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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 353 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Sheath Dress in Tweed

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Sheath dress in tweedBlue dresses may be the new blue suits this year, you guys — there are a ton of them out there. This fun, springy tweed dress also comes in a super bright fuchsia and a more sedate light gray — in fact, the light blue seems to be dipping in and out of stock in regular and petite sizes. I like the fringe detail at the waist and sleeves, and crew neckline conveys that “all business”  kind of look. The dress is $158 at J.Crew. Sheath dress in tweed This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    My daughter is almost 11 mo and in a wonderful corporate daycare. She is a cautious child and just now beginning to pull up with a lot of confidence. I’ve noticed her classmates have moved up to the toddler room at about 12-13 mo and I’m wondering if anyone has any experiences to share about children moving up who are still mastering standing and walking skills. I’m not concerned about her motor skills–she’ll get there and she loves walking around with our help. Just wondering how teachers accommodate kids who aren’t as mobile when they first make this transition. Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      Will they move her before she’s toddling? Ours moves them when they start walking, not based on age.

      • Anonymous

        I’ll have to ask. Most of her classmates have been really close to her age and haven’t moved yet, but the ones who have were already standing and walking at 12-13 mo.

    • Jen

      Yep, our daycare typically moved based on age (and space) vs skill. It’s not as if she’s delayed- many kids don’t walk until after a year. our daycare had 2 infant rooms (0-~9 months, 9-15 months), two toddler classrooms (15 mos – 2, 2-3), and preschool. My kids were moved at 8 months, 13 months, and 20 months. The only one I expressed concern about was 13 months since she wasn’t yet 15 months and that’s the age where the ratios change in our state. She moved into the 2s at 20 months because (a) she a July birthday and they are keeping her with her “year” and she was the only one that hadn’t moved yet (b) they wanted the space (c) she rolls with the older kids anyway and missed her friends (d) she was starting to potty train which is easier for them in the older toddler class and (e) the two classrooms connect anyway so it was very much NBD.

    • Anon

      We switched to a new daycare when my daughter was 11 months. She didn’t really walk well until about 14 months. Because of space, she was in the older/mobile baby room immediately. It was not a problem at all. They just asked us to buy her some sturdy shoes because that room was more suited for mobile kiddos and not quite as soft as the baby room. My bigger issue was that they pushed us to move down to one nap before she was ready to accommodate the schedule in that room (but it all worked out and we like her daycare).

      I’d also note that when your daughter does take off, it’ll probably be quick and she won’t look back! My daughter went from barely walking to basically running in a matter of days.

    • anon

      My son started really walking without assistance around 13 months. He moved to the next classroom at 14 months. The biggest issue for us was that the next classroom only did one nap a day. I put off moving him as long as I could, but he moved when he was around 14.5 months. All of the children were walking by then.

    • Anon in NYC

      My daughter moved to the toddler room at around 13 months, but wasn’t walking independently until about 15 months. It was fine! She could crawl, pull herself up, cruise along holding onto something/hands, and eventually she walked. It wasn’t a big deal at all. The teachers know that not all kids are walking yet.

    • Jeffiner

      My daughter was a super late walker, she didn’t take her first steps until 14 months old. Daycare kept her in the younger class until she could walk, but they would sometimes put her in the toddler class for a few hours a day to ease the transition.

    • Anonymous

      We have twins. Our day care moves them when they walk as a general rule, but he was ready before her and really missed her, so they moved our daughter at 11 months and she didn’t wind up walking until 15 months! She is very small (IUGR) and I was worried she’d get knocked over, but actually being around all the bigger/moving kids was a real benefit and I think she walked sooner by being able to see them all. Everyone is very unsteady at that age, so I wouldn’t worry too much about injury.

  2. Anonymous

    Hey I wanted to give everyone an update about a post I made during fall of last year. I am the attorney who after getting laid off and doing contact work found her only offer for a permanent job to be as a contract manager for a quasi government entity reporting to a former paralegal. I was depressed and wondering if my overwhelming desire to keep a roof over my head would in fact kill my legal career. Many of you provided compassionate advice (you can always look for other jobs, do not act like your colleagues are below you because they are non attorneys ect.), and to those people I give my heartfelt thanks. Some of you were really harsh and cruel (one sanctimonious b*tch posted that I wasn’t getting the job I wanted because of my “entitled” attitude and that one pinky finger of one of her paralegals was worth more than me – I mean who knew that striving for a job that you actually trained for would garner such scorn), and to you guys I say F@&! you, and I hope one day you get to experience what I went through.

    I started the contract admin job, kept my head down, did my work, was nice to everyone and started looking for new jobs immediately.

    Well, 2 month into my new job, I got contacted by a recruiter for an in house legal position in a tech company that I started in February, and I am really happy here, so that’s my happy ending!!!

    • Anonymous

      Girl you need to deal with your rage. I’m glad you are doing well. You are disturbing.

      • Anonymous

        Yeaaaaa. I went to law school and ended up doing hourly work outside the legal industry for $13/hr alongside people who *gasp* did not have advanced degrees. I managed to both survive and flourish afterwards without the rage and sense of entitlement OP has!

    • S in Chicago

      Good for you for making it through. I don’t think folks can appreciate what an upheaval like that can do to self-worth (I went months without working after 9/11 and took a job beneath me to pay the bills–I totally get it. It’s like a blip on a long career now but at the time it was devastating and puts all sorts of doubts in my head on everything from the value of education to my own abilities and life choices). Congrats for toughing it out and getting to your happy ending. Hopefully your situation is like mine, which only continued to get better through all the years. I now have a job in my chosen field that I couldn’t have even dreamed of then as well as a financial situation that would have seemed impossible. I wish you the best and a future that’s the same!

      • Frozen Peach

        Hey, congratulations on this happy update! I understand the pain you went through. I never heard that you felt better than other people you were working with– I heard that you were distraught that you weren’t able to use the education and training you worked so hard to obtain.

        Hope you are settling in well in your new gig– I am in house at a tech company as well!

        • Triangle Pose

          Hey OP, agreed! It’s not entitled or spoiled or classist to want to do the work that you were trained to do!

          +1 I am also in houe at a tech company. So there are at least 3 of us on here.

          • Anon

            Wanting to do the work you’re aspiring to isn’t entitled, but telling people to F off is not a good look. There’s just very little class or grace in OP’s post.

          • Triangle Pose

            Well, that’s a different criticism. We give people a lot of latitude around here for being angry with mistreatment from SOs, toxic bosses, friends without boundaries, etc. It’s completely understandable that she was angry at the situation. I think OP is right that a lot of people didn’t show her sympathy and instead jumped on her because she dared to be angry and think her job situation was crappy. There was a lot of virtue signaling. I think most of the women on here have to admit they would be angry and resentful if they were in OP’s shoes.

          • Anon

            +1
            OP, thanks for saying it like it is. Women have got to stop sensoring each other. we are allowed to be pissed off for greatness!

    • JuniorMinion

      My husband went through this and it can hammer your self esteem, especially if you are someone who likes / gets satisfaction out of the career track you have chosen. Good on you for fighting through it.

      Also I totally get spending money / working towards extra education and obviously the point of that for many many people is to get a better / higher paying job. I can totally see then being angry / upset that that didn’t prove out. Some of this is on schools who sometimes sell things as guarantees that aren’t. My husband chose wrong for his MBA program and is still upset about the cost vs. the lack of real recruiting opportunities they offered.

    • Anon

      Congratulations, but I think you still need to work on that entitlement and anger . . .

      • Ellen

        Agreed. We are here to support each other in the HIVE, and now that the OP has gotten a job she feels comfortable with, she is lashing out, UNJUSTIFIABLEY, at the HIVE members who were just givieng advise. I think that she should feel happy that someone gave her a job she is happy with, but NOT to become a rage-a-holic at somebody in the hive who she felt slighted at. Face it, GURL, we all don’t get everyting we want in life, but we have to role with the punches, like my Dad says. Be glad you are employed in this strange world, and mabye if you loose the rage, you will find a man who will provide you with the love and attention we all crave, b/c life is far more then a paycheck. Once you learn this and live it, you will not have such a sour outlook on your fellow HIVETTES! YAY!!!!!!

    • Seventh Sister

      I think you had/have every right to be angry and aren’t entitled at all. I’ve had some tremendously nasty, unwarranted feedback telling me I’d be a failure, and you know what, it said a lot more about the feedback-giver than about me.

      • Anonymous

        Original poster here,

        Thanks for all of the kind feedback to my update. To my detractors, I apologize for my rough language earlier, but not my assertion that if the shoe was on the other foot, you would probably feel the same was I did – and given your self righteousness, probably act much worse!!

  5. Preggo

    Totally weird outfit challenge for ya’ll today. I’m pregnant (10 weeks), and in a few weeks we are getting bees! I’m doing an apprenticeship and totally excited about being a beekeeper, but as it turns out, maternity beekeeping suits are not a thing! Do you have any ideas? Typically you wear either a full coverall-type suit or a long sleeve top tucked into pants (tucked into socks), plus gloves and a hat/veil. Light colors. I’m not in maternity clothes yet but expect I will be once the beekeeping season really takes off. Will I be able to tuck a shirt into maternity pants? Do they make maternity coveralls? Any creative ideas here? I realize it’s going to look pretty dorky no matter what I do, so am really just concerned with safety/functionality at this point.

    • Anonymous

      You should be fine with being able to tuck a shirt into full panel maternity pants. The panel/waist band is stretchy and can be pulled up and over the belly.

    • Jeffiner

      My husband is super tall and thin, but because they don’t make tall, thin bee suits, he had to get a 3XL one in order to get one that “fits” him. It had enough room for me to zip up over my pregnant belly. I was concerned that bees could get caught in all the extra folds of the fabric on the arms and legs, but they were smart enough that it didn’t become an issue.

    • Clementine

      Hopefully you’re still checking this – The secret to closing any gaps in your bee gear? simple: duct tape. When my husband works the hives he will tape any gaps if the bees are especially rowdy (we had these mean but hardy Russian bees for a while… yikes).

      I would probably get your bee suit in a size up and then duct tape the gap as needed. Don’t cheap out on the gloves- decent gloves in the correct size are essential.

  6. Debt payoff strategies

    My husband and I are finally in a place to get really aggressive about a lot of credit card and medical debt we’ve been carrying around for a few years. Most of it is at around 20% interest. Is this a situation where it would make sense to borrow against our 401(k)’s at about 4.5%? Should we get a consolidation loan at around 10% and leave the 401(k)’s alone? I don’t want to start shifting balances around looking for credit card promo interest rates anymore– we’ve done that before and fallen into the trap of not taking it seriously because it’s not interest-bearing during the promo. Thanks in advance, all.

