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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Happy Monday! I'm liking this beautiful wrap-around dress from Tory Burch. Love the gathered bodice and self-belt, as well as the ladylike length. For the office I'd wear it with a structured, closely fitted blazer on top — perhaps in a white or navy — and closed-toe, nude-for-me pumps. Saks has the “purple chickadee” print (pictured); note that Tory Burch's website also has it in a navy “featherfan” print. It's $388 at both. Tory Burch Theona Printed Silk Wrap-Around Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail editor@corporette.com with “TPS” in the subject line. (L-2)Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Clarissa
This dress is awesome! I just wish it wasnt $388…
Mella
Agreed. Wonder if anyone else is making something like this in something other than silk.
Midori
Agreed. Wonder if anyone else is making something like this in something other than silk.
AIMS
I hand wash silk dresses like this. And, because they are not synthetic they actually don’t need to be washed that often since silk actually breathes. Obviously, it’s a tad more work (about 10 minutes worth, start to finish), but it does take dry cleaning costs out of the equation.
Lawgirl
Cute! I like the video of the model wearing it. I hope sites will do this more. Good to see a dress that’s not poly nowadays. That said, I tend to like dresses with more “heft” for work; pure silk dresses can seem sorta slinky and sexy looking, which isn’t a BAD thing in general (just sayin’).
alhambra
@Lawgirl: DvF dresses, which are also 100% silk, have a lot of “heft” and are work appropriate. I would check out the material in person before writing it off.
The other nice thing about silk (or at least the silk on DvF dresses, which I’m going to assume is the same silk here because there are the same price and equivalent brands) is that it does.not.wrinkle. My DvF dresses have been smooshed into a ball and stuffed into suitcases and they still look great.
Midori
Oh cool! Thanks for the advice, AIMS. I might be willing to try silk in that light. I adore the way it feels on, but with a young child I find myself tossing things into the “wash” pile more often than the “re-wear” pile, so care and cleaning become more important than it used to be. But I can hand wash. Oh man, you just took away another reason not to buy this dress…
TCFKAG
I love this dress. A LOT. Grrrarrr budgetary restrictions.
For those concerned about sleeveless, there is also a version with long sleeves (or at least, a very similar dress by the same designer with long sleeves).
http://www.toryburch.com/Vanessa-Dress/11112430,default,pd.html
SF Bay Associate
Gasp! LOVE!!!
TCFKAG
Me too SF Bay Associate…me too….
Jr. Prof
wow! love, love, love. wish i had $400 to spend on a dress!
SF Bay Associate
It’s on sale!
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tory-burch-vanessa-interlock-silk-jersey-dress/3151227?origin=stylenumsearch
I had to buy it, right? Just to try it on…
Bonnie
Beautiful.
janep
Love, love. I love silk; have been on the hunt for more silk blouses. They hold up beautifully and rarely wrinkle.
Anonymous
I bought this in black the other day and love it. If it goes on sale in the blue in my size I will also buy it in blue. It is a great length for work, but will need a cami becuase it is a little low on top.
AIMS
I’m not a huge fan of TB, but this is very pretty and seems like it would be useful on any number of occasions, including the tricky work-to-evening and the really hot summer days when the thought of work clothes is just demoralizing.
Sydney Bristow
You summed up my thoughts perfectly. I really like this.
Apple
Threadjack! Networking question.
I recently went on a trip which reignited my interest in a a field that I have worked in in the past (an internship 2 summers ago.). I’ve fallen out of contact with my supervisor at the internship, but I’d love to send her an email along the lines of “hey, I was thinking recently about my time at X organization, really loved it and enjoyed working with you… Let me know how you are and if there are any openings?”, without sounding totally self-seeking/out of the blue. (for what it’s worth, she offered me a job after my internship, but i had to turn it down due to family reasons. Have regretted it since).
Any ideas? I’m not that great at this networking thing. Thanks!
EC
I think it would be fine to send her an e-mail saying that you went on a trip that reminded you how much you loved the work at your internship, and asking if she had time to for coffee or lunch, your treat. I would suggest rebuilding the relationship before asking for a job.
Monday
Agree with EC. Also, I think it would be ok to mention, as you reiterate over lunch how much you enjoyed the internship, that you regret not having been able to accept her offer earlier, due to…(whatever level of info you want to share/may already have shared). This will let her know, or remind her if you already told her before, that all other things being equal you are interested in working with her. The circumstances didn’t allow it before, but the circumstances have changed–she’ll get it, and then later the conversation can become more concrete if there is an opening. Good luck!
Apple
Thanks for the good advice! You’re right, of course, about rebuilding the relationship first.
One more complication: The internship was overseas, so meeting in person for lunch would be impossible. Would proposing a phone call be too weird? Or maybe just try to start an in-email dialogue and propose a call as it progresses?
eb
I think suggesting a phone call would be appropriate — having been involved in internships from both the intern end and the program management end, there’s a lot of mentoring and networking that goes on, and it’s not unusual for former interns to get back in touch 3-4 years later.
eb
(Also, one phone call is easier to manage than an ongoing email conversation!)
Monday
Nah, I don’t think it would be too weird. I assume this person is busy, and an indefinite email exchange without a sense of purpose would probably be more awkward than just asking to call. I’d send the initial email EC outlined, and at the bottom say “would you mind if I gave you a call sometime this week? Are there any particular times that would be best to try you at the office?”
Midori
Very pretty! And while still more than my cheapskate brain will let me spend for a not-special-occasion dress, it’s not on the shocking, but-there-are-starving-children-in-the-world level of some other Monday picks. Nice! In fact, I might need to invent a special occasion for this…
Eleanor
Agreed. The dress is beautiful, as is the sleeved version in the comments above. Maybe someday, when I can afford such things.
Dis-dressed
Another threadjack – frequent commenter, anon for this. My marriage is having serious problems. I’m contemplating leaving my husband. This is made extra hard by the fact that husband does not believe in divorce, and so he refuses to acknowledge that I’ve got one foot out the door, or to talk about why we are where we are and how we might solve it.
