Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Bianca Cinched Waist Blazer

236 Comments

1. This looks like a Butterick From The Archives pattern, in a good way. But it’s partly that the posture reminds me of the languid hips-forward pose you see in basically all 1930-60 fashion illustrations, so I don’t know how well the effect would come through in real life.

   1. Nothing about that posture screams to be, “Buy this piece of workwear to look like a complete bad@ss in the office.” In fact, it seems the opposite.

      1. I agree, although tbf a lot of workwear is advertised with ridiculous poses.

      2. I agree, although tbf a lot of workwear is advertised with ridiculous poses.

   2. I feel like in a different fabric and with different buttons, this jacket could look really luxe over a sheath. But it kind of just looks like a home ec project now.

2. Oh, no.

3. Looks like a semi-faded ill fitting blouse. Like something you clean out of your closet not put in.

   1. Looks like a semi-faded ill fitting blouse. Like something you clean out of your closet not put in.

      1. I am so glad others share my dislike for this . . . garment. It looks like a doll jacket.

         1. +1Billion for that apt observation.

      2. Yes, more like an enhanced blouse than a blazer. I would wear it if the fabric and buttons were different. Seems a little unpolished as is.

4. Looking for insight on being “in-house”/the GC’s office at a vault 50 law firm. How do the hours and culture typically compare to the law firm itself? Would this position still be viewed favorably when applying to in-house positions at corporations later on?

   1. Can’t speak to the first question but as to the second – IME No, this is not “in-house” from the perspective of in-house corporate law department. Some folks at my company think of this as just doing conflicts checks and you want to avoid that. But generally having a law firm as your in-house client is still the private practice realm, it’s a different world.

   2. I sat on the same floor as our firm GC and AGC at a big SV powerhouse firm. Their hours were better than ours, but they still worked a lot. One of them had been in the position for decades and the other for about a decade. This position dealt with Conflicts, but only inasmuch as they supervised our bevvy of Conflicts attorneys–they dealt with higher-level ethical issues. It was almost like a professional responsibility role. They also helped oversee how the firm was run.

      I went to them once when I suspected that a startup client we were considering representing was not merely disorganized, from a records standpoint, but had been churning investors akin to a ponzi scheme, for instance. I could not go to the partner whose client it was going to be, without there being a conflict of interest, so I went to the firm AGC to discuss first.

      IMHO (and I do corporate law), this is a wholly different beast than working in-house elsewhere. Law firms are their own creatures and are run very differently than a typical corporation, even if nominally they have a board or similar. I do not think this would increase marketability except for similar roles in other professional services corporations. In fact, I think it would be a hard role for the outside world to even understand–hence why you’re asking about it.

   3. I think the role really depends on the firm. Someone I know at regional big law which would be small law on the national level (probably 100 attorneys total) is general counsel to his firm. He still has regular cases too but his role also involves advising the firm on all employment matters, reviewing contracts the firm signs, engaging in any cases the firm has to be party to.

5. I personally prefer this one, linked in the sidebar on the Nordstrom pick: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/elliatt-iris-embellished-cuff-blazer/4865523

   1. Wow. SLEEVES!!!!!!!!!!

   2. Stevie Nicks workwear :D

   3. The Directrice has a jacket kind of like this. She says she has to assure her mom she’s not working around heavy machinery every time she wears it.

   4. Wow. I’m not sure who can pull this off, but she would look GREAT!

6. I’m currently an associate working for a solo practitioner in a real estate practice in a medium-sized SE city (’13 law school graduate and worked at 50+ lawyer firm for 3.5 years before making this move a year ago). DH and I both have background in political work (he has been full-time consulting on campaigns for the past couple of years, and I have been working with him, but not having a formal defined role due to continuing to practice law full-time). He is currently (as in, today) interviewing for jobs in DC, any of which would be his dream job. I am fine with making the move to DC if he lands something, but concerned about being able to find something political for myself. How do I get my foot in the door in DC in a political role (comms/PR) without having a resume that accurately shows my experience? I’m open to fundraising but have seen a mentor of mine attempt to use fundraising to “get a seat at the table” and get shut out. I don’t want to go down that road. Thoughts?

   1. I’m confused about why your resume doesn’t accurately show your experience. I would just put a category called “political experience” at the top and describe your political work, and then list “other professional experience” where you have your legal jobs.

      1. Because it sounds like she doesn’t actually have any she’s just been helping her husband.

         1. Then she doesn’t have experience, at least not the kind employers are going to be looking for.

   2. Can anyone other than your husband verify that you worked on these campaigns? If so, I would contact that person and tell them you might switch fields and ask them whether they’d be a reference for your contribution as a “volunteer in campaign strategy” or whatever.

      1. Anonymous @ 9:51 – Correct. I have been working full-time as an attorney, but helping with communication strategy/mail pieces/etc. outside of work. My husband would be my “direct report” on these races.

         Anonymous @ 10:08 – Good thought. Yes, I think that the candidates we have worked with would definitely say that they knew I was working on parts of their race. The problem is going to be having them quantify it. That’s definitely a good idea.

         1. And this is Resume-Less ^ forgot to put it on there :-)

   3. 1) List your political experience at the top as advised. Reach out to those offices and see if anyone from the campaign made the jump to the DC office and if they’d keep an ear open for opportunities for you. Reach out to whoever that candidate’s fundraiser in DC is and see if they know of anything.

      2) Spin your legal work into expertise for a member’s committee assignments. Can anything about your real estate work translate into, say, Dept of the Interior work? Scan the relevant cmte’s roster and apply to those offices.

      3) In a town where everyone has political experience, it’s going to be hard for you to land a spot unless you can work connections from those offices that you did campaign work for. Also be prepared to start at the bottom of the totem pole. You can move up quickly in the House, but you may have to swallow your pride a bit.

      4) If your legal experience corresponds to a less popular topic for your party (e.g., labor issues for Republicans, ag issues for urban Dems), the relevant cmte might have a hard time filling staff spots, so check with them, too.

   4. As someone who works on the political side of DC, would say a few things:

      1) Might sound super harsh, but you were a volunteer. If you put “volunteer in Campaign strategy”, no one will take you seriously. List your volunteer experience, don’t try to pump it up – we get piles of resumes like this every day, and it just makes you seem self-important and obnoxious.

      2) At the same time, your husband is a resource. DC is a relationship-driven town, and everyone is more willing to hire a known quantity – if they know your husband, it’s similar. I’ve helped staff I’ve hired find their trailing spouse/partners jobs – most people would happily take a coffee or quick meeting with you.

      3) Be prepared to significantly downgrade your expectations. Re: comms – you’re going to be, at most, a press assistant on the hill if you can’t show you have work, not volunteer, experience.

      4) Think about going the legal route instead – particularly on the campaign/political side of things, many of the committees (DNC, DSCC, DGA, etc) have counsel’s offices that are consistently difficult to staff. This leverages your experience, they’d want to hear about your volunteer experience (would bill it more as “interest” than “experience”) and honestly, those kinds of jobs are very “learn on the job” legal gigs. Yes, they require a law degree, but campaign finance law and issues within these organizations are so specific, that they’re not going to have a high expectation of your experience. Also, as a caveat, they don’t pay well, so finding lawyers willing to take the pay cut to do them is hard.

7. Can someone give me a reality check? Would you be mad/annoyed by this? I just celebrated a big milestone birthday. I was spending it d in another country, but was not disconnected in any way (posting on social media, etc.). My very very close friend did not text me on my birthday or the day after. I didn’t hear from her until today when she contacted me via the chat service we use during the work day to communicate. I’m pretty annoyed/offended that she couldn’t even reach out to me on my actual birthday. I’m usually not the type of person to get offended by stuff like this, so please tell me if I’m being ridiculous. I guess just the fact that it was a big birthday and she is supposed to be my best friend makes it hurt worse. Another close friend also forgot but she texted me the next day apologizing, saying the long weekend got away from her, etc. Which I appreciated that she acknowledged she messed up. Is it silly to be mad that she didn’t reach out to me on the actual day?