    • Anonymous

      Before you hit your 401k understand the time-value of money–meaning if it is in the 401k now–you can never get that money back from an investment/ growth perspective. If you have the means to pay using the snowball method (Pay as aggressive as possible on highest rate first, minimum payments on others and then snowball (payments get larger and debt paid faster) down to lowest rate and don’t touch 401k funds. If you take a loan–there is a high likelihood of having loan plus running debt up again…

    • LaurenB

      Oh my goodness. You’re continuing the thinking that got you into this mess in the first place. No, don’t keep borrowing from here to pay there. Pay off your debt as soon as you possibly can with CURRENT cash — even suspending your 401K temporarily if need be — and then go back to paying into your 401K. You need to get into the mindset that you only spend money on things if you have the cash in hand to do so – that mindset will ensure you manage credit cards wisely in the future. (Which – managing credit cards wisely in the future means paying the bill in full every month, of course.)

      This raises a general question – why is it that people think of credit cards as something they only have to pay part of? Why don’t people think of credit cards as simply a way not to carry around wads of cash, and that it’s obviously paid in full every month? I don’t get it.

      • Torin

        +1

        You say you don’t want to shift balances around, but that’s what you’re doing by borrowing from your 401K. You’re moving the debt from a credit card to your 401k balance sheet. Cut expenses, stop contributing to 401k temporarily, and pay the debt off with current cash.

      • Anonymous

        Awww bless. Because in reality land sometimes you need to pay your medical expenses and necessary costs on a credit card because life isn’t perfect. Obviously it’s not ideal but maybe take the rose colored glasses out of your tush

      • OP

        Because when you grow up poor and incur emergency medical expenses over and above your insurance to the tune of about half your salary in one year, you do what you need to for your health. I just started in Biglaw and now have the income to undo this mess, but I’m super glad I had the surgery I needed when I needed it. Thanks for your judgment and I hope you have a more thoughtful and kind rest of your day.

        • Frozen Peach

          OP, no judgement here. For those of us who started adult life without a safety net, credit cards ARE a welcome security net. Congratulations on your new situation!

          Pay the bills that are showing up on your credit report first. If you need to know what they are, you can request one for free from any of the major companies. Credit Karma is also great for this.

        • Anonymous

          This sounds awful. I am a huge critic of our medical payment system.

          May I ask, why were the medical expenses so high? Usually you have a deductible and max out of pocket that protects you from huge medical bills. Did you not have insurance? Was it pre-Obamacare? Did your insurance refuse to pay for some reason? Out of network?

          It is good to edu ate us, as we are trying to move towards a system where this doesn’t happen.

          • OP

            It was dental surgery and I had student dental “insurance” at the time, which was basically no insurance at all. I really didn’t have a choice– I was losing bone and vulnerable to infection the longer I waited– but the whole experience was pretty traumatizing, both physically and financially. I think there was a serious element of head-in-the-sand about the financial fallout because I just couldn’t think about it. Not healthy, I know. Doing much better now.

      • Anon

        “I don’t get how some people have totally different life experiences than I do, so weird!”

    • Betterandbetter

      Oooh. I’m kind of an evangelist about this. I helped (and by helped I mean strategized ) with my spouse to pay of 30K in credit card debt in a year (I said I wouldn’t marry into ridiculous consumer debt so she was motivated).

      I am not sure it would help you because you said that you didn’t take the debt seriously when you had moved it around before and in some ways a 401K loan is even more out of sight, out of mind than the credit card offers. My wife definitely stopped contributing to her 401k because she didn’t get a match to speed things up but I would argue that the tax savings and the interest savings were on par so it possibly came out in the wash.

      She 0) Got REALLY clear on why she wanted to pay debt off and wrote it down where she could see it1) Got on a budget- YNAB software is amazing for this. 2) Stopped using credit cards that already had a balance-moved all of her spending to a credit card that had no balance and paid that one off every month or used her debit card. This is good for motivational reasons but also if you use a credit card that has a balance every purchase you make starts accruing interest as soon as it posts to your account. Most people don’t know that the 30 day grace period for no interest only applies when you don’t carry a balance from month to month. 3) Used readyforzero to model how long it would take to pay everything off, also as motivation (If you really are aggressive about paying everything off interest doesn’t matter very much- it’s a factor but it doesn’t do as much as really just getting organized with your money and making debt pay off a priority.

    • Solo

      The strategies you suggest are not debt repayment strategies. You are simply moving the debt around. Forget about the interest – it’s part of the problem, yes, but your main problem is you are not on a detailed budget. You say you are now in a place to do this, so do it with your INCOME. Every dollar needs a job every month. I know people like YNAB but I prefer Everydollar – it’s an app for your phone and desktop. It’s free – you just have to log in your expenses and purchases. I used it to pay off six figures of student loan debt on a 5 figure income.

      Do NOT raid your 401K. Do not. Do not do not do not. Start listening to personal finance podcasts. Dave Ramsey and Scott Alan Turner are great and motivating. Do not put this off.

    • Senior Attorney

      Google “snowball method of debt reduction” and do that. Do not raid your 401K. Do not move the debt around.

      I paid off six figures of debt many years ago using a book called Debt Proof Living by Mary Hunt. I see she still has a web site http://www.debtproofliving.com and you might want to take a look over there. I still use her principles and am debt free almost 20 years later.

      You can do this but it’s gonna take a whole change in your attitude towards money.

    • OP

      You all have convinced me not to borrow against the 401(k)’s! The Mary Hunt info looks good– something about Dave Ramsey really turns me off.

      We’ve already done a lot of work toward fixing the problems that got us here. The vast bulk of the debt was a series of medical expenses from a couple of years ago that just snowballed with interest. A significant minority was because of general poor decisions, so we are working on that. We’ve not incurred any additional debt in several months and have been paying the highest interest card significantly over the minimum in the course of that time and have seen that balance decline substantially. But it was always in a, “I have X amount left over at the end of the month, I’m going to pay this card” kind of way, rather than, “If I pay X per month over Y number of months, we’ll get to zero in Z months” kind of way. So I want to be more organized about it now. After taking a closer look at our finances this weekend and seeing how much we’re still paying in interest, it made sense to me to try to get the bulk of the balance into a lower-interest option.

      • Dave Ramsey

        Dave isn’t for everyone, but his principles can really help tackle the debt like you never have before. If you want something a little brutal, but life changing, I highly recommend it.

        Me and SO were in a similar situation, including CC debt because of medical expenses. We are working toward being debt free by 2019, including all student loans, CC, everything. We are still contributing the minimum to 401(k)s, but this was life changing. We had six figure debt–one mid law income, one non-profit income. It is a ton of sacrifice, but totally worth it. We are looking forward to traveling and maybe buying a first home (HCOL area).

      • anonshmanon

        “But it was always in a, “I have X amount left over at the end of the month, I’m going to pay this card” kind of way, rather than, “If I pay X per month over Y number of months, we’ll get to zero in Z months” kind of way.”

        THIS is the important shift you need to make in your thinking. You are moving in the right direction! The next step is to budget. “I need to pay off X each month, that leaves me with Z to spend on other things”. Then plan how you can stay within Z spending. Eating out, alcohol, clothes, subscriptions, food waste… honestly check where your money is going and whether this category is even that important to you.

        You can do this!

    • BC

      You might be too far down the road for this if you’re dealing with the credit card company rather than the medical provider, BUT please consider trying to negotiate down the medical costs. If they say you owe $20,000, you don’t need to take that as a final number, especially if you can arrange a payment plan where they get less more promptly.

      • Anonymous

        This is the kind of financial literacy I wish was taught in schools. I had no idea this was a thing until I read it here.

        • OP

          Totally same. It would have never even occurred to me a few years ago that you could do things like request a reduction in a bill or contest a late fee or ask for a lower interest rate. I learned in this thread today that the 30 day grace period for purchases only applies if you already had a zero balance. FWIW, I did try to negotiate this bill and it was one of the most frustrating and humiliating things I’ve ever done. I think I got them down about 5%.

  8. Murzle

    I found a pair of heels I love but I am looking for a slightly lower heel and ideally better quality. Link in comment but it’s basically a black heel with a pointed toe and an ankle strap. I’d love something in the 3-4 inch range, and the Aldo ones are 4.25 inches. I’m also not generally a fan of Aldo because of quality issues so if anyone’s seen a similar style elsewhere I’d greatly appreciate it. If I could find a pair with a leather insole my dreams would come true. TIA!!

  9. Men’s casual shoes

    DH’s office has moved to very casual (t shirts and jeans) and he’s trying to adjust his wardrobe. He’s always been on the more formal side of business casual (button down and khakis, no tie). He’s senior mgmt but not an exec (VP level). He’s 35.

    What are some styles/brands to consider for shoes? He’s kind of at a loss and doesn’t want to wear athletic sneakers (which would be fine). He’s worn jeans and Merrell mocs mostly this winter, or Bean boots, but as spring and summer approach needs something new. He has sperry topsiders but those are worn sockless and we were thinking that might be weird. Not that the shoes is casual, but going sockless to work.

  10. Mum for this one

    Re-upping question from yesterday: can anyone recommend an employment lawyer in NYC?

    • Jo March

      Set a strict budget with enough room for a little indulgence and then don’t feel ANY guilt about indulgences up to that limit. If I want to blow away my weekly fun budget on fancy coffee, that’s fine as long I don’t spend more than I’ve allocated! Before switching to this system, I would agonize over every $ spent and regret purchases that were necessary or that made me happy.

    • emeralds

      You Need a Budget (YNAB).

      They don’t pay me to shill for them on here, I promise.

    • Anon

      I am fanatic about not wasting food – I try to use up all of the food in our fridge before buying more groceries. This has made a huge impact to our grocery bill. I carry the same strategy to beauty products as well – use up a product before replacing it. I’m not sure if these things are obvious, but it helps me feel like I am being financially responsible.

      • LifeScienceMBA

        This. Meal planning helps: Plan to use leftovers (pasta, rice, potatoes) for making another dish, like stir fries etc.

      • Anonymous

        I really like this idea and will make more of an effort to do the same. Not a money thing per se, but I also try to take short showers. A big part of it is awareness of what you are doing instead of being on auto pilot.

    • Anon

      Maximize your credit cards. We have one credit card that gives us 6% cash back on groceries, so we use it exclusively for that, and then we use our Chase Sapphire Reserve card for everything else and enjoy lots of travel perks. We also sign up for cards offering great travel bonuses and then cancel them before the fee if needed (the ding to credit is minor and temporary). We’ve saved thousands over the years by being smart about which credit cards to get and when.

      I also try to be smart about buying protein. We don’t eat a lot of meat, but I like high-quality salmon and eggs. Instead of paying upwards of $25/lb for fresh wild salmon at the store, I buy canned wild salmon and made salmon cakes out of it instead. Way cheaper and just as tasty.

      • Anonymous

        “I buy canned wild salmon and made salmon cakes out of it instead. Way cheaper and just as tasty.”

