Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Kadrayel Cap-Sleeve Ponte Dress

165 Comments

1. Love to see variety on here, but it inevitably requires an occasional miss. I cannot stand turtlenecks! Love the flare though. Maybe the foot muffin shoes are throwing me off.

   1. The cheaper option has video of the model twirling in the dress and it is very compelling.

   2. I’m trying to imagine it with a pair of really nice, towering heels, but I still think that this length is really unflattering, even for someone with really long legs. A few inches shorter (maybe grazing the bottom of the knee) would be lovely, though. I agree with Wildkitten that I loved the twirling model on the lower priced option (though that skirt was fuller, and I like the less full skirt here better).

      1. I agree that the length doesn’t work. A little longer (and heels rather than these clod hoppers) like the Barney’s version, or knee length would be lovely. And I do like the silhouette, even though I’m not really a turtleneck fan.

      2. I like the length, but would pair it with heeled lace-up boots and tights for a long column of black. I know this, because I used to wear basically the same outfit in junior high school in the early 80’s. Sorta goth.

      3. Agree about the length. Midi skirts and dresses seem dowdy to me.

   3. This might be the frumpiest thing ever featured on the s i t e.

2. Love the longer sleeve dress. This theory cap sleeve monstrosity is hideous though.

3. Tapping the hive mind – manicure recs in DC? I had two friends get engaged this weekend and told her I would take her for a manicure this week. I live in Arlington so almost everywhere I know is over there. Preferably Foggy Bottom/GWU or Bloomington/Le Droit Park areas!

   1. That sounds like the perfect occasion to try Mimosa.

   2. Yes! definitely Mimosa on Connecticut NW near the DuPont Metro. Worth a short hike from Foggy Bottom.

   3. Nail Saloon on 14th would be fun. They have groups in there all the time.

   4. And a great substitute for “let’s meet up for a drink.”

4. I know this has been discussed here, and I feel silly bringing it up, but…I am struggling with cardigans for my business casual office (recently moved from business formal office). I know I prefer a rounded neck and a traditional, classic silhouette, but I am never sure how they should fit, and they tend to look sort of “floppy” to me. I prefer more structured pieces that hold their shape, generally. Any recommendations for a good office cardigan? I think J. Crew Jackie is just okay (the last one I purchased wore out really quickly), and I have also tried a basic style Loft had several years ago but do not love them.

   1. On that note, has anyone tried to new wool jackie cardigans?

      I too gave up on the cotton ones because of how quickly they wore out. Would love something in the same shape but longer lasting.

   2. I really like Boden cardigans, both the cotton and cashmere ones.

      1. +1

   3. Ugh, I went shopping over the weekend hoping to find a few new cardigans, and couldn’t find a single one in the shape that you’re describing. Everyone has those long, bathrobe-looking ones out now, which are way too casual for what I’m aiming for, IMO.

   4. Recently someone was posting about the Halogen cardigans at Nordstroms. They are highly rated and come in a lot of colors. I haven’t tried them because I prefer the V-neck. But the 3/4 length sleeve is flattering. They go on sale a lot.

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/halogen-three-quarter-sleeve-cardigan-regular-petite/3320328?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=Red+Geranium&resultback=473

      1. I have 5 of the Halogen 3/4 sleeve cardigans and love them.

      2. I ordered a few of these and I really liked them, but I ended up sending them back because I didn’t need them…so I don’t know how they’d wear, but my other Halogen clothing has held up very well

      3. These are my favorite cardigans for work, hands down.

   5. Talbots’ charming cardigans and Lands End are my go-tos. They are both much less boxy than they used to be.

   6. I like Uniqlo’s extra fine merino wool cardigans – they come in crew and v-neck, have lasted me years, don’t run too long, and come in a range of colors.

      I think they also have cashmere cardigans but haven’t tried those personally.

      1. Seconding this. I get so many compliments on my Uniqlo merino.

   7. I know you asked for cardigan recommendations, but it sounds like a sweater blazer would work well for you. I find they are a little less formal so great for business casual, but also have that structure you are seeking. Also, in the past, Banana Republic merino wool cardigans have worked well for me.

   8. If you think they look too floppy, and don’t intend to wear them buttoned, try going down a size? For cardigans I tend to wear a size with very little ease (or even some negative ease) so that they don’t look too drippy when worn open.

      1. I have considered this, but I guess I feel a little odd wearing a cardigan I know cannot button (similar to a debate on this website a while back regarding whether a blazer “fits” or should be worn if it cannot be buttoned).

         I am thinking about trying a V-neck. Maybe because they don’t have the corners at the collar that could flop over, they look less floppy on.

         Thanks for weighing in!

   9. I’m with you–if the Jackie cardigans lasted longer, I’d buy them in every color. I’m still looking for a good substitute, but Woolovers has a fantastic silk/cotton blend fabric (I haven’t tried the cashmere/merino yet). Maybe see if any of those styles work for you. They don’t have one identical to Jackie, but they do have a simple, button-up one with a rounded neck.

      1. How does Woolovers sizing run, and how’s their customer service? It looks like they have nice basic cardigans in a good range of colors, and I think I’ve heard good things about their quality.

         1. For me, I think it fits pretty standard (not a lot of vanity sizing). I used their sizing guide and got a small, and while it fits and I like it, I’ll probably order in a medium next time just so it’s a pinch bigger. For reference, I had the same experience with the Jackie cardigans–a small worked, but a medium was more comfortable. I’m normally a small in tops or a 4-6 in dresses, if that helps. I haven’t had any issues with their customer service. I snagged my first sweater during a really good promotion, so I got free shipping and something like 10% off, so it was only ~$23. I think it’s generally cheaper to get on their email list and order from them directly when they have a promo versus Amazon or some other place.

   10. I haven’t tried the (short, buttoned) cardigan yet, but have been pleased with the weight/apparent quality of the two merino wool turtlenecks I just ordered from Gap. At 40% off they are a good price, too.

5. I saw the discussion on the Mom’s site the other day but most of the responses were from mothers of younger children. At my older children’s ages, it is not so easy to say “one weekday activity” per week. By middle school the activities, especially if the kids are pretty good at it and in a higher level, are multiple days a week.
   Luckily my middle child only wants to do one activity at a time. His winter activity is 2-3 times a week. My older one is doing 2 (and would do more if she could). One is 2 times per week, the other is 3.
   The little one is in 3(!) things. But 2 are only once a week (and they are on the weekend, back to back, close to each other). And the third is walking distance and his caregiver takes him there.

