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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 269 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Garton Wool-Blend Jersey Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. The Row Garton wool-blend jersey blazerHuh. This blazer took a few glances to grow on me — there's something very disconcerting about the stark colorblocking — but I really like it. I've never seen colorblocking have this effect before, but the gray sleeves look somehow longer than they are, and the back of the jacket looks like it has more flounce than it does. Very, very odd, but I love it. It's, um, $1490 at Net-a-Porter. The Row Garton wool-blend jersey blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

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Comments

  1. b23

    Very cool jacket. Anybody seen anything similar for less?

    So, I just found out that I “won” the lottery to run in the half marathon in my city. Ha ha. I’d rather have won a different kind of lottery, but whatever. The problem is that I’m TTC, and the race is in January, so hopefully we’ll be successful by then. Can you run a half while pregnant? If not, I’ll just give my registration to someone else. I’ve heard you can keep doing the same exercise you’re already doing, but I don’t run *that* much. Probably a few miles a few times a week, and this just recently because I had a period where I was super busy at work. I did run a half earlier this year, though. What do y’all think?

    • NOLA

      A friend of mine ran the Crescent City Classic (a 10K) at around 7 months pregnant, but she was a serious runner. I’ve never seen anyone else do it. If you don’t run that much, then it’s a question of whether you want to take a chance that you wouldn’t be able to do it when the time comes.

    • Anon

      I have a similar dilemma: I’m currently TTC but there’s a marathon in December that my brother and my sister are both running, so I want to do it to. What I’ve decided to do is to register for the marathon and train for it, and if I do get pregnant before then, I’ll drop out. I feel like TTC is such an unpredictable and emotional process that I don’t want to start declining invitations to do things six months in advance. This way, if I don’t get pregnant in six months, at least I’ll have this “I couldn’t do this if I were pregnant” activity to enjoy, and if I do get pregnant, then yay I’m pregnant.

      • TBK

        Yes! We’re approaching this the same way — plan things we’ll do if I’m not pregnant so if a cycle goes by with no baby on the way, we can say “hey, but at least we get to go [white water rafting, on that brewery tour, etc. etc.]” Not sure if it’ll still work if it’s going on a year with no baby, but we’re still in the early stages so it works for now.

    • Cornellian

      I would obivously talk to my doctor if I were you.

      I trail ran with two pregnant women who were sort of in a holding pattern to run ultramarathons once they gave birth. We routinely ran 15+ miles together, and their doctors thought this was fine. Both of these women, however, have had weeks in their lives where they’ve run more than 100 miles. We talked about it a lot, in part because of all the judgmental stares/comments we got on runs. Their doctors said that there are essentially three dangers with running while pregnant: falling, raising your body temperature too much, and not getting enough oxygen. Because these women were in ridiculous shape, dropping to 85% of their pre-pregnancy speed/intensity (ie my peak speed/intensity, haha) was enough to keep their heart rate and temperature down to be safe for baby. One invested in a proper heart rate monitor with a thermometer to help her know if she was pushing too far. Falling is a bit trickier… we were running on flat city paths along the river, instead of the normal rocky trail, because falling was an issue.

      If you do want to keep running, I’d invest in equipment to watch your heart rate and temperature, and be careful on terrain. If you want to run a race, I’d also think about how crowded, etc it will be, and what the terrain is like.

    • ANP

      If you’re running regularly, you should be OK even if you get pregnant between now and the half marathon. When I was pregnant, the hardest part for me was feeling like cr*p (nauseous, tired, dizzy) in my first trimester, hence I fell right off the exercise wagon. So if you can train through that — or if it’s already part of your routine — so much the better. As always, check with your doc.

    • Anonymous

      It is definitely possible, especially if you are early in your pregnancy on race day. Start upping your mileage now so that your training will be “maintenance” rather than “building” prior to the half. And use a heart rate monitor to avoid the “red zone” during the race. It goes without saying, but clear it with your doctor before proceeding.

    • EC MD

      I’ve done the research on this topic, as a MD and a pregnant lady, and I’ve come to a couple of conclusions:

      1) There is not a lot of data concerning the actual risk of exercise and pregnancy. There’s a lot of fear and some speculation. Over time, OBs have general reduced the restrictions. It used to be that they recommended a HR less than 120 when pregnant, then 140, now they’re generally not advocating for a specific HR.

      2) Most people agree that you shouldn’t increase your physical activity while pregnant. It’s okay to maintain, but trying to “train up” to a specific distance may be challenging.

      On a personal level, I always find the first trimester incredibly difficult to maintain my level of physical fitness. I’m exhausted, barfy and generally not feeling that great, and exercise makes me feel worse not better. So I would say sign up but be prepared to drop out if things go the way you hope.

    • Research, Not Law

      You’ll definitely need to be in ‘maintenance’ mode by the time you get pregnant, so start training now.

      I’ve found running impossible during my two pregnancies. Although I was a routine runner before, I ran a total of once with my first pregnancy and didn’t even bother attempting with my second. I was too ill for the first half, then had too large of a belly by the second half. The weight of my belly pulling with every step was horribly uncomfortable for me. I preferred swimming and water aerobics. I maintained my usual pace with those activities until slowing down in the last month through the end. So the exercise was fine; it was the physics of running that I disliked.

      • Midwest

        My experience was very similar. Go ahead and train now — just try not to be too disappointed if running proves too difficult during pregnancy.

        And now, I’m going to stand on my soapbox: definitely, definitely, definitely keep running now, especially if you enjoy it and like having a race to work toward. TTC can become all-consuming if you let it, particularly if it’s not happening quickly. Having an outlet for all that energy is good. And, putting your entire life on hold while TTC is a good way to make yourself pretty miserable. Obviously, I’m not talking about things like heavy drug/alcohol use; I’m talking about the activities that make you feel like a whole, happy person.

    • TXAtty

      If you’re in Houston (our lottery was announced this morning), I don’t think you can give your registration to another person. They used to have a problem with people selling their spots. You can, however, defer your spot for a year – my husband did that one year when he fell behind in training. It’s nice because you aren’t subject to the lottery the next time.

    • Coach Laura

      I agree- check with your doc. I did a lot of fitness walking and also swam up until the day I gave birth both times. They key was being used to the exercise before conception.

  2. mamabear

    Oh, that’s what I need. The look-at-me color right around my hips and belly.

    Interesting idea, though!

    • hjg

      Thought the same thing. The only people who could possibly look good in this jacket is someone who has absolutely NO HIPS.

      The rest of us it’s highlighting your widest part. I think this jacket is the WORST.

      • AIMS

        I don’t think that’s true. I can see how this jacket might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I don’t think absence of hips (esp. since, technically, we all do have ’em) is a requirement for it to look good.

        I have “hips” and I like it. I also don’t think a slight belly would necessarily be a problem since the jacket is fairly structured. I am not a fan of cropped cardigans and the like myself but people of all sizes tend to favor that look and I think this jacket would essentially be creating a similar effect but in a more flattering way (b/c of the structure it has vs. a cardigan).

        • hjg

          Oh, and that’s where we disagree. I think the cropped cardigan look looks horrible on hippy people. I think this, as a more structure material, would actually flair out more.

          My whole theory on fashion though is that only wear what is incredibly flattering to you. Hence, I’ll never wear skinny jeans. And I see A LOT of women who I think should never wear skinny jeans rocking some skinny jeans. So maybe “in style” is more important than “flattering” to many.

          Also, I may have watched WAY TOO MUCH “What not to wear”.

          • Godzilla

            Well, you’re entitled to your opinion. Cropped cardigans and jackets are a blessing for body types that look like huge cylinders when wearing longer cardigans and jackets.

          • kathy s

            “Flattering” is also a matter of perspective. By “flattering” shows like WNTW usually mean “creating a silhouette as close to a tall thin hourglass as possible”, which is the societal ideal, but it doesn’t have to be universal. I like a wide-shouldered look, trapeze dresses, etc. Might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but doesn’t mean it’s wrong either. I enjoy seeing people rock whatever makes them happy, so in that regard Simon Doonan rather than Tim Gunn is my style guru.

    • Ellen

      First, it is WAY to expensive for me, even if the manageing partner agreed to pay his 20%, I would not get this.

      Second, the colorring is NOT flattereing to me, b/c the bluet will hilite the midriff, and in my case, in the back, my tuches. No thank you, I get alot of atention already here and it is NOT positive. FOOEY!

      Finally, the lines look like something that hapens when you walk into a swimming pool, or worse.

      I will stick to my Anne Klein, thank you very much!

      • Monday

        Ellen, I’m finalizing the guest list for my wedding and wonder if you’d like an invitation? The groom has a few single friends your age, but you’re also welcome to bring Lourine or Alan’s mother if you’d prefer. Let me know! If you can’t make it, please just give us your blessing and I will see about setting an honorary place for you.

        • January

          (1) You’re getting married??
          (2) If Ellen does come to your wedding, *please* find a way to share pics.

          • Monday

            (1) Yes…you must have missed my short, apologetic threadjack a while ago asking about the lowest-key wedding dress imaginable.
            (2) Believe me, believe me….

  3. AN

    This makes me feel like someone whizzed by and painted a stripe over the model’s tummy and arms….

  4. DC Darling

    Definitely not my style. I prefer not to have to constantly explain why I’m wearing elbow length gloves.

    Just wanted to say thanks to TCFKAG for recommending a Talbots long sleeved ponte dress. It’s early but I don’t foresee any problems with it. It’s comfortable like wearing sweat pants, light enough to be summer ok, and heavy enough to keep me warm in a perpetually freezing office. Getting the 3/4 length sleeve scoop neck dress too. Thank you!

