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Tuesday’s TPS Report: Iona Sleeveless Round Cutout Sheath Dress

Raoul Iona Sleeveless Round Cutout Sheath Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Let's face it: I have rarely met a keyhole dress that I didn't like — but this wine-colored dress has something special. I love the stretchy knit, the fun cutout, and the other little details throughout — the darts at the hip and bust, the faux-collar at the neck (which I haven't seen before, I don't think), and the banded waist. Lovely. I'd avoid a necklace here and go with a great pair of earrings, perhaps a cuff, perhaps a brooch or two on the clavicle. It's available in limited sizes at Neiman Marcus — was $375, now marked to $225. Raoul Iona Sleeveless Round Cutout Sheath Dress Here's a similar plus-size option, and a few great affordable options. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.  

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

187 Comments

  1. I posted last week about being newly pregnant and not knowing whether to share the news with close family because of fear of miscarriage. Well, the doctor said the embryo has stopped growing and that I should expect to miscarry in the next week or two. Right now, I’m glad I didn’t get anyone else’s hopes up, but I’ll probably call my mom and tell her what’s going on now. Thanks for your support last week.

    3. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you get as much time to grieve and process your feelings as you need.

    4. Thank you for sharing with us, your community. Sounds like you made a good choice for you at the time.

      Feel free to reach out for more support, or not. We heart you.

    5. So sorry to hear this. Take time to let yourself rest, and be sad, and wallow, and just to take care of yourself. I had just told my family when I started miscarrying at a similar stage of pregnancy a few days later – it helped to have their support, especially my mom. I don’t think I could have gone through it without them knowing. I also took a few days off work which made things a lot easier, if you can manage it (my manager assumed I had the stomach flu that was going around and I didn’t correct him).

    6. Hi sweetheart, that is how it happened for me with my second miscarriage. Embryo just stopped growing at 6 weeks and I found out at my 10 week u/s. I had to induce, which at least gave me some control over it, unlike my first miscarriage 4 months previous.

      I just told my best friend (who had had multiple m/c and she came over and stayed with me as I had sent my husband and little kids to a family event out of town).

      It was very hard but I tried to be philospohical about it. I got pregnant, yay! This time it wasn’t a bloated ovum but the embryo made it to 6 weeks! (I had been told, “at my age, with my test results” that I would have a lot of difficulty getting pregnant).

      9 weeks later I got pregnant again, and he is 5 now.

      I wish you much peace and love. Be gentle with yourself.

    8. I’m so sorry for your loss. Internet hugs and cups of good tea for you. ♥ Take good care of yourself, and we’re here if you need a sounding board.

    11. I am so incredibly sorry. This happened to me, and I will tell you that informing a few close friends/family helped me walk through the loss. It doesn’t make it easier, nothing does, but it makes it able to bear.

    12. So sorry for your loss.

      FWIW, on my first m/c, I waited about 10 days for something to happen (other than spotting) and would up going in for a D&C just to get to the end of what was a very horrible waiting-for-the-end for me. I wound up needing some strong pain meds afterwards (not so after D&C #2).

      I hope you get the support you need for your heart, but I posted the above in case you would up needing extra medical support.

      1. Thanks, I appreciate this, too. I’m hoping it’ll pass on its own quickly, but I can see the appeal of having some control over the process. I’m sorry for your loss as well.

    13. Good luck and hugs. My first m/c happened during an all day hearing at a courthouse and only took the next day off of work. For me, that was a huge mistake. My second m/c I took off two weeks and that was just what I needed. I was pregnant 3 months later and now have a lovely 8 month old. I think it took me much longer the first time to get to a good place bc I didnt make time for myself upfront. Take care of yourself and make the time to do so if possible.

    14. Thanks, everyone, for your support. It’s comforting to hear your experiences. I’m fortunate that it’s very early (just 5 weeks) but it’s amazing how attached you can get to the idea of being pregnant in just one week.

    16. I’m so sorry to hear that. I had two early miscarriages in a row, both after having heard heartbeats. I chose to do D&Es both times. I want to echo the advice above to give yourself time away from work to recover; I did not and it was a mistake. Take time for yourself, and don’t get down on yourself if you think you’re taking longer than expected to mentally/emotionally recover. It can be a hard road. Good luck!

    18. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Miscarriages are incredibly difficult. It’s been many years now for me and I still remember how hard it was for me, especially for the first few months. Big hugs.

  2. Another gifting question (you guys have been amazingly helpful so far!): My brother has recently gotten into “healthy” stuff, and requested a paleo cookbook for Christmas. I’m the family’s resident food expert, but I don’t know much about paleo. Anyone have any good recommendations? He’s single and in his early 20’s.

    1. I love the recipes in the Nom Nom Paleo cookbook. They are delicious and not terribly complex. The writers also have a great blog, too.

    4. He is exactly the target audience for Thug Kitchen and they have a cookbook out.

      1. While amazing, Thug Kitchen isn’t strictly Paleo. There is a lot of overlap and I’m sure he would like several recipes in there, but if OP’s bro is trying to strictly follow Paleo rules, I would look for a cookbook focused on Paleo.