   I remember my mom complaining that she was nothing but a chauffeur when we were these ages, but she didn’t work outside the house, and we were at school all day at least.

   We live in a pretty safe city with decent public transit. My oldest child (13) can get to and from her activities herself when it is still light out in the evening, and did so all summer. Now that it is dark earlier (and it gets darks here by 5 in the winter), we are back to driving her. Maybe I am being overly cautious with that.

   Not sure that I am really looking for advice. We had 6 things over the weekend since it is tryout season!

   1. At 13, why can’t she get around after dark? Either you decide you’re cool with your current set up or you start saying no.

      1. I think there might be space for a compromise with the 13 year old’s commute. Like – what’s the scariest part? Walking from the bus to your house? Meet her at the bus stop if she’s coming home after dark. Or say if it’s dark out she can’t wear headphones when she walks. I don’t think it’s automatically not safe at 5 pm because it’s dark at 5pm, but I understand that it’s not as safe at 8 pm dark as it is at 8 pm light.

         1. That’s a good way to look at it.

            Her classes are at a studio in a strip mall. The rest of the mall closes at 6 earlier in the week, well before her class ends. So the bus stops coming to the mall. She’d have to walk out to the main road. Later in the week, the mall stays open until 9, and therefore the bus goes in there until then. Maybe we’ll pick her up early in the week and have her come home on the bus on Fridays.

            1. Does she have friends at her class that she can walk to the bus with?

            2. Or friends she can carpool with? I could not manage my kids’ activities without carpooling. I’m more than happy to go a bit out of my way to drop off an extra kid or two if it will get me out of chauffeuring on another day. Other families are almost certainly in the same boat.

      2. I never was allowed to go anywhere by myself after dark when I was 13, since it “wasn’t safe” (although we also lived in a safe city with decent public transit).

         So yeah, maybe I am being overly cautious about this. Interested to hear other’s thoughts on this.

         My middle one definitely needs to be driven, it is impossible to get hockey equipment on ths bus :)

         1. Can you get a care giver to drive him? Can she commute with friends? Do you want to fix this or just deal with it? If you’re going with deal with it my mom loved books on tape for this time.

            1. I’d like to fix it if possible.
               I checked the commuting with “friends”. She’s fairly advanced so there are 14-17 year olds in her class that we know, so that would have been great. They are there for the first class only though, and she stays for another immediately after. I’ll maybe go for the first few sessions and see if I can introduce myself to moms from the later class (if there are any there), to see if we could switch off pick up, or if the girls live in our ‘hood and bus.

            2. You could check w/ the teacher too. He/she might be willing to transport or supervise transport for extra money. My dance teacher friend has an extra large SUV because of the number of students she drives around.

            3. If one of the 17-year-olds is responsible, they might be happy to drop your daughter off for a few extra bucks. Depends on your comfort level with her riding with teenage drivers, though.

            4. Please be aware of your state’s graduated licensing laws before you resort to letting the 17 year olds drive. Depending upon your state/her license status, she may not legally be able to drive with your daughter in her vehicle. Without personally knowing a teen driver REALLY well, I’d be leery of this option.

            5. I believe that IS the case here brokentoe; teenagers cannot drive other minors without a licesned adult in the car.

   2. The only thing that worked for me was carpooling. Other moms are in the same situation, so generally it’s best for everyone if you only have to drive once or twice a week, but you take a couple of other kids home along the way. I also have older kids and generally restrict them to one sport at a time. Tryouts are not included, so yes, there is a period of time when they are playing one sport and trying out for another, but I don’t think they have to play every sport year round just because the organizers/coaches think they should.

      1. We did do carpooling to soccer this summer and that worked well. I don’t know any of the girls or moms (because most of the girls are older and their moms don’t seem to pick them up). I’ll go to the next few classes and see if I can figure something out :)

   3. Eh, I still limit my older kids to 1 sports activity at a time and try to stick with once per week, except during summer. I except music lessons from that but have them all in lessons at school or where the teacher comes to our house. Mine are 12, 9, and 7. Doing it this way, I’m not grooming any Olympic athletes, but I’m okay with that. For middle school sports that are right after school, I’ll be willing to let them do more days if they can take the late bus home. Basically I’m mostly trying to avoid constantly loading everyone in the car/chauffeuring. I’m more willing to let them sign up for things too if they have a friend doing it also and we can set up a carpool.

      1. 13 year old does 1 thing were she can get herself there and back on foot (very safe walk home), and the 1 thing that is a bus ride away.
         11 year old does one thing he has to be driven to.
         6 year old has to be driven one day on weekend to back to back in same neighbourhood activities, walks with caregiver to his other activitity.

         So, they are all really only doing 1 thing they have to be driven to.

         It totals 6-7 “driving events” per week they have to be driven to (unless I can figure something else out).

   4. I hear you loud and clear Suzi, and I am afraid of what activities will look like in a few years. So far my oldest isn’t really into sports, but I suspect my youngest will be, and I dread giving up the freedom to do whatever we want on the weekends in favor of soccer games or baseball tournaments every weekend plus some weekdays. And I know I can just say no, but he is the kind of kid who needs hours of physical activity every day or he will climbing the walls and furniture (literally, I stopped him just before he climbed off the back of the recliner onto the bookshelves this weekend).

      Can you at least carpool with your oldest, so you aren’t driving her every single evening? So far we’ve managed to only sign my oldest up for activities that are immediately after school, other than his Saturday morning activities, and are trading off carpool duties with a SAHM who is willing to shuttle from school to the class, and we do pickup. Or maybe she could walk/take transit to the activities with a friend, and you could just pickup?

      Does anyone else feel guilty just dropping their kids off and not watching, or is that just me/my area? I feel like my parents generally just dropped my sister and I off and ran errands when we did our activities, and here there seems to be an expectation that parents stay for all the classes/practices/etc. Maybe I’m just remembering when I was older and my parents did stick around for when I was younger, or for activities that were only an hour or so, but I don’t remember them doing so?

