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Suit of the Week: Reformation

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Full disclosure here: This is a corduroy suit, and so it's probably not the thing you want to wear to your conservative office (but: know your office!). But: who knew Reformation had suits at all? This one comes in brown and a light rose (all made from corduroy deadstock fabrics) and I love the long, clean lines of the flared pants and the slouchy perfection of the blazer. The jacket (Sampson Blazer) is $228, and the pants (Dillon Pant) are $148. (This is really just a plus size corduroy blazer rather than a suit, BUT: it's on a great sale, down from $150 to $50.) This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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148 Comments

  1. How much did divorce affect your children? Did they bounce back? Did the age of your children at the time of divorce have anything to do with how they fared? Was it dependent upon personality of the kid? The kind of marriage that was ending?

    1. To clarify, by “kind of marriage,” I mean how the children perceived the marriage–was it openly hostile, did things appear fine on the surface?

    2. I have seen all sorts.

      The kids who are suffering the most had this to deal with: dad with GF, dad in/out/in/out/in/out of house, dad with obvious favorite kid getting expensive travel sports and no other kid getting it; dad with PTSD; mom who is probably BPD; both parents face-booking the breakup and new partners; both parents trash-talking the other in front of the kids; quick re-partnering with new partner with new partner who already has kids; mom with no local family for support. This is all in one family (sadly, relatives).

      1. A few of these situations sound like cases where divorce makes things worse for the kids because it sets the problem parent free. I am extremely grateful to my good parent for sticking things out until we were older. She sacrificed a lot of her happiness to keep us safe from the chaos and likely actual danger we would have faced if my parents had split.

        (OTTH, if there were any justice in the world, I would still much rather that they had gotten divorced.)

    3. Since so many of us are fairly young, with younger children and more recent divorces, do you want to hear from those of us who grew up as children of divorce?

      Because I learned from my experiences that the long term effects from growing up in the midst of parental turmoil were the most profound.

      1. Yes, I agree with this, but ultimately I think it worked for me in the end. There are also significant risks for your kids of staying in a bad marriage “for the kids.” You are modeling the kind of relationship you kids will likely emulate. Do you want to teach your kids that they should settle in a relationship just to keep the peace, etc.

        My life was hell during my parents’ divorce and they both behaved poorly, but I do think that I ended up being a much better, prudent, more competent, loving adult for having gone through that process. It did define me. In my case, that’s a good thing.

    4. My parents divorced when I was 9 and it impacted me in an extremely positive way. Suddenly there was no screaming and yelling and a lot more peace at home. I regret that my parents didn’t do it earlier — when I get angry now I tend to be a yeller, and I have to think that I picked that up from seeing all of the yelling going on when I was a kid.

      Even if there isn’t yelling, kids are smart. They know when a marriage is unhappy. So unhealthy for kids to be in an environment where there isn’t mutual respect/love/understanding.

      1. + a million

        You can’t hide an unhappy marriage from kids. I don’t think that kids are damaged by divorce, I think they’re damaged by the behavior that is modeled during an unhappy marriage. The late night yelling was the worst. It was terrifying. I was a yeller/would explode into anger because that’s what I learned…with life experience/introspection/therapy I’m unlearning that and life is much better.

      2. From a different perspective, my husband was 9 when his parents divorced, and it was really, really hard on him. His family had a “perfect” life–dad was a doctor, mom taught piano and was in Junior League. They had a big house in a prestigious part of town, and the kids went to fancy schools. They had 2 kids, an older boy and a younger girl. His parents went out all the time and hosted elaborate and legendary parties (seriously, I still hear about them from old friends and family). DH thought they were happy.

        DH’s parents only fought in front of him once. Up to that point, there was no yelling, no (open) conflict at all. About a week after the fight, his parents told the kids they were getting divorced. DH thought the divorce was his fault–I’m not sure why, but apparently that’s common.

        DH grew up very afraid of conflict. He thought that any conflict meant that the person you were “fighting” with didn’t love you anymore. Not surprisingly, he had attachment issues with both parents. He had difficulty trusting romantic partners, including me. I have my own set of issues I bring to the table, of course, but we are just now, after 15 years of being together and 8 years of marriage, figuring out how to introduce and resolve conflict in a healthy way.

        I’m not saying healthy people yell at each other in front of their kids. But avoiding yelling isn’t the only thing that has a lasting impact. Ideally, parents should set an example of healthy conflict resolution, whether they’re married or divorced.

    5. Watch Sarah Jessica Parker’s show called Divorce on HBO. ITS so true to life, down to the dry humping and infidelity. Kids seem ? at least for now.

