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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I can’t help but be drawn to this lovely green color. This ruched-sleeve top is going to be great for a wide variety of outfits. For work, I’d wear this with a navy skirt suit or with a pair of white trousers and a black blazer. On the weekend, wear this tucked into a flowy skirt or with white shorts and a denim jacket.
The top is $45.99 and available in sizes XS–XL. It also comes in off-white. Ruched-Sleeve Top
This ruffle tie-neck top is a nice alternative in plus sizes ($79), as is this dot-sleeve top ($51 on sale); both are from CeCe and are selling out quickly.
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
RNC inspired poetry...:)
I’m not even American, but I just couldn’t resist the urge….feel free to take this and make up your own verses.
“….The GOP hath said Biden is corrupt
And that he doth abet aggression
If ‘twere so, tis a grievous fault
And grievously shall Biden answer it.
Donald says Biden is not religious
That he will ruin the USA.
And sure, he must be right
For Donald is an honourable man.
So are they all – all honourable people
That make up the GOP Senate benches.
Biden has done good deeds over the years
But Donald says he is incompetent
(For sure, he knows best what this means)
And we must of course believe him
For Donald is an honourable man.
Donald says only he can speak for the oppressed
And that he will fight for them always
For Donald of course, is an honourable man.
I write this not to disprove what the GOP says
For they and their leader are all honourable men.”
……Aren’t they? ?
(Apologies to William Shakespeare)
Anonymous
Creative!!
Anon
I can’t beat the real thing:
(Trump’s) but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
white coats
perfect
Anon
There once was a man named Joe
He’s boring, we already know
But on election night
He put up a fight
And gave Trump the knock-out blow.
Wow, that was more hopeful than I intended. I was trying to create a bitter, angry limerick and came up with this instead. Perhaps I haven’t descended as far into cynicism as I thought…
Anonymous
I wish I didn’t remember him as he was in the 1980s — the guy who lifted a Neil Kinnock speech. OTOH, the Daily Mail will be v. entertaining with Hunter Biden coverage 24/7 I’m guessing.
Anonymous
I’m wondering — 300 million people in the U.S. and the choice of candidates suggests not a very deep bench to choose from.
Anon
Give it a rest. The RNC was done so beautifully that a lot of my Democrat friends wish their convention measured up.
Give. It. A. Rest.
Anonymous
What part was beautiful? I mean the flags yesterday look like they had been taken out of a laundry hamper.
Anon
If today is opposite day, then sure, it was done beautifully.
anon
Lol, I’m so convinced to accept the GOP’s policies because of this petty comment.
Anon
Oh, hey Ivanka. Nice of you to drop by.
Anon
I snorted. Thank you.
Anon
By which I mean I laughed, not that I did a bunch of cocaine like all of the RNC speakers.
Anon
LMAO
Anonymous
Yeah really beautiful to watch a super spreader event as it unfolded. I feel very sorry for all the people who did NOT attend but will get sick because of this irresponsible event.
The conventions showed the real difference between the parties: Democrats are socially responsible, while Republicans prioritize ego over lives.
Aunt Jamesina
No :-)
Anon
Your boyfriend in Canada also said he was impressed.
Anna
My pickle from a few days ago is resolved. Thank you to the hive for all your encouragement and wise counsel. I resigned from the toxic “volunteer” position, and will be more confident using “No” as a full sentence from here on out. It is such a relief to be done with this situation. Here is to better mentorship and professional opportunities in 2021!
Anonymous
Congratulations! What a great way to start the weekend and the new month. A painful, but worthwhile lesson to learn early in your career.
No Problem
Congrats! How did you do it, and what was the response? Do you think you have burned the bridge with that mentor?
Curious
WOOOT! Tell us more. We all need more practice saying no!
Office muumuus
I am seeing a variant on last year’s excessively prairie-style midi-length dresses, the midi-length fancier fabric no-waist dress. In other words, a nice-looking non-geriatric muumuu. I used to have family in Hawaii and believe that a muumuu can actually be a fancy garment, not just something relegated to cheap-fabric clothes worn by mainland retirees. I want to get on board, but in Before Times this wouldn’t have been anything but Hangoverwear, which might have been pushing it in a casual law office. Now, it seems like an real clothes. [Plus, it would handle some recent weight gain, so #practical, especially as I need to do a bit of shopping.]
Ellen
Yay! Fruegal Friday’s! I love Fruegal Fridays and this rucheted sleeve top! Especially in this color!
I know that now that we are preparing to return to the office, I have to redoubel my efforts to spot reduce my tummy and tuchus, which has gone unnoticed over the last 6 months (except by me), since no one had seen me below the waistline when I was on Webex, Zoom and/or Teams. As a result, I decided last week to let Frank come over to my apartment, and we did stuff. I could tell he was a bit taken by surprise when he saw my tummy and tuchus, and tho it did not stop him from going about his busness with me, I do not think he was thrilled by the experience. So I caution the hive NOT to just buy and wear shapeless moomoos and then just say this is me (au naturale), and instead, we should strive to be our best, so that we can attract and retain the kind of men worthy of seeing and loving all of us at our best, not just for a causal s-xueal encounter likeley to go nowhere. FOOEY on that! This should to us be obvious, but evidently, some of us are content to let ourself go, and this would not be the best solution once this pandemic is over. If the HIVE has other ideas, please speak up so that we can discuss.
Ribena
I have just bought another dress like last year’s Zara spotty one, only this time in what I can only describe as dark grey sweatshirt fabric. Well done, Oasis!
anon
I cannot imagine a worse silhouette for my body. I think I’ll taking a hard pass on this trend.
Mina
+1
Anon
I love a muumuu but only when I’m in Hawaii. I bought a nice one, not one from Hilo Hattie’s.
Anonie
I’ve loved billowy dresses, florals, puff sleeves, and lace since I was a little girl, so I am ALL about these trends and their variants.
kk
Try J Crew Tiered cotton voile dress in floating sunflowers or in Navy- it has just enough structure to be an entry level muumuu?
Passerby
No waist shift dresses might be too casual if quite loose, straying from the effortlessly classic profile that is the core of a capsule work wardrobe. It could be your go-to weekend dress however, if it has jewel-length sleeves (seasonless) and has an easy sillouette that can be dtessed up or down depending on your needs.
Anonymous
I’m taking next week off of work. What is an appropriate OOO message these days? It feels strange to say that I’m “on vacation” during a pandemic, and I’m not really going anywhere anyway. I’m sure I’m overthinking this but would be grateful for any input!
Ladyofthelake
I would just say that I’m out of office. I will be returning on x date and will respond to their message at that time. It’s really none of anybody’s business what you are doing with the time.
Marie
I am currently out of the office and will return on [x date]. If you need immediate assistance, please contact [x person who would deal with any time-sensitive issues in your absence].
Airplane.
+1. This is the way to do it. Simple.
Anon
Yup that’s what I used. Though, that’s the wording I always use when I’m out.
Pink
+1 this is what I use, now and always.
Anon
This is what I do 100% of the time. Don’t overthink it – this is a brief message that will get deleted immediately, not your magnum opus.
Ribena
I have been using ‘on annual leave’.
Velma
I’ve simply said that I’m “away” and provided the date I’ll be back + contact information for colleagues who can offer support.
Cat
I recently saw one where the person said they would be out of the “office” – thought that was a cute way of acknowledging the times!
Anne
I think I said that I was away from the “virtual office” on leave and would return on X date and please contact Y if something requires immediate attention.
waffles
I have seen some great OOO messages which say something like “I’m taking time away from my desk” or “I’m out of the ‘office’ for period”.
Anon
I’ve had this same question, given it feels weird to also say I’m “out of the office” since technically I’m out of the office every day and my office is my basement.
I’ve instead been saying “I will be offline such and such a date”. But I like the “office” suggestions above.
New Name goes here
Not what I’d recommend, but I got a laugh out of a co-worker’s message which indicated they would “return to the office chair at the kitchen table on … “
Aunt Jamesina
I never, ever say I’m on vacation or leave even in “normal” times. Just say you’re out of office until X date and leave any relevant info about whom they can contact. Nobody will think twice about it.
Ugh
I got a survey from my very large church yesterday about when I’d be comfortable coming back. I thought about it for a while and realized that the answer was:
1) if outside and spread out (likely only if you have to sign up for slots; church population is huge and is either old people (vans come from several retirement communities) or people with babies), now
2) when I am also comfortable going to indoor sporting events (for me: minor league hockey, which isn’t well attended in my SEUS city, so possibly easier to distance at vs church) or an indoor music concert –> basically 2022 (even if there is a vaccine sooner, you’d have no way of knowing who in a crowd had had it and there are some big antivaxxers around who have had measles outbreaks in the past couple of years, so not confident of crowd immunity outside of a school setting). [If they do communion; if they skip communion and if people can be masked 100% of the time I might feel differently.]
FWIW, my parents’ church is just doing outside 30-minute services, distant miked-up soloist or organ/piano/violin/non-woodwind non-brass music, and no communion. I like church as a normative institution (so good for kids to hear “do good, be kind” from third parties) and community and I adore the music (cannot imagine Christmas without brass instruments). I feel like this is not going to be part of our lives for a while. :(
Ribena
I listen to the BookRiot podcast and they’ve started using the term V+3 – I.e. they think that three months after a vaccine is in general use is a good estimate for when things might start to get close to the old normal.
Anonymous
I mean ok yes I get it but also church is not a building. I’ve been attending Zoom church, praying, singing hymns with my church choir remotely. It isn’t as good as in person by a long shot but if you want to teach your kids that church matters, you still can.
Anonymous
I get that, but my kids are on Zooms for schools 35 hours a week and I feel that they need detox time on weekends. It’s fine for me and we have clergy chat podcasts. We often cut church once a month for a family hike and I have thought since I was little that it is valuable to spend time in the wonder that is creation or at least out-of-doors. I’d love small-group distanced meetings, but that is proving too hard to coordinate with a church of thousands of congregants. We see our BFFs at church at the swimming pool and it is very nice to maintain those relationships. Youth groups are doing separate zoom calls but I am having zoom coordination fatigue 2 weeks into school :( Prayer volume is way up — suspect that God is very busy now
anon
I commented below, but I am 100% with you on virtual services. I so appreciate that my church is doing them, but I stopped participating a few months ago because I have such awful Zoom/virtual event fatigue.
Anon
Tritto. Also commented below.
Anon
This is the second or third time I’ve seen someone here worried about going somewhere once there’s a vaccine because they are worried other people won’t be vaccinated, and I don’t get it. What is the reasoning here? Wouldn’t you be vaccinated? If you think the vaccine is going to be that ineffective, what does it matter if other people got it? You would have to assume they could be infected anyway. I would think looking at current infection rates in your local area would inform you better about the risks than worrying about vaccination rates at specific events, similar to how people are calculating risks now.
Anon for this
My personal concern is more about societal ‘normalcy’ and being able to commence group activities again without feeling irresponsible versus my own personal health.
Realistically, even today if I got COVID 19, it is most likely that I would ultimately be fine. Not talking about the outliers, just saying that statistically as a 34 year old non-obese female with type O blood who has no other pre-existing conditions, it is most likely that I would have a mild case. I still take precautions – not simply for myself but for society. Quelling a pandemic on the large scale would allow industries that have been decimated like the arts, tourism, and hospitality to all open their doors again. This needs more than just for me personally to not get sick.
Anonymous
I miss seeing my family and would want to see them first before diving back into society. So once I’ve seen them, by the time I see them again (generally annually, now heading into 18 months; likely 2 years by the time I see them again). I feel like I can’t start mixing it up or I will never see them again (80s, dad has had cancer treatments recently and is doing well, in a hotspot and have just been going monthly grocery runs and cancer follow-ups since Feb.).
