the judgmental person followed. I think those people are often more critical of themselves as well as others and it would not surprise me if they tended towards depression/anxiety/general unhappiness more than “live and let live” types. But it’s sort of a chicken and egg situation in terms of what causes what, in my opinion. People who are critical and insecure regarding their own choices are usually the most prone to fixate on other people’s perceived shortcomings.

      I don’t think people from these kinds of families/cultures are more depressed/anxious in general- at least I haven’t seen that in south asian culture, but I’m certainly no expert. I think the abundance of family support and social contact (certainly for the rule followers) is probably protective against depression too, so it can cut both ways.

      My family is very different from my husband’s, so I’ve reflected on this cultural difference a lot. My family is pretty nonjudgmental (certainly not openly/publicly judgmental) and not prone to involving themselves in other people’s lives/problems/decision. The flip side, though, is that they are pretty distant and live relatively separate lives, a lot of “see you once a year” type relationships with cousins/aunts/uncles/even some siblings. My husband’s family is all over everything everyone does and has opinions about all of it which can feel very smothering to me, but if you need help with something, you have like 5 people you could call who would pretty much drop everything to help you and wouldn’t think twice about it. That is really nice. We are striving for a best of both worlds situation with our own family.

      • Anon

        This is so interesting because I am South Asian with an American husband, and I think you’ve described the dynamics so well. My family is always on top of each other (but not as the OP describes because we want each other to be happy), has opinions and shares them, etc. It can feel like a lot, but we are also a tight knit family. When I had post partum, I had 5 women in my family basically form a cocoon around me so I could get the help I needed. The baby was well cared for and so was I. My husband’s family is hands off and non-judgmental, but we have a very distant relationship – not unpleasant or acrimonious but just distant.

    • Anon

      First of all, I think all men are anxious and depressed, even if they hide it. Aside from that, my dad is 70 now and even though he had been happier than the average previously, he has started yelling about the smallest things and gets frustrated very easily…I think that may come down to hormones…like he’s reached the “Kids, get off my lawn!” time of life.

      Secondly, now that I am approaching middle age, I wish my folks had been like that with me. My future is uncertain, I wonder if I will have enough money to support me in old age, etc. It’s easier to criticize the type of mindset that your parents have when you were raised w/it and are in a good enough position to know you will be okay.

      • Blueberry

        I think my dad is happy! Especially when his young adult kids were home during the first part of the pandemic. What’s not to like – he has a nice house, a good position at the company he’s worked at since college and has a pension with, likes-ish his day to day work, the traditional surrounded by his wife and kids. He’s getting a little bored with that job, but we are trying to get him to just stick it out until retirement at this point.

        • Anon

          FYI my dad was the same. He’s been retired for 8ish years and it has been getting old for him in the last several. He just doesn’t get that I came up in a different world.

    • anon

      I think society everywhere is like this, just more or less on the scale. Even in a more “open” culture here in the US as compared to my home country, people strike conversations by asking if you’re partnered and if you have kids. I recently moved to a part of the country where “if you have pets” are also in the top three questions, and if you’re striked out on all three then you’re the odd one out.
      All my life I’ve assumed that I wanted these things, and was feeling panicky that I didn’t have them even though I was well into my 30s… but after upon careful reflection I don’t know if I really want any of that. I definitely don’t want kids, haven’t met a guy who “sparks joy”, and generally enjoy my solitude over another’s regular presence. Friends and family worry for my happiness but their constant concern is the main driver of my distress. I really wish single childless life could be normalized as well, so that I’m not made to feel self conscious about my life choices. It’s one thing when it’s strangers or haters that you can tune out, it’s another when it’s friends and family and the entire community.

    • Anon

      I am of Indian Hindu origin and look, this is Hindu philosophy. It emphasizes delayed gratification and service as a path to fulfilment. The concept of “Dharma” literally means Duty and explains that you have different duties in each of the 4 phases of life. In the samsara or family phase, which is most of adulthood, your duty is to your parents, your children, spouse, and community (giving charity helping neighbors etc). It isn’t that happiness is to be squashed, it’s more that there is a certain sense of well being that comes out of taking care of people and belonging to community and doing the right thing even if it involves some sacrifices (eg sharing your meal with a guest even if you have little). Like all religions, it promises some benefits in the afterlife, sure. But it also promises some peace and contentment now coming out of leading this virtuous life.
      This may not all relate to your question, for instance dharma doesn’t tell you what career path to choose (be an engineer or artist or teacher) but tells you how to life your life (doing right by people – maybe help your parents in their old age).
      The pursuit of happiness is an American and Western construct. A lot of Eastern philosophy is based on seeking peace/contentment. Arguably this is a more sustainable path than the hedonistic treadmill which is how people sometimes interpret the pursuit of happiness.

    • Anonymous

      I’m over simplifying a lot but I think it’s jealousy. They did what they were told by mommy and daddy whether they wanted to or not. Sometimes they didn’t even know there were other options to be had. Now they see people in their 20s-40s largely doing it differently; even those that earlier listened to their parents and went to med school or whatever can and often do now say well I’m 35, not happy, I’m going to go get an MBA or open a pet supply store, or get some medicine job that’s tele med only just to pay the bills but my real life will be living in the woods of Colorado or a remote beach or whatever, don’t care if that’s not what a doctor is “supposed” to do or how it looks. So now at 70 it’s like I COULD have done that and I never got to — so I’ll just criticize young folks about how they’re wrong because they’re not playing by the rules — you’re supposed to stay in engineering/med/law like it or lot; you’re supposed to buy a house in the suburbs even if you don’t like the suburbs etc — so you’re foolish to open your own retail shop and get a condo in the city at 40 years old.

    • Trina

      I can’t see how living a life like that wouldn’t end up in dissatisfaction over time.

      In case this helps: I come from an ethnic background where “people will talk” if someone doesn’t abide by expectations. Plenty of my generation has eschewed the traditional obligations (e.g. mostly by marrying outside our culture/religion). Guess what? People got over it, or if they didn’t I don’t hear about it anymore.

      I have a lovely little family and life that I built a healthy driving distance from my parents’ state and I have zero regrets. I learned that once you show that you have no guilt, no shame, and zero fucks to give, people move on (or at least let you be). One of my aunts always asks for pics of my mixed-race, mixed-religion kids and is super interested in my life, as are others. And my parents got over it too.

      I’m super stubborn, forged my own path, and got a good education at good schools, which helped since it “allowed” me leeway in other parts of my life, I suspect. Bottom line–take your dad’s life as a lesson and live your life to the fullest :).

    • Seventh Sister

      This is basically my white, WASP-y, Midwestern mom. It’s all about what you are supposed to do, not about exceptions or treating people well or being happy instead of well-off and socially acceptable. It’s so draining.

    • Anan

      My midwestern raised husband came from a family where there was a prescribed life path to security. His parents pretty much chose his major (threatened to pull his school funding if he didn’t go to business school), were really disappointed when he quit his soul sucking corporate job for life in the non-profit world, and really did not approve of me as a wife (Asian, job which kept me on the road for weeks at a time). Clearly he hasn’t listened to them on a lot of things (and they have since passed away), but it has definitely had an impact on how he lives now. I feel like he has a lot of issues with letting himself enjoy things in life, and that life is just one big long slog for him where the point is to make sure he provides for his family and everyone is safe and cared for.
      So here is the interesting thing, though… When we took a happiness survey a little while back, he scored really high on it. I have a pretty liberal parents/ background and am somewhat of a free spirit, and I scored markedly lower than he did. I was pretty floored by our results. I have a theory that this is because he was raised with really low expectations for happiness. So even though he is perpetually grumpy and tired and somewhat of a malcontent, he thinks he is happy because his baseline for his state of well being is not based on how happy he is. I’m not sure how this will play out as life progresses… I wonder if one day he will think, “Wait, this life that I’m supposed to lead really is soul sucking.” Or if he will always think things are pretty good because it is steps ahead of how he was raised.

  5. wifi help

    Wise ones, what do I need to get better internet on the third floor of our house? I’m trying to understand the difference between a wifi booster and wifi extender. What do yall have and recommend? There is a signal on the third floor but it’s not as great for say, back-to-back video calls. Router is on the first floor. We are also not interested in a smart device, which is what I think the g o0 gle nest one is?

    • Anon

      You should probably either get a better router if you’re using one for your ISP or try a mesh network like Amplifi, Eero, Orbi, or Nest. Wifi extenders work too but they are not as fast. You could also wire in access points but that is probably overkill for you.

      • Anon

        +1 for mesh. I have the eero and my spread out, thick-plaster-wall house now has great signals everywhere. I would not use an extender, I don’t think they work well.

        • Anon

          Yeah, don’t mess around with extenders. That’s outdated tech. Get a mesh network. I have the Google one. I don’t know why you’re not interested in a “smart” network but working without one is kind of dumb.

          • Sloan Sabbith

            It sounds like the poster thought that it was something like Alexa, or at least that’s how I read her concern.

            OP, it’s not. Go mesh.

          • Anonymous

            Because the newest Google mesh one is a combo Nest smart device that works like an Alexa. I have the first version (Google Wifi) and recommend that for a mesh network. I avoided upgrading to the new version for similar smart device concerns.

    • Caroline

      Mesh wifi!

      Serious, this is the state of the future. Mesh systems are much better at extending coverage with less lost speed than extenders.

      The 2020 version of Nest does have smart speakers, but an Eeros or Plume system night work well for you if you don’t need that.

      Since you mostly need more /coverage/, rather than very high throughout, you should be fine with regular consumer grade equipment.

      • wifi help

        OP here, I’m reading that the Eero needs to be within 30 feet of another? So I would have to have one on each floor it sounds like in order to get a chain of good connectivity on the third floor?

    • BB

      The best answer is always mesh network. An extender might help you, but all it does is set up a “second” version of your existing network that your device has to log on/off from when it’s in that area. Mesh network creates a single seamless network across a wide area (no logging on/off). Of course, mesh networks are much more expensive than extenders, so depends on what you need.

    • AnonMPH

      Nest mesh network has been awesome for us. We have the main unit and one extra point and it has been perfect for our 2 story house.

    • Catarina

      We have an Orbi and love it. Make sure your internet is fast and your router isn’t too old. But in most cases like this, the answer is a mesh network.

    • Sr. Assoc.

      Look into TP-Link adapters as well; I use one to use an ethernet cable in my 2nd floor office (router on 1st floor). I got one on amazon, super easy to install & pair.

