Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Tie-Neck 3/4-Sleeve Day Dress

314 Comments

1. It is also very Joan Holloway. All it needs is the pendant with a pen attached.

2. There’s a cheap but surprisingly ok dupe for this on the river site. Search for MUXXN Women’s Classic Vintage Tie Neck Formal Cocktail Dress with Pocket. The fabric is thick, so definitely a cool weather dress.

   1. Still so confused about this “river site” action. I don’t think that word sends you to m0d anyway – or are you making a one-woman strike against Amazon and messing with their SEO?

      1. Same — I always thought “s i t e” sent you to m0d anyway?

      2. We’re doing it just to annoy you. That’s absolutely the only reason.

         1. Different anon here, but I’m not annoyed, just confused.

   2. Oh my, I just looked up that brand and have to say well done. The tailoring details of their offerings are spot on.

   3. I have a couple pieces from this brand. Good value for the money.

      1. How’s the fit?

         1. It was pretty true to size for me.

            1. Thanks!

   4. Amazon.

      1. I ordered the Amazon dup! Hoping for the best!

3. I think leopard print shoes with jewel tones are very 2017/2018 at this point, but I love this dress! Maybe leopard print accessories with jewel tones are timeless and that was just when it was a phase for me personally, but I’d style it differently.

   1. I don’t care for leopard at ALL but it’s hard to escape this year. Wonder who decided that’s what we should all be wearing?

      I love this dress though! Tortoiseshell or gray shoes maybe?

      1. This dress is GORGEOUS. Love that this shade of green is everywhere.

         1. Same. It’s one of my best colors. I have blue-grey eyes which are basically unremarkable most of the time but when I wear this color it seems to turn my eyes the same color.

      2. Oooooo I love the idea of subbing tortoiseshell for leopard! For some reason it’s a much different vibe to me, despite being essentially the same colors.

   2. That was…last year? I hope fashion isn’t cycling that fast.

4. I recently moved into a 330 sq ft apartment and my initial pick of a (4′ x 2’8) dining table looks HUGE in my place after I bought a sofa (5′ × 2′) in addition to the existing dining table and bed (plus some bookcases/closets for much needed storage).

   I’m trying to replace the dining table with something smaller, but I don’t want it to look to cheap (so no Lifetime folding tables) or go too expensive (budget is ~$300) as I will likely move again in a year or two and will have to dismantle all furniture. The Ikea Lerhamn table for 2 looks like it might fit the bill (link to follow), but can anyone speak to the durability of Ikea tables?

   Room is also looking a little bare, so any other recommendations (for dining tables or other decorations) are much appreciated! Room is currently mostly furnished in natural/white/pink/pebbel-colored modern wooden furniture, and light gray sofa /light blue cushions.

   1. https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/lerhamn-table-light-antique-stain-white-stain-60444259/

   2. I had a similarly sized IKEA table (maybe the Melltorp?) that lasted literally 10 years before my old roommate who inherited it from me replaced it with something bigger when she moved

   3. When I was in an apartment that small, I had the Winsome Suzanne Kitchen table (with two stools!) in the brown wood color. It was very versatile and I now use it as a bar cart. The other table I used, which was a little more comfortable to sit at for long periods of time, was basically a glorified nightstand with two drop leaves on either side and one central drawer I used for silverware. I’d look on craigslist and find something similar.

   4. I cannot speak to a table; however, to keep it simple my vote is a large vase filled regularly with wildflowers.

      1. Ps, having has a decent amount of Ikea items over the years, it’s decent … especially for a table as you won’t be sitting on it. Worst case scenario is you sell it when you move again.

   5. Now I have nostalgia for my tiny apartment days… I had a great Ikea dining table – don’t recall the name, but it was similar to the one you are looking at. At any rate, it was quite solid and lasted through several moves. The matching chairs held up well too. As for additional decor, wall art and mirrors brighten things up without occupying floor space. Maybe an area rug if you don’t have one yet? Throw pillows, throw blankets, some easy care plants in fun pots are also nice accessories.

   6. I was recently searching for a small table for my kitchen and ended up with a cafe table from West Elm. The one I have was pricey (marble) but they have others. I find the size to be perfect for 1-2 people, it doesn’t take up a ton of space and it looks cute. I wasn’t able to find something similar used in my area but you might be able to!

   7. We have a small IKEA table (white legs, wooden top) and it’s been fine. I care less about furniture than some though.

   8. I have a cheap, particle board, handmedown Ikea table from circa 2004 that will not quit (the top of the table isn’t pretty from years of abuse). It even spent a few months outside or in a carport.

      I actually kind of wish it would quit. I want a new table, but can’t justify it with small children in the house. And I don’t think I could find any takers for it even for free.

   9. I had an IKEA dining table for 7 years, it normally fit two but could be expanded to fit four (not sure what it was called). I was very pleased with the construction and longevity of the table

5. Warning: thread may include spoilers for Downton Abbey.

   Anyone see the movie? Thoughts? I liked it but wasn’t blown away. I thought the storyline was a little crowded with non-essential characters and that they turned poor Moseley into an unbelievable doofus. I did, however, appreciate more attention being paid to Edith and Tom.

   1. Ughhhhhh why? Stop. Don’t post spoilers of a movie that literally just came out in your first message. We can’t even collapse the thread and hide it. Rude.

      1. +1
         I saw it and elected not to respond for this very reason.

      2. I don’t follow the show closely but this seems like very general commentary to me, not a spoiler. I think she was saying people might respond with spoilers in the comments.

      3. You can indeed collapse the thread and it’s standard to put a warning (as I did). If it bothers you that much, skip the site today.

         1. Not the poster at 9:34, but even if we collapse the thread, we still see the text in the original post. It may be general, but still more than I wanted or needed to hear on a fashion blog. I’m seeing the movie next weekend, and trying to avoid all discussion of it before hand. The standard (and polite) thing to do is to only put the topic of the post in the first message and than post a follow-up that has your impressions so that if someone wants to avoid the discussion they can do so without seeing your thoughts.

            1. That’s not standard – that’s just your preference. The original post is very very vague so I don’t see the problem.

            2. Yeah I don’t think it’s standard to put a very general review behind a spoiler warning. To me, light spoilers are something like “I didn’t like where Rory’s love life ended up” and heavy spoilers are “I can’t believe that Rory was sleeping with an engaged Logan and got pregnant by him.” Only the heavy spoilers merit a warning imo (and OP’s spoilers were even more mild than the “light spoiler” example I gave, she didn’t really comment on character arcs at all).

   2. I had no problem reading the first sentence and not another line. There are no spoilers in the first sentence. This is not hard.

      1. +1 And also if not knowing the plot is so integral to your enjoyment of a movie, it’s probably not a very good movie anyway.

   3. I agree — I wanted to see it and I enjoyed it but didn’t love it. Mosley was always a bit of a doofus, wasn’t he?

6. Hi guys — planning winter fun and in need of hive input. Husband and I enjoy cross country skiing and are looking to try it out West this year (previously we’ve been in upstate NY and Canada). We’re looking at flying into Denver and don’t want to drive TOO far from there (maybe a 2 hour radius?) as it’ll just be a 4 day weekend. Goals are having a few Nordic places within a short drive and a town that has a few simple-but-good restaurant options (we don’t need $$$ 4 star dining when what we really want is a good burger or entree salad).

   From initial research it looks like either Frisco / Breckenridge OR Fraser / Winter Park may be good base locations — thoughts? Somewhere we’re overlooking?

   1. Stay at Devils Thumb ranch. Eat there and Tabernash Tavern. Xc ski there and at Snow Mountain (ymca).

   2. I know you said Colorado, but have you considered Park City? It is 45 minutes from the Salt Lake airport and has a town public transit system that eliminates the need for a rental car. The White Pine Touring Cross Country ski center is top-notch. Restaurant options are a fancy or low-key as you would like.

   3. I loved staying at Devil’s thumb ranch in colorado, but want to also throw Utah into the mix – if you fly into SLC, you are only a 30-40 minute drive to Park City or Solitude. Both have incredible nordic centers — vestiges of the SLC olympics — and you’d significantly reduce your driving time.

      1. I would also fly into SLC solely to avoid Denver’s notorious ski traffic. You could end up stuck on the highway for 3-4x as long (or more) than you expect. You will have no issues in SLC and the views are positively majestic.

         1. Also, the SLC airport is SO much better/easier to navigate than Denver, especially when you’re renting a car.

   4. Thanks guys. We are targeting Denver because it’s a direct flight for all involved (it’s either a 1 or 2 stop flight for everyone to SLC). Devil’s Thumb was actually one of the places we were looking at so good to hear feedback!

      1. Love Devil’s Thumb. If “all involved” means family members, you might also look at Snow Mountain Ranch. They have homes you can rent that are designed for family gatherings.

7. I’m on Team Never Buy MLM Products but Wardrobe Oxygen just made a capsule wardrobe with cabi’s fall collection and I kind of want it all. Anyone have any experience with the brand? Or, even better, does anyone have a suggestion for a retailer also working with a lot of that dark teal color?

   1. I also am on your team, but I have had good experiences with Cabi. It’s on the expensive side for what it is (I’m usually an on-sale buyer), but all my pieces have held up incredibly to machine washing and drying and a lot of wear. I find the sizes run big.

   2. I have a couple of things from them – one is actually from an outlet store, one from a party. I really, really like them. It’s pricey at full price (ie not the outlet) but honestly, worth it for the quality if you have the money. I’m still wearing the pieces a long time later.

   3. I love dark teal. Following.

   4. So I have only ever purchased something from an MLM one time and it was Cabi and it was one of my most worn items for 10 years. It was a 3/4 sleeved blousy tee shirt, and the quality and fit were amazing and it did not look worn even after years of heavy rotation and machine washing. Someone spilled something all over me at a party and neither I nor the dry cleaner could get the stain out, so I sadly no longer have it.