    • TCFKAG

      Dude, I wasn’t lying. :-)

      But before the other person who didn’t like it chimes in, its not for everyone — no piece of clothing is.

    • ahm

      Oooh I like that dress and its currently on big sale. How is Talbot’s sizing? I’ve never bought anything there.

      • TCFKAG

        Talbots generally runs a bit large, but this particular dress runs true to size or even a bit small.

    • MJ

      Just got that very dress in FL two weekends ago at a Talbots outlet for…wait for it…$28.90. Awesome.

  5. Midori

    I actually love it. But then, I (when not 5 mos pregnant) have no hips. Have to wonder if the color wouldn’t be so stark if you wore it with something not black on the bottom? Grey? Tan? Or would that just look like Neapolitan ice cream? Maybe black but just not leather (yikes!).

  6. Michelle

    Don’t think of it as a $1500 “LOOK AT ME” blazer; think of it as a between $300-500/wear “look at me” blazer :-)

    Too distinct for the price point, for me. Even if I liked it, which I am still pondering.

    • M-C

      :-). Excellent summary. There is such a thing as too unusual, especially with a no-hip requirement. I’m surprised at Kat, she must be having a distracted moment..

    • TurtleWexler

      When I first scrolled through, I read the price as $149.00 and thought, wow, Kat’s “splurge” this week is unusually affordable…but still higher than I’d pay for that jacket. When I went back and saw the real price, yikes!!

  7. kira kira

    Reporting back on my recent purchase of the Lo&Sons OG bag that has been mentioned a few times recently. I traveled with it a couple weeks ago and am generally very happy with the bag – lightweight, great organizational features and the leather straps are comfortable even when the bag is fully loaded. My only complaint is that the zippers are not very smooth and I found it hard to get a couple of them fully closed (there were often a few cms at the end that wouldn’t budge).

    • aycee

      I’ve found that rubbing candle wax on stubborn zippers sometimes makes them better. It sounds odd (I laughed when my grandma told me to) but it works surprisingly well.

      • SF Bay Associate

        Wax paper works too. At my college retail job, we used to rub wax paper all over the bars the clothes were displayed on so that the hangers would slide smoothly.

  8. Eeyore

    Hey, all. I’m a regular poster here, but I didn’t want to associate this with my regular handle. If you figure out who I am, that’s fine, but there is a lot of personal info here.

    I’ve been really down today. I had a great weekend, but yesterday and today I’ve just been completely on a downslide of depressions. The only people who know about my depression just aren’t around and I really can’t tell anyone else. (This makes it sounds worse than it is – she really has a lot going on, so I’m just frustrated that she hasn’t responded to any message and I have nobody else, which is in no way her fault. I haven’t sent a ton, but she knows, said she would try to help, and now it is just… nothing. I’m sure when things calm down she will, but I can’t help but overthink everything. I logically know that what she is doing is understandable, but… I also know that it is tough on her, but I really just want my friend back, which probably makes more sense with the whole story but I already gave a lot of info here and don’t want anyone to figure this out.) My other friend that knows, I told in the past but not recently and doesn’t really follow up on stuff, especially since we don’t see each other much and haven’t talked a lot lately. I think that friend just thinks it was a passing thing or something. (I’m wretched at talking to people, in case that wasn’t obvious.)

    I feel like I’m making a lot of this up (logically and in my mind, I know what it is but my emotions won’t follow suit), which just makes me more and more depressed. And while everything isn’t perfect, it isn’t this bad. I finally got out of bed, but now I’m sitting on my couch looking at the list of stuff to do and absolutely unable to do anything.

    I have no idea what to do here, hive. I’ve been trying for years, but I don’t have any idea what to do. I recently started a supplement that seemed to help me out of my lost spike a few weeks ago but now it is what it is. The other thing is that my family doesn’t know and instigates it, but I can’t tell them. I know that at some point one of them will come over and flip out that I’m not doing anything, but I can’t, and they won’t understand at all and then just be disappointed and that will make everything worse.

    I just want to be happy, see friends, and be okay. and I’m not a person that has to go out – I love being alone, except when I’m down like this because I just keep thinking and it all gets worse.

    I don’t know what the point of this was; I guess I just needed to share with anyone and am hoping someone here reads it. Sorry for the super long post.

    • Godzilla

      Hey gurl, you didn’t mention anything about a therapist. Or anything about a professional treating your condition. I really, really hope that you are consulting a professional or will consider it in the near future. But if you’d like an internet friend to minddump on, feel free to email me at rummyredd at the gmail.

    • Lucy

      Have you tried a therapist? IME, having someone whose only role in your life is to listen to you as you work through your struggles is such a relief. The shift from going to my friends all.the.time. to having a designated person/time for unloading made me feel so much better.

      (((((Eeyore))))))

    • SAB

      Have you sought professional help? It’s a really hard first call to make, but once you get on the other side of it, you will be so grateful that you did that. In the meantime, lots of self-care. Sunshine, exercise, eating well, anything that gets you moving in the direction that you want to go in and helps stop the spiral. Good luck.

    • 30

      I’m so sorry to hear this. Hang in there. (Also, I know you’re not asking for advice, but have you talked to your doctor about this?)

      • Eeyore

        Advice is fine, really. I haven’t, because I can’t let my family know and telling a doctor would lead to them knowing. I know I should, but I just can’t because of this.

        That’s also why I can’t go to a professional. I want to now (which is a big step, personally, and one that I realize is truly necessary) and I tried in the past when I had chances through anonymous sources, but it only semi-helped once and I can’t go to her anymore. I’m hoping that things will change in the near future so I can get a different doctor and go to a specialist. I’d just pay on my own so it didn’t go through insurance or get back to them, but I don’t have the money and beyond that, they would figure out that I was disappearing for hours at a time.

        • Artist

          If money is a concern, see if there’s a local university that trains masters’ degree therapy students. In my area, there is, and the highest rates are half of what they’d be otherwise, and they do a sliding scale.

        • DC Jenny

          Can you just go to your GP and ask to be screened for depression? They can let you know if meds might help you and prescribe them if necessary, and it wouldn’t ping on your family’s radar like a psychiatrist or a therapist

          • DC Jenny

            Also, I just have to say that this situation is really terrible. Your family should not be an impediment to your good health and well-being, and I hope you find a way around them.

        • EC MD

          If telling your doctor would lead to your family finding out, as I think I understand you to say, you need to find another doctor. That’s not acceptable, unless your covered by family insurance and that’s why they would find out. Even if you were covered by family insurance, the bills should be very general (office visit, etc)

          • Eeyore

            Yeah, it’s a matter of insurance. I know insurance isn’t supposed to show your info to other members of even your plan, but mine makes the mistake constantly.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            I’m on my husband’s plan and all of the EOB’s go to him, listing the doctor I saw, the tests I had, etc. My husband knows my medical issues anyway but I’m just shocked this is legal. I’m sure it is the same deal for a dependent on a parent’s plan.

        • B.

          I’ve been through a depression; it can be really awful, even lifethreatening. Talk therapy can help. For me at least, religion is important. Medication can be important too…you will probably get better much faster with an antidepressant than without one. Your family may just have to get over it.

          One reason some people object to medical treatment for depression is that they see antidepressants as some kind of unatural happy pill. The truth is, when we are depressed there may be some neurochemicals in short supply, or just not functioning properly. The idea is not to produce some artificial happiness, but to help your brain function more normally. Would you want a doctor’s help for some other illness? Depression is an illness.

    • SF Bay Associate

      +1 on a therapist and medication. The combination of both was absolutely essential for me when I was depressed. My thought process then sounds pretty similar to yours now. My only regret was avoiding them for so long that I didn’t seek help until I hit bottom. It would have been much smarter for me to avoid hitting bottom in the first place. Friends are very important, but they are not professionals. Please get help.

    • aycee

      /hugs/ Oh, honey.

      I was reading your post and nodding my head a lot, because I’ve been there. Especially the bit about making things up. I think for many of us it’s so hard to break out of that cycle, even if we know, logically, that things aren’t actually that bad. Sadly the brain doesn’t take to logic very well, sometimes.

      I don’t really have any advice to offer but I do offer hugs and commiseration and lots of good vibes.

      • aycee

        Also, can’t believe I forgot this, but- YES to therapy. It really can be a lifesaver.

    • This

      Reading this post, I thought that this could have been written by me. I can related to each of your feelings (trying for years, inability to do things(big or small), loved ones that can’t/don’t understand).

      For me, the breaking point happened when I realized this was starting to affect not only my personal life, but my professional one (I know, this in and of itself seems off. . .). Here’s the incredibly recent plan I started to implement: I finally told my PCP. We talked through anti-depressants and I started on an incredibly low dose. I also researched therapists and fond one whose approach resonated with me, at least on paper. I’ve been to one session and have another this week. I think time will tell, but for now it helps me to know that I’ve at least started down the road to recovery…

      I truly hope you are able to identify a few steps that will help you move forward. I wish I could give you a big hug!!

      • Eeyore

        Thank you for posting this. It is so great to hear both the people above who have made it through or at least significantly ahead and you, who seem to be a few steps ahead of me (very important steps, of course, that I know I need to take but just can’t figure out how).

        • CW

          Hugs. Perhaps the first step would be contacting a PCP. While I echo what other people have said above about how your family should not be an impediment to your health, I understand that this is something that you don’t want to share with them. Going to see a “regular” doctor could be that good first step – if someone asks why you went to do the doctor, you could just say you were feeling run down.

          • I'm a PCP and...

            …want to echo the thoughts of those above. Some PCP offices who are moving toward “medical home” status actually have a social worker or psychologist who can work with you on the counseling end while your MD works with you on your meds. Most patients in our office see me and the social worker (individually) in the same visit. Bonus–no extra charge for counseling, just the usual copay.