Anon
Ok, OP seemed like she was talking about her personal risk assessment, though. Personally, I think life will keep slowly going back to normal for people who want that to happen, and this process will reach critical mass next spring. There will be some sort of vaccine available to some people, and I think the government will be happy to use that as an excuse to lift the rest of the restrictions just like they use the magic of masks to lift some restrictions now. Also, the correlation between blood type and COVID severity has been refuted.
Anon
“Back to normal for people who want that to happen?” As opposed to the rest of us who want, you know, a real government response and solutions before we let everyone rush back for their Botox?
Anonymous
I’d go back for botox b/c there is no singing in the derm’s office, it’s like <5 minutes, and there is no unmasking for communion. Many doctors' offices are insisting on negative covid tests and quarantining for medical procedures that last any significant amount of time (I've had to do that 2x now). Church services can be shortened, but they won't be as cautious as doctors offices will be. I'd get botox long before I went to an indoor church service unless there were very few people, masked, and spread out like at a grocery store.
Anon
I strongly disagree. The only reason cases plummeted in my former hotspot is because of the lockdown and continued strict measures. In fact, there has been a recent uptick because people started going to weddings and other events. Once we return to “normal” we won’t be normal at all because the ICUs will start filling again.
Anonymous
I agree, life is and will be slowly going back to normal. Back in April or May, when I walked from the train station to the office, I was the only person around and could jay walk with impunity. Now, I see people and have to wait for a walk sign at every light because there is plenty of traffic. In March & April, I was running on the streets in my neighborhood, now there is no way I’d do that, there is too much traffic.
Everything is open here except for bars and theaters, albeit with occupancy restrictions of 25% or 50% depending. My state continues to have a low transmission rate, with in person school after labor day. Anyway, my point is that things are coming back to life, and increasingly so each week. Maybe if you don’t go out much, you aren’t seeing this, and you have no comfort level with it.
Sloan Sabbith
Or maybe, Anon @ 10:01, people don’t live in the exact same place you do?
Microbiologist
No vaccine is 100% effective; they all rely on herd immunity (some more than others). I’ve heard that a potential vaccine would be approved at as little as 50% effectiveness (someone can fact check me on this), but if every one gets it, that will bring rates way down until a better one is developed. If only a few people get it, that won’t work very well, though.
Anonymous
Once there is a vaccine, I imagine that health care workers, nursing home workers, nursing home residents, cancer patients, the elderly, and the immunocompromised will get it first. Then maybe government workers (courts, jail staff, fire and police, teachers). Then maybe kids going back to school. I will probably be among the last to get it as a vanilla health adult with no obvious risk factors. I’m OK waiting in line. But I am imagining it will be a very long line.
Anonymous
I’m volunteering for all the tests I can as a single healthy adult.
Anonymous
I would, too. The online assessment asked how many people I had to care for, had in my house, and was in contact with daily. I am guessing that testers will be single younger adults living alone vs people like me who have children (who are locked down now that schools are closed and activities are cancelled). But who knows? They have my contact info. I was in a trial a while ago for an anthrax vaccine, but I was in my early 30s and didn’t have kids then.
Anonymous
Actually they’re looking for people who don’t live alone and leave the house for work. A hermit doesn’t tell you much about effectiveness!
No Problem
For vaccine trials trying to test efficacy, they need people who are going out in the world and/or in contact with a lot of people. They want the people who are healthcare workers, grocery store workers, teachers in schools that have opened in person, people going out to bars and restaurants, people in congregate living situations, etc. They do not want people who are living alone or isolating with their nuclear family and only go out to get groceries and takeout. You can’t test efficacy if none of your participants are encountering lots of other people they might actually get the virus from. I along with most of my friends would be terrible candidates for vaccine trials because we’re mostly just staying home and keeping to small bubbles of family and friends. One friend who is a nurse might be a good candidate.
Anonymous
This. Currently living in a low risk area (no covid for 17 days! yay!) which is great for now but I expect we will be way way at the back of the line for vaccine access. Assuming a vaccine is ready next spring, I’m thinking widespread availability in high risk areas and high risk people in low risk areas by the fall but spring 2022 for universal availability.
anonshmanon
Yep, also adding essential employees in food supply chain and essential retail. That’s a large number of people.
Anonymous
Yes — as an office worker who can WFH, if I’m not last in line, I’d be shocked.
Anonymous
I don’t anticipate that my vaccine is adequate protection without other people’s vaccines. Many vaccines rely on a certain level of individual protection combined with a certain percentage of vaccinated people in the population. We see this every time unvaccinated people spread a condition to the vaccinated, and the anti-vaxx types say “see, vaccines don’t work!” because they don’t understand vaccination strategies.
anon
+1. There was a whooping cough outbreak at my kid’s school in May 2019. It’s not a school full of anti-vaxxers. It’s a private school that generally requires vaccination but would make an exemption for health or religious reasons. But the outbreak started in the 4th grade classroom, which is generally the year before kids get the booster shot. At that point, the vaccine is about 80% effective. That was enough for about 10-20% of the 4th graders to get whooping cough, and for it to spread to a couple of siblings in other classrooms, before school closed for the last 2 weeks of the school year. Of course, I don’t know exactly how many kids were vaccinated, but I do know that vaccinated children caught it.
Anonymous
OMG are you in CLT? We had this too (public school though). And that is when I learned that immunity wanes and this was right before my kid would have been scheduled to get the booster.
anon
I am not in CLT. Interesting that it has happened elsewhere.
anon
For sure. I have gotten the whooping cough vaccine (and boosters, on schedule as a child and also as an adult) and randomly got whooping cough two years ago. It was no big deal, but shows that vaccines–even quite effective ones–aren’t 100% effective. The strategy is widespread, not individual immunity.
LaurenB
Oh good lord. Please review Vaccines 101. This “I don’t get it – if you’re vaccinated, why do you care if others are not” is truly ignorant of the basics of science.
Anon
+1. Please take 5 seconds to google how vaccines work.
Anon
What do you expect to change in 2022 re: crowd immunity? I’m not trying to be snarky, but this virus isn’t going anywhere and there will always be a significant number of unvaccinated people. If feel unsafe being in a crowd with unvaccinated people, you will never be in a crowd again. Keep in mind also that if a vaccine is, say, “70% effective” that means that you have a 70% chance of not getting infected at all, ie. the sensitive PCR tests won’t be able to pick up any virus in your nose or throat. You likely have an even greater chance of not becoming sympomatic, and a much greater chance of not becoming seriously ill. A large majority of flu deaths are in unvaccinated people and when I’ve gotten the flu after getting the vaccine it’s always been a super mild case compared to a normal flu, so vaccines can do a lot of good even if they don’t fully prevent infection. Personally, I’m resuming normal life as soon as I get the shot (well, as soon as I get the booster shot if it’s a two-dose series).
Anonymous
I guess 2021 is when I see a vaccine rolling out and as a healthy adult I probably will get it closer to 2022. Schools are closed. Colleges are closing. I haven’t seen my parents in over a year now and would forgo a lot of community organizations to see them again first (they are in their 80s in NJ, so very skittish). I think once a lot of things have become normalized, I can add actual church attendance back (but as a poster said, church isn’t a place).
They are a haven for a lot of groups (support groups for infertility, pregnancy loss, loss of partner, cancer, AA, etc) and do a lot of outreach (they lead a brownie troop at a Title 1 school, provide tutors, casseroles delivered to shut-ins, winter overflow shelter for the homeless, etc.).
anonymous
My church has been open for a month or so. We meet in a large auditorium that’s like the size of a gym at a school. There are groups of chairs at least six feet apart and there are two services. Due to local mandates, masks are required. The service is also live streamed.
Anonymous
I guess that is another factor — my state only allows gatherings of groups of 25 or less now. Next month that might increase. So for a church of thousands, we have the space (two giant spaces with very high ceilings), but my guess is that church seats at any indoor/outdoor service will be snapped up faster than concert tickets (remember concerts???).
Maybe we need to be like some rich people in olden times and have a private chapel at our house (kidding, but now I get why people had them).
Ribena
Could you join with one or two other families to do Zoom church together in a backyard?
Anonymous
Crazy to be going to church inside
Anon
Yep. Six feet isn’t some magic number.
Anon
Also, “stay six feet apart” was never “do whatever you want as long as it’s six feet apart.” The message was always (although many have distorted it) “stay home, but when there are times you cannot avoid others like at the grocery store, stay six feet apart or more.”
anon
Our church sent out a similar survey. I really wish they’d consider an in-person outdoor option. Instead, they’ve been doing services via Facebook Live since the beginning of the pandemic. I stopped tuning in back in June. After being on my computer all day, every day, I just cannot deal with virtual church. I really miss it, though, especially the music. I’ve debated whether it’s useful to share my feedback or not.
No Face
My church has an outdoor service in the parking lot. You have to sign up for limited slots and wear a mask though it’s outdoors. It’s about 20% of the people who normally attend. My husband takes our oldest every week. I watch the live stream at home with the baby.
The church is not a building, but I think having the opportunity to safely worship is really good for some people. If you live alone, getting out of the house and speak to other people can do wonders for your mental health. Seeing familiar faces once a week has been great for my oldest child.
Anon
I insanely miss church. At times in my life, I’ve gone as many as three times a week, so not having church is a HUGE hole in my life. We are not in a hot spot, but our minister is taking an extremely conservative stance about the virus (think “New York in April”). That’s a fine approach for a private citizen, but I really, really, really miss church and would really, really, really like it if we had outdoor services or communion-to-go. I’m not asking for indoor, unmasked services – just outdoor, distanced, masked services so there’s a semblance of normalcy. Zoom is not a substitute, IMO. Like all of us, I spend 50-60 hours per week staring at a screen – I can’t stand another second. I pray, I read my missalette, but it’s not the same. I love our church and our minister, but I’m thisclose to finding another church, one that is offering responsible outdoor services.
Anonymous
You sound Catholic. Can it also be part aging understaffed clergy ranks? Like if you lose a priest, there may not be another one for a long time. In Before Times they relied a lot on deacons to visit the sick, etc. Maybe this will finally lead to expanded roles for women — you could serve at lot more people if you opened up the deacon ranks or let lay members do more sacramental tasks.
Anon
See, this is a personal thing. Zoom is probably much closer to “normal” for some people than outdoor, distanced, masked services.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I was reading a book earlier this summer called Year of Wonders, and it was about a plague-stricken village in the 1600’s; I was amused when the narrator mentioned church services being held in a clearing, with everyone standing two meters apart. Ye olde social distancing!
Coach Laura
Yes, in Italy in the time of black death, the priest would preach from the street corner and people would look out their windows or stand apart in the street.
Anon
Wait, the people in the book used meters? In the 1600s? The French invented the meter after the Revolution.
Anonymous
I read it too. It was a really well-researched book for historical fiction (the author was a WSJ journalist before she wrote it) so if she used meters incorrectly, it would have been a rare miss.
Anon
Omg congrats!! You cracked the case!!
Anonie
I can understand and empathize. My church sent out a similar survey about a week ago and, though I’m sure it would have been much more helpful if I’d attempted to complete it, I pretty immediately clicked out of the survey. I truly wasn’t sure what to suggest/advise. It’s a tough situation that is evolving so constantly.
Anonymous
In MA, the catholic church across the street from me has been holding outdoor services all summer. Like a drive in movie. They do it on Saturdays at 5pm and encourage families to basically tailgate- set up little tents and bring food for after.
I’m not a parishioner but as a neighbor I can tell you attendance is booming.