   1. Yes, it’s silly.

   2. Yes, you are being silly. But it is how you feel. So, acknowledge that you are/were upset and then let it go, let it goooooooooooooooooo!

   3. I think a lot of people stop caring about birthdays at a certain age, and your friend may be one of them. The only person I go out of my way for on their birthday is my SO.

      1. It’s silly because I think past the age of 21, you lose the right to act like your birthday is The Special-est Day on the Planet and need be to everyone else. I expect my parents, spouse, sister and children to remember my birthday and would be hurt if I didn’t receive a phone call or text from them. Everyone else? Not really.

   4. Sorry, I think it is a little silly.

   5. No, I would not be annoyed. I usually–but not always–send birthday greetings to my close friends, and on occasion I fail to do it on the actual birthday day. In my friendship circle this works fine. From what I read on this blog (not specifically your post, but others in the past), it seems that recognizing birthdays is a bigger deal to other people than it is to me.

   6. It’s silly, but a common reaction. Try to put it in your own brain as something you’re allowed to be annoyed about but don’t mention it or take it out on your friend who forgot.

      1. Right, you only have so much control over your feelings in the moment, but after the fact, you can choose to let it go or hold a grudge. Let it go.

   7. I expect the people I spend my birthday with to wish me a happy birthday, and literally nothing else. Every text/call/whatever I get on my birthday from someone not in my presence surprises me every time.

   8. Maybe this is old fashioned of me, but if my friend were out of the country on her birthday, I would maybe email but definitely not call or text because I would assume that they were busy and/or that it would cost them a fortune to receive the text/call. I would probably wait until they were back in the country to reach out. Also, frankly, now that my friends and I have kids, we are honestly too scattered and busy to remember to reach out with much precision. I think that’s just part of getting older.

   9. I am actually really uncomfortable with a lot of attention on my birthday, so as a result I tend not to make a big deal out of other people’s. Your friend may feel the same. Don’t wreck a friendship over something silly like this.

   10. I don’t think you are being silly. I would feel (and have felt) the same way. It takes two seconds for someone to send a text to let you know they’re thinking of you.

   11. It’s fine to be hurt, but realize she probably didn’t snub you on purpose! I’m pretty bad at birthday greetings for most people in my life, save for my immediate family and my boyfriend, and the friends I grew up with before we had Facebook to remind us when birthdays happened. If she normally sends you a text and didn’t, it might be fine to admit you were hurt and ask why, but she probably forgot. If she doesn’t normally text you, this is her MO and maybe she didn’t realize this birthday was that much more important and warranted extra attention.

   12. I expect to hear from my immediate family (parents and brother) and any significant other on my birthday. Anything from friends, etc is just extra

       1. +1

          1. +1

   13. My best friend consistently misses my birthday. For so long that it’s a running joke. If she’s there for you in other important ways, let it go.

   14. I’m confused, did she not acknowledge your birthday at all or just tell you happy belated? If the former, yes I would be disappointed and hurt, but if it is just a belated happy birthday that she didn’t spend with you, then yes, you are being silly.

   15. I agree with the others. You have every right to be hurt, but it is a bit juvenile to be so. Many (most?) adults don’t put much stock in birthdays anymore, even “milestone” birthdays, and remembering to send a text would be the last thing on my list. In fact, if you were to express to me how upset you were about it, I might actually re-evaluate our friendship, as it is so insignificant in the scope of life.

       Let’s put it in perspective….

       If this is enough to make you upset, you must have a pretty amazing life. My “best friend” didn’t contact me when my mother died.

       1. I’ve never understood the out-sized emphasis on “milestone” birthdays lately. What makes them more significant than others? There’s a 0 on the end? If you think about it, every birthday is a milestone. It’s not like it’s an achievement.

          OP, I yes it stings, but I think ultimately your gut intuition is right that you’re overreacting. What matters is how strong your friendship is. I’ve got a very close friend with a birthday coming up.. we’ve hung out 3 times in the past week, are seeing each other tonight, talked on the phone 3 other times in the past week about many varied and intimate topics, and I cannot for the life of me remember right now whether her bday is June 7 or 8.

       2. +1

   16. I seem to be in the minority here, but this would hurt my feelings. I have three best friends friends that I text or call on their birthdays. I don’t think I would be upset, per se, but I would think about whether this friend is as close as you thought.

       I used to have five of these friends, and then two of them didn’t text on my birthday like four years in a row (and we live in different cities so I never see them)… and then I noticed they never instigated communication, only responded when I reached out. And then I noticed sometimes they didn’t even respond. I eventually decided those two just don’t care about me that much, so I quit reaching out, and now we’re basically not friends. No one is mad, but the friendships just sort of evaporated.

       Are you actually that close? I noticed you said she talked to you on online chat during work… one of my two former friends above used to talk to me all day on that thing, and then when I changed jobs and couldn’t casually chat online anymore, I never heard from her again. I am pretty sure she just talked to me out of convenience. That’s fine in a friendship, but you two may not be as close as you thought.

       1. You sound very, very young… almost high school! You used to chat all day long online with one of your 5 “best friends” during work? Ok….

          This is the natural course of friendships, particularly as you move far away.

          And yet, it is common to have many friends that even if you aren’t texting birthday wishes regularly or texting daily during work hours…., when you finally do cross paths you will laugh and cry and reminisce and it will be as if no time has passed. Those friendships are wonderful too.

          Life moves on…..

          1. I’m 32. For a few years after grad school, I did have five best friends, yes. Two of us had pretty boring admin jobs at that time. We had to be present, but if no one needed us, we were pretty free and would gchat here and there throughout the day. It’s ok that my experience is different from yours. You don’t have to sarcastically criticize me for that.

   17. I stopped wishing my friends happy birthday when we were in our late twenties. I’d never think about whether or not a friend texted me or not but I have that one friend who genuinely thinks every birthday is very important and makes such a fuss about throwing a surprise party (or receiving one) so we oblige and cringe when she drops the confetti at a nice restaurant. It’s a small price to pay for her friendship but we have established she is that kind of person, won’t change, and we accept and love her.

   18. It’s important to me that my closest friends acknowledge my birthday, especially a milestone one, and I’d be hurt too. I’m mid 30s and most of my friends are married with kids (I’m married but no kids). I send my BFFs’ kids birthday gifts but usually just call/email my friends. I did do gifts for several close friends 30ths though.

8. Somehow my calf ended up really tight and it hurts to walk, and I’m basically limping everywhere. I tried to use a foam roller but I don’t think there’s enough pressure because I couldn’t feel it. I can feel it when I knead my calf but I am not sure how to get rid of it… any advice?

   Thanks all!

   1. I find that using a PVC pipe to roll out my calves works best. In the kneeling position, place the PVC pipe in the crease at your knees and slowly apply pressure as you roll down to the ankles.

   2. Look up ‘the stick.’ Same concept as a foam roller, but you can apply more pressure on places like calves.

      Low tech but insane version, and I swear it works if you can handle the pain and find someone to do it for you… kneel facing a wall (face and torso pressed up against the wall, calves perpendicular behind you, toes pointed as opposed to flexed, carpeted floor or on a yoga mat), get someone to step on your calves or even stand on them. It’s excruciating but will get the knots out.