    • Confidential Professional Help

      There are clinics (at least in the US — not sure where you are) that will treat you and let you pay what you can afford on a sliding scale. They will not charge your insurance, so your family will not find out. Can you find one near you?

    • anon

      You might want to pay some attention to the vicious cycle of “I love being alone” and obsessing about how your friends should be available right when you need them. These things aren’t compatible, and both extremes are equally unrealistic. I second therapy, if you can manage the insurance indiscretion thing. But you should really wonder also whether it’s really worth letting yourself get this bad just in order for some people not to find out?

    • MaggieLizer

      Give yourself permission to not accomplish everything on the list today. In fact, don’t even look at your list until this afternoon. Get out of the house – if you haven’t showered, done your makeup, picked out the perfect outfit for the day, don’t, because it’ll just immobilize you – and go take a walk, grab a book and go to a coffee shop, go window shopping, whatever. It’s not exactly a long term solution but hopefully it’ll help for today.

      Also, if you had a frank discussion with your family they might be a lot more supportive than you expect. Most people don’t understand depression, so they just label you as lazy/unmotivated/etc., but as soon as you tell them there’s an actual explanation they change their tune and really get behind you. Hugs and good luck.

    • N.

      Only you know your situation, but maybe you should reconsider your decision not to tell your family — you’re cutting yourself off from a potentially huge source of support by not telling them what’s going in your life. They might not understand at first, but hopefully they would support you on things like going to therapy, etc. I had myself worked into a pretty dark hole about a year ago, and therapy + medication helped me immensely, but I’m really not sure how I would have done it without the support of my SO. I also don’t know if I would have been able to keep therapy a secret and still do it effectively since my therapist assigned a lot of “homework” to be done during my daily life. Obviously I don’t know your family at all, but if you have a strong relationship with your partner I’d urge you to consider telling at least him/her the extent of what’s going on.

      • PollyD

        I’m also feeling like your situation/depression will never be resolved if you feel you have to hide it from your family your whole life. I understand wanting to keep medical issues private, even from family members, but in this case it seems like it is keeping you from proper medical care (I had a medical issue that I never told my parents about, but I was on my own health insurance-wise so was able to get the care I needed without them knowing). It almost seems like the effort you are expending to help yourself without them knowing could be better spent by quickly getting under the care of a therapist, having your family know, and working with the therapist on how best to deal with the blowback.

        I’m also not sure if you don’t want them to know for cultural reasons, because they’ll think you’re “weak,” or if they’re afraid that having mental health treatments on your “permanent record,” as it were, will lead to trouble getting health insurance down the road. So it’s hard to know quite what to say. Is it possible for you to let them know you need help for depression but maybe play down the severity a bit? I do think your family should know what you are going through, but maybe they don’t need all the details.

    • Bluejay

      Oh, honey. I’m almost crying for you because I know exactly how you feel. Counseling and possibly medication will make you better. I understand about not being able to pay. Call a local hospital’s psych department and ask if they can recommend any free/sliding scale clinics. Most of these clinics work with a psychiatrist who will write you a prescription if needed, without your having to pay. And even if you don’t need meds, the counseling will help.

      Tell your parents you’re taking a free yoga class or going for a run or something. Wear your running clothes to therapy; the counselor won’t care.

    • K... in transition

      not going to advertise my services since I always feel like that’s a little slimy in such moments, but feel free to contact me if you want/need such.

      in a general sense, how are your dietary/sleep/exercise habits? could that be causing or contributing? I understand your enjoyment of being alone, but could you alter that slightly? for example, be alone in the sunshine and soak up vitamin d? be alone at a park near laughing children? be alone watching hours of silly you-tube videos? something that allows you to be as alone as you want while still being around positivity could help.

      hug!

      • Eeyore

        I actually want to use your services, but I’m in a bit of transition now and need to wait a few weeks. I appreciate you mentioning it!

        My habits could do with adjusting. I’ve fixed my sleep and diet a bit, but exercise definitely needs more work.

        I’m going to try the positivity angle of aloneness. Thanks!

    • May

      Hang in there. With all the great advice posted here already I hope you’re already feeling more upbeat.
      Can’t stress how much I feel you need a therapist. I’m not sure you’re describing depression, but whatever, I hope you get access to somebody skilled who can help you through this. From your post I have no doubt that things should improve quite soon (with you taking steps to set the wheels in motion). Im hoping you don’t delay seeking that help and end up thinking, further down the road, that those were ‘lost’ weeks or months.
      Cyber hugs buddy!

  9. Nellie

    Ann Taylor sizing question: it’s been a while for me, so I was hoping someone could comment on the sizing, particularly for the stretch-cotton short-sleeve button-front shirts (could I have used more phrasal adjectives there?). I’ll reply with the two styles I’m looking at. I’m particularly concerned with the arm holes, since I have meaty upper arms. But I also have a small chest. For tops, I tend to be a 6 but more of a medium than a small, if that makes sense. Please pick my size!

    • Former MidLevel

      Since the AT redesign, I’ve found their sizing to be really inconsistent and some of their arm holes/sleeves to be ridiculously small. So you may just go have to try some on. (FWIW, I have a similar body type – small chest, but non-stick-thin arms.)

    • DC Darling

      AT definitely runs large but I’d stay with a 6 if you have a smaller chest because my biggest complaint about AT button downs is that they don’t leave enough room in the chest so I’d be concerned you’d have that pulled gaping look if you sized down.

      Other biggest complaint about AT button downs. Not buttoning all the way up and having the first button mid cleavage. Not a fan of AT for under suit things at all. Their suits, however, are very nice.

  10. aycee

    Eh, not doing it for me- it looks as if two jackets were stitched together, at best, or that you fell into a vat of paint and didn’t notice.

    Sorry for the early threadjack, but I need your help, ladies.

    I’m twenty-four, and I’ve been coasting all my life. I’m not proud of it, but I basically drifted my way through school and college with a combination of raw intelligence and an ability to bullshit. It all worked out pretty okay for me- I graduated from an elite university with good but not stellar grades and lucked into finding a career I love.

    In order to get where I want to go, I’m going to have to have to get into a particular (extremely good, extremely competitive) grad school. My field is like finance or law in that in order to break into the upper echelons, it really, really helps to go to a top-tier school. I’m planning to work for a couple years before I apply, which gives me two years to get good enough to not only get in but also land some much-needed scholarships.

    Here’s where my problem begins. In order to get into the school, I have to really up my game. I’m looking at a /huge/ amount of prep, three-four hours every day for two years, at minimum. It’s not the work itself that bothers me (I love this field) but the sheer volume of it. Every time I think about it, I just want to curl up and cry or bum around on the internet, which just makes things worse.

    I’d love some advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation. How did y’all manage a) having stupid amounts of work b) not being paralyzed by said amounts of work? And any tips for how to actually buckle down and /work/ would be appreciated too, being as I’ve somehow managed not to learn how to do that for the past two decades…

    TIA!

    • M-C

      If you feel paralyzed by this amount of work, maybe you need to evaluate more realistically how much work you would have if you really got into this place, and then got a job to match afterwards? Perhaps you need to concentrate on the work you’re doing now for a while, so you can find better equilibrium before trying to do something else.

    • Anne Shirley

      What on earth kind of grad school requires 3-4 hours of prep a day for 2 years prior?

      Sometimes when I find myself coasting it’s because I’ve set an impossibly high expectation, and failing by doing nothing is easier.

      • aycee

        It’s not the grad school as much as it’s the field- it requires a pretty big knowledge/skills base, plus being on top of current events, not to mention considerable writing and speaking skills, and in more than one language to boot. It wouldn’t actually be so bad, except I’ve slacked off majorly the last three years and now it’s coming back to bite me.

        /nods/ That’s something to think about, definitely. Hades knows the imposter syndrome is kicking in already…

      • Kontraktor

        Yeah, agreed. I would recommend focussing 6-10 months on test prep (and depending on the person, one might not even need that) and concentrating most of the effort there. Pretty much an LSAT or GMAT score is the only thing you really have 100% control over re your admission decision. Getting a 720+ GMAT or a 168+ LSAT is pretty much the best thing you can do to assure the highest chance of admission at a T5, but even doing that is no shoe-in. GREs seem to matter less across that admissions spectrum, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to get a good score on this either (especially the math section) if it were applicable.

        Then, once the OP gets her awesome test score, she could presumably spend a ‘normal’ amount of time writing essays/doing the application, but I don’t think it would require months and months worth of time for 4 hours a day.

    • CW

      The first thing is to remember the big picture. This is the field you want to be in. What are you willing to do to get there? Ask yourself whether all this work will be worth it in the end.

      Second, figure out exactly what prep you need to do, whether it be taking classes, self-study, etc. Then think of it like a second job, break it down into manageable pieces, and schedule it as such (for example: you need to go to work M-F from 9-5. Then on T/Th you need to go to class from 6-8. On M/W/F you need to do homework from 6-9. On weekends you need to wake up, eat breakfast, do work for 3-4 hours, and then can go out and see friends).

      For self-study (homework, etc.), set a countdown timer on your computer, microwave, etc. with the total number of hours you intend to study. For every break you feel compelled to take, stop the timer. Don’t resume the countdown until you’re about to turn back to work. This is really hard at first, but you’ll soon realize that you’re actually spending 5 hours studying when you only intended to study 3.5. This is a huge motivator to improve your focus.

      Remember that you also need to build in time for relaxation, the gym, and to be flexible within your schedule without derailing yourself. This is key. If you don’t get 3-4 hours in every single day, it won’t be the end of the world. You may have to spend more time studying on the weekends than during the week.