Marie paging Elegant Giraffe
Just catching up on the discussion from yesterday. So glad you enjoyed the hummus chicken! It’s a simple, but solid way to get out of a chicken rut.
For those who asked for specifics:
I generally take about 1-2 tablespoons of hummus and spoon it over a raw chicken breast then spread it to coat it evenly on all sides. I then roll the chicken in panko bread crumbs (either original or Italian seasoning), and then put on a foiled baking sheet to bake at 350 for about 30-40 minutes-this will vary based on oven and on the size of your chicken breasts. The breadcrumbs will crisp up once it is done, but the hummus will really seal in the moisture of the chicken. This meal is so easy and you can make a variety of modifications by changing up the hummus flavors. Roasted red pepper, spicy hummus, or spinach artichoke hummus are go-to’s for this recipe, but I can see any flavor being delicious.
Anon
This sounds amazing
No Face
I bought hummus last night specifically to try this!
anon
This sounds really good!
Anon
You don’t salt the chicken itself? I assume this is because there’s enough salt in the hummus?
Marie
I don’t salt it due to the hummus and the breadcrumbs already providing plenty of flavor. That is a personal preference.
Elegant Giraffe
FWIW I didn’t season the chicken when I made it earlier this week and it was still great.
Elegant Giraffe
Yay! Glad you posted details for everyone. I often sear/grill/otherwise prepare a chicken thigh for lunches so am excited to add this to my repertoire. One of my husband’s favorite dinners involves coating chicken in mayo and then rolling it in crushed Ritz crackers (which is DELICIOUS) – too bad I think he would notice if I started subbing hummus in that ;)
Thanks again Marie.
Memory foam mattress
I’m thinking about getting either the Luxury Firm WinkBed or the Helix Dusk Luxe. Does anyone have experience with either? Or recommendations on other beds I should consider?
Also, the Helix has a referral program. Does anyone have a referral link they would be willing to share with me? Thanks
Elegant Giraffe
I have a Helix. I bought it several years ago when there was just one offering, but it’s great. We love it. Not much motion transfer and sleeps pretty cool. I don’t have a referral link for you but I remembering googling and finding one on a random blog review when I purchased.
Ribena
We now have Athleta available in the U.K.! (Via John Lewis). I’ve always tuned out of any athleta discussions previously because it wasn’t available here – so please, what’s good there?
Anonymous
If you play tennis, I highly recommend any skort with “stash pockets” because they are easy to get balls out of vs those teeny ball-shaped minipockets I’m always wrestling with from some other brands. I may have 8 in various lengths / colors / or with leggings layered underneath.
Anon Probate Atty
The breezy tanks, previously recommended here, are wonderful for hot weather!
anon
They are my favorites! Be aware, though, that the light colors are pretty much see-through.
Anonymous
I used to think that wicking fabrics were just a lot of hype. It has been extra swampy this summer and now I can’t get enough.
Mrs. Jones
The Soho Skort is awesome. I wish it came in more colors.
A.
I have lived in Athleta jumpsuits this summer!
Anonymous
Not related to Athleta, but your comment on moving the other day. I was thinking about the “rules” on your mortgage. If your firm really wants to keep you they may make an exception. They might not, because they don’t want to set a precedent, have rejected a similar request before, etc., but their “rule” isn’t a law, so it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Elegant Giraffe
The swimsuits – well worth the money. And I have been wearing a Cloudlight Stratus tee almost every single day during WFH. Good material and doesn’t cling. For leggings, I am 5’6″ and often purchase tall lengths because I like a little bunching around my ankles.
Big goals
I’m going to start trying to slowly add one good health fitness feature in my life per month, and if I have the energy, decrease a not so good habit. I believe in starting today, not Sept. 1, but this month I think I’m going to
1) drink morning coffee or water outside a few times a week instead of at my desk and 2) try to swap a can of soda or glass of sweet juice for flavored or plain water.
Feel free to join me or suggest other small, attainable tweaks ! I’m usually a chart person but after a rough six months I’m going to just ease into this and pat myself on the back every time I adjust.
Anon
Love this idea!!!
Tea/Coffee
Love it!
I have started (attempting to) turn my morning coffee into a meditative, positive start to the day. A semi- meditation-ish song on my headphones and doing NOTHING but breathing and drinking coffee. It’s a work in progress bc my mind just REALLY WANTS to zip into daily-task-triage mode. Taking it outside would be lovely too!
Nylon girl
Count me in as well.
Cb
Drinking your coffee outside is a great idea. I had gotten in the habit of doing it but then we’ve had a spate of bad weather. On the days I’m WFH without my family, I am going to read my book at lunchtime and do an online yoga class.
I ordered myself a new planner so I can get that back to school feeling.
Vicky Austin
I love this! I attempted something like this for my New Year’s Resolution (I am a resolution junkie), was derailed by the pandemic, and got back on track after reading The Self-Care Solution by Dr. Jennifer Ashton.
Anne-on
I’m swapping out weeknight drinks for seltzer and a shrub- yummy and still feels like a treat! I’m also trying to do more kitchen dance parties, it embarrasses my kid, and mildly terrifies the dog but it makes me feel much better and ups my step count for the day!
Anon
I don’t see the point of having kids if you can’t embarrass them regularly. Dance on!
Anonymous
I stopped buying juice when the pandemic started. Kids (school age) complained initially but I don’t miss it and they have stopped all the fussy asking for more juice. My kids see grandma regularly and she is more than happy to keep a supply of juice boxes. We drink water instead with an occasional glass of milk.
Ribena
Oh I like this! I’m going to commit to no weeknight alcohol in September.
BabyAssociate
I’ve started doing this and have found it makes a really big difference!
Anon
No diets! Replace with IE and body neutrality. I’m already there but when I was still in the thick of diet culture, focusing on this shift brought a lot of “wellness” to my life. Hate that term but you know what I mean.
Anonymous
I’ve finally moved my phone totally out of the bedroom and have replaced mindless scrolling before bed and when I wake up with reading on my Kindle. It’s amazing.
Anonymous
I’ve have started doing ten minutes of stretching before bed with dimmed lights. I am sleeping so much better!
Monday
Stretching in the morning is great too. I try to do that between sips of coffee rather than scrolling on my phone.
Curious
I read — in the speed cleaning book I found recommended here (I think thanks to SA?) — that both Jesuits and Buddhists have a version of mindfulness that goes something like “do what you are doing.” The book’s comment was that if the Jesuits and Buddhists agree on something, it must be worth doing.
I am trying to “do what I am doing” more — when I brush my teeth, when I eat breakfast, when I walk, etc.
CountC
This is great advice and I am SUPER guilty of multitasking at all times (usually badly). I also commit to restoring my meditation practice. 5 minutes a day. Increasing when I can but 5 min minimum per day.
Metallica
I just did a quick search and can’t find the recommendation—can you tell us the title of the speed cleaning book? I need this in my life.
Curious
“speed cleaning” by Jeff Campbell and the clean team. I got it used on Amazon. I can clean my 4BR 3Ba 2000 sq ft house in 4 hours alone (thanks, DH) and think I will be down to 3 over time. This is an every-other-week clean. No pets.
Amber
I love this idea! I think I will try to take a morning walk and also cut down on soda!
SF Attorney
Coffee outside sounds nice if the air weren’t so smoky.
Sloan Sabbith
I think I’m going to limit fast food to when I’m eating with others (aka when my parents and I go get takeout fast food) rather than getting it for lunch a few days a week because it’s easy.
I also signed up for a Stepbet marathon for 8 weeks. It’s only 7100 steps a day but it will keep me moving every day, which is what I need.
Anon
Hello hive! I’m looking for a lifting program (4-6 weeks would be great) for beginners. I’m looking to get stronger, so am adding lifting to my routine. I have adjustable dumbbells but limited other equipment. Looking for a program that is 2-4 days a week and is full body.
I’d prefer a set program rather than just a “go to fitness blender and pick something to do”
anonymous
Fitness Blender has an FB Strong program for purchase on their site. I think it’s 4 weeks. It is a combination of upper, lower body and abs. I really enjoyed it and will definitely go back and do it again. The workouts in the program are ones that are already free on their YouTube channel, but I like that I don’t have to think about what program to choose every day.
Scottie
The Nike Training App has been offering free premium (in the US) and has a 4 week beginner program. I found it both somewhat challenging and a great workout! I appreciated that they started with classic moves that are foundational. Best of luck!
CHL
I like 21 Day Fix and 80 Day obsession on Beachbody. I’m starting LIIFT today and can report back.
Pink
Do you have a squat rack? If so, I highly recommend 5×5 Stronglifts. It’s free, and shows you all the movements if you don’t know them already.
fallen
I love SWEAT. Done it for 12 weeks and body changes are amazing.
City chick
I’m reading the New Rules of Lifting for Women now and you could do most of the first 4-6 weeks with adjustable dumbbells
Anon
I figured we could all use a Friday laugh so here’s a funny work from home blip. The other day I was wearing a super comfortable lined maxi dress while working. We never reprogrammed our AC for WFH so we have to override the programmed settings to get it from 78 to 72. If I forget to change it, my upstairs office gets very hot.
So, I was on a long tele-conference (thankfully not Zoom) and my office was getting super hot. I had my noise cancelling headphones on but was afraid to walk too far from my office because I might need to access something on my computer. I started pacing in the upstairs hallway that was cooler than my office and I hiked my dress up over my butt and was sort of shaking it (the dress, not my butt) to make some air movement and cool me off.
Meanwhile, my husband came home from work (he’s 80% WFH but still needs to do 20% field work but returns home as soon as that’s over). Due to the noise cancelling headphones, I didn’t hear him come in. He was standing on the top stair just watching me air my sweaty butt out. I turned around and saw his face and thank God I was on mute because I just busted out laughing. He didn’t realize I was hot and was like “um, did you fart or something?” We were dying laughing. And then he kindly went and adjusted the AC while I managed to change out of my sweaty dress with my headset still on.
oil in houston
thanks for the laugh
Vicky Austin
I’m dying, this is great
Marie
When people want to know what marriage really is, I am delighted to burst the rom com/social media/romance novel bubble and report that it’s often moments like these.
Anon
This seems like exactly the kind of moment that would be in a rom com and probably the kind of intimacy and fun that most single people who are looking for partners want.
Ribena
Am single and looking, can confirm. (Am also a rom com author and can confirm from that perspective too!!)
Anon
Seriously! I don’t need or want the romantic candlelit dinner. What I want is somebody there for the little moments, all the better of those moments are crazy and fun.
Marie
To be clear, I wasn’t trying to assume what single people were/weren’t looking for. My comment was intended, and I hope taken, as a joking tongue in cheek about in this day of people trying to curate “perfect love stories” and #blessed moments, that dumb/would be embarrassing if anyone but my husband saw it moments like these are more likely to be on the menu (in my marriage anyway).
Headset that works with a Dell Laptop
Headset may not be the right concept, but is there a headset that will plug in to a Dell Laptop (and possibly an iPhone)? My husband and is on zoom calls all day and says that when people use them background noise is really reduced. I use WebEx with the in-WebEx audio a lot (vs using WebEx for video and calling in) and I use Zoom to a lesser extent (also with in-zoom audio).
Ribena
I just use a set of standard earbuds with a 3.5mm jack – the key way that helps is that I don’t get feedback where the sound coming out of my laptop speakers is going back into the mic.
One of my colleagues uses a headset which somehow makes things worse! It’s sensitive enough to pick up the sound of their typing and breathing but also makes their voice kind of fuzzy.
Anon
Any headset should work with your Dell laptop.
