Thursday’s Workwear Report: Orca Wrap Dress
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Someone reminded me of Shabby Apple recently — I hadn't checked out their site in years. They have a ton of machine washable, stretchy dresses with a slight vintage vibe, including this fun ponte dress.
Customer service says that despite its name it's not a true wrap dress — it has a “skirted wrap panel attached” — and they recommend that you machine wash it inside-out on cold using the delicate cycle.
It's $74, available in sizes 2-12. Shabby Apple Orca Wrap Dress
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 1/31/25:
- Ann Taylor – Suiting Event – 30% off suiting + 30% off tops
- Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20 off your $100+ purchase
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off winter layers
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off sweaters and pants
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – End of season clearance, extra 70% off markdown tops + extra 60% off all other markdowns
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
Woah, the plus size “version” is one of the more bizarre dresses I’ve seen.
I don’t understand the buttons.
Anyone read the “Secret Shame of Middle Class Americans” from the Atlantic this week? Thoughts?
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/05/my-secret-shame/476415/
The statistics shocked me. I have more understanding and sympathy for people in bad financial positions due to unavoidable medical bills than I do for the writer, who admittedly made a lot of foolish choices.
He is on NPR too
Yup. We had a long thread on this piece and related topics earlier, if you’re interested in perusing.
Oh I missed it, thanks!
I believe someone may have brought this article up a few days ago on one of these threads, but I didn’t chime in then…
While I understand where he’s coming from with the wage stagnation and whatnot, I have a hard time being sympathetic to his particular plight. He lived in some of the highest cost of living areas in the country, picked a career with low earning potential, his wife quit her job, they sent their daughters to expensive private schools, and they cashed out their retirement savings to pay for a wedding? And now he’s all stressed because he’s in a bad financial place?
I think we all have these places of denial in our lives, where expect to to be able to live however we want with no consequences ever. For me its my health. I don’t eat very healthily or exercise, and yet I’m sure that’s going to come as a huge shock someday when it bites me in the @$$.
Everyone needs a budget or “spending plan”…It is all about choices. He chose to spend on a wedding rather than retirement savings. He has to live with those consequences. We all need to take responsibility for our actions.
There’s a lot of really good literature about the deserving versus the undeserving poor from Victorian England that might interest you.
Personally I don’t think we should expect people to behave perfectly and if not they starve, but that’s just me and my faith.
I completely agree that there is a pervasive and wrong-headed notion in our country that there are deserving poor and undeserving poor. However, there’s a difference between recognizing and articulating when people are making easily avoidable, unwise decisions and allowing people to starve if they do not behave perfectly. Your post was unnecessarily judgmental.
Do you really think that I should be allowed to use my entire salary to buy a Range Rover and then go on food stamps?
The author isn’t poor. He’s a Cadillac lifestyle on a Ford income and has been doing so for 20+ years.
There’s a pretty big difference between saying that you’ve got to exercise some responsibility with things that are clearly within your control and saying that if you make one mistake you should starve in the street.
Personally I don’t think we should be responsible for individuals who chose to live far beyond their means, but that’s just me and my work ethic.
I’m a person of faith, too, but there’s a difference between someone who never had a chance versus someone who builds an unsustainable lifestyle. I’m not familiar with the Victorian literature you’ve (rather sarcastically) referenced, but unless the dilineation between “deserving poor” and “undeserving poor” is whether or not they slowly but surely dug themselves into a very preventable hole, then I doubt it’s comparable.
It’s exactly what you are talking about here. Some poor people deserve our pity because xyz, and some brought in on themselves and screw them.
I’m unaware of any major faith that embraces that view, and certainly Christianity is pretty clear about it, but your faith may certainly differ.
The author will doubtless not be able to continue his current lifestyle, and that will make him feel poor. As commentators above have noted, that does not mean he’s truly living on the edge; it means he won’t be able to keep up with his neighbors. Denying him government or charitable relieve isn’t a case of condemning someone to die in the street, it’s a case of not using tax or donated dollars to support a luxurious lifestyle.
He’s NOT POOR. He spent all of his money that otherwise could have provided him a secure life.
Quit with your illogical moralizing and insults under the guise of “faith.”
Snort! :)
Right, it seems like he didn’t want to deny his kids anything, even though state schools are a great option if you’re choosing between college and retirement. His article was a bit infuriating.
But didn’t he just ask for his parents to pay for his kids college? Nice to have that option, I guess. Although now you are risking your own parents’ retirement as well, to pay for your lifestyle choices.
I am surprised he actually put his name on the article.
Shame shame…. so many poor choices.
But I do quite a few making bad life choices like this.
His choices were bad and I agree a lot of it was infuriating. I think a point he made, though, that was worthwhile is that many of us get to a certain level and feel like we *should* be living like X, Y, Z because we think people like us live that way when in fact, the amount of money required to actually live that way is much more than we realize. So my husband and I are in the top 5% and many people would probably think if you earn that much you must drive luxury cars, own a big house, eat out whenever you want, and go on European vacations. Being in that bracket, it does seem at least that we should be able to go out for a nice dinner once in awhile, and not stress if we need to buy new shoes. In fact, while we’re financially secure, we still put away less for retirement than we’d like, and can’t move out of our townhouse into a single family house because even earning well into the six figures it’s too much (at least in our HCOL area). And we do stress when we need new shoes, or a new coat, or whatever. As for European vacations, ha!, we can barely scrape enough together to take the family on a one hour flight to visit my parents more than once or twice a year.
Then you need to look at your budget and job location. Because it is crazy someone in your bracket should feel this way.
+1, I thought this article would have been much stronger if he’d left his own personal details out of it. The actual statistics are surprising, but putting them in the context of so many objectively short-sighted and foolish financial choices made me less sympathetic. I’m sure there are examples out there of families who have ended up in a bad financial place because of macroeconomic reasons and bad luck (medical bills, etc) in spite of making mostly-responsible choices. Highlighting one of them would have driven home the point a lot better.
I agree–he moved between people living on the edge while they work two or three jobs and drive a beater car and can barely put food on the table with some of his life choices (mentioned above–fancy zip code, kids to private school, one-earner family/unwillingness to be more pragmatic about job choices, etc.). The point is, he had choices and made them. Many, many working poor are stuck and have no choices (see e.g. Nickel & Dimed by Ehrenreich). This article was a disservice to many Americans living on the edge.
In spite of the title of the article and its packaging, I don’t think the author actually intended the article to be about people on the real edge (the Nickel and Dimed folks) – I think he intended it to be more about his own “plight” – while I think he and his wife were clearly financially foolish, I live in the same HCOL area as the writer, and I know many, many people in his shoes. People who grew up “middle class” or “upper middle class” 30 or 40 years ago (as the author did) mostly grew up wanting for nothing – they were raised by a mom in a nice house or apartment, with plenty of vacations and nice things.
Look at Mad Men – in season 2ish, Don Draper is basically just an upper-level manager at an advertising firm, and he’s got a stay-at-home wife, a full-time housekeeper, a fancy new car, and a house in a nice part of Westchester. I am married to an upper-level advertising manager, and let me tell you, our reality does not – and financially, could not, given what everything costs – look like that. This guy grew up expecting to have what his parents had, and expecting to be able to provide for his kids what his parents provided for him, and he can’t do that in this region on a “normal” salary anymore. Rather than adjusting accordingly, he just assumed his day would come, money-wise, and continued to live as if he could have the life he wanted. He made just enough money to not totally blow up his life living this way, but as he approaches retirement (or, rather, non-retirement), the chickens have come home to roost.
He’s trying to make his plight more noble/more relevant-to-the-masses by adding in all the statistics, but at heart, I think what he intended to write about was the plight of a certain type of educated, middle class baby boomer, not the plight of people living “on the edge.”
Re: Killer Kitten Heels – That seems like a good and worthy topic of discussion, but not from the perspective of “woe is me,” but from the perspective of “how can we change our culture so that we don’t do stupid things like this?”