      I was so excited to be done with the daycare payments, but it seems like it would be so easy to replace them with paying for after school activities and a babysitter to haul kids to/from them. And summer camps, freaking expensive summer camps that cost almost as much as a month of daycare for one week of 9-3 activities, why??

      1. Just drop them off. Start the trend!

         1. My daughter’s dance studio prefers parents to drop off and leave. They don’t want stage moms trying to interfere and they don’t want kids running out of the room to mom when things get tough. Kids over the age of 10 are embarrassed and angry if Mom tries to stay.

            Sports/activities under age 10 are trickier. For my 5 year old’s soccer practice, I stay and frequently end up taking someone’s kid to the bathroom or opening water bottles. I think it’s a “know your kid, know the sport” situation. I’m fine leaving my 5 year old in a secure ballet studio, but really uneasy about the huge open field and multiple practices (and people) surrounding her at soccer.

      2. My daughter is quite advanced so a lot of the other girls are significantly older than her and don’t seem to get driven to, or picked up. I’ll try hanging around a few classes to see if there is anything I could set up.
         The curtains are generally closed so there is no real point for me hanging around to “watch” her.
         She is the kind of kid that needs to do a lot of physical activity. At 13 too, it seems to help control her moods better than anything else :)

         It seems to be de rigeur to stay for hockey. Also, my guy is a goalie, and still can’t quite get a couple of his pieces of equipment on and off by himself (hopefully by the end of this season!). He likes to just do one activity per season. Ball in the spring and summer, hockey in the fall and winter.

         The little one has done far less activities than his older siblings did by this age. They are close in age and did their activities together (soccer, martial arts, softball, swimming lessons) when they were littler, so it was easy. In fact, last winter, I FORGOT to sign him up for the one activity he asked for, and it filled up! I do stay for his stuff (when I have my act together and sign him up!).

         1. I know the driving can drive you crazy, but believe me, it goes by so fast! Your 13 year old will be driving herself in what will seem like a blink of an eye. The rest will fly by even faster. You will look back on these wonder years with fond memories and be happy that you did it all. You will survive the drive!

         2. Can you hire a nanny to take him to and fro and make sure he’s equipped?

            1. Hi Kate, alas our nanny just became a licensed driver a few months ago, and also does not have a car. I think we are stuck with the hockey driving :)

      3. At least one of my parents was usually at my tennis matches in high school (maximum once a week, except for district and state which were tournament-style and that was only once a season), but it would have been crazy helicopter parenting for them to stay for practices.

         1. LOL @crazy helicopter parenting. My parents never stayed for practices either. Except when my dad was the coach (which, trust me, was mortifying).

      4. My parents dropped me off at soccer games while most other parents stayed. At the time, I was a little peeved and felt a little neglected. Looking back on it, I’m very glad they didn’t stick around because it put sports in perspective. I’m not an Olympic athlete, but I am active for my own health and enjoyment. It’s something I do for me, not an audience.

   5. If memory serves you are in Canada yes? It’s quite literally 10x safer than the US your kid is fine. At 13 I was busing around a major Canadian city frequenting concerts and art galleries all by myself. You know what I was the only self sufficient person in my first year of university, and I largely credit that to my parents letting me be an individual and not chauffeuring me around and even now I’m the only one of my peers with a career.

      1. I don’t really have any advice on the driving issue but I just wanted to say that I don’t necessarily blame you for not wanting to let your 13 year old walk around alone at night in the city. I don’t know where exactly you are in the city but I will admit that occasionally, when it’s dark, I feel unsafe taking transit so I’m sure it would be much worse if I was only 13.

         Yes Toronto can be a safe city but not always. This may be a good opportunity for your daughter to learn about when you make those types of decisions about when and how and where you feel safe. Maybe there are compromises you can make such as Wildkitten suggested above but I just wanted to say that it’s not unreasonable in a city like Toronto to want to be cautious with your 13 year old daughter walking/bussing around the city on her own.

         1. Yes, probably wouldn’t let my 13 year old tool around by herself in the dark in downtown TO :).

            We are in a smaller city (about 1 million greater metroplitan area) but in a pretty urban neighbhourhood.

      2. She does that during the day, for sure. She attends a specialized high school, outside of our school zone and takes public transit, through downtown back and forth every day, and often stops and does stuff downtown on her way home, and on the weekends during the day. She knows how to figure out a transit map, and plot a journey online too.

         It’s really the after-dark aspect I am more concerned about. Not because of HER, you know?

         1. I lived in a smaller but urban US city growing up and was assaulted (groped) at 330PM when it was light out, but I was literally walking 2 blocks in a quiet neighborhood from a major street to a family friend’s house while my parents were out of the country when I was 13. I otherwise took the bus on my own sometimes in the dark when I wanted to get to school early (walked to the bus stop before sunrise on a major thoroughfare) and that was never a problem. So, in my personal experience, it’s not really about the dark/light but more about having other people around.

            1. I am so sorry that happened to you :(

               Yes, and the strip mall being closed after her Tuesday night class (and the bus not coming in to the mall) bothers me for this reason exactly.

      3. I grew up in a large city and remember walking about 1/2 a mile to get to ballet class. Also, when my family only had one car, Dad had priority, so Mom taught us how to ride the bus and how to develop street sense. It’s a valuable skill. For example, if a bus is crowded, yet there is an empty seat, the odds are that people do not want to sit next to that person for a good reason.

         A city after dark is not necessarily unsafe. A well-lit area with lots of people around of all types and open businesses is relatively safe compared to a poorly lit area with nobody around (no potential witnesses or people to help).

         When a child develops these skills, they are better prepared for college and adult life, especially since many young adults live in cities.

         1. I will have to remember to tell her about the empty seat situation you’ve described above, thats a very good point. :)

            You are right, she walks home from martial arts in the dark. It is a very well lit, bustling street full of restaurants and retail stores. So, it’s about 8 blocks but safe and I don’t worry about it (and she has her phone). Also she IS an accomlished martial artist, albeit a sub-100Lb martial artist!

            I am loving her taking the bus back and forth to school downtown every day. The other neighbourhood kids her age go to the middle school that is 3 blocks from our house, and it is evident how much more “worldly” (for lack of a better word) she is than those kids.

            She’s kind of an awesome kid, I think I’ll keep her!