No Problem
Dell laptops have headphone jacks. Literally anything with a headphone jack will work. There are also tons of USB headsets that you can plug into one of the USB ports, which you can probably find online by searching “USB headset.” If you also want to plug it into an iPhone, you’ll need a dongle to convert to the lighting port.
anonymous
For a laptop, any USB headset will work. I have a pair of wireless Bluetooth headphones. They are the Cowin brand that I got from Amazon. I’m on a lot of meetings using MS Teams and they work great.
The original Scarlett
I use the Beats Pro earbuds (not hard wired to any device), they connect via Bluetooth to any device and solve for your issue (as would any set of Bluetooth earbuds, I just happen to really like those and have tried a few different pairs)
Anonymous
I just went through this exact issue with a Dell and Webex. My mic is so close to the speakers that I constantly echoed while unmuted. Airpods did not work for me. They worked for the Dell, but not for Webex, which did not recognize the bluetooth connection. I got a $30 Logitech H390 from Amazon that plugs in via USB and now works perfectly. The headset is comfy but can get a bit tight around the ears after the second hour.
Anonymous
Cute pick. I found a couple of dressy Ts in the same green from the Antonio Melani line at at Dillard’s and they and a bright yellow version are good Zoom tops. They don’t wrinkle despite my best efforts.
anon
Nice pick! I love this shade of green.
Also, if anyone is still hunting for Zoom tops, I recently ordered a couple from J. Crew Factory that I really like:
– Ruffleneck eyelet-yoke top. I got the black, but there is an awesome fall yellow color that somebody needs to buy on my behalf. Love the color, but it makes me look ill (rosey complexion here).
– Swiss dot smocked-neck top. I bought the rose, which is really beautiful! I might go back for an ivory one. This also would work well under jackets, if we ever wear those again.
Anon
I’ve been kind of surprised how many people are hunting for “Zoom tops.” Perhaps I’m out of touch since my work place was casual all along, but plain T-shirts have been more than fine and I never notice what anyone else is wearing on Zoom unless it’s outlandish in some way. I guess clothing stores needed to market things in a certain way to stay in business, though.
BabyAssociate
Yeah I totally agree, particularly with your last sentence. For better or worse, the zoom lighting is so bad in my apartment that you can barely tell what I’m wearing anyway, so I just go for something that covers my armpits. I am obviously not appearing in court or anything like that.
anon
My workplace was pretty formal IRL but all of us are dressing very casually while WFH. I don’t own a single “Zoom top” and spend every day in athleisure.
Monday
I don’t have any “Zoom tops” either. I generally position my camera so that even my shoulders are out of view, so people can’t even really see what I’m wearing except the neckline of a crewneck or something.
Dear Summer
I’ve been buying zoom tops and I’m still dressing casually. For me a “zoom shirt” is just something with a higher neckline than I’d usually wear and in a brighter color. In the before times I mostly wore v-necks but when I wear them on zoom it looks like I’m not wearing a shirt at all. My sleeveless shirts(with any neckline) also look weird on camera. The bright colors look better on camera and brighten my mood :-)
Anon
Interesting. I only wear v-necks on zoom, as those are so much more flattering to me when the only thing in view is head, neck and shoulders. Different strokes.
Thanks, it has pockets!
When I was working at my old job, a super casual tech company, we all wore regular T-shirts on Zoom, including band shirts and nerdy tees, it didn’t matter. But when I get a new job, I’ll probably seek to obtain roughly 5 Zoom-appropriate tops. I have some plain T-shirts that’ll do in a pinch but I’ll want to make a good first impression on my new coworkers.
Anonymous
Someone had posted about this maybe 1-2 weeks ago but I saw it too late to participate and now can’t find it, if you live with someone with anxiety (bf, spouse etc.), at what point did you think it was ok to mentally “move on” — as in say, we’ve talked about this, handle it how you wish. It sounds rude because I’ve always been a supportive person and I understand we all have ups and downs but these stretches of anxiety go on for months at a time with near daily venting (at me) and any suggestion I make is met with — that won’t help; he has seen drs. who’ve confirmed the same. We literally have the same fight every two days and while I hate it I guess it’s become “normal.” Shockingly it was bf’s mom who I like/likes me but obviously I always thought she’d 1000% side with her son who quietly said to me the other day — you deserve to have a fun life too. After she said that I found myself thinking is this a cycle she’s lived thru? BF’s dad has these same cycles and this woman has given like 40-50 years to him in an old school marriage, I wonder if she sees this happening again to another woman? She’s a reserved woman of few words so I couldn’t have a conversation with her though.
Anonymous
Why are you with this person who would rather vent at you than treat his mental health? Get out now. Live your own life. His own mom thinks you should!
Anon
This. He’s not going to change. He’s proven to you that he’s not responsible enough to treat his mental health. Don’t waste any more time unless you want to end up like his mom.
Senior Attorney
Yup. You’re not helping him; all you’re doing is wrecking your own life. I am here to tell you that having the same fight every two days is not normal and you do not have to live this way.
Lexi
Huh at first I thought you meant your BF used to vent to his mom before y’all started dating but it sounds like there’s a genetic component of all this. I think the refusing to get treatment part is a problem.
Honestly, I have pretty bad anxiety too, but I have gone to therapists and done a lot of reading and figured out my shit. Friends and family did tell me I was venting too much before, and while I was a bit annoyed, I saw it more as a sign that what I was doing wasn’t sustainable. You just have to be self-aware.
What do the doctors say would help? I don’t think there is really much you can say to snap an anxious person out of it in the moment.
pugsnbourbon
+1 to your second paragraph. I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember and I empathize with your partner – it’s truly awful. He MUST get treatment. If one doctor isn’t cutting it, he needs to see another. It takes work and it sucks sometimes – therapy, prescriptions, lifestyle changes aren’t easy. But you can’t continue the relationship this way. It’s terrible for you and ultimately, it’s not good for him either.
I would suggest that you talk to a therapist of your own for a few sessions to help you gain some clarity, learn some language/scripts to use, and how to set boundaries that preserve your own well-being. I hope things get better for you, with or without this relationship.
Aunt Jamesina
Yes, and the fact that he grew up with the dynamic of his mom keeping it together with his dad’s untreated issues doesn’t bode well for you. He thinks it’s normal, or at least okay.
anon
OMG, get out. Even his own mom sees how impossible this is. I say this as a person who has anxiety — refusing to treat it, own it, work on it is NOT acceptable nor fair to the people who love you.
Anon
+1
Anon
If you don’t want to leave, I think the only other option is passive listening. I also have anxiety and depression, that I treat, but admittedly still have some days where I just want to vent to my spouse, a lot. Is your fight because you are telling him to do something he doesn’t want to do? When I’m in one of these moods my husband just agrees/sympathies with me. He’s usually watching tv or playing video games or working and I’m sure he’s barely listening. I feel better getting it all out, he give me some mmmm hmmms, yeah, that’s annoying, sorry you are dealing with that. Then we each go back about our day.
Only you can decide if doing that is sustainable to you. This works no matter how crazy the thing he’s worried about is. If he says he doesn’t want to go on a business trip because the plane might crash, don’t debate the safety of air travel. Just say, hmmm, yeah, you seem really worried about that. Or “sorry you are feeling that way.” Or “that must be really stressing you out.”
Weight Watchers
I had to go to the doctor today and when I got on the scale I’d gained the… you guessed it. I’m now about 50 pounds overweight, bad enough that my doctor wants me to try Weight Watchers. I’ve struggled with my weight for years and have tried, and failed, at Weight Watchers, but at this point I do think the accountability and check-in bits that I once chafed at would be helpful. My question for the group is: does anyone want to join me? I feel like I’ve seen a few postings over the past few weeks of rettes in similar situations, and since the accountability is the important part (and since we can’t do in-person meet-ups), I just wondered if anyone wanted in.
Ribena
I’m not a WW person but I’m back on the train using Lose It app. I don’t know if it has social functionality like MyFitnessPal does?
Avery
YUP. After working hard to lose almost 20 lbs (with 20 more to go) I am up 10 lbs. I would love to join.
Anon
Would you still want to try Weight Watchers if you knew that in two years, you’re incredibly likely to weigh more than you do right now? Diets fail 95% of the time. Did your doctor actually test your cholesterol or blood pressure or anything else that could give you clues about your health or is the number on the scale dominating the conversation?
Anonymous
Different anon. Please don’t. Yes. I would. Because just staying fat and unhealthy forever isn’t good for me either. My cholesterol? High. My blood pressure? High. My diet? Bad.
Anon
You’re just one person. My best friend and I both tip over into the obese category by BMI (which is a bogus measure, FWIW). We both have amazing cholesterol, blood pressure, resting heart rates, glucose control, etc etc. We eat whatever and exercise because it’s fun. There’s more than one way to live a life. You can engage in health-promoting behaviors like exercise and eating lots of antioxidants without self-flagellating over weight.
Anonymous
Great! That’s so awesome! I promise not to tell you to change because you shouldn’t! But when someone says she wants to and explains why it’s important to her, telling her to give up it’s hopeless is a horrible thing to do.
Anonymous
Okay. Why are you so judgy about her? You’ve decided she’s self-flagellatiing’ over her weight with zero evidence of that. She had a totally reasonable post about wanting to have a healthier lifestyle. It’s not diet obsessed to follow her doctor’s advice and want to maintain a healthy body weight.
How other people live their life is not an attack on your lifestyle which you purport to be quite happy with. If you were actually that happy though, would you being going around attacking other people?
Monday
+1. I wish this wasn’t so touchy to talk about, but for all the diet talk on here it’s helpful to introduce some anti-diet talk. I’m not trying to offend people.
I’m a health care provider, and last weekend did a training on treating eating disorders (which isn’t my area). The entire first half of it was about how harmful our cultural norms are around eating and weight. The MD leading it encouraged us to think of BMI as Basically Meaningless Information, and emphasized that research on weight and diet that *is not funded by diet industry interests* is extremely hard to find. She also emphasized that while people are up in arms about rising average weights, nobody is talking about how life expectancy has risen right alongside that. The harmful effects of dieting and chronic hunger are well-documented, however, and for what it’s worth she thought intermittent fasting was no better than any other diet trend.
Of course, if other health measures are a problem then an individual can address those. But weight itself needs to be radically rethought, including in health care. From now on, I am really only going to get information on this stuff from eating disorder specialists, because I think they’re some of the only professionals with the right incentives/motives who are working in this field.
Anon
No one is “attacking” anyone. If you post on this site, you invite opinions. Another option is writing in your diary.
Anonymous
@ Monday. Surprised to see you referencing longevity as the key metric without context on quality of life. The research is clear that people who remain activity have much better health and less sickness from chronic illness in their 60s through to their mid 70s even if their overall longevity is not increased. It’s not just whether or not you survive to 80 or whatever that is the relevant metric, what is the quality of life you are experiencing as you age. Too many people are inactive and home bound or even bed bound as they age which further deteriorates their physical health and mental health. An inactive lifestyle and higher weight is a risk factor for many chronic illnesses like cancer, heart disease, diabetes and arthritis and alzheimers. Weight alone is an insufficient metric but in most cases higher weights are accompanied by inactive lifestyles and ‘obese’ level weights can make it much more challenging for people to being an active lifestyle as they age due to stress on joints etc.
Anonymous
If people with serious medical conditions like celiac disease, diabetes, reactive hypoglycemia, glycogen storage disease, etc. can eat strictly or profoundly restricted diets to improve their health without having warped and damaged psyches, I don’t see why people who just want to optimize their health a bit can’t work on their diet and lifestyle without it being disordered. The sense I get from the registered dieticians I know is that everyone on a restricted diet for any reason is mentally unwell, which seems ridiculous.