    6. New book just recommended by a blogger – Mediterranean Paleo Cooking by Caitlin Weeks and Nabil Boumrar. Looks yummy and has a focus on fresh foods.

  3. I am in love. If this dress weren’t this pinkish colour, I would already own it. I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing . . .

    I made partner!!!!!!!! Effective January 1. I’d like to reward myself, but must keep it under $10k. any suggestions? I have absolutely no idea what, but I’d love to get something that I will frequently use for the next ten years or so in my professional capacity. Only one caveat — I despise diamonds. Other than that, I’m open to anything. I just have no ideas. I toyed around with buying a purse. But I don’t like strong logos, and options thus far seem lackluster.

    1. Congratulations! Nice sapphire earrings or a nice watch? I would spend 1/2 on vacation and 1/2 on a physical item though.

      1. I confess I have looked at the watches. but I want watches that are far above 10k. sad, I know.

        and ordinarily I would agree on the trip, but my husband and I already take a pretty fabulous vacation each year. We save very aggressively and that’s our one splurge each year. So that wouldn’t be anything “extra” for the partnership. I’ve never really bought “things” and my husband is encouraging me to do it this year because of partner. It’s sweet, and I love the idea, but I just can’t think of something I want badly enough to drop so much money. I’m not opposed to spending the money, I just want it to be worth it.

        1. You could donate to the whole thing to the local legal aid society or Equal Justice Initiative and change lives.

        2. Why not just earmark it then? Save it for something you just fall in love if you can’t think of anything you want?

          1. Why not just earmark it then? Save it for something you just fall in love if you can’t think of anything you want?

        3. If you don’t want anything, why try so hard to spend it? Eventually you will want something.

      1. Many years ago, I toyed with the idea of buying a very old (1985?) red porsche convertible (manual transmission), because it was the sort of thing that my heart, which wants very few things, wanted. My math brain just said that it wasn’t practical and I didn’t need it. I didn’t buy anything else. I just paused for a moment and that moment passed.

        Fast forward: I drive a minivan with two car seats in it. I wish I had bought the porsche even though it would be just a fun car and not driven daily.

        I couldn’t spend this much on clothes or a bag since anything about 5K to me should be something that is around forever. If you have tastes like mine, it is very easy to waste time on ebaymotors.

      2. THIS. a car. If only I had somewhere to park it and somewhere to drive it!
        sadly, that’s not an option with living in the city. If it was, I’d buy a 68 mustang.

    3. Congratulations, Amelia! I vote for a shopping trip to Paris. Create some memories and pick up a fantastic luxury item while you’re there!

    5. Congratulations!!! I’m also a fan of a trip with shopping included, though I vote for somewhere in Asia! Depending on where you go, there may be fabulous options for jewelry, textiles, luxury goods, etc.

    6. Congrats! I bought myself the Prada large executive tote in ostrich as my yay-I-made-partner treat. I think it was about 8k.

      1. Congrats! I bought myself the Prada large executive tote in ostrich as my yay-I-made-partner treat. I think it was about 8k.

        1. Bought the purse in January 2011. The handles are a little darker than the bag from holding them, but Prada said they would replace the handles if I brought it in. I’ve been carrying a different bag for the past 10 months, but I carried the ostrich tote everyday before that (so for over 3 years).

    7. congratulations! If I had that kind of financial freedom, and a big promotion to thank for it, I think I would travel–but it sounds like that’s kind of already a given.

      New furniture? A new mattress?

      1. We definitely do. Without giving too much detail, both husband and I are in “professional” fields, which means we had upwards of 250k of school debt. We saved aggressively and put all bonuses toward loans and paid them off in 6 years. And we have travelled big every year since then (sometimes twice a year depending on ability to take time away). it was our best decision ever, even if all our furniture is from ikea!

        1. I’d probably buy an expensive piece of furniture – a great dining room table and chairs or bed that will last forever. But I love furniture. Also like the idea of original art.

      1. this is actually a really good idea. We have horrible winters and I walk to work. I would like that.
        okay – I only know burberry. any other brands I should peruse?

          3. Lovely! My only probably with it (given the walking and the cold) is it doesn’t have buttons! I guess as long as the tie is secure, you should be good.

            Alas, I have no reason to know any other high end coat brands. If she’s your style, maybe check out the blogs that follow what coats the Duchess of Cambridge wears? Oooo – Alexander McQueen!

    9. Woo-hoo!! Congratulations! I don’t have any suggestions beyond what’s been posted already, but I just want to say my hat is off to you!!

      1. thank you!!! I am pretty excited . . . even if the capital contribution scares the h*ll out of me.

    11. Congratulations! I love the idea of a beautiful, designer coat. My other suggestion is getting a couple of nice pieces of furniture.

    13. Amelia – congrats!

      If it were me I’d get a $8-10,000 right-hand ring from Brilliant Earth’s antique ring collection. Yummy things there.

  5. This just doesn’t seem work appropriate to me…even though I might wear a v-neck that goes this low, the keyhole to me is screaming “please look directly at my cleavage, thanks!”

    1. Me neither. I think the shape of it is what’s throwing me off. I don’t mind keyholes that are longer than they are wide, but something about this being round really bothers me.