  6. Anon

    I want to crawl in a hole and stay there today. Everything is overwhelming me – my job, my career plans, my family, my anxiety, my depression, breakups. I feel like I’m drowning. I’m also so sensitive about everything – one off comment or rude message from someone really hurts my feelings. I have a therapy appointment this afternoon and so much sh*t has happened in the past two weeks that I don’t even know where to start (usually I see her weekly, but didn’t last week due to the holiday). Just venting, I suppose. Thank you for listening.

    • Anonymous

      Hi – just wanted to say that it’s totally okay to crawl into a metaphorical hole if that’s what you need. For me, that looks like spending half a day in bed reading books that transport me to another time/place like anything by Jane Austen or Lucy Maud Montgomery.

      Hang in there, you are doing great self-care by booking the therapy appointment.

    • Anonymous

      I’m with you. Go easy on yourself. It’s okay to take a break from everything that is overwhelming you.

    • Anon

      Same, same, same. Thank god it’s Friday. I’m going to take a sleeping pill tonight so I can escape for a night.

    • anon

      I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch, and I think it’s great that you have a therapy appointment to discuss. Take one day/moment/hour at a time, and don’t beat yourself up for feeling down.

    • Anon

      I’ve been in your shoes re: too much to discuss in therapy. I make a list of the things. My therapist usually tells me to start with what I think I need the most help processing first. If I don’t know, where to start, I run the list by her quickly, just top level stuff, less than 3 minutes and let her pick which topic to discuss first.

    • Vicky Austin

      I support crawling into holes today – it’s a doozy already. Hang in there. You just gotta get to therapy; I promise you’ll feel better after that!

    • Anon

      This was me for most of September and a chunk of October. I’m so sorry, it sucks. Literally staying in bed with a book (not the internet!) helped, as did walks. I hope you feel better soon.

    • Anokha

      Just to say: so much same. I also have an appointment with my therapist today and feel like it’s going to be me just throwing my hands up in the air.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I’m glad you’re seeking out therapy. There is just so much going on right now. I hope you’re able to get some relaxation and relief this weekend. Do you have any sympathetic friends or family you can lean on right now?

    • Anon

      Omg – it’s been a long week and I’m practically weeping at my desk. Mia asks for gum (I wonder if she has a strict no-candy mother) and says “hope you don’t get cold.”

    • Anonymous

      From Mackenzie: “I rillly want a puppy and a xbox and I want my mom to stop smokin.” Sniff.

    • Lily

      I didn’t know about this program! Has anyone here participated? I’m tempted because they make it so easy, but since they don’t vet families for need, I’m wondering if it would be better to adopt a family or kid through an organization that does vet.

    • Anon

      This one’s wish list includes being allowed to paint flames on their bedroom wall, 200,000 watermelons, and a blazing sword with a button on it. Dream big, kid.

      • Senior Attorney

        Indeed, who among us would not want a blazing sword with a button on it?

    • Vicky Austin

      I love the one from Brody who scrawled a huge MERCI at the bottom of his letter.

  8. Work stamina in your 40s

    When I was younger, I used to work all the time: small dinner break, then charging ahead; bringing reading with me so I could do it on the metro; in the office generally both weekend days. Now, I feel like I am slowing down significantly. Some of it is that I just don’t have the adrenaline at home (especially 9 months of it). Some of it is that work is slower, so I don’t need to work as hard. But for the occasional busy times, I feel that I really can’t dial it up any more. I am fearing that that is gone forever.

    I’ve tried to add in some at-home workouts, but I feel that they tire me out even more vs. help balance out my energy and stress. I get enough sleep (but yesterday was ready to head to bed at 8:30).

    • Anon

      Others might have more targeted advice, but I’ll just say that I’ve decided to treat 2020 as an anomaly in every way, focus on getting through this year or two, and not worry about feeling how I do right now in the future. You might find that your ability to dial it up is not gone forever, but rather just not accessible to you during a global pandemic.

      This is not a normal time and it won’t last forever.

    • Anon

      Take a look at your output, though. My output in my 40’s is on par or better in quality and quantity than it was in my 20’s because I’ve gotten a lot more efficient at pretty much everything.

      • Bonnie Kate

        This was my first thought too. Things that used to take me a day now take me less than an hour, because I’m just far more efficient.

        Something I’ve really taken away from browsing Ask A Manager for years is that output/results is what matters, not hours working. If you get your work done on time and well, it shouldn’t matter how long you spent doing it.

        Also 2020 is a total anomaly and don’t conclude anything based on this year.

        • Senior Counsel

          Unless you are a lawyer in private practice where hours worked is what really matters and being experienced/ efficient is a net negative since you do not get rewarded for it.

          • Anon

            I’m not a lawyer, so this may be *really* naive, but are hours billed literal hours? My only experience with billing hours is in auto repair where a job has an assigned “book labor” that is what it is, whether a newbie tech takes 3 hours to do a 2 hour repair or an experienced tech takes 1 hour.

    • Anon

      So I am in my 40s also and have experienced the same thing, and I chalk it up to being older and wiser. I was very Type A, all-go-no-quit in my 20s and early 30s. I had a decent amount of success. But I was also exhausted all the time and got to a point where my marriage was in a rough patch and I felt like I did not have the time I wanted to have with my son. So I dialed back a little. Guess what? I was still successful. I still got cool opportunities and got to make the money I wanted to make. I got smarter about which things I said yes to and stopped feeling like I needed to be water-carrying for everyone else all the time. I realized that I did not need to be the one raising my hand to take on the crap assignments no one else wanted (the book Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office was very helpful in this regard). I can still buckle down and get work done in crunch time, but I am also just a lot smarter about planning (so I, and my teams, don’t end up in crisis due to lack of forethought) and I have also come to realize that most things are just not that serious. I used to be constantly afraid that making one minor mistake would end my career. Then I watched as people made super, ultra, big-time, major mistakes, and even if they lost their job they got another job doing something. Life carried on. I don’t work in a field where I am saving lives, so even if something goes awry, most things are fixable. That definitely helped me figure out how to have better balance. The feeling I had earlier in life of “I’ve got to be out front of everything” has faded. Along with some of my career aspirations, honestly, as I looked at the leaders in places where I’ve worked and realize they spend their entire day attending meetings and playing politics. That’s not the life I want for myself. If I can work at something I find meaningful, make a decent amount of money, have reasonable work-life balance, and retire before I keel over at my desk, I’m going to count that as a successful life. That is NOT what success looked like to me in my 20s. Maybe you’ve subconsciously had a similar revelation?

      • Anon

        +1 to all this.

        OP, I was you but the transition was from my 20s to my 30s, and in there I had a baby. I realized that if I wanted to have career success AND time with my kid AND maintain some sort of identity as a human outside those two things, I needed to get very very efficient. I get more done at work now in 30-40 hours than I did in 50+ in my 20s. I’ve learned how to be efficient at meal planning, housekeeping and all the related stuff so that I can enjoy more free time. I’ve also become more efficient in my hobbies by only pursuing those that I really enjoy today (i.e. yoga) instead of what I used to enjoy (i.e. sewing) or think I’m supposed to enjoy (i.e. cooking). Somehow as a mom with a big job, I feel like I have more free time and space in my life than I did as an employed, childless 20-something. But at the same time, I’m just DONE with work by the time it’s 5-6pm — my brain can’t function in that way anymore, but because I’ve been working efficiently since 8 or 9, it’s NBD.

        • Anon

          It was similar for me, but I had some resentment about our family depending so heavily on my income and bonuses and while I wanted to settle down a bit I felt a ton of pressure to keep climbing. Now that our incomes are more equal it’s much easier to chill out.

    • Cornellian

      I’m in my early 30s and have noticed this. I assume part of it is being a parent and having more mental tasks going on in the background, but I do think we are probably way more efficient and wise in making decisions than ten years ago, which helps close the gap, I think. At least in the law firm pyramid, we aren’t meant to be the cannon fodder/workhorses, ideally.

    • Anon

      Speaking as a 50+ person who was also like this in my 20’s, it’s just not sustainable. And you don’t want it to be. The longer you work the more you realize this is a marathon not a sprint and you need to pace yourself to get through an entire career. Plus in your 40’s and 50’s you start to look around and see what else is out there for you, other than work, for you to focus your efforts on. That could be family, friends, hobbies, working out, new career, etc.

      • Anon

        +1 to it being not sustainable.

        I’m 26 and I already pivoted my career and moved cities because I realized there was more to life than work. I preferred my old job, but overall I’m much happier now with a fuller life. I’m still very career oriented, and have my fair share of 70+ hour weeks, just not to the extent I was when I lived in DC.

  9. Anonymous

    Anyone up for a pet peeve thread to blow off steam? I enjoyed the last one and felt like it helped me. I’ll start:

    Houses where the front door opens straight into the living space with no entryway or closet. You track in so much more dirt, you end up having to add shelves and hooks for shoes and other awkward items that are visible from everywhere else in the house and it never looks good, and I just simply hate it.

    When adults talk about their “birthday months” or “birthday weeks.”

    When people can’t read through typos in text messages. “Let’s nkot bother” “What?”

    Posed open-mouth laughing pictures on social media, with or without one hand touching hair.

    When restaurants or attractions are described as “buzzy.”

    • JTM

      Pedestal sinks! They are such a waste cause what bathroom doesn’t need storage?
      People that advertise an event as the “first annual” – that’s not a thing! I wish the word “inaugural” would catch on.
      Fast food workers who don’t realize that a person who orders more than 1 drink is going to need a drink carrier! I worked fast food as a teenager and I also gave carriers, I don’t understand how they don’t preemptively do this anymore.

      • PolyD

        Pedestal sinks were designed by people who don’t use bathrooms.

        See also: hotel bathrooms with shower stalls with no shelves (or maybe just a tiny little niche) to put your products, those stupid pedestal sinks, and mirrors that are too high up for most women to use to put makeup on.

        • Anonymous

          Hotel showers: I also need a place to put my foot (that is not the shower floor) for leg shaving.

        • anne-on

          Hotel bathrooms with ZERO storage for your toiletries and no places to hang your wet towels (but then ask you to hang and re-use your towels) make me rage-y. Install hooks! Or train racks/towel bars! Or both! What else are you using the back of the bathroom door for anyway?!?

        • Thanks, it has pockets!

          On the topic of bathrooms, it drives me crazy when I go to someone’s home and there’s no hand towel in the bathroom, just bath towels that may or may not have been rubbed on someone’s junk in the last 24 hours, and no way to really know what I’m supposed to wipe my damp hands on.

          • anne-on

            Omg YES. This is my brothers house, and yes, it also is generally a reflection on the overall state of someone’s home.