    6. I will weigh in with my experience as a child. My parents had a pretty hostile relationship, though they tried to hide it from us. I would hear them yelling at night, see my mom give my dad the silent treatment, see and hear her crying, and see my dad sleeping on the couch. My dad was also gone a lot and they always said for work, but I knew that wasn’t true. However, all of this was not really what left a lasting effect on me. It was the way the actual divorce was handled. Both of my parents were openly hurtful towards each other, would bad mouth each other, brought new significant others into our lives in some cases just to make the other parent jealous, made us feel like we had to chose sides or were being disloyal/bad children. It was AWFUL and left me very distrusting. I was 13 when they separated and 15 when the divorce was final. My sister was 11 when they separated and my brother was 9. My mother also struggled with depression and literally wouldn’t get out of bed and so I had to take on a lot of caregiving/homemaking starting in middle school.

      So I don’t think divorce itself is bad for children. I think children are resilient and can thrive when they have loving parents, even if those parents are divorced. But parents must act respectfully towards each other. I remember sitting at a T-ball game for my son and watching the family of one of his teammates interact. The parents were divorced, the mom remarried and the dad engaged. The four adults sat with each other, chatted (mostly about the game and the upcoming wedding), but the mom and step-mom were really making an effort to get along and interact genuinely with each other. After the game, the step-parents stood a step or two back and the kid ran out and was greeted by his mom and dad together. It really opened my eyes to how things can be. I have been married for 12 years now and have 3 kids and we are happy, but if for some reason we ever do divorce, I will try my very best to have a relationship like that for my children.

      1. Yes!

        There is research that shows the thing that harms the children most is not the fact of the divorce but the conflict — both pre- and post-divorce.

    7. My parents did not fight, but they just did not interact. Apart from me, they had nothing in common, were not affectionate and did not really do anything together as a couple.

      They divorced when I was 21 and I wish desperately that they had done it sooner so that they might have had a chance to be happy with other people and for me to see what that happiness looked like. I had no idea what a functional romantic relationship should look like and had to figure it out on my own, which involved some definite missteps.

      1. To be fair, I think a lot of people make missteps romantically in their teens and 20s even if their parents had a happy marriage. My parents have been married for 40 years and are (at least as far as I can tell) very happy, but I dated some real tools in my younger days and put up with things that make me cringe looking back…

          1. I’m another anon, and a child of a very bad divorce. I don’t think it’s thoughtless.

    8. My kids were 9 and 12 when I divorced. I don’t think they perceived how bad things were (lots of our problems were financial, mental health, and fidelity related) and they were initially very, very sad. They grieved. The younger one sided with my ex pretty firmly although we are closer now.

      But we are five years out now and their dad and I have a pretty solid co-parenting relationship. He’s held a job so I get child support on time (via the state), which erases one big possible source of conflict. I have primary custody and he is pretty good about taking his parenting time; I have worked hard to support my kids’ relationship with their dad. We go to parent teacher conferences together. Unless their teachers are looking for wedding rings I would guess that it’s not apparent we’re divorced.

      The kids are flourishing, the older one having a slightly easier path in life than the younger, but they are doing well. Having my ex out of the house gave me space to see and attend to the younger one’s need for therapy for anxiety. I’m in much better financial shape and they get to do activities and so on as they choose. They have remained close with all their grandparents.

      1. Our son was 4 when my ex and I divorced, and is now almost 9. My ex and I were extremely incompatible, and the atmosphere in our home (tense and angry/unhappy, but not screaming arguments/violence) was my primary reason for leaving him. We are both happily remarried, and my son loves his stepparents. We all make a concerted effort to get along with each other, which is super hard sometimes, but absolutely worth it.

        The initial separation was hard for all of us, and even 5 years out, my son will bring it up sometimes. He’ll say things like “I wish you and my dad still lived together” or “When I grow up I hope I never get divorced, because I don’t want my kids to hurt like that.” Its crushing, honestly, but also very rare. Maybe once or twice a year. When he does bring it up, I empathize and comfort, and then remind him about how much he loves his stepmom and stepdad, and ask if he thinks it feels better to be in our new lives or our old ones. He always chooses our new lives.

        I’m a child of divorce too (my parents fought violently and I begged my mother to leave my father; she stuck it out until I was 10; their divorce still hurt me) and I wanted our son to grow up around positive, healthy relationships. I know it was, and still is, hard on him, but I am 100% sure that divorce was the right choice. He has 4 happy parents instead of 2 miserable ones, and I think that will be a huge factor in his future relationships.

  2. Any experience with J. Jill sizing? I’ve never shopped there before, but I got a catalog in the mail last week and really liked several items and thought I’d place an order.

