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I think I mentioned this in our discussion last week on the best lingerie for office looks, but the readers have turned me on to these awesome Jockey slipshorts — they're affordable and comfortable beneath skirts and dresses and perfect for summer heat or a little extra coverage in general. I tend to prefer wearing black ones since if I'm choosing comfort I'm often running around with little kids, so I don't mind people “knowing” that I've got something on beneath a dress. Still, if you prefer the “nude for you” look, I was really excited to see that Jockey now offers a ton of “true to you” colors for their Skimmies, including Espresso (pictured), Bronze, and Sheer Nude, and Blush. You can get 2 for $32 at Jockey.com, or Amazon offers a ton of colors and sizes for around $20 (with some as low as $10 and some as high as $49). Jockey Skimmies Slipshort
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
PrettyPrimadonna
This is awesome. The expresso color looks like a perfet match. Thank you!
Parfait
And they are on sale on amazon for $14 today, down from $20. I’m stocking up!
Regular Going Anon
Does anyone have experience with an infertility support group or maybe a blog/forum like this that’s productive? A book even?
I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for, or if I’d even go to such a group meeting. I’m just so lost in this process.
Anonymous
Have you tried the subreddit Infertility on Reddit? It’s not baby dust and fairies, which I really appreciate.
buffybot
Seconded. It’s not for everyone — some people do better with babydust and optimism, and that forum is instead generally pretty welcoming of the uglier emotional reactions that often come with infertility, like anger and envy. That being said, it’s the only forum that didn’t make my skin crawl with cutesy terms like “embies” and “babydancing” and the commentariat there is extremely knowledgeable. Just make sure to familiarize yourself with the FAQs and rules of the road first. I’ve gotten a lot of mileage and knowledge out of it, even though I have tended to lurk more than participate.
Also, I am sorry you are going through this — it is a truly isolating and heartbreaking process.
Stati
Try resolve.org — I live in a very rural place and there was a meeting near me. I found it helpful to network with other women with similar struggles. I did stop attending at one point as I felt overwhelmed by others’ joy in success or sadness in struggle in relation to whatever I was going through.
If you are working with a reproductive endocrinologist, it might be worth a shot to ask of a potential woman/couple who are a “match”. I asked my doctor and was surprised to find out someone else had asked the same thing; we gave permission to share each other’s names and phone numbers and she has been an absolute rock for me.
I’ve been surprised at how many women I know have struggled with infertility and infant loss in some way. It was only after I started to open up about my own struggle and pain that I learned of their struggles, too. You’re not alone. If I can provide further support to you, please reply.
Anonymous
I haven’t posted there recently but the AltDotLife community is what turned me on to Corporette and had some active infertility boards.
Cornellian
Not sure what city you are in, but there are therapists who do individual and group therapy focused on this. If you happen to be in NYC, I understand Seleni is a good place to start.
Anon
Also, if you’re at the point where you’re going to a fertility specialist/clinic, they often have support groups. Mine has brochures at the sign-in desk but it wouldn’t hurt to ask your clinic.
Also reg going anon
You’re not alone. I had three pelvic exams in the last 10 days. It sucks. And the uncertainty sucks. And potentially having to reimagine your life in a very significant way really, really sucks.
Career Networking Advice, Please
My cousin is a professional freelance writer, where he gets hired by either companies on retainer as their go-to or by individuals who farm out writing work when they’re busy or when they’re not great writers. (Think things like creating email form letters, handling donor thank yous, writing company memos/newsletters, website content, etc.) He is looking to expand and pick up new clients and new work. We’re thinking he should be networking with top execs since they’d have the power to make hiring decisions like this, right? Or is there somewhere else/someone else that’s typically a company’s go-to for this? Whoever the person is, how does an individual get into these rooms with such folks to even try to network, especially since this type of work is typically not advertised for but something someone hires out when they realize they can and that they’ll benefit from handing this stuff over to a professional so they can focus elsewhere?
Silvercurls
Try searching the Ask A Manger (askamanager dot org) archives. There’s a lot of useful information exchanged among readers & commenters.
Anonymous
Corporate communications conferences. He should go there and network with people who work in the corporate comms departments of large companies.
Anon
What plastic surgery have you had, how long ago did you have it, and how do you feel about the results/the experience?
Trying to help a few pals through some decision making and it led me to wonder about our little group…
Jane
I had my nose done 7 years ago when I turned 30. Although the changes were not drastic, I think it looks so much better now and when I see pictures of myself with my old nose, I’m doubly grateful I did it.
If, when I’m older, I want a bre@st lift, I plan to do that as well. But that’s the only other procedure I foresee for me.
Stati
I had a brachioplasty to remove excess skin from my arms after losing ~150 lbs. I would do it again, as I was very embarrassed about the appearance of my arms and loose skin. Prior to the surgery, I would not wear sleeveless shirts or dresses. Since the surgery, I am less self conscious about it. I used to have to buy clothes in a larger size to fit in the arms, now I don’t. That makes me feel good.
However, I do have noticeable scars on the inside of my arms. People have asked me about it, and depending on whether or not I want to “risk” them being seen, I might wear 3/4 length tops over sleeveless. The recovery was not easy. I could not lift over 5 lbs for a while, had drains, etc. I could not comfortably reach anything in my upper cabinets or shampoo my hair for a while. Changing my cat’s litter box was awful. At the time, I was single and it was kind of tough to manage alone.
I spent about $4,500 all in, after aggressive negotiating with the practice and anesthestiologist and paying all-cash for the procedure.
I would recommend shopping around, asking for lots of before/after pictures, asking how many of your particular type of procedure the dr has done, paying cash, and making sure you have a lot of support afterward. Ask to talk to a previous client for their experience and/or recovery tips.
Anon for this
Nose job, early twenties. LOVED it. Very subtle changes that made a big difference in how I looked and felt. I also agree with Jane – I will definitely be getting a bre@st lift after I’m done having kids. No question.
Generally, I think it’s important to have good confidence and sense of self without needing plastic surgery. I also think there should be no expectation that plastic surgery will “fix” any emotional or relationship problems. But it’s fun, and it can make a huge difference in getting over some of those dumb insecurities.
