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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
Wedding season is in full swing for me. What makes or breaks a wedding for you? Any hilarious wedding stories?
Anonymous
Is there an open bar? Can I hook up with your brother? Will the band play Taylor Swift? Is one of your vegetables a potato because no, your carterer cannot manage anything more complicated.
Anonymous
Oh also did anyone sing a heartfelt song? Because there is not enough gin in the world. Unless you’re marrying Tay in which case all the songs pls.
Anon
I was at a family wedding recently where the bride sang a heartfelt song. Multiple members of my family have perfect pitch. She does not. So fucking painful. And we all had to smile because, you know, she’s the bride.
another anon
On the other hand, I went to one wedding where the bride was a trained opera singer and sang during the ceremony. That was actually pretty cool.
Anonymous
Heartfelt songs and slideshows make me roll my eyes so hard. They are my cue to go to the bathroom and take selfies while I’m looking hot.
Anonymous
The slideshows! when did this become a thing? add in terrible forced choreographed dances too. We are wedding guests, not a hostage audience!
Sydney Bristow
I like slideshows when they are just playing in the background somewhere and you can go look at it if you want to.
Blonde Lawyer
I have no problem with slide shows. Presumably you care about the couple and want to see the story of their history together. I didn’t have one at my wedding but I enjoy watching them at other venues.
Anonymous
Definitely an open bar. Don’t make me make friends with random guys to get booze at a wedding. (I have lots of conservative religious friends and family).
Good music is a plus. and good food. And not too many speeches with inside jokes that no one cares about.
OMG
The worst-behaved wedding guests were at a wedding where the reception was held in the fellowship hall at the no-liquor denomination church where the wedding was held. It was in a small town, where that is very normal. But the college-aged guests (correctly) read “no-liquor denomination church” on the invitation to be code for “FLASK MANDATORY AND BY ALL MEANS, PRE-GAME.”
Anonymous
This may not be a popular opinion, but lots of kids on the dance floor makes a reception a lot less fun for me. It doesn’t “break” the event or make it horrible, but the most fun weddings I’ve been to were ones where old friends danced to songs that were big in high school/college (whenever the group formed) until the venue kicked us out. When the dance floor is all kids, it’s cute for about 10 minutes, but the adult dancing never really starts because it’s just not the right vibe, and you end up just leaving a drink or two after dinner. An okay evening, but not amazing.
Anonymous
Yup. Hate kids at a wedding. So boring.
LAnon
Yes! +1 to grownups dancing! I have been to some where it was it was the bride & groom’s friend group, and those are fun, and others where the band was awesome and everyone (even Grandma and Grandpa, and bride’s mom’s friends from work, and cousin’s date who will never be at another family event, etc etc) all are having a great time on the dance floor – those are the BEST!
Anonymous
I once got ditched at a family wedding. 1+ hr Catholic ceremony with 20yo bride and groom, drove to a different church for the reception in their hall, with dinner 2.5 hrs after the ceremony ended. To tide us over there were bowls of chex mix and goldfish crackers, lemonade, water and cocoa. I went to the reception site with my brother, milled around a bit with other family, went to the bathroom, came back and they were gone. Turns out a bunch of family had gone to a chain restaurant in the strip mall next to the church and my family thought I had gone with someone else. So I sat at the reception venue for awhile until other family started showing up. I had a bit of a personal meltdown (culmination of a week with no introvert time) and went home right after dinner. Oh, and no alcohol, because of trying to do the wedding in the cheap and the bride/groom not being legal (I think).
Diana Barry
I really, REALLY HATE how loud the music is at almost all weddings. This is my #1 pet peeve. I bring earplugs and it is STILL TOO LOUD. Turn it the F down! It doesn’t need to be so loud! (This is why I had a jazz trio at my wedding.)
Also don’t like weddings with insufficient bar staff or no alcohol at all.
Anonymous
Bad wedding story: I’d never seen this before, but apparently it was tradition in the bride’s family. Her brothers “kidnapped” her and they all drank in a hotel room at the reception site until the groom collected enough “ransom” from guests to free her. I’ve seen the dollar dance a thousand times before and don’t love it, but whatever, I just don’t go up for a dance–but this was not really an equivalent cash grab. It required the groom to go around asking for money (which he refused to do and just paid it himself) rather than just taking it from people who chose to walk up for a dance, and it meant the bride was missing from her own reception for an hour. I was on the groom’s side and my aunts and uncles had all met the bride before, but quite a few of us cousins had flown in just for the wedding and didn’t even get to meet her.
Calico
That’s awful! I was also “kidnapped” the night before, in accordance with German tradition, and taken to a local bar. My husband had to find me and then buy everyone a round. Much more fun.
Anonymous
That sounds like much more fun!
Seattle Freeze
I don’t have any stories for you right now, but PSA: Carolyn Hax’s Wedding Hootenanny of Horrors is coming up on August 28 (http://live.washingtonpost.com/carolyn-hax-wedding-hootenanny-20150828.html). Always good stuff there!
anon
I am so very, very tired of the multi-day wedding celebration. I am spending a ton of money and using up my precious vacation time to fly to a distant city that I never wanted to visit in the first place to spend an entire day at your wedding, and then a week before the wedding you tell me that I am also expected to show up at three or four other events spanning three or four days, meaning that I will not have a single free moment to explore the city and must be in full socializing mode for three entire days? And then when I suggest that maybe we could decline to attend just one of these events, my husband insists that we are obligated to do whatever the Wedding Couple demands? Not cool. Just not cool.
Lorelai Gilmore
But that’s on your husband and you, not the wedding couple, right? An invitation is not a summons. Other than the rehearsal dinner if you are in the wedding, I think all of those events are completely optional. As a former bride and more recent sister of the bride, I don’t think anyone is offended if you decline one of those events.
Bee
Idk, people get really pissy if you miss anything. I once had to leave at 4 a.m. on the Sunday after a wedding so I could make it to work on Monday. There weren’t any other reasonably priced flights home. The couple got mad at me, said that I should’ve taken off work on Monday, and asked why I came to the wedding at all if I couldn’t make it to the day-after brunch. After that comment I was sorry I’d come.
anonymous
wow that sucks. are you still friends with them?
Bee
Distantly. I definitely haven’t made any trips for them since then.
shopping challenged
Wowsers!
What couple wants to hang around with their friends after the wedding, instead of getting on with the honeymooning?
shopping challenged
On the other end of that, I’ve seen MoBs get all nervous about what the guests will do with themselves, and practically threaten to hold their own events if B&G don’t set up entertainment.