      I also really recommend looking up some of the bar study threads (where people are asking for help on how to focus) on this site. Good luck!

    • Samantha

      It may help if you tell us the field. We have a variety of community members in different professions, and maybe they can tell you which part of the work is really essential, how to plan it, or how they got where they are.

    • oclg

      Break the work down into smaller tasks. I used to feel really overwhelmed when I was writing my (undergrad) thesis because I, too, had coasted through school. As part of the research for my thesis, I had to read hundreds and hundreds of newspaper articles on a given topic and I remember just looking at these stacks of paper and thinking it was so insurmountable that I would just push it off “until I had more time.” What worked for me in this instance was to always have a few articles with me, so that if I got a seat on the train on the way to my internship I could read a few, etc. All of a sudden, I had read 15 or 20 in just a few spare minutes here and there during the week, so sitting down to read a bunch of them at once was less daunting and I could tell (even if at the beginning I couldn’t see) that I was making progress. What, if anything, can you break down?

      All the other stuff applies about still living a balanced life. You’ve got 3 8 hour blocks. Roughly, one is work, one is sleep, and one is “free.” I’ve found that if I use my free time in a structured yet enjoyable way (like seeing friends for lunch, going to the gym, hiking with my parent’s dog) that I’m more focused on everything else.

      I’ve got imposter syndrome too and right now I feel like a lot of my life is “fake it until you make it.”

  11. emcsquared

    TJ: Was supposed to meet a law student for breakfast this morning. I waited half an hour and he didn’t show, no e-mail, no calls. The only phone number he has for me is my office number, and a voicemail to that number would have come to my e-mail so I would have gotten it immediately.

    So what did he do instead? Texted my office phone, which is land line. Does anyone know if there is a way to receive texts to land lines? He seemed a little peeved that I had not read the text. Am I a failed millenial for not knowing how to access texts to land lines?

    • SF Bay Associate

      If you are, then I am too. I don’t think land lines can get texts. It also sounds to me like he did it on purpose, because if he REALLY wanted to ensure that you got the message, he would have communicated with you in all formats he had available to him, including an email and a call. He’s peeved that he blew you off and you didn’t know that he had blown you off because of the format in which he bothered to inform you?? Seriously?? This guy sounds like an idiot and/or a jerk, IMO.

    • HereThere

      Some land lines will convert texts to voice. (So you get a read out by a computer over the phone.) It’s confusing and not something people typically plan on or use.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I had no idea you could receive texts on a landline. What were you meeting m for? Call me crazy, but I think canceling or running late deserves an email or phone call unless the person you were meeting was a friend. It seems totally inappropriate to me that he is upset that you didn’t read his text.

      • Sydney Bristow

        That should say “meeting him for.” I think my iPad typing gets worse every day.

    • NOLA

      Sorry, but this guy sounds like a typical student. It probably didn’t even occur to him that it was a land line because nobody he knows has one.

      • Newbie law prof

        Even if this is true, it doesn’t make it okay. I actually just attended a presentation about how we can (and should) model professionalism in our law school classrooms–for example, by explaining and enforcing proper etiquette in our syllabi and communications with students. The OP’s story actually just reaffirmed my decision to make this part of my classes.

        • NOLA

          That’s a great idea. I am faculty at a university and I tell my freshmen at the beginning of their first semester that if they want something from me, they need to behave like adults. They don’t have my cell phone number (I occasionally give it out to juniors or seniors) so they need to email me or call me with coherent and professional information. One student gave me her number to let her know something important and she had this outgoing voicemail message of her with a fake Cockney accent and I couldn’t even tell if it was the right person!

        • May

          Thanks Newbie and NOLA. Faculty too and would totally like to borrow the idea. In a sense I already do this, but I’ve not discussed it with my students explicitly.

    • Kontraktor

      Strange. Could he have thought the office number was a cell number? Admittedly, I am not super into technology but I have never heard of being able to text a land line. Perhaps if you didn’t let him know it was a hard office line, he just assumed it was a cell?

      But I will say I would never, ever text a person I was meeting in a professional capacity (unless they had given me instructions to do so). If I had an emergency I would phone. If I couldn’t reach the person over phone, I would send a frantic email. I don’t know why in general this person thought a text message would be the best way to get in touch with you.

    • January

      I don’t think you can send a text to a landline. I once accidentally tried to text my mom at my parents’ house number, and it did not go through. So, if you’re a failed millennial, that makes two of us.

    • downstream

      Whenever I try to send a text to a landline (accidentally of course) I get a text back telling me that the text didn’t go through, and I can have the text converted to voicemail for 50 cents.

      But this guy sounds like a jerk. Even if you had received the text, a text is not a sufficient excuse for showing up late/not showing at all (OK fine there are exceptions – but rare ones). If you’re going to be a half hour late or not show, you owe at least a phone call. People need to be the places they’re supposed to be at the time they’re supposed to be there, and using technology as a crutch to be flaky is not OK.

    • Flamingo

      Texting seems inappropriate to me in this case, even if you could text to a land line (which I didnt know what possible). He should have emailed you / called you and if he didn’t get a hold of you, maybe even call your assistant for help. Too bad for him.

    • Michelle

      Geek here. I think traditional land lines can’t receive texts, but if your land line is really VoIP (that is, using the internet instead of traditional telephone wires) it can. I definitely think it is presumptuous on the student’s part to assume this, though. I mean, you may be young and cool and completely current on all current technologies, but you can’t assume everyone already working is too.

    • B.

      Some phones, including Blackberry, hav a text to landline app. I received one recently… a very odd robot like voice.

    • M-C

      Second geek here: yes, it’d be possible for some land lines to get a text.

      But personally: sounds like trying to pull the techno-wool over the old ladie’s eyes. Anyone who sends a text and doesn’t get an answer knows they need to check the communication is clear. Anyone polite, that is. Sounding peeved about standing you up is a real jerk thing to do. Write this one off..

    • Susan

      No, your student has failed etiquette for being peeved about what’s his fault. Also, he’s a presumptuous jack@ss for assuming that the office phone can take texts.

      Don’t extend yourself for this person in any way if you can help it.

      • CSF

        I think she should do him the favor of stating his behavior is unacceptable, and texts are never proper forms of communication in a business sense, especially if you are changing plans! But, that is the only favor I would do for him.

        Then again, I thought that was common sense?

    • MaggieLizer

      Even if he thought he could text a land line and that texting was an appropriate method of communication, why was he upset that you hadn’t received and read his text? He should’ve been apologetic! I can excuse a student’s ignorance about professional norms, but being upset at you for not receiving his improperly sent message is just plain dooshy.

      • JessBee

        Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Maybe some land lines can get texts, but even if he knew you were going to receive the text, it’s totally unprofessional, and he should be mortified that he even unintentionally stood you up!

    • emcsquared

      Thanks for the comments! You all have restored my confidence in my millenial intuitions. And, I am totally going to explore the texting-to-landlines links!

      For background – the law student is a nice guy and we’ve met before to discuss some shared professional interests, but the only phone number he has for me came from my professional e-mail signature. He replied to my follow up e-mail with an apology, so I’ll let him know next time I see him that texts aren’t the best means of getting in touch with a professional contact when one is running late. (I was clueless in law school and got lots of help from family friends in the industry, so I try to pass along the favor whenever possible!)

    • Elysian

      This kid would have been all out of luck with me, too. I have texts blocked on my cell phone (I never text! It’s expensive!) and people get really mad when they assume they can text me mission-critical information and then I don’t receive it. And I AM a law student, so presumably in the same age group as this kid. I think people need to get over texting and call when something is important. Otherwise, how do you know the information has been received?

    • NOLA

      Hey, did you find everybody on Saturday? I was worried when I saw your post. How was it?

      • Kontraktor

        I did!! Thankfully I just got there way too early and my social anxiety was making me freak out a bit. :-P Everybody was so nice (shoutout to meet up attendees). All the C-tte cities should have more meet ups. It really is very fun to meet and chat with new people, but especially ones from this site because I feel like we share something in common so immediately when you start talking you can tell you are at least somewhat similar to everybody else.

        • NOLA

          Yay! I think we only have 3 of us here, so probably a no go, but I have this fantasy that there will be one in NYC when I’m up there. Ha ha.

          • Kontraktor

            You could suggest one! I am not sure who is in charge of the NYC email distro (if there is one), but I put in a vote on behalf of NOLA to do a meet up when she is in NYC. :-)

    • Anonymous

      There is something particularly awesome about seeing a gaming reference on this site. I keep a D&D minature of an ancient red dragon in my office. I get tons of complements on it (oddly enough), but I have yet to have anyone recognize what it is.

    • Susan

      Awesome!

      Says this geek who saw a number of hours disappear into her Nintendo DS this weekend. (Am trying to powerlevel my Disgaea characters so they can take on the Prinny Baal.)

  13. aycee

    Repost on account of getting caught in moderation, sorry if this shows up twice!

    Eh, not doing it for me- it looks as if two jackets were stitched together, at best, or that you fell into a vat of paint and didn’t notice.

    Sorry for the early threadjack, but I need your help, ladies.

    I’m twenty-four, and I’ve been coasting all my life. I’m not proud of it, but I basically drifted my way through school and college with a combination of raw intelligence and an ability to BS. It all worked out pretty okay for me- I graduated from an elite university with good but not stellar grades and lucked into finding a career I love.

    In order to get where I want to go, I’m going to have to have to get into a particular (extremely good, extremely competitive) grad school. My field is like finance or law in that in order to break into the upper echelons, it really, really helps to go to a top-tier school. I’m planning to work for a couple years before I apply, which gives me two years to get good enough to not only get in but also land some much-needed scholarships.