            1. Edit capability would be nice!

            2. May I suggest that you purchase her a small tactical flashlight for when she walks home in the dark? Mine is slightly shorter and slightly thicker than a mascara tube so it’s not bulky. It works at long distances (good if you hear something in the bushes a bit away), and at short distances it will temporarily blind a would-be assailant while she runs like hell.

               http://www.fenixtactical.com/fenix-pd35-tac.html

               Also as a PSA to women who frequently travel for business – this gets through TSA carry-on screening just fine (including crossing the US/Canada border).

            3. I am assuming that you (and probably her martial arts teacher) have given her advice about being aware of her surroundings, and things like not wearing all black at night? I live in a college town, and nothing drives me crazier than seeing the people who are staring at their phones or with headphones on, dressed all in dark colors who are either walking or riding bikes in the street or who are crossing the street mid-block without even looking for cars on a barely lit street. In my town, I am far more concerned about my kids getting squished while walking or riding their bikes, especially in twilight/semi-dark than I am about them being assaulted or kidnapped or the like.

               I think you probably are taking the right approach (driving when it is dark and not very populated and not too far from the bus stop, letting her walk or take the bus when it is a more populated area). Have you asked her if she noticed if any of the other girls take the bus, or how she feels about it?

            4. That’s a good idea Anon, I could attach one to her various (different bag for each activity) bags with a stretchy cord of some kind. She doesn’t really carry a purse yet, and would lose it if it were loose (never seems to lose her phone though. Funny that!)

            5. Meg Murray, she says she woudl be a bit nervous taking the bus after dark. Last school year her dance class was on Saturdays during the day, and all summer it was light out until 9 ish, so it wasn’t an issue.

               So, she just hasn’t really done it yet. I think the Friday night one will be fine as the mall is still open at 7:30 when her class ends so she can take the bus right outside the main door and there will be lots of people around. The one that ends at 9:30 on Tuesday is, I think, too late, and she would be very nervous (especially as the bus stop would be a 3-4 minute walk from the mall entrance and it is not a pedestrian area at all).

               She’s only had one Friday night class so far and there was a Gr 12 girl (my daughter is in Gr 8) from her school waiting at the bus stop when I picked her up. So that will probably help, as they get to know each other better in dance class (there are only 5 girls in that class). She seems like a nice girl. My daughter knows her a tiny bit as the older girl chereographed a routine for my daughter’s dance group at school last year. Maybe I will take the bus with them both on Friday, and go from there.

            6. Please note that sometimes the seat is empty because the person next to the empty seat is a black man and the rest of the passengers are being racist. I took the bus all the time as a tween and teen and sometimes, that empty seat was perfectly fine.

               Street smarts are way more than just simple rules like “don’t sit in that empty seat” – more about constantly scanning your surroundings, anticipating places people can hide, never displaying valuables (read a paper book, not futz with a phone), using (not white or otherwise indicative of value) headphones to deter conversation but not actually listening to anything so you stay aware of your surroundings, putting backpacks on the floor between your feet, keeping all zipper compartments closed (and never carrying a bag without a zipper closure), never making eye contact with anyone (always look at their ear so you can skim their face without actually drawing the attention of making eye contact, etc), and staying in areas with other people. But even so, as the other commenter noted, you can still get assaulted in broad daylight.

            7. @ urban kid

               I am the anon you referred to.

               Thank you for providing other useful examples of street sense. Also, thank you for calling out the biased reasons a bus full of people might not sit next to someone. I am black, as is my mother, so her street sense focused on what you said- secure your valuables and watch out for strange behavior rather than assuming that a person is a threat based on their identity. We did not live in an area where white or middle class people take the bus often, so many of the other riders were Latino or black like us.

               Your advice was great, as it appears that many people unacustomed to city life are vulnerable because they have no idea what to do, and being afraid of everyone or everyone with a certain identity is counterproductive.

               Oon a related note, why do so many totes not have zipper closures!?!

   6. Hi Suzi,
      I hear you. My three are involved in a couple activities each, and it is just manageable with a combination of carpools, babysitter, and me and my husband driving. It is a lot, but I am happy for my teenagers to be finding things they are interested in and helping them explore them. Some days I just can’t get them there, and we all just have to be fine with that.

      When my oldest was involved in a sport with 2x/week practice about 30 minutes from our house, I put all my natural shyness aside and became absolutely ruthless about stalking the sidelines, bleachers, whatever for carpool prospects. I’ve also found that my kids can be helpful about identifying prospective carpool mates.

      Rational or not, I would be uncomfortable even in a safe city having my 13 yo daughter waiting for a bus in the dark without open businesses/homes nearby. I like the idea of the older teenager driving in exchange for gas money. I’ve not used that but I have lots of friends who have similar arrangements.

      1. It’s our own fault for having 3 kids :)

         I am sure I will figure it out, as you seem to be doing too.

         Not too many teenagers drive in my neighbourhood since the transit is pretty good. But maybe they can take the bus together. I have a candidate in mind having after reading all the responses this morning! There is a Gr. 12 girl from my daughter’s school that (I think) was waiting at the bus stop after dance on Friday night.

         1. And paying her might be weird for my daughter. Maybe I can give her a Starbucks card or something though.

            1. And paying her might be weird for my daughter. Maybe I can give her a Starbucks card or something though.

      2. The only issue with this is that some places (like my state)have restrictions as to the number of non-family member passengers teens can have in the car. In my state, teens can only have one non-family member in the car with them for the first year of their license. Which, on one hand, I get, because new drivers need to minimize distractions. But on the other hand, ugh, what a pain in the butt law for a responsible teen, that s/he couldn’t drive their friends to and from dance class, or be able to take a babysitting job with more than one kid.

         The other ugh for us has been that our state technically has a booster seat law for up to 8 years old or 4’9″, which means we’ve had to get spare boosters as well – and far too often we find out the spare booster got taken out of the trunk for some reason, so we are scrambling, or wind up with our son being the one boosterless, because we’re not going to put someone else’s kid in the car without one.

         Wasn’t life easier when we could all just pile in the way way back of the station wagon? Oh man, I feel so old. And rarrr, get off my lawn :-)

         1. Meg Murray I hear you, but graduated licensing laws like you describe are necessary for even the “responsible” teens. Because even these novice drivers generally lack the driving experience and the brain development to make the best driving decisions. Lots of research has been done in this area – time and lots of practice are the only way through this process and it’s best done without the distraction of additional passengers.