Anonymous
The best weddings I have been to are the weddings where the bride & groom seem totally happy and in love, where the ceremony and/or reception reflects their personalities or relationship and where they manage to spend some time talking to each guest (not just a receiving line or the like, but where they actually visit for a few minutes with everyone at the reception). Some of the nicest weddings I have been to have been lower budget, smaller and without lots of typical wedding “perks” like open bar.
The worst weddings are the ones where the bride & groom don’t seem happy or seem to be more focused on the material things that accompany a wedding & not each other and their friends and family. I can really only think of one really bad wedding. It was horrendously expensive, had very fancy food, an open bar and a great band, so I’m sure lots of people enjoyed it. But we never spoke to the bride & groom and the wedding seemed tacky and impersonal and like we were just there to witness a show of wealth and not a lifetime commitment of two people.
I will also add selfishly, as the wife of a man who has been a groomsman 6 times, I like weddings where the bridal party is seated with their spouses and not at the head table. I’ve sat through many a wedding without my husband which kind of stinks. At our wedding the head table was us, our parents, grandparents, and my SIL + BIL, and we got a lot of comments from our wedding party about how nice it was that they could sit with friends and spouses.
Whoops
I fear we were one of your worst weddings (not really, but we so fit the description). We got so caught up in what we thought a wedding should be that if felt really impersonal. We also didn’t manage to talk to all of our guests (not intentional – the night just seemed to fly by) and that is one of my biggest regrets. For what it is worth, we really weren’t focused on money or making things seem expensive – we just got caught up in what we thought our guests wanted.
Anonymous
of course not talking to your guests is intentional! its like the one duty you have- to do a receiving line or table visits and make sure you gt time to talk to all of your guests and thank them for coming
Whoops
As I said, it is the one big regret we have. But it certainly wasn’t intentional.
Anonymous
@Whoops, for what it’s worth, I’m the one that made the original comment, and we didn’t talk to all the guests at our wedding either! We were the first of our friends to get married and had hardly been to any weddings when we had ours. We didn’t realize how nice it is when the bride & groom visit all the tables and chat with everyone, so we pretty much only talked to people who came up to us (which was most people, but we had a small wedding).
anon
Best was my sister’s. All the guests brought food (some quite good), my mom did the flowers, reception site was the oldest building on campus and very pretty. Low budget, lots of love.
Worst was my brother’s. We all went to the venue ahead of time to set up. (Yes, I guess we are the family that doesn’t like to spend a lot of $$$ on the wedding.) Future SIL had a screaming fit, yelling at everyone, especially her groom, dropping about 24 F-bombs in front of little kids and parents, grandparents. Was totally high and then got drunker/higher as the day went on. Funny, none of us – including my brother – knew about the drugs before that but got an up-close and personal look at drug use after the Big Day. Paid photographer didn’t show up but luckily I had my good camera ready as I was going to take some family photos anyway. Caterer was one hour late. I could go on…
The Rest of the Story, for those that are interested: Bride proceeded in her downward spiral capped off a few years later by setting the house on fire and coming after my brother with a carving knife. Brother had been in denial. Luckily, my other brother was hiding in the bushes that night because he knew something bad was going to happen: He popped out and rescued first brother and called police and fire department. Whew. Yes, they did divorce after that. BPD and Rx addiction are not a good combo.
Blonde Lawyer
Well, this story clearly wins.
anon
Thanks Blonde Lawyer. Not funny at the time, but now my brother is happily married with two lovely daughters.
SC
+1. I’ve been to some lovely, lower budget weddings that reflected the couple’s personality and their family’s traditions, and I love those weddings. The worst wedding I’ve ever been to was actually that of a wedding planner. It checked all the boxes (good location, good food, good band, open bar, all the traditional photo ops), but it was completely impersonal, the couple didn’t really talk to their guests, the bride’s family was clearly unhappy with the marriage, and the two families didn’t like each other and spent all their time in different parts of the venue. So awkward!
Sydney Bristow
I just got married myself and I was a little worried that people wouldn’t have much fun since we didn’t have a dance floor. It was a casual, daytime, backyard thing that was about 65 guests. It turned out fine though. People seemed entertained by the cotton candy machine we rented, we had plenty of wine/beer, and it sounds like everyone loved the food. I tried to sit people near their friends and also tried to keep strangers near each other if I thought they’d get along well. That is one of the big things for me. Sitting at a table when you don’t know anyone or have anything in common just isn’t fun. The indoor/outdoor aspect of having it at my parents’ house also made it convenient for people to split off into smaller groups without that feeling of sitting at a table watching the dance floor and trying to carry on a conversation.
Coach Laura
Your wedding sounds lovely, Sydney.
Sydney Bristow
Thanks! We certainly had fun and were totally relaxed about it all. Our big goal was to make it very “us,” which I think we succeeded at. The best weddings I’ve been to are the ones that express who the couple are so that was our main aim.
S In Chicago
Cotton candy? Omg – that sounds like the best wedding EVER.
Anonymous
My friend had a block party wedding with Mr. Softee! Best wedding ever.
Bonnie
Hate: cold buffet food, cash bar
Love: shuttles to the hotel, old photos of bride/groom
Anon for this
At a good friend’s wedding, her dad blew his sobriety (recovering alcoholic) and got trashed and then her brother threatened to commit suicide. The family did a great job of controlling dad and brother so that bride could still have her day but she had some hints of what was going on. Luckily, she just thought her brother was sick. She knew her dad was drunk.
anon
I love when there is dinner and then the long night of dancing and about an hour before it ends, there’s more food. Like some drunk munchies. Love Shuttles if the hotel is not close to the venue. Love the little hotel bags with ibuprofen, tissues, directions, suggestions for local things to do during non-wedding time. Hate brides who sing (I don’t know why I’ve seen it twice and it’s just too showy). Hate long toasts or toasts you can’t hear.
Mainly I just think it’s rude not to offer a date for everyone but that’s a whole other thing.
Bee
Cringey wedding story: The ceremony was officiated by a young Catholic priest that the couple grew up with. The priest had some hilarious stories about his and the groom’s drunken, sex-crazed high school and college days. And decided to share them during his speech at the rehearsal dinner (not during the ceremony, fortunately). Included in these stories was how the bride definitely wasn’t the most attractive woman the groom had ever been with, probably not even in the top 10, but she wasn’t the worst looking either. And, you know, she was good for him in other ways. Like by being Catholic.
My cousin's wedding
…was the worst ever. They prioritized beautiful pictures enormously over guests’ comfort and it showed. People were seething, although I’m sure they still don’t realize that a month out from their wedding day, because of course people tell you what a beautiful, great wedding you had. For context, they both work low-wage jobs and don’t have the money for a big blowout, and spent every last cent they had AND took out a loan to fund the day (because, as they told my aunt, “the wedding checks should cover the loan”). They held it at a beautiful historic mansion that’s easily the most expensive venue in their town, and had the biggest, most beautiful arrangements I’ve ever seen. The dress, photography, and details were Pinterest-worthy and the photographs make it look like an elegant, gorgeous day.