        Um. No. Canned salmon cakes are absolutely not “just as tasty” as fresh or frozen whole salmon fillets. Unless you don’t have taste buds, or something. I wouldn’t feed canned salmon to my dog, yuck yuck yuck. We just pay for the good stuff and really enjoy eating it. That’s always an option as well.

        • Anon

          Wow, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I guess I and all the other people glowing about the salmon cake recipe online are just total cheapskate morons with no taste.

        • anonshmanon

          eh, yuck yuck yuck is really uncalled for.

          Only pay for the fancy things that you (personally) can appreciate. My taste buds are content with cheap-o wine and my ears do not complain when I play music through normal speakers instead of high-quality ones. YMMV

        • Anonymous

          salmon cakes with canned salmon can be amazing, maybe you’re not skilled at preparing it?

        • Anon

          That’s really snobby to say you wouldn’t feed a high-quality, wild-caught, rich-in-nutrition protein that you buy at Whole Foods to your dog. A lot of people can’t afford to eat salmon and salmon from a can is a quality alternative that is actually cheap.

        • Anonymous

          Eh. I like my tuna salad with fresh tuna, but salmon cakes honestly feels like a waste of fresh salmon to me.

          • Anonymous

            To clarify: because salmon cakes made with canned salmon are great and not all that different.

            I lived on canned salmon and sardines when paying off student loans. It gets old if you eat it two days in a row, but it works if you space it out. My partner still relies on these standbys for extra protein on workout days (and yes, we buy them from Costco).

            We also ate lots of eggs, and we did a lot of shopping at the Asian market (cheap vegetables and Asian noodles made for fast, cheap meals).

        • Anon

          Yuck-yuck-yuck anon, I sincerely feel pity for you! You must not be a very happy gal (certainly ppl can’t want to be around you.)

      • JuniorMinion

        I’ve had good luck with fish and meat being significantly cheaper (and often of higher quality) at costco. It’s become the only place I buy red meat and spendy fish like scallops etc because the price difference is pronounced.

        Also the wild caught canned salmon they sell there is pretty excellent.

    • Rebel for kicks

      Occasionally I will track expenses for a month, write down every $ I spend…it is amazing that some things that are not that important eat up $$. Then I adjust based on what I have learned. Have
      recently cut back on snack purchases and buying on demand movies.

    • Solo

      Zero-based budgeting for life. Works for debt pay off, savings, investing, and spending. Every dollar needs a job. Pay yourself first, whether it’s a debt payment (this is to yourself) or savings. You spend what is leftover, not the other way around. Figure out where your personal line is between overindulgence and discomfort when it comes to spending. I don’t make six figures but still save 50-60% of my take home pay and have a decent life.

      • Senior Attorney

        This. I’ve been doing it for years (not saving 50% of pay but zero-based budgeting). Every dollar needs a job to do because otherwise it will find a way to run away.

        I have accounts for everything from Christmas to property taxes to vacation to home maintenance. When an “unexpected” expense comes up I’m ready. It took a while to get the system up and running but I couldn’t manage without it.

      • Anonymous

        I usually pack lunch but today I’m going out to lunch with a friend. I’m excited about it because I know we’ll have a super time. Also, I find it’s cheaper to go out for lunch than it is to go out for drinks or dinner. What do you do when someone invites you out for lunch – do you say no?

        • Elegant Giraffe

          Not the OP, but I also pack lunch nearly every single day. Sometimes I’ll decline a lunch invitation. Other times I just go and pay like everyone else. And sometimes I find a middle ground – like I get a glass of tea and a cup of soup, and then eat my normal packed lunch back at the office later in the afternoon.

        • Torin

          In my direct vicinity where I work there are lots of food courts and parks. When friends want to go for lunch I meet them at one of those places and bring my lunch with me. They buy food, I eat what I brought. It’s never an issue.

        • Pretty Primadonna

          I limit going out to lunch to once per week. I also budget a specific amount for eating out per month. If I spend too much on one outing, no eating out for the rest of the week/month/whatever. It works for me.

    • Anon

      Comb your accounts and revisit every single item you have on auto-pay. Cut any subscriptions services you don’t really use. Don’t carry credit card balances – the interest is insane over time. I have a hard time thinking about my money monthly, so instead I have yearly goals and then an overall plan for every paycheck and stick to it. Transfer savings to a high-interest savings account (I use Ally): while it’s super accessible, it takes a few days to get so you have to think hard about whether you want to transfer the other direction. I shop at Aldi for most of my groceries but my local coop has a huge bulk area, so if I need a one-off spice for a recipe, I can buy $0.15 cents worth of it there instead of getting a whole jar for $4.99. I also buy other recipe specific flours/rices/grains/beans/etc that I don’t use on the regular in the bulk section, in only the quantity I need. Same with peanut butter and almond butter. I never finish a whole jar, but I can get a 1/2 cup’s worth out of their self-grind machines that I’ll use up that week. I can also buy carrots and celery by the piece there, so I save money by not using just two stalks of celery and letting the rest languish in my fridge.

    • Anonymous

      I hit the big fixed expenses.

      Move. To a smaller, cheaper place, ideally closer to work to decrease commuting costs.

      Get rid of any car payment, or extra cars, or your car period. Buy reliable, pre-owned cars cash. Renegotiate your car/house insurance every year and change companies if needed.

      Then, get rid of your pricey cell phone plan and get Republic Wireless and use a wifi only plan and upgrade only when you have to. Get rid of cable. Check things out of the library. Amazon prime. Costco. Shopping lists. Make your own lunch. Cook your own dinners.

      Get rid of things you don’t really need if you can’t afford them now. Pricey gym memberships. Manicures. Other pricey self maintenance except haircuts. Stop buying clothes. Shop at thrift stores for fun in nice neighborhoods.

      Stop buying things you can’t afford to pay off immediately.

    • Jen

      At a macro level, pay yourself first. We auto save into bank accounts, the dump the rest into our “working” banking account (checking and savings). We pay bills from there. That way, no matter what, $X goes into long term savings.

    • Anonymous

      Congratulations from a huge Xavier fan! (It’s been a rough March for us.) But I was thrilled for Villanova and even got a little emotional when they won. It’s great to see a program that does things the right way have so much success. Enjoy your win!

  13. AIMS

    Are leopard print kitten heels dated? I wanted a pair a pair of leopard shoes for a while but was looking for the ‘right’ print and in fabric not hair, which I finally found but now something about these feels less than fresh? Maybe it’s just that I can on,y think of pairing the, with boring black skinny pants or dresses so other ideas appreciated. The ones I got are similar to these except fabric not haircalf.
    https://www.shopbop.com/ludlow-slingback-pump-sam-edelman/vp/v=1/1554228673.htm?folderID=9885&fm=other-shopbysize-viewall&os=false&colorId=10099

    • C2

      I don’t think leopard is dated but I do think it’s seasonal. I love leopard shoes in the fall and winter, when I wear it like a neutral with my black/camel/cream outfits . It’s snowing where I am today, so if I had those shoes I might still wear them through the end of April on colder days, but on warm days and by May I want all of the bright colors. Lots of my pieces feel tired this time of year that I always end up embracing when fall comes back around.

      • C2

        I re-read my comment and had to laugh at myself because by “bright colors” I’m referring to my summer black palette: navy/light gray/white outfits. I do wear punchy colored shoes though in warm weather.

    • nutella

      Generally I think kitten heels are a bit dated, but if they work for you, so what. Keep in mind slingbacks are best suited for bare feet – no hose or tights, so that limits these shoes to warm weather.

      • AIMS

        I think that’s what it is. The whole combo reads very Mad Men fashion revival to me, but they were comfy and $40 so I didn’t tinny it through beyond that. Maybe I can pa it with a muted orange something like the link does to help it feel a bit more modern.

    • Anonymous

      I have a pair like that but they are full pumps, as well as an open toe slingback, so I have year-round use. :)
      I wear with bright colors as well as the obvious neutrals.

      • Katie

        I wear leopard print heels regularly, but probably a bit less often in the summer. I think perhaps a grey or tan snakeskin print may be a more appropriate animal print alternative for summer, but in general, leopard works as a neutral. You do you!

  14. Work stress help

    I’m so unhappy at my current job, but I feel trapped and don’t know how to get out. I feel buried and every new email with more work makes me want to cry. I know this seems like such a dumb self-made situation, but I honestly am so overwhelmed and exhausted that I don’t know what the first steps are to try to get out. Apply to new jobs, but which ones? I’m in a niche area of law, and it’s rare for there to be on-point openings in my area (and I’m not even at a firm, so I basically have one of those jobs everyone would kill for). And I don’t even know if I want to stay in this area, or even law itself. My unhappiness is affecting my marriage and my husband oscillates between telling me to just quit (we don’t have kids so there is no excuse for doing that, and it seems just so stupid to quit without something else lined up) and telling me that there’s nothing he wouldn’t put up with for what I’m being paid, so he doesn’t understand why I’m having so many issues. (Which of course is another issue, if I leave this job I’ll make a fraction elsewhere)

    I’m sorry, I don’t even know what I’m asking here… maybe just if anyone has been there and made it through, if you have thoughts or advice, it would be so appreciated. I know there must be a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere but I can’t see it from where I am right now.

    • Anon

      Can you talk to us a bit more about your work stress? Are you in-house? Regulatory agency? What are your normal working hours? Have you always felt this stressed at work? Is your workplace toxic? How many years of experience do you have?

      • Work stress help

        Thanks for the response – I’m in house. 6 years of experience. My hours aren’t insane – I get in around 7 and leave around 5. I’ll pull out my computer for a few more hours of work at night a few days a week and usually some on the weekends. I tried to take a vacation last week and ended up working about 3 full days, but that was somewhat unusual. It’s more the stress that the work is never done – and I can’t relax because if I do something like try to work out or do something with friends, I feel like if I have the time to do those things I should be trying to finish outstanding work instead…

        The workplace itself isn’t toxic (in fact, I genuinely think everyone on my actual team is great – which makes this whole thing more difficult to know what to do!) but a few years ago I took on some responsibilities where I have to interact with some terrible and dysfunctional people both internal and external to the organization. That’s honestly a huge source of my unhappiness, but I don’t know if it’s just me being sensitive or if I should “suck it up because there are a******* everywhere.”

        • anon

          “I can’t relax because if I do something like try to work out or do something with friends, I feel like if I have the time to do those things I should be trying to finish outstanding work instead.”

          I empathize. I truly think that this is a pretty common experience in many different jobs/work environments. It’s rare to find a job that’s a career that gives you a hard stop when you leave and a feeling that the work is done. As someone who really struggled with this in the beginning of my lawyer career, I recommend therapy. I know it sounds like a strong rec and I’m not saying that it’s indicative of mental health issues, but therapy (specifically, CBT) helped me learn why I was feeling that way and had such a hard time relaxing and how to manage it.

        • Anonymous

          I think a good therapist would be really helpful in working through this with you.