   3. You could try a lacrosse ball

   4. I use “the stick” for my calves. Have trouble getting enough pressure with a foam roller.

      1. +1. The stick helps calves more than foam rollers. Also try calf raises standing on a curb or step.

   5. Arm Aid. I bought it for my forearms but it also works really, really well on calves.

   6. I love those soft heating packs.

   7. If you are truly limping, please pop in and see a physical therapist. They’ll do an intense sports massage on your leg, walk you through exercises to do at home, and then ice it. It’s the easiest and safest way! You could also do sports massage, but if you’re in pain, please please see someone.

      1. Curious if you live in the US – because I’ve always needed a doctor’s prescription to see a PT (there’s no popping in). I’ve always thought that was overkill bc the PT typically did a more thorough workup than the doctor and thus seeing the doctor really didn’t do anything except get me the right to see the PT, but I’ve never been able to go directly to a PT.

         This is actually why I see a sports chiropractor now.

         1. This varies by state. What you describe is true in Texas but my PT told me it’s a state law and it’s only the law in a minority of states.

            1. Oh man, I wish I lived in a state where I could do that. Although it occurs to me that it’s possible that it’s legal in my state, but my insurance wouldn’t pay for it…

   8. try: tennis ball or rolling pin.

9. Favorite easy summery drink? Inviting folks over in the afternoon this weekend and want to serve an easy budget-friendly cocktail. Any recipes? Bonus points if I can easily buy ingredients at Costco!

   Mine is lemonade ice tea and mimosas.

   1. Shandies made with lemonade, wheat beer, strawberries, and jalapenos.

   2. Bellinis. I do mine with prosecco + peach and/or mango nectar.

   3. Sangria is so easy. Whatever fruit you want, wine, club soda, some liquor like brandy or grand marnier. I like white sangria with stone fruits.

   4. Ever since our trip to England last year I’m all about the Pimm’s Cup! Orange, strawberry, and cucumber slices, Pimm’s liquor, and a citrusy soda like 7-up. I’ve never been able to perfectly replicate what we had at Women’s Henley, but it’s delicious and bring back memories.

   5. Gin & tonic or mojito

      1. +1

         With the rare Bellini or Greyhound.

   6. Coco Loco!!! Coconut water and dark rum over ice. If you want to get a little fancy you can throw a sprig of mint in there, but it’s not necessary.

   7. I like boozy lemonade. You can fancy it up (https://www.thekitchykitchen.com/?recipes=/adult-lemonade/), make it more of a frozen slushie (https://www.thelondoner.me/2014/07/boozy-lemon-frosties.html) or just keep it simple.

   8. Gin and tonic, ice cold, lots of lime. It’s a classic for a reason.

      I keep my gin in the fridge (and of course my tonic too, I like fever tree) so that my G&Ts are super cold. I can’t think of anything more refreshing on a hot day.

   9. My summer go-to is an aromatic gin and tonic – ice, a measure of gin, one star anise, a couple juniper berries, a small splash of lavender syrup, top with tonic, and garnish with a full sprig of rosemary in the glass. I like to serve them in wine glasses with a short straw. There is a little start-up cost but the syrup, star anise and juniper berries last forever, properly stored, and once you have the ingredients it’s so easy to throw together the drink. I do use the gin from Costco for this.

   10. Blend lemonade and watermelon together with a few mint leaves, and add Hendrick’s gin (for the cucumber flavor) and garnish with a few more mint leaves. Delicious!

   11. I served what we called “Ruby Palmers” this weekend, and they were a big hit: ruby red vodka, shiner ruby red beer (or any summery beer), and lemonade.

       1. *The ruby red vodka and beer were grapefruit flavored.

   12. I make up slush – (OJ concentrate, Lemonade concentrate, big can of pineapple juice, a little water. PUt in the freezer and stir every couple hours over the course of a day as it sets up). Once it sets up, you scoop some of the frozen stuff in to a glass and then mix it with sparkling water or 7-up and keep it virgin, or add vodka OR rum OR something else that goes with citrus.

   13. Dark and Stormy – ginger beer and dark rum

       Van Gogh’s anti insanity tonic – vodka, chambord, lemonade

   14. White or rose wine and la croix for a spritzer.

   15. Sometimes a simple chilled Rose is the best thing to have on hand for days like this. I learned this from friends who spend their summers living on a Greek island….

       1. Or even a sparkling rose!

10. Looking for a tote similar to Cuyana classic leather but hopefully at a slightly lower price point (and possibly with a zipper). Does anyone have recommendations for good Etsy bag stores? I’m a little overwhelmed by the options. Thanks!

    1. I’ve had my eye on Mayko bags on Etsy – seems really high quality. Does anyone have experience with that seller specifically?

    2. I’d just get the Cuyana. You’re going to get much better quality for your money with them than some knockoff, and it’s what you really want anyway.

       The Cuyana bags are made in factories that used to make Chloe and other bags at that level before they moved their production to China. Cuyana’s model is really a supply chain story – those factories had the ability to produce high end goods and the capacity to do it. I really love the quality of the bag and the accessories I’ve bought from there.

       I heard the Cuyana founder speak at an event recently and was really interested to learn all of this. Plus she’s a 34 year old entrepreneur!

       1. Can I ask how your bag is wearing and what color/style of leather you got? I have been drooling over the zipper tote or unstructured tote from them for awhile and worry about wear/destroying it (I currently carry my laptop and work essentials in a longchamp nylon tote).

          1. I have the structured tote in Stone and many of the travel accessories in blush. I’ve had the travel accessories for longer – they break in a bit and get softer but that’s part of the look. I really love them.

       2. I came here to say the same thing. Just get the Cuyana. I love mine and it is a high quality bag and absolutely worth what I paid for it. Buy a knockoff and you’re going to get what you pay for.

       3. +1 – I’ve had my zip tote and a bunch of other Cuyana things for years and they wear like iron. I’d just feel like getting a knock off would be wasted money. Choose wisely though, their stuff lasts so long it’s hard to justify replacing it (I’m looking st my daily work bag that looks brand new 5 years later)

          1. Which one do you have?

             1. It’s embarrassing how much I have, but my every day bag is the zipper tote that will not die (I got it in black pebble leather), I also have a caramel open top one (their original, I think), the makeup set, a more structured bag for formal work stuff (sorry I’m bad with the names of these things). I’ve never been disappointed in their quality so I keep going back. The quality is great.

11. Yay — finally a BigLaw perk: firm’s box for attending rock concert with a client. I am at a peer level to the client, no more senior people will be attending.

    What do I wear? Will not be coming straight from work (if that were the case, it would be easier to justify a fashion misfire).

    1. What would you normally wear? Casual is fine- err on the side on not super short/tight/revealing. This probably isn’t the time to pull out the concert tee-shirt from the last time you saw them on tour either.

       1. Um, I am a lame grownup who doesn’t seem to own going-out clothes anymore. And I can’t recall what I wore to my last concert (jeans?), but it wasn’t in a work context. Like I might wear a sheath dress on a date. No bueno.

       2. Wear the old concert tee if you have it. No one is going to care.

    2. I feel like this is why my wardrobe is all black. I’d wear black skinny jeans, a work-appropriate black blouse, and badass flats. I could also see high-dark jeans with a tucked boho-but-not-too-boho top and wedges working.

    3. (Non-ripped) jeans and a (non-tight, non-revealing) top with booties?

    4. Jeans, tee, fashiony blazer?

       1. Unless it is leather and you’re wearing a bralette or something under it (which I don’t recommend for a work contact), a blazer of any kind is going to look super out of place at a rock concert.

          I’d do skinny jeans, booties, and a shirt that’s not to tight or revealing as recommended above.

          1. I disagree. I think that skinny jeans with a band t-shirt and a casual blazer (like with the sleeves pushed up) is a great look for a rock concert. Heels, wedges, booties all would work.