Side note – at my last spa visit (new spa), I discovered the magazine, New Beauty. WOW, that was an eye-opener.
anon
So if it’s just a lift, is that just so you feel more confident when not wearing clothes? I can see how I would prefer them a little higher after three kids, but my br* does most of the job. Just wondering your thoughts on that.
Anon for this
It’s for more confidence without clothes, but more so that I physically feel like there’s less hanging going on. It’s uncomfortable for me to go without a bra. I don’t even like sleeping without one, because there’s so much sag. Nursing just did a number on me.
Anon for this
Can I ask how the lift is achieved? Is skin removed in the process and if so, from where? Does the nipple need to be repositioned? Wondering same thing about a tummy tuck – are they tucking or removing the skin and if so, from where?
Jane
I don’t know how the lift is achieved. However, I know some doctors suggest adding implants instead (or perhaps in conjunction with) and I don’t plan to go this route because I don’t want implants. I’d be looking to restore some perk, but not size. And if I ended up with smaller bre@sts as a result, that would be fine with me. This is something I’ll research further if/when the time arises.
Senior Attorney
I had a lower face lift and lower eyelids about 5 years ago. I had lost a bunch of weight and my double chin turned into a turkey neck. Very happy with the results. My neck isn’t super perfectly tight but it looks a million percent better than it did and I’m very glad I did it.
Facial surgery is tough because when you wake up you see a moon-faced stranger staring at you, and that’s pretty scary and disconcerting. Physically it was pretty much a breeze but psychologically it was tough. I took two weeks off work and although that was enough time to look presentable, just barely, I really wish I’d taken an extra week to give some breathing room so I didn’t have to worry about looking presentable when I got back.
Had a tummy tuck four years ago and that was a HUGE deal physically. Not for the faint of heart. Again, I had a lot of loose skin from weight loss. Very happy with the results, again, but man it was a thing. I took a month off work and was glad I did.
One thing I did the second time that I wish I’d known about the first time was stay in an aftercare facility for the first couple of nights. It’s like a combination hospital and hotel — they pick you up after surgery and take you to their place, where they take care of changing your dressings, emptying your drains, giving you your meds, and so on. Fantastically worth the money. This is the one I used: http://www.beverlyhillssurgicalaftercare.com
My best piece of advice is to double the surgeon’s estimate for expected time off work!
Anon for this
Sorry if this is intrusive, but I have a lot of stretched out skin in the belly area (twin pregnancy) and have been curious about a tummy tuck. Do they just cut out the extra skin and if so, how large of a scar is left?
Senior Attorney
Basically they make an incision right above the bikini line, then another one above the belly button (after first cutting around the belly button so they can put it back where they found it), and remove the skin in between. Then they stretch the remaining skin and sew the two incisions together, putting the belly button back where it belongs. I have a scar that goes about 60% around my body, but at this point it’s nicely faded and I hardly notice it any more. And it’s covered by most underwear or bathing suit. Oh, and they tighten up the internal abdominal muscles, too.
The technical term is “abdominoplasty and of course there is a ton of information out there on the interwebs.
Senior Attorney
“
Anonymous
None, and I’m fairly sure I never will unless there is an underlying medical reason (e.g., I would consider a br*ast reconstruction if I have to have a mastectomy, especially if it could be done simultaneously). Surgery is risky and the benefits just don’t outweigh the risks for me for strictly cosmetic stuff.
Plus, I come from a family that is the opposite of vain and my mother, grandmothers and aunts all aged 100% naturally (my in-laws are the same, fwiw) without so much as Botox or even much makeup really. Yeah they all have wrinkles and sagging and probably look older than they are to an objective third party, but because I’ve never really known anything else, they don’t look bad to me, just normal. I have a daughter and I want her to see me accepting my body as-is the same way.
Sam
Thank you for this post. It articulated what I was confusedly feeling.
Anonymous
I had a breast reduction about 10 years ago (in my late 20s). Although I’m glad I did it, I’m sad I wasn’t able to go smaller (I am down to a 34DDD from “I don’t even know b/c I can’t find a bra that fits properly”). The recovery was very very slow, though, and I’m not sure I could get insurance to cover a second procedure.
Blonde Lawyer
I’ve considered this just because of how hard it is to shop for clothes and my b00bs make me look 20 lbs heavier than I am since I buy things to fit them and don’t always have my clothes tailored. But, I really don’t want to take the time out of work. My neck and back pain probably isn’t severe enough to have my insurance cover it but I will start bringing it up w/ my PCP so there is a record. They keep growing every year and I’m afraid they will just grow back if I have them reduced. I’m up to a 32G now. I’d like to go down to a C/D.
Anon
I have had less invasive stuff so far – Botox, a bit of laser treatment for redness (excellent results) and scars (only so-so results.) I’m open to more, theoretically, but would also like to retire a few years early and a loath to spend the money. Also, I watch Botched, and that has left me frightened to try anything major.
Midwest Mama
I had breast implants done 11 years ago. Recovery was not a huge deal and I successfully breastfed a child 6+ years ago. No complications so far and I’m still happy with the results.
Anon
I had my ears pinned back about 15 years ago. WHY my parents allowed/approved a 12 year old getting plastic surgery on ears, I’ll never know, but I went from hating my ears in pictures (stuck out SO much) to not thinking about them ever or noticing them. You would *never* know I’ve had anything done unless you’re looking around the backs/tops of my ears, like when the dr checks the insides.
Surgery was fine? Don’t remember, honestly. Recovery was TERRIBLE. Had to wear a bandage wrapped around my head covering both ears for a couple weeks and it itched/smelled and my equilibrium was all thrown off so I was unstable and vomity for a while. Then after the bandages came off, I had to wear those stretchy headbands over my ears for a while too. Plus side: got out of gym class. I still have areas on my ears where there is some scarring that will occasionally get infected, but it clears up quickly.
Would I do it again? Not sure. I do like that my ears went from being a major pain point in my looks to one I never think about.