          • Work stress help

            Thanks, I agree. I actually spent months with a therapist about a year ago on these exact topics and didn’t feel like I got anywhere at all. I’m up for trying again, but I’m afraid of feeling like I wasted my time again.

          • Anonymous

            I would absolutely bring that up with any new therapist. Tell them what your previous therapist did and did not cover and why you felt it was not productive. It may take testing out a couple new ones, but that additional information will allow them to understand where you are coming from and tailor their guidance accordingly. Best of luck!

          • Anonymous

            Also, in re the dysfunctional people, it has been super helpful for me to always remind myself their dysfunction has NOTHING to do with me and speaks to who they are and not who I am. It allows me to compartmentalize them and not take it with me when I leave the situation. A therapist helped me develop these skills FWIW, but also general personal growth and a deeper acceptance that all employers will continue to function without me or in my absence helped as well. No one will die if I take the day off, you know? I also am much better at setting boundaries.

        • Anonymous

          Working with “terrible and dysfunctional people” and trying to decide whether to deal with it because they are everywhere is a big question mark for me too. Dealing with that is maybe more about playing politics than the work itself(?) Do a google search for “mental toughness” or “grit” (Angela Duckworth) research” or “mental resilience” and see if those strategies are helpful for you. For example, making a to-do list for the next day at the end of the previous day so that you have already mapped out your day; making a to-do list of only a limited number of items; delegating. It’s also important to have hobbies and a life outside of work so that you are not defining yourself by work alone (easier to say than do). The longer term question of whether you want to keep your job or stay in law is probably going to take more time but maybe start with setting up a few networking meetings and updating your resume.

        • Torin

          Your hours sound insane to me! You’re working law firm hours for in house pay! Can you approach your boss about your work schedule?

        • Rainbow Hair

          HUGS.

          I think the therapy thoughts are great. You sound a lot like me — like I’ve heard myself saying similar things. Something that worked well for me was finding a therapist (who works in CBT) who gave me homework — it fit in well with my “likes to get good grades” mentality, and somehow felt less like a waste of time than other therapists? It can feel … silly? fluffy? but it ended up being really valuable to get a good close look at my thoughts and my emotional reactions and learn how to interrupt those spirals of anxiety and hopelessness.

          I hate this suggestion, so please know I’m not giving it lightly: don’t give up on exercise. I hate exercising! I hate being sweaty, I hate when my muscles hurt, I hate all of it. BUT it undeniably makes me feel better, lessens my anxiety and depression. It’s NOT wasted time. (Though perhaps you can make it a bit of a two-birds-with-one-stone thing? I’ve been listening to podcasts while taking long walks, and it’s pretty great and much less boring than just walking.)

        • Miss

          I second everyone who said that therapy can help with this. I think to some extent all jobs are stressful and it’s a rare position that doesn’t have basically limitless tasks, but that doesn’t mean you need to drag the stress of work into the rest of your life. Therapy should be able to help you deal with the stress and come up with strategies for separating your work life from the rest of your life.

          I’d also encourage you to build a strong identity outside of work (i.e., work to live, not live to work) so you have things to look forward to that take your mind off work. Then you can see yourself as a person not defined by your job, which may make the job stress more bearable.

          At the end of the day it may be that your job isn’t a good fit and you’ll be much happier someplace else. Only you can really evaluate and decide that. Good luck!

      • Anonymous

        Agree with these questions — what’s causing the stress and when did it start? Are you stressed out by life in general, by a loss of momentum after getting out of school and into the workforce, by wondering where your life is headed … or is it specifically about something at your actual job?

    • IIHtown

      Have you ever broken down what precisely about your job makes you unhappy? You say that generally with no real reason provided. I say this because if you break it down into pieces, you may be able to address or reframe what makes you unhappy, find that the source of your unhappiness may lie somewhere other than your job and you’re using it as a scapegoat, or at the very least actively seek something different from what makes you unhappy which will help guide your choices.

      • Work stress help

        Thanks for your response – it’s a good question! Probably adding to my paralysis about what to do – what if I leave and I’m just as unhappy (or more!) somewhere else because it wasn’t even about my job! I do think a big source of the frustration is feeling isolated and feeling like work just keeps piling on, like I’m failing at everything because there’s too little time to do a good job on all of it. But maybe that’s literally every job now!

        • Lilly

          YMMV, but I find that some work tasks or projects deserve an A+ effort and some deserve a C effort. I used to stress and suffer work paralysis because I wanted to do A+ work in Every Single Thing. Would it be possible for you objectively examine your job and identify tasks or projects where you need to be a superstar vs. ones where just getting it done and moving on to something else is perfectly acceptable?

        • Senior Attorney

          I will tell you that when I was trying to decide whether to leave my unhappy marriage, the worst part of it was the indecision paralysis. I urge you to decide one way or another because the constant stay-or-go will wear on you worse than making the wrong decision. Maybe get some more therapy and set a deadline to decide to suck it up and stay or just go.

        • Saguaro

          I was where you are, thinking that ANY job would be this terrible. After I did find a new job, I found out that wasn’t the case. Going to a new company made all the difference in my stress level and happiness. So don’t rule out moving to a new job, even if it is doing the same thing you are doing now.

    • anononono

      I find in these situations it helps a lot to start networking. Take coffees with people, whether they’re in your (niche) area or not. Explore what’s out there. You may decide to stay where you are, but if you currently feel trapped (it seems like you do), this will help you feel like you’re not. Because you’re not–no matter how niche your practice, no matter how much you think this job is perfect and you need to just deal.

      I know this is counterintuitive in that you feel overwhelmed and like you don’t have time, but I have found that making this time is huge for my mental health.

    • BC

      If the dysfunctional people who cause you stress are particular to one function you handle (rather than spread out over several areas of responsibility), can’t you try spinning that off to someone else? I know that goes against the overachieving woman’s DNA, but you can try to propose a redistribution of responsibilities. I wouldn’t make it about your happiness, but your productivity/focus. If you have the authority, just delegate! Do you have a paralegal or other staff member on your team who can shepherd the information from these people, so that you are reviewing the comprehensive set of data, rather than dealing with the information gathering yourself? Or can this piece simply be put in someone else’s job description? “The attention that I have to give to Issue X is taking me away from my focus on Y and Z.” And propose that someone else take it on or that someone else be hired for the overflow. Asking can’t be worse than quitting!

    • MJ

      Excellent suggestions above. It sounds like you are overwhelmed because you have too much work, and your hours are long. I am sorry if this is obvious, but have you spoken with a boss about delegating or handing off some of your tasks? Is it time to hire another legal team member? Can a paralegal help with certain tasks, or another attorney who does not do your niche help with certain things? If there are specific weekly or monthly tasks that take a lot of time, can you streamline or batch them to certain times? Can you borrow an assistant to help with certain matters? Are there things that you can just say no to, that are extra? Do you need to attend all of the meetings you attend, or could you have the business unit report back to you with action items for legal? Look for time vampires in your day and work to address them!

      Can you retrain your clients to understand that you cannot drop everything for their emergencies all the time? If you are constantly interrupted with emergencies, set up fake meetings on your calendar (I’ve found that in-house people use their calendars a lot) and do not check your email for certain blocks of time.

      If you are being dragged into business disputes between business folks, that are not really legal, step away, and push things back to your business contact, saying, “My apologies, but this is a business matter, and I cannot weigh in from a legal perspective.”

      If people are being toxic and nasty, is there any way to call them out on it or say, “Let’s connect later?” If they are always toxic and nasty, could you do your job at another place with less toxic and nasty folks?

    • Frozen Peach

      I was you some years ago. I loved my team, my manager, the subject matter of the work– but I was drowning and feeling overwhelmed by volume. Here’s what I did.

      1) educated my clients on how many people I support. Their tone changed instantly when I had a hard number in the hundreds.

      2) Spoke with my manager about expanding our team, including all the things I wished I could do if I had the bandwidth. Spoke truth to her manager when he asked how many more people we needed (it was triple what he thought, now we actually have even more than that..)

      3) Set strict “phone down, they don’t pay you for 24/7 availability” times. Turn my phone ringer on so I hear if emails are coming in and if someone calls or texts. Educate clients that if it’s urgent on a weekend or late night, they must call or text.

      4) Take your vacation. If you worked 3 days during your vacation, do not count those 3 days against your vacation time. I have found everyone to be supportive of this. If you’re working a full day, even from Bora Bora, you should be compensated for such. Your vacation is part of your overall compensation, and is calculated in terms of what it costs as part of your ultimate salary for market purposes. Remember that and treat your time accordingly.

      5) Spent some serious time studying the best way to triage. Posters above are right– not everything needs a same-day response. Train clients to flag really urgent or critical items as such, set their expectations that you will be triaging their other requests. I have actually said, I rely on you, clients, to continue tracking your action items with me, and if you’re waiting for something, PLEASE ping me. This has improved my stress level tremendously.

      AND HUGS. When I needed to get out of a situation, I set a rule that I would search and/or apply for jobs for 15 minutes a day, that was it. It’s how I landed my current gig, which I love. No job is perfect, but no job is worth being miserable either.

  15. Budapest/Prague work travel

    I’ll be traveling to Budapest and Prague later this month, and the guidance has been “dressy business casual.” My usual go-to is black slim pants, blouse, cardigan, and black flats. Any location-specific guidance to share, or will my uniform be fine? TIA!

    • anne-on

      I find Europe on the whole a bit more formal than the US – perhaps swap your cardigan for a blazer (even one in ponte)? I’d also make sure your flats are more polished looking and in good shape, and perhaps add some jewelry or scarves for color (and warmth! but I’m always freezing).

      • Anon

        +1. Blazer instead of cardigan and you’re good to go. Interesting-looking blazers (like no lapel or notched lapel) would look great too.

    • Cb

      I’m a shameless people watcher and was in Prague the summer before last. Women headed to work seemed to dress quite smartly but not formally – lots of slim pants, silky blouses, nice handbag, and very high heels. If you don’t want to wear heels (I don’t either), I might swap out the black flats for something a bit more interesting.

    • Anon

      You’ll be fine in both places in smart business casual – Hungarians and Czechs are both more casual than say Germans or Austrians. Flats preferred. I’d do block heel if you go for heels at all – the cobblestones are no joke. Bring an umbrella as Prague is particularly finicky in the spring.

  16. E

    I posted a few days ago about how I got stood up for a job interview and was very grateful for all of the sympathy I got in the responses – I felt terrible but the commenters here made me feel a lot better. I wanted to share that I got another position that I am excited about, so all’s well that ends well.