    1. Runs large – i have two tunicy sweatery tops from them that I really like.

  3. Any recommendations for a heat-regulating mattress pad or one that you like for a foam mattress? It slept quite hot last summer and the alleged cooling gel top didn’t help. Thanks!

    1. Not a rec for a mattress, but we got bamboo sheets at the start of last summer. I was surprised how much cooler they were than whatever sheets we had before that. We were able to bump our thermostat by 3 degrees.

    2. I have the cooling mattress pad from the Company Store, as well as a pillow cover (goes between the pillow and pillowcase) and it has made a world of difference in my comfort level. I like a lot of blankets, but used to frequently wake up sweaty. I don’t anymore.

      Sheets are basic Threshold Cotton percale from Target.

  4. Anyone see the NYT article yesterday about adults living in dorms in their 30s-50s. It was about crazy SF rental prices where even a dorm runs you 2200/month so that’s all you can afford if you earn 50k since apartments are easily 4K+. But it was also about people desiring community – liking group outing and birthday celebrations; cooking in a communal kitchen; watching tv together etc. (And this was a traditional dorm with bathrooms down the hall.) What say you – could you do it?

    1. I did and I was horrified by the idea of doing that at the prices listed but it seems to work for a lot of folks. If it were cheap enough and I were still single I would find it more palatable.

    2. I read it and it definitely does not appeal to me.

      When I was 18 and in first year undergrad, sure. Now? Not on your life.

    3. I went back to grad school at 32 and lived in the dorms with all the 22 yos. We had two-person suites – private bedrooms (closet, twin bed, desk, chair), a teeny kitchenette, and a bathroom. I really enjoyed it and it was a fun way to meet people. Everyone was very respectful of noise. I’d do it again if I had to live somewhere with a COL that high.

      1. My friend did this when she went to grad school in London in her late 20s. It worked really well because she got to meet other people who were new to the city.

    4. I think it’s actually a great option for a lot of people that don’t have close family or friends and maybe work a job that makes it hard to meet people (e.g. irregular shift work). I think it would be great if there was more housing purpose built like this.

      1. I agree. And if it’s about COL, to me, having a bunch of random dormmates feels like less of an imposition than having 1 random roommate.

      1. Living in a dorm room again is my literal nightmare, as in I have that dream all the time.

        A few years ago I was seriously considering a graduate program and my sleep brain turned that into me saying goodbye to my husband and kids and moving back into my freshman dorm. And then not being able to find my classrooms.

        So .. tangent aside, that’s a no for me.

        But I can see how more communal type people would love the company. It’s not that different than a bunch of younger people sharing a house.

        1. Mine too! That has been my stress dream for years. In the latest variation, just this week, I was going to be in a dorm room with my husband and one of our kids (the one I’ve been worrying about lately.) It’s crazy how the mind works.

      2. Thank GOD the teck guy finally got our server up and running. We have been HACKED at work and alot of my files were copied and we think stolen. Fortnuately, we had CLOUD backup from the server, so we did NOT loose any copies. We were NOT allowed to access the computer until they did FORENSICS, and I could NOT use the Internet, b/c that is where we got compromised according to the teck guy.

        The manageing partner think’s that the Russians’ could have done it b/c my Dad was in the CIA and I told everyone. Dad is still mad for me blowing his cover. FOOEY! That was year’s ago, b/f he got his PHD and DBA and everything! DOUBEL FOOEY!

        As for the OP, I loved living in the dorm at GW. We had a dorm where the men were alway’s trying to impress the women, and that meant guys giving us stuff. I met so many men there but most were schlubs trying to be BMOC, meaning big men on campus. I would recommend it to any of the HIVE who is goieng to college! YAY!!!!!

    6. I loved dorms. And my first high-rise was picked b/c I already had friends there. I fully envision doing a golden-girls style thing when I am older.

      But not for 30s/40s/50s/early 60s.

      [Srsly — how bad does SF and vicinity have to get before people will just be all eff that and go someplace else to live and then spend long weekends as a tourist back in SF and still have $ left over? I’d just get a boat and tie up somewhere cheap and shower at the gym.]

      2. Honestly wondering. Do businesses make sure you aren’t sleeping in your office a la Congress folk? My mom has a Minivan and I could live in that and just pay parking tickets for so much less than this.

        1. No – living in cars and RVs is fairly common here. It tends to be a problem bc cops keep making you move, there aren’t full fledged RV parks everywhere where you can hook up, not to mention shower/bathroom issues in cars.

    7. This sounds like a cross between a shelter and a hostel and I’m impressed that that they could sell that as a feature (social living!) instead of a bug (COL is unsustainable here!).