    Here’s where my problem begins. In order to get into the school, I have to really up my game. I’m looking at a /huge/ amount of prep, three-four hours every day for two years, at minimum. It’s not the work itself that bothers me (I love this field) but the sheer volume of it. Every time I think about it, I just want to curl up and cry or bum around on the internet, which just makes things worse.

    I’d love some advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation. How did y’all manage a) having stupid amounts of work b) not being paralyzed by said amounts of work? And any tips for how to actually buckle down and /work/ would be appreciated too, being as I’ve somehow managed not to learn how to do that for the past two decades…

    TIA!

    • Anastasia

      I’m also prone to coasting, and similarly freak out at the start of an ambitious goal… What I’ve found is that all seemingly-insurmountable tasks have to be tackled a little bit at a time. Don’t think of it as 3-4 hours of work every day for 2 years! Tell yourself “This week I will do xyz for 3 hours on these 5 days,” and schedule time blocks for it in your calendar. Next week, do the same thing. Take it one week at a time.

      If you can break things down into meaningful chunks, put that on the schedule, too. Make a master list of all the things you eventually need to accomplish (include sub-steps, if that helps you organize) so you can check them off as you go and feel like you’re making progress. But keep that list out of sight most of the time, and don’t actually *plan* more than one week ahead. Make sure you also schedule time to relax, or you’ll go crazy!

      Good luck!

    • DC Law

      I don’t have much advice but I can sympathize — I have always had a problem overcoming my laziness. I think it came from being one of the smartest in my class in elementary/middle school so I learned that I could coast without putting in effort. The thing that broke me of that was law school. In law school, there are big, scary consequences to not doing all the work, so I just kind of forced myself to do it. And then once I got in the habit of focusing on work, it got easier. I still go through periods where my mind just rebels and I want to surf the internet all day, but I think about the consequences, and also of how valuable my time is and what a waste it would be to just bum around instead of being productive. Hope this helps. Good luck!

    • Flamingo

      From your post, I’m not sure if your daily prep work refers to prepping for a standardized test, or networking, or a combination of things. That said, my thoughts:

      a) Develop some real time management skills. A lot of us think we have great time management skills because we got through college or business school but this is seldom true. I recommend David Allen’s Getting Things Done, but there are plenty of other methods out there.

      b) Be honest with yourself about your prep work. Four hours per day on top of a full time job sounds like a lot. Sit down and prioritize what absolutely needs to get done versus what would be a bonus to complete.

      c) Set a schedule and deadlines. I know people that studied for the GMAT for years and did not do any better than those who hunkered down and really put in the work for a few months through a prep course. If your goals are more about connecting with other professionals, make a rule that you will contact 1 new person in your field every month.

      Good luck!

    • Been there done that

      This was me about 8 years ago. Coasted through college, but was fortunate to go to an Ivy League where there was major grade inflation, so my GPA is deceptively high. Rank wise, probably ranked in the upper 50%. Skipped lots of classes and goofed off. Never even thought that I might be going to grad school and probably should have worked a lot harder.

      Five years later, I decided to apply to grad school and realized that my brand name school couldn’t get me in the door to lots of places that I wanted to go to. Got lots and lots of rejections, ego was seriously wounded. Ended up getting into a good, but not great, law school (within T1 but not within top 20). I’m now embarassed to say that I thought I was “too good” to go to X school, but go I went.

      It was the best decision I ever made. Loved my law school, kicked butt, and went on to a fabulous career, top clerkships, etc.

      What made me really focus in law school was that I just kept remembering how important it was to do extremely well, particularly given that my law school wasn’t a brand name. I didn’t socialize much, just worked very intensely, and got used to it within no time. To be honest, after goofing off so much college, it was refreshing to really really work hard in grad school. I’m unusual, but I absolutely loved law school.

      So my best advice is just because you goofed off until now does not mean that you can’t change. If you really want to go to grad school, you have to keep reminding yourself of why you want to go and what you need to do to get there. Good luck to you.

    • M-C

      Patience is a better fix to moderation than duplication.. You’ve been working on this problem your whole life, a few hours make that much of a difference :-)?

    • Midori

      Don’t know if this will help in your situation, but as a fellow coaster, this got me through studying for the bar exam (mountains of material, requiring diligence and discipline over relatively long period of time):

      I broke up what I needed to do, divided it by number of weeks, and then set myself rewards at milestones for getting stuff done. Silly things, like a pedicure for finishing secured transactions, or renting an indulgent movie for getting 70% or above on a practice MBE. Grand prize for making flashcards for all subjects was a 1-hour massage. On really bad focus days, I resorted to smaller rewards for smaller bites: a cup of hot chocolate for 20 pages, an M&M for a section (yes, sounds like potty training). But it worked for me, and ended up being one of the best summers ever.

      Speaking of which, I need to do that again for some work projects that are languishing. Step one: cup of coffee for staying off the internet for 2 hours…

    • Sutemi

      Can you practice your learning and determination skills on more than just the test prep?
      For example, like many here I was a decent worker but school came easy to me. One of my hobbies now is a martial art which I enjoy a lot but I have to work much harder than many others to make progress. Learning to enjoy the practice, to study it hard and not goof off has helped me to become a more patient, harder worker in other areas of my life. Are there any hobbies which you like but which don’t come easily to you that you can practice as well?

    • oclg

      I posted above, but I second breaking things down into chunks and doing them when you have time. Like, if you finish one task at work and have a meeting in 30 minutes, it is really tempting to just use the half hour to go to the bathroom, get some coffee, check this site, etc. But if you use the 30 minutes wisely you can probably finish a small part of a substantial task for the day. Easier said than done, but it’s really the only thing I have found that helps me.

  14. karenpadi

    SF Bay Associate, Zora, Kontractor, SF CPA, and any one else following my dating worries:

    First date last night. He looks like the hot guy in Suits (clean shaven), and dinner lasted 3 hours. I am trying to not get too excited but yay!

    • Kontraktor

      I’m swooning for you!!! Anybody who looks like my smarmy lawyer mancrush gets my vote of approval. And well, I guess a 3 hour dinner gets my approval too because things like sharing common interests and being able to talk to each other are like, okay qualities to have. ;-) I sure hope you get a few dates (and or lots of dates) with this one. Yay!

    • MJ

      Drat. Missed meetup and feel out of loop. Need to mark calendar for not-yet-scheduled next SF meetup. Gah!

  15. Scapegoat

    Sorry for the early TJ. So here’s the background story: I work on Team A. For a recent project, I received updated information from Team C. Team B was also working on a similar project but had not incorporated the new info. I mentioned in meetings that I was using information frm Team C. I’m too junior to tell Team B what they should do but it turned out that Team B should have been using the updated information. My surpervisor from Team A was fully aware that we had new information and told me to go ahead. But now that there are problems, Team B is claiming that I witheld the new information and Team A had the leg up even though we are working on projects for our own teams. Head Honcho Boss that supervises Teams A and B said that it’s my fault there was miscommunication and that I should of spoken up. But I already made clear that I mentioned this in meetings. It’s just that I’m very junior so Team B’s head didn’t listen to me. Now I’m getting blamed for Team B’s mistake while my head on Team A knew from the start that we had this info.

    I guess my question is, is it really my fault and should I have pressed the issue further with Team B? I didn’t see it as my place to speak on how they should run their project. I already told them that new info was available from Team C but they did not seek it out. Now I feel like my reputation has been tarnished and it will affect my future prospects.

    • hellskitchen

      I don’t think it’s your fault that Team B chose to ignore you and that your team head needs to back you up (perhaps you can tell him this). But I would NOT give the reason for not speaking up more as “i am too junior or it’s not my place.” That’s a cop out, it makes you look bad, and could be used against you in future. One is always too junior to do something until one does it :-) Just say you mentioned this in meetings, no one asked you for more info, so you had no reason to assume that they didn’t have the new info. And pull your Team A manager into this to back you up – s/he is trying to let you take the blame, which is not okay! It is possible that Head Honcho and Team B expect you to be meek and take the fall. It’s not very comfortable to be assertive but in the long run, IMO this will be better for your future prospects

    • M-C

      Your teamA supervisor should really be sticking up for you at this point.
      If she doesn’t, you might want to make it clear she was aware and told you to go ahead.
      But yes, alas, the junior person often gets blamed, especially if she was right..

    • ss

      Not sure if I’ve correctly followed everything but I’d say 2 courses of action :
      (1) if Head Honcho Boss addressed you directly on failing to communicate, you should respond with the information that you had your Team A boss’s ok to proceed without Team B. This should clear up your reputation but does have the potential to make Team A boss feel that you’re not watching her back.
      (2) if you’ve heard about Head Honcho Boss’s comments indirectly, then it may better just to let this one go – speak to Team A boss to confirm that you both have similar understanding that you thought you had her clear ok to proceed and ask how she wants you to proceed in future – to cover your behind by communicating everything to Team B OR to communicate primarily within Team A and leave it to her to assess when Team B should be informed.

      Either way, I would avoid inferring too much into Team B’s working methods if you don’t report directly into this team. You don’t know for sure why they didn’t pick up your hints and saying ‘they didn’t listen because I’m too junior’ doesn’t do that much for your own dignity.

      Good luck, hope this helps.

    • AnnonFoo

      Do you have any email chain confirming your side? Your Team A manager should really be backing you up, speak to him face to face to confirm you went ahead with new data because you had his approval. In the future, meticulously file all emails with cross-team communication. Always confirm/FYI/cc your boss on these emails and keep a copy in your folder. If something was agreed to in meeting or face to face, come back to your desk and send your boss/team an update “as discussed and agreed upon in today’s meeting ,we are going to use team C’s new data in our XYZ analysis, will keep you posted with latest results”. Word your emails appropriately so you don’t sound like a “little girl seeking permission”, instead clearly communicating what is going on and keeping people in the loop. This may not help with current situation, but something you can do to cover your bases in future scenario as you have seen how the teams point fingers at each other and you are the junior most person to be blamed.