@Lyssa, you’re right, but the thing is, I don’t think the author (and others in his shoes) perceive what they did as “stupid error, not to be repeated” – they perceive it as “WTH happened to the world that I’ve ended up worse off than my parents when I’m more educated/accomplished/etc. than they ever could’ve hoped to be?” They just don’t perceive their (to my mind, excessive) consumption level as the problem at all, so they don’t see the culture as needing to change, and are therefore unlikely to write anything other than a “woe is me” story.
I think one problem re: him not understanding that his consumption is excessive is that he can justify each separate instance of poor financial choice to himself– expensive private school? wanted to set up his kids to succeed! living in the Hamptons? its okay, he only has one house! wife quitting her job? it’s best for the kids! being a writer? he’s just being true to himself! buried in credit card debt? he’ll just make more money later and it’ll be fiiine!
But what it all adds up to is something completely unsustainable when taken as a life-long pattern, and he’s reached the breaking point and just so shocked that something went wrong.
I really hate how that whole article was handled. He made important points that people should be talking about–the $400 statistic is appalling, wage stagnation is serious, college and childcare costs are out of reach for too many, and so many people are grappling with profound, systemic financial instability that I don’t think it can be explained by individual irresponsibility, unless we assume that the large majority of Americans are irresponsible morons and ignore decades of decline in many sectors of our economy.
HOWEVER. The author is a damned fool. No one makes perfect financial decisions all of the time, not even people who are usually responsible, but he seems to have gone out of his way to make every incorrect choice that it was possible to make. People are spending so much time jumping down his throat, that they’re ignoring the actual important discussion points buried in the laundry list of all the things he did wrong. Someone who made even half of the poor decisions he did would have been so much more sympathetic.
I totally agree.
And then in retrospect, I realized that he is actually also telling a story that needs to be told of the many, many people who are living beyond their means. But it is startling how he seems to not even acknowledge how terrible his choices were, and yes…. a little offensive to put his predicament next to the many who are truly living on the edge.
But the point I took away from it was that it isn’t just the people on the edge who are on the edge. Yes, there are many people who work three jobs and can barely afford food. BUT there are also many people earning what we would think would be comfortable salaries who are still not financially secure. And part of it is their own poor money management. And part of it is structural issues. But no one talks about it because it’s shameful. It wasn’t a piece about the truly poor at all.
Yes, TBK, I think you are exactly right. The point of the article was that many many people are much closer to the edge than anyone would guess, and that what may seem to be short-term financial setbacks/poor decisions actually have really long-term consequences.
There’s “mistakes” that are made because people are human, or small-scale things (like, you might go out to a decent meal once in a while) because living on a “nothing but essentials” budget is extremely difficult.
Then there’s just plain living beyond your means. This guy seemed to have what I call “and syndrome”: he wanted the nice, hcol area, and private schools for his daughters, and a stay at home wife, and nice weddings, and a fun career instead of a boring one with more stability.
+1
I have zero sympathy for people who choose to live beyond their means, up to their necks in credit card debt but owning all the latest toys, yet no emergency fund and by payday they are starting to sweat. Coming from a family that could not afford health insurance let alone retirement savings, this author churns my stomach.
+2
Just yesterday, I canceled an order to buy a DVD (I know, stupid. But it was not available for cheaper on Netflix or Hulu or Amazon Streaming) because I found it at my library. Granted, I now have to wait until 3 patrons watch and return it before I get to check it out but I’ll have saved $22.
What gets my goat about people who live beyond their means, don’t save for retirement, etc. is that they aren’t saving for retirement. When SS gets means-tested in 20 years, the savers among us will get less than the people who frittered away their money and lived it up. Ugh.
Lol, this is kind of an absurd comparison. I’m sure the author got books from the library too, and drove a beater car, and hardly ever bought new clothes, and patted himself on the back for his frugality. My parents were in a similar situation, and i just think some of those decisions are harder than you are making it sound: when you have ingrained in you that education is everything, and you have the chance to send your bright, hard-working kid to the school that is so obviously the best school for her, would you say no, or vow to figure it out somehow in order to give your kid the chance? I mean, people on here freak out about what preschool to send their kid to.
Anonymama, I suppose you didn’t read the article –
“I didn’t have savings, but not because I thought I could rely forever on credit instead or because I chose to spend my money extravagantly rather than salt it away.”
And no, there is nothing wrong with a bright, hard-working kid funding their own education.
This article infuriates me. The author is one of the most entitled people I’ve ever seen. Forget deserving vs. undeserving poor; this guy thought he was entitled to all of the trappings of an upper-middle-class lifestyle because he was raised with that privilege and his social circle has that privilege. Do I think he should starve or freeze to death? No. But don’t expect me to do what he asks and pity him for not actually being the upper-middle-class person he holds himself out to be.
So, real talk, do any of you with actual children think that you would tell your kid who wants to go to Stanford, and gets in, that she can’t go? I understand the reasoning, but real life I think that would be so, so very hard to tell your hard-working kid.
Yes, I think I would do this. I certainly had to make similar decisions myself, and the cost of college is a big part of the decision about where to go.
I agree that it would be (or will be, 13 years from now [DS is 5]) a difficult discussion to have, but it’s also an extremely valuable life lesson, and worth some temporary discomfort. When better to teach kids about living within their means than when they’re starting off their “adult” lives?
Yep, my kid wants to spend a year of uni in France. We are paying for a uni near Toronto. I said you look into it and I’ll help you with the loan application. But I will not pay for it.
I probably could if I stopped our retirement savings but my daughter needs to understand the real cost.
I offered this piece of advice / life lesson: finish your degree in Ontario, get a job, move back in with us, save and travel. It is my job to make her responsible for her actions.
I would tell my kid to pull out his or her own student loan and be responsible for the decision him or herself. Acceptance doesn’t put me as a parent on the hook for the cost. If you’ve got the money and want to spend it on your kid, go for it. But if you don’t or your own retirement is at stake, you should have already had the cost conversation with your child when discussing colleges and prepared him/her for the loan burden associated with enrolling at Stanford.
The problem arises when the conversation happens after the fat envelope has arrived. It should start around middle school and go like this:
“We have about $X to put towards your education. Here are the conditions for us paying anything (grades, curfew in high school, etc). If your school costs more, make up the difference in scholarships and loans.”
As senior year arrives and estimated cost calculators are used, have the talk about specific schools *before* the applications are sent out.
My brother and I were clearly told that if we went to a state school and/or got a significant scholarship (to bring private tuition to state school levels), my parents would pay for us to go to college. If we wanted to up and go to a private school without a scholarship, we were on our own. Ultimately I think they still would have contributed a portion but the rest would have been on us. And grad school (which we both went to) was on our own. It’s not that hard of a conversation to have and doesn’t restrict choices that much. I had an ex-bf who said he would not pay for his kids college at all, regardless of his own financial position. I found that a little tough (one of many reasons he is an ex).
Well, I got into Oxford for my Masters a couple months ago and my parents (I’m 20) told me, we have the money but we don’t think it’s a good investment, surely you can get a decent education somewhere else. So now I’m not doing a Masters at all and am in the process of accepting a banking job (dreams status: crushed). And my parents do care about education. So yes, people do that all the time.
I did. It was hard. But she is blooming where she is, and now that she’s worked a few summers for low intern wages and see what starting salaries are like in her field, she’s glad we don’t have the loans.
I really appreciate this discussion the article started, even if the author’s financial choices are a little grating. But I’ll admit that my husband and I fight the desire and feelings of entitlement to have what our parents had and what we grew up with, and sometimes the shame of not having it. Our parents were upper-middle-class, and we both grew up with the large house, private schools, etc. Now, husband and I both work, and we make around the top 5% for our relatively LCOL area. We live in a small house and can’t afford to move anytime soon. We live 3 minutes away from the fancy private school husband grew up attending, and we probably won’t be able to afford tuition there for our son (and definitely not if we have another child). We drive one new car (the first car we’ve owned that wasn’t a 10-year-old hand-me-down) and one 15-year-old car that my parents bought for me when I graduated from high school. We’re not poor, we have absolutely everything we need, our student loans are paid off, we save for retirement, and we have good healthcare and other insurance. But we also have to recognize and fight ingrained expectations or assumptions that our lifestyle would match or exceed what we grew up with. It’s not always easy. I think (or hope) that we’re making good choices, but I can see how easy it would be to justify living outside our means.