      • Anon

        I think I may have the bathroom layout where they make sense – I have floor to ceiling recessed cabinets in the wall to the right of our pedestal sink, so there is plenty of storage. To the left is a window, so putting a vanity there would block it off.

      • Anonymous

        I actually have the opposite pet peeve, when I only have 2 drinks, I do not need a holder I can literally just hand DH his own damn coffee.

    • anon

      Christmas gnomes. What even is this? Why would I want that creepy little thing in my house?

      • Anon

        Amen. I seriously do NOT get the Christmas gnome thing. I totally accept gnomes in the garden, I see how those can be cute. But what in the world is a gnome doing in the house? And at Christmas time?

        • Anon

          There’s some new non-denominational winter elf on the shelf alternative that’s a gnome. I guess someone wanted to capitalize on the potential to torture parents of all religions.

      • Anonymous

        The gnomes are historically Scandinavian (nisse or tomte).
        They protect your farm and animals, and can do mischief If not treated right.

        In Norway the nisse should get a plate of sweet rice porridge with butter and cinnamon on Christmas eve.

        • Cornellian

          Came here to say this! I love my Tomten.

          I find the Elf on the Shelf thing sort of disturbing and also a waste of parents’ time, though.

        • Cl

          Yes in Swedish they are called “Hustomte” (house santa) and part of the Scandinavian folklore. They are small cranky creatures that take care of the house and animals.

    • Vicky Austin

      People who wave you on at the intersection when it’s their turn. Also, blue packaging for any type of cheese.

        • Vicky Austin

          Maybe this is a me thing, but I have been burned many times: it looks like mold to a hurried eye!

          • anon

            Interesting! I guess I’ve never encountered a blue-wrapped cheese but that makes perfect sense.

      • MagicUnicorn

        I’ll take all of your rejected cheese then throw whatever I don’t eat at those awful drivers who wreak havoc and chaos on the rest of us.

          • MagicUnicorn

            YES! I’ve seen it happen way too many times where the waver waves, the next person goes, and the waver stomps the gas. The waver then attempts to claim the person they just hit ran the stop sign, threatens to file a police report, and attempt to get the other person to pay for damage to the waver’s car. I have even given a witness statement to the police when the person called the waver’s bluff, and got the satisfaction of watching the waver get stuck in the back of the squad car when their scam and uninsured/unlicensed status was uncovered.

    • BB

      Communal tables at fancy restaurants! I hope this is a trend that dies after the pandemic. No, I am not paying $200+ so I can bump elbows with some stranger every time I lift my fork and hear everything they are talking about.

      • BB

        Add on pet peeve for restaurants that have their tables so close together they might as well be communal! :) Also, I have actually walked out of a restaurant before because they refused to seat me at a non-communal table (in spite of me making a reservation, in spite of me calling beforehand to confirm that they could seat me at a non-communal table). It was Momofuku Ko, and I still hold a grudge to this day! :P

        • anne-on

          YES! We walked out of a restaurant once on our anniversary because we refused to be sat at a communal table or the bar (wtf?!?) after my husband called to tell them we wanted a private table as it was a special occasion.

      • Anon

        SO AGREE. It was a bad idea pre-pandemic. It’s a REALLY bad idea in the pandemic, and it will continue to be a bad idea post-pandemic. Same thing with huge picnic tables at breweries/brewpubs, which are very popular where I am. They need a couple of those for really big parties but 90% of the time, pre-Covid, you’d see one big table with two groups of people studiously avoiding interacting with each other. I am convinced communal tables are solely the idea of extreme extroverts who think everyone is like them, and enjoys “making friends” with random strangers. No thank you!

        • Anon

          Nope don’t blame us extroverts. I also want my own table. Blame restaurants for trying to fit more people into a crowded space to maximize profits.

          • Anon

            I’m a huge extrovert. I have no interest in speaking to someone I don’t know at a brewery. I came there to hang out with my friends, not strangers

      • Seventh Sister

        I don’t even like it at fast casual places. I eat several meals a day with my family, thanks, I don’t need to eat with some total strangers for company.

    • Anon

      I hate it when people bring their pets into stores like Target. Your dog does not belong there.

      • PolyD

        You’re going to get some shade from dog-lovers, but I am firmly in your corner.

        • Anonymous

          IDK — I’ve got a pet dog and it would never dawn on me to bring him to Target. Or anywhere else selling ready-to-eat food — isn’t that a health care regulation? We have a pizza hut and starbucks in ours (along with Target groceries).

        • Anon

          I looooove dogs (and have not had one in 3 years so I’m excited to meet them out and about) and I still hate when people do this.

      • Anonymous

        Airlines have finally cracked down on “emotional support animals” – long overdue IMO.

        • Anonymous

          I wish grocery stores would crack down too. I really do not like it when there is a dog nosing the merchandise at Trader Joe’s. A real service dog does not do that.

      • AnonATL

        I hate when people bring them into Home Depot too. Why does your dog need to come pick up plants with you?
        Signed a dog lover with 2 rascals who do not go to any store besides maybe Petsmart and even that’s super rare.

        • Anon

          I agree with the Target one but for the record Home Depot explicitly allows dogs in, people aren’t just being entitled there. (I however, have a dog who poops on the spot when she is happy and excited and discovered the hard way Petsmart and smiliar stores is VERY EXCITING for her sooo pass)

          • anon

            +1 my local hardware store has dog treats at the checkout counter. I don’t have pets but I think it’s cute.

          • Anon

            I know they are allowed in some hardware stores but why bring a dog there in the first place? Nobody wants to dodge your dog when trying to steer those giant, awkwardly maneuverable carts full of stuff.

          • AnonATL

            Lol your dog sounds like the best kind of mess. At least you know when she’s happy.

          • Anon

            Splinters, nails, sharp tools, and sawdust? Sounds like a great place to take a barefoot animal.

          • Anon

            I’ve lived in places – small towns, mostly – where guys in the building trades went through their day with their old dog in the truck, and they were well known to everyone their owner did business with. Pretty sure that’s how hardware stores/building supply/auto parts type stores became dog friendly. Most were big old hunting dogs of some sort that just hung out and were always happy for a cookie and head-scritch.

        • Anon

          Omg my late dog used to get SO excited to go to the local dog store I hardly ever took it. Even though he loved it so, he was just too excited and I couldn’t get anything done.

          Of course when he was a young dog it was still ok to leave your dog tied to a tree outside the store.

          • Anon

            I wish that was still acceptable. I walk to all of my errands. Would be very convenient to be able to bring my (non existent) dog with me and leave him outside for the 10 minutes I’m in the store.

            Growing up we did it plenty with my dog.

            Also – this is probably why dogs are brought everywhere now.

          • Anonymous

            Dogs are still left outside in Norway, tied to the railings. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dog apart from a seing dog inside a shop.

        • Bean74

          Being allowed to bring a dog into Home Depot saved me when we had a house showing, it was pouring outside, and the person looking at the house was running ridiculously late.

      • Anon

        I don’t want dogs in any stores. Dander, fur, slobber, and butt crumbs rubbed on things I want to buy? No I don’t think I will.

        • Anon

          And in that genre, people who think a mile-long leash counts as “restraining your dog”.

          My neighbor tied his giant vicious mastiff to a lead in his garage, and the rope was so long that the dog came into our yard, saw my cat sleeping on the back of the couch, and repeatedly threw itself against the living room window, trying to kill my cat.

          • Anon

            Often they are outlawed! They’re incredibly dangerous when they knock people down.

          • Is it Friday yet?

            Off-leash dogs are generally also outlawed, but that doesn’t stop people. Off-leash dogs at state parks are a huuuuge pet peeve of mine – they go off and poop places they shouldn’t and they’re dangerous! Especially if you’re at a park with equestrian trails – I have seen some nasty encounters between dogs and horses and like, sorry, I don’t want anyone to have to make an ER or emergency vet visit. I always say something (politely! “Hey, you might not realize this is dangerous, both for me/my horse and also for your dog, so please keep your dog on leash in the future”) and most people are receptive (or at least pretend to be), but some get soooo nasty about it. Like, I don’t make the rules and they exist for a reason! You are not exempt from them because your dog is old, or “well behaved” or whatever your excuse for why you’re special is. UGH.

          • Anon

            My state has an exception to the leash law for dogs on “voice command.” I think they need to define better how well controlled the dog must be to be off leash. Everyone always says “ohhhh she usually listens.”

            My dog got attacked a few weeks ago by a dog that was on a leash but had no human holding the end of the leash. It actually worked out as best as a terrible situation could though as she had on a bright orange hunting vest that protected her from the bites and the person has reached out to me to assure me they will not be doing that ever again.

      • Anon

        As someone who constantly gets Lyme Disease (bullseye!) while not being incredibly outdoorsy, I have to agree.

      • Seventh Sister

        I love dogs and I hate this too! No, it’s not cute that your dog is in the grocery store.

    • January

      Oh, man, I have a house like without an entryway. We’ve done our best with it!

      I totally agree on pedestal sinks, though. A previous owner put them in all of the bathrooms and I still wish they’d done vanities instead (there was room).

      • Anon

        Mine don’t have room – 2 bathrooms, 5ft X 7 ft each. The previous homeowners put a vanity in and that makes it LESS useful than the original wall-hanger sink that at least you could put a basket of towels or something under. The pitiful little cabinet of the vanity is taken up by the p-trap, with the resulting space being too small for anything useful. It’s no better than the (also awful) pedestal sink. So, when I get around to remodeling these bathrooms, we’re going back to the 60s and putting in what was supposed to be in that space in the first place, because it worked.

      • anne-on

        My happiest moments have been re-doing the bathrooms in our old house and happily carving out every.single.bit of storage I can. My contractor thought I was insane to ask him to frame out an 8 inch wide 12 inch deep floor to ceiling storage space where the tub surround ends because ‘what can you even put there?!?’ I have no linen closet so this area now stores rolled up bath towels, wash cloths, toiletries, medicines, etc. that wouldn’t fit under the vanity sink. We also added a towel bar, train rack with hooks, and hand towel ring. It provided enough storage that 3 of us used it peacefully when our master bath was re-done. Win!

    • Anonymous

      When people double park in disregard of an available space at the curb.

      Anything described as “Artisanal.”

      The word “Artisanal.”

    • PolyD

      The trend toward “sleek” controllers, like remote that are basically a smooth black bar and somehow you are supposed to intuit that you rub your finger along the top third of the bar to control your tv. Plus they are so small and flat that they easily get lost in the couch.

