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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: The Masha Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I believe we've featured this MM.LaFleur dress before, but it's worth another mention. I love that it has pockets, and I love it as pictured here with a belt. It comes in sizes 2–16, and it's $295. (Note that the dress is dry clean only.) If you like this pattern, which the description calls a “whimsical take on classic herringbone,” there are several other pieces (blazers, skirts, and a fit & flare dress) in the same fabric. The Masha Dress A more affordable option is J.Crew's Resume Dress, and Amazon has a plus-size option from their brand Society New York. Also: this basic Burberry blazer may be still on sale… This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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254 Comments

  1. Looking to donate some clothes hangers, pillows, air mattress, etc. Would Salvation Army take them? They’re in good condition, but Goodwill doesn’t accept these items.

    1. Take clothes hangers back to your dry cleaner if that’s where you got them. That is better for the environment and more likely to be reused anyway.

    2. I’m surprised that your Goodwill doesn’t accept those things. My Goodwill takes everything under the sun – including clothes/towels with holes – because they recycle in bulk.

    3. Most charity shops don’t accept bedding. But I’ve had amazing luck getting rid of random things on freecycle.

    4. If you can’t get rid of bedding on freeycle, craigslist free or buy nothing try animal shelters. They often need pillows and bedding!

  2. I don’t care for the belt on this dress. Also looks like it doesn’t fit the model well on the bottom half?

    FYI, we went to Dishoom in London and it was FABULOUS. Highly recommend! We had a late ‘lunch’ at 3 pm and there were plenty of tables. :)

    1. So good to hear. I haven’t been to the one in Edinburgh yet but hoping to go soon.

      1. Although I enjoy all meals at Dishoom – I encourage you to go for breakfast and get the naan wrap with bacon and the bottomless chai. I miss it so much!

        1. Amazing. I’ve gotten inspiration from their breakfast menu and naan topped with sauce, spinach, chickpeas and poached eggs are eaten at least once a week.

          1. Amazing. I’ve gotten inspiration from their breakfast menu and naan topped with sauce, spinach, chickpeas and poached eggs are eaten at least once a week.

        2. This meal is one of my fondest memories from my most recent trip to London — highly recommend!

    1. I think I like that she kept her coat on at the wedding (guessing we’d guess this was why so as not to upstage the wedding).

    2. Happy for them but man I can’t imagine being her. There was no way in my first trimester that I could do a Royal Tour! 16 days, 4 countries, 76 events wowza.

        2. Every pregnancy is different – I felt yucky (but not miserable) from weeks 6-10 and was fine by week 11. She may be feeling great!

      2. I think if she weren’t feeling well, she wouldn’t go. Kate was very sick in the beginning and was released from royal duties (they even had to announce her pregnancy early to explain why she was stepping down). Obviously you can’t tell everything from a photo, but I thought Meghan was positively glowing when she landed in Australia and didn’t look sick at all.

    3. I think it’s a little odd that they apparently told the other senior royals about it on Friday, before Eugenie’s wedding. Couldn’t it have waited until after?

      1. I think they handled it well – this meant no one was speculating during the wedding.

      2. Maybe they worried people would speculate based on how she looked in her dress and they didn’t want them finding out after the rest of the world guessed. I assume these decisions are tricky and they tried to manage it as well as they could..

      3. I think two people in a family can have big things going on at the same time. Sometimes even three or more. And they can all talk about it.

        2. +1 My sister announced her pregnancy at her wedding. It was super fun to celebrate the good news all together. How much attention do we all need?

          1. I think that is significantly different, because it is still a significant event about the same couple. I think telling family is fine, but I like that they waited until after Eugenie’s wedding to make it public. I’m not sure if it was just the timing worked out that way, but I think it would have been mean/spotlight stealing to make the big public announcement in the week before Eugenie’s wedding.

        3. +1. My husband has a large family. There’s no such thing as a family wedding without engagements, pregnancies, births, illnesses, and deaths also being present (plus job changes, promotions, moves, and other big life events that are a big deal but don’t typically involve group celebration). A wedding, a baby shower, even a funeral is just a chance for everyone to gather and wish the person or couple being celebrated well and show their love. It doesn’t mean everyone else’s life stops so that they can devote all their attention to you.

          1. “A wedding, a baby shower, even a funeral is just a chance for everyone to gather and wish the person or couple being celebrated well and show their love. ”

            I think a wedding is a bit more than chance for people to gather.

            Look, I am the anti Bridezilla. No engagement party, no bachelorette party, no bridal shower, no months of festivities. I’m explicitly telling people that attending my wedding is the best present imaginable, and do not worry about a gift on top of travel costs. I’m not playing any stupid rules about not allowing people any big events while I’m engaged. Bridesmaids picked their dresses. “You are not required to change your body for my wedding” has been repeated ad nauseum.

            But, from Friday morning until we ride off into the sunset on Saturday night, no big news that can’t be shared another time.

            If you want a big fun party to share your news at, then you can spend five figures of your own hard-earned money and a hundred hours of your own time planning said big party.

          2. I wouldn’t assume anyone’s trying to steal my thunder, I’d just assume it was the right time for them to share their news, and they wanted to share it in person with family (I have a huge family). But I also would have been excited to share the joy about a new baby coming, and glad to have some of the spotlight off of me (but I did have multiple showers and an engagement party, so what do I know).

          3. It’s not about the spotlight. It’s about the fact that I am spending gobs of money and a huge amount of time planning this event, and this is my one, single, solitary “ask.”

            Then again, I was a BM in a wedding wherein the sister of the bride announced her engagement at the rehearsal dinner. Sister had been dating boyfriend for ten years, and everyone in the relatively small family lived close by. It just struck me as misguided at best and selfish at worst – like, dating for 122 months before getting engaged is a deal-breaker, but dating for 121 months is not??

            When I was seriously dating someone when my sister got married, I straight-up said I wanted her to have her special weekend and no engagement right near her wedding.

            Geez, just let people have their events.

          4. Lol that you think you’re an anti Bridezilla but you won’t let anyone else share happy news for an entire weekend because people are only supposed to be celebrating you.

          5. I don’t think that the point is to celebrate me; the point is to celebrate my marriage.

            Women on this site are such be-atches. It’s hilarious.

            I remember talking to my MOH about this. Normal people know that turning someone else’s wedding into your own free party for your life event is rude as hell. I wouldn’t do it to anyone else and I expect the same courtesy in return.

          6. And a quick scan of the Internet says: I’m right. It’s rude to announce engagements or pregnancies at weddings. Literally no one think it’s okay, except for the selfish guests who get a thrill from upstaging someone else.

            That doesn’t mean you don’t get engaged or pregnant before; it just means that you tell people some other time.

            If a wedding were just a party, brides would spend 2 weeks planning it and a thousand dollars on it.

        4. Yep. One person’s happy news does not detract from another’s. Mazel Tov to all!

      4. That’s not what the real reporting says. Senior royals congratulated her in person when they saw her. She didn’t announce her pregnancy st the wedding.

  4. I work in a job with no chance of upward mobility. I work at a law firm, not as an attorney and not as a paralegal or legal assistant. It’s a more specialized and technical role. I have an advanced degree but not a law degree. I work for a large firm but I’m in a small department. My direct supervisor is one of the main partners, so it’s not like I could ever advance into her role. I’ve bedn told that while I’m very valued and my work is great, there isn’t any chance of career advancement. They pay me really well—close to six figures, which is where my dilemma is. I love the work I do but I’ve been here for so long and the lack of career advancement is really getting me down and affecting my confidence tremendously. And while I have an advanced degree, it’s a liberal arts degree. When I look at other career opportunities, I don’t feel like I’m qualified for the jobs that pay an equivalent salary. The jobs that I think are comparable to my current position pay so much less that I’d be slashing my salary in half. Any advice?

    1. Stay put and invest in volunteering or nonprofit work. Have you considered joining the board of a local nonprofit? This could give you the confidence boost you crave (with some prestige added to the work you’re doing) without totally derailing your career and slashing your income.

    2. So if you love the work, why is lack of advancement a problem? I could understand if you were bored or wanted more of a challenge, but you’re paid well for work you enjoy. That seems pretty ideal.

      1. This is a good point and something I think about all the time. It is pretty ideal and the work itself is pretty low stress. I think I just wanted more for my career at this point. I’m in my 30s and I saw myself in more senior roles. Other people I work with (not my manager) tell me I’m overqualified and could be doing more.

        1. Then have a sit-down conversation with them about other career options that would use your skills. You can also just apply for jobs that pay well and are challenging, and see if you land anything you like.

    3. I think you need to reframe your thinking. You get paid well, you like the work, and it doesn’t seem like you hate the job/hours/colleagues. I would enjoy it.

    4. Why is career advancement important to you? A signal to yourself that you are growing? You’re bored with the work you are currently doing? What does it look like for you?