“But I’ll admit that my husband and I fight the desire and feelings of entitlement to have what our parents had and what we grew up with, and sometimes the shame of not having it.” –SC
““WTH happened to the world that I’ve ended up worse off than my parents when I’m more educated/accomplished/etc. than they ever could’ve hoped to be?” — Killer Kitten Heels
If you grew up upper-middle-class and are now straining to stay middle class as an adult, it’s easy to feel embarrassed or frustrated–but you’re still being adequately fed and clothed in a safe, comfortable home, with good routine medical care and a few extra comforts if not many luxuries.
This mild-to-moderate lifestyle constriction for people in the middle class gets really, really uncomfortable on the lower socio-economic levels. People end up worrying about survival rather than comfort or convenience. (Details: If it’s a struggle to remain comfortably middle-class, it’s a steep challenge to stay comfortably working-class, and it’s almost impossible to stay out of financial and logistical trouble if you’re poor. The progression goes from “living very carefully” to “living from paycheck to paycheck” to “being just one challenge (sick kid, broken car …) away from total poverty.” The last situation happens when the challenge makes you miss work, because then you lose a day’s pay–or your entire job, income, and home (because being poor means you don’t have any financial cushion to pay for a babysitter, car repair, or any other unexpected disruption).
The Sanders and Trump campaigns both respond to this feeling, although in very different ways, and with very different levels of empathy towards other people also caught in difficult circumstances.
You can pile on, but the problem of the entitled never growing up is real and should not be just dismissed. It’s the product of parents who shelter, kids who always got a trophy. They were taught and believe the good will come if they work hard, and often if they don’t. It’s American optimism, and even faith. “I’m a winner, God will take care of me.” Until it’s too late. These people will be old and on Medicaid — along with the actually poor.
I found it surprising. Most people I know seem like they have hit their stride by their 40s and have houses paid off, high incomes etc. I can’t imagine not having $400. I get uncomfortable if my checking account falls below $30k
Do you ladies button your suit jackets for formal events like interviews or court? If you do button, is it just the top button that buttons?
I never button. The (very few) women I’ve seen with jackets buttoned up button all the buttons. Button.
I never button either, just feels too constricting. NB: I am almost never in court, and if I am it is probate court, where attorneys wear all kinds of weird things not even approximating suits – I figure my unbuttoned suit jacket is plenty formal!
Good point. I’m in Canada so I wear robes in court.
Yay! Great Question! I DO button my suit jacket’s all the time for both court hearing’s as well as at dinner’s, tho I UNbutten them when I sit down at dinner, b/c they are tailored and NOT designed to wear buttoned when I am sitting. It is ONLEY the top button that I button.
However, sometimes, tho, when I am in court, the Judge complement’s me on my outfit and tell’s me that I do NOT have to appear so formal in his court, especially when the air condition is not workeing right. It is ONLEY when it is hot in court that he say’s I can take off my jacket, and of course I do b/c the air condition in there is terible. FOOEY on NYS Court system’s air condition! Even our office is better and I feel bad for all the court reporter’s that have to keep their jacket’s on even tho they are sweateing. FOOEY! I think the NYS Budget should get more money for air condition in court’s so that we can all be more comfortoeable. YAY!!!
I start buttoned and unbutton when I sit down. And if the jacket has more than one button, I button all of them.
I’m pretty flat-chested, though. Bustier women often can’t button a jacket which otherwise fits. It’s okay either way. Do what works best for you.
Same here. I think that I look and feel more formal and put together buttoned, so I do it for formal events. But I don’t have many of those lately, so I probably haven’t actually done it in a couple of years.
I always button the top button of a two or three button jacket, just as a man would do. Plus it shows the buckle of my belt if I’m wearing one. One button jackets, it depends on how they fit.
Do you unbutton when you sit down?
When in a formal suit, I button, then unbutton when seated.
If I’m more in a trousers and coordinated-colored jacket, I leave unbuttoned
The only times I typically wear a suit are for appellate court oral arguments and I always button and leave buttoned. I prefer jackets with three buttons and button all of them. I have a couple with two or one buttons and I do the same with those.
Busty lady here. I know people will say, if it doesn’t button it doesn’t fit. But if I get a jacket that has enough fabric to reach all the way around my chest, I can’t wear it unbuttoned. The fabric flaps around like it’s some horrible boob wing/post-pregnancy belly monstrosity. It’s uncomfortable, unflattering, and unprofessional. Imho, the best alternative is to buy a jacket that buttons through the waist even if it can’t button at the bust, and just wear it unbuttoned.
+1
I practice exclusively in federal court and always button when I’m standing. (Except when I was visibly pregnant, when I did not button and felt very uncomfortable about it.). I’ve seen judges scold men for not buttoning.
Today I’m wearing a one-button jacket that’s a little big, so it’s buttoned, but I normally leave my jackets unfastened even for court.
Yes for all interviews.
A partner approached me several months ago about potentially leaving our current firm and starting a new firm together. We have had somewhat detailed meetings about the type of practice we would envisions, business loans, etc about every 3-4 weeks during that time period. He has been silent on the issue for the last 3 weeks despite what I feel like is some hinting on my part that we should meet and discuss. I am tempted to assume he has changed his mind and the concept is no longer feasible for him and he feels awkward telling me. But I don’t know for sure based on some comments he has made, and don’t want to make a bad assumption and just delay unnecessarily.
The question is: Should I force the conversation? If so, how should I approach? I am his junior so it seems a tad awkward for me to force the conversation, but at the same time – it is really irritating to now know the status of this. He brought it up. Am I entitled to know if the whole concept is over in his mind, or do I need to just wait it out and see if he ever brings it up again.
If you’re talking about going into business as a partner with this person, why wouldn’t you talk to him? You wouldn’t be going into a partnership as a subordinate, right? I’d just go talk to him. If he’s leaving and talking about offering you a job at a new firm, I might be a little more hesitant (but not really). I don’t think you need a special approach, just “hey let’s talk about the plan.”
Correct. I am a subordinate now but we would be partners at the new theoretical place. I’m probably over thinking it.
you may not be overthinking, but you might want to consider whether you want to form a partnership with someone you don’t feel totally comfortable taking to. A business partnership is a lot like a marriage in that you really need to communicate well and often. So maybe that’s the flag here, not the mechanics of what’s going on. Are you overthinking your junior status or are you not comfortable asserting yourself with this guy?
“Hey, Partner, where’s your head with this new business deal?” And then be silent and wait until he responds. Stay silent a couple seconds after he responds to see if you can coax anything else out of him. People occasionally will blurt out more if you don’t respond immediately after they say something. If you want to go into business with this guy, you need to have direct communication. I still agree though with the other commenters last time though–he should be driving this. And if he isn’t, that should be a red flag.
Thanks. I think I’m over thinking it.
Did you post this a few weeks ago? I recall your post and you got some great responses. Wha has changed between then and now?
I guess what has changed is that I feel like I have obviously invited the conversation, and he isn’t biting. And I don’t know whether to take that as “this isnt happening and there’s no point in talking” or if he just needs me to take the reigns (I am probably the more entrepreneurial one of the two of us.) And whether there is a right answer based on my current subordinate status.
The more likely scenario is that he likes to gripe about his situation but isn’t going to actually take action BUT there’s a slight possibility that he is not discussing things with you because doing so is a breach of his fiduciary duties to his partners. The law/ethical guidance is very clear on the matter: a partner looking to leave a firm may not entice employees away from the firm before giving notice to his partners. Also, if you’re actually going to pursue setting up a new firm, read your state’s rules about talking to clients before giving notice and make sure you’re not walking into a dispute with your current firm.
+1
I love this dress.