      2. I find the circular keyhole odd. It’s not too revealing, but it just seems jarring to me.

        1. It seems like it really limits your accessories, except for a giant scarf. No necklace is going to look right with this (unless it landed right in the middle of the circle, which would make my OCD happy but be too weird as a look). And the hole would probably also look odd with a jacket or sweater, like some funky origami happened with your outfit.

    2. But the keyhole isn’t showing cleavage on the model. On me this would just be showing my chest by my clavicle. No cleavage at all.

      1. It’s not that it’s showing cleavage, just that it really draws attention to that area in a specific way. I don’t think it’s like, scandalous, but I wouldn’t wear it to work.

      2. It would probably show cleavage on me if I so much as thought about crossing my arms.

        BUT – that’s not even my problem. Maybe I am a 19 year frat boy inside, or maybe I am just aware of how many secret 19 year old frat boys there are in most offices, but my first thought when I saw this dress is “so many wrong thoughts can be had about that chest hole!” I will say no more. Except that I wouldn’t wear it to work for that reason.

        1. I’m in the same boat with having a potential cleavage risk with the cut out.

          I think if it connected to the neckline it would not be as bad, but the size and shape of the hole really lends to the “what could I stuck in there?”

          I also foresee all my male colleagues asking me why my dress has a hole in it and just thinking it was weird and funny. I do mentally check any item for, “will my coworkers think this is funny?” It’s a collegial, fun environment, but I do try to not always indulge my sense of fun/girly clothes so I can keep them in check.

          1. Yes! I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I think this is why I had such a negative reaction. Or “bizarre preference”as it was termed above.

      3. Even if you have a flat chest, it’s not part of your chest that is work-appropriate. It’s like those super low-cut tops or dresses that some celebrities wear. They’re technically not showing any cleavage, just sternum, but it is so not work appropriate.

    3. I agree. Would it be tacky to wear a contrasting tank underneath to cover up the keyhole? I have a dress like this that I wore for a wedding. It never would have occurred to me to wear it to work but I’m wondering if the keyhole were covered if that would be ok (and look decent).

    4. It’s definitely not work appropriate. They keyhole is bizarre, like they couldn’t think of any other interesting detail, and it’s too low anyway.

    5. I like the dress, but I would not wear it to work, either. Keyholes say “sexy” to me, especially one in front of a garment as opposed to a garment with a keyhole in the back.

    6. Agreed, this is totally inappropriate for even my casual office. The “keyhole” is too low, and way too big.

    7. I feel the same way about keyholes. Even if I’d wear a neckline exposing more skin than the keyhole, the keyhole draws attention to the area in an uncomfortable way.

    8. Definitely not work appropriate. I nixed a dress I really liked just because it had a much smaller, more subtle keyhole (a small diagonal slit in the upper right, further from the chest area). I don’t think keyhole dresses are work appropriate unless the keyhole can be covered by a jacket or sweater and you plan to leave the covering on. And this keyhole is large and prominent and would show cleavage on a lot of people and can’t be covered up and just…no. I can’t believe people would think about wearing this dress to work.

  6. Is this how a sheath dress is supposed to fit? It seems to be a bit snug for me up top, but maybe that is normal? I am a skinny pear, so I have to buy for my hips and the top is always a bit looser than this picture. I think with a sheath, I think since it’s snug (not too tight, just so that you notice my shape) around the hips, I’ve been OK with the bust being looser (in part b/c I think that the extra fabric may disguise the lack of volume and in part b/c I don’t want the dress to seem snug all over).

    It’s not super-obvious unless I am standing with my arms out while wearing the (sleeveless) dress sans jacket/sweater. But seeing this makes me wonder I couldn’t go from good to better (this is where trying things on in person in the right store with the right salespeople would make a difference; me at home sans audience sans 3-way mirror often doesn’t knock it out of the park).

    Time for some alterations?

    1. Yes – it sounds like your dress is a bit too big at the top – take it to a good tailor. They can work magic!

    2. I agree, get to a tailor. I’m also a slim pear (4/6 on top, 8/10 on the bottom) and I typically buy sheaths to fit my hips & tailor the top. You’ll feel much more comfortable if the top fits appropriately.

  7. thrift scores yesterday: vintage 100% camel hair (British-spun, made in Hong Kong) cardigan; Joes Jeans; H&M c0ckta!l dress new with tags. I won’t have time for pics or a post today, but I’m wearing said jeans & cardi, with my recently-purchased navy polka-dot LLBean button-up (that was new!) & my bcbg booties.

    The “oh, bummer” moment: finding the most beautiful cobalt/copenhagen blue wool sweater that had been shrunken in the wash. From Burberry. I tried it on. If the chest proportion had been better, I’d have gotten it, but it was a men’s 38/40, and while the length was great, the chest was just still too big around. That’s a $600 sweater right there, though I suspect it was not current season–it was likely vintage too. A Burberry, for chrissake.

    1. That Burberry sweater sounds like the perfect leggings and boots weekend errands sweater.

    1. My teen’s favorite is American Eagle, and H&M, however my teen nieces like Holister and it is more “in” at their high school. I would say it’s regional.