   5. Agree with all of this: Good quality, runs large, expensive but really nicely made (jackets are all beautifully finished inside with pretty linings — but warning they can be boxy), I grit my teeth and buy it from time to time even though the business model drives me insane.

   6. That blogger made a pledge only to cover plus-size inclusive brands, then lost weight and covers Cabi all the time. I assume it’s because of a monetary arrangement, but she was one of the only bloggers out there advocating for inclusiveness and she is a huge hypocrite.

8. A very good friend’s mother has Stage 4 lung cancer that has migrated to her brain and other areas of her body. She is in the hospital currently for radiation, but is hoping to get home by week’s end. I’d like to send her mom something at the hospital and/or her house. Thoughts? Flowers would be my go to but the scent can really bother some people.

   1. This is my forever go to. Soft, cheerful, cozy, and machine washable:

      https://www.amazon.com/Vera-Bradley-Womens-Fleece-Blanket/dp/B07994BXJS/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=vera%2Bbradley%2Btravel%2Bblanket&qid=1569246576&s=gateway&sprefix=vera%2Bbradley%2Btra&sr=8-3&th=1&psc=1

   2. If she can eat, maybe delectable fancy chocolates? If not, a lovely card with recommendations for funny streamed shows?

   3. By the time my dad had brain mets for a different cancer, his personality had changed and there was little he enjoyed.

      If my good friend wanted to do something for us, it probably would have been best to help me help him (or just stay sane).

   4. Don’t do flowers. (When my sister was in the cancer ward at the hospital, they didn’t allow flowers anyway.) If she’s immuno-compromised, and/or her lungs are sensitive, I wouldn’t do anything with a smell. Super-soft socks or a wrap might be nice.

   5. I have never tried it but spoonful of comfort may be what you’re looking for

   6. food for caregivers, daily texts to your friend.

   7. Gift cards to Bite Squad, Grubhub, etc would make meal planning easier.

9. My team just hired someone with less experience than I have, but at a higher salary (confirmed because I saw her offer letter). This past year, through a series of restructurings, I’ve become the longest-tenured, most “senior” person in my department, although we all technically have the same title. I’ve also had a great year, career-wise, expanding my skill set and making a name for myself within the organization. I feel like, all things considered, now would be a good time to ask for a raise. The catch — I got a mini-promotion last year (with a small increase because the company wasn’t doing well, now we’re doing a lot better), and ‘m going on maternity leave in 8 weeks. Do I ask? Do I wait? I know timing is not in my favor here.

   1. In my office asking for a raise right before maternity leave would look out of touch.

      1. +1, and I work at a super relaxed govt employer, not Big Law or anything similar.

   2. Can you point to any recent successes or new responsibilities? I would ask now, but I would want to come up with a reason that is something besides “you just hired someone with less experience at a higher salary.”

      As an aside, this is why people switch jobs so often. In many companies, the only way to get a significant raise is to come from the outside. So people who have risen within the company are really getting shafted on their salary. It’s such a shortsighted approach for the company!

      1. Yes I can. For the past two years I’ve been designing and working with IT to build an internal company program that is about to launch and for which I just completed company-wide training.

         1. Now is the perfect time to ask! 8 weeks is just about 2 months—an eternity away. If women don’t ask for raises because they’re pregnant or just back from mat leave, they’ll miss out on raises at key points in their careers, losing a ton of wage growth over time.

   3. I’d do it. Not acceptable. Also, I think you’re in a bit of a bargaining position because they want you back after leave. But others could have a different, reasonable view.

   4. I’d ask for it now when everyone’s memory of your successes and hard work is recent.

   5. Ask, present your case well (not just ‘they’re getting paid more, so I should be too’) but value you bring, projects you’ve delivered on, market value for your position, etc. Be prepared to be told no and think about polishing up your resume. I was at a company that ALWAYS paid laterals more than homegrown talent and after a while realized I needed to move to be paid at market rate. It stinks that they lost a lot of good people that way, and I’m still on good terms with my old team, but sometimes you need to read the room (FWIW, my boss advocated for me hard, but was candid about the issue with me, which helped me make a clear-eyed decision).

   6. I would focus on the fact that you deferred a raise while the company was strapped for cash, and it’s now time to get it. This also involves the above advice about market value for position, etc., but do focus on the fact that your mini-promotion should come with a raise and now it’s time to get it.

10. Does anyone have a hand shower In Addition to an on-wall shower head? I’ve only seen them in hotels. Does anyone have one at home? If so, pls talk to me about placement, regrets, etc. this is for a bathroom with just a shower (no tub) so some concerns we will need it for cleaning, maybe pedicure cleanup, hypothetical washing of hypothetical dog. Hotel I’m in today has one on long walk of shower close to shower seat / ledge — may be good in a couple of decades?

    1. I love mine. Don’t use it often but it’s great when I do and if I had a pet I’m sure I would use it frequently.

    2. It’s great for cleaning your undercarriage. I don’t see a downside.

    3. They are also great if you need to clean something that’s too large for your kitchen sink, like cookie sheets or big flower pots. Also nice for hot/cold showers for improved circulation.

    4. We have both and it’s perfect for us. I use the wall one, and my husband was able to mount the hand shower up higher because he’s much taller than me. The hand one also makes showering kids much easier. Highly recommend

    5. We have one and like it- it’s great for kids, dogs, rinsing off legs, etc. Only one shower head operates at a time so the only change I would make would be to have an option where they each have their own controls and can be operated simultaneously. Placement-wise, you can usually find a longer hose option for the handheld piece.

    6. We put them in all 3 of our bathrooms. It makes showering kids much easier, and I find it works well when I want to shower without getting my hair wet (you just set the bar lower). We did an add on to our son’s bathroom (adding the slider bar, diverter, and shower head) without having to open up the wall. I’d highly recommend going that route if you’re not looking to re-tile.

    7. I don’t have a separate overhead and hand shower. Just one that can be removed and used as a hand shower if needed. I love the movable feature because it makes cleaning the shower walls so much easier. Not sure how else you’re supposed to do it… splash water from a bucket?

       1. +1

    8. I replaced the shower head that came in my shower with one that has the wall mount and the separate handheld one. The handheld one just attaches to the wall with a suction cup thingy (I am in an apartment and did not want to permanently install one). You can have one or the other or both on. The suction cup sometimes looses suction causing a shockingly loud crash when the handheld head hits the wall, but other than that, I have had zero complaints. I do not recall the exact brand, but I found it at Lowes/Home Depot.

    9. Having both, ceiling and hand-held shower is considered standard in most European countries. I am always annoyed when there is only ceiling shower head in hotels, bc how am I supposed to take proper hygiene of intimate areas or spot-clean without getting wet all over? I prefer if the hand -held shower is placed in the height around navel, with a proper wall mounting (into which you slide the hose/head vertically).

11. Any advise on getting an infant used to a stroller? My five week old screams and cries every time we put him in the stroller bassinet. I baby-wear at home and shorter distances but would like to go on long leisurely walks.

    1. Have you tried swaddling first?

    2. Might be that he doesn’t feel sufficiently snug in the stroller bassinet? Are you swaddling him when he’s in the stroller bassinet? You can put rolled up baby blankets to take up the space, too. Obviously you want to be careful of soft pillowy things around where your baby is sleeping, but if you’re on long leisurely walks with him (great gentle exercise for your post-partum body!), then you’re watching him. Good luck!

    3. Wait a few weeks. Mine both hated the stroller at that age, but were fine with it by 2 – 3 months.

    4. If swaddling doesn’t fix the problem, I’d bet he doesn’t like lying flat. Does your stroller have a car seat attachment? If so, try that. If you only have the bassinet, does it have a mattress insert? If so, is it feasible to stick something underneath one end to prop it slightly (obviously, this goes against all safety labels and don’t do it if it creates gaps between the sides — but, as a prior poster noted, you’re going to be watching him).

12. I’m looking for a hard sunglasses case that can fit a bigger pair of sunglasses. I can’t believe this has been so hard for me to find. I got overwhelmed on the river store because it was too hard to shop by size. I wear prescription sunglasses and switch multiple times a day between them and my regular glasses, so I tend to wear out the cases the glasses come from. Willing to pay a little bit for something that’s totally hard and fits a larger pair of glasses! Any ideas of where to look?

    1. I get them at Target.

    2. Target gave me a bigger hard case when I bought my prescription sunglasses.

    3. I don’t know why I didn’t think of Target! (Other than I rarely shop there.) That’s great because in store I can actually see if they fit. Thanks! Do you find they hold up to wear and tear? My main concern is they don’t crush easily.

       1. I have a couple that have outlasted the actual sunglasses. Well actually–they ALL have. And they weren’t expensive, either.

    4. Amazon

13. I’m in a field that is contracted. Got fired via phone on Saturday (posted this over the weekend but was told to repost today). Told that 2 clients complained about me to my grandboss, didn’t even bother coming to me or to my boss. My boss called to tell me, it sounded like we could have worked through it had it been complaints to them but there was no option for that since it was grandboss instead. The frustrating part is that the complaints were for doing exactly what my boss told me to do. I obviously can’t do anything about that but the grandboss reached out offering to debrief this week. I am hoping not to lose opportunity for future work and salvage my reputation. I said in the email that I was digesting the info, reviewing interactions with the clients, and that I appreciate that grandboss is making time to talk as I want to learn and grow from this.

    However, I am embarrassed, sad, frustrated, and angry. I was given a set of rules, I followed those rules. Clients didn’t like the rules and complained. Why was this not a discussion about changing the rules? Why weren’t grandboss and boss understanding or willing to discuss this before just canning me? How is it that I did what I was told and I end up now dealing with this situation (and at the loss of 3 months of income for this work)? Plus, I set up all of the scaffolding for the project so the grandboss, boss, and clients will continue to benefit from my work in that way, I just won’t be paid for it.