Anonymous
I get it. My mom had a largish red mole removed from the area where my eye socket and nose come together when I was 6. It’s coming back, subtly now that I’m approaching 50. It was lovely to have decades of not thinking about an unusual appearance. Not particularly worried about it at this age, and I developed a clear mole on my nose in my late 30s, which I tell kids is from my life as a witch. I get a regular mole check every one-two years by a spiffy dermatologist. If it bothers me, I’ll get them taken care of, but for now, I don’t care enough to do more than maintain my health and let them be.
And I’m taking Sr. Attorney’s advice to take more than the minimum time off.
Diana Barry
On the underthings topic, can anyone recommend COTTON panties (hipster or full coverage) that don’t give VPL? I normally wear hanky p*anky th*ong but on those PJ-type days, would rather wear all-cotton. I have very old VS ones with lace edge waist, but those are on their last legs. TIA!
Anona
Natori bliss. They run large, so order down if you’re on the border between sizes.
Cookbooks
These are really basic, but I’ve had good luck with the low rise bikinis from Gap (they have full coverage in back) and the boybriefs from Aerie.
It’s so hard to find good cotton panties these days.
AEK
Oddly enough, Charter Club at Macy’s. Bought them on a whim while looking for something else. There’s buy-five discount, there’s no VPL, and they’ve held up really well.
Miz Swizz
Soma’s Embraceable Lace hipsters. They’re rayon/spandex but they wear like cotton and I haven’t had any VPL issues.
Anon
Second, except I wear the embraceable lace brief as I am very high waisted. I have a drawer full of these and I’m sort of an evangelist for them. New undies, new you.
exercise attire
Trying to get into the idea of adding exercise into my life (mid 30s, natural hourglass shape, have gained about 20 lbs in the last relationship that went to lower stomach, hips, and face, am now about 180 lbs, 5’1, 38C, if that matters), thinking of trying all types of classes/programs in my neighborhood. Realized I have zero clothing appropriate for this.
What do I need to have to start? I don’t have tons to spend, I don’t want to look ridiculous when I go, but I’m also not sure which activities I’ll actually stick with. Advice?
Shopaholic
What types of activities are you trying?
For weight training, cardio, barre, yoga etc. I generally wear the same thing – leggings, sports bra and tank top. Socks and shoes depending on what activity. I’m comfortable and I can move. Given your bust size, you probably want a good, high-impact sports bra so I would recommend spending money on that. For leggings and tank tops, you can probably get away with less expensive items.
I like leggings with a thick waistband, so they stay up.
Nudibranch
We have the same body types.
Start with a good bra. If inexpensive is okay, Target’s Champion with the encapsulated molded cups is not bad.
For good budget workout wear, I’ve had great luck scoring good bargains at TJ Maxx. I strongly recommend trying them on because the sizes vary widely by fit.
I strongly prefer good fitted socks. I buy hiking socks from REI. They run about $15, but they last forever, and don’t give me blisters or chafing. Good shoes are also important if you’re putting miles on your feet.
Anonymous
For clothes — Athleta. Their reviews often note the reviewers’ sizes, which has helped me a lot. I don’t look like most of their models, but I’ve done well with their clothes.
Senior Attorney
Also if money is an issue, once you find a size/style you know works for you, you can probably find it cheaper on eBay. I have an eBay alert set for my fave Athleta capris and I get them for a fraction of the original price.
Anonymous
First, get a good sports bra. I recommend a trip to your friendly neighborhood running store for help finding one that will suit. Second, I have always been perfectly happy cheaping out with Old Navy workout gear. The pants will not last forever, elastic-wise, but given that sweat-wicking athletic wear tends to acquire a stink and given that you’re trying to lose weight (apologies if I misread that) there’s no point in “investment” pieces anyway.
Anon
Seconding the recommendation for good supportive sports bras and going cheapskate on the clothes (Old Navy, Target’s C9 Champion line). I also wear the wicking t-shirts I get from participating in 5ks – and see lots of people at the gym doing this too. Usually local groups have cotton Ts, but more formal running organizations (Boston Athletic Assoc., Spartan Race, etc…) will include tech shirts with your registration.
Depending on the activity you may want/need to pick up a some running or cross-training shoes. Note that running shoes are meant for forward movement and won’t have a ton of side-wall support. I wouldn’t wear them to play tennis or basketball because you can easily roll an ankle darting side to side. Cross-trainers will be good for most activity, but are heavier to run in. Good luck!
Anon
I recommend the C9 by Champion brand from Target if you’re watching pennies. Kohls’ Fila, Nike and Underarmor and house brands are also usually well priced. Off the top of my head, you could also spend a bit more at Athleta, TitleNine or lululemom, or Lucy or Zella….
Whatever brand you go with, get black below-the-knee stretchy pants like this: https://www.target.com/p/women-s-run-capri-black-c9-champion-174/-/A-50271566#preselect=50184215 Don’t get colors or crazy sheer cut outs as pants. Just basic black will look good if you’re a bit over weight. They also will work for basically any activity: running, lifting weights, cycling, aerobics, barre, pilates, yoga, whatever. They work in most weather except really cold.
For shirts, just get what’s comfortable. I like cotton t-shirts, but there are lots of poly-blend shirts for cheap (or expensive) that work fine – just always wash (or at least rise) after working out or some of the poly will hold a bad smell. For colder weather, I’d get a light weight black technical fleece, like the Patagonia R1 in black.
I’d also get a sports bra at Target, unless you need wires in your sports bra like I do, in which case I’d recommend a Champion brank wired sports bra (I get them from Kohls).
Just do it! (no stuff required)
old navy active section. get yourself 2 bottoms – short, long, whatever is comfortable.
wear any old cotton t-shirt you have to begin exercising in. or buy yourself a cute top if that motivates you.
don’t overthink it; just get out there.
by worrying about what to wear you’re placing subconscious roadblocks ahead of yourself.
Cookbooks
+1 to Old Navy. It’s inexpensive and very decent.
pugsnbourbon
Definitely stick to cheaper items since you’re just starting out – it might take a few tries to figure out what works for you. Old Navy and Target are great places to start. Check out 90Degrees by Reflex on Amazon for great tanks in a bajillion colors. Hitting a Marshall’s or TJMaxx would let you try on a bunch of different brands/styles/fabrics in one go.
Honestly I still cheap out on most workout clothes and spend the money on good shoes.