      1. Okay thanks! Looking for son’s girlfriend. I figure as long as I get something from the “right” store, we are good.

        1. What range of teen are we talking? My 14 year old niece loves Hollister and American Eagle, but my 17 year old niece considers them “baby stores”. She loves Express.

    2. Aeropostale, Forever 21, H&M, American Eagle, Hollister, Abercrombie, Papaya, Love Culture, Charlotte Russe.

  9. The good: New-to-me Coach tote came in the mail yesterday! ooooh pretty bag :) And coral leather/trim, which makes me a very happy girl. I’m clinging to that tiny bit of happy because…

    The bad: Got one of the worst type of phone calls last night. My aunt had a massive heart attack on Sunday night/early Monday morning. They got her heart started again in the ambulance, but a lot of her brain tissue is permanantly damaged. They’re taking her off life support in 40 minutes (noon eastern time). Wake is on Friday, funeral Saturday. Our family is pretty spread out, so my mom can’t be there for her little sister’s last moments, even though we’re all flying out for the funeral itself. She was only 51.

    Trying to just muddle through the day as best I can and distract myself with busywork and C-r3tte. I have a week vacation scheduled for next week – I really, really need it.

    4. So sorry for you and your family. I also lost an aunt who was only 51. So young.

    5. I’m so sorry to hear this, and that your mom won’t be with her sister. Big internet hugs to you and your family.

    6. I lost an aunt in her early 50s also – she was like a second mom to me. It happened so suddenly, and it felt like there was no time to say goodbye. Hugs to you and give yourself plenty of time to grieve.

    7. Thank you for all the support, guys. Gonna make the call to my aunt (er, my other aunt – mom has 4 sisters) after I get out of work to see how things are going… Thanks for being so sweet, everyone. You’re all awesome. ♥

  10. My husband and I are looking to buy a place in Astoria, Queens. Anyone have a rec for a real estate agent? TIA!

    1. I don’t know if she does sales, but I used Jenny at Avanguard Realty for rentals and she knows the neighborhood well. (Their website looks like it was made by a 12 year old in the 1980s-don’t judge by that)

  11. Has anyone had success getting a sweater dress altered? I am a pear shape and have not found one that fits on the bottom without being way too large on top, but with so many stores marking down these dresses I am thinking about asking a tailor to give it a shot. I would probably need it taken in on the sides through the torso, but no alterations on the bottom.

    1. I used to work as a tailor. It’s possible as long as the two front and back pieces are seen together not knit as a single piece. It’s also better if it doesn’t need to be taken in more than an inch or so on each side. That way the extra fabric can be left in the seam rather than cut off. If it has to be cut then you risk the whole thing unravelling. Thinner knits are also better. Chunky knit would not look good altered

      1. Wow, thanks, that is a very helpful response! I am going to stop by some shops on my way home to see what I can find.

  12. Suggestions for buying monogrammed stationary online? My parents have both asked for notecards for christmas. Any suggestions on the best place to buy?

    1. I suggest you look on Etsy. There are lots and lots of options, most sellers are happy to customize so you get just the right thing, and it’s nice to support artists and artisans.

    2. I love Dempsey & Carroll, classic/old school engraved personal stationery. Spendy though, but they have an annual sale in January.

  13. Want advice on how to handle an overly chatty coworker/a little venting. I am a 2nd year attorney in a big law firm. A few months ago, a female attorney my same age started in my same practice group. She has the office immediately next to mine. In the beginning, I made an effort to be welcoming, we went out to lunch a couple times, I tried to answer questions for her, etc. But then she started coming into my office every. single. day. and just chit chatting for extended lengths of time. Like, 30 minutes or more until I basically ask her to leave. And the things she talk about make me uncomfortable (gossiping, too many details about her private life, etc.).

    I have tried everything to send signals that I do not want to/have time to talk to her everyday: saying something like, “I have to get this done”; semi-ignoring her when she comes in (e.g., keep typing, saying “uh huh”); printing something and walking out of my office to get it. If I do those things she leaves but then just comes back later in the day. Even if my office door is closed, she just knocks and comes in. I have started to become openly rude to her (in part because she’s not getting the hint and in part because I’m so annoyed). I feel like it’s just made things worse because now she acts over-the-top nice to me, constantly offering to take me out for lunch or for a beer, or saying how much she hopes I can get some rest over the weekend. It’s beyond strange and annoying.

    As added background, our group is having an incredibly busy year and she has not been doing her share. The extra work has been falling on me. I know a partner discussed this with her because she told me what he said, but she also told me that she didn’t understand what he was getting at. I didn’t have the heart to spell it out for her (not that it’s even my place to do that).

    I don’t want to be mean to her, but I also want this to stop. I’m not a subtle person, but she clearly is not picking up on the very strong hints. I’m not afraid to be direct, but I also feel like it’s incredibly mean to sit down and flat out tell her “I don’t like when you come in my office to chit chat everyday.” Has anyone ever effectively dealt with a person like this?

    1. I had a coworker like that, and I just had an honest chat.

      I said I had a lot on my plate and didn’t have time to socialize, and she was interrupting my rhythm and focus. I said I would like to catch-up, so maybe we should schedule monthly lunches?