      Also those stupid on/off indicators that are an open circle or a filled in circle. I can never remember which is which, and it intuitively makes no sense that one would be on and the other off.

      • Anonymous

        OMG I HATE THOSE. Same with websites that are so “sleek” you can’t actually navigate anywhere ever.

      • Anon

        My old roommate had Apple TV and it took me 45 minutes to figure out how to use it on my first try, but after that I fell in love. My new roommate has a Roku tv and I really miss the Apple TV remote (easier to type in search items)

      • Cornellian

        I didn’t own a car for seven years and when I looked for one last year I found out that none of them have real keys or radios with knobs. I feel safe sometimes adjusting the station with a knob but not when it’s a smooth touch screen I have to stare at.

        • Shelle

          Piggybacking onto this. I just bought a new car for the first time in over a decade and the electronic key feels huge. I’m trying to ditch purses so a slim metal key would be so much easier to stick in my pocket and go. But apparently that’s not an option anymore, even just to make a cheap copy. Something about the signal technology.

        • Cb

          Oh my goodness, our dryer has a touch screen and it just doesn’t register my fingers. I have to have my toddler come and turn it on for me.

          • Cornellian

            This would be so irritating but it is also hilarious. Maybe your fingers are too dry?

          • Anonymous

            When covid is over and we can touch our faces safely: Try to rub your finger on your nose wing before using the screen. Just the right amount of grease.

          • Anon

            I’ve had trouble with some motion sensor things (sinks, soap dispensers) and I have heard they are heat activated and my hands are too cold.

        • Anon

          Oh that is so interesting. My car is 16 years old – the lock/unlock fob doesn’t even work anymore so I have to unlock my door by putting the key into the door. I’d imagine newer cars don’t even have that option?

          • MagicUnicorn

            My guess is you know and have already tried this, but just in case not: fobs usually take some kind of watch battery. If you never changed it, that might be all it needs to work again.

    • Anon

      I was just watching an HGTV show the other night that had a house with no entryway, like the couch was three feet from the front door, and thought to myself how dumb that was.

      My pet peeve is slow walkers especially in the grocery store taking up the entire aisle.

      • theguvnah

        congrats to all of you who have never been lower-middle class or poor i guess, or lived in a city?
        like wtf? the class privilege with this dumb pet peeve is really showing and I’m embarrassed for all of you.

        • Anon

          I think you’re reading wayyy too much into these comments. These are clearly people complaining about this set up when there was an alternative available. I live in a tiny apartment with no room for an entryway – it’s a fact of life and it’s fine. When I see people’s homes that are giant open floor plans where there clearly was the ability to put in some sort of entry way, it annoys me – like I’m stuck with my lack of entryway but why would you willingly choose it?? Same with pedestal sinks. We have one in our bathroom because there really isn’t room for a vanity – it’s fine but my goodness I do not understand larger bathrooms with intentionally no storage space when there was an option.

          • Seventh Sister

            I’d never choose no-entryway either, my dream would be a place that could handle a coatrack and a cabinet for shoes. However, I live in a 1950s tract house in a big city where the couch is maybe six inches from the front door.

            My in-laws’ house is a baffling array of interior design choices – it’s sort of like The Model Home in Arrested Development, except that has a more livable design. Basically, there is a huge, McMansion-y lawyer foyer, steps down to an all-white open-plan living room and dining room, then a small kitchen, tv room, and bedroom jammed in the back.

    • Anon

      Frosted Christmas trees.

      When adults say they hate winter but never make any attempt to make it enjoyable. “Omg it’s so depressing sitting inside for six months” – get your @ss outside and stop complaining! Winter is not a surprise so make plans and get the gear you need.

      When people add Monopoly-speak into conversations. “Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.”

      When people cultivate aggressively quirky personalities, often seen through using phrases like “amazeballs” at work.

      • Aunt Jamesina

        With you on the frosted trees. In this vein, I really dislike department store style Christmas trees in homes. The ones that have coordinated decorations and no sentimental ornaments in sight. They can be beautiful but just seem so cold to me. Even worse is people who go out and buy all new decor for their trees every few years once their decor is out of style. It’s so wasteful!

        • Anon

          Until instagram I didn’t realize there were people who did this. Like they think “This year, I want a pink tree” so they go out and buy all matching pink ornaments and decorations. No sentiment, no tradition. The tree looks completely soulless. No one I know in real life does this thankfully.

          • Anon

            My small office has started sharing our Christmas tree pics on slack. I love seeing the trees from coworkers with kids and seeing the art class ornaments, etc. All of my ornaments like that are still at my parents, but I have a few wood cut ornaments that I got in Prague that, while new and not handmade, are sentimental. I love the way my tree looks, but I do miss the kindergarten homemade ornaments!

          • Anon

            My parents had a “Christmas Tree book” as a kid that was a coffee table book of all funky decorated trees. It was cool in a book but I still like mine with my memorable ornaments picked up from our travels.

        • anon

          Same. They’re pretty but in a cold, soulless way. I like to decorate and enjoy good aesthetics, but I wouldn’t dream of not using my sentimental ornaments.

        • Anon

          Thank you! I hate this too. I love having all the ornaments my kids made in childhood, for that matter stuff from my own childhood, a random ornament or two we bought on a trip etc. I can’t stand soulless “themed” trees.

      • anon

        Where did the word “amazeballs” even come from? I don’t understand how something so clunky and off-putting gained such widespread usage.

      • Anon

        Ha ha, I use amazeballs with my teen daughters, just to make them cringe! But definitely not at work!

      • anon

        I laughed out loud at the Monopoly-speak.

        We went to the lot to buy our Christmas tree this week. DH was chatting with the guy helping us tie the tree onto our car about the flocked trees. Apparently, the craziest one they’ve had this year was some guy who wanted a haunted house/murder scene flocked tree, complete with “blood splatter” on the flocked tree. Apparently, some kid in line behind that guy told him, “I bet Santa’s not coming to your house.”

          • Senior Attorney

            Aw, thanks for asking! They are still mostly hiding out in their “hammock” under the bed in the guest room. But they are eating and drinking and using their litter boxes like champs, and they play all over the house at night, including in our bedroom while we’re sleeping. They crack me up because they have certain places where they like to put certain of their toys (I put them on the top of their cat condo every morning and they distribute them throughout the house during the day and night).

            The other day I actually saw one of them when I entered their room unexpectedly!

            So… so far, so good, I think. My husband purports to believe there are no kitties because he hasn’t seen them yet, but nevertheless he is carefully opening their kitty-treat advent calendar every morning and putting the treats on their cat condo like a good (dare I say it?) cat dad!

          • Marie

            I’m sure they will be walking around like they own the place in no time. My cat was very insulted by my sudden full-time WFH status, which interfered with his dominion of the house M-F, but he has since gotten used to me being home, and is currently curled up against my leg as I work. My husband is definitely the one who spoils our cat and gives him all the treats. He had an advent calendar last year, as well.

      • anonshmanon

        Do men ever do this? “Hi, my name is Tim, I am 35, a software developer and dad to a 3 year old french poodle.”

      • Bonnie Kate

        +1 I am childfree by choice and have had three dogs and none of them were my children. I politely correct people when they refer to them that way (which happens and is weirdly assumptive) by saying no, my dog is thankfully not a child.

        • Vicky Austin

          I got wished a Happy Mother’s Day the first year we had our dog, and I couldn’t help thinking how hard that would be to hear if you were having a hard time conceiving, or going through IVF, or even just had a tricky relationship with your own mom, or any of the other reasons people have complicated feelings about motherhood.

    • Anon

      Yes ma’am I am here for this petty goodness. Agree on all of your points + pedestal sinks.

      My additions:
      – people who accept meeting invites and then no show
      – any business that doesn’t have online scheduling, especially doctors
      – doctors that have an “email for an appointment” option and then never respond
      – people who listen to anything at all on their phones in public without headphones
      – inefficiencies in lines – pay attention, go when it’s your turn, be respectful of the people behind you!

      • Anonymous

        +1 to listening to things in public without headphones and yes, that includes kids.

        • anonshmanon

          red hot rage for people blaring their bluetooth speaker on hiking trails. And often these morons are hiking in a group, so they play music and then talk over it loudly. So much rage!

          • Monday

            I would be so furious at this. Lucky for these bros that they have never encountered me on the trail.

          • Anonymous

            It’s the WORST in nature. I was about to rage at a guy on a chairlift who was blasting music one time, but it turned out it was his first ski trip ever and he was SO enthusiastic that I couldn’t chide him for his bad etiquette.

      • Anon

        One time I was rocking out on a plane with my headphones in and later realized they were not actually plugged into my phone. I was playing music for the whole plane but it was loud enough I thought it was coming from the phone. When I realized I immediately turned it off and apologized to the people around me. I asked my stranger seat mate why he didn’t tell me and he said eh, I liked the songs.

    • Anon

      Ok v sorry to bring covid up, but establishments that say “we are taking all precautions to keep you safe! <3 <3 <3" and then you find out that means basically they are using clorox wipes on surfaces. This is a virus that is spread by sharing air, you're not doing sh!# with the clorox!

      • Anon

        Haha my grocery store says they’re taking extra precautions by wiping down every cart, but the employees are using the same piece of paper towel to wipe down every cart, I can clearly see them doing it.

      • anon

        +1. My boss, who prohibits anyone from wearing a mask when in his office, was wiping his conference room down with Clorox after a meeting yesterday. I’m sure all the people in that meeting were maskless.

        Let’s take a moment to be surprised that Boss has already had Covid.

    • Mrs. Jones

      Our house doesn’t have an entryway or closet and believe me I wish it did. SOMEDAY we’ll add on, I hope.

    • Sunshine

      Reply All. Yes, still in 2020. I work with people who do not know how to use or avoid reply all. How is this still a problem?

      • Bonnie Kate

        I actually have the reverse pet peeve – if I include someone from my office on an outgoing email, please reply all to all of us. Obviously they need to know the thing that we are emailing about. It drives me crazy to have to constantly forward emails to my coworkers who need to be in the loop.

    • Anon

      Macs and Mac users. They all swear they looove how amazingly designed and so easy to use their little status symbols are while I talk them though a simple task for the nth time because they don’t know how to use their computer.

      • busybee

        As a Mac user, I can assure you I wouldn’t know how to fully use my computer even if it were any other brand.

        • Anon

          +1

          I have no idea how to use my office PC either. I google everything for both computers.

        • Anon

          There may be a small set of people who need something unique to Mac, but for the most part people who get them pay >2x as much as for a comparably spec’d non-Mac because they like how it looks. It’s a definite marker of, “My parents have money” at my local big state U.