12. Does anyone have a hair stylist recommendation for northern VA?

    I have frizzy/wavy/curly hair and would like to find someone who can give me a cut that will look good when it air dries.

    Thanks!

    1. Not northern VA, but Jackie at Symmetry Studios in Bethesda specializes in wavy/curly hair and has a very very dedicated following of curly haired women.

    2. I have curly hair that I dry naturally, and I go to Ruth (real name Hirut – she’s from Ethiopia) at the Hair Cuttery at Beacon Mall south of Alexandria. For me she does a really nice layered curly bob cut. The location is convenient for me, and the cut is great for the price – I think it’s $19 and I tip $10 since it’s not her fault the cut is cheap! I don’t know if I would drive across the county to see her, but if it’s convenient definitely give her a try.

    3. I see Lee at Lorraine Aprile salon in Old Town. (She might be out on maternity leave at this moment.) She is not a curly hair stylist, because I’ve found that when I go to those stylists, my hair ends up truly awful looking. (My hair is smooth, not coarse, and the curl/wave has to be coaxed, so I guess I’m not “curly enough” for curly hair stylists?) She gives me a great layered bob that makes my curls happy.

       (And styling tips if you need them: just lightly blot your hair dry – never wrap it up in a towel turban – and use a curl gel on very damp hair and let air dry. My preferred product of the moment is Curlz Botanical Gelle from the drugstore.)

    4. I am in Alexandria, and I go to Sandra at Aquilano Salon. The cut is more expensive ($70) but she showed me how to style my hair a little bit (twisting my curls around my finger) and she cuts the layers so they lay nicely.

    5. A friend with similar hair goes to Shelby Anderson.

13. I bought the green dress from Ann Taylor advertised here last week, and I gotta say, the commenter mentioning the low neck was right, there’s definitely a boob situation. It actually looks fine with a tank top underneath, but I may select a nicer tank top that complements the dress, maybe I’ll even get some fabric added in so I don’t have to layer. Otherwise, a good dress, and my work wardrobe now feels sufficiently updated for now.

    1. I’m the poster who commented on the cleavage issue with that dress. So I’m not the only one! I feel validated, thank you. One person commented that I must have been wearing a push-up bra, but nope, I was wearing a plain t-shirt bra, and still showed a good couple inches of cleavage. Pretty dress, though.

       1. Hmmm, I do usually wear push-ups actually, I wonder what the boob situation would be if I did wear a different bra with this dress. Based on your experience, probably not, but I’ll try it anyway!

    2. Did you coupon code work for you? I tried it last night and it said it wasn’t eligible.

       1. It did, but I ordered the dress last week and picked it up on Friday, this is just my first day wearing it.

14. This group is always such a treasure trove for travel recs I thought I’d try again! I’m going to be in London for a week in November and would love tips for things not to miss. I lived there more than a decade ago so have done all the obvious sites and daytrips but am excited to rediscover all that the city has to offer and possibly some hidden gems/off the beaten path type spots.

    Thanks so much!

    1. I know London pretty well but discovered Roast at the Borough Market during my last trip. (It was much better than three Michelin starred places, including Heston Blumenthal’s). Have you ever done Greenwich? I think the Museum is fabulous and the boat trip is fun. Good pubs for lunch. I have a trip to get a custom perfume at Floris on my list. I love wandering the arcades on Jermyn St. Read through Aspiring Kennedy’s blog. She has cool recommendations.

       1. Thank you so much! I’ve been to Greenwich but really didn’t spend much time there. Will make sure to check out the blog!

    2. I love the restaurant Duck and Waffle in the Heron Tower- it’s open 24 hours a day, and I highly recommend the duck confit and waffle!

       1. Eltham Palace! Gorgeous Art Deco house on Medieval foundations (with the Great Hall still standing).

    3. If you like contemporary art, you should go to the Saatchi Gallery if you didn’t go last time.

15. Possibly a dumb question, but I’ve been a manager for years and have somehow never had to deal with this:

    As the boss, how do you verify that an employee is working a full 8 hours if they want to start their day later than you? Our office is a little flexible on start time, meaning folks start anywhere from 7:30-9. I get in around 8, but my employee wants to come in at 9 or later. I don’t believe she’s staying her full hours, so how can I verify without resorting to checking her computer login – which I can’t do without HR and IT? Can I ask her to check in with an admin or someone else before she leaves, if I’m not there? Send me an email before she leaves? What tricks do you all have?

    Sigh. TIA.

    1. What does it matter? Does she get her work done? Does she meet deadlines? Is her performance good?

       If so, who cares how long she’s at her desk? If not, address it as a performance issue

       1. +1

       2. This. I don’t care. I manage exempt employees and focus on their work not their hours.

       3. If leaving early is leading to performance issues or coverage issues, then address those issues with her. Forget about clocking in/out.

       4. No, and that’s part of the problem that I’m trying to address separately. This is just one issue of many that I’m struggling how exactly to manage. Sorry, should’ve provided the larger context.

          1. I’m not sure that you should separate out these issues to the extent that you are. The lack of time put into the job is part of the reason that her performance is not up to par. Therefore, manage this as a subset of the overall performance management.

    2. The actual mechanisms you can use to verify will depend on your work place. For example, my firm has (sadly) caught several admins doing this because we looked at when they entered and exited the parking deck.

       If you are trying to do this ‘unofficially,’ without involving HR or some system that can provide you with accurate evidence, which seems to be the case, I think you’re only going to frustrate yourself and further sour your relationship with this employee. Something about your use of the word “tricks” just really rubs me the wrong way. Asking her to check in or send you an email with no purpose is going to be infantilizing and unless she’s a full idiot, she’s going to see through what you’re doing.

    3. Is she getting all of her work done on time?

    4. You need to change your whole mindset around management.

       1. Agreed. If you’re managing exempy employees, you should not be resorting to “tricks” like this. Address the performance issue if there is one, not trying to ferret out the total butt-in-seat time.

          1. +1000

    5. I would also remember that technically, full time employees generally only have to work 7 hours a day, with an hour for lunch. While that’s clearly not what happens in practice for most of us, it’s a good reminder that if the work is getting done, you should probably cut this employee some slack if s/he is working through lunch every day. Particularly true if they’re required to answer emails/work after hours or on the weekends. My guess is she’s putting in more than her share of hours.

       1. That is not true. Most exempt employee definitions exclude lunch from standard hours.

       2. This has never been my experience. Full time has always meant 7.5 hours of work, .5 for lunch (off the clock), and two 15 min breaks on the clock.

          Do other places do it differently?

          1. Where I am everyone takes the .5 and two .25 at the same time so = an hour for lunch.

          2. That was my experience in high school as a fast food worker. Not in a professional office setting, where it is 8-5 daily with an hour unpaid lunch for 8 hours total per day. Employees whose managers treat them as adults are flexible as long as said employees act like adults.

             1. Agree, every professional job I’ve held (in CA if it’s relevant) has been 8hrs of work + 1hr of unpaid lunch/breaks.

       3. I could definitely be wrong, but that’s how I have always heard of it — full time isn’t really 40 working hours, it’s 35 working hours plus an hour of lunch/breaks during the day. Now, in practice, I don’t know any place that actually operates that way for exempt employees (and even if they did, exempt employees aren’t required to be paid overtime) so if they’re not getting their work done in the 35 hour time frame, then they would have to work more without additional pay. But for non-exempt employees, every office I’ve been in has generally followed the rule that it’s 7 working hours plus an hour for lunch (which no one really takes, but that’s sort of besides the point).

