Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Harper Leather Collar Wool Blazer

61 Comments

1. Formal shorts are obviously the most appropriate option for winter.

   1. [snort] I like the jackets in theory, but I just don’t think the leather/faux leather trim trend is going to last much longer…
      Quick TJ. A couple of weeks ago, my boss, the director of a public agency of about 450 staff, suggested we celebrate my first year on the job with a happy hour after work, just the two of us. Now this is typical of him to take people out for lunches, coffee, and yes, happy hours. There’s never been a hint of impropriety and no weird vibes. We’re both happily married (I know I am and he appears to be). I initially accepted the invite then freaked out a bit later (felt uncomfortable with the whole idea of one-on-one drinks after work, and didn’t know how I could explain it to my husband without a white lie that more people would be there, etc.) So I made up another commitment for that night and and declined the happy hour, suggesting lunch or coffee instead. Did I overreact?

      1. Why would you feel the need to white lie to your husband? thats the part thats not really adding up to me. Yeah I think you did overreact- a coffee doesnt exactly scream celebration. But I always think happy hours are better with a bigger group so I wouldnt have been like thrilled to go to happy hour with just the boss.

      2. Yeah you overreacted. What’s wrong with you marriage that you couldn’t say “drinks with boss tonight to celebrate a year on the job, he does this with everyone .”

         1. +1 I’d be vaguely suspicious if he always did lunch/coffee and suddenly did happy hour just for you. My husband has done 1-on-1 beers with female staff before, and it’s totally above board. I don’t even give it a second thought.

      3. Yes, I think you did. Why would you not be comfortable telling your hubby that you were getting a drink with your boss after work? And if your boss reschedules, then what excuse will you give him next time?
         You’re just having a drink, not spending the night with him!

      4. Yes I agree – I think you overreacted. Why did you feel uncomfortable? Why would explaining this to your husband be difficult? FWIW, I have drinks with my married bosses all the time (sometimes even one-on-one) and I don’t think it’s ever been inappropriate. Everyone respects the boundaries and as long as you’re having a drink or two and not getting drunk, I don’t see why this would be a problem.

      5. I find it concerning that your husband would care much about such a situation. Yeah, you overreacted. If you didn’t (i.e. you have just cause to believe that your husband will take issue) there’s still a problem.

      6. Do you have any reason to think your husband would have reacted badly? It sounds like you got a little up in your own head about this – I’ve had solo lunches and drinks with male mentors/colleagues many times – its business. You wouldn’t think twice about one-on-one drinks with a female colleague or if two men did it. Don’t hold yourself back because of an imagined impropriety that doesn’t exist (we all face enough problems in the workforce without inventing more for ourselves.)

      7. I prefer when my boss treats me as a employee and not a WOMAN employee — so I’d be much more bothered if he only invites men to drinks and not women.

         I’m glad you suggested an alternative and will have a chance to celebrate with your boss.

         I also agree that it’s a bit of a red flag that you feel like you’d need to lie to your husband about a routine meeting with your boss. In the same way that I want my boss to think of me as an (awesome, overachieving, great) employee and not a WOMAN employee, I would want me husband to see me (in this situation) as a awesome, overachieving, great employee and not his wife who shouldn’t be drinking with other dudes.

         1. +1

         2. Agreed. My husband has many male and female direct reports, and he’ll take them for one-on-one mentor/happy hours all the time. I don’t think twice about it, and he wouldn’t think twice about me doing the same with a male boss. It’s business.

         3. WORD.

            +1 billion points

         4. This.

         5. Link to follow for moderation but I read this blog article about this whole “tension” with drinks with members of the opposite sex is holding woman back in business.

            1. https://medium.com/@jasonp/my-wife-is-telling-me-to-have-drinks-with-other-women-4c0bd9074abf

            2. Wow, thanks for this link. Fascinating concept. And here I am projecting that by accepting this invitation I am inviting suspicion as to our motives in having a drink together. I felt some judgment of either my husband or the strength of our marriage in some of the responses but I think there was some missing information in my original post. 1. DH is a recovering alcoholic (sober 1.5 years now) so the idea of my having happy hour of any kind – with anyone – is a bit sensitive for me. 2. Because of (1) I don’t really drink because after dealing with its aftermath in my spouse for several grim years I feel uncomfortable in general in situations where drinking is the primary activity. Related to this, when people ask me why I don’t drink or nurse a half glass of wine for 4 hours, I don’t want to tell them about #1 because it’s none of their business. 3. One thing that made me wonder about the invitation was that the invitation was marked private on his outlook calendar which makes it opaque to others reading his calendar.
               ETA – all that being said, yes, I did overreact.