      I mean, if you are happy with your job and the work you do, then keep doing it. You are a subject matter expert, and sometimes that means you that top out in how far you can advance (title/responsibility-wise). That’s not a failure on your part, it’s just a limitation of the career path. So, think carefully about what advancement looks like to you and if that’s something you want to do. People who enjoy the technical aspects don’t always like the management side (but sometimes they do).

      But if you want to do something different, figure out what you need to do it and take the next couple years to get those credentials or build the experience you need to move somewhere else.

    5. My husband had a job like this and to advance, you basically have to have the people ahead of your retire or leave (and then there is a risk they wouldn’t promote from within).

      The firm went through a merger though and his department was moved to the main office and he was let go, so I think you’re 100% right to worry about career path / advancement. If not in the sort run, then in the next downturn.

      [What I hate about law is that there are lawyers who are deadweight that we’d never sack b/c we’re afraid of AboveTheLaw and impacts on law school recruiting but we’ll sack staff in a heartbeat to make #s.]

      I’d start lunching with an eye towards networking just to see if anything is out there and keep your network fresh. Never a downside to investing in yourself, IMO.

      Also, maybe see what does pay well and take some classes here and there on the side just in case you need to ever find work in a field adjacent to yours that might pay better / have more promotion potential.

      1. I understand you have been personally hurt by this, but firms aren’t as apt to sack lawyers, because at the end of the day they are still profit centers. Marketing and tech, etc. are great, but no matter how good, you still aren’t making money for the firm.

        1. I actually disagree with this. I would not hire an attorney from a firm that didn’t have a website. It’s not as direct as billable hour = dollars, but everyone who works for a firm makes the firm money.

    6. I would totally stay and find other ways to be fulfilled.
      Or talk to your manager and see if you can supervise other subject matter experts like yourself ? I guess that’s an idea.

    7. I’m like you, in that it would drive me crazy to be in a job long term with no chance of advancement, even if I was otherwise happy. But you’re in a relatively good position to start networking and broadening your horizons because you’re comfortable and not in any danger. Is your idea of ‘comparable positions’ very narrow? Could you think about the skills that might be transferable? I bet there are tons of positions and industries that you haven’t even thought of yet- you have all the time in the world to explore them.

    8. To be honest, it seems as if you are nit clear on what development means for you – you only mention upward move and that you do not have the skills it takes to move there. You enjoy your current work and it seems you are highly valued by your peers in your area of expertise, which is a great start. I would focus on identifying where do you want to further develop your skills and knowledge and then look for a project you could lead to get those skills. You can develop while in your current role, show potential, learning agility, willingness to step outside of your comfort zone and show initiative and leadership. And as your manager, this is ehat I would notice and would nudge me to look for further opportunities for you.

  5. I read on here once that wedding reception dresses should be different from work dresses. I’m having a hard time applying this to fall/winter weddings. I was hoping to wear an emerald green sheath dress to a wedding this weekend that’s partially outside. It’s work appropriate, but at work I wear it with a blazer (it does have cap sleeves though). Is this not festive enough for a wedding? If not, does anyone have suggestions for helping me understand wedding attire? Struggle bus over here

    2. No, if it looks nice enough for the occasion it doesn’t matter if you also wear it to work.

    3. Where is the wedding located in the USA? Wedding attire changes a lot by location. What is the venue? What is the dress code on the invite? What are others wearing to the event? If you can give us some other details we can probably help you come up with a good outfit for it.

      1. +1 These are the key questions, not whether you wear the dress to work. What clues do the venue, time of day, invitation, and social group of the bride and groom give you?

        1. It’s at a vineyard about an hour outside of DC. I don’t have the invite with me but I think it’s cocktail.

          1. I think for that venue/part of the country that your dress sounds fine but I would try to dress it up with jewelry and shoes and a clutch.

    4. I think the general consensus is that work wear can easily be wedding reception wear, but not the other way around. A sheath dress in a bright color is always acceptable wedding wear but that fru fru A-line bright pink dress with the lace edging and jewel accents and flounciness when you walk is not going to fly at the work place. Just add a bit of sparkle or interest detail in shoes and/or jewelry to the work outfit and it will work.

    5. It’s probably totally fine! The advice on here was more along the lines that if you bought a dress to wear to a wedding then it’s probably not work appropriate, not that you can’t choose to wear a work-appropriate dress to a a wedding. Add some fun accessories and shoes and wear the sheath dress to the wedding. Not a a problem at all for most weddings. (Caveat is if it is a black tie wedding where others are wearing floor length gowns, you will feel under-dressed. )

    6. You could wear a work dress to a wedding and be perfectly appropriate, just not that “festive” as you acknowledge. You could not wear wedding attire to work and be appropriate.

      Wedding/evening wear/c*cktail attire shows more skin, is more fitted, and comes in fabrics that you wear sparingly if at all at work – i.e., lace, velvet, sequins, satin (though I think satin is still out of style rn).

    7. Big earrings, tall heels, more makeup, and a cashmere wrap instead of a blazer and you should be good to go!

    8. Wear the dress. You do not have to wear sparkles, bare skin etc as advised above. An emerald green dress sounds wonderful.

    9. I was at an evening barn wedding in the South this past weekend, and plenty of women were wearing jewel-tone work dresses with blingy jewelry, a wrap, a clutch, and festive shoes. I say your dress is perfectly appropriate.

  6. The comment above got me thinking about confidence. I have a huge problem with it. I’m currently job searching and my lack of confidence is manifesting itself as extreme anxiety and a shaky voice. I’ve noticed this not just in interviews but in one on one convos. Ugh. Any tips on how to deal?

    1. Others can speak to the confidence issue, but in the short term, talk to your doctor about using a beta blocker for those physical manifestations of anxiety. They are mild, use-as-needed and non-habit forming, and have been a life-changer for me. IME shaky voice, clammy hands, racing heart beat all completely dissipate with a beta blocker while leaving the mind totally clear.

      1. Yes, medication doesn’t have to be permanent, it can used like braces on your teeth – help push you in the right direction until you’re happy with where you are and the assistance can be removed. All under a good doctor’s supervision, and in conjunction with other good habits, of course!

      2. +1

        Obviously, try it ahead of time to see how it goes. Personally, beta blocker make me pass out, but Xanax works for me. When I taught, I used it the first couple days of the semester to get back into gear–then I was fine without it.

        These are relatively short acting meds that are appropriate for situational anxiety. Typically the doctor will write a script for just a few doses, and the risks of using these meds this way are very low compared to the risks for people who need to take the same meds daily.

    2. Practice practice practice.
      Practice phone interviews.
      Practice with your sweetheart. Practice with your friends. Practice with your local job help assisting agency. Practice with your alumni career management center. Practice. Practice. Practice. Make videos online. Just. Practice.

      Sorry it is so hard! It WILL be worth it!!

    3. Focus on your breathing. A shaky voice usually goes hand in hand with fast, shallow breathing. Slow down your breath and you will see a big improvement.

      Also, if it makes you feel better, it’s probably way more noticeable to you than to other people. If you hear a little tremor, tell yourself they didn’t notice, take a breath, and just move on.

    4. Sometimes I go through phases where I feel like I’ve been holed up in my office so much I lose the ability to communicate with other humans. I make an extra effort to make small talk with anyone. The security guard, the cashier at the store, etc. Just some quick exchanges about weekend plans or the weather or whatever makes it much more natural to then have professional conversations with strangers.

    5. Second the advice on practicing, with this twist – try practicing while you’re exercising. If you’re at a gym, just run through the conversation the way you think it might go; if you’re outside, you can actually practice talking through things out loud. Either way, it’s hard to get too anxious while you’re exercising – the increased heart rate etc just feel natural, and it gives you a chance to think about the interview questions you might get, etc. while your body is in a state that’s similar to how you’ll feel when you’re anxious. I know this sounds a little odd, but it’s really helped me.

    6. Beta-blockers can definitely help with the symptoms of nervousness.

      This is going to sound weird, but right before I had to give a somewhat important talk, I happened to have watched The King’s Speech (with Colin Firth). I actually picked up some helpful tips from that movie – it’s okay to pause, remember to breath, it’s okay to speak slowly.

      Again, I know it’s weird, but on some level, it did help.

    7. Can you warm up your voice in private? I do some scales and it helps me find the right starting place so I don’t start speaking too high and have no place to go but into cartoon character range.

  7. How would you style tan/nude booties? I’m guessing I can’t wear them with black tights, and I don’t have any tan/nude dresses to do the match tights to booties or dress/skirt to tights rule. Can I wear them with a burnt orange corduroy skirt?

    1. I wear tan booties with almost everything. Jeans, dresses with nude tights (or just socks, mine are high enough that you can’t see the socks). My favorite look is with a dark blue or dark green dress. I definitely wouldn’t wear them with a tan dress. A burnt orange corduroy skirt would probably look great!

    2. For the current season stay in the fall color territory with the clothing but on the warm spectrum – browns, oranges, wine/dark reds, khaki/camel, olive. Doing navy, black or grey with tan booties just seems ick.