There have been several corporettes recently who mentioned that they recently left their marriages. I was wondering if those corporettes might talk about (anonymously, of course) what the tipping point was? When did you know your marriage was over?
There are kids involved.
Lawgirl
No advice. Sigggggh (on so many levels, this story is a familiar one to many of us).
Hugs!
If you haven’t done this already, go to solo counseling! Asap! Because if nothing else, that’s a third party who’s not invested in your situation to help you identify what you need and why/how you’re feeling what you’re feeling. I’m so sorry you’re facing this.
eplawyer
I second this. I do family law. I advise all my clients to get counseling. Even if you know it is the right decision, you need someone to talk to about all the changes you will be going through.
Good luck.
AnonForThis
First of all my sympathies. My long-term relationship bordering on common law marriage died a slow, sometime painful death so in some ways I know where your head is. Ultimately he pulled the plug but a good friend commented that I had mentally withdrawn a long time before.
I would think the tipping point when children are involved is can you be good parents in the same household? If your discord/unhappiness is trickling down to your children, then at least for me, it’s time to think of what’s next. We have a family friend who left her marriage and ultimately her children lived with their father, who didn’t always cultivate the best image of their mother. As adults, they have begun to realize the extent that their mother made hard choices – leaving them in place with school/friends/etc when her new husband’s job took them across country.
Seattleite
I knew it was over when I opened my eyes enough to see that my deep unhappiness was affecting my parenting. And to see that my XH wasn’t any more ‘present’ for our children than he was for me.
Please read “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay,” by Mira Kirschenbaum. She doesn’t advocate leaving or staying on principle – rather, she asks a series of questions about you/your marriage, and explains why they’re important. An incredibly helpful book.
JuliaBee
That is a very good book. I read it when I was contemplating divorce and it made it abundantly clear that leaving was not only the best option but fundemantally necessary to my mental and emotional health. Definitely go to therapy. Good luck.
Anon S
Also recommend this book, it helped me when I was at that point 10+ years ago.
TCFKAG
So, one part of your post really struck me and I feel compelled to post..even though I’ve never been in this situation myself.
You say he refuses to work on your relationship because he doesn’t “believe” in divorce. You need to find a way to get it through his head that, at some point, it doesn’t matter if he “believes” in divorce or not. Its simply unacceptable that he seems to believe that once he has a wedding ring on your hand, he gets you for the rest of your life and doesn’t have to worry about your emotional needs or your relationship.
I saw this attitude in many of the husbands/boyfriends of my DV clients. The only time they treated my clients with any respect or compassion was when they were ready to leave. And part of the problem was that so many of my clients had it so drilled into them that their marriage was “sacred” or that they couldn’t be alone, that they sort of just accepted the fact that they had no other choice.
Now, I’m not suggesting that your situations is anywhere NEAR the place that my clients were in (I just don’t have enough information). But, think about whether the only reason you’re staying is because, sub-consciously, you’re accepting the same construction of the world (i.e. I MUST stay in this relationship at all costs) that leads him to believe he doesn’t have to pay attention to you. If that’s really the only reason you’re staying with him…then, you need to think about what that means.
I also do support individual therapy or counseling. A good marriage counselor might be able to help you formulate a way to have this discussion with your husband in a safe way that really gets the point across that he can’t take you for granted anymore.
Gook luck!
Ann
First off, I am so sorry you are going through this…((hugs))
Secondly, I have heard it said and seen it to be true, that by the time women initiate counseling, they basically have already given up the relationship and all that’s left is the physical separation. Meantime, the man just thinks “oh, we’re having problems” and doesn’t understand how serious the problem is, and that his partner really is heading for the door.
I totally agree with the solo counseling recommendation, either in lieu of couples counseling or as a supplement to it. Maybe find a counselor who can talk with you alone and then later have you bring your husband into it.
Only you can know when “enough is enough” but I would say if there is a marked lack of real communication, interaction or collaboration that has gone on for some time, where there are no signs of improvements, where you husband refuses to work on it, and where it is starting to affect the children, it’s probably time to pull the plug. I understand your concern about your kids. But let me just say, if you are fighting all the time, believe me, your kids are noticing and it does affect them. My husband’s parents divorced when he was very young and yet he still has very vivid memories of their fights.
As long as we are not talking about a vague sense of “I’m not happy” or “I’m not fulfilled” – because those come and go in every relationship – your problems are obviously concerning enough to you that they deserve address. I’d start with a counselor and then think about a lawyer. And think about confiding in a good friend who can be both discreet and supportive. Good luck to you.
***
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and I hope that you are able to figure out where you need to go from here. I knew my marriage was over when I realized I’d rather be alone than with him. I also had a husband who refused to talk to me about our problems until I had my bags packed and in the car. At that point, he promised me the moon, and I caved a few times, giving him another chance. I sometimes think it was a mistake to drag out the inevitable over several months, but other times I think I needed those months to be 100% sure of my decision. I have not once regretted leaving. It was the best decision of my life. Hugs to you as you navigate through this heartbreaking process.
B
I knew my marriage was over when I found myself on the phone during my lunch hour, at work, frantically trying to secure a quickie life insurance policy (naming my parents as beneficiaries). Hubs and I had a very bad scene the night before, during which he had introduced a butcher knife among other scare tactics. Basically, I was terrified of what he might do to me that night after I got home, and felt that I needed to make arrangements so that my parents would be taken care of if something happened to me that night.
After the 4th insurance company call, during which everyone told me there would be a waiting period, medical exams, etc. (and all reps growing quite suspicious at my urgency, ultimately asking me if I was planning to hurt myself – how embarrassing), I realized I couldn’t go home to someone who made me fear for my life.
Thankfully there were no children involved. If there had been, I doubt I would have had the courage to leave. I only managed it because I was a new attorney with a good salary at the time…I don’t know how your “average woman” finds the courage to leave an abusive relationship.