Maddie Ross
I actually don’t love ON active clothes. Some pieces are itchy and others stretch out quickly. I think the best cheap activewear is the C9 stuff from Target.
Anon
+1 for C9 line from Target. And for sports bras, the Moving Comfort (which was bought by Brooks) are the best.
Nudibranch
1) I motivate myself to exercise by rewarding myself with workout gear at month-end.
2) Wicking tshirts are miraculous if you run hot/are a sweaty beast like me.
3) If you find a brand and style that you like, you can sometimes find them cheaply on Amazon.
Anonymous
Also! If you’re on a very tight budget, I recommend the Danskin line from Walmart. It’s inexpensive and of surprisingly high quality. I still have a tank with a built-in bra I bought during my salad days that’s lasted me for at least five years.
JuniorMinion
I really like TJMaxx / Marshalls / Amazon / Target Walmart for this. Brands I have had good luck with:
Amazon / Discount retailers
RBX
90 Degrees by Reflex (Both are often relatively inexpensive on Amazon – I got some 7/8″ and full length leggings for ~$10 – $20 pp in the 90 Degrees label)
Marika (TJs / Marshalls)
Target
Champion C9 line is really great for workout basics. Their sports bras are also pretty nice – they’ve got some higher impact ones as well. I also really like some of the racerback tops
Walmart
Avia leggings (Seriously $8? $10?)
Danskin (tops, leggings, similar price range)
I’d personally go with capri or full length leggings (depending on your comfort / the weather) in a darker color with a tank / t shirt in a fun color. This should do you fine for any indoor workouts or outdoor workouts <80F. Key is to find a supportive sports bra… Champion has some good ones and there are some on sale often at the discount retailers. I also really like Freya or Underarmour and I buy the clearance colors on amazon.
In terms of shorts, they hate me. I have had good luck with the nike pro fit 7" shorts and similar models from UA / adidas but unfortunately the adorable looking running shorts don't work on my larger posterior chain so I can't help you there.
NOLA
I exercise like crazy and don’t lose weight. Weight loss is 80% diet. It does keep my shape better, though. My face doesn’t look fat and I am toned, if overweight.
The best place for exercise gear if you’re just starting is Target. Their C9 line is great. Try stuff on, though. I’ve seen a lot of variation in size, even when two things seemed identical.
Torin
I wear cropped leggings, sports bra, and tank top most of the time too. I run in shorts (basic Nike shorts I’ve had for years and years) but for anything with more dynamic movement (for me this is yoga or rock climbing usually) I find leggings move better. If you’re trying a lot of different things, I’d recommend leggings to start out with.
If there’s an Academy near you, I’d recommend going there and seeing what they have on sale. They’ll have a bunch of different brands and styles you can try on. Then act like a weirdo and move around a bunch in the dressing room (I always do this when trying on a new brand) to see if the clothes are comfortable when you’re moving around.
Anonymous
I run, lift, HIIT, and do yoga and aerial yoga. My outfits change only slightly. Athletic leggings, sports bra, t-shirt, appropriate footwear. Start at Target or Old Navy. Invest in good bras and shoes.
Top: Seriously any shirt is fine. I wear short sleeves (mostly brewery and band t-shirts) for lifting, cross training, and aerial yoga – I need some protection from the bar/weights/straps/silk. Wear something more form fitting for yoga so you’re not fussing with it to keep it in place. For sports bras, I like Moving Comfort.
Bottom: I never ever wear shorts because they’re the devil. They ride up in the inner thigh and cause chafing. I like leggings, preferably with mesh at the back of the knee.
Footwear: If you’re going to run, get fitted for shoes at a running store. They should also have good running socks to try. It’s an investment but trust me, if your feet are sore and full of blisters after your first run you’re never going to run again.
UKanon
+1 on spending on good bras and proper shoes. The actual clothes don’t really matter until you decide you’re going to be into something, get whatever’s convenient/cheap/cute, but the girls bouncing around hurts and the wrong shoes can do bad things to your joints pretty quickly. Shop the sale racks for shoes and eBay for bras.
Miz Swizz
D!ck’s Sporting Goods usually has sales on women’s gear, so if you’re near them, I’d take some time to go try stuff on. Make sure you squat, twist, and bend over to see if the items are truly comfortable.
Senior Attorney
Guy gets on the subway and shouts “I LOVE DICKS!” at the top of his lungs. Everybody is aghast. Then he shouts “BUT I LOVE SPORTS AUTHORITY!”
Anon
That store is a constant source of double entendres in my house. The two favorites are “I know how much you like DI CKS” and “this place smells like DI CKS”
Did I mention I have teenagers?
Miz Swizz
My husband loves to ask me “What’s your obsession with D!ck’s??”
Senior Attorney
And I got the punch line wrong. It’s I HATE Sports Authority!
Fail…
Pseudonymous
As someone who doesn’t exercise a ton (but wants to get better) and has tried all sorts of exercise to see what I like, I recommend three items:
1. A sports bra that uses bra sizing: It took me forever to purchase one b/c I didn’t feel like I exercised enough to justify the cost but it fits sooo much better than a S/M/L bra and has thin removable cups to eliminate nipples showing, which I’m probably overly self-conscience about. I bought one at an UA outlet and love it.
2. Capri leggings: If you only have one bottom, these are the most flexible. You can wear them for volleyball, barre and pilates classes, running, etc. They may not be the best option for each individual type of exercise but they can be worn to the majority if not all. My favorite are a pair of random Calvin Klein Sport ones in heathered charcoal (doesn’t show sweat) that I randomly bought on Amazon before I had any clue what I was doing.
3. A longish body skimming short sleeve exercise top: Get a top on the long side that you can wear to classes that involve lots of bending. I like mine to be not too tight (rubbing, hot, etc.) and not too loose (again, bending) with short sleeves in case I don’t feel like shaving.
I would recommend 2 or 3 of each (enough to allow you to wash them in time for the next workout) at first. It can be really tempting to go crazy on athletic wear since it’s generally cute and comfortable and brands do a great job of convincing you that you need special items for every activity (barre socks, running leggings, low impact bras, high impact bras). I regularly have to remind myself that I don’t exercise enough to justify buying more. Get a few items that are flexible and that you really like so that you’re motivated to exercise and try new things. If you stick with something for a while, reward yourself with a piece of athletic wear.