    4. I wear mine with everything. They’re the casual fall equivalent of nude flats/heels.

      If the question is what tights you wear, nude or brightly colored – maroon or mustard (maybe not office appropriate, kyo), or just wear nylons. Height apparently makes a rainbow of nude tights. Then you can wear the booties with any skirt.

    5. Don’t wear nude tights. Ew ew ew. Bare legs or colored tights would work really dark green or brown tights would work. Wear with black skinnies and whatever top. Wear with any and all denim. I would only avoid a tan pant or khaki pant.

  8. Sierratradingpost has 100% silk button-up blouses for $50, I hit the free shipping limit ordering both colors. Link to follow.

    The cut isn’t perfect for me- I sized way up so it would fit across my shoulders, and therefore the armpits are huge.

    The blue is pretty accurate to the picture (love it!). The white print is white, not cream, and definitely sheer- I’ll probably wear a black camisole under it.

    But all in all, I’m pleased with both colors, and the price. Would recommend.

  9. Has anyone tried using Rogaine for hair loss with success and if so, how long did it take to see results? Did you experience any side effects? I’m only in my early 40s so the idea of using something indefinitely (which is how it works) is pretty daunting.

    1. I’ve been using Rogaine (the men’s version, recommended by a dermatologist) since early 2006. At first it was weird and I felt like you could see it in my hair, but very quickly it was no big deal. I think it was a few months when my hair stylist started pointing out new growth. I don’t think I’ve experienced any side effects, but I’m very careful to wash my hands, both after I put it on, and after I style my hair.

      1. Thanks for the insight into this. Do you just buy it at a drugstore and about how much do you apply on a given day? Do you apply it even if you don’t wash your hair (assuming you don’t wash it everyday)? Is it colorless and odorless? Sorry for so many questions.

        1. I have bought it at Sam’s, but have been ordering the Costco version (Kirkland brand) from Amazon. I use the liquid and don’t want it running down my scalp, so I don’t always pull a full dose into the dropper. I comb my bangs forward and massage it into the crown. I wash my hair in the morning and again when I get home from the gym (really sweaty), so I can’t answer that question. It is colorless and odorless, as far as I can tell. Maybe a very slight yellow tint?

    2. I should also mention that I take Vitamin E, zinc, and flax oil, hoping that all of it helps my thin hair. It does, to an extent. Right now, I’m feeling like my hair doesn’t look great, but it’s pretty short.

    3. I’ve been using Rogaine for a little over a year now, and I’m 26. My hair started thinning around 24 and I had my thyroid and all the other bloodwork tested that can suggest hair loss and nothing ever came of it, except that I’m low iron. So I take an iron supplement, use Rogaine, and also take spironolactone-which I originally got for my skin, but my derm mentioned it might help my hair as well.

      At first, it was daunting to me to have to use something “forever”, too; but it takes so little time, I now just think of it as another step in my nighttime routine. Wash my face, put on rogaine, brush my teeth, etc.. Plus it’s not a big deal if you miss a day or two – it’s not like your hair just all falls out immediately!

      I think it’s also helpful to use the once-a-day foam one – in my experience it didn’t show as much as the other formulas, and since it’s just once a day right before bed I don’t worry about anyone seeing it in my hair. I should also note though that even after you put it on it isn’t really noticeable, just a little more texture in that area until it dries.

      I’ve never had any side effects. I think it took maybe 3 months before I started noticing regrowth, and now the regrowth is almost as long as the rest of my hair. Highly recommend.

  10. I’ve been working so hard for my firm (4 years) and have been disappointed in the pay increases but am otherwise happy with the work, co-workers, and commute. I am an income partner at a midsized firm and have some of my own clients. My firm is open about pay and I am becoming increasingly frustrated that they pay higher salaries to people coming from larger firms who end up not busy and essentially get paid more than me to work less than half the hours I work in a month. Is there a way I can complain about this to my senior partner without trying to bring down those other folks? I’m at the brink of just scaling back and saying no to projects because I am not being paid anywhere near biglaw pay but I am working biglaw hours.

    1. At the partner level you should understand by now that it’s not about the hours you work but the rain you make. Focus on comparing that. If you’re then under compensated bring it up. If you’re not producing, stop working hours and start making it rain. You’re acting like an associate.

    2. You’re an income partner with clients, you have leverage to demand commensurate pay. You only have to advocate for yourself, not to try to take away from others. If the pay is not up to snuff, you can and should leave. There are SO many cases of an income partner getting tired of being paid less than a big law senior associate leaving and taking their money with him to be equity, or equity path at a competitor but with higher pay. Any firm worth their salt will pay income partners more than senior associates (besides an income partner is basically an employee still but bringing in additional money) – it’s a matter of respect.

    3. Can you shift to more business development so more of your work is on what you bring in and then apply for equity partner?

  11. I went out knocking on doors for a local candidate this weekend. The first time I went out canvassing I was very nervous but now (about the 5th time) I feel like a pro. It’s very interesting to see different neighborhoods of my city that I would not normally visit. Also the local party office gives us turf that has addresses of people who have voted for my party in the past. That minimized (but does not completely eliminate) the angry encounters with the other party.

    The main benefit to me is getting me out of my internet bubble and speaking with actual people. Most people are very nice and it’s been soothing to my soul to connect human to human. I feel excited that I have been able to reach a few people who might feel ignored or unwanted and let them know that their vote is valuable.

    And the exercise is nice. I have white, able-bodied privilege and I am glad to take it to the streets to try to get out the vote. I can’t know what effect I will have and I am just one person but it eases my frustration as I read the news, to know that I went out and did my small part.

    So if you’re considering canvassing, go for it! It only takes a few hours and it’s much more easy and fun! than I expected.

    1. I admire you for taking the time out to engage in the political process. It should be caveated, however, that everyone should canvas safely, ideally in at least pairs or groups of mixed gender and/or race. You never know whose door you will knock on and how they will react so there is safety in numbers. This isn’t fear-mongering but based on experience.

      I, a small female POC, went canvassing in a neighborhood and my partner was a few houses behind me (also a woman, but Asian), and multiple people called the police who screamed at us and intimidated us into leaving the area, even though we showed him proper city permits (his words “I don’t care what papers you have you need to leave this area you don’t belong here”). Keep in mind also that this year a poor boy (14 yr old and black) was almost killed when he rang a doorbell to ask for directions to school, an old white woman answered, started screaming despite him standing in the doorway confused, and her husband came running and shooting toward the doorway with no questions asked. Luckily the man missed, the kid is now just traumatized and afraid of strangers, and the racist old woman now has a husband in jail who was just acting off instinct (he was arrested after doorcam showed kid standing there confused then running away after being shot at).

      All this to say, thanks for being an ally and using your safety privilege to do what a lot of us can’t because there are terrible people in the world

      1. Absolutely. I am horrified and saddened by the news of candidates and volunteers and even just ordinary people walking the streets who become targets of active racism. This is not the world I want to live in!

      2. This is terrible. I know people treat me differently when canvassing because I’m white than if I were a POC. I have had people call the police on me as well, and ask for my permit, but when I show my permit both they and the police leave me alone. I get the impression sometimes that people in Hispanic areas don’t want me there, but they are still polite.

    2. Yes! This. I have also been canvassing for a local candidate, and we are very close to flipping our heavily gerrymandered district. Never thought knocking on doors would make a difference, but I have seen firsthand that it does. There are still a lot of undecided voters, and the visibility of a campaign makes a big impact. Even those people I have visited who said they will vote for the opponent were exceptionally nice and said they appreciated what I was doing. I recommend getting involved in a local campaign – it isn’t hard, and it gives you an opportunity to meet your neighbors!

      1. Thank you all for taking to the streets! I won my race based entirely on the shoe leather I wore out knocking doors, and we recently elected the first black woman EVER in my community the same way. I was out this weekend canvassing on a ballot question where the polling is tight but there are a lot of undecided people. I had 15 conversations and a lot of those were people undecided or leaning that I think are a lot more likely to vote yes now that they have talked to a real live person about it. I’d forgotten how energizing, and simultaneously draining, canvassing is.

      2. Anon, are you by chance in IL in the western Chicago suburbs? If so, I was canvassing for our candidate (first time ever canvassing!) yesterday. If not, I am glad to hear there are similar districts that may be flipped! Even the folks I met who said they couldn’t talk/were voting republican were kind and it was a good experience.

          1. That’s the one, though looking back I suppose the 14th would also have fit that description. Thank you anon and glad to see our [this site]s representing!

    3. Chiming in to say I am a friendly, rich, white lady too and also am canvassing – for the first time ever. We white women have a lot of cleaning up to do of our own mess, so I’m trying to do something about it.

    4. Good for you! I’m also a rich white woman, and an introvert at that. I started canvassing earlier this year, and now I’m up to twice a week!! I am really proud of all the work I’ve done, but I do admit I will be glad on November 7 when I can relax!