Monday
As I said: “if other health measures are a problem then an individual can address those.” Nobody suggests that people not exercise or not manage health conditions. But so many people with BMIs considered overweight are perfectly healthy by all measures, and quite physically active. They have no reason to lose weight.
Thanks, it has pockets!
Gonna chime in here, as someone who’s sick of folks taking other people’s weight loss so dang personally. If you don’t want to lose weight, that’s fine. If you don’t feel you *need* to lose weight, that’s also fine, I’m not anyone’s doctor so it’s not my place to recommend lifestyle changes to anyone in particular. But if someone has acknowledged that they’re heavier than they’d like to be and they’re determined to eat healthy and exercise to lose those excess pounds, don’t discourage that! Yes, losing weight is hard, and keeping it off takes effort, but some people are down for the challenge! Fitness can feel awesome, so can healthy eating, sometimes they feel like self-care for me.
Monday
@Pockets– My rationale for speaking up is that almost every voice/source in our culture encourages losing weight. I think it’s reasonable to offer one alternative perspective. The majority of advice available will still come out hugely in favor of striving to lose weight.
Anon
Yep, agree with Monday. Anti-diet voices are few and far between, even though the pro-diet lobby has zero evidence to support its own existence, and I’m fine with promoting different perspectives.
Anonymous
As people got larger (in the US, over my lifetime), they also stopped smoking, started wearing seatbelts, and drove drunk a whole lot less. No wonder we are living longer. But we are living in vastly larger bodies and that is hard on a body (joints, if nothing else) and the rise of T2 diabetes among younger adults is no joke.
Pictures of family gatherings in the 1970s generally show people who are shockingly skinny by today’s standards.
Anonymous
I think it’s okay to worry less about BMI in healthy people, but I know so many people with prediabetic A1Cs at this point, and I feel there’s more concern about whether they get a little neurotic about food or about whether any given diet is “sustainable” than about the much more tangible risks of diabetes. I guess a broader diet culture and obesity stigma may be part of the reason that medically indicated dietary restrictions are harder for people though.
Monday
I keep specifying that I am talking about those with no medical complications, and people keep replying about people with medical complications.
As to longevity: higher BMI before the point of “morbid obesity” is currently associated with longer lifetimes, where underweight people have the highest early death incidence. It’s not all about smoking and car accidents.
Weight Watchers
Since I already weigh more than I did two years ago, and then I weighed more than I did two years before that, I’m going to hop off the seesaw and try this program that a lot of people have had great success with.
Avery – and anyone else interested in brainstorming a way to do this virtually but together – feel free to email me at abd331333 at the mail of g. I’ll wait a day or two to see if there’s critical mass. And maybe one of the apps, like Ribenas suggestion, are the answer.
Anon
Consider if yet another diet is “hopping off the see-saw” and whether dieting is the true reason for that gain over time. Good luck to you whatever you decide to do.
Anonymous
I don’t post on the social media part of the WW app but there is a facebook like component. It seems to be a pretty positive place with people celebrating and encouraging each other for meeting goals like being able to go bike riding with their kids. People could email you their WW names so you can follow each other’s journeys.
Anon
Are you the poster who has said this before and has some weird axe to grind about healthy eating?
Diets fail. Lifestyle changes do not. The former introduces an artificial calorie deficit that is unsustainable, practically and metabolically. The latter is making smart, sustainable choices.
My husband lost 50 pounds in 4 years by doing things like cutting out soda and eating one extra serving of vegetables every day. That’s not a diet. It works.
Anon
+1 to the soda. I remember in Supersize Me, they were interviewing a man who was about to have gastric surgery or something, and he was talking about how healthily he ate, but oh yeah, he drank a two-liter of Coke every day. Couldn’t figure out why he weighed so much, and no one else figured it out either.
Anonymous
I use WW for maintenance. I’m not familiar with the older programs but the newer programs work for me. I’m not ‘skinny’ and no desire to restrict enough to be a size 4 but it keeps my weight in the healthy BMI range. It basically encourages you to focus on eating vegetables/fruit/lean proteins. But nothing is ‘off limits’ – you just have to balance it with healthier choices on other days.
Make sure you enter your own recipes in the app so you can still eat your family favorites and track easily. I still have my mom’s pancake recipe with my kids on Saturdays but I’m more conscious of eating 1 or 2 and then switching to greek yoghurt if I’m still hungry vs. eating three drenched in syrup.
You can also track your water and exercise in the app. Water is a big thing for me. I didn’t realize how little I was drinking until I started paying attention via the app. I like that it encourages all levels of activity towards a healthy lifestyle (walking, gardening etc). Increasing my overall activity level is more sustainable for me vs committing to multiple exercise classes a week.
View it as making small permanent changes vs. a ‘diet’. Don’t buy the WW branded food. Focus on learning to eat in the right amount and portion for your body with whole foods.
Anon
I’ve done WW twice – once in law school and once now. WW is awesome and it really does work and I freaking love it. My problem is that I have unhealthy habits with food – my single mom hated to cook, so it was normal for us to sit down with a box of crackers or cookies and eat those for dinner. As an adult, I eat square meals, yes, but OMG, I LOVE to sit down with a box of snacks and just eat – so many happy memories! (Mainly of a higher metabolism ?)
WW says, and it’s honestly true, that it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle. They have three programs right now – blue, purple, and green – and I’m on blue, and I have never felt deprived. On blue, you get to eat unlimited fruits and veggies and chicken breasts and seafood. So can I sit down with a full cookie jar? No. But I’m never hungry. WW trains you to choose healthier foods. I absolutely love it and think it’s a remarkable program.
The reason I regained my weight after law school was not because I’d been restricting myself to 800 calories or whatever nonsense typical diets have you do, it’s because I fell back into my old habits of sitting down with the cookie jar, and I added in a new wine habit. Did I gain back more than I had before? Yes, but that’s what happens when you get older and your metabolism slows even more and you’re working and not exercising and you’re still sitting down with the cookie jar at night!
WW has different levels you can pay for, and I chose to do it all online, but to sign up for a personal coach for accountability. She and I have a 15 minute call every Thursday night and talk about the week. She gives me tips on how to handle situations (the July 4th cookout, the week my mom comes to visit, etc) and is a wonderful cheerleader. I’m just 15 pounds away from goal now and I’m frankly never leaving WW. I’ll keep paying to have those 15 minute weekly chats with my coach and she’ll keep on being there, and the Connect community (their FB) will keep on being there. I seriously love WW.
OP
Thanks, all, for the discussion, and as someone said, yes there is a lot of talk about dieting here. I guess in retrospect it’s a fair question about whether it’s just about the number for me, and it’s not, so there we are. I know I am out of shape and not at my best for many other reasons, and I also know that I’ve tried many of my own let’s call them “approaches” but I think this one might be the kick in the — I need now. Again, please be in touch if you’d like to go along on this journey with me, if it makes sense in some virtual way. Email above.
Coach Laura
I’m 60+ and weigh about the same as I did at 45. I find that loosing weight is like getting out of credit card debt – It’s better not to gain weight in the first place. Diets are hard. Though I’m still ~20lbs overweight, I’m not getting bigger and I didn’t tip into obese like my mom and grandmother.
One of my coworkers was obese when I was 45 and worked with her. She said her doc wanted her to maintain…not gain. She said doc said most of their clinic patients got heavier every year and the doc was so happy that each year, coworker was stable. I thought that was a good goal. Most Americans gain 10lbs a decade. If you don’t gain from 35-60, you’ll be a lot better off. This translates to better health at 60+ when genetic things like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and heart disease usually present or get serious. If I had stayed at my just-barely-overweight weight that I was at 35, I’d probably be healthier now.
So if you do WW and don’t reach goal weight, it is still a good thing.
Anonymous
I’m interested and will email. Thanks for putting yourself out there to get this started.
Anonymous
I’m on WW! I would totally do a group for others on here who do WW. I’m on the Blue Plan.
anon
same
Anonymous
Yep. I have slacked on losing pregnancy weight, then the pandemic hit and I gained from stress eating/wine.
I am in the 20-30lb territory. 40 would be great that seems less long term manageable since I haven’t been -40 in 18 years.
NuFace serum
Frivolous Friday question coming up. I’m looking for an inexpensive water-based serum to use with my NuFace and leave on overnight. Washing off the gloppy aloe vera gel and then putting on serum is annoying. Hoping for something in the $10 per ounce range since it needs to coat my face. Maybe something from The Ordinary or a drugstore brand?
Anonymous
Say Yes to Watermelons Super Fresh Jelly Mask
Anon
Vent of the day: my ex and I adopted a cat together five years ago. When we split 18 months ago, I reluctantly left the cat with him because (1) he asked me to; (2) the cat was used to the space and liked the yard (he kept our apartment); and (3) I work in biglaw and he was WFH full-time so it seemed like she would get more attention that way. We barely speak, but he called me yesterday to tell me the cat is seriously ill, hasn’t been eating for months, and possibly has kidney or liver failure. He then asked me to take the cat because he can’t deal with the stress and can’t afford the vet bills. I can’t take the cat – I since have met someone else and we just adopted a dog, we can’t have both in our current space. I’m heartbroken because I love the cat, and annoyed that my ex is, as usual, not taking any responsibility for anything when things get hard and is now claiming he kept the cat as “a favor to me”. Should I try to find a good home for the cat? Offer to pay for the vet bills (ugh, but I can technically afford it)? Buy a bigger house and take both (kidding but man I wish I could)? We are waiting for the vets to run more tests and determine how serious this is, but I’m feeling sad and guilty that I left my kitty with someone who clearly isn’t taking that good care of her. She’s 6, so not dying of old age or anything like that.
BabyAssociate
I’m really sorry! He kept the cat and it is his responsibility to pay the vet bills or find another home. Don’t take on that burden.
Anon
+1 This is so gross and manipulative.
Lily
I think you should do everything you can do make sure the cat is taken care of and has a good life. It sounds like your POS ex has neglected the cat and she’s suffering. I would take the cat and just figure it out with your living situation.
Anonymous
Hi I’m so sorry but your cat is suffering and dying and needs to be put down.
Anonymous
That’s not clear yet. It’s unfortunate that the cat’s health was neglected for so long, but many conditions that cause appetite loss are highly treatable, and it sounds like they don’t have test results on organ damage yet.
Anon
What, no?! It could be any number of non leathal medical conditions cats with kidney disease for example can live long healthy lives. OP needs to wait for the results from the vet to know how serious it is.
Anon
Either take you cat back, pay the vet bills or pay to have the cat euthanized if your ex won’t. The likelihood of finding a home for an older cat with severe health issues is close to zero, and it’s not a fair ask for a rescue or shelter to handle. I’m sorry, it sucks and there aren’t any good options.
Anonymous
I think you need to have a talk with the vet about exactly how sick the cat is, what the prognosis is, and what the options are. Then decide what your next steps are. Is it possible that he doesn’t want to make a hard choice himself if this is something really serious?
Anon
Yes, this.
I’m so sorry. My ex kept our former cat, then surrendered him anonymously to a kill shelter without telling me. I found out because the cat’s microchip had my info and they called me. I was not in a position to take the cat at that point but found a rescue to take him, and they got him a new home. It was horrible.
Anonymous
+1. Possibly offer to take the cat to it’s next vet visit.
Maybe your ex is using this as a ruse to get back in contact with you, maybe he’s trying to hit you up for cash, maybe he’s just lazy & decided he doesn’t want a cat anymore, maybe the cat is sick but will be fine with modest treatment/care, maybe the cat needs to be put down … Just start by finding out about the cat’s condition from a vet, so you can decide what to do.
Anon
This. Be prepared to pay vet bills to get a diagnosis if ex hasn’t done that yet.