  16. SF Bay Associate

    PSA – Nordie’s just did second markdowns on a lot of men’s half yearly items. I just chatted with a rep for a lovely price adjustment!

    • Pest

      A lot of things just got further reduced to Rack prices. The Skirt in black is now $24.97 available in lucky sizes.

    • AN

      Nordies are so amazing, they did a price adjustment on something I bought a month ago! I’m a loyal customer from now on…..

  17. shebringshomethebacon

    reposting from the weekend: (long time poster, using a different handle now)

    This might be too late in the weekend, but I’ll try anyways. Visiting San Diego soon and would love the hive’s recs on good restaurants. A close friend’s son just graduated from HS and I’d love to take her and her son to a “friend, congrats on raising such an awesome son!” and “son, congrats on graduating!” dinner. Mediterranean/Italian cuisine, preferably somewhere with an awesome view of the ocean, maybe $50 or so/person? TIA!

      • SD

        Il Fornaio at the Del Mar Plaza. It’s a somewhat distant view of the ocean but has a nice outdoor seating area. Although not Mediterranean/Italian, George’s At the Cove or The Steak House At Azul, both in La Jolla, have amazing ocean views.

    • MaggieLizer

      Second George’s. La Valencia in La Jolla is fabulous; ask for the upstairs outdoor patio for a great view, and make reservations well in advance. Their brunch is amazing and a graduation weekend favorite, so if you’re interested make a reservation ASAP. Four Seasons in Carlsbad has a great Italian restaurant, I forget the name, and I’m not sure of the view from the restaurant but the hotel is in a lovely location. Little Italy in downtown has a bunch of good restaurants but I don’t know of any with views.

      • AT

        La Valencia also has one of the best signature drinks known to man at the The Whaling Bar — it’s called a Whaler, and it is basically an alcoholic vanilla milk shake! Second George’s for the view. Also, if you’re not completely set on Mediterranean/Italian, I also love Cody’s in La Jolla — it’s kind of down the hill from George’s. There are views from the outside patio and the food is amazing. It’s a small restaurant with a varied menu.

    • Amy H.

      Not a local, but I love Jake’s Del Mar. It’s right on the beach with gorgeous views. Mostly seafood, but not far from Cal-Med in the focus of the menu.

  18. Skimmies?

    Hi ladies! I’m searching for the Jockey Skimmies in a B&M store – failed when I looked at JCPenney and Kohls this weekend – can anyone send me in the right direction?

    Thanks!

  19. Anastasia

    My super awesome boss just announced he is moving on to a new job. The heir apparent for his position is not really someone I want to work for… I’m holding out hope that it will all be OK, but sprucing up my resume just in case. Not a great way to start my week.
    *sulk*

    • ANP

      UGH. This totally stinks and I completely feel for you. Is there any way Great Boss could take you with him — if not now, eventually?

    • M-C

      Oh, that reminds me of so -much bad stuff… Do spruce up the resume! Do talk to ex-boss and tell him you love him, and would he please let you know if there’s ever any way that you could work together again? Friend him on LinkedIn before he goes, give him your personal contact info, be sure he knows you want to keep in touch :-)!
      But seriously, start looking. Schmuckface will know you’re grieving, and resent it..

      • LR

        Haha, maybe don’t tell him that you love him, per se, but rather that you’d love to work for him again. ;)

        • Anastasia

          He’s the kind of boss (and person, in general) that I really could say, “but I love you, take me with you!” and he would laugh and keep me posted on job openings at his new place. Unfortunately, new place is not in a location it’s feasible for me to follow him in the near future, due to DH’s career. I will definitely keep in touch, though.

          Still sulking. I will be referring to potential new boss as “Schmuckface” in my head from now on, though. :) That makes it a little better.

  20. SAlit-a-gator

    Update: Reporting back on gluten-free, vegetarian, lactose intolerant dinner party. I made a coconut curry with butternut squash, crimini mushrooms, lentils, spinach and garlic. I had quinoa as a side dish and it was a big big hit, in large part because you guys gave me such inspired suggestions for the menu. Thanks again!

  21. manomanon

    Spotted- most intense statement nail ever, I ran into a woman yesterday who was pushing 65 with beautiful clothing, hair perfectly done etc. and fake nails with a french manicure which looked very nice up until I saw the American flag bedazzled on one of her nails.
    It was much more in depth than our statement nail choice or the choice of any of the 15 year old girls I see on a regular basis

    Also… I think I would like the jacket more if the colors were switched, but that’s just me

  22. Revision app TJ

    Hi! May here…
    Some kind person on this site recommended a cool app last year, which, for a few dollars lets you make ‘online revision cards’ to use on your smartphone / PC.

    Tried it, but long story short, can’t trace it, having lost that laptop.
    Um… you guys…. it’s Anki.

    Had a helluva time remembering it all day; could just recall the star icon. Now all of a sudden, typing out my post on this this SUPER site, I remembered :) awww…
    Decided to proceed to post anyway since its such a great app.

  23. Two cents

    Hi ladies, my family is visiting Boston and my hubby took the day off today to take them around places. Unfortunately, the weather is really rainy and original plans to take a walking tour of Harvard and some of the other universities have been scrapped.

    Any ideas on fun things to do in Boston on a rainy day? My aunt is not interested in art museums, and she’s going to the Museum of Science tomorrow. She loves nature and history.

    • GW

      Then she should like the Harvard Museum of Natural History. Be sure to see the exhibit of glass flowers, which is really cool. They could do a tour of the State House. Or go to the Mapparium at the Christian Science Center.

    • big dipper

      (1) Although its rainy, you should still check out the Prudential Skywalk. Instead of paying for the ticket – take the elevator up to the restaurant. You can each have a drink for <$10 (less than the price of a ticket) and you get the same view.

      (2) Boston Public Library. Beautiful, historic building. Free tours at random points during the day.

      (3) Aquarium. They have the best aquarium I've ever been to, hands down. It's seriously amazing.

    • Bunkster

      The Boston Athenaeum is also lovely. It’s across from the statehouse. It has museum-quality artwork as well.

    • mezzaluna

      I would probably spend the day eating and drinking! Hit up the North End for a long, lazy lunch and then wander over to get desert at Modern or Mike’s pastries. For the history buff in her, Paul Revere’s house is in that same neighborhood… which is also not far from Faneuil Hall, and the aquarium is also in that area. That’s a whole afternoon right there — just pack an umbrella :)

      • GW

        I would probably spend the day eating and drinking! Hit up the North End for a long, lazy lunch and then wander over to get desert at Modern or Mike’s pastries. For the history buff in her, Paul Revere’s house is in that same neighborhood… which is also not far from Faneuil Hall, and the aquarium is also in that area. That’s a whole afternoon right there — just pack an umbrella :)

    • Two cents

      Thank you ladies – you’re awesome, as usual! They decided to go to the JFK library today but I will take them to the aquarium and some of these other places that you have all recommended later in the week.

    • Sutemi

      My mother was just in town and a big hit was renting kayaks to row between Cambridge and Allston. Not much for a rainy day but it gives a very different perspective on the city.

  24. A to Z

    12 year old daughter now wants a cat more than anything else in the world (we will need two because we are gone a lot). I have been slaying for a long time now (years). I am trying to wrap my jews around the potentially 20 year commitment. I really have to let her get the kittens this week even though I really don’t want them! summer is the best time as she is home. Anyone been there done that?

    • mamabear

      Uh….. autocorrect much? What have you been slaying and why would you want to bring a cat into that? Not to mention your issue with jews.

      • A to Z

        Ok, but seriously, has anyone brought a pet they really don’t want into their home just to please a child?

        • Cornellian

          That sounds like an awful idea. Animals are a LOT of work and money, and they live a long time. You’re the parent here, and you’re the one who ultimately has to pay for vet bills, destroyed furniture, etc if something goes wrong.

          • another anon

            Agreed. I would not get them unless you are 100% prepared to do 100% of the work in caring for them. Otherwise it is just not fair to the cats. Your daughter may be very adamant that she will do it herself, but even if she is quite mature I don’t think you can be guaranteed that a 12 year old will really follow through on that promise (and there will be things that she is simply incapable of doing on her own, like taking them to the vet, going to the store to get food and litter, etc.). Also, what happens when she goes to college in a few years? (yes, she may be able to take them with her, but if she goes to a college that requires that students live in campus housing, she wouldn’t be able to do that. )

          • KK

            This. Don’t do it. Your daughter will be fine. She will get a cat when she has her own place if she still wants one by then. Instead of delaying (or slaying…), just say no. Sorry honey, love you but don’t love cats. You can get one when you’re an adult. Then maybe set her up with some volunteer hours at the local animal shelter if you still feel bad.

          • anon

            Don’t get a cat. My neighbor caved in to her child about getting a cat, and the cat ended up living in their garage and looking like a mangy little monster because she was so neglected. Neighbors would constantly offer to adopt the cat from them because it looked so sad and unhealthy. Just don’t go there. Your daughter will be fine without a cat for a few more years. Why burden yourself or put yourself in a situation like this? Say no.

          • NOLA

            Delaying?

            Maya Gallo: Any messages for me?
            Cindy: No. Oh, wait. Death stopped by to say hello.
            Maya Gallo: Death?
            Cindy: Aha.
            Maya Gallo: Death stopped by?
            Cindy: To say hello.
            Maya Gallo: Was it Beth?
            Cindy: Could have been.
            Maya Gallo: Was it a short redhead, or a tall guy with a sickle?
            Cindy: It was Beth.