          1. For government employees, they’re very up front that full time = 40 hours. You’re considered lucky if you work for an organization that doesn’t require you to take .5 hours for lunch off the clock (thus requiring you stay an extra .5 to reach 8).

       4. I’ve never worked anywhere where an hour for lunch is free. It’s always 8 hours working, plus lunch on your own time if you want to do that. Everyone I know eats at their desks.

       5. On my company paychecks, I am paid for 70 hours over a two week time period. When we take vacation days, they are recorded as 7.0 hours. Now, do I work more than 35 hours a week/7 hours a day? Most of the time yes, but I think that HR would generally tell you that full time is technically a minimum of 35 hours a week with 5 hours allocated for breaks (totaling 40 hours). Exempt employees can be asked to work more than that without overtime, but I think that is the technical baseline, particularly for non-exempt employees.

    6. If leaving early is leading to performance or coverage issues, address those issues with her. Forget about the clocking in and out.

    7. I work in government, where it does matter. A former assistant had this issue and she was asked to email in and out every day, including lunches.

       I’ve seen the argument that performance is what matters before, and I think that works for some cases, but not all, especially when the person is the only one doing a certain type of work. It can be difficult to know what’s reasonable to complete in an 8 hour workday when you’re not the one performing the tasks.

       1. This is government, and the hours are important. But if she were a rockstar, I wouldn’t be the least bit concerned. She’s struggling in many areas, and we’ve had many conversations about timeliness and nothing has changed. That’s why I was wondering about specific tricks about how to monitor this when I’m not always around.

          1. Then yeah, I think emailing in and out is the best way to go, particularly since you’ve already had discussions about timeliness. If you want to go the surreptitious route, I’d have a trusted employee keep an eye on her – IT/HR would be the easiest, but I can also see that getting out of my hands at my office.

             1. It’s super weird to be that employee who is instructed to watch and report on a peer. Keeping track of that kind of thing is a manager’s job, and you shouldn’t be outsourcing it to another one of your direct reports. Find another solution.

             2. I’ll also caution against having a “trusted employee” monitor. It makes everyone feel weird and the effect on general morale is not worth the info you’ll receive.

                Also a govt employee, so I understand the more stringent hours requirements.

             3. Agree with above Anonymous. Let’s say you did ask another employee to watch and report back…what would you do with that information? ‘Sonia said you left early on Tuesday, what’s up with that?’

          2. So why can’t you just get HR involved if hours are a big deal and performance is a problem?

             The way I see it you either have two options: treat her like an autonomous adult, sit her down, and say “look, I don’t know whether its because yo’re leaving early or what (which btw isn’t okay), but we’ve got to address these issues, let’s come up with a plan.” (in my head, this is real management.)

             Or, micromanage her and treat her like she needs to check in with you because of these issues, and then sure, ask her to check in. Maybe ask her to send you a status report at the end of every day.

             The struggle I think is having it both ways- you can’t monitor her this closely without her knowing that you’re doing it and you’re concerned about it, and that she’s under scrutiny (unless you just involve IT or HR). There are no “tricks” to determine when a professional is leaving the office that also let her think she’s being treated like an autonomous adult and that you trust her. If you’re just looking for a “gotcha!” then that’s a problem for both of you. Looking to “catch” her is not management.

             1. +100000000000

                I really think OP needs to reframe her entire thinking about how to manage. You don’t manage with tricks.

          3. So, if you are already having these convos, then I think you totally use a plan to have her send you an email at the end of her workday. Are Pips a thing at your work place? If so, this is where you can use those in a way to actually try to turn it around. Maybe ask her to send you a this is what I accomplished/worked on today email as part of her wrap up each day. Then you accomplish 2 things – what is she doing, and when is she leaving.

          4. Check out Ask A Manager for specific scripts and more info. Or post on the Friday open thread over there.

          5. Since you are already observing performance issues, can you just say no to her request to come in late/stay late? Be upfront that you see problems with her work that don’t allow for that flexibility right now, but if she brings up her performance by doing X, Y, and Z consistently over the next A-B months, you can revisit the request then.

          6. If you don`t think she can administrate a flexible schedule, then the answer is to decline her request to start later.

          7. If she’s struggling then I think the answer should be no, you can’t change your schedule. Once she shows improvement you will reconsider.

    8. Ouch. You have received some harsh replies. I’ll be following. Not all of us manage exempt employees and this is something I have to be concerned about as well. I would think engaging IT/HR is the best solution

       1. They’re not harsh, they’re realistic and accurate. If you ask for advice and it hurts your feelings, it doesn’t mean it was bad advice.

    9. Can you ask everyone to email you when they get in/leave for lunch/leave for the day? The non-exempt employees at my firm have to do this (they’re talking about installing a card system, but who knows if that will happen).

       unfortunately, it looks like you’d have to ask everyone to do this.

       1. This is how you lose the good employees. Seriously, don’t punish the rest of the office because you’re too chicken to manage the one bad employee. It will backfire on you majorly.

          1. +100000000

       2. This would backfire in a big way in loss of morale and trust with employees who previously thought they were trusted to be adults and manage their time.

       3. Anonymous at 11:19 and 11:23 are right. I can say this from personal experience. I had a boss ask us to do this (I am a professional with multiple advanced degrees) and it was wildly insulting and demoralizing. It’s interesting how much of an impact on moral something that *seems* like such a minor request can have. Because it screams: “I don’t trust you, you must be treated like a child, I control you, I’m watching you.” What if they legit need to leave 10 mins early one day but they’re otherwise great? Are they going to be feeling like they need to justify it/ask for permission first?

          Besides, say you manage 10 employees. You want an extra 40 emails/day re: when they check in/out? No. You don’t.

       4. Get HR involved if you don’t know what to do. When I worked in California years ago you couldn’t call out one employee for lateness unless you proved that everyone else was on time. So if the norm was for everyone to come in 15 mins late you could not select one person to punish for doing what everyone was doing. In other words, all employees had to be tracked. In my NY office now that would be laughable and annoy everyone. Have a discussion with the employee. Those not mature enough to handle flex-time should not have flex-time.

    10. I’m a long time manager (max number of reports was 45, thankfully fewer now) and I disagree with most of the responses you’ve received.

        A full time employee shorting their hours is a problem for a number of reasons. The big one is that she’s not getting her work done, which you indicate in your responses. The other major issue is that it’s not fair to the other employees who do work their hours and get their work done.

        Exempt means you can miss an hour here and there, and work more than 8 hours other days. The idea is that it evens out in the long run. Except does NOT mean that you can consistently work less than full time as long as you get your work done. That is definitely grounds for termination and completely defensible.

        I’d have a well documented performance-oriented discussion with your employee. Include many specific examples of work that was late, incomplete or incorrect. And if the official start time is really between 7:30 and 8:00, then she needs to start during those hours consistently. If that’s not going to work for her, then the job isn’t going to work for her. Those are OK things to say.

        And always, always establish the follow-up date for your follow up performance discussion during the current discussion. Don’t let an employee walk away thinking this was a one-time talking-to. Performance discussions should be continuous, whether focused on good or poor performance, but particularly by the books in cases of poor performance.

        1. I think you’ve hit on what I’m most concerned about. I don’t care at all that an employee flexes time (and yes she is exempt and very junior) but am concerned that she’s not working nearly the hours she should be and thinks because our workplace is less time-structured than her last company, she can just come and go as she pleases without much regard for making her hours. Even if you get all your work done, it’s not ok to work only 32 hours a week (or whatever) when you’re being paid for 40 – esp. in government.

           I appreciate your last two paragraphs in particular. I’ve been managing people for 5ish years but somehow have ended up with stellar teams (both people that I’ve hired myself and inherited) that have had literally zero performance issues. I know how to help overachieving staff grow and develop into stronger employees, but I never learned the flip side – how to manage someone who is struggling.