  12. I wear them all the time but only with jeans or bare legs. Burnt orange corduroy skirt sounds great with nude booties. I would go bare legs or maybe nude fishnets

  13. We are heading to London later this week- staying at a posh hotel in Mayfair and looking forward to sightseeing, great food, a show on the west end, and some shopping. I’d like to go to the Fold- after seeing the Camelot dress featured here, I’ve noticed it in magazines and on tv! I’d also love to go into Charlotte Tilbury in person. What other shopping would you recommend in London- especially things we might not be able to find (at least without high taxes) in the states? Any favorite restaurant recommendations? We have reservations at Nopi and Sketch, and I’m hoping to go to a Dishroom location while we’re there. Thanks!

      1. Not the OP, but also going to London this fall. Could you send me your recs at kp015802 at the g mail? Thanks

    3. LK Bennett, Reiss and Hobbs are much cheaper in London than in the States, so if you like those brands it’s worth stopping in. Consider shoes at LK Bennett too.

  14. I’m looking for a pair of black ankle boots that are completely flat. Any recommendations?

  15. Anyone in Seattle? I’m going to be there for work in a few weeks and will have a good chunk of one weekday free for exploring and I’d love some suggestions. I’ve been there several times and done a lot of the “touristy” stuff, so I’m looking for ideas off the beaten path. I’ll have a car so I can venture out a bit. Staying downtown.

    2. My favorite thing to do in new cities is explore cute shopping areas on foot. With your car, I would travel to Ballard. There’s plenty of shopping in boutiques along the older strip of Ballard Ave as well as the main drag, and plenty of food options.

      Capital Hill is also an option for a walk ‘n shop, but it’s dirtier and more run down and full of homeless than Ballard. It’s fine and there are some nice shops, but I prefer Ballard when I want to walk around casually.

      Or, West Seattle and Alki Beach is a nice afternoon. Great views.

      Another option is taking the ferry to Bainbridge Island and walk around the downtown. Boutiques, food, ferry ride.

      Have fun!

  16. In the midst of a job interview process that has been going really well with great communication from the hiring manager. Two weeks ago on Friday I had my final interview with an internal client, and when I spoke with the hiring manager after it by phone, he said I’d hear in the next week or two. I followed up the following Friday (so 10 days-ish ago) and he said they were waiting on some final information internally and he’d follow up Monday. I didn’t hear all last week. I’m of a mind not to follow up again – if they have information, they’ll call me. There’s no benefit to me calling them. But I’ve gotten conflicting advice that since they said they’d follow up Monday, and that was a week ago, I should follow up. What would you do?

    1. I never follow up, feels needy and desperate imo. They did not have a bout of amnesia and forget about candidates or filling an open role. Either they are interviewing other candidates, people are unavailable to focus on the matter due to other issues that come up, or they already extended an offer to someone else and are waiting to see if they accept or need to move on to their runner-ups.

  17. Hi, I have a question that feels pretty silly but here goes: I’m about to get platinum status on AA. I think that means that I get lounge access? What exactly does that entail? How does it work? Do I just march in the door and…??? Is the food really free? Drinks? Can you please explain to me like I’m a pleb (I am).

    1. I think your status is printed on your boarding pass, and you just show it to them. I’ve used a family member’s frequent flyer login to buy tickets so I could get status on United, and that’s all I had to do to get into the lounge. Yes the food was free. Never been in the AA lounge but I imagine it’s the same.

    2. If I’m not mistaken, it means you get lounge access when you’re on international flights. Platinum status on AA gets you a discounted membership, if you choose to purchase. If you have an AA credit card, then I’m not sure about the rules.

      Once you get in the door, there will be a desk where they’ll scan your boarding pass and ID, and explain the benefits of the club to you. There’s a bar, snacks, and sometimes a made-to-order guacamole station. It’s customary to tip the bartended a dollar a drink. Sometimes there’s showers and toiletries in the bathroom- great for a refresh between international flights.
      I have switched from flying AA to Delta (13 segments between me and diamond status!) and the lounge access is a sanity saver in busy airports. The quiet and the clean bathrooms are amazing.

      1. Aaah yes you’re right it’s lounge for international, but not automatically for domestic, though it’s discounted. Hmm.

    3. I’ve been platinum or 1k on United for the past 7 years and it doesn’t provide club access unless I’m business or higher class on an international flight. I’d read the fine print.

      In clubs there is free food and basic level drinks, but anything fancier to drink is for a charge. I think most people like the clubs because there are more comfortable seating options, outlets, and often shower facilities.

    4. FF status might have provided club access long ago, but it doesn’t anymore. Now a days, the only way I know of to get club access is (1) fly business or higher class on an international flight, (2) pay for the club membership, which may be worth it if you fly a lot, or (3 – maybe, not sure about this one) fly first class on a domestic flight.

      They have free food and drinks, but the choices in US clubs are not that great. It’s like chips and cookies and soda. The international clubs tend to be a lot better. But the seating is more comfortable, there are less people, and it is cleaner.

      1. There is a fourth way, I think, that I forgot. I think if you have higher FF status, platinum may work, that you can get club access for international flights regardless of the class you are flying in.

    5. I’m Delta, not American Airlines, but I think AA is similar in that it probably only gets you access on international flights, but if you do have an international flight, it’s a major plus because lounges often have showers (excellent on a layover in the middle of long trips). Yes, food and drinks are free. Also check if you have access to the partner airline lounges. Delta, for example, got me access to the Virgin Atlantic lounge in JFK when I was flying VA, which was quite nice. I fly a lot domestically, but have never bothered to pay for lounge access because the better seating/outlets doesn’t seem worth it for the time I spend in the airport for domestic layovers.

    6. RH- I believe you’re in LA, AA has a lounge in Terminal 5 that I’ve frequented.

      They have free coffee/lattee machine with a variety of flavored syrups. They have a soda machine. A pancake/waffle machine. Bagels/bread with jam/butter, sometimes a soup/salad. They also have fruit, and yogurts etc. They may have a few extra things during meal times.

      You get free wi-fi and a good view of the plane. Clean bathrooms. The drinks (I believe) are not free and they have substantive food options for purchase. There is comfortable seating where you can usually leave your bag unattended while you fill up on food/drinks. They also have a workstation with a printer used with a credit card.

      Clean bathrooms with no lines are also a big plus.

      1. We get lounge access through our AA credit card. It’s $450 per year but also includes free checked bags (which at $25 each way, adds up). Because we (a) love the beach, and (b) are picky about sunscreen and toiletries, we end up earning about $200 of the fee back that way. We ALMOST break even on the remainder of the $250 because we’d be buying food and sometimes drinks in the airport otherwise.

        Basic drinks (beer, wine, etc) are free. We either tip $1 per drink or just an upfront $5 if it’s a longer layover where we’ll each have 2-3 glasses of something. The international Admirals Clubs are SO nice compared to the US ones but even the most basic of club is glorious for a clean bathroom, reliable free wifi, comfy lounge chairs, and ability to plop your stuff down while you move around and get food/drink.

  18. Dumb question (maybe), but how should I give notice at a biglaw firm? It has been my only post-law school employment, and been here about 8 years. Do I email HR, and then call and let the various attorneys I work with know? Or something else? Or is there someone I should ask?

    Also, I AM LEAVING BIGLAW AT LONG LAST.

    1. Congrats!!

      When I left BigLaw, I told the head of the practice group in my office first- I had only worked on her cases at the firm, and wanted to make sure she heard it from me first. Then I told the other partners I worked for (with the caveat that, as soon as I left the senior partner’s office, she started calling everyone else, so a lot of them already heard by the time I talked to them). Then I told associates. I told people in person, where possible, and really just did a loop around the office. It ended up taking a couple of hours, bc people want to chat about the new job and ask why you’re leaving. But it was lovely to hear how much i’d be missed (you don’t teally know how much you’re appreciated until you leave, sadly).

      After that was over, I emailed our HR department. They will ask you your departure date, and then send you all the relevant info and paperwork. I received a memo that listed out everything I needed to do prior to leaving (health insurance / COBRA, how to return tech, what to do with client files, etc).

      Congrats again, and best of luck with the new job!

    2. Congrats! I gave notice to my managing partner first, then emailed HR once we had agreed on my last day (he asked me to stay another week, I agreed), then talked to other people. Our relationship was such that it would have been really awkward for him to hear it from someone else – YMMV depending on the structure of your firm but this was common modus operandi for quitting at my firm.

    3. I told the partners I worked with first, but that was before I had a last day since I needed my gov’t background check to clear and it was common to give this early notice at my firm (i.e., I knew they would let me stay). Once I had a firm start date, I again told the partners I worked with first and then told the head of my practice group. The head of my practice group asked me to go tell HR, but they already knew by the time I got down there later that day since the head of my practice group sent an email to the head of the office, HR, and others as soon as I left his office.

      At my firm, it was the norm to tell the partners you worked with first and then to tell the head of the practice. But it depends on whether the partners who you work with will be mad if they hear it from someone else first.

  19. Best drug store facial sunscreen? I used to use Cerave, but found it a bit chalky, so I wanted to try something else. Eucerin is too oily. I splurged and tried the Drunk Elephant stuff I’ve heard such rave reviews of and absolutely hated it. I’m not willing to spend that much on facial sunscreen again.