            1. Oh, practical me knows this. But grumpy me is frustrated by it. At least they corrected it to allow family members – I believe the original law said only 1 other person under 18 period – and that caused a complete uproar.

            2. I know this is a very touchy subject for parents of teen drivers – the convenience of letting the teen take over driving duties with younger siblings is so tempting. But think of it this way – do you really want your other children to be riding with the riskiest drivers on the road? The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety says: “In the United States, teenagers drive less than all but the oldest people, but their numbers of crashes and crash deaths are disproportionately high. 1 In the United States, the fatal crash rate per mile driven for 16-19 year-olds is nearly 3 times the rate for drivers ages 20 and over. Risk is highest at ages 16-17. In fact, the fatal crash rate per mile driven is nearly twice as high for 16-17 year-olds as it is for 18-19 year-olds.”

         2. I’ll have to check to be sure, but I think teenagers cannot drive other unrelated minors here.

            We have a booster seat until 8 or 80lbs law here too. I actually kept my daughter in her booster until she was 9.5 and her brother turned 8 because she was smaller than him and it seemed nonsensical to have him in one and her not.

            We have 3 booster seats now though, so one in our van, one in grasndma’s car and one in the house in case anyone else has to take the little one somehwere.

6. Tread jack!

   Deciding between two job offers, interested in your feedback.

   Job A: corporate strategy at big company, pays $70K gross more over 3 years because of sign-on equity. Limited vacation, better benefits. Bigger brand name. Better commute now but worse compared to where I want to move.

   Job B: marketing strategy at medium-size, more niche company, competitive base but no equity. More vacation, worse benefits.

   Financially it’s clear, but I really like the people at Job B. I also liked the people at Job A, maybe less of an automatic click, but it’s a better name and I find the business more interesting (just personally speaking). I think I should go with Job A to keep my future options as open as possible, but I don’t want to say no to B.

   I come from McKinsey so I’ve been in the habit of going after what makes the most sense brand-wise. I feel rebellious now, but I’m also only 30 so maybe it’s too early to NOT follow the brand.

   Any thoughts?

   1. Clearly Job A, for all the reasons you know. 70k is not something to sneeze at.

   2. A

      And do you have to move?

      Minimize your work commute = better quality of life?

      Since you will probably still be working very hard…

   3. You can always work at Job B later if you want to.

   4. I took Job A at 30, and found I hated it with a passion after 2 years, despite thinking it was my dream job. I hadn’t been at a big name or big company before that though, and the transition to relatively small fish in a huge pond, plus a long commute, plus 2 kids didn’t go smoothly for me.

      Now I’m 35 and have Job B and I’m so much happier. However, I’m still paid fairly well with a good title at Job B, and I don’t know that I would have made it to this pay grade/title if I had come straight to Job B without my experience at Job A.

      Can you play the offers against each other? Can you negotiate for more vacation at A (for instance, to start at the 5 year step instead of back at 0?) Or see if B can come up with some perks if you turn down A (a signing bonus, work from home X days a week, etc).

      I think a big part of the decision is why you are leaving your current job. Are you burnt out? Going to A would probably be just trading one headache for another, and B might be a better fit. Are you bored and want more of a challenge? I’d lean toward A.

      I also think it makes a huge difference if you still have student loans to pay off, or want to save up for a house down payment as to whether you should continue chasing the name/money, or whether you can afford to give up the big money because you don’t want the stress and headache. For me, one of the turning factors was that I was tired of spending half the difference in cost between Job A and Job B in therapy, antidepressants, commuting costs and prepared food – I had money, but was throwing it all at ways to give me more time and make me less stressed. Now I have less money, but more time to breathe.

      1. I know I want a saner pace of life vs consulting, and both A and B should provide that. No loans, but I’m really looking to save up money for a down payment. Living in NorCal, that’s going to be a $150K endeavor…

   5. Job A. If the company is one of the ones I think it is, the benefits should also include telework options and a much longer/paid maternity leave if and when you want kids. These companies tend to be much more flexible with senior employees, and if you want to dial back down later on you’ll be grateful for the extra cash/name recognition.

      1. This. It’s the entire premise of Lean In.

      2. Amen. Put the extra $70K into moderate growth investment and you’ll still have an “oh shit, I quit” safety net if you decide you need to find something else after two years.

   6. I recently made a similar decision (at 32) and opted for Job B. I was departing Biglaw and was going to take either a $30K or $50K salary cut (in both cases with a lower bonus structure). The $30K cut would have come with working for a huge public company – so additional comp in the form of equity, but only some improvement in work-life balance. The $50K cut puts me at a large private company and has me home every night between 5:30-6, and not checking email (as in, I’ve been here 3 weeks and have yet to be issued my smartphone). Loans are paid off, and we have a house that we plan to stay in for 5-10 years, so financially we were OK with the larger cut.

      It’s really what you want this next opportunity to give you – another place to stay for a few years while you save money/pay off loans? Or are you ready for more breathing room in your life? In deciding, I’d be curious if you really get a better lifestyle at Job B — it’s hard to give up extra money to work just as much (a fact that many of my former Biglaw colleagues experienced).

      1. Both jobs will be an amazing improvement over consulting. Job A is closer to consulting, so I think the ramp up process will be easier than Job B, actually. Once I learn Job B, the lifestyle should be great. My manager leaves at 5:30 every day and the whole office is empty by 5 or 6.

   7. Yay! I love Theory Dresses, but this one you can keep. It is to long for a girl like me (with a long body and shorter leg’s), and the turtel neck would make me look like a turtel, tho it would keep Frank from stareing at my boobie’s as much as any other dress. The price is also a littel steep for me. I prefer showeing a littel of my top, unless it is winter, and then I put on a cardigan.

      As for the OP, you sound smart, so go with job A b/c you can always go to job B from A, but not so much from B to A. Big firms do not care for littel guy’s that much and are stuck up. I would have a heck of a time trying to lateral over as a Partner at Weil Gottashal or Sullivan and Cromwell, even tho I am a partner here. The big firms just do NOT respect boutiuque firm’s like mine, even tho we make the same money they do. FOOEY b/c dad alway’s wanted me to work in a white shoe law firm so he could brag to all of his golf buddie’s. Now he still brag’s but does NOT name our firm b/c no one has heard of it. Dad does not care b/c he says all that count’s is my bank account, which he does NOT let me touch, other then to pay my coop morgage and incindental’s. FOOEY b/c he took away my L&T card! Now I can NOT get the advance sale’s discount.