  17. Scarlett

    I’d start by trying to identify what the source of your unhappiness is – a bad boss? Coworkers? Too much work? Boring work? – and taking steps to address the precise issue. My personal hacks short of a job search are:
    – create a side project at work, something you care about and are interested in but could potentially add value. Work on it in little spurts when your other stuff is bugging you. Pitch it when it’s baked and see where it goes.
    – have a home side project (blog, design, hobby, plan a party, draft a novel, whatever you personally enjoy and can devote mental energy to that’s not at the office) – I find this is great for both mental balance and meeting people you otherwise wouldn’t and opening up other doors
    – get work from your internal clients you’re interested in – offer to help on projects that could use an extra hand and that align with your own goals
    – get a work BFF you can talk to candidly
    – if your boss isn’t the problem, talk to her about what’s going on

    In short, find a way to make or do something you’re interested in. When you do that work instead of waiting for someone to assign it to you, you have more control and more opportunities end up coming your way.

  18. Credit Card Recs?

    At her request, I’m helping SIL get a credit card. She’s 26 and has been linked to dad’s her whole life. I’m not sure she has a credit history at all. She lives abroad as a full-time student. I’m not co-signing or anything – just pointing her in the right direction as this is all totally foreign to her. We’re looking for a small limit – maybe $2 or $3k – mostly just to cover emergencies in her travels.

    Before I start pointing her to my preferred cards (Chase, Capital One), anyone have recs specific to her situation – low/no credit, student, ease of use abroad (think: UK, not remote areas of the world). TIA.

    • BB

      If she has issues getting a “normal” card, Bank of America offers a very low limit card that is tied to your checking account (I think it’s like a 500-1000 limit). I think it’s called a Secured card because it’s backed by your checking account.

      It might be very difficult for her to get a normal card. I had all sorts of awful issues when I moved back from living abroad. I had only credit history from parents before, then had a card opened in my foreign country (which is another option by the way…does she need a US-based card?). When I moved back here, I had no US credit history and got denied EVERYWHERE. Even the Corporate card backed by my company denied me. The secured card was the only thing I could get.

    • Jo March

      A friend had the PNC cashbuilder as her first credit card and was happy with it (I can’t remember if her dad co-signed it or not). It had no fee, a small credit limit (I think she said hers was $4,000, but I can’t say for sure) and earned something like 1% cashback on all purchases. She seemed quite happy with it. If your SIL is living abroad, I’d check about foreign transaction fees.

    • Pompom

      NerdWallet usually has pretty good search features, reviews on this kind of thing! That’s where I go.

    • C2

      She should really check credit score first. It’s very possible (but not guaranteed) that if she has a credit card in her name, even if it’s linked, that it’s reporting on her credit history. Get a card with no foreign transaction fees. Capital One Quicksilver Cash Rewards or Bank of America Travel Rewards might hit your marks: no foreign transaction fees, no annual fee, probably not too difficult to qualify for.

      • Anonymous

        This. My parent’s had me piggybacking on their credit card that they had for decades, and that set both my brother and I up with credit history before we had our own cards. If she truly has no credit then I would recommend a secure credit card like someone mentioned above. I think the $2-$3k credit limit is probably unrealistic. I knew someone making $90k, but because he had no credit couldn’t get a credit card with more than a $400 limit.

    • Anonymous

      When I was in college I had the Citibank student card, but for avoiding foreign transaction fees you probably do want Capital One. They might have a student card, though? I think many credit card companies do, which are designed for precisely this situation (no credit history and low limits). I think my limit was something like $800 or $1200 at first, and it worked its way up as I built up credit and a longer work history.

    • Aggie

      Take a look at the Discover It card. No annual fee, no foreign transaction fee and it offers cashback bonus rewards. It is a secured card, so it will require a deposit up to the limit you request. However, after eight months, they review your account history to see if you qualify to “graduate” to an unsecured card.

      I funded my Niece’s security deposit last year as an 18th birthday present. (I paid the $250 deposit but am not a cosigner on her account – the rep made it very clear.) She paid her balance diligently every month and received both a refund of her deposit and a credit increase at 8 months.

      I’m sure the other big credit card companies offer a similar secured card. I would stick with the larger, more well known banks as they will offer better customer support.

      • emeralds

        FYI Discover is not accepted widely abroad. I would never get one for emergency travel costs because there’s a very significant chance that it won’t be accepted at whatever vendor you ened to use it at.

    • anon

      If she already has a bank account, you can probably just go through that bank and keep everything simple and consolidated. When I was just out of college, I was a member of a credit union and got a super low limit card through that. It did not provide any bonus features like accumulating points or anything, but it helped build credit and I got a more beneficial card a couple years later.

      • Anonymous

        This. I got a no-fee MC at my bank with a $2000 limit when I was in uni. The limit has increased every year. Smartest thing I’ve done was to set it up on autodeduct from the beginnning. So I treat it like a debit card – if I won’t have the cash when the bill comes out, I don’t put it on the card. I’ve only missed one payment in 20 years (didn’t pay attention to the math that month).

    • anon

      I had a lot of trouble getting a first credit card in a similar situation. Not bad credit, but no credit.

      I ended up getting my first card from a credit union associated with my employer, which used my pay stubs in lieu of a credit score. I also know that for Capital One one option for income verification is showing 3 months of bank statements, so maybe that is a good option if a credit union-type thing isn’t available.

      Once I had one credit card, I had no issues getting other cards in more traditional ways.

    • Anon

      I got the Bank of America Travel Rewards as my first credit card in college, with no credit history and no cosigner. The limit was low ($800 I think?) but it worked for what I needed it, and it’s good for travel because it has decent rewards and no international fees.

    • Anon

      I don’t know if the new US chip cards work in machines that only take chip and pin (long the standard in Europe). Anyone else know? If the don’t, then definitely get a chip and pin card with no foreign transaction fees. It can be such a help to have a chip and pin card (like where you want to catch a train and your choice is pay at a chip and pin machine or wait a long time for a clerk).

      Last I checked, State Department Credit Union was one of the few institutions that offered chip and pin with no foreign transaction fees. Anyone could join as of a few years ago.

  19. Pronouns

    Is it a thing now to put your “preferred pronouns” in your email signature? I never saw it before recently, but now I’ve seen it 3-4 times. I’m in academia.

    • Cb

      I’ve only seen it in an academic context. It isn’t something I’m super familiar with but I do appreciate being told clearly how someone prefers to be addressed / identified. A colleague is currently working with a student who is transitioning and the uni hasn’t issued a ton of guidance on this – I don’t know if it is possible to change genders in the online system.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve yet to see or hear of this anywhere outside of academia. I’m not suggesting it’s a bad thing, just that it’s far more of a focus IME in academia.

    • Anon

      It’s not normal in any kind of work context, only in social or academic settings. Honestly, I think it’s weird to put it in an email signature in any setting. Email signature is for name and contact information. If someone wants to correct your pronoun usage they should do so if you get it wrong in a one to one email or other one on one communication.

      To be honest, if someone emailed me with that in their email signature and didn’t work for a gender focused nonprofit or something I’d automatically put them in the box of “special flower”. Your gender should not be front and center when we’re emailing about work, since I’ll treat you the same no matter your gender identification.

      • Pronouns

        I think that’s what stood out to me too – I don’t need to know someone’s pronouns to email them since I will address them as “you.” If I need to talk about them to someone else, then and only then would I potentially need to know. It feels like it’s offering personal information “front and center,” like you said, instead of offering it up when needed. For people who aren’t trans, it also feels like a “look at me, I’m woke” marker.

        I could be off base, but that’s how it comes off when it’s in the email signature like that.

        • Anonymous

          Why do you care so much? I think you should sit with that a while. My name is a classic female name and I use female pronouns. Assumptions work for me. If they don’t work for someone else, this is a really good way to convey that information up front without having to correct someone or get into a personal conversation. I can’t think of any good reason for this to bother you.

          • Anonymous

            I have a very ethnic East Asian name, so to external people my email signature includes Ms. Firstname Lastname.

          • Pronouns

            This is a website to talk about what’s professional, and this is a trend I’ve recently observed in the professional world. Personally, I would not opt to list my “preferred pronouns” in my signature for the reasons I listed. I don’t want to come across as someone who puts gender or political issues front and center. Your opinion and your approach may vary.

          • Anonymous

            No, you said you’d judge people who did it as unprofessional. For someone who deals with incorrect name and gender presumptions it isn’t a political issue it’s a personal issue. Your opinion is needlessly judgy towards marginalized people and your approach is wrong

          • Rainbow Hair

            I think if you’re having a reaction of “bleh why do you have to make this front and center” that should give you pause. Like, it’s my privilege to have a name where most of the people I interact with correctly assume my gender — that’s privilege, that I don’t have to think about this! I have the luxury of not “put[ting] gender or political issues front and center” because of accidents of birth etc. But if people do choose to specify, it has absolutely no negative impact on me, and helps me interact with them appropriately. Win win win.

        • Meara

          I work remotely and in a very global company—I’d find it helpful for all the people with names I don’t know! Hard to be like “Hi Bob, I’ve cc’d Broxxnr on this email so…they?…can help you with that issue”

      • nutella

        I have seen email signatures that say (Ms.) First Last or (Mr.) First Last, particularly with either foreign names that are unfamiliar to many westerners or the unis3x names like French Jean vs. English Jean or Leslie/Lesley or the new anything-goes names like Brooklyn. I always include the Ms./Mr. salutation, so it is helpful.

        • LaurenB

          I’m on the board of an association with my university and some of the board members use this type of signature. I don’t know if they use it in their professional world. It seems a bit over the top when the person is, for example, obviously male with a male-coded name. I can understand it more if it were an ambiguous name or someone who was transitioning. But, whatever. I’m obviously female and with a female-coded name so I really wouldn’t bothered to add that to my signature.

        • Jen

          Wouldn’t this be as effective as (Ms.) Susan Smith? Or (Mr.) Susan smith?

          I think that’s what people are commenting on- not that inclusion of gender preference is too overt, but that a line dedicated to pronoun preference appears to be unnecessary when there are more standard ways to designate gender prefrence and/or name pronouncoation.

          • Anon

            If neither is appropriate, then they’re SOL since no commonly accepted third gender pronoun exists in English and strangers aren’t going to fall all over themselves to try to remember whatever pronoun and singulars, plurals and grammar rules such person made up.

        • Miss

          I’ve never seen this, but think this example is unobtrusive and helpful, especially when you’re communicating only by email. I’ve definitely had situations where I’ve been writing someone and wasn’t sure whether to use Ms. or Mr.

          • pugsnbourbon

            +1. Kris? Jamie? Terry? It helps people feel included AND it’s useful for everyone.

          • Anon

            But why do we care if the person is male or female when they are assisting with let’s say a payroll issue?

    • Anonymous

      I’m in the social sciences, and I see this a lot in my field. However, I do think it’s relatively new and perhaps trending with younger generations as an older colleague recently asked me about it.

    • Scarlett

      Yes. It’s part of making people feel included, whether or not their preferred pronoun is not obvious. It’s very much done in the Bay Area.