    8. That definitely doesn’t appeal to me. I know people living in group arrangements, 4-5 adults living in the same house or apartment, into their mid 30’s and sometimes even their early 40’s, and it really stinks that gainfully employed, successful adults have to do this in order to afford living in or just outside the city, because having a community is fun but roommates can really suck sometimes. My guy and I are looking for our own place now, and I really hope this means no more roommates for either of us, ever.

    9. The older folks in the article were just leaving divorces, so it’s probably nice to plug into a already-existing community instead of just being alone. Plus divorce can be expensive. And they get to have pets! I’d do it.

    10. It’s definitely not for me, I personally cannot imagine having a roommate other than my husband at this point in life, let alone communal living. That said, you have to remember that there’s still quite a lot of the counter-culture (nee burningman) vibe here that attracts a lot of people who this lifestyle appeals to. I love that about SF & I’ve known people who live in those communities. They’re fun. They don’t generally do the kind of work or live lives like we do, but it’s a nice kind of diversity that we have.

    11. I can’t imagine living in a dorm again, but Mr. Brooke’s parents live in a community where there are maybe 15-20 houses that surround a “common house.” Everyone eats together in the common house every other week, and there are frequent events at the common house – tv watch parties, more spontaneous BBQs than the regular dinners, etc. The houses are smaller than most people would probably choose because they also have this common space. People who live in this community are not hippies or countercultural, but probably lean more progressive than the rest of the town. When the Brookes moved in, they had young kids, as did a lot of their neighbors, but they are older empty nesters now, and a lot of the people who lived there are selling to new young families. They actually like it more now that there is variety in the demographics.

      1. Totally fascinated by these types of communities. They kind of freak me out, kind of appeal to me.

      3. I know you probably don’t want to out yourself, but where is this? It sounds so neat. I would love to learn more.

        1. Winslow Commons in on Bainbridge Island outside Seattle is one that I’m aware of but there are literally thousands. Intentional Community ICdotORG is a place to look.

        2. Yes, there are similar communities in many places. I’ve been to Arcadia in Chapel Hill, NC, and it seems like a really high quality of life.

      5. I have an acquaintance from college/Facebook friend who lives in a community like this. Apparently, they were installing solar panels on the common house this week. She’s married and has 2 young kids. I think it’s fascinating, but I’m not close enough with her to ask questions about it.

    12. One of my Silicon Valley coworkers just moved into one of those adult dorms. He loves it, because he was feeling lonely as a single guy working long hours. I picture it as a “tech bro” dorm though. Not for me.

    13. I live in SF and I totally see why someone would go for this. a 1,400 to a 2,400 range for furnished units, utilities included, is incredible. One of my coworkers lives in a studio in a very unsafe area and he still pays about $2000. Many of the young professionals that I know (with incomes in the range that the article identified as the target range for dorm-living) have roommates, and if you aren’t from the area or don’t already know a group, you end up living with strangers or friends-of-friends. This seems no different.

      1. Funny how so many “old fashioned” things are making a come-back. Boarding houses, delivered groceries, multi-generational living. Just like the 1920s.

    14. Honestly I miss the dorms so much and would absolutely do this. The community was great, you could borrow clothes, all of it. (At my alma mater you usually stay in the same dorm unless you move off campus, so it’s almost like a very chill sorority you don’t have to rush.)

      My dream is to buy a small apartment building and live in it with my dorm friends and our families.

  5. When I was in sixth grade in a tiny Midwestern town, I wanted a corduroy blazer more than anything I had ever wanted. I received a camel-colored one from Maurice’s or somewhere for Christmas and wore it probably three times a week with my Zena jeans. Cannot do this again.

    1. Oh, I had a burgundy one! Talbots had some this year and I did think about it.

    2. I love the idea of wearing the full corduroy suit in an academic workplace. But if it’s only the blazer, I’d rather go for suede.

    3. I actually own a caramel-colored corduroy blazer and wear it quite a bit.

      And now I’m wishing I had the matching pants…

  6. I am kind of devastated today after our primary election yesterday. My preferred candidates lost, but I also saw that a lot of women won their primaries which is nice, but some of them are less likely to win against the R incumbents. Like in some cases 0 chance where I think the men would have had a chance. They have my support but are we trying to promote women when often they don’t have a chance at this time?

    1. Are you saying they have no chance just because they’re women? Or the specific women who won their primaries are less likely to win against their opponents? There’s a big difference and you should be careful in how you say that.

      1. True. I am saying a few specific ones cannot win. Some of this is the way they’ve positioned themselves. And I am concerned – sometimes the person best positioned to beat the incumbent is maybe not the one you truly want.