Sad Question
Can anyone recommend a divorce lawyer in NYC? Someone located downtown and not too pricey would be best.
Ellen
This is sad. But it is sadder if you stay in a marrage that is not good. I do NOT know a good divorce lawyer downtown, but recommend you call the NYC Bar Association, that give’s recommendation’s for members who want to put their name out there. The manageing partner had a divorce lawyer that he used b/f he married Margie, but he has retired.
http://www.nycbar.org/get-legal-help/our-services/request-a-lawyer/
Good luck, and cheer up! There will be better days once you DTMFA!
Senior Attorney
I don’t have a referral but I’m sending internet hugs. Hang in there. You’ll get through this!
Jules
Also sending you support, from a person who got through it.
xo
Anon for this
Unfortunately, I did this research myself and ended up calling a bunch of people and ended up hiring Mario Joseph from Joseph & Smargiassi, LLC. I’m happy with the representation so far.
Anonymous
Maggie Kaminer, of Kaminer, Kouzi & Associates LLP.
Rock Star Quality/Super Power
What is yours?
Mine? I can take any idea or thought and turn it into something coherent in writing faster than a speeding bullet. I can also turn friends’ frowns upside down in a single joke. Also, my hair is long and, if facing the same way as the wind, it sometimes does that whole “hair blown back” thing that superheros hair does… I just need a cape and to remember to pose with my hands on my hips all the time!
Your turn!
Anonymous
I can find things that are missing.
anon
Unfortunately, lyrics. I remember lyrics to hundreds of songs, and I will bust them out if I hear words in conversation that sound similar. My kids love this, not. But it’s my super power. And kind of a curse. Think how much more useful information could be in my brain!
My other super power is the sense of smell. Unfortunately, that is also a curse.
pugsnbourbon
Same. WHY. Why are so many of my brain cells devoted to this.
nutella
This could have been written by me. I have a super nose. And a super memory for a lot of things, including lyrics. The other talent I have is that I can talk to anyone.
Meg March
I always know what time it is (usually can tell you within about 5 minutes of the current time) and can point to true north.
pugsnbourbon
Dude, the direction thing is no joke. I know someone who can do that – you can blindfold her, put her in a windowless room, spin her around, and she can still identify the cardinal directions. Me, I get lost in the mall.
Anonymous
I’m so curious — how did you find out you could point to true north? Did you just think, as a kid, that everyone knew that kind of thing, or did you learn it somehow?
Meg March
I actually “find” true north by picturing myself in the school cafeteria where I learned about directions. I was told that the wall in front of me was south. So when I try to find true north, I just, uh, orient myself so I’m facing the same way I was when I learned, and north is behind me. I can’t describe it beyond that.
Senior Attorney
If you ask me to give a talk and tell me the amount of time I have, I fill the time slot and not one second more. (My theory is that there is not one single thing you can say after your time is up that isn’t going to make people hat you!)
Senior Attorney
Also I can make anybody snap their fingers, any time, any place. All I have to do is say “I can’t snap my fingers.”
Anonattorney
Oooh, on this topic – I am extremely accurate on estimating the amount of time it takes to get from point A to point B, and as a result I am always on time.
TK
Parallel parking.
Wedding toasts.
Maddie Ross
I can only assume that I am your polar opposite. Those two things are my biggest nemeses. I involuntarily shudder just thinking about doing either of them.
ponte python's flying circus
Ditto. However, I can *only* reverse park. I seem to have lost the ability to pull in straight.
I have a magical sense of direction, do most non-cryptic crosswords in pen on a first pass, and can tell the age of a child by looking at it for a few minutes. The latter two are completely useless superpowers.
Anon
Ooh I have the parallel parking super power too. I think people would literally less impressed if I could fly.
Well, maybe not literally, but they sure act like it.
Anon
Me too! I’m so good at parallel parking!
Cc
Mine is also wedding toasts! I can write one for anyone too. That and my memory (which unfortunately is getting worse)
Cookbooks
Er…if I brush out my curls, bam! Instant 80s hair.
Does that count?
Anon
Totally
S
For sure.
With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility
I am terrifyingly likable.
Which can be problematic because when people like you, they assume you also like them…and that’s not always true.
Anonymous
Do you ever ask yourself where do I know that actor from? I know the answer. I can catch a glimpse of someone and instantly can rattle off all the other movies/shows he was in – in freakish detail. Did the Catheter Cowboy from John Oliver look familiar? Yeah he used to have a very minor role on the West Wing.
Sam
I can look at a whole page of writing (or text or PDF or Powerpoint or Excel) and a spelling mistake will jump out at me. I am almost at the point where I can walk past a document on my way out to lunch and idly look at it and find typos. (Not in law or writing, math and finance background.)
Anonymous
If I’m waiting for someone to call me or come to my office, they will contact me as soon as I step away from my desk.
If it’s slow at work, all I have to do to get more work is schedule a trip. The assignment gods will shower their blessings upon me at 4:30 the afternoon before the trip. Planning lunch with a friend I haven’t seen in a long time sometimes works too.
I am extremely approachable. Strangers routinely come up to me and tell me their life story. This can be a blessing or a curse.
Pseudonymous
I can write very, very, very small and still legibly. I have found very little use for this super power though the few people to witness it have been quite impressed.
My husband has the amazing ability to always know what size tupperware container will perfectly fit the leftovers we’re trying to store. (I mean, EXACTLY the right amount of space!) I am so jealous of this ability.
Fishie
Pulling out the exact number of empty hangers I need to hang clean laundry (there are always clothes in various stages of laundry in my house, so it’s not a “number of empty hangers = number of shirts to hang” situation.
Being mistaken for a local. I’ve been asked directions in just about every city/country I have ever visited.
My bullsh*t/danger detector is finely tuned. I spotted some dudes at a baseball game this weekend and immediately said to my husband, “those guys are trouble.” Next thing you know they’re spilling drinks on the people in front of them, making a scene with arm waving and yelling, and then proceeded to get so wasted they could not walk up the steps out of the ballpark. He told me I was overreacting at first. He then told me I was right.