But the reality was that the ceremony was 45 minutes in full sun in 100 degree weather– apparently they could have held it in the shade, but that would have meant the mansion wouldn’t have been in the pictures. After, the wedding party spent TWO HOURS taking pictures while 150 guests were left with two deli trays, a small water and lemonade dispenser, and a cash bar (this isn’t done in our circle, but warning would have been nice). When my husband went up to get a drink, it was $14 for a (plastic) cup of crap wine! Nobody had been warned it was cash bar and there was no ATM anywhere close.
Then, after a two hour wait, they had the reception in a hot tent. Bridal party makes their big entrance, and the DJ is sure to say “the bride and groom ask that you stop by and say hi to them sometime tonight”. NO, that is YOUR job to go around and thank your guests. They then cut the cake, did their speeches, ate their food long before the guests, and promptly disappeared upstairs in the mansion for TWO MORE HOURS (probably to drink). We were served awful food (brown lettuce, one single tiny shrimp, overcooked mostaccioli, and a roll). Even my brother, who lives off of Kraft mac and cheese and will eat almost anything, didn’t finish his plate and said it was terrible. You can compromise on food cost and still have good food. I went to a barbecue wedding that was awesome! The bride and groom finally showed up again, and were shocked (shocked!) that everyone had started leaving. I went to see my cousin (the groom) before leaving and he said he couldn’t believe how rude people were by leaving. Um… maybe you should be present at your own wedding?
TL, DR: prioritize your guests over how your wedding looks. My husband and I made a LOT of decor and venue compromises so we could spend more on food, drinks, and comfort.
Anonymous
I posted recently about a guy I’d like to get back together with. We cheated on my husband the night before our first anniversary (I had an 8-hr flight home the next day). The marriage was already falling apart–I’d taken the temp job so he could be closer to home and then he refused to go. ANYWAY…
My sister got married a few weeks later, had her reception at the same place we’d had ours, but we;d had a Renaissance quartet and she had a dance band, so it took on a different feel. She was a year out of college, and lots of people in their circle were getting married, so there were a lot of young adults on the dance floor and it was generally an energetic, fun time. There were very few kids, except for our other sister’s well-behaved preschoolers, who did the adorable bit & then left the spotlight. I thought it was a good time, but my husband went AWOL part way through. I couldn’t find him anywhere, and the venue was in the woods, too far to walk anywhere. I eventually shrugged it off, figured he’d be fine (this was early 90s–no cell phones). Then partway through a song, there he was on the dance floor, dancing his tuckus off. I had hardly seen him dance, and certainly not like that! Fortunately, it fit in with the spirit of the wedding, and people cleared a little room and he got to be a little startlet.
Later on, he told me where he had gone. He didn’t know people at the wedding, thought there was too much stuff and crass consumerism, so he’d gone into the woods to commune with nature, found a little spot where he could take all his clothes off (he said), and just chilled. I guess he came back cause they heard him playing his song. And no, he wasn’t a drinker and didn’t smoke. Our marriage ended less than a year after that.
Weddings and booze
Out of anonymous curiosity, if you went to a wedding and there was no alcohol available, would you be seriously pissed off?
Would it change your views at all if you knew that the bride or the groom, or their immediate family, had substance abuse issues that made the bride and/or the groom extremely uncomfortable with serving alcohol at their wedding?
anon
Maybe mildly disappointed, but seriously, I can handle an evening without a drink. People have all kinds of reasons for not serving alcohol. We had it at our wedding, and generally prefer to have available, but totally not necessary at EVERY function.
anon2
That’s nice to hear. I feel like in the last ten years, it’s become so much more that every single function must have alcohol (weddings, kids birthday parties, kids baptism, grandmother’s 90th, open house, showers, everything). I don’t feel like it used to be that way.
roses
I’m going to guess that this is a function of changes in your location and/or social group, not society generally. My family’s celebrations in our small-ish midwestern hometown almost never had alcohol and still don’t, but my husband’s family in a big city always did and does for every occasion.
Anonymous
I’ve been to a few dry weddings, but those have been dry for religious reasons, and they did brunch/lunch ceremonies, which made more sense to me. It’s less weird not having wine with lunch, but no wine with dinner feels odd.
But, on balance, I wouldn’t really care as long as I was seated with good people/given a plus one so I wasn’t stuck sitting with strangers . I don’t need booze to have a good time with good people or friends, but a drink is helpful when stuck sitting awkwardly with everyone else that didn’t get a plus one.
ELS
+1. I’d prefer to have the option of having a drink, but I’m going to be, at worst, mildly disappointed if I can’t. And really, only because I am socially anxious and having alcohol as a social lubricant can be helpful for me when i’m meeting new people in a wedding setting.
Susie
I wouldn’t be pissed off… disappointed at worst. Depends on the time of day/type of venue/whether there was a reasonable assumption that booze would be provided.
Yes of course I would understand if I knew there was a substance abuse problem, or religious reason, etc.
Though I do enjoy a drink now and then, I do believe it is entirely possible to have a good time without it… even at a wedding.
anonymous
I’d prefer to have it available, but really, I would just think that it’s the couple’s day, and as long as they’re not being total jerks to everyone everything’s fine.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t be seriously pissed off, but I would think it would likely be a little dull.
lawsuited
I wouldn’t be “seriously pissed off”, but in general I consider providing alcoholic beverages a necessary part of being a good host at a wedding. The dry weddings I’ve been to were dry due to cost concerns (and in one case really annoyed me because I knew the bride’s dress cost $3500). I would feel differently if the wedding were dry because of concerns around alcoholic wedding guests, but I agree with comments above that it would be missed less by other wedding guests at a brunch or lunch wedding.
Anon for this
Eh, I’ve been to two of these and had totally different reactions:
One was a lovely affair, we were told to come and enjoy coffee, tea and desserts and have a small reception for a fabulous bride and groom. I seem to remember it was later in the evening (maybe 8?) so everyone ate beforehand. There were substance issues and also budgetary issues and this was a great way to handle it. It’s been a few years and I’ve even suggested to friends struggling with the ‘how do we have a wedding on a tiny budget’ issue.
One of my parents, however, got married and it was a dry wedding for ‘parent got a DWI 3 weeks before getting married and was a closeted alcoholic before that but magically was cured by AA in those three weeks and now EVERYTHING had to be dry’ reasons. I went, my sister did not. There were around 120 people at this wedding and, counting the bride and groom, I knew 5 people. I am very careful of my alcohol consumption in general but oh sweet lord did I need a drink.
Summary: It can be done well or poorly. Know your audience and consider a non-traditional time if there’s not going to be booze.