        2. Okay, that’s fine, but it doesn’t sound like gender has much to do with this problem in general. Men sometimes win primaries, too, when they’re unlikely to win general elections.

    2. Do you mean because the women are inexperienced/haven’t run before? In our area, there are many successful “newish” political people who failed their first races and are now serving on city council. Losing your first race doesn’t mean you’re never going to win, it just means not enough people knew you yet! (all this to say, don’t be discouraged.)

      1. No, they are women who were not as qualified and had as much going for them as the men. Or tried to set themselves apart in a way that is not going to be appealing for voters that might be on the fence.

        1. I think the bigger picture is important here. Men run, women run, some humans are good candidates, some humans are not good candidates. Yay that more women ran. It’s scary just to run.

          I think you’re talking about the DCCC going against Moser in Houston because she wouldn’t be as good against Culbertson? She’s a human who has her political views, and her views won. Likely that seat will go back to Culbertson because she’s too liberal for the typical voter in that district. BUT that district will be up again in 2020 and maybe Culbertson will retire and maybe a more moderate D or a better candidate, male or female, will run. Gotta play the long game in politics.

          1. Nah, more the gubernatorial one and some local ones around DFW. I know, you’re right.

          2. Oh, the governor’s race is a whole different story. Texas is a red state for all the talk of its going purple. No serious D politician is going to run against Greg Abbott, so you have to find someone far enough out there to challenge him…and that kind of challenger often isn’t well qualified. (See: deep blue Illinois district where the only R candidate is an avowed white supremacist.)

            Wendy Davis had tons of momentum behind her in 2014, but there were flaws in her campaign. She didn’t not-win because she was a woman, she didn’t win because there were those fuzzy bits in her personal story and because Texas is still a red state.

            It’s important to look at political candidates as individuals, not as demographics. Sure, more women in elected office would be great, but I don’t think they’re not-winning because they’re women. They’re not-winning because they’re Ds in red Texas. Put a red woman on the ballot in Texas and she’ll do ok (see, Sarah Davis).

          3. Fellow DFW resident here. Lupe Valdez’s dominance in the primary was incredibly disappointing. I know we get a runoff, but I’m not optimistic that there’s much White can do to turn the vote considering how many people voted for her despite her lack of responsiveness to media outlets, not putting herself in front of voters and communicating clear stances on more than a couple issues, and her inability to grasp basic policy areas that a governor would have to confront. She basically did nothing but say “I’m Lupe Valdez” and nearly got 50%. Abbott’s popularity is bizarrely high so I know this race is the longest of long shots, but it would’ve been nice to at least put someone on the ticket who could make a showing.

    3. If women are crushing it in primaries then they have a chance in general elections. After how many millennia of waiting is it women’s turn to try? Most of these districts have run moderate men as dems for decades. And lost every time.

  7. Ladies – I just got 2 pairs of boots and am contemplating which to keep – can you help? They are both Sorels – booties with 3″ stacked heels – but one is black (Danica) and one is gray (Addington). I already have a black wedge bootie, but with laces. Should I keep just the gray ones? Or both? Help! They are both $140.

    2. I love the Addingtons! The Danicas excite me less – it feels like there are similar choices at a far lower price point.

      1. Another vote for the Addingtons, I’ve been lusting after them for a while.

  8. Other comments talking about exit options on here have got me thinking about my future. I’m a 7th year associate in Mid Atlantic Biglaw and have received glowing reviews. I’m in transaction-side real estate, so I work on financing, acquisitions and leasing on a national level. I don’t do much ground-up development. I like what I do and love my coworkers, but am getting pretty burnt out from the constant deal flow. I also don’t enjoy the tasks I see a lot of junior partners have to do. My business development prospects are pretty dire because I’m constantly swamped, so I’m concerned I’m going to get the boot after I outlive my usefulness.

    What kind of exit options am I looking at? I’m afraid I’ve left it too late for in-house? Most postings I see are for 2-5 years or for 15+ years and they want a jack of all trades- I know nothing about litigation.

    The clients that I mainly I work for are based out of states where I wouldn’t want to move. Ideally I’d stay in the north east, but I’d also consider moving to an outdoorsy lifestyle city.

    Any thoughts on areas/industries I should consider? Who needs real estate help?

    1. Just spitbballing here, but:

      malls, development firms, company-owned retail shops (a gas station chain near me just needed house counsel for real estate stuff), cities using tax credit financing/gap financing often have some niche practices, banks providing tax credit financing. I think there’s some niche practices in the midwest where they just flip deals like this, maybe slower-pace than what you’re currently dealing with.