My husband’s superpower is ordering the only thing on the menu that the restaurant has run out of. It literally happens with at least 1 item (usually beer) every time we go out.
Fishie
Oh and I am also a human alarm clock. If, just before I go to sleep, I look at the clock and then think “I’m going to wake up at 6:00 a.m.” I will.
not for me
I like the idea of these, but I own a pair and don’t love them. The fabric can get really clingy/static-y. They work OK with cotton dresses, but they have a velcro effect with synthetics. Wish I could find a similar product that doesn’t have the fabric issues.
waffles
I recently got a pair from Knixwear (actually, it was advertised on my facebook feed, which is something I NEVER click on). The shorts are thinner fabric than Jockey slipshorts and a little more slippery, so I feel like the velcro effect is not as bad (though still not perfect). The Knixwear shorts do have a small tendency to roll up on the legs – though that could be because I bought a size smaller than I probably should have.
Rainbow Hair
I find the Maidenform Flexies (Flexees? some silly spelling) much better because they’re slippery, unlike the jockey ones.
Anon
I wear Champion cotton bike shorts and get on with my day. Size up.
Ow
I like these under looser dresses to prevent thigh rub. Though I’ve noticed that on really hot days, because they’re looser in the crotch, I get unpleasant friction there.
Nordstrom Anniversary Sale
Totally naïve question, but can someone explain why the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is such a big deal? Is it actually way better than every other sale out there?
Anonymous
1 – it is a sale on fall stuff in advance of the fall season, rather than at the end of the season (or actually during the season in terms of weather reality)
2 – I suspect they pay bloggers to promote it. Total suspicion and no shade intended toward Kat or anyone getting paid for blogging – it just seems to be more popular with bloggers than it would be otherwise.
Anon
Oh no, I have loved it for years pre following any bloggers. The deals are real and the merch is beautiful – not some sad shopworn crap that’s been on the clearance rack for too long.
I also love fall clothing best so it’s exciting to plan for what I will be wearing in the fall.
I have in the past saved a good portion of my annual clothing budget just for this sale.
SC
The sale is for new fall clothes. It’s not the deepest discounts ever, but I don’t know of any other sale for next season’s clothes. Also, while things do sell out or at least get put on back-order, at the beginning of the sale, you don’t get the same “lucky sizes only” issues that you do at the end of the season. (I need a new suit, and it’s hard to find suit separates all in your size in an end-of-the-season sale.)
Anona
The deals are not anything out of this world, in my opinion. I routinely get better deals at other stores, especially Lord & Taylor. But it’s popular online because of click revenue and it’s an easy way to get a discount on stuff pre-season if you’re not normally a sale shopper.
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend a realtor for the not quite metro west area of MA? We are thinking Waltham, watertown, Framingham, needham, newton, concord, etc. Would love to hear why you loved them too. We are first time homebuyers and have a lower budget comparatively. Experience with condos would be a big plus. TIA!
Diana Barry
It is very location-dependent (newton will do ONLY newton, etc.) but we really liked Matt Montgomery and Lauren Carroll (now with Compass) for our sale.
HOWEVER as a buyer, we did better not having an agent – if you negotiate directly with the seller’s agent, they won’t have to split their commission, so we felt that gave us a boost. But we were very comfortable doing our own negotiation, etc.
Waltham homeowner
Joe Stallone is independent (lower fees) and sold my husband’s condo / bought our house with us, both in Waltham. He was phenomenal, and willing to hold my hand a lot.
If you have any questions about Waltham btw you can hit me up. I love it here, and know the area pretty well. Reply if you’re interested and we can figure out a way to get connect.
Anonymous
that would be amazing! and thanks for the rec. I just set up the email edcorpor**** at google mail (stars are the rest of this site name. would love to chat!
New Job, Who Dis
Ryan Wilson or Mian LaVallee
Wilson Group RE . c o m
I was also a first time homebuyer, less cash to spend and they are amazing. Really know the area and are great at negotiating. When you’re making such a monstrous purchase, spending more money than you’ve ever spent in your life — you want a really great person by your side that you can speak personally and candidly with. the Wilson team does not make you feel like you’re being schmoozed. I loved working with them through the whole process
+1 to checking in when you’re all settled. Metro West ladies meetup anyone? :)
Let's do it!
I’m in Sudbury, I know there are some Concord and Lincoln ladies on here too. 95 corridor meetup? Waltham?
Waltham homeowner
If it’s organized, I will attend! Obviously Waltham is best for me haha but I can travel.
JP
If you’re following still..Hawthorn Properties are Needham experts. We LOVED them (we only wanted Needham).
Anonattorney
Regarding this morning’s discussion about the Teen Vogue article:
I am honestly not posting this to pick any fight re trans rights. I want to better understand my reactions to certain things and learn whether my feelings/reactions are appropriate. I have always had more “masculine” traits — I’m tall, loud, broader boned, physically strong, tend to be somewhat hirsute, and have a more aggressive personality. As I’ve gotten older and more confident, and perhaps in reaction to often being made to feel like I’m inadequately feminine, I have really embraced and cherished my womanhood. This includes my female bodyparts, and other physical things that only happen to the female sex. Also, after having a child, I found so much power in that experience, and in my body generally.
Now that we are recognizing and trying to be more inclusive to people who are not cis-male or -female, do I need to tamp my feelings on this front? Is it not inclusive to talk about womanhood being defined, at least in some part, by female sex organs and hormones? I’m honestly asking the question so that I can act in a manner that is inclusive, and so that I can be aware of potentially insensitive comments or expressions.
I apologize in advance if I’ve already made some insensitive comments.
Anonymous
I don’t see how anything you say is wrong or insensitive, and I think we’re spending too much time with sensitivity toward this issue, when we should be working on sensitivity to and progressing with radical feminism. Sorry, not sorry.
Anon
I wish the TERFs would just go away.
not judith
you can assert a value to certain parts of radical feminism, though, without being a TERF, just like you can embrace certain parts of first wave feminism (e.g. suffrage) and reject others (e.g. racism). also, the lesbian history of radical feminism is important. I think as well that there’s an important feminist critique of the ways that trans has been recently adopted/appropriated into commodity capitalism. I also think that transnormativity can end up being not just anti-feminist but anti-queer as well.