    Support, commiseration, guidance, etc. greatly appreciated. All of those feelings make me not want to share this with people IRL.

    1. I’m really sorry. I was fired over the summer for bs reasons as well. I am still dealing with the embarrassment, grief and frustration – I agree it’s really hard to talk about IRL. I thought I would feel better once I got a new job but I don’t. And I’m really sorry you had to find out over the phone on a weekend! Take care of yourself today and take the time to be sad.

    2. Wait, what do you mean you won’t be paid for 3 months work!?

       1. It was a 3 month contract and the scaffolding work was created in full to be used for the entire 3 months of work as it was clearer to do (IMO) than to the scaffolding at the beginning and build than the way some do when they just build the next piece of scaffolding when they need it. Doing it all at the beginning makes for a smoother process and better project outcome, IME.

          However, they will be using my scaffolding even though I’ll be gone. So I lost 3 months of income tied to doing all of the work I was set to do on the contract AND they will continue to benefit from my work. Plus, they have to have someone in that role due to policy so someone else coming in will get paid the same rate without having to do that scaffolding work. Plus, their name will go into the role rather than mine so I won’t ever have the credit for that work and, as this scaffolding was unique to a new type of project that will be duplicated indefinitely, my work will be used indefinitely without pay or attribution. (I know it would continue to be used, but I thought it was a way to build job security and a name for myself here by creating it. Instead, here I am with all of the work and none of the pay or acknowledgment.)

          1. Fired, that sounds awful. I’m not sure what meeting with the grandboss will do but agree that you should go ahead and meet. Since you are a contractor and may face this again, I’d build it into all future contracts – either a severance payment or payment for the work building the scaffold that clearly benefits them even in your absence. I think that this is standard for a lot of IT and similar projects. And I’d give yourself credit for it on your resume and in future discussions – just because they have someone else running it doesn’t mean you didn’t develop it.

          2. The grandboss sounds like a bit of a turd, just trying to placate the client. In my opinion, you are valuable and you follow the rules. The grandboss (a/k/a the a-wipe) ought to be having your back, not just sucking up to the client. That is bad busness. FOOEY on him (assuming he is a MALE)! DOUBEL FOOEY!

    3. I would make the topic of the conversation with your grandboss about this:
       1) their (failing) communication process among clients, contracts, boss, and grandboss, and 2) how they will be arranging to pay you for the three months of work. If you’re in the position to make a case for it, I think you should also request a “severance” payment that recognizes the scaffolding and project management system you’ve created that will continue to keep the project running smoothly.

       Grandboss let your head roll because it is easier to fire a contractor than to mediate between a valued client and an out-of-house (read, dispensable) person.

       I’ve been there. Now I work in-house.

    4. Well-run organizations tend not to fire people for following directions. If they do, and they’re run by people with an ounce of decency or who care about their reputations, they should be willing to give a fair amount of severance.

    5. DEFINITELY talk to your grandboss, be as calm as possible but if your emotions show it’s not the end of the world. DO NOT complain about ” i was just following the rules whyyyyyy” save that for your journal. Your grandboss might have a new place for you so don’t skip this meeting, at a minimum they should be able to give you a reference. Just listen to what they say, focus on the positives, and keep moving forward.

       This is NOT the end of your career, it does NOT mean you are a terrible person or a bad worker, this is just a totally normal part of consulting that happened to catch you the wrong way. It’s NOT NOT NOT a reflection of your value! Keep your head up, you are headed for great things and this is just a bump.

14. If someone invited you and ~10 others over for dinner, and you got there and dinner was a couple different kinds of homemade soups and breads (with a salad, cheese and crackers, beer/wine, and dessert), would you be disappointed or feel like it’s not a “real” dinner? Would you miss the meat + sides of a traditional meal?

    1. No, of course not.

       1. I would prefer this to meat + sides.

          Plus, this allows the host to accommodate the eating habits of numerous guests (if guests don’t eat gluten or avoid carbs they can skip bread/crackers, vegetarian/vegan guests can avoid cheese or clam chowder or whatever, etc.)

          1. Moderator – please don’t publish my name on my above post!!! Whoops!! Just filling in blanks…….

    2. Ditto “of course not.” What’s your stake in this question — did you go to this dinner and are upset or know guests who are, or are you asking because you want to host this dinner?

    3. Gently; as I told my MIL, I’m there for the people not the food.

    4. Maybe do some appetizers as well.

       1. This! I wouldn’t miss the meat, but I don’t eat cheese. Apps would be great. Or dips.

    5. Not at all, I think I’d be fine with it! Heck, you could serve me cheese and crackers and call it a night and I’d probably be fine with it.

       If you’re asking because you’re thinking of throwing this, I say go for it, but if you’re worried about people expecting something more traditional and feeling disappointed, it’s fine to tell people what you plan on serving that evening so everyone’s on the same page ahead of time. They don’t NEED to know ahead of time, but it never hurts to clarify expectations. A quick email along the lines of “Hey friends, we’re excited to see you all on Saturday! We’ve picked out some great cheeses, and will be serving a selection of homemeade soup with bread and salad for dinner, and a mouth watering ____ for dessert! No need to bring anything, but please let us know if you have any dietary restrictions we should know about!” is all you need, and you can leave off the bit about dietary restrictions if it’s not necessary for this group, I’m just giving a sample script.

       1. I agree with this. If someone had a very light lunch or has to eat more than normal for their own reasons (pregnant, athletes, etc.), they would appreciate knowing in advance.

       2. This is a great script.

          I’ll be honest and say depending on the offerings, I might feel slighted and my DH probably would definitely feel slighted. If one of the soups was hearty or substantial then it would feel better – like a chicken chili or sausage spinach combo, or even some potato-heavy vegetable or cheddar broccoli. One of our favorites for dinner is a vegan lentil soup that is super filling, and I often make a chicken dumpling soup in the winter. I think the key is making sure there’s either a protein or a starchy carb in at least one of the soups to help it feel more filling like a main dish.

          1. 100% agree.

          2. the key according to elaine is whether they can crumble any crackers in it.

    6. Not at all. That sounds great!

    7. I would not say anything (OF COURSE) but yes, I would be disappointed. I don’t think soup and bread is dinner in and of itself. I like soup, but it’s not a meal.

       1. Same. And it depends a lot on the soups. Is it something super hearty like a chili or stew? Great. Is it chicken noodle and butternut squash? I’d be expecting a main course. I’d never complain or anything, it’s fine, but I would be raving about the best dinner party ever if all I got was soup.

          1. Oh for sure, that’s a good point! I am a weirdo who will eat a light soup for dinner but that’s because I’m trying to curb calorie intake, but if I was serving a soup for dinner it would likely be a chili or stew, and if I were doing two soups the other could be a lighter option, or something vegetarian if the chili had meat in it.

       2. So funny you should ask this — many years ago I was a guest at just such a dinner party and yes, I was (in my very secret, unstated, never-breathe-a-word-of-it heart of hearts) disappointed. Soup and bread is fine for dinner en famille, but I feel like for a dinner party one should up one’s game a tiny bit.

          That said, no well-mannered person would ever be crass enough to voice such thoughts except in response to a direct question using a false name on an internet message board.

          1. SA – you are my spirit animal.

          2. I feel the same . BUT I would feel differently if the cheese and crackers was replaced with a killer charcuterie spread, if you want to bulk things up without exerting a lot of effort.

    8. I can’t tell if you are asking because you attended such a party or are thinking of throwing such a party.

       If attended, just let it go. You went to see your friends, not have amazing food, and you got to spend time with your friends. I’m a firm believer that life is too short to get upset by that type of stuff.

       If planning to throw such a party, I would go for it but give people a heads up. As an example, I’m a vegetarian. When I host BBQs in the summer, I just tell people that I’m providing all the sides and veg patties, but that they should bring their own meat if they want to grill some burgers. In this case, I would actually really appreciate knowing – I hate soup, so I would have a small meal beforehand. If I wasn’t given a heads up, I would end up eating all the bread and cheese and salad.

       1. + all the internet points to life is too short.

       2. For what it’s worth, I would find this super rude. You invite people to your home for BBQ with a “hey bring your own meat” note? That is so uncouth. I honestly would MUCH rather the host say “as you know I’m vegetarian so this will be a vegetarian BBQ”. Or, you know, buy meat for your guests – you clearly have no issue cooking meat on the same grill so it’s probably not that serious for you. But to be explicitly told to bring your own main dish to a BBQ (obviously excluding potlucks)? Why throw the party at all?

          1. This is totally a know your friends kind of thing. I have good friends who have done this and it has not been weird at all in our friend group. But you likely wouldn’t be a part of it ;)

             1. Absolutely, I wouldn’t think this was rude at all. Uncommon, sure, but not rude. I actually appreciate being told “we’ll only be serving X and not Y, but if you’d like Y you’re welcome to bring it and we’ll let you throw it on the grill.” Sounds awesome, really.

                That said, if I was invited to a party where I was asked to bring something, and I didn’t wanna bring it, and felt the request that I bring it rude, I would simply turn down the invite.

          2. I, for one, do not want a vegetarian cooking meat for me. See, e.g., my SIL’s incredibly dry and flavorless Thanksgiving turkey.

          3. It was effectively a vegetarian BBQ that people could opt out of the vegetarian aspect. I had enough vegetarian patties for everyone, but figured that some people might prefer to bring their own meat instead of eating a vegetarian burger (i.e, giving them the option). I would say about 60% decided to try the vegetarian burger. So, either I did everything right in your universe or I can just never host a party in the summer???