    • Anonymous

      Airplane passengers who apparently do not bathe. Passengers who do not understand that their shoulders belong in their own seat, not my seat, and that their legs belong in front of their own seat, not in front of my seat. Passengers who do not understand that the armrests belong to the person in the middle seat. Passengers who assume that the fact that they are larger than I entitles them to manspread and while physically forcing me to huddle into a tiny ball. Passengers who are nasty to parents traveling with children. That one set of parents who purposely spent the entire flight tickling their toddler to make him scream.

      I do not miss air travel.

      • Anon

        I don’t miss it either but let’s not blame people for airline seats getting narrower and narrower as people get larger. That’s on the airlines.

        • Anonymous

          It’s not my fault that the airlines are making seats smaller either. I paid for my twelve inches or whatever of space too. At least let me have that. And the dude next to me is not entitled to spread out to more than full-size while I scrunch into half of my tiny seat. Quit touching me, strangers.

          • Anon

            You need to play some patriarchy chicken. Don’t move. Let your legs be uncomfortably close. If he touches you say excuse me, you are touching me.

        • Anon

          My pet peeve is companies doing ANYTHING they can do to cut costs , especially at the expense of people (their employees or customers)

        • Anonymous

          +1. The airlines have really made it SO much less comfortable to fly now. I actually had to turn sideways to get into a bathroom one time and I’m pretty average-sized (10-12 in women’s). I have no idea how larger people or anyone with a disability would get in there.

    • Anonymous

      Lawyers and judges who say “I went to law school because I am bad at math! Tee hee!”

      • Cornellian

        Especially female ones. As an investment attorney I make a point to sometimes have equations or calculations or a calculator visible to the investment guys who are in my office, in order to sort of counteract this.

        • Marie

          In this same vein, lotion/body wash/candle names that give you no clue what it could possibly smell like, especially now that I’m buying online. What does the scent, “Christmas Wish” entail?

    • Anon

      I really really hate the term “colorway”. I begrudgingly understand it when used to describe yarn and thread, but I hate it applied to a blanket or garment.

      Relatedly, I hate creative color names that don’t tell you the actual color. I don’t know what color “Lincoln” or “positive vibes” is supposed to be, so when I’m online shopping I can’t tell if that’s navy or black.

      • Anon

        I hate the word colorway used in place of the word color (like, no that blanket is not in the pink colorway, it’s solidly pink) but appreciate it when things are multicolored but one is more shades of blue, the blue colorway, and the other is in various shades with a base of red, the red colorway.

      • Marie

        In this same vein, lotion/body wash/candle names that give you no clue what it could possibly smell like, especially now that I’m buying online. What does the scent, “Christmas Wish” entail?

    • Anon

      People who stop right at the end of a moving walkway/escalator or stairs. Loud tourists on public transit. Gaggles of high schoolers showing off. Panelists who hog all the airtime. Young guys on twitter like they’re the only one working in their field, so much own-horn tooting.

      • PolyD

        In normal times, I “accidentally” walk into these people all the time! Oh, I’m so sorry I bumped in to you as I was trying to get off the moving escalator, which you stopped right at the bottom of!

        I am not sorry.

        • Anonymous

          You know that some of those people have mobility issues, right? That they’re afraid to step off quickly lest they fall? It’s really, really inexcusable to bodycheck them.

          • Anon

            Thank you. For me this is a neurological processing deficit from a condition I have. I get off balance and need to recalibrate or yeah I risk falling. I’m not saying people can’t be annoyed or that I have a solution, but people definitely are not doing this just because they’re inconsiderate.

          • PolyD

            Nope, when they stop at the bottom of the escalator and to look at their phones or a conference book, it’s not because they have mobility issues.

            I mean, I’m sure there are people with trouble getting off escalators, but I think they are vastly outnumbered by the clueless.

          • Anonymous

            It doesn’t matter – it’s still not okay for you to assault people. Super uncool.

      • Thanks, it has pockets!

        I feel you on people who stop at the end of escalators, and going off that, I hate when I’m getting on the train at rush hour and the person in front of me takes two steps on and just stops, like either they’re satisfied to plant themselves right by the door or they need a minute to decide where to go. If you’re gonna be like that, maybe be one of the last people on instead of the first.

        I miss working in the city, but I don’t always miss the commute.

    • Monday

      Journals that are clearly designed to give as gifts but not actually to write in. Workout clothes that are clearly designed to look cute but not actually to work out in.

      • Abby

        on workout clothes – cropped long sleeved shirts are so confusing to me! If I need sleeves on the shirt, I also want it to cover my torso

      • anon

        cancel culture = boycotts = a tale as old as time. i guess you just don’t like the rebranding lol

        • Anonymous

          For me, it’s the cancel culture applied to ordinary, commonplace ideas and/or trying to dictate the acceptable things to talk about.

          • Anon

            +1 boycotts to me are things like I’m not frequenting this establishment or not watching a movie produced by a problematic director (e.g., I don’t eat at Chik-fil-A) whereas cancel culture is more this person said something I don’t like so let’s start an internet campaign attacking them and then also attack anyone who happens to follow them on social media and likes their post, even if they are just ordinary citizens/not in the public eye.

    • Anonymous

      People who say, “Let’s use machine learning!” You don’t even know what machine learning is. It is not appropriate to this problem. Shut your mouth and let the experts do our job.

    • Flats Only

      People who say “around” instead of “about”. You didn’t have a discussion around the topic, you had a discussion about the topic. FFS.

      • Anonymous

        Too many meetings and discussions end up being “around” the issue instead of “about” the issue, though. As in, they never get to the point and generate progress. I just came out of a three-day meeting that ended up being “around” an important initiative instead of “about” it.

    • Anon

      This is always a favorite topic!
      Gossipy people. Get a life.
      People who live through their children/teenagers. See above re: get a life.
      While we’re on that topic, adults who expect children/teens to act like adults. They’re learning how to navigate relationships, let’s cut them a little slack.
      Self-centered “friends” who never ask how you are, just immediately start talking about themselves.
      People who don’t understand the left lane is the fast lane No, it’s not your job to try to slow down speeding cars. Just move aside and mind your business.
      Adults who don’t know how to use coasters.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      There was a Reddit post last night about your biggest annoyances. Highly encourage going to find it- it was on askreddit.

      Mine is people talking to me in the morning before I’m awake. Or when my headphones are in. Shhhhh. No. Let me make my coffee in peace and read for a bit and then I can talk.

      Adults in costumes. Especially at comic or video game songs thins. I know it in no way affects me but it annoys the hell out of me.

      Agree about birthday weeks. Or adults buying themselves age balloons and other crap for non-milestone birthdays. You’re 26, do you really need a shirt that says “1994 Baby!” and gigantic balloons with “26”? Ugh.

      Unnecessary noise. I want to tell my dad almost daily that the TV, Alexa in the kitchen AND Alexa in the garage don’t need to be on all at once as he also talks. It is way too much.

      People not listening when I explain how to do something simple and then screwing it up. What did I tell you.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        Oh and people wearing their masks below their nose or under their chin.

      • LaurenB

        On a four-lane street with a middle turn lane and I’m in the turn lane waiting to make a left across two lanes of traffic. And then the opposite-side lane closest to me – the person stops and waves me to cut in front of him. Which, if I do, I cannot possibly see the cars in the other lane and I’m just asking for them to slam into my passenger side. But no, they have to stop and wave at me. Don’t do this!! Just keep going and let the traffic open when it does, it is much safer that way. You are NOT doing me a favor. Major major pet peeve!

        Also, people who don’t return grocery carts to a designated area need to die.

    • anon

      Oh! Rugs on top of carpet. Just … why. It looks bizarre, not to mention it’s a total tripping hazard.

  10. Pata-gucci

    I have been hiking and camping a lot this year, with gear from my closet. I have a heavy-weather coat that worked for wearing with dresses, but is too long and too tight to be really really comfortable (but was tolerable from wearing into cold car to wear to office and for lunch runs; was never OK for client-facing visits, but that was never most days). I don’t wear dresses; just layers b/c I can’t stay warm sitting still with WFH (and refuse to spend the $ to heat a house to my preferred temp 24/7).

    Husband has Patagonia jacket that he likes. He insists that it is a real company with good stuff and good corporate values. But it seems to also be derided as “Pata-Gucci,” which gives me pause. I’d love to have a coat that suits my current life better than my current coat (would donate — someone will use it). Just do it? I just don’t want to seem all hat – no cattle (when all I really need is a M coat vs a S coat; I understand that in Patagonia I may need a size L as it can be trim-fitting).

    • Anon

      Are you the person who constantly overthinks everything regarding hiking and outside gear?

      • Anonymous

        And who was worried about what kind of coat and hat to wear while walking her corona-pup?

        Just buy an outdoor coat that fits already.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, it’s a bit annoying sometimes, but if OP is this person, then she really needs to find a way to manage her anxiety about outdoor gear.

          • Anon

            As has been pointed out ad nauseum, lots more people are doing outdoor activities this year than normal. This is a fashion website. It’s not weird that more people than normal are asking about outdoor activity clothing. What’s weird is the people who feel the need to comment EVERY TIME asking if it’s the same person.

          • Anonymous

            Yes, a lot more people are doing outdoorsy stuff, but it doesn’t take a “forensic comment analyst” to see when one poster is repetitively expressing the same unique anxieties in the same distinctive comment style. If you hate the “forensic analysis” so much, just collapse the thread.

    • anon

      I think you’re overthinking it, but if you’re really worried about the label, there are plenty of other brands whose gear may work for you: North Face, Columbia, Lands End to name a few. (I will say that I have a Patagonia fleece that I like, but do not loooove the way most people seem to love the brand. I enjoy the company’s ethos, but I’ve realized that it doesn’t actually fit me that well because it’s cut so straight.)

      • AnonATL

        +1 to overthinking. Get a coat with the features you like and who cares about the label.
        If you want to go truly off label, the REI store brand is generally pretty good quality too. But my fave cheaper label is Columbia. Everything I have gotten from them is great.

        • anon

          Yep. I freaking love Columbia. It fits me well and the quality is excellent for the price. I still use my Columbia 3-in-1 coat from 2001 to play in the snow with my kids.

    • Anonymous

      Patagonia is legitimately a good corporate citizen. The world would be a better place if there were more companies like Patagonia and fewer like Amazon. I’d buy from Patagonia constantly if my budget allowed.