    2. Just apply to the jobs you want anyway. If you wait to be the perfect candidate, you will never get there.

    4. I’m in real estate finance. I’d suggest looking in house at a bank in their real estate practice (or a life company, debt fund, equity fund, REIT etc.), in house at a developer/owner/property manager, any of the big or medium sized real estate companies have in-house teams that work with external contacts.

  9. Question for the hive: Where do you suggest putting savings for a down payment if I’m not going to be able to buy for several years, if ever? I’m in my late twenties, single, in a HCOL area, and not making a ton of money. I currently live with a roommate who I’ve lived with for a few years and am generally happy with my living situation given the circumstances. We get along well and it’s much more affordable than living alone. However, I would like to own my own home one day, but don’t foresee that happening anytime soon unless I couple up or drastically change my search area/move. For the time being, I’d like to save the measly few hundred dollars per month I can in hopes of one day being able to purchase my own home. My question is, where should I be putting this savings? It seems silly to leave it in a savings account earning 1% if I may not buy for several years, but putting it in an index fund is risky for obvious reasons.

    And FWIW, I am maxing out my 401k, hence the lack of ability to save substantially right now.

    1. There is a huge array of options between savings account and index fund. Bonds and bond funds for one, or two-year CDs which you can find for 1.5% now then find for something better in two years. I’d suggest wait until you have $1000 to do either CDs or invest in safer securities.

      1. To be clear, I have about $20k in a savings account and another $30k in a low fee index fund that I inherited years ago. Still not enough for buying in my market to seem feasible.

    2. Keep in mind, with decent credit, most people can go into the housing market with 5% down. You don’t need to save $100k or $200k to buy…unless you’re sadly in a place where people do all cash offers…

      1. Clearly you live in a LCOLA area. In a HCOLA (where most of us live I think), you can’t do the types of mortgages “middle America” does. Where I live, you need a jumbo mortgage just for a “starter” condo/coop and might have to prove to the coop board that you can put down 20-30%

        5% down hahahahahaha

        OP, AmEx personal savings offers 1.45% these days. Any investment you can borrow against might give you enough flexibility for later.

  10. Recs for a long weekend in Miami? My husband has thoughtfully delegated all planning to me and I’m overwhelmed between planning events for church and projects at work. I promise this isn’t a marriage post, he’s going for work and asked if I wanted to go and make it a long weekend, so I just need some help from my fellow ‘rettes.

    1. We had brunch at Yardbird and it was outstanding. I generally shy away from “trendy Southern” when traveling (I’m from the SEUS-I’ve had plenty) so I was pleasantly surprised at this one. Broken Shaker (drinks) and Matador (dinner) were also good.

      1. Love Yardbird. Ate there 3 days in a row. Had eaten at their NYC sister restaurant previous to this visit and vastly prefer Yardbird.

    2. We loved One Hotel South Beach if you want to be in the South Beach area (you can definitely save a lot of money by staying further away though). Big +1 to Yardbird, that was our favorite meal in Miami.

    3. Michael’s Genuine in Miami is also quite delicious. As is Pubbelly, for a little more non-traditional, casual eating.

    4. If you like looking at fabulous old houses in the Hearst Castle/Biltmore Estate vein, check out Vizcaya Museum & Gardens. It’s a fun way to spend a couple of hours.

    5. We went to Juvia and it was amazing! It’s on the top floor of some building. Very cool vibe, great views from the deck and awesome seafood.

  11. They predicted a big, rainy/snowy nor’easter for our area, and I opted to work from home today knowing that getting to work would be easy but getting home might be rough. We weren’t gonna get that much accumulation today but I was mostly worried about visibility and slippery roads.

    Well, the day’s almost over and it’s just raining, and I feel silly. If you were a manager and one of your direct reports did this, stay home when it turned out to not be so bad, would you judge them for being a wuss? What if you went into the office and one of your coworkers worked from home?

      1. In my town? Don’t know . . . I’m a bit ashamed to admit I don’t know everyone in my town, and we all work at companies and organizations all over the region, but in the office it’s not abnormal to WFH due to bad weather, especially if you don’t have any meetings or hands-on stuff you gotta do in the office. And in my general area, at other companies I’ve worked at, most people know how to drive in the snow but it’s also generally considered okay to stay home when we’re expecting bad weather.

    2. Surely other people thought the same as you? If you don’t abuse WFH too much it shouldn’t be a thing. I would be frightened by it too.

    3. Here in Boston, the city isn’t bad, but the suburbs to the west are getting hammered. I will leave early because I commute out that way. The city is almost empty, FWIW.