    • smiley

      I’m on the Hill, and I actually see this a lot from (progressive) staffers and advocates. I think it’s appropriate and useful information to include in an email signature, especially if you’re communicating with folks you have not met/may never meet in person.

    • Anonymous

      I think it depends on the school. I’ve only ever seen it at Bryn Mawr. Have never come across it in a professional environment.

    • Miz Swizz

      Also in higher education and yes, it’s becoming a thing. I’ve noticed it mostly in student services type roles (advisors, dean of students, etc). Higher education is kind of stodgy, generally speaking, so I applaud the effort to be more inclusive. My office has a pretty standard set of information in our email signatures so I feel like we would need encouragement from the director to add pronouns to ours but I’m not opposed to doing so.

    • Higher Ed Anon

      I’m in academia and I include this in my signature block. There are several comments above stating that it’s being “over-the-top” for those of us who have a clearly feminine or masculine name, and I want to push back on that a little. I’m not trying to be a “special snowflake,” but trans and non-binary students have told me that it makes them feel more comfortable in identifying their pronouns and it normalizes the practice across the board. If you discount me because of this practice, I’m not sure it’s my loss.

      • Anonymous

        And beyond trans/non-binary students, the idea of a ‘clearly feminine or masculine name’ is very English name centric. I work in government and I can think of multiple experiences where it was not clear to me whether a certain name was feminine or masculine. Even with traditional English names it’s not always clear – heck – I work with 3 female Traceys and a male Tracey, let alone the 2 Camerons (one male, one female). Pronouns just add more info that is useful, especially in an email centered workplace where I may work with someone via email for a month or more without speaking on the phone.

    • Anonymous

      I saw this recently at a proposal meeting from a consulting firm (corporate training). I was a bit surprised because it didn’t enter my mind that the person with the pronouns in their email signature needed to include it. Maybe that means I’ve become more progressive? Also – if I’d had the need to communicate with this person, I don’t know if I’d have used any pronouns anyway.

      • Anonymous

        I think this is the weird thing to me. Using Ms./Mr./etc. doesn’t bother me in a professional setting – in certain cases, it’s clarifying- but something about specifying pronouns makes it odd to me.

        Is there a distinction between those solutions that I”m missing?

        • Fed Atty

          For one thing, not everyone identifies as a “Ms./Mr.” For another thing, in some industries where Ms and Mr aren’t used, it might seem overly formal.

          • Anonymous

            But do you think it’s more formal to include Mr./Ms./Mx. (for instance), then “Pronouns: he, him, his?

    • LifeScienceMBA

      It’s the Ponte-Knit Sheath Dress for Women. If you copy both lines for the link above, it should work (not sure why there’s a line break in the comment). Sorry!

    • Anonymous

      I bought the sleeveless and short-sleeved versions of this dress in all the colours. It’s fantastic, looks way more expensive than it is. An Old Navy unicorn!

    • anon

      Chiming in as well to say that I recently bought the short sleeved version in petite (I’m 5’4″) and was very happy.

    • SVChica

      Oh! Me four! I just got this exact polka dot dress, along with the red one, delivered today! I agree, impressive for Old Navy. Remind me of Lands End dresses but these I got 40% off so less than $50 for both. I ordered 1 in tall and 1 in regular and they look to be about the same length. I will have to see tomorrow when I try them on.

  21. Debt payoff

    I’ve been stuck in mod long enough it feels like time to repost. To pay off a large credit card balance, is it ever OK to borrow against our 401(k)’s or should we do a standard consolidation loan (at a higher interest rate, although still lower than the cards)? Don’t want to look for promo rates on other cards, as doing the balance transfer shuffle has not worked for us in the past.

    • Anonymous

      Do not use your 401K to pay off your credit cards. Not even a loan. If the balance transfer shuffle hasn’t helped, I don’t see how a loan against retirement would help – you’ll still need to pay the 401k loan back AND you risk losing it entirely (or having penalties) if you have to job move before you can pay it back.

      Have you fixed the spending issues that led to the run-up on the credit cards? How would the loan payments (either the consolidation or to the 401k) fit into your current budget? What is going to be different this time around?

    • Walnut

      If doing a balance transfer hasn’t worked, I’m not sure why a 401k loan would yield any difference in behavior. Have you perused all the credit card payoff tips in the personal finance blogosphere? Have you identified the spending habits resulting in credit card debt in the first place? I would be reluctant to explore consolidation loans/balance transfers/401k loans until you’re certain you’re done accruing more credit card debt.

  22. Leatty

    For those of you who do not share the same religious beliefs as your parents/in-laws, how do you address the sharing of those beliefs with your children? DH and I are not religious at all, but my parents are strong Christians (southern Methodists) and very in-your-face about it (especially my mom). As an example, my mom got mad on Sunday because their local newspaper had a regular news article on the front page instead saying “Happy Easter, He is risen.” I have explained to them that we want our children to develop their own beliefs when they are older, rather than imposing beliefs on them. However, my mom is not exactly understanding, and has given my daughter many religious books, said that she will take my daughter to church with them when my daughter visits, and told my daughter that she will believe in Jesus like them. I’m not opposed to my children learning about my parents’ religious beliefs when they are in their teens, but I’m not comfortable with them trying to impose their religious beliefs on my children in the same way they did with me. Any suggestions would be welcome, because I know this will be a bone of contention with my parents in the coming years.

    • Anonymous

      Donate the books; don’t let your daughter visit them alone; cut her off when she starts in on it.

      • Never too many shoes...

        This my approach for sure. It started with refusing to baptize our son and has gone from there – both sets of grandparents know that all religious books will go right back out the door and there is no church. They hate it but now (he is 6) they have mostly just come to accept it.

    • anon for this

      If it makes you feel better, my Grandma was the same way and ordered me a magazine subscription from Focus on the Family (gag gag gag) when I was about 11. I was capable of seeing through the BS and was actually really interested in analyzing the materials and critically evaluating how they fit into my developing world views. I remember reading the articles explaining why my Muslim/Hindu/Jewish friends were still going to h3ll and suffer eternal d@mnation even though they seemed really really nice and determining that was crap. (IMO.) I remember reading the articles telling me that I was a s!ut if I had s#x before marriage and that my value was tied to my virginity; that women who had s#x were like used pieces of gum being passed around, and determining that was crap. Arguments didn’t check out. Bigotry didn’t resonate.

      I would never do this to her, but when she gets in my face about religious beliefs/Trumpism now, I always fantasize about telling her that that did more to turn me away from her brand of Christianity and into a big loud feminist than anything else at the time.

      I don’t know if my parents ever confronted my Grandma about it, but they did enough to address it with ME that her stuff didn’t stick. In brief, my parents are vaguely religious scientists, who impressed upon me that people have different beliefs, not everyone needs to believe the same thing, and that being a good person was the thing that mattered most. And that you should always think critically about religion and empirical reasoning trumps religious text. I went through confirmation and all that jazz- my parents basically presented religion to me as if it was a pair of shoes my mom picked up at Macy’s and said I could try on– no pressure, just wanted to see if they fit, if not I’ll take them back.

        • Anon

          LOL “I’m not the big0t, you are because you don’t accept my big0try!”

      • Fed Atty

        Ah I see there’s another Brio girl on this board! I wish I had been as skeptical as you back when Brio was the only teen magazine I was allowed to read. No matter, I also turned into a big loud feminist eventually!

        • anon for this

          Ahh yes! That’s what it was called. I don’t think I’ve heard that name in 15+ years!

          I sort of want to TL;DR my original post to OP- in addition to (or maybe in lieu of, you call) shutting down MIL, don’t forget to focus on your kid. You can help her develop the internal resources to handle influences like MIL (and all sorts of other people on all sorts of other issues). And just let her know that mirroring MIL’s beliefs is not a precondition to her being loved and accepted by you (which it sounds like isn’t an issue for you).

        • Anonymous

          I’m good with her gagging at bigotry. I pray for hateful ‘capital C Christians’ a lot because I know that they will need God’s mercy because of their hateful actions which are anti-thetical to the true meaning of Jesus’ love which is love and acceptance for all, not the judgments and hate they so freely meet out.

          • Anonymous

            But she thinks she is calling out bigotry while displaying it herself? (it’s always the hypocrisy. . . )

          • anon for this

            Please point out exactly where I displayed bigotry. Take your time.

            Btw, Anon at 1:14 is correct.

          • Anonymous

            Gag gag gag. Note that I’m not the only one who said This sounded bigoted

        • anon for this

          Eh- are you kidding me? I gagged at focus on the family, not someone’s beliefs. (Seriously, for anyone who is unfamiliar, google FotF or Family Research Counsel or James Dobson, and then you’ll understand why I gagged.) Ironic that you’d whine about this when FotF/FRC are both actively involved in pushing anti-LGBT legislation that is 100% about actually trampling other people’s lives and beliefs. I digress. The specific articles I described are nothing but bigotry and I’ll gag at that all day long.

          It is obvious from my post that I was not describing ALL Christianity. Learn to read. Didn’t think I needed to include caveat after caveat after caveat that #notallchristians and so on and so forth just to fend off everyone deliberately trying to derail threads and take offense.

          • Never too many shoes...

            If there is anything legitimately gag-worthy, F o t F is certainly a reasonable choice.

    • Anonymous

      I think I would make it clear that I don’t share Grandma’s beliefs, but let the kid choose if she wants to go to church/read religious books with Grandma. Realistically the kid will go once or twice, be bored by it, and will refuse to return. Grandma will have to adapt if she wants the kid to enjoy playing with her. I don’t know the church, but I don’t think exposure as a child to religion is usually a bad thing. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for and the kid will be more protected from those views because Grandma is not her mom and has limited access.

    • Anon

      I don’t know how old your daughter is, but kids are pretty smart and you can probably have a conversation with your daughter about this before she hits her teen years. Make it clear that there are options and it’s up to her. Explain the differences. Ask her if she wants to learn about their religion. If she expresses interest in going to church with her grandma, is that really so bad? If she says no, set clear boundaries with grandma. You lived with your mom so your personal experience will be a lot more intense than that of your daughter who only sees her occasionally.

    • Anon

      As a hardcore atheist, I attended church weekly when living with a host family abroad over the summer (for work). It’s not that bad. You just need to make sure that your daughter knows it’s her choice whether to believe in what she’s hearing. Her obligation is to be polite to Grandma, not to actually give herself to Christ. Grandma needs to acknowledge that too.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah, your child is going to have opinions about this stuff long before she hits her teens. I’d suggest just explaining that this is Grandma’s thing and we don’t agree but we need to be polite (unless it’s really objectionable/bigoted in which case yes, by all means shut it down). If it’s just going to church and singing and doing crafts in Sunday school once in a while, it’s not going to scar her for life.

      • JHC

        +1. Atheist with evangelical parents. My parents like to prosthelytize to my kid about Christianity. Fine. When I talk to him, we discuss it more in the context of theological history. Kids are better critical thinkers than we realize.