           For the other person who asked, we do have PIPs and that’s my next step. I was more curious about the logistics of that and hadn’t approached HR yet. If I identify work hours as a PIP item, how do I circle back and see whether she’s improving if I don’t always know when she’s coming and going? I suppose that’s a question for HR, as y’all have schooled me that there are no “tricks” for this.

           1. If you need her to fill 40 whole hours, can’t you assign her more work to fill the extra hours?

           2. Anon@10:44 gives good advice. I’m curious as to why you are reluctant to involve HR (but maybe I’m very fortunate in my HR department). I’ve had an employee just like this (who quit just before we put her on a PIP) and it’s entirely appropriate to go and ask HR for advice on how to handle/document/coach someone through this. In my case, the employee wasn’t getting her work done, we had IT pull the swipe card building records, verified that she wasn’t working her 40, had the frank discussion, told her that she had to be butt in seat for 40 hours and they needed to be between these hours until she showed proof of improved performance, etc. because flex time was a privilege for those who had earned it — all this before PIP stage. She had other serious issues but HR did a good job of walking me through “here’s the benefit of the doubt plan” and then setting out the options if that benefit expired.

           3. If she’s not hourly, then she’s not being paid “to work 40 hours a week”, she’s being paid to do her job?

           4. I know, from experience, that government is much more regimented about time. When I was on sabbatical from academia in a govt workplace, we had to sign in and out. If you signed in later than you came in, you had to get a supervisors initials to show that you weren’t really late.

              Two things to add here:
              1. I have noted that people who work later hours benefit far more from the “hey everybody, it’s okay to leave early” days. Others have all been in since 8 am or 8:30 am, so the people who come in at 10 get a lot more time off. Our building closes earlier (5 pm) during intersession and, apparently, a couple of the 10-6 workers decided to try and sneak out before the building closed the other day, but it backfired due to the fact that I had left to go to a meeting and came back a few minutes after 5 pm and was locked off of my floor and out of our main office. They didn’t even notice that my office light was on and my door unlocked. They are hourly, so it’s a no-no.

              2. I have dealt with an employee who was underperforming and it wasn’t a butt-in-the-seat issue, but more about not being productive. I gave her very do-able weekly goals and asked for a Friday email detailing her accomplishments for the week. She hated it and hated me, but nothing I did was going to change that.

           5. What is she supposed to do for the other 8 hours if she’s done all her work in 32?

              1. Ask for more work?

        2. So I’ve actually had a (full time, professional) job before where there was legitimately ~5 hours of work a week for me to do. I took a lot of midday walks at that job.

           In all seriousness though while I agree with your premise – that it isn’t fair to have employees shirking work, I wonder what you would recommend in a scenario where an employee is more / less efficient than another employee and getting the same / sometimes more work done in less time?

    11. I work in govt. Start time is 8-9am with end time at 4-5pm depending on when you started. I’m exempt and regularly come in at 9:30 but I make a point of sending out work between 5-6pm so it’s clear that I am still working – this can be meeting schedulers, requests to my assistant or substantive work product. This is also for my own benefit in that it creates a record of what I’m doing. DH has permission to WFH from 6-7am three times a week and makes a point of ensuring substantive work is recorded during that time. We’re both regularly on our BB or completing work outside those hours if things are busy but in both our offices there is an expectation to be available for clients in the office for a full 8 hours (including a lunch break) each day.

        As 9am is the latest standard start time at your office with 5pm being the latest standard end time, I don’t think it’s out of line to request a daily email confirming end time at 5:30pm.

    12. I would use an approach that focuses on the end result. If you are concerned about her ability to meet deadlines, maybe ask her to send you a quick email before she leaves each day updating you on where she is on her projects.
        Like, “Project X – QRS halfway completed, expected to be done tomorrow.” That would let you see what kind of progress she’s making on these items. Yes, it would have the side benefit of telling you when she’s leaving, but it would also give you much more useful information.

    13. You say “before I can allow you to flex your time, I need to see you hitting X,Y, and Z deliverables.”

        If she’s hitting deliverables, you don’t watch her time. But it sounds like she’s not.

        If you somehow need to micromanage her time, you call her at whatever time you expect her to be at her desk after you leave.

16. No. And double no to the weird turtleneck cape.

    1. Right? It’s like a shrug version of a cape. I despise both shrugs and capes. The all-in-one version is somehow even worse.

17. Morning ladies!

    I need the lowdown on working for a solo practioner. Pros, cons, things to consider etc.

    I don’t have an offer yet but I had an interview with a badass ladyboss and I want to be ready for if/when I get an offer. I am excited about the challenge and the opportunity to learn a lot.

    I would take the job if offered but have heard people are cautious about working for solo practitioners. Its a long established practiced in a variety of areas.

    TIA!

    1. I would only do this if you are at a stage in your career where you personally already have clients and want to develop more. Too risky otherwise. Or you’re basically relying on your husband’s income but want something to do.

       1. Wait, what? I hope you are a troll, since she didn’t mention a husband. And while yes, working for a solo or small firm may be a riskier decision in some ways than a bigger firm, there can be a lot of upside. While your base salary may be lower, if the base is at a level with which you are comfortable, there is a lot of benefit professionally (more experience, more client contact).

          1. No not at all! I know lots of women who do this. It’s a very different calculus if you don’t need to work to pay your bills.

    2. One important, but overlooked question, is whether she has a contingency plan in place for if something happens to her (severe illness/death/disability). Is there a plan in place that does not involve you as a junior attorney just taking over the helm.

    3. I worked for a two attorney office and a solo. I am no longer a practicing attorney and I think those experiences played a major role in my decision to leave. If you work in a large firm you have help, HR, secretaries, paralegals, file clerks, etc. Who is going to handle health insurance, printer problems, going to the post office, helping print copies of motions, etc. All of these minor details get put on the attorney which takes away from billable hours. Also, do you have a solid book of business or will you be worried every time a case is near closing? I would never work in a small law firm again.

       1. These ^^ are important. Also, you don’t say how junior you are, but does this woman have the time/interest in mentoring you? Are there practice areas you’ll be working in that your’e not familiar with? It can be stressful to feel like you are flying solo when you’re not confident about your knowledge. Some people love being thrown in the deep end, but there’s a difference between being thrown in the deep end with a life guard on duty and being tossed into a lake when no one’s around.

          I personally don’t see myself ever working for a solo unless I knew the person well first. She may be great in the interview, but what if your styles don’t mesh? What if her personality is just difficult? You won’t have any other partners to get work from– all your eggs will be in her basket, or you leave. I’m sure you thought about that… but when I was a junior attorney I was naive and assumed all my bosses would treat me decently. Lol. Nope.

       2. I agree with all of this. My first legal job was as an associate for a solo, and it was terrible. The hours were killer, made even worse with the expectation of a large amount of non-billable work still getting done on top of unreasonable billable requirements. Pay was also below market, but it was during rough economic times and I had just passed the bar, so I took it. Vaca and time off were also non-existent because there is little coverage of it’s just the solo. Also, +1 on the disadvantage of not having the staff and resources of a firm and you will perform a lot of administrative tasks. Finally, when you work for a solo, you are banking on your personalities and work styles being compatible, with no other partner to report to if they clash.

          My personal experience with a solo who was a tyrant is why I say to proceed with caution. I was caught completely off guard by my experience and was very relieved to move to a mid-sized firm where I am much happier. I’m sure there are wonderful solo practitioners out there, but the one I worked for and those I’ve met as opposing counsel seem to be tough to work with.