          • Totes McGotes

            <3 you NOLA!

            I would want to know why you don't want the cat and what has turned the tide before I could be particularly helpful. However in the meantime I would suggest getting an adult cat and considering toilet training. You can get a Litter Kwitter for like $50 online and it's totally worth it – I have had success toilet-training a 12-year-old cat. That way you won't be getting angry about litter on the floor and the smell when your daughter forgets to change it.

    • Anne Shirley

      Kittens will still exist when she is living on her own! Please do not make a 20 year commitment to dependent living critters you don’t want.

      • mamabear

        assuming kittens will still exist is a big assumption given that she has been slaying for years now.

    • Anon for this

      Maybe look into adopting slightly older cats? Kittens, even two of them, require work and attention. You might be able to find a pair of kitties that were together at a previous home that would be better off when they are left alone.

      • karenpadi

        This. I adopted two adult cats. One was 4 (now 8) and the other was 8 (now 9). So many people don’t want an adult cat because kitties are so cute and the adults stay in shelters for so long.

        • ELS

          Concur. Our most recent cat was an adult who had been at the shelter for literally years. She’s the sweetest and most appreciative little critter ever.

    • Kontraktor

      First, you really don’t need two if you don’t. Cats are pretty self sufficient and will do fine on their own for a few days at a time. Second, why is this your 20 year commitment? If your daughter wants the cats (and presumably you will be telling her to take care of them in terms of feeding and litter, since she is 12 and fully capable of this), why wouldn’t she take the cat with her to college or eventually when she leaves? Third, what is your general worry about getting them? In the grand scheme of more salient animals, cats are actually pretty low maintenence. I scoop the litter of mine every night and fill their food and water bowls every 2 days or so. That’s about it.

      • E.

        “Cats are pretty self sufficient and will do fine on their own for a few days at a time.”

        Not all cats are self sufficient or okay to be left alone.

        • Kontraktor

          In general they are. They aren’t like dogs where you need to crate train, take them out daily, or generally put in a lot of effort. Yes, there is always going to be that 3rd standard deviation of cats that needs constant care and attention, but as a general class of animals, they are pretty self sufficient.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      When my brother and I were 6, we desperately wanted kittens. My dad was very reluctant and totally against this plan, but eventually relented. Guess who ended up completely in love with the cats? (which did turn out to be an 18 year committment). So you might like them more than you think.

      An older cat would be easier to care for than kittens, but if you must get young kittens, definitely get a pair. One kitten left alone by itself=disaster for your furniture and toilet paper rolls. Two kittens can entertain each other and be less of a disaster.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        Also, maybe you could try fostering kittens as sort of a test run? Not the itty-bitty need-constant-attention-and-bottle-feeding kittens, but the old-enough-to-be-adopted-and-our-shelter-is-full kittens.

        • another anon

          I would be hesitant to do this, because the daughter is very likely to get attached to them even if they foster for only a short period of time. I have a very vivid (and sad) childhood memory of getting a kitten, only to have to take it back to the shelter a few days later because it turned out I was allergic (an allergy that I have since grown out of, thankfully).

    • Senior Attorney

      OMG I am laughing so hard at “wrapping my jews around” that I can’t. even. breathe.

      And OMG the slaying!!

      *dies from happiness*

    • E.

      Can I suggest adopting a pair of bonded adult cats? That will be much less work than kittens. Look on Petfinder and call some local animal rescues, and I’m sure one or two will have some bonded adult pairs.

      Where do you live? If you’re in DC, I’d recommend Washington Animal Rescue League. They class all their adoptable pets by personality, so you could make sure to get cats who will be suited to your being gone all the time and having a preteen in your home.

      • Elysian

        LOVE Washington Animal Rescue League. We got our cat there and we also volunteer there. Favorite part – I never leave feeling sad about leaving animals behind.

        Stand your ground if you really don’t want the cats. My dad got us a dog that he didn’t want and every time the dog misbehaved he would threaten, very seriously, to get rid of it. He had it in the car once backing out of the driveway and I was a wreck. It was an emotional roller coaster that just could have been avoided if he had held his ground, since he never wanted a dog in the first place.
        If you get the cats, love them, care for them, and make them part of your family. If you’re not prepared to do that, don’t get the cats.

    • beccavt

      My parents weren’t interested in a pet either, but they eventually relented and let me get a kitten when I was 13. I wasn’t awesome at taking care of it, but like Kontraktor said, cats are pretty low maintenance compared to dogs. A 12 year old is definitely old enough to be required to clean the litter box and fill the food bowl. My parents paid for my kitten’s food and litter, but I was plenty old enough to take care of him and he was fine on his own for days at a time (if you have a yard and are willing to pay to get the kitten spayed/neutered (which you should in either event)) it will probably be fine being outside a lot of the time. Although a kitten may appreciate a friend, most cats don’t need a companion.

      When I went to college, my dad made him become an outside cat, which he didn’t love but he survived. 3 years later when I got a place of my own I relieved my parents of the (pretty minimal) responsibility and brought him home to my apartment, and we are currently living happily ever after.

  25. K... in transition

    Hating to feel like an advertisement but my sister needs help… she’s a small business owner applying to be considered for a grant and she needs fb votes to be kept in the running. Her business does a ton to help women, hosting events for expectant mothers, etc. so I’m hoping you awesome chicas won’t mind taking a sec to support another empowered lady!

    Here’s how to vote:
    Click on the link https: //www. mission small business. com/
    Click the “log in and support” icon on the lower right side Sign in through Facebook
    Type in “Moments By Cole Photography” in “Northfield, Ohio” and click the VOTE icon

    lovelovelove to everyone who takes 30 seconds out to vote (and to all of you in general, let’s be honest lol)

  26. JessBee

    Friends, I have a silly question. What does one wear “out on the town”? I’m going on my first real night out in a major city, and I have no idea what to wear. For reference, I’m in my late-20’s and plus size. I have a few dresses that I would wear to weddings, but they seem like they’re not “fun” enough. I recently bought a pair of dark skinny jeans that feel totally fun, but I don’t know if they’re nice enough, and I have no idea what to wear with them. My wardrobe is really almost entirely business-casual or just plain business. Relatedly, I don’t wear heels, because I have yet to find a pair that fits really well and doesn’t hurt my feet (I’m looking, but I just can’t pull the trigger on expensive heels yet). I have a pair of sunshine-y yellow cork wedges that, with a little aggressive band-aiding, would probably be okay to wear all night, but…they’re sunshine-y yellow (great for Easter, okay for summer office, but maybe not for a night out?). Erm, I guess I also have a pair of black knee-length boots with a great heel on them?

    What do I put together? I’ve tried Pinterest, with no luck, and looked at my favorite plus-size websites and blogs… but I just need some help figuring out what to shoot for. It’s a bachelorette party, if that helps. Sigh. I feel like such a noob, but I know you guys will have great ideas!! :)

    • Leslie Knope

      Even before you said “dark skinny jeans,” that’s exactly what I would have suggested. Jeans, heels, a fun top, and big ol’ jewelry. I would probably wear:

      The dark jeans
      Your cork wedges (totally fine in summer to me, but I’m Southern)
      A top that’s clearly not for work, either b/c of the shimmery fabric or lots of cleavage
      Chandelier earrings or something attention-grabbing to help dress up the outfit

    • Emme

      I think the “night out” outfit depends on where you are. What major city is it? In D.C., dark jeans and yellow wedges plus a casual (simple tank) or sparkly top would be fine for going out. Usually when I go out, it’s in either jeans/fun top/flats (I don’t wear heels much anymore). I’ll try to find some blog looks and come back with links.

    • Anonymous NYer

      the dark jeans, silky shell of some sort, and if you don’t wear heels, some nice pewter or silver flats, or black flats if you want. I wear stuff like that out in NYC all the time. Some people will be more dressed up, some people will be less. Just make sure you feel great in what you wear, and the level of dressiness doesn’t really matter. Just rock what you already have!

  27. JessBee

    Hmm, when my question gets out of moderation, I’d love to know what got it stuck there in the first place! :) Time will tell…

    • E.

      The e t t e ending will get you stuck in moderation anytime.

      Do you have a short black dress? I’d wear that with the yellow wedges. That’s good summer going-out look.

  28. anon

    Real estate/loan question for anyone who’s still reading the thread… is it normal to remove a loan contingency prior to either closing or, at least, confirmation from the lender that the loan will fund at closing? My agent (who I don’t really trust anymore, for assorted reasons) is assuring me this is “industry practice,” but seems to me I am going to lose my escrow deposit if the lender pulls out at the last minute and the contingency is removed.

    • MissyA

      I’m in NY, working for an industry that sometimes buys commercial and residential real estate. We never remove a contingency unless we are 100% certain we are OK with the contingency being gone. That definitely would apply to loan contingencies-unless we are prepared to fund from cash, we don’t remove them without formal written confirmation from lender. Not sure of your location and local rules may apply, but…proceed with caution.

      • anon

        Thanks for the confirmation – I’m a non-real estate lawyer, but I do know how to read the docs I signed, and I just needed to confirm my gut is correct.

    • KLG

      I’m in Virginia and as MissyA said, the rules differ based on your location. But I did have a client get sued because they removed the financing contingency (at the advice of their agent…) and then their loan fell through at the last minute and they were unable to close. I’m sure it may be “industry practice” but I’d consult a residential real estate lawyer in your area and pay the $150 consult fee to make sure it isn’t going to bite you. Loans do fall though. It’s not a done deal until it’s a done deal.