      Mom did get me a new color block Mesh dress for the holiday’s that I can wear that will NOT let men stare at my boobie’s and it is loose enough that when I am standing, men will NOT be able to see my tuchus! YAY Mom — she has one just like it.

      Finaly I was in the Berkshire’s with Myrna and she came in 3rd out of 155 entrant’s in the 10K. She would have won, but some guy cut in front of her at the end and he blocked for his girlfreind who came in 2nd. Myrna was VERY mad. FOOEY on men that do that for their girlfreind’s. This is one time that Myrna could have done better if she had a guy to do that for her. YAY!!!!

   8. It’s worth thinking where each job will lead you next and checking out where your predecessors have gone.

      Job B sounds like you will have responsibility for business targets and oversight of a media budget. Is the product or service in question competitive, are you excited by it ? Will there be tangible achievements which you can refer when seeking a promotion or when negotiating your next job ?

      Job A sounds like you will support executives or business folks. Again, will there be tangible achievements you can claim ? If it is a supporting role – will there be opportunities to parlay a successful project or pitch into a real business role (if that is what you want) ? Or if it isn’t, then do you envisage a career in corporate strategy, possibly with different executive teams over time ?

      1. This is such a valuable observation. That’s something I’m struggling with – do I want to do another 2-3 years in strategy before I can move to function or business unit? On the other hand, this group has a reputation for breeding talent for the rest of the org, and I can use my time in corporate to meet GMs / function VPs, etc.

7. I bought a polyester crushable hat for a hiking trip and loved it, but now it’s really dirty. Can I just throw it in the wash, or with that damage the crushable-ness or the UPF 50 part, which I also love?

   1. Can you wash it by hand?

   2. I’ve washed similar hats without a problem. I have tons of UPF 50 clothing that I just throw in the wash.

8. It is REALLY hard to get past those horrific shoes. Why would anyone style this dress with those shoes? I keep putting my finger over the shoes to see if I like the dress. I can’t un-see them.

9. Gifts for a 1 year old’s birthday party?

   What do you get a 1 year old? Going to my first party for a one year old and then a 2 (or 3?!) year old twins this weekend — what does one get them?

   TIA for any guidance!

   1. For a recent 1yo I searched the Melissa & Doug section on Amazon – there’s lots in the $15-$25 range and I ended up choosing a set of 10 lighweight stacking blocks that were a big hit (lots of knocking down towers).

      1. B&N also carries lots of Melissa & Doug in store (and other brands / toys for kids of those ages)

   2. The very hungry caterpillar board book or similar
      Melissa and Doug wooden puzzles

   3. I would get them each a book and a toy. For toys, look for things that stack (blocks, cups, etc.), things to push, or my favorite toy for 1 year olds, Old McDonald’s Tractor. (I’ve bought this tractor 8-9 times in the last two years, and it has been a wild hit every time):

      http://www.amazon.com/play-G02033-Kidoozie-Funtime-Tractor/dp/B000063JQJ

      For books, 1 year olds still like board books. Search on Amazon for highest rated board books, and you’ll get lots of excellent suggestions. Pick something that looks fun with good illustrations and the babies will love it.

   4. I always do a Mozart Music Cube; seems to be well-received.
      2 year olds, I usually just ask the parents what they’re into.

   5. Anything with a gift receipt. No matter what it is there’s a very good chance they already have one :)

   6. Thanks everyone!

10. Can anyone recommend a dupe for the Equipment silk shirts, short-sleeve or long, for under $100? I don’t care if they’re silk (in fact, I kind of prefer polyester so I can wash it). I just want that structured look. Thank you!

    1. Everlane. Love them. They are 100% silk, but I have found that silk can be hand washed (with Eucalan or Laundress).

       1. How do Everlanes fit across the bust? I like their sleeveless button downs, but struggle w/ the gap.

          1. Also @RED do you have a referral link if I decide to try one?

    2. Haven’t looked this season, but have had good luck in past season with Uniqlo – both silk and the polyester/acetate.

    3. Try the Outnet.com. Lots of equipment choices (usually patterned) but great prices.

    4. Two by Vince Camuto. I get them at Nordstrom. They’re about $90 regularly, but often there are a variety of colors on sale.

11. Thoughts on clerkships?

    Our office’s managing partner called me into his office this morning; I thought I did something wrong, turns out he wants to recommend me for a federal clerkship. Yikes.

    This judge is a former partner and has strong ties to the firm, so if I choose to apply: (i) the chances are pretty decent that I will get the clerkship; and (ii) I have to be really sure that I actually want it, because if I back out or flub the application process, it will reflect badly on my firm and will get back to everyone here.

    I had thought about clerking before, but the pay cut was always the biggest thing holding me back. I come from a low-income background and it is terrifying to walk away from Biglaw salary (even for a year) after just “making it.” It would put our current plans to purchase a home about a year behind, because we won’t be able to save nearly as much for a down payment on a clerk’s salary, but we should be okay for basic expenses.

    So, people wiser and more experienced than I am, should I apply? And if so, how should I tweak my resume to “sell” my experience? I participated in a high profile, but not law-related, social justice program between college and law school, did well in law school but nothing earth-shattering, then came to Biglaw in litigation. As a first year I’ve done plenty of e-discovery, drafted discovery motions, supported depos, and lots of legal research and support (but no drafting) for a successful SJ motion. I’m thinking for a clerkship I will want to play up my writing experience, but beyond that I’m not sure.

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Sounds like he wants to recommend you for the clerkship and then have you come back to work for the firm. I would thank him and say that you are interested, but would like to schedule a meeting with him to discuss. Ask him how this opportunity will affect your role with the firm, if they intend on hiring you back once the clerkship is over, how long is the clerkship, etc. Get some more information before you make a decision and I’ve heard that doing a federal clerkship can bump you up a year. If you are a third year associate doing a clerkship for your forth year you could come back and be considered a sixth year and get a salary increase. It also looks good if you ever move on from this firm. Never assume you will want to stay at one firm throughout your career. Keep your options open. This sounds like a great opportunity.