    4. I’d say do it. I don’t work for a solo, but I do work for a small firm and have for years. The work is very steady and part of that is because my boss is one of the leading attorneys in our field (locally), which sounds similar to your badass ladyboss. I have learned so much and at a larger firm I don’t think I would have had this same opportunity. Plus, it sets you up to take over the work if you so choose. Small law is different, yes. I have gone to the post office and made my own copies (a lot). It’s not very formal. But the flexibility is amazing.

       As far as things to consider, I think the biggest one would be that you can have a good relationship with this boss and learn from her. You will also have to be ok not being at a bigger, fancy firm, with the prestige that entails. As a pro, I have a lot of control over my work because I am in charge of my cases and therefore driving the bus. I actually find scheduling my work/life to be easier. Definitely talk to the boss about work loads, expectations, and scheduling as you would at any firm, but I wouldn’t get hung up on the solo law reputation because it’s not always deserved. If it seems right, do it. Good luck!

    5. I am going to be the voice of dissent a bit here since I spent a considerable portion of my career working for a 2-partner firm. Certainly there are risks (the solo practitioner could go out of business; retire; be completely impossible to work for – although given many of the posts at this site from people working at larger firms with jerks and/or getting let go that issue exists everywhere) and downsides (the lack of IT, HR and other support). However, there are definite upsides as well. I found that my professional development was helped enormously by working one on one with an excellent trial attorney. I was given the opportunity to do things I would never have had the chance to do at that level of experience at a larger firm. And frankly the billing pressure was essentially non-existent.

       The keys from my point of view are (1) how financially stable is this person; (2) how good/well respected is this person; and (3) how decent a human being is she?

       1. Also try to find out how long the admin staff has been there. If the legal assistants come through like a revolving door, might be a sign…

18. I have a lot of experiencing people who work remotely from me, some of whom I have never met in person. Some thoughts:
    1. Over the long term I believe the best approach to do this is to focus on whether the required work is getting done. I realize that isn’t exactly what you’re asking, and I realize that in your office the focus may be on whether people are actually occupying their chair at the appointed times rather than whether they are being fully productive. If you have the option, though, and if it works with your style and work culture, you may want to have regular short meetings (daily? weekly? depends on their level) with the employee. In these meetings you will confirm what the employee will accomplish before the next meeting. If you understand the level of effort required to accomplish those goals, and if you’re laying out expectations that require full days of effort, you’re making it necessary for the employee to stay for a full day.
    2. Do you have staff meetings? You might say “I want to remind people that our policy supports flexible start times, but with this comes the expectation that we work for a full 8 hours each day, not including lunch and breaks” (or whatever your exact policy is). It’s my expectation that everyone follows this policy every day unless they have made prior arrangements with me. Is that clear, and does anyone have questions?” Simply saying this may put the employee on notice that you’re paying attention, if the employee is cutting corners.
    3. After doing 1 and 2 above, you may want to consider involving HR and IT if you suspect there is a problem. I’d take the approach of asking IT to record the times all your employees logs on and log off each day rather than asking the employee to send email before leaving or checking with an admin.

    1. Aagh. As an employee who has recently had the “I expect everyone to…” stuff announced at recent meetings, I can say that all it does it make us look around and say, “OK, who was that directed to that the manager isn’t wanting to say it to directly?”

    2. No, number 2 is a bad idea. If you have a problem with a specific employee, you need to address it with that person directly. The wishy-washy, passive aggressive stuff isn’t going to work on the person with the problem and is going to make your other employees upset because they’re being reprimanded when they’re already following the rules.

    3. Disagree with #2. The person who’s actually the problem will miss the cue and everyone else will just be looking around wondering who the real problem is…

19. Weird question, but advice on how to care about my job less and how to “lean out”?

    On paper my job is great – I just got promoted in January, I get paid well, my hours are extremely flexible with lots of wfh, the environment is very laid back and friendly. I’m also 4 months pregnant and will get excellent maternity leave. However, my workload is light and boring (think, a lot of copy&paste from one doc to another) and I have daily frustrations with another coworker (former boss) undermining me and generally being irritating. I would love a new and more challenging job, but it’s just not the right time. This flexibility will be amazing once baby comes.

    What I need to do is be less emotional about it, go through my daily tasks robotically, stop feeling so ambitious about my next promotion. I’ve already been told that I’m not eligible for a higher annual review score of “meets expectations” due to being recently promoted. When I go home at night, I need to turn off work thoughts completely. I don’t need to check work email at home, so there’s no need to worry so much after hours. How can I care less?

    1. Oh man, I feel you. The jobs that have made me the most miserable are the ones that haven’t been challenging / with no room for growth. Maybe just remind yourself that it’s temporary? There will be a time when it’s appropriate to look for a more challenging job. You presumably have a long career ahead of you, so maybe just think about this being a short time when you can coast by and focus on other aspects of your life.

    2. Can you set an appointment/future date with yourself for when you’ll “lean in” (ugh) again? Say, June 1 2019 (e.g. baby will be a couple of months old etc). Then when you get antsy about the lack of current activity-toward-ambitions, it’s just a reminder to yourself that you’re working on this longer-term plan.

       To get through the boring days, try adding in challenges or other forms of mental load. “Yesterday, I did TPS reports in 90 minutes, today I’m going to do them in 85”, listen to podcasts, read a book at lunch that you can think about, plan personal projects etc? (Disclaimer: I just gave notice at a job without enough to do, so I can’t say these things will work forever but they got me through while hunting for the new one)

    3. I have been in this exact scenario. When my work is not challenging I feel it in a negative way too. In the past I reached out to my managers manager and said I have some bandwidth and am happy to take on some responsibility for additional project if help is needed. It worked in my case but i know its not possible in every case. I made it clear that it was time available now and that after X date I would not have the same time available.

       I am currently 37 weeks along and I dont want to start anything new and ambitious since I could be out any day. Instead I am working on what I can but mostly passing work to and managing expectations of my employee.

       FWIW, I think when you have this high achievement personality type this pops up often during career. Especially in organizations that base promotions on time instead of ability and work product.

    4. IMHO you find something else to care about. At some point it will be your kid, but until then, maybe “lean in” to a hobby or a home Reno project or whatever. Give yourself permission to work 9-5 (or whatever) and put your pencil down to go work on your other activities.

       Take some random days off and realize it’s ok.

    5. To be honest, having your baby will probably take care of this problem for you. When my LO was born, my whole perspective changed and I became a solidly “work to live” person whereas before I had more in the “live to work” camp.

       1. Me too. Sometimes I can’t believe how radically my mindset has shifted. I still care about doing high-quality work, but I don’t have that same drive to overachieve like I used to. And yet I still get raises and have been promoted since becoming a mom, so I must be doing something right.

    6. Thank you for this post and the replies. I am going through something similar and was feeling very alone in my discontent. I came from a job that had burnt me out, and this one looked great on paper. But the workload is comically light, and instead of being given whole tasks to work on as I was at prior positions, I am now being given tiny little pieces of tasks, as if I have no experience with the larger tasks at all. It’s incredibly frustrating and boring, and I keep debating which is worse for my resume – a short term job or a few years of not doing what I’m capable of.

    7. Going through this now minus the pregnancy part (already have kids). I have tried to lean out for over 3 years, but despite being well-paid and getting excellent reviews, I cannot take my biglaw job anymore – and not because of hours. Because it is dreadfully boring and I never go to court – I feel like a glorified paper pusher. In the process of interviewing for government litigation jobs and preparing to take a 50% or greater pay cut, which basically everyone except me thinks is nuts.

       I wouldn’t count on having your child getting rid of your career concerns – that definitely didn’t happen for me. But you can see that worked for others – I imagine you’ll have to wait to move until after the baby comes anyways, so you’ll get an opportunity to see. Good luck!