             And, for what it’s worth, this is not weird in my friend group. Most of our parties are potlucks, and every single person asked what they could bring. I told everyone that they didn’t have to bring anything, but I wasn’t going to have meat burgers. If they wanted that, they had to bring their own.

          4. It’s not rude. It’s clear that you don’t have to bring anything if you’re cool with eating vegetarian for one meal (really! It’s one meal, you will live) but she is gracious enough to say you can bring your own meat if you want to cook it.

             I am a meat eater but I would never, ever expect my vegetarian friends to buy and cook meat for me. It’s your expectation that is rude!

          5. It’s totally the norm in my group of friends (all early career, relatively low income, many with small apartments). We often invite, as we have a space to host, and we provide some food and drink, but people usually contribute what they are in the mood for.
             Is your hangup with it not explicitly being called a potluck but a BBQ?

    9. I would LOVE to attend this kind of party. Soup and bread is just the best. Especially homemade bread.

       1. Honestly, it kinda makes me want to throw one such party.

          1. Agreed. This sounds delightful!

    10. I would lobe this as I never eat a large dinner (ruins my sleep). But my husband (meat IS the entre) would be complaining about it for years. Warn people, especially if it isn’t all women you know to be eaters like me.

    11. This is a totally fine meal and no one should ever complain about what someone served them when they were guests.

        The night meal was traditionally called supper because it was a meal of soup. The heavier meal of the day was served mid-day. What we would call lunch.

        If I could do brunch and supper forever I’d do it.

        1. I think this is why you need to warn people. It is maybe what used to happen and isn’t what is typical. Like if you are having Fondue Night, let people know. That way they know to pregame at McDonalds if they aren’t into fondue.

    12. No, that sounds amazing. People who *need* to have meat in their meal seem very weird (and in this case, ungrateful!) to me, and I say that as someone who is definitely not vegetarian or vegan.

        1. I’m a very light meat eater (I don’t eat beef or pork and eat chicken maybe once a week at most, usually at a restaurant) so I definitely don’t think a meal needs to have meat. I still think it’s odd to serve soup as a main course. There are lots of great vegetarian/pescetarian entrees out there, but soup feels like a starter to me.

    13. I would love this meal!!! It sounds really thoughtful and delicious.

        I’m so over the idea that meat is necessary every day when we now know that many kinds of meats are not good for one’s health or the environment to eat often.

    14. No this actually sounds lovely, particularly for fall

    15. I think it really depends on how you feel about soup. I would love this, as I love soup. My husband would not feel slighted, but he would definitely want to stop for a meal on the way home from this dinner party and would plan to eat a full meal before attending any parties thrown by this host in the future. He doesn’t necessarily eat more than I do, but he doesn’t care for soup and would not consider it a meal.

        1. +1. I’m not super into soup. (Pun intended).

    16. The answers here are very much like that post (that was a vent and not a question or ask for advice) about having coffee on hand. It shows that people very much think Their Way of Life is the correct way and any deviation from that is rude or a personal affront. And obviously it’s not, it’s just that people live differently. If you don’t like soup or you insist on having meat at every meal, fine, but to live differently than you doesn’t warrant a trial at The Hauge :)

        1. Nope it doesn’t. No one has said they’d be affronted, just that it wouldn’t be their favorite

           1. And a question WAS asked, what would you think about this. It wasn’t just people chiming in with their own opinions on someone else’s vent.

    17. If you are thinking of hosting this gathering, just tell people it’s soup night and no one can be offended.

    18. The idea that soup, salad, cheese/crackers, bread, and alcoholic beverages is not a “real” dinner is an example of why America has insanely high obesity rates. Here’s how I’d qualify whether something is a “real” meal: can you get approximately 600-700 calories at it, i.e., approximately 1/3 of the maximum calories an average adult needs in a day? If so, it’s a meal, you’re good.

        1. I don’t get this comment at all. Bread, a cheesy soup and alcohol has far more calories and carbs than meat or fish with a side of veggies. Meat is bad for the environment and many people don’t eat it, but thinking bread and cheese is not a meal is not the cause of the American obesity epidemic.

    19. I would appreciate a heads up. I’m sure it would be delicious, but it likely wouldn’t be filling enough for me (pregnant) or my husband (athlete), and that would be helpful to know ahead of time. With prior warning, we would make sure we didn’t show up starving. Without prior warning, we would eat graciously, never let on to any disappointment, and pick up some supplementary takeout on the way home. C’est la vie!

15. I posted late on Friday about a bad performance review that really shocked me. Thank you all for your kind comments and advice. I took the weekend to think about it and I feel much better, although obviously concerned for my future here. I am going to talk to my boss today about concrete ways I can work on improving (because she didn’t offer me any during the review…). I’m pretty sure I’m going to be let go anyway, but gd it I have to stand up for myself and give it my best effort.

    1. I’m sorry that happened to you! It always sucks! If you are looking for advice, read below. Otherwise, skip it.

       If you think you are likely to be let go anyways, I would highly recommend considering whether you are best served by spending that extra effort searching for a new job instead of by rededicating your self to your current job when it’s not going to make a different. Every company and industry is different. But at my biglaw firm (and, frankly, all the others I know of), a bad review is their way of telling you to start looking. No one ever comes back from it. If the person doesn’t leave on their own, the firm will give them a hard deadline to leave after about 6 months.

       1. That’s definitely something I’m keeping in mind – I actually spent Friday afternoon looking at jobs and reaching out to old connections. But I’m not in law so the culture is different.

16. This is a long shot, but I’m consistently impressed by the range of knowledge on this blog . . . I’m looking for a recommendation for a nice restaurant in the Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, area. I’d like to send a gift certificate to a friend as a thank you for a significant favor, so I’m hoping to find something appropriately special (so she and her husband can have a much-needed night out). Anyone have an ideas? Thanks in advance!

    1. Any dietary restrictions/choices?

       If not, here are several that are quite nice:
       – Manga Qui (just had dinner there Friday night – delightful)
       – Rubicon (French)
       – Home 231 (farm-to-table)
       – Suba (super tasty tapas – same owner as Manga Qui and Rubicon, she’s fab)
       – 1700 Degrees (steakhouse)
       – Char’s at Tracey Mansion (amazing river views from the back deck)

       That should get you started. If you have any more questions, I am happy to help!!

       1. Manga Qui is my in-laws’ go-to for a nice dinner out.

       2. I second all of these recommendations!

       3. Agree with all of this and please add the Millworks “Lofty space built with reclaimed timber featuring a full bar, art galleries & farm-fresh local fare.” Address: 340 Verbeke St, Harrisburg, PA 17102

          1. I can’t believe I forgot Millworks! Thanks!

    2. OpenTable is the safest bet unless you know their tastes well.

17. My boss has been telling me what an excellent chance I have to get his job after he retires in a couple of years. It’s motivated me to work even harder and volunteer for some tough projects. Friday someone told me that another colleague had been absolutely promised the job. The succession plan is a done deal. She knows this because she is being prepped to move into colleague’s job when colleague is promoted to boss role. I feel like such a loser. What would you do?

    1. Do not run your career on office gossip. Work hard, gun for the promotion, and understand that a lot can change in a “couple of years.” Maybe you will get headhunted. Maybe the boss will delay retirement when unexpected bills hit. Maybe the person who is allegedly guaranteed the job will be headhunted, fired, or will have to move halfway across the country.

       1. +1. I know news like that feels like a punch to the gut, but nothing’s a done deal until it’s really done.

       2. “Do not run your career on office gossip”THANK YOU. Best advice ever.

    2. I wouldn’t assume that your colleague who told you this has any more accurate information than you do. I always assume that these things are not a done deal until the promotion is fine. There are so many things that could change in the next few years that impact any plans that may exist; senior leadership could change, their could be a company reorg, the colleague who is next in line could leave or have a falling out with senior management; etc. (And this is my view on these things even though I’m second in charge of a team, have been trained to take over for my manager and already fill in for him when he is out, and not a single other person in the division knows how to do most of our tasks)

    3. Conan, Leno, etc…

       Just keep killin’ it.

    4. Agree with just keep killin’ it.

       A couple of years is a very long time and who knows what will happen?

    5. This may just be a smart move by colleague to try and create the desired situation by having someone ready to go to fill her spot if she moves up to the boss spot.

    6. A couple of years ago, I was told by someone who was retiring that if I wanted their job, it was mine. Turns out, it wasn’t really their call to make, and I didn’t get the job. So I wouldn’t rely 100% on either your boss or the office gossip.

       Anyway, keep working hard and kicking butt – like people above said, a couple of years is a long time.

    7. Kendall Roy, is that you?

18. I have a fit of bug bites from last week that seem to have scarred my legs in an unsightly way. I have a weekend party to go to that requires a dress and my longest is only mid-calf. Do I wear hose? Can I exfoliate or lotion them away? Any tips or tricks?

    1. Get a spray tan a few days before the event. No one is looking that close, but the spray tan does help even out that kind of redness/blotchiness.

    2. You can try exfoliating and lotion. Hose are a great safety net if those don’t work. I wear hose all the time and appreciate the coverage and warmth they provide. I know they have fallen out of favor–but I really have no problem with hose and almost view them as a uniform staple. Hose are much more comfortable now then when I was in high school–that’s for sure–and appreciated.

    3. Sorry about the bug bites! While keeping them moisturized can help with healing, I wouldn’t exfoliate in case they get irritated further. You could wear tall boots, but honestly I’d just wear what I’d already planned. I’m very pale and mosquitoes love me, so I just accept that my ankles are mangled between May and October.

    4. Self tanner will help them blend in

    5. If they’re still sort of inflamed, cortizone cream or mario badescu drying lotion will help reduce them. If it’s an actual wound from scratching, neosporine and hope for the best.