    Anyone have a different one they love? I prefer physical sunscreens but am willing to switch back to chemical if I can’t find one that’s not chalky.

    3. I am a big fan of the Neutrogena Hydroboost SPF 50 (chemical sunscreen). I have combination skin and it provided enough moisture without getting too oily. I used it under makeup and didn’t have any problems. It’s $10 at my regional grocery store.

    4. La Roche Poway has a mineral screen. I deal with the chalkiness of mineral screen by mixing in a tiny bit of tint from a BB cream. My current combo is Cerave with Maybelline BB cream.

    6. Neutrogena Sheer Zinc. Zinc is a better sunscreen because it sits on the skin and actually prevents the sun’s rays from getting to the skin layer. Zinc can be icky and chalky or look very white, but this one is very sheer and works well for me (I am v. oily).

  20. I need some advice for getting over a blah stage in life. I’m not depressed — I’ve been through that before — but I just have this sense of general malaise/fatigue. Everything feels so repetitive: wake up early to workout, get kids ready for school, go to work, deal with after-school activities, evening routine, crash at 9:30. Wake up, repeat the next day. There’s nothing wrong, really, but I feel pretty joyless, like I’m just going through the motions. Marriage is OK, job has been frustrating more often than not during the past year. (I have been job-searching, but since I’m not willing to relocate, my options are slim.) I feel kinda lonely and don’t see my friends nearly enough; it seems everyone is super busy.

    Being an introvert, sometimes all I crave is alone time, even though I know that’s not helping me maintain any social connections. On Saturday night, I asked my husband to get the kids out of the house because I just needed some downtime in my own home without being interrupted 10,000 times. He did it, but he procrastinated so long that I ended up with a whopping 90 minutes of free time. Which is better than nothing, but I’m so depleted that I need more.

    Is this just what my stage in life (age 38) is like? I feel bad complaining, but I sometimes feel like I’ve lost control of my life/passions/interests outside of work and parenting. I resent that my husband literally never feels this way, which isn’t great for our relationship.

    1. How old are your kids? I definitely need alone time and I have an outbuilding in my backyard that I retreat to and my 10 year old mostly does not bother me.

      No, this is not what life is just like.

      1. I think it is what life is just like. I could have written your first paragraph. I think when you work a typical office job with a normal schedule, you just fall into a routine. You have to work harder at doing things you like to do and finding time for them, especially if you have children.

        Is your husband supportive of you having some sort of extracurricular activity? Even if it is just taking a walk by yourself a few days a week, or heading to a coffee shop to read a book. Maybe you just need to pick up something you love that you feel like you haven’t been able to do in recent years.

    2. As a fellow introvert, I fully understand the need to recharge by yourself. Could you take a weekend (even if just Saturday morning through sunday afternoon/evening) to yourself? It sounds like you need more time than just a few hours here and there, so perhaps a planned vaca (even if only just in the next town) would help. If you’re in the northeast, for example, I would book a room at a B&B or hotel near a national park or somewhere outdoorsy, and spend the weekend going for leisurely hikes with pretty fall leaves, reading a book, and getting a nice dinner with wine either at a good restaurant or room service. And perhaps a massage or other spa treatment as well. I find that just planning a trip like that perks me up, bc I have something to look forward to.

      You mention that your friends are busy, but perhaps one of them also could use a break and would want to join (if you would prefer going with someone).

    3. No good advice, but so much commiseration. Also 38 and I feel exactly the same way. Every weekday has a repetitive standard rhythm. The weekends are more of the same. I need some excitement!

    4. It kinda sounds like the communication and empathy in your marriage is suffering, which is of course going to be depressing and sap a lot of joy out of your life. Have you read ‘She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By the Sink’ yet? Has your husband? Would you consider marital counseling, not because there’s an overt problem per se, but just as a safe place to talk about your feelings and growing resentment before it becomes intractable?

    5. You need a hobby (think I’m going to make this YNAH)!
      I am 38 too and similar. I have had various hobbies over time and it is entertaining planning for the next step or milestone, or just getting my brain to think differently. Salsa has been a recent one. And cooking (making desserts, not putting food on the table), and learning to ski or play golf, etc.
      Find something that engages you. When that gets old, find something else. I typically have a long list of things I want to do and have trouble picking between them and not over-committing.

  21. Will be in London for a few months for work and need to figure out what to do about my cell phone (I’m currently US based and have a US cell). From my research so far, it looks like I can get a UK sim card with a pretty good data/voice package through giffgaff and they also look like one of the few companies that lets you top up your account with a non-UK credit card. Any experiences to report with giffgaff/O2 network? I just want to make sure the data connection is good enough that I’ll be able to (heavily) use my phone for work while I’m there.

    1. Is your USA phone unlocked? And you can just pop out the sim card? If so Giff Gaff is your best bet . I used it and it was pretty decent but it depends on what neighborhood you live in. If your phone is not unlocked you will not be able to just switch out sim cards.

      1. Yup, it’s unlocked. Thanks! Neighborhood is still TBD (I’m at the mercy of my office’s HR department there).

    2. Shouldn’t your company handle this for you if you are in London for work? Your local office should set you up or guide you through the process.

      1. If only! My company is handling living arrangements and visa, but that’s basically it.

    3. if you have tmobile you get free data (slower, though) in the UK and most other countries. incredibly useful.

    1. I feel like I’ve seen things similar to this at Aritzia and I have not had any issues with their quality.

  23. What is your everyday purse? My Rebecca Minkoff MAB is finally dying. It could fit EVERYTHING, had just the right amount of pockets (one outside, a couple inside, no dividers), was comfortable to sling over my shoulder or lean on in my lap, zipped closed, and was nicely slouchy without looking sloppy. Lo & Sons and Cuyana, which I know are favorites here, don’t really speak to me (too minimalist, I think. I want a little more personality). Any suggestions or favorites?

    1. Cuyana structured tote in pebble or stone or whatever their light-ish grayish beige is called. Inside the tote it’s blush colored, and I have cases for things like charger cables, makeup, etc so that nothing gets lost at the bottom. I’ve been using it daily since spring and it still looks new.

  24. I have a weirdly specific question I’m hoping y’all can advise me on. 11 years ago, my dad had a massive brain tumor removed. The survival rate beyond 3 years for his type of brain cancer is 0%. Last year, his oncologist asked my mom if he could put my dad in a study. She said no. A few months ago, they moved to my city, which is a hub for cancer treatment. I’d really like to get him into a study, but how would I go about doing that? Would it be best to contact his oncologist in the other city or try to find him one here in this city?

    1. Why are you interfering in this? It seems like your parents don’t want to be involved in any kind of study.

    2. Why are you trying to get him into a study when your mom (and presumably dad as well) have expressed that they’re not interested?

    4. Your parents already said no to the study. Is there some reason you think the answer will be different now?

    5. Pushing your dad into a medical study is way out of line. Do you know how invasive they can be?

    6. I work in pharma; you have zero reason to get him into a study if he is already getting adequate care. Most studies on experimental drugs are for subjects who are not responding to current therapies. If he’s already in remission or his disease is not progressing, there’s not much for them to study. You may be able to find some longitudinal, non-interventional studies he might qualify for but if he does not wish to participate it should end there.

      Check out clinicaltrials.gov or researchmatch or your local university

    7. Contact his oncologist. This is provided Dad wants to be in a study.

      1. This. They probably mean a case study vs a clinical study, which would be written up by the treating doc.

        An orthopedic did one on my grandmother after she had a partial knee done at 89 with miraculous results despite her weight and comorbidities.

    8. You can start with clinical trials dot gov, also look at the website of the cancer hub institution you are near, they may list trials and may also have a trial coordinator you could talk to.

      You should of course listen to your parents’ wishes, but please let them know that patients on cancer trials get pretty much the best care ever – they are closely monitored to make sure side effects don’t get out of hand, infections don’t get started, etc. And there is no “placebo” in cancer trials – that would be highly, highly unethical, not to mention probably illegal. Most trials are standard of care vs. a tweak to standard of care. There’s very little downside to participating in a trial, although I don’t know what it means as far as costs to the patient goes, but again, you’d have a whole team of people to help ameliorate that.

      Interesting fact – back in the 1970s-80s, survival from childhood leukemia improved dramatically (from, like, mostly fatal, to 70-80% survival rates) not because of new drugs, but because pediatric oncologists put as many kids as they could on trials and very methodically worked to figure out optimal doses and treatment schedules.

      Not saying a trial will cure your dad, but it’s something to look into for sure.

    9. My dad, who now functions on the level of a toddler, wants to do the study but my mom doesn’t want to do it because she “doesn’t want to use up [her] sick time taking him to appointments.” My mother is stretched to her max just working full time and taking care of him instead of retiring, so I’m trying to relieve some of the burden. But I really appreciate all the rude comments about the most difficult situation I’ve experienced in my life! Thanks for dispensing judgment about something you in no way understand instead of answering my question!