      1. Makes sense, I’m sure I’m not the only person in the office who worked from home today and I’ll bet a lot of people will tomorrow. Part of the issue is that I work in Fort Point, not far from the areas that’ve experienced flooding during other storms this winter.

      2. It is what it is. Just don’t abuse it and definitely defer to what folks who live in a similar location/have a similar commute to you do in general. I’m also Boston based. We all pick on people that stay home when there’s 1-3 inches predicted (we’re a small casual office FWIW and picking on one another is normal). Though, today’s forecast was admittedly terrible and changing all day long. I went to work thinking I’m getting 3-6 overnight and the latest is 10-16 (I’m in the northern burbs).

        I also think it has to do with age/experience of those who stay home. Call it a double standard, but it exists in my office. For example, if my analysts who live in the North End or Beacon Hill don’t come in because of snow, but me and others who live in like Newton or Winchester, or other locations do…. yea, that looks funny and if it happens multiple times in one winter season, it actually looks really bad and we notice.

    4. Candidly I’d think you were a bit of a wuss. I’d expect you to come in and leave early. Not saying it’s right but that would be my expectation.

      1. Yeah, I’m thinking of telling my boss that in hindsight I should have gone in, but she did approve my WFH request yesterday when I told her I wanted to err on the side of caution. She seems fairly flexible about it all, and it helps that I’ve had a bunch of wins in the last week and might get another soon, but I am young, so I’m always worried about becoming the annoying employee who stays home too much, but never knows for sure because no one will talk to me about it.

        1. I would not tell her that in hindsight you should have gone in. I think you should say you appreciate that she allowed you to WFH before the conditions were certain.

          We all know weather is unpredictable. Sometimes you err on the side of caution and in hindsight it appears unnecessary. Sometimes you go in and realize that it was a huge mistake and you’re endangering your life because you were so worried about your boss’s perception that you didn’t request WFH when it would have been granted.

    5. If you were in an area that never experienced storms, sure that seems practical.

    6. I’m a jerk, so I have been making fun of the state offices being closed and our governor declaring a state of emergency because it hasn’t done anything but drizzle all day. The forecasts I use changed to less than an inch of accumulation last night, so I had no expectation of actual snow today. I was a bit gobsmacked that everything was closed and all that when I got up and the ground wasn’t even wet. This is a state which experiences regular snowfall FWIW.

    7. Unless you are also the employee who leaves early every Friday and has abused WFH privileges several times before, I would not care. Don’t think too much about it.

      1. Yep, there’s a big difference than your situation and my coworker who hasn’t worked an entire week in the year she’s been here.

    8. Don’t be ashamed, you were relying on informed weather reports, it’s not your fault it turned out different. You know who I’d make fun of? The people who thought they could brave the elements or predict the weather better than the meteorologist who end up stuck in the office overnight or in car accidents because they thought they could drive horrendous roads without four wheel drive.

  12. I have a family member that sleeps on a buckwheat pillow and loves it, but I think is developing an allergy. Is there some sort of really amazing pillow case/cover that is truly impenetrable by allergens that any of you have tried?

    1. Not exactly what you asked for but they cauls switch to a flax seed pillow. I know some yoga pillows and meditation cushions are filled with flax seed. There should be regular pillows with that filling too I guess.

    2. They sell a bunch of different kinds at places like bed bath and beyond and on amazon. I don’t know if that’s really what they’re designed to do though. I’m violently allergic to dust mites and they work great for that, but I’m not sure if they would prevent an allergic reaction to the pillow itself.

      1. Dust mite covers are made to prevent anything over 10 microns (0.00001 meters) from getting through. Buckwheat particles would be WAAAAY bigger than that, so dust mite covers would probably work to prevent allergens from coming through.

  13. Following up on some prior posts about gifts for a cancer patient:

    First, thanks to those who have recommended Barefoot Dreams products in the past. My sisters and I bought the Calypso cardigan/wrap for our stepmother, who is about to start chemo and is always already cold, and she loves it.

    Second, we wanted to get her a throw blanket for chemo and just to have at home. She has amazing taste – their house is design-magazine-worthy – and is hard to buy for. We took a chance on this one (in ivory) and she described it as “exquisite. really soft and beautiful.” It has little uplifting sayings on it about positive thoughts and love but they are very subtle on the ivory version (not so for the other colors).

    https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B072BZKTWC/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s01?ie=UTF8&th=1

  14. I saw the win by the teachers in West Virginia, and they also mentioned the teachers in Oklahoma haven’t had a raise in ten years?
    Is this something that would normally be funded by corporate taxes (along with state income taxes and property taxes) and if so, are we really ok with giving tax breaks if this is the result?