       1. +1.

       2. +1

          Make sure they contemplate hiring you back (most likely, I’ve never heard of recommending someone to clerk that the firm didn’t want back), and go for it if you can. Clerking is WONDERFUL experience, a shining star on your resume, and will open doors. It’ll be great for your writing skills, too, which will help put you excel once yo begin drafting bigger briefs. After you come back (possibly with a bonus, or increased class year), the amount of money you miss out on won’t seem that bad. I urge you not to bypass a clerkship for one more year in a house.

    2. Do it. Seriously. You won’t regret it long term.

       1. This! Do it! Clerking was the single best professional experience of my life. It has helped my career in myriad ways–increased confidence on my part, and increased trust on the part of partners and senior associates are two of the main benefits. I get the better pick of cases to work on, and my lateraling opportunities are very broad. My judge is now a mentor and friend. I loved every second of it and frankly am sad I didn’t make more of an effort to do a second one.

    3. Yes! One of my biggest regrets is not having done a clerkship. If your BigLaw job will be waiting for you (and it sounds like it will), then by all means do it. The experience and the contacts will be invaluable. There is just nothing like seeing things from that side of the bench.

       Your resume sounds good. Play up the public service, the writing experience, and remember most clerks are hired out of law school so play up the fact that you have actual experience. If you’ve been to court, talk about that for sure.

    4. This sounds just like a a scene from NGDGTCO. If your senior has selected you for a special opportunity, take it or you’ll get passed over in future. You don’t want to be pigeon-holed as the person who wants to stay stuck in the same role. And, if you can use it to leverage other career / salary benefits so much the better!

    5. Thanks everyone! I’m definitely going to apply! Very exciting and a little scary. To add a little more color, the expectation is definitely that I would come back to the firm. I’d get a serious clerkship bonus but no class year bump; I would just re-join my existing class. I’ll make sure to get the terms in writing if I’m offered the clerkship.

       Any insights on clerkship interviews? This partner said the judge just started interviewing people already, so I will probably find myself at an in-person interview pretty quickly.

       1. Definitely do your homework on the judge. In particular, find out what he/she did at the firm and whether he/she worked with anybody (clients or lawyers) with whom you have worked.

          Good luck! This is exciting!!

       2. Make sure you like the judge. A year with a judge you don’t like is hell.

12. Has anyone done a lateral interview with another firm/company, received an offer, and declined? I interviewed with a firm in a different city several months back and did not get an offer but they said they liked me and would keep in touch. They reached out again recently for a new position (I’m going through a recruiter), and I agreed to go back for another interview, but this time I feel different about moving my life, and not as positive that I am wanting to leave my firm. My recruiter told me I should do the interview even if I’m not positive anymore. Thoughts?

    1. Interview. It never hurts. You can explore your feelings and then decide. I explored a lateral offer (they approached me, I wasn’t looking), and I decided to interview. I wasn’t sold at the first interview, but agreed to the second interview. I received an offer that ultimately was way, way below anything I openly disclosed I would accept from the beginning. I declined the offer, but I am glad I went through the experience. I think it’s good to get the interviewing experience, if nothing else. I’d also rather look back and know that I explored then declined an opportunity as opposed to just not exploring it at all, especially given it doesn’t sound like you are taking the position “I absolutely want to stay at this firm.” Interviewing when you aren’t sure you want to leave also means you can ask for things you’d like without being worried about losing something you really want, i.e. ask for more vacation, reduced hours if you want that, better benefits, more money, signing bonus, whatever. I feel like I have negotiating freedom when I don’t feel like “get me out of my current position right now”. Make sense?

       1. It does make sense, thank you for your insight!

13. Shopping help! I’m searching for leopard print ballet flats without a bow. Similar to these but ideally for under $75. Any ideas?

    https://www.madewell.com/madewell_category/SHOESANDBOOTS/skimmersflats/PRDOVR~67822/67822.jsp

    1. http:// shop.nordstrom.com/s/bp-moveover-pointy-toe-flat-women/3528714?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=Tan%2F+Multi+Printed+Leather&resultback=7083

       1. I really like these, but I don’t look good in a pointy toe.

    2. Ann Taylor has a calf-hair flat in leopard print, regularly $98 but they’re doing a 40% code right now at the website. Not sure if the quality of shoes has gone down along with everything else, but I remember hearing great things about their shoes a couple years ago.

    3. http://www.target.com/p/women-s-drew-ballet-flats/-/A-17443086#prodSlot=_1_10

       I got them in another color over the weekend and so far they’ve been really comfortable.

    4. http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/dr.-scholls-really-flats?ID=1606014&PartnerID=LINKSHARE&cm_mmc=LINKSHARE-_-4-_-16-_-MP416&LinkshareID=J84DHJLQkR4-C2Qc_yJI7G5uAJu5roBkKg

14. If there is anyone on here who has sold her wedding dress, how did you do it? Consignment? Craigslist? Ebay?

    1. I sold mine. I posted it on Craig’s list, preownedweddingdresses(dot) com and the knot. After several months of posting, it sold to a woman in Denmark who saw the posting on the knot. It was annoying to go through the process, but in the end was worth it for the price I got.

       I had bought the dress off of ebay the year prior. I find ebay intimidating so didn’t post it on there, but I regularly checked ebay when I was looking to buy mine.

       1. Thanks! This is long overdue. I know that a local consignment shop would take it. They already said they would. But I guess then I would not make as much money since they would take a commission. My dress had a champagne stain so I couldn’t take it until I got it cleaned. Dropped it off for cleaning this weekend. It’s a fairly timeless style (strapless a-line, white silk, pearl beading) and it’s a size that many women would be looking for.

    2. I went to Fabulous Frocks with a friend when she was looking, in DC – so, consignment shop.

    3. NOLA, I missed this! When did you get married???

       1. Um… 20 years ago? And divorced 10 years later. ;) Despite the fact that the dress is from the 90s, the consignment shop thinks it’s a pretty timeless style. I don’t expect to get much for it. Would just like it to no longer be stored in my house.

          If I were to get married now, I would wear a *much* different dress! As in not long and not white.

          1. Oh, okay.

             *whew*

             You had me going there for a minute…

             1. I always just give my wedding dresses to the Goodwill… ;)

             2. LOL! I don’t know why I kept it. I guess, you know, it was really pretty and I thought someone might want it, but I hadn’t dealt with the stain. Finally getting that done!