      • Anon

        +1 I have a winter coat, mid-weight coat, and rain coat from them and all are several years old and outstanding in quality and look new after 3+ years of wear. This year I bought a coat for my kid (will fit 2 winters and be passed down) and a hat for myself. If I ever need anything that they sell, I’m buying it from them rather than anywhere else. It’s a bit pricier, but I can afford a $300 coat vs a $200 coat.

      • Is it Friday yet?

        Yup, I own a bunch of stuff from Patagonia – they are a go-to for me because of a) the legit corporate ethos; and b) how high quality and cleverly designed the stuff is. People get snarky about it being expensive, yes (hint, generally these people are jealous because it’s not really in their price range), but I’d rather buy something I love that’s going to last (and my stuff gets dragged up rock walls and gets whacked by branches and crap skiing in the woods and gross and dirty at the barn). I also own a bunch of Mammut and Arcteryx, also without shame as it’s quality stuff, plus it fits me well and I like to look good when I’m hauling myself up an ice wall or whatever. If you want to buy Patagonia and it’s in your price range, go for it. Go to REI and get whatever has the features you want and looks good. Don’t worry about what other people might say.

        • Anonymous

          Do you wear Patagonia to ride? That’s one thing I haven’t done as much because I figure I don’t want to get my expensive outdoor gear slobbered on (so it needs to be washed every time, wearing down the fabric). Maybe Patagonia is up to the task though.

          • Is it Friday yet?

            Yep. I have a bunch of 1/4 zip tops from various brands (including Patagonia, North Face, Ariat, Arcteryx, etc.) that I wear – to the barn, to climb, to ski – and wash every time. Outerwear-wise, I have barn specific jackets that I don’t wash every time I wear them (why bother? They get dirty again the second I walk into one of my horses’ stalls), again, various brands, but I mainly wear an ancient North Face Apex softshell that is the designated barn coat and throw vests over it (North Face, Ariat, and I have a Barbour one I love – and that also washes up perfectly and looks great to wear out in the city). Generally, my “good” stuff (softshells, nanopuffs, but never my ski jacket or raincoat for whatever reason, haha) gets worn to the barn once or twice when it’s already dirty from climbing/skiing and needs a wash anyway – I feel like I’m maximizing use this way!
            On a riding brand note, I pretty much exclusively buy/wear Pikeur breeches at this point, because they also wear like iron – I have some that are ten years old and basically look new. If you order from Europe, they’re like half the price as getting them here.

    • Anon

      I don’t think that Patagonia coats perform better than other similar products, but they have nice coats. It is pretty low risk to buy one – you can always return if you don’t like it.

      • Anonymous

        Counterpoint, my Patagonia stuff has held up for YEARS, like 20 years, and I don’t think I have any other outdoor brands that have made it that long.

        • Anon

          My non-Patagonia brands have also held up for years. Are there really any brands of outdoorwear that fall apart? Its competitors use the same materials and same quality of construction, right?

          • Anon

            I’ve been really unhappy with every North Face coat I’ve ever bought, so I do think there is a range of quality.

          • Anonymous

            My Marmot rain coat felt apart after two years. To be fair, they replaced it 100%, no questions asked, but I wasn’t even using the coat for outdoorsy stuff.

          • Anon

            Huh, I have had a few North Face coat for more than a decade and like them, their clothes fit me well. I guess different strokes.

          • anonshmanon

            I agree with you. My running pants from the discount store served my for 10 or 15 years before the elastic wore out. The colorscheme was dated though!

        • Anon

          All of these brands made better stuff 20 years ago. The newer production just isn’t as good. My old stuff is still going strong while newer stuff wears out after 2-3 years.

    • Anon

      I’m not really sure what you’re asking, but Patagonia’s environmental values are legit (not that that’s an excuse to buy more than you actually need) and their stuff holds up incredibly well. If you need outdoor gear, you can find perfectly decent stuff for much less than Patagonia prices (I’ve also been very happy with LL Bean and REI store brand, among others), but Patagonia is a “real” outdoor gear company, even if lots of people that buy their stuff don’t wear it for outdoor activities.

    • Anonymous

      Here’s another coat Q:

      3-in-1 coats seem to be a handy thing to have. At Lands End, they are “Warmest” and yet at LL Bean, they are rated only for “Warmer”. In y’all’s experience, does this type of jacket not really keep you as warm as say a long puffer (like parka-length)?

      I really need something full-strength in the warmth department (even if it means buying a separate raincoat).

      • Anonymous

        It depends on the coat’s level of insulation. Not all 3-in-1s are created equal. My Patagonia 3-in-1 is plenty toasty even when it’s snowing at 0 degrees.

      • anne-on

        Where/how are you wearing it? If you want something you can zip up over regular work/day to day clothes and be super warm for a walking commute/dog walking I think that’s a different ask than best coat for skiing/outdoor exercise when you’ll be moving and wearing technical layers underneath (including base layer pants/snow pants).
        For the former, I love my Soia & Kyo Camelia, but they have lots of puffers. This is my ‘I have to watch my kid at the ice rink on a 10 degree day and not freeze to death’ – would also be good for a walking commute – the Canadians know cold.
        For a technical jacket I tend to like ones not much below the waist so that they don’t impede movement but that presumes you’re wearing layers on your bottom. My ski parka is an EMS one with an outer waterproof shell and inner fleece. It’s loose enough to wear base layers underneath and has lots of zips/pockets.

        • Anonymous

          Man, I feel like I need like 5 coats to get through the winter. I do all of this, now just more, so deficiencies in current coats are more acute. Before, my main outings were going to work 5x/week and church (thin dress also). Now, in heavier clothes, everything is too tight (there may be some COVID-15 going on, too). Like you said, length matters (longer coats ARE harder to walk fast in, or up any sort of incline / over things like fallen trees). It rains a lot where I am and has a damp cold that rarely snows (so water resistance is key, but sometimes things truly need to be waterproof). I still can’t stand hoods — they just never seem to fit right or limit visibility. But it is hard to find a hoodless warm coat.

          • anne-on

            We have a fairly ridiculous amount of coats because of the stuff you outlined and New England (MA burbs) gets all the seasons. I may well have 5 or 6 (long puffer, long waterproof puffer, long wool dress coat for when I have a work event but it’s bitterly cold, ski parka, etc.). If you can find one to try on in person, the Barbour Beadnell with the liner in is surprisingly warm and roomy (so you can layer under it) and water resistant for the situation you’re describing (wet, damp cold, but not cold enough to snow).

      • Anon

        I have a 3-in-1 North Face short jacket which I assumed was like a fleece-lined waterproof windbreaker, but it’s actually just as warm as a down jacket. I assume the longer coats are even warmer. Can’t speak for brands other than North Face since I haven’t had others. BTW, I bought in on ebay for like $20 (it’s a bright color).

      • Anon

        I’m in Canada where we have severe winter and 3-in-1 coats aren’t enough for winter. You need a down parka for real, severe winter.

    • anon

      Everything I own from patagonia is quality. It’s also guaranteed and they will repair items. But the most important thing is fit. Some things there work for me and some don’t. FYI – if you are small, you should try on the boys and girls clothes as well as women’s. Sometimes those sizes work better for me and they’re cheaper.

      • Anon

        Yes, this! Some of my favorite fleeces are actually Patagonia kids XL, and I’ve had them for decades now. I have short arms and a short torso, but a large chest so most adult stuff from them doesn’t fit me very well. I really wish outdoor brands sold more stuff in petite sizes, though they are getting better about this- most brands have some pants in short inseams and Lands End and LL Bean have petite outer wear. Old Navy has good athleisure and workout gear in petite sizes that I can wear outside. I would buy way more Patagonia if it fit me!

          • Anon

            I’m not that small- 5’3″, M or L in women’s jackets, though this is mostly because of my chest (36DDD). I wear S pants and have no hips, which might make kids sizes more likely to fit me. Kids sizes are definitely hit or miss and the colors can be weird, but when they do work, they usually end up being my favorites because so much of my other outdoor gear is too long for me and the kids stuff actually fits- this is especially a problem in tops, since there are very few petite options.

    • anne-on

      I don’t understand the big issue. Determine what you need (waterproof shell with liner vs. down only) and order a coat that fits those specs? Patagonia, Arcteryx, REI house brand, EMS house brand, LL Bean, etc. There are loads, order one and return it if it doesn’t fit. If you have a local outdoor store and you’re comfortable going in person just try a few on. Here – the strategist even did a round up:
      https://nymag.com/strategist/article/best-ski-jackets.html

    • Anon

      Trust me, the Pata-Gucci insult doesn’t require wearing actual Patagonia brand items. It’s a type of person.

  11. Anokha

    A good coworker has been diagnosed with breast cancer in her 40s. I would like to send her a gift to help support her. I recall a thread about this recently but can’t seem to find it. Any suggestions?

    • Nylongirl

      Yes, I have a good coworker/friend to that is about to go through this. I was thinking of mailing her a care envelope each week with a different magazine & a few other items in it to provide some amusement. She lives a few hours away from me so any other good ideas are appreciated.

    • Anonymous

      For a co-worker, food. Find out when her surgery is, or what her chemo schedule is, and send a meal or yummy snacks. Co-workers who sent personal things (even socks) just made me a bit uncomfortable. And do not send adult coloring books. I don’t know why this caught on for the cancer community, but I have like 6 adult coloring books now that are untouched. The last thing I wanted to do is color.

    • Anon

      I loved texts from colleagues during the chemo treatments. You are no longer allowed to bring anyone with you and it can be a very long 5 to 6 hours especially when you know how incredibly sick you’re going to be for the next week or so.

      I loved cards and notes. Magazines were a nice distraction. I appreciated books and gift cards to Nordy (I really appreciated a sweet note about “i don’t know what you need whether it’s a beauty item or something practical but I’m sending this with love”). I loved Superwoman mugs and cups. Honestly I appreciated the thought behind every gift even when I could no longer stand the smell of lavender everything LOL.

    • cancer patient

      Magazines, other fluffy reading material, or super simple craft kits (easy cross-stitch) are what I would have liked to receive during chemotherapy. I did not have the brain energy during treatment to read real books or even watch TV most of the time. Chemo can eliminate taste and smell so food may not be enjoyable. Avoid “warrior” and pink ribbon themed items unless you are 100% sure your person would appreciate (many of us do not).

    • Anonymous

      I would start with a thinking of you card and some nice chocolate/cookies/something similar until you know what her treatment plan is. I didn’t have chemo or radiation. I had multiple surgeries including a double mastectomy.