      She got the message.

    2. Give her 2-5 minutes, then say you have a call or just pick up the phone and start dialing (and if that’s not enough, get up to shut the door so she has to leave). Alternate with saying you need to get something out today. If she doesn’t get the hint, just keep doing it over and over and don’t even give her the chance to plop down into your office.

      As for the work imbalance, can you suggest to one or more partners that this attorney has capacity?

    3. In my view it is much more mean to do what you’re doing than to just be honest with her: “Susie, I appreciate your friendliness but I have to tell you I am just swamped with work and I do. not. have. one single minute to chit chat today! So sorry! I’m going to have to kick you out of my office right now, but let’s grab lunch when I can come up for air!” Repeat every single time. I have done this and it works.

      But from what you are describing it doesn’t sound as though she will be around all that long.

      1. This. You have to be direct. Kind, but direct. Skating around it, getting things from the printer, half-listening, doesn’t necessarily get the point across for some people. If you like the person and want to be friends, tell her you’d like to set up a standing date for lunch/drinks/coffee. And then repeat as senior attorney says every time she comes in your office and remind her of your date and that you’ll catch up then.

      2. This. Plus, if she’s doing this to you, she’s likely doing it to other people who aren’t receptive. You may help her career by letting her know, nicely, that this isn’t appropriate behavior when people are busy.

    4. Couple of things that were not mentioned:

      1) Beyond her annoying you, her reputation will rub off on you if you spend too much time with the gossipy, unproductive associate. You really do need to nip the “constantly in my office” aspect of this in the bud, directly, as others have said, because partners notice. Even if you’re working your arse off.

      2) The same things that make her “not get” that you don’t have time to chat are possibly the social cues that make it so that she doesn’t get nuances of deals/cases. Your workload may never balance. Partners know she’s available and have chosen you. I would not bring it up proactively. Your partners likely see your hours and they are either cutting her slack because she’s new or cutting her slack because they like working with you better than her. If you are really, really slammed and new work comes in, by all means suggest that she might have capacity, but don’t go out of your way to point out to partners that “she’s available.” Law firms are never, ever even-steven, and if you wish them to be, you’re setting yourself up for a whole bunch of heartbreak.

      I really co-sign the advice that you need to be direct with her. Like really, really direct. You are at work. You should work there. If she wants social time when you’re slammed, just picture going home X minutes later and how that impinges on your sleep when you’re slammed. That’s how I stay efficient when I am tempted by too-long breaks, when I am going gangbusters.

      Good luck–this is awkward, but you just gotta deal with it.

      1. Thanks. I appreciate all the advice from everyone. I have repeatedly said things like “I need to work/get things done,” and it just has not worked (hence resorting to the other, more rude tactics). We’re on month 4 here, so I have little hope that it’s ever going to get better. I have been seriously contemplating finding a good time to pull her aside and say something like, “I’m sorry if I’ve come across the wrong way, but things are really busy and I don’t have time to chit chat every day. I hope you can understand that I just want to get things done while I’m in the office.” Does that sound direct yet polite enough?

        I totally agree on the reputation concern. I’m not upset about the fact that I have to pick up her slack, certainly not to the point to say anything about it. Like you said, it’s job security for me. It just makes her chattiness all the more annoying.

        At this point, I have no desire to be her friend. I just want to be left alone to work but not burn any bridges/still have a good working relationship with her.

        1. Don’t have a Big Talk. Just deal with it in the moment, every time: “I’m sorry, but I can’t talk now. I am kicking you out of my office because I am just slammed. Seriously. I need you out. Now.” You can laugh a little as you say it, but get up and literally show her the door. Take her by the elbow if you need to. Repeat each and every time.

        2. If you sit next door to her, I think it’s going to be hard not to be at least “work-friends.” But you can say what you were going to say, PLUS…”I would appreciate if you stop coming by my office. If I have time to chat, I will stop by, but…you’re just coming by at times that aren’t working. I hope you understand.” It needs to be that direct if colleague hasn’t gotten the hint about 1000 times.

        3. I concur with MJ and Senior Attorney. I’ve found that standing up when I announce “Can’t talk right now…” helps cue the other person to leave. If they don’t leave, then I usually walk out of my office to grab a glass of water/cup of coffee or something off the printer.

  14. I really love this sweater, but even with the sale it is way out of my price range (http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/eileen-fisher-funnel-neck-yak-merino-poncho-sweater-regular-petite/3788449?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=MAPLE+OAT&resultback=2676&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_8_A). I was wondering if anyone had seen something similar at a less expensive store? A looser tunic style with a roll neck, either in a chunky knit or not, the asymmetrical hemline is cool but not as important to me. I have been scouring the internet and I am really tempted to just splurge on it, but I wish I could find a cheaper alternative. TIA!

    3. I’d poke around You Look Fab a bit, if you have time. The items she suggests are usually fairly pricey, but to me this looks like something in line with her aesthetic. Maybe there would be an item in the comments.