    6. Makeup/concealer. I think if you try to exfoliate it you will only make it worse can cause more irritation. Try one of those Sally Hansen make up products. I did hear that the make up can run off so test it out first.

    7. Bugs eat me alive every summer and I scar every summer.

       Short-term: mix foundation with lotion and slather on. Sally Hansen also makes a product, something like Airbrush Legs, but I’ve never tried it.

       Long-term: https://www.mederma.com/mederma-quick-dry-oil/

    8. I would definitely do Sally Hansen’s leg makeup (it’s called Airbrush Legs Body Makeup) and you can get it at CVS, Target, etc. You put it on like a lotion and make sure to spread it out. It is waterproof so will stay (it stays on even if you hop in the shower and don’t use soap).

19. How central to how you see yourself and your identiy is being a woman/ WOC? I had this discussion with a friend yesterday and we were on wildly different places on that spectrum and I wonder how other people think about this.

    1. Being a woman is just a fact about me, not a core part of my “identity.” My identity is being outdoorsy, intellectual, interested in travel, not religious, an introvert, etc., while being a woman is just a fact like “I have long hair” and “I have brown eyes.” It’s only important to me insofar that it has guided my feminist views (since being a woman undoubtedly shapes the political views you hold) and I have developed some very special friendships with other women based on solidarity and bonding over how others, namely men, have treated us for being girls when we were younger and women now.

       1. Same. Being a white woman has changed my experiences as far as how people treat me, but I don’t consider either part of my identity.

          I was talking to a friend about this last year and she said she identifies strongly as a woman. For me it’s hard to understand what that means. In my mind I’m a woman because that’s how my body is shaped. I don’t feel inherently gendered. I feel like I’m a person who happens to be female.

       2. I feel the same way, as well as your comment below.

          While being a woman has shaped my worldview and how I interact with the world at times, I’ve never thought about it as part of my identity in the sense of who I am and what I want to be remembered for. This is an interesting discussion.

    2. Not a part of my identity. Like anon at 11:49, it’s more a fact about me, like my height.

    3. I’m white. Being a woman is a pretty big part of my identity. It’s certainly not the only thing that’s a major part of my identity (being a parent, spouse, daughter, [insert profession] are big parts too), but it’s an important component.

       1. Same. I’m white but an immigrant from a non-English speaking country, and my background as an immigrant is also a huge part of my identity.

    4. Being a woman is a pretty big deal to me and I consider it a part of my identity – being a woman has shaped how I view myself and how I approach the world.

    5. It’s a huge part of my identity. I would likely have answered differently 10 years ago, before I worked somewhere with a significant number of sexist bosses and had to deal with sexual discrimination and sexual harassment at work. Being a woman has had a huge impact on how I interact with the world, how others view my work, how and when I have safety fears, etc. It may not be something I mention when asked to describe myself (at least in part because it is self-evident from my appearance and name), but is underlying all the other aspects of my identity.

       1. I’m Anon at 11:49 and I actually agree with all of this – what I meant in my own post is that it wouldn’t be one of the things I answer with when asked about my identity/how I describe myself, but it’s definitely shaped my worldview and experiences SO much. Your response is more nuanced than mine.

          1. And, with that understanding, I largely agree with your post at 11:49. It’s interesting how different people describe identity from personality or interests. I’m very outdoorsy and a huge hiker. If someone asked me what shapes my personality or what my interests are, it’s probably the first thing I would mention. But if someone asks me what my identity is, I would say female, white, Midwestern, daughter, wife; and nothing about my interests.

             – Anon at 12:22

             1. Yep, same. Travel is my biggest passion and the first thing I mention when anyone asks about interests or hobbies, but my identity is mom, wife, daughter, professor, female, white, Midwesterner. It would feel really weird to me to include “traveler” as part of my identity, because it’s just a hobby.

    6. For me, it is a bit about how I see myself and a ton about how I know others see me. As a woman, I am seen as someone who needs to be mansplained, who can be easily interrupted in meetings, who is worth less pay, who is less safe when out alone, who is more likely to be assaulted or harmed, to be more likely a victim of DV, who has beauty expectations to be told to live up to, who is judged for hair and outfit in job interviews, who is less likely to be mentored or respected at work, and whose body is regulated by the government.

       When I am in my home alone just existing, my gender identity and expression aren’t necessarily how I primarily identify, but when I’m outside my home, I don’t get the privilege of forgetting about that aspect of myself, which makes it a pretty big part of my identity.

    7. Both identities as a woman and a WOC are central to how I view and approach the world. Obviously this is highly contextual. Also, I’d separate “awareness” of being a woman /WOC versus it being a part of your identify. When I’m amongst a group of women, I feel more aware of being a WOC. When I am in a group of diverse men, I feel more aware of being a woman generally. When I am in a group of older white men, I feel a general otherness as a woman and person of color – but usually that only happens with another commonality like we are all lawyers. I think identity changes and shifts with the audience. With my family and husband, unless a topic about feminism or prejudice comes up, I’m just me.
       But I don’t really think about being a woman as a part of my core identity, more in the sense that it shapes how I approach the world unintentionally. As a person of color that is a core part of my identity because that comes with a shared culture with people of my background. If I didn’t come from a distinct culture, I don’t think I’d consider being a person of color as part of my idenfity outside of the “awareness”.

    8. Being a woman of color is a central part of my identity, in part because that is how the world reacts and interacts with me.

    9. Honestly, it depends. Immigrant WOC. My mom intentionally raised me in primarily (or solely) white spaces because she thought that was how I could succeed. It has served me well as I am in a mostly male, mostly white industry. However, I still very much feel it at the core of my identity when I interact with certain colleagues who are old money [insert my city], whose lives are so vastly different (even though we all make the same/do the same work).

20. Any recs for pots and pans for use on induction cooktops? I’m switching to them from gas stoves (getting the $50 portable cooktop from Ikea) due to particle dust concerns in my poorly ventilated kitchen. Looking for a basic set with no known health concerns. TIA!

    1. If you’re looking for something affordable, take a magnet with you to thrift stores or places like Ross/TJ Maxx. Any pot with a flat magnetic bottom will work with an induction burner.

21. Please advise if I should see a doctor, and if so, what kind (bodily details alert):

    I had some veins in my leg around the back of my right knee that looked like stage 1 varicose veins (bits of tiny veins visibly red / blue under the skin) for a few years.

    Over the last year they have branched out somewhat, so that it looks like one of the veins is bleeding into smaller veins.

    But over the last few days, the entire area is looking bruised and I no longer see the individual veins. I also started having a bit of pain in the area and slight numbness (as though I’ve been sitting too long without moving) in my lower right leg.

    Blood clots and potential stroke(?) is running through my anxious mind. I have no idea what it is, it doesn’t seem like normal varicose vein symptoms. Should I see a doctor? If so, do you have any recommendations as to what kind? I don’t have a PCP but have access to walk-in individual practices in internal medicine / orthopedics / obgyn that will see me after a few hours’ wait, but if they refer me to a university hospital it will be at least a 2 month wait.

    1. I would go to the doc asap, either ER or urgent care. It sounds like a DVT. If it is you want to catch it before it makes it to your lungs. (Source: I have had 2 DVTs and a PE)

       1. Yes, ER now. Depending on your urgent care facility, they may have to send you elsewhere for an ultrasound, but an ER should be able to do it in-house. Not to be alarmist, but I’ve had a DVT and it was exactly what you’ve described. I would not even sit and wait a few hours.

    2. Get to urgent care or the ED now. That sounds like a DVT and it’s emergent. Don’t wait around for additional responses here.

    3. Yeah this happened to my FIL and it was a MASSIVE blood clot. Go to urgent care!

       1. Get to the ER immediately!

          If you do have a blood clot, even a superficial one, get to a hematologist and have your blood tested for clotting disorders.

    4. Thanks for all your input! I went to the ER as recommended and ran a bunch of tests on heart/chest x rays/blood from arteries and veins, but they didn’t find anything. Apparently no ultrasound capcity at the ER though, as it’s 2 am where I am, so I’ll follow up with a general ultrasound and try to set up something with a specialist tomorrow.

       1. I’m impressed you got back so quickly. Good luck!

22. Do you have any recommendations re where I can get nice, business casual workplace appropriate cashmere sweaters (cardigans and pull over style). I am in the process of building a wardrobe with few quality pieces that I know I will wear a lot. I am looking at Garnet Hill but I have never bought anything from there so I’d appreciate any thoughts you may have on their quality. Thank you!

    1. Grana has great and cheap cashmere sweater, plus you cna use a code for free shipping with no minimum (granaxkang). They have detailed item measurements so I’ve never once had to return anything (returns might be a pain, though). I just bought one of the mens v-neck cashmere sweater in L for $50, and it fits perfectly.

    2. I have had two very different experiences with the quality. One pullover (kept) is very substantial, the other pullover (returned) was tissue weight and most definitely would not have held up. Read the reviews on the item before purchase, alas, I neglected to do so.

    3. I’ve had mixed luck with this brand, but I’ve been very happy with my sweaters from Everlane and would recommend. (I was less-pleased with other items from Everlane)

    4. Boden has great quality for the price.

    5. Charter Club at Macy’s: I tried on the cashmere blazer this weekend and it was SO nice, soft, and in useful colors. Other Charter Club sweaters were also pretty good and came in more colors. Caveat, the blazer was $100 less this weekend than it is now, so wait for a sale.

    6. I love the Garnet Hill catalog, but have been consistently disappointed with the clothing I have ordered from them.
       I love my cashmere from:
       – Boden
       – Pure
       -J. Crew

    7. Have had luck with Lord & Taylor for cashmere sweaters. Got mine at Hudson’s Bay (in Canada) but understand it’s a standalone store in the US.