  29. Blonde Lawyer

    This might be old news but I just saw an article on CNN about a new Facebook option that will show you who is around you (based on who else has facebook enabled on their phone). It seems to be in beta right now and looks like you have to opt in to be part of it. I just want to give a heads up in case they make it a default. I know many people on here have posted about others they would rather keep out of their lives. I’m not on facebook anymore so like I said, could be old news.

    http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/25/tech/social-media/facebook-find-friends-nearby/index.html?hpt=hp_t3

    • Claire

      There is a similar app that hooks into twitter (and maybe also four square) and will show who is active around you. You don’t sign up to it, it will pick you up just by tweeting publicly with a location link. Look out for yourself ladies.

  30. Anony Anony

    Threadjack: Looking for suggestions on how to deal with a breakup, and specifically a breakup with a guy who was abusive. To summarize — I was with this guy for a few years, and broke up with him because he put his hands on me. About a year later (this past April), he contacted me and asked if we could perhaps try again, and I posted on this board asking if anyone else had ever been in this kind of situation and “gone back.” I believed he had changed, but as I discovered over this weekend, he hasn’t. So I called it quits and learned my lesson — people don’t change, or at least not that person.

    But I can’t stop myself from thinking about him, because there were other things I enjoyed. I will miss his hugs, and his smile, and his random jokes. I’m frustrated that I can possibly miss a man who hit me, but the truth is that I do.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      This is totally understandable. People break up with people for lots of reasons and it is quite rare that those reasons would be all-encompassing for both parties. What I mean by that is that generally speaking there are reasons you want to carry on dating someone and reasons why you want to break up with them, and when the latter outweigh the former, and you break up, it doesn’t make the reasons you wanted to stay with them go away.

      You’ve done the right thing. You have been strong and you have made the right decision for yourself, your future happiness and your personal safety. Remember this. This does not mean that you can’t miss him, and totally wallow in it for a while as you would with any breakup where you are sad about it ending. But remember that you did this for a reason. A very good reason. And time will make it all easier and you will get over him.

      I broke up with someone a couple of years ago even though I wanted to carry on dating him, because he wasn’t in the right place for commitment and was a total doosh about it. It was horrible. I didn’t want to do it, but I also knew that if I carried on dating him I would be that chick who convinces herself she deserves nothing better. I walked away and I was SO PROUD of myself. Now, I feel like I did such a good thing that I can’t let myself down by falling back into that trap of dating someone who isn’t really into me (which I have done many many times in the past) and I feel like I really reached a milestone in my life. I was really sad, but I got over it by trying to go back to the reasons why it ended and telling myself I did the right thing. As much as breaking up with him was horrible, staying in the relationship would have been even worse.

      I have no idea if that helps, and obviously this was a totally different situation as it didn’t involve physical violence, but I thought I’d share the anecdote.

      I hope it all goes well for you, it won’t be easy, but you made the right decision and you will get through it!

    • DC Jenny

      Virtually no one is all good or all bad. The guy who put his hands on you is same the guy who hugged you and told all those funny jokes. That was one of the hardest parts of coming to terms with the abusive people in my life – the abuse doesn’t cancel out all the good things, so I had to figure out how to hold these two versions of the person in my head at the same time. It’s natural to think about him and miss him, but you should keep reminding yourself that you have made the right decision. Take excellent care of yourself with good diet, exercise, and sleep habits. Makes some plans that you can look forward to. It’s a total cliche but you just have to take it one day at a time, and eventually it will get easier. Consider talking it over with a therapist if you feel like you are stuck.

      I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you’d hoped they would, and I’m proud of you for getting out.

    • anon

      Of course there are things you will miss about him…that’s totally understandable. It’s very hard to handle the cognitive dissonance of carrying about, and like some aspects of, someone who can also hurt you. It’s so confusing how people can be both bad and good. I think when evaluating a relationship, it helps to think of it in terms of health, not as things balanced on a scale. Something like abuse is a cancer which will ultimately destroy your relationship – it will eat away at the good things until there’s nothing left. Really. Think, hard, for a few minutes about your life would look like 15 years from now if you stay with him – the moments of pain which are maybe 5% of your life now will be 50%, you’ll be worried about how he’s going to flip out when you 3 year old spills his juice, you’ll be afraid to really say what you think because it’s just not worth the possible battle, you’ll be stuffing your soul into a tiny little box so that it’s protected. And now think about what your life will be like if you leave now, even if it’s hard, even if you miss him, and you say “ok, I want a guy who gives me hugs and smiles and random jokes AND who treats me with respect and compassion”, and 15 years from now you’re sitting at the dinner table with THAT guy.

      I’m sorry things didn’t work out. I do think people can, sometimes, change; but change is very hard and many people do not / can not. So, be proud of yourself for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.

      (I was also in an abusive relationship; my life is much much much better now. And I’m with a guy who gives me hugs and smiles and jokes and compassion and respect)

      Book recommendations” Too Bad to Stay, too good to leave; Is he Mr Right; The Gift of Fear”.

      • Anony Anony

        Thank you all, and especially for the book recs — I will check those out.

    • oclg

      I forget if you said before where you are, but I’m sure that there are ladies here who would meet up for a meal/coffee/drink. If you’re in Southern California, I know I would.

    • Now just anon

      I posted as Sad Anon a while back with a similar situation (although no physical abuse in my situation) and I got some really wonderful responses. I will try to find the thread and link to it.

    • girl in the stix

      It’s not that you like the guy–it’s just you don’t like yourself enough to be in a relationship with a better person. Get counseling for the low self esteem–because that’s what it is. No person is so wonderful that they can get away with abusing you. No smile so bright, no joke so funny, no one so handsome that they are allowed to hurt you.

  31. Woods-comma-Elle

    You guise my deal closed at last! 11am this morning after a 15-hour closing meeting (I will leave you to do the maths on what time it started…). I worked like a demon all last week, including Saturday and some yesterday plus the all nighter and I am SO GLAD it’s done! I must be crazy but as horrible as it is doing the hours, I always feel great afterwards when, like today, I can snooze on the sofa all afternoon and watch Big Bang Theory!

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        I only recently started watching it and I have been devouring episodes by the dozen!

      • NOLA

        I’m totally obsessed. It’s on just about every night on a couple of cable channels here and I think I’ve now seen most of the episodes at least twice.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Hooray!!! Congratulations on making it through! Now go watch some Sheldon Cooper for us!

      Side note, my nerdy boyfriend and I disagreed about whether bread should be kept in the fridge or not (with him thinking it should be in the fridge) and I totally won by saying Sheldon Cooper says that makes the bread go stale faster. :-)

      • Woods-comma-Elle

        I love this! Sheldon is hilarious, but I actually think I like Raj the best – he comes up with some great sarcastic lines!

  32. Career Advice

    Hi! Semi-regular poster going anon for career advice.

    My original career intentions were derailed a bit by the recession (graduated 2009 with Economics and International Relations). To avoid the economic meltdown that left so many of my peers unemployed, I ran off to China and became a reporter for an international media outlet. Now, I’m back, and have wound up in advertising, sort-of planning, but mostly sales (also int’l). And I intensely dislike it.

    Originally, my plan was to take more of a quantitative career path, job titles including some sort of analyst/market research/ or anything with the word “trade”or “economics.” I’ve also had my eye on the Foreign Service (economic policy role) and have passed the FSO Exam, but my resume clearly needs a boost. Other like roles in govt are also okay.

    My question is- how to I redefine my career path? I’m considering a cert. in math to boost my quant credentials and hopefully help my application for a good grad program in the future. Any other ideas?

    • B

      I would ask the people in your network if they know anyone in the kind of positions you would like to break into and try to get an introduction. Then take them out for coffee and ask them how they arrived in this field and what they suggest for someone in your situation. Their advice will be grounded in experience and will help you get a sense for what the field will really be like and what investments in education will be worth your while.

      • Career Advice

        Thanks- I’m also using my alum network to find someone with similar experience.

  33. Anon for this

    Ok, so major confession – I just received notice that one of my client’s filed an attorney grievance against me. I am dying a little bit… Logically, I know that there is not much merit to his claims, but I haven’t been practicing that long and I am mortified and a little bit scared. Has anyone ever been through this before?

    • Jo March

      I can’t speak to your practice area or jurisdiction, but where I am, the joke is that you haven’t really arrived until someone has made a complaint about you. And because I work for the government, this often means not just a Law Society complaint, but a letter to the Minister of Justice. Good times.

    • Jo March

      For the record: I have not arrived. And I’m sure when that first complaint comes, I will be freaking.right.out. But I have several friends that have gone through it and it’s really not the big a deal. Hugs.

      • Anon for this

        Thank you! It’s encouraging to hear that. I haven’t shared the news with any of my attorney friends yet because I’m too embarassed.

    • Nonny

      This hasn’t happened to me (yet), but statistically speaking, it is bound to happen to every lawyer at least once, no matter how good a lawyer you are.

      First things first: You are not a bad lawyer. Take a couple of deep breaths, get yourself a cup of coffee/tea/whatever, and take a minute to calm down.

      Next:

      1. have you talked to the partner you worked with on the file?
      2. have you called your insurer to advise them of the claim?
      3. have you pulled out the file to ensure everything was properly documented?

      You will be fine. It will likely come to nothing, and you are not alone. In my jurisdiction the Law Society appoints a lawyer to work with you on defending the claim…you should look into the process in your own jurisdiction. Just go on with your life as usual…this is not the end of your career, really!

    • Anon

      I practice a type of law where these are often filed by upset clients. I have not had one against myself yet, though a few have threatened it. Many attorneys in our office have gone though this process though. If your state is anything like mine, you have to formally (in a letter) respond to the complaint, detailing why it is meritless. If your letter is sufficient, then it ends there. If you know that you did not do anything wrong then there is nothing to worry about. It is kind of scary though!

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