Today’s commute was certainly tamer than yesterday’s, but I have even better news: I’m celebrating my 2 year anniversary at my job today! This feels huge because I’ve never been at a job this long before. AND I finally got up the guts to ask my manager why I’m still a contractor, so she’s gonna talk to the head of HR about it. Progress!
Woo! Fingers crossed for you.
I am being assigned a mandatory pro bono case by my county court (my state does this for attorneys who don’t hit a certain number of pro bono hours in a year).
I’ve been told that I will be representing someone in either a contempt hearing for violating a restraining order or a probation violation hearing. I practice transactional law and had hoped never to step foot in a courtroom, so I am really nervous about this.
Has anyone done one of these before? Any tips?
I’m not an attorney, but this seems batshit crazy to me. What kind of representation are people getting from attorneys practicing what seems to be well outside the scope of their normal area?
Often reasonably good representation. Neither of these hearings necessarily triggers entitlement to a public defender, and a real estate lawyer assigned to the matter who is going to read your file and read the statutes is still better than nothing. The judge will know she is assigned pro bono counsel and won’t be looking to trick her, the prosecutors tend to be reasonable to deal with as well, and you just do the best you can.
For OP remember that your job is to know your case. If you stumble on the procedure or presentation that’s fine as long as you are an expert on your client.
As a public defender I completely agree.
Do you have a criminal defense attorney friend you can reach out to? I’d see if you can find someone who has done some of them in their daily practice and have them give you a few tips. I too am a transactional attorney, so I understand your anxiety!!
While the consequences can be serious for either of these, especially the probation violation depending on the circumstances of the case, at least in my state the hearings on both of these are fairly routine and informal. In my state, the Rules of Evidence and even the right to confrontation are relaxed at probation violation hearings. Though you still can make objections, cross-examine whoever the State brings, and make arguments. Also, a lot of these will settle before the hearing with an admission from the defendant in exchange for a reduced punishment or getting put back on probation especially if it is a minor violation.
In my state, if it is a criminal contempt hearing, then all of the rules and constitutional protections apply, but these also often end in a plea as well with the defendant admitting the violation and agreeing to stay away from the victim, sometimes with an extension of the order, in exchange for no jail time.
So I would say just brush up on the Rules of Evidence and your basic criminal procedure so you can make timely objections should you actually get to an evidentiary hearing.
I would add that probation violation hearings have relaxed evidentiary rules, but there is still a due process right (not a confrontation right) when hearsay is involved. Hopefully, you’ll have a prosecutor who is willing to tell you how they’re willing to prove the case. Then you can look into it more if it looks like it’ll be an issue.
Gratuitous pitch to reach out to your local pro bono organization. Ours does not do criminal work, but they would do their best to refer you to another organization which does and which could mentor you. Even better, next time, you can ask the pro bono organization if you could volunteer in an area which is more appropriate for your skill set! We are always looking for volunteers and 99% of the time, we train them to do the simple (civil) cases which we handle.
This is a great suggestion. Our Legal Aid office also offers free CLE for attorneys willing to take pro bono cases outside their usual practice areas.
OP here – thanks, all. I have a friend with experience in the courtroom who is willing to assist me. Does anyone know if I would be allowed to bring in co-counsel?
One of the things I am most nervous about is the possibility that I won’t get my discovery materials or meet my client until right before the hearing. The guide provided by the court says that this is a possibility. I like to be prepared so this makes me very uneasy.
It’s definitely a possibility but honestly from experience I know a lot of prosecutors aren’t looking at the file until you sit down with them and might remember it from before but generally only if the person has been a constant pain. If you have time after your assignment or know where it will be, try to observe how that prosecutor handles court. I’ve seen a lot of prosecutors in violation hearings refuse to talk before the case is called where other ones have a line of attorneys for a quick meeting and then they’ll go formal when they know what to do. I’ve rarely seen people enter things into evidence for violation hearings of those kinds, unless it’s something like “yes, x was caught drinking in violation but here’s a form showing he’s been in out-patient rehab for the last 3 months” but YMMV.
You will likely get discovery by email with a hard copy at the conference. Or ask if they can fax it when you first call the prosecutor if email is not an option.
I know what state this is! Just finished my assignment. Don’t worry- I have a purely transactional practice and it wasn’t bad. There’s an.pdf guide online and a YouTube video produced by the state that walks you through the process. Ask your friends and people in your firm if they’ve done one (they probably have).
Thanks!
Where do you ladies like to shop for l!ngerie?
As I got dressed this morning I realized my drawer was full of entirely boring, practical items. I’d like to add a few cute items to the mix for days I really don’t want to get dressed and go to work, and some s3xy items for when I want to surprise my SO after date night.
My preferred brand is Chantelle, so I either get it at a local boutique or Bloomingdale’s.
My beloved Chantelle C Magnifique was discontinued – it was perfect and amazing and I cannot find another one like it. *weeps*
Love Chantelle…. it’s all I buy!
Empreinte. Expensive, but…just amazing.
Yup, awesome.
the answer would be nordstrom (for my chantelle as well :)) or nordstrom rack. highly recommend.
For the poster yesterday worried about divorcing with small kids, I liked this story about someone who went through it and is happy now: http://www.designmom.com/2016/04/living-with-kids-melisa-russo
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh I just gave notice at my job! So excited to be moving in to my next position. Kind of bittersweet because I don’t hate my company/client, but this is really the next step for me and it’s an awesome opportunity. Plus, I will be moving from contractor to fed.
Champagne later? I think so.
Congratulations!
I broke up with a boyfriend of about a year about a month and a half ago, because while we were great together in a lot of ways, he wasn’t “all in” the way I’d have liked him to be, and he wasn’t going to be a great fit for me in the long run. It was tough, but the right decision.
Since then, I’ve discovered in bits and bobs that he’d been sleeping with other women the whole time we were together. It’s kind of immaterial, since I’d broken up with him even not knowing this, but finding out has been devastating. We’re both in our early thirties, and had been hitting all of the usual couple milestones (meeting families, etc), so fidelity was for sure an expectation.
Any advice for getting through this, or (even better), stories about getting through something like this and finding someone fabulous, after all?
Bonjour. First, join me for an evening of poor life decisions. Perhaps we will do karaoke? We might eat pasta on pizza. It’s entirely possible we will yell things at strangers.
When you have recovered from a full on hung-over weekend of wallowing with magazines and chocolate and tears, only then when you have really indulged your feelings will you be ready to move on. This guy has no meaning to your future- you dated a bad fish, noticed his stink, and threw him back. You’re doing great at life.
Love this, Shots!
I’m sorry — that really sucks. How are you finding all of this out? If it’s through your “friends”, then they really aren’t your friends.
First, cut off any way you are “finding out”. As someone else said, if “friends” are telling you this, they’re not friends. Block them out. If it’s on social media, stay off of it.
Secondly, and I know this is scary and another layer of pain, but please get yourself tested. If he cheated on you throughout your relationship, he put you at risk of disease.
With that out of the way, I went through this. I was engaged. He was wonderful. We had one epic fight and we took a break…and then everyone I had ever met told me he had been cheating on me for 2 years and they had photos. Which they posted on FB and tagged me in. That was fun.
I was mortified and felt humiliated, which is stupid, because he was the one who was a jerk. But I just felt so dumb that I never knew.
I set a deadline to cry and grieve. I was allowed one week of sulking, sobbing, binge-eating and bad-movie-ing. After that week, I had cried myself out. Then I forced myself to get up and get moving again. It sucks, and there’s no easy way to deal with it. But I cut every one of those people who told me…because they hadn’t said anything the whole time it was happening even though they knew and only told me when it was over.
I signed up for hobbies to keep myself busy. For me, that meant returning to horseback riding, which I hadn’t done in years.
And I began to move on. And about a year later, I met the amazing person who is now my husband. Our relationship is awesome, and looking back, I can see how dysfunctional/not right that old relationship was.