  15. I would love to get some perspectives from the wise hive. I am in a great relationship right now, and while I’ve dated in the past, I’ve never had anything as serious and I think a major reason is the fact that I’ve never really opened myself up to one or given one a chance because I’m not a “relationship person.” Now, even though I’m very happy in my relationship, I find myself wondering…what if? What have I missed because I haven’t given people a chance? How do you know if someone is right for you if you haven’t dated a lot? One reason I ponder this is because my SO has had other serious relationships and I feel like he knows because he feels this one is better. I’m mid-20’s.

    1. You’re still young and I don’t think it’s uncommon not to have had a lot of serious relationship experience at your age. That said, I think it’s also possible that the reason you haven’t had many serious relationships before now is simply that you’ve been choosier than your boyfriend and have ended relationships that you could tell weren’t going to work earlier on in the process. The grass is always greener.

    2. Honestly, I think there are lots of people who may be right for you and some who are right for you at a particular time in your life vs. another, or for one purpose vs. another. I don’t believe in the notion that there is this one perfect person out there for everyone and if you don’t find them you’ll never be happy. I think some people are more predisposed to being in long term relationships and others less. Some people meet the “right” person early, some people meet someone that they’re compatible with later in life, some people outgrow each other …. there are just so many variables. Don’t focus on whether there is someone better, focus on whether this person you’re with makes you happy, makes your life better with him in it, whether you can see being together for the long term, whether your goals/life philosophies are compatible, whether he respects and values you and what you bring to his life, whether you know how to communicate and fight well, etc.

      Last thought: to the extent that you wonder what would have happened if you opened yourself up more to others in the past, I’d say that whatever happened there, you weren’t ready to open yourself at that point and wondering what could have been is just besides the point. Think of it as akin to “what would have happened if I met the man of my dreams when I was 9 but didn’t know it because I was a child” – maybe an extreme example, but similarly unknowable.

      3. +3 to all of this. Focusing on this relationship and whether or not it works for you is far more productive than worrying about what might have been.

    3. I tend to think if you are being plagued by the what ifs then this is not the guy for you…

    4. This is not intended to be a comprehensive reply to your question. That out of the way, a few what-ifs are fine, but you can’t go back so don’t spend too much time dwelling on the past.

      As for your current guy, some very basic signs he might be a keeper: you feel comfortable introducing him to the different people in your life (e.g., not ashamed to have him meet your parents or your friends; not worried he’d be an embarrassment at a work function); he treats you with respect/has self respect/you respect him; you are able to communicate with one another, particularly about the relationship.

      That said, you can have all these things and it still might not be right. Sometimes you won’t know until it’s too late. But you’re still young and have time to give this one some time (or date around, if it doesn’t feel right).

    5. If you’re happy, you’re happy. I don’t think the line of thought “But but maybe I would be happier with someone else I haven’t met yet!” is terribly productive. It’d be another matter if you were not happy, or if you were happier when you were single.

      I have been in quite a few unhappy relationships. Now that I’m in a happy one, it’s night and day.

      When I met my current chap, he hadn’t been in a relationship as serious before either. I think he had been holding out for a “dream girl,” and in fact said as much to me early on. I said, “That’s fine, if you ever meet her, I absolutely encourage you to ask her out and see how it goes. Meanwhile I’ll just keep on being awesome and you’ll soon figure out just how awesome I am.” I felt pretty confident making that statement given that dream girls do not exist. And he indeed soon figured out just how awesome I am. We’re moving in together next month.

  16. Baaaad week and baaad team dynamics at play! Was promoted from team member to team lead a week ago. All team members received negative performance reviews this week from my boss (their former team lead). Working with them as colleagues sometimes was difficult before. Being their team lead is a real challenge, especially as their performance still is lacking. And so are their social skills! By now we have reached the stage where they do not say hello in the morning, do not talk to me during lunch, do not make eye contact etc. As a rule, I never make friends at work – but still, I´m disappointed!

    1. Great dress, Kat, but keyhole’s are NOT for me b/c of Frank, who has come at me before with his dirty hand’s offering to see if it fit’s his hand! FOOEY! As to the OP, Hug’s to you. I know how tough it can be to have a NON-PERFORMING Team. I have a small team but I am the onley one that can do the work, or as the manageing partner says, can bring home the MUSTARD! As a result, my staff (of 2) resent that I get bonuses and a clotheing allowance, but I am the one billeing 7200 hours while Lynn and Mason just go home and hit the sheet’s together. FOOEY! If I could I would do that to but I do NOT have a boyfreind willing to MARRY me. Once I do, I will cut my hours down substantally and have a life. YAY!

    2. You might want to rethink not making friends at work, frankly. It’s a lot easier to be effective and get things done and enjoy your life at the same time. That’s probably why it was challenging to work with them. I also doubt every member’s performance is “negative” – you might want to reframe your thinking there too.

      1. Thanks for your insight on friends at work. Maybe this is indeed part of the problem. I’m friendly, but not close to anyone. So maybe I do need a buddy.
        As for the poor performance, we are talking about coming late & leaving early, sending out resumes from the office (and getting caught doing so) etc. Which is why there was a change in the Team lead in the first Place…

    3. Can you do a team lunch at a restaurant, away from the office? Getting people to chat in a “non-work” context may help to create better camaraderie. A good approach might be “since I’m the new Team Lead, I’d love to get to know you all better…” If going out is not an option, even pizza or snacks in the breakroom.