            3. OP – Sounds like you have very good reasons for avoiding a happy hour that actually have nothing to do with the male-boss/female-employee issue, so asking for a coffee/lunch sounds perfectly reasonable in the situation you faced (just not for the gender dynamics issues). Know your office, but in mine, no one would bat an eyelash if someone at “happy hour” ordered a non-alcoholic beverage. I know this varies tremendously by office and industry, but similar situations are likely to crop up in the future if your office considers happy hours a normal way to celebrate something. You may want to consider now how you would feel most comfortable handling it the next time around. You shouldn’t feel pressured to drink…especially if your personal situation may be making it more of an issue for you than your coworkers would make it…but there may be good business reasons for attending such an event if you can balance those needs vs. your personal situation.

            4. Nah I’m still on team marriage problem. He’s a recovering alcohol not you.

            5. I agree with others that you overreacted (although with your additional color commentary I understand a little more why you perhaps did). Either way I’m a little surprised at such harsh judgment of your husband and your marriage based on such a small comment. Yikes!

         6. + one gazillion

   2. I am done with leather trim.

2. Ugh. Today is not starting off well. I began the day by accidentally sending a slightly sensitive email to the wrong person (same name as the intended person, just wrong department and much more junior). Grrr…

   1. Too late now, but there is a recall function in Outlook that works most of the time.

      1. Really? I only get the second email that says DON’T READ THE FIRST EMAIL, which, of course, makes me read the first email.

         1. Caution – in most versions of Microsoft Outlook (can’t speak to Office 360) the recall function does not recall anything. It just tells the reader that the sender *wanted* to recall the first message, which is still out there and as someone suggested only calls attention to it and makes you want to read it more.

   2. One of the other interns where I was this summer accidentally sent an internal comms email to the entire company instead of just her team. It happens.

   3. At my first job, my office mate (we were lowly paralegals) had the same exact name as a much much higher placed attorney in an office across the country. They actually got to know each other pretty well by getting each other’s emails so often and when Mr. Bigwig came to our office for a meeting or something, he swung by our office to meet his doppelganger. Basically, I’m sure this isn’t the first this has happened to them and it won’t be the last. Don’t worry about it too much.

3. Good morning, everyone! Need some ideas. My nephew texted me early this morning to tell me he was accepted early admission to his first choice college and was awarded a presidential scholarship! He’s such a great kid and I’m really proud of him and it’s a great choice of school for him. Any ideas of something I could send him to congratulate him and let him know how proud I am?

   1. College sweatshirt.

      1. Yep, or a college lanyard or key-chain if you want something smaller (I use mine all the time – it has my keys on so they can’t get lost in my back-pack) – he may not be comfortable wearing his college sweater while friends are still waiting for admissions information.

         1. Or he may have already gotten a sweatshirt when he went on a campus tour.

      2. Yeah, I thought of that. He only likes full zip sweatshirts and there’s only one that I like. I’m thinking about a polo/golf shirt. He’s a golfer and it might be fun for him to have a polo shirt that he could wear in the spring and summer when he’s golfing.

         1. That sounds like a really neat idea! Anything that says ‘Well done, I’m proud of you’ will do the job. If he has a Kindle, could you get a Kindle cover in his college’s colours?

         2. Along those lines, golf accessories are nice too. Towels, head covers, hats with school colors or logo. Try PGA Superstore or the school bookstore.

         3. Polo would be awesome, or a golf hat and ball marker. If he drives, a sticker for his car?

         4. Shoot, well, my stepmother had the same thought and already bought him a golf shirt. My brother is suggesting a long-sleeved shirt and I’m also seeing golf umbrellas. Will continue the hunt…

         5. Get a school-themed cover for his driver – he will have it forever.

   2. My vote: send him a card telling him how proud you are and why. That support will mean much more to him in the end than whatever college object you might buy him. And writing it down makes it real.