Anon
Please take that poor cat and either figure out a solution with your current space or find her a good home with someone who will love her enough to find out why she isn’t eating for months. I know you already feel awful, and I truly do not mean to pile on, but when you adopt a pet you accept responsibility for its well-being. You probably even signed an agreement with the shelter or rescue in which you promised that you would.
Anon
Thanks, all. Yeah, I’m aware that no shelter really wants an older cat with health issues. I’m wondering if one of my friends or relatives would be willing to take her, at least temporarily until we figure out a better situation, if I offer to cover the medical costs (I don’t mind covering the costs, I’m just a little annoyed about handing money to ex given the situation). I know we need to figure out the prognosis and possibly make a hard decision about this if it’s not good, and yeah, he probably doesn’t want to make that decision on his own (which I get). I’m hoping this is something that could solved with meds, better food, or other environmental changes. I definitely feel responsible, especially if the cat could live a long happy life with a few changes. I don’t think ex meant to mistreat the cat – he was very caring to her when we were together – but it sounds like he’s in over his head and not the best a dealing with a crisis (which is consistent with what I know of him).
Anonymous
Some rescues will take cats that are sponsored (so if you keep paying the costs) until they’re adopted (if they ever are). It may be worth calling around.
Panda Bear
Wishing you all the best! FWIW I adopted my kitty at age 5 with full knowledge of his medical issues. He’s 10 now and I adore him. So it’s not impossible to find the right home, if that ends up being the situation. But I think your plan makes sense – confer with the vet and get a clear picture of the situation. Sending you positive thoughts.
Anon
The vet can arrange direct-billing with you if you don’t want to give your ex money.
Anonymous
This is hard and sounds like you want to do your best by kitty. I’d take the cat straight away and put them in a room in your house on their own away from the dog. Also take them for the next vet boot and get a handle on things. Once you have a proper idea where you stand you could then reach out to a rescue for help rehoming or have time to speak with friends. If you don’t have a suitable room in your house I’d see if friends or a rescue could help with temporary fostering.
anonamama
What would you wear for a semi-interview over Zoom for a VP level position with a SVP? I picked nice stud earrings and a black scoopneck textured Boden blouse, but now am having second thoughts — this being my first virtual job interview!
Anonymous
I would wear what you would wear for an in person interview, adjusting for colours that work better on video. I would feel better that way.
oil in houston
I would say- whatever you would normally wear for an interview, if only for the confidence boost and the sense of formality
Equestrian Attorney
I would do a blazer, even if it’s on Zoom. On my recent Zoom interview, I wore a black JCrew Going Out blazer, cream silk blouse, nice jewelry, and more make-up than usual (a nice lip color helps you looked less washed out on camera – I tend to prefer natural pink for serious job stuff but a nice muted red can work too). I think I wore black leggings on the bottom (no one saw them anyway). Also, just make sure your zoom environment looks neat (nothing lying around behind you). Zoom interviews are weird for a few minutes, but then they are just like a regular interview.
Anonymous
Thread Jack – what background do you think is best for an interview? The only two options in my home with good lighting are completely blank wall or bookcase/fireplace (with books and some decorative objections, not messy).
anon
Thread Jack – what background do you think is best for an interview? The only two options in my home with good lighting are completely blank wall or bookcase/fireplace (with books and some decorative objections, not messy).
Aunt Jamesina
Either are perfectly fine. Maybe Zoom with a friend with good judgement and have them tell you what they think and see if there are any issues on their end.
I will say as a bibliophile that I’m always trying to scan people’s bookshelves to figure out titles :-)
AIMS
I think either is fine but I like the bookcase better.
Anne
Wear what you would normally wear but be prepared that your interviewer might be in a tee since they forget to change for the interview. My husband zoom interviewed someone in suit (totally appropriate) while my husband was in a tee shirt (also appropriate at his company).
Sloan Sabbith
Yeah, this- I’ve done close to 25 interviews since April and for the first 10 or so I was in a nice top. The last 15 I’ve been in whatever I put on that morning, sometimes with a cardigan over the top. I try to at least have sleeves rather than a sleeveless top.
Anon
I am pretty socially liberal and don’t believe in censorship. But I am trying to reconcile this with my genuine discomfort with the “WAP” song and video setting all kinds of records and being the runaway #1 hit of the summer. I guess I just feel old, and kind of sad. It’s not that I don’t think this kind of song should be made or that people shouldn’t like it. But it is SO explicit and a generation ago it would not have been the dominant thing in pop culture. It’s everywhere, the subject of a hundred thinkpieces, all over TikTok and the internet, and pretty much unavoidable. How do you explain this to your kids? Isn’t there a space for this that isn’t #1 song in the country? I don’t want to be a pearl clutching “won’t someone think of the children?!” person, but I guess I am?
Help me make sense of these feelings because my inner liberal is like, shut up, support women owning their sexuality and let whatever people like rise to the top, but I am surprised how much I apparently have an inner conservative that is horrified by this.
Ribena
Eh, we had Blow My Whistle ten years ago, which was only barely more euphemistic in terms of lyrics.
AIMS
I mean not only! Maybe not the subject of think pieces but The Whisper Song … My Neck, My Back… Baby Got Back… This isn’t new. What’s maybe new-ish is that it’s women and it’s no.1 and the Atlantic is writing about it but to me the song sounds remarkably like a throwback to the late 90s/early 00s.
Anonymous
Congrats you’re old deal with it. I hear “my anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun” on regular radio at least weekly and that song is just as vulgar and nearly 30 years old! If you have young children you don’t want exposed to this, don’t let them use tiktok and use parental controls. Not all that hard to shelter a 5 year old.
Anon
I switched to Spanish-language radio. The lyrics may be equally offensive. I don’t know, but I am unbothered because I do not speak Spanish. Love my rainbow shades in happyland.
AIMS
This is great.
Anon
Yeah, I’ve lost my taste for that kind of music. I used to sing along to every offensive song you could imagine because I wanted to be a “cool girl.” As my feminism has gotten much more radical over time, I’ve realized just how much I despise art that dehumanizes women.
Anonymous
Punani Dasani is a celebration of my humanity
Anonymous
I contain multitudes of macaroni in a pot
pugsnbourbon
Bless you both, 11:21 and 11:35. I needed the laugh. I love the song, though I did have to be very careful in a recent meeting about wireless access points.
anon
Y’all are my people.
Anon
I plan on buying the t-shirt that has a wet floor sign that says Caution WAP.
Anon
I hope this helps – men have been making songs this explicit and moreso that are popular in main stream music for decades. We’ve been conditioned to be uncomfortable with a woman speaking of her own body this way, but ok with men speaking about women’s bodies this explicitly. Happy to help talk through any of this!
Anon
Internalized misogyny is a thing. I don’t like objectifying songs when they’re written by men OR women. It’s not because I’m not educated or need a random person on this site to talk me through it.
AIMS
Why is it internalized misogyny? Genuine question.
Anonymous
+1, there are music channels I don’t listen to because they call women hos and worse. I don’t think we should support popular culture that is so at odds with feminist values. There are plenty of other things to listen to.
Anon
I assume you’re not the OP, because the OP literally asked for help and this was offering it.
Anonymous
? A generation ago we were in high school singing along with Alanis about going down on guys at the movies. Or see basically Christina Aguilera’s whole career. There are countless other examples from the 70s/80s/90s. I’m so tired of society accepting this stuff from white men, black men and white women but getting all pearl clutchy when it’s black women with the mic.
Anon
+1
Monday
Yeah, I don’t love this particular song but am very, very accustomed to gross lyrics, really from anyone. (Lil Kim and Margaret Cho come to mind, just to say that women of color have been doing this in the spotlight for a while! Even if that’s still somehow an issue for some people!) Even maximum vulgarity just doesn’t have much shock value. If anything, it’s old news.
Anon
There are lots of other dirty songs – “My Neck, My Back”, etc. I think teens aren’t as shocked by sex stuff as you’d think and it’s pretty normal not to let small children listen to explicit songs.
Anon
It’s not my kind of music, but neither are many other explicit songs about male sexuality and I’m not mad about those being popular. I really think most of the think pieces are about the double standards and the ways WAP has been criticized (both qualitatively and quantitatively) more than equivalent songs about men.
You’re not a bad person if this whole category of music just isn’t your thing or makes you uncomfortable. You’re also not a bad person or secretly a conservative if you don’t want your kids to listen to this type of music. I think the only real moral issue here is if you treat songs about female pleasure differently than similar songs about male pleasure.
No Face
I remember when “Get Low” was extra popular. I knew a ton of Prince songs when I was a kid. I lot of the rock music I listened to in middle/high school was about violence, drugs, etc. Nothing is new, except that in WAP the women are talking about themselves.
As a mom of little kids, I think it’s very, very easy to control what kids listen to nowadays. I never listen to music on the radio. I have different playlists for when I’m alone and when my kids are around.
Anonymous
I’m regularly scandalized by song lyrics from the 30s, 40s, and 50s, so I’m not sure this is really new.
I still listen to the radio personally, but my sense is that popular culture is less universally popular than it used to be; it has its own following, and the media pushes it heavily, but the young people I know are often oblivious because they are obsessed with musicians I’ve never heard of instead.
Anonymous
Im trying to be kind, but I’m at the end of my rope with “how do I explain this to my kids?” I’m a parent too and I knew going into parenthood that I’d have to talk about this stuff with my kid. S€x exists- people reference it, get over yourself and level with your own kids. Like, you think people should be censored because youre too lazy to talk to your own kids? I get it’s awkward. But is this actually harder to explain than homelessness? Racism? Violence? War? Trump is hard to explain to my kids. Female body parts and how they work is pretty easy comparatively.
Anonymous
Yes this
Aunt Jamesina
I like the way you framed this.
Anon
“But it is SO explicit and a generation ago it would not have been the dominant thing in pop culture.”
LOL, this is what old people have been saying since Aristotle’s time.
Anonymous
You can be liberal and not like an explicit song. I don’t like vulgarity. I hadn’t heard of the song until I read your post, and was only peripherally aware that someone named Cardi B even exists. Still don’t like vulgarity and explicit songs. What do I tell the children? Some people are vulgar, some people swear, some people do things we don’t find appropriate, and we don’t do these things in our home.
anon
I agree. I think a lot of song lyrics are absolutely disgusting and I’m not sure why most of the commenters are in support of “songs” that just objectify and degrade women. Just because it’s the norm doesn’t make it right.
AIMS
But what’s the solution? Ban them? I find a lot of popular culture is not for me, but I am okay with the marketplace of ideas having its say. You don’t like it, turn off the radio the way I do when a Hootie and the Blowfish don’t comes on. Don’t want your kids to listen to it, okay, tell them. I think Paw Patrol is dumb and I banished it in my house. It’s really not that hard. Was there this much pearl clutching about Britney’s acronym of a song?
Anon
Calling a legitimate criticism “pearl-clutching” is both intellectually lazy and part of the problem.
AIMS
But you’re not answering my question, what is the alternative?
Anon
Because it’s obvious? Don’t listen to the music and criticize it when others play it. Literally no one said banning is the answer.
Anonymous
Idk I find a woman talking about adequate lubrication to be much less offensive than men talking about supermanning hoes, making bitches crawl, or ejaculating all over windows and walls. In fact I might go so far as to say that the former has some educational value – I don’t think my sex ed discussed lubrication at all. I think the Vagina Monologues was the first time I heard anyone really talk about it. I’m glad that girls and boys coming along today will know that a WAP is a positive thing.
Serafina
I love the way you framed this! +1 for adequate lubrication.