  17. OK, I need help from those on the east coast of the US…I’m looking for a place to spend 4-5 days in the middle of January with a good friend.

    Needs to be relatively accessible to an airport, and not more than a 4-5 hour flight from Baltimore.

    The catch? Really looking to do something active. Love natural scenery, love the outdoors, love long hikes, snowshoeing, cross country skiing, sailing…but it’s January.

    Good food and other activities would be a bonus but my friend is really, really the outdoorsy type, not the city-traveling type.

    1. I’ve got to make a plug for Asheville. They have a small airport, but I think you could check all your other boxes there. Alternatively, Charleston or Savannah wouldn’t have the snow sports, but you might enjoy the ocean, etc. there.

    3. How about going up north to VT or NH? You could fly into Manchester and rent a car and go skiing or snowshoeing, etc. Woodstock VT is a cute town, so is Stowe (although farther), there will be cute town things to do in addition to the outdoor activities.

    4. A 4-5 hour flight from Baltimore gives you a tremendous range and certainly gets you to warm places. Puerto Rico? El Yunque is fun for hiking (and rainforest hiking is totally different), Old San Juan is good to explore but very manageable (I don’t think you need to love cities to enjoy a day or two there), airport is good & easy to rent a car.

      If you wanted to go north, I think you would be limited by how far you are willing to have to drive from an airport (and how ok you are with it being really freaking cold). You could look at flying into Hartford and go to Western Mass or Southern VT.

    6. You should try Santa Fe! It’s 4 hours from Baltimore and an hour away from an extremely easy to navigate Albuquerque airport. You can either take the train up to Santa Fe or there is a shuttle called Sandia Express. There will be snow in the mountains, but most likely none on the ground in SF or ABQ.

      The art scene is great, there are great little hotels near historic sites, and if you’re willing to rent a car you can get out to Georgia O’Keefe’s ranch in under two hours or see ancient ruins, go to Taos, etc.

    7. Go to Iceland. You can do some winter things, see the northern lights, and go relax in some hot springs. Or go skiing somewhere in the Rockies.

    8. Echoing the plug for Asheville above. It’s a great place to visit, extremely walkable, and has great access to all sorts of natural “stuff” and beautiful sights even when it isn’t leafpeeping season. However, I don’t think Charleston and Savannah are “outdoorsy” unless strolling along the cobblestones is what you have in mind. I say this as someone who enjoys visiting Charleston and is outdoorsy, but I don’t find a lot of overlap there.

      For a totally off-the-wall option — Charleston, West Virginia is actually sort of amazing. It’s got a sort of funky little downtown these days, and I love the Kanawha State Forest. The biggest downside to WV Charleston is that there aren’t really any great places to stay.

  18. This seems like a silly question, and please believe me when I say this isn’t meant to be a humblebrag. With that said, how do you deal with unwanted-but-unoffensive flirtatious men who are part of your normal routine? My situation is that I’ve been married for two years, and recently started two different co-ed group fitness classes. In each of them, there is a man in the group who, after a few weeks, came up to me and struck up a conversation during breaks in the class. I thought that these were just new workout acquaintances (others in the group have similar friendly interactions). Then, last week, each of these men threw out the word “cutie” or “gorgeous” in conversation with me. This made me extremely uncomfortable–I don’t want to be leading anyone on or flirting with anyone. At the same time, I want to be part of the friendly interactions in the group, not some quiet person who just keeps to herself. I wear my wedding band to class, but not my engagement ring because I worry about damaging it. Is that enough of a signal to these men that I’m married, and am I ridiculous for worrying about leading anyone on by being friendly? Or should I start wearing my engagement ring to class, or bring up my husband casually in conversation? Or just avoid chatting with men in the workout classes altogether?

    1. Casually bring up your husband and give them a look when they call you cutie or gorgeous because I think that deserves a side-eye regardless of whether I’m single or in a relationship.

      1. why does that automatically deserve a side-eye? It’s called flirting. What’s wrong with that if you’re both single?

        2. I was responding to this, not the OP: “because I think that deserves a side-eye regardless of whether I’m single or in a relationship.”

          1. Eh, maybe that poster just thinks calling someone “cutie” or “gorgeous” is cheesy.

    2. I have similar issues and am also interested to hear what people say. I do try to bring up my husband a lot though.

    3. Bringing up your husband sounds like an easy first step, if you haven’t done that already.

      1. I haven’t brought my husband up because my conversations with these men aren’t really personal, but are more superficial (like, “wow, that was a tough workout today, huh?”), but perhaps I need to consciously mention him (like, “wow, I can’t wait to tell my husband what a tough workout that was!”), no matter that it might seem like a weird or forced comment.

    4. Men are stupid and he probably make the ring connection. I’d just throw out an “oh you, I’m already taken.”

      1. Yeah, that’s why I was wondering if wearing my engagement ring might help. I’ve noticed that if, say, we’re discussing friends we might want to set up, my husband doesn’t pick up on wedding bands at all–he might suggest we set up a single guy with a woman who is married but only wears a wedding band. On the other hand, he does notice that a woman is “taken” if she’s wearing an engagement ring, probably cause it’s a much more obvious announcement of her status.