Resident TERF
TERF is a slur and is used as hate speech by transactivists. So thank you for inserting hate speech into an otherwise interesting and productive conversation.
Anonymous
+1000. Radical feminism is the theory that there is nothing problematic about women acting in more masculine ways and men acting in more feminine ways. A woman who has short hair, enjoys sports and fixing cars, and is a breadwinner is still a woman. A man who likes make-up, dresses, caring for children, and cooking is still a man. In radical feminism, there is no need to officially change genders because gender as a social construct is weakened to the point of irrelevancy. So it’s not that transwomen don’t exist, it’s that they are accepted as who they are without being pressured into a strict gender role.
Anonymous
No you’re fine? That’s your experience as a woman. Just don’t try and tell other people how to be women and you’re good.
Stati
A humble suggestion: a good place to start is to stop searching for a definition. I see so many times on this board “you do you”, and I think it applies perfectly here. Inclusion means… to include. You identify with and cherish being a woman – wonderful. No one should take that from you. Don’t try to stuff people into a definition so that you can better understand them. Just accept that they are who they are. What makes one person a “man” and one person a “woman” is fluid.
I have a client who is a trans woman. She spent 20 years in the military. Every day she put on a men’s uniform, despite hating it and wanting to wear a skirt. She painstakingly tweezed her face every day to rid herself of facial hair because she felt ugly. She identifies with being a woman. And she’s as complicated, beautiful, and tough as any other woman I’ve met. Despite what is or isn’t between her legs.
Put yourself in her shoes: imagine feeling like a woman inside but having all the anatomy and hormones that make one “male”. I believe we are much more than our biology. Humans are complex creatures. Sex and gender are two different things.
...
How you talk about you and your body and your identity is totally up to you, the problems come in when any individual makes assumptions about others. For example, let’s say that I see my large b@@bs as what makes me feel like a woman. Cool, my body, my opinion of my body. However, if I begin to see the world and talk as if having large b@@bs is a requirement to be a woman or I refer to this body shape as “real women” are shaped this way, this is a problem because, obviously, it excludes women of all sizes and figures. (We as a society began to figure this out or at least talk about this in the past couple decades more than maybe ever before.) Now we’re becoming more aware that not all people who identify as women have bodies to match, so the step further is to not assume when I speak that all women have b@@bs. On the flip side of this, we are becoming more aware that not all people who have b@@bs identify as women.
So, in this example, a magazine might have previously said in a bra ad for larger busts, “this is for real women” whereas then it might have changed to “this is for women with larger busts” which may now be in the process of being rewritten to “this is for people have larger busts.”
Hope this was helpful!
The goal isn’t to remove what makes you find your own body beautiful, it’s to acknowledge that, when speaking or writing to others, we have to acknowledge that not everyone identifies the same or has the same body type, and this is okay… and also beautiful!
Stati
This is beautifully well-written.
...
<3 I so so hope it helps someone :)
Torin
*snaps* well said.
Anonymous
Things I’ve never seen: a male with a larger bust being hesitant to exercise without a sports bra, a male having their larger bust groped by a stranger on the subway, a male being told to not breastfeed in public because his larger bust was distracting/inappropriate, or a male being sent home from school because his t-shirt exposed too much of his larger bust.
Sorry, not sorry, breasts/busts are a woman’s issue. Removing the word “women” from these discussions erases women and the gains our mothers and grandmothers fought for.
...
Not sure if you’re a troll but I tend to believe people here are humans who just have different understandings…
I understand your thoughts on this, I think though that you’re forgetting that plenty of transgender men are not open (or maybe just not open with you), which means that there are absolutely men with large bre@sts who have the same physical pains as women with large bre@sts. This very much means that men have female bodies and struggle with issues related to appropriate school attire or work attire, and some choose to keep some parts in order to procreate, which means there are pregnant men and bre@stfeeding men.
Also, no one is erasing anyone… this sounds like the argument that if same s#x marriage is approved, it’ll invalidate other people’s marriages. Sorry but that’s just not how anything works.
Hope this info is helpful to you or others who may be reconsidering their thoughts and assumptions about bodies and genders. If not, if I just fed a troll, well… my bad :)
Stati
I’m pretty sure my husband was jealous of the bond I had with my firstborn while breastfeeding.
When someone stared at me while breastfeeding in public, I either made a reference to how amazing my b00bs are or how wonderful it is to have an on demand supply of food for my child both perfect in temperature and nutritional composition. Never had an issue, but wouldn’t have been afraid to confront it, either.
I also have been asked to write a gym excuse by an adolescent male embarrassed by his gynecomastia. So breasts aren’t just a women’s issue. Men also have breasts.
I’ve never personally seen someone groped on the subway (I live in an area where there isn’t public transportation), but I have seen a boy sent home from school wearing a Black Lives Matter tshirt.
This isn’t a math equation. Our grandmothers and mothers’ gains aren’t lost by adding our support to other groups and causes. In fact, I think our efforts would be multiplied by seeking out and speaking against unfairness toward any group.
Anonymous
I think it is only insensitive if you approach it as womanhood Having to be defined by female parts. If you accept that someone else may experience womanhood entirely without connection to parts or hormones, and accept that their experience is as valuable as yours, then it is not a problem.
anon
Ehh not sure about this. Do you really experience womanhood if you don’t have a p*riod or if you can o**** every time you have s*x or if you don’t have the hormones that come with being a woman or if you don’t have to be the one worried about bc or if you might have maybe r*ped someone that one time rather than being the victim? I’m not so sure. That’s just a totally different experience. Call it what you will, but it’s not the same.
...
As a woman who had a hysterectomy at age 30, I absolutely experience womenhood. as someone who may be able to have an o every time, I’m still a woman with womanhood experiences.
Considering that g@y men, tr@ns people, etc run the risk of being r*ped too, this isn’t a woman thing, this is a minority role in society thing.