Anon for this
Note: the second one is also my hilarious wedding story.
Anonymous
Yeah I’d be annoyed if that were a surprise. If your moms an alcoholic she’ll get drunk whether or not you have a bar. If you the couple doesn’t drink fine, I prob know that already and can make my decision to attend accordingly.
It’s boring. And it feels super uptight and controlling.
anon2
Really? Uptight and controlling?
Wow
I grew up in a pretty Baptist part of the world that is usually getting married mid-afternoon and having a pot-luck reception in the fellowship hall of the church (so: no alcohol served and this is not a surprise at all; also, everyone has to drive to and from b/c we don’t have cabs). The alcoholics will drink anyway and people who want to will drink after since the wedding / reception doesn’t take up the whole day.
It wasn’t until I got older and moved that I realized that weddings often have a lot of alcohol (beer, wine, liquor) at receptions. It’s normal to have in some places and normal not to in others (and not controlling at all).
I think it’s odd when it’s omitted just to save $ though (and when it comes as somewhat of a surprise; that said, I think if people do beer/wine and not a full bar, people should just deal with it).
Anonymous
Yup. Uptight. Controlling. Like Baptists are generally.
Anon for this
I posted above about the bride’s recovering alcoholic dad getting drunk at the reception. He was buying his drinks at the bar. I don’t think he would have left to go to the liquor store if there wasn’t a bar. Prior to that he had been sober a few years so I think the presence of a bar can be a serious concern for those in recovery.
bridget
I went to a wedding with no alcohol – the bride’s religion forbade it, and the husband’s family had substance abuse issues. Bizarrely, I was able to manage for three hours in the presence of strangers without getting smashed.
(Was that sarcastic?)
CHJ
I went to a dry wedding for religious friends recently, and the wedding was explicitly an afternoon tea in a courtyard garden. They had several different types of flavored teas (hot and iced), and strawberry lemonade. That, plus good tea pastries and food. It was clear from the outset that this was going to be the theme, so no one was surprised it was dry. It was really nice and everyone was happy.
On the flip side, I think most guests would be surprised/annoyed at an unexpectedly dry evening wedding. Unfortunately it’s one of those things that is expected at a wedding, like food and cake, and people would be a bit bewildered if there was no alcohol at all, even if it was just wine passed by the waitstaff.
Anon
I went to a wedding where there was no booze for substance abuse reasons. They did a lovely daytime wedding and reception, complete with dancing, and it didn’t seem like alcohol was “missing” at all.
If they had done the standard evening wedding, it would have been more odd. We’ve been to a few weddings like that.
NYNY
I think the expectation of drinks at a wedding is linked to the full-package, multi-hour commitment type wedding. If I’m giving you a whole day – frequently a whole weekend – to watch your ceremony, eat with your friends and family, watch you dance, listen to speeches, dance with your friends and family, watch you cut a cake, eat said cake, etc., then I could use a drink or two to help me power through.
But if you have a smaller, more low-key ceremony and reception, then there’s no need to ply me with drinks. I think the more personal your wedding is, the more leeway you get.
Me2
+1 for the idea of setting expectations for your guests. If you have a mid-to-late afternoon wedding with a reception following, for God’s sake either feed us a proper dinner or specify on the invitation that it will be cake and punch, hors d’oeuvres, dessert bar, etc. Or do as others have mentioned and have it earlier in the day so there’s no expectation of a whole meal.
Anon
I went to the nightmare reception that I thought was the c*cktail hour (meager food, lots of strong drinks) and got hammered since I hadn’t eaten in forever. It turned out: that was the reception. And it was at a country club, so it’s not like we could get other food like you could in a hotel or city location. I think it caught everyone by surprise.
Me2
So funny, we must have been at the same reception. I feel like it’s happened to me more than once, but the reception that really stands out to me was at also at a very posh country club leading one to believe these people have some money so there will be a nice dinner. There was a long wait for some kind of light appetizer buffet to open and at some point it became clear that’s all there would be. It was practically a stampede to the buffet table at that point.
Anonymous
Not at all but I don’t really drink and we didn’t have alcohol at our (daytime) wedding so I’m biased. But there are so many reasons people and their families have for not drinking, I think it’s totally inappropriate to judge someone for not serving alcohol when it may be against their beliefs or there may be substance abuse in the family, etc. I think people immediately jump to “the bride and groom are cheap if they don’t serve alcohol” and that’s often not the case at all.
CountC
My sister’s wedding in the fall will be dry. It annoys me slightly only because I don’t really want to go (we are not close at ALL) and I an inexplicably a bridesmaid (I am not sure I even have the correct phone number for her). It’s also on a Monday afternoon in another state, so I have to take off work. I would like to have a glass of champagne or whatever because I am just generally annoyed at the whole thing, not because I feel like I am owed booze at an event. My mom tried to get them to agree to a champagne toast, but no dice. My parents are paying for some of it and would have totally paid for the booze, so their thinly veiled argument to that extent doesn’t really make sense. They aren’t drinkers, so they don’t see the need to buy it for everyone else and his dad is an alcoholic.
Mild annoyance aside, it’s not really my business why and, as someone has mentioned above, I can probably survive an afternoon without booze. I will probably bring something to sip while I am getting decked out in my TBD lime green bridesmaid dress, but I will also probably live to see Tuesday despite there being no booze at the wedding.
HSAL
A Monday afternoon wedding? Yeah that was going to suck booze or no booze.
Coach Laura
And a lime green dress? I can see the need for a drink with that.
Anonymous
Add not having a close family and never getting along with my sister to the fun! I will be on good behavior of course, but I can think of other places I’d rather be!
Sydney Bristow
I don’t drink much but do like to have a glass of wine or champagne at a wedding. No big deal to me though if there isn’t any alcohol.
Marilla
Why do people care so much about the details of other people’s weddings? It seems like people take all these decisions so personally. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
anonymous
People take everything wedding related too personally.
Anonymous
I only care to the extent the wedding is terrible for guests. I think that as hosts of a significant life event and party, that here should be some awareness of what the guests would enjoy, instead of a “me me me me me me” day.
Just be clear to your guests on what they should expect at the wedding, so they can make an informed decision on whether they want to attend. If you’re not serving food, just cake, totally fine, just let me know so I can eat before. No alcohol, whatever, just give me a heads up so I can decide if I know enough people going that it will still be fun, or if I should just send a gift and be done.
Weddings and booze
I’m asking this seriously, not snarkily (a word?) – how does one give all guests a heads up that there won’t be booze at a wedding? I’m thinking that even having a day-time wedding/reception, and putting “afternoon tea reception” or something isn’t explicit. And putting “no booze!” on the invite just seems…really weird.
lawsuited
Putting “afternoon tea reception” on the invitation would be sufficient to signal that there won’t be alcohol, largely because it would be pretty unusual to serve alcohol with afternoon tea.
Sydney Bristow
I think that is the easiest way to do it. You don’t have to specifically say there will be no booze. You could also sort of have family/friends spread the word and/or put a menu (including beverages) on your wedding website if you have one.
Anonny
Forget alcohol – FOOD! For the love of all things holy, if you are not feeding guests a dinner or substantial amount of food but otherwise have a typical wedding time that would not suggest a lack of food (ie: 4pm ceremony followed by reception) let them know there will be no food!!
I get hangry
No alcohol wouldn’t upset me at all. What does upset me is when the wedding is planned as an evening event and there is only hors d’oeuvres and cake. If you are going to have your wedding or reception at a meal time, please serve a meal.
Weddings and booze
Ha! Yes. There will be food. Lots and lots of food.
When the first of my friend’s got married, she had a later afternoon wedding, a dinner reception, and then at around 10pm (mid-dancing), the wait staff circulated with trays of sausage butties (sausage sandwiches for the non-UK’ers). BRILLIANT! I vowed at that moment to make sure my guests are well-fed throughout the evening.
Senior Attorney
I kind of feel like if you’re going to have a big fancy party in the evening, it’s expected that you will serve alcohol and it will seem odd and disappointing to some guests if you don’t. When I got married the second time we did not drink for religious reasons so we had our ceremony at 11:30 in the morning followed by a brunch reception, both of which were held in the back yard of my home. I feel like people will miss the alcohol less at a daytime, less formal event.
anon
Seriously pissed off? No. Eat the pot cookies in my purse? Likely. But as a Catholic I’ve never been to a dry wedding and only one or two cash bars. Not married myself not that it matters.
Anonymous
I want to bring you as my +1 to all the dry weddings…
SoCalAtty
I think if you are “pissed off” that there is no alcohol, maybe you have a little alcohol problem yourself! No, of course not. Alcohol isn’t necessary for any event.
L
This may be too late for you to see, but if you’re not going to serve alcohol consider serving a few festive “mocktails” (I hate that word).
MJ
I love colored pinstripes, but I don’t like wide pinstripes…something Joker-ish about them. Also, these pants would look amazing on someone with no hips, but with hips…no way. I do LOVE contrast linings though. Very Savile Row.
24 hours
Sorry in advance for the novel:
I work on a team that is divided in two, we do the same work but for two separate companies and there is a bit of animosity between the two. Today I was offered a position that I had casually inquired about on the “other” side of the team. It would be a promotion from where I am and comes with a $12k bump, which is not insignificant.
I have 24 hours to make a decision. I’ve been in my current role for a year (with the organization for 4 years) and I don’t feel challenged at all. However, I believe my managers would take more kindly to an internal move if it was to a completely different department. If I take the job, I’ll still sit in the same area, be in the same meetings, and generally continue to work alongside my current group. Furthermore, I was on the fence about whether or not I really wanted this position until the financials came into play – with a year at this job, I could save enough to go back to school and not need to take out any loans, so I think I may accept.
I want to go about this as harmoniously as possible, but I don’t think I can take this without a lot of hurt feelings. Any suggestions for how to handle it? I do have some data on how they’ve handled moves like this in the past and it can be summarized as “not well”.
Anonymous
Take it.
MJ
I’ve worked for some bosses that are very vindictive when anyone leaves, rockstar or not. Whether or not you take this depends on two things–one, can you handle the backlash, knowing it’s coming, and two, do you have a good reference (from old team or new team). If this is really about the money, and you can answer both questions honestly, do it. Some people just don’t deal well with “work rejection” but if you can rise above petty behavior, I’d definitely recommend you take it. It’s their problem, not yours…as long as they don’t sabotage your references.
Anon
Talk to your current boss, see if s/he’ll match the offer. if not, take the other offer.
anonymous
How do you connect with your SO when life is getting in the way and you’re just not feeling it? And you’re exhausted?
Anonymous
Sex.
Anonymous
I always need to connect with myself first. You know, like putting on your own air mask on an airplane before tending to others. Take care of yourself and everything will fall into place in my experience.
Ellen
I so agree with Anonymous. Make sure you are in touch with your OWN feeling’s b/f trying to make your boyfreind or husband connect with you. Otherwise, you will get chewed up and spit out by your boyfreind and his need for carnal attention. Life is much more then having them bounce up and down on top of you, then roll off, burp and head for the toilet, like my Sheketovits always did. We women should NEVER be sexueal pincushion’s for our boyfreind/husband’s need for raw sex. FOOEY!
Calico
You could make special plans to try and reconnect. Date nights. Start a new hobby together, etc. But my advice is to just take comfort in the fact that relationships ebb and flow. Not to say you don’t have to put any work in, but sometimes other aspects of life (ill parents, stress at work) take precedence for a while. For me, one of the best things about marriage/LTRs is that for every rough patch we go through, we always get back to a really great place. Knowing that helps me through the difficult times.
SC
Sunday brunch date. Sunday is our only day off together, and we tend to have more energy than on a weekend night. It’s also easier to find a family member to babysit, and right now, our baby is at an age where he’s likely to sleep through brunch if we have to take him (but he’s most awake at dinner time).
KT
Do new stuff together. It can get so easy to get in the rut of come home from work, gobble blah dinner, watch Netflix, pass ou, etc. You run out of stuff to talk about, life seems dull, etc. Doing new things, from mild things to trying new restaurants or visiting a state park, to bigger things like going on a vacation to a new spot neither of you have been too or taking up a new sport together can give your relationship some fresh life
Sydney Bristow
Lay in bed together and just chat.
Anon
If your boss was going to put you on a performance improvement plan, would you rather it be before you head out on vacation for a week, or after? Also, for any of you that have been put on a plan and bounced back- what helped things click for you?
I’ve got someone I really like on a personal level, who I think really wants to do well, but is just missing the boat. Over and over. I want her to be successful, I want her to want to be successful (and I think she does), but we’re at the point where I need to make it Officially Clear that her job is on the line if she doesn’t make some big improvements.
Anon
Unless you want to ruin her vacation – after.
JJ
Absolutely after her vacation if you don’t want to ruin it.
Anon
So, that was my thought, but then again, it’s 2 weeks out (ie not next week). I’ve now made the decision for her that she can continue to fail for 1-3 more weeks…so I thought it might be better off to tell her now to get her thinking and spend vacation coming back with her game face on (or ready to look elsewhere).
But if that’s not the case…that’s why I asked :)
JJ
Hmmm…
If it’s two weeks out (and you’re not springing it on her the Friday before she goes on vacay for a week), then I would lean towards doing it beforehand. Like you said, she might come back ready to improve, or decided to look for a new job.