      1. Oh definitely. Will do that, too. And sent some of that in my text back to him early this morning (he texted me the news).

4. I got an email asking me to set up an interview the Friday before last. I emailed back early last monday morning and again this morning to check in. I haven’t heard anything, and interviews are supposed to take place this week and the 2 weeks after (in the same city, potentially over the phone). Would you be concerned? What should be my next step?

   1. Last week was funny with the holiday, so I wouldn’t be too concerned. Wait until Wednesday morning to follow up.

      1. at that point would you follow up by phone or email?

         1. I’d follow up by phone.

5. Happy thanksgiving everyone!

   Holiday vicarious shopping TJ: I’m looking for a gift for my brother. He’s 24. I want to get him either (1) men’s fashion accessories he wouldn’t buy himself, or (2) a nice digital high-heat meat thermometer.

   He pretty much has only the basics for ties and socks, but asked for fun accessories for less formal occasions. He leans towards a preppy style (loves J Crew, Ralph Lauren, etc) and has a penchant for pops of fabulous color. But with his budget, he can’t justify spending $$$ on accessories. Two years ago I got him a bowtie and a matching pocket square and he’s gotten a lot of use from both.

   As for the meat thermometer, I’ve done a little research but I feel overwhelmed by the amount of info out there. Recommendations on either appreciated!

   ETA: budget around $50 – if the meat thermometer ends up being way over that (as I expect), post it anyway because I might see if his girlfriend wants to go in on one.

   1. For the men’s accessories, I would check Thomas Pink or Charles Tyrwhitt, I love the ties and accessories at both those places. Or if you wanted to get him funky cufflinks, you could check out Etsy.

      I got nothing on the meat thermometer. I usually just go on Amazon and buy the one in my budget that has the best reviews.

   2. The Wirecutter recommends a $20 thermometer: http://thesweethome.com/reviews/the-best-instant-read-thermometer/

   3. Serious Eats usually has good kitchen gear reviews. http://www.seriouseats.com/2014/11/thermopop-equipment-review-thermapen.html

   4. My husband wants a meat thermometer for his birthday as well. I’ll be following these recommendations closely! There are so many options out there in so many different price ranges it’s difficult to determine whether the more expensive ones are actually worth the price.

      Doesn’t help that my husband is an engineer who specializes in temperature related things….

   5. The thermapen is the gold standard in meat thermometers – no debate. It’s $100, but is the only thermometer you’d ever need – I think their much cheaper (25 bucks) Thermopop is a good substitute. Super accurate. Super fast, and works in a wide range of temperatures.

      1. I gave thermapens to all my family a few years ago and everyone loves them.

      2. Get this one. DH bought it a few years ago and I gave him endless cr@p about his $100 thermometer….which I am now spoiled by and will never use another.

         It’s what they use on America’s test kitchen, as well.

      3. I got a Thermapen as a gift, and it is truly the best piece of equipment ever.

   6. If he grills/uses a smoker at all, I’d recommend a wireless meat thermometer. You can put the receiver wherever you are and still monitor the temp, without being tied to the grill/smoker all day.

      I can’t remember what brand we have, but there are several well-rated ones that come up with a quick Google search.

6. Help! I started dating someone recently (just a few weeks in) and it’s looking like I’ll need to get him something for Christmas. Any ideas? I don’t even know what’s the right amount to spend– is $100 too much?

   1. Yes, it’s too much. Think small and simple

      1. ok, like what? I’m stumped!

         1. Bourbon? With a ribbon?

   2. booze? tickets to something you can do/enjoy together?

   3. I’m in the same boat, but I’m going to go the route of making a variety of homemade bark in a variety of flavors, some of which are tailored to his tastes. May sound simple and cheap, but honestly, if I’ve only known someone two weeks, I’m not spending $40 on something generic.

7. Question — I was reading some men’s style blogs the other day, and I was wondering if an equivalent of the men’s “made to order” internet suiting site exists for women, specifically in the $300-$500 range, and if anyone here has experience with them?

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