Anonymous
As someone currently going through menopause, I cannot emphasize enough how much everyone should appreciate this. You truly don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Sigh.
anon
I’m old and I absolutely love the song. My gardening habits have always been outside the mainstream so perhaps that’s influencing my opinion of it.
anonshmanon
I agree with a lot of the previous comments. If your kids ask, or it plays on the radio and you want to address it (does such an explicit song get airplay?), this song is pretty much an expression of ‘sex exists, and it can be enjoyable if you only do the things that both sides are happy to do’. I mean the lyrics are the definition of enthusiastic consent.
But I wanted to add that in my filter bubble, this was trending for like two days on twitter, and I’ve seen a few thinkpieces shared within the first week or two. That was it. Your kids most likely have a completely different filter bubble, it’s not a given that this song will be in front of them.
Anon
I just, like, can’t get over the fact that this song that presumably nobody is forcing you to listen to is so objectionable to you that you had to post about it on the internet. This is what you’re going to spend your mental energy on??
anon
Art and music can have a pretty profound effect on society so I think that discussing whether certain songs add to or subtract from our collective culture is worthy. It’s like, rude, to belittle a poster for being concerned about the types of messages being conveyed by popular culture.
Anon
thank you.
anon
Enthusiastic consent is a great message — no concern needed :)
Bel
I feel the same way and I’m pretty young, FWIW.
Coach?
Has anyone here worked with a career coach? If so, what was your experience like – what did you get out of it?
anon
I have. And it was suggested by a boss I had at the time….she liked the coach from her own experience with her and sent a quantity of her team members for coaching. While she was good and had some constructive input – starts with a personality test and survey feedback from your peers, I learned to be a bit wary of the career coach that your employer/boss hires for the majority of his/her team. That coach worked for the boss at the end of the day and would report the ‘highlights’ of our coaching sessions to my boss and boss’ boss….I think in part to demonstrate her value but also because they were paying the bill. This ended up making me very uncomfortable with our sessions and felt like I was being monitored and reported on by a 3P. At the end of the day, there was no negative impact on me career wise but this situation reduced the trust I had with my bosses and I felt less comfortable being transparent with them. The coach would ask me questions about my bosses and also about peers….it just got strange. Net net, be careful around career coaches that someone else hires to coach you and better yet, if you want to get coaching, hire one yourself based on solid recommendations.
Anon
I am very active and work out 5-6 days a week. I’ll run 2-3 days, do HIIT 2 days, and then some fun dance cardio or maybe a longer yoga class. I would love to lose the last five pounds around my stomach, so I’m trying to eat 1600ish calories a day. And it is so hard. The exercise makes me incredibly hungry. I am much happier on 1800-1900 cals a day (and downright thrilled on 2000 a day). Do I need to stop exercising as much so I’m less hungry? Or should I just accept that I’m healthy and happy even though I don’t have a flat stomach, and let it go?
…I think I already know the answer…
Anonymous
Let it go. Enjoy your body and how active it is.
Anon
Intuitive eating and body neutrality. I left a comment to that effect on the healthy habits conversation above. Don’t make yourself 200% more miserable to weigh <5% less.
Anonie
YES.
Anon
Are you taking into account the calories you are burning during exercise? If not, you really cannot cut calories. For a three-mile run, you burn 300 calories. If you are eating 1600, you would be taking in 1300 a day… which is just not enough.
I would either look at the types of foods you are eating (like maybe you need lower GI foods, more protein, more greens, etc.) to get to the 1800-1900 calories. You also may want to consider adding more strength training into your workouts. You are doing a lot of cardio, which for a lot of people (including me), will not really help you get the toned physique that you are wanting.
Anon
Darn, I thought we had finally put the unfortunate trend of slim women posting their weight loss goals and calorie counts on this site to bed ? I so wish we could segregate these posts.
Anonymous
I wish we had a Corporette Fit subpage like the moms have a subpage so we could talk about fitness without people jumping all over it and proclaiming that slim women can’t have fitness goals.
Anon
Oh right, because losing 5 vanity lbs has anything to do with fitness? Sure. We can play that game.
Anonymous
It does actually. Shocker for you apparently but people who are very fit and active can tell the difference in 5 lbs. And OP wanting to improve tone in a certain area is not a crazy fitness goal. Other people trying to live a healthy lifestyle isn’t an attack on you.
If you don’t want to read it, scroll on by. Just like with the 75K posts on wedding etiquette or dating or whatever.
Anon
The 8-10 post-pregnancy pounds mean that I have chub rub when I run (makes it challenging to do longer distances), higher impact when I land, and slows me down by about 20 seconds a mile. I can kiss my dreams of personal bests good-bye or get rid of the weight. Take the judginess elsewhere.
Anon
I love the blogger Hungry Runner Girl for this reason. She weighs 30 lbs more than she did when she first started running, but just posted a 2:49 marathon PR (postpartumx2) and has repeatedly emphasized how the myth that your lowest weight leads to the fastest times is damaging to women. It took her years of dealing with the female athlete triad to really realize it.
Anon
Good grief you’re a disingenuous piece of work.
Hungry Runner is about a size 4. Those of us who talk about wanting to lose weight to run better are trying to get closer to her current size, not further away from it.
But that’s beside the point. You’re obviously one of those people who thinks that we are being lean and athletic *at* you and you want an excuse not to make changes in your life. Just cut the crap and own your choices.
Anon
I am not slim and I never said I was.
anon
Um, how we feel about our bodies matters too. You can scroll on by. You can collapse posts. You can deal with your unhappiness in far more constructive ways than telling other people to STFU.
Anon
Seriously, I collapse and scroll by tons of posts I don’t want anything to do with. There’s nothing different about diet/weight loss posts that means people have to read them.
Anon
Yes, I collapse them, but I’m also allowed to comment on whether a certain type of comment is bringing down the site (we all read the first comment in the thread before we realize we need to collapse it). You’re allowed to disagree. I’m sure there are subjects that you wouldn’t enjoy having to collapse every day either.
Anonymous
I think people complaining about fitness posts constantly is bringing down the site, the posts themselves are fine. It’s the people who can’t minimize and scroll that are the problem. Same way I scroll on by any posts I don’t like. You don’t like it, don’t read it. Not hard.
anon
Bringing down the site? Who made you the judge of that? Her comment was polite, relevant, non-judgmental, and not actually controversial at all. Your pushback to this comment and “slim people complaining” is what’s bringing down the site. The fact that you don’t want to hear about “slim” women’s fitness goals does not mean that the site is being “brought down.”
I mean, I’m 10 years out of school and still have student loans to pay off and fear I’ll never be able to buy property even though I work my tail off. Do I whine and complain when people post about HHIs that are 3, 4, 5 x mine, net worths of hundreds of thousands of dollars, 70k kitchen renos, or homes that cost 4x what my “budget” would be? No. They’re not doing anything wrong. I just scroll if I’m not in the mood for it.
Anon
Yeah, “bringing down this site” is way over the top. It doesn’t exist just for you, so get over yourself.
Anon for this
If you really want to lose that last 5 pounds, you may need to cut out all alcohol, ‘white’ carbs, and focus on lots of protein and water.
…I personally am working on being okay with being +5 to my ideal weight (still within healthy BMI, still can run 10+ miles) because I’ve realized that I want to drink wine and eat the occasional cupcake.
I am a big proponent of ‘good for you, not for me’, but also: continually trying to lose ‘that last 5 pounds’ is what has kept me from gaining 20.
Anon
Yes. I was too lax about the last 5 lbs and now I need to lose 20 lbs so more power to everyone posting about the last 5 lbs.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t exercise less if you’re enjoying it but I would change up what you are doing. Your current routine involves a lot of cardio. Instead of one of your runs or your HITT, try a strength training class or a pilates class. Pilates is great for core strength and balance and is an exercise regime you can easily maintain as you age.
Anon
It’s hard to have a flat stomach. If you need lower cal ways to fill up they are definitely out there, but having a flat stomach is not the end all be all.
anonymous
I have a flat stomach sometimes — when I’m working out like you are, when I’m eating well overall, and in the morning when I first wake up and haven’t eaten anything. For me, what makes the biggest difference is what I’m eating rather than how many calories and also I literally might just be bloated throughout a good part of the day. I don’t know why, no other digestive systems for me, but I am just prone to bloating and on a small frame, it looks like more fat than it is.
My stomach is less flat overall when I’m eating more simple carbs, more sugar, more ice cream, and more cheese, and drinking more alcohol. I would not stop exercising to be less hungry. Overall I don’t think that’s the healthiest choice you can make for your body.
Kitten
Maybe focusing on building muscle would help? In my experience, cardio will keep me “thin”, ie looking good in clothes but still “skinny fat”. To actually look toned/athletic I have to lift heavy. I look better lifting 3xs a week than if I’m doing an intense marathon training program involving 5 weekly running workouts. The bonus is it takes way less time than running.
Anon
I take a probiotic daily for other reasons (my therapist suggested it might help with my anxiety) and it helps with bloating and makes my stomach look flatter. I definitely notice when I don’t take it.
Anonymous
Do you mind sharing which one you take? I have some bloating issues too and have tried a few different ones with limited success.
Anon
Oh, I can’t remember off the top of my head, sorry. I buy it at the local health food store and it’s refrigerated.
Abby
I agree that you should be happy you’re healthy, but I’ve also struggled with how much I want to push myself to be in the best shape possible while being realistic about my goals. Don’t cut exercise so you feel less hungry, your body is telling you what it wants. You could change up your exercise, so interval running, lifting weights with HIIT, so the workouts are constantly varied and continue to challenge your body. Hard to do during this time, but lifting weights doesn’t make me feel as tired, and honestly burns less calories during, but makes a big difference in your body composition.
Also remember that most people don’t have a flat stomach and that’s okay! Your stomach hold important organs that make your body run. I constantly have to remind myself
Anonymous
Unpopular opinion but I do find I have a limited amount of will power with diet and exercise. So if I’m having trouble sticking to a meal plan it does help to limit the tough exercise and just focus on food for a little while and treat myself to more rest or gentle exercise. My husband jokes that I have bulk and cutting phases (I’m nowhere near fit enough for that stuff) but I just like to focus on one thing then the other.
Anonymous
I can’t lose weight on less than about 1800 calories a day if I am even moderately active. I think my body goes into some sort of starvation mode and holds onto every last calorie.
Shenandoah
You sound very active, and your maintenance calories (which you can find online if you don’t know, search TDEE calculator) are likely over 2,000 calories. They are certainly well over 2,000 calories if you are taller or particularly muscular. Something that I’m personally grappling with now also is the fact that after years and years of spending most of the time in a dieting or restrictive phase, it’s important to allow yourself time to just eat at maintenance or higher calorie levels. So if that sounds true for you as well, I think the only real options are to either (1) allow your body to enjoy a long period (minimum of 4-6 months) at maintenance level or higher calories, and then to cut calories for maybe 2-3 months after that, or (2) to question whether you actually need to try and cut an additional 5 pounds. And you shouldn’t need to reduce as low as 1,600 calories. There’s no way you should be as low as 1,600 calories based on your activity level. If you do something like option 1, I would slowly increase your calories each week from where you are now rather than jumping into a large caloric increase right away. If what you want is visible abs and you’re frustrated by not having them, I’ve been there too. Some body types just don’t really show abs, particularly if the stomach is where you tend to gain fat first. Hope that helps! I seriously regret wasting all these years trying to diet and restrict, not realizing I was just killing my metabolism and making it that much harder to live the active lifestyle I enjoyed.