23. Hi! I’m a reader here, but haven’t really commented much before. I’m a college student trying to figure out this whole “professional dress” thing. I’m an engineering major planning on working in that field. Problem: I have serious joint problems. I need ankle support in all my shoes. Without them, I need hard ankle braces – ugly, clunky, obvious things, but useful. My daily-wear shoes are hiking boots. I can also wear ankle boots with heels under one inch without braces. Anything else – most sneakers, pumps, flats, sandals, anything with a heel over an inch, etc. – needs hard braces.

    Can I wear low-heel ankle boots pretty much constantly without being inappropriate, or can I wear other shoes with my hard braces? Or should I just resign myself to looking workplace-inappropriate sometimes? Thanks, Corporettes!

    1. Totally fine to wear angle boots or braces. If you’re wearing pants they’ll hardly be visible. For interviews and the most formal occasions look for ankle boots that are unobtrusive black leather.

    2. I work with engineers and they are mostly dressed very casually. I see sneakers and even flip flops, but then my workplace has the dress code policy of wear what’s appropriate for your environment. I work in the finance side and in the fall and winter, my go to shoes are ankle booties with the smallest heel – so not that different from you. I like to think that people don’t really remember or care about your shoes as long as they are not wildly inappropriate. So find something that works for you and wear it to work.

    3. Look at the MGemi Fortuna (and Banana Republic had a copy recently). Heel is under 1”. Maybe 1/4”? I wear even with suits when I have to do a bit of walking or lots of standing.

       Or check out Rothys.

       SAS shoes makes well-constructed flats that are < 1”.

       I have problem feet due to a pinched nerve that recurs periodically and these work for me.

    4. I don’t know what kind of engineering you’re in but in my civil engineering circle boots, khakis, and polos are completely acceptable.

    5. If you need something for a medical purpose, it’s always professional. Wear the best version of what you feel comfortable, and figure out the rest. If your hard braces are your preferred system just rock them and then wear the type of clothing (suit, nice pants, etc.) suggested by your career services that works for you regardless of whether your braces show. Even though engineers on the whole end up being more casual, they are not casual at career fairs. I’ll repeat it again: if you need something for a medical purpose, it’s ALWAYS professional.

       1. +1

    6. Another female engineer here- one of the glories of working in engineering is that most engineers do not care what you wear.

24. I just want to vent. My mother in law calls me by the wrong name. She knows my name, and my husband and I have corrected her repeatedly. She persists in calling me by the wrong name, which is another version of a nickname for my name. Think “Ella” but I go by “Ellie” and my name is Eleanor. She and I don’t have a great relationship generally and this is just another annoyance. Unclear if she persists in the wrong name because she just doesn’t care, or because she actively wants to annoy me, but I suspect it’s the former. I see her several times per month so this happens a lot. Ok thanks, vent over.

    1. Ack I would hhhhaaate that.

       1. This reminds me of that Indian woman who posted a while ago talking about how her boyfriend kept calling her Jasmine (not her name) and introduced her as Jasmine to all of his colleagues. Whaaaat.

          1. No, that’s about a billion times worse because it’s extremely racist. And it was being done by her partner, not her in-laws.

             1. I don’t disagree, I brought it up because it’s so strange to me that people have such a hard time remembering/pronouncing names correctly, esp. of those in their close circle.

       2. No matter how dumb she is, you did marry her son, so she owes it to you to remember your name and not to be such a doofus. Tell her you know her name and ask her nicely to try harder. The only thing Dad could think of is that she has a mental block b/c she cannot fathom the thought of your son and her having $ex, as he was once her little boy, and proably still is and little boys should NOT be doing that stuff. But that is HER issue, not yours, and you can do whatever you want with her son b/c you are MARRIED to him. FOOEY on her for being such a DOOFUS!

    2. I’m not generally confrontational, but you might turn to her next time and say “Were you talking to me? My name is Ellie.”

    3. My husband refuses to spell my nickname correctly. I went by the nickname till I was 12 because it’s not the kind of nickname adult women use, so only my parents, sisters, close family use it with me as an adult. He likes it and uses it. But refuses to spell it correctly (I use the “ie” spelling, he uses “y”). Annoys the crap out of me. Married 8 years, together for 15.

       1. I would just not be able to put up with that! like, wtf, you love me but refuse to learn how to spell my name?!? Why would I want to live with you or do anything for you if you can’t do that simple thing? (I will acknowledge that part of this reaction comes from the fact that I have a name that is commonly spelled two ways, mine is the slightly less common way, and it has often been spelled wrong my whole life).

       2. This is so odd. I’d be more than annoyed.

       3. OMG that is insane.

          1. Although I must admit that on my husband’s computer at home my name is comically misspelled on his email because he got it wrong when he originally entered it years ago.

       4. To be clear, he primarily call me by my full name, not my nickname. And any documents or references to me in an email use my full name. So the number of times he actually spells out the nickname is fairly infrequently. Like a few times a year.

    4. My FIL continually misspells my name, including in emails to extended family members who have spent much less time with me but have made the effort to learn the correct spelling. We also don’t have a great relationship and I think he just can’t be bothered to remember it. My husband and I have been married 14 years. Calling you by the wrong name is worse though!

    5. Stop responding when she calls you the wrong name. If she persists and gets flustered you’re not responding, say “I didn’t know you were talking to me, as that’s not my name.” It will change the power dynamic quite a bit if you stop playing along.
       Yes, I know this is extreme and will be awkward and possibly difficult to pull off. You may need to explain your approach to your husband so if he’s witness he won’t be confused with what you are doing.
       Can you see less of her?

       1. Yep, you need to change the power dynamic here. You’re letting her disrespect you in the status quo and that’s not going to change unless you take a fairly strong action.

          1. There was a glorious post here once from a woman whose male colleagues kept calling her the wrong name. They delegated some work to “Sarah” at a meeting, and she ignored it, and then showed up at the next meeting not having done the work (though she of course knew they had meant her) since it was assigned to “Sarah.” I know this kind of thing doesn’t have a good analogy in a family situation though.

          2. I know. She loves drama and enjoys getting very upset over petty nonsense. I 100% know that if I take a firm stance, she will immediately badmouth me to the rest of the extended family and make it a Very Big Deal. And then every time she calls me by the right name it will be a Very Big Deal. I can’t decide if it bothers me enough for that to happen yet.
             My husband just rolls his eyes at his mother’s many quirks (including this one), but that’s easy for him because he loves her and I…don’t.

             1. I avoid drama, so I would just be politely persistent (with no attitude or affect, absolutely bland).
                “Hey Ellie…”. “It’s Ella.”
                “By the way Ellie…” “It is Ella”.
                Rinse and repeat in the blandest boringest way. She will get the message after 5 or 15 times of this. If you’d like, play a game with yourself to see how many it takes.

             2. Counterpoint: She will not get the message. I did this for YEARS and it never stuck. My mother in law is a self-centered absolute mess of a person and she just didn’t care. I have been with my husband 16 years and we have worked on this together for the first decade of that time (strategies ranging from frequent corrections like the above, my husband speaking to her directly, my husband yelling at her, my ignoring any statement not addressed to my actual name, etc.) and after 10 years we just gave up.

                Don’t get me started on the fact that I am Jewish and she serves pork for every large family gathering. With a soup for an appetizer that’s made with pork for flavoring. And a salad on the side that has bacon bits sprinkled on top.

             3. Anononon, that is every bit as outrageous as the “Mushrooms” MIL story that was going around recently (the one that many people who must be blessed in the MIL department thought couldn’t possibly be true).

    6. My own mother misspells my name… apparently she and my father couldn’t agree on spelling, he “won” and then it bugged her forever after they divorced 2 yrs later. However, at age 6ish, I started to go by a shortened version with a slightly unique spelling (so think Brittany but she spells it Britney and I go by Britt). She not only refuses to call me by what I go by, she corrects others who call me what I go by, and she lashes out at people who sent emails to us both with my name as Britt. “If I wanted her called that, I would have named her that!”

       In the end, I gave up. It was one of the (many Many MANY) reasons she is no longer in my life. Life is too short to have to argue about my own name.

       1. That’s hilarious. My mom objects to how we spelled our daughter’s name and keeps telling me that our daughter, who is currently a toddler who cannot pronounce, let alone write, her name, will legally change the spelling when she grows up (which, for the record, I would have no problem with…I just think it’s weird that my mom think she has a crystal ball).

       2. “If I wanted her called that, I would have named her that!”

          My response: “I’m an adult, so it’s no longer about what YOU want me to be called; it’s about what *I* want to be called.” But this is a non-issue if you don’t talk to her.

       3. That drives me nuts. My sister in law spells the name of my husband, her brother, incorrectly. Think “Jon” when his name is John. She does it that way because she thinks it’s cooler and I guess she thinks he will change the spelling someday? I guess?

          But the reality is this is just one piece of a long string of how-do-I-make-everything-about-me behaviors on her part. I suspect the same of your mom and OP’s MIL.

    7. Can you straight up ask her why she calls you x when your name is (or you prefer to be called) y? Is there any possibility that she thinks she’s personalizing a nickname for you (since you apparently do have a good relationship, I’m assuming this isn’t her being passive aggressive) and doesn’t realize it seems like she doesn’t care what you prefer to be called? I think I’d say something like, “I really prefer to be called Miss. Is there a reason you call me Missy?”

25. Grana has great and cheap cashmere sweater, plus you cna use a code for free shipping with no minimum (granaxkang). They have detailed item measurements so I’ve never once had to return anything (returns might be a pain, though). I just bought one of the mens v-neck cashmere sweater in L for $50, and it fits perfectly.