  12. Sunshine

    Does anyone have experience getting treatments (face) with a Halo laser? My derm recommended it for lines/wrinkles. I haven’t found anything online with unbiased reviews. It’s expensive and looks promising, but I’d love to hear people’s unbiased reviews.

  13. pelotonshoes

    what is a good brand of shoes for men for peloton bike? husband wants to buy some and is hoping to find something cheaper than the $125 that peloton charges f the shoes.

    • Anon

      Tell him to go to his local bike store and try some on. There are as many good options as there are feet to go in them.

      • Sunshine

        +1. Although it’s still going to cost about $125 with cleats. I don’t know whether what you get at a bike store is higher quality than what Peloton includes.

        • Anon

          You almost certainly won’t unless you just happen to be the lucky soul for whom the entry level shoes fit the best. I didn’t think there was a place to try on the Peleton shoes before buying. To me, that’s what makes the difference.

    • BB

      My husband has the Nike ones which I think are around $50. They’re fine for him, but he’s more a casual rider. They are very obviously more flimsy and worse quality than my $150 Shimanos when you look at them, but fine if you just need a pair of shoes.

  14. Paging Anon from 9:36 AM Yesterday Looking for skateboarding kid gift ideas

    Just saw your comment and in the off chance you are reading, my nephew who is older by a bit but starting at about age 13 was asking for Stance brand skate socks (the louder the better) and Thrasher magazine brand t-shirts and hoodies. He still wears both of those things.

    – Edna Mazur

  15. Ellen

    Happy Fruegel Friday to the Hive! I have a question. Has anyone used a Tushy bidet attachment? Dad wants to buy me one for Hanukah and I’ve looked at the web but would like to hear from the Hive’s experience(s), if any. I am trying to become more ecologically freindly, and according to one review,

    “Americans use 57 sheets of toilet paper on average in a single day. Using a Tushy bidet attachment for toilet in a given week involves 1.3 gallons of water, versus 55.5 gallons of water without. If you’re using Tushy bamboo toilet paper, the difference is that no trees were harmed in the process. ”
    https://www.honestbrandreviews.com/reviews/tushy-bidet-review/

    Is this something that is any good and worth the trouble to put in our toilet’s?

  16. pugsnbourbon

    Healthcare vent: I had a simple outpatient surgical procedure this month. After scheduling, I talked with the billing dept at the hospital and they estimated that they would bill $8k total for the procedure. After THAT, I talked to my insurance, made sure they had the info they needed, double-checked that the surgery was covered, etc. Surgery went fine, no complications, was in and out in less than 3 hours.

    The hospital’s total bill to insurance is over $16k. Like, I know this is made-up money, and we are fortunate enough that we can cover the out-of-pocket max without hardship. But how do you get that initial estimate SO WRONG?

    • Aunt Jamesina

      SO frustrating. I feel like it’s impossible to be fully informed when it comes to health insurance because there are so many variables you can’t control for. Even after I verify coverage for a procedure, I feel like I’m always holding my breath to see what surprise bill could come my way.

      • Anon

        +1

        Trying to figure out if / how much I’ll get billed even when I think I’m covered is the most stressful part of young adulthood

    • KS IT Chick

      I can answer the question about why estimates are so far off. It drives me crazy, too.

      Estimated costs are based on an average of the procedures done at the facility over a period of time, usually a year or so. If it’s not a common procedure, then the time period could be much longer. In the time since the estimate was figured, the facility could have done an across the board price increase, along with supply costs having increased. Plus, if someone had an abbreviated procedure, that can affect the supplies used and the time in the procedure room, which would both affect the estimate.

      For something like an MRI of a knee, it’s easy to get an accurate estimate. For a surgical procedure, there are so many variables that it’s far more difficult.

      • Anonymous

        Interesting. My repeated experience with health care cost estimates is that the hospital or facility tends to use a worst-case-scenario estimate that is much higher than the final cost ends up being. Then they demand up-front payment of the estimated patient responsibility, which is usually way too high even if the total cost estimate is accurate because they charge the deductible plus coinsurance on the full cost (not the cost after the deductible) or insist that the deductible has not yet been satisfied when it has, then take forever to refund the overpayment.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I didn’t know that, thanks for sharing. It was a pretty common procedure, though

    • Anon

      You can complain and ask why the estimate was so off. I found out recently that for an ER bill whether they bill it at “Emergency Level II” or “Emergency Level III” would cause that type of delta. They could simply recode it if you bitch. I also recently had a OneMedical consult with a NP that was 15 mins and it was billed as a “Complex doctor’s visit.” Um, no–it was an Rx refill convo. I called and told them to recode it. We are all responsible for the idiocy of healthcare, and if I see something wrong on a bill, I work to fix it. GL!!! You did try to do everything right here!!!

    • Anonymous

      Have you seen an EOB yet? It’s possible that the billed charge was $16K and the allowed charge (in other words, the rate the facility has negotiated with the insurance company and upon which your patient responsibility is based) will be $8K.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I have a partial EOB – it’s very confusing! I might have a lot of phone calls ahead of me.

        • NYNY

          This and what Kansas City IT Chick said. I work in healthcare billing, and estimates are really hard to get right. Honestly, the best way to do it would be to put the burden on your insurance company, because they know what’s covered by your policy, how much deductible you have left to pay, and what their contracted rate is for the service. The hospital or doctor has less information than the insurance company, but is required to create estimates.

          Generally, the contracted rate is far less than the billed charges. Look for “allowed amount” on your EOB, because that shows the contracted rate. Then the difference between and that and what insurance paid is your out-of-pocket obligation.

          I’m not on here every day, but page me if you need help with decoding the EOB. I love this stuff and the insurance companies are my enemy!

      • anon

        This. I’ve realized healthcare is a bit like Macy’s or Ann Taylor. The listed “price” isn’t real and everyone pays something less (insurance companies negotiate their own rates, government payors negotiate their rates, self-pay patients have a separate rate). The high headline price I suspect let’s people who are in charge of negotiating rates tout that they achieved a 40% discount, even though that may actually be significantly higher than any other insurance provider. This and the general lack of transparency contribute significantly to the outrageous cost of healthcare in the US

    • Anon

      My favorite is always the stealth out-of-network anesthesiologist who wasn’t included in the estimate.

      I feel like anesthesiologists these days specialize in injected and inhaled anesthesia agents + being out of network equally.

  17. busybee

    I posted last week about bath salts for my grandma. I decided against that because of the slipperiness. BUT I think I may have come up with a good alternative- the Skylight frame. It’s a digital photo frame. It sounds like you can just email photos to the email address you set up for it and the photos simply appear in the frame. Has anyone tried this brand, or a similar alternative? Is it as easy as it seems? My grandma would LOVE to get new photos each day but she’s not good with tech so photos truly need to “just appear” without any input from her.

    • Anon

      We gave my in-laws a Nixplay (Same concept, though they have an app) and they love it. We send photos all the time and they just appear.

      • Tea/Coffee

        This. We gave my parents a nixplay maybe two years ago and my mom still mentions it regularly. It’s been especially nice this year, and I’ve tried to be better about posting “everyday life” pics to give them that daily “we saw you” feeling.
        I will say that setup requires connecting the frame to wifi – wherever the frame will live – so in my case we gifted it to my parents on a day when we were at their house (so i could set it up for them). YMMV

    • Anon

      I don’t personally, but two friends of mine have done it – though I think it was a different brand – for their parents (for grandkid pics) and both of them have RAVED about it and how much they love it and how much their parents love it, and you are correct, you just send the pictures to the frame directly and they just appear. I’m trying to think of the name of the brand they mentioned.

    • AnonATL

      My grandparents have one of these things and love it. We email them pictures of great grandkid about once a week and I always get excited emails/calls about the photos.
      Another family member purchased it and set it up for them so I can’t speak to that part, but my nearly 90yo grandparents love theirs. I think the family member that purchased it does “screen” the photos and approve them because I get emails from them as well about the new photos. It is the skylight brand.

    • Anon

      Wow this is a great idea. Saving for my own grandparents. Any idea if it does short videos too? We often send 10 sec videos of our baby

    • Anonymous

      We gave my parents a Skylight for Christmas last year. It really is that easy provided she has wireless internet to attach it to.

  18. Anon

    I am in such a rut (doubt its depression – think it’d just covid + winter). I have very little motivation / incentive to do things I used to do all the time, no problem (make my bed every day, do my nighttime skincare when I’m tired, etc). Problem is a) I feel like a slug when I don’t do these things and b) it has a snowball effect. I’m more likely to make other “slug choices”

    I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling this way.

    • Anonymous

      You’re not alone, but don’t discount that it could be depression. There’s no shame in it and the pandemic has strained everyone’s mental health this year. Low motivation (if it persists beyond a few days) is worth investigating.

    • Anon

      Yup. Am going through this as well, including the skincare thing. Recently purchased some skincare products I’ve been dying to try hoping that will motivate me, they haven’t come yet so we shall see if that helps. I have also been reading about how to naturally increase seratonin and dopamine naturally, which for me basically means getting lots of sunlight in the morning.

    • Anon

      Sort of off topic, but I feel like my skin looks better the less I do to it. I think it is the eating/sleeping/water habits that keep things more in check.

      As for the aging/retinoids aspect, I suppose I will need to get on that soon…

    • Anon

      Right there with ya. But I’m definitely depressed, even if it is only seasonal.

    • anon

      you’re not alone, and this won’t last forever, even if it totally sucks now!

    • Blue

      Yep I need to exercise and do my skincare routine to not be a slug. I’ve resorted to listing them out, giving myself a check mark like a child for each thing I do, and then each check mark = $1 for me to buy something fun like a nice skincare product or a puzzle or whatever

      • OP

        Oh I love this. I do the check mark but I love the money idea.

        You never outgrow Needing to do your chores in order to get your allowance, I guess!

  19. Anon

    I just got done watching Hot and Flashy’s review on the Kenzzi device, and I have to say I am intrigued. They even have a red haired “model” on their site (does it actually work on reddish hair?). Does anyone own this? I would love for it to at least thin out the coarse hair on some parts of my body. I also wonder if this is okay to use in private areas if your skin is darker there…

  20. Candles

    Since I am basically not going anywhere but my living room, car, and outside for the next uhhh 6ish months I have been buying a lot of candles lately, and bought a bunch of nicer ones during Black Friday/Cyber Monday. I am wondering, do people usually burn one candle at a time until that candle is kaput, or rotate a few at a time? I have a bunch of Christmasy ones that I am definitely not going to get through in one month, but would at least like to use them up while it’s winter.

      • anon

        share where you got the candles! or any favorite ones! was just thinking this morning that it’s time to stock up.