      2. Hugs. Fellow child of parent with a brain tumor here. I really don’t understand why people on this site often feel the need to reply with things that are not the answer to the question you asked. i do not know how to go about finding a study. in your case would the goal of the study for your dad be to increase his lifespan? does he require current additional treatment? my mom participated in a study to try to stop her tumor growth, but she had to travel for it unfortunately. I believe they found it through her neurosurgeon, but also looked at the clinical trials site suggested above.

      3. First, you should have mentioned that your father functions at the level of a toddler, if you wanted reactions and advice that took this fact into consideration. You did not, so you have no right to be upset that nobody “assumed” that to be the case.
        Second,what is your goal with the study? To prolong his life? To improve his mental capacity? To help others with the same cancer? Honestly, and gently, having been in an extremely similar situation, if it were my father, I would respect his pre-illness wishes as to whether he would want his life extended, and consider that perhaps that is what your mother is considering.

      4. I mean, if your mom is the one taking him to appointments, I think she gets a lot more say than you do. Yes, ideally what your dad wants is paramount, but if he’s functioning at the level of a toddler, I’d say his primary caregiver can overrule him when it’s not practical for her. My toddler wanted to wear a swimsuit today and it’s 40 degrees out, so she got overruled. It’s a bit rich for you to add all this work to your mom’s plate without shouldering any of the burden of it.

        1. Yes, this. I imagine this is also the hardest thing your mom has ever done, too, OP. She gets a say in her husband’s care.

      5. ok then provide more information. If you objectively re-read your post, it did not have this informaiton and it sounded like you were butting in, trying to circumvent HIPAA to force your dad into a study.

        I’m all for civility on anonymous boards, but be real.

      6. You should have included his additional information in your OP. What did you expect from the internet?

      7. I don’t think signing him up for a study against her wishes is helping relieve her burden

      8. Hugs.

        For what it’s worth, when I read your post, I thought that (1) the study would be about why he is still alive, not an experimental drug/treatment study, and (2) your dad isn’t against the study.

        But one of my parents survived a health crisis that kills everyone, and wanted to be studied so the survival rate would improve for other people.

        1. +1 I read it exactly this way also. Also your post asked for info (how to sign up for a study) rather than advice on family dynamics (should I sign my dad up when my mom doesn’t want to). Sometimes you get unwanted advice based on misinterpretation of the OP! This has happened to me on thissite also when I have given insufficient context and frankly did not think the context mattered for the factual question.
          Hugs. Sorry you are going through this.

      9. Hugs here too. I lost my dad to cancer years ago – and of course, everyone’s situation is different, but I can relate to it being the hardest thing to go through. So what if you didn’t write perfectly detailed original post; it doesn’t mean people can’t respond kindly. Ugh, the internet. Anyway – I don’t have much technical advice for you, but for what it’s worth, my dad (pancreatic cancer) took part in a experimental study since he had nothing to lose, and figured it might build the body of knowledge that could help someone else. His oncologist suggested it. All the best to you and your family.

      10. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Having recently lost a family member to cancer I can relate to the sense of desperation one feels when someone you love is suffering. There was a real lack of compassion and an immediate rush to judgment in some of the comments above, anyone who would pile on criticism has either never gone through it, is an insensitive clod, or both. You are a good person to try to help your parents and potentially give them options that they might not have the energy to find themselves. I would find an oncologist in the new city as that is where he would be treated and as indicated above check websites at the cancer center and for any groups around your dad’s particular disease that may exist. You may also want to try the cancer center or research the internet for a support group for yourself and possibly your mom. There may possibly be some type of volunteer service for cancer patients that could potentially help your mom cope.

        My sister was in a study and it did take a lot of time because they wanted to run a lot of tests as part of the study, which meant going to the doctor often, although it was a different type of cancer.

      11. Fwiw there might be a volunteer group in your parents city that drives cancer patients to their hospital visits. My Aunt (Philly metro region) uses them and they have been wonderful given the odd hours that hospitals will release patients

      12. Check to see if there is a volunteer group that drives cancer patients to their hospital visits.

  25. Im a very goal oriented person, which has helped me a lot in my career and in school. However, I’m starting to realize its causing me a bit of anxiety (i.e stressing out about possibly moving to a new city in a year, worried about what type of job I’ll have in 5 years, when Ill pay off student loans, etc.). I worry about things that havent happened yet and tend to bother trouble.

    What are some strategies (in addition to therapy) to help combat this?

      1. Brene Brown’s work is recommended here a lot and was very helpful to me when my type-A anxious self would get all wound up thinking too far in the future. She has a book “The Gifts of Imperfection” that spoke to me, but I’ve enjoyed all of her books. Check her out on the river shopping website and see if any resonate!

  26. We received a large check from DH’s parents this weekend. It came in the mail with a note saying “we checked and this is just shy of the gift tax. We are going to starting to try to spend down what will eventually be our estate, enjoy!” And there were also $1k checks for each of our kids. Apparently they’d mentioned to DH before that they are interested in starting to give us some money that “will eventually all be ours.”

    If we were to get the inheritance (no idea what it is, could be anywhere high 5 figures to 7 figures- they have a lot of money but are also not dead or dying, so they could spend lots of it before that happens) in a lump sum, we’d save most, buy a piece of art or other home furnishing to remember them by/with, do a big family trip, and maybe do a lingering home improvement project.

    But it seems like we will be getting this in installments without ever really knowing even the ballpark total sum. Totally fine! Anything is more than we ever thought we’d have access to!! But…do we just break up each “installment” as outlined above (savings/vacation/art)? Do we buy art with this check, save any future checks we get up to some amount we decide and then go on a big vacation with the remainder? This won’t be the last of the checks, but we don’t know how many/how much it will be, so it’s hard to plan.

    For our kids’ money, they are too young to make any decisions- they don’t even know what money *is* yet. We’re just planning to put 90% in S&P in custodial accounts and keep 10% in cash. Seem reasonable? At what age would you let your kids know they have a couple thousand dollars at their disposal? DH received $15k from his grandparents’ estate when he was a teen. It sat in a bank account until he totaled a car, then he used it to buy a replacement. I received about $5k when my grandfather died and I used it to pay for books/expenses (I was in college at the time). I got another $5k or so when my grandmother died, and I used that check toward student loans.

    I asked DH if we should talk to them about how they’d like to see us use it, but he told me they are simply trying to offload money, not specifically to “see us enjoy it.” And I would never ask “So ballpark what can we expect over time? Just so we know how to plan,” because that’s just…not the point either.

    How would you manage this random and unpredictable in amount influx of cash?

    FWIW, we are very much on track for retirement and college savings, so while we could certainly just dump the money into those areas, we don’t need to. Do we just use it to accelerate? Our student loans are paid off.

    Again…these are nice problems to have.

    1. I’d say a) max out all tax savings things like 529s, HSAs, Roths; make sure your emergency fund is full
      b) for kids money consider an UTMA account
      c) spend remaining half on after-tax investment and then rest on vacation/art/fun money fund

      1. So my question isn’t really how to spend THIS money, so much as more broadly, how do you plan to spend money when you’re not sure what the final sum would be?

        Meaning, do we take the save/splurge approach with each check we get? Eg. if we have $15k this year and $15k next year, we’d rather but a $10k piece of art than 2 $5k pieces.

        Just save it all for now and if/when/as the pot of money grows big enough, buy the art/take the vacation?

        This would much more straightforward if it were a lump sum, or if we knew ballpark what the final numbers looked like ($50k? $500k? $5m? Honestly could be any of those, depending on circumstances).

        1. I think I would set some goals/desires, and then budget accordingly. For example, I’d set 1/3 for spending, 1/3 for saving and 1/3 for paying down debt (or whatever), and then if I wanted to buy a really big piece of art, the “spending” bucket might get set aside to wait until next year. TBH, it sounds like this will be a yearly thing.

        2. “Just save it all for now and if/when/as the pot of money grows big enough, buy the art/take the vacation?”

          Yes. It’s not yours until you have it, so treat it like income from an erratic second job.

    2. Why not put most of the kids’ money in a 529? That way, it grows tax-free.

      If you don’t yet know what to spend this on, then save it. Open up a new savings account if need be. When the time comes to use the money, you’ll know what to use it for. Until then, don’t spend it for the sake of spending it, and do not count on a single cent more coming in.

    3. Honestly I would hold it in an interest bearing account. They are off loading money now but no one knows if they will get ill or an injury and need care – all this to say that they are offloading money that they may need in the future. I would save it in case they really need it in the future and you won’t have any issue helping them out since it is their money. That said, if you are confident that they have more than enough retirement and long term care insurance, then I would park it for a few months and think about what to do with it in the meantime. I always love the “save a lot play a little” when it comes to large amounts of unexpected money.

      1. My in-laws do something similar to the OP’s, but have no long term care coverage other than Medicaid…so we thank them for the gifts and then deposit directly to a Vanguard account that we can use for their future care, if needed.