Hairy
Wow, so glad you got out of that situation safely. That must have been an absolutely awful, terrifying period for you.
So Sorry
My first husband didn’t “believe” in divorce either. I was unhappy for a long time and finally worked up the courage to ask for a separation, and in response he said it was all my problem and that maybe I should go to counseling. Well, I did, and the counselor said I had clearly thought things through and knew that it was time to move on. So I divorced him.
We had married too young, he didn’t grow into the person I needed, he was unkind and unsupportive and distant. I am remarried now and very happy. No regrets. But the counseling (solo) is a terrific place to start. Also start getting your financial matters in order, get copies of taxes, make sure you have credit in your own name, all that fun stuff.
Best of luck. No decision needs to be made overnight.
Louise
This is going to sound really petty, but the tipping point for me was when my ex brought me the wrong magazines.
I had been home sick with the flu for about a week. During that time, he hadn’t taken on ANY of my chores and responsibilities, nor had he made any effort to do any care-taking. He was heading out the door to run an errand, and I asked him to pick up two (specific) magazines. He came home with two other, random ones. When I asked why, he said, “They are all the same, so what does it matter?”
I was tired, and miserable, and cranky, and I just snapped. Years of having nothing that was important to ME matter to HIM coalesced into that one moment. I took a shower, packed a bag, and dragged my snot nosed self to my mother’s house. I never moved back in with him, although we tried counseling for months. He never got it, never got ME.
I tell this story as an example that the tipping point is just that, a single, impossibly tiny point. But the mountain of unhappiness underneath it cannot be denied. When you get there, you will know. Trust yourself.
Anonymous
Thanks for sharing, Louise. Your story really touched me. That is true in all areas of life… tipping points can be the smallest, most innocuous things.
Laura #2
I just want to say, as the child of divorced parents, that I knew my parents were unhappy for years before they divorced (they ended up divorcing when I was 18). I still have memories of family game nights where my sister and I would make my parents be on the same team to try and get them to be good teammates/act like they liked each other.
Unless you have very young children, they can probably tell you’re not happy. I don’t know how old your children are, and I am almost certain that even if it pains them terribly right now, in the end, they want you to be happy–whether or not happy means that you stay with your husband. I know the decision to leave was incredibly heart-wrenching for my mother–she cried herself to sleep for months–but she is now remarried to a man who is a perfect complement to her in so many ways.
I am so, so thankful that she chose to pursue the divorce. Yes, there were times when it was awful, but in the end, both of my parents are so much happier than they were. I think parents do much more harm than good when they stay together for the sake of their kids. Each situation is different, and I am not trying to say that divorce is the way you should go–all I want you to know is that I think children wish for their parents happiness more than their parents may realize.
For what it’s worth, my mom said that the tipping point for her came when she asked herself “what am I teaching my daughters if I stay?” She said that by staying, she was teaching us a lesson she never wanted us to learn, and that was when it became clear that she needed to leave.
Anon
I agree with this 100%. My parent’s divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me….and to them.
Hel-lo
I also third this. My parents divorced when I was 10. I was an only child. When people asked me what it was like, the only thing I ever said was, “A relief.”
It’s very important to think about the kids during a divorce, and to do things specifically to make your relationship with your husband easier on them. Staying together isn’t one of those things.
What’s important for kids to know is that Mommy and Daddy may not love each other any more, but that they both very much still love the children. That both of them are always going to be in the kids’ lives. That the kids didn’t do anything to make the divorce happen. And make sure that neither parent talks negatively about the other parent to the children.
One thing that has hurt now, as an adult, is that my mother recently confessed to me that she cheated on my dad, and things he said in counseling. That stuff should never be shared with your children, IMO.
Ugh
Agree with everyone that it’s better to have divorced parents who are civil when the occasion requires (graduations, for example) instead of a home full of anger, resentment, sadness, and hurt because of a broken marriage that should be a divorce already. I wish my parents divorced a decade before they did. I don’t remember them ever being happy together, which I am only realizing as an adult has given me some very bad behavior patterns and expectations about what an adult relationship looks like.
Also agree with Hel-lo. My dad recently informed me he is divorcing his wife, who is not my mother, but they’ve been married a long time, I really like her, and she is the mother of my sister. That was devastating, but he then told me that he cheated on her, and that his wife doesn’t know. I was incensed and proceeded to tell him how angry I was that he did that. In retrospect, I realized that the reason he told me is because he felt guilty about it, was burdened with his secret, and wanted to tell someone, and have someone to yell at him, and he knew I’d react the way that I did. It is a terrible position to put me in, and a terrible secret I now am supposed to keep from his wife and my sister. I don’t think it would do them any good to know, but I hate hiding something this important (though pointless), and I hate that this is my burden now. It is so bloody wrong that I’m stuck in the middle of this.
Hel-lo, did you tell your dad about your mom’s cheating?
Hel-lo
No. I haven’t told anyone, except some of my close girlfriends, and now, Corporettes. I haven’t told mom that it bothered me to hear, and I haven’t told my father. He’s been happily married to my stepmom for close to 20 years, and I don’t think it would accomplish anything. (And I suspect that he wouldn’t be surprised.)
Frankly, I’ve ignored it and hoped that I would never have to face it. …And I’m only realizing now how this all may have affected my adult relationships.
I’m totally with you on feeling burdened by it, though. Maybe that’s why I tell people who don’t know my family.
Hugs to you. I admire your insight into these issues – I think you have more than I do. Maybe having siblings helps?
Ugh
I am only gaining insight through therapy. Also in therapy, I am beginning to see that some of the reason for my father’s poor behavior is based on the poor behavior of his own father and what he saw in his own parents’ marriage, much as my parents’ failed marriage has deeply affected what I expect (very little) and how I behave in my own relationships.
I don’t think I can tell my sister that while our father was on “business trips,” he was really doing something else. We’re quite a bit apart in age (second marriage and all that), and it’s her mother he cheated on. She will be even more upset than I am, and she has enough to deal with because of their divorce.
I suggest therapy for you too. Try a consultation with several therapists, pick one you click with, and start cleaning up the mess our parents made in our heads. We can be stronger, better, whole people and break the bad patterns of behavior we learned at home. It’s a hard, long road out, at least for me, but I am making progress and I know you can too. Hugs.
Dis-dressed
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and helpful suggestions. Yes, I think my children sense that things are bad, but that has actually made them extremely clingy to us (in a, don’t go anywhere, anytime without us kind of way). You’ve all given me a lot to think about, work through.
Another perspective
I know that this may be a different perspective to the others outlined here but I think that it is enough when you have done everything possible to save your marriage. I can only come at it from the perspective of having a lot of friends with divorced parents, friends who have divorced and just seeing a lot of marriages fail. It seemed like a lot of women were the ones who carried the additional load and the men were lazy, irresponsible, uncommunicative and, in some cases, controlling. All of the children involved acknowledged this to be the case (Mom is the strong one and Dad is the lazy one etc). BUT they also felt that when you have children, you have a responsibility to work to heal your marriage – and as Doctor Phil says (lol) – long suffering doesn’t count. By the time these women were fed up and wanted to leave, it was too late. They were done. But dynamics are created by two people and many of the women involved were not willing to acknowledge their own role in creating that dynamic and *crucially* how the first *real* wake up call their husbands got was the separation. I’m interested in what you mean by “he refuses to acknowledge I want to leave”. Have you sat down with him and laid it out on the table from A-> Z? Have you gone to counseling either together or separately? (Though many therapists do just encourage divorce so I understand his hesitation). Or is your basis for this comment that in arguments, you have snapped something about divorce and he’s snapped something about how you’d never leave?
So just to broaden this out, and see if this rings a bell for anyone else. I have seen a particular subset of divorces from my recent law school grad friends/young professionals which interests me. I’m only at law school (though I am 27) and it seems like a lot of women here are smart and driven and “amazing” and so are very defensive regarding the very real patriarchal restraints on women as a gender. Because women in law school are the “winners” – smart “enough, generally pretty “enough” but in a socially acceptable/non “trashy” way, intellectually aggressive in a way that is “acceptable to men”, driven in a pro capitalist way etc, there is a culture which is, on some level, very hostile to feminism or to the notion of privilege. Because if you’ve spent your entire life being told that you are special and perfect and sooo smart, then the idea that you are structurally oppressed/or anyone is, except when it is their own fault, is crazy. So the women both defy (through their intelligence) and conform to (through everything else – clothes, baby voice, hair flicking, bitchiness, deference to men, privileging of beauty etc) patriarchal norms. Then… real life hits. And they get married and they go to work at Cravath and despite being the perkiest, most dynamic Ivy League-er the world has ever seen… there is a vibrant old boy’s club, and being pregnant puts them on the mommy track despite taking 4 weeks maternity leave and billing the most hours, or they love their children but see how it engenders a lack of respect, and they do disproportionate amounts of housekeeping and care-taking and get exhausted, and they take on the role of the “emotionally intelligent” one in the relationship while their partner is able to withdraw/act like a baby. In other words, they see the burden of fulfilling these restrictive norms.
And so they get angry and get divorced. Even though they could renegotiate their role within these relationships and be honest about their own role in perpetuating it and benefiting from it, as well as being disadvantaged by it. And they want sympathy/understanding even though they’ve never extended this courtesy out to women as a class. They are the type who subconsciously blame women for their own rape and take pleasure in saying all the “tough things in class” and being thought of “like a man”.
I’ve seen this phenomenon a decent amount and am interested if this seems familiar to anyone else?
Hairy
Lovely dress!!
Much lighter threadjack:
Following the weekend thread two weekends ago, I decided I wanted to give an epilator a try. I got around to ordering one this past weekend and am looking forward to receiving it soon. (Thanks again for all those recommendations!)
I have never had much of an exfoliation system, but I know properly exfoliating will be important as I’d like to avoid ingrown hairs. I’m looking at the Body Shop exfoliating bath gloves / skin towel:
http://www.thebodyshop-usa.com/prod150011
http://www.thebodyshop-usa.com/prod150035
Will use if one of these products suffice? Any other tips on proper exfoliation?
AIMS
I don’t think you need all of this. I would just get a scrub and use it a couple of times a week in the shower, after you’ve been under the hot water for at least a few minutes. The trick is to use a circular motion. Body Shop has nice scrubs. Find something that smells really good to you so you will be more likely to use it regularly.
My favorite scrub is actually one I make myself at home — it is beyond simple, and your skin will feel like silk after. Mix sugar (1/4 to 1/2 cup, depending on how much you want to scrub; I use “raw” turbinado, but reg. white will do fine) + a bit of olive oil (add olive oil a bit at a time till you get the right consistency; it shouldn’t be too oily), then go scrub in the shower. The sugar will dissolve as you scrub. You can use a moisturizing body wash after or do whatever you usually do. You will not need lotion — your skin will feel amazing!
nonA
Love the homemade sugar scrub! If you want, you can buy essential oils for not very much and add a few drops as well for a great-smelling boost.
Anonymous Poser
I second the recommendation for the homemade scrub. I have sensitive skin, and use my homemade scrub (same as described by AIMS) before shaving my legs. It works well, so I’ve not bought a scrub in….years.
Anonymous
I use baby oil and sugar or salt. Works wonderfully.
Ruby Lou
Homemade scrubs are the best, but be prepared to scrub your tub after you scrub yourself, if you don’t want to end up flat on your butt when you shower next – ask me how I know this!
Emma
Let me know what you think. Very close to ordering one!
Hairy
Will do! I went with the Braun 5270 (found a new one on ebay about $20-25 less than on amazon). The seller shipped it this morning so hopefully it will arrive in time for me to try it out over the weekend!
Hairy + Type A
I have the Silk-épil Xpressive 7280, which is the lowest end model of the the Xpressive line. I would say go for the Xelle, because all of the “additional” features the Xpressive line has are totally underwhelming: http://www.braun.com/us/silk-epil-epilators/silk-epil-epilators-comparison.html I upgraded from a realllllly basic Braun epilator a few years back so I have a baseline to compare to.
I’m happy with the purchase, but I still end up shaving/waxing as well because epilating takes a long time if you let too much hair grow back. When that happens, I usually wax using cheap wax strips and then epilate on the regrowth. Also, I’m no wuss for hair removal (being desperately hairy and all), but I’ve only ended up being able to use the epilator on my lower legs, underarms with initial waxing/tweezing, and forearms. Everywhere else hurts too much and/or takes too long.
When I do it correctly, there’s very little regrowth and the whole thing is worth it!
Hairy + Type A
Oh and the Type A comment refers in this context to the fact that I’m neurotic about hair removal. I have dark hair/fair skin, so I go crazy trying to get ALL of it, as opposed to girlfriends who have really fine blond hair and are a little more relaxed about the whole hair removal thing.
Nancy P
Love all the spring picks! But does anyone else have problems wearing silk because they (gasp) sweat? I always worry I’m going to ruin anything silk — it’s happened before with cheaper pieces.
Snooki
“Ladies perspire, men sweat.”
SF Bay Associate
Horses sweat. Men perspire. Ladies glow.
ADB_BWG
I glow like a horse!
UnSub
Love it ADB_BWG! You made me laugh out loud. Thanks.
AN
I love this comment! I glow like a horse too:(
Emma
Yeah, I have a problem with this. I love silk shirts, but just worrying about sweating in them seems to make me sweat MORE. Sigh.
sweaty
Yep! I avoid it like the plague, unfortunately. You’re not alone.
anon
yes. I feel like silk makes me sweat more. I’ve solved this problem with silk shells, at least, by handwashing them immediately after I wear them (I wear them under blazers so that if I do sweat, it isn’t obvious…)
EG
http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Antiperspirant-Deodorant-Clinical-Strength/dp/B0014DQLN2
Solved my sweating problems, seriously. It’s pricey, but I only wear it on days I’m wearing a lot of layers, silk, or white.
Associette
Nancy P, Emma – get “Certain Dry.” They sell it at CVS and Target (prob most major drug stores). It is in a white box with black lettering and green accents. You put it on at night (do not shave or exfoliate first) – it will solve your sweating problems! (I am not with the company – haha although maybe I should be – I just honestly feel that Certain Dry changed my life and I tell people about it whenever appropriate!)
Hairy
Certain Dry and its store brand versions have also done the trick (more or less) for me! In fact, I think it has such long residual effects that Secret Clinical works for me now too (it didn’t prior to discovering Certain Dry about 3+ years ago). FWIW, it took Certain Dry a few weeks to a month to really “work.” Stick with it.
I think Emma and I must have very similar genes. :-)
Also
I tried Certain Dri on a recommendation from here a few months ago, and I heart it now. Highly recommend.
rg
Threadjack:
Any corporettes who’ve switched jobs recently? I’m starting a new job mid-April, and I’m planning to leave my current one mid-March. I’m trying to sort out health insurance. I’m pretty sure that my current job’s coverage will last through the end of March, but what do I do about the first half of April? I think it will be challenging for my husband to add me for only 2 weeks since they only have open enrollment once a year. Does anyone know if COBRA makes sense for this? Or what other options have others pursued?
I just realized, I’ve always had overlapping coverage, and this is the first time I’ve ever dealt with this?
anon-j
rg, I went through this twice in the past five years (needed a short term policy between law school and starting at my firm, and then a short term policy to cover one month in between switching jobs). Both times I used Assurant, which was recommended to me by my father’s law firm employer. Never had to make a claim (thank goodness), but it was a great short-term option to avoid gaps in coverage. Site: https://www.temporaryinsurance.com/STMConsumer/Quote/ContentPages/StartQuote.aspx
KateL
Two things 1) ask your new employer when coverage begins. In various jobs it has been anywhere from immediate to first day of the month after my start date. Not sure where you will fall. 2) COBRA (as pricey as it can be) probably makes the most sense, unless you have a high risk tolerance for being uninsured in the gap period.
As for adding yourself to your husband’s plan – does no longer having access to insurance under your own “name” not meet qualifying life event that supercedes open enrollment? Entirely possible that it doesn’t but I threw it out there…
Anonymous
In my past, you could get cobra as long as it was within 30 or 90 days of leaving employment, I forget which – so in effect you didn’t have to commit to it until you knew if you needed it. Might want to check that out – I wasn’t sure it felt ethical but HR assured me it was totally legit in their view.
anon23
This. If it is less than the number of days you have to elect COBRA you can just ride it out. If you need the insurance you sign up for COBRA at that point and pay back to the day you left your job. Totally legit.
Anon
I went through this last summer, so the rules may have changed. I believe you have 60 days to elect COBRA, and the election applies retroactively. So you could go without insurance for April and if anything catastrophic happens, elect COBRA and your insurance from your old workplace will kick in and cover it. If you end up not needing insurance for April, then you don’t need to elect it and can start on your new company’s insurance whenever it kicks in.
I fully acknowledge that this is a riskier strategy, which is why I’m Anon for this. And I would double check that the same rules still apply with the new health care regulations.
lawyerette
This is the way that it worked for me when I left my employer this past August.
jcb
Anon is right. You have a 60-day election period for coverage that is retro to your termination date. Lots of people use it this way, only electing if it is actually needed.
Monday
One of the heads of HR at my office even recommended doing this.
somewherecold
I’ve gotten fairly cheap catastrophic insurance for gaps in coverage. My current job required that I work a full calendar month before my health insurance started, so even though I started in mid-August, I didn’t have coverage until October 1 (check with HR). For that gap, I got insurance for about $50 a month, which was much cheaper than COBRA through my expiring student health insurance. I don’t know if you could find a plan like this if you have any preexisting conditions, though. Also, it depends on how you feel about risk–the plan I had would not have kicked in with coverage until I had paid a few thousand dollars out-of-pocket, and the prescription coverage was not that great. (Just a note if you’re thinking about your risk–I actually had something potentially catastrophic during that period of temporary insurance, a car accident, but my auto insurance covered all my medical bills, which were going to be reimbursed by the at fault driver’s insurance, but I am not sure if all auto plans will do that if you only have liability insurance.)
somewherecold
I forgot to add that I used http://www.ehealthinsurance.com/ to find the plan I was talking about (and I have used them once before, I think).
Midori
That’s what I did, too–got catastrophic insurance for the gap between school and first job. But it made sense for me–I was young, healthy, no chance of pregnancy, etc., and it was temporary so I wouldn’t be needing primary care in the gap.
Good to get something, though, as I was reminded by a dear friend who was in a car accident and broke her neck (also young, healthy, not pregnant, etc.). Fortunately she recovered beautifully, but not without a LOT of medical bills that would have been ruinous without something to stop the money flow.
TCFKAG
I used COBRA for a couple of week gap in coverage between my job before law school and college, and I liked it. Its easy, though expensive, and if you have any kind of serious pre-existing condition, most non-COBRA plans won’t accept you. I also was hospitalized for four days during the gap…so yeah, don’t go without insurance.
Another reason not to have a gap is that I think, though I’m not sure how it works, that some insurers can use that as a reason to deny coverage for certain things. Not sure how that works…may not apply to employer plans.
Anyway, I’d suggest COBRA if you can afford it…just sign up for the whole month (and don’t forget to cancel!)
rg
Hi Ladies!
Thanks for the great advice. I hadn’t thought about the fact that I may be covered for all of April even if I start mid-month. That is definitely the first thing to check on. And it sounds like COBRA is the next best option…hopefully it won’t be completely bank-busting!
MelD
Check when your current coverage ends. Some employers will pay the next month’s premium in advance- so as long as you work in March, you may be covered through the end of April. Otherwise, COBRA is probably your best bet.
Digby
1. Your [former] employer or its COBRA administrator has 14 days from the date you terminate/your coverage ends to send you COBRA election materials. You then have 60 days to elect and another 45 days to make your first payment (retro back to the COBRA start date). So, you can definitely do the wait-and-see, and only pay the COBRA premium if you need it.
2. Your husband’s employer probably has to allow him to add you to that coverage – your loss of coverage from your job should constitute a qualifying life status event that allows for a change outside of the annual enrollment period, or a HIPAA special enrollment opportunity.
3. It might be difficult to buy insurance elsewhere for the gap period – many individual plans would require you to have first exhausted your COBRA rights – they don’t want to pick up the liability if it could be passed off to an employer-sponsored plan.
anon 2.0
I think you have coverage from April 1st at your new place if you pay the full month’s premium. Call their HR and see.
nonA
Love the dress – absolutely gorgeous – but is anyone else concerned about the cleavage at work for us ladies who are on the more well-endowed end of the spectrum? I think it would absolutely be ruined by a cami underneath.
On the other hand, if I were in the $400-dress splurge mode for a summer afternoon wedding or some such, this would be at the top of my list!
Alias Terry
We are in agreement with the styling of this dress. Lovely, but for work? Not really.
Emma
Really like this dress.
Also love this one as a work-splurge: http://www1.bloomingdales.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=516840&CategoryID=8685
I might have to pick it up at a Theory outlet.
lawyerette
Love love LOVE that dress. Would almost pay full price. If they have it at the outlet I’d be there in a heartbeat!
Emma
I may be wrong, but I remember the Theory outlet outside of DC had current season inventory at a relatively modest discount, say 25%. So still expensive, but nice because you’re not sifting through odds and ends.
Bonnie
Leesburg?
Two cents
I tried this dress on at Nordstrom over the weekend. I love the top part of the dress (the boatneck style is super flattering on my narrow shoulders). Unfortunately, the bottom part of the dress will be a mess on anyone with hips. Particularly from a side profile, the pleat part of the skirt puffs out and does not lay down flat. This would probably work well on someone with a very straight shape.
Emma
Aw, darn. Thanks for sharing.
Two cents
No problem. It’s still worth trying on to see how it fits you. Theory in general looks terrible on me, so it might just be my shape (thin but very curvy hips).
lawyerette
I think this might work on me. I’m not thin but still within the sizes Theory sells and because I’m pretty much “straight” the pants and jackets normally look fabulous on me.
Amy H.
Rats. I definitely have hips. I will see if I can find it in person to try it on nonetheless, because that is one gorgeous dress!
Kady
that is one heck of an attractive dress.
soulfusion
I recently splurged on a similar dress: http://store-us.hugoboss.com/Cap-Sleeve-Shift-Dress/hbna50193851,en_US,pd.html?dwvar_hbna50193851_color=963_Open-Miscellaneous&start=16&cgid=11200
But sadly, it is just too short. I am 5’9″ and while the dress is extremely flattering and doesn’t appear too short while standing, once I sit, the way it is shaped causes it to be MUCH shorter while seated. The clerk initially told me it could be tailored so I talked myself into it and when she said it couldn’t be let out, I bought it anyway to try on at home with tights to see if that helped. It didn’t and I had to take it back. If you are shorter and looking for a splurge, check this out. I am still completely in love with it.
AFTO (threadjack)
I’m starting a job at a firm (biglaw) in the next few weeks. I was reviewing the security docs they gave me, and it looks like we are prohibited from using work computers to create or participate in personal or non-business-related blogs. Does this mean that I can no longer comment on, say, corporette? Or is this just boilerplate?
Res Ipsa
I would hold off until you’ve been there for a while until you can get a sense from (or ask directly) your co-workers of how that rule is applied.
Lyssa
And get a smartphone ! (for when you just need that break)
RR
Was just shopping some of the new arrivals at Talbots. Even though I’ve been complaining a lot about quality lately, I had to give them props for now using plus size models to display their plus size clothing! So you can actually see what it will look like on a larger body. Kudos to Talbots for joining the ranks of retailers who do this!
Clerky
Not plus size, but that’s awesome. Nordstrom does this too.
AIMS
So does BR & Saks.
PSA: I recently ordered a necklace and bracelet from Talbots and am really impressed with the quality. I bought both on sale & while I wouldn’t pay full price, I think they’re fantastic. Just in case anyone needs some new accessories :)
Ri
By BR I am assuming that you mean Banana Republic. With that assumption my question is, when did Banana Republic start carrying plus sizes?
JessC
Yeah, definitely curious as I’ve never known BR to carry anything larger than a 16.
RR
They don’t. I assumed that must be a typo. Or a store I don’t know about!
RP
Anyone tried the Nomee Tailor pant by Theory? I just ordered it from Bloomingdales…
Ashley
LOVE this dress, but out of my price range. I think you could get away with a light-weight, 3/4 sleeve cardigan if the sleeveless is a problem.
Alias Terry
The dress is very pretty. It would be great for a lunch date.
Can you really see this walking into the board room? In the workplace at the C level? Would you assume the woman in this is in charge or junior level/subordinate?
Anonymous
In my (large/global) company, yes, this dress would be perfectly appropriate for even the most senior women in most situations – though clearly there are exceptions. I guess what you mean to say that at your workplace this would not be the case.
Hairy
The C-levels where I am wear business formal on a regular basis while the office is business casual. So no, they would not wear this, or most anything else featured here besides the suits and certain more business formal dresses. Not sure why that matters unless I am in that position or very close to it. In the meantime, I’ll keep wearing my business casual, thankyouverymuch.
Nonny
I can certainly see it in the C-suite, but if I were going to a client meeting in this dress I would throw on a fitted blazer over top. Where I live I would be likely to wear a cardigan over it most of the time in any event.
JessC
So what if this dress is not appropriate for the boardroom? There are plenty of other work situations and environments that this dress would be appropriate. I could see several of the female attorneys (including those in supervisory positions) wearing this at my firm with a blazer or cardigan and pumps.
Personally, my assessment of whether a woman appears to be junior/senior level has just as much (if not more) to do with how she carries herself as it does with what she’s wearing.
As has been said many times before: “Know your workplace.”
Anonymous
Another threadjack —
Does anyone have advice on the following: Husband and I are both unhappy at work. We live in a pretty small job market where he might be able to find something different, but I really cannot. At least any time soon. And I feel like I am stagnating in my job and am desperate to move on to advance my career.
He’d like to make it work in the city where we are now, if possible, but understands I am limited. Recently we decided to both look/apply for jobs here and in larger metro areas and see if something works out for both of us. But I can’t find any jobs locally to apply for, and his interest in looking elsewhere seems half-hearted. Which makes it seem like a waste for me to apply elsewhere.
Does anyone have experience with a spouse who wants to move or stay, and you are on the other side? What to do?
Midori
Yep, but the roles and situation is slightly reversed for me. Husband is yearning for a job in a much much smaller city. If we move there, I really don’t know if I can find a job like the one I have now, especially as an outsider (and a woman–it’s that kind of place). The idea of being a SAHM (as my dear relatives have hinted I should) is not appealing to me, thought it would be financially feasible. It’s tough.
Ultimately, I decided to tell him to go for it. I don’t want to hold him back, and if the job of my dreams came up, I know he would do the same for me. And who knows–I might be able to find a great job in smallville, perhaps something I wouldn’t have had the guts to try where I am now.
handlesgalore
Honestly in your situation I would be beyond pissed if my husband wasn’t really looking elsewhere for a job when he knows how hard it would be to find one locally. It sounds like you need to explain just how hard of a tiem you are having finding ANYTHING to apply for and hopefully he will begin to be a bit more open about applying in cities where you are having better luck. Put it to him this way: if he finds a great job in this city and you cannot find one he’ll be happy and you’ll be miserable, is that what he wants? Alternative is you find one in another city where he didn’t look and now you have to make a tough choice.
Midori
Or just keep on applying and if you get an offer for a wonderful job in another town, the ball is then in his court: either he sucks it up and looks for a job in that town, or he realizes that staying with him is costing you very real job opportunities–a choice you may come to resent.
Moving is tough, though, especially once you’ve put down roots. Give him that much credit. If moving is really the only career option here, it might help him to get excited about the new place, and to do that, it has to become concrete. When I move, I HAAAATE the idea and am terrified of leaving. Until I go visit my next destination and see how wonderful it could be to live there. It might be less about jobs and more about fear of change.
rg
Definitely been there (kind of still there). And the first, most important, thing is talk to each other. Talk a lot. And don’t accuse. There may be something else going on that he’s not telling you, or isn’t even aware of. Jobs and living situations are very personal, and even in the strongest relationship there is so much going on with respect to personal identity with these issues that it can make things intense (esp. if you’ve both invested a lot of time and energy into your educations and careers).
My quick recap is that my husband finished his PhD a few months before me and took what has turned out to be an amazing job in a big city. Unfortunately for me, what I’m most interested in doing right now is just not happening in that big city. After several years of trying to find something closely related or trying to interest myself in something new, I just got an amazing opportunity in another big city. We decided that I should take it and he’ll look for something and follow me when he finds it.
But it was a long, difficult time coming to this decision. What we came to discover is that our deep-seated fears were really working against each other. For him, it was the fear of financial instability (his job is very lucrative and he fears he won’t be able to find something he likes as much that pays as well). For me, it was really about the fear that our pending uncertainty (living apart while he looks) engenders. We’ve done LD before, but not open-ended. In reality, b/c he doesn’t want change I had to be the impetus. And by standing up and saying, “I want to do this,” he now sees it as something that its worth making a change for rather than as something arbitrary that I’m trying out. I’d been so busy managing his feelings, I didn’t really state my own. The lesson, “be honest, be honest, be honest.” Both with yourself and your partner. Ask yourself what you are and are not willing to compromise on. Consider your goals. And be realistic. I want my husband to move with me, but in reality I don’t want us to give up his income. So I’m willing to accept a short time apart. But I have a limit on how long I’m willing to accept LD (and it’s shorter than his), so I’ve already told myself if he doesn’t find something within that time-frame, I’ll move back *for me*. And I trust him to make a good faith effort to find a job in the meantime.
I think that you need to start with the assumption that hubs isn’t trying to hurt you, but maybe he likes where you live and he doesn’t see any reason to start looking elsewhere unless you have something lined up already. Talk about everything you’re feeling/thinking…and talk often because the first time probably wont’ clear the air.
EC MD
Oh, have totally been through this, though in slightly different roles. My husband loves snow sports and the outdoors, and spent several years in a very snow centered city prior to us getting together. He has always dreamed of moving back to a ski town. I, a city kid, like to be fairly close to my family and while I love the outdoors and skiing wouldn’t move to a ski town on my own.
We’ve been looking for years for the right opportunity. It’s been complicated by: 1) my risk aversion and anxiety related to major changes; 2) my job situation, which has always been good in the city we’re in; 3) my husband’s job, which has had a lot of financial uncertainty and chaos over the last several years.
We are lucky in that we are in the same profession so a dual recruitment was very possible. For several rounds of looking at different opportunities, my husband took the lead. We never found what we wnated — I didn’t like my potential business partner, his potential partner seemed difficulty, the schools were weak, etc. There was a lot of discussion about whether the jobs weren’t right, or whether this was an impossible pipe dream that couldn’t be translated to reality. I had a lot of misgivings about whether I was finding fault with everything because I didn’t want to move and that my heart wasn’t in it.
Then, my husband’s job fell apart, and we were forced to make some changes. I was the one who started actively seeking out job opportunities, and taking control. We’ve ended up finding what we think is the dream possibility and are moving this summer. We’ll see if it’s the real deal, but the peices fell into place in a way that they hadn’t before. Maybe it was this opportunity, maybe it was that I was finally ready, and the consequences of not jumping in were worse than staying where we are.
I agree that lots of talking is the most important thing. Why doesn’t your husband want to move? Exploring things like that can be really helpful, and maybe using a mediator or a counsellor would help with this difficult transition.
Anonymous (original commenter)
Thank you all for the thoughts (and others still welcome!). It’s really helpful just to know I’m not the only one struggling with this. EC MD mentioned a counselor, and I had wondered if this would be constructive as a way to get at the fears we both have but maybe don’t even realize we have.
RG, I think the personal identity issue you mentioned is real. One of my issues is that I’d like to be somewhere job-wise that I consider more stable, and having more of a future, before having children (which admittedly might be naive of me to think I can do advance planning for such things). Without going into a ton of detail, we are sort of putting off children because of the craziness of the job I’m in now. And so I resent my husband not being more serious about moving because I feel like it’s holding up more than just my career.
He’s plenty unhappy in his job also. But I think (a) he is risk averse, and (b) even though he doesn’t like his job, he gets a raise and bonus every year and moves up a level, while my company has frozen salaries and I have no opportunity for advancement. AND he’s not motivated by the whole having-to-bear-children-at-some-point thing like I am. :-)
Arachna
I’m curious as to why
“Which makes it seem like a waste for me to apply elsewhere.”
Why does him not looking very actively make it a waste for you to find a new job in a new city? To me that’s what makes the most sense in your situation – you find a great job first – then he looks for something in the same area.
The only way it doesn’t make sense for you to look for your dream job in your dream city is if you think your husband is going to flat out refuse to move/look for a new job once you find it even though he is unhappy in his current job. That seems… like a very selfish and strange stance I have trouble imaging most men taking.
So IMO go, go, go! And drag him along after. Much easier fight when you have something concrete rather than possibilities. There is IMO absolutely no need for him to get excited and gung ho about the move – or your applications – just a certain willingness to do it and of course the possibility for him to be happy in the new place.
Doreen
I am at the final stages of a very long interview process for a job that I want very much. The final step will be for the potential employer to have a conversation with my current supervisor. I’ve been guaranteed that they would only do this after a) it was clear that I was the one getting the job offer, b) I had negotiated salary, etc. and c) I had had the chance to talk to my boss first.
I have a very good relationship with my boss and after the initial awkwardness of the conversation, I think he would be otherwise supportive of me (changing fields a bit so not direct competition) and give me a great review.
Here’s the problem: Taking this job, I’m taking an enormous pay cut. As in, a 66% pay cut. My firm is supposed to pay bonuses out “in the first quarter” which last year meant, the last paycheck in March. I really need this bonus to help cover a tiny portion of the salary hit. The bonus is for work completed through Dec. 31 of last year.
I don’t think my boss would do anything to disrupt the bonus that is already in the works, but I can’t be sure. I would try to ask the new employer to let me start mid-April so I could collect the bonus and not give notice at my present job until after the check had cleared.
My questions: 1) How do I broach this subject with the new employer? 2) Do I try to buy time in terms of them talking to my current boss? 3) What’s the latest I could give notice without looking like a total ass? I think it’s ridiculous I have to wait a solid three months for my “end of the year” bonus so I don’t mind giving notice closely thereafter, but am I asking for repercussions?
Doreen
Sorry, I just realized how long that was–any thoughts greatly appreciated!
Divaliscious11
The first thing I’d do is check your compensation documents as to the bonus rules. At my job you have to be employed on both the final day of year and the date of disbursement.
I’d make my decision dependent on the rules, and knowledge of the relationship with your boss. I’d also consider the current financial health. Are they cost cutting? Newco maybe accommodating if they are unwilling/unable to make you whole should you be let go prior to receiving bonus.