        • Candles OP

          Nest, Voluspa, and Capri Blue recently had 25%-30% off, I typically buy those at Anthropologie but trying to avoid so I bought directly from the actual companies. And then there were also decent sales on Jo Malone, Diptyque, Lafco, and Cire Trudon at Bloomingdales and Neiman Marcus, so I scooped up one of each. I tried Lafco’s Feu de bois yesterday and it was HEAVENLY. I expect similar sales around Christmas time

        • Anonymous

          Rosmarino candles if you want to support a small business! They have a sampler set for $30 where they send you 17 different samples and it includes a $30 gift card so you can then purchase a full size of your favorite.

    • anonymous

      I rotate candles. I somehow ended up with a bunch of Yankee candles but I like to burn seasonal scents so some of those have been around for years. Sometimes I’ll burn multiple candles with similar scents.

    • Anon

      I burn candles seasonally and rotate. I just save my Christmas ones for next year if I don’t get through them.

      • Anonymous

        Yep. And we have an older house with separate rooms, so I burn complementary but differing scents in different rooms.

  21. Anonymous

    Anyone here live close to Elwood, Indiana? I’m obsessed with the @cheapoldhouses account on Instagram and there’s an entire old library for sale for $110K. Go go! Beaux Arts style, 1903.

    • Anonymous

      I love that account! Thank you to whoever originally recommended it here. I’m also obsessed with the Old House Dreams website.

    • Anonymous

      If I didn’t hate the idea of living in the US, I would absolutely love to go rehab one of those old homes and rescue it. But that library, man it could be amazing.

      • pugsnbourbon

        If I didn’t hate the idea of living in the US, I would absolutely love to go rehab one of those old homes and rescue it. But that library, man it could be amazing.

    • Librarian

      I love Carnegie libraries, very cool! Now what would you do with the circulation desk? I’m trying to imagine anything that isn’t a bar.

      • Anon

        I would make it my kitchen. I love the ergonomics of a kitchen set up this way (FLW did a few round-ish ones and if you get the placement of appliances, storage and work surfaces right, it’s AMAZING.)

    • blueberry

      Oh that building is completely gorgeous. How much do you think it would cost to renovate it to the level that you could live in it (and keep all of its charm)?

    • p-p-p-paaaralegal

      My mother in law figured out our favorite no-nonsense method and it’s been a hit for a few years. It’s a bit simplified but still very tasty!
      – Make a pot of mulled hot apple cider on the stove, let it simmer until it has picked up a really tasty flavor. We use a few tablespoons of the Penzeys mix, but have done the Gimme Some Oven mulled wine spice blend for the cider with great success as well (.
      – While the cider is still hot, fill half of a mug with the cider. Top off with red wine.
      – Enjoy!

      • Dear+Summer

        This sounds great. I love having a non-alcoholic base so the whole family can enjoy.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      I just take a bottle of an inexpensive red then add in some honey or brown sugar, squeeze in an orange and then plunk the peel in there, add a splash of brandy (kirsch also works nicely) and add cloves, cinnamon, and ginger (ground or fresh grated). Simmer for 30ish minutes and adjust to taste.

    • Cornellian

      https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/180453/old-fashioned-swedish-glogg/ I use this for harder larger parties (I used to host a party every year)

      If I’m hanging out at home, I do a bottle of dry red wine, one or two cloves (they can overpower), half of a lemon or orange (throw the rind in or garnish with it), a stick of cinnamon, and maybe sliced almonds on top. Splash of orange liquer (some people like rum) if you have it, but add after you’ve heated up the wine so it doesn’t evaporate.

    • Mal

      if you’re feeling lazy I did a combo of apple cider + red wine + whole cinnamon stick, cloves, anise (whatever you have) until warmed through and it turned out great! Adjust cider for your sweetness preference.

  23. why is the elf on the shelf?

    I feel like I don’t understand elf on a shelf, having grown up in Europe. I think this is purely a US tradition? Why is the elf being moved around? Do you hide it to be found like an easter egg hunt? Why does the elf not look like a cute Christmas elf but more like Sheldon Cooper?

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Isn’t it originally from a book? I think the first I’d heard of it was when my stepsister did it with my nephew (who is now 16), so it predates Instagram. But the internet has definitely turned it into a ridiculous monster. I’m also irrationally annoyed by all the the elaborate advent calendars I’ve been seeing. It just should be a piece of candy or A tiny trinket, not some 25 day parade of toys!

    • Anon

      I did not grow up with it, but from what I gather the elf is Santa’s helper and spies on the kid and reports back to Santa. At night he moves around the house (often doing naughty things) and the kid has to find him in the morning. I think it’s completely stupid.

      • why is the elf on the shelf?

        If the elf is supposed to report back to Santa (presumably on whether the kids deserve presents), doesn’t his moral authority suffer if he is seen to do naughty things all the time? Optics are important!

    • Cornellian

      It’s a modern creation and the worst. I feel like it’s meant to make mothers’ lives more stressful and spoil kids. I get it can be fun to do a few times, but every day, all month?! Unsubscribe.

      • Anonymous

        This. It is not a tradition. It was made up to sell books and elf dolls and accessories for the elf dolls and pets for the elf dolls and accessories for the pets and …

    • Anon

      It’s become cool to sh!t on the Elf, but in a joyless year it has become a bright spot for us. It moves around because each night it goes to the North Pole and then comes back. You don’t hide it, but each morning the kids wake up and try to find it. It’s a recent thing in the United States. The book is creepy af, but having the kids wake up excited is the best part of December for me. (We don’t mention that it watches their behavior or anything because for us it’s about the fun and not some punitive type of thing.)

      • Cornellian

        I will continue to hate Elf on the Shelf as an expectation for parents, but +1 to anything that brings anyone joy in 2020.

    • Betsy

      Normally I am a big believer in not spoiling the secret for kids who still believe, but I have such a blinding hate for elf on the shelf that if it is still around when I have kids I have every intention of being super up front with them that we don’t have one because it is made up.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, that’s easy to say pre-kids. I always said I’d never do the elf, yet here we are. Ours doesn’t do anything crazy or bring treats – he just moves around each night from shelf to shelf. But as someone said above, the joy it brings is palpable. It’s worth having a nightly calendar reminder at 10pm.

      • anon

        I mean, the magic of Santa is that he magically knows if every single one of us has been naughty or nice, all year round. If he needs an army of spies to gather intel, that just makes him Jeff Bezoz!

    • anon

      It is not a tradition. It is a thing created in the last 10 years to make parents’ lives harder.

    • Cat

      Yeah it’s not some longstanding thing. Insta-trend. Some people get really into it; most of us totally ignore it.

    • Anon

      It is not a tradition for everyone. I refused to do it with my son because I always thought it was extremely creepy. I grew up watching horror movies about dolls that moved around on their own in people’s houses at night. And then the dolls turned evil and stabbed people with kitchen knives. The doll has the creepiest expression on its face. Just having it in the house would have been unsettling. So we noped out of that. I also have a philosophical problem with (*puts on tinfoil hat*) teaching kids someone is always watching them, and that’s okay. Great way to get kids comfortable with living in a surveillance state where personal privacy doesn’t exist (hello, China).

    • Anon

      Yup. Not an old tradition, and as a mom I noped right out of that one. It has not been an issue, but I have explanations ready if it ever does become one.

    • anon

      Not a tradition. It’s a modern corporate marketing thing.

      Our house is visited by an elf who works in the North Pole’s library and brings a book every morning of December. Kiddo wakes up excited, checks the bag that the book is left in, and comes and snuggles in our bed to read the book. Until this year, those books were purchased for $0.50-2.00 each from our local friends-of-the-library book sale in October.

        • anon

          You could still start this year! The beauty of making the whole thing up is that it could be every day in December, or just the 10 days before Christmas, or the 12 days of Christmas :-) It doesn’t even have to be the same every year until they’re old enough to remember the details–not sure what age that is, but it’s later than 5.

    • Anon

      I resisted it for years but finally gave in last ear year and my 2 boys loved it. They couldn’t wait for the elf to return this year. Every morning my younger son (6 years old) comes running down the stairs trying to find it. I usually have to wake him up and persuade him to get up for school. They really love it and I just move it before going to bed each night.

    • anon

      I wanted no part of it when my daughter (now 16) was little, but her grandmother bought one for each cousin household. He wasn’t mischievous, just moved each night. There were lots of nights when we would bolt upright because we had forgotten to move the damn elf, but overall, my daughter LOVED it. She would write letters to him (he would respond in tiny writing), made him gifts, etc. When she was 14 she said she hoped Dolfi the elf still came to visit, wink wink, nudge, nudge. Last year she didn’t mention it at all. This year she brought it up and suggested he come back to visit and we both move him. Then she took him out of the box and said, with a little bit of awe that honestly got to me, that she had never touched him before. TLDR – it was at times a pain in the ass, but clearly was a magical element of Christmas for my daughter.

    • My Kids LIke It

      Wow – the hate for Elf on the Shelf is strong with this group! We enjoy it and moving the Elf every night is not exactly a huge burden. But then I did not watch horror movies so the “creepy” part does not resonate with me the way it seems to with others.

      If you want to do it, do. If you do not, then do not. But the vehemence of so many of you surprises me.

      But for the OP – it is not a “tradition” in the sense of being something that has occurred for generations. It is based on a book written in 2005. However, the general message that Santa knows who has been naughty and who has been nice has been around for a very long time.

      • Anonymous

        What I hate about the Elf is that it’s not enough just to move the elf or have him do a few simple silly things. My daughter and her friends compare notes on the playground and she comes home mad that her elf is lazy and doesn’t get the elaborate staged scenes her friends’ elves have. She also wants the elf to have and use all the clothes, pets, and accessories. It is just too much and sucks the joy out of the season. I dread December 1 every year.

        Before you blame me for agreeing to get an elf–I said no way, but her dad bought one over my strenuous objections. He swore up and down that he would be responsible for it. Guess how that turned out.

        • My Kids Like It

          Oh – I explained to my kids up front that every Elf is different. Some are experienced Elves and some are trainees. We may be our Elf’s first family and he is still learning. And it is important to appreciate our Elf for who he is. It is the same reason some children get more presents from Santa. Santa knows what every child needs and every child and family is different so we need to be grateful for what Santa brings us and not compare to what other children get.

          But we have a lot of (very simplistic) conversations about the importance of being grateful for what we have because even though some people have more a lot of people have much, much less. (The why don’t we have a pool discussion was almost as much fun as the why does Mommy have to work one.)

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions