Suit of the Week: Express

123 Comments

1. Would wearing a jacket over this be a relatively conservative businessy/business casual look? Or does it approach the intern wearing a jacket over a party dress problem?

   https://mmlafleur.com/shop/light-fantastic/taylor-viridian

   1. I personally think that dress is lovely and falls into the “desk to dinner” category rather than being a “party” dress. But I have a higher tolerance for fancy than a lot of other posters (as does my firm), so as ever, keep your office culture in mind.

   2. I LOVE that dress- I’ve been contemplating buying it all day! But I think I’d wear it alone with heels as a summer piece, Selina Meyer style.

      You might consider the Emma dress in the same color with a black jacket.

   3. I don’t know but I like it!

   4. I was turning over this same question in my mind! I think it works, but I’d have to try it on in person to be sure. The high neckline definitely helps.

   5. I’d say too dressy for most offices (but I LOVE it).

   6. I was just looking at that dress today! I love the color. The waist detail may be weird with a blazer – I was thinking that and wishing for sleeves when I looked at it.

      1. What about with a black or navy jardigan? the shorter one?

      2. Agreed. I don’t think this waist would work well with a blazer.

         I don’t think it’s too dressy for an office with that dress code, but the lack of sleeves is an issue. It’s a lovely dress and would be a perfect answer to all the ‘what do I wear to a professional after-hours event’ questions.

         I am majorly turning up my nose at 82% cellulose acetate though.

   7. Little too dressy for work IMO, but it’s gorgeous. I want everything they make in that color.

   8. I’m a senior VP and I’d wear the sh1t out of that dress to work – with a jacket or a structured cardigan or whatever the f$&@ I felt like.

      I don’t think this is an evening look at all.

      1. No, this would not be appropriate for my office. Again, YMMV.

   9. Without the context of the whole dress, I think the beautiful knot would look like a big fabric belly button peaking out of a Jardigan/jacket.

   10. Great for work but I’d wear it without the blazer.

   11. In house law department here. Too dressy for my work. Agree that the knot unlikely to work with a blazer or jardigan.

2. I interviewed last week for a mid-level strategy role at a big bank in New York. It’s been a while since I’ve been out interviewing. Anyone have a sense of how long the hiring process generally is or a ballpark for when I should expect to hear back?

   TIA!

   1. Banks move at a glacial pace and hiring comes with all the red tape/bureaucracy you can dream of. Definitely need to be patient and moving slowly (months?) does not equal bad news.

      Signed,
      A (former) Banker

   2. Co-signed. The big NY banks move exceedingly slow not only with schedules but multiple rounds of interviews, the internal HR process taking a while, proper procedures such that the interview rounds cannot move on until everyone has finished their interviews, the compliance aspect, etc. Does not mean they are a bad place to work or that you won’t get the job. I would just say that whereas you would reach out again after not hearing after a week normally, with banks, it’s more like a month that you make the initial ‘friendly touch-base.’

   3. Former BB ibanker here- yes glacial. Also bc they are busy closing deals, travelling, etc. that often times communication gets lost unless there’s another offer in hand.

3. I have an addict sibling and enabling parents. I do not have a relationship with my sibling, but it really hurts to see my parents suffering and continuing to fund a lifestyle of drugs and booze. It’s so frustrating I want to shake them. There have been SO many times where my mom has said to me “I know we’re enabling, I know we need to stop” but…they don’t. What can I do other than watch them slowly destroy themselves?

   1. Nothing. Otherwise you too are enabling by being over-involved. Tough answer I’m sure.

   2. I am in the same situation and I just don’t entertain the discussion. At all. And I have also made it clear that I won’t be around to pick up the pieces, although YMMV on that because you may not be as hard-hearted as I am.

      1. Thanks, this has mostly been my strategy but I think I need to be tougher. I do not care about my sibling or what happens to him at all, so I never ask what’s going on, but my parents tend to call me crying over the latest disaster which ropes me back in. Ugh!!!

         1. OP. Your family must have been really bad to not care about your sibling. Yes, your parents are co-dependent and need help. I just can’t imagine what happened that would make you not love your own brother or sister. You can love the addict and not the disease. I think you all need counseling.

            1. That’s cruel, naive and unnecessarily judgemental–you must lead a very sheltered life to not realize that families can do bad stuff to each other–relationship-severing stuff. It is totally ok for her not to care about her sibling. OP–I’m terribly sorry you’re going through this.

            2. My brother is a violent, racist, misogynist abusive alcoholic and addict. You know nothing about what it’s been like. Literally in fear of my life around him. He is a despicable person and always has been long before he was an addict. Fuck you.

            3. “I just can’t imagine what happened that would make you not love your own brother or sister.”

               That’s because you have never been in the situation that the OP has, and until you have, perhaps you ought to keep your judgments and unkind comments to yourself. I had friends who were ragging on me because of my happiness at the lack of a relationship with my dad. But then I told them the story of the time he drunkenly grabbed my ass and then threatened me with a knife. You could have heard a pin drop. Then they rapidly backtracked on their judgment and criticism of my decision.

               People don’t cut their family members off lightly and without a care. Very few people in my life know the things I’ve been through with my family because I don’t want to come across as damaged goods with daddy issues. I’m sure the OP made her decision thoughtfully after years of suffering.

   3. Are there any support groups in your area (online or in person) for parents of addicts? You could direct them there for support.

      1. Yeah, I have tried this. They know about all the resources, they just don’t use them. I can talk about therapy and Al-Anon until I’m blue in the face but nobody listens to me.

         1. Ask them to come with you. Say that you find it hard to see them (parents) struggling, that you’re struggling too and you’d like company to go to Al-Anon/whatever. Emphasize that they don’t have to talk, you just want company.

            1. +1

               I also agree with this.

               My heart breaks for your parents.

               For you, it is much easier to cut off a sibling, and look rationally at the situation. Not so for a parent.

         2. I was in your shoes. The answer is Al-Anon for yourself, to discuss both your sibling and your parents. The same things that they talk about in Al-Anon re addicts apply to your relationship with your parents – you cannot control their enabling, all you can do is control your reaction to it and find ways to cope yourself.

            1. +1 to Al-Anon for yourself.

            2. Yep, this exactly. Go to Al Anon and try to keep the focus on yourself. You can’t control your parents’ enabling behavior, and they may have to reach their own “bottom” with your sibling before they change – or they may not have a bottom, who knows. You’re as powerless over them as you are over your sibling. Good luck and take care.

   4. They need to go to al-anon where they can learn new patterns of behavior. That is the FIRST STEP.

   5. Offer to go with them to Al-Anon if you live nearby, otherwise offer to go in your city while they go in theirs on the same night and phone chat before/after. They need to choose if they want to get help, just as the addict does. You can support their getting help and you can also tell them that you won’t enable them and will cut off the conversation (or contact) if they refuse to get help for their enabling. <3

4. One button suits are the bane of my existence as a tall woman.

   Related (sort of): Do people like Boss suits? Wear well, etc.? I tried one on, and it shockingly fit me off the rack. (Long enough in sleeves and long enough on the skirt, while still fitting me in the shoulders and waist. That NEVER happens for me.) Thinking of just pulling the trigger and buying it as a new court appropriate suit.

   1. Yes, I bought one (couldn’t really afford it but needed the confidence for a job hunt) and I love it so so much. Gorgeous, comfortable, the fabric is so nice, the fit is so good. Never regretted it.

   2. Why would you not? Do it!

      1. Costs a lot for such a boring set of clothing. But I can be OK with the cost if it is going to last. Really the only reasons.

         For context, I am currently wearing 5-10 year old black/navy/grey Brooks Brothers and Theory suits. One definitely needs replaced, and another could go too. Brooks Brothers suits are now weird in style. And I feel like Theory changed the cut…. I ran across the Boss suits when my husband was buying a new suit.

   3. I want to like Boss suits but the fit is just off for me. I’m a curvy hourglass and it just seemed that it was cut for a bit of a straighter figure (not straight per se but not as hourglassy). But they’re beautiful suits so I’m glad they worked for you! Great quality too.

   4. I really like them! Same deal with them fitting well. In terms of cost I’m so-so for how well they actually hold up (mine have started getting shiny on the elbows for example) but I’ve had them for two years and I wear a suit every day. If you like the fit, have you tried Judith & Charles? Similar cost but I find the quality significantly higher.

      1. Tell us more about Judith and Charles? Desperately in need of nice, well made, comfortable suits.

   5. Yes!!! I’m 5’9″, size 8, 155 lbs, with an athletic, curvy figure. Boss suits fit me wonderfully, although I usually have to buy the pants to fit my butt and then tailor the waist a little. I stalk Nordstrom Rack (or its website) for Boss suits… The regular Nordstrom site will also sometimes have sales.

5. My favorite suit is a BOSS suite I bought 4 years ago and it was a big splurge for me. I still love it and it’s my power suit. Recommend.

6. I caught my boyfriend in my bedroom with my cleaning lady. I fired her and told him it was over. That was 2 weeks ago and now I am having second thoughts. He called and apologized. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I realize he is a jerk?

   1. *Sigh*

      1. I was really hoping this troll would at least be amusing and wanted the post to read “…now I am having second thoughts. This cleaning lady was the best at scrubbing my bathtub and I just can’t get it as clean. Is it worth it to ask her to come back?”

         1. That would have been much more amusing.

         2. True story. I know someone whose husband cheated with their children’s nanny. She dumped the husband but kept the nanny. She was that good with the kids.

            1. I know that good help is hard to find but jeez….

   2. Assuming this is real, move on with your life without a second thought.

      1. Real? Of course it’s real! Where have you been living? This also happened to me with my sorority sister. Some men can literally talk a girl’s panties off without her knowing it. I was dumb enough to get back with him until his weenie wandered for the last time (with me). No more! Now I will wait 6 months before sleeping with a man.

         1. Sure Jan.

         2. Hahaha

         3. This is funny

         4. I would let a man suckle me after 2 months; and bone me in 4 (with a condom), but I would not do a handjob for 3 weeks, or do him orally for 8.6 months without a condom, assuming he was STD tested. Do others here have different time schedules?

            1. Uh. What?!

   3. This troll is coming up with a thread every day now.

      I think it is a guy.

      1. This. And if you remember Ellen, there were those who thought she was a guy (or even a group of male comedy writers).

         1. Yeah, it sounds a lot like a guy; there are regular posts these days that sound off, but are coming with different writing voices. I’d say it’s a whole collection of trolls. (What’s the collective noun for trolls? A tedium of trolls? An askance? A bother?)

            I found Ellen beyond tedious. If she came from a group of comedy writers, that may explain why I can’t bear to watch any sitcoms these days.

            1. Where is Ellen? I miss her. She was funny and always clean. I wish I had her wardrobe too. And I don’t think she’s a dude. Knows far too much about ladies’ issues.

            2. I like a ‘tedium of trolls’ as a collective noun!

         2. Ellen wasn’t funny, though. Those would be some pretty sad comedy writers.

      2. Oh, I think you’re right. It sounds off, even for a troll.

      3. It sounds like a guy who thinks he knows how women talk. (Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.)

   4. Speaking from experience, it can be hard to cut ties with a cheater. Cheating is wrong, but love and a long-term bond can absolutely complicate things. You want to believe it was more her fault than his. You want to believe he’ll never do it again. And sometimes cheating can be a one-time thing, but unfortunately, most cheaters are repeat offenders. He broke your trust, and if you take him back, it will be a long time before you can trust him again, which will cause frustration on both sides – you’ll be suspicious all the time, and at first he’ll say he understands, then after a month or two he’ll be tired of you not trusting him.

      Relationships can bounce back, but it’s tough, and more often than not they do eventually fall apart, either because the cheater cheats again or the lack of trust is too hard to deal with. It will hurt to walk away, it may hurt for a while, but you’re better off without him.

   5. This troll is lame. I miss Ellen.

   6. This troll is lame. I miss Ellen.

7. Any advice for deflecting personal questions from relatives? Members of my extended family ask very pointed and direct questions and I’m just a bit uncomfortable being 100% honest, but sometimes I’m terrible at deflecting and I just feel awkward. Thanks all.

   1. You are under no obligation to answer any question, ever (unless you are giving sworn testimony). Your family can ask anythinf they want -you are allowed to deflect anything and everything.

   2. Depends on the type of question. I go with “I don’t know” or fake agreement to whatever they think I should do (“sure I’ll do that”) as much as possible. Obviously this doesn’t work for personal questions about me but it works for a lot of the longer term career/marriage/family questions.

   3. “Not sure right now” “I haven’t decided yet” “Still thinking about that” + followed immediately by asking about themselves/their kids/grandkids/hobbies. People love to talk about themselves so toss the ball back in their court.

   4. What kind of questions? My in-laws constantly ask me when we’re going to have a baby and I just say (over and over again) “I’m not pregnant. We’ll be sure to let you know as soon as we have happy news to share.” Deflect and evade is basically my strategy.

   5. I can’t tell my Mother anything (but I won’t get into that now). So when she asks how “situation X” is or “person A”, I always flip it on her. I’ll say “thank you so much for asking about ‘situation x’. It’s going welll. But you know, you never told me what ever happened with ‘such and such’…”

      Point being, people LOVE to talk about themselves. So get them talking so you don’t have to.

   6. This may be a little cold/office-y for you, but I am just fine with Miss Manners’ advice (at least in one of her books):

      “That’s an awfully personal question, why do you ask?” (with a most gracious smile, of course)

      Hopefully it at least signals to the asker that they are being inappropriately invasive. And when given some weird response- ‘”How about that!”

   7. Thanks all. It’s mostly questions about how/why I’m still single, if I want kids, do I know I’m running out of time, maybe I should consider working less so I can date more etc. The evade and redirect is great advice. I’m going to try that!

      I can deal with it from my parents but I always struggle with being polite but evasive with my other family members.

      1. The best comeback I have ever heard to a ‘when are you going to find a man’ type question was my sister in response to my grandmother. Note that my grandfather passed away many years ago. “I don’t know Grandma, you’ve been single longer than me – when are You going to find a man?”

         Not helpful and very situation specific – but it shut my grandma down pretty quickly and I thought it was hilarious.

   8. My SIL is a master at this. She just flat out doesn’t respond, and instead, asks another question. For example:

      MIL: So, how much did you two spend on that car anyway?

      SIL: How’s your new grandchild?

      MIL: (Asking in June) Are you going to be here for Christmas or not?

      SIL: What was the brand of that bag you said you liked at that store last week?

      MIL: Why can’t you come to 9 millionth non-milestone family event this year?

      SIL: Have you ever been to Turks and Caicos?

      It’s truly incredible to watch, mostly because she never shows a flicker of irritation, just completely ignores and moves right along.

      1. This is so impressive.

   9. I use the politician’s tactic of answering *a* question, not necessarily the one they asked me.

      “When are you going to get married?” “Oh, that’s such a good question! I’m really looking forward to going to Thailand in a couple months. Do you have any vacation upcoming?”

      1. Yes. I do think too and it works well.

         I think having some of these standard phrases ready to go “what an interesting question”, “now there’s a thought”, etc. gives me some time to move past it mentally and think of the next thing to say.

   10. I have no problem with shaming people. “Why aren’t you married yet? It’s probably your fault for working too much.” “Wow, that is really hurtful. I’m shocked you would say that to me.” And then walk away. Assuming these are all adults, there is no reluctance to call them out.

8. I would love to hear from anyone who has seen/bought this piece. It photographs nicely on the model, but, especially in the linen fabric, I wonder if it looks cheap. Express has always been hit or miss for me, but I honestly haven’t shopped there since college and my tastes/standards have changed a bit since then.

   1. Same! I could really use a couple more suits and would like to not break the bank…

9. I have a ton of stuff (especially lipstick and eye shadow) that I never wear. I feel like it would be a relief to do a clean sweep and toss a bunch of stuff, however I’m balking because 1) I feel like I’m being wasteful and 2) what if I need that EXACT SHADE, even if I have three lipsticks in almost the same color. Should I just do it and live with potential regret/feeling like a terrible person for throwing away perfectly fine stuff?

   1. Maybe it’s easier to justify when you realize a bunch of it is expired and probably bacteria-infested? Looking up how long I’m supposed to keep various types of makeup usually does it for me.

      1. Good call. I don’t even want to think about how old some of that lipstick is.

      2. +1

         Don’t worry about wasting/donating old makeup.

   2. Tell yourself this:

      It’s extremely unlikely you’ll “need” something again after years of not wearing it.

      If you do, and you only need it once, you can probably get it for a few bucks at a drugstore for that one wear. And if after that you figure “hey, this looks awesome on me, I must have more” then spring for a nicer version. But again, that’s very unlikely.

      Not only is old makeup riddled with bacteria, it’s also not as *good* as it was. If it’s really old, the chemicals may have started to separate or congeal, causing the texture to be off, meaning the look and feel won’t be as good anymore.

      Whatever you’ve used in the past 6-12 months is probably all you need.

      1. YES. This is the practical self-talk I wish I could have given myself. Goes in the garbage tonight and hopefully my new streamlined makeup system will be its own reward.

10. My inlaws are all so terrible when it comes to personal finances. I feel like i’m constantly biting my tongue (bc i know it isn’t my place to offer unsolicited advice) and simultaneously worrying about them. Any great strategies for how to let this take up less mental bandwidth?

    1. Are you me? Except it’s my mother.

       I’ve done well by realizing that she got herself in this position. She’s not starving, she’s not in danger, and however she chooses to spend her money is her right as an autonomous adult. She was bad with money before I came along and has the mental capacity to be good with money, but makes repeated conscious choices not to be.

       That doesn’t get me through every situation when I’m worried and frustrated and want to yell at her about idiotic financial decision #14,763, but it helps 90% of the time.

       1. I needed to read this. Thank you.

       2. This is where I’m at with my dad. There is literally nothing I can do to change his patterns of behavior.

          Of course, he’s going to die eventually and then I’m going to have to deal with the smoking crater of his estate and debts. Off-topic, but who do I even talk to about that? A lawyer?

    2. I feel the same way about my in-laws’ approach toward their health (like, do they WANT Type 2 diabetes?! Would it kill them to get off the couch?!). I try to adopt my husband’s approach, which is that they are in their 70s and have lived like this for years, we can say something every once in a while, but we’re not going to change them.

       That said, if their decisions are making it more likely that you are going to have to support them financially as they age, then that changes the equation and you should definitely be assertive, and be frank with them about why it’s important that you not be at risk of getting into a financial hole to pay for their mistakes.

    3. Repeat after me: People are not improvement projects.

       That said, you can definitely make it clear that you will not be picking up the slack if they bankrupt themselves.

11. Letter to Mr. Kitten’s lawyer regarding Kitten Jr. who is actually a dog. This metaphor is hard. Thanks y’all for your help.

    1. *letter sent

       1. Yay!

    2. I hope things work out for you and Kitten Jr.!

    3. Keep us updated!!!

12. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 4-5 months now and everything is good. Except of course this one thing — he has made a couple of remarks that indicate he has some trouble at work. He was called into a supervisor’s office about his low productivity, which by his telling, he reacted to with some anger. And there is at least one time he called in sick despite not being sick and despite having a bunch of meetings that had to be re-scheduled (for which people had traveled from out of state). I have a feeling there are other issues like this.

    With me he is great, but I think this is probably the type of issue that will become a problem — unreliability, lack of consideration for others, etc. That’s my gut, but I also know I can be very judgmental and tend to look for red flags to cut my losses early. Any reality checks?

    1. Oh my gosh that would be a huge red flag for me. Can you imagine being married to this guy?

       For me that would be a dealbreaker. I need my partner to have a good work ethic.

       1. +1 I’d be out of there. Everyone has different deal breakers, but this is at the top of my list. What happens when you need him or expected his help and he ‘calls in sick’? Ugh. No, thank you.

       2. +2 another adage, when people tell you who they are, believe them.

    2. I think you should trust your gut. You get to choose your deal breakers, obviously, but I think this does show signs of at least a poor work ethic and that’s a deal breaker for me.

    3. I just disagree with this. My husband is a really good worker but over the course of our relationship has had positions that just weren’t a good fit. Because we’ve always been a two income couple it’s been fine for one of us to ‘lean out’ from time to time. I DO NOT think this affects anyone’s partner potential.

    4. I agree this is troubling behavior, but I think some of the responses above are a little harsh to the guy. It’s possible this position is just not a good fit. I’ve had difficult bosses and work situations where I was seen as not a great performer, and other work situations where I’ve thrived and kicked a**. Is he trying to find a new job? Is he nonchalant about the fact that he’s struggling or he is really upset and acting like this is out of the ordinary?