    5. Are you sure they aren’t gay? The only men who approach me in group exercise class and call me gorgeous are definitely dating other men.

      1. Haha, perhaps they are! But I’m not sure, and don’t want to assume that’s the case. :-)

        1. Actually, now that I think about it, that particular guy told me I “looked cute” doing something in class. Seems like flirting, no? And also annoying, because the purpose of me going to workout classes is not to look cute while I’m exercising.

  19. writing a thank you email after an interview now. Guy introduced himself to me as Firstname; should I continue addressing him in email as Mr. Lastname, or go with Firstname?

    1. Firstname. No question unless you are talking about the most conservative workplace in the world.

    2. I think first name is fine if he’s introduced himself that way but I also don’t think you can ever get in trouble for being too formal. So either is fine in your situation. When I’ve done interviews, I’ve usually met with a bunch of people and I feel weird addressing some by first name and some as Mr. or Ms. so I usually just do Mr/Ms for everyone, even if some have introduced themselves to me by first name.

      1. so if everyone (there were 5) introduced themselves by firstname, it would be firstname no question?

      2. See, this is why I hate post-interview thank you notes. If you sent me a thank you addressed to “Ms. Sober” after I introduced myself as Sally and we had a remotely friendly/warm interview, I’m afraid I would ding you as just a bit awkward and over-formal. Also possibly less confident in your own worth/equality than you’d need to be to cut it here. So you’d have been better off not writing the note at all. (Context: West Coast boutique firm.)

        1. Wow, that seems crazy harsh to ding someone for being too formal. To think it’s a little weird, sure, but to actually reject someone on that basis?? I guess I can see it if you’re talking about a partner-level candidate but dinging a summer associate or junior associate who is 10-20 years younger than most of the people they’re interviewing with for calling you Ms? That is unbelievably harsh. For what it’s worth, I’m in California too, in a practice area that is known for being cutthroat & requiring confidence. I really don’t think erring on the side of formality means you lack confidence in your own worth.

          1. +1

            This seems crazy to me. If you’re dinging someone for something that minute, which at worst reflects that they err on the side of caution, you didn’t want them to begin with.

          2. Part of it may be that the person may seem too intimidated by you or like they don’t pick up on social cues. Honestly, we hire for competence, but we also hire for personality – if you’re spending 40+ hours a week with someone, it would be nice if they were likable.

          3. yeah, I get that hiring is based on personality, too. But I hardly think that, if a person is otherwise likable, the fact that they called you Ms. Anon in a formal thank you is enough to send them into purgatory. How does that make someone unlikable?! Especially if it seems pretty obvious that that person was just trying to err on the side of caution, like a younger candidate would be. The flipside is the partner who is actually old school and thinks its disgraceful that they weren’t addressed with Mr.

      3. Well, I decided to go with first name, since everyone introduced themselves to me that way. Plus I do find Mr./Ms. a little overly formal and awkward. AnywayI hope I don’t get dinged for that…

        1. Good luck! Sounds like you are reading the social cues here right, and you should be fine. And to be clear, even I (crazy/harsh as I may be) wouldn’t ding you outright for a flub on this point if I thought you were awesome based on the interview – but it would put me off and count against you if you fell in a grey area otherwise, for the reasons Anon at 2:25 explained much better than my original comment.

  20. I am an attorney in my early thirties dating a guy in his mid twenties who is a paralegal at another firm. Our paths do not cross professionally. He’s expressed concern about attending holiday events with me because he has an unruly beard (I <3 the beard) and he doesn't have nice suits. He keeps saying he doesn't want to embarrass me. Everything else is good with meeting family, communication, money, etc.

    My gut reaction is, if you are too insecure to be my date to things, you are not for me and I should just end it. I keep trying to think of the situation in reverse, if it were a guy who was older, the girl would never say "I don't have a dress or whatever" I feel like she would get one if the guy is worth it. Am I being too harsh?

    1. I think you’re being too harsh for the time being. Everyone has their issues/ insecurities, and a lot of that is normal when you date someone who for whatever reason hangs out with a totally different crowd than you. (I once dated a guy who grew up really rich and I wasn’t, so there were just a lot of things that I had to warm to over time, for example) If I were you, I’d just be aware of this in the future. Maybe it’s just that he’s a bit apprehensive about unfamiliar territory, or maybe he is really that insecure. You probably won’t know which unless you give him a chance and spend more time with him, especially if everything else is good.

    2. Is he looking for some encouragement to trim the beard a little? It will get unruly again in no time. Does he have a suit at all? I think that to all but the most discerning eye one dark suit looks like another in a crowded holiday party. Is he afraid that you aren’t secure enough to bring someone to the party who does not blend in perfectly with the male lawyers?

    4. well, to be fair, suits are a lot more expensive than dresses…. could you offer to get him one? not a pricey one, but just a regular cheap-ish black one, I know a lot of guys who would do that for their student-girlfriends…

      1. Is a suit necessary? He’s not a lawyer, wouldn’t a nice pair of dress pants and a sweater suffice, if he’s the +1.

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