In my mid-30s, I’d been dating a guy for about two years when I finally realized that, despite his promises, he was never going to follow through. I broke up with him and was so, so proud of myself for getting my act together. Six weeks later, I got an email from a woman who had also been his girlfriend for the past year. He’d broken up with her, she went through his email, and it all came tumbling down. We met for drinks a couple times and compared notes, and it turned out that for the last couple months with me, he hadn’t even had an apartment — he’d been going back and forth between us.
I was so upset. I thought I’d made a mature decision for myself and my needs, but the fact that we’d never had what I thought took away all the feelings of empowerment I’d had. I took a year off of dating. Eventually, I realized that I did make the right decision. Even though the relationship hadn’t been what I thought it was, he was not ending it. I was the one who recognized it didn’t work for me, and I was the one who ended it. You need to start looking at your decision the same way. He wasn’t all in. You recognized that and broke up with him. His sleeping around was just a symptom of the problem you recognized. Even without full information, you made the right decision.
Take some time to focus on your self, your friends, your job… whatever makes you feel happy with life. Treat this as a learning experience and re-evaluate your needs in a partner. Get some therapy if you’re starting to wallow. This was a bad experience, but it is over. Better to find out sooner than later.
Signed,
Happily married pregnant lady
Thank you both for sharing, it’s a big help, and Shots., I’m so delighted that you showed up!
The dress looks nice in the photo but I’ve always been disappointed with the quality of Shabby Apple items.
Me too! I do like their dresses so I’ve given them multiple chances, but 90% of the time they are poor quality. Weird fabric, wrinkle easily, don’t wash well, etc…also be careful of their return policy. While exchanges are free, returns cost $7.95. I’ve given up.
Me too! I always feel like the linings are sewn in weirdly or something.
Yes, the quality is terrible and the price point is way off for what you get.
I have thick hair. I don’t mean thickish side of medium. I mean offf the charts crazy thick. Hair so thick that it busts virtually every clip or doodad I attempt to clip my hair into a ponytail or put it up with.
Can anyone suggest any clips or other hair tie-er uppers that can accomodate too much hair? I’m getting tired of buying clips that bust the first time I try to use them.
I’ve basically given up on clips. Scrunchi or Goody used to make one barrette that had an extra loop-like thing in the metal, but I can’t find them anymore. I double the thicker (but regular sized) hair elastics.
If I found a clip I loved, I’d probably put my hair up with elastics, then sneak the clip over the top, purely decoratively.
Also,Goody Spin Pins, 3 to 4 of them, can keep my hair in a very secure bun. (Pony tail first, of course.)
I usually buy my butterfly clips at Target – there’s one brand (Goody?) that is thinner plastic that I’ve learned to avoid. Another one (Scrunchi?) is think plastic AND had rubberized insides so should help the hair from slipping out/clip stay in. (those brands may be flipped)
I’ve also acquired some hair elastics that are thicker, fabric coated, but had an elastic/rubberized helix (so not a smooth surface) that helps my hair stay up, under the weight of it all. Not perfect, and probably more likely to cause breakage, but better than the thinner fabric coated hair binders I’d been using previously.
Like this: http://www.amazon.com/Scunci-No-slip-Chunky-Clips-Count/dp/B001QX7NTQ (should be available in multiple sizes)
The rubber inside ones are great, but hard to find. The Scrunchi “octopus” ones work well, but I don’t find them particularly attractive in my hair. In any case, I need ones that have a right angle bend to them, no just a curve.
Have you already tried Flexi8? Not really business like. Best regards Christine
I like the ribbon ties at Sephora. I think I’ve only busted one.
Many, many years ago (like at least 7 years) on this site, someone (maybe it was a main post?) posted about these plastic ampersand-shaped clip things that work great for holding hair and are pretty flexible, so may be able to accommodate thicker hair. You had to order them online at the time; I don’t know if they’re in stores now. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the name of them (which is doubly unfortunate because I’ve lost one of mine and need more). Does anyone know what I’m talking about?
Found my receipt in my old emails (yes, from 2009)–it was the Clever Clip, but I can’t seem to find them online anymore:-(
I am right there with you. Every time I go to a new person to get my hair cut, she is always amazed at how insanely thick my hair is! Honestly, I have never found any type of clip that really holds all of my hair even if it says it is specifically for thick hair. I do buy my hair ties at a place that sells mostly to salons, and they are better than the average drugstore brand. I would love to find clips that worked too!
I use goody spin pins and regular hair ties, which end up being almost a single use item because they get so stretched out. Sometimes I do the two ponytail thing that looks like one ponytail (this is hard to explain, but I’m sure google will have pictures.) This way one hair tie only holds half my hair.
You could try a bungee (just do a search/compare prices on Amazon)
http://www.hairbungee.com/
For buns, I usually do a ponytail first (using a bungee or even a scrunchie – I have black hair so it gets camouflaged by the end), then braid it, then wind it into a bun and use spin pins (lifesavers!) to hold it.
Those ribbon ties can work well on curly thick hair, but if your hair is straight there probably isn’t enough grip to stay.
I love bungees! I have the opposite problem–I have alopecia, so have very thing, easily pulled out hair. I use clip-in hair to make it look more normal when I wear a pony, but using a typical elastic is painful/too-tight for my natural hair. Bungees keep everything in place without ripping at it.
For just holding it back while styling, hair tamer croc clips. I can hold all of my hair in only 4! You definitely don’t want to appear in public in them, though. For rubber bands, the Scunci braided elastics are pretty sturdy and don’t pop apart like other types can. I think I only had one pop, and it was only one strand in the braid. If you want to do an updo, spin pins kind of work, just use a lot of them.
I have the little Goody clips (about 2 inches wide) with the grippy stuff inside. To use them to make a ponytail, I gather enough hair from around my head and clip just that – I’m not putting my whole ponytail through the clip.
Check out the France Luxe website – they sort barrettes/ties/clips into categories for thick hair or fine hair.
+1 for France Luxe
When I had thick hair, their mod bobby pins (don’t really look like bobby pins) held it back for me with no problem, when nothing else would. Well, nothing that didn’t grab onto my hair and hurt to pull out of it, at any rate.
I’m feeling like I’m going to strangle one of my junior colleagues (I was temporarily her manager, now we report to the same boss but i have 10 years experience on her).
Its not entirely her fault, I assumed she was taught things in th@ past that she wasnt. But gah, I don’t want to get sucked into fixing this spiraling mess that isn’t entirely her fault but not.mine either.
I need a drink, a nap, and then to write a long “thank you for putting up with me when I had 2-3 years experience and thought I knew it all” note to my former bosses/mentors, because looking back I probably put them in the exact same situation more than once.
Ugh.
I had something similar happen to me this week. I had been fuming, but your post was a good reminder to me that others helped me out when I was there,so now is my turn to help her. And to write one of those thank you letters.
Just a quick PSA.. There was a great thread recently about Casper mattresses. There’s a $100 cash back bonus on AMEX Offers for any purchase over $500 or more.
nice. thanks!
do you remember what post it was? I have been thinking about getting a casper.
I’ve been really happy with the Casper we bought about six months ago.
I just ordered mine this morning! I’ll try to report back once I’ve had a month or two to test it.
I just ordered mine this morning! I’ll try to report back once I’ve had a month or two to test it.
There’s also a $50 credit on giltcity (for free, PLUS you get $50 on giltcity after your purchase) for Casper.
Anyone have recommendations for Charlottesville? I’m going with a (platonic female) friend for two nights over Memorial Day, and we’re both focused on R&R over anything too strenuous. Neither of us have ever been before, and we will have a car, if that matters. I’ve looked in the archives, but most relevant comments are just suggesting Charlottesville to people without much detail on food/activities.
If you like history there’s a great pass that will get you admission to Monticello, Ashlawn, and the tavern that’s nearby. Continental Divide is a low-key, fun Mexican place with great, slightly off-beat food. There’s some good hiking near Monticello if you’re up for that, and if you want more history, Montpelier is also nearby.