        1. I’m confused, I thought the whole point of offloading money like this is in part to skirt Medicare/caid look-back rules so your kids get the estate instead of hospitals.

          1. I’m the Op. this isn’t their attempt at a tax/Medicaid scheme, they are just using the word “offload”. They are just giving away money before they die vs/in addition to after.

        2. They really need to consult an elder law attorney for Medicaid planning. Most states have look-back periods on the order of several years, so if they don’t stop gifting at the right time, they’ll be looking at a massive divestment penalty.

      2. I would also just hold it, but in a mutual fund so that it isn’t losing value over the long term. If some important thing comes up that you want to spend it on, then you can. But I wouldn’t spend it to just spend it.

        For the kids’ money, I would put it in their 529s.

    4. I wouldn’t spend any of it unless I knew they had some kind of great insurance plan in place if they need long-term care down the line. “Trying to offload” money doesn’t sound so much like gifting it but moving it around.

      1. Nah, it’s surplus money they have floating around. They are lifelong money hoarders and have finally realized “you can’t take it with you” but also don’t want/need anything. They have their own financial house in order in terms of long term care/healthcare etc. their home alone is a $1M home they own outright, they have 7 figure bank accounts and they are mid/late 80s.

    5. Treat the money as a windfall and do not adjust your regular savings, spending, budgeting, or planning on the expectation that these gifts will be repeated, even if your in-laws insist that they plan to make regular gifts. I know a couple who bought a house counting on receiving regular gifts that had been promised by one set of parents. Then the stock market tanked and the parents realized that they were going to live a lot longer than they had originally assumed, and the gifts evaporated. The couple’s house suddenly got much less affordable. Don’t let this be you.

    6. Has DH talked to them about this? You say that you don’t think you can ask them specifics… but I’m not sure that’s 100% true. If checks just started showing up in the mail, I think that warrants a bigger convo than assuming, meh they’re just offloading spare cash. This is a good time for DH to talk to them about the future.

    7. I didn’t get your problem at first, but could it be that you are basing your spending on what money you have available? And since the gifts are unpredictable, you have trouble with the decision making? If so, I would revisit that whole approach. You need to decide what you want first, what it will cost, and then you figure out how/when you can afford it.
      I would make a list of all these spending options (and please, since you are so well on track with your savings, consider charity and environmental donations on an annual basis), estimate a cost for each, prioritize what you want to do first. For example, we’re planning to buy art for 5k, vacation for 7k, and a 6k remodel. Say, you want to do the big vacation first, then bank all the gifts until you hit 7k, and go!

      1. Agreed. I almost think it’s better to get $ this way instead of one lump sum because you can take advantage of yearly caps on tax things and it keeps you from going crazy with some big purchase (“we inherited $1MM, rolls royces for everyone!”). View it as a lucky windfall and save it for a rainy day unless you want to do something great with it like take a vacation or if you happen to see a piece of art that really speaks to you pay for it with that money.

    9. We have regular payments coming in from my in laws’ estate (they both passed away last year) and we are throwing almost all of it at our mortgage. The reasoning being that the interest on the house will always be greater than interest we can ever earn. Once we have the house paid off, we will focus on other uses for the money. We save for college and retirement out of our salaries as per normal, but after looking at amortization tables, paying off the mortgage was the best use of our bonus money. So for us, being able to live debt free is our big money priority.
      I guess you should think about what you want to do with the money and save towards that. I feel like, for us, if we have money coming in without a goal or intention for it, it tends to disappear rather quickly.

    10. So, in the usual course this is money you would inherit when you are heading into retirement. I would invest it with that goal for it.

    11. Similar situation here. We tend to split the money between our kids’ 529 accounts and our own medium-term savings goals – right now, we are saving for a kitchen renovation. We are already maxing out our tax-advantaged retirement space & have a significant emergency fund, or it would go there first.

      When the 529 accounts get to the level we anticipate needing (lower than typical, b/c I get some tuition benefits through my job), we’ll start doing regular investments in an account that is mentally earmarked for the kids. When we get to the point that we don’t have medium-term savings goals, almost all the money will go there; we might use a smaller amount to pay for a family vacation, or extracurricular stuff for the kids.

  27. I’ve been dating a new guy for two months. I really like him, we connect better than anyone else I’ve been with, I’ve been walking on sunshine, and yesterday he told me he has a final round interview next week for a job on the other side of the country. There’s no guarantees he’ll get the job or that he’ll accept if he gets an offer, but blahhhhhhhhhh.

    If we had been dating for six months, I feel like we could have a real conversation about how I would like it if he stayed here or if I should look to move with him, but at two months I think all I can do is wait and see how it goes. Any advice for making the next few weeks fly by without agonizing over what will happen?

    1. You never know what could happen. If you two have an awesome connection then maybe it’s worth keeping the relationship going despite the distance. See how it goes. Maybe at some point you could consider moving there or he could look into moving back.

      Fwiw, a friend had been on two dates with a guy before he moved overseas for a job. They were both all in from their first date and they decided to stay in a LDR. Three years later, he moved back to her city and they got married a year later. They’ve been happily married for like 2 years now. I thought she was crazy to be in a LDR with someone after 2 dates but she just… knew.

    2. Ok, I was in this position last year (I was the one with a final round interview at a job across the country) and now I’m engaged, so I guess don’t think it’s too early to know. Here’s what I’d say: At two months, we weren’t ready to have the “will you move with me” conversation, but I was ready to have the “will you consider long distance” conversation, as well as to share why I thought this would be a good move (as opposed to staying, although I would have considered staying for him). Basically, I recommend sharing your feelings, sharing the ways in which you are nervous, and broaching the subject of long distance. If it’s the right relationship, he’s probably hoping to have that conversation too and just having the same worries of it being too early that you are.

      The two weeks will involve agonizing, but if you share some of your feelings with this guy, that’s the only way I think you’ll feel a little more certain of you two, if not where you’ll be next year. Good luck and excited for you!!

    3. If he takes the job (absent some reason like “it pays triple his current salary and his mom is in a nursing home”), your relationship is likely over. If he doesn’t get it and is all frowny-face, your relationship is likely over.

      FH and I started off LDR – we lived a thousand miles apart when we met. After the first date, we both started looking at jobs in each other’s state. I went to visit him for our second date and began networking in his city with the intention of moving.

      Your boyfriend probably started this process before he met you. Unless you’re 22, two months is enough time you to be part of his decision-making process – if he thinks he’s found the right girl.

      1. I don’t agree with this. If it is his “dream” job or a big stepping stone, I don’t think you should factor in to his decision making at 2 months. I would tell a friend in that situation that you can always try a LDR and then move back/have him move, if you still feel the same way in 6 months. But the job won’t be there if the relationship doesn’t work out in a few months.

        If it is not a “dream” job/big stepping stone, and he can’t explain why it is important to him to take the job, then I would agree that it is not a good sign for your relationship but not that it means that your relationship is over.

        1. It’s not his dream job/company and I don’t think it would be more money (about the same in terms of prestige), but he is very unhappy with his current, very demanding role. He was talking about starting an active job search in the new year, but a recruiter reached out a few weeks ago about this job. If he does not get this job, I don’t think he’ll be upset but I think he will start looking more actively for a new job (though hopefully locally – there are a number of top companies for his field nearby).

          This thread has given me a lot to think about already. When he originally told me I thought I would want to break up if he moved, but maybe it’s worth hearing him out about if he would do long distance and if so what he envisions it would look like.

        2. There is no way I would let a 2 month relationship factor into a career decision, regardless of my feelings, because it would feel like too much pressure to put on something so nascent and unsure.

          1. I turned down a potential job after dating my husband 2 months! I’d also been reluctant to move cross country for family reasons though.

        3. Ladies, ladies.

          The point is not that every 2 month relationship is a factor in a career decision. That’s nuts. But once you’ve met the right person, you know 2 months in, and you start making life plans accordingly.

          1. And I fundamentally disagree with that. For some people, they may know within 2 months. For others, it takes longer to know. There is not one way or time that is right for everyone. And pretending like there is puts undue and unnecessary stress and pressure and those who are single.

  28. Talk to me about going in-house. I am a litigation attorney being recruited by a client. I would be the only (and first) lawyer and the role in a mix of contracting, regulatory compliance and HR. There’s part of litigation I won’t miss (the constant conflict) but parts I will (legal research and writing, putting a case together). My firm does not have a transition plan, which is becoming an issue, and that is a definite factor for me. On the other hand, because I did HR work prior to law school, this role feels a little bit like going backwards to me. The hours and pay will be similar.

    I’d love to hear what I should be considering/wary of when thinking about moving to an in-house role.

    1. I went to an in house position in a big company 5 months ago from litigation. I love my new, very regular hours, but I find most of the work pretty dull. I loved to research, write and develop a case (working with witnesses and experts, trying to find holes in the other side’s arguments). I get none of that in house, and most of my work is responding to routine questions.

      I will go back to litigation eventually because I really do miss it. For me, it’s more of a life question of whether I want more work-life balance when DH and I start TTC next year and have young kids.