    1. Sorry, this was meant to go as a reply to Cashmere sweaters

26. Would you agree to be photographed for the cover of your neighborhood magazine? I’m a contributing writer for the magazine and apparently the family that was supposed to be on the cover this month bailed and they’re scrambling for a family to feature so they want to use mine (me, husband, toddler, dog). I feel weird about it, but I can’t really articulate why. We’d get a free family photo out of it. We endeavor to keep our toddler’s image off the internet, but the magazine is print only and I’ve been assured the photographer won’t publish the photos online. My husband doesn’t really want to do it, but says he’ll do it if I want to. Curious how others would feel about it.

    1. Nope, not with my kid in it.

       1. +1

       2. Not judging but can you explain the concerns esp with a print magazine that isn’t online?

          1. I don’t want strangers viewing my kid either in print or online and there’s no guarantee that it won’t end up online anyway. The photographer may have rights to the photo and leave the position/sell his catalog to some other buyer, other people may photograph the picture (especially if there’s anything silly/weird about it and they want to mock it with friends, which I’ve seen time and time again), and it’s just easier to institute a firm no-public-photos policy instead of making various rules and exceptions. Finally, what’s the incentive to do it? I didn’t see the OP mentioning some huge paycheck that would go straight to the kid’s college account. Why take the risk (when you are conscientious about privacy) for no reward?

       3. I’m curious why not. Can you elaborate?

    2. I’d do it. I love my hood but it has a lot of SAHMs and I’d like to be seen as less invisible even though I feel invisible because I work. I’d think of it as a way to put myself out there so people can see I’m normal and maybe include me or our kids more.

    3. It doesn’t matter what we think. Neither you nor your husband really want to do it. Pass.

       1. Just to clarify, my husband is mostly just lazy, it’s not really about privacy concerns for him (he’s similar unenthusiastic when I suggest professional family photos for our own private use). I was on the fence so appreciate these responses.

       2. I agree with this. If it’s not “hell, yes!” it’s “no.”

    4. I’d be like really excited and frame it but you aren’t excited and your husband actively doesn’t want to do just skip it.

       1. +1 to all of this (I’d love it!), especially since not only does OP not want to do it, it sounds like she’d have to coordinate the whole thing

    5. We get our neighborhood magazine and laugh our asses off. Sorry, no way would I do it.

       1. Why do you laugh at it? As a writer for the magazine, I’m always curious how people view it. (I’m definitely not above judging some people – like the SAHMs with MLMs who describe themselves as “boss ladies” – but overall I find most of the content interesting and most of the families seem likable).

       2. …so you’re mean. Slow clap. Can’t imagine what you’re teaching your kids.

       3. You sound like a nasty person.

          1. Sorry. My neighborhood magazine is about a bunch of rich, white country club types trying to pretend they aren’t that.

             We live on the very edge of the neighborhood and can’t relate at all.

    6. No way! One of the things I like about living is cities is that you are relatively anonymous, and that most people I pass on the street have no idea who I am. There is no way that I would want my picture on a neighborhood magazine, and I especially wouldn’t want a picture of my children on one.

       1. We’re not in a city, it’s a fairly small Mayberry-like town where we don’t have much anonymity to being with, so that’s not a huge concern :) I think my concerns are less about privacy (we have a local newspaper that has a very low threshold for “news” – they cover the elementary school spelling bee – so I think it’s inevitable my kid’s picture will end up in there at some point, and that will be digital too) and more just that it feels egotistical somehow (we didn’t volunteer, but people won’t know that) and also the point some people have made that people may mock us.

          1. If privacy isn’t an issue and husband is fine with it and just being lazy, then this sounds like it’s all about fear of mocking or ego… you just have to decide if what other people may think of you is more important than the experience and photo!

          2. Aww it makes me sad that you think people will mock you. Trust me, if there are people out there who will do that, it’s a very small part of the population and they’re clearly people whose character and opinions are garbage anyway. Because seriously, do you not have anything better to do with your time than mock your neighbors for doing something wholesome and fun?

          3. I’m Anon at 12:29. If I lived in a small town where everyone knew my name, I would probably do it. My only concern was about privacy, and that doesn’t seem to be an issue for you.

             However, I would 100% make sure that I had final say on which photo was used. I would be less concerned about me or my husband who made the choice to participate, and more about my kid. You say it is not online, but does the local library or school maintain the old magazines? Does the magazine keep them, so that someone could order a copy in the future or they could decide to put it online in the future? There was a ton of stuff that wasn’t online 10 years ago, but is now given the move to digitize everything. I always figure that there is a chance that anything could end up online in the end.

             1. …this focus on the kid seems so insane to me. It’s a picture of them in a fall outfit or whatever. Nobody cares.

             2. Maybe I’m ridiculously naive but I really don’t see the downside even if it ends up online. I guess I just don’t see one family picture being this huge privacy invasion for your kid. I grew up in a small town and I was featured in the paper at town fairs, softball games, track events, etc. It’s just normal to me. But I’m also old enough that my phone number was in the phone book too which is kind of crazy to think about now.

             3. I think my concern about the kid is an (over)reaction to the amount of oversharing I see online. I see so many parents who share what I consider to be really embarrassing stories and photos of their kids online, and I know I would absolutely hate it if my parents had done that to me. I have a unique name, and you can literally find articles and pictures from my high school newspaper in the first few pages if you google me. As a result, I feel like a person should have 100% control over what is posted about them online. For me, that means not putting anything about my kids online. This is just a nice family picture, assuming the kid looks cute in the picture, but I find it easier for me to draw a bright-line rule.

                Not everyone needs to take my approach or understand it, but that is why I’m concerned about the kid.

    7. I feel awkward saying this, but I’m in the “party pages” of my city’s local magazines fairly often, and I’ve been photographed for a full-page ad for an event I was chairing as well. I would still feel weird about being on the cover with my family, though – pics of me at a benefit don’t feel as personal/exposed.

    8. I’ve done it solo, along with an article about me for a community service feature. No one mocked me (at least not to my face I guess), but I wouldn’t really have cared if they did. Lots of people said nice things and sent me their copies of the magazine. My parents live far away and they loved reading it. If it bothers you because you don’t want your kid’s picture out there, then don’t do it. But otherwise, it was really fun.

    9. Husband says no, you both want to keep kid’s privacy, there’s no big paycheck in it to make it worth considering, so it sounds like you just want to be helpful in a time of crisis. I totally get that feeling but it seems like choosing to help them now means you’d be trading helping them for a moment with potentially ending up with your kid’s image online, which is something you consistently choose to not do.

       I’d hard pass!

    10. I would feel weird being on the cover as an employee. Could that be what isn’t sitting right with you? I would be worried people would view that less-than-favorably, unless it was related to something you wrote specifically about your family.

    11. I was asked to do it and declined. My reasons were very personal to me though. I left a law firm on fairly bad terms, actually moving into a non-legal career because I was so desperate to get out of there. Many of the firm’s senior partners live in my area and I didn’t like the idea of them receiving a giant photo of me with a detailed update about my family and my new career. Not that I was in hiding or any of the info was top secret; I still see them at the grocery store sometimes. But I just didn’t like the idea of them getting the photo and story in their mailbox and probably making fun of it, at least inwardly.

    12. I absolutely understand your hesitation–I go to trouble to keep my Junior’s image offline, myself. Does it need to be a “portrait-style” full-face picture, or do they just need a shot of some generic family enjoying fall fun–i.e., can there be a “candid” shot of you all throwing leaves in the air while looking upward, walking down a wooded path in a view taken from behind, or some other pose where your kiddo’s face doesn’t show even if yours does?

        Will your name be associated with the cover? (I also would be hesitant to make it look like a boondoggle, since you’re a writer. If the picture isn’t a “tease” for an article about you inside, how about a stock family photo or even a fall nature or food shot? (A local restaurant’s Oktoberfest bratwurst special, to be topical?)

27. Did anyone read that article about the lost dog in the NYT over the weekend? I was blown away that someone would quit their job- I love my dog- but notsure I would fully quit a FT job as a pensioner,

    1. I was so glad it ended on a happy note.

       As impractical and crazy as it sounds, I would probably do this. I definitely would spend a lot of money outsourcing this as well (search team; experts on finding lost dogs, etc.), but I know that I could not live without a resolution (whether we found a body or a scared/skinny pup).

    2. It occurred to me that I might at least cut back hours significantly for some time. I don’t think I could get much work done knowing my dog could be out there wanting to come home (and he would want to come home; I am his one and only).

28. Do any of you have a private pilot license? I am dying to learn to fly. I have some family history of aviation and I think it sounds amazing. I also need a new hobby and this just sounds incredible.

    My hesitation is safety. Hearing about private planes crashing/my family history with aviation is actually not the best–a couple of close relatives died in airplane emergencies (i.e., my mother will probably not be a fan of this adventure).

    1. Yeah, I think it’s pretty dangerous. I love planes and would love to learn to fly but this isn’t a hobby I see myself taking up before I’m 70-ish and have lived a full life with my children grown. This is going to sound uber-privileged, but my parents are in a financial position to fly private and it would be a lot more convenient for them (they’re nowhere near a major commercial airport) and they don’t because of safety concerns.

    2. No, but following because my husband is very interested. I’m worried about safety as well (a mountaineer in my state lost his wife and two kids in a private plane crash when she was flying – that one always stuck with me), but I also participate in risky activities myself and know how valuable and important they can be. The only other thing I would say is make sure you can comfortably afford it – all I know is that it can get expensive quickly.

    3. This is something my husband has looked into casually, but determined that the costs and logistics for us would be impossible, partially because maintaining a license requires a lot of regular flying time. We live in Brooklyn and the nearest airport he could fly is out on Long Island. NYC air space is admittedly probably more difficult than most.