I really liked visiting Monticello. On the way up there, there is a farm you pass that had great apple picking in the fall. I can’t remember what it was called but there are great views up there. Might be worth checking out if they have any fruit in season.
It’s called Carter Mountain. Even if they don’t have fruit in season (and I would seriously doubt if they do right now), it’s worth stopping for views and apple cider donuts.
Ooh Citizen Burger Bar is also fantastic.
Wineries. They are where it’s at. Pippin Hill is fancy and slick but really good, both food and wine. Cardinal Hall is pretty relaxed, very good quality. Pollack is also great wine. You can get a tour that will drive you around the wineries and drop you off at various wineries.
Food: Mas (tapas, crowded, amazingly good, might have to wait a bit but just grab a drink), The Local (high quality bistro food), Tavola (fancy small plate local Italian), Whiskey Jar (downtown walking mall upscale comfort food, great whiskey, great mixed drinks, live bluegrass sometimes), Blue Moon (quirky diner), Continental Divide (fantastic margaritas, tex-mex fusiony, also crowded), Oakhurst Inn (cute place to stay and also to eat breakfast/brunch after students are gone for the semester), Public (oysters), Alley Light (upscale speakeasy-vibe, haven’t eaten a single thing there I haven’t loved, bartenders are the best in town if Greg’s there tell him I sent you), Ten (for sushi and sake flights), Bodos (for quick morning bagels, obviously, but have your order ready when you get to the front!), and Champion and Three Notch’d are the best breweries in town.
If you have other questions let me know and I can PM you. I’m very familiar with the town and I really like to eat.
I think the blogger at Kath Eats Real Food just did a couple posts for Southern Living on what to do in Charlottesville. Might check those out.
Ugh, she’s a poor writer and an entitled human being from what she presents online.
I don’t disagree, but she did round up what seemed like nice places to visit.
Yay Cville! If you post an anon email I’m happy to get in touch with more details. I’ve lived there for most of my life and am still in and out frequently (including for Memorial Day this year). But for a long weekend I would recommend:
-Stroll around Monticello and/or UVA Grounds. The gardens will be lovely this time of year.
-Get brunch on a patio on the Downtown Mall, or swing by the farmer’s market on Saturday morning for tacos. It’s hard to go wrong with food on the mall.
-Definitely wineries, which you will need a car for. They tend to be in clusters; you probably have time to really enjoy two sets. My recommendations would be Jefferson and Blenheim closer to town (both convenient to Monticello); Pollack, King Family (stunning views, and if you go Sunday they’re starting their polo season, which is an awesome local tradition), and maybe Cardinal Point in the western end of the county; and then checking out Glass House or Moss in the northwestern chunk. I dislike Pippin Hill actually (too corporate for my taste), but it does have beautiful views.
-Don’t forget beer. South Street is my favorite in-town brewery, and it’s close to the Downtown Mall.
Gotta run to a meeting but will post more when I can!
For food, Charlottesville has so many great options that I can’t even begin to list them all here.
-Breakfast: the aforementioned brunch on the DTM or farmer’s market. Bodo’s Bagels. Bluegrass Grill is one of Cville’s go-to weekend brunch spots, but it’s cash-only and the line gets crazy if you don’t go early. MarieBette is a newer French-style patisserie and brunch place that I looooove, but it’s in a kind of random location. For a diner vibe, try Blue Moon. Pastries go to Paradox. If you’re up for a drive, try Blue Mountain Brewery for brunch pizza (yes that’s a thing) and fantastic views.
-Coffee: Don’t miss Shenandoah Joe if you’re a real snob. Mudhouse on the mall is a nice experience, but I like Millie Joe’s coffee better.
-Lunch: Salt is great for a picnic lunch by Monticello and the nearby wineries; Feast also has great sandwiches, soups, and salads, attached to a really cute upscale grocery with tons of local food products. Cafe 88 if you want to try some unexpected and amazing, super-authentic Taiwanese food.
-Dinner: Public for seafood is my go-to upscale restaurant. Citizen Burger on the mall is incredible food and has a great patio; Jack Brown’s is another good Virginia burger option with a patio, but I haven’t been to the one in Cville yet so I can’t vouch for that location personally. Ten has fantastic sushi, Mono Loco is also fun if you’re craving food that pairs well with margaritas. South Street and Kardinal Hall are unpretentious and beer-focused, but have solid food as well. You can always find food trucks at Champion or Three Notch’d breweries if that’s more your scene.
You could easily have a relaxing evening walking up and down the downtown mall (a pedestrian mall) getting drinks at various spots and having dinner at one of them. Commonwealth has a lovely bar on the first floor and a good — though expensive — local food menu. Whiskey Jar has a louder bar and Southern food. Bizzou has good French food, as does Petit Pois. C&O is one street off the mall, French food and popular. I haven’t been to Alley Light yet, but you should make a reservation about a week before hand if you want to go. (In fact, wherever you decide to go to dinner, a reservation is probably a good idea. Some places won’t take them, so be prepared to wait an hour in some spots) Splendora for gelato. You could end your night at the Violet Crown, the new movie theater on the mall.
For breakfast, I’d recommend Blue Moon or Brazos Tacos. I’ve also heard good things about Ace Biscuit & Barbecue. I know I am an outlier (perhaps the only one in town), but I don’t like Bodos bagels and their coffee is bad.
I agree with the recommendations for Monticello. There’s a moving slavery tour. There’s also a wine and roses event on their website for Memorial Day weekend. If you want to hike, Humpback Rock is a popular and not-too-strenuous spot (unless you’re afraid of heights).
I spent a night in Cville for work this fall and had an amazing meal at The Alley Light. Make a reservation!
Thank you all SO much! This is incredibly helpful, and I’m so grateful you all took the time. I hope you see this – I got swamped at work and sadly couldn’t reply sooner. Looking forward to wining and dining my way through Charlottesville with all your recs :)
Just need to vent.
I’m 35, but a second year attorney in a quirky, obscure practice area. The practice area, both in my office and throughout the country, is dominated by quirky practitioners in their 50s and 60s.
If I have to design one more chart, spreadsheet, or word document because these dang people act as if they’re too old to know how to use computers effectively, I will scream. It’s 2016. You are a highly paid professional in a demanding field. Being 55 is no excuse for not knowing how to use Word and PowerPoint. Take a class. You’re not my mom and I have no obligation to help you email Uncle Marty.
ARGH I experienced this at my old job, especially from one person (a man, who also had other problems with working with women younger than him). Misery.
I work with men who refuse to learn how to use basic technology (i.e. word processing). I think it’s an excuse to avoid doing the work.
All this to say I feel your frustration. Wine helps!
I’ll admit that I’ve never learned how to do intermediate to advanced phone tasks – transfer calls, conference other people in – because I didn’t ever want that to become my problem. You’re probably right about the men, and if you’re at a level where you can get away with it, you should consider doing the same thing.
I have tried to learn these things at a previous firm. To the point of having practice sessions with secretaries and trainers sent by the phone company. I had cheat sheets and all the training aids. I never got more than 50% successful at conferencing someone in or forwarding a call.
At my current firm, I am the attorney who refuses to do any advanced phone tasks. If I need to forward someone, I give them the number I am forwarding them to, I take their number, I give the forwardee the number of the person calling, and then I attempt the forward. Still, I’m only successful 50% of the time.
For a 3-way conference, I just use my mobile phone. I can do that successfully. The firm’s phone? No way. In meeting invites, I note “FirstName will initiate conference call from [mobile number]”.
YES YES YES
While I totally sympathize because I am so sick of being known as the “office tech wizard” simply because I know how to google things… second year attorneys are supposed to be building charts, spreadsheets and word documents (unless they can delegate to their secretaries and paralegals). I don’t want my senior attorney, who bills at $500+ an hour doing anything on powerpoint, excel, etc. I want to pay her for her “thinking time” not her “doing time”.
Been there! My boss used to send me Word documents over the weekend asking me to “remove the red lines” ASAP. This meant turning off Track Changes. He refused to learn no matter how many times I showed or explained it to him.
Now that is funny.