    2. In-house lawyer and former biglaw litigation associate and I feel I should tell you that I still encounter conflict in-house… particularly from business people who don’t want to hear from the legal department that their idea isn’t a great idea, legal, or actually in our best interests. Or colleagues who thought you could just wave some magic wand and make things better and you have to break it to them that it doesn’t quite work that way. Of course, I put this gently to them but it’s a delicate dance (add in that it’s mostly men and the dynamic at play there). I took a pay cut for this job, but I also don’t work nights or weekends and don’t have to track every hour of my day. (So I have hobbies again!) I work directly for the GC of a huge corporation and have a lot of responsibility and autonomy, which means it’s great on my resume for when I decide to leave. My advice would be: consider what matters to you in a career. Is it better hours? Is it growth opportunities? Is it your pay? Is it the work you are doing?

  29. I need a restaurant recommendation for D.C. where we will be taking a client out to dinner. We have a nut allergy in the group and a person who cannot eat beef (but is fine with seafood and pork and chicken). Would love any recommendations. My favorite place (years ago) was Kinkeads and I see that they are now closed. We will be staying near the convention center but can take a Lyft anywhere. I would prefer someplace that’s not too loud since I have trouble filtering out all of the background noise for a 3 hour dinner. Thanks for your suggestions!

    1. I like Old Ebbitt’s. Classic menu, and I’ve found them vey accommodating. There are a couple different seating areas, so you can ask for a quieter table/ booth.

    2. Unconventional Diner, Espita, San Lorenzo, The Dabney, Kinship, and Convivial are all walking distance and delicious. I’d call ahead about the nut allergy though.

    3. If you want something more traditional white tablecloth but great food and service, go to Corduroy. For something less traditional, also great food and service, go to Kinship.

    4. We like Chloe (in Navy Yard, so Lyft) for a quiet meal. Second (third?) Kinship–great service, quiet, amazing dessert. Rasika is also fantastic and you can request a quieter table. Unconventional Diner is awesome, but it isn’t really quiet (concrete floors, high ceilings) and it is more casual than I would consider for a client dinner.

    5. I’d also add Centrolina and NoPa to those already mentioned (but would call anywhere about the nut allergy in advance).

      I miss Kinkeads too, such a great place.

  30. I have taken the bar several times, and each time I’ve come close, but no cigar–including this July. Since law school, I’ve also been suffering from severe depression, which has not been too bad as of late, thanks to medication and therapy. I like my current job, and it does not require bar admission. But for some reason, it has taken on great importance to my mother who seems think I just need to keep taking it until I pass. I’m an adult, I know, but I have to deal with her during the holidays, and I don’t know how to tell her that I AM TIRED. I can feel the beginnings of a depressive episode.I haven’t taken a proper vacation since before law school, because all my vacation days have been for studying and the exam. I do want to pass the bar if only because I went to law school, and I want to do it for myself. Just not now. I want to take a year or so away from it and reset. Take a vacation, do all the things that have been put on hold. I don’t know how to explain that my mother. Any advice on how to do so?

    1. I graduated at the top of my law school class and never took the bar exam. I never wanted to practice law in the first place and secured a great job that did not require bar passage midway through my 2L year. Taking three months off of my new job without pay and forking over thousands of dollars for prep courses just to get a professional license I didn’t need and would never use seemed like a terrible investment, so I just didn’t take the exam. It was absolutely the right decision for me.

      I would think long and hard about why you want to pass the bar and whether it’s worth it to try again. You don’t need a law license for work, and taking the bar over and over again is making you unhappy and taking resources away from what you really want to be doing. Even if you do pass the bar, it will not suddenly make you complete.

      As for your mother, she should want you to do what makes sense for you. If she can’t accept your decision, maybe it would be easier to take that vacation you’re thinking of over the holidays.

    2. You don’t need it for your job so why are you doing this to yourself? Taking the bar is horrible. You have a medical condition that makes it even more horrible. And you haven’t had a vacation in… how long? Over a year at least? No just no.

      “Mom, I am burned out and I need a break. This is my decision and it is final. I hope you can support me in that. But if you can’t, I need you to keep it to yourself. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Let’s enjoy the holidays. What cookies are we making this year?”

      And I mean you know your mom best but I’d consider limiting holiday contact. Do something that will recharge you, not take up even more space in your head.

    3. Time to live YO LIFE. As you said, you are an adult, and hurtful-honesty: your objective chance of passing the bar is severely diminished at this point — in your own words you absolutely need the time off. Multiple bar failures take a heavy toll on your wallet and time and mental health

      Next time she opens her mouth to start in, say something like,
      “Mom, this is not up for discussion and I am not going to engage with you about the bar exam. I will take it again on my own time. End of discussion.”

      There’s no time like the present to start drawing boundaries.

    4. “Mom, I’m taking a break from studying and taking the bar. I’m tired and I need to rest and regroup. I do not want to discuss it any more.”

      If she keeps bringing it up, remind her you are done talking about it and then get up and leave the room.

    5. My husband went to a top tier law school and failed the bar more than once. He was not in a good place mentally or emotionally after law school. The one he passed involved significantly less studying, yet he did better because his head was clear. I don’t think you should give up forever, but you absolutely need to take care of your mental health as a priority.

      Also, are you taking the bar in the same state you went to school? Because that makes a difference as well.

    6. Sorry to hear this, must be very frustrating. What kind of law-related job does not require bar admission?

    7. Thank you, ladies, for the thoughtful responses! I appreciate them; they’ve given me some things to think about. Time to stand and deal.

    8. So let me guess: you just heard that you didn’t pass and you are either dreading telling your mom, or you’ve already heard how you need to sign up for February.

      Hug?

      Most non-lawyers think that passing the bar exam is like sinking a free throw. If you miss, just grab the basketball and shoot again. But it’s like trying to run a Boston-qualifying marathon: it takes single-minded dedication for months, and takes a lot out of every part of you.

      Just put your foot down. “Mom, I know you want what’s best for me, but you need to stop with this. Taking the bar exam drains me physically, financially, and psychologically. I need time to recoup, go on an actual vacation, see my friends, and think about something else. I have a great job that I love, a great degree, and I *need* to not feel like a failure because you insist on measuring me against other people. This conversation is over.”

  31. I don’t ever sign what I don’t understand so I need a lawyer to review a 7 pg publishing contract. How do I go about finding someone who can do this at a reasonable rate (since I do not get paid unless the work sells 18+ mos from now)? Do I just google this in my area? Are there better websites? Does someone here do this work and have recommendations?

    Please help clue in a non-lawyer regular poster here! <3

    1. If you are in California, California Lawyers for the Arts May be able to match you with someone.

      1. Oh good call! If you’re not in California, I’m sure there are other arts advocacy groups that would be able to point you in the right direction as well.

    2. Having just signed an academic book contract, the language is confusing. I found a lot of good resources online – with the biggest focus on determining copyright. You could also see if your local law school has some recommendations – universities deal with a lot of publishing contracts.

  32. I am looking to buy a Lagarde shirt second hand and would appreciate feedback on sizing.

  33. Any advice for someone desperately struggling with anxiety about job-hunting? I had a period of time after passing the bar where I was unemployed for about a year, and it was horrible. I had to do what was basically a free internship to get this job and get out of that situation. I moved to a different city after law school, and I don’t have a TON of contacts here.

    I’m also currently in the early stages of the grief process for the recent loss of one of my parents, with whom I was extremely close. I was trying to give myself permission to hold off on job-hunting while I try to take care of my emotional health right now (since I feel completely unequipped to accomplish anything at all right now, and because I’m also severely depressed and can’t find any interests in life right now), but I no longer have the luxury of waiting because I found out my boss is leaving within a year, and I don’t wait to stay here and work under someone else.

    I’m already in individual counseling and group therapy for grief, but I don’t feel like much of it is helping yet – most of it seems to be just, “Grief sucks and nothing’s going to make it better so we’re just going to give you people to vent to while you ride it out.” And maybe that’s all that can be done, but I don’t know if it’s helping at all.

    So anyway, in the context of all this, I need to find a new job, and I’m paralyzed with anxiety about it. I feel like it’s an insurmountable task right now but one that urgently needs to get done somehow.

    Anyone have any insight on this? <3

    1. Hugs. This sounds so so so hard. Repost on the afternoon thread so you get some responses. As someone who has not dealt with the exact same thing (I had/have a very sick parent while job searching and have done the job search a few too many times) but a bit similar, try to set small goals for yourself with the job searching process. Also – do you have to find a new job like you are going to be kicked out of your current place of employment or you would strongly prefer to find a new job because you are miserable in your current one or is the current one sustainable for at least a little bit after your boss leaves? If it is the latter, maybe give yourself some more time to go through some of the grieving process before embarking on this job search and try to spend some time doing things that relax you in the interim. Have you talked to your therapist about medication temporarily to help with your anxiety?

  34. Hospice individual grief counseling helped me in a similar situation – but not at first. I needed to go to sessions once a week for 6 months but it did help.

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