       In any case, I would not make the leap from “unreliable at work” to “unreliable for you.” I know several people who are really flaky employees but great partners and parents, and I think 4-5 months is long enough to tell if he’s going to start flaking on you.

       1. First of all, in my experience, that’s actually not really long enough to tell if he’s going to be flaky, and secondly, I think it’s totally legit to decide that a poor work ethic is a deal breaker and that includes handling a poor fit in a professional manner, not calling out of important meetings at the last second. And if it were just an anomaly — like an unusually stressful time in his life — she would probably know that.

    5. When my husband and I were dating and first married he was very unhappy at work, struggling to get out of bed (and started going in late/leaving early), depressed, criticized at work for not hacking it. He wasn’t a bad guy. I loved him then and love him even more now. But his work struggles made both of us miserable for a very long time. Ultimately he lost his job, and he’s never been able to regain his footing professionally/financially. I’m the primary breadwinner by a long shot, and I think it will stay that way. Fortunately, he takes care of virtually everything else, and it works for us. All this is to say, this may be an ongoing problem for your boyfriend, it may get worse before it gets better. If you were in a position where you were supporting him financially long-term, would you be okay with it? Does he do other things well that would make him a good partner? (cook, run errands, fix things, do the laundry, take care of kids/dogs/etc.?)

13. Does anyone have experience with Nisolo, specifically the huaraches? I’m looking for a new go-to summer sandal, but I need at least a little bit of cushioning (I live in a city, don’t have a car, and do tons of walking).

    1. I tried the Nisolo huaraches on and didn’t love them, but it’s so personal. I’m really just coming to learn that I shouldn’t try to replace my Birkenstocks because nothing will replace my Birkenstocks. FWIW I also tried on the smoking shoes, and they looked frumptastic on me, even though I really wanted to like them.

14. How do you handle getting your belongings back after a breakup, especially one that isn’t amicable?

    1. I’d send an email saying “Please pack up belongings X, Y, and Z and leave them at ABC place on 123 date.” And if he gave me any trouble about it at all, I’d just walk away and chalk it up to the cost of experience.

       1. +1 depending on the value of the things I’m trying to get back, sentimental or monetary.

    2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ89lMXLJGA

15. I don’t recommend buying suiting from Express.

    I purchased suit pants for my fiancé last year that sadly/comically ripped right down the center back seam the first day he wore them to work. When I went to return them in store, they said their store policy was that they don’t accept returns of suiting, ever. I had to beg and threaten to get even store credit.

    Bottom line, you are better off quality and return-policy wise shopping a department store brand.

    1. I’m surprised that happened. I buy a large portion of all of my clothes ranging from work wear to casual wear from Express and I’ve never had an issue with their clothes with the exception of my older clothes I’ve purchased from them 5-10 years ago that are now worn out. Other than that, their clothes always worked well for me.

16. To the poster asking about laser hair removal in the previous post, I’ve found it very successful. I have dark, coarse hair and light olive skin, and it took 10 sessions, finishing about 18 months ago, and now I don’t shave at all. I went back for a ‘top up’ session a few months back that apparently is needed every year or so, but am really happy with the results. I’ve done underarms, full leg and bikini line.

17. Need some professional clothes ideas: Starting a new job, at a high level in a new company. I am 5 feet, slightly curvy, narrow shoulders, busty with thick waist. So far, the only clothes that fit me well, off the rack, have been Ann Taylor Petite – especially their pants. Banana Republic, J. Crew etc. do not fit well at all.
    I find the AT Petite selection not as good as it used to be, and am looking for some other suggestions for my type. Thanks.

18. Whenever my brother-in-law, an architect, visits our home he makes constant comments about everything that’s wrong in terms of construction, layout, or finishes, in his opinion. (I think the place is great and take a lot of pride in it. It’s 100 years old and really well maintained.)

    Is this an insecure architect who is trying to impress me or a rude brother in law? :)

19. Four years ago, I spluged (by my standards) and bought my favorite basic black suit, Elie Tahari seasonless wool. This week, I ordered the “same” jacket from ET, but the quality has declined. The weight of the wool is lighter, feels flimsy. And goodbye pretty dark blue silky liner. What gives? Need a new favorite basic black suit (Not theory, I’m too hippy). Suggestions?

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