Another anon
You sound comparable to me as far as activity level and the last 5 pounds that hang on. I have completely unexpectedly lost ~4-5 pounds since the beginning of stay-at-home in March. I don’t count calories and I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. The differences in the past few months have been all dietary (if anything, I was less active in the first few months of lockdown). I have eaten restaurant food extremely rarely during this time, maybe once per 2 weeks on average. I have somewhat inadvertently cut out most meat. I have not had access to snacks at work, which were previously equivalent to a cookie or some cheese and crackers basically every day. I feel that I have been eating a lot and have had plenty of homemade sweets, but again very little from a restaurant. Basically I think this type of weight loss is (for me) all dietary and that the last 5 pounds are very slow to come off and very quick to go back on.
Anonymous
Questions for those of you who have used WiFi hotspot devices for Zoom meetings.
I return to work full time in-person next week, so my daughter will be participating in her remote learning days through a program at our local Y. The WiFi at the Y is not great, so I’m guessing that with 20 kids logged onto Zoom meetings at once there may be technical difficulties. I’m wondering if I should purchase a WiFi hotspot that she can use instead, but I’ve never used one myself and not sure of the quality.
Here are my questions:
Are the signals on hotspots strong enough to support a lengthy Zoom meeting? We sometimes have connectivity issues with Zoom on our home WiFi so not sure a hotspot will be strong enough.
If it matters, I usually get two to three bars of service on my cell when I’m in the building.
I assume I would purchase it through my cell provider. I need an unlimited data package, right? (Assuming those exists for hotspots)
Thanks for any advice! Even basic technology is pretty mysterious to me.
pugsnbourbon
I’m not sure how old your daughter is – does she have a smartphone? Most can act as a mobile hotspot. I use my older Android for this when I’m working at a site without internet.
As for issues at home, you might look into a wifi signal extender. They’re not too expensive. Ours allows our signal to reach our detached garage.
Anonymous
You can turn almost any cell phone into a hot spot. Search online for the manual and it will walk you through the steps.
Clementine
Paging Walnut!
Thinking of you!
Anon
Same. I thought about your post all evening yesterday. I hope for the best for you.
Senior Attorney
Me, too. I hope you can have some peace over the weekend.
The original Scarlett
+1 – missed your post until too late yesterday. Thinking of you
Coach Laura
Same here. Woke up this morning thinking of you.
Another anonymous judge
Sending you the best possible wishes x
Walnut
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all the advice and suggestions from yesterday. Today I’m pouring myself into work and am excited to cross off a hike in a beautiful national park tomorrow.
Also, worth noting, today is shaping up to be my second really good day in a row. Surgery recovery feels like it has turned a corner!
PSA: Micellar waterproof makeup remover and bike grease
I know people are cycling a lot more and many are new to it, so here’s something that made my life 100% easier yesterday. I had one of those bike chain incidents that left me well-covered in black grease and was impatient with the way everything else I used was working and tried my micellar water waterproof make up remover and it took all the grease off instantly — worked much better than anything else I’ve ever tried. I assume it will also work with any oily, black, persistent goo… no specialty products needed, available in every grocery store and Target!
(I do carry some nitrile gloves in my bike bag but this was beyond their capability to contain)
Anon
Watch some youtube videos for how to get your chain back on without stopping (basically, shift back to whichever chainring you were just in and keep pedaling. It takes a bit of practice, but I can’t remember the last time I had to really mess with my chain mid-ride.
If this happens often, it’s a sign you need a new chain.
Ribena
I have hub gears (ie only one chainring on the back) and I KEPT losing my chain lately – it would bounce off every time I went over a bad pothole. Took my bike in for a service and a new chain and now she runs like a dream.
OP
This was the chain getting inextricably jammed in between the crankset and the frame after a tip over and slide and we couldn’t pull it out; I had to take it to the bike shop and they had to break the chain. But I’ll remember your tip for more normal chain-related incidents, thanks!
PNW
I think it was here that someone was commiserating with me that we couldn’t find the Stellar Beauty brilliant primer anywhere. I emailed the company and they pointed me to their new site shop stellar beauty (alloneword) dot com. You can get it and all their other products there although it doesn’t show up at all when you search for the product online. Bonus – it’s in Canadian currency which right now has an excellent exchange rate with US. I got two tubes just in case it becomes hard to find again.
Anonymous
Would someone mind explaining their perspective on an idea I’ve seen repeated here (and elsewhere online) – that we’re prioritizing restaurants and bars over sending children back to school. In my area, bars aren’t open and most restaurants are take out or outdoor seating only; the restaurants that have indoor seating have like 3 tables available. Our numbers are pretty low and I haven’t heard of transmission being linked to restaurants here. Yet, I don’t think schools are opening in person in the fall; some private schools are doing a hybrid model.
From this experience in my area, it seems like shutting down bars and restaurants still isn’t enough to make it safe to go back to school. I feel like I must be missing some key point, though, because I see this argument all over the place. I’ve read a lot of articles about this, but they don’t seem to address areas like mine where bars are closed and so are schools.
Anon
But bars and restaurants are open in other areas, people go to them, travel to your area or spend time at airports with people traveling to your area, and spread the virus. It doesn’t matter what your town is doing – as long as major swathes of the country are doing a sh*t job containing this virus, it harms all of us.
anonshmanon
Here is the map of the state of reopening across all states.
https://www.uschamber.com/article/state-by-state-business-reopening-guidance
I don’t have the time nor interest to click on all of the reopening states (about half), but the handful that I randomly clicked on, allow restaurant indoor dining. This is happening, even though it’s not happening in your county/state.
Anon
The sentiment is more about places that prioritized opening up bars and restaurants rather than completely flattening the curve early on (for example, Texas opened movie theaters in May and bars in June when the data absolutely did not support doing so), which has caused spread to worsen and in person schooling to be unsafe across most of the country.
Because of those earlier actions happening in many places, it’s now not enough to just close down bars and restaurants in exchange for in person schooling, but had those venues reopening not been prioritized earlier we very well may have had a safe return to school in Aug/Sep. The fact that bars and schools are closed in some places doesn’t change the impact of those earlier decisions in other places.
Seventh Sister
I’ve definitely felt this way, and some of it is frustration on my part. I have two kids that are old enough to be mostly OK at online school. If the Coronavirus Curing Fairy appeared to me and said if I’d cook every meal and drink every drink at home for the next year and my kids could go back to school next week, I’d be putting a pot of water on the stove before she finished her sentence.
My husband is on the board of a business improvement district that works with a lot of restaurants and bars. The reopening of these businesses has been easier than schools for logistical reasons (a family spending 1.5 hours at a restaurant as opposed to 6 hours at a school), and also since the administrative process is pretty streamlined (board of health, ABC board, etc.). Also the modifications that most bars and restaurants have had to make are pretty easy to fund since a lot of businesses had that money on hand from the relief package $ or some other source. There wasn’t any money coming at schools in the same way.
Also, I think that some school administrators have been busier fighting with their teachers’ unions or coming up with reasons that they can’t possibly do X (really, you can’t have any outdoor classes for “liability reasons” when we live in Southern CA and there is a dedicated, enclosed schoolyard?!). There was no leadership on the federal level, and the state hasn’t exactly covered itself in glory on this issue. I’m going to be livid if the reopening process means that private schools and connected charters get open this year and the rest of us in the gen pop have to wait until Fall 2021.
Anonymous
Here in lovely north Florida, the strip bars closed for a couple of weeks in April but were open by May, while schools still are not fully back for public 6-12th grades. Wtf are our priorities???
Anonymous
Part vent and part question – I love my husband and our 15 month old son, but I am sort of over spending 24/7 with them. I really just want a solid 48 hours of time by myself, in my own home. However, I recognize that’s unreasonable right now (all four grandparents are local and are excellent caretakers, so in Before Times, we could have dropped our son off for the night with them and they would have been beyond thrilled). We have had, and continue to have, a full time nanny, so there hasn’t been a change or any additional burden of WFH and child care. Our jobs transitioned easily to WFH and we work for decent bosses who haven’t placed unreasonable work expectations on us. I feel guilty for even writing this post and feeling ungrateful.
I just want to be by myself, in my house and order food from the restaurants only I like and not have anyone ask me questions or talk to me. So, since that can’t happen right now, I’ve tried to do other things – long drives by myself, long walks, socially distant visits at friends’ houses outside on their porches/patios, spending two hours wandering around the grocery store or hardware store… I’ve also told my husband that I just feel like I’m being grumpy and I am not sure how to get over it. He says he understands and wants to support me, is more than happy for me to go on drives, or long errands, whatever works for me. But he can’t go anywhere right now, so I need to think of a different option. All of the above activities make me feel better while I’m doing them, but I feel a sense of dread and feel the grumpiness taking over as soon as I’m home again or friends head home from hanging out. In Before Times, I was spending so much time at work that I was thrilled to be home with my husband and infant and home was my sanctuary. Now I just need a recharge break, but every corner of our (decently sized) house is either filled with baby/kid stuff, is a dedicated WFH space, or is a shared space like the kitchen or bathrooms. There’s not like a secret guestroom where I can go and be by myself. And I can’t relax in my WFH office.
So, for any of you where you would have said, “I can’t wait to be home and not at work” and home was your sanctuary, what are you doing now for your sanctuary?
Anonymous
Hotel overnight just for you? Pretty low risk if you order in food, watch fav cheesy 80s movies, made give yourself a pedicure or do a skin mask. Sleep like a starfish in the bed. Room service for breakfast.
Anon
I hang out alone in the bedroom while my husband and kid are elsewhere. Is that an option?
Friday, please
+1
Anon
Is there a reason your husband can’t take the kids somewhere for a few hours like to eat take out in the car and run around a park while you chill at home?
Anonymous
OP here- He’s done this, but our son is on a pretty regular nap schedule that really doesn’t make more than a 90 minute outing feasilbe. And he’s taken our son on the 90 minute outing multiple times. I’m still on my anti anxiety meds from the PPA last summer when my son was born. I think I am also just grieving that I had my first solo trips after baby planned (college roommate reunion, cross county baby and wedding showers) that all got canceled. My husband had a few pre pandemic guys trips and work trips, so he got his chance to go a few places. I might mention the night in a hotel option and see if that does anything.
Anonymous
Does he have to nap at home? Our kids napped in their strollers on the regular.
Anonie
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. This general sense of irritation/grumpiness seems reflective of how I felt right before a period of depression back in my anti-depressant life. (I still feel these emotions occasionally, but dramatically less often and much less severely.)
This is a short answer to a question that deserves much more depth, but one very simple thing that used to help me immensely: changing tiny things when I didn’t have the energy, emotional strength, or attention span to pursue a whole new hobby or redesign some huge facet of my life. For example, if I felt sad while laying in my bed for several nights in a row…I would just take my blankets and pillow and move them to the living room. I’d sleep on either the couch or the floor, depending on what struck me as nice in that moment. (That habit started in my single days, but now I ask my fiancé to crash on the couch with me some nights when I feel in a funk ha.)
Other quarantine-friendly examples: getting takeout from a new restaurant, trying a new flavor of coffee creamer, listening to a new Spotify playlist, reading 1 chapter of a new book, walking around the block in a different direction, buying a new hand scent of hand lotion, lighting a brand new candle scent.
Anonie
* Edit: that was supposed to say “back in my PRE-antidepressant life.”
anon
I hear you. I LOVE being at home alone.
You say your home is decently sized, so can you make an area of your home a sanctuary for you? Six months after we moved into our house, DH and I rearranged 5 rooms and gave up a dining room so that we had a dedicated, non-office adult space. I use it for yoga, reading, and talking to my mom or friends on the phone, and DH occasionally joins me for a glass of wine.
Also, it’s not quite the same, but could you get some “alone” time while your husband and infant sleep? Back when Kiddo was an infant, I would read while he napped on weekends instead of doing housework. The downtime was super nice.