I taught an older male employee (who was my equal but really tried hard to act like he was my boss) how to hold down the mouse for scrolling instead of clicking incessantly. I also had to teach him how to access our web-based application – meaning, I said, “Open the internet, and type in this address.”
Yep. One of my first bosses out of law school was not great with grammar and asked me to edit something. Two minutes after I sent it to her: “what are all these red squiggly lines? Why are things marked through?” She somehow had never seen track changes, and she wasn’t even that old (40s?). Of course, this was the same firm where I had to send in my resume by fax. In 2010.
Where are their assisstants?
Hire a tech-savvy assistant or send your assistants to Excel/powerpoint/google tech classes.
It’s funny because if I ever encounter an issue using Word or Excel, I google it and inevitably find the answer. It’s a learning opportunity. I would never rely on someone else to fix my problem. Maybe the older generation just has a different line of thinking.
OK, y’all are going to think I’m crazy, but here goes. I have a puppy. She would like to look out the window and see the world go by (we live on a park), but she isn’t tall enough. I’d like to buy one of those super-sturdy black wood cubes that are used as theater props, such as for improv. I don’t know what they are properly called though. And yes, I have tried things like putting a chair by the window, but she wants more stability.
Yes, I am a crazy puppy mom. Anyway, I know some folks on this board have theater backgrounds. What are these black cubes called? And where can I get one for my lil darling?
Risers? Stage cubes/boxes? Rehearsal cubes? https://www.wengercorp.com/teaching-tools/stage-boxes.php
plyo jump box is another term for what you are looking for, but not the theater version
Hello crazy dog mom, I’m one too. This doesn’t answer your question specifically, but we bought a stuffed ottoman for this purpose. We also use it to store her extra toys (we rotate them…yes, we are that people).
Not this exact one, but something like it: http://amzn.to/1YVAmcq
She’s a medium sized dog, so I got a longer one so she could lay on it and nap in the sunlight if she wanted (and she does often).
I completely realize how insane that makes me sound, but I love her!
I can’t help you with this inquiry but know that I am currently shopping for steps of some kind that will allow my 15 year old dog to get up on the sofa since I’m pregnant and can’t lift her right now….you’re not alone, crazy dog moms!
This may be too high for a sofa, but we love this for our bed. Really sturdy http://www.orvis.com/p/lightweight-portable-pet-steps/34e0
Ooo thank you, that looks awesome!
I am working with Kim at Clever Cat, Crafty Dog to make custom steps for my old man (and my getting older kitties). She is wonderful, the steps are solid wood, she has excellent reviews, and it’s all cheaper than the premade ones on Amazon, et al.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/CleverCatCraftyDog
I have these for my cat to help her get up to my bed: http://www.amazon.com/New-Cat-Condos-Premier-Stairs/dp/B0073US7NM/ref=sr_1_19?s=pet-supplies&ie=UTF8&qid=1461871336&sr=1-19&keywords=pet+steps
She loves them!
What about a bench/window seat kind of thing? It will look a lot nicer than a black cube.
We got the Stocksund bench from Ikea for the base of our bed, partly (mostly) so our dog could have a stepping point to jump up to the bed. I’m sure it would work great for this purpose as well. It’s very sturdy, and the cover is removable and machine washable. We have little pads under the legs to prevent it from slipping.
I just LOL at the model’s pose.
stereotypical naughty secretary?
Different interesting Atlantic article this month:
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/why-so-many-smart-people-arent-happy/479832/
I read this yesterday! The part about assuming the universe is benign vs malign really resonated with me. I’ve realized in the last 6 months that I’m more of a “glass half empty” person than I want to be. Assuming the universe isn’t out to get me is a good place to start.
DH and I have a date tonight, and I’m really excited!! We are using a babysitter for the first time (6 month old baby). Our moms and other family members have kept the baby a few times, but we’ve never had anyone other than family. We hired her through a reputable nanny service that several of my friends have recommended, and I don’t have any concerns about safety or reliability– but I don’t really know the protocol for this.
Should I make her a list, or an info sheet of some sort? The baby will be asleep for the majority of the time she’s there. Can I ask her to empty the dishwasher after the baby goes to sleep? (Or should I just leave it open and see if she does it on her own?) Or should I not expect or ask her to do anything that’s not baby-related?
Are there any to-dos before the sitter gets here? I may be overthinking, but we’ve never done this before, and I’m just trying not to overlook anything. And also trying to calm myself down about leaving the baby with a “stranger.”
We have a sitter info sheet with our names, numbers, address, baby’s name and DOB, name and number for pediatrician, preferred hospital, and poison control, names of dogs, nighttime routines/tips, wifi guest access, and any other info (help yourself to snacks, etc). If you can do bathtime beforehand, that’s one less thing for a sitter to handle.
I don’t expect/ask the sitter to do anything that’s not kid related. We also ask our sitter to get to our house 20+ minutes ahead of when we need to leave. Gives us time to go over everything and get them settled in, then we can finish getting ready or whatever.
yes to an emergency contact sheet (Microsoft has one as a template in Word). Make it clear whether you would like to be called if there’s a smaller, or would prefer sitter only calls if it’s an emergency. (This is important, if say, you go to the theater.)
Leave an extra bottle of milk/formula just in case. Make sure the sitter knows what temp to serve it at and how you generally heat the milk. Let the sitter know where diapers and a change of clothes are. Let the sitter know what tends to work for calming if baby wakes. Make sure sitter can use your TV (if it’s complicated) and possibly your wifi pw. If there’s anything tricky that the sitter should know (setting off a home alarm, for instance), be sure to communicate that too.
Let the sitter know approximately when you’ll be back.
Yes, it’s appropriate to ask that the DW be emptied and the kitchen tidied. Don’t ask for much more housework than that, unless baby is napping. (I’ve changed/folded laundry before, for instance.)
As someone who used to babysit as an adult:
Let her know any house-related rules when she comes in, like please take off your shoes or please don’t eat in the living room.
Make a list of emergency numbers. Your cell, husband’s cell, where you’ll be, pediatrician emergency number, trusted neighbor or nearby family member. Put your address and phone number on it.
Make a list of any baby-related info she needs to know. Will you be showing her where the changing table is, or will baby be asleep & you want her not entering the bedroom unless baby wakes up? If the latter, write it down. Will you be gone long enough that she’ll need to give a bottle? Show her where everything is, but I’d write it down, too. Is there anything special that works to soothe your baby? Is there a pet that’s going to try to slip into baby’s room that you want kept out? Write it down. Don’t worry about looking too specific — she’s a professional and you might as well tell her this is your first time leaving the baby with a sitter.
You can’t ask her to empty the dishwasher. I’d do this sometimes because I’d be bored, but some sitters are really offended if asked to do cleaning tasks. This may even be addressed on your agency’s website.
Have fun!
I would leave a small list – include things like your numbers, emergency contacts, etc., information about where bottles/pacis are located if the baby happens to wake up. When she arrives, give her a tour of the house, show her where all of the baby’s things are located, and maybe explain house logistics as well.
Typically, I wouldn’t ask a “once in a while” babysitter to do household chores if they didn’t relate to the baby, but you do what you think fits.
She is a baby-sitter, not a maid. Do not ask or expect her to do any household chores.
As a former caregiver – I think it’s very inappropriate to ask a casual babysitter to do household chores. She’s not a maid and that’s not why she’s there.
Yup. Either be up front that this is the expectation or don’t ask.
Yes, this. If she was feeding the kids, asking her to put the dishes into the dishwasher afterwards, sweep up the crumbs, etc, would be appropriate. Asking her to unload the dishwasher would not, unless you specifically agreed to babysitting plus light housework when hired (or if she said so in her agency profile). FWIW, when I was sitting I charged less for jobs where I went in after baby was already asleep.
Related, tell her if anything is specifically off limits (hey, don’t eat the snacks in the tupperware on the counter, they are for a brunch tomorrow, but anything in this cabinet is fair game) etc.