    1. I mean, Idk why you’ve phrased the question like this? I’m not sure which “we” you are talking about but no, many of us are not okay with tax breaks. And, generally, schools are funded by property taxes.

      1. This. I don’t think this is a fair either/or. Schools are funded by local taxes (property, etc.) not federal income taxes. So it’s not really good hypothetical.

        1. Schools typically receive the bulk of their funding from property taxes, but also get some funding from state and federal budgets, so this isn’t entirely true.

    2. It depends on the state, but giving a corporation tax breaks isn’t usually directly tied to school funding. Schools are generally funded through 1) local property taxes, 2) general state money brought in through income/gas/lottery/sin taxes, etc, and 3) federal money. State legislatures determine how items 1 and 2 are set (one of many reasons why state level politics are so, so important!), so they are responsible for teacher wages. (Depending on the constitutional arrangement between a state and its localities, localities may not be able to raise taxes without state approval, or may only be able to raise them X%, or can only raise them Y% without a ballot initiative, etc.)

      If a state gives major tax breaks, like the Amazon HQ2 thing, there’s some economic evidence that the state is worse off, because even if it does get however many new jobs in the state, those workers aren’t earning enough to offset what the corporation isn’t paying, but again, it’s not directly tied to schools.

      Tax cuts, like what Congress just did, are supposed to, in theory, spur consumerism to jump start the economy. Corporations expand or open new business with their new profits and hire new workers and jump start the economy. On the individual level, I order a sweater from the Gap with my extra $40 – the warehouse worker has a job, the cardboard box manufacturer has a job, the mailman has a job, and all those people go out and spend their money from having worked that day. In reality, $40 is unlikely to work that way on a grand scale (people save, pay down debt, etc), and the corporations pay dividends to shareholders, hence the new reports that the national debt will be 101% of GDP by 2028 because of the Republican tax cut.

      So, moral of the story: vote in your state and local elections. They’re more important than you realize.

  15. Saying this here because I can’t with anyone in real life. I will never bring anyone from an old job to a new job again. I started a wonderful job with a much higher position and was pure joy. That is until company head asked me to connect him with one of my references. I thought it was for a sales type position and gave a glowing review–only it wasn’t in the end–it was more of an executive role so the opinion I initially gave doesn’t apply. Old work friend sucks at his job. He’s completely over his head and fakes his way through everything. Worse he keeps treating me like I’m doing old job vs. new job (picture project manager vs. head of a department of project managers). I’m constantly being kept from the bigger/better strategic and creative work due to problems with his projects that are poorly set up and make no money. I’m thinking of leaving this dream job now and it’s sad–it’s like my current job could be great but this old work friend has sucked me back into the work I used to hate at the old job. Just wish I could go back in time and have chosen another reference.

    1. Can you talk to him about it? Use the “I feel” statements so he doesn’t feel threatened.

  17. I want a super fluffy down-alternative mattress topper. Queen bed, I’d like to spend under $125 if possible. Any recommendations?

  18. We just bought a condo, and the mailbox is completely full of the previous resident’s mail. We don’t have contact info for the seller, and I think she was renting it out to someone anyway, so we don’t know how to forward the mail. What should we do? Toss it?

    1. Put a note on it that says “please forward” and leave it for a day or two. If the postie doesn’t pick it up drop it off at the post office.

      1. This. Although I do this for actual mail/bills and things that could arguably be considered “actual” mail. I throw away the previous owners junk mail.

    2. Write “Moved, RTS” on it – Return To Sender – and drop it in the outbound mailbox.

    3. FYI, your condo association may have the forwarding address or contact info for him/her.

    4. “Please forward” or “Return to sender”–definitely don’t toss it! I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.

  19. This may be old news, but it’s new to me and really exciting — BR is now carrying sizes 18-20 on their website!

  20. Hi ladies, looking for some ideas for a week-long domestic vacation with young kids (4 and 1) in April.
    We are based in the Bay Area, and have already taken family vacations to NYC, DC, LA/ San Diego, Chicago, Portland. Am thinking of heading to New Orleans, but am not sure if a week is too long. Hoping to keep flight time to not more than 6h. Would love to hear your ideas on where to go this spring break!

    1. Palm Springs! You can even road trip it. April is a tough month for weather pretty much everywhere but PS is always great.

    3. The weather in NOLA is great in April. There’s plenty you can do, including a free music festival/concerts in April (French Quarter Fest and Wednesdays at the Square). Weather would also be perfect for a ride on the Steamboat Natchez, swamp tours, plantation tours, Audubon Zoo, streetcar rides, etc.

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