My experience as a woman includes having endometriosis, but I don’t think that, just because you didn’t have the experience I did with my “gemale genit@lia,” you’re less of a woman in any way :)
...
whoa, no edit button but I should have said “g@y people”, as this risk is real for lesbians as well as g@y men. My absolute apologies, it wasn’t at all intended to exclude any high-risk group. <3
Anonymous
some women dont have periods. some men dont orgasm every time they have sex. men can be victims same as women. women can be predators. hormones are different for everyone. I dont see how any of these should be defining womenhood.
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
Ummm people of any gender can be victims of r@pe.
Torin
Pretty sure my IUD that stops my period didn’t change my gender….
Rainbow Hair
To anon at 5:30 … it seems like such a strange place to put your energy in policing… like… someone tells me she’s a woman, I believe her. Why wouldn’t I?
If someone who doesn’t have large bre@sts wants to tell me about having large bre@sts, well that’s just silly — same for any other trait or body part or experience. People ought not to claim they experience things they don’t, but trans people (gender non-conforming people, etc.) *aren’t doing that.*
If someone tells me she’s a woman (womanhood being an identity, not a limited collection of bodily characteristics), I believe her without checking her credentials, much as I expect someone to believe me.
Resident TERF
And when Danielle Muscato tells you she’s a woman, do you believe her?
http://www.daniellemuscato.com/
cc
yes? this is so odd. Why does it impact me at all? They same way if someone tells me his name is Michael I don’t call him Mike.
Rainbow Hair
Yeah — as cc says, why not?
...
Yes, because I realize that I don’t get to override someone’s identity. For example, if you tell me your name is Britney, I don’t call you Stephanie or Michael or Fido. I just imagine a networking event where this weird belief system would be rampant…”Hi, I’m Dave, I work in IT.” “No you don’t! You’re Michelle and you’re a doctor!”
Anon
There are struggles that biological women face that are unique to us, and we are getting shushed by the trans community and activists for being non inclusive. Is that fair?
There is no doubt that trans people face their own issues but they are not necessarily the same as ours. I would be roundly criticized (and rightly so) for trying to tell the trans community to include my issues in theirs, but the reverse seems not to be true.
I am hugely sympathetic to trans issues and I do believe there are biological men who were born to be women, and bio women born to be men. I understand that their struggle is epic and real and not to be minimized. But it’s not the same as my struggles.
I feel like it’s just another example of the patriarchy telling us to shut up.
not judith
maybe sub in “cis” for “bio” (since biological s*x is a huge can of worms, plus you don’t want to erase inters*x), but I agree that recognizing the patriarchal undergirding of this is key.
Anon
Bio sex is not a “huge can of worms.” It’s not political, it’s not an attack on anyone, and it’s not a statement against trans people. Biology, specifically biological sex differences, exists, no more, no less. The existence of intersex people does not disprove this anymore than the occasional birth of a person without arms doesn’t prove that “humans don’t have arms.”
Anonymous
Well said. Trans politics/activism runs the very real risk of bulldozing women’s issues in favor of trans issues.
Transactivism should not be combined with feminism. Trans fights are not women’s fights and vice-versa. Women should not be expected to cater to transwomen in our safe spaces and communities where we discuss issues relating to biological womanhood and the societal implications of being identified as a girl/woman from birth through puberty and adulthood.
cc
Who is sushing you? I see a million articles on women’s issues. Just because out there some trans activist exists thats maybe a tad aggressive doesn’t mean the community as a whole is trying to silence women. Transactivism is important because they are an extreme minority. In the large majority of cases, women are not catering to transwomen in safe spaces or communities. But if some can to allow a little bit more inclusion, isn’t that good?
Anon
This might be too late for today, but if anyone has experience with Lexapro, I’d like to hear about it – upsides, downsides, side effects, etc.
Stati
I took it during med school to help with anxiety. It also helped with depression after I broke up with my long term boyfriend (also during med school). It helped me cope immensely – took the edge off my irrational worrying and obsessing about grades and the future.
I had difficulting achieving o’gasm while on it. That was the most serious and upsetting side effect of the medication for me.
Eventually switched to wellbutrin; for me, this medicine doesn’t have that unfortunate side effect.
I didn’t feel better right away taking either medicine. There was def a month or month and a half ramp up period. But the meds work so well I think I’m cured and don’t need them. Inevitably, I get off them and my anxiety returns… so I’ve learned to stay on them unless TTC and to ask for them immediately after birth.
Good luck!!
Anon
I take a combo of Lexapro and Wellbutrin for anxiety. Ideally I’d be taking just Lexapro but insurance wouldn’t pay for the higher dose. Lexapro works well for me but it did take a couple weeks to get used to it. My doc said that I’d feel like crap for about 2 weeks and that those side effects would go away. She was right.
Anon for this
I’ve been on Lexipro since law school. It’s part of a cocktail that I take to deep my depression in line, but it really made a difference in my life. Especially because the previous anti-depressant I had, Celexa, made things worse–I was anxious, weepy, walking disaster. Lexipro helped me come out of the miserable fog I’d been in and made me feel more balanced than I had in a while. Alone, it wasn’t enough for me. I’m also on Wellbutrin and a very low dose of lithium.
As for side-effects, at the start, I had dry mouth, nausea, and insomnia. The first two didn’t last long, and the insomnia stopped (or got better, at least, since I was having sleep issues to begin with) once I found an ideal time to take it. There was slight waning of uh, desire, but nothing long lasting.
However, once you start, do not stop Lexipro cold turkey; you must titrate down. The withdrawl symptoms are not pleasant–ask me how I know.
tldr; Lexipro worked for me. The side-effects were short-lived, and the benefits outweighed them, anyway. Good luck!
Anon for this
*keep, not deep
Anon
You probably won’t see this, but just in case, I started Lexapro (10mg) a month and a half ago for anxiety and depression and love it so far. While it did cause a lot of drowsiness and sleep problems the first couple of weeks, all side effects have disappeared by now and it didn’t affect anything else for me. I feel so much better now- I am able to handle life without panic attacks or constant anxiety, I actually have the ability to feel happy, etc. I would definitely try it.
LadyNFS
I saw a 2 pack of Skimmies at Costco this weekend and snapped them up after reading about them here. They were 2 for $16 or something like that. So timely! Looking forward to trying them out!