No you can’t ask her to unload the dishwasher!! She’s a one time babysitter and likely the next time, the service sends someone else. Those household tasks being done by babysitters happen when you have a regular who babysits for you every Friday night and has indicated that she’s ok doing that.
Wow – I’m surprised by the answers re: chores. I’ve babysit and employed a whole lot of sitters/professional nannies, and I absolutely expect to come home to a clean kitchen – including a wipe-down of the areas where kids ate. I also expect that the play area is picked up. I’ve never had to ask, but it’s never not been done.
Well it’s one thing to wipe up after feeding the children or to pick up toys after playing with the kids…but asking for non-child-related chores, like emptying the dishwasher or mopping, whatever, isn’t their job.
Do not ask her to empty the dishwasher. I’m not trying to be rude, but think it’s weird that this is one of your concerns. I’m going to assume it just didn’t translate well when you wrote it out.
I’m very surprised that so many are saying don’t ask the sitter to empty the dishwasher. I would agree if baby was awake during the whole time and the sitter is playing with her/taking care of her, but since this is a a date night, baby will be sleeping for most of the time that the sitter is there, right? What is the sitter going to be doing for a few hours? In such instances, I have always asked the sitter to empty the dishes and fold laundry. With that said, we have always used the same date night sitter who has been amenable to doing so.
She will be sitting there watching tv and playing on her phone obvi.
I used to babysit. I would have said nope to cleaning tasks. The pay rate I quoted was for child care (and obviously cleaning related to the children, like cleaning up after their meals, cleaning up their toys). If you wanted me to do unrelated house-keeping tasks you would have had to pay me (significantly) more.
It’s just like how my current job doesn’t say that because I’m between meetings I may as well clean the office bathroom. You’re only entitled to the labour you hired them for and are paying them for, even if this doesn’t mean they are busy every minute of the time.
Should I wait to look for a new job?
I’m currently in the midst of a major project at work (it’s an enterprise software implementation) – and this will be a nice notch in my belt when it’s complete. But I am really, really, really ready for a change – There’s really no good time to leave, but I’d leave tomorrow if I could.
Reasons (some of them, anyway) for wanting to leave:
My boss is a moron (fell a$$-backwards into his job, but it’s not really a good fit) and company performance is dismal (I’d really like a raise/promotion/bonus) but most importantly, I feel that I’ve maxed out here. There needs to be some significant movement at the top to create some space for me to move up, and I don’t think that’ll happen anytime soon (senior management is all in mid-50’s at most.)
But I’m not done with the project yet, and it’ll be at least a couple months before the project is at a point where I’d consider it complete (even though it’ll never really be complete. “Go live” doesn’t mean complete.) My current project is significantly different from what I did prior – though still in the project management “space” but relevant to the types of positions I’m looking for.
Does it look bad to hiring managers if I’m looking for something new mid-stream? I’ve been here 10 years, if that makes any difference.
Yes, leave, who the f9ck cares about your stupid project? Go forth and make big things happen!
Hiring often takes several months, so it seems to me like the timing could work well. We have some project manager openings at our company, so if you might be interested (NYC or NC area), post a burner email address and I’ll get in touch.
Would having the project on your resume make you a significantly more attractive candidate? If so, stick it out and use the intervening time to network. Also, consider the hiring cycle in your space — in mine, most budgets are set as of January 1st or September 1st, so the late spring/summer is dead for hiring.
List the Big Project on the resume and start looking now. Based on my experience as a director/principal, it can take months to find a position that fits basic requirements for upward mobility, favorable company outlook, decent pay, non-moronic bosses, and tolerable work conditions.
Any recommendations for DC stylist?
I have been circling around the idea of having a few sessions with a personal stylist– of the variety that will come to your house, weed out your closet, and then suggest what works best for your body type/lifestyle/etc. I’m hesitant to spend the money though, without a recommendation from someone who has used the stylist’s services before. Have any of the U.S. folks here worked with a stylist in the Washington DC area (MD side, preferably) that they would recommend? Thanks for your help!
I haven’t used the kind of stylist that comes into one’s home, but I will say that I recently used Trunk Club in DC based on suggestions here and it was a total bust. I asked for help in finding a suit appropriate for court . The stylist was very sweet but I feel that she didn’t listen to what I requested, gave me stuff in wrong sizes, and then pulled suits that were too trendy for a federal court appearance.
I used Kelsey Pinker at Trunk Club in DC with huge success. I was mostly looking for work clothes — I’m a lawyer in an office with a “business” dress code. I filled out some info in advance and then went into Trunk Club’s second floor storefront in Penn Quarter to try on clothes, and it was AWESOME. The first time I only liked a few things (I’m pretty particular), and I gave the stylist a lot of feedback about exactly what I did and did not like. The second time it was like looking in my own closet. She got it exactly right and I came out with 4 work dresses, a fun dress, a suit, jeans, a blazer to wear with work dresses, a couple tops to wear under suits, and a pair of pumps for work. They also have a tailor there who will pin clothing as you’re trying it on and then they do the alterations for free or very cheap.
I think if you live in DC, you can get a Trunk Club stylist to do a house visit and take a look at your closet. I didn’t do that because I wanted to be able to stop in during lunch and have the tailor available.
Any recommendations for a slim-fitting, wrinkle-resistant, easy to care for top to wear under a suit jacket? I hate wrinkles and can’t seem to find any easy-to-care for tops that remain wrinkle-free for me.
Judy P tops. They are double lined in the front. If you are slim, you won’t have the pulling/creases in between the girls. I wash in the washer in a tight mesh bag and dry by hanging them. Often on sale in the gumps catalogue in limited styles and colors. Full range is on the brand’s web presence. I find them also in small local boutiques. They’ve replaced all of my hand wash only shells, pullovers, satin tops that are dry clean only etc. Bateau, scoop, v necks, tanks/, 3/4, long sleeves.
Late, but I like Ann Taylor tops for this. For button downs, I get the older styles from TJMaxx or similar stores. For their blouses and such, I tend to go to their outlets/factory stores and shop clearance. Some of the styles are slim fit, others would need tailoring but can be found inexpensive enough to be worth it, I think
Recs for a day spa in DC that won’t bankrupt us?
May not be what you are looking for, but what about the korean spa world in centreville?
It’s gone way downhill (though Korean scrubs still rock my world).
Not in DC but I liked Haven on the Lake in Columbia, MD.
Need something in DC unfortunately.
What’s a good place to find nude underthings for those of us with darker than average skin tones?
We get a Hanes catalog at home, and I recall seeing many different shades of “nude” in their various underpants. Bras too I think
Try Nubian skin- they have a website and are also sold at Nordstrom.
When is it okay to end a resume in advance of an informational interview? The person I’m emailing went to my campus (where I’m still a student- finishing my PhD from a different city), and I wasn’t able to attend because I live in a different city, where the person I’m wanting to talk to also works. Is it worth attaching my resume to this request just for background information? I also kind of feel like I need to give him some reason to want to take the time to talk to someone he knows nothing about. How off base is this?
I don’t think you should include the resume in your initial contact with that person. If they end up agreeing to meet/speak with you, then you can send a note with the resume attached saying something like “In case you find it useful, I’ve attached my resume to give an idea of my background.” or similar text to indicate that you’re not requesting them to DO anything with the resume.
I think that’s perfectly reasonable! I have done a number of informational interviews and I’ll often ask for a resume before the meeting, just to get an idea of the person’s background. I would frame it as you said – something like “please see my attached resume for more information on my background and my areas of focus.”
Is anyone familiar with clothing from STYLEWE (ad I’m seeing on this page)? There’s a beautiful long-sleeved dress but I’ve never heard of them.
I clicked through the ad once & ordered from them. wasn’t impressed – it’s a company based in China, so couldn’t return & the dress I ordered was way off in terms of sizing. I wouldn’t order again.
really bad quality. pictures look great but completely different than what I received at home. I never got my money back but thankfully purchased via Amex so I had return protection.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Too bad…. Several of the pieces look amazing.
Companies like that were all over the news lately as total scams. Google it.