    4. Has anyone ever BOUGHT a consignment wedding dress? I’d love to hear the opposite side too!

15. Travel threadjack: my dude and I are going to Chicago this week. Does the hive have any recommendations for vegan food in the Loop (egg allergy) and/or any must-see attractions (or, alternately, ones that you anti-recommend?) We’re staying in the south Loop. Thanks!!

    1. Native Foods are all over Chicago and completely vegan. I also recommend Indian cuisine – India House is great. Xoco is a good Mexican restaurant which is not Tex-Mex so doesn’t smother all the dishes in cheese. I enjoyed a nice caldo there.

       Sights – the Art Institute is a must. Try to go to a blues club to hear the Chicago style.

    2. Chicago Diner is vegan and highly rated. It’s in Boystown rather than the Loop, but people rave about it! Might be worth checking out.

    3. No vegan specific recs for The Loop, but I have heard good things about the two mentioned above – Native Foods and Chicago Diner (though it is not near the Loop).

       Second the Art Institute – it’s awesome. I generally say avoid Navy Pier (very very touristy). Tomorrow night the Blackhawks play, so going to a local watering hole could be fun for people watching and atmosphere. If you’re in town Saturday evening, the Chicago Fire Festival is on Northerly Island (free, but you may still need tickets – it’s not a large area). Also, Saturday morning is the Green City Market, which is the totally awesome farmers market (you can get prepared food there) and is also by Lincoln Park Zoo (free!).

       If you plan to explore River North at all, I recommend doing it during the day and leaving after dinner reservations. It becomes overrun with club-goers and the drinking crowd between 9 and 10 pm.

       Also, just walking the lakefront can be incredibly relaxing and enjoyable. I try to do it once a month, and I live here.

    4. My go to off-the-beaten-path Chicago recommendation is the Garfield Park Conservatory. Gorgeous and totally non-touristy. If you want an up-high view of the city, grab a drink at the Signature Room — much more fun to look out over the skyline with a drink in hand than from the observatory deck.

    5. Karyn’s (karynraw – dotcom) on Halstead has the best Vegan food in the city.

16. My new suede pumps are slipping at the heel on one foot. The Dr. Scholls’ heel pads are not helping. Other suggestions?

    1. Put a pad under the ball of your foot?

    2. If all else fails try Gaynor Minden invisible Pointe shoe elastic. I’ve used it successfully on a few pairs of flats that wouldn’t stay on

    3. Use Pedag heel strips

17. I have a federal jury trial in a month. We thought it would settle, but it did not, and now I am trying to figure out what to wear to trial at 8.5 months pregnant. I have been able to get this far with just dark jackets over solid dresses, but is that appropriate for a jury trial?

    Should I cave and buy a maternity suit? The trial will last a week– should I buy two maternity suits? Can I get by with a black maternity skirt with different tops and jackets (though I hestitate to try to match a black jacket to the black skirt)?

    1. If it were me, I would definitely wear a black (or whatever solid color) dress I was comfortable in with coordinating jackets. But I am a firm believer that pregnant women, esp. that pregnant, get a pass.

       1. +1, black jacket, solid dress. OR see if you can get a cheapo maternity suit – maybe like this one? http://www.figure8maternity.com/item/1467101

    2. As someone who also was in trial at 8 months pregnant, I think you should buy a maternity suit or wear dark jackets over solid dresses. Alternatively, you can wear a black maternity skirt and a contrasting jacket. I think the important things are 1) wear a jacket, and 2) do not try to fake a suit with pieces of different blacks. It will look so much worse than just wearing separates.

       Also, wear really comfortable shoes. Nothing is worse than running around at 8 months pregnant at a trial in shoes that pinch your toes.

18. I had a month-long trial at 8 months to my due date. I checked out some maternity suits at Pea in the Pod and Motherhood, but I was really not impressed and decided it wasn’t worth the money. The jackets especially were awkward-fitting and I thought they looked especially weird buttoned over the bump. I wore dark, coordinating separates and faked suits in black and navy. I wore my regular jackets unbuttoned with maternity skirts and pants that were a pretty close match (though not perfect). I don’t think anyone was scrutinizing the matchiness of my suit pieces. My maternity tops were long enough so they hung down below my jackets, and the jackets and skirts/pants were therefore not touching one another (so different fabrics were less obvious). Also, frankly, most jurors are not suit connoisseurs and will not notice or judge. I wouldn’t spend the money for one week’s wear unless you find something decent and also plan subsequent pregnancies and think you’ll actually get a lot of wear out of it.

19. Do you say something to a friend and her husband that are often careless with their children? Examples:

    – routinely leaves their baby unattended on changing table (i.e. walk to kitchen from nursery to grab something, not turn around to grab something in nursery…although neither are a good idea, the former is really bad.)
    – allows 16 month old to play in the back yard by himself (it’s a 1/4 acre fenced yard but there are things he could get into at his age…the grill, yard tools, he could injure himself on the rocks, etc.)
    – she mentioned the other day that she found a steak knife in her 16 month olds toy box and wasn’t sure how it got there. She thought it was funny.

    These are just some examples of the things I’ve witnessed. Her 9 month old fell off the changing table last week and hit her head on the wood floor and immediately started vomiting. She thought she was vomiting because she was crying hysterically…could be that or a head injury. She took her to the ER after waiting an hour for the on call pediatrician to call her back. She called me in the interim and I told her “I’d take her to the ER immediately if she’s vomiting”. They did a scan and found that she was just fine.

    These were great childhood friends of ours before we all had children. Now I’m always on edge around them due to their parenting. Do I just keep my mouth shut? What do you do in this situation? My husband says I need to stop judging them.

    1. Not a parent, but some of those things sound pretty severe. I’ll be interested to think what others advise, but, my typical “mind your own business” stance came to a halt when you mentioned the knife (?!?!).

    2. Um, that sounds horrific. But what can you really say? “I think you need to pay more attention to your kids,” just sounds very judgmental. MYOB. Honestly, this would stress me out so much that I couldn’t be friends with the person anymore.

    3. Yes, that sounds dangerous. I’m not sure I could continue being friends with people like that, so I would rather say something and have them defriend me than worry.

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