    • Anonymous

      If they’re not close by, you may be able to just count on the fact that your daughter lives with you every day and will probably take her cues from you in terms of how to live and what to believe. I think kids have a fair amount of capacity to get that grandma believes and does x, y, and z but in our house we don’t believe and do those things. FWIW, this is based on my experience growing up with a couple of casual agnostic parents in a heavily Christian area. From a young age, church was just another “our family does it this way/your family does it another way” thing for me. My grandparents were geographically distant (though when we visited we did go to church with them) and may have pushed some when I was small–I remember going to church in my hometown once with my grandmother and being too scared of the big room with lots of people to go in–but I don’t remember a time when I felt like their religion actually had an effect on me.

      • Anonymous

        Carolyn Hax (Wash Post columnist) has some good advice on this – basically what you’ve said. The parents have the most influence because they spend the most time with the kids. And that kids can understand that people do things differently.

    • Anonymous

      This is totally how my MIL is with Catholicism. We have explained to her that we are not baptizing our children, but will support them should they choose to follow a particular religion later. We occasionally go to Mass with her and our children are familiar with the customs, but we have explained that we do not follow that religion. In our area, religion is very much cultural as well as spiritual and we want our children to understand the cultural context as well. So far, none of them (17, 9, 7) have chosen to be baptized and are interested in learning about different religions and occasionally ask to go to services at different places, which we do. It has caused some tension with my MIL, but my husband is almost always willing to stand up to her. She does still occasionally try to force it on us but we continue to push back. I understand it is hurtful to her that we have not baptized the children and were not married in the church. She still thinks it is the remnants of teenage rebellion and that we will come around eventually. It is hard.

  23. Anon

    Does anyone know of any good short sleeve tops I can wear to work with skirts this summer? It seems like everything is sleeveless (and would require a cardigan or sweater) or a non-breathable fabric. Ideally, I would like something more than a basic t-shirt so I can wear a skirt, short-sleeve shirt, jewelry and heels with no jacket, blazer, or cardigan. TIA!

    • AIMS

      Can you do the same thing as you would do with expensive/sentimental jewelry and just save all that for when kids are older and capable of handling the responsibility?
      I don’t think this will work to prevent parents from talking to kids about their beliefs but it’s something.

      • Anon

        I haven’t…I have placed one order from Boden and returned it because the items were such low quality. I know it is highly recommended here, so maybe I got a bad batch and should try again.

      • Anon

        I was not a fan of the Boden ravello at all. I loved how it looked on other people, but it fit me really weirdly and seemed way overpriced for what it was.

    • lsw

      I have a few short-sleeved supima cotton sweaters that I think work nicely in the summer.

      • Anon

        Uniqlo has short sleeve sweaters that might work well for this! I wear mine with pencil skirts.

  24. Anonymous

    While carrying a tray of food from an event back to the office (i.e., the “other duties as assigned” part of my job), the thing spilled all over me/my coat. Turns out the tray had a crack in it and the juices leaked out all over. Would you submit a dry cleaning bill for reimbursement? Or is that ridiculous? I truly don’t know.

  25. Anonymous

    iPhone X or iPhone 8 Plus? Anyone have any insight? I am upgrading from an iPhone 6 Plus. I love the big screen and it is my understanding that although the X is smaller overall, the screen size is the same as the Plus. But is there anything that really justifies the high price tag of the X? Mainly interesting in the camera features. Thanks!

    • Marshmallow

      Definitely the X, assuming you are a woman who has to deal with standard-sized pockets. I have a credit card case for my phone and often just throw the phone/case in my pocket instead of carrying a purse. No way could I fit a Plus in most of my pockets or in most of the “phone pockets” in my handbags. My hand is also too small to use a Plus one-handed. I’m not sure about the camera comparison– the camera on my X is incredible, but it might be basically the same as the Plus so that’s likely a wash. It really came down to the size and screen factors for me and I’m so happy I went with the X.

      • Anonymous

        Interesting, thanks! I’ve had the plus for 2.5 and never an issue with its size. I use a popsocket (highly recommend!) which allows to use it one handed and it fits in my clutch I use when running around that contains my cards/keys/phone. So maybe I’ll stick with the 8+ if size if the only real difference.

    • Never too many shoes...

      As I understand it, the 8plus has the same camera as the X (it was 8 that had a different camera). I have the 8plus and honestly do not find it that big. That being said, I do not really wear clothes with pockets so that is not a concern for me.

    • Delta Dawn

      I recently had the same question and decided on the 8 Plus. All I care about is the camera. The X and 8 Plus have the same camera except that the X has a nicer front-facing (selfie) camera. I don’t take selfies, so I didn’t need that, and since the cameras were otherwise the same, I went with the 8 Plus. I never put a phone in my pocket, and I prefer the larger size (you will know from your 6 Plus if you like the size, of course). I’ve never had an issue with the 8 Plus not fitting into a handbag side pocket. The X has extras like facial recognition, and some other things I didn’t care about, so with the camera being equal I went with the 8 Plus.

  26. eShakti

    I have never bought from eShakti, but people here often ask so: eShakti has gotten great feedback from my twentysomething daughter who has bought several mostly casual dresses. She’s really happy with the customization, quality and customer service so I thought I’d give a shoutout.

    • Anon

      I find their styles to be way too frumpy for me, but I know lots of people who rave about the customization and quality!

  27. Gift ideas?

    A good friend who really loves to give and receive gifts is having a landmark birthday next week. She makes substantially more money than I do, so I’m a bit at a loss as to what to get her that won’t seem too chintzy in comparison to what she’s used to. Ideally I’d like to spend under fifty dollars. She loves fashion, reading, theater, travel, and art. Any ideas?

    • Anonymous

      For work? I’d pair it with a white or chambray button down shirt (preferably the body suit kind so you have a smooth line).

    • pugsnbourbon

      What a pretty color! I’d definitely want the skirt to be the star of the outfit, so I’d pick white, a washed blue, navy or slate for the top.

  29. Anonymous

    Why are tiny houses all the rage? I feel like they are a way to live minimally without the stigma of living in a trailer, making the whole thing silly. What do others think?

      • Anonymous

        I would love for HGTV to do a follow up on the tiny home house hunter episodes. I feel like the ones I saw where all “I want to be able to entertain! And host dinner parties!” and I’m thinking to myself, “you have 3 seats available in your house and one of those is the toilet.”

        • Anonymous

          Ha! I’d like to have a tiny house specifically so I didn’t have to host people!

        • pugsnbourbon

          God I love all the varieties of House Hunters.

          My favorite part of Tiny HH is where they open the door and exclaim, “but it’s so small!” Did you forget what show you were on???

    • Anonymous

      I find the whole trend sort of insulting to people like me who live in a shoebox out of necessity (HCOL area, low salary). Like you said, rich people pretending they’re minimalist without the stigma.

      • anon

        Also, rich people who can just toddle down to a coffee shop or their office when they need space, who don’t feel the need to keep objects around because they can just buy it again if they need it v. folks who don’t grow up with money and thus don’t get rid of perfectly functional items

      • Anonymous

        I always think when I see these on hgtv: people in trailer parks and studios are throwing things at their TVs right now.

    • Anonymous

      I think they are stupid reaction to McMansions and would never want to live in one (either, actually). It’s basically rebranding a trailer or RV living experience. Don’t get me started on the people that convert school buses into living spaces.

      • Anonymous

        This made me laugh! My partner has been renovating a school bus which she will ultimately live in at some point, and I am a fan of tiny houses if only for generally being more eco-friendly than traditional houses. We are both tree hugging crunchy hippies at heart but try to make a conscious effort to not be obnoxious about it.

    • Anon

      I think they can be really cool and that they’re a response to the bad luck a lot of millenials have had – we graduated during a recession, interest rates have been really low for ten years (so much for saving money), the cost of living climbs ever higher in the cities with the best jobs, and houses seem really out of reach. I’d love to buy a piece of land somewhere and build a small (although not truly tiny) house on it. Another part of the appeal is that tiny houses tend to have really high-quality fixtures, making them more appealing than a traditional trailer.

      I say this as someone who has lived in less than 550 square feet with my husband for 7 years. We can’t afford a bigger apartment, so the idea of having our own small, well-equipped, personalized house is a lot more appealing than finding yet another shoebox dump in a bad neighborhood in the Bay Area.

      • Anonymous

        Couldn’t invest in the historic bull market is the last 9 years? Let me guess – liberal arts majors or lawyers with zero math skills?

        • Anonymous

          Gotta have extra money in order to invest – figured food and housing and student loan payments were smarter uses of my money.

          And I thought the smart advice was to buy when the market is down, not when it’s high? But thanks for the condescension.

          • Anonymous

            You indicated you were saving or considering saving something but so much for saving with low interest rates. And pretty sure the market wasn’t high in 2009 or 11 or 14.

          • Anonymous

            Yeah – except you don’t invest money you can’t afford to lose. Savings are generally money you don’t want to lose. And in 2009, didn’t know what the market was going to be doing for the next 9 years. I mean – investing isn’t everyone’s answer to money problems. And in 2009, I’m thinking a lot of people were pretty iffy on the stock market, given what it just got through with doing…

        • Anon

          Not that you are actually looking for anything other than to stir the pot, but most people don’t save for a down payment in the stock market.

    • Aggie

      We stayed at a tiny house resort in Jackson Hole (Fireside) last summer and had a blast. However, it was more “glamping” than tiny house living. The weather was gorgeous and we spent most of our time outside. However, during our single rainy morning, I realized long term tiny house living was not for us.

      • Rebel for kicks

        Did you like Fireside for a 4 or 5 day stay? Considering for fall trip.

      • Aggie

        We stayed five days which was a good length. If it is not too cold in the fall, I would suggest their rafting trip – we did the small boat excursion and it was a rush! The water was still cold in June but totally worth it.

        You will need a car – four wheel drive SUV preferred – as two restaurants are close, but there is greater selection in town. We picked up groceries on our way in as we prefer to eat breakfast in the room. I also paid for the daily housekeeping (because vacation.)

    • eggplant

      Sign o’ the times. Granted, I don’t know many people in the movement, but my perception isn’t that it’s rich people who are glamping (those people can afford real houses, or condos/apartments in a city center, with a gym and a pool) but millennials who are a little bit older, and want something more permanent than renting, but simply can’t afford a house. I don’t think I’d ever be interested in that myself, but as someone who pays a shocking amount for a one-bedroom in the Bay Area, I certainly get the appeal.

      • Baconpancakes

        Yep, this. My friend who is currently building a tiny house is doing so because a) she can’t afford a regular house, but is tired of renting, b) she is a crunchy granola type, and c) she wants to be able to move her house on a trailer when she moves in a few years.