20. For those of you who swear by IF – do you work out in the morning? I inadvertently forgot to eat before my morning run and had no energy but survived it. (Also: does black coffee and water count as fasting?)

    1. No, I work out at night after dinner. However, there is a whole community called Lean gains (one word) which swears by working out in the morning and doing IF, for optimal results. Google it. I think they recommend drinking water and taking some kind of peptide (?) for energy. Personally I don’t think that would work for me which is why I do it at night.

       Liquids that are zero calories don’t count as fasting — so black coffee, tea, water are all fine and water in particular is greatly encouraged.

    2. Yes – I work out every morning and do IF. I drink black coffee usually after my workout and drink lots of water before, during and after my workout. You’re not breaking our fast if what you’re consuming is under 50 calories I think but I just stick to water, tea or coffee without anything added to it. I had a couple lightheaded moments at the beginning but I generally never ate before morning workouts anyways so I didn’t really have any issues.

    3. I don’t do IF intentionally, but I never get hungry until around 11 anyway. I work out first thing in the morning no matter what, and for me eating first would just make me feel sick. I don’t know if that’s just the way my body is or if it’s become accustomed to that after making it a habit for so long. I don’t usually eat until late morning, but I absolutely have lots and lots of tea (I don’t like coffee) all morning.

    4. Most people cannot tolerate IF and working out in the morning. You absolutely should never do this without drinking. You can quickly become dehydrated, drop your blood pressure and pass out or worse. In fact, may people do better with exercise by pre-hydrating and eating food that can be easily accessed for calories/energy.

       And yes, you don’t have to be absolutely strict with IF and I always hydrate well and drink coffee. I have done intermittent fasting for most of my adult life. I never cared for breakfast.

       1. I don’t think that’s necessarily true… there are large communities of people who do IF and work out first thing in the morning. I’m one of them. Not an issue at all. I also do the version of IF where you don’t eat for 8 hours after you wake up (so if I’m up at 4:30 am, solid AM workout, at work at 6 or 6:30, my first meal could be 12:30 but I usually end up eating it around 2:30). I have no issues. Obviously stay hydrated.

    5. Yes, I found I didn’t have as much energy for the first couple weeks after starting IF but then my body got used to it. During those first couple weeks you’ll basically want to give yourself a pass to go easy on the workouts. Don’t push too hard and let your body adjust.

       And yes, black coffee and water count as fasting.

    6. I do water and black coffee when I first get up, light workout and single banana or small yoghurt afterwards. Not technically IF because I eat a small amount but it’s the version that works for me. Full lunch at 12-12:30pm.

       If you feel IF is right for you and want to make it work, try coconut water instead of plain water. It has more electrolytes and may be the boost you need.

    7. Not an IF-er, but I only ever work out in the morning and never eat anything before. I usually exercise somewhere in the 6-7:30 am time frame (not for the entire 1.5 hours, exact timing just depends on the day) and eat breakfast around 9 am. I cannot imagine eating anything at 6 am, so I have to think that your body gets used to morning workouts with no food because I have been doing it for years and feel great.

       I do drink water though before and after.

       1. OP is talking about not eating food after her workout — not before. Doing IF means you fast until 12 pm.

          1. No, she is talking about not eating before her run. But of course, IF stipulates not eating before OR after if you work out in the morning following the rules strictly, which really isn’t a great idea.

          2. OP was definitely asking about eating before a workout. It also didn’t sound like OP actually does IF, more that she was curious about people who do not eat before a workout. Anyhow…

             It is also worth nothing that IF means you eat all your food within 8 hours and fast the other 16 hours. That 8 hour block could be between 9am and 5pm (not sure who would choose those hours, but just pointing that out….). There is no golden rule that you can’t eat until noon.

    8. I will have a spoon full of peanut or other nut butter before workout, and water before during and after. Can’t stand the thought of truly eating beforehand, but knowing I have something in the tank for fuel really helps me mentally and physically.

    9. Re. water and coffee, my doctor said he sees a lot of people drink water (and coffee) and end up dehydrated from not getting enough salt/electrolytes with the water when fasting (I guess we usually get our salt from food).

21. I’m coming to DC this weekend (fri-sun) with my mom and 5 year old daughters. Staying at the St Regis (yay points!). Ideas for what to do? I know the White House is very close and the Smithsonian are an easy ride away (we’ve visited the museums many times before). Other ideas for activities or places to eat?

    1. The zoo! It’s really wonderful, and I think the weather is supposed to be decent.

       I personally LOVE Mount Vernon (maybe ~35 minutes from D.C. – easiest with a rental car, though it’s possible by transit) – it’s super pretty and there’s a lot to see and the Martha Washington impersonator deserves an Emmy (really, she’s a local legend).

       And just a passing mention of something I’m sure you already know, but you can’t get into the White House without having requested a visit a couple months in advance.

    2. Your girls might enjoy paddleboating on the Tidal Basin. The National Building Museum has a lot for kids, and there are a lot of good places to eat nearby that are kid-friendly (Jaleo, Matchbox, etc).

    3. You may want to consider checking out the Renwick Gallery to see the burning man exhibit!

22. For some reason I’m struggling in drafting a thank you email to an associate I met with as part of my interview (I’m interviewing for an associate position). I know it should be less formal than the email to the partners but I’m having trouble with phrasing. We had a good conversation and the associate was honest with me (I think) about pros/cons of the firm. Any tips appreciated!

    1. Dear associate,

       Thanks so much for taking the time to talk with me this morning. Please let me know if I can answer any additional questions for you. I hope we get to work together in the future.

       Interviewee

23. I’m moving in-house from Biglaw, just gave notice and I have a 3-month notice period. My new company (a big legal team) called to ask me if I’m open to request for this notice period to be shortened because they’re pretty short-handed at the moment. I got a personal call from my future boss.

    My firm’s policy is that you’ll have to compensate for your pay during the abridged notice period and it can’t be set off with accrued vacation time, so I’ll actually be working at loss if I start my new role earlier because I’m taking a considerable pay cut. Firm won’t budge (I’ve been firmly declined an exception), and new company has stated that they won’t compensate me. Is it acceptable to politely explain to my new company the financial repercussions and decline?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. I think your first step would be do some personal research to find out if this is legal and contact an employment attorney. Unless you are under an employment contract, which I doubt since you’re in Biglaw, I can’t see how they could enforce. A 3 month notice is insanely long (not sure why you gave notice that far out anyway), and notice periods in general are polite but not required.

       1. Ah, again, should have been more clear. I’m actually from the UK where a contract is typical. 2-3 months is normal for an associate, and partners can be held to a 6-12 month notice period.

    2. Sorry to be clear, I was upfront about my notice period during the interview and I was offered the position on that basis – not throwing any surprises or anything.

    3. I assume you are not in the US based on this fact pattern. My understanding is that in countries with long notice periods, it is understood and accepted that you either have to just wait for the person or you have to buy their old company out. But since I’m in the US, I’m not used to this experience

    4. Wait, you have to pay your old firm while you are no longer working there!? Is this in a contract or just a firm policy? That sounds insane to me.

       1. Ok, just saw the comments above that you are not in the US. Makes sense now, sorry

       2. It is pretty harsh, but the rationale for the long notice period is to allow enough time for existing files to be wrapped up / handed over. Not saying that I like it 100%, but I think clients do appreciate some buffer time to be introduced to the new associate taking over, etc.

    5. Yes, of course decline saying that you’d love to help and made the inquiries, but can’t afford to pay the penalty out of pocket. If your new firm won’t pay the penalty then they’re making the choice, not you.

       1. +1

24. I think it would look gorgeous with a skirt.

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