Anonymous
If she might get fired a week after vacation, she might spend less on the trip and also as you said can start job searching or trying to improve. I think it’s a hard conversation to have either way, but honestly I think there’s no right way and so I’d probably ask myself if I was more worried about her happiness on the trip, or more worried about her transition/financial wellness if she loses her job five days after vacation?. If this is the first conversation you’ve had about performance I’d actually hold off on the PIP for a week or two before having a second conversation about performance and starting it.
Em
On the other hand, it’s almost better to know before, so that the person can deal with the news and digest it and come back with a game face if it’s weeks out.
Anon
After the vacation. If she has spent lot of money which is non-refundable for her vacation, she is going to either lose the money or go and not enjoy the vacation.
I don’t know if this belongs here, my a manager of my previous team wanted to put me on PIP which came as a total shock to me. I never had performance issues, never was given feedback that I should improve, but all of a sudden I was the candidate for PIP. After the initial shock, I demanded to know why I was being put on PIP and show me the record for missed deadlines, poor quality of work etc for which there were no records what so ever. I said I will be meeting with the HR. He gave the reason that I was put on PIP because customer changed his mind after I delivered whatever they wanted. I had to redo the work to meet his new requirements. So whatever I worked prior to that didn’t bring any revenue for the company. So my six months worth of work was compared against a year’s worth of work from my teammates and obviously I fell short. Hence the PIP !!!! HR blocked the PIP and I left that team the next week.
Anon
Yuck. No, I inherited her and have been back and forth with HR a few times on her performance…this one is legit. I put it off for a quarter because I thought she just had a rough patch and would rebound with some coaching. Very highly paid, mediocre at best performer since she’s been reporting to me, and I’m in a spot where I need all A players–especially at this price/level.
Wedding - location question
For those of you who are married or engaged, how did you pick your wedding venue/location?
I’m particularly interested in hearing from those of you who did not get married in your hometown or another location that you’d always dreamed of. We are from the same area, and do NOT want to get married there for a variety of reasons, so there is no natural/default location for either of us. I’m hoping stories might help us get some inspiration as to where to look/what to look for.
Pest
Why don’t you just get married in the city where you live now?
Wedding - location question
That’s certainly an option.
(Former) Clueless Summer
We ended up getting married in another city – not either of our hometowns (small towns) and not the city we lived in at the time. It was only an hour drive from the city we lived in, though. We just really liked the venue and the price and figured it wasn’t too far – most of the older guests were coming from out of town/province anyway, so they would need hotels no matter where we did it.
I am glad we chose that venue for many reasons but it was such a pain in the butt in a lot of ways. It was more expensive because we personally had to get hotels (and paid for the bridal party to do so) and we basically spent every single weekend in the months before going to that city to do stuff – venue appointments, florist appointments, hair and makeup trials. When you pick a different city, all of your vendors (with the exception maybe of photographer) are going to be in the wedding city. You don’t even know how many stupid little appointments you will have for wedding stuff, and it sucks when you spend every Saturday dealing with them plus the drive, instead of being able to nip out at lunch or tackle a couple on an evening if they are close by.
Wedding - location question
Excellent points – thanks.
Anona
You can have a lovely wedding pretty much everywhere, so it may help to think about who you want to come and how you can make it easy for them to attend. Many people would rather drive to a nearby city than fly anywhere.
Anon
I got married where my extended family is from (which was a reasonable weekend drive from where we live and where all relatives would be coming from). It was sentimental for me, whereas current city is not sentimental (and where no relatives live). Where I grew up isn’t where anyone lives currently (and is far and expensive). Where I went to college (also sentimental to get married in the college chapel) is far, too.
It helped to have “people” in the city, b/c I could just call a cousin and tell her caterer “I want you do to Janie’s wedding at location X for me” and she’d know just what I meant by that.
Anonymous
Dealing with this now. I’m not thrilled with the venues in the city where we live, he’s not really “from” anywhere (military brat), and while my hometown has beautiful venues (think, beach weddings), I’m not sold on an outdoor ceremony (humidity! heat! my hair!).
Things we are looking for are a city with a beautiful venue that is easily accessible by plane or car for our friends and relatives and that has fun things to do during their stay.
Wedding - location question
Haha, I’m right there with you on humidity! heat! hair! We both grew up in Florida (but neither of us has ANY desire to go back), and I have thick curly hair. I’m not too picky about what I do and don’t want for my wedding, but I’d prefer that my hair not resemble a Fraggle’s!
Pretty Primadonna
I’m Anonymous at 4:12. Not sure why my name didn’t show. Anyway, I’m in Florida! So, you definitely know my struggle, lol.
Anon
Nobody wants to travel for a wedding, no matter how many things there are to do there – pick the location where fewest people have to travel. I’ve gone to countless weddings in ‘fun’ cities in the last year – I fly in, go to the wedding, and fly out – don’t assume people want to use their vacation time to go to the city you hold your wedding in.
Anonymous
We got married in coastal Maine, near where my grandparents lived at the time & where I visited every year growing up. I hadn’t always planned on getting married there (I didn’t think that much about my wedding growing up) but as soon as we got engaged I knew I wanted it to be there. We definitely got guests who grumbled about the cost & time involved in getting there (it’s about 1.5 hours from any airport and 5 hours from Boston, the closest major city), but somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of our guests were in New England, and so for them it was much more convenient than flying to my small Midwestern hometown which is also ~1 hour from an airport.
If you don’t have a sentimental place you should think more seriously about hometowns or where you currently live, since that is most traditional. You could just pick a random place but people are more likely to grumble about it if it doesn’t have any special significance to you. But ultimately it’s your wedding and you should choose a place you like.
Bonnie
Do consider your guests in picking a location. We have been to two weddings about 5 hours away that irritated us because the couple had no connection to the location and only chose it because it was cheaper, causing 100+ people to travel. It did not help that both weddings were on Fridays.
KT
You can get married anywere–what kind of things do you like?
I didn’t want a church wedding, but I love old Victorian age-things, so we found a little Victorian house that we got married in–we literally just googled “Victorian houses-public” until I found one I liked.
N.C. anon
My husband and I chose to get married where we live. I am from out of state, he is from the eastern part of the state, and we married in the Triangle. We had initially wanted to get married in Asheville, but our preferred venue would have put a lot of restrictions on the rest of our budget. The final nail in the coffin was realizing that our local airport would be better for out-of-town guests than Asheville’s.
We went to a wedding fair and met a rep from the reception venue we eventually chose. We were extremely satisfied with the venue: great price, great location, included beer and wine with the food price, and were willing to serve any other beer and wine we bought to the venue. We discovered as wedding planning went on that the venue staff did a terrific job as well. We saved enough on the reception venue, we felt comfortable splurging a little and having a separate ceremony venue. (We also saved a lot by have a Friday evening wedding in January.)