    • Brit

      I live in a small house, not a tiny house. I’d trade up to a house with closets, a bathroom I don’t have to hunch in, and a garage in a snap. I’m grateful that I bought my little house when I did because I wouldn’t be able to afford it now. But it is hard to see my neighbors who bought only 3-5 years before me, paying less than I did for twice or three times the house. My house has become an incentive to stay single too – I could never fit a man in here! Plus my house is so small that it is hard to keep organized, so I never feel able to have friends over.

      Anyway, in short I think the tiny house trend is a way to make the “have not” demographic feel a little better about their situation.

    • Anonymous

      I’d take one over a McMansion any day. How people can think they need 4000sq ft of living space is not understandable to me and I have three kids and in-laws that visit for months at a time. It’s just so wasteful to take up that much space.

  30. Anon

    We’re traveling to the UK in a couple weeks and will be attending services at Anglican churches. Can anyone provide some insight as to the dress code? Are nice jeans with a sweater appropriate or should we wear khakis? Thanks.

    • Anonymous

      Nice jeans are totally fine for a regular Sunday service. If you’re attending special occasion services I’d step it up.

  31. Anon

    Are you “allowed” to be in two health insurance plans at once? My fiance has amazing insurance through his work that covers practically everything, and at good providers, too. The providers covered by my insurance leave a great deal to be desired, but I only pay $50/month for coverage and my employer deposits $500/month into my HSA. Because unspent HSA dollars can be invested and turned into retirement savings once they reach a certain threshold, I’d like to stay on my employer’s plan for the net $450/month of retirement savings and use my husband’s insurance for actual medical needs. Is it possible to do this? (I also very much realize my incredible good fortune in having access to these two plans.)

    • Anonymous

      Yes! Although your insurance would be your primary and your husband’s would become your secondary insurance. It varies from company to company the benefit. Sometimes the secondary insurance covers the co-pay of the primary insurance, sometimes you get covered under whichever plan has the best coverage. I was in the situation when I was covered under my mother’s plan because I was under 26. It didn’t cost her anything to also cover dependents and had my own health plan through work. You call both insurance companies to tell them about each other, and the secondary insurance told me how it would work. It wasn’t confusing on my end, although I had to explain it to more than one front desk person several times. I didn’t end up using it because my work has AMAZING benefits, but I did get better dental coverage and eye insurance which my work doesn’t provide.

    • Anonymous

      I have a spouse with my insurance as primary and Medicare as secondary, so it seems the concept of at least that is possible. The forms generally allow for a primary and secondary insurer

      • Anonymous

        Check the irs rules. I think there may be something that says you cannot have pretax dollars going into an Hsa if you don’t have a high deductible health plan. Not sure if that would apply to pretax dollars put in by your employer.

    • Anonymous

      Are you sure your employer puts $500 per MONTH in your HSA? That’s a pretty huge contribution and is also well above the IRS contribution limit if you don’t have a family plan.

      • Anon

        Oh gosh, thanks! I checked one pay stub and saw $287.50 and just assumed it doubled, but you’re right that $287.50 is the monthly limit to reach $3450. $3400 is still nothing to sneeze at for savings, though.

  32. Travel Wardrobe Help Needed

    Husband and I are going on vacation at the end of May to Paris/Alsace region/Basel/Geneva for two weeks, and I cannot figure out what to wear, so I’m hoping you all can help. Ideally, I’d like to come up with a capsule wardrobe for the trip that: (a) minimizes how much I look like an American/a tourist; (b) will be comfortable and weather-appropriate; (c) will work for long days of walking around, but also I won’t look out-of-place if we end up at a decent restaurant for dinner. (Also, while we’re mostly staying in mid-level hotels, we are staying at a 5 star in Geneva, so please advise if that requires a different level of dress from the rest of the trip.)

    Basically, I live out in the boring suburbs and work in a business-formal office, so my current wardrobe is suits all week and athleisure all weekend – I just don’t have any clue what fashionable casual people are wearing, and while I’m excited about this trip (my first to Europe proper, although I’ve been to Iceland previously), I am deeply insecure about being dressed like an idiot and feeling like I stick out like a sore thumb for two straight weeks. Help!

    • Coach Laura

      – Google The Vivienne Files, Outfitposts blog and ladylighttravel for European capsule wardrobe and packing hints
      – Also Une Femme d’un certain age lives part time in France so even if you’re not “of a certain age” she has good tips
      – Bring a few patterned scarves that match, for example, your navy or black ponte dress, and stick it in your bag to dress up if you go out for dinner unexpectedly
      – Accessories are key to different looks
      – If you’re going to dinner at a 5-star restaurant you may want to dress up but if you’re just staying there you should be ok with your travel wardrobe IMO

      Have fun!

    • Anonymous

      I’d wear jeans, blouses, a sweater, a trench for city or a windbreaker for country/hiking, sneakers, the cute kind, and a change of shoes for evening with a couple nice tops. A dress or two, jersey, with a couple scarves.

  33. Anonymous

    I am seeing a dr so please don’t think I’m just crowd sourcing, but I’m curious — for any of you who have been anemic or borderline anemic with low iron stores — did the dr just your eyes — like the lower part close your cheeks to see if they were pale? Mine did and they were very pale and then the blood test showed mild anemia. So after supplementing for a few weeks and looking at my lower eye lids myself, they look pretty red (though IDK how red they need to be). Is this a sign that the supplements are working? Just curious if eyes are a reliable indicator re iron. (And again I WILL get repeat tests in a month or 2 – this is just a curiosity question).

    • Anonymous

      Not a doctor, but this used to be done a lot more. Most doctors now tend to do blood tests anyway, but pale gums /mucous membranes is a correct and reliable indicator of anemia. I believe for the eye the test is to see how quickly the membrane goes from pale pink to pink. The slower it is, the more anemic you are. I think the only reason this is new to you is because it is much more standard to order iron tests/general blood panels than it was decades ago.

    • Anon

      I’m not sure how scientific it is, but it seems like it could be an indicator since paleness is associated with anemia. Just not sure how to recognize it without medical training.

    • anon

      Yeah, when I’ve been anemic I’ve been more pale in general, especially in areas that should normally be pink or red (inside of eyes, gums, and when you pinch your fingernail it stays white for longer than normal).

    • MNF

      Borderline anemic which I inherited from my borderline anemic nurse mother. This is how she diagnosed the problem (meaning she did the eye thing and told me to ask my doctor, turns out she was right).

    • Marshmallow

      I have anemia and I’ve had my eyes checked for this. Anecdotally I tend to look really pale and washed out when my RBC levels are low, then I start looking “alive” again as they go up.

  34. anon a mouse

    I have very pale skin and recently have developed a few sun/age spots on my face, despite a lifetime of high-SPF usage. One spot in particular is near my mouth, so it now looks like I have a perpetually dirty face. Is this something that can be lightened? Who would I see for that – dermatologist? MedSpa? What would I ask for? Help?!

    • Anonymous

      See a reputable derm, they’ll probably have all the tools that a MedSpa would have, plus medical experience. Lasers are expensive but I think they can take care of it; chemical peals are probably cheaper. As far as products, look for ‘brightening’.

    • Anonymous

      I had a lot of sun-damage spots on the left side of my face (because I was stupid and didn’t always wear sunscreen and I drive a lot). I went to an expensive organic spa for a facial and they recommended the Eminence brand of skin-care products, the Bright Skin line. I used the night cream and the daytime moisturizer with sunscreen and there was a huge difference in a couple of months. It’s been about six months that I’ve been using the products and all of the sun damage is gone.

      The products are super-expensive at a spa, but just expensive at Amazon so that’s where I’ve been getting them after my first jars (which least 2.5-3 months) ran out.

  35. anon

    We have a work retreat coming up at a beachside resort in the Caribbean in June. The resort will mostly be filled with company people and I don’t know all of them. There are all sorts of outdoor activities (none mandatory) and I’d like to spend some time on the beach with DH. I feel like I can’t wear a bikini for this/getting in the water, even if we’re just hanging out by ourselves since we could run into work people. Do I need to get a 1-piece swimsuit for this? honestly, I’d be uncomfortable seeing anyone I work with while wearing that too. But I really do want to get in the water! what’s the solution here?

    • Anonymous

      Wear your bikini and get over it. But also is it appropriate to be spending one on one time with your husband at a work retreat?

      • Anonymous

        Not sure if it is appropriate to bring spouse and kids on retreats, but it certainly happens enough to be acceptable.

        • anon OP

          It’s encouraged in this case to bring spouse and kids. I’m not sure if I’ll end up spending 1:1 time with DH, but that’s probably the only circumstance I’d be willing to be in a swimsuit. I don’t really want to prance around in one if folks I work with are around.

    • Miss

      I’d wear some kind of beach coverup (cute skirt, long shirt—I have a chambray shirt that I like as a coverup, etc.) when I wasn’t actually in the water. Probably not what I’d do if I were on a normal vacation, but it would make me more comfortable for a corporate retreat.

      • Miss

        For the swimsuit, wear what makes you comfortable. I’d go with a tankini or one piece but I think a bikini could be fine—as long as it’s covering a decent amount. I wouldn’t do a string bikini.

    • Anon

      Definitely a one-piece, especially if you don’t know everyone. If you want something a little less covered up, why not a different sort of bikini? I wore a sporty two-piece suit from lululemon (think sports bra-ish with mid to high waist bottom) on my last work retreat in Bali and it didn’t make me uncomfortable at all.

    • Anon

      The solution is to just get over the fact that people will see you in a swim suit if you want to go in the water and also that’s totally fine because you will literally be on a beach.

        • Jo March

          It may not be necessary, but it’s an option if the OP isn’t comfortable wearing her normal swimwear around coworkers. I wear my swimsuit to the beach with zero discomfort, but I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing it front of coworkers, particularly ones I don’t know well / at all. To each their own, but there’s nothing frumpy about covering up more in front of coworkers if that makes one feel more at ease.

    • Anonymous

      Either bikini or one piece is fine, avoid a string bikini and make sure the suit is well fitting/secure so you avoid any wardrobe malfunctions – personally I’d avoid strapless suits for this reason. Keep a cover up (e.g. sarong) or towel handy to wrap around yourself if that makes you more comfortable.

  36. Thistle

    Looking for hints, tips and recommendations for apps (ideally hypnotherapy or mindfulness) to curb emotional eating.

  37. Anon

    I am trying to find a way to organize my recipes. Some are photocopies, many are online. Does anyone use Paprika? I’ve got some health issues and need to re-vamp my eating habits so I need to get this together.

    • mascot

      Paprika works pretty well for online recipes and does a good job generating meal plans and grocery lists. You would have to re-enter the photocopies by hand.

    • Anon

      I just use a three ring binder and sheet protectors. Old school, but it works. I keep my online ones organized by course in Pinterest. Once we’ve tried and loved a recipe, it goes in the binder, which is also organized by course. I love knowing that everything in the binder is a dish we love.

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