    4. I’m from an aviation family (grandfather, father, husband), and I have no concerns about general aviation. Most private planes that crash do so because the pilots are inexperienced / think they’re experienced enough, but don’t know what they don’t know…kinda like a teenager who just starts driving. Sure, you’re licensed, but you don’t have enough experience to recognize weather phenomena, to know what to do if X happens mid-flight, etc. There’s nothing about general aviation that’s inherently more risky than any other form of travel – it’s ultimately a question of whether you think you’d make a good pilot. It’s a big responsibility and there’s a lot to think through in the cockpit and you have to be one of those people who can think six steps ahead. (I’m not, even though genetically I should be, hence why I’ve never learned to fly.) You learn by doing, so if you think you’ve got the head for it, go for it. Make sure you’re always studying and know how to fly instruments. Take it seriously and it can be a rewarding adventure.

    5. I have multiple friends who have done this and they have all LOVED it! But I live in Alaska and private aviation is incredibly common. It’s certainly not a cheap hobby, but the people who love it just absolutely love it.

    6. My husband is a pilot in general aviation. I was terrified when he took it up years ago, and I am still a nervous flier, but his dedication to continuously learning and improving, together with his now 2000-hour plus experience, have made him a super safe pilot. Training is everything, you can’t get too much, and the more you train the more confident you get in your own abilities, in my observation. Most of the crashes have to do with a pilot in too much of a hurry, or one who ignored bad weather, or one flying with too many pounds on board. A few are because of boneheaded mistakes, and the rest are the inability to correct for a mechanical problem. I don’t have the lightning reflexes my husband does, or I would take it up, too. Take a few lessons, see how you feel, if you love it and commit to it, there’s no reason you can’t be a super safe pilot.

    7. My husband is a private pilot. He got licensed at about 40 after always wanting to do it. (He grew up in the bush in Alaska, where small planes are part of everyday life.)

       I am not worried about safety. He is an incredibly careful type, great under pressure–used to lead mountain-climbing expeditions–and enjoys the navigation, radio, and instruments. It helps to have a technical/engineering kind of mind, I think.

       Take a careful look at local flying clubs. Our local one is terrific. My husband is deeply embedded with the pilot events (fly-ins and such), flight training, Young Eagles, etc. etc. The club has saved me from my real fear about the whole thing–that my pilot will eventually want to buy his own plane! This may come, but for now, the club makes using club planes (even for longer trips) FAR more affordable than owning.

    8. My DH is a commercial pilot with thousands of hours in the cockpit. His pie-in-the-sky dream one day is to own a small personal plane. But if that were the case, we both would insist I got my pilots license so I could fly in an emergency. And based on what I know/ what I’ve seen, I would not stop at my private license – I would want to get my instrument as well. The private license basically says you can fly in the best weather and the best circumstances. The instrument rating teaches you how to fly in less-than-perfect circumstances. I’d want that and some ridiculous number of instrument flying hours before I would feel comfortable owning a plane and flying around family/ friends.

       This adds a ton of cost and hours, so that’s why so many hobby pilots stop at the private. But imho, I don’t plan for only the best scenarios, which is what a private license feels like to me. I know many people assess risk differently, and I have the advantage/ disadvantage of seeing the large amounts of training and retraining that are involved in commercial aviation, so I’m likely taking a more conservative approach than most.

    9. A good family friend of ours died in a helicopter accident several years ago. More recently, within the last year, a 6-passenger plane crashed and killed everyone aboard, many of whom were prominent professionals in my city. Small aircraft are very, very dangerous. When people say that planes never crash, they mean commercial passenger planes, not private planes. I would never take up flying as a hobby, nor would I be comfortable with my husband doing so.

       1. Agreed. A friend of mine lost her father in a small-plane crash a few years ago that also killed a father and son who were in the plane. It’s very common for people who fly small planes to dismiss safety concerns but the statistics are pretty clear – it’s dangerous endeavor. It’s more dangerous than driving if correct statistics are compared (I’ve seen general-aviation proponents cherry-pick or dispute clear statistics on driving vs. flying small planes). Additionally, we were told by our insurance agent that my husband’s life insurance policy would not pay out if he was killed in a small plane crash without us adding an expensive rider to the policy as the risk of an accident is so high (he at one point, before my friend’s father died, expressed interest in taking flying lessons) so anyone who flies or has a spouse who flies – you might want to check your life insurance policy. There is an extremely low tolerance of failure with flying small planes. It doesn’t take a lot for a small mistake to create an absolute catastrophe. I don’t fly in small planes with anyone and I wouldn’t want my son or my husband learning to fly, any more than I would want them to take up knife-juggling or cage fighting.

          1. Agreed with all of your points and just wanted to add that the comparison to driving is irrelevant to the analysis of whether to fly as a hobby, since most people don’t drive as a purely recreational activity. Like it or not, the way our world is set up makes driving a necessity, not an elective. It’s comparing apples and oranges to compare driving (which the vast majority of people must do to live their lives) and flying in small aircraft (which is entirely optional).

    10. I am! I hold a private pilot certificate and I’m currently working on my instrument rating. General aviation is not very, very dangerous, but it is on par with motorcycle riding for safety stats. That said, you control more of the variables in flying than when you’re cycling on the road. I’m very risk averse, but safety is paramount in the minds of all good pilots and the FAA does so much to promote safe flying.

        Flying has been an extraordinary experience that I wish I’d started earlier. It has been challenging and fulfilling in ways that I’ve never felt before. Give a call to your local GA airport and take a discovery flight and see how it goes. I was hooked as soon as the wheels left the ground. You can always reach out to me at absolutelyeliza at the mail of G.

    11. In addition to risks others have pointed out, pilots also endanger themselves by flying more plane than they can handle. Treat it like a lifelong learning experience, treat the FAA requirements as minimums, get an instructor whose style works for you, and you’ll be fine. Oh, and if you’re renting or leasing a plane, learn the maintenance requirements, check the logs, befriend your local mechanic, and trust your gut.

    12. When I was 16 or 17, my best friend’s dad died in a private plane crash. It was his first lesson, and he was with a very experienced pilot. Nobody knows exactly what happened because the engine exploded mid-air. So, it’s a “no” for me.

    13. I had a terrible experience in Alaska on vacation once flying in a small plane. We flew through Lake Clark Pass en route to Katmai National Park. The scenery was spectacular but the plane was bouncing around like a kernel in a popcorn machine and it times it seemed like we were veering straight into the granite cliffs of the mountain and were seconds away from colliding with them. Most of the passengers on the plane, me included, were visibly freaked out. The pilot was very experienced (he was employed by a very reputable tour operator) and he was reassuring when we were in the air, but when we landed, he said it was one of his roughest trips through that region (which I later learned is notoriously dangerous) and he was really nervous himself. I have no fear of commercial aircraft but I will never set foot in a small plane or helicopter again. Ironically, my husband is generally way more scared of flying than I am, but was totally fine because he had taken a meclazine and was asleep.

29. I posted on the weekend thread, but just looking for any other eyes on this — has anyone been diagnosed with atypical ductal hyperplasia following a b**st biopsy? I can’t see a surgeon until next week and my online searching has lead to lots of different places, so I’m looking for real life anecdata. Thanks, all.

30. I am being called 4x daily from similar looking, but slightly different, 800 numbers. This has been going on for 5 straight business days (they took the weekend off). They say something to the effect of my SSN has been compromised and anything associated with the number is being cancelled. It says press 1 to talk to the social security admin. It’s 5000% a scam but incredibly frustrating. I finally took the bait and pressed 1 trying to figure out who the eff these people are. Someone with a heavy accent answered and had nothing of substance to say, as I expected.

    How do I make it stop!? I’m on the federal do not call list. I am client facing and get random calls from all sorts of people so I can’t just not answer my phone if I don’t recognize the number. I’ve gotten spam calls before but the persistence and consistency here takes it to an entirely new level.

    1. I don’t think there’s any solution except blocking each number as they call you. I’ve found that does reduce the call volume eventually.

    2. You make it stop by hanging up immediately, or you can block the numbers to your phone.

    3. I was getting those calls a lot early this summer. If I recall correctly, they called over a period of about 4 weeks. I never answered, and they eventually stopped.

       Or you could try the approach of one of my friends. One of my friends speaks an uncommon foreign language. She was getting annoyed at the calls, and answered and only responded in the foreign language. The person was so annoyed that they hung up on her and haven’t tried calling again.

    4. Block, block, block. I’ve gotten that too. They’re getting savvier – I’ve heard it’s best not to answer because they take that as encouragement (think a man who feels friendzoned). Just ice them out.

    5. Block and report to the IG of SSA. The more details, the better, so that they can try and find the scammers.

       1. I read an article about how the SSA is pretty scammer friendly right now. If true, it would explain some things!

       2. This is not an IG issue. The IG is for internal issues, not external. You would have more success (but still unlikely to lead to anything) by reporting to the FTC. They are the ones responsible for going after these types of scams.

31. I agree — I wanted to see it and I enjoyed it but didn’t love it. Mosley was always a bit of a doofus, wasn’t he?

    1. *spoilers ahead*

       The Mosley plot line bothered me — though realism should be checked at the door, it struck me as unrealistic even within the Downton universe that they would let him just jump back into service for the royal visit. Is he getting paid? Isn’t there someone else in the position he’s temporarily filling that would want the opportunity? Wouldn’t he be out of practice and not up to date on the current house norms, which could create an embarrassing snafu? I would make the same comment about Carson coming back, except that Lady Mary ordered it, and character stupidity is not a plot hole. Characters acting out of character (i.e. Hughes and Carson bringing back Mosley when it’s clearly not in the best interests of The House) is.

32. FAA employee here. Yes there are GA accidents but there’s almost always a reason (as others have shared). Reach out to other pilots or associations (GAMA can help you find out more). As someone who sees all sorts of data – done right, it’s safe.

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