Wildkitten
Get married in Iceland.
DisenchantedinDC
I adored Iceland when I visited in May, but don’t understand the wedding/proposal craze there. Nope. The weather is also unpredictable (rain).
I want to elope, but this place would not be on the list.
Clementine
We picked a weekend-getaway friendly small city that we liked that we had a connection to and it was close-ish to where we both grew up. About half our guests had a two hour drive or less (From multiple directions). I had initially wanted a place that was more rural and on a gorgeous lake, but it was a 2 hour drive from the nearest airport and there was only one or two options for accommodations.
For us, we wanted a nice town with a good choice of venues and hotels, proximity to a good regional airport, options for non-drivers (trains in our case), walkability between venues and hotels. We are thrilled with where we picked and having our wedding there actually cemented our decision to move back to the area. Now it’s really nice to frequently walk past the building I got married in.
Aussie academic
We eloped to Istanbul (both Aussies with no links there and never been before). It was fabulous for it to be just DH and I and we had no problems finding a venue, hairdresser, photographer, car etc (all in a couple of days). We had a BBQ when we got home a week later to celebrate with family and friends. Wouldn’t be for everyone, I know, but it was perfectly us.
cohabitating
Any advice on moving in with an SO for the first time? My fiance and I have been together for six years but long distance for the past three. Next month, we’re moving in together — new house, new city. Finally!
I’m of the mind that the more issues we can anticipate and discuss beforehand, the better; he’s more of a slow-down-and-enjoy-the-moment kind of guy. I’m guessing that this contrast will become clearer once we’re in the same place. Trying to find the balance between having those conversations while avoiding nagging or being neurotic.
Any advice about that, or about living together more generally, would be appreciated!
anonymous
So, we just moved in, didn’t talk about anything that didn’t come up organically (what’s our price range for rent etc). And there was never a need to have any further conversations. One of us would mention things when something came up -“hey, can you not leave your dirty clothes on the floor?” But in general, I feel like any actual thought or conversation about it would have been overthinking. I’m a lot like you- I like to anticipate things and plan for them, and DH is like your SO. We’re very similar in other regards though, so things just clicked.
lucy stone
My now-husband, then SO and I moved in together after three years long distance as well. We had a tough time having someone there all the time because we’d both gotten quite used to our alone time.
cohabitating
That’s one of my concerns. Both of us have introverted tendencies, and we’ve gotten to indulge them for the past three years. My bachelorette pad has basically become a little hermit house. Any advice on dealing with this? What did you guys do?
anonymous from 3:41
We’re both very introverted and needed a lot of time alone. Whenever one of us needs alone time, we go into a different room, go out for a while, etc. It’s helpful that our work schedules mismatch a little bit so each of us get at least an hour of alone time every day. Sometimes we’ll run errands solo on weekends so the other person can have the house to him/herself. We’ve also gotten in the habit of just asking “do you need alone time?” and then leaving to honor the request .
Sydney Bristow
My husband and I are both introverts. One of the things that made our relationship strong is that somehow being around each other doesn’t lead to the same level of exhaustion as being around other people does. I’m not sure why that it, but it is nice.
We spend a fair amount of time in different rooms. He gets quite a bit of alone time in our apartment because I work much longer hours than he does. It took awhile for me to get to the point where I needed to ask for it, but now I sometimes let him know that I just need the place to myself for awhile. I typically bring it up during the week and he’ll make plans with someone or even just go to the hardware store for a couple of hours on the weekend. That has worked out well for us. Just being open about it has been pretty easy for us.
Wildkitten
Can you afford a housekeeper and/or noise cancelling headphones? Those are my two main tips.
lawsuited
+1 And a dishwasher. People laugh when I say that the dishwasher saved my marriage, but I’m not joking.
Wildkitten
Paper plates! Sorry Mother Earth.
How much?
How much would you pay someone who is moving your furniture but isn’t an actual mover? Two guys are moving furniture into a U-Haul that I’m driving. They’re too polite to give me a price. It’s a one-bedroom, two-story house.
Clementine
$20-25 per guy per hour with a hefty tip if it’s hot.
DC emily
At first I read this as “a hefty tip if HE’s hot.”
Anon
I made that same reading error!
Also – I make sure to supply cold water and Gatorade, always.
Anonymous
I did too. Works both ways I guess!
HSAL
That too.
Clementine
I love how this was misread.
Something on everyone’s minds in this weather??
NYNY
What does “too polite to give me a price” mean? You’re hiring them for a job, so either you or they need to set a price upfront.
I’d set a flat rate based on $20-25/hour with a time estimate, because an hourly rate could incentivize slower work.
DisenchantedinDC
My move was 3 guys, about 2.5-3 hours. They charged me $150 for the truck and I think I paid $400 including tip. So maybe $50 an hour/person? There are commercial services that charge for this who will give you estimates online.
If they’re friends helping and not bonded/insured, I’d just buy them some beer and have them over for a nice housewarming after, and reciprocate the favor.
Jacket Opinions
How versatile do you think a red trench is, ladies? I found a coat that I like the shape and fit of, but I’m not really sure that bright red is versatile for both the spring and fall and was thinking about switching it out for black.
MJ
I love red jackets! (I love color though.) If the rest of your wardrobe is pretty neutral, it could be just the pop you need to look really chic! I would not wear it to important formal meetings (where the other side would see your coat), but don’t apologize for having a little personality. Red, if done right, can be a great outfit stepper-upper!
NYNY
Depends on your wardrobe. If you wear a lot of neutrals, red would look great. But if you wear more color – cobalt, yellow, green – it may be off with too many outfits.
Jacket Opinions
I have a darker bluish purple tote that I would carry while wearing it sometimes. Is that a little too red hat society?
Moonstone
The only time I regretted buying my red trench was at graveside at a funeral. All I could think of was Cher in Moonstruck saying “In time you’ll drop dead and I’ll come to your funeral in a red dress!”
SuziStockbroker
Also had the experience of going to a funeral, with the graveyard adjacent, in the dead of winter that was so packed that we coull not all fit in the church, in a bright cherry red coat.
But genreally, I think if you wear mostly neutrals, a red trench is lovely. A friend of mine bought a beautiful red Burberry trench when she paid off her mortgage.
Sydney Bristow
Can we talk about fancy cheese? I recently went to a winery and had a very nice cheese plate that inspired me to have a bit of cheese when I get home from work. I’ve been sticking to tome de savoie, which is what I had at the winery, but I’d like to branch out. What kinds of fancier cheeses do you all like? I’d love some recommendations for things I can try next, with the note that I don’t really like smoked cheeses.
Also, the winery served the cheese with crackers and honey, which was delicious. My regular honey tastes too intense in combination with the cheese. I’m sure it was some sort of local honey. Where can I find nice honey?
TBK
Find a good cheese shop. If you can’t do that, see what your local Whole Foods offers. A good cheese shop will be able to recommend cheeses, introduce you to new ones, and suggest wine pairings.
MJ
If you have a Trader Joe’s, I’d start there. My favorite fancy cheeses are Port Salut (a creamy, nutty, but not stinky, French cheese), herbed goat cheese and very sharp cheddar. Whole Foods also often has a “seconds” bin of single-portion cheeses (from when they are cutting) which are only a dollar or so, and that’s a great way to try new cheeses too. I also love anything from Cowgirl Creamery, especially Mt. Tam.
You can find honey that’s not the typical clover honey at nicer, gourmet markets, farmer’s markets (this is the best for sampling) and online. Also, consider that you like the sweet/savory combo of cheese and something sweeter, so you might like to add a nice jam (like huckleberry or blackberry with, say, goat cheese) or quince paste, which is also sold as membrillo.
Also, I wouldn’t make this an every night thing–wine+ cheese+crackers=/= diet. I’d save it for Ladies Wine Night, which is how my friends and I get our cheese and wine fix. It’s fun to be social, and if everyone brings a different cheese, you have insta-variety!
There’s a lot of stuff online about which wines pair nicely with which cheeses too, and you’d be surprised how much better wine tastes when it is paired just right.
Anonymama
Wine and cheese and crackers are definitely part of someone’s diet, maybe just not your diet. Also, are we now assuming that every woman must be dieting? I mean, my grandma ate a dish of ice cream every night and lived to be 93.
moss
seriously tho. stop fearing the cheese!
Anonymous
St. Andre is my thing. I also love aged cheddar, lappi (it’s finnish), manchego, butterkase, and gouda (but only if it’s actually from Gouda).
Gail the Goldfish
You can usually find local honey at farmer’s markets (with the added bonus of they’ll probably let you try samples). You’re in Queens, right? If the Queens farmer’s markets don’t have any, check the one at Union Square on the weekends. Oh, and Murray’s Cheese probably has fancy honey (along with fancy cheese. Mmmm cheese).
Gail the Goldfish
Oh, and another Queens-specific recommendation: Astoria Bier and Cheese. Yep, it’s a beer and cheese store. It’s at the Broadway stop.
Anona
One of my favorites is a ricotta fresca with honey drizzled over it, eaten with a baguette, with honey drizzled over it. For a lighter-tasting honey, try Acacia honey. The honey is also good drizzled over hazelnuts or marcona almonds. A nicer grocery store like Whole Foods or Wegmans should have a decent cheese counter, if you can’t find a local cheese shop. For things that are widely available, the Vermont Cheese Company has some nice cheeses, like cremont.
Cream Tea
A nice stilton, runny brie or goat’s cheese with a good chutney are all good choices, and not too adventurous if you’re new to the world of cheese. Also, even just a really old white cheddar can be lovely, particularly with a nice chutney.
Be careful – cheese & wine every day after work is a very quick way to gain 10lbs! (I speak from experience. Heed my warning.)
Sydney Bristow
Thanks for all the suggestions! I’m excited to check these out!
Oh and I should have mentioned it is really just about a twice a week thing. I don’t drink alone, so that isn’t really an issue, and it is replacing much worse junk that I typically eat when I get home. I think it has the potential to be a positive dietary change :-)
Anonymous
La Tur! It’s a buttery, bloomy cheese made from cow, sheep and goat milk. Amazing. They have it at Murray’s cheese shops.
F
Taleggio is my absolute favorite. Aged gouda is amazing. You might try some of the cheeses from Jasper Hill in Vermont. If I lived in NYC, I’d haunt Murray’s cheese…
Go in and ask to taste some. Tell them that you like Tomme de Savoie and see if they’ll make some other recommendations…
The gourmet shop near me always has samples out…
office nap
After several years working in places where I had a cube instead of my own office, I am so happy to have an office again because NAP. It was 3:15. I was literally nodding over my work. Shut my door, put my head on my desk, and 15 min later, wide awake and ready to get back to it! So much more effective than coffee/soda/walk around the block. Thank you, private office.
TBK
What color shirts do you typically wear with black suits? White makes me feel like a waiter. Blue (especially a deep blue) feels too 90s. Yellow looks like a bumble bee. Orange looks like Halloween. Red is too dark. Pink? What? I’m at a loss.
anonymous
I think a pattern would be best.
tesyaa
Red isn’t too dark, and some shade of purple is good too.
First Year Anon
This is why I never wear my black suit anymore…I think it looks dated.
TBK
I somewhat agree. It’s just so often stores offer a particular women’s suit only in black. When I was looking for an interview suit over the winter, the only one that was really high quality and that suited me was a black suit from Brooks Brothers. I would have preferred navy or charcoal, but they only made it in black. I love the suit — it’s really beautiful. But I wish it weren’t black.
anon
I wear black suits a lot, I wear light pink, light blue, silvery blue, purple, coral white (not button down), patterns with all of those colors.. basically anything.
JJ
Agreed. I wear emerald green, light blues, violet, light purple, coral, pink (all shades), and forest green with my black suit. And basically any patterned tops (I’m slowly buying every top Pleione has available at Nordstrom).
Wildkitten
Same.
Anona
Usually patterns. I have some silky patterned tops in muted colors, like a blue and gray paisley or light blue with white dots. Typical blouses you would find at BR, J Crew, etc.
Lorelai Gilmore
No jewel tones, no brights. I wear a lot of cream, pale pink, merlot, and patterns with black.
Anonymous
Black with a statement necklace.
zella leggings
I wanted to get these in black, but they’re sold out of my size. I’m wondering if I should spring for them in this pattern. Anyone want to talk me in/out of it?
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/zella-live-in-out-of-bounds-leggings/3927525?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=3027
tesyaa
Don’t do it. If you want them in black, wait until they come back into stock. Seriously.
anonymous
Does that happen?
tesyaa
With Nordstrom, there’s a pretty decent chance because people buy stuff and return it all the time.
Anonymous
Those are awesome, totally buy them! Workout gear is supposed to be fun, black is boring
Anona
Patterned pants are having their moment, so if you like a pattern the time is now. However, they will be back in black eventually if you want them.
JJ
I have these and love them. If you’re cool with the print, get them! If not, wait! I should mention that I found a VERY similar pair at Nordstrom Rack that are gray. I stopped there to return some of my online items and found them there for $25.
Alanna of Trebond
Ugh now I want them and they are sold out of the pattern in my size.